Reading Reviews From Member: navyfail
269 Reviews Found

Review #1, by navyfailRose Weasley's Guide to Life: On: Snow

27th November 2015:
Yay, you're back!
I really love how much Scorpius and Rose interaction there is in this chapter! I'm really hoping they'll just tell each other that they like each other beyond snogging. Like it's so obvious that it is kind of funny that neither of them have caught on yet. Though I really wonder what'll happen when Lucy finds out that Rose and Scorpius kind of have a thing.

Great chapter and can't wait for the next update, whenever that is!!

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Review #2, by navyfailDangerously In Love: The Show Must Go On

8th October 2015:
I'm crying on the inside so hard.

I refuse to believe this.

Dollie can't do this to Sirius.

I've been shipping them since the beginning. I honestly didn't think she would go through the with it.

*sends Sirius hugs, chocolate, and another Dollie*

Author's Response: I'm sorry!!! *hugs*
For the sake of story, it had to happen.
I hope you'll stick around to see how it all wraps up because I promise it will.


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Review #3, by navyfailUnpredictable: Initial Involvement

25th August 2015:
Hello! I honestly thought I left a review on the first chapter but when I realized I didn't, I made myself come back and review before reading the next chapter of this story!

I love Ash already! Her name is unique and her personality is interesting! She's confident in herself and very direct and straightforward which may get herself in some sticky situations. She sort of already has with Scorpius and not being so nice to Rose. Still, I think she's great and can't wait to see how she'll deal with Dominique and other situations.

I hope you don't mind some CC but something I noticed is punctuation. There are some missing periods and commas.

For example:
“I’ll be leaving then” I slung my bag over my shoulder and sent Jacksons another smile “So, are we good for Hogsmeade?”
^There should be a comma after then and another one after smile, or you could have periods after each sentence such as: “I’ll be leaving then.” I slung my bag over my shoulder and sent Jacksons another smile. “So, are we good for Hogsmeade?”

“Well, Denali” He started, running a hand through his brown hair “You’re known to be into my sort”
^Since 'he' is a pronoun it doesn't really have to be capitalized, though if it was a proper noun sich as his name 'Jacksons' then it would be capitalized.

Overall, this is a lovely start to the story! I've actually been waiting for an update since I first read the chapter and now it's here! I'm so excited! Your characters are really intriguing and I wonder what plot you'll weave. I'm actually a very hardcore ScoRose shipper but I'm open to where you take Scorpius! And Louis... I really hope we get to meet him soon! Wonderful start!!


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Review #4, by navyfailAtonement Is Coming: Nightmares And Caterwauling Charms

16th August 2015:
Back for the review swap!

And we meet Draco! I have to say that my heart went out to him in the beginning. I've across a few stories that outlined the punishments the Malfoys received for their war crimes, but I don't think any of them were this severe. A lot of people at least keep Narcissa alive but not in this story. I think the death of his parents really did shape your Draco. Seeing your dad die and then having to bury you mom a few weeks later is just horrible. And I can see the Ministry wanting to make a point with a famous family such as the Malfoys.

I think it's really sweet that Lucius hugged Draco before he had to go. Even though Lucius was cold, I could see him caring for his son.

The last part is really mysterious. I'm going to take a guess that the group attacking purebloods is the same one who took McGonagall and Kingsley's places. I can see why Draco is worried that they'll get him. I'm guessing they ruined his lawn and that's how he knows? Also he sent a letter to Harry, didn't he?

You really switch between point of views easily and I admire that! I think this story will go great places and I hope you continue on with it. Thanks so much for the review swap! I had a terrific time participating!


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Review #5, by navyfailAtonement Is Coming: The Dungeon

16th August 2015:
Hello, ~chocolate from the forums, here for the review swap!

At first I was a little confused about Terry Boot since I remember from the books that he was a male, but I'm going to take a guess that you wrote Terry as a girl for this story.

The boss really interests me. Minerva seems to find his voice familiar but can't tell who he is and I think you mentioned that he's younger than her. And it looks like their group is quite large since they have guards and everything.

I can see the logic of putting Kingsley and McGonagall in separate cells since two minds is always better than one. I wonder why they woke her up first and not him. Is it because they want to question her first or because she has the answers they seek and not him?

I was surprised to see McGonagall say please and ask nicely if she could stand up. I've always seen her as the defiant type and wouldn't take too lightly to being tied up but maybe she's trying to gain knowledge of her surroundings that way.

I really like the last part where she's already coming up with a plan and I'm really interested in what they're going to ask her.

This was a short chapter, but an informative one! And it's great to see Minerva McGonagall again! I like how you're building up everything slowly but at the same time fast. I'm not sure if that made sense haha. What I'm trying to say that while the events are happening fast you manage not to rush through with your writing which is great. I enjoyed reading this chapter!


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Review #6, by navyfailFalling for Rose Weasley: Quidditch at the Burrow

16th August 2015:
Hi, Branwen! Here from the review swap!

Ah, how can you get enough of Rose and Scorpius? They're so cute! And I've always liked the way you write Scorpius so I really enjoyed reading his point of view, especially after reading The Hogwarts Express.

I can see why he's sort of embarrassed about the fact that he doesn't play Quidditch well while Rose plays brilliantly. I can see that bruising his ego a bit, not that he has much of an ego.

I find it funny how he manages to hide his staring from Albus. I mean he's a little too obvious about it. And his reaction to seeing his cousin and Rose flirting was hilarious.

"Was Rose Weasley flirting with his cousin? And, even more disturbingly, was his cousin flirting back?"
^^Oh, Scorpius. This wouldn't happen if you just made your move earlier.

I like how you mentioned James even though he wasn't present during the one-shot. He was a big part of CINAS so it was great to hear about him.

One thing I noticed:
"Well, she wouldn’t leave it at Gran’s like Hugo does - someone else might use it, and she’s a lot more particular about her broom he is."
^I think you are missing a word. I'm guessing it's supposed to read "she's a lot more particular about her broom than he is."

Anyway, cute one-shot! I loved reading it! I can never get enough of ScoRose haha.


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Review #7, by navyfailHeart Without a Home: broken

16th August 2015:
Aw, this was so short and bittersweet. I think Rose's grief made me a cry on the inside. It's been some time since I've read Honour Among Thieves and I just reread it now and remembered that Hugo died. I'm having a hard time moving on from his death. I'm not sure how Rose is dealing but I'm glad Scorpius is with her. Lovely one-shot! I'm heading over to the sequel!

Author's Response: The reason I wrote this was to give readers (and Rose) a chance for Hugo's death to properly sink in. Rose doesn't have a chance to grieve in Hattie, and I'm moving on with the story in Tattie (the sequel) and I felt I needed a small stepping stone to deal with the character's emotions.
I'm so happy you felt that I portrayed the grief well- I'm not too good with touchy feely stuff!

Thank you for your review! :)

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Review #8, by navyfailPlaying for Keeps: Ready, Aim, Miss...

14th August 2015:
And I'm back!

I nearly laughed when Hattie asked Annie if she was going out with her "super-fit manager." Barry sounds like he's young, but he acts much older than he should with all his grunting. And why is that I can totally see him admiring his own abs from his photo-shoots years ago?

I think it's sweet that Hattie is trying to get her together with someone, but I don't see her settling on anyone soon.

When you mentioned the American tourists with their harsh accents I was literally pointing at myself in my head haha,

James, James, James. What will Annie do with you? Not only is he ignorant about Muggle things, but he's scared of cars. I think you mentioned earlier to be wary of this becoming a James/OC and I can see what you mean. They two of them don't connect at all... not yet anyway. I have to say you have an amazing talent. I mean James II is my favorite next gen character and I think this is one of the only fics I've read where I don't like him very much. He's sort of an overgrown child... arrogant but childishly so. I think it's interesting reading him like this. Most stories have him arrogant and brave but also smart in a not totally spoiled way. Here it seems he hasn't really lived outside his fame. And I love how in the end he finally concentrated on hitting the cue ball!

I think one of my favorite lines in this chapter is this: " It’s not my fault that Muggles like to hit inanimate Bludgers with oversized wands!" Oh James, only thinking about pool in terms of Quidditch!

This story is going swimmingly! (Did I really just use 'swimmingly' in a sentence? Excuse my weird word choice. :P) I love how Annie isn't the conventional Hufflepuff and how James sort of switches between confident and smirk-y to confused around her. Great work! I really can't wait to see how their characters will change as they grow closer to each other.


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Review #9, by navyfailThe Minister of Magic's Daughter: Prologue

14th August 2015:
Hello! I'm here from the BvB fest!

This is an interesting prologue. We don't get to meet any characters but it gives us some nice understanding of what's going on plot-wise in this story. The Guardians... such a powerful and mysterious name. You mentioned that they left years ago, right? Is the Minister of Magic's daughter a Guardian as well?

I really like the ending where you describe wizards and witches and how they can only weld magic with wands. You also mentioned that they let their greed get to them which I can understand. Also the mention of of nature.. the pull of the river. Are Guardians able to feel the magic around them and wield magic without wands?

I also liked the mention of the Ministry. I'm not very surprised that they would keep something like this a secret. They've always been very preservative. Your last few lines really creates a lot intrigue and gives a look of where you are taking this story. I wonder what started the chain of events and I can see overthrowing the Ministry will be a difficult task.

Great start to the story! I really think this prologue gives a mysterious vibe to this story and makes readers interested in the plot you've set up!


Author's Response: Hi Sama. Thanks for the review. This story really delves deep into the history of magic. It was really fun to develop a sense of the time before the world we know. The prologue was a way of setting the scene of where this story heads and the great arc that is magic and how little is understood about it. I hope that it intrigues people so they want to see how Cassie fits into all of it. If you do continue on with this story, I really ope that you enjoy it.

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Review #10, by navyfailShenanigans and Hi-Jinks: Missing the Train

14th August 2015:
Hey, Branwen! Here for the BvB fest as well as returning some of the kind reviews you left for me during last month's battle.

I've always imagined Victoire and Fred having an age difference between them since I like to think that Fred and James are best friends, but you write there friendship well. They seem to be able to read each other's minds at times and are both really carefree. If I missed the the train, I would be freaking out yet they both stay really calm and collected. They even thought of going to Teddy's. I have to say flooing to their uncle's shop sounds a lot faster than going on the Hogwarts Express and not to mention that they get to see a dark creature exhibit.

I like the hint of Teddy/Victoire you put in here with the photos. I mean he has three of her! That's so cute even though she doesn't get why. Also, I'm surprised that she didn't stare when Teddy opened the door shirtless. Maybe she's just that used to him? And Teddy even proposed being roommates with her after Hogwarts! (Though I think he was teasing for the most part but I'll still take it.) I'm going to take a guess that Fred already knows that Teddy likes her. He seems perceptive like that.

I really like where you are going with this story! It seems very lighthearted but interesting and humorous. And the fact that you've been able to create your own world of characters and stick to them has always been amazing to me! I enjoyed reading this! Great work!


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Review #11, by navyfailTraitorous Hearts: The Stolen Truth

13th August 2015:
It's really sweet how protective of her family Astoria is. Though it seems like all pureblood families have loyalties only to their families so I guess it makes sense. It's interesting seeing how Draco thinks of this as a game. He even regrets having to face little Greengrass of all people. He probably didn't know how clever Astoria is compared to her sister.

We find out a lot about Felix Greengrass this chapter I feel. He really was hit by his wife's death, not talking to anyone, almost lost really. The fact that Astoria wanted to stay home and take care of him shows how caring she is and I think Draco sees that as well.

I find it believable that Astoria would prepare herself for torture. Death Eaters do seem to enjoy using the Cruciatus Curse but alas, she's faced with Legilimency. No hiding anything now. If I remember correctly, Fenrir Greyback comes next chapter right? It's sad that even with all the preparation Astoria did, the odds were stacking against her.

The title really fits with this chapter: The Stolen Truth. I hadn't noticed that till now. Sorry for the short review, I think I'm just drained of intelligible thoughts right now. But as always, I enjoyed reading this chapter immensely and thanks for the review swap, Penny!


Author's Response: Astoria's protectiveness of her family is definitely one of her best qualities, and one of the places where we are most able to see her kindness. I think family is important, in its way, to all Pureblood families, but I do think the Greengrasses are a bit different (as are the Malfoys). Like, my idea of it is that plenty of Purebloods ARE most loyal to their families. But there are also a great many for whom the *reputation* of the family is their greatest priority, and that's not quite the same thing. Like the Blacks--they have no problem cutting off their own if they do not measure up to their ideals: Andromeda, Sirius, (all the other people burned off the tapestry)...Bellatrix even specifically went after Tonks, because she WANTED to kill her and rid the family of muggle taint.

There are those to whom family is most important, in a dynastic sense. But for Astoria, her family is the most important thing because she loves them. Period. Her father is mad, her sister is an idiot, Filly is a House Elf and would be widely considered a lesser being by most wizards. But Astoria would still do absolutely anything to protect them. Her loyalty is unique in that way (and it's definitely something she has in common with Draco, who is just trying to stay alive and keep his parents alive, as well).

Ha! Draco DEFINITELY didn't realize. :) But yes, that's certainly one of Draco's hold ups, although I don't believe these chapters mention it outright. He recognizes her devotion for her family, and it's something he can relate to. What happened to Felix IS tragic, both for him, and because it's left Astoria all alone and under so much pressure.

Thank YOU for the swap! I always enjoy reading your thoughts!


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Review #12, by navyfailTraitorous Hearts: The Malediction Perfidious

13th August 2015:
Draco's is as observant as she is it seems. Another reason that they may be a good match. ;) I have to say I really enjoyed the part where he observed the Greengrass Manor and noticed something off about the smell/feeling of it. Also he related it back to his own home which gives a good insight on what's going on at Malfoy Manor at the moment as well. I find it amusing that he would take note of china. I think it shows that Narcissa really did raise him as a sophisticated pureblood.

And I really liked this line from that part:
"He knew that feeling--had seen it settle in at his own home, where boneless bodies were dragged across the oriental rugs to be burned on the grounds; where the walls of the third floor rooms were now painted in blood."

I have to say that I really liked the mention of the Grim. Brings back all the Divination memories from the third book.

It's sad that Lavina would place such a curse on Astoria, but when you read the words she said to her daughter you can see there is another hidden meaning to them. I'm guessing that the snake will leave a scar? Since it's dark magic it probably will, but I can't help but hope that it won't. I think it's because of my dislike of snakes that I feel that way. :P

“We all have scars, Mr. Malfoy.”
^^ When I first read this line I thought she just said that in general terms, but I'm now thinking she was relating that back to the snake scar she has.

I really enjoy reading her interactions with Ginny! They're alike in someways but on opposite sides of the spectrum. One is a Gryffindor, one is a Slytherin; one is an outright rebel, the other keeps to behind the scenes. They're very interesting and I feel like they could have been friends at one point, maybe after all this is over. Though I think it would take Astoria a long time to admit Ginny as a friend even then.

"Damn. Astoria loathed observant people."
^^This comment made me laugh since she herself is observant. I guess she doesn't like other playing her game. Also in the original chapter you have an extra space between the sentences.

I also noticed something I'm unsure of:
"The dregs if the amber liquid rippled, and a cluster of tea leaves at the bottom coalesced into an almost-recognisable shape--dark, hunched shoulders, a lump for a head."
^^Again I'm not entirely sure if I'm correct but I think "the dregs if the amber" is supposed to be "the dregs of the amber.

Overall, I really like how you included Draco's point of view in this chapter! And you connected Draco's questions back to past events so effortlessly so terrific job on that! 10/10!


Author's Response: Being observant is definitely a quality they both have in common. ;) I can't see Astoria winding up with anyone who's slow on the uptake.

Oh Draco. Yes, he really does notice everything, including china. He's one of those guys who has an opinion on everything, which is useful sometimes, and irritating at others.

Oh, I was always really fond of that line! I'm glad you like it.

The curse definitely leaves a scar. Sorry about your dislike of snakes, though! Draco and Astoria have both been scarred by the darkness they've been exposed to, physically and emotionally.

I love writing the scenes with Ginny. You're right--she and Astoria are alike in many ways, but on the opposite side of the spectrum. That's a good way to put it. But they both are clever and they make good foils for one another. I think you're right. They could definitely be friends, but it wouldn't come easily for Astoria.

Heeheehee! I liked writing that comment, too. It's definitely hypocritical, but most of us dislike when people are capable of matching (or beating) us at our own games.

Oh, CC! Excellent! Thank you so much for catching that and for letting me know. I'm always so happy to have these things pointed out to me. It helps a lot in edits.

Thanks so much for the review, Sama!


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Review #13, by navyfailTraitorous Hearts: A Dangerous Revelation

13th August 2015:
Hello! Here from our review swap!

I think everytime you mention Draco's glasses I find him more attractive. In the books I didn't like him all too much but, for some reason, in your story I can't get enough of him haha. Not to mention that if I was Astoria I would make a taunting comment that he lokoed like Harry Potter with them on.

Re-reading the beginning of this story is helping. I feel like I've forgotten a lot of necessary details so I'm glad I'm getting the time to read over this chapter again.

I like how Astoria recognizes Ginny Weasley as a powerful and smart witch. She even admitted that Ginny could probably take her in a fight; though Astoria could definitely get out of it with her quick thinking.

I think my favorite part is when Astoria admitted that giving up Epping Forest was for revenge. Revenge is always such a bittersweet thing. When you think about the word, you usually think of violence since that's what most people perceive it as, but Astoria thinks of it differently. I'm not sure if you are following canon when it comes to her age, but she's supposed to be in her fifth year during this time which makes her very young to realize how selfish the Dark Lord is.

And the ending is my favorite! Not wanting to play hero is a lot like Astoria and the fact that she doesn't want any credit is very Slytherin-like. (I couldn't come up with a better word, sorry.)

"I’m not out throwing myself at every cause that moves, like a deranged Gryffindor.”
^Is it bad that I agree with her? Gryffindor is actually my least favorite house for some reason. Maybe it's because so many of the characters from HP belonged to it that I almost find the house overrated. It's sad really.

Lovely chapter as always, Penny!


Author's Response: So, I'm still planning to drop by with my extra review for you, but I thought I'd go ahead and start answering these.

Well, the books were from Harry's perspective, and Harry didn't find Draco particularly enjoyable. Well, I guess that's a matter of opinion, really, since Drarry is a ship, but you see my point.

Astoria *may* be a bit more likely to notice the appealing things about Draco, even if she wouldn't like to think of him that way.

I should totally try to write that glasses joke in somewhere. Draco would hate it! ;)

I totally feel the same way about Crossing the Borderline. I feel like there's so much I missed when I first read through it, and I'm really benefitting from a slower re-read!

Ginny has a point about Astoria. She's out for revenge, it's true, but it's the sort of revenge that still cares about people. It's not striking out in a blind rage. Astoria is a practical person, and even though her instincts can be selfish, she also has the capacity to plan something like revenge in a way that will be constructive as well as destructive. She may care about the well-being of others a bit more than she realizes, or would be willing to admit.

I am following canon with Astoria's age...sort of. I actually consider interviews and Pottermore "soft canon"--interesting, fair to use, but not "hard canon" like the books or the movies. I don't think you *have* to subscribe to those ideas to write a canonical fic. However, I do try to whenever possible. And since what we know of Astoria is almost entirely from those sources, I certainly wasn't going to ignore it. J.K. said that Astoria was two years younger than Pansy and Draco. What I've done is made her two years younger in AGE, rather than in school placement. She's in the same year as Ginny--sixth year. I have Pansy as 18, and Astoria as 16. Technically, Draco is just under two years older than her in my story. He's still 17 this point, closing in on 18 soon. But since, for most of the year, they'd be two years of age apart, I think it still works.

Slytherin-like totally works. But now you've got me trying to think of other options. Slytherish? Slytherinesque?

That was always something I really liked about writing Astoria. She really is a full-on Slytherin. She has some good traits, for sure, but she still is very much a member of her own House. There's no question of her being misplaced.

And no, I don't think it's bad at all that you agree with her! I definitely feel that way sometimes myself. I think Gryffindor is a great House, don't get me wrong. Lots of good traits. But they have as many bad traits as any of the others, and their impulsiveness CAN be a real problem. It's certainly something Astoria has trouble dealing with, especially as she begins to spend more time with members of that House in later chapters. I'm pretty cautious, too, and I spend half my time looking at the actions of Gryffindors in the books, just totally baffled, like WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! There has to be a much safer, simpler way!

But then again, I am a Snake ;)

Thanks for the lovely review, Sama! I always love swapping with you.


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Review #14, by navyfailPlaying for Keeps: The Woes of Working Retail

13th August 2015:
She works at Quality Quidditch Supplies? Oh, the irony! I can understand why she doesn't particularly like dealing with crazy Quidditch fans and arrogant Quidditch players.

I also like how you mentioned why she ended up working at a shop in Diagon Alley. I can see with two NEWTs that don't go together it would be tough to get a job somewhere else. A lot of people (including me) write their characters as extremely smart in terms of grades so it's a nice change to read about an average student. However, I do agree with her when she says she doesn't believe she's dumb. I think she's smart in an unconventional way. And yay for breaking Hufflepuff stereotypes! Not only did you make Anne not sweet but you also made Harriet top of her class!

One thing I loved is the way she describes her work... as a shopgirl who takes night classes. And her comment about her being a teacher not the student was funny.

The ending was a great way to wrap up the chapter! I had a feeling that James would end up recognizing her, but it really does say something that he couldn't tell they met before (again) the first time he walked into the shop. I have to hand it to him though for his clever idea of the sticking charm.

I've had a great time reading this story! You really have a talent when it comes to writing! I wonder what's going to happen at the Snoozing Dog. From the last sentence, I'm guessing Anne's been there before. Anyway, thank you for the wonderful swap! I'm going to add this to my Reading List and try and come back to read and review the rest of this story!


Author's Response: Hah, yes. In my experience, working in any particular store just makes you hate the things that you have to sell to the public. And Quidditch fans/players are pretty tough to deal with, anyway.

Yeah, those NEWTs were kind of mismatched, and while she does have a really lucrative night job, she has to have a respectable front for her parents, right? Yeah, Annie isn't exactly "classroom smart," but I think that's okay. I'm one of those nerds who values grades more than my life, but I really appreciate the people who are extremely skilled in things that you don't get grades for--example: being an adult (because I don't know how to do that yet). She's very smart at pool and at keeping herself out of trouble (er, sometimes). Yes, Hufflepuffs are not often portrayed as "smart," but Hattie is really smart--the reason she wants to be a Healer is because she cares about helping people and working to save their lives, something that Hufflepuffs have a tendency to do.

Haha, I enjoyed writing that description of her work as well! It seems so appropriate.

Thanks! James was smart enough this time to recognize that the girl he asked to help him learn pool is the same person as the shopgirl in QQS, haha. But he really was oblivious at first. And the Sticking Charm is quite clever, but when I wrote it, I was really disgusted at him for threatening to do that so aggressively.

Thanks so much for the multi-chapter swap and for adding it to your Reading List! I hope you do find time to come back, because I would love to know what you think about future events. :)


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Review #15, by navyfailPlaying for Keeps: Mint Chocolate Chip Memories

13th August 2015:
Oh, a filler chapter! (Or I think that's what this was meant to be.) I actually like how you took the time to sit back and give us some background. The first two chapters were more rising action and I think this was a good break.

I think the best part is that we get to learn her name! I understand her dislike of her name. Not that Portia isn't a pretty name, I just like Annie better. And we get to meat her friend! I already like Harriet. She seems very sweet and understanding as well as protective. She is a good balance to Annie I think. Also the fact that their friendship has lasted a good ten years does say something.

It's impressive how you manage to give us some of her past with James but not the full picture. My assumption of her being from a Slytherin pureblood family is wrong, but I really do wonder how James could randomly pick her and start tormenting her. You did mention that she was different so many that's why or maybe he was just mean. Boys during a young age really can be cruel without knowing.

I actually connect with Annie on not being able to make friends that easily. I can see that Harriet is the more outgoing one and while that's great, I think I relate to Annie more. I'm actually surprised that Annie's a Hufflepuff. With her ability to trick the man out of galleons I would have expected her to be in another house, maybe Slytherin or Ravenclaw. But I'm glad that you made her a badger. I feel like there aren't many Hufflepuff based stories so I'm looking forward to seeing more of her character unravel.

Lovely job so far! I'm really enjoying this story!


Author's Response: You're right, this is a bit of a filler, but I think it provides important background. It's always nice to have a change of scenery and a change of pace, and that's what you get in this one. Annie is just super tired from work, so the atmosphere of this chapter is very different from the others.

Yes, her name! Names are so important, and while Portia is pretty, it's quite old and outdated and can be turned into things that aren't nice. Harriet (also known as Hattie) is so sweet and protective and I love her. They do balance each other out quite well, and that's part of why their friendship has lasted for so long. :)

Yeah, it's good that you've got a little bit of her past to contextualize her present situation. She isn't a Slytherin pureblood, but James does target her for a specific reason that will be revealed soon. It isn't random at all, don't worry! She was different, and people in general can be mean. Not just boys, and not just children. Adults, unfortunately, have a very different way of showing their nasty sides. :/

Aww, no! I'll be your friend! Honestly, this is one of the things that I connect with Annie on as well. It's hard to make friends when you're an introvert like Annie, and Hattie's social butterfly tendencies were hard for her to understand. Surprise! Annie is a Hufflepuff, and though she did seem Slytherin in the first few chapters, she does reveal Hufflepuffian tendencies later on. I agree--Hufflepuffs are some of my favorites because they are SO MUCH MORE than people give them credit for, and I just didn't see her as being in any other House at all.

I am so happy that you're still enjoying this lil' ol' thing!


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Review #16, by navyfailPlaying for Keeps: A Face From the Past

13th August 2015:
And it's James Potter! I always do like a good James/OC and yours is really unique. I think my interest has peaked even more during this chapter since the main character has a bad past with him. From all the hints you've dropped, I'm guessing he bullied her during Hogwarts. Looks like it has come back to bite him in the butt and even though we don't know all too much about him, I think he deserves it.

Also, Freddy is becoming even more intriguing as well. I'm guessing he's the cousin that made the bet with James. He must be some sort of evil genius... or that's the vibe I'm getting. I wonder if we'll get to meet him soon.

I think it's great that your OC has changed from her Hogwarts days... gained confidence, and not afraid to stand up for herself. For some reason, I'm getting a feel that she's is Death Eater's daughter or a part of a pureblood family. I'm not sure what hinted at that but that's my guess.

Really smart move on her part for not telling him her name. I mean he doesn't even remember her so no harm done if she keeps her identity a secret for a while longer.

Terrific second chapter! Your way with words is admirable. You weave in description and dialogue easily and it makes for a great combination! I really excited to see where you take this!


Author's Response: Yes, surprise! It's James Potter indeed! But be careful about assumptions...It might appear here that this is going to be a James/OC, but complicated things happen in later chapters that might make you change your mind.

The bad past is actually part of that whole "maybe this isn't a James/OC after all" thing. He definitely did bully her at Hogwarts, and that is a very good guess from you! His actions will come back to haunt him, indeed! (And he totally deserves it, to some degree.)

Glad that Freddy intrigues you! I love writing Fred II as this crazy casino boss because he has the capacity to be so evil...And yet, so surprising at the same time! He'll show up, don't worry!

My OC has definitely changed. She's very, very confident now, and very ready to knock anyone down who's gonna try to bring her down. You're quite a bit off with your guess about her parentage, but all will come to light soon enough. :) It is a good guess, though, because she does seem quite wicked in these first few chapters.

Haha, I didn't even mean to keep that a secret for so long, but the name will get revealed soon. He definitely doesn't remember her, which will be a subject of great debate in the future.

Aww, ♥, thanks so very much!! And thanks for reading on! :D


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Review #17, by navyfailPlaying for Keeps: Shooting Star, After Midnight

12th August 2015:
Hello, it's ~chocolate from the forums here from the review swap!

Oh, I love the beginning! You set up the setting really nicely as well as the mood. And I love the way you weave your words when you describe the casino and the games being played and the drunken haze.

I also like how you introduced your main character and I'm already getting a feel of Freddy Weasley even without meeting him. He's seems like a clever person and a hard to please boss.

I've never actually played pool but you really made the game interesting by adding enough description but not too much that you would get bored. I adore female characters that have their wits with them and can manipulate a situation to their own benefit. And I have to say that she really tricked the poor sod good! I wonder what Bonnie will say to him when he goes back home that late.

Even though we don't know the main character's name yet, I really like her. She's strong and independent it seems and can play pool like no other. Also, I can see why she's tired after a night for wearing that itchy dress and those high heels.

And the ending... ah, I'm waiting to find out who the person who stepped out from the shadows is! Is it someone from her past? Or someone she doesn't particularly like?

Anyway, fantastic start to your story! And great job with the cliffhanger! I'm already hooked.


Author's Response: Hi Sama! Thanks for reviewing Playing for Keeps, which is without a doubt my main baby on this site. :)

Thank you so much! After I initially got the idea for this, I had so much trouble figuring out how to start it without sounding cheesy or weird. I'm happy that you liked the description of the setting and everything!

Freddy Weasley is crazy and definitely a hard-to-please boss, but he's quite an interesting guy once you get to know him. And my main character is my fave out of everyone in this story because she's so many things, all at once. You'll see what I'm talking about in future chapters. :)

I love pool, but I'm so bad at it. It's great that the description kept your interest, because I worked on it until I was sure that it wouldn't put people to sleep. :D Female characters are BOSS, and this character is particularly good at the manipulation game. (Bonnie will NOT be happy with this dude, trust me.)

I hope you'll continue to like her! I admire her for wearing that crazy get up, because I would not be able to!

Haha, you'll have to wait and see... :)

Thanks once again for the swap!


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Review #18, by navyfailDolohov: Sons and Daughters

12th August 2015:
I really don't like Rosier but I have a feeling that he doesn't truly hate Veronica or else he would have hurt her again. Also, I'm guessing that the two people she's going to tell is Al and Scorpius, right? Hoping we'll find out more next chapter!


Author's Response: Haha, I don't think many people would like Rosier. He doesn't truly hate her, is relationship with her is actually a bit more complex than it may appear. I am in the middle of the next chapter and I am hoping to get it finished within the following week. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your reviews, Sama, I truly do! Thank you so, so much! =]

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Review #19, by navyfailDolohov: Words are Dead

12th August 2015:
And we finally get some Veronica/James! It's been a long time since they've spoke to each other so it was great seeing them interact again. And Veronica's comment about being the knight in shining armor to his damsel in distress was funny. Sorry for the shot review, it's late night here and I'm having trouble putting my thoughts into words.


Author's Response: Yes, and more Veronica/James is coming later on, I love writing scenes between them but there is some more developments that are necessary before they speak again. Thank you so much, I love reading your reviews! Thank you! =]

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Review #20, by navyfailDolohov: Falling, Catching

12th August 2015:
I really admire Veronica's courage. I mean she stood up to Rosier twice! And the seines time, he tried choking her. I really hope she goes to the Hospital Wing to get those bruises checked but I'm going to take a guess that she won't do that. And now Nathan is in St. Mungos! The plot is definitely thickening and I'm really intrigued by what's happening! Keep it up!


Author's Response: I think she has a lot of it but doesn't know necessarily when it will come, she often runs on moments of intense anger to wait for her courage to push her to stand up. Yes, she is definitely no longer afraid of those in her own social class. Thank you so much! THANK YOU! =]

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Review #21, by navyfailDolohov: Fuel to the Fire

12th August 2015:
Ah, McGonagall! She's one of my favorite characters from the HP series so I was delighted to see that's she's made an appearance. And I can totally see her being defensive of her students. Also, I think it's sweet that Veronica went out of her way to make sure that nothing else went against James. Maybe they'll look after each other more than they thought they would. This chapter has gotten me more interested in Veronica's relationship with her brother. I mean she basically admitted to hating him so yeah... can't wait to find out more about that. Nice job with this!!


P.S. Scorpius's comments on her not wearing any clothes was funny!

Author's Response: McGonagall is definitely a favourite amongst all. She can be admired for her strength and wisdom. I think it is a very Gryffindor thing for her to do. There is a lot more in the next chapters about her relationship with Nathan, which is probably not as black and white as it appears. Thank you again for being such a wonderful reader and reviewer! =]

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Review #22, by navyfailDolohov: Cried the Crawling

12th August 2015:
And we meet her brother! I'm guessing they don't get along at all... I wonder how that came to be. I still can't place his age; my guess is seventh year or fifth year. I really do think Veronica should have heard that warning but mentioning their dad really wasn't a wise choice on her brother's part. Also, I think it's sweet the James went to the Hospital Wing to inform them of her wrist.

The ending really is a cliff hanger, I definitely can't wait to hit next to find out what happens! Interesting chapter like always!


Author's Response: Haha, their relationship is certainly not on the best of terms however we will learn more about them later. I will definitely mention his age later in the story. She and he brother always had trouble communicating and understanding each other, Veronica had a different outlook on the world that he couldn't see. James is a strange character that will be developed more later. Thank you so much! =] Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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Review #23, by navyfailDolohov: Stirring a Fire

12th August 2015:
I'm a little confused by the beginning when Veronica mentions a Transfiguration essay and Scorpius says he forgot about that assignment since I think back in chapter two you mentioned that he was in the year below her. So, I'm not exactly sure why they would have gotten the same essay if they're in different years. Maybe I'm just getting confused haha.

But on a more positive note, we finally find out what house she's in! Ravenclaw... definitely the best house there is really. Just kidding, I actually love all the houses; it's just that I have more Claw traits. And she ends up at a party... well that spells trouble already. I actually really like how she had the control to stop drinking when she realized that's what her father does all the time and she didn't want to be like him. In a lot of stories, when a characters drinks, they just keep going and going and I really like how you changed that. And the fact that she bumped into James is all the better. Also, there's a small mention of her brother who I'm guessing is a few years younger than her? Maybe even a Slytherin since she noticed him when sat with Scorpius at thar house's table? I wonder if we'll get to see him more in future chapters. I'm curious to know what his equation with Veronica is.

The story is moving along great, thumbs up to you!!


Author's Response: Oh, I have to edit that. I meant to say that Scorpius had another essay for his own class that he had forgotten since McGonagall teaches them both. However, the essays are two different ones. I will definitely clarify that! Thank you for pointing that out! I am fond of Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, I must admit, haha. I agree, I didn't want it to be the typical party especially because it isn't true to her own character at all. There is definitely more of Nathan in the coming chapters! Thank you so much, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your reviews!

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Review #24, by navyfailDolohov: The Chord Left

12th August 2015:
Oh, that article! Honestly a few words could ruin someone's first day so why write them in the first place. I'm not fond of reporters, can you tell? Veronica definitely leans back on sarcasm when someone she's not comfortable with talks to her... I'm guessing that's her way of defense, her barrier. Also is Annette a sort of friend or just someone who doesn't hate her? Being a Dolohov, it's easy to assume that Veronica is a Slytherin, but since there hasn't been a mention of what house she belongs to I'll wait to find out. I love her little scenes with James; though they're short, they're interesting. Also, yay for more Scorpius! I really like how there is more plot to this story coming in from outside Hogwarts. The Mulciber situation is making me curious. I can't wait to find out more about it and a distraction makes sense. I'm just wondering who else is behind it all.

One thing I noticed:
"With a groan, I pushed by heavy body off of the mattress and commenced the start of the school year with dark circles and reddened eyes."
Instead of by, I think you meant my. Just a minor type, I'm guessing but I thought I would point it out.

Your characters are coming through more and more which is terrific! On to the next chapter...


Author's Response: Haha, I can, and I completely agree; unfortunately, I believe reporters especially of the gossip magazines in the Wizarding World are constantly twisting stories. Yes, she does, it's a way to show how she isn't deeply affected by it, although its not necessarily true. Annette is just a girl who is comfortable with being around Veronica but doesn't actually have a friendship. I know but she doesn't actually have the qualities of a Slytherin, oh right, haha, I didn't mention it yet in this chapter. We will definitely see more of the Mulciber situation in the later chapters, everything mentioned has a role in the story. I won't say anymore, haha. Oh, yes it's a mistake, I'm sorry, I'm actually planning to revise the chapters during the autumn for typos. Thank you so much for reading and leaving a review!

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Review #25, by navyfailDolohov: Prisoner

12th August 2015:
Back again! And we meet Veronica's father and he broke her wrist... that has got to hurt! Though, judging by the way he stepped back after he did it, it seems like he regretted the action. But drunk or not, he still harmed his daughter! I really do think she should have healed herself when she got on the train. Did she only not do it to make the broken wrist serve as a reminder or did she just not know the spell? And we meet Scorpius! He's one of my favorite next gen characters so I'm really glad he's in this story! I'm going off a hunch here but the offer he's made Veronica... is it one of marriage? Again, I can totally be off here but that would get her out of the Dolohov household. Anyway, great second chapter. I really liked her interaction with James at the end.


Author's Response: Thank you again, first, for providing such beautiful reviews with plenty of insight. I think her father is a complex character, he is not only bitter but also resentful in many ways, and I hope that in the future chapters I will go into that a bit more. I agree, he didn't even realize his own actions. She would probably not have known the spell at that point. Yes, mine as well! He is an interesting character that can be taken several different ways, either darker or lighter. Oh no, it isn't! I will clarify it later in the story, because I understand how it could be confusing, but their relationship is purely a friendship, borderline sister-brother. He is sort of like James Potter (the first) in terms that he is providing Veronica a safe place to go as James did with Sirius. It's a good point, and I could definitely see why you would think that! Thank you so much! =]

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