Reading Reviews From Member: wolfgirl17
358 Reviews Found

Review #1, by wolfgirl17The End: The end of a life

1st December 2015:
Hey there!

Wolfgirl here after all of eternity to finally check out your entry for my Dark Turn Challenge. This was an interesting take on your prompt.

You certainly made it rather dark what with Percy dying and all. That was rather unexpected.

Thanks so much for taking the time to write and entry for my challenge. I'll be announcing the winners soon, so keep an eye out on the forums for the blog post with the results.


 Report Review

Review #2, by wolfgirl17The Worst: The Beginning

1st December 2015:
No. No what are you doing Angie? No. You can't tear them apart... Staph it!

What have you done? You can't just rip them apart after hauling me into this ship? You've turned your cannons on your own ship and it's sinking! What are you doing? NO!


Theatrics aside, I'm sad with the ending after so much Drama between Dom and Teddy. I'm pleased she got to adopt a child though.

Now, you've got a lot of missing words and mistakes in this chapters, which really detract from the masterpiece that is the fic. If you've got time I would love to see them edited and fixed to improve the flow. Right now this chapter in particular is pretty clunky. It feels a little like you gave up on the ship and the fic, hence the rushed publication without a thorough edit.

Anyways, your writing on the whole is still great and I look forward to reading more of your stuff again soon lovely.


Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing. I'm sorry I had to sink Teddy/Dom. But it had to be done. It showed a huge shift in Dominique's life - and she did not need Teddy constantly telling her she was normal when she wasn't. He just didn't love her like that anymore, and it took a lot for both of them to see that, but in the end, what was done, is right, in my opinion =)

I'm sorry to hear the chapter was chunky. I have just gone back and done another edit to smooth things out a little bit more. I'm planning to edit this story entirely from chapter 1 to give it a better feel, so I'll once again do some polishing when I start on that. I definitely did not give up on the fic or the ship, I'm sorry you felt that way, but yes this was a published without a proper edit because I had been a little overexcited in posting the last chapter.

Thank you so much for sticking by this story.

 Report Review

Review #3, by wolfgirl17The Worst: From Bad to Worse

1st December 2015:
Hey Angie!

It's me, back again to check out the end of this marvellous fic of yours.

As always, I loved this chapter, like I do with all the others. The drama makes me laugh so much. Poor Dom. She's in such a cafuffle. LOL.

And Julia meddling in this and just making it worse. Typical best friend stuff right there.

You did have a few typos and spelling mistakes throughout, so if you have the time and the inclination to amend them that would improve the overall flow of the chapter.

Fantastic work, as always. On to the next chapter!


Author's Response: Hey Ellie. Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed the drama, and all. Your comments are always helpful. I'll definitely edit when I polish the story. Thank you!

 Report Review

Review #4, by wolfgirl17Your Universe: Stars and Galaxies

1st December 2015:
Hello my dear Sian!

I noticed that this one-shot was a little low on love, so I thought I'd plaster it with my affection with my review for you on this fine evening.

This fic had such a bittersweet feeling to it. you made me all teary *sniffles* I think with this one you really captured the essence of what it is to love someone all your life. I've not read a Ted/Andromeda fic before and I'm so pleased this one was my first. It's so fluffy and wonderful yet so sad that it's just everything.

I adored the way you played on Andromeda's name and that to Ted she was his whole Universe. Love like that is hard to come by and it's nice to read about. This story is so sweet and such a delight. I don't know if I'll ever enjoy another Ted/Andromeda fic as much with this one being my first.

Keep up the positively fantastic work, lovely, and thank you for all the marvellous contributions you make to the archives. You're a gem.


 Report Review

Review #5, by wolfgirl17Trapped: trapped

1st December 2015:
Hey Kayla,

I can't believe it's taken me so long to get my butt over here to check this out! Anyway, I finally made it since I'm handing out reviews like candy on Halloween.

This one immediately drew my eye on you AP as I'm a fan of Sirius and I especially like to see the way different Authors handle his mental status after being in Azkaban and subjected to the Death Eaters for so long. Having stayed an in his Animagus dog form for most of his incarceration would certainly have helped him hang onto his sanity, but I think there are some pretty distinct cracks in his psyche.

I adore what you did with this one. I loved the way you made him so angry. So bitter. So broken, like a jagged piece of glass, only too eager to cut into anyone who gets too close. Sirius is not the sort of broken to simply break down and sob. Sirius is the kind of broken like an abused animal that's been kicked one time too many.

He's willing to bite any who get to close. Any who extend a hand to the mongrel on his chain will know his fury.

I love that you captured that here. You somehow personified him as both the Sirius we know - proud, torn apart by guilt, reckless, bitter - and the darker side of him left behind after so long locked up in Azkaban, only to have exchanged one prison for another. Until just now I'd never considered the idea of him being better off dead.

I have always mourned his death, bitter over his loss when he had so much potential... but I see now that that's exactly the point. His potential goes wasted and stagnant, locked up and never to be released. It's making me tear up. The idea that he went out laughing after such a rotten, bitter existence is little consolation.

You've broken my heart with this one. Keep up the great writing love, you've got loads of untapped potential and I'd love to see more fics filling up your AP.

Thanks for writing this and contributing it to the archives.


 Report Review

Review #6, by wolfgirl17Equal Measure Good and Bad: The Curse of the Stonehenge

1st December 2015:
Hey Mr Penn,

Ellie here checking out your fic, as requested on the forums while I hand out reviews to hit my target!

You've got an interesting start here. The mildly disjointed jumps between characters feels a little like a movie and I have to admit I didn't much like seeing mentions of tweets and muggle social media, even if it was done by a muggle, inside a HP fic. It was one of those break the 4th wall moments for me.

However, you've certainly got an interesting beginning on your hands here. Is Harry going to be the MC? I was surprised that Ron was among the characters you flitted between, what with Harry, Hermione and Malfoy being present.

Good luck with the rest of your fic and keep up the super writing.


Author's Response: Thanks Ellie for a wonderful review.

Harry is most certainly not the MC here. Its going to be a collaborative group effort. Harry is just a lot more assured of himself and takes the leadership role.

We are gonna see a lot more of Ron in the coming chapters. Originally he was gonna be one of the fringe characters but he needled his was way into the plot and has a sizeable role now.

Thanks for wishes Ellie and hope you leave your opinion on the rest of the chapters as well.


 Report Review

Review #7, by wolfgirl17time, space. : love, hate.

1st December 2015:
Hey Erin,

I've popped over to check out your latest fic, as requested while I've been distributing praise and reviews for fun!

This was definitely a heavy fic. The emotive language and descriptions are so beautiful. I think anyone who has even been in any kind of depressing and abusive relationship can relate somewhat to the content. The musings about time were rather profound too.

I'm honestly left speechless on this one. It's so deep and so insightful that I'm left reeling.

You've done such a marvellous job on this fic. I love all your stuff.

Keep up the great work, love.


 Report Review

Review #8, by wolfgirl17A Green-Eyed Monster: A Green-Eyed Monster

1st December 2015:
Hey Laura,

Ellie here checking out you AP and trying hard not to flail excitedly and read every single one of your fics. (I promised too many reviews to everyone to get away with reading every single one of your tonight) *face-palms*

This one jumped out at me as I'm intrigued lately by Viktor Krum. I've never considered the idea of Fleur and Krum dating, but I suppose it makes an interesting plot bunny to say the least.

I especially liked what Viktor said to Ron about hurting him if he was a git to Hermione. I think you did a marvellous job of portraying the personality of Viktor, actually. The use of the differing language to depict their accents was a wonderful touch.

I never enjoy reading either character as much if the author is lazy and doesn't allow for their garbled and accent English.

This was a lovely little one-shot. I enjoyed it immensely. A wonderful little window into the lives of these characters in the after-math of the war. I liked the way you had Viktor mildly disliking Harry too. It was a nice touch and made the fic read more realistically.

Great job, keep up the fabulous work!


 Report Review

Review #9, by wolfgirl17Alligator Sky: {O N E}

1st December 2015:
Hello my dear!

Wolfgirl here checking out your latest WIP and handing out free praise for fun!

This was a wonderfully interesting first chapter! I don't often read a lot of Next-Gen fics, mostly because there are SO many of them, and I tend to avoid Lily Luna, though I'm not really sure why.

Reading this fic made me think very much of "The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt". I loved the way you described Lily as being so spontaneous and genuinely interested in everything. David seemed quite the character as well. Nothing like a nerdy boy with a space fascination to warm the cockles. ;)

I must admit, I was hoping for some kind of cliffie on the end there. I tend to find that the best way to lure reviews and continued reads - especially for Next-Gen fics - out of readers, is to give everyone a cliff hanger that makes them want to come back for more, simply because the Next-Gen kids are clean slate characters with little canon background to draw us in. I, for one, prefer the Hogwarts Era characters because they're like old friends. Next Gen kids always feel like new friends to me.

Anyway, there was a couple of instances where you had dialogue in the middle of the paragraph. I personally prefer that dialogue - unless it's a continuation after a pause - be given a drop-line to really emphasize the break from narrative voice to character POV. It just makes for a more cohesive and smoother read. At least in my opinion.

If you have the time and the inclination, I think amending those would improve the flow. A cliffie of some kind to draw readers back would be nice too. This one does read more like a one-shot snippet into the life of Lily Luna than the start of a WIP, and as such I don't find myself all that curious about what becomes of either Lily or David after this chapter.

Does that make sense?

For me a story needs mystery, intrigue, attitude, something to make me want to read on and I think that those of us still lurking on the archives need that in a fic after all this time.

But that's just my opinion, of course. It's your fic and I'm sure you'll continue it in whichever way best works for you.

I was especially fond of the way you utilized descriptive language to paint the scene. I felt like I was right there with Lily, wandering in the rain and then with David at his desk, observing others. It's a gift you have to be able to capture the scene so well and make me see it in my mind.

Kudos on an intriguing beginning to your fic!


 Report Review

Review #10, by wolfgirl17Rabbit Heart: 1. Have a Heart

1st December 2015:
Hey Pixi!

Wolfgirl here from the forums with your requested review. Finally. I'm so sorry it took me so long.

I have to admit, I was a little hesitant to give your fic a try, what with the rabbit and all, but I'm pleased you requested. This chapter was a fantastic intro into what I don't doubt will be an entirely thrilling read. I really enjoyed the way you introduced Wren and the other characters.

Wren seems really layered. I like that you had her currently experiencing a psychological and physical upheaval in her life, what with the sudden bad turn her Gran has taken, in addition to the move and all. The way you depicted her as still being irritated by little things - such as Rose's packing skills - whilst trying to hold it together and not break down in tears over everything that's happening was really well written.

I've got to admit, this business with the rabbit has me intrigued. Rabbits can be tricksy little fellows, I've found, and I'm kind of looking forward to seeing how you go about writing an animal into the fic.

Keep up the great work. You know you're awesome.


Author's Response: Aww, hey!

You meant the cute little innocent rabbit on my banner actually made you NOT WANT TO READ THIS FIC???

Amazing. LOL! Though I stretched things a bit and tried really hard to remain unpredictable throughout the plot, this is by far not some silly romp through Hogwarts with cute, furry critters. I mean, honestly, there aren't even any unicorns or anything.

But seriously, when I was in revision with this, I had to fire my previous MC. Like, just rip her right out of the story and insert someone who could live up to the expectations that I had. I am so pleased that she's working out for you in chapter one. People have commented that I was a little too hard on her, but you know, no pain, no story. Also, I take it from your lack of commenting on it that the slight issue that my beta pointed out to me in this chapter wasn't noticeable. Fantastic!

And I promise, this story isn't ALL about the rabbit. ;)

Thanks for the review. I hope you get the chance to read the rest of this sometime!


 Report Review

Review #11, by wolfgirl17Once Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: First Impressions, Undone

1st December 2015:
Hey love,

Wolfgirl again because I've gone and climbed on the crazy train with reviews for the night.

I liked this snippet of their first year, though I'd have loved to see their interactions on the train. I already dislike Adhara, naturally.

It kind of bothered me the idea of there being bunks beds if there are only the four boys in the one dorm. I always thought that each dorm expanded or shrunk accordingly with the number of students staying in each room, making sure they weren't too cramped and that each bed fit normally. It's hard to imagine bunks with drapes too...

Anyway, I enjoyed that bit about Sirius worrying what his Mum would say about him being in Gryffindor. I have to admit, I've also never imagined Sirius as being overly mature. Sure he might tell James not to be a git later, but he's always in the thick of the mischief, which suggests a certain childish streak.

Anyway, keep up the good work, I look forward to seeing what else you've got for us on the Marauders.


 Report Review

Review #12, by wolfgirl17Once Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Signed, Sealed and Delivered.

1st December 2015:
Hey Lily - (I couldn't find on your profile if Lily is your actual name, so I'm guessing here)

Wolfgirl here from the forums with your requested review!

This chapter was so adorable! I love how cute and wonderful they all are, excited to be getting their Hogwarts letters! Look at them! *goes into cuteness overload*

I was especially fond of James being so impatient, and mildly unnerved by that bit about Peter possibly killing another boy by accident. Yikes! But he's so little and cute. I adore his mother already. I have to admit I thought you did a marvelous job on writing Walburga Black - the vile woman herself!

There were a few spelling/grammar mistakes throughout - just little things like missing the apostrophe signifying belonging to something. eg. "Lilys smile" - which should be "Lily's smile." There were a couple featuring James, I think.

I wish we'd gotten a more in depth look at each of these fantastic characters as children. I loved the window into Peter, but I'd have liked to see more of Sirius's personality and a bit more of James being doted on by his parents. I like the way you wrote in Sev's nasty streak too. Very cool, so kudos for that.

I don't find it overly noticeable that you're not writing from any POV in particular. In fact I think it's mildly refreshing, to be honest. It allows a broader view of the overall happenings within the fic and follows multiple characters without the imposition of their personality traits. I've been reading a lot of POV-heavy fics lately, so it's nice to just be able to enjoy a fic without any particular character's overpowering traits and mannerisms clouding up the way events unfold and the way each character is viewed.

All in all this is a really fun first chapter and I really loved the look at the Marauders in miniature. Such little sweethearts, I just want to hug them all whilst blabbering about how cute they are!

I look forward to reading the rest of this fic. Keep up the awesome writing. I can tell I'm going to get hooked,so I do hope you have more updates on the way, otherwise I'll be one of those annoying folks badgering you for updates!


 Report Review

Review #13, by wolfgirl17Wickerman Wizard: ACT I - Nosferatu

1st December 2015:
Hey Zen,

Wolfgirl here with your requested review from over at the archives. Sorry it took me a few days to get here, but I finally.

Diving right into it, I noticed that up the top there you've got a couple of instances where you've forgotten to drop a line for dialogue. As a general rule, it's always best to do so for the purpose of creating flow and improving the overall ease-of-access to the plot allowed to the reader.

I know that I, as a reader, tend to get a bit lazy at times and sometimes skim over large chunks of text in long paragraphs unless there is an instance where something further along begins within that paragraph. As such, it's usually not a good idea to whack dialogue in the middle of a paragraph, otherwise it can be overlooked.

Similarly, dropping a line signifies to the reader that the tenor of voice used whilst readin ought to be changed. Where the majority of any fic read in 3rd person speaks to the own monologue voice of a reader with overtones of the author to make meaning, character dialogue holds a different tone. By that I mean that if the character is speaking, reader tend to think their dialogue in a slightly different tone, thereby creating the character profile and giving them a voice.

Does that makes sense? Like, when I'm writing I'm generalizing through the descriptions of scene, and events, but for dialogue of a character, the tone changes. Dropping a line helps readers makes that distinction between character and author, which is important for the overall flow of any piece of writing.

I really liked the way you described darkness in this fic as a "tempestuous mistress". Very cool way of writing.

I did notice throughout that you've also got a habit of rushing things a little. For example you kind of rushed his journey into that first town, and again between running into the padre and him getting water and then seeing the padre again felt kind of like it was one fast forward. You know? Like, the information if the scene is important to the story, take the time to write it properly and if it's not, try to avoid including it. That way the reader isn't left feeling jilted on substance.

Overall the entire concept of this fic was intriguing. I found the idea of him slaying the Morrigan and vanquishing interesting. I have to admit I'm a little baffled. Is Harry the MC or is this MC Anduriel? is he an avenging angel? And what does the road to El Dorado have to do with the HPverse?

Interesting fic and good luck with your continued writing endeavours.


 Report Review

Review #14, by wolfgirl17Intemptesta Nox: The Cracked Mirror

1st December 2015:
Hey Alexis,

Wolfgirl here with your requested review from over at the forums! Sorry it took me a couple of days to get to, but I'm here now and that's what counts.

I have to admit, I adored the way you utilized language in this fic. I absolutely loved the way you described the strands of memory. "obscenely swollen strand of spider's web" has probably just become my new favorite way to think of withdrawing memories from one's mind for storage and later perusal. Such a cool way to describe it!

I loved the way you began the fic by messing with my head and thinking it was some possessed mirror - I was having Bloody Mary flashes from Supernatural - only to then describe the image as actually being the main character's reflection. Very cool way of giving a description for the MC whilst writing in first person!

I found a small typo, where your wrote "check" when you meant "cheek" if you have time and the inclination to do an edit and amend it.

Beyond that I have to admit that this chapter gave me goosebumps. For someone's who never written horror before - as per your request - you certainly have a knack for doing so. My mind is crawling with paranoia after reading this first chapter. You're command of language lends itself fantastically to creating the overall horrifying images of mental unhinging. The bits about the MC's sister Caitlin made me squirelly and I can only say I'm pleased I'm reading this at work where there are other people around. If it were later at night and I was alone I'd be terrified and hiding under my covers!

Seriously great job on this one love. You've done a superb job and again, the emotive and descriptive language you've used really elevates this fic to the next level. Huge kudos on this. Keep up the mind-bogglingly awesome work, my dear.


 Report Review

Review #15, by wolfgirl17Crossing the Borderline: Albus: The Matchmaker(s)

1st December 2015:
Hey Sama,

Wolfgirl here with your requested review from over at the forums. Finally. I'm so sorry it took me so long to get over here to check this out. I have absolutely no excuse. How is it, that every time I wander away from your brilliant story, I forget how amazing you are? Every time I come back I wind up laughing and grinning like a fool.

You've definitely got a knack for writing Next-Gen characters. I also really love how sarcastic both Albus and Aaliyah are in this fic. It really makes them much more enjoyable to read.

I will say that this chapter did feel a little flatter than some of the others, but I think that's mostly due to the heavy amount of dialogue in this one and a little less of Albus's inner-monologue, which I've grown particularly fond of.

All in all you've got a truly fantastic fic here, as I'm sure you know from my multitude of squees regarding how hilarious and fabulous you are. I really do enjoy reading this one. You've got a real knack for creating mystery and intrigue while feeding me little morsels of detail that keep me hungry for more. I'd have loved to see some more of Albus's inner workings and musing in this chappie, but I don't doubt there will be much more of his brand of brilliance to come.

Looking forwards to reading the rest of your fic.

You're fantabulous!


 Report Review

Review #16, by wolfgirl17Eternity: Eternity

1st December 2015:
Hey Jayde,

I saw you'd posted this new fic and won November Story of the Month so I've popped over to check out how fantastic you are! My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard as I read this absolutely fabulous one-shot. I completely adored the way you've captured this snippet in Ginny's life.

I love how thoughtful Harry was with his gift and I especially loved the way you captured the memories he included in the picture for the album so well. I was a particular fan of Albus crying when Lily was born. Typical middle sibling syndrome beginning right there.

I adored how cute little Lily was too, though I now have plunnies for her stealing the kiss Harry meant for Ginny because she's a total Daddy's girl. So cute how she wanted to share Ginny's breakfast because she helped make it. You really captured family life within this fic. I loved the fluffiness and the entire story.

You definitely deserved to win the award. This story is truly delightful to read. I don't read a lot of Hinny fics usually, though I'm an avid shipper of them, so it was a lovely surprise to delve into this one and find such a sweet morsel to devour. You've fed the inner fluff-demon with this one, that's for sure!

Thanks so much for all you do with your writing and for contributing such brilliant work to the archives! I love reading your stuff. You're awesome honey!


 Report Review

Review #17, by wolfgirl17The Teddy Bet: Flower Girls, and Unicorns, and Bets, Oh My!

26th November 2015:
Hey Kapa!

Wolfgirl here finally with your requested review from my review thread over at the forums. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long. I've got absolutely no excuse other than that I'm lazy.

I have to admit that if you hadn't mentioned in the AOC that you'd gone with the Lemony Snicket style of story telling that I'd have been mildly confused. The tone of the story is very conversational - as per the style - but it was nonetheless an interesting read.

I really enjoyed the take on the gender-bending ability of Teddy, and I liked that you made the unicorns sensitive enough to still tell he was born male, no matter how he makes himself look. Kudos to you for being brave enough to write Teddy. I've been shying away from writing him, though I love reading him, because I'm not sure I could do such a faceted character justice.

I liked the simple humor and fun of this piece. It was a really enjoyable read and definitely funny. The plot is easy enough to follow. I loved the humor of having Teddy and Victoire chasing each other at the wedding and I loved that you had Teddy as a flower girl. What a little cutie!

This was really an exceptional use of the generations you were give for the Story Generator prompts, so huge kudos to you for that. You brought them all together in an intriguing and a really original way.

In all honesty I loved the story. I can't wait to read more of your stuff, it's always a pleasure to read. Keep up the fantastic work!


 Report Review

Review #18, by wolfgirl17My Lily: Always

26th November 2015:
Hey Kennedy!

Wolfgirl here after so long to read this from my review thread. I'm sorry I've been such a slacker about getting over here. I have no excuse and I apologise about the wait time.

As for the fic, I really liked it. I happen to be quite a fan of Snape/Lily, so I really liked that this was set before they've even got their letters yesterday. I thought it was super cute that they pinky swore and that Lily kisses his cheek, basically cementing his adoration of her so early on.

I'd have liked a bigger look into their friendship and into whatever it was that Sev did to Petunia, but at the same time, it leaves me hungry for more. I hadn't read the fic before you began the re-write, so I don't have much to compare it to, but this was definitely a good read.

I look forward to seeing where you take this, as it has the potential to be a truly breathtaking Snilly fic, though I'm unsure if that's the direction your going. I can't wait until you bring James onto the scene as well.

Keep up the great work, and I hope you'll be back for more reviews in the future.


 Report Review

Review #19, by wolfgirl17The Kings and Queens of Hogwarts : Just Another Marauders Day

26th November 2015:
Hey there Katie! =)

Wolfgirl here from the forums after months and months of slackness to check out the fic you asked me to review in my review thread.

Now, I must tell you right off the bat that this was brilliant. I'd forgotten how much I love a good Marauders fic until just now. Literally, you've antagonised the long-sleeping plunnies inside my mind and now I'm going to wind up with another WIP on my hands.

I absolutely adored the way you introduced each of the characters!

At first I was like, "oh, maybe she forgot to edit their profiles out before posting" but it's actually a fantastic tool for introducing each character and delivered in such a way that I was chuckling the whole time. I'm especially fond of the Marauders, of course, and I love the way you listed their traits and habits and things. Pure genius. I may have to emulate you.

And onto the nitty gritty con-critty stuff! (see what I did there?)

There are a few sections of your fic where the formatting is off. Long blank spaces between paragraphs and things. These can be edited out fairly easily but there were a couple of times at your page-breaks that I thought the chapter was done, only to keep scrolling to leave this review and find there was more. A nice surprise, but also mildly frustrating for readers.

You've got a number of spelling mistakes throughout too, things like writing "loosing their glasses" when you meant "losing" and that sort of thing. Again, not a huge deal but would definitely drag the quality of the fic up a couple more notches if you catch them all. The best way is to read the fic aloud, or to flick it over to a Quick-Beta on the forums for a check of such things. That way the whole fic can be broken into chapters and explored rather than having one person take on the whole novel - which is often a bit daunting for those of us short on time.

I'm on the quick-beta list if you want to flick anything my way to take a look at. Just PM me the chapter. I don't mind betaing chapters out of order for spelling/grammar ;)

I've got to say, I really did enjoy this. I hope you come back to request more reviews, otherwise I'm slack and don't actually write a full, detailed review like I should *hides* but seriously interesting and funny beginning.

I love how lighthearted Marauders fics are and I can't wait to see where you go with this. Canonically there were a few things off, like that Bellatrix and Lucius are meant to be quite a bit older than the Maruders - about 5 or so years I think, so by now they'd have graduated Hogwarts, but that's of little consequence and besides, it's more fun to read about them than about any made up OCs for the Slytherin house at that time.

Keep up the great work.


 Report Review

Review #20, by wolfgirl17Brought to Light: Brought to Light

26th November 2015:
Hey Marshal!

Wolfgirl here checking out your entry for my Everybody's got a Dark side Challenge.

I really liked what you did with Rabastan for this fic. In some ways he was an easy character because he's a Death Eater, but I've found at times it is harder to depict a corrupt man as having a Dark Side because darkness is so much a part of his personality.

I especially enjoyed that you had Rabastan disliking Bellatrix and trying to save his brother from being made a hapless fool by her. It lent a certain humanity to him that would otherwise just be a wicked man doing wicked deeds. As a person with siblings, I can certainly relate to the need to protect a brother from being led around by the wrong head thanks to a woman.

I also kind of liked that you had his plan backfire. Not just because he's a heartless git who deserved to be locked up for his crimes but because betraying even his own fellow Death Eaters is someone even less forgivable.

I've never thought much about Rabastan LeStrange in the past, to be honest. He was just one of those characters in the background and it never really occurred to me to think of him in much capacity at all. This new take on him is interesting to say the least.

You did have a couple of typos throughout the fic that, if you have time, could be amended to improve the flow of the fic. Just a couple of mispelled word and words in the wrong place for the sentence that you missed when you did your edit. There were a few sentences too that felt a bit clunky and run-on.

The best remedy for both is to read what you've written aloud. That way you get a better feel for where the pauses should be and for what is too much of a mouthful to spit out. I struggle myself with the run-on sentence problems and if definitely helps to read it out loud.

Thanks so much for entering my challenge. I really enjoyed this new take on Rabastan. Your title was very accurate. For me you've brought Rabastan to light in a way I never imagined. Really cool concept for his drive to protect his family and extricate the parts that had begun too rot. Guess he just didn't realize he was part of the rotted section.

Cool stuff and keep writing!


 Report Review

Review #21, by wolfgirl17When the Wind Blows...: Cradle and all

16th October 2015:
Hey Jenn!

Wolfgirl here checking out your super speedy entry for my Dark Side challenge and oh my gosh it is exactly the type of thing I was thinking of with this challenge!

I loved it!

This has completely altered the way I look at the Harry Potter world. I can just imagine Narcissa would be the type to do exactly this kind of thing, stealing another woman's baby and claiming it as he own. All for the sake of maintaining appearances and seeming like a good and dutiful wife when she was raised in such an antiquated society regarding wifely duties.

The idea of Draco and Hannah being swapped at birth has completely rocked me to my core. I can just imagine all the implications that would come from such actions. Like, he wouldn't look as much like Lucius anymore, so Narcissa's treachery would have to continue. She'd have to charm him to make him look like a proper Malfoy. I can just imagine her one day, late in life, looking at Hannah Abbott and thinking to herself about what she had done.

I wonder if she would ever regret it.

I doubt it. Knowing how much she loves her son makes me doubt she would ever even think twice about the daughter she abandonned for the son she stole. Seriously, I'll never be able to look at Narcissa the same ever again!

What have you done to me with this?? Oh my gosh, what a great way to utilize your character and incorporate her into this Dark Side Challenge. Also, a huge kudos to you for such a speedy entry, you totally rock for getting it written so fast, especially when it's such a wonderful take on the whole challenge concept!

Argh, I can't even stop grinning and my head is spinning with this new concept. Such a fantastic entry Jenn. :hug: You totally made my day with this!

Keep up the positively fantastic work, my friend!


Author's Response: Hi Ellie!

I am so relieved to hear that this was right on with the type of dark side you were thinking of for your challenge! It was very hard to write, but a bit too much fun at the same time! As I wrote it I sort of became worried that this may not be what you were looking for.

Narcissa, while yes she totally saves Harry's life in the end of Deathly Hallows, is still cruel and cold just like her entire family so I am glad that you find it believable that she would be capable of doing something like this.

I chose Hannah because she is blonde and when we see her in GoF she is mean and cruel to Harry... very Dracoish if you ask me! :)

I don't think she would regret it because she is so busy trying to cover it up. She may privately mourn, but I don't think she would ever let it eat away at her.

I am so happy that you enjoyed this and I was so excited to have an idea come so quickly! I am truly happy that this made your day!!

Thanks for such an awesome Challenge!!


 Report Review

Review #22, by wolfgirl17Time Ticks Away: Time Ticks Away

16th October 2015:
Hey Rosie,
Oh my gosh this one got Dark! I loved it! Seriously, this was brilliant!

I can't think of anything worse then being stuck in a time loop over and over again, reliving the same scene with more and more versions of myself appearing and making things infinitely more complicated.

At the end there, was that madness? Did she go mad?

I really loved the way this started out so innocently and progressed to such darkness. Huge Kudos on that. This was such an exciting turn of events for the prompt I gave you. I'm seriously so impressed right now. You rock.

Also, huge applause on the cohesiveness of your writing, it was truly a treasure to read. Thanks so much for entering my challenge and I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reading, reviewing and judging all the entries.


Author's Response: Hi Ellie! Thanks for the review!

I'm so glad you liked it. I haven't ever written anything this dark or twisted before so it was quite an experience. I really enjoyed it though, I had a lot of fun writing it and taking part in your challenge!

She did go a bit crazy... or the world literally stopped existing. It's a bit open to interpretation :)

I am really so happy that you enjoyed it!
Thank you for the challenge and the lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #23, by wolfgirl17Redeeming Percy: 2; Twelve Years Earlier

14th October 2015:
Woah, that was quite the dark turn there girls.

I really enjoyed this fic. I wasn't sure how you were going to go about incorporating your prompt, especially to include Percy, but I definitely wasn't expecting something this intriguing.

It had everything a good dark-twist needs. You've done wonderfully. And for some who isn't exactly big on Percy, I must say that this fic made me like him just a fraction more.

Keep up the great work. Your dedication to entering challenges is unmatched!


Author's Response: Glad you liked it! Most of the chapters are a little dark in this story, which is quite unusual for us. So I'm glad this chapter turned out well.

Well the goal is to learn to appreciate him more. That ministry loving family disowning power hungry moron - that fully admitted his faults in the end. (Fred! :( ) Hopefully if you read the other chapters surrounding this one it becomes even more convincing.

Thanks for the review and challenge!


 Report Review

Review #24, by wolfgirl17shock. : Chapter 2

14th October 2015:
Holy Guacamole that got dark! I was not at all expecting that. I'll admit during the first chapter I was like, erm, this isn't the type of thing I was expecting from the prompt, and then I read chapter two and Bam!

You've seriously shocked me with the twist in this. I loved it. Look at you go, corrupting my innocence and trying to steal my sanity.

Seriously though, for a relatively tough prompt you've done such a fantastic job t giving this a Dark Turn. Such an intriguing piece.

Keep up the great work. You have a true writing gift.


 Report Review

Review #25, by wolfgirl17Suffocating: The Broom Closet

14th October 2015:
You can't just rip my heart like this Mads!

Merlin, what did I do, giving you that prompt! You killed them. I mean, I was expecting Dark when you warned me, and of course it was a requirement of the prompt that the fic have a dark turn, but I was not expecting that.



*sobs incoherently*

What have you done to me Madi!

Seriously now, I really enjoyed this fic and I'm so pleased you put the prompt to such good use. I wasn't at all expecting that type of ending. I was actually picturing something much darker, with some snogging turned violent leading to Hermione's untimely murder at Draco's capricious hands.

*she says, not at all planning on torturing the Dramione fans of the world by writing that version herself* *cackles*

But excellent job Mads. I loved it, even if you did you know, rip my heart and leave it lying in a dusty broom closet.


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>