Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
1,302 Reviews Found

Review #26, by marauderfanWishes: Wishes

1st January 2016:
Here for review hot seat! And aw, this was such a sweet story. It was cool that you told the two stories concurrently, as it set up for the stories to come together at the end. It was an interesting parallel you set up with James fearing for his life, alone except for himself and Lily, and wondering whether they'll survive and worrying about bringing a child into the world in the midst of war - whereas Harry is so happy and surrounded by family and people he loves, and even the weather was opposite. I liked the kind of opposite way you set those up.

And I just love the idea that James found a way to send a message through time to Harry in the likely event that he wouldn't survive the war. And what a wonderful gift- Harry must have loved that so much and that would have made a happy moment even happier. That's so adorable. And it even makes sense too that without having a job James would have the time to learn about/invent a spell like that.

Wonderful work, and I definitely think this meets the criteria for short and sweet! :) Great writing!

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Review #27, by marauderfanTwo Lilies: Epilogue. Back to the start.

31st December 2015:
I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster because after all the sad of the last chapter, the first line of this made me so HAPPY. ♥ No time has passed at all! (It's kind of like she went to Narnia, if you've read those books - because there you could spend so much time and then come back and find that no time has elapsed. :P )

I'm kind of glad Lily couldn't remember the specifics, because it'd be hard to live with the knowledge of the upcoming death of her parents, her future with James and then her own death. After all the mentions of dreams and how the two Lily's sort of communicated in dreams, it was fitting that she felt it had all been a dream and remembered it like it was a dream.

And Muggle Lily ended up with Muggle James... with a son called Harry XD haha, cute. While it was kind of sad that she and Remus were torn apart, she still thinks about him, and i'd say is probably no different to many other fans of the series who love him as a character and are upset over his death! :P And the end with both Lily's thinking about each other and sending each other the notes over the piano was really sweet!

What a great story Chiara, I had so much fun reading this! Happy Hot Seat, and have an amazing New Year! ♥

Author's Response: In my first idea, Lily would get back at the funeral, but then I thought it worked better this way, with them getting back to where they left. Yes, a bit like in Narnia. :P

I wanted her to have only vague memories because I didn't want to change the story (and it would necessarily happen if she remembered everything). Plus, like you said, it would be too much knowledge to live with. I'm glad it sort of made sense with the dream theme.

If my name was Lily Evans and I married a guy named James Potter, I would totally call my son Harry. Wouldn't you? :P

Yes, in the end she belonged in the real world and, while it is a bit sad that she had to leave Remus, it is also the only way things should've gone.

Oh, I'm so glad you found their goodbye through the piano sweet. :)

Thank you so much for giving this story a try and getting to the end! I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it, despite its many flaws! :) Thank you so much for making my Hot Seat special! Have an amazing New Year as well!!!

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Review #28, by marauderfanTwo Lilies: Time to say goodbye.

31st December 2015:
Waaahhh!!! Wow, this chapter was so much more intense and sad than I expected. I was NOT expecting the car crash thing at all - sidenote: a car crash is my headcanon for Lily's parents' death as well. But I just wasn't expecting it that soon.

And I felt bad for Muggle Lily, being in a place she doesn't belong and going to a funeral for people she's never met and feeling guilty that she's there instead of Magical Lily, but more than anything I felt awful for Magical Lily who was finding out through a dream - finding out that there's been a death in her family and she has no way to be there and go to the funeral. I can actually relate to that so much and I just feel terrible for her at not being able to be there.

So despite the sadness of the situation I was so glad that they switched back, because even though Magical Lily is going back to a reality in which her parents are dead and her sister still hates her, she will be able to attend her parents funeral. I just feel so sad that she didn't get to say goodbye - something I think everyone who's ever lost anyone feels.

And I'm thinking back to that passage of Mr and Mrs Evans (the magical ones) talking about how Lily hadn't written them any letters that term (because it was a different Lily) and now I'm all sad again. I was not expecting this chapter to crush my feels so hard. but it was still wonderfully done. ♥

Author's Response: I know... This chapter was a shock for me too... Because when I started writing the story I really wanted it to be mostly humorous, and then it just turned tragic without me wanting to...

It was really hard for Muggle Lily, not only because she knew she was in a place she didn't belong, but also because she was reminded of her own father's death. It was like experiencing it all once again.

And Magical Lily... Yes, it always feels like you didn't give them a proper goodbye. It's horrible, and in Lily's case is even worse because she's not there at all.

I'm so sorry for crushing your feelings like that (but also a tiny bit proud of it). If it is of any consolation, it was really painful for me to write, too.

Thank you for another amazing review, honey!!!

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Review #29, by marauderfanTwo Lilies: Dreaming of home.

31st December 2015:
I forgot to say in the previous chapter's review that I'm glad Lily finally told the Marauders what was going on, because it would only end up with more confusion if she hadn't - and even more when the real Lily of that reality shows up again. Though I think it probably went less well when Magical Lily told Muggle James what was going on haha.

Aw, I was so sad Muggle Lily decided she couldn't accept Remus that way :( I had such high hopes for her despite her confusion in the previous chapter. So I was really glad when they finally talked it out and she began to accept him again.

Also, things got super interesting when they were kind of seeing into each other's lives through dreams, like the boundary between their realities is breaking down, it kind of hints that they're about to switch back again. I do wonder how Muggle James reacted to Lily's news. I mean - I can kind of understand the Magical world being able to accept things like this much easier, because they're used to weird things happening around them, but Muggles aren't and he must have just thought she was crazy. It'll be interesting to see that dynamic once they've switched back haha.

"Cool! They're right when they say music is a universal language!"
A multiversal language, I would say...
-- I am just nerding out so much right now ahahahaaa I love this. I love that they were able to communicate through music despite not being totally present in each other's world, and I love the multiverse pun. Haha.

Great work!

Author's Response: They needed to know... Everything was already complicated enough...

She only needed some more time to get over the shock. And to sort her feelings out. I'm really glad they manage to talk it out too. :)

That was exactly my idea, that the boundaries between their realities were breaking down. I'm so happy you found it interesting.

I might've expanded Muggle James' reaction a bit more. It would've been fun. Ahahah!

I really enjoyed the idea of them communicating through music and I'm really glad you liked it too! And the pun as well. ;)

Thanks for another awesome review. You are the best!

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Review #30, by marauderfanTwo Lilies: Jealousy and misteries - part II.

31st December 2015:
Back again! OMG YOU WENT INTO MULTIVERSES :D I know you said in one of your responses that this is an older fic when you weren't as mature of a writer, but I still think a story can have a lot of merit even if it was written when you were younger and more new to writing. I still really love the premise of this story and am enjoying it! And despite all it sort of sci-fi-ness, it still feels like something that could totally happen in the magical world, the idea of 'spirit twins' or however that translates exactly - it's cool and I think it makes sense too with the magical workd, as Lily is a witch and so she probably brought on the change through a spell unintentionally.

animum commotion, or whatever it was it was named -- haha. classic. for a Muggle who doesn't have much to do with Latin on a regular basis, it's kind of just forgettable words to her! :P


(but of course she did) and I actually think you wrote her coming to terms with it really, really well. I think it's so realistic for her to be struggling with the idea and kind of not okay with it, because it's so new for her (as is the entire magical world, in fact) and she's just adjusting to having what she knew of the world and of Remus end up being wrong. It doesn't mean she's a bad or judgemental person, because it's really a lot to take in, and she does feel guilty about how she's reacting, but she just needs time. I thought it seemed realistic. Her reaction about the confession that the other three were Animagi made me laugh though - at this point she's heard everything so it was kind of like "idk what that is whatever" XD

Lots of secrets and confusion and feelings in this chapter - I loved it!

Author's Response: Ahahah! Well, I think your take on the Multiverse in Icarus is much more accurate! This is surely more magic than science fiction. I stole the Multiverse concept but I definitely twisted it... I'm glad you appreciated it anyway! :P

I suppose that if you've never studied Latin it would be hard to remember... Eheheh!

She definitely shouldn't have followed him... but I suppose she couldn't resist anymore... I think that anyone in her situation would be scared and confused. It's so much to take in. Ahahah! I'm glad you enjoyed the Animagi bit!

Thank you for this lovely, amazing review! I'll answer the others in a bit!
Love you,

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Review #31, by marauderfanTwo Lilies: Dates.

30th December 2015:
Back again! It's about time I was to get back to this story as it's been way too long since I was last here. I blame work.

Aw! This was a cute chapter, and both Lily's worrying about their respective dates was kind of amusing - Magical Lily having issues with twenty-first century mobile phones, and Muggle Lily worrying about everything from more shallow topics like clothes, to more serious topics like how she's kind of changed the nature of James and Remus' friendship unintentionally. I feel badly for her at being in that situation, but it's not her fault for liking one versus the other. She can like who she likes, and she's not being malicious.

And Magical Lily sees some similarities between her crush Muggle James and the Magical James she left behind! Hmm... ;)

I think the strongest part of this story is its dialogue, and how the groups of friends interact, I feel like I'm thrown in to any normal conversation between friends. It's also nice to see how well both Lily's have accustomed to their new surroundings and that their respective friends who know about their reality-switching are accepting and supportive, and still treat them as friends.

Great job on this chapter!

Author's Response: Hi again, dear Kristin! :)

Oh, don't worry. I can understand being busy. And I'm always happy to have you back here!!!

To be totally honest, this isn't my favourite chapter... but I suppose it is quite amusing to see both Lilies worrying over their dates. ;)

Ahahah. Yes, it's not the best situation, knowing that their friendship is a bit cracked because of her... Things will adjust soon, anyway.

Yes, magical Lily is seeing some similarities between the two James... Interesting, don't you think? :P

Thank you so much! This story is definitely not my best work (my writing is still very immature here) but I'm glad you are eenjoying it anyway and that you like the dialogue and the interactions among the characters. :)

Thank you so much again!
All my love!

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Review #32, by marauderfanLiar: Children

30th December 2015:
HELLO MY WONDERFUL FRIEND CHIARA ♥ I'm here for your review hot seat day! Also this is my 1300th review and I'm excited to be leaving it on your page! :)

I had to stop by this story, despite that I've never read the fic it's a spin off from, because the ship sounded so interesting. In my headcanon Peter is gay, and I imagine that part of the reason he always kind of idolized his friends at Hogwarts was because he had a crush on one of them. and I think it makes a lot of sense that it would be Remus, as the two probably had a lot in common and because James and Sirius were such close friends, it would leave Peter and Remus together to become closer as the slightly less popular ones (among their fellow students at least). So yeah anyway, even though we're not to that point in the story yet, I look forward to it :D

And this is lovely - I've never considered Remus and Peter as having known each other before Hogwarts but I just love it! They're both kind of outcasts and shy and awkward, and that scene where they became friends and built Hogwarts out of sand was really cute. Also, Peter's mother is a Yaxley? I wasn't expecting that. But she seems nice enough - I wonder if she knows the truth about Remus? I think she does, and is helping Silvia cover for him. It was sad though, about Peter's childhood friends becoming bullies who disliked Remus for his lycanthropy. I think it makes sense too that Peter didn't find out - he never struck me as extremely perceptive, but he is really concerned and my heart broke for him because no one would tell him what happened to his friend and Remus himself wasn't even saying anything.

(In that paragraph though where Remus' mum is first introduced, it says at one point an equally astonished glare - though contextually I don't think you meant 'glare' because they in fact seem to be friends, and a glare is more of an angry look. maybe just 'expression'?

But anyway, Remus and Peter are about to go to Hogwarts together and will see each other for the first time in years, and I bet it will be such a great reunion :) And I know Remus will make friends, which makes his assertion that he doesn't want friends a little less sad, but his history of losing friends already by the age of eleven is so sad. Anyway - I can't wait for their reunion! I love the start you've got on this story so far, and I love that you're writing something that really focuses on Peter and Remus because they (particularly Peter) often get a bit forgotten in fic. Wonderful work! :D

Author's Response: Kristin!!! Thank you so much!!! Oh, wow! 1300 is a great goal! Do I win something? :P (I won this awesome review, so I suppose that's enough!)

I'm really happy you picked this story! I think it can work just fine as a stand alone, so no worries about it. :)
Really? I never really thought that Peter was gay until this story started forming in my mind, but I think this might become my new headcanon as well! And, yes, I've always thought that Remus and Peter would be particularly close.

That's something that I mention in my other story. I introduce Mary and Silvia at a certain point and talk about their friendship and I also mention Peter and Remus being friends as little children.

Yes, Mary is a Yaxley. But she has no sympathy for the Death Eaters and doesn't care about Pureblood supremacy. All she cares about is her son, actually. And yes, she does know about Remus. I think Silvia would tell her straight away. She needed to open up with a friend, and Mary offered her all her support.

As for Peter... I actually imagine him to be quite perceptive, or he wouldn't have been such a good spy later on. I think at this stage of his life he's just too naive, and that his mother is trying her best to keep him safe, which is why she isn't telling him.

Oh, I didn't realize that "glare" necessarily had a negative meaning... I'll change that word with something different.

Their reunion is coming soon! :) We'll see how it'll go. And, yes. Remus will make some great friends, despite what he told his parents! ;) Yes, it's really sad that he lost so many friends already...

I'm so glad you're enjoying it so far! I love writing Remus and Peter, they're both such fascinating characters, and I agree they are often forgotten a bit... I'm really happy you like the idea of a story that focuses on them.

Thank you so much for this amazing review! You are the absolute best! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Snowball hug!

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Review #33, by marauderfanThe Fortunate Ones: Chapter 3

29th December 2015:
HI MEG! ♥ This is a belated Birthday/Congratulations/just 'hello' review. And I'm starting here on chapter three because... I'm not sure if we're meant to keep our secret identities from the Advent Calendar secret forever, but I wanted to continue reviewing this and nowhere did I specifically read that we weren't allowed to tell after the fact. So uh, the Hanukkah Dreidel reviewed the first two chapters and I'll just pick up where they left off ;)

This story is so, so good. The ship is original and beautifully written, and I just love everything about this! For starters, the progression of Lily and Mary's 'relationship'. I think it's realistic that after so long they still wouldn't call it a relationship, because of the time period and the associated stigmas on same-sex relationships, but also because up until this point it's been sort of an experimentation phase, and even as Mary says, it's more about lust than love. It seems very realistically teenagery. Also great job writing the love scene - it was powerful and yet not too much. And then Lily's pillow talk about OWL's, of all things - hahahaha so great XD

Of course, things can't be perfect forever, and that's when we get to the part about Snape and Avery and Mulciber. This part broke my heart. I'm not sure if Avery and Mulciber were primarily motivated by homophobia or blood purity elitism (as in, I don't know how much they know about her and Lily) but either way it's just horrible to read. (You wrote it very well, though!) And agh, Snape. Snape. He knows, and he's literally doing this because he's angry and bitter and jealous (as were his motivations for most things he did as an adult... seems fitting) and just. This was really heartbreaking. He wants to hurt Mary because Lily likes her, and I think it so realistic that he wouldn't say a word because it's Lily's reputation on the line - if it were Mary and another girl, I'm sure he wouldn't have any qualms about outing them. But he wants to maintain his illusion of Lily being who he wants her to be. There's just so much in that scene and my heart breaks for Mary and I am just furious at Snape and his friends for being such bigots and bullies.

And then the last scene, when Mary realizes that she's in love, because she can't bring herself to hurt Lily by saying that Lily's oldest friend did that to her. I'm not surprised Lily knew, she's smart. Mary's internal struggle here is so beautiful in a really tragic way. I just feel so sad. And you can tell things are changing, as Lily uses James' and Sirius' first names, but it doesn't mean anything... yet. It's just this little section of change and there are tough realizations and I just... wah. The emotion in this piece is the strongest feature and is so beautifully written. I'm envious.

I absolutely love this story, have favourited it and I'm sure I will be back when I'm not spending 24/7 at work. Keep up the amazing work. ♥

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Review #34, by marauderfanIn Fields of Poppies: From Failing Hands We Throw

28th December 2015:
Here for another Hot Seat review! I really loved the first section with Lily at her grandparents' house. You have this wonderful ability to convey so much about people just through their dialogue - not even a description or setting was needed, but the way Petunia responds to both questions with "Fine" and her sniping at Lily under the guise of answering her grandparents' question - it says so much about her right there just in the situation, without any of Lily's thoughts thrown in. It's very unbiased.

And oh the part with her Nan, that was really touching. I loved it for a number of reasons - one: although sad, that is something that happens to older people quite often, it's realistic; and two: it actually gives Lily the opportunity to tell her Nan about Hogwarts, because she knows Nan won't remember it, or if she does remember and talks about it, no one will really think much of it. It's so sad, but in a way really beautiful because Lily is able to tell her grandmother about school in a way she can't tell anyone else in her family.

I must agree with you that your transitions in this chapter are really strong! I love the way you seamlessly stitch these three stories together.

I don't recall if I've mentioned this before but I love how well you go into the war details, such as the confusion and weariness Jack is facing in this chapter, the long march, and the awful last scene where he and his fellow soldiers are being shot at as they run towards the forest. I also love that you've highlighted the differences between the two world wars in the methods of fighting, as that historical detail is really nice. I think you've done an especially good job with the first world war bits with Phil.

Also, you kind of left off on a cliffhanger with Phil and omg. I mean, I know he lives (that's the nice thing about having these three timelines running simultaneously is I know Jack and Phil both live, or Lily's story wouldn't exist) but it's still really suspenseful.

Lily's story at school got really intense here, and I like the light you're showing on James and Sirius - how they want to help her and protect her from the people who are injuring her, but she's still miffed that, in her eyes, they're not taking it seriously and it's all fun and games to them. At the end of the scene though it seemed as though they may have been fighting together instead of just them stepping in to protect her. I like the way you portray their relationship in this time period as well - it's not hate, and she still doesn't really like him - it's just frosty.

I have a lot more I wish I could say but it's late and I have work super early tomorrow. Anyway, I am still really into this story and I love how much you're diving into the war aspect in all three stories and highlighting the wars' differences as well as similarities. I feel like a story like this would take a lot of work to put together in the way that you have, and your hard work has certainly paid off. Wonderful writing.

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Review #35, by marauderfanIn Fields of Poppies: Amid the Guns Below

26th December 2015:
Here for Review Hot Seat! I remember really enjoying the first two chapters of this that I read for swaps, so I'm glad to come back. Also, I'm pretty late on this, but since I was last reading this you won a Dobby, so huge congrats for that!!

Yet another great chapter, though that's not surprising by this point ;) I really love how you're establishing the story and the way you do your transitions between sections.

Phil's story is really compelling in this chapter, and it really reinforces the absolute horrors of the trench warfare of the first world war. I can't blame him for being so freaked out, and for being basically in shock at seeing what happened to that man. I really liked the last few paragraphs of the chapter in particular, how he's learning to strengthen his stomach and to not be sick at the sight of blood, and how he's worried it will change him and not in a good way. He's worried to lose his humanity and become a machine, and I just thought the whole storyline about him in this chapter was really well thought out. I feel so bad for him. That's a hard decision, and it's not even really his decision to make.

And the sections about Lily. Although it's sad, I like that you're showing the gradual crumbling of Lily and Severus' friendship. The most telling section, as I see it, was the one where Lily is smoking and Severus is irritated at her. Without really saying anything, you subtly showed how Severus is quite possessive of her and how he's kind of still seeing her as the eleven-year-old he was best friends with before they went to Hogwarts. It's like he refuses to accept that she's changing, much like how she's seeing the conflict outside as a war and he still refuses to acknowledge it. I just thought it was a really well written section.

This is such a wonderful story. Great work on this chapter!

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Review #36, by marauderfanPlay the Devil: Hell is Empty

26th December 2015:
Hi Jenna! I was so excited to see a new chapter on this again :)

Haha, Rose doesn't remember where she's heard the name Flamel before... I find that quite realistic, actually. I mean, I'd been imagining she was going to have this kind of 'aha!' moment but it makes perfect sense that she wouldn't. After all, she didn't spend six months trying to figure out who he was in order to save the Philosophers Stone - she probably just saw him on a chocolate frog card or heard his name in passing during a class at Hogwarts. And she didn't seem to show any recognition of Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington either, maybe she never did know his full name! I'd believe it. :p

Nicholas and Perenelle were such a wonderful addition to this chapter and I loved Rose's meeting with them! It's super cool to see other magical folk, especially as this precedes the Statute of Secrecy by about two hundred years so it's interesting to see how visible magical folk are in society and how much they're still trying to hide (because this is, I think, the heyday of witch burnings.)

Also, this chapter raises such interesting questions about Rose's future/past self visiting. So she doesn't have to deal with explaining it all to Richard, because she's already done so - but how much has she said, and about what? Did she leave anything out? It may not be too difficult to deal with at present, but it means she has a lot of sleuthing to do to figure out what to say because at some point in her future she's going to come back and have to say the right things. I just love this aspect of the story :D

Clarence, such a jerk. Ugh. Sadly I guess this isn't too abnormal behaviour for the time period :( I hope Rose breaks his arm.

Awesome chapter and I can't wait to read more. Keep up the great work!

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Review #37, by marauderfanMean: The One Where Raine Apologises

24th December 2015:
Aw, yay! Finally things are looking better, for both of them. It's so much easier to navigate through difficult things with a friend beside you.

Ha, I loved what Raine said about her theory that Dumbledore was gay, and the stories about him and Grindelwald that could come of that, and how she's such a sucker for those stories - me too, Raine. :D

I like Raine, and I really appreciate that she's much more open hearted and forgiving than Cara and Eleanor - she seems really easy to get along with. I kind of wonder what would happen if Lucy apologized to Cara and Eleanor - would they continue to be catty and superior or would they try to make amends with her? At this point I can't say.

Anyway, great chapter, I just realized I'm at that sad point in a story where there is no Next Chapter button, so I'll be eagerly awaiting your next update! Great work on this story so far, I'll be back soon I'm sure! :)

Author's Response: Yes, I love breaking the fourth wall with these types of things. It makes no sense for next gen people to know that Dumbledore was gay but that doesn't mean I'm not going to make jokes about it, hehe!

Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'll try to update as soon as I can! ♥

- Kayla :)

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Review #38, by marauderfanMean: The One Where Lucy is Tired of the Year Already

24th December 2015:
I'm back! I'm so glad your hot seat day re-introduced me to this story and now I'm trying to make sure I don't neglect it for a year again. I'm really enjoying reading this!

In almost every fantasy story in Muggle literature there’s a wise spirit guide destined to help the hero. They generally have long white beards, super wise quotes that the movies always ruin…” -- Hahahahaha... aka "HARRRY DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLETOFFIYAAAHH!?!?!"

Aside from Aunt Hermione but Dad and her bonded over their academics rather than competed -- I can absolutely see this being the case! I don't recall seeing Hermione and Percy interact much in the books so I'd never thought about this much, but I could TOTALLY see them bonding about the history of broom regulations, or something. Ahaha

Oh no! Poor Raine :( I feel so bad for her, and I wonder how Declan found out about her. Obviously Lucy didn't tell him, and neither would Carter, so I'm wondering who outed her. Aww, I really do feel so bad for her as what a horrible thing to hear about yourself and leaving you with no idea who you can trust anymore. :( I hope she's more understanding than Cara and Eleanor and will talk to Lucy.

Sounds like it's a miserable start to the year for everyone! :(

This was a great chapter though, still really enjoying this story.


I think only in the first few books you occasionally see Hermione talking to Percy and so that led me to believe that they'd often bonded! And there was once mention of Hermione snapping at Percy and Harry being shocked because she generally got on quite well with him so that kind of led me to believe they quite enjoyed each others presence.

You'll see how it was all found out ;)

Thanks for another great review! I'm glad you're enjoying it! :D

- Kayla :)

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Review #39, by marauderfanThe Interpreter: The Interpreter

22nd December 2015:
Jayde I'm back! And what a wonderful story :) I love that you chose to write about Barty Crouch Sr, because who writes about him, ever? He's such a minor character and as I'm sure you know, I love minor character stories - there's so much you can do with them and it's always really cool to delve into backstory. Which is exactly what you've done here to a wonderful extent.

I had no idea Barty spoke that many languages, is that canon? That's so many, and I don't even remember this from the books, which means it was probably a throwaway line (or something Percy said) - and for a throwaway line it raises a lot of questions if you think about it! Which you clearly did, and I love how much thought you put into his story, about the World Cup as a child and his fascination with the languages of the people all around him.

Mr Crouch isn't really a character most people can relate to, because there isn't much to him aside from Percy's hero worship and some morally dubious stuff regarding his policy of imprisoning people, but you've given him this wonderful sense of curiosity that creates a likable side to him, and makes him a lot more realistic. Because I don't think there are ever people who have only good qualities, or only bad ones. This sets him a lot more in that middle grey area. Also, I bet you had a lot of fun writing this and got super into it, and maybe connected with Barty due to your own love of languages! It made Barty feel a lot more genuine, as his enthusiasm about learning languages was real, and your own excitement kind of shines through. :D

Last but not least: Headmaster Dippet speaking Mermish with the Merpeople. I loved it! Seems like that's a common theme for Headmasters of Hogwarts :D (and one I love, too, because it's such a great thing to think that the headmaster/headmistress of the school would always be able to communicate with the other race of magical beings that live in the same place as them. I loved it.

What a great story, Jayde!

Author's Response: Kristinnn you are spoiling me with your amazing reviews! ♥

Awww, thank youu! I agree - he's a very minor character and pretty much nobody EVER writes about him, that's part of the thing that attracted me to this plunny once it jumped in my head. :P And yes, writing with Minor characters is SO much fun and allows you a lot more room to be creative with them! That's why I chose Charlie for "Keeping Secrets!" :D I'm glad you think I've done this to a wonderful extent!

Yes, it actually IS Canon, and I had NO idea about it either at first! I was writing Tanya one night and I mentioned how much I loved languages, and she told me I had a lot in common with Barty because he spoke so many languages - then I went to the Wikia page to check, and YES! I was floored! And almost immediately the idea for this story popped into my head.. well, actually, before I even had the whole story, the last line popped into my head, and I wrote the rest of the story to fit with that. Yes, it probably was one of those throwaway lines like you mentioned, but it did raise SO MANY questions for me and I wanted to explore those here!

Awww, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the World Cup starting his fascination! I had to think of a situation where young Barty would be exposed to lots of different languages, and that just kind of jumped into my brain and wouldn't leave. :P

I agree, he's definitely hard to relate to in the series, but when I found out how many languages he knew, I found it MUCH easier to relate to him because you just CAN'T know that many languages without loving them - and you know how much I love languages, so it really did open up a whole other side of his character to me, and I'm glad you were able to see it and that you think it makes him more realistic. I completely agree - everyone's got a little of both good and bad qualities - we're pretty much ALL in that middle grey area you mentioned :P

And YES I HAD SO MUCH FUN with this, you know me too well! :D Haha! I'm glad my excitement shines through with this! I really did connect with Barty on that level. :P

Haha, thank you! I figured if Dumbledore spoke Mermish, it made sense for the previous headmasters to be able to communicate with the Merpeople in the Black Lake also, you know? In times of trouble, or in situations like the Triwizard Tournament. Plus, I really needed an experience to open Barty's eyes to the WIZARD languages that were available to him, and this one just sort of stood out!

Thank you again, SO MUCH, for this and all of your fabulous reviews!! ♥

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Review #40, by marauderfanStar-Crossed : Party

22nd December 2015:
After you left me a wonderful review the other day, I've been meaning to come back and return the favour! But I'm really slow at it. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for stopping by my story and I'm really excited to read this one! I've only ever seen like one or two stories on the whole archive that focus on Filch, so that already sets your story apart and makes it original.

I love the way this starts, and although Filch isn't nearly as cranky and repulsive as he'll become later, I can definitely see familiar aspects of his personality in here, most notably his dislike of loud noises/people and his hatred of sticky floors, and this line: He never did anything for the sake of Merlin, and didn’t think that Todd should either, since he was a Squib like Argus. -- this sums up a lot about him, really!

Poor Argus. I felt kind of badly for him throughout this chapter, as he was just so uncomfortable at the party and not only was he surrounded by strangers, but also one of the only Squibs at a party, and when he finally meets a friend, she judges him because he's a Squib. :'(

I adore minor characters, and also, for some reason, stories about characters I don't particularly like - and this absolutely fits the bill :) You provide a wonderful backstory and make him far more three dimensional. This is a wonderful start and I'm so glad I stopped by to read this!

Author's Response: So nice to hear from you! Reviewing you is my pleasure, trust me! I'll be back on your page later because there's so many more stories I want to read!

I'm so glad you're enjoying this so far, thank you for taking the time to leave such a wonderful review!

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Review #41, by marauderfanGuilty Until Proven Innocent: Guilty Until Proven Innocent

22nd December 2015:
I really liked this one. Once again you show an amazing ability to write such different styles, and as someone who tries to do a lot of this in my own writing, I really notice when other people do it as well. You my friend have very much succeeded. Today I've read fluff, dark mystery/angst, and now this nostalgic/emotional fic by you. You're super talented!

First, I'm going to start off by saying that my favourite of the HP books is without a doubt Prisoner of Azkaban, and the ending when Remus and Sirius meet up again and hug and talk, and we as the reader get a glimpse into their history, that was a scene I absolutely loved because it's just so full of emotion and immense sadness of so many lost years but also hope, and this story evoked the same feeling I got when I first read that scene in PoA. (sorry that was the most run-on sentence ever) but I really admire how well you were able to capture that atmosphere, even though you don't really portray a lot of Remus' emotion in this story (because he's trying to process it logically - as he would), there's still this feeling like a big weight on my heart, as the story really goes into how Remus' world kind of turned upside down and everything he thought was wrong.

he felt the assumptions he’d been living with for the past 12 years of his life coming unraveled, and it was quite unsettling. -- I really liked this line in particular. Unsettling because of the implications of it - the old friend he's been blaming for twelve years is innocent, the fact that an innocent man spent twelve years in Azkaban, and probably a lot to do with the fact that Remus was wrong about him for so long and actually believed in Sirius' guilt, and then because he's Remus he blames himself for it. It's a lot to take in and process, and it's not always easy to lift your assumptions and see things in a new way.

I really liked seeing this missing moment from Remus' POV. You did a wonderful job on it!

Author's Response: Kristinnn!

Thank you SO much for another AMAZING review! ♥ Awww! Thank you! Your compliments mean the world to me! I feel so flattered that you think I'm talented and I can write different styles well! *sobs*

Oh my Gosh, I totally feel the same way about POA. I'm not really sure what it is.. just Sirius and Remus' appearance, or the Marauder's Map and the glimpse into their past, but POA is and will always will be my favorite book/movie. And for you to say that I made you feel the same way that POA did.. THERE ARE NO WORDS. I've received other comments about the emotion in this, and I think I really should have put in a bit more, but I really love that you think Remus would have tried to process this logically, because that's kind of where my mind went, too - but I probably really should go back and add some emotion in there as well. And I'm thrilled that you were still able to feel it!

And yes, this is a VERY difficult moment for Remus, and I'm glad you liked that line - yes, this would be a VERY unsettling thing for him to go through, and I think the movie conveyed that well... when Harry tells Remus he saw Peter Pettigrew on the map, the look on Remus' face is one of almost TERROR, and this was kind of going off of that. I'm glad you felt that was conveyed well!

Thank you SO MUCH, again, for this fabulous review and for always being so amazing! ♥

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Review #42, by marauderfanAmnesia: Amnesia

21st December 2015:
Wowww. This was so different from the story I just read earlier today, and I'm really amazed at your versatility as an author. And this may be my favorite thing of yours I've ever read (so far)! I just LOVE it, and I was so captivated the whole way through by the vivid-ness (... it's a word now!) of your descriptions, and most of all the second person point of view.

I love second person for so many reasons, mostly that it's this weird mix of very personal and also a bit distant, and that combination was utterly perfect for this story and the narrator, who doesn't even know who they are, so how could they narrate a story as "I"? And yet they remain anonymous without any name pronouns. I just think the POV choice was stellar.

And the story itself! The first chapter hints that the person is a werewolf, and that's actually what I was picturing, but I was still surprised when their arm came out and it was furry and they actually realize it's their own arm - what a powerful moment. This is such an incredible story because it seems like the most awful thing happening, a person being tortured and then forgetting who they are - but isn't that what any werewolf goes through whenever they transform, once every month? I think in canon Lupin mentions that he becomes less human, but doesn't really go into the details, and here, the idea that every transformation the werewolf literally forgets their identity, that's so powerful. Most of all what I love about this is that it makes me think. Does a werewolf, after changing back into a human, remember much about being a wolf? Do they remember that they couldn't remember their human identity? After all, they kind of have two lives, the human life (with a human brain) and the wolf life (with the wolf brain) and how much carries over? Ahh this was just so amazing because I love it when stories make me think this much.

I do wonder who the person was at the end, who said "it's me". A friend, I think, but given the narrator's very biased narration during this period, it's hard to say!

Absolutely wonderful work on this, Jayde! ♥


:O *Gasps* Your favorite so far? And you think I'm versatile and my descriptions were vivid? *sobs* Oh, thank you SO MUCH for those amazing comments! I just don't even know what to do with them! I always struggle with description so it's always nice to hear that I've done it well! And honestly, I was just trying to write something creepy for the Halloween challenge, I never thought anyone would like it so much! ;(

I have seriously been wanting to try 2nd person POV ever since I read a 2nd person story on here a few years back, and this was really the first chance I had to do that! I had a lot of fun doing it and trying to keep it as anonymous as possible, and I'm glad you think that was an excellent choice!

EEEk OH my gosh, you think I wrote a powerful moment?! *Squees* And honestly, your questions have filled ME with some questions, and it really makes me want to try to answer those through fic! :P So if a 2nd chapter of this pops up, you'll know you were the inspiration! :D

I did have a particular set of people in mind for this, but I don't want to give too much away. I WILL say that it IS a friend, though! :D

Thank you SO MUCH for another wonderful, squee-worthy review! ♥

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Review #43, by marauderfanEternity: Eternity

21st December 2015:

I've already reviewed all of Keeping Secrets so it looks like I'm jumping right in to all of your recent one-shots! I remember this won the featured story in the CR a few months back so I'm excited to read it.

Aww, this was just so cute! The fluff meter was basically off the chart, and I'm pretty impressed by that because I really struggle to write fluff.

I really loved the opening few paragraphs how it's all focused on this unholy sound coming from the alarm clock and why won't it just shut up already - a feeling I think anyone who has ever had to wake up before they wanted to can relate to.

Aw. I think it said a lot that Ginny's first thought was that Harry had to go in to work on a Saturday. It's a nice little touch of realism - their life is not 100% perfect and Ginny's probably annoyed by how often things like this happen. Of course, this isn't what happened, but the way her thoughts drifted to this was such a realistic angle.

I'm glad she was wrong though, and what a wonderful surprise from Harry and Lily! Lily's obliviousness was super cute and I loved the way she wanted to eat the breakfast after spending so long making it :p And that photo album Harry made sounds absolutely lovely, something I'm sure Ginny will cherish for years to come. And of course it's extra special knowing how much Harry loves his photo album of his parents, I just really liked that touch as something that so important to Harry, he would make something like it for his wife.

What an adorable story! ♥

Author's Response: KRISTIN!

Thank you SO much for stopping by with this amazing review!

Awww! I'm so happy that you thought this was cute! I was definitely aiming for fluffy here for the challenge I wrote this for, so I'm happy it paid off! And you can't fool me, I've read quite a few of your pieces and you don't struggle to write anything, missy!! ♥

I'm glad you liked the first few chapters and that stupid alarm clock. YAS, I think everyone knows how frustrating that sound can be! :P

And I'm glad you thought Ginny thinking Harry had to go in to work was a realistic touch!

I'm really thrilled that you enjoyed Lily and photo album as well! I really wanted to include several important and sweet moments from Harry and Ginny's life together, but I couldn't think of a way to do it. And then one day, the photo album just popped into my head and I knew I had a keeper! :P

Thank you again, SO MUCH for this! ♥

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Review #44, by marauderfanYour Hand: Your Hand

21st December 2015:

Well, I'm here for the Hot Seat again (fun fact: at first I accidentally typed Hog Seat) and saw that this didn't have many reviews but Lavender/Parvati sounded too good to not read. The first fic I ever read about Lavender was a femslash and ever since then, that's kind of been my headcanon for her so I couldn't resist reading this one!

The walls are blank and white, trapping us on a canvas that will never feel the touch of a brush. -- GAH, YOUR DESCRIPTIONS. They are incredible. I just love the imagery of this one and the loneliness conveyed through it without even saying anything about loneliness.

I also really love the description of the progression of Parvati and Lavender's friendship just through the seven sentences about holding each other's hands. At first, it's because they're both in a new place and they're scared. The hand holding is about comfort. Then it's about support. And by sixth year, it's something more, for Parvati at least. And gahhh, the end is so sad, when Parvati realizes she'll never be able to tell Lavender she loves her. :'( That's such a real thing, her wishing she'd said something before it was too late. And even though Lavender isn't dead, Parvati seems to sense that she won't wake up - the 'emptiness disguised as peace'. It's just so sad and the emotion radiating off the page is so raw.

This is really beautiful, and I'm so impressed with how much you said in so few words. That really is a talent. Amazing work on this.

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Review #45, by marauderfanAnd Then There Were None: The Island

20th December 2015:
Back for more Hot Seat reviews - you'd put this in my review thread ages ago but I've been really busy and haven't got to those yet - so I'm doing it for hot seat! (otherwise it'd still probably take me ages.)

The morning fog clung to the Hartshire shore like smoke clinging to the ashes of a forgotten world. -- WOW. DROOLING OVER YOUR DESCRIPTIONS. This is beautiful.

Hmm, Stan's appearance. I bet that's going to be important later. Is he a Vampire? Is the fog important because it's preventing Stan from catching on fire? I have a feeling I'm way off the mark :P

Ooh, Rosmerta/Trelawney is a ship I didn't see coming and I kind of love it. Also it's interesting to see Trelawney in such a different situation than Divination Professor.

Also, the Blishens... do they even exist at all? Why are they not at their own party? Something weird is up with them.

The poem. It's good, and yet it feels like pretty strong foreshadowing in that every single character in this story is going to die. I have a bad feeling about this.

And the little snippets of all the characters are really good. It's nice to see where everyone is at with all this going on, and it doesn't even need to be a long section, just a few sentences in some cases - but seeing the way each of them react to this weird situation is really interesting, and keeps building up this tension you've done a really good job of maintaining. I think that's the strongest facet of this piece, for sure - the way you've written this subtle but foreboding tone. I get the feeling something bad is going to happen, but I don't know when. And it's a tone that definitely comes across in other Agatha Christie books I've read (though I haven't read the one this fic is based on) os I must say that's really well done.

You mentioned areas of concern in your request ages ago, so I'll get to those as well - flow: It's a bit choppy, but I mean that in only the best way because I feel like something like this NEEDS to be choppy. Those short little sections and shifting POV's are what make it choppy and they're also what helps to build up this remarkable tone. So, the kind of jumpy flow is perfect for the story.

Characterisation: Since we've only seen little snippets of each person, I don't know anyone well enough yet to trust them. Which is much the way every one of the characters feels, I'd imagine. As the reader I kind of feel like another guest at this weird shindig who doesn't know anyone well enough and constantly has my guard up.

Plot: I think I mentioned this before - it's slowly building, and I sense bad things are coming up. Mostly because of the tone, but also because I know it's based on a mystery novel and I'm pretty sure people will die. What has been revealed of the plot so far is wonderful because you're so good at maintaining the mystery of it all without giving away too much. (This is something I struggle with!)

Spelling and grammar - I recall reading one part towards the beginning of the chapter where it said 'hi' instead of 'his'. Otherwise I believe that was the only thing.

So overall, I am super into this story. I love the way you write! The way you maintain the mystery is really great. And I'm eager to see all of these characters interact, because I think each of them vaguely knows at least one of the others, but not well enough to know much about them. Miriam Strout in particular seems interesting, and Harold Minchum's less than friendly greeting to her. I hope we get to see more of the past of the characters and why they're acting like this. And I wonder how much the boat driver knows and if he will play a role.

Great chapter!

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Review #46, by marauderfanWelcome to the LC: The things we do for brownies and/or the electric bill

19th December 2015:
Hi, I'm here for the swap (finally)!

One chapter in, and I'm in love! This is such a wonderful start to a story and Delilah is so relatable. I've never been a waitress, but I've had customer service jobs where I have to pretend to be cheerful, and jobs where I go to work so early in the morning that it's still dark, and everything about being a broke person who's recently out of school, every word of this chapter was speaking to me and I kept going OMG I KNOW, DELILAH I UNDERSTAND YOUUU.

I just love her personality, or what we've seen of her so far - she doesn't like her job, she's kind of 'ehh' and chill about it all, but has this underlying snark to her. And the fact that she sticks with the job because it's the only thing allowing her to bake brownies, and obviously brownies (...and rent, and stuff) are important. And she's an 'over-sensitive nerd with little to no gumption' - a wonderful description and it also means she'll be a very entertaining protagonist and I just can't wait to hear more about her adventures.

The Cloak might be my second-favourite character of the chapter. Haha. What a weirdo, I love him. I hope he comes back.

Also that comic sounds amazing. I'm kind of imagining the evilly amazing potioneer version of Rosie the Riveter, but that could be due to the R alliteration you chose :p Anyway, what this brings me to is how much detail you've created in just one chapter. The things that are inessential to the plot - stuff like comic strip plots, Timothy's bad poem, etc, go so far with characterisation and are so essential in world-building and creating a scene and atmosphere, and you've done so well with that. I feel like I know these characters pretty well now, even after just one chapter, because every character that's been introduced thus far has had a little chance to shine. And that's a sign of great writing.

The night shift... ugh, it sounds much worse than the morning shift, but the offer of making a lot more money is always a nice one :P At least she'll have enough money to buy eggs.

A great chapter, I really enjoyed this and I'm sure I'll be coming back! Thanks for the swap and again I'm sorry for my sloth-like speed of getting to it :p

Author's Response: you are an ahhh-mazing reviewer. seriously, this was so wonderful, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.

i've kind of toyed around with writing rebel ruthie as a founder's era fic. haha! i love your description- "evilly amazing potioneer version of Rosie the Riveter." it took forever to come up with (and to write a suitably bad poem) so i really appreciate that you liked those details.

the cloak is definitely coming back!

and customer service... i'm so glad you can relate to delilah. writing this is kind of therapeutic for me because customer service is not my cup of tea either. it's so nice to bond with others over how annoying it can be.

thank you so much for this lovely review!

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Review #47, by marauderfanConfessions of a Marrying Murderess: Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

19th December 2015:
All of your stories sound really cool but I had to go to this one next as you said on your AP that this is your fave of your stories, so I had to check it out! And wow, what a totally original story. This one is really cool, and I can see why you're so proud of it - I would be!

The character development in this is really wonderful. I mean, if she lived her whole life just marrying and then killing one husband after another, it wouldn't be that interesting or understandable. But here, her journey from innocent young bride to jaded murderer makes sense. She started out with no desire to kill anyone, but was abused and neglected and unloved, and her first three husbands died while she was still young. And with that kind of background, death of a husband is almost commonplace for her! And the changes in her reaction to each death were subtly different each time, but she gets to the point where she's killing them just because she can. It feels like just... boredom - that and the fact that she's used to the idea of a husband only lasting a short while because of the first three.

And then the last one, Tyron, that was so sad! By this point she's so used to killing husbands, as she herself says it was no longer innovative :P And she actually falls in love, and doesn't want to kill him, but it's kind of like she's too far down that path now. I wonder what would have happened if he hadn't gone snooping into her past? Would she have killed him? Hmmm... definitely an interesting question. But that was a great twist at the end.

I think the sixth husband was really interesting too, and how you portrayed it such that she by this point sees her past in phases, each marked by a husband. Each husband was a different era of her life and there's just nothing for that phase when she was raising a young child, a phase she has trouble thinking about just because it doesn't fit with the cycles of husbands. it's just it's own phase, so she has the nonexistent sixth husband. It shows kind of how she's starting to form an obsession at this point, but I can totally understand her thinking of that period as a husband, given her character.

This is such a brilliant story! It's so original and fresh and I love the spin you put on this minor character I'd never really thought much about. She must be mentioned only one or two times in the books, and all we know is that she married a lot of husbands who later died and she inherited money, but you made it so much more than that. She's so dynamic, and kind of a victim of her circumstances but she doesn't see herself that way. All in all such great writing, well done!

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Review #48, by marauderfanFlames, Smoke, Disaster: Treacle Tart

19th December 2015:

Aw, I just... this was adorable and so sweet. I really liked how it begins with smoke and flames and Dean legitimately panics and has a flashback to the war, because I think that's so realistic for him to have some form of PTSD. Especially as Dean was one of the ones held captive in the Malfoys' basement during the war - I'm not surprised that keeps coming back to him, especially when he sees stuff like this - it's just an instinctual response. Anyway, I thought that was super realistic and I appreciate that you included that.

And Seamus - bless him, he always does seem to create this sort of disaster, I think every time he shows up in the movie he's exploding one thing or another. He's chaos personified! (Which is why I think he and Dean are so perfect together because Dean is a lot more methodical and controlled, or at least how I read him in the books. /tangent) But this whole scene is really sweet, how Seamus is worried about yet another attempt to do something that ended in flames, lamenting his poor baking, and they create something beautiful out of it. I just love the end when they discuss their metaphorical tart and how they went through hard times and the sweetness is still there. Just... aw. I love it.

I adore these two and you really did a wonderful job writing this ship and creating this moment. It's fluff but also realistic fluff - sometimes situations/the world is difficult and it's really about how you perceive things.

Lovely work on this story!

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Review #49, by marauderfanFaçade: For You (Intro)

18th December 2015:
Here for our swap!

Wowowowow this is so good! I am so intrigued by the character of Rosalind. She reminds me a lot of Bellatrix, because she has the same iron-willed personality and the fierce belief that she is right. And she's walking a razor's edge here as she says she only killed people who deserved it and she enjoyed watching that, which is creepy, and kind of like Bellatrix - but also not, in the sense that she seems much more in control of herself versus Bella's wild nature, she is aware that that her past looks bad, and Rosalind hates the type of person Bellatrix is. But they have so much in common! Rosalind is so interesting mainly because I could see her going one way or the other depending on what circumstances befall her. She could become a serial killer. Or she could become a normal person with a dark past. There's just a lot going on here and it makes her a FASCINATING character who's very on the edge. I really want to know what happens to her!

I also love the way you emphasized how she has so much experience in the dark and violent end of the spectrum, but is also capable of so much affection, and how much she really cares about her sister and how she loved George Weasley (and left because she was afraid after taking down the wall around her and telling him about her past - aw!). Gah, she is such a complicated person and I love it! There are just so many sides to her - the dark, vindictive side, the caring sibling, vulnerable lover, and cunning prisoner using her strengths and what she knows about the justice system and stereotypes in order to act her way out of prison. Also, off topic, but I love seeing a Latina character in fic.

Having not read the previous story, it was helpful to have some of her background in this chapter, and I thought you did it well. She's not doing anything apart from sitting in a cell, so it makes sense that she's thinking about all these things that she's done and things that have happened to her. But sometimes it did feel a bit like a summary - and lines like this one: Oh I should probably mention that I might be in the country illegally. -- this kind of takes it out of the mindset that she's just mulling over it all while sitting in Azkaban, and makes it more like she's telling a story to someone. It's a bit inconsistent in terms of style, I guess is what I'm saying.

I don't mean to say that I don't like it - far from it! I love the premise of the story and I love Rosalind as a character, and I appreciated the extensive background which is obviously quite important to what happens later in the story. But if you're already editing, maybe looking at the style of narration in this chapter would be cool. It didn't take away from the story though - I was glued to the page (screen?) the whole way through, so you're clearly doing a lot of things right!

I hear his smile in the iced blackness. -- hahaha, maybe it's weird that this stood out to me, but I loved this line because no one ever mentions it and YES, you really can hear smiles. (And they sound kind of gross! Especially if you get a lot of people to be quiet and then smile simultaneously) haha anyway I just loved that you wrote this line because it's so particular and I can envision it so clearly.

What a great start! I'm really interested to see where this story goes! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hello there!

Oh thank you thank you so much I'm glad you liked it!! I didn't initially have a character in mind that I thought Rosalind was similar to, but as the previous story progressed I definitely saw similarities to Bellatrix, who Rodolphus compares her to. Yes you got it! Haha she's constantly torn because she knows that what she has done to people is absolutely wrong, but a bad person is a bad person and they should deserve to die, right? Or does that make her just as bad as them? She's very aware of her actions and feelings which is why she's never happy with herself.

Oh thank you! I wanted to make her Latina because for the most part I haven't seen many Latina/minority characters. She does have a lot of sides to her, but at the end of the day she almost always looks out for only herself. One of the only times she didn't was when she saved Angelina and now she's kicking herself because now she's in Azkaban.

Since it can be a pain to go back and read other stories I wanted to include enough information so that the reader doesn't have to read the previous one if they didn't want to, but at the same time I didn't want it to sound like a summary either. The changes in style I definitely see how that could be inconsistent, it was actually for an idea I had that I wanted to incorporate into the story but I'm not sure if I'm going for it yet. I'll make sure to clean that up!

Haha yes you can hear smiles! It always grosses me out too. Description is something that I have always struggled with so I'm really glad that line stood out to you!

Thank you so much for your feedback! It helps tremendously and I can't wait to keep reading more of your stories :)

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Review #50, by marauderfanMean: The One Where Lucy Tries to Hold it Together

16th December 2015:
I had to come back and keep reading! :D

Ugh, Declan. I feel like he has his own theme song when he shows up in the story and it's three really discordant notes, kind of like what you'd get if you dropped a volleyball on the low keys of a piano. The sound of doom. I don't like him, can you tell?

And I don't like Cara, but I feel really bad for her! It sucks to get in a fight with your friend, and although Cara hasn't shown it before, she's really upset about her falling out with Lucy and I can't blame her. Yeah, Cara said some mean things, but so did Lucy. Conclusion: high school is mean. As noted in the title of the story.

The sort of dynamic you've got with your characters is so, so interesting, because I think in this story it's entirely down to perspective. For example, if the narrator of this story were Cara instead, it would be a completely different story because her perception of what's going on is so different. Lucy's POV is really biased. But I love that.

This is such a brilliant story and I'm so glad I came back to it for the hot seat!

Author's Response: Hello!

hahaahaha if only we could incorporate in a theme song for him! I'd definitely take that suggestion :P

Yes, character dynamics are an interesting one! And yes the POV is extremely biased, so I'm glad you've picked up on that!

Thank you for leaving another lovely review! ♥

- Kayla :)

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