Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
1,436 Reviews Found

Review #26, by marauderfanTetraphobia: Chapter Two

2nd August 2017:
When I first reviewed this I think it was a one-shot so I'm stoked to see there is a second chapter!

Oh my goodness though, you did it again! Another cliff hanger! :P Seriously though, I read through this so fast because it is really that gripping. I couldn't look away.

This was another great chapter, and unlike the first chapter where it was really uncertain whether everything was in Hermione's head or it was real, in this chapter there's clearly something, and it's real. I'm really curious about the italic sections, as well, particularly the second one. Flashback? A dream?

I'm glad Hermione seems to be trying to face her fears here, but I feel so bad every time she makes progress and then sees this thing again. Based on the fact that it talks at the end and calls her a mudblood, I wonder if it's some residual thing left over from the scar Bellatrix gave her, like a continuing curse. That's some dark magic.

You also have some really wonderful imagery in here - I loved the chilling visual of the dark clouds 'kidnapping the sun' - that's such a perfect descriptor and fits in with the tone of the story so well.

Great chapter - and I'm anxiously awaiting chapter 3!

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Review #27, by marauderfanIn Confidence: In Confidence

22nd July 2017:
It's Renee Appreciation Month, so I'm here to appreciate you in the form of reviews on your amazing writing.

I loved the Potter family breakfast - everything from the way they interact with one another, to the mental image of James with a pancake stuck to his face (which he deserved), to Harry trying to help his sons out with pepperup potion to ease the hangover, haha. And Ginny knowing exactly what was going on (about the hangover, and about Albus. She knows everything!)

And I loved Albus and Rose's conversation and how they confide in each other about their inferiority complexes - they were both so relatable there, and I love how you told it from both perspectives, showing how even when someone thinks they're blah or uninteresting or ugly, others don't see that about them, and we are our own worst critics. So I thought it was really important to include how each of them was surprised to hear the insecurities of the other because the things that each of them perceive about themselves are purely in their head. That's kind of a comforting thought, honestly. Anyway, the relationship and confidence between the two of them is so lovely.

Great story!

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Review #28, by marauderfanInvisible Horses: First Year

22nd July 2017:
okay so I guess this is kind of a backwards transfer, but I figured I may as well copy this one here as well since I was transferring reviews :P

MY DEAR RENEE ♥ I hope you are having a wonderful Winter Solstice today.

Ah! I love this ship! Never in 1000 years would have thought of it on my own, so thank you for drawing my attention to this idea and I can TOTALLY see it. I LOVE THIS. They both are very weird people, and in this story it's such a compatible weirdness and they are just the cutest. I think what makes it work so well is they're already established in canon as being very passionate about the particular things that are important to them - Colin about photography, and Luna about... well, belief I guess, and magical creatures. Although they are interested in such different topics, I think there's a lot of compatibility there in terms of personality and I'm so glad you're exploring that with this story. Even something as small as the fact that they both kick off their shoes for the train ride and they both just kind of accept one another's weirdness right from the beginning. Aw. I can't wait to read more.

As always, your writing is beautiful. That last paragraph is such a gorgeous image!

Sorry this is a short review but I'm about to be late for work :P

Happy Hanukkah!

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Review #29, by marauderfanSaving Severus Snape : xix.

25th June 2017:
Wow. So, the part where Hermione breaks down in tears over the burnt cauldron was really, really well done. After all she went through during her seventh year, it seems perfectly understandable that she'd be dealing with PTSD occasionally - images and reminders from the war she'd been through. And that a seemingly unrelated thing - a cauldron blowing up - would set her off because she's been through so much that year, being on the run, robbing Gringotts, fighting in a war, being tortured, seeing people she knows die, travelling back in time, etc - and hasn't been able to release any of that emotion for the past year. So this felt long overdue, in a way. And it's nice that Severus was there for her in an entirely unselfish way. It says a lot about how far he's come.

And Slughorn catching them was hilarious, I agree. I'm glad they got a great laugh out of it, because she's right, they are absolutely the least likely students to be found like that!

I can't help but wonder if Severus likes her so much, why was he so mean to her in the future? I mean, he has to know that's the same person. Soo many questions. :P But so far you've done a great job of answering my questions several chapters later, almost like you are a time traveller yourself and also a mind reader.

Great work!

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Review #30, by marauderfanSaving Severus Snape : xviii.

25th June 2017:
Severus using puns! The idea for a potion internship became more 'attractive' :P Clever.

Their first kiss! I have to say, I kind of love that it wasn't fireworks and amazingness and instead it was just a bit awkward and weird as they are still trying to figure out where they stand with each other. After all, that's a bit more true to life, isn't it? I've never had any fireworks! XD

Also Remus is sweet and I adore him. It's nice that Hermione finally gets some positive words after so many people telling her to be careful.

I also think that Hermione isn't just bringing out something hidden about Severus, I think she's changing him, in a good way. Like, I kind of worry that when Hermione and Severus have their first fight, he'll get defensive and venomous (as he does), or he'll only show this sweet side to him when he's getting his way, but the more time that goes on I think Hermione is changing him. That's twice now that you've mentioned she's been able to get him out of a sulky mood when otherwise you know he'd be dwelling on something and sinking into hate for a lot longer, and now that he has something that makes him happy, it's changing him. Long story short, a compassionate Snape is a hard sell, and I will always have my skepticism, but you're doing a wonderful job of convincing me so far. :D Great chapter.

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Review #31, by marauderfanSaving Severus Snape : xvii.

25th June 2017:
She wasn't sure if being in 1976 and being his friend, or whatever she was turning into, would be enough, so she had come up with a backup plan. -- This is perfect. Not only because I was wondering this exact thing two chapters ago, but also because it is so like Hermione to come up with a backup plan for use 22 years in the future.

Hermione's antivenin project sounds really cool and if anyone can make it, she can. Plus with Snape's help they will be the most unbeatable potions team ever. Her request from Slughorn was a bit remeniscent of Tom Riddle asking for help, as she herself noted... the key difference being that Tom only wanted what he wanted for personal gain, and Hermione is trying to save someone's life.

You write Dumbledore really well, btw. He's a character I've always found so difficult to write, and you have his mannerisms down so well. Also, on the topic of dear old Dumbles, can I ask Dumbledore something? If he sent someone back in time to save Snape, why didn't he send anyone back in time to save James and Lily? How does he decide whose life is worth saving? After all, Voldemort killed a lot of other people, Muggles, muggle-borns, etc who died unnecessarily too.

(I don't think I'm supposed to think about this that much :P But Time-travel stories always make me think SO much.)

Last but not least, I can't believe you ended the chapter THERE. :P

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Review #32, by marauderfanSaving Severus Snape : xvi.

25th June 2017:
Snape trying to ask Hermione to dance was the best thing I've read this week. *wipes away laugh tears* I know I shouldn't be laughing, but omg. They are both so awkward and I love it. :D

And the story of why Severus is so good at dancing kind of broke my heart a little. I fully admit I'm not Snape's biggest fan, but the thought of little Severus and his mother enjoying rare moments of calm and happiness as she teaches him to dance, that hits me in the feels. Aw.

The last scene was explosive! I really didn't expect Hermione to lash out at Lily like that. I can get where Lily is coming from, after all, she was hurt pretty badly and it's natural that she would assume that Snape did something similar to Hermione. But from Hermione's pov, it makes sense that she would be annoyed that Lily keeps projecting all her own emotional baggage onto what's going on with Hermione. Hermione's right, it is a different circumstance, but... I dunno, if I were Lily, I'd be wary too.

One thing that's super interesting about this fic is that the characters you normally see as the protagonists and shown in kind of a flattering way in most fics, are the villains here, for lack of better term. (Not you know, Evil Scheming Villain With Stereotypical Mustache, but the kinds of characters who are always at odds with the protagonist). James, Sirius, and particularly Lily tend to be glorified in Marauder fics and the change in perspective here is really refreshing. They are people, not angels.

Another great chapter. Also I predict drama in the next one since Hermione ran away from her feelings and Severus probably is going to be closed off about it now. :P

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Review #33, by marauderfanSaving Severus Snape : xv.

25th June 2017:

I'm sorry I am the absolute worst and haven't kept up with this story for ages. I haven't had electricity since February. And you've been a writing powerhouse in the meantime and have written seven new chapters! So, now is when I try to catch up. Also, since last time I read this, the story has picked up so many awards there's not even room for more awards on the banner which is mega impressive so CONGRATS for writing such a wonderful and highly awarded story! Ok, seven chapters, here we go!

OMG the beginning of this chapter is great. At first I was kind of surprised the kiss was happening already and that both of them have already come to terms with their feelings with one another, but turns out it's just Hermione, and it wasn't even real! That must have been kind of a rude awakening to find out she's actually just dreaming! And to find that Amelia had taken her blankets off her. Brrr.

When she first realized she fancied Ron, the most she had to worry about was whether or not he fancied her back, but with Severus, she worried she could potentially ruin the very fabric of time. -- I hate it when that happens in a relationship. XD But seriously though what a difficult thing to contend with.

Aw. The way Hermione calms Severus down and gets him out of his angry sulky mood that arises when James and Sirius taunt him, it's great that she's able to get him to not dwell on it.

Dogweed and Deathcap is a perfect name for a potion shop. Is that canon or did you come up with it? I don't remember it in the books but it feels like it would fit right in.

Oh nooo. Nothing like entitled Death Eaters taking up your time while you're on a date and 100% ruining the mood.

. It's an absolute delight seeing him with a proper witch for a change, Lucius sneered. -- Joke's on you, Lucius.

The end of this chapter is really sweet. Hermione is falling fast, and I like how gradual and believable you've made the process of Severus opening up to her and showing emotions other than his typical mask. I do wonder more and more though, Dumbledore was never clear about when Hermione was to come back to the 90s (or how?) so she doesn't even know how long she's around in the 70s, and how long this will go on. What happens if Severus falls for her and then she disappears? I mean, surely that can't be good for his self esteem either. But at least he will have known that someone cared about him. Ah, I dont know. I'm just really curious how things will play out!

Great chapter!

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Review #34, by marauderfanThe Harder They Fall: Deeper Than Oceans

21st June 2017:

This chapter was so powerful. You really heaped on the angst and grief there in the first part and I was so convinced Brindley was dead, and then when she breathed I could barely believe it and normally happy endings are too sweet for me but I needed this one. Considering how much these two have been through in all the previous chapters, they deserved a happy ending together.

I was quite literally on the edge of my seat this entire chapter and didn't even look away when some lady in the library came by and looked over my shoulder at what I was reading and it was clearly fanfiction but I COULD NOT STOP READING. The suspense in this chapter was just incredible.

And I know I was angry at Finn last chapter, but I think he was angry with himself too, and he needed to be. He needed to understand how much he had messed up, and now that he has, I was on his side again and cheering for him. I loved when he punched Tom in the face and how he is unashamed of loving Brindley and he's just grown up so much through this story - thinking of the Finn in the beginning of the story with dreams of being Grindelwald's little minion, to how he's become who he is now, it's really remarkable and I'm so happy everything worked out for him. And I'm also glad he learned the truth about Hero's death - he deserved to know that. :(

Congrats on finishing this story! This really has been an amazing, award-winningly fantastic story so well done on completing it! I'm sorry this review is all over the place, but my emotions are all over the place after this chapter because it was so good. Amazing work! ♥

Author's Response: Ah, no. YOU'RE AMAZING!

I'm sooo glad you like Finn again (:P) and that you like the ending!

Thank you for being here and reviewing every single chapter. I appreciate more than I can put into words ♥ ♥ ♥

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Review #35, by marauderfanThe Harder They Fall: Hollow

21st June 2017:
How is this story finished already! Gah, this chapter was so hard to read. Not because of the writing quality, because that was superb of course. Mostly because I'm so frustrated at Finn's short-sightedness and poor decision making. I am glad Sebastian tied him up at the end and tried to shake some sense into him (however badly that worked) because it was something I very much wanted to do myself.

Honestly, Finn isn't that likeable right now- he condemned an innocent girl to death for personal gain/because he valued her life less than Brindley's, and then he stole from an middle aged poor man whom Tom had just left unconscious. He's not at the top of my list of winners right now. BUT despite all of that, I still want everything to work out for him. Despite what a mess he is, he's doing all these wrong things for the right reasons, he just hasn't thought through the consequences, and that's why I ultimately do like Finn. I don't like him, but I like him - I'm sure that makes loads of sense. :P but omg, he really is a fascinating character and he has really screwed some things up and I want it all to be okay.

Poor Brindley. I can't blame her for walking out on Finn - I know he was trying to protect her, but he was such a meddler about it, deliberately hiding things from her that she'd wanted to know for so long, and had a right to know. And now I'm worried about what's going to happen to her, and I have some bad suspicions :(

I feel so badly for Sebastian too, trying to take things into his own hands and get out of the manipulations of his family but not realizing that he's still being manipulated by Tom.

The final chapter is awaiting me so I have nothing else to say other than that you are a fantastic writer. ♥

Author's Response: What do you mean already?! It took me long enough, haha!

Yep, it's a bit of a dark moment for Finn, and he's in a really hard position. I can't deny your negative feelings for him :P

See you at the next chapter! :D ♥

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Review #36, by marauderfanLiar: Epilogue: the truth about Jimmy Portman

21st June 2017:
The last chapter!! Ahh, I can't believe this wonderful story is over. But I think I was only partway through Jimmy Portman so now I'm even more excited to finish it now that I know the background!

Anyway, back to this chapter. I loved the way you made such a major twist in canon in an entirely believable way. If Peter were to do anything differently from his actions in the books, I think it wouldn't be not selling out the Potters, but it would be some sort of damage control in an indirect way, and that's exactly what you have here and it makes a lot of sense. The way you've characterized Peter throughout the whole story supports his actions here - he's never been the sort of person to run headlong into anything, rather, to change things from the safety and anonymity of the shadows he's used to occupying.

Your characterization of Peter is one of the best I've ever read, and while I don't really like him, at times I can sympathize with him and relate to him, and making a reader feel that about such a universally disliked character is impressive.

His relationship with Remus was my favourite part of the story overall, because it's a ship I've never seen anywhere else (100 gold stars for originality) and because it really makes sense - James and Sirius were best friends and closest to each other out of the four, so it's understandable that Remus and Peter would be close too, not to mention that they're the quieter of the four Marauders. But ultimately their personalities were incompatible in a romantic relationship - Remus is too self-deprecating and Peter isn't strong enough to handle it - but there's still something there, some leftover feelings that lasted through a lot of heartbreak and other lovers and even if they don't get back together in a romantic sense, there's a definite sense of hope that things will be okay between them and that the love will always be there.

The scene with Silvia and Mary was so heartbreaking as she realizes what Peter has done. That must be so hard to come to terms with, especially as Peter is her only child. And the scene with James and Lily was so sad as well, with Lily being pregnant again right after losing Harry, I can see how she doesn't feel ready and her anxiety that the new baby will be just a replacement is so sad, but makes so much sense right after what she and James have been through.

The lines during Sirius and Remus' discussion about how it was easier for Sirius to distrust a werewolf because everyone else did, and how Sirius should have trusted Remus - those were such poignant lines and ouch, there's a lot of hurt there and unintentional discrimination, which is so hurtful because they're best friends and I think Sirius is uncomfortable confronting that about himself which is why he tries to gloss over with humor. I am glad he owned up to it and apologized though, even if he deflects his feelings with jokes. But as hard as this scene was, it was really nice to think that they were able to reconcile without Sirius sitting in prison for 13 years for something he didn't do while Remus thought Sirius was a murderer. But... poor Alice and Frank :'(

Thank you for writing this amazing story! I've enjoyed every word of it, and you are so talented.


Author's Response: I'm finally caught up answering reviews on HPFF, quite proud of myself :P

I'm so glad you got to the end of this with me! You are just the best friend and reviewer ever and I love you so much!!!

I'm glad you thought the twist in canon made sense. Yes, I totally agree, Peter would try to find a solution in the less exposing way possible, I love your character analysis here, it's just so perfect!

And I'm so glad you liked my characterization of Peter. Heading people say they they could understand him and sympatize with him to an extent is such a huge compliment to me and makes me so proud!

I'm so glad you loved the Peter/Remus ship, too! I'm actually not sure where it came from but I'm glad it made sense. I always thought Peter and Remus would be closer, since James and Sirius are such a strong duo. And yes, they couldn't really work as a couple because, like you say, their personalities just aren't compatible that way, but they'll always have strong feelings for each other.

Silvia and Mary’s scene is probably my favourite in this chapter. Yes, it would be so hard for a mother accepting that about her only child... :( And yes, poor Lily... I'm glad you could understand her feelings in that situation.

I'm so glad you liked the scene between Remus and Sirius, too. I love your analysis of that as well because it's just what I was trying to express! And yes, it is much better than Sirius being sent to Azkaban for cries he didn't commit. Yes, I know, Alice and Frank... :(

Thanks to you for reading and for all your wonderful reviews and for being so supportive throughout! It means so much that you enjoyed this!

So much love,

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Review #37, by marauderfanLiar: Traitors

13th June 2017:
Chiara. I'm so sorry it's taken so long! It's been a whirlwind of a few days and now I finally have a second to myself... in the airport :p So I'm sorry for any typos and for not being able to leave a very long/thorough review as I'm writing this on my phone!

OKAY SO. This is absolutely the best chapter so far. Honestly, I think it's the best chapter you've ever written. The content of this chapter breaks my heart in so many ways, but it's so powerful and effective storytelling and it's a perfect example of what I was telling you the other day on twitter, that you're an incredibly talented writer.

A lot of things that have come up in the story so far start to tie together here, just as they're all falling apart for the characters. My heart breaks for every single character here - James for finding out his family is targeted, Sirius for being the most loyal person ever and finding out someone has repaid that with selling out Order secrets, Remus for losing Dorcas right after she reaffirmed how she was going to stick with him and made him feel more human as he does this emotionally difficult task with the werewolves, and Peter... ah. I simultaneosly feel sorry for him and hate him because in the end he did choose, he had a choice, and he made selfish decisions that sold out other people. But a lot of that bad decision making stemmed from feeling like an outsider among his friends, and from the fallout with his best friend/ex. But what he did to Dorcas is inexcusable. I hope he felt horrible for that. But I love that so much of this chapter is from Peter's pov because he's definitely in the most dificult place of all of them and has the most internal struggle (even if he did put himself there to begin with) and you did such a wonderful job delving into his motivations and why and how he did what he did, in a way that explains everything.

This was so good. You should be proud. Amazing work, as usual! ♥ ♥

Author's Response: It wasn't too long, no worries! Thank you so much for stopping by! *hug*

Aww... *blushing* you are way too nice to me... sorry for breaking your heart... this breaks mine too...

I'm so glad you could feel for all the characters. They are so tragic... :(

And Peter... I understand that feeling, and I'm glad that you could still feel sorry for him while hating him. Yes, he did have a choice and he did make selfish decisions. And what he did to Dorcas is just awful... :( He did feel very, very bad for it.

But I'm glad that seeing everything from his point of view could at least explain his motives and that you could still feel for him.

Thank you so much for another amazing review, it means so much to me that you love this story so much!

Snowball hug, darling!

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Review #38, by marauderfanParisian Scars: Parisian Scars

9th June 2017:
Copying this review so you have it here too!

Brax recommended this story so here I am. It says this is the third story in a series and what I want to know is where are the other two so I can read them ASAP because I love this ship and this story and I want more.

But anyway back to this story. Omg this line: Lavender was ready to die a hero, but she was not ready for a life as a martyr. -- This is perfect. It says so much about her just in that one line, and really sets the tone for the rest of the piece. Lavender is in such a rough place here, and you write her depression very well.

I'm especially glad you chose to write about Lavender because she's such an interesting character. All we see of her in the books through Harry's eyes is a somewhat vain, shallow girl, and here I love that you don't actually try to make her seem like a less shallow person, instead you build upon that, and it adds to the growing she has to do to overcome her current situation and makes her story so much more dynamic. To Lavender, as a shallow person who was concerned with her appearance and put a lot of importance on outer beauty, it comes as a huge blow to her that her appearance is changed in a way that's out of her control - she has to change a lot to realize that it's okay to have scars. Her misplaced blame and her self loathing here are really heartbreaking to read, but also so very believable for someone in her shoes.

The line about how emotional scars are easier to hide is a really telling one as well, as it hints about how scared she is to be vulnerable (at least how I interpret it) - she doesn't like having her faults all written across her face for everyone to see, and in that sense, she believes that emotional hurt is easier to cover with a fake smile and and act. And here in this story I feel like she's at a crossroads having to learn to think a different way, because who she was as a carefree young teenager isn't really compatible with her current life, and in that struggle she has walls up emotionally but she can't hide her physical scars. Which makes it all the more symbolic when Lavender opens the door and finally lets some of her walls down. The ending is so hopeful, with 'jasmine blooming in the darkest of times' and it's such a perfect end to this piece, hinting that this is at rock bottom for Lavender and everything else will get better from here, because Parvati's unconditional love has finally gotten through to her and Lavender is beginning to internalise that she is still loved, and it gives hope to the idea that maybe Lavender will eventually understand that the scars on her face don't define her. A perfect touch of hope to lighten the angst.

You did such a wonderful job handling all of Lavender's various emotions in this story, the buildup of this emotional and physical wall she has aroud herself, and and the moment with her and Parvati at the end was so beautifully cathartic as she finally begins the process of emotional healing. Parvati is so good for Lavender, and I'm glad she persisted until she was able to get through to Lavender. It gives me hope that someday they will indeed go to Paris and live out their dreams. :)

I'm sorry I got a bit long-winded here :P but I can absolutely see why Brax said this story was so good! Reallly well done and now I know I need to check out some more of your work. This was beautiful writing.

Author's Response: I don't know what to say about this review apart from I feel so lucky to receive it?

I really love Lavender as a character, I like to build upon what we see in canon about her but explain it as some of her behaviour seems plain crazy at points which bothers me. I think she's got so much scope as a character so I'm glad you enjoyed on my take on how she copes with that.

Parvati was always going to be part of Lavender's story but I knew she was going to be on the other side of the door but it developed quickly into a romantic connection but Parvati's love is amazing for Lavender.

I'm a sucker for a happy ending but this piece was me trying to write angst but I found it challenging so I couldn't resist having a hopeful tone into the story because I love her too much. Her experiences can't be washed away so easily though but I'm glad that the balance worked. Meera is too kind but thank you for checking out my story! I'm still squealing over your thoughtful comments!

- Abbi xo

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Review #39, by marauderfanThe Harder They Fall: Immortal

24th May 2017:

I am already hyperventilating at seeing the title to this chapter. And the quote that starts it off. You're really worrying me here.

And the first paragraph too about the song of the death of someone's lover. You are not being subtle with these hints AND I AM VERY WORRIED ABOUT THESE TWO LOVEBIRDS. don't kill off these precious cinnamon rolls please

That he had condemned an innocent girl to danger to save someone else. -- WAIT, HE DID THAT? FINN I AM SO MAD AT YOU

He was doing the right thing. -- NO HE IS NOT. FINN. YOU DID A BAD THING

I am still annoyed at Finn but golly gee those two are adorable dancing on the mountain. Please let them just stay up there forever where you can't harm them anymore.

The resurrection stone! AHHH IT'S HERO! WOW PLOT TWIST. I didn't anticipate that at all. This scene is kind of heartbreaking because she's there, but not there. That can't be easy for Finn, especially as it's just more of a reminder that she's not there. And she tried to warn him! D: I'm just glad she was able to say as much as she did before she was interrupted.

Also Tom is going to be so paranoid when he realizes that his jacket is missing and with it one of his Horcruxes...

Because I think it will go with my outfit. -- omg Finn XD

And once again you end a chapter in the most ominous way. Aah! I'm dying to know. Pardon the morbid humour because at this point in the story I'm worried about everyone and have suspicions they're going to die. This story is so good aksdflksjdf. great chapter!

P.S. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?
Because it was two tired

Author's Response: KRISTIN! You are first and amazing and I love you.

Why do you think I'll kill all the cinnamon rolls? Does that sound like something I would do? ;)

Oh, stop it, you.

Thank you so much for the review! :D x

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Review #40, by marauderfanLiar: Fighters

23rd May 2017:
The library is about to close so I can't leave a very long review, I'm sorry :( But I had to pounce on this as soon as I could after I saw it was posted!

Mad-Eye wouldve made grocery shopping sound dangerous. -- YES HE WOULD HAVE hahaha this is so funny.

Aww :( I mean I get that Peter can speak for himself, but Remus was only trying to help. Then again, that's probably a sore spot for Peter who's probably been talked over for his whole life. :-/

That must take so much for Remus to be able to face that kind of life, especially since he's been shunning the side of him that's a werewolf for so long, trying so hard to be 'normal', that facing the dark side of that, so to speak, and actually living with a colony of werewolves including the one who turned him, must be so hard emotionally. I'm glad he has Dorcas to lean on at least.


Okay, I get that Leander's job puts him in a tough position but STILL. he can be less of a jerk.

Aw, Mary. It must be kind of bittersweet for her to see Lily so happy and getting married... to someone else. But the moment with her and Peter was really sweet as they learned that they have something in common.


This was a great chapter and I loved it so much and I love you so much and you are amazing. Also, you are an amazing writer. Library is closing so I have to go! ♥ ♥ ♥

Author's Response: KRISTIN!!! I love you!!! I know I tell you all the time, but it still doesn't feel often enough... :P

So, first, sorry for taking such an abysmal time to answer this! And your review is wonderful as always, you have nothing to apologize for. *hug*

Ahahah! Moody would, wouldn't he? Glad you found that line funny! :D

I know... Remus only wanted to help... but from Peter's perspective it showed that Remus didn't see him as strong enough and pitied him, and that's something that Peter would hate more than anything.

Yes, poor Remus... that's really so hard for him... :(

And Leander... well... yes, he is a bit of a jerk, but it isn't really his fault, either...

Mary is such a sweety! I guess it was a bit bittersweet for her... glad you found that moment between her and Peter sweet.

Well, you know what happens next, so I don't really need to answer, right? Poor Peter, though...

Thank you so much for your lovely review! *wub*

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Review #41, by marauderfanWhy Everyone Should Hate Coffee Creams: ---

20th May 2017:
Brax! I'm here for our swap! First, my apologies for any typos as I'm writing this review on my phone.

Okay but now to business: this is brilliant. The fact that it's about Tom and Merope lured me in from the start, because so few people ever write about either of them and this just seemed like such an original idea. What I was not expecting was the light-hearted, whimsical tone of this. All the hilariously serious similes in the begining about rocks! The descriptions of Mr and Mrs Ruddle and how he grabs his collarbone in a dramatic show of how upset he is, and how she goes from 100% calm to fainting and wailing about smelling salts in about 3 seconds. And despite that it's a kind of serious subject matter (I was expecting a story full of angst) it's just so much fun to read.

Despite that the story doesn't take itself too seriously, it's also not too over the top, which can be a delicate balance to strike but you did it perfectly. I also forever will imagine Mr and Mrs Riddle in the way you described them, since i had kind of a blank headcanon for them before. :p Tom's discovery that he was 'in love' with Merope was well written too, and even though it's kind of silly and seems like one of those moments in a musical when someone stands up to sing their feeligns (sidenote, why didn't Tom do that :P ) it also seemed exactly how someone would react under the influence of a love potion -they'd be acting sort of dramatically anyway. long story short this was perfect.

I can't believe I'd never read anything by you before! I'm going to be stalking your AP sometme soon :p

Omg, and then Frank and the hedgehog waiting for Merope at the end XD this was such a fun read & thanks so much for the swap!

Author's Response: Marauderfan, you write such lovely reviews! Thank you so much for the swap; I'd happily swap stories again with you any time! I'm really glad you enjoyed this story. I tried not to go overboard caricaturing the Riddles, but my headcanon for them was slightly ridiculous. I so wish I'd incorporated the sudden appearance of a fifty-piece orchestra and a song when Tom declared his love for Merope - that would have been a splendid addition!

Brax X

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Review #42, by marauderfanThe Harder They Fall: No Rest for the Wicked

16th May 2017:
I loved the discussion between Ben and Finn. Finn has grown up so much. At first in this story at the beginning, he was an arrogant pest 98% of the time and a cinnamon roll the other 2%, but now I think he's at 10% jerk and 90% cinnamon roll. Like, I'm sure he's still goign to say dumb selfish things every now and then but he has come SO FAR and is so much kinder and he's gained a lot of sympathy. Old Finn would have had a wildly different reaction to Ben coming out. But here, they both have this sort of camaraderie now that they didn't have before, that they both love people they'd be judged for by anyone else, and they're both afraid of Tom, and it seems to bring them closer together.

I'm betting Dumbledore isn't actually allergic to any chocolate, but he saw that Radbourne was terrified while offering him chocolate and Tom was standing right there, and he just put things together that way :P Smart.


Id rather spend a few days with you, he said quietly, than years with anyone else. -- ASDKJFLAKSDJFLKAJSDLKJFASDKF *melts* THIS IS SO ADORABLE AND I HAVE SO MANY FEELS IT'S KILLING ME SEND HELP

Lol at Tom saying love doesn't have any power or start wars. I'm pretty sure it's started a whole lot more wars than anything else :P

Oof... so I have an unpleasant theory about the last line. I don't think he sold out that fourth year, and I don't think he's going to say it's Brindley (unless we're getting into some solid Orwell/1984 type stuff here). I think he's going to say it's himself. I don't know why, I just have this bad feeling. I'm glad he's not sending either of the girls to their doom but FINN WATCH OUT, you can't outsmart Grindelwald and HELP THIS WILL NOT GO WELL. Omg, I'm panicking for him AND THERE'S NO NEXT CHAPTER PLEASE FIX THIS ASAP


I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE SO TALENTED. Speaking of which, congrats on winning all of the awards with this story!

Author's Response: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I TOO CAN ONLY EMOTE IN CAPSLOCK. Seriously. Thank you ♥

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Review #43, by marauderfanThe Harder They Fall: The Beginning of the End

16th May 2017:
I missed this when it was first posted, so I'm (finally) here now to remedy that!


I mean I saw it coming but still NO O O O O

that kind of sums up all I have to say. You know why.

And geez, as much as I appreciate Finn finally growing a backbone and standing up for Brindley when Ben was filling the room with smoke, and how he genuinely wants to save Brindley, hurting an innocent little fourth year is not the way to do it. omg. he is in such a horrible situation and there are no good choices and I just hope he doesn't do it. there has to be another way!

Author's Response: I do know why ;)

Thank you my love ♥

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Review #44, by marauderfanEternity : I

9th March 2017:
Zayne - this story is awesome. I can't believe I hadn't found it before now, but I was doing some reading of Puff stories for the Chalices (new Hufflepuff awards at and found this and I absolutely love it. You start it off so perfectly - really calm, but something's clearly off about Seamus, until you gradually revealed what it was. And his friendship with Dean that has literally transcended their lifetime. AWWW ♥ this was perfect.

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Review #45, by marauderfanLiar: Adults

9th March 2017:
You're right, I was going to get to this :D but thank you for the request! I'm so happy to see another update on this story!

Aah, not even one sentence into this chapter and already my heart is breaking for Remus for having to wear the band on his arm marking him as a werewolf, which is honestly terrifying as that's very reminiscent of Hitler's demands for Jews, and... some other politicians these days. Despite being about werewolves and magic, this story is very relevant.

OMG ALL OF THIS CHAPTER ♥ IT'S SO GOOD. I love the way the girls are sticking up for Remus and the way can see past the way the Ministry is trying to stir up fear, and instead want to help the people who get marginalized and are unfairly singled out.



This is so REAL.

Severance pay is not charity. He's gonna need that. But I also admire him for not taking anything from Tom, because ultimately it was Tom's decision to let Remus go. Tom could have fought the system, like Dorcas is doing, but he chose not to.

Omg, and then the juxtaposition of this and the next section - Remus thinks the world is screwed up because it is. Peter thinks the world is screwed up because Dumbledore picked James for Head Boy. I mean... :P it says a lot about his privilege right there.

YES REMUS STAND UP TO THE DUMB LAW. I love that he just refuses to wear the band. He's right, it would look pretty awful if the Ministry threw him in Azkaban for not wearing a bracelet.

I like that Dorcas is helping Remus move on from Peter, even if their relationship is starting off a bit weird (i.e. Remus is still in love with Peter). But if Dorcas is fine with that, then I guess they're all good. It's nice that Remus knows someone else likes him, he needs the reminder that he's worthy of being liked and appreciated.

Though I also worry that you're setting them up together because I know what happens to Dorcas eventually and Remus DOES NOT NEED THAT on top of everything else he deals with. ah, all the feels. help

omg and then right from there to Lily thinking about her parents' funeral. Too many feels. And the bit where she thinks if she'd been there she could have done something - that's so true to life, how there's that stage of grief where you believe things that don't necessarily make sense just because the grief is hard to process. Poor Lily :( And with James going through a similar thing... it's so true, grief does have a way of bringing people together.

I know Fawkes' molting isn't that common (or is it?) but part of me kind of loves the fact that both James and later Harry ended up witnessing it :)

It really says a lot for Mary that she declined, especially in front of a bunch of people who all accepted. Like, yes, it's scary to be in the Order, but it does take courage to do what she's doing, in a way.

Bravo for Remus turning the discriminatory wristband around and wearing it as a badge of honor.

This whole chapter carries a strong feeling of endings and new beginnings and all the uncertainty that come with both - and it's very appropriate given that they're finishing with school and heading into something dangerous, like there's a lot to celebrate and a lot to fear at the same time, but they just make the best of it. I really liked the tone throughout the whole thing.

CC: at one point you said 'carrier' when I think you meant 'career' (they sound really similar, but the first is a thing that carries something.. like a cat carrier)

Ok that's it, this review somehow got really long and I'm sorry for when you have to respond to it :P I loved this chapter and it was amazing and so are you. ♥ ♥ ♥

Author's Response: Kristin!!! *wub* *wub* *wub*

Yes, that's horrible... I did have Hitler's racial laws in mind... To be honest, I was scared that I was pulling it too far, but I'm glad you found it believable!

The girls are awesome! :D

Poor Remus... Tom could've fought the system, but not everyone is brave and strong enough to do so...

Ahahah! Peter has a much lighter way of seeing things, that's for sure. :P (But you have to agree, Dumbledore's choice was quite crazy)

Yes! Go, Remus! That would look pretty awful, indeed.

Remus needs that reminder... Erm... yeah... that might not end too well... I'm sorry... (I'm just a tiny bit cruel to my characters, I know...)

You always wonder if you could've done anything, don't you? I still can't shake that guilt... but yes, grief does bring people together.

Oh, I have no idea... after you asked I googled what's a bird's life expectancy... it varies a lot from species to species, so it's hard to tell (you probably know better than I do... :P) Anyway, I'm glad you liked the idea that James and Harry had that in common.

I think it did require a lot of courage from Mary (a courage Peter didn't have, for instance). Glad you liked that about her.

That was the theme of the chapter, and I'm glad it came out well and that you liked the tone of it. We'll see how things will go from there.

Oh... I will fix that. In Italian is "carriera", so I guess that's why I mixed them up. Thank you for pointing it out.

Ahahah! No review is too long, I love your reviews! Sorry for taking so long to answer, by the way...

You are amazing! Thank you so, so, so much!!!

Snowball hug,

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Review #46, by marauderfanProphecy Misinterpreted: Prophecy Misinterpreted

8th March 2017:
Hi! I'm here from with your requested review! (I'm Stella Blue over there)

What an great opening section - you set the scene really well with the radio on and all the news that identifies the era in which this is all happening. And the couple definitely have me intrigued. At first they seem like just a normal husband and wife, but then it turns out it was Aaron's job to move to Hungary and blend in so well that he must get married as well. I feel so sorry for Luca, as she probably has no idea :( I'd kind of love to know more about their backstory, and what happens to her. What about when Aaron's job has finished? It's like Luca has years of her life taken away. I know she doesn't come up again in the story, but I'm still really curious about her, and about Aaron as well. Maybe you should write a spin-off story about those two :P I'd totally read it, though I suspect it would be quite sad!

It seems that in this fic, the main focus is the prophecy and the interpretation of it, rather than the characters. So we see little snippets of the characters' lives - it's not a lot, but what you do let on is so powerful, that it's enough to make me curious about them and want to know if things got better for them! I was so sad when I realized what Jenkins was asking of Iesha, and wondered what Iesha eventually decided (if she was given a choice?) Poor Iesha, that's an awful thing to have to face.

And Remus as well - that definitely caught me by surprise, only ten years old and having to do an unbreakable vow, and about something so serious! That probably shouldn't even be legal. Poor guy, this whole thing must have been so over his head. Which brings me to another point - the Minister for Magic, Jenkins, is a really interesting character, considering what she asks of people. It's kind of like she is focused on 'the greater good', in how she's trying to save the continent from a dark wizard and sacrifices the needs of indivduals to a bigger cause. And that's interesting because, you know, objectively she's doing a good thing- protecting her country from a dark wizard, but do the ends justify the means? How far would she go to save her country from a dark wizard? So I really liked that philosophical quandary that this character brings up, especially, when they were working towards the wrong goal all along. It made me think a lot so I appreciated it :)

I don't want to forget to mention how much I loved that you wove some Hungarian in here - the language, and some Hungarian characters - because HP is pretty heavily focussed on England and Scotland, so it's really refreshing to see the wizarding world in other places, and how far the prophecy stretched and how many places were impacted, and just to see some of how the wizarding world works in Hungary.

In terms of constructive criticism:
The beginning sections kind of hop around a lot, and while this isn't necessarily a problem, it didn't seem to tie into the story later on. And then the last section is much longer, but still contains some jumping around between Iesha and Jenkins' conversation, and Eileen and Lyall - with the dialogue one after the other I couldn't tell if they were all in a group, or two simultaneous conversations. One thing you can do to avoid confusion here that I'd suggest is to add a line or two of transition between scenes whenever you're switching scenes, or maybe adding a line or two in the later section that references what happened in the beginning so those first pieces don't seem like standalone segments.

Also, I know you mentioned English isn't your first language, and considering that, you do a wonderful job of conveying your ideas. There are a few typos/small grammar issues, but fortunately this can be easily fixed - there's a subforum on where you can request a beta, and they can help with all the little English grammar things.

Last but not least, your final line is PERFECT. Ahh, I've got chills!

I hope this was helpful! Overall I really enjoyed reading this, and thanks for the request.

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for the review! You say so many positive things, it almost feels like I don't deserve it - you definitely made my day happier :D

As for Luca I don't really have it planned what happens to her. I could make something up now, but I prefer to leave it open for now. I'm so happy you like the little snippets of the characters, this was my intention to give just a glimpse of who they are. And there are ethical issues in there - thank you for pointing that out.

Your comment on the jumps between the conversations between Iesha - Jenkins, and Eileen and Lyall is fair, I myself had a problem when writing this section, but couldn't figure out how to solve it. I will go see if by adding a line or two it can be solved. I already got a very helpful beta reader, so I hope to get this and the English fixed soon.

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Review #47, by marauderfanWhen I Go Out With You: Maybe I Know

1st March 2017:
I love this chapter so, so much. I loved Hannah's rant about the patriarchy. I love that you point out such important truths about our society in such a fun way, i.e. while they're all eating ice cream together and Neville accidentally gets strawberry in Hannah's hair, you point out how people judge what they don't understand, but if they don't know the story they'll rationalize it into what fits into their worldview (i.e. the people who'd just see Hannah and Susan as friends) - which is totally true in a heteronormative society. And most of all, how people aren't really thinking about Hannah and co. as much as she assumes they are, as Susan points out. People focus on their own selves and aren't thinking about you as much as you imagine they are, so be who you are because other people's fleeting judgement doesn't matter. How do you fit such deep ideas into 600 words? You're incredible. Anyway, this chapter has a great message. Lovely work ♥

PS, I love the first line (after the song), about the daisy chain, that's such a creative description.

Author's Response: Eep a review already? Thank you Kristin!

I am really glad you liked this and felt that it covered a lot of interesting ideas without feeling crammed! I normally write these chapters in one sitting but because I started this one in November and just finished it I wasn't convinced it felt as cohesive as it should so I'm very thankful for your feedback.

Hehe I like the daisy chain line too and am glad it's not just me =)

Thanks again! ♥

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Review #48, by marauderfanNot My Intention: The First Victims

20th February 2017:
Hi! I'm here with your review from! (I'm Stella Blue over there, btw)

Hogwarts Era is actually my favourite so I'm pretty excited about this, even if you've not written much Hogwarts Era before. And honestly I don't see a lot of fics set in Hogwarts immediately after the war so I'm really looking forward to what you're going to do with that. It's nice to see this story through Ginny's eyes, too.

The first section of the story - Ginny talking about Fred's death - is so, so relatable, how sometimes when someone dies you can't really reconcile the fact that they're dead, and keep thinking they're just not here today, but it's something final like that that really drives the point home, and I thought that section was powerful, so well done. However, it doesn't 100% seem to fit with the rest of the chapter - if you added a bit of a transition between that section and the next, (like how that affects her starting a new year at Hogwarts?) it would be a lot less choppy overall.

"Is there anyone else?" Luna asked. -- This is PERFECT. This is the most Luna-ish question - like, it's kind of a weird thing to ask, as if Ginny's going on a massive spree of matchmaking, but Luna's not judgemental about asking, and just wants to help Ginny. You've totally nailed that balance of peculiar and practical that is so very Luna. :D And I thought her reaction to the outcome of Ginny's first attempt, getting Ron and Hermione together, was perfect - not particularly emotional about it, just interested in a sort of 'hmm look at that' way.

So yeah, that line was great, and I'll just take a moment to say that you do really well writing Luna overall. I know how difficult it is to capture her voice and particular mannerisms, and you did a wonderful job with her here. Ron was spot on too- it's very believable that he'd hold onto his grudge against Malfoy for... probably forever. :P I also like that Hermione called Crabbe and Goyle 'rocks'. I just found it really amusing for some reason - and also sounds like the type of insult Hermione would use. :P

Draco is definitely a changed person, but he seems awkward about it, like he's not sure who to be anymore now that he doesn't have 'those two rocks' hanging around him all the time and now that his father is disgraced/in Azkaban and the Death Eaters lost. And probably he wouldn't be that popular around Hogwarts, so he's trying to be nice. But he doesn't know how. It's certainly an interesting change and it makes a lot of sense considering how much his life has just changed. I'm looking forward to seeing more of him.

Long story short, your characterization of everyone is great :D

The one thing I'd want to comment on in terms of concrit is the pacing, particularly with Ginny's feelings. Knowing her temperament, I'm a bit surprised that she's so quick to change her tune about Malfoy after the one conversation. It's like she let go of her family's grudge against him almost instantly, which at least to me seemed a bit fast. I know this is eventually to be a Ginny/Draco story, so I get that you're trying to lead in that direction, but I think a slower process might be more believable - like she might just think this was a one off occurrence at first.

As another example, she also jumps from sadly wondering if Harry still loves her, to planning to set up Harry and Luna. Did she get over Harry that fast? I'd love to see a bit more development of this, as long-held feelings often take time to change. But of course, this is just my 2 cents and your story is yours to pace how you want it.

Ah, I feel like this review is a bit heavy on the CC but I want you to know that I did really enjoy this chapter, and I love the idea of Harry/Luna - I could totally see them working as a ship, even if it is unusual. Unusual ships are the beauty of fanfiction. :)

I hope this review was helpful! Great work on this story so far. I look forward to reading more :)

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for a wonderful long review :D

I'm glad the characterisation worked out, because my characters being OOC is something I always worry about. Particularly Luna, since she has a character that stands out so people can tell if something is uncharacteristic of her.

Ginny was supposed to be trying to get over Fred's death and distracting herself, hence the beginning. But yeah, now that I think about it, it doesn't seem to fit in very well. I'll keep that in mind in the future :)

Ah, pacing. I try to keep things slow but I always forget what it's like if you're the reader who knows nothing about the story. I just get ahead of myself, which is probably why my novella ended 10 chapters earlier than I had planned :P

But I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for this review, it was super helpful. I'll be sure to keep all your feedback in mind when writing the next chapter for this :D

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Review #49, by marauderfanIn This Darkness: Chapter Two: Quarrels for Dinner

19th February 2017:
Hi! Here with your review from!

The explanation of how Harry ended up in his old family home is perfect. I think both Harry and Ginny are perfectly characterized here in what they would want in a house.

Xander is reading about Grindelwald and finds it interesting... which sends alarms up because why does he find it interesting? Is he interested in what Grindelwald was trying to do, due to the dark magic that's dormant in him? Or, I suppose, he could just be reading it because he thinks Grindelwald's story is fascinating, which is true, so this motivation wouldn't be a problem. But I love that you introduced 17-year-old Xander in this way, because it continues the questions from the first chapter of whether he'll go one way or the other, whether he'll be swayed into dark magic or if his upbringing instilled different values in him.

Also I don't know if I mentioned in the previous chapter but it's SO like Harry to adopt/take care of a child in a tough situation - probably due to Harry's own childhood experiences, but it's very believable that he would have taken Xander in.

Her mother had passed away over three years ago, -- OMG. OUCH. I can't believe you dropped this so casually like BTW GINNY IS DEAD and my heart just broke a little. I was not prepared for that. What happened to her? I hope we get to find out in a future chapter!

Anyway in response to your questions, I think this chapter works really well as a follow up to the first chapter. Xander is presented in a similar context where it's kind of interesting trying to figure him out, and given what Harry said about his kids who were Xander's age in the previous chapter, it's great to see this chapter of how things actually turned out.

I think you've done really well characterizing Lily, as well - I already have a fairly good idea of what sort of person she is. Her characterization is pretty consistent throughout the chapter, too, which is good. Also, this portrayal of her is believable - she's got a hotheaded streak that is reminiscent of both of her parents, and she's also kind of spoiled which is understandable as she's the youngest child and only girl in a rather wealthy family, and it makes sense that Harry would be prone to spoiling his children a little considering the miserable childhood he had with the Dursleys. And I like that you mentioned how she admires Teddy, as that ties in with what we saw of her in the DH epilogue.

It was a splendid looking house, with three floors, open spaces, impressive chandeliers and expensive furniture -- I like that you're describing the scene here in the Potter Manor and I can already get an image in my mind of what it looks like. However, one thing that might make your description stronger is to use more specific adjectives, and show rather than tell. What I mean is this: why is the chandelier impressive? Is it multi-tiered, made of brass with crystal hanging from it? Or is it gold? Or a more rustic looking material? Same with the furniture - what makes it expensive? Is it, for example, mahogany? Teak? Basically, the more specific your descriptions are, the more effective they will be, and rather than telling the reader that something is beautiful/impressive/etc, show them why. :)

Since they had started dating six months ago, -- here it might be helpful to clarify who the 'they' is in this instance (I believe it's Scorpius and Rose, but I had to read it over a couple times before figuring it out)

This was a really good chapter and I'm curious what happened to Ginny, and whether Xander and Lily do enjoy each other's company once in a while (will they play Quidditch?) How does the rest of the family feel about Harry dating again? And though I've seen little glimpses into what Albus and James are like, I'd love to get to know them better in upcoming chapters. Basically this chapter has me very interested in reading more. :)

I enjoyed this chapter! This is shaping up to be a great story - wonderful work on this.

Author's Response: Xander reading about Grindewald… You’re right on point on all accounts. He does find Grindewald’s story fascinating because he is but also there’s probably a part of him that finds an allure in the dark arts. Whether he is swayed or stays true to the values Harry and Ginny instilled in him will a major reoccurring question throughout the story.
I’m so sorry to have dropped Ginny’s death like that! The reasoning behind her death was the effect it had on her children, as well as on Xander. I debated spending more time on it, but I figured the importance was not the death itself so much as the later effects. However, it will be touched upon later on!
I wanted to take what I could from the epilogue when I wrote the next-gen kids and also make them my own. A lot of times, I feel like they are portrayed as being these perfect teenagers with great grades, witty minds and good looks. I wanted Lily to feel a little more real. There’s Harry and Ginny in her, but there’s also a lot of faults that her own. She had a lot of growing to do.
I appreciate your CC! I have trouble describing things sometimes (a lot of times, er.) but I’m going to try adding specific adjectives to hopefully spice things up a bit more.
You will see James and Albus again later! I didn’t really get to develop them in this chapter because I wanted the focus on Lily and Xander, but they’ll be around! Xander and Lily’s relationship with each other is a complicated one. I hope their relationship does translate the way I envision it too!
Thank you for reviewing chapter two! You are always so wonderful and helpful!

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Review #50, by marauderfanIn This Darkness: Chapter One: The Beginning

15th February 2017:
Hi! I'm here with your request from Sorry about the delay!

Can I just say that I LOVE your first sentence. It's kind of quirky, much like the wizarding world itself, and in fact it kind of reminds me of the first sentence of the very first HP book in its matter-of-fact-ness.

But youre the chosen one, argued Mason. The only one Rousell truly feared. -- This is interesting. There's definitely some similarities to Dumbledore and Voldemort here as well, and I'm wondering if Roussell is going to become the next big Dark Wizard. I guess it's been a while since the last one, so :P

Yikes, I did not expect the boy to suddenly whip an Unforgivable Curse out of nowhere. How did he even learn that - and especially to be powerful enough to actually cast an effective Crucio? That must be so scary - even despite that he doesn't like Mr Chapman Harry probably can't just sit and watch that. And then it turns out that the boy was just protecting Harry (or so he says). I'm not sure who to believe haha! But I don't think the boy would be so manipulative and evil at 6, so I'm inclined to think he's telling the truth. Though you never know. I bet Voldemort was still evil at 6.

I think the parallels you have here are really interesting. It seems like you have a lot of room to explore the idea of nature vs nurture, and I'm not sure if that's where you're going with this haha, but it's just what I was thinking about as I read. Xander comes from a family of dark magic, and as such he's got some natural talent at dark magic, but it remains to be seen what effect that will have on his personality. So far, all we've seen of him is that he's scared and that he's powerful, but being adopted by Harry and Ginny will definitely give him a more nurturing environment and I'm curious to see how he turns out. And how Xander's knowledge of his family and past will affect him, when he learns of it, and how he feels about the fact that a memory charm was used to erase part of his childhood memory.

So yes, in response to your questions on your request - it does bring up a lot of questions and interesting ideas, and it made perfect sense to me. The only hole I found was the fact that Harry seems to have gotten an owl from Detroit to the UK, and considering an owl is not a seabird, I don't know how it would have made that long of a flight. (Maybe that's a kind of weird thing for me to point out but that's what I noticed :P )

Some little fixes:
Mason Chapman, chasier and owner -- probably meant to say 'cashier'?

The bells attached to the handle gave a lazy rung -- I think that should be 'ring' instead of rung. When used as a noun, rung is a step on a ladder ;)

Overall though, this is a really great introductory chapter and sets up your story effectively. It definitely grabs the attention and makes me wonder what happens in the future!

Wonderful work on this. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your wonderful review!

I wanted to show just how extreme Xander's character could potentially be from the very beginning - to show that there was enough power and enough hate for him to a pull curse like that.

I definitely want to play with the parallels a bit, so I'm glad you caught on to that. Nature vs nurture will also be a reoccurring theme. I wanted to him to be a six year old child to be able to present him as someone who already has a past, but to also allow his formative years to be spent at the Potter's. All of this will come into play later.

The owl question... I hadn't even thought about it, and it's an excellent question! There's definitely some logistics I need to work through hehe

Thank you for the fixes! I've gone back and made those corrections.

Thank you again for this review! It was so detailed, and I appreciate the time you took to write it more than you know!

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