A wonderful "ending" for a fantastic story. I put ending in quotes because I really want to know more about what Scrimgeour's planning, what happened to Snape, what will happen with Hermione and Ginny and some of the other OCs you created that I've come to know and enjoy as much as (if not more than) some of the HP characters. Again, you give me way too much credit. When I said I'd beta-read for you way, way back in the beginning, what I really meant was "I want you to email me the chapters so I don't miss anything," which is why Jenonymous did a lot more and better beta-ing than I did. This was a fantastic ride, F&B! Can't wait for the next one, whatever it may be. :-)Author's Response: After swearing that I'd take a rest from writing bar short stories, all I've done to date is tinker with the plot of the sequel. It may be some time in coming, but it will happen. Thanks for all the support and reviews! Report Review
The letter was funny! You write boys well. Is that a cliffhanger after your Author's Note, the tears and ink smudges? I almost missed it. Cliffhangers are good in fan fic like this, because it keeps your readers coming back. I fully support the idea of different birds delivering mail for different countries: eagles/hawks for America, owls for England, pigeons for France, hahahaha! It really does seem like you have this character down pat. And it's good to inject humor in a story. To me, the best stories have a little bit of everything, humor, mystery, intrigue, action and even (shh... don't tell anyone or I could lose my Man Card)... romance. Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thank you again!! Your questions and tips are very, very helpful. I'm still so new to writing that I don't truely know what I'm doing yet. My writing "teacher" (my mom) isn't too much help, English isn't her strong point, so I'm figuring out most of this on my own. I read other fics (like your own) or anything else I can get my hands on (I just love to read) and learn from what I them, learn, not take ideas. But most of all I just have fun. In Order of the Pheonix Harry got letters from Sirius delivered by very colorful tropical birds, so I figured a hawk from America would be cool, plus I like hawks. I agree that a good story needs everything, I'm not very good at intrigue or action yet though. But I hope with practice I will get better. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone (lol), I don't think there's anything wrong with believing a story needs some romance. Thank you so much for your helpful reveiws!
~Elizabeth Report Review
You've crafted a very interesting Original Character here and I like that, as special as she is, she downplays it and you show the downside of fame. You would benefit from a spell-checker, or better yet, a beta-reader to catch errors that an automated spell-checker wouldn't catch, especially when it comes to HP-specific words like "quidditch" and "Voldemort". You use a good mix of dialogue and narrative, so you are pulling the reader into the story so they feel like they're listening in as it happens and not being told a story. I really liked the "McPaige... McGone" headline. It made me chuckle. Excellent beginning!Author's Response: THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!!
Your reveiw means alot to me, I love your stories and think very highly of your opinion. I love your description of Paige (just how I wanted her) and I'm very glad you liked her (so do I). Yes, I'm a horrible speller and I know it. I put it through spell checker, but my spell checker stinks. I have heard of beta-reader, I'll have to see about getting one, it would be very helpful. Your comment about pulling the reader into the story versus them not just being told the story, has me over the moon! I'm glad you liked the "McPaige... McGone" line too, I tried to incorporate humor in the story. Thank you soooo much for the reveiw, more will be up soon! Thank you again!
~Elizabeth Report Review
Sorry to hear about Lexi. Congratulations on getting Persia. I'm sure she'll help Rogue keep his spirits up.
The ferrety behavior in this story is perfect. I could see Malfoy the ferret stretching up on his hind legs, stretching that slinky torso ferrets have and bobbing his head left and right to get a better view, and dancing the ferrety jig of frustration at not being able to see properly. Had me laughing mightily. Report Review
Excellent chapter! There were a few typos, but otherwise brilliant, as always. Voldemort's method of punishing Harry was inexplicably cruel, well worthy of an evil mastermind. Again, your attention to detail and your ability to string your readers along is both frustrating and delightful. Bring on the next chapter! :-) Happy Holidays!Author's Response: My humble apologies for the typos! Due to my evil Slytherin laptop carashing (again!) I didn't have time to submit it to the tender ministrations of jenonymous, the fastest, meanest beta-reader in the west! Glad you liked it and enjoy your holidays! Report Review
Amazing chapter! I am still really impressed with how realistically you portray battlefield and combat scenes. It's very real, with characters actually concerned for their lives, for their friends, who understand the consequences of war and aren't all gung-ho about it. You really breathe life into even the most minor of your characters.Author's Response: Thankee! It's the small details that I enjoy the most, I think. I'm sure I must bore some readers to tears but I like writing that way - who's thinking what and why? Report Review
AGH! This is where you stop??? It was going so well, it was building up and building up and I was deeply engrossed to where I imagined I was standing behind the couch and watching over them and then BAM! it's over. I really like all the English slang and terms used in the story. It may seem a strange thing to compliment, given that you're English, but being American, I notice when you use real British words and they give it a real sense of authenticity. I try so hard in my writing not to let Harry say "dude," but I'm not confident enough in my British speaking ability to actually dare to use some of the real British words. Plus, given how Brits and Yanks use words completely differently, I'd probably wind up saying something completely ridiculous. Kinda like this review. ;-) Excellent chapter, nasty ending.Author's Response: I have Brit-picked for a novel length story before and although it was very, very well written, there were a lot of Americanisms in there. I'll have to go back and see what you were talking about as you've piqued my curiosity! Thanks for the review! Report Review
Excellent update! The tension in the Death Eaters' lair was thicker than English fog! I really enjoy reading how well you've thought through the whole Death Eater thing, like how embezzlement was expected in the ranks and such. I'm also very curious what you have up your sleeve regarding this "army far more powerful and deadly than has ever been seen before in the world". I hope Jen keeps cracking the whip at you to get the next update out as quickly as this one came. :-)Author's Response: (in a house elf voice) Pity poor Fish and Bird for he is treated terrible bad by Mistress Jenonymous. Always is she punishing me with the whip, the chain the cricket bat etc! It's all coming to a head now so you won't have long to wait! Report Review
Excellent update! I get my notifications of updates from a more reliable source, so don't worry about me. ;-)
I really like how muddled Harry was. It gave a little something extra to the chapter. Author's Response: Thanks, but perhaps I wrote this as a little too muddled! A few people now have mentioned that they're a little confused. I don't think I'll change tack, however, as it's all meant to be a huuuge surprise at the end! :-) Report Review
So much intrigue! And at last Salazar plays his Grunge card, the lousy so-and-so. How dare he spoil such a wonderful moment?! I look forward to the nephew getting his comeuppance (oh yes, his uppance shall come!) and I am intrigued about the whole marriage thing. Excellent chapter! Report Review
Excellent update. The quote was rather telling of both Hitler and Voldemort. I really enjoyed your take on the relationship between Snape and Voldemort, and your theory about Horcruxes eventually possessing their possessors. The dialogue was a lot of fun to follow and really gave new insights into all the characters. McGonagall, Scrimgeour, Harry, Ginny (for what she didn't say or do), Voldemort, Snape... Speaking of which, I'm very curious for Snape to elaborate on his remarks about his and Remus' past. Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thank you for your thoughts, Steve. I'm having a terrible time keeping the updates coming but I'm trying. I'm working a new job and there's loads of prep work. The Snape/Remus past and present is bound to come forward in the last book, so I'm just playing with my theories. I'll update again soon. Thanks, Pru Report Review
Great chapter! The previous ones were light-hearted, so I was beginning to forget that Snape and Malfoy were in hiding because of their actions in Book Six. This chapter brought it all back and made the scene very melancholy. I was just beginning to let the ol' anger rise for Draco when you went and made him miss his mummy, and that kinda threw a curveball at my righteous indignation. :-)Author's Response: Thank you, Steve. Yes--maybe it was just my mood, but I decided to put Draco through the ringer and make him really miss his mummy. Lookout for more humor in the next chapter, though. I have many plans... *rubs palms together* Report Review
Excellent chapter! I really want to know what Harry saw in the Pensieve, and what is going on with Scrimgeour. Harry may have keyed on the point about Scrimgeour using Voldemort's name, but I keyed on this statement "...but what I feel for you and your kind is nothing compared to the contempt in which I hold the vast majority of wizardkind!" I'm not sure if he means Harry and the Order when he says "you and your kind" or if he's accidentally admitted that he is not, in fact, a wizard himself. Curiouser and curioser. Author's Response: I see what you're saying and any confusion is due to my poor writing. ;-) Report Review
Excellent update! I like the research you did into Hogsmeade's past and the name "Hengist". It's more work than I've done on my story. ;-) Again, I am envious of your ability to use the medieval tone in your dialogue. I look forward to learning more about Godric's past. Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Well, it was important for me that the story started in Hogsmeade (and not in the Greenlands, or the Fenlands, etc), because it is one of the eldest wizard's dwellings in Britain, and Hogwarts is of course just next door! Then I asked myself which Founder should be living there - I looked up Hogsmeade and saw its Founder and his possible relation to Rowena, and there was my answer! I am also looking forward to writing more about Godric's past - I've finally finished planning all the chapters of this tale, and we get to learn alot about him in five or so chapters. Thanks for your review! Report Review
The prank was brilliant, Ginny was quite something, the action sequence was exciting! Excellent chapter, Pru!Author's Response: I do love magic! Anything is possible in this HP universe. Thank you for your review, Steve. More soon. Pru Report Review
When I read this chapter, I was rocked by the intensity of Ron's situation. You've already touched on the outcome of these actions, but I'm sure there's so much more that will result from this drastic action. I read this and I questioned it, and I analyzed it, tried to figure out what I would do in the same situation, and I'm coming up blank. It's brilliantly written and I know by now that this is far from over. Thrilling, amazing work, as always.Author's Response: You once hazarded a guess that I might be ex-military like yourself. I'm not but I think that anyone who has served in the armed forces of their respective country might do well to think about this.
Fighting in defence of yourself or innocent civilians? No problem! Killing in revenge of a murdered loved one? That's a different ball game altogether and the thing that I found interesting about Ron's situation. Thanks for the review and I hope I didn't sound too pretentious! :-) Report Review
The ending was very sweet. Snape's activities -- most curious. Is he in trouble with the Dark Lord now, too? No hero's welcome for Dumbledore's killer? I really enjoyed the adults' attitudes in the chapter, with their difficulty to accept that the trio are now adults and have a right to their secrets. Some minor typos, but otherwise brilliant. The two that stand out were "fanfare" and "loose end". Otherwise, great lunchtime reading as always. :)Author's Response: Typos fixed. *sigh* It's difficult for adults to see the younger adults as grown up. Let's face it. They aren't always the brightest lamps on the blocks at the age. *ducks* Thanks for your review, as always. Cheers, Pru Report Review
I really enjoyed all the glimpses of everyone's activities at Christmas. The Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny parts were very hearwarming and cute. The Remus/Moody part made me laugh, and I enjoyed the new thing we learned about Prof. McGonagall. The ending does not bode well for our heroes, but definitely leaves the reader wanting more! (By the way, I bet I freaked out a lot of people by writing Remus/Moody... so if anyone reads this and gets worried: no, this is not a reference to slash.) Excellent update. I'm just sorry it took me so long to read it.Author's Response: No problems! I'm just happy that you got around to reading it. Glad you didn't think it was too lame - hopefully the next chapter will be a bit more exciting. Report Review
It's a shame we can't really sit and have lunch. What a wonderful philosophical discussion we could have over this chapter!! I really enjoyed all your theories, including the one about muggle guns and "bomb widgets" separating the muggle from the act of killing. I also like how you thought to include something basic in the lessons like "duck and cover." It's one of the things that struck me in the first few books, as well: they just stand still, blasting spells at one another back and forth. MOVE!! The best way to not get hit is to not be in the way of the blow.
I also like how you throw that little bit of extra history in there. I think we often forget that before Voldemort there was Grindelwald, and he probably had associates who are either still hidden or who joined Voldemort, too. It would only make sense that Voldemort would seek to learn as much about Grindelwald as he could, even if just to see where Grindelwald went wrong.
An excellent update! I look forward to our next lunch together. :-)Author's Response: I happen to be a Samurai fan (ever hear of the Blind Swordsman? Classic) and that's the one thing I've missed the point of in the HP world. I think JKR bends toward the French style of sword fighting with formalized foot work and dancing around with a sharp stick. I like jumping and twirling and avoiding getting stuck, myself. So, too, the Grindelwald aspect. Grindelwald is very close to the Beowulf poem and there are theories that Voldemort is a reflective villian of Hitler, but frankly, the world of history is littered with evil overlord types of the same vein. I rather think Voldemort is NOT the most evil, but merely the latest in a long line of evil doers.
As to lunch? *smiles* It's a date. Pru ---oops almost forgot. Thanks for your wonderful review, too! Report Review
I liked the imagery of trying to stop the flow of the river, that was inspired. The verb-changes from past to present tense were a little confusing. Remus' reactions at James' calm answers were excellent! I found myself sympathizing with both of them. You hate it when you're angry and everyone around you is being calm and reasonable, just as you hate trying to be reasonable when your friend is extremely emotional. Excellent job on Peter, too. He's obviously brave and intelligent, befitting a Gryffindor, even if he does have a tendency to ramble on farther than he should. A very exciting chapter.
Yes, please do PM me when Chapter 3 is up. Thank you!Author's Response: Thank you :) it came out of nowhere, that river bit. I think people make Remus too calm in fan fictions. No one, no matter how centred, could be that calm all the time. It's just not possible, especially in this context. I'm glad you liked the chapter, and thanks for the review. Report Review
My thoughts on the story so far: I'm sorry I've caught up with you. ;-) It's really excellent. I like how Hermione solves the puzzle after presenting the problem to Harry and Ron. That's how I usually wind up resolving half the techinical issues I run into, as well: I start explaining it to someone else and suddenly the answer presents itself. Or sometimes someone asks the right question and things click into place. I smiled like an idiot when Hermione did the same thing. There is quite a rush when you solve a particularly difficult problem. And what's going on in the house of Snape (or Malfoy... whoever's house they're in)? All very intriguing. I do look forward to your next update. :-)Author's Response: I've had the same experience with working out problems on the job. I'm updating today. I hope you'll have lunch with me tomorrow. *winks* Cheers, and thanks, Pru Report Review
Nice place Dumbledore built them. :-) I really enjoyed all the intrigue and questioning of who are the friends and the enemies. "Trust only in each other" Very ominous. Cicely is saying all the right things, which makes me worry even more about trusting her, you know? Excellent chapter.Author's Response: I don't trust her myself and that's not a good sign..*smods* Thanks, as ever for reviewing. Pru Report Review
The sirens were great. Mother-in-law is a pip! The house was incredible, too. Well thought on that one. Still, my favorite part was the philosophical discussion on evil, with the black and white and what qualifies something to be evil. I also really enjoyed the discussion about Dumbledore and fear, though I don't see how the fact that Dumbledore was scared in facing Grindelwald disqualifies him from being the greatest wizard who ever lived. If anything, it should support the argument: despite his fear, he still conquered a great evil wizard. Despite all Merrythought's arguments that youth is foolish, old age doesn't necessarily eliminate all the foolishness either. Of course, it's bits like that that make him such a wonderful character. Excellent chapter again. Tomorrow is Steak&Cheese sandwich day, so we'll have that and chapter 11. Life is good. ;-)Author's Response: Thank you, Steve. The steak & cheese sounds yummy. You're nearing the end and I post one a week (ish) so I'll have to hurry on ch. 13. I'm glad you think Merrythought believable. Thanks for all your thoughts. I do like to go on about the magic and you're so kind to listen. Cheers, Pru Report Review
Coooooooooooool! Weird wizards married to sirens? A new definition for "weird"? Tom Riddle's teacher? This chapter just got better and better and better and then... it ended. Normally, this would be a great thing and I'd turn the page and keep reading and sitting on the edge of my seat, planning to call in sick the next morning so I could finish the story. However, I'm reading this on my lunch hour, so it's too late to call in sick. :-P This is why cliffhangers are evil. ;-) I look forward to tomorrow's lunch.Author's Response: Well, she's the mother-in-law ~~even better *winks* I'm glad that you like Merrythought. He's not technically even an OC since he was actually the DA professor. Some wizards are terribly long-lived.
I'm sorry about your lunch cliffie. I hadn't actually thought of it as a cliff hanger though. This is funny for me, thinking of you sitting at your desk and munching on a sandwich whilst reading. Thanks for the image. Pru Report Review
So many tender moments. And Fred and George there to ruin them all. ;-) HAHAHA! I did like that reminder that McGonagall was on Harry's side from the first. I remembered her protests from the beginning of Book 1 and that made me feel all nostalgic. An excellent chapter, Pru.Author's Response: Thank you, Steve for the compliments. It was a wee bit of a nostalgic moment for me to write, as well. cheers, Pru Report Review
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