Reading Reviews From Member: navyfail
  
246 Reviews Found

Review #1, by navyfailTraitorous Hearts: A Rattle of Keys

28th July 2015:
Hey, Penny! I thought I would use the review swap as an excuse to read your latest chapter.

This is more of a filler chapter but still interesting. I think this chapter really shows how perceptive and observant Astoria is. I mean she noticed the shade of dirt changing. I also thought that Ariana would only let Neville and Luna in but not Astoria since Ariana seemed a little skeptical about letting her in. I also do understand why Astoria thinks her companions should be more careful. I mean Luna just went and drew the curtains open. I'm wondering if the Death Eaters can actually see Aberforth's place or else I feel like they would have came in, no? Maybe it was mentioned in the books and I forgot, oh well. I like how you made Luna be the quickest to hide... even though she does have her head in the clouds often, she deals well with pressure it seems.

Ah, a cliffhanger! Even though they leave me itching for more I always admire authors who can pull them off. I, myself, give too much away at the end. I wonder how Aberforth will react to them. I have a feeling he'll like Luna. Just because she may remind him of Ariana. Overall, great chapter! I really can't wait for more! And it seems like the Battle of Hogwarts is looming nearer and nearer.

~Sama

 Report Review

Review #2, by navyfailAtonement Is Coming: A Surprise Announcement

27th July 2015:
Hi! Back for the second chapter!

I really enjoyed how you switched from what happened at the Ministry to what's going on at Harry's home. I think my favorite part was the line you included from the first book. I also like how you continue with the nightmares. It's something everyone from the war suffers from and understandable so.

I also think there were some lines that had me thinking that wow, she definitely nailed his character and those are:

“A specky git?” asked George helpfully.

“If you had told me that one day, the entirety of wizarding London would be discussing the love life of Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom with rapt attention, I would’ve told you needed to get your head checked by a healer.” muttered Ron under his breath to no one in particular.

Both of those lines really took be back into the HP books so kudos to you on that! Not many can manage that.

I also have some CC if you don't mind.

“The Boy Who Lived...To Good To Speak To The Media?" The first to is supposed be too I'm pretty sure since it is emphasizing the word good.

"...member of the ever expanding Weasley family
was present."
You can't see it when I copy and paste it but when you look back in the story there is a line break between 'family' and 'was.' I think it was just a typing error.

There were a few lines that were written like this:
“That’s a great name Harry. I’m sure that both your father and Sirius would’ve been very proud.” whispered Hermione.
Instead of a period after proud, I would put a comma. Speech quotations are always tricky but when you specify who said what was in the quotations, you usually put a period even if whatever spoken was a full sentence.

Lovely chapter and lovely story! I can see this going great places and I love how you wrote the Weasley family. And I love how you wrote Fleur with her French accent! Thank you for swapping! I definitely enjoyed reading this and will try and come back to read the rest. :)

~Sama

 Report Review

Review #3, by navyfailAtonement Is Coming: A Shadowy Threat

27th July 2015:
Hello! I'm ~chocolate from the forums, here for our review swap!

I have to say this is a great start to the story. You've jumped right into the action/adventure which makes the story even more interesting. I really liked how you switched from what was happening inside the office to the outside as well. I really loved how you included a lot of familiar characters as the intruders. I especially find it surprising that Penelope is one of them. I'm sure if Percy finds out, if he ever does, he'll be in shock. I mean she is his ex girlfriend. And then there is Michael Corner, Ginny's ex-boyfriend. I never did like him.

I think my favorite part is the you have McGonagall here and she definitely sounds canon. She is one of my favorite characters and in the beginning I heard all of her lines in Maggie Smith's voice.

I'm very surprised that Dawlish didn't catch the earring part but it's late at night, what can you do. And I would have expected that the alarms put up could have detected what spell was performed but I guess they haven't thought or developed a spell that can do that.

I really like the plot you have going here. It's very intriguing! I wonder how long Penelope and Roger can keep this up before they're realized and who is the boss. Terrific start!

~Sama

 Report Review

Review #4, by navyfailPut On Notice: Put On Notice

25th July 2015:
Hello! I'm ~chocolate at the forums, here for the review swap.

I never get sick of ScoRose stories and Scorpius is one of my favorite Next Gen characters so I really enjoyed this.

This was a really cute one-shot. I love how he keeps thinking about how she shouldn't be thinking of Rose and then ends up thinking about her anyway. And the fact that he remembers all those incidents that happened in class just shows how much he noticed her.

And this:
"He'd only seen her a handful of times in the last two years. Ten, or fifteen times at the most, he decided."
^^ Oh Scorpius, I honestly think ten or fifteen times is pushing a handful.

I really like how you used so many parenthesis and integrated them into the story as well.

Also, when he calls over the brunette girl and starts comparing her to Rose I honestly couldn't stop smiling on the inside. And the end... I really didn't expect that! But Rose got him good. I wonder how he's going get out of stalking charges.

Really cute one-shot! The writing style really worked with the story you were trying to tell and I love your characterization of Scorpius!

~Sama

Author's Response:

Hi, and thanks for the swap!

Ah, ScoRose. I never know what to think aobut these stories. Part of my loves them, and part of me screams "why are we doing this again??"

Haha, I loved playing with this character. He seems like he'd be all smarmy and self-assured, and I just wanted to take him down about ten pegs. The parenthesis were essential to get his thinking across. He justifies SO MUCH about his behavior. Ugh!

Thanks so much for the review!

Pix


 Report Review

Review #5, by navyfailTraitorous Hearts: The Lady of Greengrass Hall

25th July 2015:
Hi Penny! It's ~chocolate from the forums, here from the review swap.

Astoria's mom really did have some history. I really like how you didn't give her story away in the first chapter but the one after that. It builds up tension and mystery I think. I also can understand why Lavina Greengrass became a spy... it was the only thing she could do that would give her some status career wise. Also she's a Slytherin, I can see her being a very determined lady. And being a housewife really doesn't sound all that interesting for someone as clever as her.

I'm really curious about what secret her mom learned that got her killed. At the beginning of the story I assumed her mom dies a few years back but it seems like it's recent.

In addition, I understand Astoria's sudden impulse to want to get back at the cause and make the rash decision that now has Draco at her doorstep. Though when you think about it that choice is the reason she got to know Draco Malfoy well so maybe that's not such a bad thing. ;)

You really do weave mystery into your story well! I admire your ability. And the balance of past and present work together too. I hope Astoria is able to convince him of her innocence and all goes well.

Terrific chapter!

~Sama

Author's Response: Hey Sama! Thanks for swapping with me.

Thank you. I'm fond of Lavinia, in a strange way. She's made some mistakes--serious ones. But she's easily one of the most interesting characters to write, and she's already dead by the time the story begins! I've been so surprised (and pleased) by the amount of people who really empathize with her, even though she became a Death Eater. She'll keep cropping up throughout the story. It's hard to know everything about Lavinia. There's always more to the story.

Oh, the secret. Yep. That's a big part of the mystery element. It's juicy and dangerous, I can tell you that much. The rest, I cannot yet reveal! *swooshes cape dramatically*

I think it will be a while before Astoria can decide on whether her actions were for the best or foolish in the extreme. She's the type to wait until she has all the information to make that kind of call. Still, despite all the trouble it caused her, you may have a point... ;)

Thank you very much! I really appreciate that. Ahem. "All goes well". Well, I mean...does it ever?

--Penny




 Report Review

Review #6, by navyfail1981: Winter

25th July 2015:
Hello! I'm ~chocolate from the forums, here for the review swap. Sorry for the delay.

When I was looking through your author's page I came across this and couldn't resist. Marauders stories are always interesting to read. I like how you set up the mood quickly in the first few sentences with the coldness. I also like that you started with Peter. He's neglected too often which makes it even more intriguing to read about him. I honestly think you nailed his character. I can see him not believing in their ideals at all but doing everything out of fear. And I can understand his loneliness.

James... I think it's really sweet that he wakes up to put Harry back to sleep and let's Lily rest.

"You get up from your bed, careful as not to wake Lily too. Like you have any reason to worry. Lily wouldn't wake if a bomb exploded right beside her. "
^^ I thought this line was cute as well.

I'm surprised Lily can stay composed while holed up inside and even James stayed calm for the most part. Being locked up in your own house doesn't seem fun at all. I think it's interesting that in his head his youth is already gone but he then corrects himself. Lily and James really were too young and you showed that well.

And Sirius... I love how you mentioned his brother. So many people write Sirius as if he never cared for Regulus at all but I can't imagine that.

Great start to you story! I think writing the chapters in seasons work really well. The three marauders you've portrayed in this chapter came out very realistic and the fact that you wrote this in second person is amazing. Great job!

~Sama

Author's Response: Hey, Sama!
Thank you so much for the swap!!!

I'm really glad you picked this story, since it is one I'm particularly proud of! And I'm very happy and grateful that you liked it so much!

I've developed kind of a fondness for Peter. I obviously can't justify what he did, but I think there's so much more about his character than what often transpires. And he's such a fascinating character to write! I'm happy you think I captured him well!!!

James... I really think that his love for his family is immense and that he would sustain any sacrifice for them.
I don't think either of them were taking their confinement easily, but they didn't have a choice, so I suppose they would try to live with the situation the best they could.

Poor Sirius. He's having such a rough time. I can't imagine him simply hating his brother either. I'm sure he cared for Regulus dearly.

Thank you so much for all the compliments! I'm particularly glad you thought I used the second person pov well, because I'd never done it before and I was truly scared by it!!!

Thank you so much again for the swap and the amazing review!
Hugs and love,
Chiara


 Report Review

Review #7, by navyfailBattle of the Captains: colours and carousels (or in this case, lack thereof)

24th July 2015:
Hello! I'm ~chocolate from the forums, here for the review swap. Next Gen James/OC stories are my favorites so I got really excited when I saw this on you author's page.

Ah, you main character is Slytherins. Characters from the house are always fun to read. Who doesn't love cunning, devious, manipulative characters? I also love that you've written twins. Since they pull pranks a lot they are giving me a sort of Fred and George vibe but Slytherin version. I always picture the Quidditch teams from the next generation era taking the sport really seriously so I can totally see the Slytherin team secretly watching Gryffindor tryouts. Nott and Scorpius both seem like interesting characters. I wonder where you'll take them as characters. The end was a surprise but a good one. I can of agree with James... it's sort of funny. And what makes it funnier is the fact that her team ditched her.

I think this is a great start to a story! I'm already very intrigued by the story line. Keep up the amazing work. I'll stop by when the next chapter is up!

~Sama

 Report Review

Review #8, by navyfailRaised Like a Pig for Slaughter : Raised Like a Pig for Slaughter

24th July 2015:
Hello! I'm here from the review swap, I'm known as ~chocolate at the forums to avoid any confusion.

I don't read many stories from second person but when I do I always end up liking them very much and that's the same for your story.

Severus Snape wasn't one of my favorite characters from the book. I had a hard time forgiving him for being mean to Harry, Neville, and the rest. But I do love reading about him since people have such different takes on him.

Your description was wonderful. All of your smilies and metaphors were great and at times you rhymed too. There were a lot of favorite lines in this story. I love how you used a house and its foundation to explain his life. I think it worked perfectly. I really did sympathize with him when you mentioned his mother who didn't pay any attention to him and his father who beat him. And then Lily comes in... and he he finally gains some happiness. He had a real internal struggle throughout the story and it was very intriguing. His thirst for power but then he saw Lily and it all went away. I wanted to aww. I also like how at times he compared himself to Voldemort... saying that while the latter tried to hide his background, Snape accepted it and became the Half-Blood Prince.

The chess analogy was great! How he thought he was the king, powerful but trapped, but realized that he was just a pawn of multiple people. I found that really interesting and well explained.

Favorite Quotes:
-"Dumbledore would later talk about love beating evil, well you knew that the deprivation of love created evil." I don't know why... this line just made his cruel home life even more real.
-"Life was your poison, Lily was your antidote." This one was repeated throughout but I when you first put it in I was like woah, this is perfect.
-"You manipulated magic but were being manipulated by humans. Nothing had changed." Really like how you wrote this realization.

Oh and I noticed a minor type: "How anyone could be happy in the wold was what you contemplated when you were locked in your room for hours on end." I'm guessing wold is supposed to be world.

I had a terrific time reading this one-shot! I can tell you put a lot of thought into it and I can honestly say that it worked beautifully. While I was reading, a lot of the time your words sounded poetic which I loved. Amazing job!

~Sama

 Report Review

Review #9, by navyfailMistaken for Strangers: James Sits Some Exams

22nd July 2015:
First off, I'm going to have to agree that Logan Lerman looks very fine.

Second off, time to answer your questions.

I think the only word you can really describe Anna is bookworm. She reads a lot. I don't know how she manages to ignore everything around her so easily. I think it's pretty cool that she doesn't read just fiction but stuff on magical theory, history, even magical metaphysics. I don't find her boring. I think the fact that she's different from the rest of James's family makes her interesting to him. I feel like as we get to know her more, she'll grow on us.

I do like the similar style of the sections. I think it works since there is usually a small time gap between the sections. After 10k it makes me wonder why James isn't fed up with Fred's actions to be honest. But no I don't think it's boring, even after 10k. I think after four chapters it feels like routine.

Fred... I really do wonder how many detentions he's gotten over the years. I'm surprised that James doesn't get tired of watching out for him and everything. Though I do think his antics make the story more interesting.

Anyway, I really like James! He's my favorite! He cares about his family so much and has a lot of tolerance to certain things which is great. I love the ScoRose addition as well as meeting James's sister. Great job!! I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

~Sama

Author's Response: Ahh Sama thank you so much for this review! :D You're the best!

Ugh Logan Lerman though. I associate him so strongly with Al at this point that it's kinda weird probably :P

So glad you're liking Anna and the style! It's about to change up a bit so hopefully you'll like that too. :) I'm really happy you like James! And the Scorose of course. The next chapter is already in the queue!

Thanks so much for this wonderful review!!

--J


 Report Review

Review #10, by navyfailDefiant Blood, Defiant Love: The Art Of Cheating

22nd July 2015:
Oh, I really liked this chapter! Not that I don't like your chapters usually... It's just that I liked this one a bit more because there was more Ted. He really is sneaky, convincing her that he was in charge of detention. At first I was confused as well because Ted doesn't seem like the type to be chosen for prefect. I really like how you brought back the wand trick Sirius did. I thought it was a nice addition. Also I loved their conversation. I find it funny how he got so much out of her... I mean Ted somehow got her to apologize as well as tell him why she is in detention. And even though I want to think Rabastan is a good person, I think he's too supportive of the cause to be good for Andromeda. Brilliant chapter as always!

~Sama

 Report Review

Review #11, by navyfailDefiant Blood, Defiant Love: The Lady Who Drank…Too Much

22nd July 2015:
Oh gosh Andromeda! She got drunk! And she was still drunk in the morning. I wonder how she didn't fall asleep in class. I'm glad Rebastan didn't take the kiss too seriously. I hope it isn't soemthing he'll hold over her. I would have been afraid of going to McGonagall's class late. Even though she is one of my favorite HP characters, she can be scary in teacher mode. I'm surprised Andromea got away with two detentions. I liked how Sirius joined her in detention though. Andromeda is so open with him and she really did need someone to talk to. I can see why she would be shocked at Ted coming into her class. I would be too, especially since she's been seeing him around so often. And what she said in class... I can see why she would be so embarrassed. And then there is Rowle with his unnecessary comment. I think it's really sweet how Andromeda tried to talk to Zan as well. I hope to see her in future chapters. Can't wait to see Andromeda apologize to Ted!

~Sama

 Report Review

Review #12, by navyfailDefiant Blood, Defiant Love: Strangers With Cigarettes

22nd July 2015:
And we meet Ted! He's much more... I don't know... aloof and mysterious than I expected. But I like him like that. He seems really interesting. And I can see why Andromeda would start crying... I mean Rabastan did just order students to kill children. They were children themselves. How would they be able to look at kids and just end their lives? I also don't like Rowle. I hope Pru realizes that he isn't worth it. Great second chapter!

 Report Review

Review #13, by navyfailDefiant Blood, Defiant Love: A Pettigrew Party

22nd July 2015:
I got interested in the Tedromeda ship after reading another story so when I saw yours, I had to read it.

I love how you begin with Andromeda seeing a counselor. It kind of sets up the edgy mood of the story. You can see that Andromeda has an internal struggle of doing what she's supposed to and what she believes in. I love how she cares about her family so much. They are really the only reason she puts up with The Cause. I also like how you wrote Narcissa. She believes in blood superiority but not the war. I think that gives her dimension and makes her much more likable than the other pureblood characters.

Rabastan... I hope Andromeda gets the confidence to say no to him. He is very demanding and deals with her roughly. I see why he's like that since she doesn't believe in what he does but he's not gentle at all.

I love how you included Sirius in the first chapter. I felt really bad when Peter got caught. That was a mean spell they used on him. And I'm glad Andromeda had the conscious to go back and get him down. And it was really sweet that he said thank you in the end. I would have expected him to be bitter.

Great start to a story! Can't wait to meet Ted!

~Sama

 Report Review

Review #14, by navyfailMistaken for Strangers: James Attends a Party

21st July 2015:
Hello again! I'm here from the Blue versus Bronze battle. I actually really like your slow approach to their relationship. It seems more natural and you can see the changes in their interactions more clearly. Anna is noticing him faster when he sits in front of her which is great. Also it's funny that James calls her a nerd when he kind of is one himself, reading up on magical theory and all. I also love how you added some Muggle things such as Shakespeare's sonnets. I'm guessing Leanne has a crush on James but he hasn't noticed yet. I wonder how that'll turn out. And Fred's still up to no good. I mean sneaking out of the Hospital Wing to get drunk? He's really all about that wild and carefree life. And Scorpius's drunken ramblings... ah, he likes Rose! Really sweet chapter. Hopefully Anna will learn James's name soon and they'll have longer conversations.

~Sama

Author's Response: Thanks Sama! Glad you like my James/Anna approach. Haha I hadn't thought of James's slightly nerdy tendencies but they're totally there. And keep an eye on Leanne! ;)

Thanks again for your review! Glad you like it so far.


 Report Review

Review #15, by navyfailMistaken for Strangers: James Talks to a Girl

20th July 2015:
Hi, J! I'm here from the Blue versus Bronze Battle once again!

And he's a year older, and I'm guessing a little wiser too since he finally talked to Anna for the first time. It's kind of funny that she knows him as Jeremy, but hopefully one day she'll have her head out of her book long enough to learn his name. I think it's really sweet that James tried to get to know her by talking to her about books. I think it's really interesting that she's into magical philosophy. I can understand why she wants to learn the ethics behind magic being a Muggleborn and all. I would have done the same thing. I think it's cute how James still keeps his family under control. Well, except Fred. Fred can't be controlled haha. I can definitely see cousins getting in an argument over a boy. Hogwarts may have a lot of students but they have a lot of Weasleys as well. At one point two or more of the Weasleys had to be interested in the same guy, right? I love how you introduced Scorpius as well. I'm huge ScoRose shipper so I was really excited when I read that part. Fred is still up to trouble as well... he really needs to watch how many detentions he gets. No one wants him to get expelled, right? And why is that I'm not surprised that he snogged the wrong twin? Great second chapter! I really hope James and Anna's relationship continues to grow. I also hope that Rose breaks up with Logan because Scorpius is the one for her (well, once he stops being a jerk).

~Sama

Author's Response: Haha thanks for the review Sama! I love your commentary :D Glad the philosophy thing is interesting-- couldn't tell if I was just amusing myself or what with that!

Thanks again! --J


 Report Review

Review #16, by navyfailMistaken for Strangers: James Meets A Girl

20th July 2015:
Hello! I'm here from the Blue versus Bronze battle! Ah, I love a good James/OC! I think this a really cute start to the story. I love how James takes the time to take care and watch out for his family from giving Al a girl talk, sorting out Rose's problem with Andrew, and fixing Vic's missed wedding invite to Molly. And he's interested in a Ravenclaw girl! I'm actually surprised he hasn't gone up and talked to her yet but I guess he's only just noticing her for now. I also love how you end ever scene with something about Fred. It's really funny. And the last one where Fred blows up the pitch... I hope he doesn't get caught. And James noticing that the girl is still reading through all of it is cute. Lovely start to a story! I find this very interesting already!

~Sama

P.S. The comment about who knows how Harry got Ginny made me smile.

Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words Sama! :) Glad you're liking it so far!

 Report Review

Review #17, by navyfailA Spoonful of Sugar: Five

20th July 2015:
Ravenclaw House Cup 2015

I have to say Darcy's roommate Carrie is just to kind and its funny that Darcy immediately think of hexes as a way to deal with Louis. I see Louis hasn't forgotten their little run in and he even uses to ask for a date. I can't tell if this date is going to be chaotic or almost peaceful. I think he'll realize that he has to be a little kinder to win over Darcy soon enough. The letter from he Dad is really sweet. I like how you mentioned Seamus's knack for blowing things up as well. I forgot to mention that I thought it was really sweet that Seamus named one of his kids after his best friend. Also I just realized something; Louis and Darcy's ship name would be Loucy as in Lucy. Anyway, cute chapter! I like how at the end she forgets about the date and focuses on the upcoming holidays. She's probably excited to see her family again.

~Sama

 Report Review

Review #18, by navyfailA Spoonful of Sugar: Four

20th July 2015:
Ravenclaw House Cup 2015

Ah, smirky Louis is back! He really does frustrate Darcy. Charms is her strongest subject but she sort of got in trouble for using a verbal spell due to Louis. I think I have to agree with Lysander about her having bad luck. I mean she did run into him again at the prefects bathroom. He even looked her up and down! I would be annoyed if I was her. I can definitely see him holding this over her, probably to get her to go with him to Hogsmeade. I find it really sweet that she takes house points so seriously. Most people wouldn't. And Lysander should tell Lucy but I'm sure it'll come out in due time. But I so hope they go to Hogsmeaded together soon, even if it is as friends. Really cute chapter! I liked that there was a lot of Louis. Even though he's kind of arrogant, I can tell he means well.

 Report Review

Review #19, by navyfailA Spoonful of Sugar: Three

20th July 2015:
Ravenclaw House Cup 2015

I have to say that I was disappointed that there was no Louis Weasley this chapter but I think Teddy Lupin's entrance makes up for it. I think it says something that Darcy's boggart turned into her dead family instead of something such as a clown or sharks. It shows that she cares for her family a lot. And it's really interesting that she wants to be a healer. The letter was adorable by the way! I can see why a little kid would want to marry someone with pink hair. I mean it would remind me of cotton candy and who doesn't love cotton candy, right? Wow, Professor Greene lasted a long time. I mean he was very old but he still taught students. I think Teddy's relationship with Darcy is sweet and playful. You can tell they know each other well. Great job with this! I can definitely get a feel of which classes Darcy likes and doesn't like.


~Sama

 Report Review

Review #20, by navyfailA Spoonful of Sugar: Two

20th July 2015:
Ravenclaw House Cup 2015

I can totally see why Darcy dozes off during the sorting and welcoming speech. After six years it has to get repetitive. I really like how you put all three of her cousins in different houses: one is in Gryffindor, the other in Slytherin and the last in Hufflepuff. Not all siblings are alike and you showed that. I think it's sweet that Lysander saved Lucy a seat next to him. He won't tell her he has a crush on her but at least he's trying to get her to fancy him back. I really liked the flashback. It finally makes sense why Darcy doesn't like Louis all too much. Also, it gives us a set point in time of when he started becoming interested in her. I half expected him to kiss her to make the rumor true but that can always happen another time. I wonder how he noticed her in third year. Cute second chapter!

~Sama

 Report Review

Review #21, by navyfailLove is for Fools: Not a Fool

20th July 2015:
Ravenclaw House Cup 2015

Oh, Remus/Sirius. I really like how you managed to fit such emotion to such few words. I like how you didn't make the love one-sided. You mentioned how Remus noticed that Sirius knew the unspoken feelings between them. I can get why they didn't act on it... if they had more time maybe they could. I also like how bring in Buckbeak at the beginning. I can see why the hippogriff is sad as well... he did know Sirius for about a year or two. I think my favorite part is the end. When you mention the hug they shared in the Shrieking Shack... I thought that was cute in a sad sort of way. And the last two lines are my absolute favorite. I can definitely picture Sirius saying that. Great one-shot! You managed to capture many emotions in these few words!

~Sama

Author's Response: Hi, Sama! Thanks for stopping by and leaving this absolutely gorgeous review. Those are my favourite lines too, so I'm glad you liked them :D

Dee


 Report Review

Review #22, by navyfailA Spoonful of Sugar: One

20th July 2015:
Ravenclaw House Cup 2015

I can already see that Darcy doesn't like Louis. I wonder why. I mean yeah he has that arrogant smirking thing going on but there has to be more, right? I really like how you made her a Hufflepuff. I feel like most people don't write characters from that house which I don't get why. I mean, come on, it's the house Cedric Diggory is from. I also noticed how she tries and refrains from making snarky comments that may lose her house points. I really like how she's loyal to her house like that. And then you have Lysander who is crushing on his best friend. I hope he tells her soon enough. He's liked her since fifth year... it's been two years, right? You have a lot of dialogue in this chapter which is great since that's my favorite aspect in a story. But I think at times you can add in some description here and there. Great start to a story! I really like how you introduced all the main characters so quickly!

~Sama

 Report Review

Review #23, by navyfailLinger: Linger

20th July 2015:
Ravenclaw House Cup 2015

I love how you start this story. You set up the location really well with your description without just telling us what's happening. Right when she wonders where her husband is in the third paragraph, I know who she is. I love how you took a small scene from the last book and made it into a story. I really like how you put in small memories as well. I feel like it goes really well with the presence of the dementors. And it's so sweet that one of her happiest days is her wedding day! You wrap up the end really well. I like how even though her husband isn't there, she gains confidence that she can go through with this and truly believes she can show them that she's a witch. Also using the last sentence to circle back to the beginning is a really neat idea and work beautifully. We never to find out what happens to her but I'm crossing my fingers that she gets away with Reg (even if the Golden Trio kind of messed up their plans). Thoughtful story! I enjoyed reading it.

~Sama

 Report Review

Review #24, by navyfailTraitorous Hearts: An Unwelcome Visitor

19th July 2015:
Hi, Penny! I'm back as promised. It's time to reread this chapter I think. A refresher is always good.

I like how you used the past to start the beginning. It just gives off a very mysterious vibe from the very beginning and shows that Astoria was close to her mother.

It's nice to see that Astoria doesn't really believe in pureblood superiority. All she really cares about is her family which is something I admire.

Your description is lovely as always. I really love your description of Draco especially. I can definitely picture him and I love this part: "it made him look like a child playing in his father’s clothes."

I can't imagine how someone could drink their tea plain. Maybe that's because I can't haha. Though I'm guessing Draco really isn't in the mood for any kind of beverage.

I really like how Astoria is kind to her house elf but I can see why she has to act like she thinks the creature is below her around others. It would raise suspicion if other purebloods saw how free Filly is.

The ending leaves many more questions. I actually forgot about Astoria's mother's unfortunate accident. I'm guessing that's why Astoria looks down on Death Eaters.

Another thing I wanted to mention is that Astoria is really the perfect heroine in my eyes. She's smart, kind of cunning, loyal to her family and very perceptive. I love female characters that can hold themselves and take responsibility as well and Astoria is definitely that.

You already know I love this story (well I hope you know) and your writing style. I'm glad I went back and reread this chapter. I'll probably do so for the rest of the chapters as well.

~Sama

Author's Response: Sorry I'm so late answering this wonderful review, Sama! I had started writing a response to it earlier, but I accidentally closed the window! Oops! So (Mama Mia) here we go again.

I think I was nervous about that beginning when I first wrote it, but looking back I can't imagine the story without it. It takes on a lot more meaning as the story goes on. I'm so glad you like it!

Yeah, Astoria is very practical. She has seen evidence from her fellow students that Muggleborns can be better, magically speaking, than Pureblood witches and wizards, so she doesn't buy into all that so much. I mean, there are probably a few things left over from being in Pureblood society so long--she probably wouldn't quite know what to do if she had to make conversation with a Muggle, for instance. But on the whole, she's less prejudiced than much of her House.

Astoria may not put much stock in Pureblood superiority, but she certainly believes in her OWN superiority. Of course, I'm sure she would argue that that's merit-based ;)

Thank you!

Ugh. Draco and his tea. There's no accounting for taste, is there? Hopefully his taste in women is superior to his taste in beverages...

I love that moment with Filly because it's one of the few times that you get to see the real Astoria. Later in the story you see more of it, but at this point she's having to keep up the facade and all, so it's a small glimmer of her true self.

That is...one of the loveliest, most heart-warming descriptions I've ever received of Astoria. Thank you so much.

I'll be back to review other chapters of Crossing the Borderline, too! Thank you for this review, Sama! It's absolutely lovely. I really appreciate it : )

--Penny


 Report Review

Review #25, by navyfailA Force Of Wills: Half and Half

16th July 2015:
Hello, it's ~chocolate from the forums here for the review swap! I'm a huge Drastoria shipper so I thought I would pick this story since the summary was so interesting. I love how mysterious you made the Greengrass family seem. I wonder what their secret is. And Astoria is the only halfblood? Is she adopted? I can see why she hates those pureblood society parties. They don't sound fun at all, especially since a lot of the people there look down at her for being halfblood.

I have to say you made Draco very cunning. If I was Astoria I would definitely be scared. He seems very determined to corner her and have his way. And I'm guessing Zabini likes her too? By the way he looks at her and Draco's comments it seems that way.

The game... I could see Slytherins playing that. And now Astoria has to go along with it. Hopefully she'll get her brother to save her or be able to hide from Draco. I have to say that Pansy's reaction to getting tickle was funny though. As was Millicent's.

You have a really interesting story here. I love Astoria already! She's seems strong-willed and smart as well as rebellious against the pureblood norm. I also like how you wrote Draco as almost ruthless. A lot of people write him way nicer than he actually was. Overall, this is a fantastic start to a story!

~Sama

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>