Reading Reviews From Member: wolfgirl17
106 Reviews Found

Review #1, by wolfgirl17Bewildered: Initio

23rd November 2014:
Hey Ireland,

Just got through with these two chapters so that I'd know what's going on when I beta the next chapters. I really like this so far. You've got really good character development and an excellent use of vocabulary. I was especially fond of your use of the word lackadaisical as it's one of my favourite words.

I'll have chapter 2 beta'd and back to you by tonight. =)


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Review #2, by wolfgirl17In The Rain: In The Rain

22nd November 2014:
Hey love,

Here for our review swap. I saw that this one didn't have nearly as many reviews as your other stories, so I figured I'd check it out.

I have to say that while the writing is brilliant, I'm left kind of squirrelly about the idea of Sirius and Lily kissing. Especially while she's dating James. It's probably just my James/Lily shipping mind reacting.

That, and I just can't ever imagine Sirius making a move on Lily. He's just too loyal to James. For all that he's portrayed as a ladies man and a complete rake at times, I think he'd take issue with the idea of himself betraying James that way, and with Lily ever being involved in any kind of romantic activity with anyone other than James.

It's a sweet story though. I love kissing in the rain personally, so you definitely hooked me with that idea. It's just so nice and romantic. =) Not to mention that I adore rainy days. They're my favorite (though this is only due to the fact that I live in Australia where it is sticky and hot pretty much year round. Otherwise I expect I would love snowy days most.)

And now I'm rambling. I think I've been awake too long...

Anyway, I really enjoyed the imagery you captured for this story. I love the idea of the rain and the lake and the pair of them out there in the thick of it, though I'd prefer it being James out there with her. =)

As always, your stories are all brilliant. And have I mentioned your banners? Because I love your banners. I really love the way you make them look as though they are water-colour paintings. I wish I could make banners as well as you. Is your username the same on TDA? Do you have a TDA account? Because I'm so requesting some images from you if you're up for it! =)

Loved it! Keep up the fantastic work. I can't wait to read more of your Snamione!!


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Review #3, by wolfgirl17Thestrals: Sirius

21st November 2014:
Ooh you gave me goosebumps with this one. I loved it!

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Review #4, by wolfgirl17fall.: fall.

21st November 2014:
Hey love,

Drama is such a hard one to define, so personally I think you did a good job. I mean, when I think drama I usually think the complicated type of drama that involves people yelling at each other and betraying each other and making each other hurt emotionally.

I'd never really stopped to consider it in this type of romantic way before. To me drama in a romantic way would be the portrayal of this very world, only from Vikki's perspective at having Teddy break up with her, having her shout at him about being in love with someone else, being in love with her cousin.

It does feel a little more like romance to me, but that's entirely based on my concept of drama.

I really enjoyed the imagery you use in this, however. It's so rich and inviting that I can slot myself right into the world you've weaved. I love your descriptions of the leaves and of their many colours. Fall is probably my favorites season, so it's nice to know others find it as beautiful a I do rather than as a desolate season of loss. =)

Keep up the good work!


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Review #5, by wolfgirl17Seven: 7:00 AM

18th November 2014:
So fluffy and romantic and adorable!!

I love Snamione! Told you I'd be stalking you to read it too =) This is a brilliant start. I can't wait to read more. I'm excited to see where you're going to take it. Love love loved it!


Author's Response: woo! Thanks. Snamione is slowly becoming my OTP. I'm glad you liked it. Thankfully I have quite a bit written out thanks to NaNo.

Thanks for reading..


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Review #6, by wolfgirl17Killer in Me and the Killer in You: Killer in Me and the Killer in You

18th November 2014:
Hey Olivia!

Wolfgirl here for Review Tag!

This story was really interesting. Rodolphus is mentioned so infrequently in the books that your characterization if him really captured my attention. It's strange to think of anyone being able to love Bellatrix, and I always wondered how anyone could when she is so clearly in love with the Dark Lord.

Not to mention those rotting teeth =/

But anyway, this story was really interesting. I kind of like the way you him loving her in spite of her obvious dislike for him and the way you had him use her obsession with the Dark Lord to continue to live. Very Slytherin indeed.

I'm kind of sad this is just a one-shot. You've really hooked me with this persona of Rodolphus.

Keep up the great work!


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Review #7, by wolfgirl17low tide: a meditation

18th November 2014:
Hey love,

Me here for the review swap =)

You're hitting me in the feels with these stories of yours!

I just love all of your writing! It's so deep and emotional, especially this one. I like the way you had George not join in on building sandcastles because he wants to keep the memory of him and Fred doing it all the more precious.

I always find post-war George stories the hardest to read because they just make me so sad. I don't think there is a bigger injustice in all of the books than JK having the indecency to kill off only one twin. I mean, why not Percy for crying out loud?

How could she do this to us?

And now I'm rambling.

This piece is short, but it's so filled with emotion that I think were it to be longer it might lose some of the poignancy of loss and grief George feels without Fred.

Excellent work, as always. I'm so stalking your page for all your stories. I'll get to them all eventually when the plunnies in my head stop reproducing and distracting me. lol.


Author's Response: Hi!

Wow, thanks ♥ I really appreciate you saying that you love my writing *hugs*

I'm glad you liked that bit about George sitting out during the sandcastle making. Gah, I know. Every time I even think about that point in the book I get sad again, and a bit angry at JKR for separating the inseparable Gred and Forge.

Thanks, I'm really glad that this piece felt emotional and poignant. It was a bit of a challenge to only use 500 words - this was the first time I'd attempted it!

Aaah Thank you so much! It really means so much to me that you like my stories! Good luck managing those plunnies haha.

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Review #8, by wolfgirl17Through The Darkest: A Case Worth Waiting For

18th November 2014:
Hi Ashwini,

This is a good first chapter. You've laid some foundations for the story really well.

I'm a little confused about why it's taken five years to have someone trying to find Ginny, and about where she's gone. You've definitely hooked me there.

You've got a few, I wouldn't call them typos, but a few mistakes based on words choice. Like when you write that you're hoping Harry and Hermione will be frank and honest with Cress you write:
"hope they will be open before her"

I think it would make more sense to write:

"Hope they will be open with her."

It just improves the flow a little bit. I'd like to see a little more characterization of Cress, as thus far we've got more on the case she's been given than who she is and why she became a detective. Hopefully that will come later.

Anyway, I'm definitely intrigued about where Ginny is and why she just bailed on them all. I can't ever imagine her actually leaving Harry willingly.

Keep up the good work!


Author's Response: Hello! It was great to see you here! :)

I'm so glad you liked the first chapter! The first one is always the most important chapter of a mystery novel according to me. It has to be well written so that the reader would just have to come back to know more. I have tried my best to create as much suspense as I can, so it feels nice to read such lovely compliments. Thank you, really! :D

That's the point. The Aurors couldn't find any clue about Ginny in five years, and that's why the case has been transferred to the Detectives. It would have been transferred sooner if it was any ordinary case, but Harry, who is an auror along with Hermione, is very weird about Ginny's disappearance. I believe that he wanted to find his wife himself but then the others forced him to hand the case over to Cress after waiting for long five years. You'll find out more as the story proceeds!

Thanks for pointing that out! These things are quite difficult to pick out, especially to me. I'm not a native English speaker, so I often get confused with word usage. It's good that I have reviewers like you, isn't it? :)

More about Cress will be revealed in chapter three. I know I've given very scanty information about her in this chapter, but I wanted to create a mysterious aura around everything, even my protagonist. I hope it isn't too bad!

I can't say much about what happened to Ginny just right now. I hope you come back to know more!

Thanks for the wonderful review! You really made my day with it! :D


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Review #9, by wolfgirl17Behind those Prison Walls.: Behind those Prison Walls.

18th November 2014:
Hey love,

This was so sad and yet so moving to read. I'm really intrigued by stories about Sirius in Azkaban. I really liked that song you had throughout the story too. Very fitting indeed.

You did have a few spelling/grammar issues that could do with touching up, just a quick edit through and you'll be able to catch them. And I noticed you describe the effect of the dementors as obliterating happy memories. Yours wasn't the first story I've noticed that detail in and so I looked in up of the wikia =)

The don't destroy the memories, they just suck out all your happiness while they're around, so it wouldn't be so much that the memories would be destroyed and lost forever, but that Sirius would be unable to access them while he was in Azkaban because the effect of the dementors feeding on his emotions and being around would prevent him from feeling happy very often.

Although, that said, I assume when they go away one must be able to think happy hopeful thoughts again, else the dementors would have no happiness to feed on...

Anyway, a very interesting read. You've definitely got me thinking about the prison and the idea of how truly awful those years must have been for Sirius.

Keep up the great work! =)


Author's Response: Yes, the song and the real events it's based on are so similar to what happened to Sirius that I have wondered if J.K. Rowling was actually thinking of those cases when writing about Sirius. Even the dates almost match.

I wasn't suggesting the memories were gone forever, but the story is from Sirius's point of view and he has every reason to believe he will be in Azkaban indefinitely and therefore, he will continue to have those memories obscured and rarely if ever be able to access them.

I'll take a look through it sometime to check for spelling and grammar issues. The story is eight or ten years old, so yeah, quite likely I missed a few things.

Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed it.

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Review #10, by wolfgirl17Wildflowers: They Suited Her

18th November 2014:
Hey love,

The link worked for me this time =) No idea what was going on with it earlier. But not to worry. This story was lovely. I really enjoyed it. So fluffy and sweet and nice.

Keep up the brilliant work!

Author's Response: Oh! I'm glad it works. That seriously scared me when you said it got a 404. :O
I was, like, first my MTA now my story? -cries-
Ah.. I'm so glad you enjoyed. It was never meant to be anything but fluffy! I love fluffy. Thanks for the review, Ellie.


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Review #11, by wolfgirl17heaven: can't help me now

18th November 2014:
Hey Sarah,

This story was really sweet. I think you really nailed that wistfulness of relationships that makes people wonder if they'll still be together 5 years in the future, and if they're not, will they be remembered? =)

I really enjoyed this.


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Review #12, by wolfgirl17Regulus Arcturus Black: Now I Was Gone

17th November 2014:
I enjoyed this. It was a good read. =)

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Review #13, by wolfgirl17Fit: Rendezvous

17th November 2014:
Hey Carla,

Wolfgirl here with your requested review.

I know you said you have troubles with dialogue, but for this story you really don't have to worry. Severus is prone to using few words unless they are for insulting others, and so his silence throughout most of this story is fitting. He doesn't express himself easily unless he is angry.

You captured both of them very well in fact. I like the characterization of both Hermione and Severus in this story, and really enjoyed the tale.

I really enjoyed the flow and writing style too. You began mysteriously and really drew me in and it just improved from there. You also managed to find my weakness as I adore Hermione/Snape stories. I think she's one of the few people with even a hope of understanding such a complicated character, and the only one in the series with the mental capacity (besides maybe Dumbledore and McGonagall) to be able to compete with him and keep up with him intellectually.

This was just brilliant. I think there was maybe one or two mistakes regarding the clarification of past/present tense words use, but it didn't interrupt the story enough for me to even remember where or what they were.

I loved it. If you have more Snamione or even just other stories you'd like to share I'd love to read them. I hope this was helpful.


Author's Response: Hi Ellie!

Thank you for the review. You did it so very fast. I am super impressed. Hihi. I'm glad that you think that the dialogue was fitting. *phew* To be honest, I love writing Severus because he is an introspective, non-action man with such complexities. So challenging but strangely fun.

YES. Exactly. Hermione is the only person who could possibly understand Snape! He's just full of layers and she's smart enough and brave enough and stubborn enough to get through all that. That's why I have a weakness for Snamione too.

Yes, I'm sure there's a past/present tense issue. I tend to miss it here and now especially when I think I'm writing a flashback (and I'm not. ha) This fic needs an edit - definitely on my list of things to do.

And, as you well know, I DO have another Snamione. hehe.

Thanks for the review again, Ellie. You're so lovely.


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Review #14, by wolfgirl17Year Five: Prologue (1991): Dozens of Little Televisions

17th November 2014:

Wolfgirl here with your requested review. =)

In answer to your first question, this chapter did hold my attention. I was intrigued by the character you've made of Sophie, and I'm not really sure what to make of Tristan. She seems nice, though a little too easily distracted for my liking. He seems morose and edgy and I kind of want to prod him into giving up all his secrets.

As you mentioned, the chapter doesn't really lay any foundations for future chapters, so I'm not really sure if I can truthfully say I'm hooked. I'm mildly interested, but can't quite decide if I want to continue. Does that make sense? I like the characters you've created, yet find myself hesitating to continue on as I'm unsure if the rest of the story will be as vague and directionless. =)

I think if you were to edit and give it some more direction you'd have a ripper on your hands, but at the moment I'm just kind of meh, you know? I like the concept and the title, but have no clue on where it's going to go and no real urge to find out...

Sorry, that sounds harsh. I think it just needs some direction. Something to make me want to continue reading. You've nailed the characterization of OCs. I care about them and their lives, but with no direction or even a hint of where it might go, I find it easy to not continue with them.

This chapter is kind of like that person at every party who is mysterious and intriguing and grabs your attention, making you want to be friends with them, but a person who is so secretive that friendship is impossible and practically a waste of time. You know the type? I feel like that. I feel like your chapter is someone I've met who has completely hooked me with their personality, but will never let me in or let me know where I stand with them. The type that you can be 'friends' with for so long before winding up resenting them for their lack of actual friendship with you.

Sorry, that probably makes no sense. I just don't know where it's going to go and so I'm like a nervous freshman poised at the edge of the corridor, unsure if I should jump in for fear of what might happen.

It's very strange actually, as I never felt that way before, and especially not about a story. Kudos to you for that =)

Let me know if you want more reviews (I may need a little shove to get me into the corridor as my bravery is lacking). I hope this was helpful!


Author's Response: Hello! Thank you SO MUCH for your honest feedback!

One major issue that I don't know how to fix is Sophie. She's really meant to be something of a device. Just a character to introduce the story with, and a little bit of a Red Herring. But then I didn't want this throw-away character to be just lame and two-dimensional, but then it seems like she's an actual character in the story! I think maybe I'll re-edit to better explain that she's not turning up again.

So yeah, you're point about directionless-ness is EXACTLY what I was thinking might be a problem! Thank you so much for your analysis! Perhaps I could indicate that this is more of a prologue? It takes 3 chapters to do one full POV rotation, and after chapter 3, I think the story makes a lot more sense. But, how to retain people after the first chapter? That's something I definitely need to figure out.

I will think much on these issues, and definitely will edit, and SO appreciate your comments!

Thank you!

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Review #15, by wolfgirl17The (Not So) Private Investigators: Eddie Jordan

17th November 2014:
Hey guys,

So I'm not sure how helpful I'm going to be to you reviewing... I just don't get parodies, as I think was clear from my review on the first chapter. I didn't even realize it was a parody (maybe put this in the summary?).

I mean, I understand the concept of a parody as making fun of writing on the whole by exaggerating everything, but I must be too serious or something, because to me that always just comes off as bad writing unless I realize they are actually a parody, and when I do I tend to avoid them.

I don't know why, but I don't enjoy them as a genre. I like comedy, especially a lot of stand up comedy. I don't know maybe it's because parodies make fun of writing, which for all that it's lighthearted and fun, I tend to take seriously. Parodies tend to come off as insulting to me. This one doesn't, but others that make fun of the way descriptions and such are used by authors irk me.

As such, I'm probably not your girl for further reviews. This chapter made more sense to me than the last one, but even knowing it was a parody, I still found myself getting rankled by the exaggeration of details, such as the bit where Indah (who is this person btw? I thought Lily was head girl?) tells them they are the best detectives for the butterbeer debacle.

I know you said in your request that you thought my first review was insightful, but after reading your response, I know it wasn't. The only insight I really provided was that I know nothing about Parody writing style and that you guys were a little too skilled at the genre for me to even realize the story is supposed to make fun of itself.

I mean the Only Sane Man part made sense to me, but only after you explained it, and while I've read stories to that effect before, the others were all legitimately crazy.

Anyway, I'm sorry about not being able to provide anything more useful. I just know nothing about parodies or the writing style behind them and so it all goes over my head as being conventions of the genre and just comes off as excessive drama/craziness/whatever.

Good luck with the rest of the story though. =)


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Review #16, by wolfgirl17The Worst: It Is Time

17th November 2014:

So much drama in this chapter!

It all felt very One Tree Hill season 5 ish to me what with her saying no and him doubting her love and her using him. So much selfishness on both parts. I still think Dom is the more selfish of the two. Yes it makes sense to want to get herself right first, but I do kind of feel like she's using him.

There is a big difference between Loving someone and Needing someone. At the moment I think she needs Teddy and she might love him, but not enough. It was right of her to say no because they probably would've ended up unhappy.

By the same token though, Teddy's actions were ill-thought-out and poorly planned. He should've realised she needed support and help, not just 'more love' in the package of a proposal. That's kind of like having someone offer you their help for a price. I'll help you, but only if you marry me.

And this review is getting out of hand. I'm too emotionally invested in your characters!

Anyway, I liked it. I want to know about the transformation and how it all goes for her. =)


Author's Response: Yay! Thank you for the freebies xD

I am pleased you liked all the drama and stuff here. I have never watched One Tree Hill so I can't relate with what you're saying but I guess it's a good thing so I'm happy you liked it =)

You definitely grasped the crux of what I was trying to convey with the whole loving/needing someone thing so yay!

Oh if only Teddy and Dom were rational beings, so much drama wouldn't ensue xP

I am glad you're invested in my characters! *proud writer moment*

Thanks a lot once again!

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Review #17, by wolfgirl17The Worst: At The Burrow

17th November 2014:
Oh look, a freebie! =)

I really love the way you describe Teddy in this chapter as being so loving and supportive and accepting of her condition, and I totally hate the way you have Dom say no to his proposal. It just seems so selfish on her behalf. He's obviously pointed out that he loves her and wants to marry her, even though she's a werewolf who can't have kids and is often insensitive to him, and she just rejects him.

I'm assuming you have reasons for this, but I must admit I love Dom a little less for her saying no. After all, it takes a lot of courage for a man to get down on one knee and ask his partner to marry him. To just say no with no explanation just seems so mean =(

Anyway, clearly you've elicited an emotional response from me more than once in this story. I know this review probably hasn't been even remotely helpful, I'm pretty much just gushing and rambling now.

But I'm blaming that on you for your brilliant writing skills. =)

On to chapter 9!


Author's Response: Yay for freebies!

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I am pleased you like my Teddy; both of them are right in their own places and we see more of that in the next chapter.

Aww no don't love Dom less =(

I love your reviews so no problem at all xD Thanks!

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Review #18, by wolfgirl17The Worst: A Ray of Light

17th November 2014:
Hey Aditi.

Wolfgirl here with your review (finally). Sorry it took me a while I've been writing like crazy on a new idea of mine so I was a little sidetracked. I did stop by Dragonology though, and loved it.

I have to admit, the first time I read this chapter, I thought this was the last in this story. You'd wrapped up the mystery and left us with good feelings of how Dom might cope with her condition. It's nice that there is more, obviously, what with the way I've been begging you for more, but you could easily have ended it here.

I like the amount of psychology you put in this story. I like the reasons for Delilah going all nutty and doing such crazy things. I like the calculating way she tried to manipulate Dom by simultaneously alienating her within the wizarding world thanks to her curse, but also with the intention from profitting from that alienation by making people like Dom less and by having a column about it that would sell the paper even better.

That's a particular kind of heinous that I was surprised to see popping up in the world of fan fiction. Not because HP doesn't have some intriguing psych stuff and all, but because ordinarily fans want to make the character's lives better or worse and so this kind of ugly side of humanity isn't portrayed so much. Probably because who wants to fantasize about that darker side of the human psyche other than psychopaths and mystery writers??

Anyway, I think you know by now that your characterization and flow and plot and all that stuff is great and that I love the story. It's been a lot of fun reading this one. I still love the werewolf idea and I'm looking forward to swooping over to chapter nine and reading the newest installment.


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Review #19, by wolfgirl17When Summer Fades: solstice

17th November 2014:
Me again.

It's such a sad ending, but I do like the way you kept it cannon. I so hoped you might find some way to get him out of death, but I suppose then he wouldn't be the anti-hero we know. This was a brilliant little story. I might just have to read everything else you've written. You're particularly gifted =)

Great story. Keep up the fantastic writing, and make sure to request more reviews from me. I'm far more detailed and less lazy when it's a proper request rather than my own pursuits as you can probably tell.

Loved it!


Author's Response: I know, I really put Regulus through the worst of everything in this story :( But we all know how his story ends, so there was no way around it!

Gah, thank you so much ♥ I'm really flattered to hear that you liked the story and my writing style, thank you!

Thanks for the review!

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Review #20, by wolfgirl17When Summer Fades: syzygy

17th November 2014:
Hello again.

So I didn't see the cancer idea coming, and if I'm being honest when I saw it at the top I almost gave up on the story. It's not that I'm not sympathetic to sufferers and their families, it's more that though I've had family members suffer, I was never that close with any of them and so have little understanding of all the emotional baggage it reaps. And most of the time stories about it are so depressing and yet so hope-filled that I avoid them when I can.

I'm still intrigued by Reg and how you're going to get him out of this mess he's gotten himself into. I like that he openly admitted to Jasper that Summer is his friend, and the bonding with her parents too. I thought it was sweet.

The flow is still fast, but I think that's ok. It keeps the reader interested. If it were slower and more dragged out, people might not be as drawn in. =)

Anyways, I'm jumping ahead to the next chapter now. Keep up the great work!


Author's Response: oh wow- well, I'm sorry if it put you off the story but I'm really glad you decided to keep reading despite that! As for being depressing... yep. While Regulus' story in the books is already depressing, I suppose I just made it more so. :-/

I'm glad you liked the changes in Regulus here as he admits some of his secrets to Jasper and to Summer, and that you liked the aspect of Summer's parents looking out for Regulus :) I thought it was about time he had people actually care about him in a better way than his parents did.

Thanks, that's great to know that the fast pace works!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #21, by wolfgirl17When Summer Fades: equinox

17th November 2014:
Hey Kristin!

Wolfgirl here with your review.

I just have to say, I love this story. I actually stalked your author page a while back and was going to read this one before I got sidetracked by one of your other stories =)

But I love this one. It's brilliant. I love the way you've characterized Reg and the way you've woven such a complicated web of secrets and lies that he is trying to operate within. I especially love the way you've painted him as redeemable.

In the past I've not really thought all that much about Regulus Black. He was kind just the guy who was Sirius's misguided little brother and the one responsible for the fact that Harry and Dumbledore achieved nothing on their trip to collect the Horcrux.

I'd never considered the idea of him being a guy who went to school and had friends and feelings. I like Summer too and you're cliffhanger has left me wondering where you're going to take the story. I really want to read more and after leaving this I'm intending to go on to read the next two chapters =)

As for your areas of concern, Reg is definitely believable. He comes across as being conflicted and intriguing. He's still something of a mystery and yet I find myself rooting for him and hoping you can draw him up a better ending than the sticky one awaiting him in cannon.

The chapter does move fast, but I feel like that's ok. You keep us interested with tidbits of information, and you make the whole thing seem believable. I'd have loved to see a slow burn type of relationship between them, but since he is a minor character, doing it this way there is still something of a slow burn, but with enough that you've hooked me. Anything slower and I would probably have found myself annoyed or less interested in his tale than I am.

Overall this story is addictive and interesting and I'm so glad you requested to have me read it. I love your characterization and I can't wait to read more from you. I hope you request further chapters in future, though you're probably going to be on the receiving end of a freebie or two on the next couple of chapters =)

I loved it. Keep up the great work!


Author's Response: Hi Wolfgirl - thank you so much for such a detailed review (and for reading on - that was such a wonderful surprise to find when I logged on!)

Ooh, really? haha. Ah wow, thank you - I'm so glad to hear that you love this story and the characterization of Regulus! Especially as, like you said, he isn't really given much of a mention in the books except for being Sirius's Death Eater brother who stole a Horcrux. But there was the potential for so much there, I decided to write a story about him! I am really glad you enjoyed my idea of a back story for him and thought he was believable, as well as his friendship with Summer.

As you know now after reading, I did stick to canon :-/ but I'm glad you were on his side the whole time and really wanted it to end well for him - it means a lot that you were attached to the character.

Thanks, I'm thrilled to hear that the story was interesting and that you read on, I appreciate it so much! Thanks for your reviews ♥ ♥

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Review #22, by wolfgirl17Saving Severus Snape : Prologue

17th November 2014:
Hey Meg!

Wolfgirl here with your review request.

I was so excited to see that you'd requested a review for this story! I absolutely love Hermione/Snape stories. I actually have one myself on another site as it is a little too scandalous for HPFF, but it's just like this. Time travel back to the Maruaders Era. Mine she goes back to the year Snape starts at Hogwarts.

Anyway, onto the review!

I loved it, honestly. It's a great start for what I think is going to be a really promising story. The flow is good and it has certainly captured my interest. You've drawn us in with that cliffhanger at the end of Hermione passing out.

I think you could do with an edit through, however. It's a good start, but I think you could do with some more detail. Usually a prologue is designed to really lay the foundations for the story, or to give the reader a sneak-peek of something the author wants to show the reader.

For example, a prologue for one of my stories is a glimpse of things that are happening in an earlier time that will later become important to the plot. Generally that's how prologues go. This one reads more like a first chapter. I think maybe it just needs to be fleshed out a little more or something, unless of course you're planning on writing the rest of the story from Snape's perspective. That would be cool.

At the moment though, you start off with Hermione questioning everything and her reasons for doing so are a little vague, and then she's all of a sudden foisted back in time 22 years and passes out.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still intrigued and looking forward to reading more, but I think we need more to work with. And I think the problem is that this one reads like a cross between and prologue and a first chapter. If the rest if from Snape, it's perfect as a prologue because you've shown us that this has happened, and then for the first chapter you would probably have Snape meeting Hermione and wondering who the new girl is and so on.

But the summary suggests it will all be from Hermione's perspective and so it's more like a vague introduction. I think you were going for short and sharp to capture interest, but in doing so you've not fleshed it out the way you really should.

Give us more to work with as to why she's questioning the turnout of the war. Put us in Hermione's shoes. Tell us what she's thinking about how it all came back to Snape. I mean, I'm a huge fan of the Ship and have my own story like this so I know exactly where it's all coming from because I've thought about it all, but other readers may not. You don't want to risk losing them because they get annoyed over something silly like a lack of reasoning or logic, especially since both those things are important traits of Hermione's in cannon.

I'd really like to see more of this, and by more I mean more fleshiness. It's a vague ship that a fair few people aren't fond of, and it's time-travel which is also something not everyone enjoys, so you've really got to give the reader something to sink their teeth into. You know, like you want this to be the story that converts someone to the ship.

Why should we care that she's decided to go back in time? Why does she want to save Snape? Why should he be given a chance at redemption after all the poor choices he made that ultimately caused the destruction of his friendship with Lily, and then the subsequent death of Lily and James and almost Harry? Why does the fact that he spent the rest of his life trying to do what he could to make amends for a grievous mistake, which he only does out of guilt and for his own selfishness, mean he shouldn't have died?

I know the answers to these things, of course, but I'm in love with the pairing. You've got to make other people see it too. That's the thing with a pairing like this. People have to be convinced of it's worth, or they just give up on your story and you don't want that.

So in conclusion, the flow is good and I think those dedicated to the ship will want to read it, but the rest might be a little sketchy. You've got to flesh it out and make them want it. And unless the rest of the story is going to be written from Snapes POV, rename this chapter as chapter one instead of Prologue. =)

I hope you request more reviews and that this made sense. I do really like the idea, there's just not enough to this chapter to really get a handle on where you're going with the story. Hopefully I'll see more from you and I hope this was useful and that you aren't just sitting there thinking, 'Merlin, what a load of drivel'. =)


Author's Response: Hi there!!

Wow, thank you! Really, thank you for this review. This is so encouraging, constructive, helpful and just, wow. Thank you. ♥

I'm so happy to hear you were excited about reviewing this! I love Hermione/Snape a lot, too. The first fic I ever read was a Marauders Era Snamione and was just hooked. I love Hermione with Sirius or Remus in that era a bunch, as well! Hermione traveling back to Snape's first year? That sounds really, really interesting and very unique. I may PM you as to where to find it. :) But, I digress.

Oh good! I'm so happy to hear that you liked it! :D I was hoping that little cliff-hanger was a good idea. I initially debated on continuing on after that, but eventually decided against it. I'm really glad it worked out.

I see what you mean. I know, in my head, that this little scene will be shown - from a totally different perspective - much, much later on in the story. But I'm sure that's not really obvious to the reader. Maybe I will go back and just name it chapter 1, instead of prologue.

No, it isn't written from Snape's POV. I don't think I could get into his head quite as well as Hermione's, honestly. I'm starting to see that you're right, and it should just be the first chapter.

No, no, I totally see what you're getting at. I think this was just a case of, I was so excited to get this out, and knew everything in my head, but didn't really write out everything that I could have. I read it back after I read your review, and I could see clearly everything that you pointed it.

I'm going to absolutely go back and add a little bit more. Go more in depth as to everything Snape had accomplished, what he sacrificed and why Hermione really wants to change all of that. Now that I've read it over, it probably was a little more of tell than show.

Yeah, it really isn't a ship that most people read/like and I would like to have people see that it truly is a wonderful ship, that honestly does make a lot of sense. I'm hoping with an edit, that it will have non Snamione shippers coming aboard haha.

All of those questions are wonderful and are going to help immensely when I go back to flesh this out a bit. Thank you! :D

I really can't thank you enough for this review. You raised a lot of very good points and I truly appreciate all of the time I can definitely tell it took to read and write out such a detailed review. I will absolutely be back to request reviews on the following chapters and let you know when the edit for this first one is up.

I'm incredibly happy that you did enjoy it and would like to see where the story goes from here. :D And no, hahaha I did not think it was a load of drivel. However, that did make me laugh. :)

Thank you again!!

xoxo Meg

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Review #23, by wolfgirl17An inky black heart.: The ebony vessel.

16th November 2014:
I'm beginning to love these Every Word Counts challenge entries. They are so powerful and this one is no different. I find myself very intrigued by this. It's so raw.

Excellent work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this surprise review and I'm so glad that you liked it as it was so much fun to write! Kiana :D

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Review #24, by wolfgirl17Cliffhanger: Cliffhanger

16th November 2014:
This story made me cry. I mean, I bawled when I read about Fred and Tonks and Remus in the books, but the idea of George following Fred into death. You're breaking my heart right here! The idea of Ron or one of the other Weasley boys following the twins... Merlin, it's like your ripping little bits of my soul away.

And that was such a powerful parting line as a sample headline. I can only imagine the grief that would accompany such a headline, such acts. So much pain from one little line.

The idea of the 500 word challenge is to make it memorable and powerful and expressive with as few words as possibly. You've certainly done that. I'm literally still all teary reading this.

Very powerful stuff.


Author's Response: Hi!

Honestly I don't know how to respond to that except from apologise? :P I am a little pleased though that it made you emotional because that's what I was going for...sadness.

Thank you so much for this unexpected review, I was so pleased when I read it and it made my day!


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Review #25, by wolfgirl17Wolf Like Me: O here comes that moon

15th November 2014:
This was so poetic it took my breath away. Love your work!

Author's Response: :D Thank you so much! This was a lot of fun to write, and I'm so glad you liked it!

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