Reading Reviews From Member: anythingcouldhappen
  
63 Reviews Found

Review #1, by anythingcouldhappenThe Adventures of Abigail Higgs and Potter Boy: The One With The Four Hour Nap

13th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo!

Michelle. Michelle. Michelle.

Can I strangle her? I know I've kind of said this in all my reviews, but's she's such a meanie! And not a true friend! "I just don't want you to get hurt" Yeah right! I'm beginning to think that Michelle is just super insecure and she hangs around with Abigail because Abigail is also insecure and a pushover to boot.

I really hope that Abigail makes friends with Isabella! She needs a better friend than Michelle.

Although, I have to admit, I'm still a little wary of James myself. It does feel a little too good to be true. I'm interested to see where it all goes and if it turns out their is some kind of motivation behind the whole thing apart from genuine friendship. I kind of hope not, but then again I know things are never simple!

Great chapter!

Sam

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Review #2, by anythingcouldhappenThe Adventures of Abigail Higgs and Potter Boy: The One With The Change In Friendship

13th March 2014:
HI! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo!

Ooh honey! That's come up before... *grins* How interesting that James smelled honey in when he smelled the amorentia. What a coincidence! Oh and the parchment too? Interesting, interesting!

I"m glad to see that James is paying more attention to Abigail, even if right now it's only about guilt. Also, he's already a better friend to her than Michelle. Don't even get me started on Michelle in this chapter. I have now figuratively punched her. She just can't be happy for Abigail can she?! Ok, she's jealous, but being nasty to Abigail is not going to help that. At least Abigail recognizes that their friendship is not at all healthy. Recognition of the problem is the first step to change right?

There were a couple of times when I think you changed from past tense to present tense. It was a little confusing to read, but nothing major. Again, this chapter felt a little short. But if that's what you're aiming for, go with it!

Awesome chapter :)

Sam

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Review #3, by anythingcouldhappenThe Adventures of Abigail Higgs and Potter Boy: The One With The Chocolate Of Forgiveness

13th March 2014:
Hi! I'm here yet again, reviewing this for Blackout Bingo!

James' apology was so adorable and awkward and just generally funny. I'm not sure I trust him or the chocolate, but I still loved this chapter. I am a bit curious as to why James apologized rather than Barry and Elijah, since it was actually their fault. Suspicious...James is an interesting character, and I want to see more of him.

As for Abigail, her reaction and feelings were great. I actually felt like I was reading about myself in this chapter. While I'm not like Abigail in a lot of ways, this chapter showed a part of her that was very like me. The thing that stuck out to me most was the turning over the chocolate in her hands. I do that when I'm uncomfortable or not sure what to think!

Michelle.she needs to have some redeeming qualities or I am going to figuratively punch her. She's such a jerk to Abigail!

Great chapter!

Sam

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Review #4, by anythingcouldhappenThe Adventures of Abigail Higgs and Potter Boy: The One With The Love Potion

13th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

*raises hand* I hate Barry and Elijah! Seriously, that was such a nasty thing to do. I can't even imagine the kind of embarrassment that that sort of thing would bring. Poor Abigail! And to have it happen pretty publicly! With Ron, at least it all happened pretty early without anyone seeing. And of course it creates a whole awkward situation for James and Abigail now. I'll be very interested to see how they deal with it!

I am also still very irritated with Michelle. She is not a good friend, and its frustrating that she's Abigail's only friend. She deserves better than a friend she lies to and is embarrassed to tell things to because she know Michelle will tease her! I really enjoy all your characters--in that they're realistic enough for me to love and hate some of them already.

One thing--what do Barry and Elijah look like? What about William? Professor Noble? I think they could use a little more description. Otherwise, I thought this chapter was really well done!

Sam

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Review #5, by anythingcouldhappenThe Adventures of Abigail Higgs and Potter Boy: The One With The 'Supportive' Best Friend

13th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

I loved the way you expanded on Abigail's character in this chapter! She's clearly got a lot of room to grow, and she's flawed--which is always good and realistic! Her friendhship with Michelle is interesting. I'm not going to lie--I hope she at some point she confronts Michelle about the way she treats her. Michelle is a bit of a jerk. I hope she's got some good qualities to her--because right now she seems really selfish.

I'm of course hoping to see more of James in the next chapter! I love me some Potter kids ^_^

The chapter felt a little short, but I think it works. Mainly because you lay out some more of Abigail's character. All the writing and everything was great! My favorite part was probably when Abigail was talking about food...I love that she has being close to the Great Hall as a pro of being a Hufflepuff! It was pretty amusing to read, especially because I agree with her :)

Great job! Can't wait to read the next chapter!

Sam

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Review #6, by anythingcouldhappenTask One Challenge: Reclaiming the Sword of Godric Gryffindor

13th March 2014:
Hi! I'm reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

I really liked this! You wrote all the characters very well I think. They all talked and reacted as I would expect them to. My favorite part was when Neville cast at Snape. Although he was scared, he was able to overcome that and attack the man he feared the most. It really shows the kind of development he went through to get to the point he was at when the trio meets him at the end of DH!

Overall, this was very well written and all your descriptions were great! I especially loved when you described Ginny with her blazing hair and eyes! I wanted to point out two slight errors: "dizz. His mind was filled with endless scenarios where all of this could end so bad." I think you mean to have "dizzy" and "badly" :) A quick edit would fix that!

Awesome job!

Sam

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Review #7, by anythingcouldhappenThe Adventures of Abigail Higgs and Potter Boy: The One Where James Knocks Me Down

13th March 2014:
Hi! I'm reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

I really like the comic book theme! There are so many next gen stories on the archives, and I think having a theme like this sets yours apart! And comic books are so much fun. I love that Abigail has a slight obsession with them--I haven't read many stories with a main character like that before! Abigail seems like she's going to be a very interesting and unique main character.

I'm very curious as to how she and James are going to be interacting...and how their friendship/relationship/whatever it may be develops. From the fleeting glimpse I got of James in this chapter, I like him! He seems funny, and also like pretty nice guy.

Your writing is all very nice and clean and flows very well. Nice job!

One thing I just have to thank you for--she changed into her robes!!! Thank you! There are so many stories that have students just walking around in their ordinary clothes and it always bothers me! It's so off canon, and it doesn't even make sense. So anyway, thanks for that!

Sam

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Review #8, by anythingcouldhappenBedtime Stories: Bedtime Stories

13th March 2014:
Hi! I'm reviewing this for Blackout Bingo!

I really liked this :) It was a very creative way to show Gryffindor traits! I expected to read something about a battle, but certainly not a battle as a bedtime story. Ron's retelling was really cute/funny, and it makes me wonder how many other stories the next gen kids got re-told in a funny way from their parents.

The interactions between Ron and Rose are all very cute, and realistic I think. Sometimes in stories kids can come off too old or too young or just wrong, but I think you nailed it! Ron is such a sweet dad, and I loved the way he even took out his wand, and how proud he was of his acting! The end bit with Hermione was so sweet.

Just one grammar sort of note: You wrote "stood in the doorway" and its kind of awkward. I think it should be "Hermione stood" or "Standing".

Awesome job! This was really fun to read!

Sam

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Review #9, by anythingcouldhappenBeen There, Done That: Living Up To The Name

7th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

This was a nice little introduction! I'm very interested in the fact that you put James in Ravenclaw! I've never seen anyone do that, so I'd like to see how you develop his character in such a way as to point to him belonging in Ravenclaw. Perhaps its his pranking genius?

I'd like to see little more description of his friends. It seems like he's just kind of thrown in there with a bunch of them and there isn't much of a proper introduction. If you left that for future chapters, that makes sense, but I guess just make sure its soon :)

There are a couple instances where your sentences are a little run-on. For example: " All this time he had done it by hand, no magic was required and so James Potter turned to the next cauldron in line for cleaning and took a deep breath. " If you reworded it, it would be a little clearer.

Like I said, nice start! Hope this helped :)

Sam

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Review #10, by anythingcouldhappenIcing on the Cake--Part II: Viktor [Speed Dating Entry]: Part II--Viktor [Speed Dating Entry]

7th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

There are so many things to love here!

George giving Viktor love advice? Priceless. It was so funny and actually quite good advice. I think you really nailed George's characertization :) Also, I am in awe of your ability to write both Krum's and Fleur's accents! They were spot on! Nice job!

I enjoyed Fleur giving Lavender advice as well. Ok, I guess I just enjoy advice scenes in general. Yours were great! Lavender's a bit crazy--but that's what we love about her right?

I think you did a great job with descriptions as well! You really built up the atmosphere which was nice. I think one thing you could add is a little more description of Lavender. Krum talks about her being beautiful, but he doesn't mention much specifically.

In terms of grammar and stuff, it was all fine except some places where you had two lines of separate dialogue in the same line. If you get the chance, you might want to fix that :)

Great job!

Sam

Author's Response: Hey there! Glad to see you over here for Blackout Bingo. I'm sort of jealous. My computer broke, AND I was on spring break, so I haven't been able to participate as much in the Black Out as I'd like. It looks so fun!

Thank you! George's advising Viktor in the ways of love was easily my favorite part to write! Have you ever had a magic moment in writing when it's like the character is just whispering what they'd say into your ear? That's what it felt like with George--easiest dialogue I've ever written, and so fun to do!

I enjoyed writing the scene with Fleur, too. I guess I like advice scenes, as well, since I included two in the same one-shot! ;)

Lavender IS a bit crazy, with a side order of muy loca, but that is, indeed, why she's sort of lovable. She's never boring, that's for sure.

Thanks. I'm glad you liked the description. I love writing those parts. Originally, there was more, but the story was for a contest with a fairly small word limit. However, now that the contest is over, maybe I can take your suggestion and add a bit more in the way of details! Specifically of Lavender, since you're right, she isn't depicted very specifically. Thanks for pointing that out--I might not have noticed, at this point.

Ooooh! I didn't notice that about the dialogue. I'll have to fix that ASAP. Thanks for telling me! And thanks for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it.

--Penny


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Review #11, by anythingcouldhappenWarfare: 1 September, 2022

7th March 2014:
Hi! I'm reviewing this for Blackout Bingo again :)

I loved seeing the other half of the pranking war that this year holds! They've definitely got to step up their game if they want to win! James and all his friends seem like likable guys, and I think you just need to make sure you keep developing them as you keep writing. They've all got a lot of potential!

Your descriptions were perfect! Everything in the scene just stood out so clearly to me. I think you do a great job with the action and dialogue just flowing really nicely :)
One thing I'm a little confused about--why is it James' last year? You gave reasons for all the Ravenclaws leaving, but why James? Forgive if I just missed it :P

My favorite part was when James was trying to persuade the other two to go along with his plan. He's clearly got a lot determination! I'm interested to learn where his "blaze of glory" takes him!

Great job!

Sam

Author's Response: Hi!

Yes, James and the Lions will all be developed a bit more later. They're a less talkative group, which means their back stories will be even richer than the Claws (maybe...)

It's James's last year because he's in seventh year :P It's James and Fred in seventh, Raph in sixth, and Liam in fifth. I thought it would be more realistic to have them in different years.

Thank you for reviewing! :)

--Monica


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Review #12, by anythingcouldhappenThe Worst: Decisions and Discoveries

7th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

So.

I. Want. To. Kill. Delilah. Jones.

But actually.

I CANNOT believe she did that. Of course its probably more complicated than it appears, but if she actually made such a deal and now I guess hopes to profit off Dom's story--that is so twisted. She is corrupt and heartless and I really want to strangle her. She just changed Dom's life irrevocably! You can't just do that to someone! She took away Dom's future children! Honestly that's the part that gets me the most. I know adoption is a great option, but that doesn't make the pain Dom must be feeling any less.

Argh!!!

I am so frustrated. So angry and frustrated. What a stupid, hateful woman.

In other news, you have made me get more emotionally attached to Dom than I have been to a fanfic character in a long time. Congrats! *claps*

I really liked this chapter, because it kept developing the dynamic between Dom and her family and Teddy. That was nice. I hope Bill comes in more in the future chapters!

Great job, again!

Sam

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Delilah is definitely twisted, and there's more to her reasons than just a story which we find out in later chapters. And yes, the not being able to have children part is probably the worst of effects that the bite had =(

I am quite flattered that my story brought out such a strong reaction out of you. I am pleased you could get emotionally attached to Dom. Thank you so much!



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Review #13, by anythingcouldhappenNoble: Noble

7th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo!

This was really well written! I'm so impressed that you managed to write this so quickly for Bingo! All your descriptions are stellar, and I loved the beginning and ending. They're nicely tied together and they also fit very well with the rest of the story. Your sentences are just so well-crafted. They create a very vivid picture--one that is so clear and interesting to see.

"He thinks of the stories his father used to tell him--of grand houses with the Gaunt coat of arms across the archways, of wizards who could cower as they passed."

This was a really nice bit. It made me think about what the Gaunts must have been at some point. It makes you wonder how they got to their lowness! I think this was a nice and unique choice for the challenge. Its not often we get much insight into the Gaunts!

I was a little confused at Morfin's sorting. How is the young men staring down the table connected to Morfin's sorting? Maybe I'm just missing something?

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm so pleased you liked this, and I can fun whipping it up! The descriptions were quite fun to write, and I'm glad you liked how I tied them together as well. It's really great feedback to hear the scenes felt vivid, I really appreciate that!

Yes! I imagined the Gaunts losing their fortune and blaming everybody but themselves for it. It was quite interesting delving into Morfin's head, and although he's not very relatable I liked bringing him to life for a little.

Ah, I can explain! Morfin was upset that nobody in Slytherin was caring about his sorting and admiring him. Instead, the boys were checking out the girls and were far more interested in beauty and love than in Morfin and his "greatness." Kind of like Merope and how she loved Tom Sr., and how Morfin couldn't understand that because he's incapable of really figuring out admiration and love. Does that make more sense? I'll definitely go back and make that scene a little clearer when I get the chance, thank you for mentioning it! :)

Thank you so much for the lovely review! :D


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Review #14, by anythingcouldhappenThe Flesh of the Servant: Coward

7th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo!

I love what-if stories. They always make me think of the infinite possibilities, and the world too! Its amazing that if just one tiny thing changed, the whole world can be changed! *ok squee time over*

It's heartbreaking to see what might have been, if only they had been able to stop Peter that night! I mean sure, perhaps Voldemort might have eventually made his way back in some other way, but Harry would have had a much happier childhood! Sirius wouldn't have died in the way he did! It makes me so mad/sad to think about it!

You did an awesome job imagining the what-if, as well as describing Peter. I liked the way you began and ended the story with "Peter was a special sort of coward". It was a nice touch.

The one thing I had trouble believing is that they would just go ahead and administer the dementor's kiss as soon as Peter was caught. They would probably have a lot of questions for him and Sirius before they were ready to do that. Maybe you could have the conversation be about how Peter will get the kiss if it turns out he was guilty? Just a suggestion :)

Great job!

Sam

Author's Response: Hey there!

I also love what-ifs...as well as AUs.

This is a happy story, though, other than helping Voldemort return, Peter was a rather unimportant character up until his death thereafter.

Because I erased the original version of this, I was left with only a couple days to get this finished by the deadline for the challenge, so it was a little rushed. Sorry for anything that could have been extended!

-Rumpel


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Review #15, by anythingcouldhappenHogwarts Elite.: Information.

7th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo!

Not going to lie, I kind of got the urge to make some popcorn and munch it while I was reading this. I just kept thinking "oohh, juicy". Now of course I want to know what all the secrets are! And how this narrator messed up and who got close to her! So many questions! Which is good :) I like to be left with questions after a prologue! It keeps me reading!

So, nice start! This seems like its going to be a really intriguing story! I already love your narrator. She's so feisty and secretive--and obviously quite clever to be able to keep the operation going. It makes me sad that the "Wotters" don't sound like very nice people, but I'm sure you'll make them believable, however you characterize them!

This was very well-written! NOo grammer mistakes, misspellings, or anything! Or at least I couldn't spot any :)

I hope you keep this up! I'd definitely be a reader :)

Sam

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Review #16, by anythingcouldhappenOf Tacos And Firemen: Of Tacos and Firemen

7th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

This was adorable! I mean I can't stand Pansy usually, but here I just found myself laughing at her mishaps! Starting a fire by cooking tacos and holding Alex and trying to do dishes? Well if you're going to start a fire, that's the way to do it I suppose.

And of course, instead of thinking about the damage immediately, she thinks of the cute fireman in front of her. Well why not? He sounded rather dreamy. It makes sense also, because I imagine you might be a little in shock after an incident such as that! It was good though that you had her getting upset a little later, when she had to walk in and see her destroyed kitchen with no food. I like that she was concerned over feeding Alex! And then the end, when Christopher comes--that was great! Made me smile definitely. he best part was when Pansy was thinking maybe the muggle world wasn't so bad. That's kind of completely out of character for her, but considering the nature of this story, it was great!

I think the one thing you might do to improve this is expand the beginning a little. It all goes by kind of quickly.

Great job!

Sam

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Review #17, by anythingcouldhappenSev, You can stop oiling your hair now!: Sev, You can stop oiling your hair now!

7th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

Well.

This was quite interesting! I can safely I've never read anything like it. It's a fantastic/hilarious origin story for Snape's greasy hair >_< Also, the whole time I kept thinking of slippery greasy hair, and it was really gross. In other words, your descriptions were great! I could almost feel that hair. *shudders*

You had a few misspellings here and there, so if you get the chance you might want to edit quickly for those :)

The later half was a little confusing, but I think it worked for the ridiculousness of the story. The characters had next to no development (especially Hermione) but if they had the whole story would have fallen flat. Absurdity is good!

When he got the note and shampoo, I just started laughing! Snape is such a fun character to read in humor, because he's already a bit cartoonish--at least in the first book or two. All his swooping like a bat and greasy hair make for fun parodies! I'm sure he's fun to write too! Oh, and little Draco was very funny! Actually, all Draco in here was really funny.

Wait.

I can probably stop listing and just say this whole thing was funny!

Great job!

Sam

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Review #18, by anythingcouldhappenDeepest Desire: The Mirror of Erised

7th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

Wow.this is very sad. AU's where everyone is dead are always hard to read, and this one was no exception. It leaves me with a lot of questions--how did Voldemort win? What happened afterwards? What's going on with Ginny? In my opinion, leaving a fic with questions is always good, so nice job! *thumbs up* It's heartbreaking to see Ginny welcoming death. The idea that she has no one left to live for is painful. Also, the ways in which they all died were quite terrible. If you ever expanded upon this and made a whole AU novel/novella/short story based on it, I think it would be interesting to read!

It was a very interesting choice to write in the style that you did. Can I ask what made you choose that? I think it makes it last longer, which is good.

I think the bit at the end when Lestrange says "Good-bye Weasley" is a little unnecessary. In fact, I'm not even sure you need his name! I think it might fit the tone of the rest of the fic to remove that. But that's only personal preference on my part. :)

Great job!

Sam

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Review #19, by anythingcouldhappenA New Life - Speed Dating Entry: A New Chapter in our Lives

7th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

Well.

I have to say this story is amazing, simply because I actually liked the Dursleys in it.

That's a first!

I mean Dudley sort of redeems himself at the end, and Petunia gets fleshed out a little, but the Dursleys have always been such irritating characters. I suppose that's because we always saw them from Harry's POV. They were always hard to imagine as having their own lives outside of the summers when Harry was back with them.

But you did a great job here of describing the sort of emotions that would probably be affecting Petunia when she had to move out of the house, as well as her general feelings towards Harry as well. really liked when she talked about it not being their war. That's very in character for Petunia I think!

So, for practically making me like the Dursleys, I applaud you! This is a great entry for the speed dating challenge :)

Sam

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Review #20, by anythingcouldhappenNon-Omnis Moriar - Not All of Me Shall Die: The Beginning of the End

7th March 2014:
Hi! I'm reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

What an interesting concept! I have yet to read a story that explores Voldemort's after death experience, so I enjoyed this and getting a new perspective on the whole thing. It definitely makes you wonder what might have happened to Voldemort post-death in JKR's world! We got to see the baby thing of course, but that was just the horcrux on Harry. So many questions!

I think your take on it was nice. My favorite part was all the details--like the train and the shades of gray. It makes things stand out, and be memorable. Voldemort's character was on target also :) He seemed very cold and removed from it all, which I would expect him to be.

The one thing I didn't quite understand was the choosing of the scenes that you did. I guess they're all fairly pivotal moments in his development into and as Lord Voldemort, but I think you could tie them together more strongly and make that more clear.

Great job!

Sam

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Review #21, by anythingcouldhappenSunburn: Prologue: Let Her Go

7th March 2014:
Hi! I'm reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

I really, really like the way this was written. Its so personal and very real. The journal entry was great--it was a nice and interesting way to start off.

One note: "bare" should be "bear".

There were two things I especially loved here! The first is the way you showed how much the boy loves Alice. Like, you don't just say "I love Alice" or anything, you just show it. Its so clear every time he talks about her. It's pretty awesome. Also, all the descriptions you use just paint such a vivid picture of Alice. When you talked about the reflection in her eyes, and that whole bit, i was just blown away. So lovely!

The second thing I liked was how the narrator talked about her not being perfect. Everything he said about that is sooo true. Even though it can be flattering to have people tell you you're perfect, it's overwhelming more than anything. You want them to see the real you--flaws and all. So that part was awesome. *thumbs up*

I'm very curious as to how everything turns out between him and Alice. Great job!

Sam

Author's Response: It was originally all journal, but I didn't realize it wasn't allowed, so I added only two more paragraphs and made it into what it is now! So I'm glad it started off well and continued to be just as good! :D

Oops! XD thanks for that! I'll fix those both right up!

You have no idea what weird happy/excited face I just made at reading your two favorite parts! XD Seriously! :) What I wanted to do was use description over voice. I wanted to let you guys see my characters for once, and I want you guys to feel/remember what he feels. This story is one of those more personal stories, and I want everyone along for the ride. So for you to say I painted her and expressed how much he loved her without even having to say it makes me so happy!

No perfections. No Mary Sues. Just raw beauty! :) in the characters, and the story. :)

Thank you thank you thank you for stopping by! I'm absolutely giddy with joy here at your lovely remarks! :D again, just thank you so much! :)

~Mae


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Review #22, by anythingcouldhappenA Flakey Tragedy: A Flakey Tragedy

7th March 2014:
Hi! I'm reviewing this for Blackout Bingo!

Heheheh this was quite amusing :) The idea of Snape being obsessed with something like biscuits is so ridiculous. However, his dark mood was very believable! I always loved the descriptions of Snape as swooping around the castle like a giant bat, and I definitely htink you conveyed that "bat swooping" very well here. It also made me really crave biscuits, which was awesome and torturous at the same time. Have you actually made biscuits like the ones you described? Because if so, yum! I'm a little confused by why Hermione gave him the biscuits (and how she knew it was his birthday) but this is humor, so hey, it works.

It might be interesting to have some dialogue, whether between Snape and other professors, or between Snape and his students. Reading just paragraph after paragraph of text can be a little tedious at times.

There were a few misspellings in the chapter, so if you get the chance you might want to go through and edit :)

Great job!

Sam

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Review #23, by anythingcouldhappenLilypad: Chapter two

7th March 2014:
Hi! I'm reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

I really liked the concept of the town. It's not something I've seen a lot in werewolf fics, so nice job on that. Uniqueness is always good! It makes sense, although I wonder how they keep it secret. It sounds like there's a lot of people, so how do they keep one of them from going out and blabbing about it, even unintentionally? And do they have spells around it a bit like Hogwarts? If you devoted a part to Pad explaining the defenses/secret-keeping to Lily, it would make it a little more believable. If you do indeed do this in further chapters, please feel free to ignore that last bit!

Oh, nice cliff-hanger! Who is in the room?? Why are they screaming?? I always love a chapter that leaves me hanging :) The one comment I have is that you changed tense for the last sentence. While the rest of your story is in the past tense, that sentence is in the future. It's a little jarring.

Overall, great job! I love the way you're slowly building up the world, and the characters. Keep on developing them :)

Hope this helped!

Sam

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Review #24, by anythingcouldhappenAll It Took Was A Manticore: All It Took Was A Manticore

6th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

I love reading stories where Godric and Salazar are friends :) They really complement each other very well. While Godric's got the bravery to spur Salazar on to do tasks--like fighting a manticore--Salazar's got the cunning and street smarts to keep Godric from rushing in blind and getting himself killed.

Your take on the relationship was especially interesting. To have Salazar as the apprentice to a dark wizard could give some basis for his later actions of building the chamber. I think that's what I liked best about this. You give basis for both the friendship that Salazar and Godric must have had to build a school together, while still giving some background and motivation for Salazar to be a darker character later in life.

Everything was well-written and well paced, and your grammar and everything was great. No grating mistakes or anything. There was one misspelling: "terrorise". You could fix that in your next edit :)

Great job! I'm glad I got the chance to read and review this!

Sam

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Review #25, by anythingcouldhappenThe Unknown: 1

6th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo!

Wow...I am so impressed that you wrote this so quickly for Bingo! Because this is a beautiful one-shot! It's so well-written and interesting and moving. I think that the way you wrote it--as little snapshots at different ages--was so effective. The moments you provided all managed to build up the character very quickly, despite the length of the story. At the end, I felt so horrible for the girl. As for the mother, I wonder if she'll ever know it was her who killed her daughter :(

I think it was also wonderful to have her remain and fight. It really makes the point that not all Slytherins are evil (like it was too often portrayed in the books). Oh, and the quote you used--I love it. Stories like this make me so sad, because it makes you remember that for every number in a death toll, there is a whole life story and so much lost.

Great job! I'm so glad I got a chance to read and review this!

Sam

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