Reading Reviews From Member: anissamalfoy
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by anissamalfoyBeneath: tears and rain

17th March 2014:
Hi, there! I'm here with your requested review :-) Yikes, I'm so sorry it took me so long to review. I got really caught up with graphic making D: Anyways, I was really surprised when I realised that I was the one who made you a banner for this story! Coincidence? :P

Alright, enough chit-chat.

This is the first time ever I read a Marauders era fic and let me tell you that I'm so pleased with your story so far. I'm sooo blown away ! I love Rainne (very pretty name, by the way!), because somehow she kinda reminded me of myself from years back (social anxiety and a little self-harming. But let's not go there, shall we?). The way you write is just beautiful. I notice you use a lot of choppy sentences and tbh, I'm usually not really a fan of that. BUT, your story is definitely an exception and imo, that's what makes your writing style unique :)

and omg, the tiffany's box is like a plot twist to me. When I made your banner, I was like 'oh it's probably a gift from the guy to the girl'. I never thought she would keep her blade there D:

Overall, really impressive work!! You deserve a pat on the back :) Feel free to re-request although, I'll most likely review your story again without you asking me so cause I'm so hooked with this story :P

-Anissa

Author's Response: Hi! Definitely not a coincidence, I was too curious to see what the artist that made the AMAZING banner thought of the story ;) And don't worry, I've been really busy too, I know how RL can get in the way!

Ooh how daunting, to be someone's first Marauders era fic! I'm glad you liked it, I don't want to turn you away from the era! Tbh I haven't been through what Rainne has to deal with, so it's good that for someone that can relate it seems real. Though I'm sorry you've had to go through that!

I know, I'm always afraid the choppy sentences will turn someone off, but that's just kind of Rainne's thought process. It's like her short breaths when she's nervous. I'm glad you liked it though!

I read somewhere online about a girl that keeps her blades in a tiffany's box, which actually kind of inspired the whole story. I just think it's so sad that something meant to hold something that brings happiness holds something that brings so much pain instead.

I'm so flattered! Thank you for your kind words. It really means a lot. I'll definitely be back to re-request. I can't wait to see what you think of the rest of the story!


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Review #2, by anissamalfoyUpper Class: Chapter Two

24th February 2014:
Hi there! Here with your requested review :-) I apologise it took so long for me to do so because I've been really sick, but I'm here now!

First of all, I think your story is really intriguing! Who would have thought that Hermione is actually a pureblood, let alone her family being a close friends to the Malfoys? I love that you mostly keep them to stay in characters, although I think you could make Draco a little bit... broody, I guess? Maybe a little shocked too, since he used to bully her a lot in the past. Other than that, no complains. I especially love Ron with his stupidness. It's quite amusing lol :D

I know you included specifically for grammar and I honestly I can't say much since I'm not really good with it. However, I did notice something a little off with this:

"so they moved to France, and when she a year later got pregnant with me,..."

No need to worry though, it's just the placing of 'a year later' that I found a bit off. I think it would sound better if you place it at the end of the sentence so it becomes "when she got pregnant with me a year later".

Okay, okay, enough with that lol. Sorry if I'm not helping! D:

All in all, I really love your story, so big kudos for you! Hopefully I don't sound too harsh? :s If yes, then I'm sorry! Feel free to re-request and I apologise for the late review once again :D

-Anissa

Author's Response: Hi!

Oh god, I'm so sorry for the looong delay of my response to your review. I've been so busy with everything but thank you so much for reviewing! I thought you'd forgotten hehe.

I've tried to keep them in character as much as I can, but Malfoy I'm having trouble with. So it's nice to know he should be a little broody :)
I'm currently rewriting the story as I get it beta read - so I'll maybe make him a little more rough and cold.

Don't worry! You're not harsh at all :D
That's the only way I can learn, if people correct me or tell me what they think can be done better! So critisize all you can :b

Thank you so much for your review! It made me re-think a few things, which is good.

- Lostmyheart


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Review #3, by anissamalfoyAn Account of Downfall: Chapter II

21st February 2014:
Hi, I'm here with your requested review :) Firstly, I'm so sorry it took me so long cause I've been really sick. I hope you're okay with that.

Anyways, I recall that you were concern about the general flow. I'd have to agree with that as I found some of your sentences are confusing to read. Like this:

Ozymandias Stroulger had stood in that field, under that magical umbrella, on that day, and despite the weather Oz had been in an exceptionally good mood.

Oz was a wizarding archaeologist, a post-grad, working for the esteemed Professor of Archaeology, Dr. Gulliver Goshawk, at the London Wizardry & Witchcraft University (LWWU).

and this:

He could technically have appeared before them instantly, the Ylve can appear wherever they want, they are not constrained in the same way magical Men are, but it was considered politeness to approach the King on ones own two feet.

There's just something off with that. I think you can smooth them by breaking them into two sentences like this:

"He could technically have appeared before them instantly because the Ylve can appear wherever they want and not constrained in the same way magical Men are. However, it was considered politeness to approach the King on ones own two feet."

Something like that :)

As for Thrandl, I can't say much about his character as it's still second chapter, but I think his character is believable. He's fierce and hot-tempered, whereas his father is calm and collected, which is interesting.

Killing children is an unforgivable act for me so it makes sense if the war started based on that.

I really like your story so far! It's unique from what I've read. And your description, oh wow they're just amazing! I don't think I could give good descriptions like that.

Really great job so far! Once again, sorry for the lateness and feel free to re-request :D

Author's Response: Thank you very much for reviewing, no worries and sorry for being slow with responding (Uni work load suddenly increased dramatically).
Thank you for your advice with helping the flow and thank you for all your comments :) I will go through my chapters asap and try to improve them.


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Review #4, by anissamalfoyBuilding Dollhouses In The Sand: Chapter One

6th February 2014:
Hi, ya! Here with your long requested review :) Firstly, I apologise because it took so long for me to review. I've been really sick and it's been raining so hard here thus my neighborhood was flooded.

Anyways, on to the review. I personally have never read any fics about the twins so this is such a nice start for it! I like it that you stay to Rowling's portrayal of Fred and George; funny and full of mischief. However, one thing that's a little bit odd for me is the way George seems a little bit secretive to Fred about his feelings for Katherine, considering they're twins and how close they are to each other. Other than that, no complains!

As for Katherine, I really love her! It is nice to read an OC who's not Mary- Sue and a popular girl. I love it that you gave us enough details about Katherine's past, though I really feel bad for Katherine for losing both her mother and uncle. And that bits with her crystal ball also made me sad for her too.

Your chapters so far are pretty well written and I like the way you write, it's just natural :) although I feel like maybe you could add more descriptions in this chapter as I got confused at some points. So to answer your concern, yes it does attract the readers' interest!

Great job so far! Feel free to re-request and once again so sorry for the lateness!

-Anissa

Author's Response: It's okay, Thank for for the long and thoughtful review, I love the twins and I'm so happy this was your first fic, I've always thought George to be slightly secretive I mean in the books we don't much about whether of them really.

I Love Katherine in fact I'm going to feature her in a of novel :) I will re-request soon :)


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Review #5, by anissamalfoyRepentance: Unwanted Guests

28th January 2014:
Hi, I'm here with your long requested review!

Okay, first off, I think you pretty much have good things going on here. Your plot is interesting; the way you introduced Hermione as a broken girl due to the war. Especially after what happened with Rowle... Girl, I'd be traumatised too if I were Hermione. *shudders*

Boo at Draco for not saving her! But then again, I think it's a good thing cause it's Draco we're talking about (at least that's what he was in the past). So I think you've nailed it perfectly!

Your characterisation is quite spot on. Although, I doubt Hermione ever cusses like she does in this chapter :P I'm also glad you portray Pansy as a caring friend of Draco, instead of vile, mean and jealous woman. It's sooo overdone in most Dramione fanfics, so yours is like a breath of fresh air :)

Now, on to the writing itself. I think your writing is coming along nicely. The pace is great and you pretty much gave enough description. However, I also noticed that some sentences are choppy. Like this:

Tears still burned her eyes and her cheeks were wet from crying. She looked beautiful.

I dunno why, there's just something off with that. Maybe combine it and add a conjunction word? For example:

Tears still burned her eyes and her cheeks were wet from crying, yet she still looked beautiful.

Something like that :P

Overall, great job for your first story! Once again, I apologise for the late review. Feel free to re-request :)

-Anissa

Author's Response: Hello :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a detailed review!

I have to admit Pansy is one of my favourite characters to play around with, I just love her!

I'm glad you liked the characterization because I love the way J.K Rowling wrote every character in the books and I didn't want to do much to change this. You mentioned Hermione's cussing which is one thing I did change; I hoped it would show how much things had changed in the time since the battle and how different Hermione had become due to what happened to her.

I'm glad you pointed out the short sentences as I completely agree with you, they'd sound much better if I combined them so I'll be going through my other chapters to try and correct myself!

Again, thank you very much :)

Hannah


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Review #6, by anissamalfoyCloser In Winter: Eat and Sleep

15th January 2014:
Hey, there! I'm here with your requested review :D

First off, I think your story is interesting and the plot itself seemed to be going somewhere, especially around Ginny and Hermione's friendship. Your characterisation is quite spot on, although I find Ginny a bit irritating with her arrogance. And omg, she's such an attention- seeker! But don't you worry though. Like I said, your characters are believable, so that means a good thing :)

I spotted a typo on this (chapter 3): 'Well I am a Prefect before all childish feuds we've shared. Their is a time when all personal emotions should be pushed aside for the greater good. I believe this is one of them.'

I think you meant "There is" :P

Furthermore, I like your writing style. However, one thing that I'm corncerned with is the spacing. Especially in chapter 5. Like this:

The young Gryffindor grimaced.

Her feet stopped and she felt a lump form in her throat.

She had almost forgotten about that.

or...

She felt like hugging him.

And crying.

But went for a smile.

I think you can just combine them into a paragraph and add more description/ transition words to it as I also find them a little bit choppy :)

Overall, great job though. Can't wait to read more and feel free to re-request! I hope I'm not being harsh :(

xx,
Anissa

Author's Response: Hello Anissa!

Thank you for your quick reviewing!

I'm glad to know I managed to sway from the OOCs too much especially if Ginny manages to irritate you ever so slightly (insert evil laughter) and still stay credible.
Really glad since the Ginny/Hermione relationship is key to the progression of the plot (but shhh...^^)


Chapter 3 - Argh...!
I just got that chapter back from my wonderful beta-reader so it'll be updated soon ^^

The spacing - yeah, I usually spend 10 to 30 minutes re-spacing the chapter as it is in my documents but I was in a hurry.
Copy/Paste the chapter from Word to the little box and the text goes nuts.
I'll have that fixed by the time I update.
I hope that didn't put you off too much though.

I'm a bit relieved only a typo from chap3 and spacing were brought up as I had/have many insecurities about this chapter - I'm really happy you like the story!

I'll update asap as long as it doesn't impose on the challenge stories I'm working on at the moment. :D

Thank you very much for reviewing - I'll be sure to re-request when the next chappie's out! :)


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Review #7, by anissamalfoyKamikaze: Untitled

26th December 2013:
Yay, you updated! (Last time I checked, you only had 3 chapters but now it's 6! :P)

As always, your story is beautifully written. You aren't trying too hard, it's just natural. I don't know whether I should feel sorry for Draco or happy about Astoria leaving him lol cause she's my least favourite character in general (Dramione all the way! :P)

Anyways, great chapters. Can't wait to read more! :)

-Anissa

Author's Response: Hey Anissa! I'm so, so sorry it has taken me so long to reply - I've been on one holiday after the other, but I'm back now! I'm glad you enjoyed catching up on the chapters! Unfortunately for my Dramione shippers, Astoria is still in the house so she is still a presence. It's all planned perfectly though. However I don't know when I will post again - this story is so big and complex to write (I think I've set myself up for too much, but we'll see :))
Anyway, thank you for the lovely reviews, as always. It's so good to hear from you again!
-Mahalia


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Review #8, by anissamalfoyGenesis: Gormless

27th October 2013:
Hey, Akansha! First off, let me tell you that this is actually the first Next Gen story that I've enjoyed so far (I tend to stay away from Next Gen fics just because I'm not really fond of it, dunno why). But your story is really good! Who knows, maybe I'll change my mind eventually and read more Next Gen fics in the future.

Anyway, I love Al and Gen's chemistry as well as their witty interactions. The flow of your story is also nice, so keep up the good work! =)

-Anissa

Author's Response: Hello Anissa!
Firstly, I love your name! I congratulate you on having it :D
Secondly, am I flattered or what? It's really gladening to know when something you write appeals to the readers, especially if they're not so fond of that style or genre. So, thanks so much! :)
Yes, do-there are a lot of excellect Next-Gen fics out there thst leave you simply breathless. You can browse through my favourites to find some :)
I will love you forever for saying that. Your wondeful review absolutely made my day!
Keep smiling,
-Akansha.


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Review #9, by anissamalfoyKamikaze: Memento Mori

6th August 2013:
hey! it's me again. I see that you've updated :)

Anyways, I love this chapter! The way you write is just beautiful. Especially the part with Lucius and Draco, I teared up a bit. Glad to see that you didn't portrayed Lucius as a horrible father, like most of the stories I've read. I personally love him despite the circumstances :) and Pokey is just adorable!

Author's Response: Hey again :) Aw, thank you so much! I actually got a bit emotional myself writing the Draco/Lucius bit. I really felt a bit of myself go into that scene, so I'm really pleased to hear that it reads as nice as I hoped. And yes! I don't think Lucius was as horrible as a lot of people make him out to be. At the end of the day, he is a great father and husband, and his family were always happy with their circumstance, so he must have been doing too bad.
And I'm glad you liked Pokey. She'll be making a lot of appearances throughout this story.
Thank you so, so much for your review! I'm glad you're still liking this story. Next chapter is going to be a lot more exciting! :)
- Mahalia


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Review #10, by anissamalfoyKamikaze: Upper Hand

29th July 2013:
Hey! Since you've reviewed my story, I thought I would be doing the same too :D

I really love the way you write, how you describe things is just perfect and the flow is nice. You're really a good writer :) As for the characterisation, I should say that you really nailed them, especially with suspicious Harry. Like in this dialogue between Hermione:

"He's always hiding something," Harry mumbled, ignoring her. "Don't you remember--"

"Sixth year; yes, Harry." Hermione rolled her eyes, placing the Object back down. "You told me about him nearly every day that year--but I would know if he had been hiding something."

For some reason, that made me smile :) Anyways, keep up the good work!

-Anissa

Author's Response: Thank you, this was almost too sweet to read! I haven't even finished reviewing your story yet!! (I'm so sorry about it, too. I feel pretty slack).
Thank you very much for your comments. I'm actually going to go back through this another thousand times, so by the end the flow should be perfect. I've been struggling with writers block, so my descriptions can get awfully lengthy and sometimes they don't make sense.
And yes, characterisation - your comment made my day (night, whatever, haha). I've had a lot of out-of-canon fics, so this one I was determined to make sure that didn't happen. I'm glad to see that it read ok to you!
Thank you very much for this review, it was so nice to log on and read. I'll no doubt be reviewing your story very soon :)
Thanks again,
Mahalia


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