Reading Reviews From Member: navyfail
163 Reviews Found

Review #1, by navyfailGame Over: Two

15th August 2014:
So he was trying to steal a Basilisk Tooth and Matt is the woman's partner. Interesting...

Author's Response: Yes, that's about it. Things didn't turn out to be exactly as they seemed. I hope you keep reading.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #2, by navyfailGame Over: One

15th August 2014:
Hi! Congrats on getting Story of the Week back in May. I'm going back and reviewing all the stories and I thought I would stop by yours.

500 words exactly in every chapter? That's an accomplishment! I don't think I would be able to do that.

The plot has already started which is great. I wonder what exactly is James' job. Something illegal probably but I wonder what. And what was the last job he did that got someone angry at him?

The story is fast paced due to the word limit but I think it fits well since it has action and action is always better done fast.

I love the small details and descriptions you managed to add in like the "coffee was black as a burnt-out cauldron" and "must, with a hint of shellfish". It kept the the story from turning out too vague.

The woman is a witch? I wonder how she knows Matt. What's she going to do with James now?

You've managed to keep me questioning on what happens next. :) Lovely idea and lovely start to a story! I'm going to keep on reading.


Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for checking out my story! And congratulations to you for attempting to review all the stories! I'm glad you stopped by!

I thought that the 500 word challenge looked interesting, but my plots seem to always run away with me, so it was definitely a challenge. I encourage you to try it some time, just for the experience. You may surprise yourself!

I was slightly worried about the vagueness, but as I wrote, the details kept slipping in. I'm glad that worked for you.

Thanks for the review, and I'm happy it got you intrigued!


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Review #3, by navyfailHandle With Care: Meeting Charlie

15th August 2014:
Hi! Congrats on being the Story of the Week over at tgs!

Honestly, I have never read a fanfiction with Rita Skeeter as one of the main characters and likewise I haven't read one on Charlie. So this is pretty new to me.

The first thing that strikes me about this chapter is your descriptions. You don't overdo them but manage to set the scene perfectly. I've never been to Romania but I'm beginning to imagine what it's like there.

I actually like what you did with going from past to present. I sometimes feel that it's overdone but you manage to pull it off nicely. I actually went back and looked up Rita and Charlie's age. They are about twenty or so years apart, right?

Lottie seems like a character I can grow to love and Charlie seems nice. I'm really intrigued with his past. I can understand why Alfie doesn't like Lottie with her last name. It's quite an old pureblood name, right?

I love how much research you've put into this. It's really admirable. You got Charlie and Rita's ages correct and you even put in some of the Romanian language! And the fact that the Ministry owns all the dragon reserves. I actually didn't know that.

Great job with this chapter. Great summary and great cliffhanger at the end. ;)


P.S. This is going in my favorites. Update soon!

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Review #4, by navyfailFree Fall: Free Fall

6th August 2014:
Hey Emma! Congrats on getting Story of the Week back in May. I'm actually going back and reviewing all of them since all of the stories were so amazing.

I think I read this story a few months ago and I was really touched by it. I've never made a huge deal about the Remus/Tonks ship but this story made me see it in a different light. Now I even ship them a bit.

I honestly thought of Lemony Snicket while reading this and he is one of my favorite authors! Your writing has a way of keeping you interested in every word. I honestly re-read some parts so I didn't miss a detail.

And I love how some of the scenes aren't that long but still manage to give a good insight of that happened. Not many people can pull that off!

The scene where she is five and Sirius comes over with the rest of the Marauders has got to be one of my favorites. It shows their age difference and has this realism to it. The mention of Sirius in the scene after is sweet in a dark-ish way.

So many quotes that I love:
"Such sweet beginnings can have terrible ends, too. And for that, we are truly sorry."

"He smiles then, a half-a*sed smile, but the first you've seen from him. " Half-a*sed, such a cute way to describe it.

"Losing them is free falling. Free falling into nothingness."

"You are both broken, so perhaps that's why you let him break you a bit more. "

"There is only one way people like this burn.


Best one-shot I've ever read.


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Review #5, by navyfailJordan & Parsons: A is for Adultery, Awkwardness and Albus Potter

2nd August 2014:
Hi! Congrats on getting Sorry of the Week @tda back in June! I thought I would come back and review!

First off the summary is really interesting so I honestly was curious in where you would take this. The plot is very original. I love the mix of drama and scandal with some humor and action.

I really like how you gave Alicia a back-story. Her past relationship with Albus gives a little mysterious air to the fic. And the fact that she cheated on him is a great way to twist the usual he cheated on her. I also like that we got to know some stuff about each member of the staff. And Sophie's patronus is a giraffe? That's cool. The Mundungus Fletcher of this generation is dating the Minister of Magic's daughter? I somehow feel like they go perfectly together then. You know the criminal and the daughter of a politician. :P

Alicia seems like a reasonable character. She uses her head and knows how to deal with situations that come her way. I think she's a great narrator.

All in all, this story has a great plot and characters that are easily lovable!

~Sama :)

P.S. I love the chapter titles! It's a great idea to go with the alphabet and all!

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Review #6, by navyfailDon't Mean a Thing: Not the One to Stay Around

2nd August 2014:
Hey Rose! Congrats on getting Story of the Wek over @tgs!

First off, this my first time reading a Lily/Sirius story. I'm a Jily shipper and I never did understand the Lily/Sirius ship but when I read those lyrics I was curious so here I am!

At the beginning it was this secret affair. And as it continued he got to know her and she got to know him. The 'You needed her' and 'She needs you' literally made me go aww.

And then in comes the ending... she must have felt so betrayed and heartbroken. Sirius really did play the jerk role nicely. But wow was he smart!

And the last line was a great way to finish the piece. "She meant the world to James but didn't mean a thing to you."

I honestly did feel that he liked her though... maybe not as much as James... maybe just a little? But then that's probably because I don't like seeing Sirius in a negative light haha.

Lovely story! Lovely concept! And great use of the second pov... I honestly didn't notice it was in second person until I went and looked back over it. You pulled it off really well! Lily's and Sirius' characterization were fun to read. I do think you managed to capture them quite well as well as adding some touches of your own.


P.S. I do think I will check out that song now. Though when I listen to it I'll probably think of this story the whole way through. Again wonderful job!

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Review #7, by navyfaillow tide: a meditation

30th May 2014:
Hello, I'm Sama! I'm here from the review exchange!

First off, how you used so few words but still managed to make this one-shot so effective in message and emotion is amazing!

I absolutely love how you weaved all these small little memories into your words. The fish and chips, the sand castle, the boulder... they all add on and build up to the last sentence.

Another thing I like is that you didn't focus on the pain but more about the grieving but at the same time finding inner peace. The setting, in my opinion, fits perfectly with what you were trying to capture. I can imagine tides and waves coming closer and then going back, it reminds me of his breathing (which I think you mentioned in there somewhere, now that I read over it again), the inhaling and exhaling, and how he thinks of Fred but then tells himself to be calm and relax.

The castle seems to be symbolic. Angelina and Lee built it and then in the end it washed away... it represents Fred in a way I think, though I'm not sure if you meant it that way. Or does it represent what George is feeling?

My favorite lines are:

"You look back at the sand castle. The tide is coming in, and begins to wash the castle into the sea."

"And so the wheel turns."

"Focus on the waves to numb the memory of that jarring impact on the castle wall, the tumbling stones, Fred laughing, Fred motionless."

All in all, I had a great time reading this!


Author's Response: Hi, Sama!

Wow, thank you so much! I am so glad to hear that despite the short length it still conveys a lot of emotion. The 500 word challenge was pretty difficult as I can be a bit of a rambler and a 500 word limit doesn't allow any room for unnecessary words!

I thought memories were essential for this because George is kind of living in his head a bit, and really the whole piece focuses a lot on the passage of time. So thank you, it's wonderful to hear that despite the sombre tone of most of the story and the slightly whimsical memories, that they integrated seamlessly.

The comparison between breathing and the waves is one of the things I was really trying to point out so I'm glad you saw that too and that you liked it!

Yes, the sand castle was largely symbolic - though honestly, it was intentionally left vague as to what it represents - I wanted to leave it open to many interpretations and up to the reader to decide. ;) Personally, I saw it as simultaneously representing the tower of Hogwarts crumbling again in George's mind, and Fred rejoining the earth as nature cycles, but also Time gently washing away the grief and leaving room for hope. But various reviewers have given other interpretations which I like just as much! So it kind of means whatever you want it to mean.

Thank you so much for your wonderful review! I really appreciate it, and I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this story.

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Review #8, by navyfailWhat If?: The Trigger

10th May 2014:
Hey Kiana!
I think I remember reading this a long time ago but not finishing it for some reason. So here I am since I found it again!

Rose/Scorpius have always been one of my favorite ships and them being good friends from the start isn't a common approach. In this story it makes sense though. I like how you made her Ravenclaw since it fits with her personality (and because Ravenclaws are the best, shhh don't tell anyone I said that). ;)

The 'what if' feelings are always the worst. Looking back at the past is something most tell you not to do but somtimes you can't help it. Regretting saying yes to someone in a proposal of marriage is a really sticky situation. I kind of hope she doesn't go through with the wedding since Scorpius is back (and he is love). I guess I have to meet Xavier first. Though I wonder why she dated Scorpius' friend so quickly after they broke up. Isn't there usually a rule between friends that you don't date each others exs?


Author's Response: Hi Sama, ah this was such a lovely surprise, so thank you for making your way back here! :D

I'm glad you liked it, it's one of my favourite ships so everytime I write them it's always a ton of fun to think of a new way to get them together. Ha, I won't ;) I always do see her as a Claw though, there's just something about her which makes her like that.

I know, especially when it's with something so big as marriage, but Rose is level-headed and a Claw so at least she'll make a somewhat rational answer (or hopefully she does!). I know there is that rule, but her and Xavier didn't have the most normal way of getting together!

Thanks for a great review, Sama!


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Review #9, by navyfailToo Close: Mr. Tall & Mr. Small

10th May 2014:
Oh, this sounds really mysterious! I absolutely love your descriptions. And Mr. Small has authority over Mr. Tall? I would have expected it the other way around because of size but I find that really interesting. I wonder what is going to happen to Scorpius though...

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Review #10, by navyfailThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: ii. the initiation [or] five thousand galleons justifies everything

7th May 2014:
Hi! I'm here from the BvB Battle.

Oh, so they have done their first prank and picked their targets! This is going to interesting since it is in a way going to be Louis and Lucy vs. Albus and Rose. I'm totally rooting for Albus and Rose! And Scorpius and Albus have a thing? I'm a huge Scorpius/Rose shipper so this is new but I have an open mind about it. I wonder where it will go.

And oh gosh... their names. Now I feel bad for all of them. I think Rose got the best one!

And we got to see George! He's very nice to Rose as he should since he's her uncle and all. I absolutely love this line: "Blame Dad. He didn't raise me properly."

Something I noticed:
"Stop whingeing or I'll take the badge off you," Albus says. "Nobody will even notice."

Overall, the story is coming along! I think some more description could be helpful but I love your use of dialogue!


Author's Response: Thank you! There is definitely an element of Louis and Lucy vs Albus and Rose, so it is a pretty personal prank war. And yes, Albus/Scorpius is a thing! I was a Scorose shipper too, but this relationship just kind of evolved out of nowhere and now I ship it more than life. I'm interested to see whether you'll warm to it as well :)

I was pretty horrible with the naming of my OCs - Holly Helen Holyoake in particular. Poor girl...

I do like George, and I hope I've characterised him accurately - he's a difficult guy to write, so I hope I did him justice!

I do agree - multi-chapter fics are absolute death to my description skills for some reason, probably because everything just becomes about characterisation and witty banter, and everything else unfortunately goes out the window. But I'll keep an eye on that in future chapters. Thanks for the feedback!

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Review #11, by navyfailA Not So Normal Life (After All): An Introduction

6th May 2014:
Hello! I'm here from the BvB battle.

The idea of this story really intrigues me. A muggle girl obsessed with harry potter who finds harry potter fanfiction and makes it her home is really unique and interesting. This is a short first chapter but a a good starting one.

G seems great so far and her love for harry potter makes her even better. The counting down til the end of school is very realistic since almost every student does that in school (even I do that haha). I get why she didn't tell the truth to Paige but at the same time it makes me wonder how deep their friendship goes. It is totally understandable why she had to lie but at the same time lying to your friends isn't the best feeling.

Great introductory chapter! It makes me want to keep reading. This is a nice start to the story. I would like to know G more. (What does G stand for? I'm curious.) And I can already tell that the plot is going to start soon. Good luck with future chapters and happy writing!!

(Team Blue)

Author's Response: Thank you! Being a potterhead just makes a person all the more attractive I think ;). I think that is a good point about their friendship, but I also think that G is not a very open person, especially if it is about something that many people seem to be embarrassed about- although they shouldn't be. Glad you liked it! Oh, and G stands for Georgia :). Thanks again for the lovely review!

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Review #12, by navyfailNot as Small: A Mother's Love

5th May 2014:
Hi! I'm here from the BvB battle.

This is a fantastic one-shot you have here! Molly's characterization was on spot and her interactions with the kids are great. I love Charlie and Bill's 'duelling.' It is so innocent and fresh and I can totally see most wizarding boys at their age doing that. I can see Charlie's fascination with dragons already which is sweet.

I love the mention of her weight and her slight insecurity about it. It is normal for a woman to have that but she is very strong and accepting about it. I actually didn't guess she was pregnant with George and Fred but it makes much more sense that she is. And I can see why she is so excited!!

Overall, 10/10!

(Team Blue)

Author's Response: Hi Sama!

Thank you so much for such a nice review! It's so great to hear that the characterizations worked out well. I wasn't sure if it would be weird to have Charlie liking dragons at that young age. The dueling felt quite similar to kids playing cops and robbers or some similar playtime activity.

The weight theme was interesting to explore. We see in the books that she is quite comfortable with herself and Arthur loves her completely. Well, I didn't want to make it obvious that it was Fred and George but I thought her pregnancy could be a nice way to bookend the story.

Thanks again for the wonderful review!!


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Review #13, by navyfailThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: i. the plan [or] five nerds face a life of hedonism

4th May 2014:
Hello! I'm here from the BvB battle.

This is a really creative idea! A Fred Weasley Scholarship... a group of goody-goody Ravenclaws going after it = great plot! I love how Ron told her beforehand, he seems like he would. And I love how you introduced the group.

I can get some feel of their different personalities and I like that Scorpius wants it even though he is loaded.

Between the five of them, only two E's on the OWLs? My, my... they are true Ravens (which is great)! Sleeping in class is surely not going to get them the scholarship but we'll see what happens.

The end... lol, that made me smile. Does that mean they'll prank themselves?

Great first chapter and lovely story!

(Team Blue)

Author's Response: Thank you! I must admit I am very fond of that contrast myself, and it makes this story an incredibly enjoyable one to write! While most of the group (and especially Scorpius) don't really need it from a financial perspective, a scholarship is a scholarship - and financial independence is a massive motivator for a bunch of seventeen year olds counting down the months until they can move out of home.

They really are true Ravenclaws, which of course makes the scholarship that much more difficult for them. Regarding the pranking - keep reading and you'll find out! Thanks for the review (and go team blue!)

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Review #14, by navyfailBirdie (Speed Dating Entry): Birdie

4th May 2014:
Hi! I'm from the Blue vs. Bronze Battle.

This is a very sweet one-shot. I love how he calls her 'Birdie.' It is different from the typical 'Rosie.' I also like how he didn't know all Weasleys' names; there are a lot of them. Though, if they are engaged, I would have thought the family would have got used to him since they were dating beforehand or were they?

I love Hugo's comment about Harry Potter being the last male accepted to the family through marriage. It made me smile. And Dominique and Roxanne are great.

This is definitely my favorite line: "Good going, Rose. Snagged yourself a rich one." It's funny and cute and something I would probably say. In addition to that, I love how Harry just looked at him and then turned to Ron to try and calm him down.

Great job with this! Very cute story.
(Team Blue)

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for such a nice review!

They were dating before, but Rose had been avoiding the "big reveal". He really probably knew most of her family already, but he was just really anxious about making mistakes.

I'm glad you liked it!


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Review #15, by navyfailDaffodils: Denial

4th May 2014:
Hi! I'm here from the Blue v. Bronze battle.

First off, I've never actually read a story about the Creevys... is that sad? I'm glad this is my first one. I love how little things of the past are mentioned like how Dennis and his brother and dad planted flowers in his mother's grave, and how Dennis used to love playing doctor as a kid. The memories are a nice touch. His relationship with his dad is really genuine. They only have each other and they are so strong about it.

I love his dad... after the death of his wife and son, he didn't just give up on life but kept continuing it. I admire that.

The end of this chapter is so sad: "I told him magic could heal him. Now I have to watch him die? " This is going to be so hard for him and if I were him I would have said the same thing. And mentioning the saying good-bye thing was so awww.

Overall, great first chapter! I love the little details like how he works a night shift and the addition of Cho Chang. I'm really glad I had the pleasure of reading this!

(Team Blue)

Author's Response: Hi!

I actually put the final chapter of this into the queue today, so it's at the top of my mind.

I decide on stories in two ways. Sometimes I start with the character and choose the plot. Sometimes I have the plot and choose a character to fit. This was the second kind - I wanted a hogwarts-era or later muggleborn. And once again, Mrs Rowling has created someone who fits my plot perfectly!

I don't think there are many stories about the Creevys - especially not Dennis. I don't remember seeing any, anyway.

So glad you liked it! Little details are a 'Claw thing, I think (although other people like them too, it's our kind of research and thinking through everything). And you spotted Cho's (kind of obvious) cameo!

Thank you!

- Leonore

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Review #16, by navyfailIt Is the Colour of Joy: You Smile...

25th April 2014:
Hello! I'm here from the review swap. I usually don't read Draco/Astoria, though I don't know why since they are one of my favorite ships. The style of this one-shot is short and simple but it fits with the idea you are trying to get across. I also love it how her favorite color is 'light red' not just red. And how you managed to capture all the little memories and emotions in all the short senetences is amazing. My favorite part would have to be the last part since it is a change from the happy, fluffy beginning.

Overall, great one-shot! I enjoyed reading it. Really unique idea. :)

~Sama (~chocolate)

Author's Response: I don't read much of them either, and they're one of my faves, as well! It's weird how that works, no? Thanks for the lovely review. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. It's way different from my usual style so feedback is always a little scary :)

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Review #17, by navyfailSweet Madness: Cauldrons and Cheese

24th April 2014:
Hello, I'm Sama, here from the review swap! I love a good Marauders so I thought I would read this story from your lovely author's page. :)

Oh, Snape! The way your portray him is quite interesting. And a thirst for revenge? Sounds a lot like him. And he has a sidekick? Well, that's new but I love the idea of it. I feel bad for Peter though, being the test subject for the potion and all.

I love the banter between the three friends. I can immediately pin-point their personalities and who is saying which line. Sirius is really immature but that's okay because it fits him well (and I like that quality on him). And James... oh, how he pines for Lily Evans.

A few things with punctuation:

"'Yes, that might be the source of the problem' Remus announced in a very matter-of-fact tone." I think you missed a comma that is supposed to go after 'problem'.

"'Yeah you do, you cheddar freak, you.' Sirius said and clapped Peter on the shoulder." Instead of a period after 'you', it should be a comma.

"'Shut it. I swear, I'll hex you so bad you'll be drooling more than Wormtail is.' James threatened." The period after 'is' should probably be a comma.

All in all, this is a great opening chapter! The Marauders seem to be in character and you have a talent when it comes to dialogue. I wouldn't mind seeing a little more description but other than that lovely job!!!

~Sama (~chocolate)

Author's Response: Hi Sama! Thanks again for swapping! :)

This is my very first Marauders fanfic so I'm very excited to get positive (or any other^^) feedback!

I have to admit, I'm a Severus lover (though not a hardcore, hardcore one - I seriously disliked him at first ^^) and couldn't resist giving him enough confidence to go after Lily!
I just had to make him like a super-vilain, a slightly ridiculous antagonist, mostly for the laughs but also because it made the writing of this story easier ^^
I feel in love with him having a slightly moronic but also kind of good-hearted sidekick! I'm really glad you like it too!
A little spoilers: if you check out Aubrey, you might find a little something something about him on HPWikia for example. That one known fact about him made me choose him and will be brought to the plot in chapter 6 or 7 ;)

Ah, yes... Peter... Chapter 5 is about him :)

I'm really happy to know there's no confusion in the dialogs anymore (I had to had a few tags here and there because even though I was aiming for what you described [and that you got it makes me really happy!] it got confusing at first, even for me :/ )
Yes, I also love an immature Sirius! Mischievous and fresh!
James is also kind of childish in his own way, but his burning passion for Lily, borderline creepy and stalkish, tips the scale somehow ^^'

After carefully observing the known dynamics of the Marauders, I felt Remus was the one holding the main emotional mast of the group while James and Sirius came up with incredibly ridiculous ways to break the rules, and Peter kind of tagged along to belong.
Of course, this felt like it wasn't enough so I had to add a few things here and there... Hehehe.

Thank you very much for pointing out that punctuation detail. I must admit I have deep-seeded issues with closure and what-not so I just can't bring myself to exactly follow your advice. But I'll definitely think of using a comma if I add a tag in the middle of a sentence!

And I will definitely add more description! I tend to force myself to have a finished chapter be validated before I admit to my critical self that it's not perfect - otherwise said chapter would stay forever on my laptop and that's just not as fun as feedback :D

Now that I finally have an adequate internet connection again, I'm looking forward to adding further chapters as well as editing... Darn, I just have to much I want to catch up on!

I do hope you'll be willing to swap reviews with me again when the time comes!
Since it took me so long to respond (sorry about that^^), I hope my answer was satisfactory!
Thank you for the great review!!


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Review #18, by navyfailThe Seams: Poison & Wine

24th April 2014:
Hello! I'm here for the review swap! I think I've read the first chapter of this story but I haven't read the rest. So I'm going to read this chapter first, though I'm probably missing some of the story, and then probably go back to chapter 2 and go from there. :)

Only reading a paragraph, I'm astonished at your use of description. I, myself, am not good at description so when I see authors that pull it off so well, I'm amazed. I love how you use words to set up the scene so vividly. I can picture it really easily.

Oh, she is trying to learn about her family's past. That's interesting!

Tobias seems sweet. And they are quite a cute couple. It's sad that they end the way they do in the future. I love how she describes his laugh. If you know a guy's laugh and find it cute, it means you like them a lot, haha. :D

"Dad's going to live forever, he's like a superhero." This is adorable. It made me smile as did when he said "I love you." And I love how she mentioned that it wasn't the right time nor the right place to say it, but then, I don't think there ever really is a right time.

And the ending, oh gosh. I really hope the baby lives! Please don't kill him!

Overall, fantastic chapter. The chapter flowed real smoothly and the emotions were spot on and so were everyone's reactions. I had a great time reading this and I'm glad we did this review swap, Shelby.

~Sama (~chocolate)

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Review #19, by navyfailHow to Become Minister of Magic: A Guide: Let's Make a Deal

23rd April 2014:
Hello. I'm here from the review swap.

First off, I love Lanny. She's cunning and has a grasp of reality but at the same time means well at heart. Her determination and confidence is a great addition to her personality and how she precisely planned everything makes the story interesting. She went to Beauxbatons but I have a feeling that if she went to Hogwarts, she would have been a Slytherin with her ambition.

I agree with her when is comes to her boss. He sounds like a 'pig' but a pig that probably gets the job done. Louis has a nice introduction but I can't quite get a good feel of his character yet. I'm sure that will change once there are more chapters.

I noticed that in some places commas are necessary and also "mid-evil times" is actually spelled "medieval times." Other than that, your grammar is great.

All in all, your plot is interesting and I can see a lot of potential here. I love your main character and best of luck on the rest of the story.

~Sama (~chocolate)

Author's Response: Yes, she would have definitely been a Slytherin. I was planning on her being in that house but it didn't work if she knew everyone from Hogwarts already. Thank you for pointing out grammar points, I am truly terrible at editing my own work. Thanks so much for the nice review!

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Review #20, by navyfailThe Underdogs: Let the Madness Begin

22nd April 2014:
Hello! I'm here for the review swap!

I honestly love the title of your story since it reminds me of an Imagine Dragons song. Second off the name of your main character is quite unique: Maude. And she is a Wood? That is quite a lot to live up to but I think she'll do just fine.

Her character is great. Immediately, I love her willingness and determination. Though, I wonder what makes her more of a Hufflepuff than a Gryffindor. She has confidence in her and it probably takes a lot of patience to stand James Potter.

It turns out she does manage to pull a team with some skill though it looks like they'll have to go through some brutal training to win against the rest of the teams. The beaters... are interesting. I had no idea that they would actually know how to fly. I wonder how much skill Maddox has since we didn't seem him throw the Quaffle at all. I had a feeling the fourth year would end up getting the position though for some reason.

Great first chapter! I hope in future chapters we get to know how each member of the team is like. And I can't wait to meet the talked about James Potter.

~Sama (~chocolate)

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Review #21, by navyfailUpping The Ante: Save A Broom

22nd April 2014:
Second chapter! Yay.

There is more Sirius in this one which is great. He doesn't have a grudge against her for the practice match, it seems. His carefree and kind side came out this chapter which is a plus.

Tom has some work to do. I truly feel bad for the kid but through practice maybe miracles will happen. Alexandra is very friendly to him rather than mean like some coaches can be. Her willingness to help him is sweet.

That catch phrase is quite cute and witty, I like. ;)

And Amos Diggory? Never have I been very fond of the fellow but who knows, maybe he is decent.

I wonder why she doesn't talk that much about her dad. Is there some history there?

Overall, nice work and I wish you luck on the rest of the story.


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Review #22, by navyfailUpping The Ante: The Bouncing Properties of Dimes

22nd April 2014:
Hello. I'm here from the review swap. Since I've read the first chapter, I'll go ahead and review it and then move on to the next one. First off, this is a nice start to a story. Alexandra seems like a promising character. She's not the typical overahcieving at school Ravenclaw which is great. I like how she quickly defended Charlie when Sirius made a comment about her hair. It shows that she is a good friend. Carter comes off as a good captain but I would like to see more of how he is around his friends off the pitch in future chapters.

Quidditch scenes can be difficult to write but you pulled it off with ease. That takes a lot of skill so fantastic job with that.

Alex is an interesting character. His friendship with Alexandra is genuine and different than the one she shares with Carter. Tom is a favorite just because he is young and shy. I hope his Quidditch skills improve.

Alexandra played the Seeker position before right? How is it that she was willingly to give it up that easily? It sounds like she enjoyed playing that position.

Overall, lovely start to your story. :)

~Sama (~chocolate)

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Review #23, by navyfailKill Your Darlings: Mistake

11th February 2014:


Author's Response: Bahaha, YES. Caps reviews are, like, my FAVE. >:] Thank ye, thank ye for reading and reviewing and liking it and stuff. I'm aware that I've been writing kind of cruel endings for these last few chapters, so I hope to have another installment in the works SOON.

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Review #24, by navyfailKill Your Darlings: Refuge

11th February 2014:
This is a change for Andromeda. Eating almonds, not having a lot of money available to her and all. But it helps give a perspective on the life she lived and how she is living at the moment. And she sees George. Though he still doesn't like her all too much... not that I can blame him.

I really liked her phone conversation with Ted. It brings out the anxiousness and nervousness she's feeling and Ted's went with a smart approach on how to handle the situation. And she mentions the 'laughing' thing, so cute!

For some reason, George is growing on me. I like how he is protective of Ted and how he doesn't trust her. And Andromeda's sass: "He's paying you to help me, isn't he?" and "Why should I thank a hired hand?" She's amazing!

Great chapter!!


Author's Response: Yesh, I can't exactly blame George, either. If there was an Andromeda in my life, I'd be super suspicious of her hanging around my friends, too. He's just looking out for his Huffly Puffly buddy.

And YAY! I'm glad you enjoyed the phone conversation, because it's been one of my favorite convos to write. I like making Andromeda a complete spazz when it comes to Muggle contraptions. Heh.

George and Andromeda have been a ton of fun to write. I'd really like to give them their own sitcom. Like The Odd Couple. Baha. Sigh. Maybe one day. In an alternate universe...

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Review #25, by navyfailKill Your Darlings: Confrontation & Contraband

6th February 2014:
I'm back! (Even though I already read up to chapter fifteen. I know I'm guilty of not reviewing but I hope this late review works.)

The break up scene was perfectly executed. Her reaction and how Rabastan tried to persuade her that it was nothing went together. And, "Men have physical needs." Really? Nice excuse, Rabastan, really nice. Because that will totallyyy win her back.

And Georgiana? Isn't she the one who also flirted with Ted at Slughorn's party?

Sirius is a sweetheart. Really! How can he be any more perfect? He brought her up some food. And he blushes around her (even though he's her cousin and all), so cute! I kind of want to pinch his cheeks for some reason.

I really liked the mention of the motorcycle. Also how she explains how he should save up for it so it will be his own is very sensible.

During all of this, Andromeda thinks of Ted! (Yayyy)

Bellatrix makes an appearance. We've already heard of her and Andromeda has already described her and now we finally get to meet her. She seems in character. She's always been a bit malicious and very cunning so how she acts fits.

P.S. The rest of the reviews will be coming in a day or two. Hopefully that isn't too long.

Author's Response: Yeahhh, Rabastan needs to work on his apology skillz. Not that there's really anything that could've dug him out of that one, but still. Douche move. :( And yes! You've a memory of STEEL. That is the very same Georgiana who was flirting with Ted.

Daw. I'm so glad you liked the Dromeda/Sirius interaction. I love them and their relationship so much. And I couldn't resist throwing a little nod at the motorcycle. I always imagined that Sirius was pretty set in his punk ways at an early age. He just needs his cousin to help him with the fiscal side of things. Haha.

You are the absolute BEST, reviewing each chapter. You take as little or as much time as you need to leave any review whatsoever. It just makes my day reading them. :]

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