Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
  
1,445 Reviews Found

Review #26, by marauderfanRed Red Rose : A Slytherin in the Gryffindor CR.

15th May 2016:
Hi Kenny! This is the rest of your hot seat reviews from me. I'm sorry they are late. I meant to do more last weekend and then didn't, but hey - it's like when you get late birthday presents, just means the celebration lasts longer! :P

This is a lovely start - it's very whimsical in nature, and you've wonderfully portrayed the relationships between the characters, what with the way Albus teases his cousin about Scorpius being her boyfriend, or the way Al and Scorpius write music, the fact that Hugo collects the cards from chocolate frogs, and the bit I loved the most - how Albus wants to write good songs but is bad at poetry. (I can relate!)

I really like seeing musicians in the wizarding world because apart from a few mentions of bands/musicians in canon like the Weird Sisters, Hobgoblins, and Celestina Warbeck (... that may be all, actually?) there aren't any others and I love seeing what wizarding music would be like. Especially as you have it here, since they still appear to be in school - I'm eager to see what a band composed of teenagers at Hogwarts would be like. I can't believe Albus just sang a letter from Scorpius to Rose and turned it into a song. I don't suppose Scorp will be too thrilled about that.

A really interesting start and I can't wait to read on!

Author's Response: Hi, Kristin! You came back to add more. You are such a nice person.

I tried writing the new trio, I think Scorp is just like Draco, Albus is like Harry, his father Harry was not good at writing, so I set his son, Albus like that.

Yeah, as you noticed, I wanted to add more in the musical part. I wrote another episode realted to the Weird Sisters. If you have time, please stop by. The name of the story is "Highland Is Calling".

Reading your feedback, I feel like I should add more description around the episode how the lyrics were made based on the letter.

I got another review to update this story. I have to find more time for this.

Thank you again for dropping your thouht!

Kenny


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Review #27, by marauderfanThe Lark and the Nightingale: The Mark

15th May 2016:
Wow, this chapter. Things just got a whole lot darker (as they would, considering the time period :( I never thought I'd simultaneously hate someone so much and feel bad for them, as I do here with Peter. He had one lapse of judgement - and it wasn't even that, it was just a moment of confusion where he's trying to figure out where he belongs (and who hasn't done that, really?) and abandons his friends, but then finds himself stuck and things are far more permanent than he bargained for. He's already gotten quite good at lying to his friends. And it doesn't surprise me that Remus is the one to sort of see through the lies, as he's probably quite accustomed to feeding people lies about his mum being ill, or whatever other things he invented to put people off the track of finding out his Furry Little Problem.

Your portrayal of Voldemort is great here - sufficiently creepy and knows when he's being lied to. The last section here when he finds out about his future as a double agent - it reminds me a lot of Snape. Different circumstances of course in how they ended up there, but similar in that they're both infiltrating the other's organization and so effective at being on both sides that it took a while for anyone to notice.

One thing that really stood out to me about this chapter was Peter's lament that he's involved in all this and he's just a kid. It's so true! And so horrible to think that a lot of the Death Eaters at this time (Nott of course, and Regulus around this time as well probably) were only sixteen or seventeen and facing a future of a lot of violence and fighting and not being able to get out of it. Kids having to fight in a war, while Voldemort just used them like marionettes. So awful. (but your writing of that is fantastic, and through Peter's fear it's so evident how messed up the whole situation is.) Really great work on this chapter!

Author's Response: I must admit, this is one of my favourite chapters, even if it breaks my heart all the time!

Things have definitely turned much darker... but as you say, it's time of war...

Poor Peter... his life is so skrewed up at the moment... and even if he asked for it, I still feel so bad for him...

Of course Remus would notice something is strange. He's the most perceptive and he does have a lot of experience with lies...

I'm so glad you felt I pictured Voldemort well! And this is interesting, I never really thought about a parallel between Peter and Snape. But of course it makes sense.

It's something that has always stricken me, how young they all were... When James and Lily died and Sirius was sent to Azkaban, they were only twenty-one!!! I still played with dolls at that age! (ok, no, I didn't play with dolls, because I never liked playing with dolls that much... but you know what I mean...) And all the Death Eaters, of course... Regulus couldn't have been older than nineteen... How sad is it all?

Thank you so much for another awesome review! I so adore your feedback!!!


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Review #28, by marauderfanThe Lark and the Nightingale: Meetings in Hogsmeade

15th May 2016:
Oookay, I'm back! And hopefully I will read through the rest of this today, as it's much too hot today to do anything but sit here like a lump and read fanfic :D

HOW does Remus still think Corner is the answer? I had totally forgotten about that guy. You'd think that after Remus and Chiara had that conversation earlier where it's SO clear they both have feelings for one another, he wouldn't be so surprised to hear that she likes him. That boy is so stubborn and in denial! (and so of course very well written in character!)

"Really, Evans... Dumbledore? He's amazing and all, but I doubt he would be Chiara's first choice..."
"Merlin, Black! Be serious!" Lily exclaimed.
-- these two lines had me laughing out loud! Trust Sirius to crack a joke like that interpretation of Lily's suggestion, and then the inevitable Serious joke, but Lily catches it in time, before Sirius has a chance to (as he would) make a comment about it.

But YES, Lily's idea is sensible, to tell Dumbledore. They really should have done ages ago. I'm glad Chiara's mum was finally informed as well - she's been in the dark for a while now :(

Peterrr. What a sad scene! I was so frustrated at him as he seems to be just going out of mild interest, or boredom in his current situation, but kind of gets tied into it in a way he doesn't expect. I felt badly for him, because he didn't ultimately like what he heard but had no way to get out of it. And despite that I am annoyed at him for making the decision to go in the first place and turning on his friends, it's clear he still cares about Remus, as the comment about 'half-breeds' affected him so much. Aw.

Great chapter!

Author's Response: KRISTIN!!! *hug* *wub* *hug* *wub* *hug* *wub*

Remus is such an idiot... and, well, you know how he is... he just can't believe that people can love him...

I'm so glad that bit made you laugh!!! I definitely had so much fun writing it!!! :P And you know I love that pun a bit too much!

Of course Lily's right in saying that they should tell Dumbledore... if only the boys would listen... but at least Remus thought about informing Anna!

Poor Pete... I can imagine your frustration... he doesn't really understand what he's throwing himself into, and once he realizes it, it's too late. Of course, he shouldn't have gone in the first place. But I can't blame him too much... And yes, he still cares about his friends...

Thank you for another awesome review!!!
Chiara


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Review #29, by marauderfanStranger: 17 Years Old

13th May 2016:
Aw, yay! I really loved the happily ever after feeling of this chapter - and while I know that it's not 'happily ever after' and there will probably be other struggles later on (like the reactions of his mother? I kind of wondered what happened there, but regardless, I like where you ended the story), this ends on such a wonderful note with Myles finally being the person he wants to be, and Pansy so supportive and happy for him. It was just such a lovely moment between friends. And given that in the previous four chapters Millicent had always been unhappy or confused, having Myles walk in smiling was such a huge change and it really changed the mood of the story. His happiness changed the whole tone of the chapter.

Pansy's last line "You look like you" - aww, I just adored this. What a positive ending ♥

Also, congrats on finishing the first of your WIP's! That's huge. :D *hands out celebratory cake* Great work on this story, Kaitlin!!

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Review #30, by marauderfanStranger: 15.5 Years Old

13th May 2016:
Millicent's anxiety is really evident in this chapter, in how she's afraid of what her peers will think and even what Madame Pomfrey will think. You did a wonderful job of conveying that, as it was easy to feel her nervousness and all the things she worries about. The teenage years are such a hard time anyway without stuff like this going on as well, looking in the mirror and seeing someone that's not you.

Madame Pomfrey was a great addition to the story as well because I think she'd have seen all sorts of things by this point without batting an eye and hardly anything could surprise her - werewolf students, Ron's dragon bite that he said was from a dog, arms without bones, etc., so she knows how to handle complex things and how to keep people's secrets safe. I have no doubt she'd be super helpful and understanding.

I'm glad you pointed out that gender reassignment is an option but not the only solution. I think this is one of the more commonly misunderstood things about trans issues, but there are plenty of trans people who don't undergo reassignment. This chapter was well done in terms of awareness and the different options available to trans people. I'm glad Millicent is taking steps to becoming who he is and having who he is on the inside and on the outside match for once, and that there's a support network of healers and the larger trans community. Once again great work on this chapter!

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Review #31, by marauderfanStranger: 15 Years Old

13th May 2016:
I love this chapter! And I love Pansy in this! (Never thought I'd say that) but she really is a good friend here. Sure, she's confused at first, but she is supportive, takes Millicent's words seriously, and genuinely wants to help her friend. I also like that you had Pansy bring up the idea of traditional gender roles vs gender, and how Millicent explains why it's not that. You approached the idea from several different angles and it really brings a lot of light to what it means to be trans. (Not that I'm an authority on this either - but Millicent's descriptions and emotions match what I've been told by some of my friends who are trans.) In that same vein, I also think Pansy brings a great aspect to the story that can help people who are unfamiliar with gender issues understand Millicent, because Pansy has to learn to understand too.

At any rate, I'm glad Millicent has figured it out, connected the dots in her mind and understands why she's been uncomfortable with herself for so long. And I'm really glad she has Pansy's support and that she's going to see Madame Pomfrey, it's so good she has people to confide in who will not judge her. That's so important.

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Review #32, by marauderfanStranger: 12 Years Old

13th May 2016:
Another excellent chapter. I really like the addition of Pansy here, and how she comes across as a sympathetic character who is perceptive and wants to help. I have no trouble believing she's actually pretty nice to people in her social circle, which would include Millicent. It's a nice change from Harry's rather biased perspective of her.

I also like how you pointed out the difficulties of this time of Millicent's life. Puberty is not easy for anyone, and I think most people go through a phase of being embarrassed about something about themselves, and are very self-conscious. The way you set this chapter up such that Millicent thinks that the problem is her self-confidence is pretty convincing, because at this point she can't change her body. And since she developed early, part of her annoyance is that she's not like the other girls anymore - she doesn't fit in. And not fitting in is enough of a hardship at that age that her gender identity just hasn't occurred to her yet.

Poor Millicent :( this was a great chapter though! Your writing is wonderful.

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Review #33, by marauderfanStranger: 7 Years Old

13th May 2016:
Saw your post on the forums and it reminded me that I still owe you 5 reviews for winning the Least Favourite Challenge - luckily this story is 5 chapters! But... there's so much good stuff on your AP. I may just leave you like 20 prize reviews isntead :P So anyway, this is such a great start. I love minor characters, and so I'm glad you chose to write about Millicent Bulstrode here. From canon, the only things we know about her is that she has a cat, and that Harry thinks she looks ugly/mean/scary (I forget exactly what he said, but it wasn't positive). So it leaves you with so much room to interpret her character.

This is such a wonderful interpretation of 7-year-old Millicent. She's too young to understand exactly what is wrong, but even at that age she knows that something just doesn't add up, and that she doesn't feel comfortable with who she's being told she is. And having it come across in the perspective of a child, who's never heard the term gender dysphoria, but only experiences this vague confusion, it really makes me feel for her as a character and... I know I'm getting ahead of myself here, but I hope her mother is understanding when Millicent finally figures out what is going on. Her mother doesn't seem unkind per se, just very traditionalist and dignified and would never have considered the possibility of her daughter being trans. I'm curious how that will turn out. (But seriously, 'Green is for boys'? What about all the Slytherins who aren't boys -they wear green all the time! And that's Tradition too, something she would be able to get on board with. *shakes head*)

/rambling tangent

This is really great so far and I'm excited to read the rest.

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Review #34, by marauderfanThe Lark and the Nightingale: Christmas break

13th May 2016:
Oh, Remus. Thinking that he can make someone else fall in love with Chiara and that will solve the curse? *headdesk* Well, good for him thinking outside the box, but... it was a very unrealistic idea :P The meeting between the two of them was beautiful though, and I love their determination.

Waking Sirius up was a delicate operation, which involved a lot of shouting and tickling, a bucketful of cold water -- HAHAHA yes. Delicate indeed. Delicately dump a bucket of ice on your friend while he is sleeping! This can be nothing but chaos. Also, that's got to be the worst way to wake someone up. No wonder he shouts at them! :P

Interesting portrayal of Peter here, how you have him feeling disconnected from the other three as early as seventh year. And what's more, it seems to indicate that his eventual switch of sides was more to do with his choice rather than being coerced/frightened/threatened into it. How his storyline is developing here, it makes me think that maybe he voluntarily switched sides because by that point he legitimately didn't like his friends anymore. A really interesting perspective and I'll be watching him closely any other time he's mentioned!

I love that Remus' parents and James' parents are friends :D Super close friends too, as James' parents know about Remus' Furry Little Problem. That's really cool. And I must say I loved the scene with Remus talking to his mother. It was a really sweet scene and I really like seeing the family life of the characters, what their parents are like, etc- it's like another dimension to the character.

Hahaha, the snowball fight! "It's okay to sneak out, no one will hear us!" - said every teenager ever, and they were always wrong. I love that they got caught mid-snowball fight in the early hours of the morning. And that James' Dad got involved haha! Such lovely scenes with different characters and their parents in this chapter. I know you said in your A/N that this was kind of a filler chapter, but honestly I love filler chapters because even if they don't move the plot along, they usually contribute a lot to overall characterisation and this is a perfect example.

Love it!

Author's Response: Welcome back again, my lovely Kristin!!!

Ahahah! Poor Remus... well, it is a good plan in theory, but feelings don't work that way... So glad you liked their exchange!!!

Ahahah! I guess Sirius was in an excellent mood once he did wake up! :P I had so much fun writing that bit! It's definitely my favourite!!! :D

Peter... :( He might get involved with the Death Eaters earlier than you think... and it won't be pretty... I'm so terribly sorry for the way I treated him... :(

Ahahah! I love the Marauders' parents! I guess it would be inevitable, with their sons being so close, to become very close as well. :)

Ah, Silvia... Silvia is the sweetest! So glad you liked her and her chat with Remus!

And the snowball fight! Ahahah! Of course the boys would think they wouldn't be caught... and of course they are! :D And James' dad is such a big child! :P

So glad you enjoyed the chapter, even if it was only a filler! I agree with you that filler chapters help characterization, and I'm happy you think I did that well!!!

Thank you so, so, so much again for all your adorable reviews! You are the best!!!
Much love and tons of hugs!
Chiara


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Review #35, by marauderfanThe Lark and the Nightingale: The cure

13th May 2016:
Back again!

I imagine that would be quite a sight, to see Lily with the Marauders and all of them surrounded by books and a bird. Who would know what to make of that.

Ugh, Snape. I'm not his greatest fan. I think it very likely though that he would pester Lily like that even after their falling out, asking her what she's doing and prying for information. It was very possessive of him (as if he always has to be informed of what she's doing) and because of that very in character of him.

Ah, good thinking Lily - isn't it always that the most likely explanation is the simplest one? I enjoyed them teasing Remus about having to kiss a bird. :P It was very much along the lines of the story of the frog prince, only no princess appeared when Remus kissed the bird haha. Too bad it didn't work! Maybe it happens slowly, after Chiara has already flown away? If not, I don't know what they're going to do. I'll have to read on and find out :D

Author's Response: Ahahah! That would look weird, wouldn't it? :P

Snape wasn't very enjoyable in that scene... he is very possessive of her and thinks he can control her life...

Lily is a genius!!! And yes, the most obvious explaination is often the right one! ;)
No, I'm afraid kissing the bird is not the solution... :(

See you again on the next review! *wub*


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Review #36, by marauderfanThe Lark and the Nightingale: Back together

13th May 2016:
Chiara!! ♥ ♥ Ahh, I was so happy to see you were on the Hot Seat this week!! You totally deserve it for being such a generous and amazing person! And on that note, congratulations in the Keckers! I was so happy to see you get recognition for the amazingness that is your reviews. ♥

Okay, but now to matters at hand: last I was around, Chiara was a bird and Sirius was learning to speak Larkish. Here we resume!

I love the way you write Sirius- he's quite perceptive and it shows in your writing that he's much smarter and more in tune with people than he acts, as evidenced by why he pretends not to have noticed Remus' self deprecating remarks.

Peter's afraid of cats :D Love it. I've always been a big fan of ideas like this that link their animal personalities to their human ones.

Muahaahaha, Lily's been brought over to the dark side. Mischief is fun! Yep, she definitely thought that. :P But her prefect side comes out again just before they go into the forest. I can appreciate her very conflicted feelings here as she enjoys a little mischief here and there, but she also doesn't want to blatantly ignore rules that have been around for years as she's in a position of authority.

Awww the reunion was so sweet!! Well, bittersweet. I love that they were able to talk for hours and spend time together after so long, but it was so sad to see Remus and then Lily try to hug her but not able to touch her. She's almost a ghost, then. :( Ahh, so close but so far! But I love the ending and how she's so hopeful that she can overcome it and be with Remus. Wah!

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡,
Kristin

Author's Response: Aww, Kristin... *wub*
Thank you! I can't hide it, I'm so excited about the Hot Seat! And congratulations to you too for Keckers!!! You totally deserved to win best reviewer (look at the awesome reviews that you left me here!!!) And I can't remember what else you won, but you surely deserved it (all your stories are wonderful) :P

I love perceptive Sirius! He's the best! Glad you like him too!!! :D

And yes, Peter has this irrational fear of cats... :P

Mischief is definitely fun! With moderation... Who doesn't love Lily? :)

Poor Remus and Lily and Chiara... but at least they could spend some time together! And yes, Chiara is very hopeful and determined, and things will work out in the end!

Thank you so much for this awesome review!!!
All my love,
Chiara


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Review #37, by marauderfanThe Lark and the Nightingale: Telling Lily

8th May 2016:
Back for more :D I really love all the plot twists and turns in this story. I really haven't seen anything like this before!

Aw, I love that Chiara visits Remus in the hospital wing to check up on him even though she can't talk to him and he doesn't even know that's her there. She's just there to look out for him even though he's unaware of her care at the moment. It was really sweet.

And the Marauders are all working together to figure out the curse! Aww, I do reallyl ove the camaraderie of those four and how they do anything to help one another. Even going so far as TAKING NOTES IN CLASS. :O haha. Oh, and I love Chiara's sass even though she can't speak, she can still basically do the equivalent of rolling her eyes at Sirius/serious puns and at James' smartaleck comments by poking them with her beak :P It's so cute that she still hangs out with them despite the barrier, and that they can still communicate! Haha, Sirius totally does speak lark-ish! :P

And Remus finally told Lily her secret! Or, well, Lily told Remus his own secret :P I'm not surprised she'd figured it out before hand, nor that it was Snape who gave her the idea. Snape was probably not very quiet about it when he was still trying to figure it out, and Lily is smart - she'd have put things together but would be tactful enough to not say anything. I love the way Lily told him she'd figured it out because Remus couldn't get the words out. Poor Remus! I just want to give him a hug because it's so clear he's terrified of his closest friends rejecting him for his secret, and that must be such a scary thing to reveal about yourself because of worrying about how people would react. But clearly Lily's known for a while and still wants to be his friend :)

And now Lily's in on the solving the curse, working together with the Marauders! They'll be unstoppable! With their five powers combined, they'll summon the strength to solve the problem! (Either that or they'll summon Captain Planet. :P )

Awesome chapter! I can't wait to see them work together to figure it out!

Author's Response: Welcome back! *frolic* (it's no use to tell you again how much I adore your reviews, and you, right?)

Yes, she's worried for him and wants to make sure he's alright. Even if he doesn't know she's here. Glad you found it sweet!

And I love the Marauders' camaraderie so much as well!!! Taking notes in class... their loyalty really knows no boundaries, right? ;)

Ahahah! Chiara poking James and Sirius is my favourite part! :P And I agree, Sirius is a fluent larkish speaker! Eheheh!

Lily would've figured it out before hand, she's a smart girl. And Severus definitely wouldn't have been quiet about it... poor Remus, it must be hard to have such a secret and to fear that people would hate you because of it... but fortunately there are people who want to still be his friends! :D

Ahahah! They will definitely summon something (not sure what exactly, but they will! :P)

Thank you for this super awesome review that made me laugh so hard!!! :D Can't wait for more feedback from you!

All my love, as always!
Chiara


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Review #38, by marauderfanWhispers in the Dark: Prologue- Chosen

7th May 2016:
Hi Jill! Here with your requested review!

All right, so this definitely starts out with a fair amount of suspense, and you built up the ambiance of terror in the scene really well. The way Ginny is tied up, shaking, but still defiant in the face of the Carrows - it fits well with what we know of this time period in canon and what we know of Ginny. I have no doubt the Carrows would resort to having students torture each other (gah, that seriously just so awful to think about - they're still just kids!), and that Ginny would not play along even if she knew they would hurt her. I really love Ginny (in the books at least) as she's so fierce and stands up for what she believes in, but is also so very caring. It's especially evident how she's most defiant when it's just her own safety at stake, but when the person she loves is dragged in and now it's him who might be hurt - that's what breaks Ginny. That's solid characterisation.

The end of this chapter is truly heartbreaking. I can't imagine how awful it would be for both of them - for Seamus to look up at the eyes of his torturer and see Ginny (even if he knows it's not of her own free will), and also for Ginny to have no control and to torture the person she loves while under the imperius curse. it's just so dark. And so believable for the Carrows. So yeah, I think your characterisation of Ginny and of the Carrow siblings is superb.

Since my note about suspense got on a tangent, I'll just say again that the suspense is really well written here, and especially the fact that you ended the chapter where you did - I don't know if Ginny found a way out of that situation or whether something stopped her or whether she actually hurt Seamus (I think the latter, sadly) and it just ends in a place where I can't help but want to continue reading and find out.

The flow is great. As everything takes place in one scene, things flow right from one thing to the next, and I think the pace is appropriate too - slowing down when Ginny describes the pain she's in or her panic (because obviously she's going to be focusing a lot on this) and speeding up when the other Carrow comes in to the room. I thought it was well done.

Little things:
intent on lunging him, -- think you missed a word, that should probably be 'at him'

My limbs began to move on their own accord -- I think this should either be 'on their own', or 'of their own accord'.

A note on 'The Chosen One' - is this a name that Death Eaters used for him? As far as I remember, they were more fond of 'Undesirable Number One' as a name for him. This isn't criticism, by the way - I could see Carrow using the word Chosen One as a way to taunt Ginny. Anyway, just something I happened to think about while reading.

And in the beginning, a note on Carrow's horrifying face -- yes, agreed, that'd be a horrifying sight, but as this is the first time you've mentioned Carrow in the fic, what his horrifying about it? (This being an area where 'show instead of tell' could really help with that scary mood you're setting here). Is he scowling? Sneering? What are his eyes doing? Basically, why is his face horrifying?

So anyway, my CC aside, this is excellent. I really love what you've got so far of this story, thanks for requesting! This is great writing. Awesome work. :D

Author's Response: Hey Kristin!

I really love book!Ginny too, so I always worry/hope that I get her characterization right. She's one of my favorite characters, so I'm glad that she still seems to be canon even when faced with terrifying things like torture.

I'm glad the suspense is there! I was trying to find a good balance between descriptive paragraphs/keep them short with suspense, so I'm glad that it seems to flow. I've never really written anything this dark before, (well, in terms of torture) so I'm relieved that things seem to build up and that you want to know what happens next - that was definitely the intent!

You know, that's a really good point about the Carrows + The Chosen One. I honestly hadn't considered it, but I think they do use it as more in more of a taunting/mocking way since it IS Ginny that they're torturing.

Ah yeah, that's a good point! I'll definitely have to get better at showing; it's not always my strong suit :)

Thank you for this lovely review and feedback!

♥ Jill


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Review #39, by marauderfanIris: Trust

7th May 2016:
yep this story is fantastic. sorry this review won't be as comprehensive as my first one haha, Im writing this one on my phone now, but this was great. I have so many questions! James and Iris/Charlotte knew each other when they were 6, and then what happened? Who is Iris really? Were they neighbours? Who were her parents? Gah, part of me wonders if she hasn't actually been living in the forest with Mallory for that long. As far as I know it could be only like a month or something, given that her memory has been modified.

I think you've also done really well keeping Charlotte's character consistent as she wants to learn about what is out there, but has this deeply ingrained distrust that'll be hard to break. This is so good! I am so curious how things are going to unfold. Keep up the great work!!

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Review #40, by marauderfanIris: Found

6th May 2016:
*Zooms in like a snail* Hey Ella! I'm so sorry for the massive delay in getting to this review you requested - RL got pretty rough for a while and I didn't have the time to write the thoughtful review this deserved, but at any rate I'm here now with your review!

Wow, so this chapter just got more and more interesting with each sentence. My thought process was something like this: "ooh, spooky dream, evil mother, okay... woah, something is really off here. SHE ONLY KNOWS ONE PERSON? THIS IS LIKE RAPUNZEL BUT DARK? Wizards are evil! Is the mother a hag? OBLIVIATING? Omg the Ford Anglia! ALJSLDFKJALSKJDFK!!KL!!J!?!??!?!!?" Thank goodness this was a request that I have to put thought into rather than just me randomly reviewing otherwise you might have gotten that as your whole review. :P

Sooo as you may have gathered, I like this. There are a lot of stories out there that start with kind of scary dreams, or have unpleasant family members, but this is on an entirely different level. I can't tell what from the dream is real or not - clearly a good portion of it is, or maybe the mother can get into Charlotte's mind, but either way, there's creepy stuff going on.

The things revealed about Mallory in the rest of the chapter hint at her being not what she says she is. It seems like Mallory is able to keep a youthful appearance, hides a lot of things from her daughter, hides her daughter from the world with lies, is adept at obliviating potions (I think the key here being that she works with potions rather than spells), and then what really convinced me was that Charlotte was like, inches away from reading about Hags and then interrupted. I wonder if her mother is one? It certainly fits. Which leads me to wonder who Charlotte really is, and if she's part hag or whether she isn't related to Mallory at all, or just, really, so many things that I wonder.

I loved the cameo of the Ford Anglia there, as well as the "firewhis" haha. Familiar things appearing to a character who is unfamiliar with them - that's always pretty fun to read about :)

So on to your areas of concern! The flow is good. For me, it started kind of slowly and then picked up pretty fast, like an exponential function :P (Yeah, I went there :P ) You've paced things well and introduced just the right amount of information to keep the story moving along at a good pace while not answering too many questions right from the word go.

As for characterisation: great. Charlotte knows the kinds of things I'd expect her to know after living in the woods her whole life - how to interact with wolves, how to take a really cold bath without complaining about it because she doesn't know what a warm one is like :P And everything else she just knows from books or what her mother has told her, so she has all these fantasies about the world that are unrealistic (and she knows it), and some confused but deep seated hatred of wizards because that's what she's been taught. She's curious, because of how sheltered she's been, but not rebellious, because what would be the point of rebelling against the one person she knows as where would that get her? Basically she makes sense as a character.

Because she lives in the woods, I kind of wondered if she'd be really good with plants - knowing which are edible and which are dangerous and what is what. I mean, if they're that secluded she probably doesn't go to a supermarket and buy food, so I kind of envision her and Mallory finding or growing their own food. Or does Mallory leave the forest on occasion and go into town in a disguise and buy food? Is it weird that I wonder these things? Anyway, I do see a potential with Charlotte being really knowledgeable about plants and animals, maybe something to consider, I don't know.

Your last question - is there enough mystery and intrigue. That's a loud, resounding YES. I've never seen a story quite like this - you've taken some standard tropes and woven them together in a way that's totally original, and I love that. You've raised SO many questions in this first chapter, and no answers. And right after I finish this review I'm totally going to read the next two chapters. So yes, I think I can safely say that you've done well with the mystery aspect :P

Some notes: There were a couple of typos here and there - like in one place you used the word 'danky' which isn't actually a word and I think you meant 'dank', and another place in the second paragraph you used the word 'too' when you meant 'to'. Small things, and a quick read-through should catch any of those :)

Wonderful work on this! I love the story so far. :)

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Review #41, by marauderfanThe Lark and the Nightingale: The Lark and the Nightingale

6th May 2016:
*Glomps Chiara in hugs* (meaning you, not the character... I mean, I do love the character Chiara as well, but the hugs are for you :P)

Aww, poor Peter. I hate the guy for what he did later, but it's hard to hate him during when he and his friends were at school. Especially how he always feels forgotten about - I can seriously relate to him. Great job evoking such sympathy for a generally non-sympathetic character. I like the way you write him!

HAHAHA I love the exchange with James and Sirius in the forest and how James pretends he doesn't feel the cold just because he finds it funny to annoy Sirius about Sirius' complaints of being cold. These two crack me up. :P

Featherly little problem. XD Yes, I suppose you could call it that. Hahaha, this is great.

Ah, no, how do you do this? The end of this chapter has me going from giggling about 'featherly problem' to sniffling sadly at the end, a complete turnaround of emotions within about 1 minute. What an overload of difficult news for poor Chiara. I'm really glad she confided in James and Sirius though, even if they weren't her first choice - because now she has help.

I'm also really glad you explained the bit about why it took so long for Chiara to contact them, if she's only really herself on the full moon, it makes a lot more sense that she took two months to get around to it. The other days she was more of a bird than herself. And how horrible to be completely opposite to Remus so each one is themselves when the other isn't. A cruel fate indeed... though an effective curse, at least.

Awesome chapter! *Snowball hugs and tons of love*
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
Kristin

Author's Response: KRISTIN!!!
*hug hug hug*
Thank you for coming back!!! :D

Ah, Peter... did I ever mention that I have a soft spot for Peter? He is quite forgotten about... not that the other three do it on purpose, they are just too distracted...

James and Sirius are so much fun! I love those two, especially when they act so childishly (all the time... :P)

Featherly little problem, yes! Well, you were the one who said she was a were-lark...

Sorry for the sadness... :( poor Chiara, so many informations to accept... yes, she does have help now, at least...

Yes, it's really a cruel (though effective) curse... poor Chiara... and poor Remus...

Thank you for the awesome review! You're the best!
Snowball hug rolling your way!
Chiara


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Review #42, by marauderfanLife on the Run: A Currach on the Shore

6th May 2016:
Kenny!! I'm here for the Hot Seat! Congrats for being featured this week :D

This is a wonderful little story, and I like that you focused on that turbulent period when Lily and James were being hunted by Voldemort. The way you have them constantly on the run from place to place and not hiding in Godric's Hollow for a long time makes perfect sense, because if they'd been there very long Voldemort would surely have found them earlier. And so here you have them hiding in small villages with the locals, staying low key and on the run. The way they seem very comfortable turning an old wagon into a place to stay indicated just how long they've been keeping this up, the constant moving around.

I can't say I'm familiar with that artist you chose for the Masterpiece Challenge but wow, I just love your descriptions here, and even though I don't know the artist, I can feel the influence of the art here because your visual descriptions of nature are so powerful. I really think this story showcases some of your best descriptions that I've read in your work! There was one line in particular about pastel skies melting down over a purple horizon - so vivid and beautiful. Your settings here really are impressive.

James wished the next hiding place would be the last. He had fought back against Voldemort to protect his family three times. He wanted to end this endless war game.
-- oof. This was the line that hit me the hardest. Because, of course, the next one is their last hiding place as they died there. Not quite what James intended when he thought those words, I expect. Ahh it just breaks my heart but it's incredibly written - worded just so it sounds like it could be hopeful, but with the added meaning behind it that it certainly is not hopeful. It's just a sentence full of feelings.

Seems like James and Lily got the idea for Harry's name from Frank's kid :D That was sweet. I really liked the addition of Frank and his family.

This was a lovely story, Kenny! I really enjoyed the read. And for three challenges - best of luck! :D

Author's Response: Hi, Kristin! Thank you for stopping by for Hot Seat Review! You are a very generous person.

As you pointed out, J.K.Rowling left much homework to explore untold episodes. She hasn't revealed how it was like, the hiding life of Harry's parents. When I saw Margaret's story challenge, the idea just popped in my head. There must be much or less conflict during Voldemort's regime. I'm planning to write about it more in my other story, "Cygnus Black III and His Three Daughters", and I'm editing "Harry Potter and the First Mission" and "Harry Potter and a Daughter of Druid", in which I'm adding more information about James and Lily. I have an idea to connect Harry with his mother's blood magic.

Thank you for the compliment about the nature scene. I just wanted to write about the beautiful sunset I saw with my family in Ireland. Stefi's story challenge gave me a chance to describe the beauty.

And Griffin Duck's story challenge gave me a chance to create the original character, Frank. It was fun to write about him,too.

I'm so glad you liked my description about James. J.K.Rowling gave us hints about James who fought against Voldemort. I tried visualizing how he fought for the right thing.

Kenny


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Review #43, by marauderfanHarry Potter and the Broomstick Makers: Memories of Young Warriors

2nd May 2016:
*Zooms in on the slow train* Hey Kenny, sorry about the long waiting time on this review. RL has just been brutal these past couple of weeks :-/ but at any rate, I'm here with your requested review!

I loved the way you wrote Legilimency here. I don't think we ever really experience that in the books, only what it's like from the opposite side (i.e. when Snape is doing Legilimency on Harry), so I really appreciate seeing the more active side of it here, particularly how Harry describes it as swimming through memories. That's such a neat metaphor to use, as memory is such a murky, fluid thing. Especially as the scene is all in Dara's mind, and it makes me think of the Brain room in the Ministry and how the brains are swimming there and all the memories swimming inside them. A really neat comparison... even if an only slightly related tangent :P

Interesting history about Harry's second Animagus as well. I'm curious to know more about how the King Arthur legend fits into Harry's own story and more about the map!

In terms of the flow, I think it's paced well, but sometimes it felt a bit choppy. For example we go straight from this Legilimency scene with Malfoy right to a scene at the Black Lake with Harry giving a speech, and it took me a second to catch up there and figure out what's going on. I think one thing that would help that passage would be a bit of scene setting in the beginning of the section, giving the reader a chance to readjust to changed surroundings, or maybe just a mention of what's coming earlier so it doesn't come out of the blue.

That aside, I think it was very wonderfully written and I liked the nod to the fallen friends at the Battle of Hogwarts - Colin and Tonks and Remus and Fred - it was a nice tribute. I can definitely see people asking Harry to make a speech and for him to be kind of nervous about it.

Overall it was a wonderful chapter! Really great work on this chapter! :)

Author's Response: Thank you, Kristine for offering review! Your words always encourage me. Sometimes, I think of quitting everything, but this community including you, is fabulous, so I keep writing and editing my work. With love from HPFF members, I think my writing got developed, compared with the ones a few years ago.

The sad thing is that this site will be closed in a few months, I started migrating my works to the other places like my fellow authors, but the chance gives me to edit my old dusty stories and your CC is helpful, I'll edit the part you found for me ASAP.

Writing Legilimens is, I think showing how powerful Harry's magic is. The impression of his reading Voldemort's mind is still so strong to me. There are lots of magical episodes in J.K.Rowling's world. We can't stop writing, can we? :D

Kenny


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Review #44, by marauderfanThe Fifth House: History

30th April 2016:
You come up with the best names! Mr Diatomungi :P I always thought it hilariously convenient that the Hogwarts Herbology professor's surname is Sprout. I mean, her future was basically determined for her. I guess Mr Diatomungi could have gone in a number of different directions but it was always going to involve autotrophic life forms. I assume his surname is a combination of diatom and fungi? If not, sorry about this nerdy tangent and now we're back to our regularly scheduled review :P

Wait, no, one more comment about names. Marigold doesn't know anything about Herbology. I love the irony :P

Why doesn't Willow want to talk to Lef? They ended up working together in class and Lef was her first friend, but now Willow acts like they don't know each other. I hope she learns at one point to not trust the older Gryffindors because they seem to say nothing but lies :(

I loved the way you approached the history of magic lessons. Just because Professor Binns is as boring as cardboard doesn't mean history is boring, and I've always felt that the best way to get people involved in learning is to get them involved in it rather than just listning to a lecture or reading a book. Mr Zolock's method for teaching history is brilliant and I like how he's encouraging his students to see both sides, because history is always written by the victors and all that and it's so easy to skew it, but he seems to be not only taking a broad perspective of it but also making it interesting. His class sounds cool.

I wonder what the dream was about! So weird. I think it's going to be important later!

Awesome work on this chapter!

Author's Response: Kristin,
Thanks so much for coming back to the story and posting a review.

I found almost all of JK Rowling's names to be convenient. Lupin? (Latin for wolf); Crabbe and Goyle (evil); Lovegood (good). But I can't claim credit for any of the names here - it is absolutely a combination of diatom and fungi and I got the inspiration straight from her series.

Ha! I didn't even realize that I put the funny about Marigold not knowing herbology in there. Thanks for pointing it out - my subconscious works in mysterious ways.

Why doesn't Willow talk to Lef? Because she's been told that all Slytherins are evil...Lef is a Slytherin, so she must be rotten inside. It's going to be a while before Lef can learn to trust anyone...

I'm a history nut, so I definitely wanted history to be taught in a way that would interest the students rather than boring them to death. I thought about how I would interest a bunch of 11-year olds in history and my first thought was to have them participate in a bloodbath (troubling - yes; effective - also yes).

I'm glad you're enjoying the story!

-Drew



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Review #45, by marauderfanEvolution: The Price of Popularity

30th April 2016:
The flowers... haha, James is such a cheeseball.

wow, as for the rest of it though, poor Katie. To be just an average girl, not popular, not unpopular, just average - and then to suddenly be the most talked about person at school, and none of it good, that's got to be so difficult. I hope this perception of all the whispers is just because we're seeing the situation through Katie's eyes, and not because literally every girl at school has nothing to talk about other than gossip about a boy :P And those girls in the library were totally giving Hufflepuff a bad name. Don't they know Hufflepuff is the house for the nice people? For shame, Rebecca! I hope the gossip calms down soon. I guess gossip usually does calm down once people find something else to talk about, so that's good at least!

I think James and Katie's discussion at the end was really well written. She's hesitant to be vulnerable and talk about things that really bother her because she doesn't want to be whiny and also doesn't want to hurt James, because a lot of it wasn't particularly nice about him either. And he's ashamed of some of his past and how it's landed her in this situation. But the way they talk about it is a very 'we're in this together' sort of way, as they both know it's a rough situation but they'll help each other through. They're already going through some difficulties but the way they respond to it says a lot, and they're supportive of each other. I think it bodes well for them in the future.

This was a great chapter!

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Review #46, by marauderfanEvolution: One Day in November

30th April 2016:
I do really like Katie. She has a lot of integrity, and it's been evident in earlier chapters but especially clear here, as she's preparing for her date - she is who she is, and isn't going to change who she is for the sake of becoming the image she thinks another person wants her to be. She's so right - if he doesn't like her as she is, she can find someone who does.

And I like that James appreciates that about her too - he noticed she just looked like herself.

In this chapter it feels like where the reader is first getting to really know what Katie is like as a person, and that she's not going to be just a plot device, but an important character in her own right.

Their date was really cute - who knew James could play the violin? Kudos to him for originality :P James and Katie really are cute together and have a lot of chemistry. I hate that you're going to break them up eventually. :P But I'm sure you'll have good reasons, canon being the most obvious one haha

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Review #47, by marauderfanEvolution: Aftermath

30th April 2016:
I'm back, as promised! I loved the prank idea with the notes. That sounds like such a nice prank, (never thought I'd use those two words together) with them sending notes of compliments to everyone. Though I do wonder how complimentary the notes to the Slytherins actually were. Like what would they write to Snape? "Dear Snivelly, your hair didn't look as greasy as usual today. Keep up the good work." :P

Lily kept the note from James in her book! And she's hiding it from her friends! Ahh! I know it doesn't mean she likes him yet- far from it - but she is definitely thinking about him a lot more than she used to, and what's more, hiding that fact from her friends.

Ah, I suspected Remus had figured James out. As someone who keeps such a big secret himself, he probably can tell when other people are keeping secrets, and James isn't really subtle. But Remus calling James out on pursuing someone as a cover story will probably get James to make some decisions. I mean, James certainly does seem to like Katie, even if he chose her as a cover story. And she actually likes him too, which must be pretty encouraging. Poor James though, it's really evident in this exchange how uncomfortable he is with his secrets being exposed, while Remus just kind of figures things out nonchalantly :P

great chapter!

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Review #48, by marauderfanThe first kiss is grand...: The first kiss is grand...

30th April 2016:
Chiara ♥ You wrote a new story, and as a TA! *throws confetti* Congrats on your first chapter as a TA! :D

ahh from the first line I'm in love! That's such a good song and I love the cover of it in Moulin Rouge ♥

And it's in second person! Haha, it's like you got a checklist of things I love and then put them all into this story :P

Aw, awkward James :3 As much as he manages to muck it up, he is able to recover and say what he needs to say, and doesn't totally ruin everything. And she feels the same way! ♥ this scene is just too cute for words. adorable.

Lily and her roommates dancing around was such a sweet scene, I loved it! And the bit when Marlene says James is waiting for her and she dashes out while her friends are just like :O haha that was really amusing. Lily's been keeping some secrets very well! But now it's all out in the open.

You've always believed he was only playing with you, you've always believed you weren't good enough for someone like him. That's the true reason you've rejected him for so long. It was your way to protect yourself, -- oh man I relate to this so, so much. I'd never really thought of low self esteem being a main factor in why Lily constantly rejected James, but since you mention it, I can see it - with James' reputation and popularity he'd be kind of intimidating in a way, and she wouldn't know whether or not she can believe him when he asks her out all the time.

This was such a wonderful fic, Chiara! So fluffy and cute :D :D :D Really excellently written, as well. I particularly liked the opening few lines about blue and green and the different things it makes James think about - that imagery was incredible and beautiful. Great work!!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Author's Response: Aww, Kristin!!!
What did I do to deserve such an amazing friend like you???

Thank you so much! Don't you feel proud of being the first reviewer of my first story as a TA? :P So glad you enjoyed it!!!

I love that song too!!! And Moulin Rouge is one of my favourite movies!!! (*cough* Ewan McGregor *cough*)

Well, that's what I did, of course! Ahahah, kidding!!! I love second person too!!!

Awkward James is the cutest! (or maybe not... Remus still remains the cutest, but awkward James is nearly there! :P) I'm glad you found the scene sweet!!!

It's always fun to include some girlish camaraderie! And yes, Lily can't hide her secret feeling anymore... ;)

I always thought she felt that way. James being so popular, probably craved by half the girls in school, and not being known as the most sensible person around would make her doubt the seriousness of his intentions. But we know he was sincere. :D

Aww, thank you!!! I'm so, so glad you enjoyed this story! And the imagery at the beginning! You are the best reviewer ever!!!

Tons of love,
Chiara


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Review #49, by marauderfanHero: The Descent into Hell

30th April 2016:
I'm still so annoyed with Hero for being dense enough to fall for Tom Riddle. Emory can see right through him, and it's not just because she's Muggle-born. She can sense that something's off about him, which Hero can't really see, because she's too focused on how Tom is attractive and doting and a pureblood and someone her parents would approve of.

Hero's relationship with her parents is so sad because it's clear she disagrees with them about a lot of things but still craves their love. Maybe because she's a Gryffindor and that has already got points against her, so she feels like she has to make up for that. I don't know. Anyway, it's sad.

I feel so bad for Emory too, and the fact that Hero was to wrapped up in her own world to ask her best friend what was going on just makes me sad. I mean, I like Hero, but I'm just very annoyed at her lately for being oblivious :P I have an uneasy feeling that something bad is going to happen to Emory too. Although maybe now that Hero knows she neglected her best friend and didn't know about the breakup for a week, maybe she'll start being more tuned in? Time will tell I guess.

"De- Noah"? Uh huh. I KNOW WHO NOAH REALLY IS. And I think I know Darcy's real name too, because it's probably not actually Darcy. I'd tell you my predictions but I don't want to get in trouble for spoilers again :P (sorry!)

Sebastian! Nooo :( Tom has been careless in supervising the basilisk lately I guess, if it's going after just anyone.

awesome chapter!

Author's Response: Don't ya just want to shake Hero? It's probably bad for me to say, but I like that you're annoyed, since we all know who Tom Riddle really is and Hero doesn't. Plus if it means you feel that strongly, I'm good with that! ♥

Ha ha yes you've guessed a lot! But I'm still not saying anything! :P

Thank you so much for your review, K. I always love hearing from you! ♥


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Review #50, by marauderfanThe Quidditch Boot Camp for Troubled Teens: Team-Building

30th April 2016:
Oh no, I hope she's okay! If she got a concussion or something she's going to be snapping at James for a long time. And Grant as well, because she doesn't seem to like him either. So I hope for her sake, and for the sake of the team unity, that she's okay :P

That flashback in the beginning was scary! I wonder who the man was and how she got out of that situation, or if it was a nightmare, or what. And who she was running with. The only next gen character I know for sure has bright green eyes would be Albus, but I can't really see that person being him. (Well, other people do have green eyes too I guess :P )

That tent sounds amazing. My life would be so much easier if I lived in a tent like that rather than the kind that gets blown down in strong wind while you're in it. Wizards know how to camp in style! I mean, a kitchenette. And a FIREPLACE. In the tent. Legit. Their tent is basically a house, but it's bigger on the inside! :P Does the fireplace ever catch the canvas on fire? I suppose they've found ways around that too because magic.

Have I mentioned that I love their team name? I think it's second only to the team "Black Like Our Hearts" hahahaha.

I'm really looking forward to seeing how the team moves past all these interpersonal struggles and bickering and learns how to successfully work together.

Loving this story! Great writing, as always :D

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