Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
  
978 Reviews Found

Review #26, by marauderfanStand Tall: Sudden Silence

14th December 2014:
For our review swap!

I am so glad this reminded me to come back to this story as I really loved reading the first two chapters.

I still feel terrible for Alba every time I remember that she has to go up and down all these absurdly tall tower stairs to get to and from the Ravenclaw common room/dormitories. Come on Hogwarts, it's the twenty first century and I think they should work on accessibility. Like what if there were a student who didn't have the use of their legs at all? As is, there's only one way to get into those tall towers and that's stairs. Gah! /rant.

A single thread in a tapestry cannot know it’s worth, -- ooh, I love that!

I can also instantly relate to Alba as 'the cat lady'. We gotta stand together, us cat ladies. Ben does seem really sweet though! I hope she gives him a chance.

Ah, I love that Alba wants to be a healer. Given her background and her personality it's a perfect fit - then she can help others stand tall. :)

I like Maude, even though Alba seems convinced they're not friends past academic acquaintances, Maude does seem to genuinely like her and it's nice to see Alba having friends.

just a note, you say Alba is really into astrology and then go on to describe the study of the stars, the class at Hogwarts - however Astrology is like horoscopes/sun signs, etc, whereas I believe the one you're talking about here is Astronomy.

I liked that we got a bit more info about Chandra at the end of this chapter (even though Alba was eavesdropping... tsk tsk! :P ) and their discussion about the Triwizard cup. Also.. ahh! the Triwizard tournament is returning! Well that should be interesting.

Can't wait to find out what James is up to, because he's obviously up to something haha. Awesome chapter and thanks for the swap!

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Review #27, by marauderfanMurphy's Law: Reality

14th December 2014:
I am the worst! I apparently had not reviewed this one, though I thought I had. It's cool though because that means I get to read it again :D

Hahah, I love Remus with all the useless maxims. I dropped bread butter-side up once and it was a really great feeling. I also love when people write James' messing up his hair as a nervous tic rather than a showing off instinct. He certainly did that a lot in this story, is it horrible that I think nervous James is actually so sweet? :D

YES, THE LINE ABOUT THE FLAMBOYANT UNICORN ahahah no wonder this story won a Keckers for that quote as it's brilliant. Ahahaha! Flamboyant unicorn's happy place, I'm still giggling.

This must be the third story of yours that has a snowglobe in it. And the second one in which the snowglobe breaks. :( Sad day for snow globes. I really liked the sound of this one too with its changing seasons, I kind of want one. :D

Poor James, what an awful first date and so awkward for both of them! Ahaha, it was so terrible but I just couldn't help laughing at his misfortune, because I'm an awful person :p But I was so glad at the end when good things did indeed happen! At least Lily has a sense of humour and I'm sure in a couple of years they'll have a great laugh about that date. :D

Such a great story! I can definitely see why it won in the speed dating story challenge! Awesome work :)

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Review #28, by marauderfanIn for a Penny: Introduction: It Only Takes A Moment

14th December 2014:
HAPPY REVIEW HOT SEAT DAY! ;)

I think I've actually reviewed everything on your page except this, so I'm gonna do this one now.

Wow, your portrayal of Greyback! Chilling. Ugh, it was such an unnerving thing to read because on the outside he's still keeping up the appearance of being an unafflicted, average guy, fitting in with society, but you can see the turnings of the gears in his mind, see who he's becoming, and I don't like it, haha. This is extra weird to read because it's like reading one rung in the ladder that made Greyback the ruthless killer he was later.

Oh my goodness, the bit where Greyback picks up the picture frame... aghh! It was soo heartwrenching because I knew what Greyback was thinking behind his guise of coolness, and then with John beaming proudly and having no idea what was about to happen ahhh it just killed me. But you've done a really great job of explaining why Remus got bitten in the first place, and established a lot about John's relationship with his son.

This is a really great first chapter, Tanya! :)

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Review #29, by marauderfanSaving Severus Snape : 31st August 1976

13th December 2014:
Swap! :D

I love the way you started it out - I know this is just a little thing but it is SO Hermione - the way she notices each of these little details and that's how she puts together where she is. I mean you could have said, "Hermione woke up in the hospital wing", but the way you have it not only tells us that it's the hospital wing, but kind of sticks the reader into Hermione's mind so you are putting pieces together the same way she is. It's cool. :D

Also, when she's leaving the hospital wing and walking down the corridor - this is like, maybe 10 seconds of time but there's so much going on in Hermione's mind, as she thinks about everything and what happened and what's going to happen, it's really great. You are awesome at writing Hermione!

Hermione sat and mulled it over for a bit more. She was still not sure why she shouldn’t warn everyone of what is to come. Then just maybe, she wouldn’t have to grow up in the same world that she did. -- Nooo Hermione don't even think it! Then you won't go back in time in the first place! Aghh time paradoxes! Grr! (but i love them really)

I think it makes a lot of sense for her to join Ravenclaw instead, as Snape will be more likely to talk to a Ravenclaw, and as well she will be (hopefully) out of the way of the Marauders and Lily. Though I have a feeling that it's not going to go as well as planned...

ahahaha Uncle Albus, that's going to be a difficult one to remember! :P

I'm really enjoying seeing how Hermione is adjusting and all the challenges she will face. I can't wait to see how she deals with them!

Great chapter :)

Author's Response: Hi there! :)

Aww thank you so much! I was really wanting to make more of an impression that just writing "Hermione woke up in the hospital wing." I wanted the reader to feel like they were just coming to after passing out as well. I'm so happy to hear that seemed to come across well!

Yeah her head is definitely spinning at that point. She's been through a lot within the last two days. It's no wonder she had all of that going on inside her head. Eep! Thank you!! That really means so much!! ♥

Hahaha she only considered it for a moment. I think she knows that, no matter how much she may want to, she can't warn anyone about anything. I can't even imagine how hard that would be.

Yeah I also thought Ravenclaw would be the best option for her. I mean, she definitely loyal enough to be a 'Puff and she's certainly ambitious enough for Slytherin, but Ravenclaw just seemed to make the most sense. Gryffindor would have been to much for her, I think. It would have been too hard being that close to the Marauders and Lily. I'm really happy to hear that you agree. :D

Hahaha Uncle Albus makes me giggle every time.

There will definitely be a lot of them ahead of her, that's for sure. I hope that you like how this all pans out!

Thank you so much for this awesome review!! You are unbelievably kind! I hope that you continue to enjoy the story!! ♥

xoxo Meg


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Review #30, by marauderfanSeeking Forgiveness: The missing guest

13th December 2014:
Hello! I'm here for your review request!

I notice that you listed no areas of concern - I usually use those to structure my review and focus on the things that will be most helpful to you, so without any of those I'll just point out anything that stands out and hopefully it is helpful and doesn't get too rambly ;)

First of all, wow what a great ending to your first chapter! Aaah! The whole chapter just builds up this slow suspense that's overhanging until they finally get to her flat and realise something is wrong... that there is evidence of a fight and there's blood and shattered glass. Scary! It instantly draws the reader in and makes me want to click the "next" button!

I think the way you built up to that was reasonable as well because if Hermione has a habit of staying late at work, no one would worry too much at first, they'd be used to it, and I could see that in the actions of all the others.

some really great details in here as well, I loved that you pointed out that no Weasley leaves dirty dishes around, as that incurs the wrath of Mrs Weasley. So it makes perfect sense that all her kids now have this remarkable sense of tidiness where dishes are concerned :p

One thing that confused me was who was sending the owl to Hermione. Harry says he'll do it, and then when Ron says "I got it, mate" I thought he meant he was sending the owl, and then I wondered why Harry was doing it. Looking back I realise that Ron was referring to the dishes, but maybe that could be made a little clearer to eliminate confusion?

I love descriptions, so take this with a grain of salt I suppose, but I think that when they arrive in Hermione's destroyed flat, that you could use a bit more description on what is happening. Not only on what the flat looks like, but how the characters are feeling. Ron is white in the face? Harry's heart is pounding? Something that further indicates how much of an impact that the sight has on them.

Anyway, I think this is a great first chapter! It's short, but it says all that needs to be said and has a great hook to keep readers reading. Nice work!

Author's Response: Dear Marauderfan,

Thank you so much for reading and providing such a detailed review! I am so glad that you enjoyed it, and I truly appreciate your feedback about my writing causing confusion in some areas, and some parts lacking description. I will work on both of those things in the future chapters! Your comments are extremely valuable to me so that I can improve my writing with each consecutive chapter.

Please consider coming back and reading the rest of the story.

Warmest wishes


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Review #31, by marauderfanL'optimisme: Bulgaria

13th December 2014:
Swap!

Gaaa, your first paragraph (well, really the whole story, but especially that first paragraph) is SO vivid and really incredible!

Reading this makes me seriously wonder... are you a philosopher? Perhaps a reincarnation of Socrates? :P I love Gellert's opinions on passion and anger, and that bit at the end of the first section just rings of truth - it is easy to understand why he would hate Albus for they had the same past, the same feelings and craving for power, but now it's only Gellert who must sit and watch idly from prison while Albus tries to erase who he was, remove those feelings and move forward creating something new.

Then, I was nothing and everything, no one and everyone, a living dimorphism in myself. ... AH! I love this.

It was really cool to see the way you incorporated Gellert's theft of the Elder Wand into this - since there was a brief mention of the photograph in the Deathly Hallows, this takes that one moment and adds so much to it, putting life into the photograph, as it were.

I think your biggest strength in this story is the way you present your ideas. Although it is a story about Grindelwald and Dumbledore, even more than that it's a story about big ideas and life and love and success and betrayal. I feel like when I'm reading it, I'm seeing ideas that are true of course but I'd never thought about them in that way before. I loved the first section about anger, and then Gellert's considering of freedom in the second half. That whole piece about him travelling and then stealing the wand and escaping on the wind, just spoke freedom to me. You use your words so beautifully - I don't know how you do it!

That last line too, about Gellert as the dawn and Albus being the sunset. Incredible.

Thanks for the swap!! ♥

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Review #32, by marauderfanSacrifice: Of Beginnings, Aurors, and Torn Photographs

13th December 2014:
Another one for the Review Hot Seat!

After reading what you've got posted of 'Sweet Talk' right before this, where AJ is given a passing mention, it's really cool to see her whole mysterious story unfolding. I LOVE it when stories overlap like this :D

I'm dying to know what the 'Incident' was, it's really mysterious and dark sounding. So sad that it left AJ with all her siblings to take care of - I can't even imagine! It seems like she's holding everything together pretty well at the moment, despite being so terrified she'll lose her siblings. I could really feel her nervousness during that meeting with the Aurors, even though I knew Harry and Dean would handle it well and be really good about it.

All of AJ's siblings seem really sweet and supportive, which is nice that they're making it as easy on AJ as it can be. Well, maybe not Adam, but he's 11 :p

Interesting about their parents at the end. I'm really curious what happened to them!

Excellent chapter, well done! :)

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Review #33, by marauderfanWasting My Young Years: Possibly Dead

12th December 2014:
Confession: Since I am at home and sick, I re-read all of KYD and then I decided to stalk your AP and found this! So excited to see you had another story going :D

I’d called her unfair and unreasonable and stormed out of our lesson in a flurry of shouts and tears. Then I’d returned ten minutes later and apologized. -- haha classic.

First, what I LOVE about this story is: Everything! The name Sage. The fact that she is a Squib AND a Malfoy. The fact that Andromeda is in this story too :D

In the part about when Sage first found out about the fact she's a Squib... I actually really loved the way you described it - it's clear that the Malfoy family still has some friends that stick with the old way of thought, but that the Malfoys themselves don't. They love their daughter, and wouldn't disown her (like maybe their friends would have done). Also, Scorpius sounds like the most wonderful big brother :)

I love that Andromeda and the Malfoys made amends. I always thought Narcissa and Andromeda would have made up after the war, and so this is just so great to read. Even if Narcissa is awkward about her Squib granddaughter and Lucius is still intolerant. Just the idea that Narcissa and Andromeda are speaking again is enough to make me smile. Also, Andromeda works with Squibs! Haha, her Aunt Walburga must be positively turning in her grave. Muahaha >:-D But GAH, I WISH THE REST OF ANDIE'S FAMILY WERE STILL ALIVE TOOO

What's Circe's riddle all about? Must find out!!

Lysander is fantastic. Actually all your characters in this are fantastic, after only one chapter. I'm not surprised at all :p You really are an excellent writer!

Author's Response: Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry you're sick! I'm over here with flu, so I totally feel your pain. :( But I *am* glad that you had a chance to read the start of my other WIP! I'm still so stoked about this story, and I can't wait to pick it back up once I've finished up KYD. I've got so many plots a'brewin' for Sage's narrative.

YEAH! Squibs & Malfoys! Two of my favorite things! No, but really, I'm fascinated by both, which is, like, duh, why I wrote this story. And also I really wanted the excuse to name someone Sagittaria aka Sage. Bam. Mission accomplished.

I'm really glad the Squib explanation came across clearly. I'm always worried about puking out too much backstory or info dump in the first chapter, and maybe I'm still guilty of that, but it's good to know it at least makes sense and seems reasonable. And yesh, I rather like Scorpius in my universe. He's a good big brudder. :)

YES. Okay, so it's total wish fulfillment on my part, but I HAD to make Cissa and Andromeda patch things up. They really did love each other all that time; Cissa just had to see the error of her ways. -shoves seesters into hug- MAKE UP AND BE FRIENDS FOREVER NOW. But cha, I figured some things wouldn't just get magically better. Lucius & Narcissa would still be all WHAA SQUIB DAUGHTER WHAT DO WE DO. It seemed more realistic. Sigh.

... D: D: D: I don't want to talk about the rest of Andie's family not being alive. D: D: D: D: D:

Anyway. YES. CIRCE'S RIDDLE. -waggles eyebrows- All shall be revealed in due time. Muaha.

I'm glad you like Lysander. I'm rather partial to him myself. Just reading your review has made me doubly excited to jump back into this project once KYD has wrapped. I've missed plotting with these characters!

Thanks for the sweet words and for taking the time to review! You rock.

xoxo


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Review #34, by marauderfanSweet Talk: Welcome to Honeydukes

12th December 2014:
Puff Review Hot Seat!!

This is an awesome start! I love your descriptions of Honeydukes in the beginning, with its warmth and cheery atmosphere and all the different amazing types of candy. It made me hungry.

Ambrosia (what a perfect name) is an instantly relatable character too - what seventeen year old wants to stay around working in a shop when her friends are travelling around the world and there are so many other career opportunities that she might love. I could really understand her desire to travel and how she knows she has a job already waiting for her when she leaves school (which, granted, that's pretty nice) but she wants to explore and have adventures and I can't blame her for that! Poor thing!

I wonder when its time to let the family business out of the family... and if she'll be allowed to make that change. I feel like there's going to be a lot of contention in future chapters between her and her parents, who obviously want her to be happy, but want her to run the family business - and for Sweets at this point there's no way for those to go together.

Annnyway, this is such a great setup and I'm excited to see where the story goes! :D

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Review #35, by marauderfanThrough the Black: Headaches

12th December 2014:
I'm back with your request!

Relationships that are beginning to be defined here... I like the way you write Julianne's friendship with her housemates. I think I'm getting to know Julianne and Ivory a lot more now as I've seen more of the way they interact. What I'm curious about is Julianne's friendship with the Marauders. They're in different houses and don't really seem to have much in common... how do they know each other so well? The line about walking on the fence and spraining wrists implied that perhaps Julianne and James are neighbours, but it's never actually stated. I think that would explain their closeness in friendship though. What I guess I'm saying is maybe make that a bit clearer if indeed they are neighbours, or maybe provide hints as to why they're such good friends?

Haha, I think Julianne's friends see something that isn't there between Julianne and Cameron - to me they just seem like a girl and boy who are friends, but her friends seem to read too far into that! (Or if he actually does like her, then I'm pretty oblivious haha)

You do a good job at reminding the reader that this is all happening in school and the characters go to classes and struggle with homework and such. (Sounds silly but sometimes people leave that out of fics!) It really sets the scene as these are teenagers who are mostly just preoccupied with homework rather than about the big things that are happening, which you alluded to i.e. the death eaters and all the scariness happening outside Hogwarts. So yeah, for an exposition, I think the balance of things that draw Julianne's attention is well managed. :)

Some quick CC - Continuity: I'm a bit confused about who is in the class. This is fifth year, correct? And I think up until sixth year it was only two houses together in a class, but in Transfiguration I saw Ravenclaws, Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs.

And one section where you accidentally hopped into present tense: Professor Vector comes in and begins to write on the board

Those things aside - Well done! Great work on this chapter! :)

Author's Response: Thank you for doing this so quickly!

I think I explain more in later chapters about Julianne and the Marauders, but yeah, Julianne and James are neighbors and have pretty much known each other forever, so that carried over to Hogwarts. When I do edits, I'll definitely keep that in mind, though. Looking back now, I realize how vague that relationship is.

Her friends were reading a bit too far into it, but there may be something there haha. I'm also not the best at writing things like that, so that would be something that I will look into again.

As for the continuity, I figured that classes like Arithmancy (which is what was they were in) or Muggle Studies wouldn't be too popular, so there wouldn't be enough students to fill a class split between two Houses. But I may be wrong, there was never anything in canon about how the electives were split up except for Care of Magical Creatures.

Thanks again for reviewing!!


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Review #36, by marauderfanLove Potion Number Dead: [i] – in which i escape the torture

12th December 2014:
Congrats, TA! ;D I'm going to celebrate your accomplishment with a review!

BAHAHA WHEN WE ARE GOING TO NEED A COW IN THE FIELD. 2 lines in and I love this already.

omg the cows flirting. I don't blame Aryana for hiding though. Cows can be messy.

ahahahh the soap puns at the end. I feel like the pun void in my life has been filled, thank you for that.

I really did mean to write a proper review but I got hung up on all the silly things... punintentionally, of course. ;) as for the rest, I love it! I'm getting a good idea of who the characters are already, which is always really cool after only one chapter. I like the way they all interact with one another. and I love your idea of how the auror department works. :P

Puntil next time! ;)

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Review #37, by marauderfanNine and a Half: Nine and a Half

11th December 2014:
Review hot seat!

Johnny’s new favorite game since learning the story of his late grandfather was to run around the backyard howling. -- Hahaha omg, this is just TOO cute.

I was really hoping to write a proper review but I can't. It will consist of a lot of gushing and capslock.

I LOVE James and Teddy's relationship! Gah! And they are so real, too - sometimes they fight a little, but they get over it, and they're still in love after so many years. :)

And don't even get me started on how ADORABLE their kids are! All the way from 3 year old Johnny thinking his baby sister is boring because she can't play his silly game, to the loud running up and down the stairs in excitement on Christmas (And Dora's "I'm four and a half!"), to teenage Johnny being way too cool for anything and being embarrassed by his family but he still loves them - he wouldn't say it but it's evident!

Ah, they're just so real and the amount of love in this family is just ♥ ♥ I kind of want to be a member of their family?

SO CUTE
SO FLUFFY
I LOVE IT!

Author's Response: Hey again, Kristin!

I always feel like James and/or Teddy would describe lycanthrophy to their children in the same way that the Marauders or Harry viewed it, and I really wanted that to subtly translate here.

With the section on platform nine and three-quarters, I definitely wanted them to seem more realistic with that part. No marriage is going to be 100% sunshine and rainbows, and I don't think Teddy and James are any exception to that.

:D I'm glad you liked the kids! They are fun to write when they are fictional and I don't have to hold them at thanksgiving dinner! lol. Anyway! lol..

They are embarrassing parents, and I'd still be a part of their family! hehe.

Ah, I'm so happy to hear that you loved this! Thanks so much, dear!

Julie


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Review #38, by marauderfanFive and a Half: Five and a Half

11th December 2014:
Hufflepuff Review hot seat!!! I'm already caught up on CBB so I'm starting here now. I've never seen James/Teddy before! So yay for being an original ship, and yay because it's really sweet. You've convinced me, I like this ship a lot :D

Your characterisation of all of them is brilliant. Harry especially. He seemed just like a grown up version of book-Harry, which is exactly how he should be! And 12-year-old Albus, oblivious to everything happening around him except his own skills at Quidditch :D. James is definitely aware of his surroundings and manipulates them accordingly, but still a teenager and not thinking as reasonably as someone would, say, five and a half years older. :P And Teddy having feelings but not wanting to act on them... and then feeling extremely awkward about having to explain it all (poor guy haha!) The attraction between James and Teddy were so present and so sweet though. I loved that glance they shared across the table.

“So, let me get this straight,” Harry started, momentarily overlooking the snort from James at his word choice. -- Ahahahaha... XD

And the ending! Aww! I really adore James' optimism in this story, and that last line was such a perfect example of it. I AM SO EXCITED THERE IS A SEQUEL TO THIS STORY. BRB GOING TO READ IT NOW.

Author's Response: Hey Kristin!

I think I orginally saw this ship on tumblr somewhere? But I've never read anything about them, and I definitely like it!

I'm so glad that you liked Harry's characterization. I always feel like I'm never able to do him perfect justice, but he is grown up here. And Albus! He was definitely fun to write.

Ah, Teddy and James. lol! Teddy being completely lost as to how to explain the situation was so fun. And James being... James wasn't helping.

Hahaha.. yay lame jokes :p

Yes there is! Thank you so much for the review! I'm so glad that you liked this one! *runs off to respond to your next review*


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Review #39, by marauderfanThe Rejects: i.

11th December 2014:
Another review for the Hufflepuff Hot Seat :D

Oh dear. Madeleine has certainly gotten herself into a pickle. :P I can't even imagine. Picking out her own quidditch team as well as learning how to play. Never mind that she also has to, I don't know, do her school work in the meantime? I approve of her method of coping though. Blanket forts are the BEST.

I love her friendship with Dom. Even though Dom kind of chickened out about visiting Professor Slater, but it didn't really have much to do with her anyway. I like that she is supportive, but at the same time really puts Madeline in her place when she's getting too dramatic. ;)

Haha, I understand Madeleine's outrage that Professor Slater was laughing at her, but... I think I'd probably end up doing the same if I heard something like what Madeleine said! Ahahaah... she's so very serious about the whole thing.

Gah, I remember having sports practices at that hour and ajsfjsdlkjsdlk. I can understand her absolute dread. But on the bright side, the only people who will come to that will be people who are super dedicated to Quidditch - so that should work out in her favour!

I was pretty sure that I had a few streaks of smelly felt pen markings under my nose from continuously sniffing them. -- my childhood in a sentence. Also the glitter Dom and Maddie used... that will never go away. I'll be looking out for it to show up again in like, chapter 32. XD

Wow, they got into all of the common rooms! I'm really curious now whether the plan will work and Maddie will get some interested people who want to play Quidditch, or whether everyone in every house will be annoyed with her for the inevitable proliferation of glitter specks all over the common rooms. XD Awesome chapter!!

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Review #40, by marauderfanchristmas eve.: spending time with family.

10th December 2014:
Puff Review Hot Seat! :D

Aww, Betty seems like the sweetest old lady and her story is so touching, and I'm glad that Brooklyn was out there waiting with her just so that neither of them would be alone on Christmas eve, at least they had each other and got to share stories with a kind stranger. I really hope Betty turns up again later in the story. And I love that she taught Brooklyn to knit!

Sidenote: I'm like, hugely jealous that Brooklyn knitted MULTIPLE SCARVES in only a few hours. When I first learned to knit (it was actually a Ravenclaw scarf so I could dress as Luna for the last HP film midnight premiere haha) it took me like 3 weeks to make this really simple, bad, scarf. I suppose she can use magic which helps :p. /off topic. Anyway but I really loved that Brooklyn made several and that she gave one to her grandfather... and I do wonder if she'll donate the other ones like Betty does :)

The scene with Brooklyn visiting her grandfather in the hospital was so sweet, and so touching. It was really just a simple moment between a grandfather and adopted granddaughter playing card games, but you conveyed so much love and care in those paragraphs. It was really special.

Great work on this chapter! :)

Author's Response: Hey there!

Betty is so cute! She's just adorable! And I love her, I just want her to be real and sit next to me and teach me how to knit! I don't know whether Betty will turn up in the next chapters because it's kind of story that has multiple different characters that are all inter-linked somehow (kind of like New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day). She may come up in another story if I can make it work but we'll have to wait and see! ;)

Sidenote: I am hugely jealous of YOU because you got to go to the midnight premiere of the last film! LUCKY!!

I would like to say that yes, Brooklyn would have donated them or at least given some scarves to the nurses within the hospital that came to visit them.

Thank you for such a lovely review!

~Aimee xxx


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Review #41, by marauderfanHer Choice : Used

9th December 2014:
Here with your requested review :) Wow, what a change for poor Laynie! I can't imagine what a difficult transition that would be, especially realizing that she had it easy after all, in the girls' home. Now she's forced to try out her non-existent charms on a famous boy, or else die. Heh, that probably takes the cake for worst first-day of school ever. I am really interested to see how she attempts to take on the challenge! So yes, it does draw people in. :)

As for characterisation, Laynie is quite relatable as she's terrified and offended and regretful, which makes perfect sense in her new surroundings. I like the way you're developing things through her eyes. I think the Black sisters can be a bit of a challenge but I like how you explored Narcissa's maternal side a bit here, and how she displayed some moments of kindness. That was what made her seem more real to me. And your Draco was really good too, I wasn't surprised he'd be jealous of the attention on Laynie, as he's an only child and spoiled, and then when this girl waltzes in, he'd probably hate her from the word go, just for taking some of his parents' attention away from him.

One thing I'd point out about Bellatrix though - in general, your characterization of her is good, but I've always had the impression that she is more smug/condescending than yelling/outright angry, and in this chapter she just seemed to be angry. So that's something you could adjust in one or two lines if you wanted to, just sort of facial expressions or tones of voice that imply that she doesn't take Laynie seriously (because she doesn't.)

Little things:
are you happy to be apart of our family? -- should be 'a part'.

whom's parents got killed -- I think this would make more sense as 'whose' rather than whom's

Ok, well over all this was a really great chapter and I am interested to see how Laynie handles this huge responsibility she's been given, and how Harry reacts to her, and everything. Looks great so far! Nice work :)

Author's Response: Well hello there, :)

I am so excited that you came by to give me an amazing review. I always enjoy your CC and overall opinion! ;)
Thanks for the help with characterization, I will make some changes with that for sure. I appreciate your review and I hope you will continue to read on in the future when I re-request.

Thanks again!
-Lindsey


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Review #42, by marauderfanA Time of Heartache and Healing: Failure

9th December 2014:
Review hot seat!!

Gahhh, anything about the Weasleys right after the war is so sad. Especially this from Molly's POV - I can't even imagine how it must be, to be a mother who loses her child - it's just unbearable to think about. But I can totally imagine that she would suffer this horrible survivor's guilt as she is.

As horrible as it is, I think it's quite realistic that sometimes she doesn't like seeing George because he reminds her of what she's lost. Grief isn't logical, so her illogical thoughts adhere very nicely to how you've portrayed her grief. (Omg, and it's just the saddest thing to because in OotP when she saw the boggart and it was Fred and George both dead - not even in her worst nightmares had she imagined them being separated. I think I'm gonna cry all over again.)

And the end too - I know that deaths of children often result in the separation of the parents, and I'm hoping this was not the case with Arthur and Molly - since the end is left ambiguous I'm choosing to hope that it all turned out well after some time. Gah, you write grief too well.

And now if you will excuse me, I'm going to go cry my eyes out into an entire box of tissues about the unfairness that is Fred's death. This was a really great piece Erica, you should be proud. :)

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Review #43, by marauderfanLove Potion Number Dead: a prologue of sorts

9th December 2014:
WHAT IS HAPPENING OMG MYSTERYYY ALL THESE WEIRD PARANORMAL OCCURRENCES AND INVISIBLE THINGS AND IT'S ABOUT TO BE REALLY EXCITING AND SCARY.

the fact that you advertised puns in the summary totally grabbed me in, btw. puns are the best and I can't wait. also albus/scorpius?!?! ;) anyway, this is a super intriguing start and I cannot WAIT to see where it goes and I think you're slightly crazy for starting another story but I love it. ♥

Awesome start!

Author's Response: I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING EITHER NOT GONNA LIE THIS THING IS TOTALLY CRAZY SO PROBABLY NOT THAT SCARY BUT HOPEFULLY EXCITING

puns are the best, I'm glad someone agrees with me on that! And hopefully my awful puns can live up to your expectations and not put you off :P and YES SCORBUS WILL BE A THING HERE ehehe I'm cackling.

I'm super glad you found this intriguing and I know, I'm off my rocker for starting another story, but thank you for the lovely review and not saying you should come back for the other chapters but you should totally come back for the next chapters. :P

Thank you! ♥


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Review #44, by marauderfanKill Your Darlings: Dissonance & Resolve

9th December 2014:
ladlkjfhwkhfanowe FINALLY! :p

(that's really all I had to say, but it would be a useless review if I left it off there, and you deserve more haha. So here's my actual review.)

I LOVE LILITH. She is so great, I want a friend like her! I love how independent she is and how she's been supportive of Andromeda throughout everything. Ahaha, and I love how much she wanted it to rain, AND the fact that it DID rain! XD

I don't blame Ted for not believing Andromeda. At this point, I've lost count of how many times she's left him. But her real, genuine apology was so great to read because that was something she's needed to say for a while and I'm glad she finally got the words out, and that Ted saw the curse on her arm, and everything is now out in the open and they're finally honest.

Omg, I loved the bit where Andromeda said "why don't you warm me up" and the ensuing conversation, haha. I just love these two SO MUCH.

All I've got to say about the next part is YAY. Their fluffy pillow talk was adorable too because they really haven't had the chance to just talk about little things like that, it's always been huge issues, so the fluff was nice. Until Nelson barged in again. You'd think he would have learned after the first time :p

Brushing his teeth while she's in the shower, that's like, a huge step in a relationship :p But the ending there I'm so glad that she's finally growing up and taking responsibility and that things are going to work out and she's finally with Ted and ahh I love this story and Tedromeda so muchhh ♥

Author's Response: Bahaha, YAY. Not only do I get an incoherent celebratory response, I get a juicy review, too. All a girl could ask for. :)

Lilith has probably been the character that's surprised me the most. I had no clue starting out that she would turn out to be such a great friend to Andromeda. But the more I developed her, the more I liked her, and the more I realized that Andie's pretty darn lucky to have her around. And OF COURSE. It HAD to rain. :p

Yeah, Ted needed to get that fear off his chest. Sometimes I think Andromeda's favorite pastime is running away from Ted. But YES, they're finally open and honest and now there can be butterflies and rainbows and s@#$. Well. For the most part. :)

And hahaha, YAY. I thought Tedromeda deserved some solid, unabashed fluff at long last. They have so much adversity in their young lives. GIVE THEM PILLOW TALK, I SAY. And yeah, Nelson never really learns anything, the goon.

Your review just made me all kinds of happy. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter and THANK YOU for taking the time to read and leave such a lovely review! More soon. :)


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Review #45, by marauderfanThrough the Black: Trying to get Ahead

9th December 2014:
Here with your requested review! :)

Your main concern was characterization, which I thought was actually very well done. Julianne is neither a perfect student nor a terrible one - she's kind of average. That makes her relatable. I don't feel like I know a huge amount about the characters yet - though of course, it is only the first chapter :p But you've built up little things, like that awkward encounter between Julianne and Lily, that make me curious to read more and find out about that history there.

Your dialogue is smooth and flows well - I saw absolutely no problems there! :) Julianne has some very snarky lines in there that made me laugh.

I only recall seeing one typo: everyone mad ether way -- think this was just a case of pressing the space bar too soon, but that should be 'made their' ;)

At this point, the plot doesn't seem to be headed in a particular direction yet - which is fine, because it wasn't dragging at any point - it feels kind of like I was just dropped into a standard day in the life of Julianne, so the chapter kind of serves to orient me and get my bearings in her world. I'm interested to see where it goes from here! :)

This is a great start, and well written. Keep it up! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing!

I'm always so nervous that no one will be able to relate to my characters, so I'm glad you like her, even if it's only the first chapter haha.

Same thing with dialogue, I used to be absolutely terrible at it so I'm always so self conscious about it.

I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks again for reviewing!


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Review #46, by marauderfanOlive: Olive Hornby

9th December 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your (slightly delayed, sorry) requested review!

I was super excited when I saw it was about Myrtle and Olive, because I do really love minor characters and there's so little fanfic about either of these ones in particular. :D

Your characterisation of both Myrtle and Olive is really good. In a way it shows that Myrtle was really no better than Olive, in terms of being a bully - Myrtle was a terrible bully after her own death, just because there were no consequences for it anymore and Olive was clearly miserable. I also liked the development of Olive's character, how she is, in the first few sections, clearly selfish and essentially can't see what's going on past her own nose. But she does actually get worried about Myrtle, and I feel like she grew up a bit towards the end.

This worked well with the plot as well, because it kind of catalogues Olive's process of growing through this, contrasted by how Myrtle doesn't grow out of the childhood rivalry at all (because she can't). I think it was very realistic that even several years on, Olive is still full of guilt about Myrtle's death.

One thing I wanted to comment on, here:

Myrtle Winters’ body is lying on the ground before her, dead. -- How does she know Myrtle is dead? She said she knew about students being petrified, but how would she know the difference between dead and petrified just by looking? The ghost would definitely be a telling sign, so I could understand if she'd figured it out AFTER seeing Myrtle's ghost, but as is, it seemed a bit too sudden and I wasn't sure how she'd drawn that conclusion.

Anyway, this is really a fantastic story, and I love the premise. (Actually, now I feel a bit inspired to write a fic about Olive later in her life. :P ) Really great work on this fic!

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Review #47, by marauderfanKissing in Private: Part Two

9th December 2014:
Here with your requested review! Sorry it's taken me so long!

Poor Teddy, I felt so awful for him in the scene when he was young, with Vic's friend teasing him :( That age aren't widely known for their tact so I'm not entirely surprised at Vic as she was just trying to look cool in front of her friends, but I can tell that underneath it, she does care about Teddy.

I really liked the scene with Runa, especially as she put him in his place which was really needed. I was actually getting a bit annoyed at Teddy for just feeling terrible for himself all the time (... he does take after his father!) when really if he'd stop being defensive and hiding from others, people would be nicer than he'd think. After all, they're not 13 anymore. I'm really intrigued by Runa as well since she mentioned that Teddy isn't the only one who knows what it's like to be a spectacle.

You asked about it feeling abrupt or rushed, and the only place where I thought so was in the Transfiguration class. First they were at the beginning of class and then in the next paragraph it was the end of class. What happened during the process of splitting into groups? Did Teddy remain at his desk with his head down? Did he watch anyone as they split off into groups? How long did it take? What about afterwards, what were his reactions, and how does a normal Transfiguration class period go for him? I don't know, just a bit more detail in that scene might help. I love details ;)

It's a really good chapter! Although it is short, it doesn't feel like it's lacking in any way. Nice work! :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate your feedback.

I am so thrilled that the scene with Vic's friends had that effect on you. I was trying to capture that weird discomfort that can sometimes come with not being cool but your friends are. I'm glad you liked it :)

Everyone keeps commenting on how it was necessary and good for Runa to put Teddy in his place in that scene, and I really appreciate it! I was a bit unsure that maybe it was too early for that sort of encounter, but I'm glad it is reading well. It also means the world to me that you can see Remus in my version of Teddy! I was concerned about that, too, but I'm glad it's working!

Thank you for your feedback about the Transfiguration class. I can definitely see how it is a bit rushed and abrupt there. I'll take another look at it. Personally, I am not a writer who focuses on details, but rather I give the most important information and let the reader fill in the rest. It may be a preference difference. But I really appreciate your feedback BECAUSE your writing style is different than mine!

Thank you so much for your review!


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Review #48, by marauderfanThe Golden Year: [prologue] in the middle of the night.

9th December 2014:
Tag!

I remember you telling me about this ages ago and I was stoked to see you had posted in review tag so I could snag this :D Ooo but what I was not aware of was that this is in SECOND PERSON!! :D (well at least the prologue is) SO EXCITING I LOVE SECOND PERSON.

clothed in darkness and silver moonlight from the unexpectedly bright crescent in the sky, -- ooh! Gorgeous description, I really love this.

I'm guessing this is Terry Boot, sneaking out of his house to run away before the Death Eaters/Ministry find him and his family. This is really an incredible prologue because although there aren't many words, there's a lot of anxiety and intensity conveyed - in your descriptions of the silent house at night, and his nervousness as he writes the letter and then walks away from his family's home. Aah! Where is he going? Does he have any sort of plan?

Based on the story summary, I have the feeling that the rest of this is from Anthony's POV so I won't even get to immediately find out what happened to Terry! Agh!

This is a really effective hook into your story - well done creating the tense atmosphere and excellent use of second person. Awesome work! :D

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Review #49, by marauderfanEffortlessly Dead: A Chance Encounter

9th December 2014:
Here for the second half of your Puff Gift Tag :D

I was so nervous for Menna carelessly digging through piles of paper - like shouldn't she be worried she's not putting them back in the right order? Aah! I can't believe she was framed- and that Ifan knew about it! How did no one tell her?! And then the doorknob rattling eek!

Was not expecting that whole exchange - Galen actually saw her and discovered who she was (well not specifically, but he knows a bit about her now) and she raised a great deal of chaos! So much for a sneaky recon mission. Woah. Excellent writing on that action scene btw. I loved that bit when she kind of smiles at him as she sits on the windowsill. I love her attitude haha.

I do love that Ron and Harry are the Aurors on the case, it's this nice little tie into the characters we know, but it's kind of like they just have cameos in a bigger story. It's cool. :)

I know this is kind of a little thing, but I love that the home of the Shrikes is called 'the Nest' XD

This was such a great chapter! Love it!

Author's Response: Heh, I attribute that kind of behaviour to Menna being over-confident; she knows she's good so she can overlook small details every now and then. That's her reasoning anyway... The older Shrikes have a reason to keep quiet about certain things but you have to wonder if it was such a good idea after all...

Glad to hear the whole exchange between Menna and Galen came as a surprise! I'm also happy that the action sequence was to your liking! You've got to love Men's attitude (even if it is too much to handle sometimes...)

Harry and Ron have indeed only small roles in this fic (and the pairings Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione are in the background only), but they do fit into the story so nicely it would have been a shame to leave them out. Hopefully we'll be seeing them more in the future.

To be honest, I can't see the Nest being called anything but the Nest! Glad you like it!

Aw, thanks! And thanks for the review!

- Emmi


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Review #50, by marauderfanResisting Ardour: Most Days, He Was Okay.

8th December 2014:
Review tag!

Apparently I haven't been on your page in an unacceptably long time, because there's all these new stories I haven't seen that look super interesting. Anyway, this one.

I love George/Angelina and there really aren't that many stories about them. The beginning of this was just... agh. I can't even imagine how hard it must be to attempt getting over someone's death when every time you look in the mirror, you see them. He was just so broken. (I will probably always be annoyed at JKR for killing off one of the inseparable twins. Unfair.) But you wrote those emotions so well and how he feels guilty for liking Angelina when he thinks he has no right to - he's caught between his love and respect for his dead twin, and his feelings for Angelina.

Your Angelina is really wonderful, she is so strong and understanding and I love how she can really get through to George and bring him just a little bit out of that dark place he's in. Ha, I loved the end when it's a combination of sympathetic understanding and humour that finally works on him. So perfect. And those last few lines... aw! It's kind of like I just got kicked in the feels, but in a good way.

This was really such a great story. You are a wonderful writer :)

Author's Response: Haha! Yeah, it has been a while since I've seen you around the forums but don't worry - I'm a slow writer as usual :P

There seriously have to be more stories written about George and Angelina. Fred's death still angers me all these years later, but George was an interesting character to write because of it. I've never written someone like him before where I had to be careful about the way I balanced the humour and angst.

Angelina was a delight to write. I was worried that she'd come off as a little one-dimensional. I mean, we only ever see her from George's perspective, and half the time he's beating himself up over liking her, rather than describing her in a well-rounded way. I'm just glad she got through to him - I wasn't sure if they'd actually work out halfway through this story :P And George couldn't have anything less than a happy-sad ending.

Thanks so much for the lovely review :)


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