Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
1,140 Reviews Found

Review #26, by marauderfanPending Further Investigation: xvii. let's do science [or] what's in a name

29th March 2015:
Lisa! ♥ You're updating far faster than I can keep up, haha, and SO MUCH has happened in the last couple of chapters! Rose's suspension, oh my goodness, ahh! I feel like I should have expected that, but I didn't. And awkward Christmas and angry cousins to add to it - she's not in a good place :( I'm glad she has a good support network, though. But ah, just, please make it all better! :S

I really liked Lester's POV here and it's so nice to see that things are finally looking up for him. And he and Lily are so sweet! I love thejr relationship, and it really made me smile when she said she was changing her last name, and if Lester had expected her to then she wouldn't have. I love how independent she is, and how Lester encourages her to just be who she is. They're very supportive. :)

I'm not too surprised about Albus being demisexual or Rose being aromantic (and I love the way Rose announced her discovery haha) and while I'm on the topic, and having just read your fantastic blog post earlier today, I just want to say how much i appreciate the diversity of your characters and how you basically take heteronormativity and smash it into the ground. I think Rose even said it herself in a previous chapter, about people being queer until proven straight - I love that. Anyway, I don't have the time to leave the lengthy, gushing review I want to write, but I just wanted to stop by and let you know (again) how much I appreciate this story and all your characters, and that even though I haven't been reviewing as consistently as I'd like to, I'm still reading and loving this story.

 Report Review

Review #27, by marauderfan1981: Autumn

29th March 2015:
ekndhxksvknf I can't process all of this. It's so hard to read these terrible things happening, but I couldn't look away, I was just too absorbed in your writing. I love the little mundane details in the first section and how an ordinary day gives way to this horrible, huge moment - it makes Voldemort's arrival that much more of a shock.

The section with Sirius was really strong and I loved the style of it, particularly the repetition in the explanation of why he's laughing. Everything is ending for him at that moment and he just can't handle it. And then the horror of Azkaban :( I want to give him a hug! Same with Remus. He and Sirius are both so alone, trapped in different circumstances but the same sort of situation in the tremendous loss they've faced and how they have no one to turn to. Excuse me while I go cry for hours about the unfairness that is the Marauders' fate.

So to sum up - Chiara, this is such a great fic and I am so glad I stopped by to read it. I'm so impressed. Your writing is so powerful in this and I love how it really brings out these emotions. And I loved your use of second person throughout. I really love that perspective, and it can be tricky especially when switching character POVs as you did, but you pulled it off so well. Molto bene! (That's the only thing I know in Italian and it just happens to express how I feel about this story :D

Lots of love,

Author's Response: Once again, I apologize for this story being so depressing... I really didn't want things to go like that, but that's what J.K. created for us...

That was exactly what I was trying to show, how everything happened so suddently and unexpectedly. I'm so glad you felt the shock of it.

Oh, Sirius and Remus... Yes, it is so terribly unfair... You are excused... Think I'm going to shed a river of tears too...

I'm so so so glad that you stopped by this story, too! I simply can't handle your kind comments, you are horribly too sweet!!!
And thank you so much for the comments about my use of second person!

Grazie mille!!!
Mountains of love,

 Report Review

Review #28, by marauderfan1981: Summer

29th March 2015:
There was a lot of buildup in this chapter with this feeling of suspense underlying it all... it's so difficult, knowing how it all ends and just seeing each unfortunate thing fall into place.

The balance between dark and bright side in that first section with Sirius is really well done, how you wove in Sirius' grief at his girlfriend's death, and James acting so... seriously (pardon the pun.. haha) with Harry in the background flying on his toy broom. I like how that juxtaposition really highlights how they had to appreciate the little things and any joyful moments, because the rest of their lives were so dark.

Wow - the detail in that section with Remus' transformation was just so vivid! That was an incredible scene.And to add insult to injury, that rejection letter - so sad. He really is the most alone of the four, and it's so tangible here.

And the scene where Peter sells out. He seems almost emotionless in his scene, like he's spent so long doubting and worrying and being afraid that by this point he just doesn't care anymore, or just isn't able to feel anything as he betrays them. It's so cold and unfeeling, and that makes his betrayal just that much more chilling.

This story continues to be so powerful and so well written. You've done great work with it. And now I'm onto the last chapter. I'd better make sure I have a box of tissues nearby because I know what's next...

Author's Response: Hey Kristin!
Here I am again with the answer to your review!

I'm so glad you liked the balance between bright and dark in Sirius' section. The birthday party was one of my favourite scenes to write. Ahahah, James is acting pretty Siriusly in here ;)

Yes, poor Remus... He's so lonely...
I'm so happy to hear that you liked the scene of his transformation! I really struggle with description... I'm so glad you found it so vivid!

Yes, I suppose Peter is sort of emotionally exausted at that point. He's really just trying to convince himself that he has no choice, when really he could pull out a bit of braveness and loyalty and just not do it. But sadly, that's not what happened :(

Thank you so much, I'm so glad you feel that way!!!

 Report Review

Review #29, by marauderfan1981: Spring

29th March 2015:
I'm back! Gah, this was such a sad chapter. Everyone's kind of lost in their own problems and really just need to open their eyes! But as they say, hindsight is 20/20...

I love the way you've captured the personalities of the characters. It's probably no secret that I adore the Marauders, and reading anything about them during the war just gets me in the feels every time. That scene with Remus all alone with his Easter egg, I just wanted to step in and give him a huge hug and tell him it will be okay (though, really, it won't, at all). Aw. Life dealt him a horrible hand, it's just so unfair! Wah! But I really liked how you wrote him dwelling on the past, getting hung up on litle things, and of course unwrapping the chocolate really slowly and deliberately. Your use of little deatils bring the scene and characters to life.

Peter... ah. I do really like him as a character, though I hate him for what he did. I like that you've focused so much on his insecurity. Based on his tendency to ally himself with stronger people, it's evident that he's a really insecure person, so I think it makes perfect sense that even well into his service with the Death Eaters, he's still on the fence and questioning himself and his decisions. I almost felt badly for him when Avery left Peter all alone with his worries. Almost. And I like that you showed that Avery, despite his position on the side of evil as a Death Eater, has some good qualities to him, like the way he values loyalty. I like complicated characters - no one is ever wholly good or evil and your scenes with Peter do so well at portraying that.

James... If only he'd open his eyes! I can't handle how precious that scene is with him and Lily and Harry. Too cute. It's just going to break my heart even more when I reach October in the story!

Once again, wonderful work on this. Well done!

Author's Response: Welcome back, hun! :)

I'm sorry... This story is just so depressing... But it was supposed to be...

Thank you! I adore the Marauders, too (I think that's pretty obvious...)
Remus is my absolute favourite! I know how you feel, I feel the same way! Definitely wanting to step in and give him a hug!!!
I think he would totally be the slowly unwrapper... I'm like that, too... And thank you, I'm glad you liked the little details!

I feel for Peter exactly the same. I love writing him, because he's so complex and has so many facets to investigate. I agree, no one is totally good or evil. That's exactly what I was aiming to with Peter, and I'm glad you feel I portrayed him well!

I know... I'm so sorry... They are such a cute family, and knowing how everything is going to end... :'(

Thank you! I'm so glad you liked this!
Now I have to go to boogie, but I'll answer the other two reviews as soon as I'm back!


 Report Review

Review #30, by marauderfan1981: Winter

29th March 2015:
Hi Chiara! Welcome to Hufflepuff - I was so excited when I saw you'd joined us badgers! :D So here's a review to say 'welcome' - and also to say thank you once again for being such an incredible reviewer. You're awesome.

So, onto the story! Omg, that first section, wow! It was so chilling and absorbing, I was so caught up in it. And I love your use of second person here - it's a really particular perspective that I think has to be used in specific ways in order to be effective and you totally did that. It's perfect the way it creates this kind of distance from Peter's POV, but as the reader I still feel very involved in it - and it worked so well with that pivotal moment for him. Gah, it was just so good.

The section about James was so lovely in the way you portrayed how trapped he feels and how he is managing. Alhough his frustration is really evident at how he can't go anywhere but stay in the house, at least he has Lily - and I think it says a lot about James that he can see the silver lining in his boring situation and still feel so lucky and grateful for the family he loves, and for his friends. It was realy sweet.

Poor Sirius, though - he's definitely struggling to handle it and I think you did really well with all the things he's facing and how he reacts - he tries to just drown his problems and forget, but he is angy at a situation far out of his control and probably feels some guilt about Reg. I like that you implied that whatever Sirius said about Reg, he really did care about him- it is so frustrating to think that if they'd just talked, realised they were really on the same side after all, it wouldn't have had to happen this way. :'( Gah, so sad.

As you know, I love seasonal themes in stories, and I absolutely love what you did here with incorporating the loneliness and bleakness of winter into all three sections of this chapter - the experiences of each show a different side to loneliness and feeling trapped or out in the cold. I love how symbolic it all is :) And I must say -having read some of your earlier work before, which was good, you've already improved so much as a writer and I'm so impressed. This chapter was really superb and I'm so excited to keep reading and see where you go with it.

So, I'll see you again on the next chapter ;)

♡ Kristin

Author's Response: Kristin!
This was such a marvelous surprise to find these absolutely amazing reviews from you!!!
You are awesome too!!! Thanks so much!!!

Thank you! I'm so happy to hear that 2nd person worked well, because it made me so nervous! And that you felt involved in Peter's POV! I'm quite proud of how that first scene turned out, modesty aside...

I think that's how James would be, feeling trapped and insufferent, but trying to see the bright side in Lily and Harry :) I'm so happy you liked it!!!

Yes, I know... Sirius is going through so much at the moment... And yes, I've always thought that Sirius and Regulus really loved each other and were just too proud to admit it and apologize. They could've settled things right if they'd tried and I agree with you, it's really frustrating!

I love seasonal themes too. I'm kind of a meteoropathic, actually... I'm happy you manage to feel the coldness in this!

Oh, Kristin, thank you so much! To be true, I don't think my writing has improved... Just this story turned out particularly well written for some inexplicable reason... But thank you for saying that anyway!!! Coming from you, who are so talented, is such a huge compliment!!!

See you on the next chapter!

 Report Review

Review #31, by marauderfanKeep Calm and Carry On: Happy New Year?

18th March 2015:
Omg. That... could have gone better. I see Edie has not lost her talent for ending up in really terrible situations. I had a bad feeling about that article she wrote in the last chapter - like I thought someone might have seen it - but I didn't expect anyhing quite that bad. Eek!

On the oher hand, I really, really loved the appearance of Seamus again. I had missed him! It felt like kind of a throwback to old times, except with a little weirdness about Dean now. Ooh and I like that Rose and Edie are kind-of-friends now. That was a lovely scene. I like that they have each other at least - both of them have been screwed over by their former jobs, and been dumped (by the same person!) so at least they can understand each other a lot more, and gripe about how unfair life is, haha.

This was a great chapter!

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for reviewing ♥

Yes, she definitely does have a penchant for the less than ideal. It was weird writing it because normally I try to make the situations humorous (or at least not be totally devastating) but this time she really is experiencing something fully, and letting herself be upset by it instead of sweeping it under a rug, making light with jokes, etc. I didn't really say it in the story but it was a huge deal that she cried at all, as she's emotionally stunted and can't ever fully grasp how terrible things can be enough to experience it emotionally. She's not very empathetic, but that includes things that happen to her. She's selfish and self-centered, yes (ohhh yes very), but rarely does she fully acknowledge the Truly Terrible. The fact that she cried in front of Ward and Rose, two people she disliked, is saying something.


Yes Rose! That was a last-minute change to the plot, actually, but I'm glad for it. Originally Edie and Lisa were going to be hanging out, but I wanted to express change, etc., so Edie suddenly being back to having girl time with Lisa (who, let's face it, cannot function without Justin) felt too comfortable. Plus, like you said, things have come full circle and Rose and Edie are now in the same boat!

Thanks so much for reading. I can't believe how close this story is to being done (no I will not stop saying that, not even after it's already done.)


 Report Review

Review #32, by marauderfanAn Ode for W. H.: Taurus

13th March 2015:
Jenna! Aaah, I am so glad to see this - I think I remember creeping on your Stories Offered page a while ago and seeing that Joey had requested this and thinking "ooh, I need to read that" and then here it is and I'm so glad you wrote it! I always wondered who Taurus' mysterious Hufflepuff was in TGFS, and... well, now I wonder even more :p But the WRITING in this, just, gah! How do you do this? It is incredible, seriously. I adore the poetry angle, and the bits from the Iliad, and of course seeing things throuh Taurus' eyes.

It's always really fun to see main characters through the eyes of others, so I enjoyed this perspective of Tor, as usually I'm reading about her from inside her own head. And I loved Taurus' thoughts on how dull Theo Nott is, haha. But most of all, the backstory about him and about his sister and family just adds so much more to an already wonderful character. And omg, Taurus/Pyxis! (Well, almost). I love it! Headcanon! (Does that even count as headcanon, seeing as neither of them is a canon character? Because they feel like canon characters to me. Anyway, I digress.)

I don't really know what else to say about this story, except that I was really impressed by it. This was wonderful - a great read. ♥

 Report Review

Review #33, by marauderfanKeep Calm and Carry On: A King on Her Throne

13th March 2015:
This was such a good chapter! (They all are, honestly) I thought you handled her resignation really well, and I liked the way it was more complicated than just choosing between a boyfriend and a career - life is more complex than that and you illustrated that in here. I think she made the right decision though - the job was turning her into someone she didn't like, who wrote cruel things about people, and she wouldnt have been happy there in the long run. And with that ending, as Oliver says it is a new beginning (though I can really relate to Edie on how much she is dreading searching for jobs again. Ugh it's the worst haha.)

And wow, Oliver's story! I really didn't expect any of that. It' does explain a lot though, and ties some loose ends together. I love how the way Oliver is portrayed in this story has changed so much, and it has a lot to do with how much Edie had changed over time - she has come a long way from when she just saw him as the privileged, pompous jerk.

Lovely writing! I can't believe the story is winding to a close - I'm simultaneously really looking forward to it and also not wanting it to end because I just love reading it. :)

Author's Response: Heya!

It was really important to me that Edie doubts her decision quit the magazine. Even moreso that she truly didn't *have* a choice, and that the way things stacked against her, she couldn't choose a career. It's always bothered me in stories and films when somebody completely gives up on something (usually a job) for the romantic interest in the story--who, in many cases, they just met. In real life, making that rash of a decision based on somebody you just met or barely have spent time with, doesn't work out. At least not always. So that's why Edie has the moment where she thinks "Oliver and I aren't getting married, by any means, and he's not necessarily my boyfriend--has this all been worth it?"

There were, of course, other reasons for quitting. As you pointed out, it was turning her into somebody she didn't like... which is a big reason, and maybe the "right" reason to quit.

It's all very complicated! hehe.

Yes, hopefully she and Oliver have both grown tremendously! Although to be fair, Edie actually had the majority of the growing up to do--Oliver just needed to be explained a little better.

I completely agree! Every time I write a new chapter--which has been happening REALLY fast these days--I feel so sad! Partially I'm very proud, because I've never actually finished a novel before on HPFF. But I also don't want to stop writing about these characters I've come to love so much!

Thanks for sticking around ♥

 Report Review

Review #34, by marauderfanMoments of Impact: Prologue

5th March 2015:
Hello, Voldy Needs A Hug! (I love your username.) I'm finally here with the review you requested ages ago, and I'm so sorry about the delay!

What a powerful prologue! I love what you've done here with the narrative. Although you don't reveal until the end of the chapter that the narrator is Remus, I wasn't surprised, by the way you set it up and the tone and word choice. Remus seems like the sort of person who would use a very literary voice to tell a story, and here, with a combination of the complex sentences and the light of regret, self blame, and bitter sadness that is cast by the thoughts of his later self, it's very strong and poignant and captures the voice I'd expect Remus to have when telling about his life.

I can't comment much on plot or character relationships, because I have only a vague idea of what the plot will be (Remus doesn't use much detail in outlining what his story will be, in this chapter). But, you have set it up very well for the plot to begin in the next chapter, as the general feeling of the story has already been established.

As for reader appeal, I'm very interested in how this story will go! I love that you chose Remus, and that it's being narrated by his older self who's already experienced all these huge events in his life. That will make the narration really rich. I'm interested to see how the story progresses! It's a truly wonderful start.

 Report Review

Review #35, by marauderfanEsto Perpetua: My Side Of The Fence

5th March 2015:
Hello! I am finally here with the review you requested... many aeons ago. I'm so glad you requested - this was such a wonderful chapter and I really loved reading it!

Your characterisation is excellent. In your request you had asked about how Regulus comes across, and your writing of him fits perfectly into my own headcanon of him. I love to think that he and Sirius were close as children, and really did care about one another. The scene where they talk before dinner, and especially the scene when they play the prank at Narcissa's wedding, were just perfect. Your Regulus seems a lot like Sirius, but is afraid to stand out or cause any fuss, and therefore goes along with what his parents want, and it really fits. Also, the few little comparisons Sirius makes between Regulus and Remus did not go amiss, I thought that added a lovely aspect and showed how much Sirius really does care about his brother.

You also asked about whether Sirius seems too cowardly around his family, and I don't think he does. He's old enough by this point to know what he can get away with and what he can't, but still young enough to be afraid of what might happen if he missteps. Besides, it seems that at this point in his life he is still hoping for some affection from them and hasn't entirely given up on them yet. I loved that scene when he hugs his mother - that really tugs at the heartstrings, because I know how it all ends up but its just really sweet - he's primarily doing it to annoy her but he really does crave affection and wants a hug. Aw :(

I love your interpretation of Uncle Alphard, as well! I don't recall if I've ever read a fic that had him in it, but I like your version. He's a lot like Sirius in terms of humour and also a source for information that's not biased in the way that his parents are, and I can see why Sirius would look up to him. And is that the two way mirror I saw in there? Very clever incorporating that in ;)

Your characterisation is phenomenal, and your writing flows so smoothly. I'm really struggling to come up with some critique for you, tbh. Um... in one place you said Alphard lead Sirius along the pathway where it should say led. And... I think that's all. :p

Wonderful chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! So glad you enjoyed it.

I really loved writing the exchanges between Sirius and Regulus - it's my favourite part of the story. There's so much to explore with those two. Since we know Sirius was treated badly by his parents, it's quite possible that he grew very close to Regulus since he does require some form of love from home. Ah, you picked up on those comparisons, then? That makes me very happy. I love to throw in tiny details like that in to it, and you've been the only one who's picked it up so far.

I was a bit hesitant about writing Sirius so obedient, because he's usually portrayed as rebellious and entirely too full of anger and nothing else. It's not how I see him, and I went with my own perception of him, but I was wondering if other readers would find it odd. It's good to know he comes across all right. Poor Sirius doesn't get too many hugs from Walburga - but Mrs. Potter will make it up to him soon, don't worry!

Uncle Alphard is such an underused character - so much potential to play with that I couldn't resist. He has a rather important role to play here, and not just as Sirius' mentor either. Hint: what do you think he is up to in Asia? That's actually not the two-way mirror (that will come via another father-figure). No, this object is something very, very important.

Oops. Typos always seem to escape me however much I read through before posting. I'll fic it when I go back for edits.

So happy you enjoyed the chapter. I'll be back to rerequest, and thank you so very much for this amazing review! :D

 Report Review

Review #36, by marauderfanPlay the Devil: Missing

5th March 2015:
Hi Jenna! I was thrilled to find another update on this story! It really is one of my absolute favourite stories on the archive.

The beginning part with Richard is so great. I love seeing his thought process and how he views someone from the future like Rose, and all the different pressures of society on him and how his peers would behave in similar situations. You write the historical aspect of this story so well and I love it.

Most of all I love how much depth you've gone into with the time travel! I was just glued to the screen during Rose's conversation with Archie. Besides the fact that I got a really bad feeling when Rose decided to visit him (because I knew she'd end up sticking her nose into something), I loved that conversation they had about sending a cat back in time, and the different interpretations of how time works, whether it's predetermined or in flux - gah, I just love that stuff and I found their discussion so interesting and I'm glad you went into all that detail. Awesome.

Oh no! Rose is thinking dangerous thoughts at the end there! Uggghh. Not only did she steal a potion (this could really get Archie into trouble), but the kind of flippant, entitled attitude she has about it all is very worrisome. Didn't the notes say something about it being most dangerous when it's deliberate? And I'm willing to bet that the piece of the story Archie hadn't gotten to yet is the mkst important. Rose is really blinded by her own obsession at this point and I really wonder how things are going to end up when she goes back.

this story is addicting. Keep up the awesome work!

 Report Review

Review #37, by marauderfan12 Hours: 12 Hours [or] There Are People Who Would Cause You Harm And Those Who Seek Your Undoing, But Before You Condemn Those Pitiful Souls, Be Sure Of What They're Pursuing

1st March 2015:
Hi! I'm here to review for the non-linear challenge (again)!

This was so original. I loved how you worked in towards the middle from the beginning and end - it really intensified the mystery and made each successive section like filling in a smaller and smaller gap. It was such a wonderful use of the non-linear prompt.

I also loved seeing these familiar characters show up again. It's like catching up with old friends! And even though this story isn't primarily character-development-motivated, these little snippets of their actions or dialogue tell a lot about them. They are simple details, and subtle, but make the characters feel real and complex. You're so good at that.

Sooo... What was the literary association really about? Why did Pansy organise all of this? Ahh! I'm so curious haha. But I think just enough is explained that it can be left as a mystery, more or less, and the story doesn't feel incomplete with that left untold. It just keeps up the mysterious vibe that the whole story has. The tone was really well set in this, with that eerie mansion and its labyrinthine halls. I was kind of reminded of The Shining while they were all trying to find their way out of the maze while being pursued haha.

This was so well done! Thanks for entering the challenge! I'll hopefully have the results up next week.

 Report Review

Review #38, by marauderfanSomebody to Die For: I Will Let the Devil Know

1st March 2015:
Hi! I'm here to review for the Non-Linear Challenge!

Wow, this was a really unusual one. I love unusual. And your writing style in this is fantastic! You use very evocative words, and perfectly thought out details. In particular, I liked how a lot of the descriptions were of living bodies - how Theodore smells blood and sweat, how he can feel the man's heartbeat - things that stand out to him as he himself is not alive anymore and no longer bleeds or sweats or has a heartbeat. It's subtle but makes his perspective just that much more unique.

Although Harry doesn't really appear much in this story outside of Theo's thoughts about him, you've captured his personality really well, in the way he is so focused, knows that Theo is still alive. (Well, not alive, but he knows Theo is still around, I guess.) It reminded me of Harry's stubbornness in HBP that Malfoy was up to something. And how Harry is 'a boy who cares too much' -- yes! That's a perfect line.

The last two lines are also perfect, and I can't think of a better way to end this story! I loved it.

You incorporated the non-linear narative style so effectively. It was kind of tricky to piece out what happened when, but I think that really adds to the feel of the story overall, as I'd imagine that Theo, as a perennial eighteen-year-old, struggles with that very same problem and perhaps things blend together in his memory as well. He would have a different perception of the passing of time after becoming a vampire, and that's what stood out in the way you used he non-chronological order. Brilliant!

This was such an interesting perspective to read a fic from and I loved your word choice. Really well done on this and thanks for submitting it to the challenge!

 Report Review

Review #39, by marauderfanFlicker in the Wind: Flicker on the Wind

1st March 2015:
Hi! I'm here to review for the non-linear challenge!

Okay, well to begin with, I'm pretty sure that someone is cutting onions here in the library. No? Maybe it just rained a little on my face. Either way, this is a heartbreaking story and that last section really got to me, with Hermione and George grieving together. Gah. I really liked that scene.

I'm getting ahead of myself though - this was a really lovely story overall, and just so sad! It has this raw emotional intensity to it that's very powerful and I think is the strongest aspect of the story. So many emotions are covered in here and they all felt so real. The loss and grief that pervades most of the story is even stronger because of that first flashback, a huge contrast to the rest of the piece in how wonderfully happy and hopeful it is. But it's still tinged with sadness because you already know it's not going to last. Gah, I'm rambling here but basically, you did an exceptional job setting the tone of the story.

Hermione and Draco's story is so sad in this. Just as they are both recovering from the war, Draco is killed by someone on the side he deserted :( it really makes me appreciate just how difficult Draco's life must have been after the war. He doesn't really have a side at all, he's just on his own.

I think you used the non linear structure to a wonderful advantage here, how the main story takes place after Draco's death, and as Hermione struggles to come to terms with it, she has these flashbacks of better times, as well as flashbacks of the horrible day when she lost Draco. It makes perfect sense as after something as liffe-changing and devastating as that, she'd be really inclined to dwell on better times in her memories, as well as the kind of survivors guilt/ 'what if I could have done something' thoughts that would continue to plague her.

I'm just going to reiterate how much I loved the ending. I think George was exactly who she needed to talk to, as he understands more than others might, having lost someone so close to him as well. And his words to her were spot on. That's where you really got me. :'(

Bravo on this beautiful, tragic fic. Thanks for submittting it to the challenge!

Author's Response: I'm sorry for the delayed response, but thank you so much for the long review. I'm really glad you posted the story challenge because I had a lot of fun writing the story - even if it did end up being short.

And I'm sure someone was cutting onions in the library ;) I do it quite often myself ^.^

 Report Review

Review #40, by marauderfan(500) Days of August: Many Things

28th February 2015:
Hi Joey! I'm here to review your entry for the Non-Linear Challenge!

Gay wizard adaptation of 500 Days of Summer? I can already tell I'm going to like it. :D

I really like the way you started out, with this kind of disembodied, omniscient narrator. I can't remember how the film started, actually, but I just love the casual narrative voice you use here. It reads like it's in the voice of someone telling a story out loud.

“Really?” asked Fred. “I thought he looked pretty nice.” -- Heh heh. He looks like he's a nice person, or he is nice to look at? I see what you did there, Fred. ;)

Ok, but my silly pun appreciation aside. I loved the way you adapted the film into the wizarding world, and especially how you put your own spin on it. The ending was really great. I love it when stories don't end with the hero getting the girl/guy and riding off into the sunset. And in the case of this story, Fred isn't a hero in any way, in fact he's just seeing things that aren't there, and in the end he finds himself rather than having true love make everything all better. I really appreciated that, because he's in control of his own life again rather than relying on a fantasy. And it ends on a really hopeful note. I like that.

The way you portrayed the relationship between the two was so well done. I can't fault August for breaking Fred's heart, because he was honest about his motives. And I can't blame Fred for falling in love, because that's not something you can have control over. They're both good people, and they have their faults, letting their relationship go on longer than it should, when each day was just more difficult for both of them for different reasons. They just weren't right for each other, and that's how it is sometimes. It felt very realistic (even though we're seeing it through Fred's very idealised lens.)

As for the non linear aspect of this, you did phenomenally. Most of it was consecutive, but those pieces that were out of order were placed so deliberately and so perfectly that they really enhanced the story. The juxtaposition of the two scenes when they go into the corn maze stands out in particular; it really emphasizes how the passage of time changes their dynamic as well as highlights the feelings of both of them. I can't imagine it being told as effectively any other way, it was great. And the way you put the Day 154 declaration of love right before the earlier bit where Roxanne points out that they might not have much in common. It was just so well organized! I also liked the way the Day 290 scene with Roxanne was used in both places, as her more objective POV brings out a lot and gets Fred to get out of his own head for a bit.

And lastly, Ernie and Anthony from Kaleidoscope Love! So happy to see that cameo :D

This is a wonderful fic, and I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for submitting it for the challenge!

 Report Review

Review #41, by marauderfanHarry Potter and the Broomstick Makers: Easter Holidays

28th February 2015:
Hi! I am finally here with the review you requested! Very sorry for the long delay!

Your characterisation of the canon characters is wonderful. I especially enjoyed the end bit where George plays a prank on Malfoy just because, and Hermione kind of admonishes him because Malfoy is an Auror now. Both actions seemed very in character! And I like how even though Hermione is still at school and Harry and Ron are in Auror training, their friendship is still their greatest strength. Aw. I think you did well with Mrs Weasley as well - I'd imagine she would be kind of awkward around Andromeda for a while because of killing Bellatrix. So yeah, really well done all around with the characters' personalities.

You've got a good mix of different things going on here, from Auror Headquarters to Hogwarts to the students still in school. As for plot flow, it seemed a bit choppy to me. For example, I wasn't entirely sure why Legilimency was brought up during their tests on the broomsticks to see if they were cursed. I have a feeling it might be due to referring to past events (the previous two fics in your series which I'm not familiar with) so I was a bit confused there. If you want to make this fic stand alone, some brief explanation in the story might be useful. Or if the Legilimency bit didnt have anything to do with previous events, you could maybe provide some information as to why they discuss Legilimency at this point, maybe give the reader an idea why it's so important. The backstory about Robards and Scrimgeour was great, but it felt kind of awkwardly added in. So just a little smoothing out with the Legilimency bit would really help that back story shine even better!

Interesting that you added information about broomsticks on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. I wonder if they are involved with the cursed broomstick plot somehow!

This was a really great chapter, I enjoyed it! Keep up the excellent work :)

Author's Response: Thank you, marauderfan for stopping by. It might be complicated to read in the middle of the story. But your advice let me think to add more information about mystery of broomsticks.

Authors can keep going with kind review and some suggestion. Thank you so much for sparing time for this.

I'm working on the newewst chapter right now but I'll come back here to do more details.

 Report Review

Review #42, by marauderfanHer Choice : Meeting Your Worst Nightmare

16th February 2015:
Hi Lindsey! I'm here with the review you requested a while ago. This is a huge plot point, this chapter - wow, Laynie just met Voldemort! Scary!

You mentioned the characterisation as being the thing that worried you about this chapter, particularly Voldemort or anyone acting OOC. First on this topic I want to mention that you wrote Bellatrix wonderfully - you really accentuated her eagerness about cruelty, her distrust of Snape, and her desire to impress Voldemort. None of which were stated outright, but it was obvious in her actions, so really well done.

Voldemort is the one I wanted to discuss though. You were worried about him being too nice, although I did not get that impression from him. What struck me about him that seemed off was his use of humour. In the books, I don't recall him laughing about anything, and he seems (to me) to be the sort of person who uses only as many words as necessary. So in this chapter what seemed OOC was how he kind of talks a lot, and some of it is small talk. And he chuckles once. Personally, I'd edit some of the small talk out, as well as anything that shows him having much emotion, like the chuckling. I think of him as very good at putting on a mask and being hard to read. Of course, this is just my opinion and everyone has different views on characters, so take it with a grain of salt and all that. Anyway, that's what seemed off about Voldy to me.

Potential continuity: Wormtail shows up here, but wasn't he at Spinners End wih Snape? (I seem to remember that but don't have the book with me to check)

And this: "Laynie asked questionably" is an odd choice of words. I don't think you need the word questionably.

So to sum up: I'm proud of Laynie for being such a good actress in front of Voldy. I like how you wrote Bella. And I liked the way you wrote Narcissa in the scene with Voldy, how she kind of stands up for Lucius but is mostly too afraid to say anythig too strong. And I thought it said a lot about Draco that he was willing to tell Laynie how he feels about his task and that he envies her. I'm really curious if they will grow to trust one another eventually.

This was a lovely chapter! Great job!

Author's Response: Hi there,
I am so glad you stopped by, and I always love your reviews!
I am glad you addressed Voldemort because I have been wondering what else I need to do with his character in this scene. And yes, I didn't even think about that with Wormtail, he was at Spinner's End with Snape, but seeing as it was earlier in the day that Narcissa and Bella went to Snape's maybe Wormatail was told to be present for this? Lol. I don't know. I am so happy you think I write Bella and Narcissa well, they are sometimes harder to write.
Thanks so much! :D

 Report Review

Review #43, by marauderfanA Terrible Mistake: A Terrible Mistake

16th February 2015:
Ellieee ♡ ♡
I am so sorry it's taken me so long to scrape together a few minutes of time to read this - believe me, it was not from lack of interest! Gah I am just so honoured that you wrote a story for me, particularly one as great as this! Aah! Omg I loved it.

You present such an interesting side to Lucius in this and it's exactly what I was hoping to read. I liked that you focused on his love for his family being what changes his mind, and I especially love how you didn't set him too out of character by puttting forth his changing beliefs. He still hates Mudbloods and believes them to be inferior, but he just doesn't like all the death and violence. In other words, you didn't give him any unrealistic tranformation into a 'good guy'. He's believable, and that's the best trait for a character to have.

How can he consider it fair to punish me for being out-maneuvered by the Potter boy when he himself has been thwarted by the boy more times than anyone dares point out? -- This is so great. I can certainly see how this would make him appreciate the Dark Lord significantly less. What a great point to bring up.

I just loved the end as well, how he's kind of disgusted with himself for being weak and actually hoping Potter wins, but he seems to come to terms with it in the end and I think it speaks a lot to his growth as a character that he doesn't want to be on the strong side because other things matter more to him now.

This was such a great look into Lucius' head at such a critical moment and thank you so much for writing it! Wonderful work!! ♡

Author's Response: Hey Kristin!

Thanks so much for reviewing. I'm so glad you liked it. Lucius was a little uncooperative with me at first, but eventually he let me into his mind a little. Thanks so much for giving me this prompt. It was a lot of fun to look at things from Lucius's perspective.

I'm so happy you liked it =)


 Report Review

Review #44, by marauderfanPending Further Investigation: xiv. november twentieth [or] until death do us part

14th February 2015:
Sorry I'm not able to leave a long review right now, but I just had to tell you that omg the scene with Draco telling Scorpius to change the family motto. That was the best. Is someone cutting onions in here?

also 'queerly beloved' :D this chapter was too perfect. I loved it. ♥

 Report Review

Review #45, by marauderfanEffortlessly Dead: Uneasy Alliance

8th February 2015:
Emmi! I'm sorry in advance this will be a short review as I don't have much time but I just wanted to let you know I loved this chapter! I am curious how Murdo intends to go forward with his plan, and I don't think it can be good. Also, I am soo eager to see how Galen and Menna work together because they are so opposite and already off to a rocky start and just I don't know how it's going to work! haha. I did enjoy reading their arguing. :D Awesome chapter! ♥

Author's Response: I'm so glad you loved this! I was worried it might be too heavy on the dialogue, particularly the second part. I was also worried if Menna and Galen's arguing was too tedious but I'm glad that wasn't the case! I, too, wonder how they're going to work together from now on... They don't know that themselves! As for Murdo... well, that guy always has something in his sleeve, so we'll have to see how what's going to happen next. :)

Thank you so much for reviewing!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #46, by marauderfanLife Was Meant to Be Easy Now: Embarrassing Moments

8th February 2015:
Hi! I'm here with your review, and many thanks to you for being so patient :)

This was a lovely chapter! I love the way you write the Potters and how inclusive they are, I just love the idea of Scorpius playing Quidditch with his boyfriend's family even without Albus there - that's a sure sign that he fits right in with them :) And even though James said some thoughtless things in the last chapter, he does seem to feel really sorry about it. I think it will all turn out okay, and that the Potters like Scorpius more than he thinks. He still kind of seems to be in that phase where he's not entirely comfortable being himself around Albus' family, but at least a good game of Quidditch makes it all good again :)

Your dialogue flows really well. One thing I think might help to look at would be sentence structure, as I noticed a lot of sentences that started or ended the same way. For example this paragraph beginning with We eat some chicken sandwiches and Butterbeers in the kitchen. It's warm and cozy in their kitchen. --Both of those sentences end with 'kitchen', and the three that follow all begin with 'I'. You can vary this by joining short sentences together, or beginning some sentences with verb clauses - there are lots of ways to do this. Anyway, just something to think about. :)

As for pace, it felt a bit like filler to me as it didn't particularly advance the plot, but I do like filler chapters as it allows for fun scenes like family Quidditch :p I am eager to see what's coming up for them once they get back to Hogwarts!

This was a very enjoyable chapter! You're doing a wonderful job writing it and I like your characters a lot. Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Thank you for a great review! Don't worry about the time, a review is always welcome whenever it arrives! :-)

I'm especially glad that you help me with my sentence structure. Good cc is always appreciated! I'm going to edit these sentences, and try to keep that in mind further on!

You are right, this chapter is somewhat a filler, but it is also a build up in a way, I'm going to use this as a background for later chapters. :-)

Thanks for a lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #47, by marauderfanPending Further Investigation: xii. cross the line [or] don't say the a word

30th January 2015:
Anyway, we should talk about something other than dudes because we’re failing the real-life Bechdel test.” -- I can't even tell you how much I loved this line :D

And I loved the conversation between Rose and Holly, particularly them reflecting on their past and how they now considered their pre-scholarship selves quite boring, haha. I also appreciated the bit about Rose being a bit jealous that there are things where Holly can't relate to her as well as Holly can relate to Brodie, and how she feels a bit left out but still understanding. She's a good friend and wants Holly to be happy, but at the same time she misses being the best friend Holly confides in about everything. It's a complicated but real feeling and I liked how you illustrated it.

I'm so sad that Vic isn't that accepting of Teddy being genderqueer. (my internet browser just gave that word the red underline of "not a word" and that irritates me. my internet appears to be rather unaccepting too. but off topic.) I'm hoping that given a bit of time, Vic will learn tolerance and come to appreciate Teddy for who he is again. But in the meantime OMG WHAT WAS THAT ENDING. I WAS SO NOT EXPECTING THAT. All I can say is this is a decision that will probably be regretted in the future. gah!

all in all a great chapter!

 Report Review

Review #48, by marauderfanKeep Calm and Carry On: The Unfortunate Truth

26th January 2015:
Oh no! I feel like the previous chapters were almost too good to be true, and then this chapter is like... the 16-tonne weight that crashes down and is like "Oh hey. Here's reality, it's back."

I feel so bad for Rose. I mean, she's not that nice, but for her to be dumped and then fired all in quick succession is a recipe for a horrible week. And in a way, Rose is no worse than any of the other characters, who as Theo quite wisely pointed out at the end, are all a bit unscrupulous when it comes to getting ahead in the news industry. Reading from Edie's POV I sympathise with her a lot, but in the end, they're all making decisions which hurt other people, even though they're not bad people. That's one thing I love about this story because that's the way the real world works. No one can be super nice and not upset anyone else and get ahead in a career all without sacrificing something, and this chapter really shows that, in their different decisions.

What a mess, though! And poor Justin and Lisa caught in the middle of it. I don't know how Edie is going to find her way out of this, but I'm certain she will. Even though it probably means a bit of unwanted media attention and who knows what with her job.

I've got to say though, you definitely did surprise me with revealing that Theo was the one who sold them out. I suspected that Rose liked Oliver, but that didn't make it any easier to find out for sure.

This was a great chapter!

Author's Response: Hiya!

It was indeed starting to feel a little too fluffy--had to get back to the "cold hard truth" of Edie's existence in which everything always goes wrong always.

I'm glad you feel bad for Rose! The last thing I wanted was to have some kind of standoff between she and Edie/Oliver, and have a clear "Ha! Rose we've finally bested you!" moment. She's having a rough time indeed, between Oliver and being fired. The tables have turned and now she's the one having rotten luck.

Yes! You really hit the nail on the head--I wanted this story progress from Edie thinking that she's so much better than Oliver, and being very high-and-mighty, and then slowly realizing that he is actually the kinder person with more integrity. Theo really spells it out for her in the end, as you pointed out. I think she needed to hear it from somebody she felt betrayed by; someone who she thought was her friend. Hearing it from her mother wasn't enough because she wrote it off, as she did with Lisa a bit.

"No one can be super nice and not upset anyone else and get ahead in a career all without sacrificing something..." Yes! I love reviews like this that allow for discussion of the plot... Aghh thank you so much.

Thank you so much for reading. The next chapter is a bit slow-going, but it's all coming to a culmination very soon ♥

 Report Review

Review #49, by marauderfanThe Worst: Settling

26th January 2015:
Hi Aditi! Here with your review!

Aah, your description of the still night in that first section is just GORGEOUS, I can picture it all so clearly. And then when Dom's transformation happens - that was incredibly well written and I feel like I was right there with her. You include all these details that just make the scene so real, I love it.

“Accio wand,” she muttered and saw it zooming towards her from the cabinet -- this stood out to me because can you summon something without a wand? (You might be right, and remembering something I'm not, but this surprised me - maybe something to have a look at.)

I really loved Dom's talk with Victoire and Julia - they are exactly what she needs. Victoire is sensitive and tactful and has all these gifts, Julia isn't tactful but she treats Dom just like normal, which I think is something Dom really craves. Everything is normal with her and her friends again and now she feels like she'll be okay -that is so great. I'm totally on the same page as Dom about the marriage, it's too much to rush into suddenly, but it definitely makes sense to talk to Teddy at this point and I'm glad Vic and Julia helped her come to that conclusion.

“That’s like my girl,” said Julia with a grin. -- here I think it might sound better to just say "That's my girl"

One area you might want to clarify is also this bit: She had braved the outside world for the first time yesterday for an interview for the Prophet. -- at first I thought she had been interviewed (about becoming a werewolf or something) and then I realized you meant she had conducted an interview (because she's a reporter). Maybe it was just me reading it wrong, but one way to clarify this would be to say "she had conducted an interview" or "she had interviewed someone about (insert random topic here)."

Hm. I don't actually remember who David Dale is but I remember the name, I think he had something to do with Delilah Jones' plan. And I think he was a werewolf. I'll look back a couple of chapters haha, as it's been a while since I read those now. I can't imagine what he wants from her though, unless he wants to apologise for something? Mystery. I like it.

Despite this being a bit fillery, I never have objection to filler chapters because I think they're important as kind of a break between really important scenes. And the first bit of this was not filler at all. I think showing her first transformation and recovery was so important and you did wonderfully with that. Can't wait to see how it all turns out! Great chapter. :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

I am pleased you liked the first section of the story. I tried my best with the descriptions so I'm glad it worked.

I think, in the HP books, someone does "Accio" their wand (though I can't remember who). I think advanced witches and wizards who have mastered spells can do this kind of magic. And I felt that Dominique could have done it so I wrote it =)

Victoire and Julia are really what Dom needs right now, and I'm glad that came across. I am also happy that Dom's reasoning for not marrying Teddy made sense to you!

I have now corrected the typo, thanks!

David Dale is a werewolf - that's all I'll say for now. More will be revealed in the next chapter. You don't have to look back if you don't want to - it'll make sense in the next chapter either way haha. I do love my mysteries ;)

I felt this filler chapter was important as well - to show Dom's transformation, its aftermath (I actually edited in some content that showed a more miserable aftermath than before) and her dealing with everything.

Thanks again!

 Report Review

Review #50, by marauderfanSubjugo Sempiterne - Forever Under the Yoke: Part 1: Friendship and Betrayal

25th January 2015:
Hi Rose! I'm here for our swap. I remember seeing this on your page ages ago and it always intrigued me, as there's not a lot of stories about house elves, and I love that you decided to explore the origin of the subjugation of house elves.

I like how you started out (first because I love that quote) and also because it's kind of like the beginning of a fable. It gives it the properly old-fashioned feel you'd expect for something set in this era of wizarding history. The setting you began with is so interesting too, in a time where house elves and wizards were basically equal. That's such a lovely idea - as well as the fact that they became such good friends and learned from one another!

Even from the beginning you can see signs of prejudice even though their friends, with Hywel doubting Winifred's tale that she rode a dragon just because she's a small house-elf. I love the subtlety of this how it's a reminder that sometimes prejudice is there even when you don't realize it as such.

I think they could have seen through their differences if not for the intervention of Hywel's friend Rhein, who actively seeks to be more powerful and encourages Hywel to do so, as when an idea is commonly held it's a lot harder to challenge than just one individual, which is what Hywel's opinions were before Rhein supported them. I can see the beginnings of the magic is might idea in both of their reasoning, as well as how house-elf magic is more of a 'natural' magic.

Lol at Malmagus estate. I guess he had no chance at being a good wizard even if he wanted to be. :p

I like how you tied in the relations between wizards and Muggles and all the tensions that brings between not only humans but elves as well.

This is a really interesting story and you've brought up such interesting ideas. Are you planning to continue it! I"d love to read the rest!

Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: So... I should write more stories because I don't want you to run out of stuff to read. :D

I remember when I wrote this I thought it was kind of weird/experimental for me but it's quite reassuring when people say it came across as a fable rather than 'random crazy thing' they read. I think my prompt for this was to write about house elves and it's always bothered me that they are subjugated to wizards - I didn't think they had always been that way and wanted to poke at that idea.

I'm really glad the existing issues came through in the story. I don't think one friendship completed did in the elf/wizard relationships, they just kind of tipped the scale. Rhein is definitely an instigator of more trouble - he's a bit more prominent in the next part of this (which I've actually outlined now). Unfortunately, Rhein is more of the everyday wizard in this period where there are fewer tolerant and understanding ones like Hywel.

Malmagus was my extremely subtle naming sceme. :D

I remember them saying in CoS that muggles and wizards didn't get along in the founder era (which is partly why Slytherin didn't trust the muggleborn students).

I am planning on continuing this!!! I have an outline now and just need to sit down to do it.

Thank you for a wonderful, encouraging review!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>