Reading Reviews From Member: BookDinosaur
  
224 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BookDinosaurBreak Up With Him: Break Up With Him

29th March 2015:
Hello Rhaenyra! It's BookDinosaur here with the review I owe you for entering my Songfic Challenge. Apologies for the lateness, please forgive me?

So, reviewing! I love James/Lily as a paring, so obviously I was going to love this unless it was truly terrible, which this is clearly not. :D

I think your use of first person narration was very effective for this story - first person is something I'm seeing less of nowadays and I've always liked that when done right, it can give fantastic insights into the characters' mind, and I think you brought that aspect of it out really well, kudos!

Now the song (this had to come up eventually, ahaha), I think you picked well. The story and the song seemed to match each other, and I hadn't heard of the song before I listened to it while I was reading this but I can definitely see how the two go together, tonally.

As I've already said, I love Lily/James as a pairing and this definitely didn't disappoint! You didn't fall into the old trap of making him super arrogant and cocky - I mean, yes, he's confident, but he did grow up during his Seventh Year, I think everyone had to. And Lily was a little more serious in this story than I usually see her portrayed, which was a nice change. The two of them together really did seem to fit, as well; it's not like you were just saying that they fit and we the readers had to believe you, the way the two of them interacted made it very believable.

This was an adorable, fluffy story, and I'm really glad I got the chance to read it! Thank you for entering my challenge and be sure to keep an eye out for the results. :D

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Review #2, by BookDinosaurPending Further Investigation: xvii. let's do science [or] what's in a name

27th March 2015:
LISA

YOU DIDN'T FIX THE THING

:(

You think that just by focusing this chapter on fluffy Lester and Lily things you could distract me from Rose's predicament? Huh? HUH?? Well, it did not work, Lisa. I'm scared for Rose. The very fact that she's asking James to train her up for his bar means she's probably pretty concerned, because I don't see Rose as someone to give up easily. :( You make me sad, Lisa.

And if fluffy Holly and Lester and Lester and Lily moments distract me maybe a little bit, that's all your fault and has nothing to do with me.

I really liked Lily's view on her name. I always thought that while it was in character for Harry to name his kids after important people in his life it can't really have been pleasant for the kids themselves, you know, and growing up with a tombstone with your name on it - Lily's right, it must have been awfully macabre. Lillian Raine is a lovely name. :)

Ooh, I do wonder what Holly's invention means for the five Ravenclaw I love so much? :D And I also kind of wonder what E3 think about it - I mean, they don't really seem like those kinds of people but I think I'd be very angry and both Holly and myself if she came in and carried out the idea that I'd spent ages trying to get right - but hey, maybe that's just my personal bias speaking.

You are alarmingly close to finishing this thing before Camp NaNo and while I do feel that congratulations are in order I also never want this saga to finish.

But whatever fluffy moments you've tried to blind me with, it will not work, Lisa. You still need to fix the thing. ♥

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Review #3, by BookDinosaurthe woman who married a star and bore a hero: the thunderbird

26th March 2015:
Review swap! (a day after we arranged it, oh my word I am such a terrible person I'm so sorry)

I was originally going to go for the top story on your page, but then I saw this had five reviews and that one had seven, so in the name of being fair and just I thought I should read and review this one, and honestly I do not regret my choice. Not even a little bit.

I've never seen Kendra portrayed as Native American and certainly never seen anyone do it as well as you. You keep on bringing small parts of her heritage to us, enough so she's unmistakably Native American but not too much so that you're rubbing it in our faces, if you know what I mean. The way she didn't repeat prayers, or just her voice - it's all done so spectacularly well, and this is so nuanced and amazing. How on earth do you do it? Teach me your ways! :(

Ugh and I've told you this so many times but the flow of your writing is just so amazing. Each word fits so perfectly and the whole piece just flows so well, gah. ♥

Oh my goodness, the way you write Kendra's relationship with her family is just fantastic, Laura. First with Percival, how they two of them really do care for each other, and then with Albus and Aberforth and Ariana - wow. It must have been so sad for her to lose them all to Hogwarts and know that they would be happier there than with her. And the description of her relationship with Albus as the two of them slowly grow apart from one another is just heartbreaking, because she desperately wants to keep him close to her and he, well, doesn't want that, I suppose.

Oh, and I love the way Kendra thinks about sexuality! And racism as well - just, you've tackled these issues so beautifully. I don't believe that the wizarding world is free of prejudice and you've done a fantastic job showing that. Ugh, everything you do is so amazing, Laura, teach me your ways!

I really have nothing more to say and I'm sorry that this review is so short and squeeing. Seriously, this was amazing. :D

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Review #4, by BookDinosaurSomebody's Heartbreak: Somebody's Heartbreak

21st March 2015:
Hello there! It's BookDinosaur from the forums with the review I owe you for taking part in my challenge. :D Forgive me for the lateness of this!

This is a bit fortunate, because I've just come off reviewing a George/Hermione story (also for the Songfic Challenge) and so now I get to see the different side of the same coin, no? :P

I really do like this, though. The way that you've written Fred to be concerned about Hermione thoughts and feelings towards him and how he watches her - it all seems really believable, if you get me? It definitely seems like something that canon Fred might do. And the way that you've brought out Hermione's cheekier side is really skilled as well. I can believe her doing and saying this, so you brought out this aspect of her character without causing her to go out of character which is something I always struggle with so kudos to you for that!

The song that you picked (well, it's written for a Songfic Challenge, the song had to come up eventually!) suited the story well, I think. Tonally and lyrically, the song matched the story and the story went well with the song. I know that it can be hard to keep the flow going with song lyrics constantly interrupting the story but you did a really good job with keeping the story going. :)

Hah, I just had to laugh when Fred defined having breakfast together alone as a date. Somehow that seems like something he would do just to get Hermione flustered. :P

Thank you for entering my challenge! This was a lovely piece with a pairing that I normally wouldn't read, so thank you for giving me the chance to try it out as well. Keep your eyes open for the results of the challenge, which will hopefully be on the forums soon. ♥

Author's Response: Hey,

Thanks so much for hosting the challenge. This was more fun to write than I anticipated as I've never written a song-fic before. Fred and Hermione are one of my many ships, so it was nice to have a chance to write them and to get in a break from my many Dramione fics.

xx-Ellie


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Review #5, by BookDinosaurThinking Out Loud: Thinking Out Loud

21st March 2015:
Hello there! It's BookDinosaur from the forums, finally here with your review for my Songfic Challenge. :D Please forgive me for the lateness.

I have to say straight off the bat that I don't often read any Hermione/George fics, so this was a bit of an introduction into that realm. It was a lovely introduction, though - a wedding is a lovely place to be. :D

I think that you did a really great job bringing out the sides of Hermione and George that really would go well together. The dialogue they had was just really natural and flowed really well - the whole oneshot flowed perfectly, really, and the whole piece just felt really effortless, which probably means that you put a lot of effort into making it that way. Kudos!

Also, can I just ask - that "I love you and I like you," line - was that a Parks and Rec reference?! :D :D :D

As for the song (well, naturally it had to come up as this was for a Songfic Challenge, haha) I think it went well with the story. The lyrics were interspersed pretty evenly throughout the story and although I haven't listened to the song beyond what I think I remember from the radio in the supermarket, the lyrics fit the story really well, so kudos to you again there!

Also, I appreciate how you didn't try to explain away the Ron and Hermione pairing. I mean, I know that something must have happened to split the two of them up and get Hermione and George together, but I'd imagine that that's a pretty large can of worms to open and I kind of liked that you didn't try to give us a halfhearted explanation but just left it completely up to our imagination. It might be an odd thing to like, but I liked it :P

Anyway, to wrap this up now, this was a really lovely story with a pairing I don't usually read, so thank you both for introducing me to Hermione/George and entering my challenge! Keep your eyes peeled for the results, which should hopefully be coming soon. ♥

Author's Response: Thank you so much for stopping by to review this story! I have to also say thank you for providing me with this challenge, because I don't know if I would have ever done a songfic if not. I don't often read songfics, so I guess I assumed that I didn't like them. However, your challenge proved me wrong. I loved writing this and I look forward to the results! :)

The "I love you and I like you" line WAS from Parks and Rec! I adore that show and I'm so sad it ended.

Amanda


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Review #6, by BookDinosaurShe Belongs To Me: She Belongs to me

21st March 2015:
Hello there! It's BookDinosaur, from the forums, with your review for my challenge. :)

This was a nice little story - short and sweet, as they say. The lyrics fit the song well, and I don't think the story went on for too long or stopped too short.

I will say that while I definitely understood what you were trying to say all of the time, you might want to check out the Beta Reading Offered/Wanted in the Help Needed section of the forums, because there were quite a few spelling mistakes and mix-up with words - 'right' vs 'write', for example. If you got someone to help you out with that your writing could become much more polished. Your writing's still lovely, just so we're clear - I don't want to discourage you at all! - but it's just that a beta reader might help with those smaller mistakes that slip through everyone's fingers. :)

Another thing I just want to add - in this story, I think you could utilise the writing technique of 'show, don't tell' a bit more. At the moment, you're telling us everything that Draco and Hermione go through, but I think that if you actually showed us what they were saying/doing/feeling/thinking at the time then it might help to flesh out the story a little more and develop the characters of Draco and Hermione. For example, in the very beginning you say that Draco tries his best to make Hermione notice him, but you never show us exactly what he does or how he goes about trying to win her attention.

The lyrics of the song throughout the chapter was a really nice touch and I think it did enhance your story - I haven't listened to the song myself, as I'm not such a fan of One Direction, but the lyrics suited the story, so well done there!

This was a sweet little story, and thank you for entering my challenge! Keep an eye out on the forums for the results, which will come soon, hopefully. ♥

Author's Response: oh hello!!! i was exited to get this review because i never took part in a challenge before so it was exiting and im glad u liked it!

this is 1 of my favourite songs by one direction and u should definitely listen to them more because theyre amazing! there songs work so well for everything and especially dramione storys because they are all beautiful like draco!

um i didnt realise there were spelling mistakes i am quite good at english but sometimes i get confused with words. i have just posted on the forums and asked how to get a beta because i dont no but maybe that will help i hope.

do u no when u will announce the results of youre challenge?? i am exited to see them!! and thank u for the review!!


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Review #7, by BookDinosaurPending Further Investigation: xvi. nuclear fallout [or] don't sound the all-clear

21st March 2015:
LISA. DAMNIT, LISA. WHAT WAS THAT FOR.

THAT WAS ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY.

LISA.

On a lighter note i've missed reading you stuff a lot actually i've probably said this to you many times but your dialogue is the best thing since forever and this chapter was amazing

EXCEPT FOR THE END. honestly lisa what was that for?! you should know by now that actions in fictional worlds have no negative repercussions on favourite characters. that is how the world works and you should adjust your stories accordingly.

brodie is adorable ♥ and rose - i've hardly ever seen an aromantic character in fanfic of popular culture, which means i haven't seen any aro characters and i'm so glad that you've written one who's not only aro but a fully fleshed out, mostly positive, well-rounded character. kudos to you!

i'm tempted to take back those kudos just for that little bit at the end (ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY, LISA. ENTIRELY.) but i'm not that mean, so you can keep your kudos along with a helping of my tears and I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW, LISA.

:'(

Author's Response: EMILY. EMILY I AM SO SORRY.

thank you so much tho i've missed you reading my stuff and we need to just read more of each other's stuff yes

i KNOW how dare i break the cardinal rule of fiction which is that actions have no consequences i was so wrong i should rectify this immediately EXCEPT I WON'T

i think the best thing about rose being aro is that it just happened so organically. like i didn't sit down at the beginning of tfwms and go "so rose is pansexual aromantic" i just wrote her and then she started writing herself and it was something i realised quite a while ago. i never /intended/ her to be aromantic she just IS and apparently she's been steering me in that direction from the get-go

your tears mean i have succeeded in everything i hoped to achieve and that sounded a lot less creepy in my head i'ma wrap this up now

thank you again for this review you amazing human you.


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Review #8, by BookDinosaurThe British Question.: 30th June 1995.

19th March 2015:
Hello there! This is perfect timing for me, because I've been meaning to get around to reading this ever since the two of you said you were writing a collab, and the review competition is an amazing excuse to finally kick myself into doing that. :D

I don't know why I put off reading and reviewing this for so long, actually, the premise of this story is fantastic. I've always loved reading about politics and political machinations and the like, and obviously you guys are right, it's not just Britain's Ministry who were having a hard time that summer.

I really like what you have here so far; there are a lot of people, but not so many at the forefront as to be overwhelming, and the quibbling of the Draoith was beautiful. :D This is literally how I'd imagine a parliament of important people anywhere. Always quibbling. :P The arguments from each person were very well thought out, though, and like Claire said they each had a valid point. Was it easier or harder for you two to write that sort of argument, having two people writing it?

I have to say I love how Dumbledore just says this isn't a social call and then goes straight into his plea for help. It does sort of show how agitated he really must have been, that he's not standing around to do any sort of showing off, you know. :P

This is a great first chapter, a really good intro into the story, I'm so glad I finally got around to reading it!

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Review #9, by BookDinosaurPlaying for Keeps: It's a Man's World?

14th February 2015:
HELLO, MALLORY!! :D Ugh, so apparently it takes me several hours to get this second review written? Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

First things first, thank you for not making it a terrible cliffhanger because if you had I think I might have killed something and nobody wants that, do they? No, no they don't. But let's move on from my potentially murderous habits to your much less murderous and much more wonderful writing, no? Yes.

So this seems like a really interesting group of people! I love love love that Mundungus Fletcher is still causing trouble for the authorities even as a crusty old man. The dynamic of the whole team worked really well (and by that I mean that you wrote it well, not that this is a healthy relationship between team members who like and respect each other :P) and I think their reactions to bringing in a girl were pretty realistic.

Gah, what sort of problems is Annie going to get herself into now? Honestly, this poor girl is just being dragged places that nobody wants to go.

Also, Dean/Seamus + adopted son = YES. The only bit about this storyline that I don't like is that their adopted son turned out to be a bit of a criminal. ;) Also, I loved that he was into pyrotechnics. Of course someone names after the fire-giver would be into explosives and fire!

You have me totally hooked about what's happening next and what plan Rose and her gang is going to try and pull off, and how Annie fits into that, and James, and basically everything, so update soon, please! ♥

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Review #10, by BookDinosaurPlaying for Keeps: One Secret Meeting, Intrigue Included

13th February 2015:
Hello hello! Hopefully I'll be able to leave two reviews on your two most recent chapters quite quickly today! ♥

Ooh, this entire chapter was so mysterious, Mallory! The secret meeting place, the secret meeting - Rose Weasley! I think it's pretty safe to say I never expected that one coming, haha.

Seriously, I loved the bit of background information you tossed to us, about how Knockturn Alley had been completely renovated after the war. Of course it's natural that the Ministry would probably want to get rid of any kind of disreputable, dark place, and yeah, that just fits perfectly into the story, it's a really nice touch!

But that's not the main meat of the chapter, is it? Oh my gosh, Rose Weasley is the head of Freddy's gang? O_O This was unexpected, Mallory! Why are you so good at building up intrigue?? Srsly. Oh my gosh, so then now what's the plan? Is Rose in on Freddy's bet with James? Did she engineer it? WHY?? I need answers, Mallory? Why would Rose Weasley go to the dark side? Omg.

(mind = blown)

This kind of makes me wonder if there are any other cousins involved. Roxanne? Hugo?

Also, Freddy does drag shows, hehe. >:D Did Rose insist on that too? :P

Gah, and why does Rose hate Anne? Is this a superiority thing? DID ANNE INADVERTENTLY BULLY ROSE AT SCHOOL? (I don't think so, but tat would be very plot-twisty. :P)

So basically, I'm glad there's another chapter for me to R&R right now because I don't know whether or not I could stand waiting for answers. ;) The next chapter better not end in a cliffhanger, Mallory, this is a warning in advance! ♥

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Review #11, by BookDinosaurIcarus: Inferno

9th December 2014:
Review Battle!

How did I not know there was a fifth chapter of this up?! Gosh I'm lucky I had a look at your page for the review battle, seriously. How did I miss this?? I've favourited the story and everything! >:(

OKAY FIRST THINGS FIRST I REALLY NEED TO MENTION THIS: I’ve stepped into the scene of Ludwig, the Half-Android Dolphin Tamer II and III parts 1 and 2, the rubbish sequels about Ludwig’s adventures in space and subsequent new life on another planet populated by robotic whales. THIS IS UTTER GOLD how on earth does your amazing mind come up with this stuff? Robotic whales - ahaha, that's hilarious. Someone should totally make that a real movie. I would go and watch those. (It probably says something about me that this was the first thing I needed to comment on :P )

Now onto actual, serious, constructive reviewing things - I absolutely love the way you've crafted your parallel universe. The differences like Moaning Myrtle and Colin Creevey really did emphasise how different things were, and the similarities like Lance being in the same flat and liking the same movie(s) were pretty fun. Also: the removal of the Statue of Secrecy and the invention of spaceships. Spaceships are awesome. But the real message you should be taking away here (after 'spaceships are awesome') is that I really love the way you've shaped your alternate universe. it is very alternate, and also a universe, and also awesome, which isn't in the name but is true anyway.

Aww, Lance is so nice to Lily. I wonder if Marta is in this alternate universe? And poor Lily's train of thought throughout the chapter was really fun to follow, hehe. Her reactions are completely realistic to the situation around her, and she really does seem like a real person that anyone can relate to.

OOH! Just had a thought - there was a ship log in the prologue, wasn't there? What if ship was spaceship? The spaceship is going to take Lily home!! O.O

Ooh, ooh, and I really wanted to say this before signing off - you know I lived in the Middle East for six years, and THANK YOU for including a hijabi character, no matter how briefly, in the story. I never see anyone in fanfics who are Muslim, and I think there's quite a stigma surrounding them in RL because of 9/11 and ISIS going on now, when I know plenty of Muslims who are seriously lovely people, so I just really wanted to say thank you for that representation, even if it was just for a second. ♥

Okay, this chapter was awesome and as upset as I am for not even knowing this thing was up, and missing first review, I really can't wait to see what happens next to Lily (here's to hoping that she goes onto Ludwig's planet of robotic whales!!), update soon Kristin! *hug*

Author's Response: Emilyyy! I'm glad you had a look at my page too, because then I got this lovely review from you! ♥

:D I love that you commented on that silly part there. It was like the most un-subtle jab at Hollywood ever - how any film that makes ANY money at all automatically gets a sequel or two... which are now, more often than not, divided into multiple parts, that's what the absurd numbering is about. As for the plot... yep this fic is secretly a parody :P Really don't know where the robotic whales came from.

Sooo glad you like the parallel universe! That was one of the parts I was kind of unsure about, because this begins the section where the details that I change are very specific and I need to trace literally everything back to Voldemort. There was a lot of work involved in planning this universe. So it's wonderful to hear that it makes sense and that you like it in its similarities and differences. And yes, spaceships are indeed awesome.

It's funny because Lance was not originally intended to be a main character, but he definitely is. I'm so glad you like Lily's thoughts and reactions to everything - and especially that she seems relatable (that's especially important as the plot is so out there, it's good to hear that the characters seem real.)

Hmmm... hmmm... interesting... but, my lips are sealed ;)

You're so right, there is definitely an underrepresentation of Muslims in fic (or, honestly, a lack of diversity in general!) And yeah, it makes me so sad when an entire group of people is judged for the actions of a few individuals - when most people are generally good. Anyway, I'm glad you appreciated that :)

Ooh, I like your idea. Maybe I should scrap the rest of the plot and instead write the screenplay to 'Ludwig the Half Android Dolphin Tamer'. XD Thanks so much for your review! ♥


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Review #12, by BookDinosaurResisting Ardour: Most Days, He Was Okay.

6th December 2014:
Review Battle! :D

I haven't read much Gearoge/Angelina before, I don't think they're very common on the archives so I'm really glad that I chose this oneshot off your page to read!

The whole thing was just so amazing - your writing was polished and beautiful and the whole piece flowed so beautifully from the start to the end. Your characterisation was absolutely spot on as well, I can definitely imagine George looking into his mirror and seeing Fred, and then just imagining how painful that much be for him - god, that's so sad. :(

I love how George was so torn up about sleeping with Angelina as well, because his brother had loved her first, as far as he was concerned, it really does say a lot about how much the two of them loved each other and just wah are you trying to break my feels? And then at the same time though this did take place a while after the Battle of Hogwarts and you didn't go over-the-top ANGSTY angstfillery angst, which is something I'm giving you major kudos for.

To be honest, we didn't get much description of Angelina but the way that you had her speak and move and the details that George noticed about her managed to paint a really vivid picture of this understanding, strong woman, with flashes of the anger and passion that she displays about Quidditch in canon - seriously, I love the way you described these two, and the way that they interacted with each other.

AND OH MY GOSH the way that you decided to end this - seriously it was like a punch to the feels and I'm pretty sure that at this point you want to break them because wah that was so powerful and such a perfect ending to this oneshot and you are a wizard writer, I swear. Tell me your secrets. >:D

This is seriously an amazing oneshot, and I'm really glad that I popped into the review battle in time to catch you! :D

Author's Response: I haven't read much George/Angelina myself either, but they're a couple that I've wanted to write about for a long time. They're definitely not that prevalent on the archives, although they should be since there's just so much room for drama with them!

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Pacing was something I struggled with in this story, so I'm so pleased that the final product doesn't read with all my frustrations attached. And George. OMG. My heart.

It was so interesting to write that dynamic between George and Angelina and Fred. It's as if George wants to leave everything that ever was Fred's untouched and preserved. That was a lot of fun to write. And I just couldn't bear making this completely angsty. I thought about it, but I'm really terrible at writing angst as well, so I tried for a balance between humour and angst.

I loved writing the way George loved Angelina. For him, it was the little things about her that made her real and perfect for him. And I'm just so relieved that she was an easy character to write! I was worried she might come off as a little one-dimensional, but I'm glad that wasn't the case.

That ending was supposed to hit people in the feels! I loved writing a happy-sad ending for George. It seemed like a sort of defining emotion for him, and the only thing that would really fit naturally.

Thanks so much for the lovely review! I'm so pleased you liked it :)


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Review #13, by BookDinosaurHow to Fly: How to Fly

6th December 2014:
BvB Review Battle!

Oh gosh, this is so adorable, Beth! So so cute, oh my word.

The whole story you've got here is so simple, and the way that it's written reflects that so well, it's a simple story at heart, and the way that you tell the story and create the atmosphere of it is really, really perfect. The whole thing flows so beautifully, and I think you managed to capture a lot in just 500 words. I know how hard that is, major kudos to you for that! ♥

Your characterisation of Hermione is great, the way that she's been through so much and yet she is still vulnerable like the rest of us puny mortals (ha ha. I kid, mostly). She obviously has a really close relationship with Rose and the way you bring that to us - you never say 'we were really close', you use the show-don't-tell method brilliantly here. And Rose as well; while there isn't much you can elaborate on in 500 words, you've done a really fantastic job of capturing little flickers of Ron's personality and tiny bits of Hermione's personality and blending them together and I can see Ron and Hermione in Rose, but it's also clear that she's her own person, if that makes sense? You did a fantastic job with her characterisation and Hermione's in only 500 words, and their interactions are precious, major props to you for pulling that off so well!

I also really like the repetition of the phrase I’ve ridden on the back of a thestral, a hippogriff, a dragon, and the punch to the feels again where she says But you've taught me how to fly. It was so powerful and such a tribute to motherhood - it was amazing.

This is a beautiful, beautiful oneshot Beth, and I'm really glad that I picked this off your page! ♥

Author's Response: Hiya Emily!

I'm so glad you picked this one too! I really enjoyed writing it. It was my first attempt at keeping my word count to a minimum - and it was not easy at first, but I got the hang of it (I hope!)

So, I am a Mom and that part was easier to write, but I'm so glad you noticed how I put little pieces of Ron into Rose as well. It is really awesome to see parts of the person you love so much come through in a brand new person that you love just as much ♥ - Sorry! I'm not really this gushy in a review response.

Your review was just so awesome and I was so excited to see that you liked this story. Thanks again!

♥ Beth


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Review #14, by BookDinosaurThe Ides of March: A star riding through clouds.

6th December 2014:
BvB review battle!

Hey, Kiana! I feel like I haven't read any of your stuff in ages so here I m to have a look at your new story and I am super glad that I decided to! Congrats on writing in all the eras as well, that's a pretty big achievement!

Honestly, the first thing that I have to comment on is the religion - it reminds me quite a lot of something like The Red Queen by Philippa Gregory, with all the references and the fear of God and Hell - I haven't read any Virginia Woolf stuff, which is something I need to remedy. Anyway, all the mentions of religion was something I found really realistic overall, and while it could easily have been over-the-top I think you managed to strike the perfect balance. Not overdone, but mentioned enough to be noticed, so major kudos to you for that!

The way that you wrote was really poetic and just perfect, your choice of words was really lovely throughout the chapter, and the whole thing was really atmospheric - I think the only thing I can even mention as CC is that there are a couple of run-on sentences which disrupt the flow a little, but it's pretty minor and definitly doesn't have a huge impact on the overall style of the piece.

Ugh, I'm so glad you chose to write a femmeslash relationship in this era! I mean, you're definitely right in that it'd probably be very very frowned upon, and that the religion just wouldn't condone it at all, so I'm really looking forward to seeing how this whole thing plays out - plus, I'm a total sucker for the whole 'forbidden romance' angle, so I'll definitely be sticking around for this. :P I can definitely see how this relationship develops and being the reason that Helena is set against marrying the Baron though, that's definitely going to be interesting when the time comes!

Aw man, I feel sorry for Helena as well, with Rowena as a mother. I can definitely see Rowena as one of those mothers who expect their kids to achieve exactly the same things as she has, and all your other Founder characterisations are believable as well, Godric as the affectionate dad, Helga as the Aunt to everyone and Salazar just being quiet and mysterious in that quiet mysterious way he has. ;)

The language you use when the characters speak is really well done too, not completely incomprehensible as Old English would probably be but not quite moderns and having an oldschool feel to it somehow. You're so good at creating atmosphere, tell me your secrets!

This was a completely amazing first chapter and I'm so glad that I got off my lazy horse and read it because it's beautiful! ♥

Author's Response: Hey Emily, thank you for this amazing review! :D

Aw, thank you so much, I really did love how Philippa Gregory explored it so much in all of her stories so it definitely inspired me to do the same and it was so much as you can really explore it from so many perspectives which makes it so interesting to write about! I'm so glad that you didn't find it was over-top though as I do have to admit, that was a big worry of mine!

Aw, thank you so much again, that means so much to me though I do have to credit to the wonderful Virginia Woolf for inspiring that. Thanks for pointing that out, I actually haven't edited this chapter since posting it back in August so maybe this is a sign I need to!

Aw, thanks, ha very very frowned upon is still probably putting it lightly given how some people still think it's very taboo nowadays, but I'm glad that you're excited about this as it means a lot to me. Yay for forbidden romance too, it's so much fun and it definitely does play a big part in why Helena refuses to marry the Baron as you can guess.

I know, it must be a lot of pressure to have her as a mum as she's achieved so much herself and then she probably expects her daughter to do similar things, so she needs a lot of love and sympathy to make up for it!

Aw, thank you so much, I just tend to copy authors who I admire because I figured they must be getting it right if I liked it so much, so you could always try that!

Thanks so much for this amazing review, it really put a smile on my face! :D ♥

-Kiana


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Review #15, by BookDinosaurThe Fires of St Anthony: Alpdrücke

6th December 2014:
BvB Review Battle!

Oh, my god. Laura. Just. Laura. I am incoherent. Your stories tend to do that to me, you amazing writer you. It's high time that I left a review on this, tbh, I'm sorry that I haven't come here sooner! Mostly sorry that I missed out on such a fab story at the time it was validated, but I'm here now and HOLY how do you even write? Are you sure that you did this during NaNo because this is just super amazing and I am in total awe of you, seriously. You are amazing.

Your descriptions - how many times have I said this to you? Your descriptions are seriously bamf (I kind of can't believe that I used that word just now??), you manage to paint such an incredible, detailed picture with your words and phrases. I particularly loved the description f the sea and how much Anthony felt at home there, and the /really/ creepy descriptions of the stairs. Plus, piracy is indeed good for the soul, the comparison between learning to sail a ship and Transfiguration made me laugh.

Ahh, the Sorting rituals of the schools sound so amazing! Really scary, of course, but the roses and grapevines sound so like Beauxbatons, and the Stairs - oh my god, how would any parent want to send their kid to a school with that sort of Sorting? That's terrifying.

Are you sure that you wrote this during NaNo? And are you sure that this is your first foray into the dark/horror/mystery genre? Because seriously, this is fab and so so creepy, the kind of thing that makes me want to hide under my bed, which is a problem because I don't have a bed, only a mattress, and hiding under a mattress is decidedly more uncomfortable than hiding under bed. I have a feeling that I've just gone way off-topic.

In my opinion, it's much harder to paint a scary picture with words. You don't have scary music to help you, and you're responsible for creating the images that a movie could make for you. This, though - this is an absolutely triumph, honestly. The way that you write is a little dreamy, super atmospheric, and the italiced sections are toally creepy on their own, but the fact that we kind of don't know what's going on is awful. It's as though you've got a curtain over everytig, and you're pulling it away to reveal the myth and leegend so, so slowly and it's so creepy and ugh I'm going to have to find something fluffy to read after this. You're terrifying, Joffrey.

Somehow, though, at the same time you've managed to balance that with the image of the teachers in the staffroom, with their cabinet of liquor, haha! I love the game Goblin Gander, and you should definitely come up with rules for that because it sounds pretty amazing. And it definitely sounds realisticc that the Ravenclaws would spend all their time mastering this game, hahaha! Sounds like something we'd do. :P I can definitely relate to Anthony as well, being a little new and foreign and not knowing where to go or where to look or how to make friends. I'm glad he's sort of getting to know the other teachers though, even if he undid mosst of his good work by not being able to return to his chambers unassisted. :P

That end section was so creepy. O.O The "run," and the way Matyas reacted to it - does he know something? The whole thing is so foreboding and atmospheric and you are an absolutely genius, Laura.

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Review #16, by BookDinosaurSuffer the Children: Four

16th November 2014:
I BETTER GET FIRST REVIEW OR ELSE

oh my goodness that interaction between Cat and Rose went much much better than i ever hoped and Cat's gay and Rose lied to her about Scorpius and omg. o. m. g. i'm totally shipping those two now, by your leave. and hehehe yes Cat got onto Al's act immediately, eh??? ALL THE SCORBUS yes yes yes.

oh gosh, Rose is such a Slytherin, honestly - vain and doesn't care, all the relations she's made through Astoria, her whole thing with Scorpius, which I'm very impressed at how long they've kept up, but then again, she is vulnerable. That's the whole reason she and Scorpius is a thing. I bow down to you and your amazing characterisation skills, honestly, you're terrific. And so are your characters, but mostly you, don't worry.

I wonder how Rose is going to keep hiding her relationship with Scorpius from Cat? I mean obviously she's going to have to come clean, and I don't think that someone who runs the LGBTQA+ group at school will approve of someone having a fake boyfriend just to hide her orientation, that should be super interesting!

oh my goodness can i just say that the whole scenario you have set out - the radicals wanting to eradicate wizardkind - well, it's better than a n international shortage of floo, surely, but it actually really reminds me of the death cult i.e. ISIL and i really can't wait to see how they handle this, it should be really interesting! (the Mac is trying to teach me how to spell, just by the by. if you see any words that don't belong, consider it a gift from my overzealously overcorrecting computer)

also, this doesn't really have much to do with the chapter but i really like how you've turned the fake-date-and-fall-in-love trope on its head completely by acing your main characters in a relationship that's fake, and completely and totally not falling for one another as they do it. It's just...refreshing, i guess? i mean, don't get me wrong, stories like that when they're well written are great, i just like to see that chichi turned on its head and you did a good job of that

i really like how you introduced all the students who're taking part in this! i can't wait to get to know them better, that would be pretty awesome. and JAPAN!! :D i'm in love.

so basically this was a very awesome chapter, and i'm spoilt because i got to read two chapters in a day, and update soon! ♥

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Review #17, by BookDinosaurSuffer the Children: Three

15th November 2014:
DAMNIT I MISSED FIRST REVIEW WHY I decide to go to sleep early at 10 that one night and look what happens dammit.

You know, I haven't read any other stories with this same style of dual narration that you do, so it was kind of unexpected and you pull it off really really well. It's a bit like A Study In Scarlet, except both stories are being told at the same time instead of one after the other - I don't know, I think your style of narration fits the story really well, so kudos to you for that!

Ahh, Rose and Scorpius! Honestly I wonder when they're going to break up and come out because honestly, it's probably unhealthy to live a lie for so long and hide it from literally everyone. Their friendship is a thing of beauty though, and oh my gosh can I just say that the whole fireworks thing had me laughing out loud! Such Slytherins, confiscating the fireworks for a cut of the profits for spending money in Rome ahahaha. :P Maybe that's why they've been able to keep up the pretence for so long, because they're such good buddies.

And ooh, does this mean that Al and Scorp have to share a room? ALL THE SCORBUS.

"Do as I say and not as I do" haha no I absolutely hate that saying. Hypocrites say that saying. Cat seems pretty awesome though, she's handling it all pretty well and doesn't seem too out of her depth, which is good. I'm looking forward to seeing how she interacts with Rose and all because you are so good at having natural interactions between your characters.

Ooh, and Draco's coming along? That should be interesting I feel like if he's displeased with Rose and Scorpius as a couple than he would already have said so, but it will be interesting to see how they have to keep up their facade around him, oh dear.

Basically this was a super-awesome chapter and I'm waiting with bated breath for an update! :D

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Review #18, by BookDinosaurPlaying for Keeps: On Vertic's Alley

11th November 2014:
I realised that I hadn't reviewed this yet. :O BLASPHEMY. So here I am with my ambition screaming at me to get on with NaNo, don't listen to it. I'm doing perfectly fine.

Oh, Annie. Honestly I find that the way you write her is just so amazing - she has to keep in his good books, but she doesn't like him, and there's bad past between them that only she remembers, and she's understandably bitter about James and then there's the whole pool thing - it's a super complicated situation for anyone to be and you write all her feelings and her emotions - so perfectly. I love it, this is really amazing.

Ahhh, Vertic's Alley - is that a play on words, like how Diagon Alley is a play on word 'Diagonally' and then Vertic's Alley is a play on the word 'Vertical'? Anyway, whatever prompted you to pick that name, it fits the whole wixen world so well, it's seriously amazing. your descriptions of the teenagers and the shops - it's all so vivid, enough-but-not-too-much, your description is absolutely perfect. ♥

You know, I kept laughing at the way that she called him 'Potter' and then kept trying to fix it to 'James', ahaha. Shes clearly still pretty uncomfortable with him, and the funnier thing is that he's trying to get more comfortable with her - the contrast there, between the two of them, is pretty funny.

Yeah Annie. Do not speak of the Cannons and the Kestrals like that. Honestly, James is pretty protective of his team, isn't he? :P Raging Potter beast indeed.

Honestly, I wonder how James would react if he knew who Annie was? Would he be so respectful, would he go back to bullying her, would he try to apologise? Would he even have asked her for help? It's an interesting question, anyway.

UGH UGH UGH UGH THE END MALLORY WHAT IS THIS THE END just look at that!! It's going to work out for her but not for him - WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. So she is going to set him up? OH MY GOD Mallory I need answers wahhh *cries*

You are a fab NaNo Mum and Daughter and Sister and I can't wiat for the next chapter to come up. Update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks for taking a break from NaNo to review me!

Thank you! Annie is, indisputably, my favorite character. She is really difficult sometimes, especially when trying to keep her neutral towards James when all she wants to do is punch him. The situation is quite complicated, and I am so, so happy that you thought I wrote it well.

Correct! Vertical is what I was going for, but I didn't want to be too obvious and call it "Vertic Alley." I'd like to think that Vertic was a wizard who invented something... Not sure what. Thank you thank you for all of your compliments!

Annie obviously struggles to treat James as an equal rather than a bully. He's always been "Potter" to her, and old habits die hard. James is trying his best, to no avail. :)

Raging Potter beast is raging. He's super protective of his team, which is why he was a Gryffie. :D

He would probably be mortified. I don't know. We'll have to see eventually... However, if he'd started off knowing that it was her, he would be too afraid to even approach her for help. I know that for sure!

SORRY FOR THE END. Yeah, Annie thinks that it'll work out fine for her and not for him, but is that the truth? I don't know, and neither does anyone else. :)

Thanks for all of your encouragement and reassurances. You da real MVP. ♥


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Review #19, by BookDinosaurSuffer the Children: Two

10th November 2014:
ALL I WANT IN LIFE IS TO GET FIRST REVIEW IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR

LISA YOU GEM. This is adorable, bless all of them. ♥ Rose and Scorpius, while not in a relationship, are great to read about; the way that they're interacting, they way that they so clerly care about each other even if it's not in that way, your characters are so natural and their interactions are so perfect and you're perfect and I love it. ♥

Also, can I just say that I love how you took a swipe at Jojen Reed/Thomas Brodie-Sangster's face, because I swear he looks very much lie a twelve-year-old and now I'm imagining a Scorpius who looks twelve years old and it's just adorable. So that you for that mental image, I suppose. :P

Aw, Scorp and Rose. :( They're going to have to come out of the closet at some time, no matter how delicious the Turkish Delights might be, I hope they realise that. The way they have to discuss everything and make sure their stories are straight, though - I love it. So Slytherin, honestly, those two. ;)

Ooh, how's this going to turn out if they start acting different around each other during the ICW thing? Albus might notice and stuff might go down, but I'm not sure and I won't speculate much farther than this because you're the author here and not me. ;)

Ugh, Quidditch over the water? That sounds super duper awesome...except if you fell off. Then it would be super duper painful and I don't really want to think aout that. Can the Snitch go underwater? Would the Seekers have to dive underwater in their hunt for the Snitch? That would make for a thrilling match. Could you charm water, because it's always moving and changing? Questions. And to be fair, I suppose that the Cat's school students would be pretty shaken at having to play Quidditch in the desert so there's that. I love the boisterous and fragmented rendition of Advance Australia Fair. That's just so Aussie, haha! ♥

Ahh, the ending! not a real cliffhanger in that sense of the word but now I really want to go to Rome and stuffie stuff already and get everyone to meet and IT'S GONNA BE EPIC

amazing chapter, Lisa! :D

ps - YES I GOT FIRST REVIEW LIFE IS GOOD

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Review #20, by BookDinosaurAn inky black heart.: The ebony vessel.

8th November 2014:
Hello again, Kiana! Here for the BvB review battle. :D

Wah, this was amazing. I don't like Snily as a pairing at all, and just Snape is a awful person by himself without the whole Lily obsession, and at first when you described this as a Snily piece I was super nervoud about readong it because I don't like Snily. But this - you pulled it oof amazingly. It remains a fact that Snape loved Lily, no matter how nasty I find that, and to have it written about like this - showing him and his love as more of an obsession or out-of-control feelings, it's perfectly done and really just amazing. You know, I actually have a copy of The Hunchback of Notre Dame and I love the film version of it, and the comparisons between Snape's love for Lily and Frollo's love for Esmerelda is something I never even considered but it's so powerful all the same - obsessive and twisted, and people don't see that because of 'always' and gah just yes you've done this so well.

The imagery you used her is absolutely stunning, the ebony heart and the blackness of his love for her, it's amazing how you managed to bring it all out so well. You've brought out his motions so perfectly as well - I've said this so many times, but the plain, sheer obsessiveness of his love for her is haunting and you wrote that so, so well.

The repetition in threes was brilliant as well - you've used that really well in this piece as well, bringing out the harshness and the sort of OCD in his life when it comes to Lily.

You've managed to keep this within 500 words super super well, and if I had any critiques it would be that some of the sentences don't really sound natural? Like this one: The motley collection of shapes makes up her just doesn't sound natural if you say it out loud. I know its's super hard to get everything to flow in just 500 words, and overall you've done a fab job with it.

This was an amazing piece, Kiana, I'm glad I came to read it! ♥

Author's Response: Hey again Emily :D

Whoo, for Sniy hate, I feel as if we should form a gang or something as Snape is just Creepy with a capital C and more people really do need to realise that. Wah wah wah is the only way I can react to what you said as you are far too nice and yeah I just want to squish you in a totally non-creepy way right now. The comparisons between the two was only something which struck me at the end as it was like you either love me or you die and it reminded me of Snape and Lily in a way so I just had to go and write this. Yeah, the stupid always getting in the way :P I know what you mean about it though because thanks to that one word Snape is loved by all!

Wah, thank you so much though I do have to give credit to Victor Hugo for inspiring a lot of it as his writing is so dark and gothic it definitely inspired a lot of what was written here.

I'm so glad you liked the repetition of three too, as it always seems to crop up in my work but it just works so well for hammering home obsessive ideas.

Thanks for pointing that out as it was quite hard to keep a line between arty and too arty so I will definitely go and review it asap. :D

Thanks for this amazing review, Emily, it really did make me smile :D

-Kiana


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Review #21, by BookDinosaurIcarus: Playing with Fire

8th November 2014:
This was so weird.

KRISTIN HAI ♥ So, this was more exciting than weird, but it certainly posed a lot of rather weird questions! Gosh, what can I say? You're travelling into that whole multi-verse theory where the universes overlap which always confuses me so so much, and it might be mean but I'm quite relieved that Lily has no idea what that means either as it means you're going to have to explain it to her in simple words and then AI can follow along. :P

What you've got now is super fascinating, though! The whole thing about how the cubes can access other realities - why? How? Why weren't the Department of Magic using it? The way you drew the other realities was so amazing as well, the way that the first things Lily noticed were the small changes and not the major ones first - I loved that the first thing she noticed in her second trio was the smell of the flat. A small change, but super effective.

Um, I just want to ask, is Ludwig, the Half-Android Dolphin Trainer a real film? Because if it's not then it should be, it sounds awesome.

Heyy, good on Lily for getting an interview! Although I'd say that she has a pretty good right to be annoyed if those people did just reply to her application because she's Harry Potter's daughter. Being judged for something that essentially isn't you - that's happened to me before and it's never pleasant.

Naww, poor Lily (the first)! Not being able to wear the colours she wanted...I mean, I say poor Lily but I laughed at that section so the point of this is that 8'm not a very nice person, I don't think. :P

OH SNAP, Lily dropped the cube! NO THAT'S NOT GOOD. Is it? It's probably in some sort of other parallel universe and HOW WILL SHE GET HOME. I laughed pretty hard when you wrote 'I can always come back via cube if I don't end up in the right place' OH NO YOU CAN'T, Lily! That'll teach you to mess with Ministry substances.

Brilliant chapter, Kristin! I'm looking forward to more *hint hint* Haha, seriously though, I love this chapter and you are a fab author.

ps - YES FIRST REVIEW ehehehehe xD

Author's Response: EMILY ♥ HAIII

Ah, I'm so stoked that you found this chapter to be exciting rather than confusing! :p As you pointed out, the overlapping multiverses are a convoluted topic, and probably not easily understandable to the average person (hence Lily's reaction) ... actually while I was doing the research for that part and reading all these theoretical physics articles I was just like ASDKJFKLSJ MY BRAINNN. So yeah, I'm glad it made Lily relatable at least haha!

I'm glad the cube and the other realities are interesting, thanks! The technology behind the cube is kind of like a cross between magic and science, which was neat to figure out. And thanks, I'm so thrilled those details were effective and seemed realistic.

Ludwig - oh, if only! :D I think it should be a real film too, glad it'd have at least one fan XD I see it as being one of those low-budget movies that by all standards should be terrible, but is so terrible that you love it.

Well, she's not exactly sure by what means she got the interview, whether their decision process was respectable or not. But yeah, her annoyance is justified, I think.

Hehe, poor Lily (the first) indeed. I suppose there are far worse things than not being able to wear pink, but maybe it was her favourite colour or something. Unfortunate for her, but yes, kind of funny - it doesn't make you a mean person :p

Er, that's probably not good, no. Or she might have just dropped it on her foot. Time shall tell. Bwahaha. But yes, Lily has a few lessons to learn about messing with stolen Ministry items.

EEeee thank you!! I'm working on this story for NaNo so with any luck, there will be more chapters soon! Thanks as always for your fantastic review! ♥


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Review #22, by BookDinosaurstanding in the way of the light: a series of trials.

8th November 2014:
Here for the BvB review battle! I was looking for things on your page and I saw this and I was all 'yes that's the really amazing story about Astoria' and then I realised that I haven't even reviewed this yet so now HERE I AM! :P

Honestly, this was amazing, and it definitely deserved to win Nadia's challenge. Your use of second person was just amazing, and the way you built so much around Astoria, a past and history and complicated relationships - I don't see Astoria that much in fanfics, and this is the kind of amazing story which makes wish that more people would think about her and write about her as you did.

Your quote for the challenge was used so perfectly, I honestly would not have noticed it if I didn't know it was for a challenge. Your writing style here is also so beautiful; the prose is perfect, and the narrative tone fitted each section perfectly, if that makes sense.

Speaking of sections; the dual storyline is amazing. The way you were telling two stories at once, you managed it so perfectly, and while it could have been very easy to get the readers mixed up as to which story was which you managed to pull it off perfectly, and it fit the story so perfectly. I know you said that this is a long oneshot, and it is, but the length never felt...unnecessary, if that makes sense? The story felt like it was long enough, not too long and not too short, so kudos to you on that!

Ahh, what can I say? The family interactions between Astoria and her mother and father and Daphne - I mean, by no means was it happy or anything, but it was really realistic, the way she just didn't comprehend it at first, the way that Daphne would just deny it to herself - it was all done so well, and so sensitively, and the end product is an amazing story.

Astoria's relationship with Lavender is something else that I want to touch on before signing off - the way the two of them met, in therapy together, the way that both of them are broken and how they helped each other so much, and Lavender's eventual death - I mean. Wow. I love Lavender as a character, you know that from my own story, and I love the way you portrayed her and Astoria here.

I have no idea whether this review makes sense because this story just kind of turned me into a flailing ball of feels, but this is an amazing, amazing story, Kiana! ♥

Author's Response: Hey Emily, thanks for the amazing review and hey again as I feel as if I haven't spoken to you about non-QTR tings in ages!

Aw, thank you so much, that really did make me smile. I think the fact that Astoria doesn't really appear much in FF is what inspired me to write about her here, as the quote just inspired a dark and twisted backstory to me, and obviously an unknown character was needed for that. Astoria seemed liked the natural candidate for that as her love for Draco has always intrigued me and I just wanted to know more about her as a person and what led her to know Draco.

Wah, wah, wah, that is all I have to say as those amazing compliments have turned me into a pile of goo and just thank you so much Emily! ♥

Aw, thank you so much as I was a little worried people might get a little confused with it but it's great that you liked it. Haha, it's also great that you didn't think it was too long because I have this weird habit of either writing extremely short or extremely long one-shots, there never is any in-between length for them so whoo for that.

I'm so glad that you found it was realistic, as it's fortunately something that I've never had to experience throughout my life so I could only really go on what other victims had had to say about it, so it means a lot to me that you said it.

I know, I am a little too mean to Lavender at times because whenever she never ever seems to get a happy ending and I always seem to rip her to shreds and make her life horrible but she's just such an easy character to do that to, I can't help myself. Whoo for destroying her life though.

Thank you so much for this wonderful review and hopefully the response isn't too rambly! ♥

-Kiana


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Review #23, by BookDinosaurSuffer the Children: One

5th November 2014:
AHHH LISA LISA LISA DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITED I AM RIGHT NOW YES GOOD

Ah, this was amazing. You know that, right? This was completely amazing. Witty banter galore. And I almost choked on the Tim Tam I'm eating when your characters started talking about it because that is the logical thing to do, no?

ahhh, i mean, i know this is just an introductory chapter but I though I'd commend you on how realistically and wittily your characters converse, because it makes me laugh and we all know that's the most important thing you have going on right now. You have a gift for writing witty banter, you know that? you better know that, how many times have I told you?

so, you managed to set the whole rose/scorpius = loras/renly/margaery/sansa thing quite well, and i can see what you mean when you say that rose/scorpius and al don't get on very well too, so i'm really looking forward to seeing how you develop their relationship as they go to rome together because to go abroad together in such a small group does require a certain amount of mutual friendliness, I think.

Also, i just want to point out that even though you are writing with sco/rose/al again, you've already succeeded in making them pretty different from your tfwms-verse stories - i mean obviously putting them in a different house helps, but i think you'e done a good job creating different characters out of them, so kudos to your for that!

can i say how excited i am for your model ICW as well? it's such a fab idea, and gives you a brilliant excuse to bring together so many witches and wizards from so many different nations and really work some internationaliy (is that a word?? i don't think that's a word) into your work and yeah i'm looking forward to seeing how you deal with that!

I kinda feel sorry for Cat. Not having won anything in her life before...except I laughed at her blatant disbelief that she had been chosen - is there any point to this sentence? no, no there isn't. Except that I am not a nice person.

Also, you are totally not being fair on Aussie people. We are a delight. And i feel like the quote 'no hooking up with Aussie guys or girls' is deliberately daring Cat to hook up with an Aussie and stop with this silly trans-Tasman rivalry thing. We can be best friends! ♥

I'm looking forward to the next chapter Lisa, update soon! ♥

YES I GET FIRST REVIEW I WIN AT LIFE ♥

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Review #24, by BookDinosaurPlaying for Keeps: Aftermath and Arrangements

25th October 2014:
AHH HI FIRST REVIEW FIRST REVIEW FIRST REVIEW I want this to be first review is that so much to ask???

Agh, you know, it's so weird to see Annie at home and not in the casino - I was getting so used to Annie as the cunning conwoman, the trickster, the seductive pool player, that seeing her at home and groggy after a long night was a really subtle reminder that she's still only human, so kudos to you for pulling that off so seamlessly!

These little details you add into the story are so amazing! Like how Freddy changes messenger birds every week, and how he signs off his letters with the XOXO - it all adds so much to the story and the character, and I absolutely love the atmosphere it brings. ♥

Ahh, so the meeting with Freddy is important enough for Freddy to want to remind Annie to come, and to wear something nice. You have me very keyed up for this meeting that's going to happen, Mallory.

Gosh and Annie really does want to meet up with James again! Honestly, I wonder what on earth she wants with him, especially as she knows Freddy will fire her. - and worse - if she gets caught with him. I wonder whether it's all part of a plan just to build his hopes up and then defeat him, or whether she actually thinks that there's a way out of this. Honestly, at the moment all I can think of is teaching James so well that he can pot all the balls in one go and not let Annie have a go, but honestly AI don't really see that happening? Ahh, I can't wait to see where this will go.

I can definitely see how writing that letter would be cathartic to Annie, with all those insults, haha! And that flashback you stuck in was wonderful as well, it really gave us a bit of background on Annie and James' nasty Hogwarts relationship, and why she was calling her sister nasty names in her head in the previous chapters. Gosh, poor poor Annie, being bullied like that at Hogwarts! And I see why she prefers Annie to Portia now, which is sad because I think Portia's a lovely name.

Honestly, I wonder whether James has changed and what'll happen to them - looking forward to seeing where you choose to take their relationship!

Ooh, and before I sign off, Hattie and Annie's friendship is brilliant! I love the way you write them, and I love the way they seem to balance each other out, and how they cover for each other - it's honestly just like something which could happen in real life.

YES FIRST REVIEW!! :D :D

Author's Response: YAY FIRST REVIEW! :D

Yeah, Annie has a lot of personas, so Home!Annie is sort of meant to show her as she is when she isn't trying to con people out of their money. She's just a normal person outside of that, and while she can put on a mask and act for hours, it always feels good to get out of that for a little while. Only human, indeed! Thank you!

Freddy is so weird. Why does he sign his letters with Xs and Os?! I don't know. And he's so paranoid, what a weirdo, honestly. Yes, this meeting is SUPER important! Atmosphere! Yes! I'm so glad that you think I did a good job of it. :)

Hopefully there's a way out of this, but for now, Annie's going to keep getting tangled in plots. And right now she doesn't know how tangled the plot will be. But James SUCKS at pool, and she wants to at least have a little competition. At this point, it is almost inevitable that she'll win the match, but who knows? There could be some surprises...

I loved writing those insults into the letter. It was so fun and silly, and crossing them out felt good. Thank you for liking my flashback! Yeah, now you know about the general horridness of Beatrice. Woot! Portia is a lovely name, but not when it becomes "Porky." Annie will work just as well. :D

Thank you so very much! I love Annie and Hattie's friendship as well. It's so fun to write. (Well, most of this stuff is fun to write, when I actually write, that is.)

Thanks again! ♥


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Review #25, by BookDinosaurPlaying for Keeps: The Boss and the Business Proposition

25th October 2014:
Hi Mallory! Slightly later than expected but I'm here now, yeah? :P

Ahh, this was such a great chapter! So many questions answered, aa appearance from the famous Freddy, a lot more light on the details of this bet. :D

Ooh, Freddy first. I am rather impressed that he can play pool, haha! I think that with this one appearance, you've done a really fab job of showing us what he's like and giving him a pretty fleshed-out character. I just want to point out that he's pretty much the complete opposite of most portrayals I've read about him; a Slytherin, on the slightly shady side of the law, at loggerheads with James, and most of the time authors are writing him as a Gryffindor, upright and honourable, and best friends with James.

I don't know whether you meant to subvert his normal portrayals or not but you've done a really good job of establishing his character in this! Maybe it's just me, but he's honestly coming off as a little crazy, what with the glowing eyes and almost-bursting-with-excitement attitude he's showing. Maybe he's just sadistic? And in answer to your questions, I do think he's a bit of a creep, and yes, it's very cool that he's an actor and a casino owner. Mad skillz, y'all. :P

Ahh, his offer is so one-sided! He's definitely not leaving any space for poor Annie to crawl out of, is he? Gah gah gah, thrice-accursed bet indeed, and poor Anne's just caught in the crossfire. Although that last sentence about eating humble pie and extending her offer of teaching definitely makes me think that Annie has a plan to get herself out of this, I'm really wondering what it is. Thank goodness you've just updated, no? :P

Ahh, sorry for the shortness and just general rubbishness of this review, I just kind of want to get to the next chapter so that I can see what Annie' up to and how she wants to get out of her nasty situation. xD You cunning author you, it's not an obvious cliffhanger at all but the way to set up that sentence at the end leaves the reader wanting more, more, MOAR.

Onto the next chapter!

Author's Response: Again, don't ever apologize for taking "so long" to leave a review. My responses often take a much longer time. :P

Freddy fancies himself a bit of a renaissance man--he knows a little about everything--or he thinks so, at least. He's okay at pool. His character keeps on developing new quirks, so I'm glad that you felt that he was pretty fleshed out here. Now everything that comes after that is extra weird stuff! :D Yeah, I wanted to go completely against the usual portrayal of him in this, just because I like to be contrary. Also, this is the dark side! He's a bad, bad boy. :)

Oh, he's totally crazy. There are many more evidences of craziness, and you're totally right. Boy has a few bats in his belfry. Also, yes. Very sadistic. And a creep. Everything. Ugh, he's such a weirdo, but I love writing him because of that. :D

Annie has a plan, Freddy has a plan, everyone has a plan! And Freddy thinks he's trapping her into this thing, but she's got a few more tricks up her sleeve. Will questions get answered? I can't even tell!

No, not rubbish at all! Thanks for your reviews, as always! ♥


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