Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
1,489 Reviews Found

Review #26, by marauderfanA 1960s Cadillac: The Art of Angst

28th August 2016:
This is such a great story about Angsty Silences Potter. Or is it Albus Severus? eh, same letters, same thing.

Angst is so difficult to look past so he needs a girl that will be willing to forget her social life for him. -- Did you just sum up all the bad fanfics I've ever read? Yes. Yes you did. :D

It's like if I suddenly went around and told everyone to call me - to call me - Alsevter or something! It's ridiculous." -- I'm telling him, there's always Angsty Silences!

Matty Matthew growls. "Your in 'Claw territory now, Potty."
"First of all, you're*.
-- THIS IS THE BEST QUOTE FROM THE STORY. OR IN FACT ANY STORY I HAVE EVER SEEN. I like actually guffawed out loud at this. Yes, guffawed.

The fingers crossed being such a plot point XD HAhaha, I just can't with this story.

his eyes are closed so it's dark and he thinks he's looking at his soul. This is so brilliant

cashew eyes :P She's really a nut, isn't she. Ahaha.

Plums, this was BRILLIANT, thank you for writing such a wonderfully horrible story and sharing it with the world. I'm not sure whether it should be awarded an Outstanding or Troll. I think probably just "Outstanding Troll."



Haha, yeah, I am sooo done with fics that have the girl abandon her life for her boyfriend. Like. Seriously. What a great message. So inspiring!


Fingers being crossed is a serious thing okay

It's just wrong.

*insert ed miliband vine*

Thank you for managing to actually get through this fic! And for having enough brain cells left after that torture to review it too.

Plums xo

[Also, thank you for Angsty Silences Potter. You are a godsend.]

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Review #27, by marauderfanTwilight: Unbreakable Dawn

28th August 2016:
This is a literary masterpiece.

The end.

(Also, regarding Ed's 5 to 6 skills: I see what you did there.)

Author's Response: Why, thank you ;)

(I'm so glad you noticed)

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Review #28, by marauderfanThe Tantalizing Temptation of Teenage Tropes: The Tantalizing Temptation of Teenage Tropes

28th August 2016:
What an amazing work of art and adverbs. I also loved the description and the well developed plot. Their true love seems so realistic. You should be so proud of this story! XD

Author's Response: Oh thank you! You know, I really think it was a social commentary on the romanticized notions of young love. Very insightful. I'm quite proud! :P

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Review #29, by marauderfanThe Sorting Of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore: Are you sure?

27th August 2016:

I've never seen anything like this story before so I had to read this one! No one ever writes 11-year-old Dumbledore.

Omg, I am an idiot. Confession: when you mentioned the strange boy with auburn hair I was like "oh, I wonder who that is?" ... I forgot he had auburn hair. I forgot that he didn't have white hair when he was 11. XD *dies*

Hahaha, the lies about the sorting test (from siblings, etc) seems to be a tradition through the ages!

Albus is so entitled and sure of himself even at that age! Ha, of course he wants to show off his magical skill :P I honestly love reading Dumbledore like this, so incredibly different from the one we know from the books, but it's also possible to see how this bright, arrogant kid ended up as the wise, regretful old man of the books.

I love that you wrote a sorting hat song! I liked it. And I find it easy to believe that the sorting hat would re-use an occasional line from time to time. After 1000 years of coming up with songs it probably struggles to come up with totally original ones, so the reused last line absolutely fits :D

I love your reasoning as to why Albus ended up in Gryffindor, and I can absolutely see that being the case, especially that he had done enough introspection by that point to see that about himself. He would have been a really good Ravenclaw or Slytherin, for sure.

Aww, and I love that you included his friendship with Elphias Doge at the end (and a hint that Albus displayed characteristics of Hufflepuff as well).

This was so great! I would never have expected to find a story like this and it was such a joy to read. :)

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Review #30, by marauderfanThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 6: A Pitch Black Dungeon

27th August 2016:

the idea of Bellatrix's laughter echoing off all the walls in a dark space is TERRIFYING. I don't blame Dobby for wanting to run.

I almost... feel sorry for Bellatrix? Almost. I mean, I still very much hate her for killing off my favorite character but here she's just being left to die but can't die. All she can do is scream insults at people (which she still does very adeptly) but she's literally just chained to the floor to rot there. I can't believe you've made me feel sorry for her, after all she's done! But Dobby is right, Bellatrix isn't worth their time.

That bit about her killing Sirius again... I assume that's a lie. I assume. It has to be! ...right? I mean, Sirius is regularly more impulsive than sensible, but he was told that running after Harry would endanger Harry's chances (I'm pretty sure someone said that?) so I don't think he would run after him because as annoyed as he might be, he knowingly endanger Harry.

I think you wrote that forgiveness scene really well, and the 'motives' of the afterlife seem to be a bit clearer now. All the negative emotions, grudges, and hatreds during life are brought back and the person has to let go of all that negativity in order to pass, at least that's how it looks so far. Harry did well. I really liked what he said about all he'd lost to Bellatrix in his life, and how he wouldn't make that mistake again.

Kind of makes me wonder how Sirius and Snape get along in the afterlife, because we know Sirius is there, and, well, with Snape I'd guess that the good outweighed the bad, as we already know he had a lot of remorse, so I think he's probably in as well, but... would they have had to forgive each other? Would they be able to stick with it? I would love to see these two interact and how they've dealt with that very angry, bitter past between them. but yeah, kind of a sidetrack :P

Anyway... I don't think Bellatrix is gone for all eternity. I think she's around somewhere, but I don't know where. Part of me wonders if that was the real Bellatrix that Harry saw there, or if she was an illusion created just for Harry's test.

Your Dobby dialogue is really good. There was only one spot where it was a bit off, which was here, one of the last lines in the chapter: “But I is thinking we should find a way out -- I don't think Dobby uses first person much, you might want to change that to his name.

So anyway this is really good and I'm so glad I had a chance to come back and read more of it! What an amazing chapter!

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Review #31, by marauderfanTwo Birds, One Stone: One

26th August 2016:
Hiii Jill! I'm here with your review from HPFT!

Okay first things first: her surname is THOMAS-FINNEGAN which I am so happy about because yay for deamus.

Her ex is SUCH a jerk. There are a lot of words I want to use to describe him but most of them are not 12+ so I'll just say that I agree with James' assessment of him :P

OMG IT'S A FAKE DATING STORY. I have a secret weak spot for those if they're written well, and I know you write well, so I'm really excited for this :D I think the second half of the chapter really sets up the mood for the rest of the story, and it is light hearted with a touch of revenge and manipulation, so really, it's ideal. :P

Descriptions are good, particularly of the setting of the Leaky Cauldron when she walks in - enough to give the reader a sense of the atmosphere, and I like that you don't forget about that after you've introduced it (i.e. later, Hannah mentions people's heads turning towards her). You include a lot of visual details about James, so that's well done. There's not a huge amount of description of herself, but that's okay, especially considering that it's from first person pov. I mean, you don't want to overload the reader with something like "I have auburn hair that reaches halfway down my back, brown eyes, and I am 5'3" with a long neck. I have a freckle on my chin, and my eyelashes are long and thick." haha so yeah what you have is good for a start, it's kind of just a basic description of her (her hair colour). You could maybe include another detail about her in this chapter, but otherwise I think a more detailed description can definitely be built up naturally as the story goes on.

So the main thing you asked about was characterization. I think you've done really well with this so far through the actions of your characters. James comes across as impulsive and very protective. Hannah strikes me as more of a planner, someone who really thinks about things before deciding what to do, but as she's pretty distraught in this one, her agreement to James' plan seemed more like it was motivated by her distraughtness than something she would do normally. I kind of wonder if she's going to have second thoughts when she has time to think about it! Regardless, I think you've done well at establishing the characters. :)

A few items of CC:
At the beginning Hannah says that James is her best friend, but later on she says Natalie is her best friend. Are all her friends her best friend, or are they like, equal as they both have the status of BFF, or... I guess this is a picky thing but could be good to maybe specify?

This might not be important to you, but I seem to remember in the DH epilogue Harry mentions that Albus is the only one of his kids who has green eyes. Again, not important, but if you're a canon nut maybe it's a thing to look into :P

and last, here: she all but laughed in my life -- that's probably meant to say 'face'

okay, I think that's all :) I really enjoyed this first chapter, thanks for requesting! Of course please feel free to re-request whenever chapter 2 goes up! :)

Author's Response: Oh hello, Kristin!!

Yay for Deamus! I'm super excited to write them as dads in a story because I've wanted to for a while. I'm glad people are as excited about the idea as I am!

I LOVE FAKE DATING TOO! But I've surprisingly never written it. I'm glad you're on board with that too :D

Ooh, thank you. I've been trying to work on balancing my descriptions by adding more detail without it being too overwhelming, so I'm glad that it seems to work well here. I'm not huge on description when I read, so I'm trying to find the nice balance when I write as well. And wait a minute, you DON'T want a super clear image of what she looks like?! :P

I like that you're able to nail personalities based on their actions. That's exactly what I'm going for, so their relationship seems to balance each other well. She keeps him in line and makes sure he doesn't do stupid things. sometimes. And about the second thoughts... *innocent whistling* XD

You know, that's a good point. I'll try and specify that more; James has been her friend since childhood, but Nat's only been her friend since Hogwarts. It's a best girl friend/best guy friend sort of deal, but I'll try to make that clearer in chapter 2.

Ooh, I didn't know that! I'll go back and edit :D

lol, I totally meant to say "face" and I totally giggled when I read that. Thanks for pointing it out!

Thanks so much for the lovely review! I might take you up on that offer ;)

♥ Jill

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Review #32, by marauderfanStorge: Storge

22nd August 2016:
Hi Bex! This is for Gift Tag!

I love stories about Ariana, so I was really excited to read this. And what a great POV you've used here. It can be hard to write characters in first-person who are a little out of touch with what's going on around them, because they don't really see themselves as out of touch with their surroundings. They just see their surroundings in a different way. And that's what you've done here, in a way that says a lot about Ariana.

It feels very appropriate that you chose to write kind of a stream-of-consciousness pattern to this. It jumps around a lot, focusing repeatedly on certain themes such as goats and eyes, and she says very little out loud compared to all that's going on in her head. In her head, this flow of thoughts makes perfect sense to her, but to an outsider who only hears what she says out loud, she would seem to be not entirely there, hence the pity she gets from Gellert and from her brothers - but unlike how they assume she is, she knows that they pity her and she doesn't like it. She knows she's sick, at the end. But she sees a lot more than everyone else gives her credit for.

I also like the way you gave an insight into how Ariana felt. Among other things it's plain she suffers from anxiety, what with how she has to remind herself to breathe. I really liked the way you showed that so clearly without having to 'tell' anything. The whole story really is a great example of 'showing rather than telling', you did a great job with that.

This is really lovely! I'm so glad I stopped by to read it!

Author's Response: hey!

I don't see Ariana as having anything 'wrong' with her, and I'm sure Ariana wouldn't either, which is why I wrote her as any 'normal' person, but just with a different outlook. I knew third person wouldn't do for this kind of story, because it might distance her too much. I'm glad you think it worked!

I've done a few stream-of-consciousness exercises before at uni, but they were more for drama based stuff, but it made it a lot easier and fun to write rather than just straight 1st or 3rd person.

I think she would've had anxiety, I mean she's aware that she can't control her magic, and I think the effects of that would be a lot of panic attacks afterwards. But in that period anxiety definitely wasn't really known of or spoken about (v early 1900s??? I don't think people acknowledged mental health, i may be wrong.), and i suspect that the wizarding world would be the same.

Such a lovely review, it's nice to see someone who loves Ariana just as much as I do!! Thank you :D


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Review #33, by marauderfanThe Harder They Fall: A New Day

22nd August 2016:
Gift tag! I couldn't resist coming back to read more.

Finn. Seriously this is what, the second day of school, and he's already given up on the idea of punctuality. Oh well. I can't complain if it sets him up with Brindley.

Legitimate medical reasons...? like... a cold? please say it's nothing worse

"The pretty things are dangerous" -- something Hero found out the hard way, but I think it's fair to say butterflies aren't dangerous. Nor is Brindley, just FYI Finn. Maybe she's dangerous to his current status as Tom's BFF, but that's a good thing :P

Broken hearts were weak. -- *SOBS* I know Finn would not appreciate my sympathy, but I just feel so bad for him here.

WOAH, so Grindelwald is planning to hold Illegitimate Potter Child hostage until his father gives up the Invisibility Cloak? (I'm assuming) Eek.

I really don't like the way Jameson treats his son. It seems to me he's just using him as a piece in a game, so to speak - he cares about him as a son, I'm sure, but equally so, he cares about Finn in terms of what Finn can do for Jameson's cause, without thinking of whether or not Finn even wants to be involved. Ugh.

Also, Finn is SUCH a jerk, blowing smoke at Brindley just to be obnoxious. Hahaha. I still like him as a character though, but for this I kind of want to smack him over the head with a book.

Aww, poor Sebastian! I can't blame him for reacting towards Finn as he did, but that must hurt. I hope Finn starts to open his eyes after this, because his second-year cousin sees more than he does...

And stealing from the Headmaster? Bold move. Of course Tom would have Finn do it instead, but that's got to be a daunting task. I mostly want him to fail, except then Tom will probably make some tragic "accident" befall him. O__O

This was a great chapter though! I love the way the story is shaping up!

Author's Response: Oh bless you. I'm so happy you're back!

Yeah, Finn wouldn't appreciate your sympathy, but I do, if that means anything :P

You assume right! That's Grindelwald's plan, dun dun duuun.

You have no idea how much I laughed at you wanting to smack Finn over the head with a book, hahaha!

Thanks so much again Kristin! Always so amazing to hear from you ♥

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Review #34, by marauderfanFallen: The Birthday

21st August 2016:
Yesss!!! I am so stoked there's a sequel to Complicated, and especially that it's from Cassie's POV. Oh man and it already starts out with a heap of angst and heartbreak, I know I'm going to love it. :D

Cassie is definitely different than how she used to be as a teenager, but it's subtle - exactly the way change is as someone grows up. But in a lot of ways she's the same too; she still has that same tendency to run from her problems and hurt people in the process, without really thinking about consequences. I wonder if that's what she did with her kid, like gave it up for adoption or something, because there's been no mention of the kid so far, and knowing Cassie, taking care of a child was too much for her as a seventeen year old so she probably ran from that responsibility as well. But... I find her POV really compelling, and I can't wait to read more of this story.

This is awesome. I know you said at the beginning of chapter 1 that you weren't planning to write this story but I am so glad you did!

Author's Response: Yay I'm so glad you enjoyed reading! I know I said I wasn't planning to write this but I think deep down I knew that I wouldn't be able to resist. I'm enjoying Cassie's point of view a lot.

Thanks for reviewing :) xx

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Review #35, by marauderfanSurvival of the Fittest: We're being followed

21st August 2016:
Gift tag! I couldn't resist coming back!

If the entire world would just take a few measures to not be [non 12+] the world would be such a better place. -- PREACH. but like actually this is SO TRUE, and so simple!

Wow, the little snippets of back story here about the characters - that's heartbreaking about Theo's sister. And even more than events, you're so good at showing rather than telling what his and Riya's relationship is like, how she can read him so easily, and they can predict each other's actions.

I love the background on the goblins. So much. What I appreciate most is that you make the 'villains' understandable - yes, they're taking over and have created the mess that all of Britain's wizards currently find themselves in, but they were being used as a scapegoat by the wizarding community and blamed for wizards' problems and they're fighting back. I love that the 'enemy' is complicated here, and that even though I worry for the protagonists of the story, I can sympathise with the goblins as well.

But what do they do with the taken people? Hostages? Or killed? eek

What are Harry and his family doing there? And given Riya's paranoia about him being there, I can't help but wonder whose side the Potters are on... otherwise wouldn't she be happier to see other people? things are about to get very interesting. things were already interesting, but this is a whole new level of interesting.

Great chapter once again!

Author's Response: Hi! :D

It's so easy! Why can't people just try!

I'm so glad you say that because I usually struggle with telling instead of showing so I had to keep going back and editing it in to make it sound more natural.

Understandable villains are my favorite villains because a little part of me is kinda cheering on the goblins as they go be completely savage.

That is the question of the hour! It will be exposed though!

The Potters are all kinds of complicated during this war. And the Weasleys. Hermione has always been on the side of intelligent creatures, y'know!

Thank you so much for such a lovely review!

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Review #36, by marauderfanThe Harder They Fall: Left Behind

21st August 2016:

So um. Somehow this story has been sitting here for months and I haven't read it yet, despite how much I loved Hero. I'm here to remedy that.

Before we even begin I'm so excited to be reading about Finn. Throughout Hero's story there were hints that Finn was kind of having second thoughts at times, and I'm really looking forward to this insight into his mind. Also I know there's a Slytherpuff romance and I have a weakness for those. :D

A spider bite. An allergic reaction. Preventable. But Finn hadn’t been there, hadn’t been able to protect her as a brother should.
Now he wasn’t a brother at all.
-- guh this just kills me :'( Also, I wonder how long it will be before Finn finds out the truth about his sister's death. And whether Tom will tell him, or whether Finn will accidentally discover the truth...

“If you’re going to die, can you do it quietly?” -- *narrows eyes at Bianca* THIS BETTER NOT BE FORESHADOWING. After the final chapter of Hero I really don't know what to expect from you. Don't do it. I'm suspicious mainly because of Saffron's reaction. What was she doing?

The resurrection stone appears. The previous owner 'no longer had need of it'... yeah, that's one way to put it.

Hahahaha at Radbourne convincing Benedict to go to the meeting with Slughorn because "There's food". Hilarious because it's so true that this is a sure way to get anyone to go to a meeting!

WAND JOKES. XD Of course, this is a group of teenage boys, I shouldn't have expected otherwise. And Tom doesn't even laugh! He has about as much of a sense of humour as plasterboard.

Ahh and that last section is so sad. Particularly how he admits (to himself) that she was what he wanted to be, and that he knows he is what she was afraid to become. like, he doesn't really think a whole lot about what exactly it is he's doing and how much he personally aligns with it, but he's self-aware enough to realize that he envies Hero in how she's not like him. Cue angsting from Finn in upcoming chapters as he struggles with who he is and figures out Tom's role in Hero's death and/or simply grows tired of Tom's lack of a sense of humour.

This is great so far. I can't wait to read more. :D

Author's Response: YAY Kristin! I'm SO glad you're here! Welcome ;) I'm ready to break hearts all over again?

What? Nothing.

Kristin, I'm shocked that you think I would foreshadow such things :P But I like how I'm clearly going to be keeping you on your toes throughout this story! Muahaha.

I'm glad you like the boys! My first time writing such a group of people, and I was nervous about it, but if it's coming out like I wanted, then I'm happy :D

Oh yes. Cue the angst.

Thanks so much for stopping by Kristin! Much love ♥ ♥ ♥

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Review #37, by marauderfanSurvival of the Fittest: Is this the end of the world?

21st August 2016:
Hi Paula! This is for Gift Tag ♥

Theo is the kind of name that elicits mental images of handsome, dangerous men with chiseled jaw lines, -- one paragraph into the story and I already love your narrator.

Also woah. I really love the way you're establishing the setting. It's not heavy handed, just a phrase here or there that hints of the unpleasant, sort of dystopian atmosphere, but like, it's not described as anything extraordinary because the characters are used to this setting, so it's normal for them. I really like the way you did that.

side note, but the biologist in me is freaking out - did they just leave that fire there when they ran?! they're going to start a forest fire! she planning to run to Greenland? or does she miraculously have a seaworthy vessel waiting for her at some port?...

Haha, Theo's survival instincts. Something tells me he wouldn't last a day without Riya. I love his historical anecdotes about the countryside they're passing through, but... seriously they're being pursued through the forest and he decides to talk about King Arthur XD

I only laughed a little before helping him because I’m an excellent friend. -- another reason I love Riya. Sleeping in a tree though - better hope for some thick strong branches otherwise that's bound to be so uncomfortable. And terrifying. Like a bunk bed that's narrower than your body and 50 feet off the ground. O__O

How long have they been travelling like this? What's the back story on the goblins? Man I have SO many questions and I just want to read this whole story right now, I really love this first chapter. You did an amazing job setting the scene and all the accompanying tone of the story, all the fear and exhaustion and how it's a struggle to survive, and against that backdrop you have already created two vibrant characters and I love them already! I love their friendship and how they work together and I think they're especially going to need each other for encouragement. I can't imagine them doing what they're doing alone. Are they going to run into other refugees? Where are their families? And last but not least how are they going to get to Greenland (and why)? This is such an effective first chapter at introducing the story and conflict and making me want to read more ASAP.

My only cc would be that I think you can divide your first paragraph into two, separating after the question who really even knows what love is?, because those are both kind of abstract thoughts and then after that with the tea kettle it settles into events, and there's kind of a shift there.

Anyway, that's a small thing, and overall I really love what you've written of this so far. I'm so glad I posted after you in gift tag, this story is fantastic!

Author's Response: Hi! :D

I'm so glad you mentioned the fire because I genuinely thought the exact same thing but my husband and I argued it over and if you have to run you'll probably risk a fire! And Riya eventually wants to be a biologist! She should know better! Only you can stop forest fires!

Riya came from a family with finances so she's packed with some muggle and magical money that she fully intends to have converted!

Sweet baby Theo would be very lost without Riya. He's just a bit soft for this kind of world!

I'm so glad that this chapter conjured up all of these questions for you! That makes me so happy!

Thank you so much for such a wonderful, thoughtful review!

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Review #38, by marauderfanThe Ghostly Coup at Hogwarts: The Failed Coup of 1967

19th August 2016:
MY DEAR BIANCA. I'm here with your requested review!

You wrote a story entirely in dialogue!! That's really impressive. Especially so because each of the characters is so well defined, and at a certain point I can tell exactly who is speaking, without you ever having to put in dialogue tags. Each character's voice was so distinct.

Bless Sir Nicholas, being the one voice of reason. Sir Patrick is kind of like what I'd expect Gilderoy Lockhart to be as a ghost 500 years later, exaggerating his heroic deeds that really aren't that impressive :P

Toad cracks me up. Like, is he just the ghost of an actual toad? XD What was especially funny was that everyone else seems to understand exactly what he's saying. He's kind of like Chewbacca, only smaller and much less furry, in that I can't understand him on his own but the other characters can, and it's through their responses that I can figure out what Toad is saying. He had some smartass comments about Sir Patrick's head, hahaha.

But the greatest dialogue by far would have to be the Bloody Baron. Honestly that was so funny.

Peeves, that jerk. Not even a real ghost! He had to ruin everything. :P This was such a silly story. I think I missed the bit on your request where it said this was a humour story, and so the actual story caught me by surprise a bit :P But honestly I loved this. I can't believe it doesn't have more reviews yet! So yeah, I think you have nothing to worry about - it's a highly enjoyable fic - it's a silly plot, cleverly written, and manages to tell a whole story entirely in dialogue (which is kind of an intimidating sounding task if I'm honest.) I loved this, thanks for requesting it in my thread!

P.S., by the way, did you know that an earthworm has 5 hearts.

Author's Response: MY DARLING KRISTIN.

I did, I did! Look what I gone and done! I'm so happy you thought everyone's voice was distinct - that was the real worry.

Omg Lockhart as a ghost... Can you imagine?!

Ah, Toad... Who knows! He was actually a ghost in JK's early drafts (I think) so I just had to use him (it?). HA HA the similarities between him and Chewbacca are so true :D

I don't know if I actually put that it was humour, but I think people just expect things from me to be dark? I don't know. But look - I'M FUNNY!

P.S. I did not know that, but did you know earthworms are disgusting?

Thanks again, Kristin ♥ ♥

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Review #39, by marauderfanBlackbird: Blackbird

1st August 2016:
Hi Rose, this review is part of your prize for winning the scavenger hunt and omg this story IS SO CUTE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! how did I not know about this fic until today I am dying.

“No and you need glasses,” Albus said by way of morning greeting.
“My eyes are just adjusting to-“
“To age,” Albus cut across the excuse.
-- THE SASS right here. hahahaha I love these two. It's been a while since I read True Romance now and I didn't realize how much I missed these characters until I read that branbus fluff and it hit me with the force of the whomping willow. Branbus I missed you.

Cora is THE CUTEST CHILD EVER. Hahaha I can so see this:
Cora whispered, “Do you know what today is?” to her doll. She waited a moment before informing her dads, “I forgot what today is.”

a day off work so they can be the cutest family ever!

“Aren’t you my daddy already?” -- AWWW ♥

I'm sorry I have nothing useful or constructive to say about this. It's just so cute I lost my ability to words properly.

I loved this ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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Review #40, by marauderfanThe Corner: The Corner

31st July 2016:
GIFT TAG FOR YOU MY LOVELY TALENTED RENEE ♥ (This is Part 1 of 2 of your gift. Check your forum profile for part 2)

Okay but that scene when Harry and Dudley are actually having fun together, playing a pretend game of knights and magic (looks like Dudley is King Arthur and Harry is Merlin? haha) ... this is too cute for words. One of probably VERY few times they ever actually enjoyed each other's company, when they were still too young to hate each other. It's so adorable that they're just playing a game and just being silly kids, and the fact that Harry's in the corner while Dudley gets to eat Fruit Loops on the sofa doesn't matter to either of them.

AND THEN PETUNIA HAS TO RUIN IT BECAUSE SHE LOOKS UP. Gah, couldn't she just have kept doing her nails?! But really, this was so well written, especially for the kids at this age. Harry is confused why his aunt and uncle don't like him, and Dudley hasn't learnt to hate Harry yet - this is just about the instincts of kids before they have fully absorbed all the dynamics of their surroundings.

Sometimes the dragon set fire to the house, or the mouse got caught in a trap. Other times, one of the genius’ inventions went terribly wrong, or the warrior died in battle -- The way Harry's imagination gets the best of him and he's really there and things are just happening in his world while he forgets that it's his own imagination - this reminds me so strongly of all Calvin's adventures with Hobbes in the comic strip. Half the time Calvin uses his Transmogrifier he ends up doing something he didn't intend and horrible stuff happens. And that's what this paragraph made me think of :P

I think you used the song really well, too. Perfect choice.

Like everything else you write, this was amazing. I am always in awe of your writing.

♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡

Author's Response: KRISTIN! ♥

Thank you for the gift!!

Children seem to make friends at the drop of a hat. Honestly, that's one of the things I most love about kids. Like you said, they're "still too young to hate each other."

Everyone hates Petunia in this story hahaha. (You'll see the humor of that to me, when my main WIP is all about her :P)

OMG. Calvin and Hobbes is so amazing! What a wonderfully nice thing to have this compared to!

You are so nice to me Kristin! *squish* Thank you for this super sweet review, as well as the awesome Avatar hug you left for me!

all the hugs!

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Review #41, by marauderfanIce.: Ice.

31st July 2016:
Another one for the review hot seat!

Wow, this was really powerful. Not only as an exploration into what Lavender was like after the war, but also into depression in general - I felt like I could relate to a lot of this for that reason.

It's easier to hold yourself together when you hold yourself a little aloof from everyone, even the people you care about. -- oof, that line rings so true. And it says a lot about Lavender's emotional state, and how she's distanced herself from everyone she used to love, because she's so worried she'll fall apart and not be able to put herself back together. It's so heartbreaking, and it's kind of this feedback cycle that only gets worse as she continues to isolate herself the worse it gets.

I agree that work is an effective distraction from things you don't want to think about. But you can't work all the time. So either she'll find herself thinking about the things she was trying to avoid, or she'll just work until she's exhausted from not taking any breaks. Poor thing. Lavender is hurting so much and it's portrayed SO well here - so raw, so emotional.

I really like that you chose to write in second person, as well. It works really beautifully with this type of piece - it's more intimate than third person, but more detached than first. And I think that fits in so much with Lavender's state of mind; she's going through some intensely difficult things and we see into her mind and it's so bleak, but at the same time, as she says herself in the fic - she's pushing herself away from people, she's detached. So yeah, not only do I just love this POV in general but it works so well with the story here.

Fantastic work on this fic. beautifully done.

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Review #42, by marauderfanThis Isn't Control: This Isn't Control

30th July 2016:
Hi Jill! I'm here for Review Tag :)

This story was so good! I loved Hero and wow I had no idea you'd written a companion piece to it. That's so cool - and Bianca is very lucky! :)

I imagine it's very difficult to write Tom Riddle. I've never tried, but it's obvious there's SO much complexity there and he's a very layered character. So, mad respect for you for taking on that challenge of writing him, and especially for doing it so well!

This shows such a great contrast in his personality. One the one hand, he's already murdered a person or two, is on the path to creating his Horcruxes, and his plans revolve solely on manipulating Hero. But on the other hand... he's a teenage boy, "dating" a pretty girl. And he's having issues focusing on his plans because he finds her a bit distracting. I know that Voldemort never loved anyone, and whether that's because he was actually unable to, or because he just didn't want to because that would get in his way, is anyone's guess, I suppose. And no one ever said anything about lust. :P Maybe he could have had a lot of feelings about her, but in the end, he gets annoyed when she talks or has opinions, so... that wouldn't have really worked out in the long run. :P

Dumbledore is very perceptive. I actually find it so realistic that he'd pop up at random times just to keep an eye on Tom and make sure he's not getting into trouble, which would infuriate Tom, but Dumbledore was probably in the minority as someone who could see through Tom's false charm and distrusted him for it.

This is really well written and I think you did a great job with two very difficult characters (Dumbledore and Tom) and writing it in the Hero-verse as well. I loved this.

Author's Response: Hey, Kristen! What a pleasant surprise XD

I sort of wrote this while everything was happening, so I think it went unnoticed, and therefore, even I sort of forgot about this story. Oops. But I actually really like it, too. ♥

I really had a hard time with writing Riddle. Also living up to Bianca's portrayal of him! I'm so glad that you saw the contrasts in his personality, because that was exactly what I was trying to highlight here. And yes, he might be using Hero, but she's first a pretty girl and like you said, he a teenage boy. Lust happens to a lot of us, even the Dark Lord himself :D

Oh, thank you! I totally agree with you, especially with that scene we get between Riddle and Dumbledore in CoS, which is what this is based off of.

Thank you so much for this wonderful review!


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Review #43, by marauderfanThe Blue Ashwinder: The Remedy in the Book

29th July 2016:
Another for the hot seat!

James...never seemed to be happier than when he’d just been carted in from facing down a mountain troll. -- some hobbies run in the family, I see

That potion making room sounds horrible. I mean I can understand wanting to minimize distractions, but making the place look and feel like a prison is not necessarily going to make people focus better. Sigh.

Ugh. With five hours of research on top of that. That's a long day. Poor Scorpius :( It's hard to be the lowest rung on the ladder who ends up having to do all the busy work.

That book using the word 'mudbloods' makes me sad. Not very nice of it.

Oh man, home remedies for Spattergroit - like standing in the full moon with a toad liver strapped to your throat - this makes me think of the myriad 'cures' people have suggested for getting rid of hiccups, like "Eat a spoonful of peanut butter while turning your head upside down". Complicated, weird, and they never work. :P I hope for Scorpius' sake that he did actually find a real cure that works. Especially after spending six hours in the library after a ten-hour shift.

I'm glad he got to meet up with a friend at least, even if he couldn't go on his date woth Rose. Commiserating with a friend over an equally terrible schedule - hey, that's not so bad! So after all he did get to do something other than work. James' reaction about the blue ashwinder was very interesting. Clearly he has heard of them, and there's something odd about them. I'm really curious know what James knows about them!

This is a really interesting start to your story, I love what I've read so far and I really enjoy your characterization of Scorpius. I'll be eager to read more of this when it's up and posted! Great work :)

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Review #44, by marauderfanUnforgivable: Imperio

29th July 2016:
Hi Branwen! I'm here for your Review Hot Seat!!

It didn’t make the echoes of her footsteps and the squeak of the metal buckle on her bag as she walked down to the nearly-empty Potions dungeon any less unsettling -- aah! I love this detail - commonplace noises like that often do seem eerie when there's no one else around. When I'm home alone and it's dark, the clock ticking really freaks me out.

Wow, the image of post-war Hogwarts is really bleak, with people being dead or injured/tortured or having some aspect of their previous friendship broken because of the war. Bleak, but so believable. I can't imagine Hogwarts was a happy place for a long time after the war.

I really like how you've characterized Astoria in this, especially in comparison with her siblings. Brendon sounds like a really good guy. I also noticed how Astoria compares herself unfavorably to both of her siblings - Brendon for his courage, Daphne for her looks, and I feel like this has always been an issue for her and is even more pronounced after the war when so many other facets of her life are in disarray.

That scene between Astoria and Daphne was so sad. One the one hand, I can kind of understand where Daphne was coming from, in her own way, trying to get her sister out and to safety because she was only a kid. But I'm more on Astoria's side in this. The Imperius curse is just... not okay. At all. I can't believe Daphne used it on her own sister, even if to get her to safety. It gave Astoria no say in her own part in the battle, which Astoria clearly wanted to take part in, in order to 'do the right thing', as she says. I think I wouldn't be as irritated with Daphne had she not tried to just act better than Astoria in this scene here. If she'd apologized, or actually felt bad about it, maybe I'd feel more sympathy for her. But no, I feel sorry for Astoria.

Astoria is in such a tough situation at the end, too - her sister could get sent to Azkaban for what she did, but Astoria would have to confess that she left the battle and is worried about people seeing her as a coward. And she can't send her own sister to prison. What a situation to deal with. I can't blame her for just showing up uninvited and not having anything to say. Poor girl. I'm glad Brendon was willing to take her in and not ask questions - he really is a good person.

Great story.

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Review #45, by marauderfanComplicated: In Which There Is An Unwelcome Visitor

29th July 2016:
ahh this was such a good chapter. Cassie has changed so much. I think what she's been through during the year, while admittedly nothing as hard as what Olivia has been through, has made her gain a bit of sympathy for others. She's had such an easy life up to this point and now that she's actually faced a challenge like this, it changes her, and I think that's really good.

The conversation between Olivia and Cassie when Olivia tells her she hasn't forgiven her, she's angry, their friendship is not okay, and Cassie's just like "I know, that's okay"... that was a powerful moment. like Cassie may still be a jerk who made bad decisions but here it seems like she's accepting that and is taking ownership of her actions and the consequences that have resulted from them. That's a huge step forward.

Side note I don't know how much more I can take of you making horrible things happen to Al :p Please tell me he's okay!

Amazing chapter!!

Author's Response: Yay I'm so glad you're still reading and enjoying it! Cassie's definitely grown up a bit by this point, although she still has a long way to go. I think she does deserve some sympathy though. She's had a difficult year too.

Chapter 32 just went up so Complicated is officially complete! E x

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Review #46, by marauderfanPeriphery: Chapter One

24th July 2016:
WOW this was a fantastic chapter! Very intense but I thought it was really well written.

The tone in the previous chapter was somber, mostly due to its stillness - and I don't necessarily think that you could use the same tone when telling this part of the story. This part is much earlier in time, and there's a lot more action. But starting at the point where Chloe first gets suspicious about the party invitation, the chapter still has a strong sense of unease and anxiety which, although different from the feeling in the first chapter, ties in really well with it. It's kind of like you've carried a similar tone to a very different setting. So yeah, I really like how you did the voice in this chapter.

Especially when they first walked into the baths. My first thought was "SLOW DOWN WASN'T THERE A ROMAN EMPEROR WHO WAS MURDERED IN THE BATHS?!?!" (and in fact I don't think there was, but I still got all kinds of nervous feelings about how that night would end the minute Emily and Chloe found the party.

the Fat Friar, on his way to the kitchens, where I’d heard he liked to look at the food he could no longer eat. -- haha, for some reason I just love that you chose to include this detail. It's not important for scene setting, but somehow it adds a lot of richness to the story - character background is so important, even if it is in little side anecdotes like this. Characters are never just there for that one moment, they have back stories and secrets and stuff like this contributes to a more comprehensive character next time they show up. (I don't know if that makes sense. but I love the details you choose to include and how that shapes characterization)

The way you show Chloe's personality in this, in regards to what she prioritizes in situations where she feels unsafe, is so effective at indicating what kind of a person she is. She didn't want to go to the party in the first place, and then her thoughts are occupied by how she can get Emily out of there, and her last resort is to escape alone and then tell a Prefect so she can get Emily out safely. Whereas Emily... Emily is the worst Hufflepuff. I really hope that when she left she was going to tell someone to help Chloe, much like Chloe was thinking when Chloe tried to escape, but... I don't know. I mean I get that she was scared and ran, but COME ON, THAT'S YOUR OWN COUSIN WHO WOULD NOT EVEN BE THERE IF NOT FOR YOU AND YOU LEAVE HER TO BE BURNED AND HALF DROWNED. UGhhh I have no respect for her right now. I'm interested to see what the fallout of this is going to be though.

The moment when she's shrieking that Chloe is a Mudblood kind of reminded me of that scene in the novel 1984 when Winston is being tortured. like, I don't think Emily hates Chloe, but betrays her because she's scared and in pain. That said, I'm still furious with her for leaving Chloe to endure that all alone.

I think your portrayal of Sirius was right on. Kind of joking and clueless at first, but once he catches on he's kind and helps take care of her.

And the Slytherins in the baths were terrifying, which means you did a really good job writing them, particularly the way they have such control over the situation and the way they hold that power over the two Hufflepuffs to make them feel vulnerable. It's sick. But effectively written.

I couldn’t remember how the way to the Hufflepuff basement. -- how to get to? or maybe just take out the word 'how'

I dully registered him kneel beside me -- kneeling?

One thing I did find myself wondering about - in the previous chapter, which takes place in 1981, Chloe states that she and Marlene have been best friends for 12 years. But in this chapter, which is 7 years prior to the first chapter, Chloe didn't seem to recognize Marlene and only referred to her by her last name. I mean, this could be because of the mental state she's in at the moment, dizzy, in pain, and half-drowned, but it seemed odd that she doesn't recognize Marlene at all. (Or is it a different McKinnon mentioned here?)

Well. I think that's everything I wanted to cover. Sorry I deteriorated into shouty CAPSLOCK for some of that haha I just have a lot of feelings. Anyway, I think this was a great chapter and even though it's different from the setting of the previous one, they complement each other nicely. Great work.

(eep I'm about to run out of characters)

Author's Response: Hello again! Thank you so so so much for offering to read this chapter! I appreciate it so much ♥

I'm glad the voice seems to have carried over well enough. You're right; this is really the moment when Chloe's life begins to turn, so the tone wouldn't be the same as it was in the introduction when she's already lost so much. I thought about starting the first chapter a little further away from the action of this chapter; maybe instead of the night of the party, a week before, or even a year before, just to establish Chloe's character as a timid, school-minded thing. But I decided against it since this fic is already going to span from 1975 to possibly 1995 (I haven't quite decided, whoops), I'd better make it as trim as possible ;)

Now you have me really interested in the Roman emperor bath murder! Fausta (daughter to Emperor Maximianus) was suffocated to death in an overheated bath. And thank you for mentioning this because I'm trying to stuff this fic with metaphor, and that's all I'll say about Fausta for now.

This scene took place in the baths because Chloe's induction into this world that she comes to loathe--of Death Eaters, the Order, heroes and villains--is a rebirth. She has gone from the aforementioned girl just concerned with getting her Herbology fellowship and becoming a top Herbologist, to having everything ruined and changed because she happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Water is a symbol of rebirth in religion and literature, but if she was reborn then it also means that a part of her has died--which it has. Starting with this chapter, she is no longer the person she once was. PTSD, anxiety and a change in her personality will be a large part of this story as well.

I love that you said "Emily is the worst Hufflepuff." You're right; she isn't being very loyal here to her cousin. Then I started thinking about loyalty and maybe her loyalty is to her own self-preservation? I love all of the discussion that has come out post-books, and especially with Pottermore, about how not all Slytherins are evil, not all Gryffindors are brave, etc. But you're right! Emily is pretty terrible. She is another character who was completely changed by one moment. Fear overtook her and unlike Chloe, who like you said was concerned with how to help Emily, she was more concerned with escaping herself. Like the house discussions, I like the discourse that's been circulating about character redemption (the best example I can think of in this case is Malfoy) and whether a moment such as this, when you turn into a horrible monster out of fear, is your Defining Moment.

Yes! "Do it to Julia!" You're totally right, this scene is reminiscent of 1984.

Ugh Sirius was so scary to write. Tbh I've never read any Marauders fic in great length. All I know is that I want to tone down the swaggering, womanizing character that tends to be his portrayal and flesh him out. I'm 100% sure any of his womanizing tendencies that do remain are the result of never feeling adequate to his mother (hey thanks Freud) and I'm really excited to explore that, and his constant need for affirmation. The male protagonist is always the most difficult for me to write in fic, and their true personality usually shows itself a few chapters in, so be prepared for some inconsistencies until I can go back and edit ;)

And also, I am cracking up because I really have no idea where that "twelve years of friendship" thing came from. I noticed it a few weeks ago and never fixed it until you reminded me, so thank you. I don't know if I had originally intended for them to meet much earlier, or if my math was just terrible (that is the far more likely option) but yes, sorry for the confusion! The McKinnon in this chapter is actually Marlene. Thank you for pointing that out, as well as your other grammar edits!

I'm also running out of characters, so I will just say THANK YOU once more. Your reviews are so helpful, really! ♥

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Review #47, by marauderfanThe Letters to No-One: The Letters to No-One

23rd July 2016:
although Maximum Security attracts a higher concentration of Dementors, it is nestled in the heart of the prison, protected from the elements. -- Yes, always look on the bright side, Sirius :P

I'd never considered how difficult it would be for Sirius to see his former friends coming in to Azkaban bringing in the prisoners - Aurors with whom he used to be on the same side, and whom he was working with to send Death Eaters to Azkaban. And now everything is all backwards. That must be so jarring.

Hahaha, I love the idea that Remus engineered a prank all on his own and ended up getting James and Sirius in trouble for it. I've always thought Remus was the mastermind behind all of their best pranks. You have to be a good planner to come up with the really good ones :P

Gah, Sirius' letter to Remus is breaking my heart. This seems to be a habit of your stories :( But seriously, the way he says he should be angry but only feels love for him... wah. So sad. Especially because these letters never reach Remus, without a name or address. It seems like Sirius is just writing them because he needs to get the words out, and that's important whether or not the words are actually heard.

It's super sad too how he keeps remembering all these good old times with his friends, and the knowledge that the group fell apart as it did and ended up destroying one another. Like, he hates Peter, and in that instant wanted to kill him, but in Azkaban he keeps drifting back to thinking about being friends with him. And when Sirius is in isolation - although you don't mention the Dementors specifically there and taking good memories away, but in this section I realized Sirius actually thinks he killed Peter. And I found myself wondering if he can't remember the truth after so long stuck in Azkaban, or whether he thinks he figuratively killed Peter, because who Peter was as a teenager is not the same person who Sirius fought with the day after Halloween. interesting thought.

WRITING A LETTER TO LILY. *sobs* this is too much. That ending is so sad. But once again you've written such a beautiful story. Really well done.

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Review #48, by marauderfanMuggle Studies: Muggle Studies

22nd July 2016:
Another one for the review hot seat.

What a great story! Often I review as I read, but I just got so absorbed in this one I forgot to do that :P (Sidenote: I can't fathom how you thought this was rusty. It was anything but.)

So first let's talk about the variety of different sources you used and how they all put together such a complete story. It doesn't feel like it needs traditional narration at all - everything you need is there, and what's beautiful is that it's so subtle. No narrator is there to interpret what happens, you just present all the facts and then the reader themselves has to draw their own conclusions. And I love that. Especially the bit about Posy disappearing, and then Artemisia Burke just happens to visit Tibs' father, and immediately afterwards is arrested and then has an alibi. That's what is said, but there's so much more going on here that's never said. I love how epistolary writing - and especially your story - encourages a reader to look between the lines and see how Posy is behind all of this (with Polyjuice potion I expect? or something) Her escape was quite a bold move, I have to say!

As for the plot itself re: Tiberius - Most of the way through I was caught in this weird indecision, because I suspected that he would end up as a Death Eater, but his desire to take Muggle Studies didn't really fit in with that, and in fact seemed pretty genuine. I mostly believed it. There were some warning signs though, like his essay where he started to write Mudblood instead of Muggle-born, and the end of his essay: That's why I chose this subject. Because that needs to change. -- Clever. Because there are a number of ways that could be interpreted.

I was so surprised Tiberius' father was having an affair with a Muggle-born woman! It makes his disgust with Tibs taking Muggle Studies even more hypocritical. Or perhaps he was worried Tibs would find out about it?

What happened in the end though, that was such a great twist. I wasn't sure who the last voice was, telling that last story, but what an ending. It showed a lot about the other side of Tibs and provided a lot more of an explanation as to why he took the class in the first place - as well as indicating how twisted and manipulative he really was from the beginning (even from the age of 12/13 when he first signed up for that class!)

Really well done. I was so impressed by this story - it's wonderful. Nice job.

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Review #49, by marauderfanSilky Blue: Silky Blue

22nd July 2016:
Hi Isobel! I'm here for the review hot seat :)

Gah. So, this. At first I was frolicking in all the fluff and cuteness and just adoring the image of Dean and Seamus looking for jackets and being all cute, because Deamus is one of my favourite ships. Then you mentioned a bride and my heart broke a little. And then my heart broke a lot more when you mentioned the coffin and the funeral.

You knew. -- aah. How many times can my heart break in one fic I ask you?? I do really love bittersweet stories though, and this is as bittersweet as it gets. They were both just too afraid to admit their feelings to each other, even though they both had those feelings, and so they didn't end up together. And there's no chance at all of fixing that because Seamus is dead. How did he die? I'm tempted to assume he died of heartbreak because this story was just so darn sad. Or maybe that's me talking :P

Anyway, I really loved this, despite that it hurt. Your writing is so beautiful and I love the way it flows - it creates magnificent imagery. This is so wonderfully written - you're so talented! Great work.

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Review #50, by marauderfanActions Speak Louder than Words: Better: Rose POV

19th July 2016:
One more for review hot seat! Also, this is my 1500th review which is exciting and I'm glad to be able to celebrate it with this story :)

I can find it kind of believable that Rose can't relate to Ron as well as she can relate to her uncle Harry. I mean, I totally see Harry as being super close with all of his family because he never had a family growing up, whereas Ron had a lot of brothers and is just better at relating to boys.

geez I can't believe Harry and Al were just chilling in his office while Al HAD BROKEN RIBS. I mean, seriously. Priorities. Thank goodness Rose stopped by.

YAY ROSE. That's a step in the right direction to talking about her feelings! It could easily be that she and Scorpius will just cuddle and hold hands and not talk about it (this is actually quite likely) but... she has to catch on by now that Scorpius likes her. That goofy grin was enough to give it away to even the most oblivious people.

And of course Harry has noticed :P

Aw, this chapter was really cute. Great work on it - I'm really loving the story so far!

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