Reading Reviews From Member: navyfail
289 Reviews Found

Review #1, by navyfailBreathe: i. Consequence

6th February 2016:
Ohh, this is definitely different from most of the Marauder stories I've read. I like how you show Sirius and James in the middle of a tough period. I don't think I've ever really read them when they were having a rough patch or an argument. It's usually best friends for life James and Sirius so this is definitely new and refreshing in sort of a way. I honestly feel so bad for Sirius because his friends really are everything for him since he has never been that close with family. And now he's alone!

Not only is James not talking to him, but Remus and Peter as well. Whatever happened sounds very serious.

I'm not sure if I'm correct but it seems like the prank may have been the Whomping Willow incident with Snape. I've never really thought about that incident and actually never thought the Marauders would have a rift over that, though it was a very dangerous thing to do. Again, I may be totally off about this.

I have to say I really like how you ended this. You effortlessly brought in the title of this story, finishing off with "except he couldn't stop thinking and his mind kept going back to James and oh, Merlin, Remus, until he had to get out of bed to breathe or throw up."

Great start to the story! I wonder if the Marauders will make up and if they do anytime soon, how. And I'm sure later in the story the incident that started this will be expanded on and Snape's comment of Sirius being a queer will come up as well.

Great job and congrats on 100 reviews!


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Review #2, by navyfailColombiana: Chapter Two

6th February 2016:
And I'm back for BvB! Sorry for taking forever to get to this chapter but I finally did, using the review battle as an excuse to make me make time.

I'm actually really glad Tristan is back! He seems like an interesting character... very brave and direct. And this comment: ..."she would not be held responsible for her actions, no matter how cute she had thought he was." She thinks he's cute! Even though she now thinks he's kind of annoying! I like that he came back for her even though it was to find out if she was a spy. For someone who works for the American ministry, he's a little obvious about the fact that he is a wizard. But then maybe Daphne's a little observant.

I was actually surprised that Daphne intervened in the end. She seems like the type who watches out for herself and usually stays at a bystander. But I thought it was really brave that she did go and try to help Francisco. I honestly thought a show down of sorts would happen but I'm relieved she's okay. And I love how you ended the chapter with her by being able to open the door again.

I can't tell you if your Spanish was correct since I don't speak Spanish but I thought it was a nice touch that you put those lines in and kept pointing out that Daphne had a hard time understanding some interactions because she doesn't understand the language too well. I think this fits with her setting really well!

I like how this story is going at a good place... not too slow, but too fast. I honestly thought it would take longer before we see Tristan again but I was really happy to see him back. His interactions with Daphne are always interesting.

Anyway, great chapter! Your imagery was spot on and it seems like the plot is slowly unraveling. And a huge congrats on story of the month!!


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Review #3, by navyfailCacophony : puerile.

21st January 2016:
Hello! I was looking through the the recently added list and I saw this story so I thought I would give it a go.

First off, I love you main character's name! When I read it I immediately thought back to Isla Fisher.

I honestly think beginning with Isla finding out about Quinn's drugs sets up the university atmosphere nicely. I don't know why, maybe because when you think of university you think of education, drugs, and alcohol immediately. Or maybe that's just me. :P

I like how the friend group has a guy in it. I think it gives for an interesting dynamic. I think Victoria is the most interesting next to Isla. Maybe that's because she knows how to fight? Also everyone calling Mika Blonde Jesus is kind of funny.

I'm curious as to why everyone refers to the DADA professor as Lina. That sounds like a first name and I would have thought students would refer to her my her last name. Also I feel for Isla that she has to do yet another presentation! Hopefully it will be the last one from DADA in a while.

Also, I'm guessing Mika's roommate is Scorpius Malfoy? Because I'm pretty sure the redhead he was helping is Rose Weasley. But maybe I'm wrong, who knows. But if it is them, that's really cute since they're are one of my OTPs!

A couple things I noticed:

"...was ninety year old who was reminiscing her youthful days." I think you forgot an 'a' between 'was' and 'ninety year old.'

"He wants to learn how to fight," answered Victoria, her voice muffled as she leaned further into

Quinn's shoulder who giggled at the ticklish feeling."
There was a line of space before the sentence was finished.

"Not only did Isla had to complete this essay, but also had to start on the presentation which probably would take two days since she really f***ng hated DADA."
I think instead of had it's supposed to be have: 'Not only did Isla have to...'

"Suddenly a blonde bloke came to her rescue, his tall figure aiding him to grab the book from the self with ease." Instead of self, I'm guessing this is supposed to be shelf?

"The next morning her phone's battery was half of what was when she had gone to sleep and Quinn wasn't in her bed." I'm pretty sure there should be an it between 'what' and 'was': '...her phone's battery was half of what it was when...'

Overall, I think this is a great start to a story! I've never read a university hp fic so this is new for me but in a good way! I think you should keep going with this story since it is developing quite nicely. And the texting was definitely very realistic! And I love that you included technology into this (WizBook and all).


Author's Response: hiii thank you so much!!! im so glad you like this, i was honestly v scared to post this lol but thank u thank u!! and haaa, you'll see who's the roommate aha and o wow thank u for pointing out the typos!! means a lot, i'll fix them asap and post the second chapter bc im so excited for this story and your review made my excitement go up a notch, thank you !!! and yay im happy you liked the texting bit xx

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Review #4, by navyfailRoses are Red: Inherently Awkward Conversations

19th January 2016:
"Ew, and I'm kissing Scorpius. That's proof that our lips touched. This is so wrong. He definitely had me under the Imperius Curse."
Oh, Rose, still thinking Scorpius somehow jinxed her into marrying him. And the fact that she still says ew so often I think fits with her still having her seventh year thought process. I really liked meeting Hugo. I love how they kept it lighthearted. I wonder when we'll meet the rest of her family. Also I'm really curious about why Zoe doesn't like her. Seeing as her name is Zabini, does she know Scorpius?
And the last line was funny. No, Rose, you cannot flirt with your teammates. Nope. I mean who would want to when you have Scorpius? ;)


Author's Response: She's definitely stubborn in thinking that :) You'll be meeting the rest of her family soon! I can't wait for that one! As for Zoe, you'll just have to see ;)

Haha, I know! She still considers herself single, so she's definitely enjoying the male Quidditch players!

Thanks for the lovely review :)


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Review #5, by navyfailRoses are Red: Making Decisions

19th January 2016:
Ohh, and we get some background of what happened between them in school and how they eventually got together! And we meet Hermione! I honestly really like this chapter! I think it's sweet that Rose chooses to confide in her Mom about divorcing Scorpius and finding out what led to them getting married. Also Hermione laughing when Rose rants about how awful Scorpius was is adorable. Can't wait to find out what happens next!


P.S. I saw your response to my earlier review and the fanfic is called Seeing Red but it is on another site.

Author's Response: Yay glad you liked it! Appreciate the review :)

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Review #6, by navyfailRoses are Red: Just a Bump on the Head

19th January 2016:
Hello! I was intrigued by the summary so I thought I would try and read this story! The plot actually reminds me of this other story I read about Rose and Scorpius and Rose losing her memory but I'm sure yours will take a different approach to it.

I like how you introduced a few characters already, however I'm wondering where Hermione is in all of this? I would have thought she would have come as soon as possible if she heard Rose was awake.

I think it's cute how Quidditch obsessed Rose is. I think that small piece of information tells us a lot already. I'm guessing she's a competitive (as one tends to be when one plays the sport) and loyal (as she seemed like she was very loyal to her house back in Hogwarts).

Scorpius not saying anything at all before leaving the room makes me go aww. He must have a lot of patience and just want to give her some room. He must be hurting a lot!

I was a little surprised that Ron immediately jumped to the conclusion that Rose didn't remember when all she asked was what Scorpius was doing there. I would have thought it would take a little time before arriving at the conclusion that her memory may be impaired. Or maybe it was the way she said it that clued him in to what's going on.

All in all, great start to the story! I think this fic has a lot of potential to go somewhere fantastic! And I have to say I think I'll end up liking Rose and probably Scorpius too as well since I can never hate him.


Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!

I actually didn't know there was another story where Rose loses her memory. If you could let me know the title I would love to read it :)

And Chapter 2 does deal with Hermione, she was at work because they didn't know when Rose would wake up. Since Ron's an Auror his schedule is a little more flexible. But Ron does owl her letting her know to come :)

Thanks :) I wanted to showcase Quidditch, and I've always pictured Rose as a Quidditch player.

And yes, he is! Especially now, I want him to be seen as patient and sweet.

And that's a good point. What I was thinking was that since it was a pretty bad accident, the Healers were telling them that worst case scenario would be she loses her memory. Ron, being a father, would naturally fear the worst and jump to the conclusion on his own. I think I do need to rephrase this though and make it clearer, so thank you for bringing it to my attention!

Thank you so much for the sweet review! I hope you enjoy the rest :)

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Review #7, by navyfailColombiana: Chapter One

19th January 2016:
Hello! Here for the Blue versus Bronze Review Battle!

I actually didn't notice till now that the first chapter was a prologue but it makes sense now. Also the time stamps in the chapter summaries give a feel of how long before this chapter is from the first.

I like how much we learn about Daphne in this chapter. I'm sad that her and Astoria don't have a better relationship but that does happen between siblings sometimes. Also, did Astoria just move in with the Malfoys or is she already married to Draco? Maybe I missed a detail but I'm a little confused on that part. And both of Daphne's parents are gone... being along must be hard... she seems so independent that it wouldn't bother her much but being without family is still a tough thing to deal with. I like the contrast with the Muggle crowd and the wizards at Diagon Alley. The observation made by her that wizards are much more uniform and organized is interesting.

I also thought this was kind of funny:
"Daphne hadn't changed much, appearance wise, since her days at Hogwarts, except for the boobs which miraculously appeared after 7 years of wishing to whatever God would listen."
It's very relatable and definitely makes her out to be someone with a good sense of humor.

I also enjoyed how you added on to Dempster's character... him and his doughnuts, his smoking habit, and his not-so nice fingernails were an excellent touch!

There were a few errors I noticed while reading, they aren't major but I thought I would point them out:
"As unofficial leader of the law enforcement department of the Daily Prophet, eh took it upon himself to dole out the best stories to his favourite journalists..." I think 'eh' is supposed to be 'he' in this.

"I didn't think that was something you wanted everyone to know that but each to their own." I think there is an extra 'that' in this part.

I'm enjoying this story very much and am quite curious in where you will be taking this. Keep up the great work! Your writing style is one of the best I've seen in a while.


Author's Response: Hi Sama!

Ah, well I'm glad you've realised! Yes, I figured the time stamps would help to keep up with the story and plot.

I was torn in how their relationship should be but in the end, I chose to have them having drifted apart, as well as from her parents. It just seemed to flow more and allow Daphne's character to grow having her not involved with them fully anymore. She's just moved in with them for now - not traditional, I know but after the war and Narcissa being on her own, I figured having Astoria move in would make sense to keep her company around the house. I don't think it bothers her too much but sometimes I could imagine it getting to her a little bit but she's not totally out of contact with them all. Thank you!

Haha, I love that line so i'm glad you loved it! I like to think she's a got a decent sense of humour so i'm glad that comes across!

Oh Dempster, that is just how I pictured him - I guess after watching many american movies is where the donut habit came from and I always think of police detectives smoking cigars at their desks so his character is just a combination of that! I love him really though.

Thanks for pointing them out. i'll edit them as soon as I can!

Aww, thank you so much Sama! That really means a lot! And thank you so much for the SOTM nomination, it really made me smile!


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Review #8, by navyfailMultiverse Theory: Coffee Shop Etude

18th January 2016:
Hello! Here for BvB!
Oh, Jily... how can I ever get enough of them!
I thought this was a really cute situation you put them in... Lily, an aspiring writer, and James, the musician. And the fact that Lily likes him right off the bat is refreshing! I like how much detail you managed to put into this short chapter... it seems like you put in a lot of research about music genres or are a musician yourself. I also like how you subtly added the rest of Marauders without giving them names.

I think it's sweet that Lily somehow wrote a character that looks like him without meaning too. And when she was stammering when he talked to her... aww! This is such a different Jily situation but I still ship them the same!

James winking at her in end made me think of wizard James honestly... I don't know why, I always see him as kind of flirty.

Really great job with this! And I really like the idea of this fic!


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Review #9, by navyfailColombiana: Prologue

18th January 2016:
Hello! I'm here for BvB!
I have to say I love how you begin the chapter with an action scene. And your imagery strikes the right balance between enough and too much which is great!
I usually don't read many stories on the older Greengrass so this is a first for me. Usually the stories I read involve both Daphne and Astoria but I like reading solely about the elder sibling. She seems very likable as a character already... maybe that's because of the sarcasm... I love sarcasm haha.
Also is Magiflex supposed to be the Muggle version of Netflix? If it is, that's brilliant.
I like how you manage to set up the main plot points already: telling us why she's here, who she works for, how she ended up in this situation, and how she knows Tristan. Also I love that she calls Tristan Texas! Even though it is a stereotype it added very lighthearted humor into the chapter. Also since Tristan is from New Orleans, does that mean he can speak French?

One thing I noticed:
"'Yes, that's pretty much the reason i'm here – funnily enough, I don't usually take vacations in South American drug hotspots'" and “'Do you seriously believe that i'm going to let you help me?'" You missed capitalizing the i in 'I'm' in both parts. Just something I thought I would mention.

Overall, fantastic first chapter! I'm very interested in what's going to happen next!


Author's Response: Hi Sama!

Thank you! I played with a few ideas on how to start and in the end, I just wanted to get down to business and what better way to start than with an action scene! Thank you! I'm glad that I didn't overwhelm you too much!

I have a real intrigue about Daphne, more so than Astoria and I have a soft spot for minor characters so I loved writing about her. she really captured my attention and she's now my latest obsession!

Yes it is! I'm glad you liked it. I am not creative in the slightest so I'm glad you didn't think it was lame!

I love starting stories with prologues - I really think it captures the readers attention and makes you want to know how they got to that point so thank you and i'm glad you liked it!

Haha, calling him Texas makes me laugh every time I write it. I haven't thought that far ahead but I guess it would mean he can - future plunny is springing to mind!

thank you! I'll go back and correct it!

Thank you so much for the lovely review!


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Review #10, by navyfailClueless: Brother Dearest

18th January 2016:
Albus is here! And his comment in the end made me smile. He seems like the type to want to mess with James from time to time. And Rose is paired with Scorpius... *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

I think the story is going great so far. I like how Aaliyah stands up to James and the fact that she flirted with Neville made me laugh on the inside. One thing I noticed and forgot to mention in earlier reviews is that there are a few typos here and there, mostly spelling errors but sometimes tense errors as well. Other then that, nice job!


Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad to hear you like the story :) I hope you continue on reading. And yes... I know about the spelling errors, English is not my native language you see, but still - i think i could fix some of the mistakes if i take the time to edit... some time. I tend to just write and upload without re-reading haha and that leads to many over-looked mistakes.
Hope to see you soon again! :)

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Review #11, by navyfailClueless: Unexpected tension

18th January 2016:
I like Nell and Louis already! Though I'm actually not too fond of James. He's almost a little too much but I guess after being rejected for so long by one girl, you will try anything to get her. I liked meeting the rest of your characters this chapter and I can't wait to know more about Damien!


Author's Response: Yes, James is a jerk.

You know what, I was once scrolling through fanfiction looking for a good read - as one does - and realized (when reading another typical love-hate relationship type of fic) that about 90% of those stories turned out to be bad-boy-has-actually-never-been-bad type of stories. You know, the kind of guy you figure out later on has an actually heart and only acts the way he does because of some, deep, dark secret...? And then I thought... what if the main character was actually a bad guy. A total twat. Just because. Would readers still love him? From what i've gotten this far; yes, they still do haha. I don't know maybe we just like to believe love has the ability to fix pretty much everything. Which is why the bad-boy-gone-good is such a classic.
Damian is probably one of the most - if not THE most - difficult characters to read. I am currently writing chapter 15, and only now will the readers find out a bit more about him. If you continue on reading, you'll find out soon enough! :)

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Review #12, by navyfailClueless: Prologue

18th January 2016:
I just happened to stumble across this story and I couldn't help but not click on it when I saw James Sirius Potter's name in the summary.
Aaliyah would already be disappointed in me I'm sure... liking James and all... I can't help it, he's my favorite next gen character.
I think it is great that you started off the story with some monologue. That tends to help get a feel of the main character's personality quickly. Also kudos in being able to keep my attention for so long with no action yet! I think you've written Aaliyah well and I love reading her thoughts already. Terrific start! On to the next chapter!


P.S. I actually have a main character named Aaliyah (and spelled that way) in a story of mine too and I have to say I love the name!

Author's Response: Hi and thanks for reviewing! ^^
I love that you like the story and hope you continue on reading!
I guess we have something in common then haha. James Sirius is also my favorite next gen character. Most people go for Albus but idk, James has always been more interesting to me :)
I love the name Aaliyah! Maybe I'll check your story out and leave a review ;)
Love xx

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Review #13, by navyfailKiss My Lips and Swear to Die: Welcome to Reality

9th January 2016:
Another chapter woo! Honestly, you are on a role with updates!

First off, thank you so much for the dedication! When I was reading it I was like 'hey, that's me.' That was really sweet of you so thanks again! And I've now realized how many names I go by (Sama/~chocolate/navyfail).

And now on to the story. FRED.
He wasn't in every scene of this chapter but there has been so much development with him!
He stammers and fumbles over his words around her now! :O Charmer Fred is gone and now he's acting like the nervous I-still-have-a-crush-on-you-but-I-think-you-kind-of-hate-me-so-I-don't-know-how-to-act-around-you Fred. I don't know if I'm sad or excited... maybe a bit of both. Because if Charmer Fred didn't work on Lyssa then Nervous Fred has to, right? And HE APOLOGIZES!! I had expected him to since Fred is such a good guy and all but he did it and she accepted it. Honestly I think it is Lyssa's turn to say sorry but I'm guessing that'll take longer to happen. But it's all good... I can wait... and then they can get together and be cute and stuff and I'll squee. :P

Also I'm really curious about what happened over the holidays to the Wotters. Hopefully we'll find out soon and I know Lyssa is as interested as I am so maybe she can do some snooping.

On another note, schoolwork. Literally any time Lyssa talks about classes and homework I'm just like I feel you. This is so relatable I cry. Let's just say school is rough when you are older. I give a big thumbs up for actually making it a part of the story since honestly when you are in school, schoolwork takes up your mind and most of your life. In addition to sleep and food that is.

Lavender... I did not expect her to make an appearance in the story but I love that you included her and made her a counselor. And I love the mention of her scars from Greyback! And Fred sees her? Has he always seen her or is this a recent development? Is it because what happened at home or is it because of his realization of what situation he put Lyssa in? Okay I have too many questions about that so I'll wait till the next few chapters to get some of these answers since I'm guessing that's when they will be revealed.

Overall, the story is going great! I love the slightly darker, emotional touch to it but somehow the story manages to still stay lighthearted overall! And there was more Freddie in this chapter so I'm a happy reader. Can't wait for the next chapter whenever that comes and a very belated Happy New Years!


Author's Response: HOORAY FOR UPDATES.

I have a feeling I've now jinxed myself. Oops.

Yeah, Fred's charm has gone out of the window. He's going through his teen angst phase where he's like I-fancy-you-so-much-but-I-feel-like-a-monster-and-I'm-not-sure-what-to-do and he's half-torn between wanting to be with her and not wanting to impose himself on her any more. He's just very conflicted at the moment.

So's Lyssa, by the way.

That's not gonna change any time soon :P

But there'll be character development with her! More subtle because, well, she's not the type to do a complete 180, but she'll be maturing at her own pace. Slowly, but surely and with the help of our favourite Weasley. ;)

It seems everyone wants to know about what happened to the Wotters. I'm sorry to say this, but I'm kind of a cruel person and won't flat out reveal it for a while yet. But there will be hints. There will always be hints. (And possibly a story if I can make it work.)

"Literally any time Lyssa talks about classes and homework". Do you mean 97% of the fic? :P I feel like I'm just writing about classes. Classes, homework, revision. Even when I'm putting off my own revision and homework, I'm on about classes and homework. It never ends!

About Lavender, I can see why you wouldn't expect her because I don't think I've even hinted at her, but I quite like the fact that she's a counselor since she was always seen as quite superficial and shallow and she obviously went through a lot during the war. It's quite nice to turn her character around and have her help Freddie out.

And finally: thank you. I'm really glad you're enjoying the story, especially after the darker, more serious twist. I know it started off really light-hearted, but I didn't want to explore such a serious topic and just ignore any consequences. And Freddie's here for, like, life so you'll always have him to enjoy :P Oh, and Happy New Years! :D

Plums xo

-oh & the dedication was nothing! Thank YOU for dedicating me for the Claw of the Month. It made my day :D

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Review #14, by navyfailSplendor and Gloom: Prologue

29th December 2015:
Hello! Here for the QTR Holiday Fest!

In your author's note you mentioned that this is your first big novel which is always exciting! I think you have a great start here... we don't know much about what's going on but we have been introduced to two characters (the witch and Johnathan) and some of what happened between them in the past.

I have to say your writing is a-mazing! You definitely have a way with words and you are great at weaving them into imagery! The way everything is described is even a bit poetic.

By the way is her name Melora? I'm guessing it is. She seems to be slightly haunted by her past... the fact she finally got herself to burn the photo tells us that she's definitely trying to move on from it. The burning of the photo actually makes me sad... because you can't get the photo back and it feels like she's burning that part of her that has him in it.

I have to say I love the last line and how you end the chapter... it's a great one-liner and builds some mystery!

Fantastic start to your story! I'm really curious in where you are taking this! Best of luck in the future and haopy early New Years!


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Review #15, by navyfailThe Minister of Magic's Daughter: When My World Changed

24th December 2015:
Hello! Here for the QTR Holiday fest!

I think I read the first chapter of this story two or three months ago and I thought I would come back for the second chapter!

I like Cassie already. I find her relatable and I think her voice is developing great. I can totally understand why she is tired of all this campaigning. Spending your summer following your parents around the country and making sure to be proper sounds tiring!

Also her nightmare in the beginning... having that dream over repeatedly does not sound fun. Especially when it ends in the killing curse. I'm guessing that's what the flash of green light was? Also I have a feeling that the dream is foreshadowing to the future but I could be completely wrong about that.

I admire how flawlessly you switched points of views. Callum and Cassie definitely have different voices and different minds. I'm very curious about Callum's group. Do they have a name? And I wonder how big it is. I'm guessing we will find that out in future chapters. Also I'm trying to figure out his age but it's hard to tell... He could be as young as his late 20s or old as his 40s.

I really like the mystery that you developed in the end. And I have a feeling that Cassie is going to kidnapped when she's with her friend at Diagon Alley.

This story is unfolding really quickly and I love how things are going. I'm very intrigued by everything so fantastic job!


Author's Response: Hi Sama. Thanks so much for coming back for chapter 2 :)

I love Cassie and I had so much fun developing her. She's a good daughter, and loves her parents, yet is a little over following them all over the place and having to change herself for the campaign. There is a lot more to her though and this chapter is just the beginning of a much bigger mystery. And that could very well be a bit of foreshadowing :P

I had great fun with Callum too. He is the first villain I've written and it was cool to have him say and do things that I wouldn't dream of doing myself. He is about 40-50, he's been around a while, biding his time. I never actually fixed his age in my head to be honest.

I'm glad you're enjoying the story and I hope you return to find out just what the dream means and what happens to Cassie in Diagon Alley.

Thanks for stopping by.


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Review #16, by navyfailOn Crumbling Lives: Return

23rd December 2015:
Hello, here to spread some holiday cheer!

I'm very intrigued by your characterizations of Daphne and Astoria. From the few stories I've read of them, most have actually characterized them as the opposite with Daphne being the hopeful, pretty, and innocent one and Astoria being the reserved, cold one so this is new for me. I like how close the two are and how Daphne doesn't hate Astoria for being softer.

I really do think they should have left for America. I understand why they want to stay but I'm with Daphne on this one and I actually think their parents weren't being reasonable. However, it seems like Daphne isn't fond of her parents, especially her dad for experimenting on Muggle science. Is she mad at them or just worried what that will cost them?

One thing I noticed from the very beginning are your descriptions. You don't overdo it but have just enough to give a visual image of what's happening. And you weave in your description very well with your action so kudos on that!!

I'm scared for Astoria. She has detention which can never be anything good. I really hope she toughens up at one point because or else she's going to suffer a lot through the year. I love that she's so full of life but I feel like that'll end up harming her.

Anyway, great start to the story! I think you have a great plot going on and I can already get a feel of your characters!

P.S. Also another question, do most of the purebloods know or have a suspicion of the Greengrasses being blood traitors or is it just a well kept secret? Maybe that was already said somewhere in the story and I missed it, if it is sorry about that.

Author's Response: Hi Sama!

Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed this first chapter!

I never felt that Astoria could be cold like I have Daphne as. I molded her personality on the kind of person I could see Draco marrying and having a really happy life with and I just don't think he could be happy with someone cold. He needs warmth in his life, I think.

They definitely should have left when they had the chance. But I suppose people are very attached to home. I molded them a little off of refugee stories I'd heard. None of them want to leave their countries. They all think that it'll be okay for them. There's a strong connection to home after all. Starting over is daunting.

But Daphne does love her parents. She just comes across as harsh sometimes. She's a harsh person, I guess. But she is nothing if not practical, so she is angry at their sentimentality a bit.

I'm sorry I didn't make it clear, but I imagine that Linus Greengrass is an unspeakable, so his work is a secret to everyone else. But now that the Ministry is taken over by Voldemort, the Greengrasses are concerned that the Death Eaters will find out what his research entails.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing and writing such kind things! I hope you read on and let me know what you think!


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Review #17, by navyfailSeek and Chase: Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

22nd December 2015:
Hello, here to spread some holiday cheer!

First off, I really like how your characterization of Lily is a little different than what I've read from others. Instead of being flirty and very social, you made her more the exact opposite. And I would have never guessed that she would have liked reading!

Jacob Walker seems interesting. Right when he said "no, I got you" I immediately thought American. That's something we would say haha. But he's Canadian so pretty close. Also he wasn't at Hogwarts last year, so how does Sagitta already know him?

I'm surprised Lily isn't more bothered about the fact that her brother turned her hair brown. Is it permanent or temporary? Also, I wasn't sure if her hair changed color this summer or way before. Sorry, maybe I missed a detail.

I do wonder where the other prefect was. Guiding the first years alone sounds difficult and if it was me I would be pretty mad that I had to do it alone. Maybe there is no other prefect this year?

The nightmare was interesting. It actually makes me wonder who Jacob is as a person (I'm getting a little suspicious now, maybe it was the hand moving up her leg) and how strong Lily's feelings for him are going to get.

Anyway, great start to a story! I feel like I know Lily well already and the dream definitely makes me more curious. Thanks for the lovely read and happy holidays!


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Review #18, by navyfailThe Kissing Booth: Valentine's Day

21st December 2015:
Hello, here to spread some holiday cheer! *throws confetti and garland*

I was drawn to this story by the summary! I've read that type of wording a lot around social media which made me think this was going to be a fun and cute story!

I love the way you characterized Lucy and Molly as more like Fred and George than their parents! I think that makes them more interesting. And their ringmaster outfits... I can totally relate to doing something just so I can wear an outfit I've been wanting to wear but haven't found the right occasion. And I can see them charming all the balls to hit the target.

The first customer at the Kissing Booth made me laugh. I can see why she was hoping for him not to have a galleon. And then when Albus Potter came... boy did things get heated up. I really like how you ended the story with him asking her to Hogsmeade and her yelling Next. I think that wrapped everything up really well!

All in all, I really liked this story; it was cute and interesting and fluffy all at once.


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Review #19, by navyfailOf Bets and Broom Cupboards: Of Bets and Broom Cupboards

21st December 2015:
I'm literally dying. THIS IS LITERALLY SO GREAT.
Oh James, you sexually active animal. What to do with you?
I love your character of Ursula Umbridge and I absolutely love her name because of the alliteration. And honestly when I read her name for the first time I immediately thought back to the Little Mermaid and all those tentacles. Also so much pink! She takes after Dolores Umbridge so well. The pink amethysts on her braces were a nice touch too.

And Albus! Sneaky, sneaky Albus... putting the thought of Ursula Umbridge in James's mind, especially when James said:

"Then she bloody sticks that nose up as far up in the air as the stick up her backside and you just think that you'd rather be gay than hook up with her. "

I think it's clear that James would rather hook up with her than be gay, just sayin' ;)

I think this is a really cute, funny fic and it definitely made me laugh and smile in many places. I love how you characterized James. Even though he is a bit of a pig, he's huggable pig. And I love how all of his family didn't trust him to stay away from ahem extracurricular activities for that long.

Anyway great job and happy holidays!

*throws confetti*


Author's Response: *basks in the confetti*

Hey, Sama! Glad that you're dying. That didn't sound nice. Glad that you ENJOYED it rather, especially considering it was written way back in 2013 (wow, has it really been that long?!) when most of my writing left something to be desired :P

"James, you sexually active animal." OH MY GOD. I DIED WHEN I SAW THAT. What DO we do with him, huh? Apparently, trick him into dying his hair pink.

He IS a bit of a pig. I definitely wouldn't approve of him if I was at Hogwarts, but I adored writing him this way. His one track mind was great to get into.

Ah, Ursula Umbridge. Not the most pleasant character, but I do feel a bit sorry for her in the end :P But she really has it all stacked against her - the pink, the Umbridge and the connotations to Ursula from the Little Mermaid. I could so see her trying to reel James in with those tentacles!

And yeah, James was so lying to himself when he said that he wouldn't hook up with her. Poor boy. Not such a great liar. :D

Happy holidays! I'll be heading over to Crossing the Borderlines soon!



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Review #20, by navyfailKiss My Lips and Swear to Die: Darling, This Isn't Wonderland

13th December 2015:
He's back even though it's in a subdued sad way.
I'll take whatever I can get really! As long as he's in the chapter.

I'm beginning to like Adelaide less and less as the story continues. I honestly find her a little annoying and it's probably cause she immediately jumps to defend Fred and insult Lyssa every time Lyssa even opens her month.

Also I think it's very sweet that Liv insisted on being there with her and defended Lyssa. And I really wonder what happened in the Weasley/Potter/and extensions family that resulted in the loss of James's camera.

I do think it's great that they are all finally listening to her, even though it took a whole definition and the question of legality to do so. She finally gets the support she deserves! Though I still think that insult was a tad harsh.

And Freddie's reaction... It's like his eyes opened... And he walked away... That's the second time, right? I really feel like hugging him... that's what he needs right now... a good ol' bear hug.

Anyway, can't wait till the next chapter whenever that is coming and great work this chapter!!

Author's Response: Hey,

FREDDIE'S BACK. And he's here to stay. He'll never go away. No matter what it may seem like.

Haha, it's interesting for me to see what other people think about Adelaide. A review below you sympathises with her while you clearly aren't too fond of her. All I can say is that there's a reason people behave the way they do. And that I don't hate anyone, but maybe that's just because I know them all? Like remember Sarah Fancourt? Though there's certainly no love lost there, I don't hate her.

Yeah, Liv's feeling really guilty for encouraging Freddie which is why she wants to make sure that there's someone on Alyssa's side. She knows everyone will automatically vilify her.

You'll have to be very, very patient for what happened to James, unfortunately. But maybe not as long as I originally intended because I'm thinking of writing a short story about him?? Don't know when it'll come out, though. :P

It was a harsh insult, yeah, but not entirely uncalled for. Honestly, no one here is completely in the right. It's all a big mess.

Thanks for the review!!

Plums xo

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Review #21, by navyfailKiss My Lips and Swear to Die: Battles, Baubles and Blood

6th December 2015:
Hey, long time no see?
I think that has been more in my part haha but I'm back to read and review, hopefully it'll make up for my long absence from this fic?

Can I just say that right when I read the first few sentences I was like wait did Alyssa get her period or did she just pee her pants? Sorry for my stupidity. It's just that most fics don't talk about actually PMS, mostly just jokes about how you are cranky. But I have to say a thumbs up for mentioning it since it is a part of everyday life and honestly I can't relate to Lyssa more than the first sentences. Like my life in a nutshell really.

I really like how observant her grandpa is and his sense of humor, it adds to the homely feel of the chapter.

And this line: “And yet every single year, you find yourself falling for me even more,” he says.

^So cute, can you ship an already married couple?

Oh her uncle Damien and her mom's arguing is pretty funny as well. I mean siblings fighting even after growing up... That's probably as real as it gets. :P Is it bad that right when Lyssa's mom said this line: “That is irrelevant,” she says tightly, I immediately thought up Damien's reply of "you're irrelevant"? Okay, so maybe it's a tad obvious that I have siblings as well.

Anyway, I thought this was a cute, festive chapter! And I'm so glad that Alyssa is spending time with family!! But I have to say I'm really curious about that owl. My feeling is that Fred gave her that charm bracelet and she's waiting for an owl with the next charm so she'll know that Fred doesn't hate her enough to not get her one but it wouldn't make sense that Lyssa would wear and cherish a charm bracelet that Fred gave her... So the more logical guess is that the charm bracelet is something her dad gave and he sends charms every year. But yeah, great chapter and can't wait to get Freddie back!!


Author's Response: Hey,

You're back! Wow, I thought you'd dropped off the face of the earth, depriving me of Al and your lovely reviews ;)

Oh my God, you actually thought she wet the bed? That has actually made my day! :D Haha, doesn't it say something like "I woke up to a familiar dread" as well? Wetting the bed often must be pretty dreadful, yeah :P But no, period. Yeah, there aren't many fics that mention it, but Alyssa just doesn't seem like the type of person to gloss over it so it came up. It's also sort of an explanation for her slightly OOC behaviour in the start of the next chapter, but that is no way a slight on us females. We SUFFER.

I have said this before and I will say it again: I love Grandpa. I genuinely did not think I would develop an attachment to him, but he's just such a sweetheart. He's totally the type to flirt/joke about with Grandma even after all those years. Even though she's the stricter type, they are one of my favourite couples in this universe and they've been completely created by me so I don't know whether that's just being big headed or weird haha.

Worry not, I have siblings too and that's something I think anyone with siblings would say. I don't think any of us will grow up around each other :P

Um. Wow. It's coming up in the next chapter anyway so I'm just going to come out and say it: you've practically hit the nail on the head. It's from Freddie...but she doesn't think it is and assumes it's from her dad instead to comfort herself.

Thanks for the wonderful review! One day - not for a while yet, because I'm saving it until happier chapters - I will genuinely dedicate a chapter to you for all of them.


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Review #22, by navyfailRose Weasley's Guide to Life: On: Snow

27th November 2015:
Yay, you're back!
I really love how much Scorpius and Rose interaction there is in this chapter! I'm really hoping they'll just tell each other that they like each other beyond snogging. Like it's so obvious that it is kind of funny that neither of them have caught on yet. Though I really wonder what'll happen when Lucy finds out that Rose and Scorpius kind of have a thing.

Great chapter and can't wait for the next update, whenever that is!!

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Review #23, by navyfailDangerously In Love: The Show Must Go On

8th October 2015:
I'm crying on the inside so hard.

I refuse to believe this.

Dollie can't do this to Sirius.

I've been shipping them since the beginning. I honestly didn't think she would go through the with it.

*sends Sirius hugs, chocolate, and another Dollie*

Author's Response: I'm sorry!!! *hugs*
For the sake of story, it had to happen.
I hope you'll stick around to see how it all wraps up because I promise it will.


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Review #24, by navyfailUnpredictable: Initial Involvement

25th August 2015:
Hello! I honestly thought I left a review on the first chapter but when I realized I didn't, I made myself come back and review before reading the next chapter of this story!

I love Ash already! Her name is unique and her personality is interesting! She's confident in herself and very direct and straightforward which may get herself in some sticky situations. She sort of already has with Scorpius and not being so nice to Rose. Still, I think she's great and can't wait to see how she'll deal with Dominique and other situations.

I hope you don't mind some CC but something I noticed is punctuation. There are some missing periods and commas.

For example:
“I’ll be leaving then” I slung my bag over my shoulder and sent Jacksons another smile “So, are we good for Hogsmeade?”
^There should be a comma after then and another one after smile, or you could have periods after each sentence such as: “I’ll be leaving then.” I slung my bag over my shoulder and sent Jacksons another smile. “So, are we good for Hogsmeade?”

“Well, Denali” He started, running a hand through his brown hair “You’re known to be into my sort”
^Since 'he' is a pronoun it doesn't really have to be capitalized, though if it was a proper noun sich as his name 'Jacksons' then it would be capitalized.

Overall, this is a lovely start to the story! I've actually been waiting for an update since I first read the chapter and now it's here! I'm so excited! Your characters are really intriguing and I wonder what plot you'll weave. I'm actually a very hardcore ScoRose shipper but I'm open to where you take Scorpius! And Louis... I really hope we get to meet him soon! Wonderful start!!


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Review #25, by navyfailAtonement Is Coming: Nightmares And Caterwauling Charms

16th August 2015:
Back for the review swap!

And we meet Draco! I have to say that my heart went out to him in the beginning. I've across a few stories that outlined the punishments the Malfoys received for their war crimes, but I don't think any of them were this severe. A lot of people at least keep Narcissa alive but not in this story. I think the death of his parents really did shape your Draco. Seeing your dad die and then having to bury you mom a few weeks later is just horrible. And I can see the Ministry wanting to make a point with a famous family such as the Malfoys.

I think it's really sweet that Lucius hugged Draco before he had to go. Even though Lucius was cold, I could see him caring for his son.

The last part is really mysterious. I'm going to take a guess that the group attacking purebloods is the same one who took McGonagall and Kingsley's places. I can see why Draco is worried that they'll get him. I'm guessing they ruined his lawn and that's how he knows? Also he sent a letter to Harry, didn't he?

You really switch between point of views easily and I admire that! I think this story will go great places and I hope you continue on with it. Thanks so much for the review swap! I had a terrific time participating!


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