Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
760 Reviews Found

Review #26, by marauderfanPlay the Devil: A Proposal and a Tumble

9th July 2014:
I have surfaced from the void of internet-less-ness and am so happy to see a new(ish) chapter on this story! Hurrah!

This was a cool chapter! I loved the shift in POV to read about things from Richard's perspective. It's interesting to read his changing opinions of Rose, who at first was this fantastical fairy woman, and now it seems that the most alluring thing about her is how human she is, all her faults and sloppy manners making her seem otherworldly to him in a way. I wonder what his friends will tell him about the baron Ronald, and whether they will actually find a baron named Ronald and what he is like, haha.

Because this really wouldn't be a proper review if I didn't get distracted and off topic at least once, I'm going to point out how much I love your attention to historical detail again, and the point about how they only bathed once a year, makes me very glad to live in modern times rather than the Middle Ages because when I go backpacking and don't shower for a week, it's unpleasant. I can't imagine a whole YEAR. Though I guess that in the Middle Ages everyone was too drunk to care about being smelly, as they had wine for all occasions.

Annie Lovell is a great character! I like how forward and crafty she is, though I feel like this isn't the end of her craftiness regarding Richard. She seems like a stubborn type who is used to getting what she wants. She has noticed Richard's attraction to Rose, and yet still seems to be very friendly with Rose - but I wonder if that's about to change. The way you've woven actual historical figures into this story is just so cool, and the blend of history and HP characters is such a rich and clever blend.

I would have Nicholas’ head for this. -- Hahahaha, the wording of this. So fabulous. I am eagerly awaiting when Rose finds out that Sir Nicholas is indeed Nearly Headless Nick.

Uh oh, falling off a horse. That isn't good. It sounds like she has a broken ankle - but on the bright side, it doesn't sound like the horse stepped on her or anything, so at least she's better off than she could have been. But I can't imagine that fixing broken bones was an easy process in the 1400s.

This was a great chapter and the story continues to be amazing! I noticed a bit of 'old Rose lamenting her past self' in there, when she mentions something about being young and fanciful then - it reminds me of the great mystery alluded to at the beginning, of what happened to her back in time, whether she aged a lot while she was there, or something else befell her... but either way I'm excited to read on and awaiting the next chapter!

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Review #27, by marauderfanKill Your Darlings: Fumbling

9th July 2014:
Warning: This review will consist of a lot of me shouting at your characters because OH MY GOD THEY NEED TO TALK. GAAAHHH

Okay, I love the way Andromeda gave back Rabastan's ring. Like it's not even worth the two seconds to speak with him in person to give it back, she cares that little. Also, I doubt it would be good for either of them if she saw him in person at this point anyway, heh.

Andromeda was almost on the point of telling Ted she loved him! She even thought about it... and then DIDN'T. WHY, ANDIE?! SAY IT! But no, hormones get the better of her common sense. BUT SERIOUSLY SHE NEEDS TO TELL HIM SHE LOVES HIM. She's told so many others, including McGonagall and George (!) SO SAY ITTT AAAGH

Now that I'm done yelling at Andromeda, I think Ted needs to be yelled at as well, because he doesn't seem to realize how much Andromeda has changed, and keeps holding over her head all the things she said before when she had those prejudices. And I guess this would change if Andie actually said she loved him... but gah! It's frustrating to read Ted being so stubborn and seeing only who Andie was and not who she has become. But I guess that's what makes a story ;) I can only hope that now that Andromeda has specifically told Ted she's changed, that Ted thinks about that AND THAT THEY TALK. WITH WORDS. Asdjfoajsl

Sorry about the extreme spasticness of this review and all the shouting. It's only a testament to your fabulous writing, I promise. More please! ♥

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Review #28, by marauderfanKill Your Darlings: Aftermath

9th July 2014:
I'm sorry I've been neglecting this story - I've been in the middle of nowhere without internet for a month. But it did mean that I had TWO chapters to read when I got back which was really exciting :D

I loved the scene with Andromeda and Nelson at Ted's bedside. Hugs! Another confession that Andie loves Ted! And Nelson being super nice. Andromeda has finally realised that she's got a choice, AND SHE CHOOSES TED. I just want to hug this scene.

The scene where she's interviewed was so uncomfortable. (I don't mean that your writing is uncomfortable, just that scene - I cant imagine how awkward and strange it must have been for Andromeda to confess her love for Ted in front of professors and George - and I loved McGonagall's assessment of that, haha. Gah, I hate that Rabastan got off without any punishment, but Ted was right, mutually assured destruction if Andromeda has mentioned anything about Rabastan's dark magic.

SHE CHOSE TED AT THE END ♥ Aw, George and Lilith!! Love that line at the end there. ♥ Gah, I love this story.

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Review #29, by marauderfanThe Deathly Children: Symbols and Stories

9th July 2014:
Teh!!! I know you posted this ages ago and I'm sorry it's taken me this long to get to it - but I finally have internet now, and thanks to the house cup, we get Hufflepuff points for this :D

So now for the chapter. As always, I really love reading the letters from Grindelwald - so twisted yet so entertaining. He knows which things to say to bother Albus the most, and since he has nothing else to do but wither away in his own prison, he writes them just to imagine how Albus will react and turn all these things over in his head. He's reminding Albus, as probably no one else would do, that despite the fact that Albus sent Gellert to prison and became famous as a symbol of good, that he's not that good. Essentially Gellert is saying "I know all your dark secrets". It's exactly the sort of letter that would haunt Albus' thoughts for a while, especially with that P.S. at the end. I can't decide whether Gellert actually knows this for a fact, or whether he's just saying it to make Albus feel guiltier.

Your portrayal of Ariana is so quirky and so wonderful. I feel like most of the things she does make sense, and then I realise that if it weren't from her POV there, she'd just be randomly throwing marbles at the wall and talking to herself. But in her vivid world with the three women and everything going on in her mind, I forget about that. And wow, the Deathly Hallows! I am so curious about that as well, particularly after Gellert's story, since those are the same three women. Death will not leave Ariana alone - it certainly makes her situation just a bit creepier than if they were just three random women she made up. And the Hallows symbol she drew on the skirting board - I think that'll come back in to the story eventually ;)

And what a story Gellert told! I have to admit I was looking for a moral in it too, and there doesn't appear to be one. It's a neat interpretation of the Deathly Hallows origin, and I wonder what Albus will make of it (because he loves riddles and will probably try and figure this one out, right?)

Also, random, but I loved how you described the light in the woods as 'syrupy', and the way the women's voices were like stagnant ponds or peeling tree bark. It's such unique, lovely description and I'm really jealous of your skills :D

I didn't think this chapter was too long! Your writing just grabs me in and I'm so absorbed in it that I don't notice the length. Anyway, I'm sorry it took almost a month for me to read this but it was an incredible chapter!!

For the House Cup 2014

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Review #30, by marauderfanIt Is the Colour of Joy: You Smile...

13th June 2014:

For your first time writing second person, you did an amazing job! I really like second person because of the different styles that it promotes, and this was so simple and so beautiful. It's like little snapshots of a blossoming love as Astoria heals Draco who is broken from the war, as he can return to being happy again because of her.

The end is lovely too, how it's just normal-person things that are their main concerns in life now, like bills, and a baby, aww. In a really subtle way you've showed how Astoria has brought Draco from this unfeeling, stagnant victim with PTSD to a normal, joyful person. And everything you mention is joyful, but still gives the idea of less joyful things in the past, the subtlety is really good here. Well done incorporating the colour red, too.

The flow of this, much like in Every Song Must End, was like poetry. So simple and so beautiful, each line its own thought and imagery. Also, congratulations on using no dialogue or apostrophes and only 501 words. It's cool to set a challenge like that for yourself (in addition to the three other challenges this was written for) so wow, nicely done! This was a lovely read.

Author's Response: Aww! *dies of blushing too much* Thank you so much! I was so nervous posting this, but I'm just floored by all the positive feedback I've received. You're absolutely right in saying that second person encourages different styles. Writing this was quite different to how I write in first and third person.

I wanted to highlight how after the war, life returned to normal for people. They were scarred and hurt sure, but life goes on. Bills need paying, and excitement over babies needs to be a source of endless fluff! Astoria really has changed Draco for the better - I'm glad you feel the same way!

Another accidental poetic piece! Woohoo! Surprisingly dialogue was not a difficult challenge to incorporate - banning apostrophes was. Apostrophes are everywhere! EVERYWHERE I TELL YOU.

Thank you for the lovely review :)

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Review #31, by marauderfanHarry Potter and the Plot of Power: 03 Better Off Dead

13th June 2014:
Oh my goodness... calm, unbreakable Luna breaking down in sobs just shattered my heart into tiny pieces. Gah, I just can't. And Lysander wow, that analogy of him being like George just made it that much sadder because I'm kind of still denying Fred's death. Way to wield the sad feels here in this chapter. :(

Hugo is being so brave at the end! But uh... I think he probably just dug himself into a deeper hole, or else put a target on someone elses back. Now Cassandra and her Academy team have a way to get to Harry, because they'll probably use Hugo as a hostage and extort information from him to get to Harry. Uh oh. So yes... poor Hugo!

Wow, I'm really wondering about this part in the beginning though. Who are they? Is one the Director at a young age, since it's ten years earlier? No, he'd be too young... I'm curious what the kids had to do with everything. Way to keep the suspense.

I had a really nitpicky thing I wanted to point out, if that's okay, this phrase: in the books the old man that lived a few houses from his grandmother had. -- the way it ends is a bit awkward in terms of the wording, I think it would sound better as 'in the books owned by the old man that lived a few houses from his grandmother.'

That aside though, this was a really good chapter. You do really well writing the detective part of everything, and it's interesting to see Muggles and wizards working together to solve it. And now I think I'm going to go cry for the Scamanders. Great chapter!

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Review #32, by marauderfanSummer at the Abbey: Thomas's Observations, a Talk With Lady Mary, and Fred's Flirting

13th June 2014:
Hello! Ooh, this was a great chapter, and I loved reading all the interactions at this house party. Thomas is written really well, I love how you've focused on his desire to figure out the story behind everything, how he questions people's behaviour. Of course he would question the Doctor's presence there. I love how Carson is just like "yeah he's eccentric but just let him do what he will" haha.

I like how you explained Mary's travelling with the Doctor, too - it makes sense that she'd be willing to do something like that right after losing Matthew. :'(

Ooh, Fred flirting with Thomas ;) I am looking forward to seeing how that turns out! I hope it works out haha, just because I feel bad for them, especially Thomas in the 1920s when society wasn't as accepting - but then there's that whole problem of Fred being a wizard from the future, so I don't know how that would work out haha. Good chapter!

Author's Response: Thomas is quite the inquisitive character. He always has been from the get go!

Lady Mary would definitely be interested in traveling with the Doctor. Out of three sisters, she's always seemed like the most bold. Even more than Sybil at times, in my opinion.

I love Fred/Thomas. They're my OTP. Except not really... Probably Andromeda/Ted...

Thanks again for another AMAHZING review! You're a doll!

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Review #33, by marauderfanYear Five: Three Times Charmed

13th June 2014:
This is going to be a more general review, I think. Your characters continue to shine. Although I don't feel like I know Laurel quite as well yet, due to the absence of her POV, the other three are really strong, and even without Laurel's POV she is an interesting person. I'm not entirely sure where the plot is heading at this point. And that's not a bad thing - I rather like the way it flows like daily life, which doesn't have a plot per se. It's kind of just days in the lives of misfit Hogwarts students. That said, I am looking forward to seeing how things progress.

Also, I have begun to wonder - will there be many other instances where we get to see the housemates of these characters? I enjoyed that exchange between the girls and Percy and Penelope, and I hope we get to see Penelope again in the future! :D

Your continued character development is great. The one thing that has me wondering, though, is Emily - you mention her sleeping with a number of people the previous term... when she was 14? That seems quite young for her to already have such a reputation considering she's just started fifth year.

But anyway, I think the story is coming along nicely and I'm excited to read more!

Regarding your A/N: don't worry about few reviews at this point. I think when anyone starts out, you feel like you're posting the story for your own amusement - but give it time ;)

Author's Response: I was actually quite concerned about it taking too long for the plot to pick up--I was very much following a hybrid story arc of HP meets Casual Vacancy (as I mentioned in the last review). Also, I wrote this whole thing before I even found HPFF (and oh man I'm thrilled such an incredible community exists), so I didn't write this with the intention of it being serialized. I definitely want to know what you think about these issues as the story progresses--please don't be shy with your criticism, I really do take it into account, edit the chapters, and am glad for it.

Oh Penelope is around--but her characterization generally says more about the ones perceiving her, than it does about her.

As for Emily. Yup. Although Harry is a special case, as his birthday is just before the cutoff time. Hermione, for example, is almost a year older than him (September birthday IIRC). Emily's birthday is February 29th (that's right), so technically "last term" indicates that she was 15. Which is not to say that your analysis was wrong.

And thank you for commenting on the A/N--I'm still VERY new to this site, so it's helpful to get feedback on such things. I will delete that now.


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Review #34, by marauderfanSummer at the Abbey: The Abbey

12th June 2014:
Ah, dress sense of the 1920s. They shouldn't have been complaining; it'd be loads of fun to dress up! I guess it must seem incredibly abnormal because not only are they Muggle clothes, but Muggle clothes fom decades past. Also wow, these five Hogwarts students better be good at keeping secrets because there's a lot that can't get out... they're wizards from the future.

Aw, Fred has a crush on the Doctor. I can certainly see why he was misled - the Doctor is very particular on his fashion isn't he.

Mary was a companion! Haha, brilliant. I would love to see how that went. I love that she greeted him by slapping him :p Leaving her in Scotland, indeed. I'd be angry too. You've got her style of speech down perfectly though! Nicely done with her characterisation. Oh and already the kids are pulling out their wands. Someone needs to remind them about this little thing called the Statute of Secrecy... :p Anyway, this was a fun chapter and I enjoyed it!

Author's Response: Hi again!

The students are in capable hands with the Doctor. He is able to keep an eye on them and make sure they're not using magic in front of the muggles (except Mary).

I love Fred so much. He really became the breakout character of this novella, in my opinion.

I'm glad I have Mary's characterization down pat. What I've been doing with her is, in my head, saying her lines in Michelle Dockery's voice to see what it sounds like.

The students forgot for a moment where they were and wanted to defend their new friend. Don't worry though, Mary's saw many things during her travels.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #35, by marauderfanYear Five: Loose Lips

12th June 2014:
It's nice to see a scale of grey with Tristan's attitude towards his fellow Snakes and the pureblood community's opinion of Muggles. Oh, I find it funny that uptight purebloods think Muggles are quaint. Um, who is still using inkwells and quills? Not Muggles. :p Purebloods need to reevaluate their definition of quaint.

The old Muggle Studies professor was called Squirrel?! Lol. Good thing he left, as that would be confusing to have Quirrell and Squirrel there at the same time. :p Unless Squirrel IS Quirrell. Now you've got me wondering...

Wow, you've made such a good point there about how the majority of jobs in the wizarding world are connected to the Ministry in some way. And how it sort of sets them up for failure outside that world - how would he get a job in the Muggle world now? Especially as he's someone who has already broken the Statute of Secrecy. Excellent points and I'm so glad you drew attention to them. A) of course Tristan would be the one to bring it up, and b) really does make you think about how backwards and exclusive the wizarding world is.

So, this: “Well what a surprise turn of events,” spat Sprout. -- I thought it seemed slightly OOC for Sprout to lose her temper like that, I seem to remember her as a lot more level headed. Of course that could just be me misremembering, but maybe look at your word choice there?

I appreciate that you showed the 'Slytherin' side of Tristan that would get him noticed, when he hexes a Gryffindor. It's no different to the hexing between the two houses that we see from Harry's POV, but coming from Tristan's POV I don't feel sorry for Oliver but rather for Tristan. Ugh, annoying thouh that the blood purity obsessed Slytherins began to take an interest in him after that. I guess that's a very short term thing though, now that they've found out his mum is Mudblood and his father is a Muggle, haha!

Ooh, interesting trivia about Isobel. Also this reminds me of another thing I wanted to mention, how this group cares nothing for Quidditch is really a breath of fresh air. (Actually, there's probably no such thing as fresh air around those four, but anyway) Harry's world revolves around Quidditch and finding out all these mysteries, and this group of Hex Heads couldn't be bothered. It's neat to see a completely different focus of priorities for other wizards.

Author's Response: "Oh, I find it funny that uptight purebloods think Muggles are quaint. Um, who is still using inkwells and quills? Not Muggles. :p Purebloods need to reevaluate their definition of quaint." You have no idea how much I wish Tristan had said just that. Can I adapt your quote into this chapter when I reedit???

And oh no! Squirrel is their nickname for Quirrel! (According to JK, Voldy-head was the muggle studies prof before he took the DADA job in 1991--hence why all the Hogwarts folk know him already). If that confused you, then I should definitely address it.

I'm glad you liked my meta-analysis of the wizarding world! JK was all about social commentary (Casual Vacancy might be my all time favorite book--and this fic is basically skins+HP+CV).

Oh man, the Sprout quote. I thought it was so funny! And "spat Sprout" sounds so nice--like an onomatopoeia. I could defend it, (she doesn't like killing plants? she got stroppy with Umbridge once?) But I'm sure you are right. Brb why I murder my darling, and a very genuine Thank You for the point.

Tristan is definitely a Slytherin for a reason. I'm glad you identified with his POV, because objectively, he hexed Wood for no reason besides being moody.

"Actually, there's probably no such thing as fresh air around those four"--Truer words have never been said, she typed, exhaling a gluttonous plume of smoke.

And if the term "hex head" catches on on HPFF, that would be everything.

You are the best, no really.

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Review #36, by marauderfanYear Five: R

12th June 2014:
Yay, Cedric! It's nice to see him as a completely normal student rather than the Hogwarts Champion everyone won't shut up about, haha.

Ok, I'm really curious about why Tristan is freaked out by Neville. And when I first read this chapter I thought the R in his middle name was for Rabastan or Riddle or something and that's why he was eager to hide that (although I know that's wrong now as it says in chapter 4 or something who Tristan's mother is, and she wouldn't give Tristan a dark-associated name so honestly I'm perplexed! Anyway, I'm ahead of myself.)

The story about Emily and Tonks is so sweet, and I love that Emily still waves to the Headmaster. Even though Tonks doesn't really appear in the story, she still has quite the presence there in the hearts of the younger Hufflepuffs.

I love Emily and Tristan's making faces at each other between the tables, they're adorable. And their letter writing! Aw. I think that's the most Tristan has spoken so far in this fic. And honestly, he reminds me of one of my good friends in high school. Also Tristan and Emily have pretty good taste in music and books haha. I love Kurt Vonnegut. Anyway, back to the point, I love Tristan and Emily's easy friendship and how comfortable they are with each other.

I notice Isobel is measuring her food, and being mum-like to Laurel again. Its interesting, like she can see the problems everyone else has, but is blind to her own. I think Laurel's got a problem with Cheering though, and Tristan is totally oblivious, Emily ignores it, and honestly Isobel is probably the only one who might get through to her eventually.

Whoo! Defy that stereotype! :D I love that Emily and Tristan make an entrance and sit together.. and that they enjoy the attention of it. Of course Snape gives the Slytherin credit for the potion that the Hufflepuff worked so hard on, that's Snape. Agh.

Lovely chapter! I enjoyed getting to know Emily this time around. Your rotating POV is cool, I like the variety of opinions and experiences that such a format enables in storytellling.

Author's Response: Wha? I just replied to your reviews and they disappeared??? Agh! Maybe for the best--a response should probably NOT be longer than the original review (and they were).

Nevile: !. What I'll say for now is that there is a meta aspect to this fic. Tristan and Emily notice Neville's Sorting, Harry is an afterthought. (Prophecy and Neville-coulda-been-chosen-one-ness). That isn't the reason, plot-wise, why you noticed what you noticed, but I shall speak no more of it.

Dumbledore and Harry's relationship is so amazing, and I love D-dore so much, that I wanted to exalt him further by suggesting that he has a personal relationship with ALL of his students (all 300/1000).

For the making-faces-between-tables thing, I am SO glad that worked. I rewrote, scrapped, re-edited that section an embarrassing amount of times.

"I think that's the most Tristan has spoken so far in this fic"--wow, you are totally right! That says a lot about his and Emily's relationship. He isn't very self-aware, and doesn't realize how much he keeps in/that other people can't tell what's happening in his head. (I tried to write his POVs as having the longest paragraphs, and most internal monologs.)

I was really worried about musical references turning people off, so I'm glad it's OK! I came up with the idea for this fic while reading the Phonogram comics, so the music of the era was a critical conception point. And like, how horrible would it be to be 15 and not be able to listen to your favorite music for months on end???

And I'm glad you like Vonnegut--just before Christmas, there's a chapter titled "Nothing Was Beautiful, Everything Hurt." (Hmmm, after some thought, maybe that isn't a good name if you don't know the original quote...)

"she can see the problems everyone else has, but is blind to her own." Thank you for that!!!

And Snape is probably my favorite HP character from a literary perspective, so it was fun writing him to be loathed. It was hard to revert to 10-year-old me, who tore my hair out with frustration at his ignoring Hermione's raised hand (an all to familiar experience for me at that age)--and 17 year old me, who literally burst into tears when I read "Albus Severus" (a terrible name, BUT THE TEARS).

Thank you for yet another amazing, insightful, encouraging review! Care for my first-born?


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Review #37, by marauderfanSummer at the Abbey: The TARDIS

12th June 2014:
I'm back!

And... wizards are descended from Time Lords! Ah, brilliant. I can see this as a very plausible so nicely done.

I loved the bit about the weird names too, how they go to school learning about all these historical people with odd names like Barnabas the Barmy, and of course they themselves have odd names, so someone calling himself the Doctor they're just like 'ok, whatever.'

I must admit I'm curious why he has Harry's DNA though, haha.

And yes, the last two paragraphs are brilliant. The Doctor is kind of irresponsible. You write him really well and I could easily see him acting this way. So great. I'm excited for them all to get to England 1924 :D Great chapter!

Author's Response: Glad that it made sense. I thought it showed off Rose's intelligence too!

You get a weird name. You get a weird name. You all get weird names!

The Doctor is quite irresponsible :)

I hope you enjoy the next chapter. We finally get to see all three of the stories converging!

Thanks for the reviewing - you're the bomb!

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Review #38, by marauderfanHurricane Luna: They Meet in a Tree

12th June 2014:

Ooh, a Luna/Rolf story, you have no idea how exciting that is to find. Well, actually you probably do, since you're writing this. I digress. I love Luna, she's one of my favourite characters, and it's nice to see such a good representation of her. I've written a Luna fic before and so I know how hard it is to get her to sound Luna-ish, but your portrayal of her is splendid. You've got her mannerisms, the way she walks into a place almost by accident, her interesting commentary on the world around her. I could hear her voice in my head as I read this! So, excellent job with a tricky character!

I love your version of Rolf, too. He is certainly not a people-person, is he. Very no-nonsense in his mannerisms too, I was laughing when he kept telling Luna to get out! But at the same time he is completely understandable, wanting to make a name for himself and distinguish himself from his grandfather - and honestly I'd be pretty annoyed if some random person floated into my study site while I was trying to document the first fkejjow molting, haha. How is 'fkejjow' pronounced, by the way? :p

Oh no, that was not a good day of research, with all his notes (and himself) falling off the platform, and then being divebombed by birds. He's going to be furious with her. Or maybe it will lead him to discover something new about the firds! That'd be cool.

Well, this is a great story! I love what I've read of it and I'm excited to read more.

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much for picking this story! I have worked really hard on it, but it seems to have much fewer reviews than the others.

I'm glad that Luna came off true to her character in the books. She really wasn't too hard to write. Rolf, wasn't too difficult either, because I know a lot of super-sciencey (is that a word??) people. The hard part is making it believable that the two of them are interested in each other! And then I have to have them fall in love and all that. Yikes - what have I gotten myself into?

Thank you again for the kind and lovely words of encouragement. I really hope you do read more!


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Review #39, by marauderfanYear Five: The Hex Head Express

12th June 2014:
To begin: I don't know if this review is going to be very helpful, because when I review for fun/ outside of the review thread, I tend to ramble. Here goes.

I had never considered it before, but it makes sense that Cheering Charms would be used almost as a recreational drug, for lack of better analogy. The way you've applied known spells into use in this group is really clever! I wanted to mention, though, when Isobel first mentions that Laurel has Cheered already, by that point you hadn't mentioned anything about cheering charms and for a second I was confused and thought she was a cheerleader. :p I mean I figured it out, but maybe the first time Cheering is mentioned, say cheering charm? Eh, it's not really that big a deal, could be just me haha.

Haha, Tristan retreating into his headphones by the window. I would expect nothing less of him. I'm glad his friends are cool about it though. Isobel seems kind of like the mum of the group. I'm getting the studious vibe from her, as well as her deciding when they use the cheering charms. But you've done really well writing her insecurities as well, in a very subtle way. Based on her behaviour I can tell she's concerned about her weight and her appearance, although she doesn't say it outright. So she's another kind of average teenager dealing with a typical problem that plagues many teenage girls. And with Laurel cheering all the time, this whole group is kind of a band of misfits. I suppose everyone is at that age. They seem especially so, as they're from all different houses! I really like that though, how they dont stick to House lines.

Ooh, the Weasleys! Ha, I loved that scene when they were making fun of Percy, it's like it came right out of the book. I love this little overlap with canon here, and your characterisation of the twins is superb.

Hahahahaah Hermione. I bet that would be a shock for her. The fifth years don't care, but eleven-year-old Hermione must have been mortified! Aww.

Omg, dying at the mental image of Arthur Weasley rolling a J and admiring his collection of batteries. That's so funny. XD

I had forgotten Tonks left Hogwarts just before Harry got there! Yeah, I bet she was pretty cool. I could totally see her having a group of friends in all the houses.

Well, awesome chapter! This is a very entertaining fic so far and your characters are marvelous. You have a lovely writing style that's a lot of fun to read.

Author's Response: You are a champion, Marauderfan!!!

Thanks for the note on "Cheered already"--I'd intended it to be a little mysterious at first, but you're absolutely right. I hadn't considered "cheerleading," and the charms don't get introduced until much later. I think I'll switch it to "had a charm already." (also, I re-edited the first chapter to fix the tense errors you mentioned, and included a little shout-out to you in the end notes!)

Isobel is absolutely the mum of the group--I labored over that aspect of her character to make sure it came across, and I'm so-so-so glad it did. I definitely want to hear your thoughts about how her insecurities develop over the course of the story. Her points of interest are designed as ironies: she's the mum of the group, but also the youngest. The most insecure, but the most beautiful. (I chose Kat Dennings for the images because I wanted someone stunning, with a gorgeous figure, who isn't thin.)

I'm relieved that the twins and Hermione were good! It can be stressful writing canon, because I feel presumptuous trying to rise to the quality of Rowling's work. And I fret over upsetting readers by getting anyone wrong (thank goodness you liked Arthur's little hobby!)

When I was researching canon characters for this fic I was so excited that Tonks would have overlapped! I had forgotten as well!

I was really worried that all the illicit behavior and general angst would turn readers off, but I really wanted to explore the idea that *every* school has it's burn-outs--even Hogwarts.

Also, and I'd like to see if you think this comes across as the story develops, I wanted to suggest that the world is bigger than Harry's experience. To say that he's not the center of the universe--yet also, kind of IS the center of the universe. (Rowling started with Harry, and built the whole world around him, so what happens to the other people who don't fit?)

Anyway, a rambling reply, but thanks so much for taking the time to offer such an insightful review! I worked really hard on this story, and it's so encouraging to see someone enjoy it!


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Review #40, by marauderfanCrossing Delicate Boundaries : Nightmares

12th June 2014:

Wow, great job with the tense, scary mood for the first section of the chapter. I think it really shows how Draco might believe some of the same things about Mudbloods that the rest of the Desth Eaters think, but he isn't willing to commit the same crimes they are. He's all talk, for as much as he says Mudbloods are scum, he doesn't want to kill them, and even doesn't want them to die. I imagine that memory of that screaming woman and her daughter really changed him. What a horrible thing to have on his conscience, and definitely something Astoria wouldn't understand as she wasn't a Death Eater.

Astoria doesn't seem very nice, despite Draco saying she's funny. I suppose all we've really seen of her is kind of like the side of Draco that he left behind in Azkaban. It looks like Astoria hasn't changed since the war, but Draco has. She seems, if anything, darker, what with her wanting Hermione dead, as if she's bitter her side i.e. Voldemorts side lost in the war. I guess this will begin to make their relationship difficult, though I'm surprised it hasn't already. But I guess if most of their relationship has been just corresponding through letters while he was in prison, there are things that they didnt realise about each other until now. Time will tell I suppose!

great chapter!

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks so much for coming back and reviewing again! :D I'm glad you liked it and the detail I put in it. I especially like that you think it's a good chapter. Thanks again :D

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Review #41, by marauderfanYear Five: Dozens of Little Televisions (1991)

12th June 2014:
Hello there! I'm here with your requested review! And haha yes, I love Hogwarts era from other POVs and there aren't a whole lot out there, so this was exciting to see. And honestly, I am baffled as to why this story doesn't have more reviews, it's great so far!

Okay. To address your areas of concern:
1. Quality of writing - it's fantastic! This is very well writtten, and I love your descriptions of the house from Sophie's point of view, as she doesn't understand what's going on but the reader does, so in a way it kind of is like a reminder, or re-discovery, of how cool the magical world is and all its odd features. I loved how you described the study, with the fireplace and its cauldron, the old books and inkwells in a modern room, I felt like I was there. Your attention to detail is wonderful, and I already feel like I know these characters after just one chapter.

2. Any errors? I saw two places it slipped into present tense: Tristan’s mother head off to the kitchen -- should be 'headed'. And here: As her thoughts flit helplessly -- flitted, not flit. And those are the only ones I remember seeing.

3. General impressions - It seems very original so far. I haven't come across another story quite like this, and I'm eager to see where it goes and how it connects to Philosophers Stone! You've done a really good job depicting the teenage mindset of this story too. Which leads me to my next point,

4. Characterisation. It's great! You include lots of great details here and Tristan's personality is already very evident, a moody teenager who hides in his room and listens to music. I wouldn't be surprised if he dyed his hair too, to emphasise the darkness of his soul, haha. And Sophie is well written too, though I suspect she won't be back much after getting her memory modified.

5. Descriptions, I think I've covered earlier. So 6. Would I keep reading? Yes! (Um, I actually did, in fact - I read all 5 chapters you've posted so far :p ) Your characters and descriptions are fantastic, and that's the main thing that draws me into a story. I can seriously read a story with very little plot and still adore it if it's got good characters and is well written. So yeah I would read on! I'll leave you some reviews for those later chapters too, btw, since I read them :p

You've got a lovely start here! I'm glad you dropped a request in my thread! :)

Author's Response: *Squee* Thank you! My heart is swelling up with joy!

Thanks so much for pointing out the temporal error! I will fix that straight away.

It's really, really encouraging to see that you picked up on everything I was trying to do here--rediscover the magical world, introduce Tristan's personality, etc. And you are absolutely right, Sophie doesn't have much to do with the rest of the story.

She was the hardest to write, in this chapter, because I knew I wanted to start with her POV. So I needed her to be likable enough that readers wouldn't abandon the fic after one paragraph, but not so likable that they would want more of her.

Anyway, thanks again so much for reading and reviewing with so much insight! I can't wait to see your thoughts on the other characters.


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Review #42, by marauderfanHow to Become Minister of Magic: A Guide: The Quidditch International Foundation

11th June 2014:
Hiya :) came by to give your story some love since all I did earlier was mean word changing and crossing-out :p So this chapter! I really like the way you're continuing to develop Laney as a character. She's an incredibly judgemental person, given her feelings towards 'Granny clothes' and James and the two women she meets at the fundraiser, and she uses people as pawns, but I think underneath all her obvious flaws she really does want to do the right thing. It's funny, I'm not her biggest fan, I certainly wouldn't be friends with her, but I am supportive of her desire to become minister of magic and make some much needed change in the sexist government. You go girl! Go off and date James under false pretenses.. lol. So basically, well done on making me like such a dislikeable character!

I like the way you're going into the inner workings of the ministry, as well - the politics in this story are what make it shine. There isn't a whole lot about the Wizengamot in canon that I know of, so you have lots of room for creativity here, which so far is great. Nice job on this chapter!

Author's Response: Hi there my beautiful, wonderful, magnificent beta! You are literally my favorite person in the whole entire world ;)

Yay! Glad you liked it! I think you have pretty much described Laney's character to the point. You go glen coco! I tried to show it with things like her trying her best to get rid of discrimination (even though it is of her own ambition) and seeing past some of the frivolous things the wizarding world does. Yeah, Laney isn't the most likable character (if I met her in a dark alley and I had what she wanted I would be running away from her whist screaming at the top of my lungs), but at the same time, she is surrounded by people who may just be worse than her and you can't help but support her.

And what would this story be without the politics ;) I'm so tired of reading stories that skip over main parts in character's lives just so they can either get to the romance or whatever part is the main premise of the story. There are so much more to character's lives than just their relationships (for instance) so I knew I couldn't pass any of the political side up. Thanks again, lovely! Have fun on your travels and there will hopefully be at least two new chapters for you to go over when you get back ;)


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Review #43, by marauderfanCahaya: Victory

11th June 2014:
Hi! This is a really lovely oneshot! I love second person because it naturally lends itself to interesting narrative styles, and this, this was just beautiful. Your imagery is so easy to see and feel, and the words just flow so well. I love that the entire thing is told in memories too, it's perfect for the visual, flowy sentences.

I love the way you juxtapose the two sides to Victoire. It's cool that you chose her to write about her in particular, as Victory has two sides as well. But I love the message that comes across through her memories. You can either focus on the bad, or the good; things happen, but ultimately it is your choice whether to have a positive or negative outlook on life and that's what this says to me. Victoire has had some hardships, but at the end of the day she still has a smile on her face.

I am so glad I got to read this!! It's beautifully done, a great read. :)

Author's Response: Hello!
Thank you so much for this wonderful review! I just started writing in second person pretty recently, so I wanted to give it another go with this story. Victoire is a character I'd been wanting to write, and when I suddenly got the inspiration for this, I sat down and wrote it all at once.
I wanted to work through memories that would be really important to making Victoire turn out to be the woman she is. I tried to use experiences that would really affect her as a person, and show how complicated and how human she is.
I'm so happy you liked the message of the story! Having hope is so important in life, and I wanted that to come across in this, so I'm glad you could see that! Thank you again for the lovely review!
Cassie :)

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Review #44, by marauderfanSummer at the Abbey: Beginnings

11th June 2014:
Hello! I saw your status on the forums and then your review so I'm assuming it was meant to be a reply to my thing about a review swaps. And if not, here's a free review. Yay!

So first of all. Doctor Who, Downton Abbey, and HP crossover? As in, three of my favourite things ever? ARE WE THE SAME PERSON?? LIKE SERIOUSLY THIS IS BRILLIANT.

Ok, the first section. I don't have much to comment about for that, as it seems pretty standard next gen. I like that Fred has an ear piercing.

Second: I love the way you've written the general chaos of the Downton kitchens. You've gotten the character mannerisms really well too! Sometimes characters don't translate from the screen to the page but you have done a remarkable job of keeping their speech the same and pointing out details, like Ivy being exasperated when Daisy bumps into her. I don't like Ivy. :p The only thing that would be better is if Matthew and Sybil were in this too. But uh.. that's not your fault.

Third: the Doctor! Haha, you've characterised him to a T, yelling to himself as he spins around the TARDIS console. I love how the narrative voice of each of these sections is specific to the mood of that individual storyline (if I'm making sense) and it's especially obvious in this section with the Doctor. Pressing buttons wildly.. the TARDIS went wibbly, it's like the Doctor himself is narrating it in his own rather high-energy way.

So it sounds like he went specifically to find the students. I wonder why? How does the Doctor know of Harry Potter? Things I am excited to find out.

Well this is a fantastic intro, really cool idea, and yeah sorry this review is a little spazzy. :p I will totally be reading on in this story! Nice work. :)

Author's Response: Yes – I was aiming for the swap, but I should not be allowed near technology so I goofed. Glad it worked out in the end though!

MAYBE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON! I've always wanted to have a doppelgänger/clone.

I was really trying to go for a walk and talk feel that you would get in, say, "West Wing." The two shows have very similar walks that transition into other things. Hopefully that made sense.

And RIP Matthew and Sybil. Especially Sybil.

The Doctor is so much fun to write. He's such an interesting and eccentric character.

Complete coincidence that the Doctor met the children. However, the TARDIS always takes him to where he needs to be :)

And I loved this spazzy review! Helped entertain me on this rainy day where I have nothing to do!

Thanks much!

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Review #45, by marauderfanCrossing Delicate Boundaries : Neighbors

11th June 2014:
Wow. So.. hangover and then finding out that Malfoy is your neighbour - that's got to rank up there on the list of terrible mornings. Poor Hermione! I do not envy her.

I like the way you've written both Draco and Hermione. Hermione is very assertive and businesslike, exactly how I'd imagine her at a Ministry job. I like how you've described her job too. It seems like an important and necessary job. And Draco is really well portrayed too. Rather than being civil to her like he was at the pub the previous night, he's a lot more bitter and defensive here which is fitting because Hermione is his superior in this job, which he's obviously furious about. So great job writing that dynamic.

That scene where the woman recognised Draco as one of the men who was there when her husband was killed - that was so intense and a really good scene. He must be going through a lot. I wonder if he will ever talk to Hermione about it - she did try to cover for him there, even if it was just to save face for the Ministry.

wonderful chapter! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hey there!
I am so glad you enjoyed reading this chapter! :) I hope I can get another review from you soon!!! :D
Thanks sooo much!

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Review #46, by marauderfanTrue Romance: Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

10th June 2014:
Mmmm mushroom bisque? That sounds good. Note to self: don't review fic when you're hungry.

Corbin seems nice enough. Only I don't like him because he's not Albus - there, I said it. :p Also he's a little creepily posessive for that early in a relationship. I kind of imagine him saying that "You are mine" line in a weird, scary whisper. "You are mine.. preciousss. Tricksy, false ex-boyfriendses."

Ooh, Al is going to the Auror office! And he's there early! Yes, I definitely think he should go visit Brandon. Gah, forget everything I said about Scorpius with Al. Al should be with Brandon because jhzkdfjhwjkhd they are just hdhjsjdjss. I love them! (Sorry, forgot to mention I am sleepy as well as hungry so my review makes even less sense. Also typed on a tablet so typos... I will someday leave you a normal review without typos or excited keyboard smashing, but not today.) So yeah Al and Brandon should live happily ever after, and Scorpius can just break up with Corbin and find someone who is a little less reminiscent of Gollum. Huh, it may be a bit too early in the story for this kind of prediction, is it? I just freaked out a little because I have the nagging feeling that you're going to kill off Brandon and then I will be very sad.

Wow, what an argument between Rose and Hermione! I guess that was inevitable though. Sidenote, I lovd the way you write an adult Ron and Hermione. They're similar to how they were as teenagers but they have (obviously) grown up, and Rose's strategy in arguing with them seems like a combination of both her parents' tactics. Argue and then run away haha. But aaah where did she go?? Maybe she went to visit a cousin, like Albus? because I know they were close.

Fantastic chapter! I can't wait to see where this goes! I really love this story and the three different storylines in it, and the pacing and just everything. ♡

Author's Response: haha, maybe I shouldn't describe food in my stories in case you're hungry when you read them. :P

I think "nice enough" is the best anyone has had to say about him. :P And, at least you're honest about why you don't like them. :D I feel like that's the root cause for most of the corbin hate I've read so far. Uh, yeah, it's a touch possessive but Scorpius is into it. Now I'm going to have to work at not having him come through in a Gollum voice. :P

I didn't take you long to figure out where I was headed with his trip to the Auror office. I'm glad that they are hdhjsjdjss together. That's what I was going for. YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME A NORMAL REVIEW - I WOULDNT' KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT AND I'D THINK YOUR ACCOUNT HAD BEEN HACKED. I can't promise anything with how will be with who in the end... Corbin might be there to stay, he might die in a pub in Paris. Why does everyone think I'm going to kill Brandon?!?! oh yeah, because I killed off Brad and I'm evil. muhahahahahahaha

That was quite the argument. I could imagine Hermione struggling with the uncontrollableness of a young daughter. ooh, i'm really happy they seemeed realistic. Rose is definitely a combo of the two. I'm glad that came across. :D I CAN'T TELL YOU WHERE SHE WENT. But you'll find out next chapter. ;)

I'm so glad you like this story and the chapter! I don't want to let people down after everyone like Pure Intnetions so much!

Thank you for the awesome review!


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Review #47, by marauderfanAcanthus: Of Final Thoughts

8th June 2014:
Kiana wow what a brilliant chapter! (I say this every time, I think haha) Ooh, Charlotte was a traitor too! I love how you explained it though, it must have been difficult in that day and age trying to be a powerful woman - it meant that she had to marry a powerful man, even if she didn't love him. That's sad :( In a way she's a bit like those few Death Eaters like Malfoy and Regulus who signed up for something they thought was a good idea to bring them power, but ultimately it got to be too much for them. I think Charlotte had no idea what she was getting into and never intended to kill off these people, but she was kind of stuck where she was. I feel bad for her - but at the same time she should have stood up to George! Argh

Also omg about Anthony and Scorpius... If I were Scorpius I wouldn't have been able to agree to that, or at least I would feel incredibly guilty doing so, so I can understand his hesitance. Anthony is such a good guy though, if he knows he's going to die and still wants to help the others get back and is trying to help them out even through his death. Eeep I can't believe there are only 2 or 3 more chapters! This is such a great story Kiana and though I want to find out how everything turns out, I don't want the story to be over :p awesome job!

Author's Response: Hi Kristin, aw, thank you for this amazing! I'm glad that you liked Charlotte's story as it did change slightly from what she was going to be, but I really enjoyed exploring it being all for women's rights as this was a different twist on it. You're definitely right about her having no clue what she was getting into which just makes it even sadder but then I still can't completely like her as it does make us question her morals a lot.

Hahaha, yes, I bet none of you guys saw that coming :P I know, that's why it's good that Anthony's pushing him into it, because I would feel so guilty about it as it's just a horrible thing even if it will save someone. Yes, in a way, I really hope there is only that many chapters, as there were meant to be 18 but I just keep on writing it seems as if it will never end so you might be lucky! Thanks for such a fab review :D

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Review #48, by marauderfanDeath's Other Kingdom: Death's Other Kingdom

8th June 2014:
Susan, this is seriously just wow. I would love to write a long review pointing out the myriad amazing things about this fic, each line that stood out and each idea, but I think that anything I say just won't do this story justice and certainly won't come close to conveying how intense and brilliant this fic is. The prose was simply beautiful, and there were so many levels to the story. Most of all I loved how you explored this really obsessive side to Snape, how he almost feels most comfortable in an unrequited love. It was an interesting twist on his character and entirely believable, as it fit right in with his canon personality. It's late and I'm struggling to come up with a coherent sentence, much less write a good review, but I just wanted to say how impressive this story is and commend you for telling an unusual story while making it seem so believable - your writing is phenomenal and I'm glad I read this!

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Review #49, by marauderfanAn Eye For An Eye: Vengeance

7th June 2014:
Hello, here for our review swap!

This is really great. I think you did an incredible job getting into Sirius's mind in such a dark, intense time. His emotions are all over the place, which I think is fitting given the kind of person he is and how all this horrific stuff happened in the last 24 hours that ir's just too much for him to process clearly. As soon as he's past the shock, and he no longer even has Harry, it's a pretty much instant decision that he'll go after Peter, and I like how you showed that really well in that his thoughts just jump from his concern for Harry directly to how he needs to find Peter, and then he focuses on nothing else.

Also I must say that scene in the middle where Hagrid finds Sirius and Harry, just, gahh so many feels. My heart is breaking.

I always enjoy seeing how different people write Peter, particularly his transfer to the dark side. And what I like most about your interpretation is that Peter thought joining the Death Eaters was the courageous path, and as a Gryffindor he wants to be courageous - I have never seen this explanation before and I love it! How misinformed he is... ugh I hate Peter. But that is why I find him such an interesting character haha. Anyway, I really liked how you wrote that bit from how he sees it. Also, I like the way you drew attention to their state of mind, how Sirius is just losing it, anger clouding his rationality, and Peter is calculating and rather collected, considering the circumstances. Very effective parallel there.

Great job with this oneshot and thanks so much for the swap!!

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Review #50, by marauderfanWe Are One: Sunshine, stay

7th June 2014:
Here with your requested review!

Flow from the preious chapter is good! (Fun fact, I accidentally typed 'food' at first instead of 'good'.) You jumped right into the action with even MORE mystery, and Luna's dad :( I can't think of a reason anyone would want to kill him! Poor Luna. I am glad she seems to be handling it okay though - she does have a very unique perspective on death and life, and just the fact that she's happy that her father is with her mother now is just aww. I want to give that girl a hug. I'm really glad Harry and Ron went to visit her though - and I love that you pointed out how even though feelings and comfort are difficult for Ron, he's talking to Luna and she understands even the things that aren't said. I like your portrayal of all three of them here. Luna can be hard to write, I know, but I think this felt like her. :) Also, the Scamanders' house sounds cool - seashell shaped, I wouldn't expect anything else!

Ooh, you put in another second person piece about the murderer in the middle of the chapter... WATCHING THE HEAD AUROR IN THE MINISTRY. An inside job! Ok, so the killer is probably not Ginny, then. Unless she snuck into the Ministry and lurked behind corners while Harry was at work. But no, I think my theory has been overruled. What about... RON? EVIL RON? Or what colour hair does Pamela have? Brb I'm just going to point fingers at like everyone in the Auror dept. I should be a conspiracy theorist, shouldn't I.

My inane ramblig aside, I think the plot is developing really nicely. It's moving along at a good pace and each chapter has a few new little tidbits that make me want to keep reading for more!

There were a few little errors I found, like here you slipped into present tense: knowing that she’ll be pleased -- should be 'she'd'

And this The burly man’s head was glaring at Harry -- that just seemed a bit awkward as I think you can just say the burly man was glaring at Harry.

Lastly,I think active voice is much stronger than passive voice, and in this sentence His eyes were prickling with tears that were threatening to fall -- you can probably just make all of that active, 'His eyes prickled with tears that threatened to fall'- it's less wordy and more vivid, I think.

Overall this is a great chapter, of a great story! I am dying to know who is is, and I think I've said this before but I really love your use of second person for the killer, it's so twisted, which only makes it more compelling and excellent. Brilliant work!

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