Reading Reviews From Member: wolfgirl17
  
362 Reviews Found

Review #1, by wolfgirl17How Could He?: How Could He?

20th January 2016:
Hey there,

Wolfgirl here to check out your entry for my challenge.

Ah, Peter. He's a tough one. There are so many takes on how he could have turned on his friends that this can't have been an easy fic to write.

Although in Canon Snape had no clue Peter was working for Voldemort. otherwise he'd have known it had been Peter and not Sirius who killed the Potters. One of the reasons Snape hated Sirius so much is because he believed until the 3rd book that Sirius had been their secret keeper and then betrayed them, thus betraying the love of Snape's life.

Thanks so much for entering my challenge. The results should be up by the end of the week.

xx-Ellie

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Review #2, by wolfgirl17Infatuation: Infatuation

20th January 2016:
Hey there,

Wolfgirl here checking out your entry for my Everybody's got a Dark Side challenge from over at the forums. I must admit that for me, this felt more like an everybody's got a good side entry. Rodolphus, as in canon, is supposed to be a monster.

In this one he came across more like a hard-done-by bloke with a crazy lady for a fiance and a crush on a girl he can't have. It made me feel all sorry and sad for him. The poor guy. Imagine being stuck with a terror like Bella only to be craving another sweet, nice little thing instead.

Thanks so much for entering my challenge. I hope to have the results up by the end of the week!

xx-Ellie

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Review #3, by wolfgirl17Less Than Perfect: Liar

22nd December 2015:
Hey Lea,

Ellie here to check out your fic, as requested.

Now, I have to say, for me this chapter moved too fast. You've leaped through the mess of her break-up with Ron, him cheating on her, and her running into Malfoy a bit too quick for my taste.

Trust me, I know from so much time spent writing Dramione that while these things are terribly dull to rehash over and over in order to set the scene, rushing them this way makes it feel a little like the whole story might be in the same vein, which, I suspect is why you've not had much review traffic. You want to slow it down and take the time to come into each event slowly. Each one should almost be a chapter each.

You've rushed the article, to Hermione getting in Ron's face about it and painted him immediately as a terrible git, which, I've noticed Dramione readers are tiring of these days. In order to break Hermione and Ron's relationship as part of getting her together with Malfoy, author's - myself included - sometimes rush into it by making him a cheating git and readers are tired of it. It's overdone and doesn't keep true to Ron's characterisation in canon.

I'm part of a Dramione fanfic recommendation page on FB and they all go one about how, though they dislike Ron, the cheating trope is too overdone.

I would suggest slowing the entire story down regarding the speed such events are taking place. I also recommend taking a look at the characterisation of everyone in this fic/chapter. For me, Draco is all wrong. He's turned up unannounced and out of the blue, almost as if by magic when Hermione just happens to be in public and sobbing - Who goes out in public to cry about something? - and then he's all praises and cuddles for Hermione. That's not Draco at all. He's not brave enough to just walk over and be nice to a crying girl who he believes hates him. You need to incorporate the canon facts. By this time he's been acquitted, but Hermione was still tortured in Malfoy Manor. Malfoy is still the guy who stood there and did nothing while that happened. He's still the sod who bullied her and was rude to her.

These things can be downplayed for the sake of building their relationship, but changing his personality entirely is unrealistic. In this fic Draco reads more like Harry for me than like Draco Malfoy. Similarly, Hermione's unlikely to just rush into asking him to meet her again because he said one nice thing. They've got years of hatred to overcome and unfortunately they're unlikely to do so as a result of Ron being a cheating twat.

For me, the fic needs a hard edit. It's too rushed and the characters are off. That's probably not what you want to hear, but that's my impression. Sorry if it seems harsh, I don't mean it to be. The ways I can think of to improve readership and make for a better story is to try avoiding the cliches unless you're planning a different take on them. Right now you've hit all the big cliches of a Dramione in the very first chapter.

The first chapter is supposed to be about setting the scene and being able to build upon the fic from there, enticing readers into wanting to read more with a yummy cliffhanger and something exciting and new they haven't read before. Right now you're lacking those things, you've got a lot of content that every other Dramione shows and honestly, as this stage of the game, us Dramione lovers don't want another cliche unless it's going to be a new and exciting take on the cliche or it's a particular favourite, like a Marriage law trope or something.

I hope this helps.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hey Ellie,

I'll PM you to answer this review properly, but in short:

Thank you so much for doing this so quickly for me. I really appreciate that you took the time out to do this for me. Secondly, thank you for the criticism. It will really help me to fix this story up.

Lea xx


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Review #4, by wolfgirl17Waltz: Waltz

14th December 2015:
TANYA!

Did you know you're my favorite of all the Tanyas? Because you are. *nods seriously*

Now, onto the review! I've popped over because you're marvellous!

Oh, and because I spotted (belatedly) that you were on the Hot Seat for our Puff wide common room event. So here I am.

I've read this story a number of times actually. Like, more than ten (I'm surprised it's letting me leave a review, as surely I must've done in the past?). It's just so wonderful. I love the way you captured the delicacy of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in such a way that it's not only entirely believable but utterly realistic.

That urge to complete a particular task, and feeling off until it's completed is really the most intriguing and confounding thing not only for the sufferer of OCD but also for those around the sufferer.

I must admit, I love a good Scorose fic as well. I liked that you had Rose dealing with OCD issues and that you had Scorp having trouble with speaking due to his nerves. They both feel much more delicate in this fic than in others I've seen written and in any Scorose fic I write myself.

The way you captured the nature of such disorders as OCD and anxiety really makes this story so poignant and such a delight to read. I love swooping back to it whenever I feel the need to ground myself amid the wide world of OOC Scorose fics by lesser authors than my favourite Tanya. You're truly a delight to read and a gem amongst the stones, my dear.

Keep up the fantastic work!

xx-Ellie

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Review #5, by wolfgirl17Nearly Forever: In Death

8th December 2015:
Hello!

Wolfgirl here checking out your entry for my Dark Turn Challenge. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reading your entry. I have no excuse whatsoever. I fell off cyberspace and scraped my knees, ended up focusing on an OW and complete forgot I was hosting a challenge.

Thanks so much for taking the time to write an entry for my challenge!

I really liked this fic.

And you're so cruel. I can't believe you killed Teddy! *sobs uncontrollably* I really liked that bit at the end you mentioned the bit about Vic refusing to take her engagement ring off. It was like a bittersweet kick in the face after the devastation you wielded.

Thanks so much for going to the trouble of crafting such a wonderful entry for my challenge, and for writing an entry at all.

Keep an eye out on the forums for the results. I hope to post them really soon, by the weekend at the very latest, but probably sooner.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hi Ellie!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story!! I had so much fun writing it for your challenge!! :)

I am glad that you liked it even with the obvious sadness that follows. I promise you when I began writing this Teddy wasn't the intended target, but when it came time to off one of the characters, he was the only one that would work.

I figured that Victoire would be the best way to show the devastation personally and someone who people could connect or relate to in some way.

I am really looking forward to the results and to see the other amazing stories that this challenge was able to generate! :)

Thank you again!!!

-Jenn


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Review #6, by wolfgirl17Flip.: Experimental.

8th December 2015:
Hello!

Wolfgirl here, woefully late to finally leave the review on your entry for the Dark Turn challenge.

First off, thank you so much for going to the trouble of writing such a marvellous piece and for entering my challenege at all.

Secondly, I am grievously sorry that I'm so late into getting to this. I have absolutely no excuse, other than that I dropped off the face of the earth working on an OW and didn't get onto HPFF all that much at all.

Thirdly, WOAH!

I was no at all expecting those dark twists. At first I was like "Oh, isn't Molly such a cutie being happy about Arthur asking her on a date" and then I was just at a loss for words. I think I'm still reeling.

Thanks for taking the time to write such a wonderful entry for my challenge. Please keep an eye out for the results. I hope to post them by the end of the week.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: And I get to respond to another one of your reviews!

There is absolutely no need to thank me for entering the challenge. I honestly had so much fun writing my piece and I wouldn't have ventured into the Horror genre if it wasn't for this prompt so I should be the one thanking you!

Yay, you liked the dark twists! Molly is so sweet and then I had to turn it all around and ruin her first date with Arthur. :( But at least he was at her bedside, no?

Thank you for taking time out of RL to come read and review! And thank you for the honorable mention. I saw the post when I was on my phone but forgot to reply, silly me. And the challenge was a brilliant idea and I'm sure all the participants can agree that we had a great time with it.

~Sama


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Review #7, by wolfgirl17Silent Snow: Silent Snow

8th December 2015:
FRANKIE!


YAY! You wrote a Dramione for me to devour! I'm so pleased! This was a wonderful little gem of a fic. I loved the little window into the Christmas spirit and Dramione goodness!

I really loved the way you had Hermione approach Draco and be nice to him because she'd begun to fancy him and couldn't resist being in his company. That kiss was so sweet and delicious. I might've melted!

I really liked the way, there at the end, you had her chide him about seeing her again if he thought he could go around snogging her like that. Such a sweet little story.

I absolutely loved it, hon.

Keep up the fabulous work, you fantastic fish, you!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Ellie!

Good gracious! This made my day when I saw it! You are so kind and such a sweet review from the Dramione queen is the absolute best! Of course I had to channel you for writing it ;)

Thank you so much for the review and the kind words!

Frankie


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Review #8, by wolfgirl17Life-Changing Moments: Chapter 1.

3rd December 2015:
Hey Ineke!

Wolfgirl here checking out your stuff for the Advent Day 3 review gift over at the forums. I can't believe I've never been over to check out your stuff before now.

I really enjoyed this little window into Ginny's thoughts and feelings during the battle. I don't usually think much about Ginny, except as being a secondary character in most of my novels, so it was nice to really focus on her for a change.

I really loved the way you wrote in some of her sass in that last line. I always prefer a sassy Ginny, so it was wonderful to see that you let her keep that even though she was kind of pensive and reflective throughout the rest of the piece.

Thanks so much for you contribution to the archives and keep up the fantastic work.

Happy Holidays!

xx-Ellie

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Review #9, by wolfgirl17The End: The end of a life

1st December 2015:
Hey there!

Wolfgirl here after all of eternity to finally check out your entry for my Dark Turn Challenge. This was an interesting take on your prompt.

You certainly made it rather dark what with Percy dying and all. That was rather unexpected.

Thanks so much for taking the time to write and entry for my challenge. I'll be announcing the winners soon, so keep an eye out on the forums for the blog post with the results.

xx-Ellie

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Review #10, by wolfgirl17The Worst: The Beginning

1st December 2015:
No. No what are you doing Angie? No. You can't tear them apart... Staph it!

What have you done? You can't just rip them apart after hauling me into this ship? You've turned your cannons on your own ship and it's sinking! What are you doing? NO!

*ahem*

Theatrics aside, I'm sad with the ending after so much Drama between Dom and Teddy. I'm pleased she got to adopt a child though.

Now, you've got a lot of missing words and mistakes in this chapters, which really detract from the masterpiece that is the fic. If you've got time I would love to see them edited and fixed to improve the flow. Right now this chapter in particular is pretty clunky. It feels a little like you gave up on the ship and the fic, hence the rushed publication without a thorough edit.

Anyways, your writing on the whole is still great and I look forward to reading more of your stuff again soon lovely.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing. I'm sorry I had to sink Teddy/Dom. But it had to be done. It showed a huge shift in Dominique's life - and she did not need Teddy constantly telling her she was normal when she wasn't. He just didn't love her like that anymore, and it took a lot for both of them to see that, but in the end, what was done, is right, in my opinion =)

I'm sorry to hear the chapter was chunky. I have just gone back and done another edit to smooth things out a little bit more. I'm planning to edit this story entirely from chapter 1 to give it a better feel, so I'll once again do some polishing when I start on that. I definitely did not give up on the fic or the ship, I'm sorry you felt that way, but yes this was a published without a proper edit because I had been a little overexcited in posting the last chapter.

Thank you so much for sticking by this story.


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Review #11, by wolfgirl17The Worst: From Bad to Worse

1st December 2015:
Hey Angie!

It's me, back again to check out the end of this marvellous fic of yours.

As always, I loved this chapter, like I do with all the others. The drama makes me laugh so much. Poor Dom. She's in such a cafuffle. LOL.

And Julia meddling in this and just making it worse. Typical best friend stuff right there.

You did have a few typos and spelling mistakes throughout, so if you have the time and the inclination to amend them that would improve the overall flow of the chapter.

Fantastic work, as always. On to the next chapter!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hey Ellie. Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed the drama, and all. Your comments are always helpful. I'll definitely edit when I polish the story. Thank you!

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Review #12, by wolfgirl17Your Universe: Stars and Galaxies

1st December 2015:
Hello my dear Sian!

I noticed that this one-shot was a little low on love, so I thought I'd plaster it with my affection with my review for you on this fine evening.

This fic had such a bittersweet feeling to it. you made me all teary *sniffles* I think with this one you really captured the essence of what it is to love someone all your life. I've not read a Ted/Andromeda fic before and I'm so pleased this one was my first. It's so fluffy and wonderful yet so sad that it's just everything.

I adored the way you played on Andromeda's name and that to Ted she was his whole Universe. Love like that is hard to come by and it's nice to read about. This story is so sweet and such a delight. I don't know if I'll ever enjoy another Ted/Andromeda fic as much with this one being my first.

Keep up the positively fantastic work, lovely, and thank you for all the marvellous contributions you make to the archives. You're a gem.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hi, Ellie!

Thank you for choosing this one-shot! I actually really enjoyed writing this one, but for some reason it doesn't seem to be very appealing to people who visit my page, so I'm glad that you wanted to read it at least!

Ted/Andromeda is fast becoming one of my favourite ships. I think they work so well together and even though it ends quite sadly, there's something really hopeful about them, too; like you said, it's bittersweet.

I'm really glad you liked the imagery taken from Andromeda's name, too - I kind of feel like I had to use it, because it was too apt for me not too.

I'm so glad that you enjoyed this little story and thank you so much for your wonderful review!


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Review #13, by wolfgirl17Trapped: trapped

1st December 2015:
Hey Kayla,

I can't believe it's taken me so long to get my butt over here to check this out! Anyway, I finally made it since I'm handing out reviews like candy on Halloween.

This one immediately drew my eye on you AP as I'm a fan of Sirius and I especially like to see the way different Authors handle his mental status after being in Azkaban and subjected to the Death Eaters for so long. Having stayed an in his Animagus dog form for most of his incarceration would certainly have helped him hang onto his sanity, but I think there are some pretty distinct cracks in his psyche.

I adore what you did with this one. I loved the way you made him so angry. So bitter. So broken, like a jagged piece of glass, only too eager to cut into anyone who gets too close. Sirius is not the sort of broken to simply break down and sob. Sirius is the kind of broken like an abused animal that's been kicked one time too many.

He's willing to bite any who get to close. Any who extend a hand to the mongrel on his chain will know his fury.

I love that you captured that here. You somehow personified him as both the Sirius we know - proud, torn apart by guilt, reckless, bitter - and the darker side of him left behind after so long locked up in Azkaban, only to have exchanged one prison for another. Until just now I'd never considered the idea of him being better off dead.

I have always mourned his death, bitter over his loss when he had so much potential... but I see now that that's exactly the point. His potential goes wasted and stagnant, locked up and never to be released. It's making me tear up. The idea that he went out laughing after such a rotten, bitter existence is little consolation.

You've broken my heart with this one. Keep up the great writing love, you've got loads of untapped potential and I'd love to see more fics filling up your AP.

Thanks for writing this and contributing it to the archives.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hi Ellie :)

I'm assuming you meant Dementors, rather than Death Eaters? I definitely think that the use of his Animagus form stopped him from completely losing his grip on sanity/reality, but there's no way that being in that environment for 12 years wouldn't do something to a person. In this case, the circumstances leading to his imprisonment certainly wouldn't have helped. Imagine being in that environment for 12 years knowing your best friend is dead and everyone thinks you're responsible.

Anyways, I'm so glad you liked the way I portrayed Sirius in this. I always found the lost potential you mentioned basically the saddest thing about his character. So much went wrong for him and it was just so unfair.

Thank you so much for the lovely review :)

-Kayla


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Review #14, by wolfgirl17Equal Measure Good and Bad: The Curse of the Stonehenge

1st December 2015:
Hey Mr Penn,

Ellie here checking out your fic, as requested on the forums while I hand out reviews to hit my target!

You've got an interesting start here. The mildly disjointed jumps between characters feels a little like a movie and I have to admit I didn't much like seeing mentions of tweets and muggle social media, even if it was done by a muggle, inside a HP fic. It was one of those break the 4th wall moments for me.

However, you've certainly got an interesting beginning on your hands here. Is Harry going to be the MC? I was surprised that Ron was among the characters you flitted between, what with Harry, Hermione and Malfoy being present.

Good luck with the rest of your fic and keep up the super writing.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Thanks Ellie for a wonderful review.

Harry is most certainly not the MC here. Its going to be a collaborative group effort. Harry is just a lot more assured of himself and takes the leadership role.

We are gonna see a lot more of Ron in the coming chapters. Originally he was gonna be one of the fringe characters but he needled his was way into the plot and has a sizeable role now.

Thanks for wishes Ellie and hope you leave your opinion on the rest of the chapters as well.

-Penn


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Review #15, by wolfgirl17time, space. : love, hate.

1st December 2015:
Hey Erin,

I've popped over to check out your latest fic, as requested while I've been distributing praise and reviews for fun!

This was definitely a heavy fic. The emotive language and descriptions are so beautiful. I think anyone who has even been in any kind of depressing and abusive relationship can relate somewhat to the content. The musings about time were rather profound too.

I'm honestly left speechless on this one. It's so deep and so insightful that I'm left reeling.

You've done such a marvellous job on this fic. I love all your stuff.

Keep up the great work, love.

xx-Ellie

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Review #16, by wolfgirl17A Green-Eyed Monster: A Green-Eyed Monster

1st December 2015:
Hey Laura,

Ellie here checking out you AP and trying hard not to flail excitedly and read every single one of your fics. (I promised too many reviews to everyone to get away with reading every single one of your tonight) *face-palms*

This one jumped out at me as I'm intrigued lately by Viktor Krum. I've never considered the idea of Fleur and Krum dating, but I suppose it makes an interesting plot bunny to say the least.

I especially liked what Viktor said to Ron about hurting him if he was a git to Hermione. I think you did a marvellous job of portraying the personality of Viktor, actually. The use of the differing language to depict their accents was a wonderful touch.

I never enjoy reading either character as much if the author is lazy and doesn't allow for their garbled and accent English.

This was a lovely little one-shot. I enjoyed it immensely. A wonderful little window into the lives of these characters in the after-math of the war. I liked the way you had Viktor mildly disliking Harry too. It was a nice touch and made the fic read more realistically.

Great job, keep up the fabulous work!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hey Ellie! Thanks so much for dropping by! :)

Ahh, thank you! :D I've been on a bit of a writing spree in the last year, haha, which probably doesn't help :P

Yeah, I didn't really think about it either, but it was written as a present, and they'd once said they'd like to see it, so I thought I'd give it a try - it worked out fairly easily, though, when I started writing.

Haha, yeah, I couldn't resist the hints of the past ship and friendship :P I really liked writing Viktor - there was something very fun about writing a character who's meant to be surly and scowling and so on, because that's just how he is. He's a very different character, and I liked it as a change :)

Yeah, I wanted to try and keep the accents, because these things don't vanish that quickly, and I think it rounds out the character, you know? It's part of them, just as anything else, so missing it out wouldn't do anything other than take away...

Gah, thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it - it was a really odd thing to write, my first foray into fluff, so it's always so great to hear people liked it! :)

Thank you so much for the lovely review - it was so great to get! :)

Aph xx


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Review #17, by wolfgirl17Alligator Sky: {O N E}

1st December 2015:
Hello my dear!

Wolfgirl here checking out your latest WIP and handing out free praise for fun!

This was a wonderfully interesting first chapter! I don't often read a lot of Next-Gen fics, mostly because there are SO many of them, and I tend to avoid Lily Luna, though I'm not really sure why.

Reading this fic made me think very much of "The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt". I loved the way you described Lily as being so spontaneous and genuinely interested in everything. David seemed quite the character as well. Nothing like a nerdy boy with a space fascination to warm the cockles. ;)

I must admit, I was hoping for some kind of cliffie on the end there. I tend to find that the best way to lure reviews and continued reads - especially for Next-Gen fics - out of readers, is to give everyone a cliff hanger that makes them want to come back for more, simply because the Next-Gen kids are clean slate characters with little canon background to draw us in. I, for one, prefer the Hogwarts Era characters because they're like old friends. Next Gen kids always feel like new friends to me.

Anyway, there was a couple of instances where you had dialogue in the middle of the paragraph. I personally prefer that dialogue - unless it's a continuation after a pause - be given a drop-line to really emphasize the break from narrative voice to character POV. It just makes for a more cohesive and smoother read. At least in my opinion.

If you have the time and the inclination, I think amending those would improve the flow. A cliffie of some kind to draw readers back would be nice too. This one does read more like a one-shot snippet into the life of Lily Luna than the start of a WIP, and as such I don't find myself all that curious about what becomes of either Lily or David after this chapter.

Does that make sense?

For me a story needs mystery, intrigue, attitude, something to make me want to read on and I think that those of us still lurking on the archives need that in a fic after all this time.

But that's just my opinion, of course. It's your fic and I'm sure you'll continue it in whichever way best works for you.

I was especially fond of the way you utilized descriptive language to paint the scene. I felt like I was right there with Lily, wandering in the rain and then with David at his desk, observing others. It's a gift you have to be able to capture the scene so well and make me see it in my mind.

Kudos on an intriguing beginning to your fic!

xx-Ellie

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Review #18, by wolfgirl17Rabbit Heart: 1. Have a Heart

1st December 2015:
Hey Pixi!

Wolfgirl here from the forums with your requested review. Finally. I'm so sorry it took me so long.

I have to admit, I was a little hesitant to give your fic a try, what with the rabbit and all, but I'm pleased you requested. This chapter was a fantastic intro into what I don't doubt will be an entirely thrilling read. I really enjoyed the way you introduced Wren and the other characters.

Wren seems really layered. I like that you had her currently experiencing a psychological and physical upheaval in her life, what with the sudden bad turn her Gran has taken, in addition to the move and all. The way you depicted her as still being irritated by little things - such as Rose's packing skills - whilst trying to hold it together and not break down in tears over everything that's happening was really well written.

I've got to admit, this business with the rabbit has me intrigued. Rabbits can be tricksy little fellows, I've found, and I'm kind of looking forward to seeing how you go about writing an animal into the fic.

Keep up the great work. You know you're awesome.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Aww, hey!

You meant the cute little innocent rabbit on my banner actually made you NOT WANT TO READ THIS FIC???

Amazing. LOL! Though I stretched things a bit and tried really hard to remain unpredictable throughout the plot, this is by far not some silly romp through Hogwarts with cute, furry critters. I mean, honestly, there aren't even any unicorns or anything.

But seriously, when I was in revision with this, I had to fire my previous MC. Like, just rip her right out of the story and insert someone who could live up to the expectations that I had. I am so pleased that she's working out for you in chapter one. People have commented that I was a little too hard on her, but you know, no pain, no story. Also, I take it from your lack of commenting on it that the slight issue that my beta pointed out to me in this chapter wasn't noticeable. Fantastic!

And I promise, this story isn't ALL about the rabbit. ;)

Thanks for the review. I hope you get the chance to read the rest of this sometime!

Pix


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Review #19, by wolfgirl17Once Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: 1st Year - First Impressions, Undone

1st December 2015:
Hey love,

Wolfgirl again because I've gone and climbed on the crazy train with reviews for the night.

I liked this snippet of their first year, though I'd have loved to see their interactions on the train. I already dislike Adhara, naturally.

It kind of bothered me the idea of there being bunks beds if there are only the four boys in the one dorm. I always thought that each dorm expanded or shrunk accordingly with the number of students staying in each room, making sure they weren't too cramped and that each bed fit normally. It's hard to imagine bunks with drapes too...

Anyway, I enjoyed that bit about Sirius worrying what his Mum would say about him being in Gryffindor. I have to admit, I've also never imagined Sirius as being overly mature. Sure he might tell James not to be a git later, but he's always in the thick of the mischief, which suggests a certain childish streak.

Anyway, keep up the good work, I look forward to seeing what else you've got for us on the Marauders.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hello Ellie!

Thank you so much for stopping by with the review, and sorry I've taken so long to respond.

After you've mentioned it, I also feel slightly bothered by the bunk beds, so I've decided to change it (will be updating soon). It does seem hard to imagine that magic wouldn't play a role in expanding the dorm rooms...

You're right about Sirius being childish. I meant he was more mature in the sense that he had a higher level of perception of people and understanding situations better than James did. He was quite reckless, and immature in so many ways - but I always took that to be part of his rebellion... but I have to agree that Sirius isn't overly mature, not like Remus at least.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story, thank you for stopping by!

~Ysh


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Review #20, by wolfgirl17Once Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Signed, Sealed and Delivered.

1st December 2015:
Hey Lily - (I couldn't find on your profile if Lily is your actual name, so I'm guessing here)

Wolfgirl here from the forums with your requested review!

This chapter was so adorable! I love how cute and wonderful they all are, excited to be getting their Hogwarts letters! Look at them! *goes into cuteness overload*

I was especially fond of James being so impatient, and mildly unnerved by that bit about Peter possibly killing another boy by accident. Yikes! But he's so little and cute. I adore his mother already. I have to admit I thought you did a marvelous job on writing Walburga Black - the vile woman herself!

There were a few spelling/grammar mistakes throughout - just little things like missing the apostrophe signifying belonging to something. eg. "Lilys smile" - which should be "Lily's smile." There were a couple featuring James, I think.

I wish we'd gotten a more in depth look at each of these fantastic characters as children. I loved the window into Peter, but I'd have liked to see more of Sirius's personality and a bit more of James being doted on by his parents. I like the way you wrote in Sev's nasty streak too. Very cool, so kudos for that.

I don't find it overly noticeable that you're not writing from any POV in particular. In fact I think it's mildly refreshing, to be honest. It allows a broader view of the overall happenings within the fic and follows multiple characters without the imposition of their personality traits. I've been reading a lot of POV-heavy fics lately, so it's nice to just be able to enjoy a fic without any particular character's overpowering traits and mannerisms clouding up the way events unfold and the way each character is viewed.

All in all this is a really fun first chapter and I really loved the look at the Marauders in miniature. Such little sweethearts, I just want to hug them all whilst blabbering about how cute they are!

I look forward to reading the rest of this fic. Keep up the awesome writing. I can tell I'm going to get hooked,so I do hope you have more updates on the way, otherwise I'll be one of those annoying folks badgering you for updates!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hey Ellie!

My name is Ysh, thank you so much for stopping by :-)

Aww yes they are such adorable 11 year olds aren't they :D James was my favorite to write - the pampered confident talented child! Peter was the hardest (after Dumbledore of course) I wanted to bring out his insecurity and underlying dark side simultaneously... To show what he was capable of despite his low self esteem.

Thank you for pointing out the minor errors, I'll probably have to clean them up soon.

I wanted to expand on Sirius as well, but I was a little stumped myself - I didn't want him to hate his mother at a young age. I found it hard to believe that a 11 year old would harbour strong hatered against his mother. I left it hanging at the Regulus Sirius relationship, which is a little sad considering what they turn out to become :-(

The generalized PoV effect was quite unintentional. I think I wrote it as a narrative PoV. Unfortunately as the chapters move on, I have started writing from PoV, though to be frank that is starting to get quite tiring seeing the number of characters I chose to include (I blame my muse!)

It's high praise indeed that I've got you hooked! I always love a reader to badger me for updates!! I hope I don't disappoint you as the chapters move on!

Thank you so much for your review! I hope you keep reading 😁

Love,
Ysh


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Review #21, by wolfgirl17Wickerman Wizard: ACT I - Nosferatu

1st December 2015:
Hey Zen,

Wolfgirl here with your requested review from over at the archives. Sorry it took me a few days to get here, but I finally.

Diving right into it, I noticed that up the top there you've got a couple of instances where you've forgotten to drop a line for dialogue. As a general rule, it's always best to do so for the purpose of creating flow and improving the overall ease-of-access to the plot allowed to the reader.

I know that I, as a reader, tend to get a bit lazy at times and sometimes skim over large chunks of text in long paragraphs unless there is an instance where something further along begins within that paragraph. As such, it's usually not a good idea to whack dialogue in the middle of a paragraph, otherwise it can be overlooked.

Similarly, dropping a line signifies to the reader that the tenor of voice used whilst readin ought to be changed. Where the majority of any fic read in 3rd person speaks to the own monologue voice of a reader with overtones of the author to make meaning, character dialogue holds a different tone. By that I mean that if the character is speaking, reader tend to think their dialogue in a slightly different tone, thereby creating the character profile and giving them a voice.

Does that makes sense? Like, when I'm writing I'm generalizing through the descriptions of scene, and events, but for dialogue of a character, the tone changes. Dropping a line helps readers makes that distinction between character and author, which is important for the overall flow of any piece of writing.

I really liked the way you described darkness in this fic as a "tempestuous mistress". Very cool way of writing.

I did notice throughout that you've also got a habit of rushing things a little. For example you kind of rushed his journey into that first town, and again between running into the padre and him getting water and then seeing the padre again felt kind of like it was one fast forward. You know? Like, the information if the scene is important to the story, take the time to write it properly and if it's not, try to avoid including it. That way the reader isn't left feeling jilted on substance.

Overall the entire concept of this fic was intriguing. I found the idea of him slaying the Morrigan and vanquishing interesting. I have to admit I'm a little baffled. Is Harry the MC or is this MC Anduriel? is he an avenging angel? And what does the road to El Dorado have to do with the HPverse?

Interesting fic and good luck with your continued writing endeavours.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!

This is certainly the most technical-aspect-related piece of feedback I've received, giving me some welcome thoughts to work with.

I've occasionally seen the usage of dialogue-within-paragraphs which is why I chose it here, though your point stands and looking at it from another perspective I can see the improvement that would be made by dropping a line for them. I'll be correcting that after I've submitted another story for the validation queue!

The haste with which Harry(who is indeed the main character) moves is likely a side-effect of my first attempt in this style - trying to trim down on all extraneous words for description. Trying to replicate the effect I remember from Steven King's 'The Gunslinger' and 'The Drawing of Three'.

And now that you've raised the question about Anduriel, I can also see how the ambiguity on the MC arises. Another fix-to-come, thank you.

One of the driving thoughts behind why I started this story was, 'Man, we don't really have much on vampires in the Potterverse, what can I do about that?' As we'll see eventually, this Harry is on the Road because the Road is where the Morrigan fled to, and the power-behind-Morrigan has housed itself deeper - at El Dorado. It'll have more of the Potterverse elements added in as we go(like his wand, for example), but I want to build upon the history of the region(s) and the elements that were found there, too.

Thank you again for your review!


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Review #22, by wolfgirl17Intemptesta Nox: The Cracked Mirror

1st December 2015:
Hey Alexis,

Wolfgirl here with your requested review from over at the forums! Sorry it took me a couple of days to get to, but I'm here now and that's what counts.

I have to admit, I adored the way you utilized language in this fic. I absolutely loved the way you described the strands of memory. "obscenely swollen strand of spider's web" has probably just become my new favorite way to think of withdrawing memories from one's mind for storage and later perusal. Such a cool way to describe it!

I loved the way you began the fic by messing with my head and thinking it was some possessed mirror - I was having Bloody Mary flashes from Supernatural - only to then describe the image as actually being the main character's reflection. Very cool way of giving a description for the MC whilst writing in first person!

I found a small typo, where your wrote "check" when you meant "cheek" if you have time and the inclination to do an edit and amend it.

Beyond that I have to admit that this chapter gave me goosebumps. For someone's who never written horror before - as per your request - you certainly have a knack for doing so. My mind is crawling with paranoia after reading this first chapter. You're command of language lends itself fantastically to creating the overall horrifying images of mental unhinging. The bits about the MC's sister Caitlin made me squirelly and I can only say I'm pleased I'm reading this at work where there are other people around. If it were later at night and I was alone I'd be terrified and hiding under my covers!

Seriously great job on this one love. You've done a superb job and again, the emotive and descriptive language you've used really elevates this fic to the next level. Huge kudos on this. Keep up the mind-bogglingly awesome work, my dear.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hi Ellie,

Sorry it took a while to get back to you; it's been a long, hard week. I'm glad you liked the chapter. I was going for a very creepy, almost unhinged feeling for the opening of this story. The darkness inside of Aislinn needed to be reflected in how she sees things. So glowing strands of memory become spider’s web, the bottles are corrupted, the wall bleeds and the mirror itself reflects what lies within.

Thank you for pointing out the typo. Typically I run everything through my beta prior to posting to the archives, but RL swallowed her up and I got impatient. But yes, I've gone back to make the edit. Mistakes bother me to no end. :p

And yay for making you squirelly! That was my intent and I'm thrilled that it worked. Seriously, I played the the theme to John Carpenter's 'The Thing' over and over as I wrote it. While I never written horror before, I've read many a dark tale and watched probably too many horror flicks growing up. It obviously warped me in some way, but maybe a good way.

Thanks for taking the time to stop by and leaving such a great review. So very helpful. :hug:

~Alexis


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Review #23, by wolfgirl17Crossing the Borderline: Albus: The Matchmaker(s)

1st December 2015:
Hey Sama,

Wolfgirl here with your requested review from over at the forums. Finally. I'm so sorry it took me so long to get over here to check this out. I have absolutely no excuse. How is it, that every time I wander away from your brilliant story, I forget how amazing you are? Every time I come back I wind up laughing and grinning like a fool.

You've definitely got a knack for writing Next-Gen characters. I also really love how sarcastic both Albus and Aaliyah are in this fic. It really makes them much more enjoyable to read.

I will say that this chapter did feel a little flatter than some of the others, but I think that's mostly due to the heavy amount of dialogue in this one and a little less of Albus's inner-monologue, which I've grown particularly fond of.

All in all you've got a truly fantastic fic here, as I'm sure you know from my multitude of squees regarding how hilarious and fabulous you are. I really do enjoy reading this one. You've got a real knack for creating mystery and intrigue while feeding me little morsels of detail that keep me hungry for more. I'd have loved to see some more of Albus's inner workings and musing in this chappie, but I don't doubt there will be much more of his brand of brilliance to come.

Looking forwards to reading the rest of your fic.

You're fantabulous!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Ellie!

There is definitely no need to apologize! I totally understand, time always seems to slip away for most of us.

It's great to hear that I can get you to laugh and smile! Who doesn't want to get the great Ellie to grin?

I'm really going to have to write a longer length story one day where none of the characters are sarcastic at all since I tend to make almost all of my characters sarcastic. I really can't help it but I'm glad that you like their sarcasm!

I'll have to probably go back over this chapter. If I remember correctly, most of this chapter is dialogue whether it is between Albus and Aaliyah or Aaliyah and the Slytherins. I'll maybe have to try and sneak more of Albus's monologue in. And you have no idea how happy I am that you like reading about his inner thoughts... I always felt I wasn't that great at doing those, hence why I divert to dialogue.

Thank you for taking the time to read and review! And thank you for all the compliments. And I was smile when it sounds like someone likes Albus because he's Albus and he isn't always that likable but I still love him. I hope the story won't disappoint in the future and thank you again for all that you do!

~Sama


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Review #24, by wolfgirl17Eternity: Eternity

1st December 2015:
Hey Jayde,

I saw you'd posted this new fic and won November Story of the Month so I've popped over to check out how fantastic you are! My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard as I read this absolutely fabulous one-shot. I completely adored the way you've captured this snippet in Ginny's life.

I love how thoughtful Harry was with his gift and I especially loved the way you captured the memories he included in the picture for the album so well. I was a particular fan of Albus crying when Lily was born. Typical middle sibling syndrome beginning right there.

I adored how cute little Lily was too, though I now have plunnies for her stealing the kiss Harry meant for Ginny because she's a total Daddy's girl. So cute how she wanted to share Ginny's breakfast because she helped make it. You really captured family life within this fic. I loved the fluffiness and the entire story.

You definitely deserved to win the award. This story is truly delightful to read. I don't read a lot of Hinny fics usually, though I'm an avid shipper of them, so it was a lovely surprise to delve into this one and find such a sweet morsel to devour. You've fed the inner fluff-demon with this one, that's for sure!

Thanks so much for all you do with your writing and for contributing such brilliant work to the archives! I love reading your stuff. You're awesome honey!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Ellie!! ♥

Thank you SO much for stopping by to read and review this1 *Squishes*

Awww! Thank you so much for your kind words - I'm so happy that this made you smile!

I'm thrilled that you like the gift, and the memories. Yes, I figured Al would be a little upset at Lily's birth :P

Haha, YES, she's a total Daddy's girl, and if you have plunnies GO WRITE THEMM PLZ! I need to read it! :D

This was my first attempt at pure fluff so I'm glad you liked the fluffiness, as well as that you think I captured family life!

Awww, thank you SO much, I'm so flattered! This review is seriously making me squee and want to cry - THANK YOU! ♥ *squishes*


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Review #25, by wolfgirl17The Teddy Bet: Flower Girls, and Unicorns, and Bets, Oh My!

26th November 2015:
Hey Kapa!

Wolfgirl here finally with your requested review from my review thread over at the forums. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long. I've got absolutely no excuse other than that I'm lazy.

I have to admit that if you hadn't mentioned in the AOC that you'd gone with the Lemony Snicket style of story telling that I'd have been mildly confused. The tone of the story is very conversational - as per the style - but it was nonetheless an interesting read.

I really enjoyed the take on the gender-bending ability of Teddy, and I liked that you made the unicorns sensitive enough to still tell he was born male, no matter how he makes himself look. Kudos to you for being brave enough to write Teddy. I've been shying away from writing him, though I love reading him, because I'm not sure I could do such a faceted character justice.

I liked the simple humor and fun of this piece. It was a really enjoyable read and definitely funny. The plot is easy enough to follow. I loved the humor of having Teddy and Victoire chasing each other at the wedding and I loved that you had Teddy as a flower girl. What a little cutie!

This was really an exceptional use of the generations you were give for the Story Generator prompts, so huge kudos to you for that. You brought them all together in an intriguing and a really original way.

In all honesty I loved the story. I can't wait to read more of your stuff, it's always a pleasure to read. Keep up the fantastic work!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this review, Ellie, and don't worry about being late. The good thing about you being late with this review is that I'm NOT super late with my reply to it, which I would have been if you'd reviewed earlier, so yay! : )

It does take a certain bravery to tackle the Teddy character, doesn't it? I've personally only dared to write him in short one-shots this far, so I haven't had to develop his character too much.

I'm happy you enjoyed reading this story! It's great that the plot was easy to follow even though the narrative style is somewhat confusing - imagine how confusing it was to write! : P

Bringing all the story generator prompts together was both a huge challenge and super fun, so thanks for the kudos about that! As soon as I thought of Teddy as a connection between Neville and Andromeda I knew I'd have to do something about his 'gender-bending abilities', as you said. And I couldn't resist throwing in a reference to him and Victoire, haha!

Thanks again for this lovely review! And now that I have a little more free time I'll make sure to 'keep up the fantastic work' as soon as possible!

/Kapa


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