Reading Reviews From Member: Justicar
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by JusticarKamikaze: Untitled

20th October 2013:
Wow! WOW. Not only did this chapter prove that you are a great writer, but it showed that your understanding of character is just impeccable! There are so many things I just loved, and I don't gush about stories usually, but yours has me beside myself with awe. It's been a while since I have reviewed, but everything is coming along so nicely and smooth. You have a good story, good progression, obviously as stated before, great characters, and a particularly original and intriguing plot.
Draco is very much Draco. Lines that you drop in ("He was ... grateful, for his companionship") encompass everything your Draco is in this story. That awward, unsure, determined and ruthless. The simple FACT I can label your Draco, in a fanfiction nonetheless (and yet I read as if he is still in canon) is a testament in itself. I enjoyed it very much to find that Draco uses Goyle as somewhat of a bodyguard. It is quite cute, actually!
The opening scene was written lovely, too. You control of language made me feel as though I was actually on the racetrack with Mundungus. I think I just love this story, and you. I can't wait for your next update. Hopefully it won't take me so long to review next time.

Author's Response: I am blushing furiously here and I think that my ego has quadrupled in size ... I just can't find words to tell you how much this review actually means to me. I just ... yeah. I worked hard at making characters perfect. I base my story around my characters - usually, when I have two people in a room together, and I only see it through one viewpoint, I try to make sure that I express what I want to say through dialogue and actions. Goyle, is easy, as the Goyle in my head I love. I'm glad you liked seeing him as a bodyguard. I thought it suited him :3
My response is lacking - again, I'm at a loss for words. Just, thank you so much. I hope you continue to read and enjoy it as much as you have. Mahalia

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Review #2, by JusticarKamikaze: Memento Mori

3rd August 2013:
I knew that when I started reading this story it was going to be brilliant, and look, you're only up to the third chapter and you've literally blown me out of the water. Seriously, there's some good stuff here. I'm anticipating a long review here, so bear with me!
First, your dream scene. I'll be honest with you and say that usually, I find dream scenes to be pretty cheesey. Usually they involve deep emotional trauma, and lost loves, etc. But yours was different from the norm, even the way you started it. I loved that you instantly told us that we were now reading a dream, and from there, the whole thing played out beautifully. It was sweet and heartbreaking. The whole scene with Lucius was just mesmerising, and your incoperation of the star constellations was great. I think a lot of people forget that Draco was named after a group of stars, and it's a fitting trait for Lucius to find sentimentality in this. I never pictured him as a cold, ruthless Death Eater, so I really want to know about your characterisation of him in this story.

Second, Draco and Michael's interactions in the hospital. I loved seeing the traits of Draco conflict with his thoughts, and I have a feeling this scene was not without purpose? I particularly loved that Draco debated with himself and dropped the Death Eater guilt trip on himself: you have this real inner struggle with him, and you play it out well. His actions are safe, but the words that leave his mouth still have that Malfoy feel to them.

Third. The house-elf. My, that was pretty funny and melancholoy at the same time. The fact that he didn't remember his father's last words really had a lot of significance in this chapter, and I felt so sad reading it. What I'm taking from this so far (and correct me if I'm wrong?), is that Draco has taken up his father's past work, but he doesn't exactly know how? That Lucius died angry at him?
And Astoria! What a neat appearance indeed. I wasn't expecting her to be his ex-girlfriend, and their reactions to the kiss were apt. She was clearly distraught, and I loved how Draco responded to her leaving. I also thought that the 'Momento Mori' password was extremely fitting in that circumstance. Though Astoria was only in this chapter for a couple of paragraphs, she really left a profound impact on me. I'm keen to see her further developed.

Finally, Daphne. She was really, really cool! And clever! She reminds me a bit of Arthur Weasley, fiddling with Muggle inventions. And Draco's suspicion of the whole thing was a nice and pretty amusing touch. I felt like the two had a real brother/sister relationship, and I really want to see you expand on the relationships further.

As for the plot itself, it is slowly becoming one of my favourites on this site. I'm constantly guessing about the Object, and now about Michael and Hermione and Draco - man, he really seemed to be suffering some deep emotions in this chapter. Your characters are strong and it is what makes your writing great. still looking forward to more.


Author's Response: My goodness, this review! It's lovely! Thank you for taking the time out of your day to leave me such gorgeous feedback, it's really appreciated!
Yes, I was a bit iffy about the dream scene myself. They do have the tendency to be ridiculous, for lack of a better explanation. However, I really wanted to include Draco's relationship with Lucius, as it has a real bit impact on the plot - as in, why he was left the Object, why the other Death Eaters are after him, etc. I also wanted to make sure that readers knew right away that this wasn't a Lucius-as-the-abuser story. I've read a lot of stories where Draco is upset about how abusive his father is, and Hermione comforts him, and I want to make sure readers know that this story is in fact the opposite. You will see a lot more about his character throughout, and the reasoning behind the estrangement before his death. I hope you continue to like his characterisation.
The Draco and Michael scene... You are correct, this is pretty important and it will have a very important impact on the story itself. Draco is still battling those inner demons, too. He was not a Death Eater by accident (I understand it was a dig from Voldemort to his father, but Lucius Malfoy was Voldemort's second-in-command, and Narcissa Malfoy was a talented and smart witch. Together, their son would be the perfect combination [which, he was. He was a better wizard than Harry in some respects]). Draco still has a vicious and cruel streak, but his targets have changed. It will actually all be highlighted in the next chapter.
Pokey! I really loved writing the Pokey/Draco scene. It felt so ... raw, for lack of a better word. Pokey is their replacement house-elf, after Dobby, and she doesn't exactly have a buddy relationship with Draco, but she is the only person who has seen him through everything - childhood, the war, his parents death.
Draco didn't exactly take up his father's past work - the option of vigilantism actually came to him without his consent. Lucius left him the Object, but it came with a burden father and son could not have predicted. And Lucius died with Draco angry at him - that is explained later, though.
Astoria will most definitely be further developed! She is a fun character to write, but also a very important person in Draco's life. The same goes for Daphne - I do like writing Astoria more, just because she has the sad factor I'm good at writing, but Daphne is a fair bit of relief from the monotone of the story. I'm glad you've already picked up on their brother/sister relationship.
Thank you so, so, SO much for the AMAZING review. You made me really think with your questions, and I really enjoyed answering them! I hope you keep enjoying the story!
- Mahalia

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Review #3, by JusticarKamikaze: Upper Hand

28th July 2013:
Canon was so accurate in this chapter. Like, everybody, including Harry. This:
""I'm trying to help you!" she screeched, unable to help herself.

"For the last time, I don't need your help, Mudblood," he replied coolly."

That, I could actually picture coming from Malfoy. This chapter raises more questions than the last and I'm eagerly anticipating an update :)

Author's Response: Ah, Justicar, you make me blush. Thank you very much; canon was something I tried to execute correctly in this story. I'm glad you liked the sentence, but really, drop the Mudblood word and you have a Malfoy comeback, haha. Thank you very much for the compliments about this chapter. I'm planning to go over it a few times again, because I still wasn't quite happy with it when I posted it. Shouldn't take too long, and the new chapter will hopefully be up in a fortnight.
Thank you again for the review!
- Mahalia

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Review #4, by JusticarKamikaze: The Wrong Plan

24th July 2013:
I was excited to see your name under the 'new stories' archive and you really didn't disappoint. This was the most intense first chapter I've ever read fanfic and story wise. You had my absolute attention the whole way through. Very keen to see an update. This has real potential.

Author's Response: *Ahem*... Yes, I'm afraid I got a little carried away there, but I'm glad to see it paid off. Update will be within the week - I hope to see you again, Justicar. Thank you very much for the supportive review.

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Review #5, by JusticarDreamscape: darkmark.

9th July 2013:
Amazing. This was really poetically beautiful.

Author's Response: Thank you! I really need to finish it when I have time, but I hoped the first chapter would serve as enough of a standalone bit for the time being.

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Review #6, by JusticarPlaying Cat and Mouse: Epilogue

8th July 2013:
Executed perfectly. Thank you.

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Review #7, by JusticarNot Once, Not Ever: Epilogue

7th July 2013:
I read your one-shot and decided to visit your page and ... wow, this was pretty incredible. I was honestly impartial to the whole thing but this ending was amazing! Probably one of the better endings I've read. The book and Ginny's POV and the slight descriptions of each character ... Really great :) thanks for the read, I might have to check out more of your work

Author's Response: Thank you for reading! I'm pleased to hear you ended up liking it!

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Review #8, by JusticarSamhain: Hecate Sits

7th July 2013:
I don't have any words. This was gorgeous, beautiful and so poetic. Amazing.

Author's Response: thank you so very much

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Review #9, by JusticarA Liar In His Own Right: Avery

6th July 2013:
Wow, you never really read much about character's like Avery, and I never gave them much thought but this was really deep. A sad and powerful one-shot, I'm glad I found this.

Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much!!

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Review #10, by JusticarTraitorous Hearts: A Dangerous Revelation

6th July 2013:
This has become really intriguing! I really enjoyed reading it, and I would love to see where you are going with this. Astoria is a wonderful character, and your lovely sentences really compliment her personality ("It fluttered around the edges of her mouth, like the wings of a bird long kept in captivity"--this was a gorgeous sentence, great job!). Can't wait to see an update!

Author's Response: Sorry about the weird symbols on my last response. I keep trying to fix that, but so far to no avail :/ Maybe this time?

Thank you!!! *flail of joy*

I’m endlessly excited that you were intrigued, and I dearly hope that you will continue to be so!

Astoria - oh, Astoria! I love her. She is my baby. Well, really, she’s JK’s, but I am Mother Gothel-ing this child and raising her as my very own. Without the whole hair/tower issue, I mean. Anyway, long and obviously spastic story short, I am THRILLED that you like her, because I love every corner of her deceptive, black little heart (well, not really black, but 'complex heart') to pieces. She’s the most complicated person I’ve ever written, so I really just never get tired of the possibilities with her.

And thank you so much for the compliment on the sentence. I really liked that one, so it means a lot!

Thanks again!

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Review #11, by JusticarTraitorous Hearts: An Unwelcome Visitor

6th July 2013:
This was beautifully written! You have a real talent with words--everything flows together very well, and it reads naturally (if that makes sense). I really enjoyed your attention to detail in your writing, character and environment wise. It's rare that I can read a story and not find myself pausing to re-read a sentence, but I didn't have to do that with yours and it was very refreshing.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate that. I try to be picky about making sure all the grammar is right and the sentences flow - I’m a compulsive double-checker - so it’s really encouraging to have you tell me that it’s been working. Readability is super important to me, so thank you for taking the time to say something about it. It’s incredibly uplifting! And it helps motivate me not to get lazy with the next chapter ; )

Thanks SO much for reading and reviewing!!!

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