Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
  
1,111 Reviews Found

Review #26, by marauderfanPlay the Devil: A Closed Circle

22nd January 2015:
Do mine eyes deceive me or is this a NEW CHAPTER?!?! :D :D YES IT IS AND I AM SO EXCITED

Ooh, I'm really curious what happened between Scorpius and Rose. I'm also under the impression that it was not entirely Scorpius' fault, as we're seeing this all from Rose's likely biased perspective. But he clearly did something, because he acts like he regrets it. What I can't figure out is whether he's trying to help her because he actually still cares a lot about her, or because he's trying to make up for whatever transgression he did.

The twenty first century seems far busier. I love how you showed this through Rose feeling like just a number being processed at St. Mungo's.

It's nice seeing the Weasley family again though, and like Rose, I feel like it's been so long since I've read about them here, but for Hermione and Hugo it's only been a day since last time they saw Rose. Hermione's reaction to Rose being extra sentimental was funny.

Hahaha, Rose looked Edward up on Wikipedia. I seriously forget about the existence of the internet in fic, it's like two separate worlds, but this is happening like present day so of course even magical folk would have some knowledge of the internet. I am SO impressed with her self control though, and the way she didn't click to find out about Richard - I would not have been able to avoid clicking and finding out anyway! I'm the person who sometimes reads the last page of books before I actually get there and potentially end up spoiling it for myself. It's literally the worst habit.

This was such a good chapter, and I love how it delved into a bit of the complications of time travel, how Rose finally realises how serious it is (when she's debating clicking to find out more) and that knowing things can be dangerous. And after all that she still wants to return to the past. I guess she hasn't learnt her important lesson yet... that'll come when she seriously messes something up, I guess :p

Loved it!!!

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Review #27, by marauderfan(Who) Needs Horcruxes?: Legend

22nd January 2015:
For the Review Hot Seat
oh my god yes. This is what I never knew I needed in my life. I LOVE the way you've written the Doctor and Clara and their dialogue that easily goes on tangents, I can see this so perfectly in my mind. The bit about Rubik's cubes made me laugh! As well as the question the Doctor answered when Clara hadn't even asked it yet. :D Perfect.

But gah that beginning section. DID VOLDEMORT TRY TO RECRUIT THE DOCTOR?! because I can't imagine that will go over well ahahaha I am so excited for the Doctor and Clara to step out of the tardis and into the pages of HP. AAH! If you can't tell, I'm super excited about this and hope to see a new chapter soon. This is gold. Love it.

P.S. The Tenth Doctor was totally my fave as well ;)

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Review #28, by marauderfanTo Prevent An Unfortunate Series of Events : The Inevitable Breakdown

22nd January 2015:
Here for our swap! :)

I can't believe she actually said yes to him! Of course it was a trick though :-/ but I love how even though she's kind of giddy and has all these feelings, she's still primarily making decisions based on logic, as she agrees to walk with him to not give away her prior knowledge of where the Owlery is, etc.

Ahaha. Poor Peter, laughing so hard that milk came out his nose. That is the worst thing to have happen to you at a meal. I can relate ahaha

The breakdown seemed entirely realistic for Hermione. She's kept herself together so well in such an incredibly difficult situation where she's had all these surprises thrown at her. It really is impressive. So I can't blame her for freaking out. And her reasons for saying no to Sirius make sense too, it's not like she's just playing hard to get, but because she knows what happens to him and she's worried about what happens in the future. And - all this and she can't tell anyone! I'd be going crazy. Or else I'd be spilling secrets right and left and it'd be bad.

So I couldn't really blame her for letting Sirius down at the end - she does have valid reasons. But I can understand why Sirius would be so upset as she gave no reason even after that intense eye-staring thing they had. Ah! Time travel complications!

Awesome chapter, Meg!

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Review #29, by marauderfanMean: The One Where they Return to Classes

22nd January 2015:
Ah, I was wrong, oh well. It turns out she does like Declan the Ravenclaw.

I'm really appreciating Lily's humour, especially Asking Cara Out 101. It sounds so simple when she says it like that :p

Ugh, Declan. Did he really ask how come he didn't know Lucy likes girls, when he's known her for like, an hour? Is he expecting all queer people to wear signs around their neck that say "I'm queer!" just so he knows?? Ha. Lucy handled the situation very well though without rolling her eyes at Declan's ignorance. And ugh don't even get me started on 'no homo' what an absurd phrase.

I really do love the way Lucy and James interact. They're so supportive :)

Crashing a Ravenclaw party! Ha, of course it's on the Astronomy Tower, what a Ravenclaw-y place for a party. Maybe they'll have telescopes, just in case anyone wants to do a bit of stargazing in the middle of the party. :p Sounds nerdy but hey I'd love to go to a stargazing party haha.

Oh Lucy, famous last words. That last line is basically a sure sign that it WILL happen :p

awesome chapter!

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Review #30, by marauderfanMean: The One with the Feast

22nd January 2015:
Lucy is the best! I loved how she made that first-year feel so at home - and that's such a great point about dietary restrictions. Given that most of the food discussed in the books are meat dishes of various types, I always wondered (as a vegetarian) where that leaves the vegetarians, or anyone with food allergies - but of course there had to be special dishes. Just because Harry only narrated about British meat dishes doesn't mean there weren't other options on the table :p

Also, I really appreciate the representation having a Muslim character in this, even if she is only in this one scene, it's so lovely to see diversity in fic.

I love the banter with the boys and how she's such good friends with all of them, despite how ridiculous they all are. Although it's a useless skill I'm totally jealous that they can recite the alphabet backwards. :p

Cara and Eleanor seem like they're trying to hide a huge secret and they're not sure how Lucy will react to it. I don't think this has anything to do with Cara having a Ravenclaw crush. because then what would Eleanor be doing just hanging out there too? My theory is that they're using the Ravenclaws as a cover story and they're actually sneaking off together, just the two of them because they fancy each other. Yes, I realise this is more of just a collection of twigs than a ship, but that's what I think until I am proven otherwise :p

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Review #31, by marauderfanMean: The First One

22nd January 2015:
Hi Kayla! Happy Review Hot Seat Day! I know there isn't actually a day set aside for you, but as you've been running the whole thing and set it up, I felt like you deserved some appreciation for that. ♡

Already in the beginning I can relate to Lucy so much because my mum is a relentless hugger too - when I went off to university across the country, after two hugs she would still want another one at the last minute before I left to fly off. Ahaha

I love that James used to play princesses with Lucy. :D They are such wonderful cousins, I love how close they are.

Now that I think about it, Lucy fics are rare, or really any fic about Percy's family, so I like that you've written about her here and that she's so awesome! She's not a Percy clone. And talking of Percy, I love how you've written him as well, how he cares a lot but is bad at saying so, particularly in public - that seems so true to his character in the books so well done with him.

Wondering what's going on with Lucy's friends! Hmm. Must read on. :D

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Review #32, by marauderfanThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: ix. the family we choose [or] all you need is love

22nd January 2015:
Hi Lisa. I apologise in advance for this review because it's 1 in the morning and as Rose can attest (i.e. toomanycurls, not Rose Weasley) my brain doesn't work past about 10 so I leave lots of loopy late night reivews.

Anyway, what I want to say is that I love this story. I've been hearing so much about it for so long and finally decided to read it and I'm so glad I did - I just love the characters and how hyou're addressing such important issues and things that are not often mentioned in fiction but are so relatable. And you've done it with such fantastic dialogue and humour. I want to be friends with all these nerdy Ravenclaws. Even though I'm not a Claw, I feel like I'd fit right in and that they are the sort of people who would actually appreciate my memorising Pi to 67 places.

Though I really want to just keep reading, I will finish the rest of the story tomorrow because my right eye is twitching in tiredness. That's probably for the best though beause then I'll be able to write proper reviews in the morning. Ciao!



Author's Response: don't ever apologise for loopy late night reviews because i treasure them so much

thank you so much! i feel like tfwms is probably sitting in that category of "i've heard a lot about this story, i should read it sometime" for a lot of people and it's always really gratifying to hear that it's been worth their time or lives up to expectation.

they would definitely appreciate your memorising Pi to 67 places. especially holly because she's a huge dork. i want to be friends with them all as well but alas they're not real and i made them up

thank you so much for the review (and for reading to the point of eye twitches!)


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Review #33, by marauderfannot like other girls: one.

21st January 2015:
Ahh! I'm really excited for this story. It is so rare to find stories about a trans character and I'm so glad you are writing one such story. Your characters already start out so three-dimensional, which is impressive for only one chapter, and I like how completely normal they are. The way you weave the characters' disorders or differences in is really beautiful too because it's not a defining characteristic of their personality, it's just one feature, and what stands out to me the most about these characters is that they are like any normal teenager. They each have their issues of their own that they're dealing with, they have good friends, they gossip about people they like, and they set off the fire alarm while cooking. So basically they just feel so real. :)

I really love this first chapter and can't wait to see where you go with this.

Author's Response: thank you so much! i'm really excited for this one as well because i don't think i've found a multi-chaptered fic here with a trans character (which is exciting and also a little daunting) and thank you! that's one of the main themes about this story and i'm glad it's there from the get-go - that they are just completely ordinary, bordering on stereotypical teenagers who just happen to be xyz. some of the issues raised in this story are going to be new territory for me - so again, i'm pretty excited and a little bit nervous about taking them on. i'm really glad to have you as a reader and thanks for the review!

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Review #34, by marauderfanSweet Talk: Welcome to Hogwarts

20th January 2015:
Here for our swap!

Lol, how ridiculous is it to take the train? Especially if they live in Hogsmeade. It's just so absurd to have to Apparate clear across the country and then take an 8 hour train right back. I love that you included that though, really points out the silliness and idiosyncrasies of the wizarding world. :D

I like the way you've written the relationships between all the characters. They're all friendly to each other, but don't all necessarily like one another, as seen in the case of Sweets being so irritated by Ryan. But it all feels very real and teenager-y. I like how in this chapter you've introduced a lot of characters and even this early on, they all have distinct traits and don't blend together. I like Kane, he seems like a really sweet friend.

I also like the kind of outsider's view of the Weasleys and Potters, as no one in Sweets' friend group is really good friends with them or anything - they know each other, but just in the sense of an academic or Quidditch rival :D

Predictions: Hufflepuffs are sooo going to win the cup. Obvi. :P

This is a great chapter! Lovely work :)

Author's Response: Hi!

It is a bit ridiculous. But that's what Sweets wanted! :D

I tried to make them a close knit group, even if some annoy the others. I know my friends drive me up the wall sometimes, but I still love them. I tried to make them as original as possible, and thank you for confirming that they are! :D

I enjoy seeing the outsider's view too. None of them are friends with them, so they just see them through school and sports, as you said :)

You'll just have to wait and see about the cup, but thanks for the prediction! :D I love hearing what readers think is going to happen.

Thanks so much!

-Leigh


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Review #35, by marauderfanVictoire: Uncle Harry's Warning

20th January 2015:
Hi Emma! I am finally here with your requested review, so sorry for the wait!

Haha, the bit about Googling the lunar calendar threw me off for a second before I realised that this story takes place like NOW. As in, THIS YEAR. :O For some reason I've never really made that connection, as most next-gen takes place in the future but this was like my first realisation that next-gen is nowhere near as far off as it was when reading DH the first time. omg the future is creeping up on us wow I just suddenly feel old. Sorry I'm getting off topic and distracted. It must be my sudden old age. :p

Ah, I love that Snape's annotations on the potions textbook were eventually published and made useful for future students. That's really great.

You asked about transitions. I don't think I've ever seen transitions done like this before, with them so clearly designated with the time and location. It's very blunt, but I like it - it makes me think of crime investigations or the like, when they have all this meticulous time and place information and in a way, there is a murder investigation going on in the background of this story. So - it's unusual, but I think it totally works.

Your characterisation is stellar as well. A lot of what makes them three-dimensional already is the way most of the information about them is revealed in little details, or with well thought out background information. I love that Lee Jordan is now a major radio host! The bit about why the seventh years are so close is really sad, and is not something I'd have thought of but it makes perfect sense.

Victoire feels real too, particularly the bit about the note she found. I think the fact that she took it and then forgot about it really made her relatable, because she has good intentions but still isn't perfect and forgets. As can be said about a lot of real people.

Some little things I wanted to point out:

Victoire tried not to think about what they were -- instead of 'they were' I think this should be 'it was', as the rest of the references to the red are singular pronouns.

And werewolves have a lower life expectancy than humans anyway, -- Perhaps this is me just reading this too sensitively, but I don't know if 'humans' is the best way to say 'non-werewolves'. After all, werewolves are humans too (well, 95% of the time). Unless this is intentional, and meant to show exactly the sort of thing Hermione is fighting against with her werewolf rights bill?

Anyway, just something that made me think. This story is DEFINITELY interesting so far and I love how it's just brilliantly thought out - I can tell a lot of planning went into this story and I admire that. Excellent work! :)

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much!

I had exactly the same thought about the year. It's strange for it suddenly not to be a long way in the future. Although the younger next gen kids still have a little way to go until their time.

Your comments on the transitions are really helpful. I'm not sure why I ended up writing this in this way, and it's something I've been a bit worried about. It's a real relief that you like it. And the investigation comparison is an interesting one. It's not something I thought about when I started writing but it fits the tone of the plot.

And thank you so much for liking the characters! I'm enjoying Victoire a lot, and I hope she feels real and human.

I'll fix that about the drops of red - thanks for pointing it out.

And ooo, interesting about Harry referring to non-werewolves as 'humans'. If it was Hermione speaking I think she'd definitely use a different word, but maybe with Harry it's a product of the society he's a part of? I'm not sure. I'll probably come back and change it to something else but it's definitely something to think about.

Thank you so much for such a lovely review! I really appreciate it.

Emma x


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Review #36, by marauderfanRomulus and Remus: Romulus and Remus

20th January 2015:
Omg, I loved this so so much! I've read Kenpo's incredible story One Blaze of Glory, and when I saw the summary of this I kind of freaked out.

I loved how you wrote about Remus' experience reading the book, and how much it meant to him to see a book about werewolves that humanized them rather than either a)talking about how horrible they are or b)telling newly bitten people how to deal with their new affliction. That must have had a huge impact on him and I admit I kind of teared up at that part.

AND you included Remus' first broadcast on Potterwatch! I seriously loved Potterwatch in the books (and in fact have written a fic about it haha) and there is so little written about it, so this was really nice to see a bit of the backstory and how Remus picked his Potterwatch codename. And it means so much more with the backstory of him having read Hairy Snout Human Heart just before, like it's his little nod to Romulus.

Gah! I loved this! Wonderful work :)

Author's Response: Yes, Hairy Snout, Human Heart is definitely a new experience for Remus. It deviates from the normal werewolf book. I'm amazed you teared up!

Potterwatch is one of my favorite parts. I love it so much. I'm sad J.K. Rowling only wrote one episode of Potterwatch. I would have loved to listen to the one about Harry breaking into Gringotts and escaping on a dragon. That would be so amazing.

When I read A Blaze of Glory I thought about Remus's codename frequently, because it was the same thing. I know why that is- Romulus and Remus were the founders of Rome and were raised by wolves- but I still found it interesting.

I'm glad you enjoyed this!


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Review #37, by marauderfanSacrifice: Of Nightmares, Returns, and Reunions

19th January 2015:
Puff REview Day!

This is a great chapter. AJ's emotions come across so strongly, and you have such a contrast of feelings in this chapter from her terror at the nightmare, to her frustration at trying to manage so many things and get everyone on the train on time, to her relief at being back at school in a loving environment with her friends.

What an intense start, it's obvious AJ has been through so much, and to start the day with that sort of thing it's easy to see why she'd be so on edge while trying to manage all of her siblings, particularly Adam, what a handful! I thought you did really well at writing all the kids though, particularly Adam having a tantrum :p

Vinny seems really wonderful, and I like the closeness and the caring in their relationship. From the moments we saw of him, he seems like a pretty chill guy which must be so nice for AJ after the stress of home.

Ahaha, I love the idea of Crabbe being the next caretaker. Only didn't he die in DH? Or was that Goyle who died, I can't remember.:p

Which one of the Weasleys was that who pushed Adam forward? Based on the fact that Albus (and therefore Rose) are older than first years, I'm going to guess that it's one of Percy and Audrey's kids. Anyway I'm glad Adam has made a friend already haha.

Great chapter!!

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Review #38, by marauderfanTrue Romance: Simple Song

18th January 2015:
Here is your celebratory 'Seahawks are going to the Super Bowl!!' review. :D

'Unchoreographed dance' of shopping. That's an excellent and very true description.

I love the way all of this turned out. Except for Scorpius - I'm sad that he decided to stay with Corbin, who I don't trust and who is bound to repeat what he did before if he gets angry again. But, at least he knows he has a safe place to go and something to fall back on if that doesn't end up working out - he and Albus are back on good terms and friends again.

Albus has grown so much as a character over the course of the novel and I loved his insight into the others in this one, like he realizes Rose is moving because she wants to, and he's supportive of Scorpius despite not agreeing with him. I think he's a lot more understanding now.

And the last line made me SO happy, as Albus goes to his happy life with Brandon and Cora. ♥ :D YAY

Wonderful end to a wonderful fic, Rose!

Author's Response: I LOVE REVIEWS CAUSED BY THE SEAHAWKS. (especially when they're left by you)

I once used that phrase in an essay about seattle and shopping in the market. I didn't think past me would mind now me using it in a story.

I at least got your 90% happy with the ending - that's a success!! I will revisit Scorpius in a one-shot and talk about how he and Corbin are doing a year later so there will be more to come! I'm so happy you liked Albus and Scorpius ending on a strong note with their friendship. I thought that was the most important thing with them.

Albus is my work of art in this story. he had so much growth to go through to get him where he's at in terms of his relationships and self.

The last line is my happy line for the story. :D

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GOING THROUGH THIS STORY WTIH ME AND POUNCING ON UPDATES!

-Rose


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Review #39, by marauderfanThe Rejects: ii.

18th January 2015:
Here for the Hot Seat round 3!

What a team Maddie has assembled :p Scorpius was really nice to help her out despite having nothing to do with the team really, and considering his difficult history with Maddie.

I really like Hazel, for a lot of reasons. I feel like in fanfic particularly, there's a lot of 'super arrogant, hot guy' types and I like this challenging of the stereotypical gender roles by having a girl be this way. Even if she is a bit overbearing and smug, I love that she just is who she is, and is proud of that. I think she'll turn out to be a really interesting character. :)

Someone who doesn't speak English! That does pose a challenge. Is it embarrassing that I spent some time pondering what language that kid was speaking? It looks like one with Germanic roots based on the double A's, my guess is Dutch. /reallyofftopicsorry

And the girl who gets distracted by the sunset. She reminds me of Luna, and I feel like she's going to be an interesting one to watch, as she doesn't seem to have the necessary focus, but potentially has the talent.

And she's scared of the Beaters ahaha. I'm absurdly excited to see the first practise of this team. XD

Awesome chapter!

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Review #40, by marauderfanWasting My Young Years: Worst Day

18th January 2015:
So glad to see you've picked this back up again!

I really like how you go into all the difficulties of being a Squib, particularly in the workplace and all the antiquated prejudices against her. They do have a unique and difficult place as kind of halfway between wizards and Muggles. Besides, if she ever wants to return to working on the Muggle world now, after a year of working at the Daily Prophet, there will be this gap in her CV that she can't explain, because of the Statute of Secrecy.

I loved that anecdote about her as a child and her little newsletter about her Mum planting orchids and Scorpius telling her to go away. Haha.

Ouch, Colin was really harsh. I know he never actually said the words directly, but by saying that he wants his children to have "lives like normal witches and wizards", he's essentially saying that by being a Squib, Sage is abnormal. Ouch. :(

“You know, some people have normal hobbies. Like collecting bicorn horns.” -- haha! I loved Lysander's kind of warped view on what 'normal' is, given who his family is. :D Really though, Lysander sounds like he would be an awesome friend.

Al is back! How did he find her? It seems that Sage's 'shrine' to all things related to the case wasn't so useless after all. I'm dying to know what happened!

Wonderful chapter and I'm so glad to see this story back! :)

Author's Response: Aw, and I'm so glad to see your sweet review! It's taken me long enough to update, but I'm really thrilled to get back into the groove of this story. I've got such exciting things in store for these kiddos. DANCE PUPPETS, DANCE.

I've been fascinated by the concept of Squibs for a while now. It struck me as interesting that even families as open-minded as the Weasleys didn't seem to be a-okay with the concept. It always seemed such a taboo subject, even moreso than being Muggleborn. I imagine that it's already a difficult position to be in, and then societal bias has to go and make it even worse. :(

I probably have way too much fun imagining what life looked like in the itty bitty Malfoy household, with teeny Sage bugging the ever living snot out of teenaged Scorpius. Poor babies.

Colin is--a lot of words I can't use here. But yes, he said the one thing that could cut Sage to the quick. She's already hyper-sensitive to her "normalcy," and Colin's parting words were the last thing she needed flung in her face.

Pahaha, I love writing Lysander. I love anything Lovegood-related, period. I mean, bicorn horns are totes the norm in his family.

Thank you so much for the lovely, lovely review. I should have an update posted in the coming weeks!


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Review #41, by marauderfanThe Best Day of My Life : The Best Day of My Life

17th January 2015:
ASDFLKJawlkfnakjdshkalf *can't stop grinning from ear to ear* I loved this so much!

The first half of this had me convinced that it was going to be a coming out story, and I loved the way you did that plot twist by just building up the suspense through Albus' nervousness and kind of exaggerated worry. I like the nod to his eleven-year-old self as well, because although Albus has grown up since then, the elements of his character that stood out in the epilogue are still evident even as an older character.

Scorpius is adorable, btw. I love that he's so kind and supportive... but still tricks Albus into going to talk to his parents :p

When he had that kind of panic moment about how his whole family would spiral into chaos and doom because of him, omg hahaha is it bad that I found it all hilarious, even though Albus is really worried? I'm a bad person :p Either way, I'm glad Ginny got him out of this worst-possible-scenario in his head and that he admitted his plans.

I love that they're planning to start an animal hospital! And how Harry and Ginny's main worries aren't about Scorpius, but about how their business will do and if it will work out when Albus and Scorpius both quit their original jobs. As parents Harry and Ginny do have their priorities sorted though, being concerned about the plan but still supportive. But Al and Scorpius' plan is really well thought out and they have all this stuff sorted already, which must have been nice to calm Al's parents down. I'm glad they were so supportive and just want Al to be happy in his career. You've got to do what you feel passionate about. I really liked that whole discussion. :)

It went so well, and Al and Scorpius are so happy! And THEN as if the end wasn't perfect enough, they get engaged!!! :D And Scorpius had been planning to ask the same question. Gah! I just can't handle how lovely it is! Wonderful job writing this!

Thanks for the swap! :D

Author's Response: Ahh! Kristin!!

This review has been so hard to answer, because you're just too darn sweet!! Thank you!!! ♥

I'm so thrilled that I've managed to fool everyone who has read this, so far! Since this was my first slash fic, I didn't want to do a typical coming out story, but I thought it would be fun to try to make people believe that's what I was doing. If that makes sense? I'm the same as Al. Always imagining the worst most catastrophic things happening, when it won't be nearly that bad. Neurotic is probably the best word for me and Al. ;)

Haha yeah, there was a bit of tough love there. :D

It's not bad at all!! I was hoping that it would be funny, so I'm really, really glad that you found it hilarious!! :D :D :D And you're definitely not a bad person!

I figured with Scorpius and Al being together for five years at that point, there would be no reason for Harry or Ginny to worry, or be concerned about it. Scorpius would just be like part of the family by that point. Which is why they are so concerned. I think a part of Harry and Ginny is worried about Scorpius' career, as well as their son's. But they really don't have to worry. I feel like, since it will be one of a kind and something actually needed, that the animal hospital will do just fine. Who knows, maybe down the road we'll actually get to see how it's doing first hand...? *whistles innocently*

That engagement was not even planned. It just sort of happened as I was ending the story. So I can't even tell you how happy I am that it worked out!! :D

Thank you so, so much for the extraordinarily lovely review!! I'm super thrilled that you enjoyed this!! *hug*

xoxo Meg


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Review #42, by marauderfanHarry Potter and the Broomstick Makers: A Rosewood Broomstick

17th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review! :)

You've got the measure of Harry's personality so well, as well as how he would have changed over time. I loved when Robards pointed out that Harry used to just go with his instinct, and over the years of Auror training has changed to the point where he wants proof. Quite different to how he was at Hogwarts :p

Aw, Neville and Hannah! I like that they get a moment to shine. :D

I'm really impressed with how you wrote Hagrid, as well. You have a wonderful grasp on all the characters' personalities - and you even managed to get Hagrid's complicated speech pattern so well done! I also love that Grawp was mentioned in this story, because I feel like he often kind of gets forgotten about, so that was cool to see here.

One of the things you mentioned you were worried about is this being the third novel in a series. So, yes, that does make it a bit hard to get into, as there are a lot of events referenced from the first two novels (like this Dara character) that I'm picking up a vague idea about but don't really know. If you did want to make it so this story stands alone even as a sequel, one way I've seen that done is by having some recap paragraphs in the first couple of chapters - this helps remind readers who have already read the first one, as well as acquaints new readers with the plot. So that might be something to edit back into this chapter or the one before it - a couple of paragraphs that summarize what's happened before in the narrative. If you want.

I just want to say I am SO impressed with your writing this despite English not being your first language. I can't imagine writing fic in my second language, particularly three whole novels as you've done :O so kudos to you for that. I do notice, however, some odd word patterns here and there, and maybe a beta would be beneficial. On the forums you can ask for a beta reader who helps you edit, catches typos and phrases that don't make sense, etc. And they're all really nice! So if you're interested, that might help you a lot.

I hope this review helps! Keep up the great work - your characterisation is wonderful and you're building up your plot nicely - looks like the start to a great story! :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your advice, marauderfan. I have not understood how to request a beta yet but I will check them in the forums later.

Your suggestion, to recap paragraphs on the top is a good idea. I think of new readers who has not read the old stories and it's a good thing for the readers who have read the first and the second as well.

I like how you write review and really appreciate for your sparing time for this.


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Review #43, by marauderfanKeep Calm and Carry On: And What a Mess It's Been

16th January 2015:
Hi! Just stopping by to say that I loved this chapter.

I appreciated that there wasn't this huge falling-out about the articles - I think it's much more realistic that he had read them and just hadn't told her, and that they had an actual discussion about it - after all the lies and anger thus far, it was nice to see them just be honest and try to work through it together. It's also a lot more meaningful because Edie has a difficult decision to make, essentially having to put either her new relationship or her job first. That's a tough place to be in, and easy to relate to.

Well done on writing the love scene too, as well as the rest of the chapter that wasn't originally intended haha. I loved their fluffy pillow talk too, and him FINDING THE MAGAZINE haha

Omg, that last scene in the morning when her whole family barges into her room was so incredibly hilarious and awkward and like, so typical of Edie's life :p

Lovely work on this chapter! :)

Author's Response: Hello! Stop by away! (Does that even make sense?)

I am feeling pretty good about my decision to remove the ~falling out~ as well. Even as I planned on writing it, and developed the storyline around it, I knew it was just too cliche. Don't worry, they're not totally in the clear yet, because things can't just go right in this story. And yes, it's a very tough place to be in! Edie is finally going to have to make some adult decisions.

AHHH I knew from the second that Edie dog-eared the page of his photo shoot that Oliver would have to find it. I just didn't know how it would come about until this chapter happened. But hey, this way they got to do some other fun stuff too ;)

Oh Lennoxes. They are so much fun to write. Even as I'm typing, I'm like "Seriously? You're insane. Knock it off."

Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. I always get nervous when writing fluff so thanks for the encouragement ♥


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Review #44, by marauderfanNow You've Seen: Now You've Seen

16th January 2015:
Hi Leigh! I'm here for our swap!

I loved the prequel to this so when I saw you'd written a follow-up fic I knew I had to read this one :D

I think that after Emmeline left Rabastan in the last story, it's entirely logical that she would be facing some psychological difficulties as Rabastan was so manipulative and she'd grown so dependent on him in a really unhealthy way. So the fact that she continues to dwell on it, and even goes so far as removing herself from the wizarding world in an attempt to escape her guilt and regret and all these things that follow her, it seemed quite realistic. So sad, though :(

I liked the tiny details you pointed out about each of Emmeline's friends, as well. It's just one aspect of their personality that's touched on for each person, but with eight people put together it all adds up to be an amalgamation of different supportive traits in all her friends. IT's such a lovely way of showing the way this group of people relies on each other a lot and they're supportive, in contrast to Rabastan who tried to be all of that for her as a way to manipulate her into being so dependent on him.

You did so well at showing the passing of time and how she still thinks about everyone she left behind while she was living as a Muggle. The line, In the scenarios I had far-too-many times played out in my head, he left -- it shows how much she continues to dwell on it, but afterwards it hints at how she's come out of her depression at least a little, as she finally believes James.

The note you ended it on was great too, how it's difficult for all of them, and none of them individually are going to change the world, but they have this spirit that can't be crushed because they have each other. I like how it highlights how she's changed, but is okay with it now. She went through such a transition and while she's in a dark place, she finally sees the value in herself.

What makes me sad to think about is that almost all of those friends died in the first war, while she survived :'( Gah, first war fics are so sad :( But this was so lovely, well done! Thanks for the swap!

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Review #45, by marauderfanBlood of Darkness, Heart of Light: Prologue

16th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here with your review from the forums!

This is a powerful start! From what I can tell you've started at the end, and the rest of the story will build up to this point, which I think is really cool. What an intense place to start too! You mentioned in your request that maybe there wasn't enough action in the beginning of the story, but that's definitely not the case for this chapter, because it starts powerfully and right in the middle of the action, in a really intense scene. It's a great hook.

So far your OC Charlotte is interesting and quite mysterious. She seems to have some prior history knowing Bellatrix AND Frank and Alice, so I'm wondering whose side she was on, or if she was on one side and defected to the other, or if she's just not on any side. At any rate, this prologue is really effective at making me wonder and think about it! It's paced well and leaves enough left unknown to get readers interested to read more.

I really like your descriptions too. They're not overly wordy, but just enough to provide a vivid image, and that's really great. I like how you use lots of sensory descriptions, like the sound of the metal grating, or the way Bellatrix looks, or the feel of the stones as Charlotte fell.

My only CC would be that I'm a little confused as to where they are - at first with the mention of stone and metal cells I thought they were in Azkaban, but then it became apparent that this is the point when Frank and Alice are tortured so they're not in Azkaban yet but I couldn't help but wonder. Maybe a sentence somewhere about the damp basement they're in, or the empty Ministry chamber after hours, or wherever. Just something that makes the scene easier to picture - because as I imagine, it's not a particularly pleasant place, so a tiny bit of setting description can go a long way at extending that feeling of discomfort and fear that radiates from Charlotte throughout this chapter.

This is a wonderful chapter, I think your story is set up really well! Keep up the awesome work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the amazing review! Sorry it's taken me a few days to respond. I've been pushing to meet a deadline.

I can understand your critique. I left it vague on purpose because I'm not really sure where they are yet, either, and I wanted some flexibility with that as I work up to the ending.

I hope, if you continue reading, that you'll enjoy the journey! Thanks again!


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Review #46, by marauderfanThe Accursed Twenty-Eight: Prologue: Morgana's Maliciousness

16th January 2015:
Hey Ellie! I'm here with your requested review!

This is such a cool idea. You've established an incredibly vindictive character right from the start, as who knows how long of planning this stunt has taken. She's all about revenge and is good at it too, as she successfully poisons all her guests! But more than that, what I think is really cool about this is the way you haven't gone for the cliche of "purebloods are arrogant and bigoted, everyone else is way nicer." Because although the purebloods ARE shown to be arrogant and bigoted here, Morgana is no better, and I might argue she's even worse! She sees herself so far above the pureblood guests, and in fact her tolerance of Muggles makes her even more bigoted towards the purebloods. It's such an interesting dynamic and I love it. So to answer one of your questions... not cliche at all. It's super interesting and I just love what you've done in this prologue. :)

Ooh and your word choice is lovely, too, I love the style. It sounds appropriately fancy and old-fashioned to fit the era and just flows really naturally. The only issue I saw in terms of flow/words was this sentence:

Nevertheless, the day was finally upon them and soon all her careful planning; all her gruelling plotting, planning and enacting would come to pass. -- you've used the word 'planning' twice, and that semicolon doesn't really make sense there. I might reword it something like this: "Nevertheless, the day was finally upon them, and soon all her carefully plotted schemes would come to fruition."

Based on the setting, I gather that this all occurs a really long time ago, centuries perhaps. So the thing that throws me off is how Morgana talks about DNA, because that was first discovered in the 1950s. Even basic genetics was only first understood in the mid-late 1800s, so unless Wizards (or witches) understood the means of heredity centuries before Muggles figured it out, there's a bit of an anachronism there. Maybe you could work around it by talking about blood rather than DNA, and have Morgana explain how the blood of various creatures is a poison that will combine with their own (or something... you can pretty much invent whatever reason you want, because magic! :D )

Overall though, this is a really interesting chapter with a wonderfully spiteful character. It's a very effective prologue and I'm really curious how that curse manifested itself over time. Well done on this! :)

Author's Response: Hey Kristin!

Thanks so much. I didn't even think about the fact that she would have no clue about DNA haha. I'll definitely edit it to make sure it makes more sense for the era it's set it. I'll be fixing that sentence too. I did notice it when I was editing, but you know how it is when you're reading something you've written and you're brain just goes "no, this is the best possible way to word this" even when it's not. Mine does that all the time. I will definitely be using your version instead =)

Thanks so much fore reviewing for me, and for not thinking it's cliche. I do hope the following chapters don't end up that way...

xx-Ellie


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Review #47, by marauderfanThrough the Black: Hogsmeade

16th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here with your review!

First I'm gonna start with this:

“Julianne, I’m serious,” he started, but she interrupted. -- Lol. :P

But now, puns aside, the actual review. Character interactions! I thought they were great. There is so much unspoken stuff going on between Sirius and Julianne - I loved that bit at the beginning when she has that slip-up and mentions feelings and then plays all hard-to-get. Sure, because NO ONE can see through that at all. *rolls eyes* ...

...Except ALL her friends, and this random guy Roy. Haha, Julianne is the only one who thinks she's not being obvious :p Roy seems nice though, and I think it's probably realistic that Julianne needed someone outside her friend group to really point out to her about how different Sirius has been acting. Those sorts of things are really difficult to notice when you're too close to the situation as you're bound to overthink everything, so I think that outside perspective helped her a lot.

And then when the Marauders join the girls at the Three Broomsticks and Sirius and Julianne did that supercasual scooting over next to each other that was obvious to everyone else, that was seriously such an adorable scene. Especially because they were betting on how long it would take for James to hex Lily's date. I get the feeling that these bets happen often, given James' reaction :p

I really enjoyed getting to know the characters better in this chapter! I thought the interactions between everyone seemed really natural- your dialogue is great. You've done well showing the way the Marauders function as a group as well as shown the differences between them. What I want to draw attention to though, is Julianne's three friends.

As friends do, they have a lot in common with one another and it shows. While their chitchat is enjoyable, I feel like sometimes I have difficulty distinguishing who is who in terms of personality. I know Nettie plays Quidditch, and Ivory is pretty invested in her studies, but aside from that they seem to react to things in similar ways. And yes, we're still pretty early on in the story so I haven't known them that long, but maybe from here on out you can focus on little things that differentiate the girls (you know, so it eventually gets to the point when I can see a line of dialogue and think "that's sooo something Nettie would say".) This is all in the details - like little habits they might have when talking (example: Ivory speaks very quickly) or how they react to new information (like maybe, Kassie has to process information for a while before speaking, while Nettie is more of an instant, excited reaction.) Those are just examples, and I certainly don't mean to be hating on your characters because I like them. I just think that more detail in their behavior could go a really long way and make the story that much richer. :)

Am I making sense? Feel free to send me a PM if I'm not :p

This was a great chapter, and I hope I wasn't too harsh in my review! I really did enjoy it and things are progressing really nicely. Particularly the closeness between Sirius and Julianne ;)

Awesome work on this chapter!

Author's Response: Hey!

Haha, that was completely accidental! I actually didn't even notice I did that until my friend read through and pointed it out.

Yeah, Julianne tends to wear her feelings right out on her sleeves even when she's trying her hardest to hide them and sometimes she just needs that little extra push to act on them.

I'm so glad that the dialogue and interactions seem natural, I'm always worried about that since I don't often put myself in situations like this and I certainly don't react the way Julianne does.

I completely understand what you're saying with differentiating the girls. I've always had that problem where I have one kind of character that I can write really well and that inevitably bleeds into all the others. Thank you so much for pointing that out, too! I'll definitely work on it in future chapters and I'll remember it for when I go back and read through the whole story when I'm finished.

You definitely weren't too harsh at all! I really love your reviews! Thank you so much for taking the time to do this!


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Review #48, by marauderfanKaleidoscope Love: Oh Comely

15th January 2015:
New OTP? Perhaps.

Seriously, I loved this so much. I love the song and the story fits the mood of the song so well! The way you used it to differentiate the different sections of the fic over time was great. But let me address the most important thing which is your incredible use of words here.

A nonpareil human being. I love that description because not only does it imply that Anthony views Ernie in this kind of idealized way, but it also makes me think of those nonpareil rainbow sprinkles, you know like the ones you put on cakes? and I just have this image of Ernie as one colourful sprinkle standing out from all the rest which are boring colours. :P

“My jokes are dreadful and you aren’t giving out free hugs.” -- I love this. No one fits into the box/stereotype of what their house is (hence all the Slytherclaws on the forums!) and this is the best way I've seen of describing that ahaha.

I love the way you've characterized the two of them, with Anthony's obvious love for words and just the way he thinks about everything, and the way Ernie is pompous but not obnoxious.

Most of the fic has this kind of nostalgic lens over it, and I think this is partly due to the song and the lyrics you chose to include, but it kind of just reads as this whirlwind of days, most strongly in that scene when they're lying out in the grass watching the clouds. The whole story just has this beautiful tone.

And then that scene with the Carrows and he escapes from them and goes to the room of requirement and speeds past these people to find Ernie and they kiss and it was just the best scene ever. Gorgeous. All of it. And they basically lived happily ever after, and they're old and still in love. Aah! ♥

Amalgamation is one of my fave words, and to see that word in one of its forms in this story made me smile. But the whole ending section, when Anthony discusses his love of words, and you have this perfect imagery of the kaleidoscope love... gah, it's so stunning. I just love the way you've written this whole fic, which itself is a lot like a kaleidoscope - a lot of individual vivid little scenes put together to create something even more beautiful. I loved this. Well done and thanks for the swap!

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Review #49, by marauderfanThe Cat Turned Werewolf: This Can't Be Happening; It Already Happened

15th January 2015:
Here for Review Hot Seat Day!! And wow first can I say that this drew my attention because of the Alphabetized Challenge. I've been reading a lot of the entries because I'm just amazed at how people can do this so well!

I really liked this - you did a remarkable job. Especially in your characters. Parvati and Padma, as twins, are really close, and even when Parvati is scared, she still wants to stay by Padma's side in the hospital wing. Aw :) It's also cool because the Patil sisters aren't often featured in fanfiction so it was neat to see them in this.

AND your portrayal of Snape! It was so good, how he's still giving off this impression of not caring, he calls Padma irksome, but ultimately he is trying to help and gives her the Wolfsbane Potion. I liked the way you wrote him in this.

I even learnt some new words today. Xysteild, and Xenacious. Trust Ravenclaw Padma to use big fancy words when she's transforming into a werewolf ;) But seriously, well done - you met the challenge wonderfully and used really varied vocabulary.

Nicely done, ladies! :)

Author's Response: To be honest, we also are surprised how this story ended so well because we do not really change technique much.

Thank you! It is so nice to hear that we wrote them and their relationship well (not that there are many other fanfictions you can compare it to). And Snape, great! You liked what we were going for! Yippee!

Of all the Ravenclaws, I saw Padma as being the one with the most trivial facts in her head, and the one to find a way to make them not so trivial. And it worked for the alphabet.

Thank you so much for looking through this!
--Georgina


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Review #50, by marauderfanTrue Romance: Time to Get Out

15th January 2015:
omg house shopping, branbus are so cute I can't handle it. The furniture discussion ahahaha

I loved Lily and Molly's chat and how they're both helping each other with the difficult places in their lives. And I love that Lily is going to live at the Burrow!

I'm disappointed in Scorpius. I still don't like Corbin aka Gollum. I mean, I'm glad they're happy, but he can do sooo much better.

yay for Rose. I like that she's happy, and living how she wants to live.

gah sorry this review is lame but I kind of turn into a zombie after 10pm? its bad

BUT THSI CHAPTER WAS SO GOOD and I can't believe there's only one more. love this story ♥

Author's Response: I really love your late night reviews. They remind of late night trips to taco bell (minus the indigestion).

Lily and Molly coming together was my reason for getting rid of Arthur. :-/ I mean, I wanted Lily to help and be her grandma in a way that comes after a loss.

I think everyone is disappointed in him. :-/

Rose is happy!!!

ah! I'm glad you didin't just chew on the screen typing 'brainz' several times. :P

thankyou so much for a wonderful late night review!!

-Rose


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