Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
  
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Review #26, by marauderfanRomulus and Remus: Romulus and Remus

20th January 2015:
Omg, I loved this so so much! I've read Kenpo's incredible story One Blaze of Glory, and when I saw the summary of this I kind of freaked out.

I loved how you wrote about Remus' experience reading the book, and how much it meant to him to see a book about werewolves that humanized them rather than either a)talking about how horrible they are or b)telling newly bitten people how to deal with their new affliction. That must have had a huge impact on him and I admit I kind of teared up at that part.

AND you included Remus' first broadcast on Potterwatch! I seriously loved Potterwatch in the books (and in fact have written a fic about it haha) and there is so little written about it, so this was really nice to see a bit of the backstory and how Remus picked his Potterwatch codename. And it means so much more with the backstory of him having read Hairy Snout Human Heart just before, like it's his little nod to Romulus.

Gah! I loved this! Wonderful work :)

Author's Response: Yes, Hairy Snout, Human Heart is definitely a new experience for Remus. It deviates from the normal werewolf book. I'm amazed you teared up!

Potterwatch is one of my favorite parts. I love it so much. I'm sad J.K. Rowling only wrote one episode of Potterwatch. I would have loved to listen to the one about Harry breaking into Gringotts and escaping on a dragon. That would be so amazing.

When I read A Blaze of Glory I thought about Remus's codename frequently, because it was the same thing. I know why that is- Romulus and Remus were the founders of Rome and were raised by wolves- but I still found it interesting.

I'm glad you enjoyed this!


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Review #27, by marauderfanSacrifice: Of Nightmares, Returns, and Reunions

19th January 2015:
Puff REview Day!

This is a great chapter. AJ's emotions come across so strongly, and you have such a contrast of feelings in this chapter from her terror at the nightmare, to her frustration at trying to manage so many things and get everyone on the train on time, to her relief at being back at school in a loving environment with her friends.

What an intense start, it's obvious AJ has been through so much, and to start the day with that sort of thing it's easy to see why she'd be so on edge while trying to manage all of her siblings, particularly Adam, what a handful! I thought you did really well at writing all the kids though, particularly Adam having a tantrum :p

Vinny seems really wonderful, and I like the closeness and the caring in their relationship. From the moments we saw of him, he seems like a pretty chill guy which must be so nice for AJ after the stress of home.

Ahaha, I love the idea of Crabbe being the next caretaker. Only didn't he die in DH? Or was that Goyle who died, I can't remember.:p

Which one of the Weasleys was that who pushed Adam forward? Based on the fact that Albus (and therefore Rose) are older than first years, I'm going to guess that it's one of Percy and Audrey's kids. Anyway I'm glad Adam has made a friend already haha.

Great chapter!!

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Review #28, by marauderfanTrue Romance: Simple Song

18th January 2015:
Here is your celebratory 'Seahawks are going to the Super Bowl!!' review. :D

'Unchoreographed dance' of shopping. That's an excellent and very true description.

I love the way all of this turned out. Except for Scorpius - I'm sad that he decided to stay with Corbin, who I don't trust and who is bound to repeat what he did before if he gets angry again. But, at least he knows he has a safe place to go and something to fall back on if that doesn't end up working out - he and Albus are back on good terms and friends again.

Albus has grown so much as a character over the course of the novel and I loved his insight into the others in this one, like he realizes Rose is moving because she wants to, and he's supportive of Scorpius despite not agreeing with him. I think he's a lot more understanding now.

And the last line made me SO happy, as Albus goes to his happy life with Brandon and Cora. ♥ :D YAY

Wonderful end to a wonderful fic, Rose!

Author's Response: I LOVE REVIEWS CAUSED BY THE SEAHAWKS. (especially when they're left by you)

I once used that phrase in an essay about seattle and shopping in the market. I didn't think past me would mind now me using it in a story.

I at least got your 90% happy with the ending - that's a success!! I will revisit Scorpius in a one-shot and talk about how he and Corbin are doing a year later so there will be more to come! I'm so happy you liked Albus and Scorpius ending on a strong note with their friendship. I thought that was the most important thing with them.

Albus is my work of art in this story. he had so much growth to go through to get him where he's at in terms of his relationships and self.

The last line is my happy line for the story. :D

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GOING THROUGH THIS STORY WTIH ME AND POUNCING ON UPDATES!

-Rose


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Review #29, by marauderfanThe Rejects: ii.

18th January 2015:
Here for the Hot Seat round 3!

What a team Maddie has assembled :p Scorpius was really nice to help her out despite having nothing to do with the team really, and considering his difficult history with Maddie.

I really like Hazel, for a lot of reasons. I feel like in fanfic particularly, there's a lot of 'super arrogant, hot guy' types and I like this challenging of the stereotypical gender roles by having a girl be this way. Even if she is a bit overbearing and smug, I love that she just is who she is, and is proud of that. I think she'll turn out to be a really interesting character. :)

Someone who doesn't speak English! That does pose a challenge. Is it embarrassing that I spent some time pondering what language that kid was speaking? It looks like one with Germanic roots based on the double A's, my guess is Dutch. /reallyofftopicsorry

And the girl who gets distracted by the sunset. She reminds me of Luna, and I feel like she's going to be an interesting one to watch, as she doesn't seem to have the necessary focus, but potentially has the talent.

And she's scared of the Beaters ahaha. I'm absurdly excited to see the first practise of this team. XD

Awesome chapter!

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Review #30, by marauderfanWasting My Young Years: Worst Day

18th January 2015:
So glad to see you've picked this back up again!

I really like how you go into all the difficulties of being a Squib, particularly in the workplace and all the antiquated prejudices against her. They do have a unique and difficult place as kind of halfway between wizards and Muggles. Besides, if she ever wants to return to working on the Muggle world now, after a year of working at the Daily Prophet, there will be this gap in her CV that she can't explain, because of the Statute of Secrecy.

I loved that anecdote about her as a child and her little newsletter about her Mum planting orchids and Scorpius telling her to go away. Haha.

Ouch, Colin was really harsh. I know he never actually said the words directly, but by saying that he wants his children to have "lives like normal witches and wizards", he's essentially saying that by being a Squib, Sage is abnormal. Ouch. :(

“You know, some people have normal hobbies. Like collecting bicorn horns.” -- haha! I loved Lysander's kind of warped view on what 'normal' is, given who his family is. :D Really though, Lysander sounds like he would be an awesome friend.

Al is back! How did he find her? It seems that Sage's 'shrine' to all things related to the case wasn't so useless after all. I'm dying to know what happened!

Wonderful chapter and I'm so glad to see this story back! :)

Author's Response: Aw, and I'm so glad to see your sweet review! It's taken me long enough to update, but I'm really thrilled to get back into the groove of this story. I've got such exciting things in store for these kiddos. DANCE PUPPETS, DANCE.

I've been fascinated by the concept of Squibs for a while now. It struck me as interesting that even families as open-minded as the Weasleys didn't seem to be a-okay with the concept. It always seemed such a taboo subject, even moreso than being Muggleborn. I imagine that it's already a difficult position to be in, and then societal bias has to go and make it even worse. :(

I probably have way too much fun imagining what life looked like in the itty bitty Malfoy household, with teeny Sage bugging the ever living snot out of teenaged Scorpius. Poor babies.

Colin is--a lot of words I can't use here. But yes, he said the one thing that could cut Sage to the quick. She's already hyper-sensitive to her "normalcy," and Colin's parting words were the last thing she needed flung in her face.

Pahaha, I love writing Lysander. I love anything Lovegood-related, period. I mean, bicorn horns are totes the norm in his family.

Thank you so much for the lovely, lovely review. I should have an update posted in the coming weeks!


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Review #31, by marauderfanThe Best Day of My Life : The Best Day of My Life

17th January 2015:
ASDFLKJawlkfnakjdshkalf *can't stop grinning from ear to ear* I loved this so much!

The first half of this had me convinced that it was going to be a coming out story, and I loved the way you did that plot twist by just building up the suspense through Albus' nervousness and kind of exaggerated worry. I like the nod to his eleven-year-old self as well, because although Albus has grown up since then, the elements of his character that stood out in the epilogue are still evident even as an older character.

Scorpius is adorable, btw. I love that he's so kind and supportive... but still tricks Albus into going to talk to his parents :p

When he had that kind of panic moment about how his whole family would spiral into chaos and doom because of him, omg hahaha is it bad that I found it all hilarious, even though Albus is really worried? I'm a bad person :p Either way, I'm glad Ginny got him out of this worst-possible-scenario in his head and that he admitted his plans.

I love that they're planning to start an animal hospital! And how Harry and Ginny's main worries aren't about Scorpius, but about how their business will do and if it will work out when Albus and Scorpius both quit their original jobs. As parents Harry and Ginny do have their priorities sorted though, being concerned about the plan but still supportive. But Al and Scorpius' plan is really well thought out and they have all this stuff sorted already, which must have been nice to calm Al's parents down. I'm glad they were so supportive and just want Al to be happy in his career. You've got to do what you feel passionate about. I really liked that whole discussion. :)

It went so well, and Al and Scorpius are so happy! And THEN as if the end wasn't perfect enough, they get engaged!!! :D And Scorpius had been planning to ask the same question. Gah! I just can't handle how lovely it is! Wonderful job writing this!

Thanks for the swap! :D

Author's Response: Ahh! Kristin!!

This review has been so hard to answer, because you're just too darn sweet!! Thank you!!! ♥

I'm so thrilled that I've managed to fool everyone who has read this, so far! Since this was my first slash fic, I didn't want to do a typical coming out story, but I thought it would be fun to try to make people believe that's what I was doing. If that makes sense? I'm the same as Al. Always imagining the worst most catastrophic things happening, when it won't be nearly that bad. Neurotic is probably the best word for me and Al. ;)

Haha yeah, there was a bit of tough love there. :D

It's not bad at all!! I was hoping that it would be funny, so I'm really, really glad that you found it hilarious!! :D :D :D And you're definitely not a bad person!

I figured with Scorpius and Al being together for five years at that point, there would be no reason for Harry or Ginny to worry, or be concerned about it. Scorpius would just be like part of the family by that point. Which is why they are so concerned. I think a part of Harry and Ginny is worried about Scorpius' career, as well as their son's. But they really don't have to worry. I feel like, since it will be one of a kind and something actually needed, that the animal hospital will do just fine. Who knows, maybe down the road we'll actually get to see how it's doing first hand...? *whistles innocently*

That engagement was not even planned. It just sort of happened as I was ending the story. So I can't even tell you how happy I am that it worked out!! :D

Thank you so, so much for the extraordinarily lovely review!! I'm super thrilled that you enjoyed this!! *hug*

xoxo Meg


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Review #32, by marauderfanHarry Potter and the Broomstick Makers: A Rosewood Broomstick

17th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review! :)

You've got the measure of Harry's personality so well, as well as how he would have changed over time. I loved when Robards pointed out that Harry used to just go with his instinct, and over the years of Auror training has changed to the point where he wants proof. Quite different to how he was at Hogwarts :p

Aw, Neville and Hannah! I like that they get a moment to shine. :D

I'm really impressed with how you wrote Hagrid, as well. You have a wonderful grasp on all the characters' personalities - and you even managed to get Hagrid's complicated speech pattern so well done! I also love that Grawp was mentioned in this story, because I feel like he often kind of gets forgotten about, so that was cool to see here.

One of the things you mentioned you were worried about is this being the third novel in a series. So, yes, that does make it a bit hard to get into, as there are a lot of events referenced from the first two novels (like this Dara character) that I'm picking up a vague idea about but don't really know. If you did want to make it so this story stands alone even as a sequel, one way I've seen that done is by having some recap paragraphs in the first couple of chapters - this helps remind readers who have already read the first one, as well as acquaints new readers with the plot. So that might be something to edit back into this chapter or the one before it - a couple of paragraphs that summarize what's happened before in the narrative. If you want.

I just want to say I am SO impressed with your writing this despite English not being your first language. I can't imagine writing fic in my second language, particularly three whole novels as you've done :O so kudos to you for that. I do notice, however, some odd word patterns here and there, and maybe a beta would be beneficial. On the forums you can ask for a beta reader who helps you edit, catches typos and phrases that don't make sense, etc. And they're all really nice! So if you're interested, that might help you a lot.

I hope this review helps! Keep up the great work - your characterisation is wonderful and you're building up your plot nicely - looks like the start to a great story! :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your advice, marauderfan. I have not understood how to request a beta yet but I will check them in the forums later.

Your suggestion, to recap paragraphs on the top is a good idea. I think of new readers who has not read the old stories and it's a good thing for the readers who have read the first and the second as well.

I like how you write review and really appreciate for your sparing time for this.


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Review #33, by marauderfanKeep Calm and Carry On: And What a Mess It's Been

16th January 2015:
Hi! Just stopping by to say that I loved this chapter.

I appreciated that there wasn't this huge falling-out about the articles - I think it's much more realistic that he had read them and just hadn't told her, and that they had an actual discussion about it - after all the lies and anger thus far, it was nice to see them just be honest and try to work through it together. It's also a lot more meaningful because Edie has a difficult decision to make, essentially having to put either her new relationship or her job first. That's a tough place to be in, and easy to relate to.

Well done on writing the love scene too, as well as the rest of the chapter that wasn't originally intended haha. I loved their fluffy pillow talk too, and him FINDING THE MAGAZINE haha

Omg, that last scene in the morning when her whole family barges into her room was so incredibly hilarious and awkward and like, so typical of Edie's life :p

Lovely work on this chapter! :)

Author's Response: Hello! Stop by away! (Does that even make sense?)

I am feeling pretty good about my decision to remove the ~falling out~ as well. Even as I planned on writing it, and developed the storyline around it, I knew it was just too cliche. Don't worry, they're not totally in the clear yet, because things can't just go right in this story. And yes, it's a very tough place to be in! Edie is finally going to have to make some adult decisions.

AHHH I knew from the second that Edie dog-eared the page of his photo shoot that Oliver would have to find it. I just didn't know how it would come about until this chapter happened. But hey, this way they got to do some other fun stuff too ;)

Oh Lennoxes. They are so much fun to write. Even as I'm typing, I'm like "Seriously? You're insane. Knock it off."

Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. I always get nervous when writing fluff so thanks for the encouragement ♥


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Review #34, by marauderfanNow You've Seen: Now You've Seen

16th January 2015:
Hi Leigh! I'm here for our swap!

I loved the prequel to this so when I saw you'd written a follow-up fic I knew I had to read this one :D

I think that after Emmeline left Rabastan in the last story, it's entirely logical that she would be facing some psychological difficulties as Rabastan was so manipulative and she'd grown so dependent on him in a really unhealthy way. So the fact that she continues to dwell on it, and even goes so far as removing herself from the wizarding world in an attempt to escape her guilt and regret and all these things that follow her, it seemed quite realistic. So sad, though :(

I liked the tiny details you pointed out about each of Emmeline's friends, as well. It's just one aspect of their personality that's touched on for each person, but with eight people put together it all adds up to be an amalgamation of different supportive traits in all her friends. IT's such a lovely way of showing the way this group of people relies on each other a lot and they're supportive, in contrast to Rabastan who tried to be all of that for her as a way to manipulate her into being so dependent on him.

You did so well at showing the passing of time and how she still thinks about everyone she left behind while she was living as a Muggle. The line, In the scenarios I had far-too-many times played out in my head, he left -- it shows how much she continues to dwell on it, but afterwards it hints at how she's come out of her depression at least a little, as she finally believes James.

The note you ended it on was great too, how it's difficult for all of them, and none of them individually are going to change the world, but they have this spirit that can't be crushed because they have each other. I like how it highlights how she's changed, but is okay with it now. She went through such a transition and while she's in a dark place, she finally sees the value in herself.

What makes me sad to think about is that almost all of those friends died in the first war, while she survived :'( Gah, first war fics are so sad :( But this was so lovely, well done! Thanks for the swap!

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Review #35, by marauderfanBlood of Darkness, Heart of Light: Prologue

16th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here with your review from the forums!

This is a powerful start! From what I can tell you've started at the end, and the rest of the story will build up to this point, which I think is really cool. What an intense place to start too! You mentioned in your request that maybe there wasn't enough action in the beginning of the story, but that's definitely not the case for this chapter, because it starts powerfully and right in the middle of the action, in a really intense scene. It's a great hook.

So far your OC Charlotte is interesting and quite mysterious. She seems to have some prior history knowing Bellatrix AND Frank and Alice, so I'm wondering whose side she was on, or if she was on one side and defected to the other, or if she's just not on any side. At any rate, this prologue is really effective at making me wonder and think about it! It's paced well and leaves enough left unknown to get readers interested to read more.

I really like your descriptions too. They're not overly wordy, but just enough to provide a vivid image, and that's really great. I like how you use lots of sensory descriptions, like the sound of the metal grating, or the way Bellatrix looks, or the feel of the stones as Charlotte fell.

My only CC would be that I'm a little confused as to where they are - at first with the mention of stone and metal cells I thought they were in Azkaban, but then it became apparent that this is the point when Frank and Alice are tortured so they're not in Azkaban yet but I couldn't help but wonder. Maybe a sentence somewhere about the damp basement they're in, or the empty Ministry chamber after hours, or wherever. Just something that makes the scene easier to picture - because as I imagine, it's not a particularly pleasant place, so a tiny bit of setting description can go a long way at extending that feeling of discomfort and fear that radiates from Charlotte throughout this chapter.

This is a wonderful chapter, I think your story is set up really well! Keep up the awesome work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the amazing review! Sorry it's taken me a few days to respond. I've been pushing to meet a deadline.

I can understand your critique. I left it vague on purpose because I'm not really sure where they are yet, either, and I wanted some flexibility with that as I work up to the ending.

I hope, if you continue reading, that you'll enjoy the journey! Thanks again!


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Review #36, by marauderfanThe Accursed Twenty-Eight: Prologue: Morgana's Maliciousness

16th January 2015:
Hey Ellie! I'm here with your requested review!

This is such a cool idea. You've established an incredibly vindictive character right from the start, as who knows how long of planning this stunt has taken. She's all about revenge and is good at it too, as she successfully poisons all her guests! But more than that, what I think is really cool about this is the way you haven't gone for the cliche of "purebloods are arrogant and bigoted, everyone else is way nicer." Because although the purebloods ARE shown to be arrogant and bigoted here, Morgana is no better, and I might argue she's even worse! She sees herself so far above the pureblood guests, and in fact her tolerance of Muggles makes her even more bigoted towards the purebloods. It's such an interesting dynamic and I love it. So to answer one of your questions... not cliche at all. It's super interesting and I just love what you've done in this prologue. :)

Ooh and your word choice is lovely, too, I love the style. It sounds appropriately fancy and old-fashioned to fit the era and just flows really naturally. The only issue I saw in terms of flow/words was this sentence:

Nevertheless, the day was finally upon them and soon all her careful planning; all her gruelling plotting, planning and enacting would come to pass. -- you've used the word 'planning' twice, and that semicolon doesn't really make sense there. I might reword it something like this: "Nevertheless, the day was finally upon them, and soon all her carefully plotted schemes would come to fruition."

Based on the setting, I gather that this all occurs a really long time ago, centuries perhaps. So the thing that throws me off is how Morgana talks about DNA, because that was first discovered in the 1950s. Even basic genetics was only first understood in the mid-late 1800s, so unless Wizards (or witches) understood the means of heredity centuries before Muggles figured it out, there's a bit of an anachronism there. Maybe you could work around it by talking about blood rather than DNA, and have Morgana explain how the blood of various creatures is a poison that will combine with their own (or something... you can pretty much invent whatever reason you want, because magic! :D )

Overall though, this is a really interesting chapter with a wonderfully spiteful character. It's a very effective prologue and I'm really curious how that curse manifested itself over time. Well done on this! :)

Author's Response: Hey Kristin!

Thanks so much. I didn't even think about the fact that she would have no clue about DNA haha. I'll definitely edit it to make sure it makes more sense for the era it's set it. I'll be fixing that sentence too. I did notice it when I was editing, but you know how it is when you're reading something you've written and you're brain just goes "no, this is the best possible way to word this" even when it's not. Mine does that all the time. I will definitely be using your version instead =)

Thanks so much fore reviewing for me, and for not thinking it's cliche. I do hope the following chapters don't end up that way...

xx-Ellie


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Review #37, by marauderfanThrough the Black: Hogsmeade

16th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here with your review!

First I'm gonna start with this:

“Julianne, I’m serious,” he started, but she interrupted. -- Lol. :P

But now, puns aside, the actual review. Character interactions! I thought they were great. There is so much unspoken stuff going on between Sirius and Julianne - I loved that bit at the beginning when she has that slip-up and mentions feelings and then plays all hard-to-get. Sure, because NO ONE can see through that at all. *rolls eyes* ...

...Except ALL her friends, and this random guy Roy. Haha, Julianne is the only one who thinks she's not being obvious :p Roy seems nice though, and I think it's probably realistic that Julianne needed someone outside her friend group to really point out to her about how different Sirius has been acting. Those sorts of things are really difficult to notice when you're too close to the situation as you're bound to overthink everything, so I think that outside perspective helped her a lot.

And then when the Marauders join the girls at the Three Broomsticks and Sirius and Julianne did that supercasual scooting over next to each other that was obvious to everyone else, that was seriously such an adorable scene. Especially because they were betting on how long it would take for James to hex Lily's date. I get the feeling that these bets happen often, given James' reaction :p

I really enjoyed getting to know the characters better in this chapter! I thought the interactions between everyone seemed really natural- your dialogue is great. You've done well showing the way the Marauders function as a group as well as shown the differences between them. What I want to draw attention to though, is Julianne's three friends.

As friends do, they have a lot in common with one another and it shows. While their chitchat is enjoyable, I feel like sometimes I have difficulty distinguishing who is who in terms of personality. I know Nettie plays Quidditch, and Ivory is pretty invested in her studies, but aside from that they seem to react to things in similar ways. And yes, we're still pretty early on in the story so I haven't known them that long, but maybe from here on out you can focus on little things that differentiate the girls (you know, so it eventually gets to the point when I can see a line of dialogue and think "that's sooo something Nettie would say".) This is all in the details - like little habits they might have when talking (example: Ivory speaks very quickly) or how they react to new information (like maybe, Kassie has to process information for a while before speaking, while Nettie is more of an instant, excited reaction.) Those are just examples, and I certainly don't mean to be hating on your characters because I like them. I just think that more detail in their behavior could go a really long way and make the story that much richer. :)

Am I making sense? Feel free to send me a PM if I'm not :p

This was a great chapter, and I hope I wasn't too harsh in my review! I really did enjoy it and things are progressing really nicely. Particularly the closeness between Sirius and Julianne ;)

Awesome work on this chapter!

Author's Response: Hey!

Haha, that was completely accidental! I actually didn't even notice I did that until my friend read through and pointed it out.

Yeah, Julianne tends to wear her feelings right out on her sleeves even when she's trying her hardest to hide them and sometimes she just needs that little extra push to act on them.

I'm so glad that the dialogue and interactions seem natural, I'm always worried about that since I don't often put myself in situations like this and I certainly don't react the way Julianne does.

I completely understand what you're saying with differentiating the girls. I've always had that problem where I have one kind of character that I can write really well and that inevitably bleeds into all the others. Thank you so much for pointing that out, too! I'll definitely work on it in future chapters and I'll remember it for when I go back and read through the whole story when I'm finished.

You definitely weren't too harsh at all! I really love your reviews! Thank you so much for taking the time to do this!


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Review #38, by marauderfanKaleidoscope Love: Oh Comely

15th January 2015:
New OTP? Perhaps.

Seriously, I loved this so much. I love the song and the story fits the mood of the song so well! The way you used it to differentiate the different sections of the fic over time was great. But let me address the most important thing which is your incredible use of words here.

A nonpareil human being. I love that description because not only does it imply that Anthony views Ernie in this kind of idealized way, but it also makes me think of those nonpareil rainbow sprinkles, you know like the ones you put on cakes? and I just have this image of Ernie as one colourful sprinkle standing out from all the rest which are boring colours. :P

“My jokes are dreadful and you aren’t giving out free hugs.” -- I love this. No one fits into the box/stereotype of what their house is (hence all the Slytherclaws on the forums!) and this is the best way I've seen of describing that ahaha.

I love the way you've characterized the two of them, with Anthony's obvious love for words and just the way he thinks about everything, and the way Ernie is pompous but not obnoxious.

Most of the fic has this kind of nostalgic lens over it, and I think this is partly due to the song and the lyrics you chose to include, but it kind of just reads as this whirlwind of days, most strongly in that scene when they're lying out in the grass watching the clouds. The whole story just has this beautiful tone.

And then that scene with the Carrows and he escapes from them and goes to the room of requirement and speeds past these people to find Ernie and they kiss and it was just the best scene ever. Gorgeous. All of it. And they basically lived happily ever after, and they're old and still in love. Aah! ♥

Amalgamation is one of my fave words, and to see that word in one of its forms in this story made me smile. But the whole ending section, when Anthony discusses his love of words, and you have this perfect imagery of the kaleidoscope love... gah, it's so stunning. I just love the way you've written this whole fic, which itself is a lot like a kaleidoscope - a lot of individual vivid little scenes put together to create something even more beautiful. I loved this. Well done and thanks for the swap!

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Review #39, by marauderfanThe Cat Turned Werewolf: This Can't Be Happening; It Already Happened

15th January 2015:
Here for Review Hot Seat Day!! And wow first can I say that this drew my attention because of the Alphabetized Challenge. I've been reading a lot of the entries because I'm just amazed at how people can do this so well!

I really liked this - you did a remarkable job. Especially in your characters. Parvati and Padma, as twins, are really close, and even when Parvati is scared, she still wants to stay by Padma's side in the hospital wing. Aw :) It's also cool because the Patil sisters aren't often featured in fanfiction so it was neat to see them in this.

AND your portrayal of Snape! It was so good, how he's still giving off this impression of not caring, he calls Padma irksome, but ultimately he is trying to help and gives her the Wolfsbane Potion. I liked the way you wrote him in this.

I even learnt some new words today. Xysteild, and Xenacious. Trust Ravenclaw Padma to use big fancy words when she's transforming into a werewolf ;) But seriously, well done - you met the challenge wonderfully and used really varied vocabulary.

Nicely done, ladies! :)

Author's Response: To be honest, we also are surprised how this story ended so well because we do not really change technique much.

Thank you! It is so nice to hear that we wrote them and their relationship well (not that there are many other fanfictions you can compare it to). And Snape, great! You liked what we were going for! Yippee!

Of all the Ravenclaws, I saw Padma as being the one with the most trivial facts in her head, and the one to find a way to make them not so trivial. And it worked for the alphabet.

Thank you so much for looking through this!
--Georgina


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Review #40, by marauderfanTrue Romance: Time to Get Out

15th January 2015:
omg house shopping, branbus are so cute I can't handle it. The furniture discussion ahahaha

I loved Lily and Molly's chat and how they're both helping each other with the difficult places in their lives. And I love that Lily is going to live at the Burrow!

I'm disappointed in Scorpius. I still don't like Corbin aka Gollum. I mean, I'm glad they're happy, but he can do sooo much better.

yay for Rose. I like that she's happy, and living how she wants to live.

gah sorry this review is lame but I kind of turn into a zombie after 10pm? its bad

BUT THSI CHAPTER WAS SO GOOD and I can't believe there's only one more. love this story ♥

Author's Response: I really love your late night reviews. They remind of late night trips to taco bell (minus the indigestion).

Lily and Molly coming together was my reason for getting rid of Arthur. :-/ I mean, I wanted Lily to help and be her grandma in a way that comes after a loss.

I think everyone is disappointed in him. :-/

Rose is happy!!!

ah! I'm glad you didin't just chew on the screen typing 'brainz' several times. :P

thankyou so much for a wonderful late night review!!

-Rose


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Review #41, by marauderfanGetting Out Alive: My Life (An Example of Disaster)

15th January 2015:
Back! :D

I can't blame Jay for not wanting to get involved in the mess between Ash and Hudson, and preferring instead to stroke a cat and read a book. I would do the same.

Hmm, I wonder if Hudson likes Jay. He seems to have issues sharing her, as in he doesn't want her to be friends with anyone else and it would explain a lot.

I feel like Dalton is really sweet but he seems to be the sort that you admire from afar for ages and then turns out to be meh. He's a nice guy, and does try to get along with her friends but I don't know, I just don't feel any spark between them. Things that are difficult to figure out when you're fifteen. Their relationship does feel pretty realistic for fifteen year olds though. :)

Lol, and Hudson and Ash are at it again. They're like, worse than Ron and Hermione in PoA ahaha.

Another great chapter Mae! :D

Author's Response: Well that was fast! Yay! :D

*Nods head* Yes, yes. I would do exactly the same, too!

I'm not giving too much away here (other than I've never had any personal experience with having a guy friend that didn't 'like' me) but I actually wouldn't look too much into Hudson not wanting to share Jay. He doesn't like Dalton much because of their first year (he's a great one to hold a grudge). Also, Jay is his best friend and she failed to mention even liking the bloke. So he has no idea what he's about. It's more like a big brother sort of thing at this point. At least *coughcough* That's how Jay will see it and how he might be seeing it for now. Who knows? There's plenty of time to tell. :p With Ash, as I've said before she's based off of my real life best friend, and that's more Ash's fault that Hudson doesn't like Jay being friends with her. My friend doesn't like any of my other friends and is very judgmental about people. She just happens to love me and be the most happy person I know outside of not liking anyone I like! xD Though I won't make that entirely the case here. Ash will like some of Jay's other friends. :p

Err... You're a very good reader. ;) I like capturing the real things of life, and I often think teenage romances are always way too romanticized. One day they can't get enough of one another, and the next, they simply just don't like the other because they cut their hair and they're less attractive. It happens. This is a very experimental time in a teenager's life, and some teenage romances work, but others just don't. So I'm glad it seems realistic! It's the exact direction I'm heading for!

Aren't they!? I worry about those two sometimes!

Thank you so much for continuing to the next chapter! :3 It means a lot to me! *hugs*

~Mae


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Review #42, by marauderfanBackground Noise: Voidism and Avoidism

15th January 2015:
I'm glad Joanna wonders about Apparition too. It's definitely something I myself have wondered- what would happen if all the atoms got put back together incorrectly? Like if your eyes ended up on your knees instead of on your face. It would be the worst. How do you know that's not going to happen??

'Modern art sculptures that look like a conglomeration of diapers' But actually... statues of togas? :P

Sharkhuahua. LOL *dies* I'm imagining that being attacked by one would be like being attacked by a guppy. Also, Viktor needs to work on his natural-disaster charms because then he can work on sequels to Sharknado, like for example: Sharkquake, Sharclone, Sharclone XII, etc. omg but actually I just love this entire dig at the film industry. :D

It is chapters like this where I am highly envious of Nora. When I have to go to boring meetings or something, I would love to just zap off to some alternate dimension where I'm a princess.

Contemplated by the Chasm. Can this be the next chapter title please? Haha. But seriously THIS PARAGRAPH IS SO EXISTENTIAL AND PHILOSOPHICAL and I'm taking it way more seriously than I should

I bet the lobsters came from his pockets too.

This fic turns my reviews into rambly nonsense, but just know that I love this story so much and as always this was a fantastic chapter.

And now at the conclusion of this chapter I am left wondering... who is the founder of Voidism? Was it...

...

...

...

Voidemort? :P

Author's Response: Kristin! ♥

How do we know it's not going to happen? Did I say it's not going to happen? That's a great suggestion, and another way I can muck up JKR'swizarding world mechanics even more. :P

EVERYTHING IS MODERN ART. SRSLY.

Bahahaha yes Krum should indeed transfigure himself into half a shark and half a tropical cyclone. LOVE your movie titles! I have a silly fondness for terrible shark movies. Nothing amuses me more than seeing bad shark movies. OK, except bad giant snake movies.

And the Voidism bit was me rattling off nonsense. I don't even know why I wrote all that; there doesn't seem to be any relevance to the plot, though that may be because I haven't got the faintest idea what the plot is. And I cannot believe you just called this fic - /this fic/ - 'existential and philosophical'. :P

And yeah, the lobsters definitely came from his pocket. The james's pockets are portals to other dimensions.

And you know, I originally missed your 'Voidemort' pun. 'i' looks a lot like 'l' sometimes. :P VOIDEMORT. I love it!! Lemme find a way to cram him in somewhere.

Thank you for another brilliant review, lovely! ♥


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Review #43, by marauderfanEffortlessly Dead: Gone

14th January 2015:
Hi Emmi! Happy Hot Seat Day!

I was so glad to come back to this story! Except now I've reached the end of the posted chapters and aaah! I want more of this story, it's so good!

That first scene was so intense and emotional and it was just so difficult to read as I could sympathise with basically all of them. Which means you've done an amazing job of building up your characters so far. Nia's back story is so sad! But I'm so glad you included it and I love the idea that if she hadn't been in a clan of assassins, she could have been a really successful healer. It's really interesting as she's one on the 'bad' side (murdering, etc) who has all these powers of good, and I love that contrast.

And the memories Ifan thinks of while he's worried about whether he should have saved Menna or Aled. Seriously - what a choice to be faced with, and I can't imagine how furious he must be with himself, when really he would have hated it no matter which way it turned out.

Joseph Swift, what an obnoxious person! He struck me as sort of like Gilderoy Lockhart only competent and good at what he does. Which is in a way even more annoying :p but ugh. Poor Galen having to deal with him!

Um, was it just me or is there some sort of chemistry between Galen and Menna? I kind of ship them. Is that okay? :P Maybe I'm crazy but I SEE IT, I SWEAR. *climbs into sinking, leaky canoe and raises Galenna flag*

BUT WHERE DID THEY GO?! Aah!

Favourited the story so now I can pounce as soon as there's a new chapter :P

Great chapter, Emmi! This story just gets better and better. :)

Author's Response: Yes, this is the end... for now! Chapter nine is in the works and if nothing dramatic happens, it should be in the queue by the end of the month! I keep repeating this so I will actually finish it in time...

That first part was surprisingly hard to write even though I knew what I wanted to include in that section. Writing strong emotions is never easy. I'm so glad you liked Nia's backstory! I was debating with myself whether or not I should include it because I was worried the readers might find it unnecessary. I like that contradiction between her skills and the family she was born into myself and it makes me so happy you like it as well!

Poor Ifan. I'm being really hard on him, aren't I? The things I make the characters go through... You're quite right, he would have hated the situation no matter the outcome.

So based on the reviews so far, Joseph is a cross between Gilderoy Lockhart and Cormac McLaggen. That's... pretty bad. :D But funny, I have to admit. He's a fun character to write about but thankfully he won't appear that often.

Yes, it's more than okay to ship Menna and Galen (although the two of them are pretty horrified by the whole idea ;)).

And who knows where they went... Stay tuned for the next epi... I mean, chapter!

Thank you for the review and for favouriting this! Hopefully I see you soon!

- Emmi


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Review #44, by marauderfanWinter's Embrace: Winter's Embrace

14th January 2015:
Hi Ellie! Sorry I'm a bit late on the hot seat reviews but I made it eventually haha!

I love Vivaldi's Four Seasons and I love Lavender as a character, especially post-war, so I was immediately drawn to this story. Ah, I love that Lavender is a violin player :D It makes me like her even more.

Lavender in this story is so bitter, and it's really heartbreaking that she loved Ron. As we really just saw this relationship from Harry's POV in the books, Lavender was this silly, shallow girl who Ron was just using to get back at Hermione, and it's funny in an obnoxious way, but as viewed from Lavender's POV the situation is really sad.

I like that you focused on her obsession with beauty here and the way you tied it into the music. How she always valued beauty really highly and that's a huge part of why she didn't like Hermione, and a reason why she hates herself even so much later - she's lost that. But I like that towards the end she focuses on a different type of beauty - that of the music she's producing from a gorgeous, expensive violin. And that's far more meaningful. It just made it sadder when at the end, she slumped back into how she was before and the cycle begins anew.

This was such a sad piece but I love the way you wrote about the different notions of beauty (at least that's how I interpreted it). she has something to focus her life, and maybe out of that she can recover and get over Ron.

This was really well written, great job!

Author's Response: Hey Kristin,

Thanks so much for reviewing. I know what it's like to belatedly review for hot seat (I'm still so behind on this) and so it's really nice of you to come all this way to leave me a review. This chapter was really fun to write, and I'm glad Lavender's values showed through. I'd never written her before and so I was super worried that I'd do a bad job.

Your Lucius story is coming. I need to PM you about it actually, so I'll chat to you about it later =)

Thanks again.

xx-Ellie


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Review #45, by marauderfanHarry Potter and the Broomstick Makers: From the Distance

14th January 2015:
Hi StarFeather (I love your username)! I'm here for the review swap! (You'll be getting your other review on this story, the one you requested in my thread, in a few days once I catch up on the requests haha.)

wow, all sorts of things happening so far! I haven't read the prequels to this story but I've picked up on how Harry and Ron are trainee Aurors and have already done some pretty cool sounding stuff in neat places, based on the references to past adventures. I think Harry's post-Hogwarts life is such an interesting time to explore, because he's still 'the hero who saved the wizarding world', but he's at the bottom of the ladder in terms of Auror training as he never finished school. And there's just so many possibilities of cool stories for Aurors. I'm really excited to see what happens. You've presented some really interesting ideas here in your fic, from what I've read so far.

Gah, it's so cute that Ron's Animagus form is an Otter and how it matches Hermione's Patronus :D ♥ Unfortunately not that useful of an Animagus unless he's near water, but I guess you can't choose what your Animagus is, haha! Interesting that Harry has two, and that one of them is a stag. I've never seen the idea of having two Animagi forms, that's really original. That would be so useful!

I love that Harry still holds the knowledge of Rita Skeeter's unregistered Animagus form so he can blackmail her into not publishing cruel and gossipy books haha.

So they captured this mystery hooded wizard. A broomstick smuggler? I wonder what they have discovered!

Great chapter! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for leaving your wonderful comment, marauderfan. I can also learn a lot from your way to write review. Answering review is one of my challenge, which trains me to write better sentences.

You got the point, I put so many incidents together in my story, I need to sort them out for readers, that's my homework.


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Review #46, by marauderfanGetting Out Alive: Buttered Tea (An Example of Distraction)

14th January 2015:
Hi Mae!

Loving this new story of yours! Your main character Jay has such a strong voice, and she just seems so real, and I love the way her internal monologue works and she's constantly getting distracted (like that random tangent about beard hairs - hahaha loved it). I can sooo relate, having quite a short attention span myself haha.

You've also managed to provide a wealth of background information without doing an information dump. It's slowly revealed a bit at a time. I particularly like the information about her mother, because after reading this I got to thinking about it and I don't think I often see fanfic where there's a single parent rather than two. And you managed to show the typical teenage attitude of "ughhh my mum is so annoying" while at the same time making her mum seem like a real person with a back story so she's understandable. And all in one chapter! Impressive.

I like how you've introduced her friends as well. Hudson seems really nice and Ash's letter was amusing. They all do seem like proper teenagers too, and how the worst of their worries is exams, and I like how you made Jay seem appropriately self-centred for a fifteen-year-old but not obnoxiously selfish. She's real and I like that.

Okay, well this was a great introduction and I'm sure I will be back for more of this later! Love it so far! :D

Author's Response: Hey! *hugs* Thank you so much for coming over and reading! You're the sweetest!

Oh, you know me. I love keepin' it real over here. ;) Seriously though, thank you so much! I love Jay in a sense that she's sort of a fifteen year old me. At that age I don't think I ever really listened to anyone. I just thought while they talked and then when everything went silent I assumed it was my turn to speak. That's actually still me now! xD Though I must say, Jay and I both agree very much so on creepy beard hairs. *nods*

I hate information dumps! I think that's why I've found myself writing in first person more and more, which is sad because I actually like pulling off successful third person stories, but it just makes it so much easier to give off information and emotion when it's in first person! So I'm glad that you like how I executed everything. :) I don't think I've noticed much in parenting either, it was just the main focus of my story (her finding her father) so I just sort of saw it that way. I just hope I end up doing single parenting a justice in the end because that's an extremely hard thing to do, especially with teens. I don't have that experience first-hand, so yeah. Hopefully I pull it off alright in the end. ;)

I think I pull of writing teenagers best since I'm not exactly all that mature myself. In fact, I'm sure I stopped growing at fifteen, too! xD But I'm glad that you like all of the characters. Ash is based on one of my real life best friends, so I think I'll love writing her the most.

Thank you for reading and reviewing! And most definitely thank you for loving it! I couldn't ask for anything more! :D Just thank you for checking this out! You always make my day!

~Mae


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Review #47, by marauderfanKill Your Darlings: Irresistible

13th January 2015:
Aah! When I started reading this chapter I wasn't aware it was the LAST ONE! ajdfjasjd I have so many feels about this chapter and this story and I hope I can say them in a coherent way without resorting to keyboard-smash, but apologies in advance because that'll probably happen anyway/already happened oops.

I love the Tedromeda fluff, and the way they're able to tease each other without overreacting due to misunderstandings, and there's no secrets anymore. (Apart from that one he finally told her about at the wedding... ahahaha that's adorable.)

Ok, I LOVE IT that Andromeda asked Ted to marry her. I love it because it was a case of the girl asking the guy, and anything that challenges stereotypical gender roles is points in my book. And I love it because he wanted to get married but cares about her so much that he didn't want to upset her by asking as she had already said no a while ago. And I love how unconventional all of it was. Thinking about Andromeda in the beginning of the story, when she practically lived for conventional things, it's just such a change.

Speaking of change, both characters have grown up so much over the course of the novel and I loved reading that. They were such dynamic and real characters. And it ends so perfectly. They're happy together, and life is hard and they're getting used to it, and all things considered, are doing pretty well. This is one of my favourite stories on the archives and I'm so, so glad I stumbled upon it one day as I found such a masterpiece. I love your writing. You truly have a gift.

I AM SO HAPPY THERE'S A SEQUEL. I'm not ready to say goodbye to Ted and Andromeda just yet. AND I can't forget to mention Lilith and George, who are so perfect together and I love them. :D

Thanks for writing this wonderful story.

Kristin x

Author's Response: Ummm, thank you for making my night with the sweetest review I have ever read. Seriously, these words made me so very happy.

Haha, sorry to sneak in an ending like that! I honestly thought KYD had a few more chapters let in it, but as I was writing it became quickly apparent that this was IT. Which was both terrifying and cathartic.

I love Tedromeda fluff, too. Teehee. It's been such a guilty pleasure to write after ALL THE DRAMA and tension and general unpleasantness that came before. Poor kiddos needed a little bit of reprieve.

YAY. I'm SO glad you like the fact that Andromeda proposed, especially for the reason that I, too, love any kind of stomp-smash of traditional gender roles. Unconventionality, GO FIGHT WIN! But yes, it's a crazy huge change for Andromeda. I took some time to read all the previous chapters while penning this finale, and I was so excited to see how much Andromeda had grown. -hugs Andromeda close- I'm so proud of her.

AND YES SEQUEL YES. I think I'd be embarrassingly teary-eyed if I had to give up writing Ted and Dromeda just yet. There are still some stories that I'm dying to tell, and I'm really excited about penning these vignettes. And, you know, mayhaps there will be a little bit of Lilith and George in those, too. Heh heh heh. :)

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for sticking with this story so long and being such an encouraging and helpful reviewer. You're the sweetest! Hope to see you around on upcoming stories! Till then, sending you a virtual hug and plate of cookies.



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Review #48, by marauderfanRoleplay: ONE

13th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review!

Things I love about this story: Scorpius is in Ravenclaw. It's definitely uncommon but I think if Scorpius were to be in any house other than Slytherin, it would be Ravenclaw. And I like the idea of a Malfoy not in Slytherin- and Scorpius probably has less of his family's past following him around there which must be nice. Whereas Albus is in Slytherin! Lots of kids escaping their parents legacy for better or for worse. It's great.

Also: the friendship between Serena, Blake, Scorpius and Elliott seems very natural and a lot like normal teenagers. I like the way they all interact.

And last but not least: THE POTENTIAL FOR ALBUS/SCORPIUS. I saw that at the end and I like it. *waves Scorbus flag* :D

One point of CC that I have: For the first several paragraphs I don't actually know where the characters are, as there's just dialogue, and it's like 9 paragraphs in when it's stated that Serena sits with them at the Ravenclaw table. If you go back to edit, perhaps you could add something in the first paragraph that implies they're at the table. For example: "Elliot, this is not a good idea," I said, chuckling nervously and raking one hand through my hair, addressing the Quidditch captain across the plates of eggs and sausage at the Ravenclaw table. (Something like that would not only tells the reader that they're both Ravenclaws sitting at the table, but that it's breakfast time as well. Or whatever meal, that food was just an example.)

And then here is a place where you might want to look at your word choice: If you all are thinking I have inhabited a crush on this cute, but cunning boy -- I don't know if 'inhabited' is the right word here as that means lived in/occupied... if you remove the word I think the sentence will flow a lot better! :)

I like the way you've started to develop the James/Blake relationship. They don't hate each other and neither one is starting off enamoured with the other, it's at a balanced place at the start, AND Blake is about to steal his Invisibility cloak which should cause some predicaments for the two of them and stir things up a bit! Exciting things coming up!

I hope this helps! You've got a great start here - keep up the good work! :)

Author's Response: hello!
omg. yes, i know. i love the idea of scorpius in ravenclaw, its not common, but i really see him in ravenclaw.

also albus in slytherin just seems like he'd fit in slytherin really well aha.

aw im glad you like scorbus. also blake's friends!

ooh, thank you so much for the CC. seriously, it helps alot for future reference. i didnt realise it sounded confusing /:

and that "inhabited" is, im sure, an autocorrection or my weird typos popping up. i probably over looked it while editing, it was suppose to say "developed". thanks for pointing that out!

Omg im happy you like the start of James/blake's relationship. things will definitely get interesting lol.

thank you so much for reviewing! (:



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Review #49, by marauderfanValentine's Day: Valentine's Day

12th January 2015:
Happy Review Hot Seat Day! Seemed right that I should review this now - thanks for your submission to the Non-Linear Challenge!

Aw, this is a sad one. But I like sad, so it's good :p That first section is beautiful, with all the descriptions of the flowers and all Ginny and Harry had been through together, punctuated by those really sharp lines - "he wondered what to do with all these flowers", "It was a shame, it would have been a beautiful wedding." It creates this bittersweet, kind of fragile atmosphere and I really liked it. Also I love how you started at the end here, leaving all this mystery open about why the wedding didn't work out. And then it goes into the explanation in the second part.

The second part can be interpreted in a couple of different ways. Either Ginny did love Dean, or she was just really angry at Harry's prolonged jealousy and left because of that. Either way, she fell out of love with Harry, and this section of the story showed that process, where they had strong feelings and reached no compromise, but covered it up because at this point in the story, they still love each other despite all the jealous feelings and the resent. It's kind of where things are beginning to fall apart but neither of them notices yet.

The end was really bittersweet as they have no idea their relationship isn't going to last. But what I love most is that the story ends happily, but not. Because of the reverse chronology narration, this happy, fluffy scene is placed at the end of the fic, so it's like this wonderful twist on happily ever after. Technically, the story ends happily, although the relationship does not. I thought that was really cool.

This was so well written, and I loved how you approached the non-linear aspect of it. Great work! :)

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for the awesome prompt! I had a lot of fun writing this. I'm glad you like the first scene because I probably never would have thought to write the story in this format if it weren't for your prompt. So thank you so much :)

Yes, you totally nailed it with the second part when you said, "It's kind of where things are beginning to fall apart but neither of them notices yet." That's exactly the feeling I wanted to convey, and I'm so glad you picked up on that! This second part wasn't intended to show that Ginny and Dean actually have something going on, but just that Harry picks up on the fact that it's there as a strong possibility, and the fact that Ginny reacts so angrily could be an indicator that she knows it's obvious, too.

Yay! I'm so glad you liked the ending. Your review actually means the world to me because you got EXACTLY what I was trying to convey. The ending is happy but not because we know how they end up.

Thank you so much! Great challenge :)


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Review #50, by marauderfana silver morning: parchment & crystal

12th January 2015:
Was so excited to find a new story by you in the recently added today!

I love the description in the first paragraph, I can visualize that spider so well. There used to be one just like it that lived above my bed so I actually feel a bit nostalgic reading that part. Which I realize is weird, considering we're talking about a spider here... anyway, moving on.

Wait, no, I have to gush about your description again. THIS? The sky seemed wider then – an endless dome mottled with flimsy clouds and flocks of birds practicing their synchronized dives – and I could stare at it for hours on end, with him by my side. The thoughts of those days settled within the fissures of my brain like balm against a wound, and I was too weak to push them away. -- ASDFHAFLWKJE?!?! That is so gorgeous. HOW do you do this.

The narrator is Fred! I've never seen a Fred/Scorpius ship before. Gah, I adore that scene when they were working together in Potions :D

Ahahaha... I love the way you write Rose in this. I can really relate to her in the way that she laughs before getting to the punch line of stories, I do the same thing and it's probably so annoying to anyone listening to me. I love seeing this trait in a fanfic character.

I love the way you wrote the progression of how Fred and Scorpius became closer friends. And how at the end they're still kind of on the brink but won't say anything specifically. You've done so well at writing this kind of skirting around the topic that they both do, but Fred specifically, how neither of them really admits the whole truth about their feelings, how Fred tries to hide his anxiety/panic attacks. There's a lot that it seems they're trying to avoid just because it's easier that way at the moment. And that always makes for interesting characters :)

The sky above us is a vast, black field of tiny phosphorescent blossoms -- Sorry I couldn't help it, I had to point out your amazing imagery again. WOW this is just beautiful.

This is such a beautiful chapter (I know, using that word again but there's no other way to describe your writing!) Really amazing work. I love it.

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