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Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
1,448 Reviews Found

Review #26, by marauderfanNot My Intention: The First Victims

20th February 2017:
Hi! I'm here with your review from HPFT! (I'm Stella Blue over there, btw)

Hogwarts Era is actually my favourite so I'm pretty excited about this, even if you've not written much Hogwarts Era before. And honestly I don't see a lot of fics set in Hogwarts immediately after the war so I'm really looking forward to what you're going to do with that. It's nice to see this story through Ginny's eyes, too.

The first section of the story - Ginny talking about Fred's death - is so, so relatable, how sometimes when someone dies you can't really reconcile the fact that they're dead, and keep thinking they're just not here today, but it's something final like that that really drives the point home, and I thought that section was powerful, so well done. However, it doesn't 100% seem to fit with the rest of the chapter - if you added a bit of a transition between that section and the next, (like how that affects her starting a new year at Hogwarts?) it would be a lot less choppy overall.

"Is there anyone else?" Luna asked. -- This is PERFECT. This is the most Luna-ish question - like, it's kind of a weird thing to ask, as if Ginny's going on a massive spree of matchmaking, but Luna's not judgemental about asking, and just wants to help Ginny. You've totally nailed that balance of peculiar and practical that is so very Luna. :D And I thought her reaction to the outcome of Ginny's first attempt, getting Ron and Hermione together, was perfect - not particularly emotional about it, just interested in a sort of 'hmm look at that' way.

So yeah, that line was great, and I'll just take a moment to say that you do really well writing Luna overall. I know how difficult it is to capture her voice and particular mannerisms, and you did a wonderful job with her here. Ron was spot on too- it's very believable that he'd hold onto his grudge against Malfoy for... probably forever. :P I also like that Hermione called Crabbe and Goyle 'rocks'. I just found it really amusing for some reason - and also sounds like the type of insult Hermione would use. :P

Draco is definitely a changed person, but he seems awkward about it, like he's not sure who to be anymore now that he doesn't have 'those two rocks' hanging around him all the time and now that his father is disgraced/in Azkaban and the Death Eaters lost. And probably he wouldn't be that popular around Hogwarts, so he's trying to be nice. But he doesn't know how. It's certainly an interesting change and it makes a lot of sense considering how much his life has just changed. I'm looking forward to seeing more of him.

Long story short, your characterization of everyone is great :D

The one thing I'd want to comment on in terms of concrit is the pacing, particularly with Ginny's feelings. Knowing her temperament, I'm a bit surprised that she's so quick to change her tune about Malfoy after the one conversation. It's like she let go of her family's grudge against him almost instantly, which at least to me seemed a bit fast. I know this is eventually to be a Ginny/Draco story, so I get that you're trying to lead in that direction, but I think a slower process might be more believable - like she might just think this was a one off occurrence at first.

As another example, she also jumps from sadly wondering if Harry still loves her, to planning to set up Harry and Luna. Did she get over Harry that fast? I'd love to see a bit more development of this, as long-held feelings often take time to change. But of course, this is just my 2 cents and your story is yours to pace how you want it.

Ah, I feel like this review is a bit heavy on the CC but I want you to know that I did really enjoy this chapter, and I love the idea of Harry/Luna - I could totally see them working as a ship, even if it is unusual. Unusual ships are the beauty of fanfiction. :)

I hope this review was helpful! Great work on this story so far. I look forward to reading more :)

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for a wonderful long review :D

I'm glad the characterisation worked out, because my characters being OOC is something I always worry about. Particularly Luna, since she has a character that stands out so people can tell if something is uncharacteristic of her.

Ginny was supposed to be trying to get over Fred's death and distracting herself, hence the beginning. But yeah, now that I think about it, it doesn't seem to fit in very well. I'll keep that in mind in the future :)

Ah, pacing. I try to keep things slow but I always forget what it's like if you're the reader who knows nothing about the story. I just get ahead of myself, which is probably why my novella ended 10 chapters earlier than I had planned :P

But I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for this review, it was super helpful. I'll be sure to keep all your feedback in mind when writing the next chapter for this :D

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Review #27, by marauderfanIn This Darkness: Chapter Two

19th February 2017:
Hi! Here with your review from HPFT!

The explanation of how Harry ended up in his old family home is perfect. I think both Harry and Ginny are perfectly characterized here in what they would want in a house.

Xander is reading about Grindelwald and finds it interesting... which sends alarms up because why does he find it interesting? Is he interested in what Grindelwald was trying to do, due to the dark magic that's dormant in him? Or, I suppose, he could just be reading it because he thinks Grindelwald's story is fascinating, which is true, so this motivation wouldn't be a problem. But I love that you introduced 17-year-old Xander in this way, because it continues the questions from the first chapter of whether he'll go one way or the other, whether he'll be swayed into dark magic or if his upbringing instilled different values in him.

Also I don't know if I mentioned in the previous chapter but it's SO like Harry to adopt/take care of a child in a tough situation - probably due to Harry's own childhood experiences, but it's very believable that he would have taken Xander in.

Her mother had passed away over three years ago, -- OMG. OUCH. I can't believe you dropped this so casually like BTW GINNY IS DEAD and my heart just broke a little. I was not prepared for that. What happened to her? I hope we get to find out in a future chapter!

Anyway in response to your questions, I think this chapter works really well as a follow up to the first chapter. Xander is presented in a similar context where it's kind of interesting trying to figure him out, and given what Harry said about his kids who were Xander's age in the previous chapter, it's great to see this chapter of how things actually turned out.

I think you've done really well characterizing Lily, as well - I already have a fairly good idea of what sort of person she is. Her characterization is pretty consistent throughout the chapter, too, which is good. Also, this portrayal of her is believable - she's got a hotheaded streak that is reminiscent of both of her parents, and she's also kind of spoiled which is understandable as she's the youngest child and only girl in a rather wealthy family, and it makes sense that Harry would be prone to spoiling his children a little considering the miserable childhood he had with the Dursleys. And I like that you mentioned how she admires Teddy, as that ties in with what we saw of her in the DH epilogue.

It was a splendid looking house, with three floors, open spaces, impressive chandeliers and expensive furniture -- I like that you're describing the scene here in the Potter Manor and I can already get an image in my mind of what it looks like. However, one thing that might make your description stronger is to use more specific adjectives, and show rather than tell. What I mean is this: why is the chandelier impressive? Is it multi-tiered, made of brass with crystal hanging from it? Or is it gold? Or a more rustic looking material? Same with the furniture - what makes it expensive? Is it, for example, mahogany? Teak? Basically, the more specific your descriptions are, the more effective they will be, and rather than telling the reader that something is beautiful/impressive/etc, show them why. :)

Since they had started dating six months ago, -- here it might be helpful to clarify who the 'they' is in this instance (I believe it's Scorpius and Rose, but I had to read it over a couple times before figuring it out)

This was a really good chapter and I'm curious what happened to Ginny, and whether Xander and Lily do enjoy each other's company once in a while (will they play Quidditch?) How does the rest of the family feel about Harry dating again? And though I've seen little glimpses into what Albus and James are like, I'd love to get to know them better in upcoming chapters. Basically this chapter has me very interested in reading more. :)

I enjoyed this chapter! This is shaping up to be a great story - wonderful work on this.

Author's Response: Xander reading about Grindewald… You’re right on point on all accounts. He does find Grindewald’s story fascinating because he is but also there’s probably a part of him that finds an allure in the dark arts. Whether he is swayed or stays true to the values Harry and Ginny instilled in him will a major reoccurring question throughout the story.
I’m so sorry to have dropped Ginny’s death like that! The reasoning behind her death was the effect it had on her children, as well as on Xander. I debated spending more time on it, but I figured the importance was not the death itself so much as the later effects. However, it will be touched upon later on!
I wanted to take what I could from the epilogue when I wrote the next-gen kids and also make them my own. A lot of times, I feel like they are portrayed as being these perfect teenagers with great grades, witty minds and good looks. I wanted Lily to feel a little more real. There’s Harry and Ginny in her, but there’s also a lot of faults that her own. She had a lot of growing to do.
I appreciate your CC! I have trouble describing things sometimes (a lot of times, er.) but I’m going to try adding specific adjectives to hopefully spice things up a bit more.
You will see James and Albus again later! I didn’t really get to develop them in this chapter because I wanted the focus on Lily and Xander, but they’ll be around! Xander and Lily’s relationship with each other is a complicated one. I hope their relationship does translate the way I envision it too!
Thank you for reviewing chapter two! You are always so wonderful and helpful!

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Review #28, by marauderfanIn This Darkness: Chapter One

15th February 2017:
Hi! I'm here with your request from HPFT. Sorry about the delay!

Can I just say that I LOVE your first sentence. It's kind of quirky, much like the wizarding world itself, and in fact it kind of reminds me of the first sentence of the very first HP book in its matter-of-fact-ness.

But youre the chosen one, argued Mason. The only one Rousell truly feared. -- This is interesting. There's definitely some similarities to Dumbledore and Voldemort here as well, and I'm wondering if Roussell is going to become the next big Dark Wizard. I guess it's been a while since the last one, so :P

Yikes, I did not expect the boy to suddenly whip an Unforgivable Curse out of nowhere. How did he even learn that - and especially to be powerful enough to actually cast an effective Crucio? That must be so scary - even despite that he doesn't like Mr Chapman Harry probably can't just sit and watch that. And then it turns out that the boy was just protecting Harry (or so he says). I'm not sure who to believe haha! But I don't think the boy would be so manipulative and evil at 6, so I'm inclined to think he's telling the truth. Though you never know. I bet Voldemort was still evil at 6.

I think the parallels you have here are really interesting. It seems like you have a lot of room to explore the idea of nature vs nurture, and I'm not sure if that's where you're going with this haha, but it's just what I was thinking about as I read. Xander comes from a family of dark magic, and as such he's got some natural talent at dark magic, but it remains to be seen what effect that will have on his personality. So far, all we've seen of him is that he's scared and that he's powerful, but being adopted by Harry and Ginny will definitely give him a more nurturing environment and I'm curious to see how he turns out. And how Xander's knowledge of his family and past will affect him, when he learns of it, and how he feels about the fact that a memory charm was used to erase part of his childhood memory.

So yes, in response to your questions on your request - it does bring up a lot of questions and interesting ideas, and it made perfect sense to me. The only hole I found was the fact that Harry seems to have gotten an owl from Detroit to the UK, and considering an owl is not a seabird, I don't know how it would have made that long of a flight. (Maybe that's a kind of weird thing for me to point out but that's what I noticed :P )

Some little fixes:
Mason Chapman, chasier and owner -- probably meant to say 'cashier'?

The bells attached to the handle gave a lazy rung -- I think that should be 'ring' instead of rung. When used as a noun, rung is a step on a ladder ;)

Overall though, this is a really great introductory chapter and sets up your story effectively. It definitely grabs the attention and makes me wonder what happens in the future!

Wonderful work on this. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your wonderful review!

I wanted to show just how extreme Xander's character could potentially be from the very beginning - to show that there was enough power and enough hate for him to a pull curse like that.

I definitely want to play with the parallels a bit, so I'm glad you caught on to that. Nature vs nurture will also be a reoccurring theme. I wanted to him to be a six year old child to be able to present him as someone who already has a past, but to also allow his formative years to be spent at the Potter's. All of this will come into play later.

The owl question... I hadn't even thought about it, and it's an excellent question! There's definitely some logistics I need to work through hehe

Thank you for the fixes! I've gone back and made those corrections.

Thank you again for this review! It was so detailed, and I appreciate the time you took to write it more than you know!

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Review #29, by marauderfanTwo Birds, One Stone: The Birth of Jannah

11th February 2017:
Yay Jill is back in my review thread! I had missed this story. And don't worry - I think you're still a faster writer than I am XD Anyway! I'm here for your review!

Okay, so this chapter was a lot of fun, seeing James and Hannah adjust to their new 'relationship' and trying to break the news to Hannah's parents while at the same time feeling really terrible about lying to them (at least Hannah does... yeah James has no problem with it whatsoever :P ).

Dean and Seamus seeing them out the door is hilarious, the "Have fun" "But not too much" ahahaha. I'm really curious what it is they have against James, aside from Seamus' history with Ginny (bc we all know that's a thing that happened in this universe amiright). Dean seems a lot more okay with the idea of James and Hannah dating, although I notice he still gave James the Intimidating Protective Father Speech, which feels a bit unnecessary for someone who's been Hannah's friend for their whole lives - like what will it take for them to accept James as Hannah's friend? But maybe Dean is doing that for Seamus' benefit, as Seamus is the main one who doesn't trust James. Part of me feels bad for James for being so distrusted when there's really no reason for it - or at least there wasn't until now, but then everything he's doing is a lie so I can't feel too bad for him! XD Sidenote: I love that Seamus can 110% see through the act. His suspicion is like a sixth sense for him :P

Characterisation continues to be good. I love what you showed here about the different ways in which they respond to stress - Hannah kind of shuts up and tries to just defuse situations she doesn't feel comfortable in, and James tries to cover up his discomfort by talking. And here it kind of has them at odds with one another because they didn't plan for this (even though they really should have. I mean obviously HER PARENTS are going to ask) It's just really funny as they think in such different ways and seeing them try to cohesively put on an act is amusing because I have a feeling they're going to have different responses when people ask them questions, or something. Ahaha I can't wait. :P

I can't believe the media have been calling Hannah "James' Sidekick" for so long. Rude! But is that better or worse than Jannah? Couple names are funny and cute when you're describing a fanfiction but when someone applies that term to you in real life it must be super weird, I can't even imagine what Hannah thinks of it. Can't blame them for leaving the restaurant right after that :P like ok media NOPE BYE.

And I love the way it comes full circle in the end when Hannah says James is difficult to read - because it just confirms what you showed earlier when they were trying to answer Seamus' questions. It's because they think in such different ways. What a perfect example of "showing, not telling". A+

One thing I'd love to see more of is physical descriptions (just because I love details haha, maybe that's just me) but I still don't entirely know what Hannah looks like. I know you mentioned her hair color in the first chapter but I think that's all the description we've had of her so far. Even if it's just half a line where you throw in a detail, it does so much to build up the picture overall and makes the story come to life a lot more. Your descriptions are solid in terms of action/who's doing what, and you go into Hannah's thought process and how she thinks through things which is really great, I just think it might be nice to also add in what the scene looks like - her house, the people around, etc. (You did well describing the italian restaurant though!)

I notice no inconsistencies from previous chapters, either.

This is an excellent story and I love how it's shaping up. I hope Seamus learns how to be nice to James, and I hope James and Hannah get themselves into more situations that they have to lie their way out of because it's really amusing to me. :P

Loved it! :D

Author's Response: Yay Kristin! I'm excited to have a chapter of this for you to read :)

In terms of Deamus' relationship with James; you're right in that Dean is more accepting of him, but there's also parts of James that neither Seamus nor Dean like. They haven't really come to play yet in this story, but they will - I've (still) had friends where, no matter how long I've been friends with them, my parents haven't liked them for one reason or another, and that coupled with Seamus' history with Ginny (ah, you caught onto a running theme, I see :P) means that Seamus is all but thrilled about him dating his daughter. And part of it is that Seamus can 100% see through James' act ;)

Hahaha, I'm glad you enjoyed their way of figuring out how to deal with the parents thing. Hannah definitely doesn't like lying, James kind of shrugs it off, and then they need to figure out how to make it work :P And I think you're absolutely right about the different answers to all the questions!

Hannah definitely *MOSTLY* thinks a couple name is kind of ridiculous, but given James' status as Harry's son, making him somewhat of a celebrity, I felt like it would make sense :P

I do struggle with describing the scene in general, so I'm going to keep working on that! In terms of Hannah's appearance, I just feel awkward being like, "I have brown hair and grey eyes and I'm averagely pretty" :P because I usually like to leave that up to the other characters' observations, but it's been a bit difficult to find a balance in this story.

Yay no inconsistencies!

Lol I'm not sure if Seamus is going to learn to be nice to James, but I have a feeling that James and Hannah are going to get into a few more sticky situations before the story is over ;)

I'm glad you love it! Thanks for another awesome and helpful review!


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Review #30, by marauderfanThe 'Savior' Thing: James

31st January 2017:
Dear Jayde,

You are amazing. I'm still taking about 4 million years to respond to your email, but I thought I'd stop by with a little review to remind you that you are a talented writer.

This was so cute! I love the way you write Ginny as a Mum, and how despite her frustration she's so patient as she tries to convince James to let her heal his knee! And James seemed so realistic too. I was terrified of pain at that age too and I remember never wanting any of my scrapes cleaned up and bandaged because I thought they'd hurt :P so yeah, you write a really wonderful and believable 5 year old James and I can see this scene so clearly in my mind.

And Harry at the end! Hahaha, he absolutely does have a Saving-People-Thing, and noticeably has since he was 15 and Hermione pointed it out. The fact that he panicked for a second and ran upstairs when he heard a scream only to find it was James overreacting to a healing spell, that is so precious XD I loved this! What a cute little moment. And btw, I can't believe this is your first time writing next gen, it reads so naturally, like you've been writing these characters forever. Wonderful work ♡

Author's Response: Aw, Kristin!! ♥ Thank you SO much for doing this!! It really means a lot! And no worries about the email, take your time!

Thank you! *blushes* I'm so flattered that you like how I write Ginny as a Mum - I personally think she'd be an amazing one, judging by who her Mum is. :P GAH! I'm happy you think James was believable also! You're drowning me in compliments and it's making me want to squee!! ♥

Hahha, yes, Harry really does have a "Savior" thing, it was actually mentioned once in the series by Hermione as you mentioned, so I just kind of had to play on that here. I honestly think you might be the FIRST person who's remembered that bit from the series! Eeeek! Stahhpp with the compliments, you're making my ego swell. XD I'm just a flailing pile on the floor right now, this review has just made me smile so much and has seriously made my day - this is the first time I've checked my account in a while, and I really think I was meant to find this today, if that makes any sense. I'm honestly near tears because I'm so happy and flattered. THANK YOU!! I'm so happy you enjoyed it!

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Review #31, by marauderfanThe Harder They Fall: A Snake in the Den

31st January 2017:

But in these last ones Harry tells her to be careful of this man, who they just call G. -- G...rindelwald? He's the only person I can think of who people should be wary of whose name also starts with a G. But is he too early? After all this letter is from like 16 years ago. I guess I'll just read on and find out :P

Brindley was Henry Potters illegitimate child. -- I CALLED IT! :D Though I must say you did an admirable job of making me second guess myself into thinking it was potentially Sebastian.

Also, poor Finn. Talk about something to really make you reevaluate your whole life. He's been trying to figure this out for a while, and then the information just falls into his lap and it's something he doesn't like, because over the past few months he's gotten to know Brindley and started to like her. But it says a lot about how much he's changed, that his first thought is that he can save Brindley, unlike how he couldn't save his sister or his father.

Tom doesn't miss anything. He saw Finn's indecision for like 2 seconds and has probably figured it all out.

Finn is literally giving himself a fake injury so he can go see Brindley in the hospital wing. Is he still trying to say he doesn't care about her? Is that the story he's going with? Because...

Also, all the secret conversations they have with one another while they're pretending not to notice one another. I bet they're actually super obvious.

Brindley saying she'd never been to the area with the barrels (aka the entrance to her own common room) and then making Finn say a fake password to a barrel... ahahaha this is magical and hilarious and Finn talked to a barrel.

THEY ARE MAKING A BLANKET FORT OMG also wizard blanket forts sound way more sophisticated than Muggle ones. Like you don't have to have all the stuff in the middle that holds the blankets up because magic.

Did he just accidentally and very non subtly call her an angel? Yep, he did. I'm enjoying this but also waiting for the part where Saffron is bound to walk in and be like "Yo I told you to come right back out of this room so what are you doing."

But thank you for keeping Saffron out of the room because that blanket fort scene/the kiss was amazing and I loved it. And Finn has so many feelings to sort through. I wonder what the repercussions of that night will be though - how it will change Finn and Brindley's relationship, and what Lucretia will do now that she knows Finn likes Brindley.

Ah, this was such a great chapter! ♥ Loved it!

Author's Response: Hahaha thank you! ♥

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Review #32, by marauderfanThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 7: A Lonely Home

30th January 2017:
Kaitlin ♥ I'm sorry I don't have the time to write you a long review right now, but I wanted to make sure you at least got a review so you'll know that I read and loved this chapter. And to let you know that I can't believe you ended the chapter there! What is outside? I must know! :P

But honestly, I think the idea of Snape trapped inside for the afterlife is kind of perfect, because in a metaphorical sense he was always kind of trapped in his real life, unable to move on. It's been so consistent of his character throughout his whole life that he holds on to things and can't move forward, whether it's the bitterness he has about his family, or his feelings for Lily, or his hatred of James - these are things that stuck with him for his whole life so it seemed very fitting that he ended up stuck in that room. Now that he's dead, he's forced to hold on to things as he did in his life - or maybe the room is holding on to him? Anyway, it was really well thought out and I kind of feel bad for him because it's a horrible thing to imagine - being stuck in a house for a week is bad, but 80 years? yikes.

I wonder if he's not passed his afterlife test, because he couldn't move on. After all, one would think that this experience would give him at least some empathy for Sirius who was stuck inside for so long during the second Order - but Snape would never, even if he understood that feeling of being stuck, he would never even want to feel any sort of sympathy for someone he hated even 100 years ago in a different life. He's very much inside his own head and always has been to an extent, and I think it will take some much needed perspective (like, for example - Harry showing up and maybe talking to him) to get Snape out of there.

I'm really loving the way you bring so many characters into this and show what different characters experience after they die, and kind of how it reflects on their life. This is such an interesting story. Great chapter :)

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Review #33, by marauderfanHourglass: 3 years 31 days

26th January 2017:
Another review for you! I remember reading a few chapters of this quite a while ago, and I loved it, so I'm excited to be getting back into it!

I'm really concerned about Albus' mystery scar that doesn't seem to be caused by magic yet he can't recall ever getting. I mean, I understand finding a bruise and not knowing its origin but a SCAR? that's kind of a big deal, and I can't blame Albus for being worried about it. Also, his memory! You built that up really well, like in earlier chapters it wasn't that serious or mentioned much, but you've subtly added onto it until here Albus is at breakfast and has no idea how he got there. I love how you're building up the mystery to this story and I can't wait to see how everything connects. If it connects? I don't know. I'm full of questions and it's great because this story just stays so interesting.

I'm curious about the love potion incident and whether that girl has anything to do with the note. Is she DLZ? And I'm still wondering about the familiar girl from his dream that he doesn't actually know.

Poor Sophie, too. The girl has it bad, and I know Albus is saying he's not leading her on, but... he so is.

Sidenote: I love that you mentioned the potions class moved up to an airier classroom. THANK YOU. I can't believe I haven't come across this in other fics before but honestly the dungeon with no ventilation makes NO SENSE for a class where you're boiling weird ingredients that produces fumes. So yes, thank you for thinking of health and safety haha.

Another great chapter! I'm so glad to be back reading this :)

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Review #34, by marauderfanConstellations: Constellations

25th January 2017:
Hi Gina! I'm here from your wishlist - even though the wishlists are now closed, I wanted to make sure I still gave you a gift!

Aw, this story really is wonderful and I can't believe it doesn't have more reviews! I love the way you set it up, first of all - the fact that you styled it after a triptych, the smaller parts the 'before' and the 'after' and then the middle part of the story is where she has to make her decision. The names of each section work perfectly as well. Vampires, obsessed with blood, such a perfect way to describe Andromeda's family! And there's kind of a double symbolism in the Devils and Angels titles as well. Devils could be the mudbloods, as Andromeda thinks of them in the beginning, or it could be what she later realizes is her toxic family. Similarly, Angels is her new family and the love she has found there - or representing the departed souls, so to speak, of her husband and daughter. Anyway yeah that was really well thought out!

On to the actual story - wow. You use some really beautiful language - I love this line in particular: Andromeda was preoccupied with the gentle hiss of air leaking from her previously faultless image of Hogwarts and with keeping Cissy from eating the grass. -- This whole section, with the Black sisters as children, is so perfect. Bellatrix isn't cruel yet, but she's already espoused the blood views of her family and she just has a very inflated sense of her own authority, which foreshadows quite a bit about her as an adult. And for Andromeda - she's too young to understand, she doesn't really hate Mudbloods it seems, (by her reaction to Bella) but she still has that internal sense that they're unpleasant, which makes sense considering the influences she grew up with. She's still just a kid and there's a lot of innocence to this section, and a lot said in what you don't say , which is really impressive.

In fact the whole story has a lot that's behind the scenes and really subtly written, like the majority of Andromeda and Ted's relationship. You can tell what their relationship has been like before this point, mostly all in secret and with a sort of forbidden feel to it, but their love was more powerful than what kept them apart. I like that you chose to focus on this moment out of their entire relationship, too. That must have been literally life changing for her - when she left one family and joined a new one. Her indecision here is so perfectly written.

Ah, and the last part is so sad! Andromeda really lost so much in the wars. Her first family, and then most of her second. But that's what makes the last few lines so beautiful - there's still hope, and her family lives on because of Teddy, so to speak. This really is a beautiful story and I'm so glad I read it. Great work, Gina! Thanks for sharing! ♥

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Review #35, by marauderfanIn The End: Chapter 3

25th January 2017:
I saw that this story had a lot more reviews on the first chapter than on this one, so I kept going in order to give you more feedback on later in the story!

Remus/Tonks is such a great (and sad) ship. I really like how you're presenting both sides of their argument here, and how Remus is totally stuck on his self-deprecation and keeps insisting he's not good enough for Tonks. It's so sad that he thought that about himself, but matches really well with what we know of from the books. As for Tonks, she is so wonderfully accepting and I love that, but it's almost like she doesn't fully consider Remus' arguments, especially the one about having kids, which really foreshadows his panic and running away in DH. I'm glad they finally kissed but they clearly have a lot of things to talk about that they've kind of brushed under the rug, like the possibility that a kid might inherit the trait of being a werewolf.

And Sirius can be perceptive, I'm not surprised he noticed all the gazing :P

Great story! I hope you write more of it!

Author's Response: I have a fourth chapter being beta'd as we speak. I hope you continue to read it! I am glad that you read this far! Thank you! I try to be as realistic as possible but that doesn't always work the way I planned. Thank you again for the review!!

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Review #36, by marauderfanJourney Into The Unknown: Journey Into The Unknown

25th January 2017:
Hello! I'm here from your holiday wishlist - the wishlists are now closed, but I wanted to make sure I still gave you a gift!

Aw, this story is so sad. I hope Rachel comes around eventually. It must be difficult as a Muggle to marry a wizard and suddenly learn all about this world you never knew existed, and then find out that your daughter has those skills to such a degree that she can change her appearance. But... aw. Ariana has no idea why her mum is so upset with her, and it's not like she can do anything about it. I'm just glad Michael is there for her - and that the family seems to know Tonks, which would be so great if they could ask her for advice.

One thing I loved about this story was how vague you left the actions of Rachel. You left some pretty ominous hints about how Rachel later regretted walking out of the room, underestimating Ariana... and the story ends before we get to find out exactly what happened. Like, it could go either way - they talk to Tonks and she reassures Rachel, or Rachel leaves the family. Those retrospective regrets you added on in Rachel's actions really add a lot to the story and made me wonder.

Great story!

Author's Response: Thank you for reading this!!! This review really made my day! I am glad you enjoyed the story! I worked really hard on this. I am glad to see it being appreciated. Thank you so much!

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Review #37, by marauderfanHow Hogwarts Scarred Me For Life (by Enid McElderry) : How Hogwarts Scarred Me For Life (by Enid McElderry)

25th January 2017:
I'm here with very (very, very) belated holiday gifts. The wishlists are closed now so this is unofficial, just wanted to make sure you got some gifts! By the way, look at your Q&A for another gift as well ;)

So, browsing your page here I saw this one, and if I recall correctly wasn't this the Story of the Month not too long ago? Congrats! So now I'm here to love and review it!

Okay, so clearly the best thing about this story is Enid and her absolutely brilliant narration. She has some great one liners in there - get ready for me to copy and paste some of your own work back to you:

Id have probably recognised him if shed used his title, or just called him the dungeon bat. Everyone else did.

no one could look that glum over a croissant!

No actually Enid we wanted to thank you for doing every bit of homework on time we actually have no idea what youre on about

There were loads more but those ones really stood out to me and made me laugh. Enid's internal monologue was great. Poor Enid, forced to know all about this secret affair and have it follow her throughout all of her Hogwarts years. Especially when you're eleven and the idea of your teachers having a love life is just... wrong. Hahaha! That and the fact that one of the people is the dungeon bat, whom Enid is terrified of.

I love how Hermione is really kind to Enid though and helps her find her cat, and it's clear throughout the story that Hermione's kindness has changed Snape, as well. I can't imagine Snape being that lenient a generation earlier, if Ron had been found in the corridor looking for Scabbers. He'd have a week's worth of detentions.

Also, poor Hermione. To bring Snape to the mirror of Erised and hear him say that after so long he's still hung up over Lily. At least he did seem to move forward at that point.

The way you wove together the romance and the humour was wonderful - it never got sappy because of the rather uninterested narrator, but it still showed the progression of their relationship and contained sweet moments.

This was really well paced and I have to say again that I just loved Enid's voice in this story. I can see why this won featured story! Well cone!

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Review #38, by marauderfanHallowed: And Then There Were Two

25th January 2017:
Well, I guess I'm not surprised Antioch didn't last that long. The power went right to his head and got out of hand pretty quickly. I know I should probably feel bad that he just got murdered but I don't really - I won't miss him. So the cycle of violence of the Elder Wand begins.

...okay, so then Antioch goes and pleads for Cadmus' and Ignotus' lives, so he does have a heart after all. I guess when faced with Death he became a lot more human and a lot more caring.

With Cadmus vowing to take more responsibility for his son now, I wonder how Antioch's death will affect that - whether that will further motivate him to stay away from the stone because the gifts from Death are not to be trusted... or whether he'll regress back into trying to use the stone now that there are two people whose death he mourns.

Also. I don't want to be annoying but where is the rest of this story? Please tell me you haven't abandoned it! It's too good! I hope that you come back to this story and write more someday, and when you do, I'll be here to read it! *bribes with cookies*

Amazing work!

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Review #39, by marauderfanHallowed: The Demise of Ganon Blackthorn

25th January 2017:
The first half of this chapter is really sad. Poor Tyrion. The stone is already starting to ruin Cadmus as well, and just allowing him to sink into depression and obsession with making the stone work. There are so many things that could go wrong, anyway. I mean, Seraphine has been dead nine years, and what if she comes back just like that? a rotting zombie? ew. I know Cadmus is upset and loved his betrothed, and wants his son to have a mother, but it's becoming clear that he just really doesn't know how to let go. When he turns Tyrion over into Ignotus's care at the end signals a definite spiral downward and I hope he's able to come to his senses (even though I know he doesn't - ah!)

Maybe because of Ignotus' still ingrained distrust of the gifts from Death, and the fact that he has done nothing but try the cloak on once, but it's nice to see that he's not suffering or going mad as a result. He was afraid of Death when he got the cloak and he still is.

Ganon's long ago prank of putting a drunk Antioch in with the pigs is like the medieval equivalent of drawing a moustache (or other things) on someone's face when they're passed out. Annoying, but definitely doesn't mean the person deserves death. I don't like Antioch. Power does terrible things to him... not that there weren't already warning signs before he even had the wand.

Another great chapter! I'm really enjoying this fic!

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Review #40, by marauderfanHallowed: The Eldest Foe

25th January 2017:
Just favorited this story, btw.

You could probably write this whole thing without dialogue tags and I'd still know exactly who was talking. And that's really impressive - being able to vary characters' speech patterns enough that it actually feels like different people talking, and it does here.

You make Ignotus such a relatable character. I think it's an easy trap to fall into for people to disregard the young, and while Ignotus is probably not that much younger than his brothers, he has been the youngest of the three for his whole life, and always will be, and there's kind of a hierarchy. So even when Ignotus senses in his very being that something is wrong, his brothers still ignore him, impressed with their own successes, and I can't imagine how frustrating that must be for Ignotus when he's right all along. I mean, you can't outsmart Death. I don't know why the other two are up on their high horse! (Well, I do. Cadmus is such a dreamer that I think he just hopes things will turn out fine, and Antioch just wouldn't believe Death capable of outsmarting him, I think.)

I knew it wouldn't be too long before Antioch had to show off his new power. At the end of the chapter he got so close to introspection, to actually thinking about his rash action of revenge - he even considered what his youngest brother had said! - only to just brush it all off at the end. That's so frustrating as a reader, to know that a character is so close to improving themselves and then falling back into the trap of their flaws. But it's also really good writing!

I think Cadmus is going to end up being a really interesting character, too. Just given the way he's wavered so far - being set on getting the gift from Death, and then reconsidering once he actually had it. I sense a potential for change in him. Antioch, though, as evidenced by this chapter isn't one who changes easily - he's stubborn as well as revengeful.

Another amazing chapter!

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Review #41, by marauderfanHallowed: The Tale of the Three Brothers

25th January 2017:
Hi Drue! I'm here from your wishlist - even though the wishlists are closed now, but I still wanted to make sure to give you a gift! I had to choose this story just because it looks so unusual - I've never seen any other fics about this era of wizarding history and I am so.excited. Where has this story been all my life?

Their unsuccessful hunting trip in the beginning reminds me of every time I played the Oregon Trail game.

I really enjoyed this retelling of the Three Brothers' tale from Ignotus' POV, and in so much richer detail. What stands out the most to me is your wonderful characterization. You don't say anything like "Antioch was arrogant and concerned with his image", you say that he rides with his posture straight even when no one is looking. Just the way they talk to one another says so much about them. In other words, you show, rather than tell, so wonderfully and it's lovely to read. Even only halfway into this chapter I already felt like I had a very good idea of who the brothers are and how they would act when facing a given situation.

Their interactions with Death, also, were so telling. One wants to humiliate Death, one wants to take back from him what he lost, and the last wants to just hide from him. The way they treat Death and what they ask for says a lot about them as people and kind of foreshadows what will happen later on.

Even though I know what eventually happens to them, this is still such a captivating read because of the depth you've brought to the story. Cadmus' tendency to get lost and end up at the pub. Ignotus' suspicion. It's really wonderfully written and now I find myself wishing there were more stories in this era on the archive. I may just have to read your other one once I finish this one! :P

On to the next chapter!

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Review #42, by marauderfanBrought to Light: Brought to Light

23rd January 2017:
Hello! Stopping by with some more review love for you!

This was really good. I've never seen another fic that goes into the events of when Frank and Alice were tortured, and at first I didn't realize this story was going to be about that, and then I reached the part where it said where they were going and I was like O__O But I really liked that you added some background to that moment, which is so talked about in HP but not really shown, even in fic.

You put such an interesting spin on it as well, with Rabastan plotting against Bellatrix from the beginning because he's annoyed at her having more power than him or his brother (mostly just because she's a woman), and how she does things her own way and everyone else goes along with it. It actually put me kind of on the side of Bellatrix, because Rabastan comes off as pretty sexist, but I really shouldn't be on Bellatrix's side at all given that the next thing we know, she storms right in and tortures Alice. Ah! But that's the mark of good writing that you can make me feel some understanding for a villain, even if only for a little bit.

But yeah, I've never felt Bellatrix and Rodolphus' marriage was particularly loving as she was more focused on other things like her own power, but here Rodolphus really does seem to care for her and I almost feel bad for him. And the way you wrote it with how that misunderstanding is the reason they all got caught - because Rabastan wanted to frame Bellatrix and Rodolphus wouldn't let him - that's a wonderful bit of backstory that adds so much.

This was great! Well done :)

Author's Response:
Thank you so much for the review lovely! Getting these surprise reviews seriously made my day when I got them. I admit I haven't gone looking for stories of when Frank and Alice were tortured but I'm surprised there aren't others. It was such a terrible night for Alice and Frank and in some ways I feel terrible telling the story from the bad guy's perspective but Rabastan muse has always wanted his side of the story told.

Ever since doing a role play as Rabastan years ago I concluded that Rabastan hated Bellatrix. I actually talked with a friend who played Rodolphus and we both agreed that with four of them being there that more than likely Bellatrix and Barty did the torture while Rodolphus and Rabastan got into a fight and became distracted and that is how they all got caught. It was a funny thing at the time but I decided to take a more serious look at that concept to write my version of things.

Anyway, as for her gender, I've always figured that pureblood society was a bit patriarical and thus I wanted to play that up with Rabastan. Of course, with Bellatrix being a bit crazy fawning over the Dark Lord that adds to the hate becuase she's supposed to be with Rodolphus, not to mention Rodolphus is sort of smitten and blind to it all. But I'm glad I won points for the bad guys! Not that bad is good but it is fun to get people to see from their perspective. As Tom Hiddelston once said: "Every villain is a hero in his own mind."

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Review #43, by marauderfanThe Last Goodbye: Farewell

21st January 2017:
OWWW. MY HEART. Also, yes, you did this right - there are tears in my eyes. Did you have to bring up every single person whose death in the series ripped my heart out? Asdfjaksdwjh

It was really, REALLY good, though. You did a wonderful job setting the scene up in the cold, silent, empty graveyard, which really paves the way for really hard-hitting emotional second half. And it's the things that Harry says about all these people that have left that is the most powerful - things that he never told those people, but he thought so highly of all of them and can't stand the idea that they are no longer in the world. And the worst part is that he feels guilty about it - because none of it is his fault. (But of course, that's a very unsurprising reaction for him to have, given his role in the prophecy and just the way people grieve.)

And that end is so sad too, how he's still not able to forgive himself. Maybe, once some time has passed, he can - maybe it will get easier for him. But this piece shows just how much Harry carried on his shoulders even after the war. The epilogue of DH makes it sound like everything was all rainbows and sunshine after Voldemort was finally gone, but I bet there was a lot of lingering sadness and guilt and PTSD and I thought you addressed that really well here with HArry's inability to move on, even when he tries.

This was really lovely. And for not writing angst often, I have to say you did a wonderful job. Great writing as always, Lizzie!

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Review #44, by marauderfanThe Howler: The Pun Also Rises

21st January 2017:
Okay, so the first half of this was fun, entertaining, Teddy obviously likes Victoire, Victoire is really oblivious. And then that Howler arrived and I spent the rest of the story rolling around on the floor laughing. (Okay, maybe that's figurative and I was actually still sitting in my chair, but I did laugh really loudly.)

Harry's Howler is the FUNNIEST thing I've ever seen, especially because it's just really long and kind of pointless - much like a text from a parent who just got their first smartphone :P but it's 100x better because this is Harry and I absolutely love the way you write him as an adult. Here's what I imagine led to the sending of that Howler:

Harry: I need to write a letter to Teddy. Where is all the parchment?

Hermione: I used all of it to make flyers for my campaign to be Minister of Magic. I'll go buy more right now, and I also need new quills. BRB.

Ron: What about this red one, just use this.

Harry: YES. That will be fun. He'll never see this coming.

Ginny: ...

Special honours to this line:
HERMIONE GAVE ME A BOOK ABOUT THE HISTORY OF GLUE YESTERDAY -- omg XD for some reason this was the funniest line in the whole thing. It's so mundane that it's absolutely hilarious. And the best part is I can actually see Hermione finding something like that interesting. XD

And then all the puns! Lizzie, what with this and the previous fic I read by you today, you're my new favorite person. Puns rule. Taking steps to avoid the elevator breakdown! Ahahaha, I love it.

Filch's new cat is named Chuck. Hahahaha

Wait, leaving a review makes me 99% less likely to receive a Howler? Maybe I should delete my review then. I wouldn't mind getting a bunch of puns yelled at me, actually I'd kind of love it. (Though I could do without being yelled about rashes/odd skin conditions or whatever.)

This was amazing. Great writing :D

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Review #45, by marauderfanLady Mondegreen: Conversations with a Portrait

20th January 2017:
Hi Lizzie! Here with some love and appreciation for you in the form of reviews as a very belated holiday present :P This one really caught my eye because of the title. I'm familiar with the term 'Mondegreen' as I am that person who ALWAYS hears words wrong in songs (and then proceeds to sing along incorrectly, for like two years, before realizing). Anyway, that's beside the point, and the point is that this fic is so clever and fun and I loved it.

Lady M's story is so sad! Being a portrait sounds kind of like living forever; the idea is interesting, until you really think about it, and then you'd come to the conclusion that it would suck. Who knows how long Lady M has been stuck inside that frame, not even able to visit other frames, just stuck there and sad and watching generations of teenagers go by and she just kind of gets forgotten. It'd be so sad! (Plus she'd be the last in any game of Telephone so she'd always get the most distorted rumours.) So I'm really glad Lia came along because I think it was good for both of them - for Lady M to have a friend to talk to, and for Lia to get some advice about her teenage drama :P

Lady M mishearing Lia all the time could totally be just because Lia is a quiet speaker, and Lady M has no choice except but to clarify. I mean, at least what she's doing is far superior to the thing everyone does, where you just nod and smile and say "Yeah"... but you can only get away with that for so long before someone realizes you haven't a clue what they're saying :P

PEAS ON EARTH. Pun-derful. I love it. XD Can you please write a sequel in which Harry is given a box of dirt with pea plants in it omg

I bet this story was really fun to write :) It was certainly a lot of fun to read! Thanks for sharing!

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Review #46, by marauderfanHis most faithful follower: A deathly end

17th January 2017:
OH YES IT'S A STORY ABOUT BELLATRIX! And at the time of her death too. This is going to be amazing

... yep, it was. I actually love Bellatrix as a character (as much as I hate her... it's complicated :P ) and so I love reading stories that get inside her head. And the first half of this, as she's picking out her next victims and choosing the ones who will be most fun to duel, it says so much about her, her extreme self confidence and the fact that she underestimates a lot of others (like Molly Weasley for example, whom Bellatrix writes off as 'a little old housewife')

Basically I think you did really well exploring how Bellatrix felt about the battle and what she was thinking, and how there was a critical point when she went from just having fun sending spells at Molly, to realizing that it was a very well matched duel. I don't think she ever really entertained the idea that she might die, rather like her cousin who died at her own hand. A trait that runs in the Black family, maybe :P


Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this, and I love that you visited this important moment from Bellatrix's POV, it was a great read.

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Review #47, by marauderfanThe high priestess: The high priestess card

17th January 2017:
There are far too few stories about Luna out there so I'm really excited about this one.

I can totally see Luna being into Tarot cards. Or any sort of Divination for that matter. And I especially love that that's her connection to her mother - she probably has very few such connections, since she was pretty young when her mother died and she only has a few memories, so those would stick with her pretty strongly.

I love how sentimental this piece is, both about Luna's mother and about her friends in the D.A. Luna is such a special person and she would basically be the best friend ever - the depth of her caring for them is so clear here as she paints a portrait so she can always remember them.

Last but not least, I do remember this painting from the DH book so I absolutely love that you provided the background and what inspired Luna to paint it. This was everything I wanted from this story and I loved it. Great work!!

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Review #48, by marauderfanActions Speak Louder than Words: Befuddled: Rose AND Scorpius POV

17th January 2017:
I must admit when I first saw the summary of this chapter I was so curious in what context this phrase was going to occur. It did not disappoint XD

Ah, Rose and Scorpius had one misunderstanding after another in this chapter and as frustrating as it is to know that the characters are both wrong about each other, that sort of thing is always so fun to read, haha. Scorpius' internal panic about coming across as a pervert was pretty funny.

Also I love Dom, and how she is the same around Rose as she was before - it probably really helps Rose feel normal. Poor Harry though, I can see how he would really be acting differently and how he would feel like he let her down. With the reputation he has for saving the whole wizarding world, it would really hurt him that he wasn't able to do anything for one of his own family.

I'm so glad Scorpius and Rose finally talked and that they actually know where each other stands. I'm curious about Scorpius' healing spell - that's so interesting that it's hereditary and I really want to know how it works and what situations it works in.

Great chapter!

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Review #49, by marauderfanActions Speak Louder than Words: Back to the Beginning: Rose POV

17th January 2017:
Another really intense chapter. Poor Rose, in the beginning there- she's still so on edge after what happened and was asleep when Scorpius dropped in, that she actually hexes him on instinct! Poor Scorpius too, for that matter. I feel like that one event kind of sums up a lot of their relationship. like, they're both pretty terrible at communicating with one another and end up at odds when really there's no need for it.

I noticed SCorpius keeps trying to distance himself from her because he thinks she wants the space, but she thinks she's scaring him off and that's why he's keeping distance. True, they have lots of other important think to think about, but they need to talk about their feelings and their relationship :P Despite their communication issues, he is at least always there for her when she needs it the most.

I'm so glad they told Harry! And actually, reading that bit made me consider just how dumb it was that she didn't say anything sooner, like about the sketchy guy at the party :P I mean, I totally understand why. She doesn't want people to think of her as a victim, and for her it's easiest to just put it out of mind and then she can convince herself nothing happened, and then she can feel like the person she was before. But she can't really do that, so telling people, ensuring her safety, etc will help her move past it, not bury it and pretend it never happened.

The scene at the end with Rose and Harry was so sweet. I bet Harry is the best uncle ever.

Phenomenal chapter once again!

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Review #50, by marauderfanActions Speak Louder than Words: Bombarda Maxima: Scorpius POV

17th January 2017:
So glad to find out Rose wasn't captured again and that she was at home and had her friends around to help her. I was really impressed with Dom and Selenia here - they are exactly the sorts of friends she needs, strong, caring, and level headed in a crisis.

This chapter was so powerful emotionally, particularly that scene where Scorpius and Al go to vent some steam, and Scorpius realizes how he feels about Rose, and they're both just angry because there's nothing they can do at the moment and that they couldn't do anything before, or that they just found out Rose has been suffering alone for two years- and are just taking out all of that on the forest. (But, as a botanist I admit I kind of cringed at all the destruction of trees. I know this makes me sound insensitive but, the trees!)

This really was an impressive chapter though, character wise. And I'm so glad Rose will be okay- but what an absolutely terrifying thing to witness, and then to find out that she has these deep scars she's been hiding for so long. In a way, though, I'm glad her friends know about them now because it's a lot easier to share a burden than to carry it alone, and maybe it'll give her the freedom to feel safe talking about it to her friends.

As always, wonderful writing, Beth. ♥

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