Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
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Review #26, by marauderfanSurvival of the Fittest: Is this the end of the world?

21st August 2016:
Hi Paula! This is for Gift Tag ♥

Theo is the kind of name that elicits mental images of handsome, dangerous men with chiseled jaw lines, -- one paragraph into the story and I already love your narrator.

Also woah. I really love the way you're establishing the setting. It's not heavy handed, just a phrase here or there that hints of the unpleasant, sort of dystopian atmosphere, but like, it's not described as anything extraordinary because the characters are used to this setting, so it's normal for them. I really like the way you did that.

side note, but the biologist in me is freaking out - did they just leave that fire there when they ran?! they're going to start a forest fire! she planning to run to Greenland? or does she miraculously have a seaworthy vessel waiting for her at some port?...

Haha, Theo's survival instincts. Something tells me he wouldn't last a day without Riya. I love his historical anecdotes about the countryside they're passing through, but... seriously they're being pursued through the forest and he decides to talk about King Arthur XD

I only laughed a little before helping him because I’m an excellent friend. -- another reason I love Riya. Sleeping in a tree though - better hope for some thick strong branches otherwise that's bound to be so uncomfortable. And terrifying. Like a bunk bed that's narrower than your body and 50 feet off the ground. O__O

How long have they been travelling like this? What's the back story on the goblins? Man I have SO many questions and I just want to read this whole story right now, I really love this first chapter. You did an amazing job setting the scene and all the accompanying tone of the story, all the fear and exhaustion and how it's a struggle to survive, and against that backdrop you have already created two vibrant characters and I love them already! I love their friendship and how they work together and I think they're especially going to need each other for encouragement. I can't imagine them doing what they're doing alone. Are they going to run into other refugees? Where are their families? And last but not least how are they going to get to Greenland (and why)? This is such an effective first chapter at introducing the story and conflict and making me want to read more ASAP.

My only cc would be that I think you can divide your first paragraph into two, separating after the question who really even knows what love is?, because those are both kind of abstract thoughts and then after that with the tea kettle it settles into events, and there's kind of a shift there.

Anyway, that's a small thing, and overall I really love what you've written of this so far. I'm so glad I posted after you in gift tag, this story is fantastic!

Author's Response: Hi! :D

I'm so glad you mentioned the fire because I genuinely thought the exact same thing but my husband and I argued it over and if you have to run you'll probably risk a fire! And Riya eventually wants to be a biologist! She should know better! Only you can stop forest fires!

Riya came from a family with finances so she's packed with some muggle and magical money that she fully intends to have converted!

Sweet baby Theo would be very lost without Riya. He's just a bit soft for this kind of world!

I'm so glad that this chapter conjured up all of these questions for you! That makes me so happy!

Thank you so much for such a wonderful, thoughtful review!

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Review #27, by marauderfanThe Ghostly Coup at Hogwarts: The Failed Coup of 1967

19th August 2016:
MY DEAR BIANCA. I'm here with your requested review!

You wrote a story entirely in dialogue!! That's really impressive. Especially so because each of the characters is so well defined, and at a certain point I can tell exactly who is speaking, without you ever having to put in dialogue tags. Each character's voice was so distinct.

Bless Sir Nicholas, being the one voice of reason. Sir Patrick is kind of like what I'd expect Gilderoy Lockhart to be as a ghost 500 years later, exaggerating his heroic deeds that really aren't that impressive :P

Toad cracks me up. Like, is he just the ghost of an actual toad? XD What was especially funny was that everyone else seems to understand exactly what he's saying. He's kind of like Chewbacca, only smaller and much less furry, in that I can't understand him on his own but the other characters can, and it's through their responses that I can figure out what Toad is saying. He had some smartass comments about Sir Patrick's head, hahaha.

But the greatest dialogue by far would have to be the Bloody Baron. Honestly that was so funny.

Peeves, that jerk. Not even a real ghost! He had to ruin everything. :P This was such a silly story. I think I missed the bit on your request where it said this was a humour story, and so the actual story caught me by surprise a bit :P But honestly I loved this. I can't believe it doesn't have more reviews yet! So yeah, I think you have nothing to worry about - it's a highly enjoyable fic - it's a silly plot, cleverly written, and manages to tell a whole story entirely in dialogue (which is kind of an intimidating sounding task if I'm honest.) I loved this, thanks for requesting it in my thread!

P.S., by the way, did you know that an earthworm has 5 hearts.

Author's Response: MY DARLING KRISTIN.

I did, I did! Look what I gone and done! I'm so happy you thought everyone's voice was distinct - that was the real worry.

Omg Lockhart as a ghost... Can you imagine?!

Ah, Toad... Who knows! He was actually a ghost in JK's early drafts (I think) so I just had to use him (it?). HA HA the similarities between him and Chewbacca are so true :D

I don't know if I actually put that it was humour, but I think people just expect things from me to be dark? I don't know. But look - I'M FUNNY!

P.S. I did not know that, but did you know earthworms are disgusting?

Thanks again, Kristin ♥ ♥

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Review #28, by marauderfanBlackbird: Blackbird

1st August 2016:
Hi Rose, this review is part of your prize for winning the scavenger hunt and omg this story IS SO CUTE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! how did I not know about this fic until today I am dying.

“No and you need glasses,” Albus said by way of morning greeting.
“My eyes are just adjusting to-“
“To age,” Albus cut across the excuse.
-- THE SASS right here. hahahaha I love these two. It's been a while since I read True Romance now and I didn't realize how much I missed these characters until I read that branbus fluff and it hit me with the force of the whomping willow. Branbus I missed you.

Cora is THE CUTEST CHILD EVER. Hahaha I can so see this:
Cora whispered, “Do you know what today is?” to her doll. She waited a moment before informing her dads, “I forgot what today is.”

a day off work so they can be the cutest family ever!

“Aren’t you my daddy already?” -- AWWW ♥

I'm sorry I have nothing useful or constructive to say about this. It's just so cute I lost my ability to words properly.

I loved this ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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Review #29, by marauderfanThe Corner: The Corner

31st July 2016:
GIFT TAG FOR YOU MY LOVELY TALENTED RENEE ♥ (This is Part 1 of 2 of your gift. Check your forum profile for part 2)

Okay but that scene when Harry and Dudley are actually having fun together, playing a pretend game of knights and magic (looks like Dudley is King Arthur and Harry is Merlin? haha) ... this is too cute for words. One of probably VERY few times they ever actually enjoyed each other's company, when they were still too young to hate each other. It's so adorable that they're just playing a game and just being silly kids, and the fact that Harry's in the corner while Dudley gets to eat Fruit Loops on the sofa doesn't matter to either of them.

AND THEN PETUNIA HAS TO RUIN IT BECAUSE SHE LOOKS UP. Gah, couldn't she just have kept doing her nails?! But really, this was so well written, especially for the kids at this age. Harry is confused why his aunt and uncle don't like him, and Dudley hasn't learnt to hate Harry yet - this is just about the instincts of kids before they have fully absorbed all the dynamics of their surroundings.

Sometimes the dragon set fire to the house, or the mouse got caught in a trap. Other times, one of the genius’ inventions went terribly wrong, or the warrior died in battle -- The way Harry's imagination gets the best of him and he's really there and things are just happening in his world while he forgets that it's his own imagination - this reminds me so strongly of all Calvin's adventures with Hobbes in the comic strip. Half the time Calvin uses his Transmogrifier he ends up doing something he didn't intend and horrible stuff happens. And that's what this paragraph made me think of :P

I think you used the song really well, too. Perfect choice.

Like everything else you write, this was amazing. I am always in awe of your writing.

♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡

Author's Response: KRISTIN! ♥

Thank you for the gift!!

Children seem to make friends at the drop of a hat. Honestly, that's one of the things I most love about kids. Like you said, they're "still too young to hate each other."

Everyone hates Petunia in this story hahaha. (You'll see the humor of that to me, when my main WIP is all about her :P)

OMG. Calvin and Hobbes is so amazing! What a wonderfully nice thing to have this compared to!

You are so nice to me Kristin! *squish* Thank you for this super sweet review, as well as the awesome Avatar hug you left for me!

all the hugs!

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Review #30, by marauderfanIce.: Ice.

31st July 2016:
Another one for the review hot seat!

Wow, this was really powerful. Not only as an exploration into what Lavender was like after the war, but also into depression in general - I felt like I could relate to a lot of this for that reason.

It's easier to hold yourself together when you hold yourself a little aloof from everyone, even the people you care about. -- oof, that line rings so true. And it says a lot about Lavender's emotional state, and how she's distanced herself from everyone she used to love, because she's so worried she'll fall apart and not be able to put herself back together. It's so heartbreaking, and it's kind of this feedback cycle that only gets worse as she continues to isolate herself the worse it gets.

I agree that work is an effective distraction from things you don't want to think about. But you can't work all the time. So either she'll find herself thinking about the things she was trying to avoid, or she'll just work until she's exhausted from not taking any breaks. Poor thing. Lavender is hurting so much and it's portrayed SO well here - so raw, so emotional.

I really like that you chose to write in second person, as well. It works really beautifully with this type of piece - it's more intimate than third person, but more detached than first. And I think that fits in so much with Lavender's state of mind; she's going through some intensely difficult things and we see into her mind and it's so bleak, but at the same time, as she says herself in the fic - she's pushing herself away from people, she's detached. So yeah, not only do I just love this POV in general but it works so well with the story here.

Fantastic work on this fic. beautifully done.

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Review #31, by marauderfanThis Isn't Control: This Isn't Control

30th July 2016:
Hi Jill! I'm here for Review Tag :)

This story was so good! I loved Hero and wow I had no idea you'd written a companion piece to it. That's so cool - and Bianca is very lucky! :)

I imagine it's very difficult to write Tom Riddle. I've never tried, but it's obvious there's SO much complexity there and he's a very layered character. So, mad respect for you for taking on that challenge of writing him, and especially for doing it so well!

This shows such a great contrast in his personality. One the one hand, he's already murdered a person or two, is on the path to creating his Horcruxes, and his plans revolve solely on manipulating Hero. But on the other hand... he's a teenage boy, "dating" a pretty girl. And he's having issues focusing on his plans because he finds her a bit distracting. I know that Voldemort never loved anyone, and whether that's because he was actually unable to, or because he just didn't want to because that would get in his way, is anyone's guess, I suppose. And no one ever said anything about lust. :P Maybe he could have had a lot of feelings about her, but in the end, he gets annoyed when she talks or has opinions, so... that wouldn't have really worked out in the long run. :P

Dumbledore is very perceptive. I actually find it so realistic that he'd pop up at random times just to keep an eye on Tom and make sure he's not getting into trouble, which would infuriate Tom, but Dumbledore was probably in the minority as someone who could see through Tom's false charm and distrusted him for it.

This is really well written and I think you did a great job with two very difficult characters (Dumbledore and Tom) and writing it in the Hero-verse as well. I loved this.

Author's Response: Hey, Kristen! What a pleasant surprise XD

I sort of wrote this while everything was happening, so I think it went unnoticed, and therefore, even I sort of forgot about this story. Oops. But I actually really like it, too. ♥

I really had a hard time with writing Riddle. Also living up to Bianca's portrayal of him! I'm so glad that you saw the contrasts in his personality, because that was exactly what I was trying to highlight here. And yes, he might be using Hero, but she's first a pretty girl and like you said, he a teenage boy. Lust happens to a lot of us, even the Dark Lord himself :D

Oh, thank you! I totally agree with you, especially with that scene we get between Riddle and Dumbledore in CoS, which is what this is based off of.

Thank you so much for this wonderful review!


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Review #32, by marauderfanThe Blue Ashwinder: The Remedy in the Book

29th July 2016:
Another for the hot seat!

James...never seemed to be happier than when he’d just been carted in from facing down a mountain troll. -- some hobbies run in the family, I see

That potion making room sounds horrible. I mean I can understand wanting to minimize distractions, but making the place look and feel like a prison is not necessarily going to make people focus better. Sigh.

Ugh. With five hours of research on top of that. That's a long day. Poor Scorpius :( It's hard to be the lowest rung on the ladder who ends up having to do all the busy work.

That book using the word 'mudbloods' makes me sad. Not very nice of it.

Oh man, home remedies for Spattergroit - like standing in the full moon with a toad liver strapped to your throat - this makes me think of the myriad 'cures' people have suggested for getting rid of hiccups, like "Eat a spoonful of peanut butter while turning your head upside down". Complicated, weird, and they never work. :P I hope for Scorpius' sake that he did actually find a real cure that works. Especially after spending six hours in the library after a ten-hour shift.

I'm glad he got to meet up with a friend at least, even if he couldn't go on his date woth Rose. Commiserating with a friend over an equally terrible schedule - hey, that's not so bad! So after all he did get to do something other than work. James' reaction about the blue ashwinder was very interesting. Clearly he has heard of them, and there's something odd about them. I'm really curious know what James knows about them!

This is a really interesting start to your story, I love what I've read so far and I really enjoy your characterization of Scorpius. I'll be eager to read more of this when it's up and posted! Great work :)

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Review #33, by marauderfanUnforgivable: Imperio

29th July 2016:
Hi Branwen! I'm here for your Review Hot Seat!!

It didn’t make the echoes of her footsteps and the squeak of the metal buckle on her bag as she walked down to the nearly-empty Potions dungeon any less unsettling -- aah! I love this detail - commonplace noises like that often do seem eerie when there's no one else around. When I'm home alone and it's dark, the clock ticking really freaks me out.

Wow, the image of post-war Hogwarts is really bleak, with people being dead or injured/tortured or having some aspect of their previous friendship broken because of the war. Bleak, but so believable. I can't imagine Hogwarts was a happy place for a long time after the war.

I really like how you've characterized Astoria in this, especially in comparison with her siblings. Brendon sounds like a really good guy. I also noticed how Astoria compares herself unfavorably to both of her siblings - Brendon for his courage, Daphne for her looks, and I feel like this has always been an issue for her and is even more pronounced after the war when so many other facets of her life are in disarray.

That scene between Astoria and Daphne was so sad. One the one hand, I can kind of understand where Daphne was coming from, in her own way, trying to get her sister out and to safety because she was only a kid. But I'm more on Astoria's side in this. The Imperius curse is just... not okay. At all. I can't believe Daphne used it on her own sister, even if to get her to safety. It gave Astoria no say in her own part in the battle, which Astoria clearly wanted to take part in, in order to 'do the right thing', as she says. I think I wouldn't be as irritated with Daphne had she not tried to just act better than Astoria in this scene here. If she'd apologized, or actually felt bad about it, maybe I'd feel more sympathy for her. But no, I feel sorry for Astoria.

Astoria is in such a tough situation at the end, too - her sister could get sent to Azkaban for what she did, but Astoria would have to confess that she left the battle and is worried about people seeing her as a coward. And she can't send her own sister to prison. What a situation to deal with. I can't blame her for just showing up uninvited and not having anything to say. Poor girl. I'm glad Brendon was willing to take her in and not ask questions - he really is a good person.

Great story.

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Review #34, by marauderfanComplicated: In Which There Is An Unwelcome Visitor

29th July 2016:
ahh this was such a good chapter. Cassie has changed so much. I think what she's been through during the year, while admittedly nothing as hard as what Olivia has been through, has made her gain a bit of sympathy for others. She's had such an easy life up to this point and now that she's actually faced a challenge like this, it changes her, and I think that's really good.

The conversation between Olivia and Cassie when Olivia tells her she hasn't forgiven her, she's angry, their friendship is not okay, and Cassie's just like "I know, that's okay"... that was a powerful moment. like Cassie may still be a jerk who made bad decisions but here it seems like she's accepting that and is taking ownership of her actions and the consequences that have resulted from them. That's a huge step forward.

Side note I don't know how much more I can take of you making horrible things happen to Al :p Please tell me he's okay!

Amazing chapter!!

Author's Response: Yay I'm so glad you're still reading and enjoying it! Cassie's definitely grown up a bit by this point, although she still has a long way to go. I think she does deserve some sympathy though. She's had a difficult year too.

Chapter 32 just went up so Complicated is officially complete! E x

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Review #35, by marauderfanPeriphery: Chapter One

24th July 2016:
WOW this was a fantastic chapter! Very intense but I thought it was really well written.

The tone in the previous chapter was somber, mostly due to its stillness - and I don't necessarily think that you could use the same tone when telling this part of the story. This part is much earlier in time, and there's a lot more action. But starting at the point where Chloe first gets suspicious about the party invitation, the chapter still has a strong sense of unease and anxiety which, although different from the feeling in the first chapter, ties in really well with it. It's kind of like you've carried a similar tone to a very different setting. So yeah, I really like how you did the voice in this chapter.

Especially when they first walked into the baths. My first thought was "SLOW DOWN WASN'T THERE A ROMAN EMPEROR WHO WAS MURDERED IN THE BATHS?!?!" (and in fact I don't think there was, but I still got all kinds of nervous feelings about how that night would end the minute Emily and Chloe found the party.

the Fat Friar, on his way to the kitchens, where I’d heard he liked to look at the food he could no longer eat. -- haha, for some reason I just love that you chose to include this detail. It's not important for scene setting, but somehow it adds a lot of richness to the story - character background is so important, even if it is in little side anecdotes like this. Characters are never just there for that one moment, they have back stories and secrets and stuff like this contributes to a more comprehensive character next time they show up. (I don't know if that makes sense. but I love the details you choose to include and how that shapes characterization)

The way you show Chloe's personality in this, in regards to what she prioritizes in situations where she feels unsafe, is so effective at indicating what kind of a person she is. She didn't want to go to the party in the first place, and then her thoughts are occupied by how she can get Emily out of there, and her last resort is to escape alone and then tell a Prefect so she can get Emily out safely. Whereas Emily... Emily is the worst Hufflepuff. I really hope that when she left she was going to tell someone to help Chloe, much like Chloe was thinking when Chloe tried to escape, but... I don't know. I mean I get that she was scared and ran, but COME ON, THAT'S YOUR OWN COUSIN WHO WOULD NOT EVEN BE THERE IF NOT FOR YOU AND YOU LEAVE HER TO BE BURNED AND HALF DROWNED. UGhhh I have no respect for her right now. I'm interested to see what the fallout of this is going to be though.

The moment when she's shrieking that Chloe is a Mudblood kind of reminded me of that scene in the novel 1984 when Winston is being tortured. like, I don't think Emily hates Chloe, but betrays her because she's scared and in pain. That said, I'm still furious with her for leaving Chloe to endure that all alone.

I think your portrayal of Sirius was right on. Kind of joking and clueless at first, but once he catches on he's kind and helps take care of her.

And the Slytherins in the baths were terrifying, which means you did a really good job writing them, particularly the way they have such control over the situation and the way they hold that power over the two Hufflepuffs to make them feel vulnerable. It's sick. But effectively written.

I couldn’t remember how the way to the Hufflepuff basement. -- how to get to? or maybe just take out the word 'how'

I dully registered him kneel beside me -- kneeling?

One thing I did find myself wondering about - in the previous chapter, which takes place in 1981, Chloe states that she and Marlene have been best friends for 12 years. But in this chapter, which is 7 years prior to the first chapter, Chloe didn't seem to recognize Marlene and only referred to her by her last name. I mean, this could be because of the mental state she's in at the moment, dizzy, in pain, and half-drowned, but it seemed odd that she doesn't recognize Marlene at all. (Or is it a different McKinnon mentioned here?)

Well. I think that's everything I wanted to cover. Sorry I deteriorated into shouty CAPSLOCK for some of that haha I just have a lot of feelings. Anyway, I think this was a great chapter and even though it's different from the setting of the previous one, they complement each other nicely. Great work.

(eep I'm about to run out of characters)

Author's Response: Hello again! Thank you so so so much for offering to read this chapter! I appreciate it so much ♥

I'm glad the voice seems to have carried over well enough. You're right; this is really the moment when Chloe's life begins to turn, so the tone wouldn't be the same as it was in the introduction when she's already lost so much. I thought about starting the first chapter a little further away from the action of this chapter; maybe instead of the night of the party, a week before, or even a year before, just to establish Chloe's character as a timid, school-minded thing. But I decided against it since this fic is already going to span from 1975 to possibly 1995 (I haven't quite decided, whoops), I'd better make it as trim as possible ;)

Now you have me really interested in the Roman emperor bath murder! Fausta (daughter to Emperor Maximianus) was suffocated to death in an overheated bath. And thank you for mentioning this because I'm trying to stuff this fic with metaphor, and that's all I'll say about Fausta for now.

This scene took place in the baths because Chloe's induction into this world that she comes to loathe--of Death Eaters, the Order, heroes and villains--is a rebirth. She has gone from the aforementioned girl just concerned with getting her Herbology fellowship and becoming a top Herbologist, to having everything ruined and changed because she happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Water is a symbol of rebirth in religion and literature, but if she was reborn then it also means that a part of her has died--which it has. Starting with this chapter, she is no longer the person she once was. PTSD, anxiety and a change in her personality will be a large part of this story as well.

I love that you said "Emily is the worst Hufflepuff." You're right; she isn't being very loyal here to her cousin. Then I started thinking about loyalty and maybe her loyalty is to her own self-preservation? I love all of the discussion that has come out post-books, and especially with Pottermore, about how not all Slytherins are evil, not all Gryffindors are brave, etc. But you're right! Emily is pretty terrible. She is another character who was completely changed by one moment. Fear overtook her and unlike Chloe, who like you said was concerned with how to help Emily, she was more concerned with escaping herself. Like the house discussions, I like the discourse that's been circulating about character redemption (the best example I can think of in this case is Malfoy) and whether a moment such as this, when you turn into a horrible monster out of fear, is your Defining Moment.

Yes! "Do it to Julia!" You're totally right, this scene is reminiscent of 1984.

Ugh Sirius was so scary to write. Tbh I've never read any Marauders fic in great length. All I know is that I want to tone down the swaggering, womanizing character that tends to be his portrayal and flesh him out. I'm 100% sure any of his womanizing tendencies that do remain are the result of never feeling adequate to his mother (hey thanks Freud) and I'm really excited to explore that, and his constant need for affirmation. The male protagonist is always the most difficult for me to write in fic, and their true personality usually shows itself a few chapters in, so be prepared for some inconsistencies until I can go back and edit ;)

And also, I am cracking up because I really have no idea where that "twelve years of friendship" thing came from. I noticed it a few weeks ago and never fixed it until you reminded me, so thank you. I don't know if I had originally intended for them to meet much earlier, or if my math was just terrible (that is the far more likely option) but yes, sorry for the confusion! The McKinnon in this chapter is actually Marlene. Thank you for pointing that out, as well as your other grammar edits!

I'm also running out of characters, so I will just say THANK YOU once more. Your reviews are so helpful, really! ♥

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Review #36, by marauderfanThe Letters to No-One: The Letters to No-One

23rd July 2016:
although Maximum Security attracts a higher concentration of Dementors, it is nestled in the heart of the prison, protected from the elements. -- Yes, always look on the bright side, Sirius :P

I'd never considered how difficult it would be for Sirius to see his former friends coming in to Azkaban bringing in the prisoners - Aurors with whom he used to be on the same side, and whom he was working with to send Death Eaters to Azkaban. And now everything is all backwards. That must be so jarring.

Hahaha, I love the idea that Remus engineered a prank all on his own and ended up getting James and Sirius in trouble for it. I've always thought Remus was the mastermind behind all of their best pranks. You have to be a good planner to come up with the really good ones :P

Gah, Sirius' letter to Remus is breaking my heart. This seems to be a habit of your stories :( But seriously, the way he says he should be angry but only feels love for him... wah. So sad. Especially because these letters never reach Remus, without a name or address. It seems like Sirius is just writing them because he needs to get the words out, and that's important whether or not the words are actually heard.

It's super sad too how he keeps remembering all these good old times with his friends, and the knowledge that the group fell apart as it did and ended up destroying one another. Like, he hates Peter, and in that instant wanted to kill him, but in Azkaban he keeps drifting back to thinking about being friends with him. And when Sirius is in isolation - although you don't mention the Dementors specifically there and taking good memories away, but in this section I realized Sirius actually thinks he killed Peter. And I found myself wondering if he can't remember the truth after so long stuck in Azkaban, or whether he thinks he figuratively killed Peter, because who Peter was as a teenager is not the same person who Sirius fought with the day after Halloween. interesting thought.

WRITING A LETTER TO LILY. *sobs* this is too much. That ending is so sad. But once again you've written such a beautiful story. Really well done.

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Review #37, by marauderfanMuggle Studies: Muggle Studies

22nd July 2016:
Another one for the review hot seat.

What a great story! Often I review as I read, but I just got so absorbed in this one I forgot to do that :P (Sidenote: I can't fathom how you thought this was rusty. It was anything but.)

So first let's talk about the variety of different sources you used and how they all put together such a complete story. It doesn't feel like it needs traditional narration at all - everything you need is there, and what's beautiful is that it's so subtle. No narrator is there to interpret what happens, you just present all the facts and then the reader themselves has to draw their own conclusions. And I love that. Especially the bit about Posy disappearing, and then Artemisia Burke just happens to visit Tibs' father, and immediately afterwards is arrested and then has an alibi. That's what is said, but there's so much more going on here that's never said. I love how epistolary writing - and especially your story - encourages a reader to look between the lines and see how Posy is behind all of this (with Polyjuice potion I expect? or something) Her escape was quite a bold move, I have to say!

As for the plot itself re: Tiberius - Most of the way through I was caught in this weird indecision, because I suspected that he would end up as a Death Eater, but his desire to take Muggle Studies didn't really fit in with that, and in fact seemed pretty genuine. I mostly believed it. There were some warning signs though, like his essay where he started to write Mudblood instead of Muggle-born, and the end of his essay: That's why I chose this subject. Because that needs to change. -- Clever. Because there are a number of ways that could be interpreted.

I was so surprised Tiberius' father was having an affair with a Muggle-born woman! It makes his disgust with Tibs taking Muggle Studies even more hypocritical. Or perhaps he was worried Tibs would find out about it?

What happened in the end though, that was such a great twist. I wasn't sure who the last voice was, telling that last story, but what an ending. It showed a lot about the other side of Tibs and provided a lot more of an explanation as to why he took the class in the first place - as well as indicating how twisted and manipulative he really was from the beginning (even from the age of 12/13 when he first signed up for that class!)

Really well done. I was so impressed by this story - it's wonderful. Nice job.

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Review #38, by marauderfanSilky Blue: Silky Blue

22nd July 2016:
Hi Isobel! I'm here for the review hot seat :)

Gah. So, this. At first I was frolicking in all the fluff and cuteness and just adoring the image of Dean and Seamus looking for jackets and being all cute, because Deamus is one of my favourite ships. Then you mentioned a bride and my heart broke a little. And then my heart broke a lot more when you mentioned the coffin and the funeral.

You knew. -- aah. How many times can my heart break in one fic I ask you?? I do really love bittersweet stories though, and this is as bittersweet as it gets. They were both just too afraid to admit their feelings to each other, even though they both had those feelings, and so they didn't end up together. And there's no chance at all of fixing that because Seamus is dead. How did he die? I'm tempted to assume he died of heartbreak because this story was just so darn sad. Or maybe that's me talking :P

Anyway, I really loved this, despite that it hurt. Your writing is so beautiful and I love the way it flows - it creates magnificent imagery. This is so wonderfully written - you're so talented! Great work.

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Review #39, by marauderfanActions Speak Louder than Words: Better: Rose POV

19th July 2016:
One more for review hot seat! Also, this is my 1500th review which is exciting and I'm glad to be able to celebrate it with this story :)

I can find it kind of believable that Rose can't relate to Ron as well as she can relate to her uncle Harry. I mean, I totally see Harry as being super close with all of his family because he never had a family growing up, whereas Ron had a lot of brothers and is just better at relating to boys.

geez I can't believe Harry and Al were just chilling in his office while Al HAD BROKEN RIBS. I mean, seriously. Priorities. Thank goodness Rose stopped by.

YAY ROSE. That's a step in the right direction to talking about her feelings! It could easily be that she and Scorpius will just cuddle and hold hands and not talk about it (this is actually quite likely) but... she has to catch on by now that Scorpius likes her. That goofy grin was enough to give it away to even the most oblivious people.

And of course Harry has noticed :P

Aw, this chapter was really cute. Great work on it - I'm really loving the story so far!

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Review #40, by marauderfanActions Speak Louder than Words: Bitter: Scorpius POV

18th July 2016:
Finally, we had dinner with Harry and Ginny, who never forgot the anniversary. -- This is so believable. Of course Harry would feel a lot of connection with a kid who's also lost his parents and has nowhere else to go - he was the same. I love this... especially because it shows how much Harry cares for Draco Malfoy's son, regardless of his history with Draco himself. That says so much about Harry. What a good person :)

eep Scorpius' thoughts about Rose are so cute. how he just wants to see her every day all the time. So yeah, he may not technically be a teenager anymore but based on the way he's acting... Aw. Young love :P

Oh I love that you described exactly what sort of corruption was going on in the Auror department (I mean, we knew the rest of the Ministry had problems, but it's nice to see the specifics for that department) and how Harry was able to restructure it.

haha that's like the classic teacher move, calling the person who's disrupting the class up to the front to 'volunteer' for whatever thing. Even worse when it's your dad noticing you not paying attention... Sorry, Albus! :P

Thank goodness for Scorpius intervening and saving the day. I think everyone else was too scared to..

“Albus Severus!” -- oh boy

Poor Al, though. He is under a lot of pressure. And I honestly loved the way they sorted all of that out. Harry has grown up a lot since Hogwarts, and seeing the way he handled that situation was really great. I think Al is very similar to how Harry was at that age, so Harry understands what his son needs. They can't both be hot-headed in this situation, and he recognized Al's achievements, and Scorpius's as well and it all turned out fine with no hard feelings. Good job Harry. And Scorpius of course.

I love that you had the Auror dept using the animal acronyms for their exams as well haha, the SNAKEs

Haha, Al at the end. What a sneaky devil :P

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Review #41, by marauderfanActions Speak Louder than Words: Besotted: Rose POV

18th July 2016:
Another one for the hot seat!

Aah, seriously, who thinks the cruciatus curse isn't enough and actually invents a spell that intensifies it?!? Poor Rose, I can't believe she suffered six days of that. I did appreciate learning more about Rose's back story here though, and I'm glad she is starting to come face to face with her trauma rather than hiding from it. Of course that will be difficult, but she has good friends who love her and maybe soon she'll be able to open up to people about her captivity.

I, myself, had been brought up by Ron Weasley, so a little burp here and there didn’t even register on my radar. -- haha. For some reason I really loved this. I can just see like, 6-year-old Rose burping at breakfast and Ron saying "good one" and Hermione being exasperated. :P

Drunk Scorpius. Aw. Gah, these two SO obviously like one another and it's obvious, but I also feel like they have a lot of personal issues to get through before they can be together (at least that's probably how they see it?) Nothing like jealousy to make you realize your feelings for someone :-/ but I also can't really blame Scorpius for behaving like that. He was going through a lot and had no idea how to cope. I love that Rose is still so supportive of him and not bitter about her past with him.

Another wonderful chapter :)

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Review #42, by marauderfanActions Speak Louder than Words: Bereft: Scorpius POV

18th July 2016:
Hi Beth! I'm here for the review hot seat!

A kitchen accident. -- Nnnoooppe. I don't believe a word of it, not for a second. Wasn't Astoria saying to Scorpius just in the last chapter something about "it's not safe"? She knew, or at least suspected something was up. I hope Scorpius doesn't believe the Official Ministry Report either, because it's a cover-up.

I would’ve seen the leak in the stove – or smelled it -- but he does believe it! I guess I can understand him not being suspicious yet though. He's still kind of in shock and hasn't fully processed what happened. He's more caught up in the fact that it happened and not in why. I wonder if he'll start to think about that, especially given the last things his parents said to him, once he's had more time to adjust. Either that or I'm seeing things that aren't there...

Aw. I love that Rose and Albus came to visit him, that scene was so emotional and such a wonderful thing. like, it's impossible to process grief totally on your own, and they were exactly what he needed, just being there for support. Aw ♥

Oh no, poor Scorpius. Angry visiting Weasley family members who don't know the whole story - that's the last thing he needs when "it's not what it looks like" isn't going to get him anywhere. This scene was really well written though, with Ron overreacting and Rose shutting him down, and Harry being so used to Ron's outbursts that he's quick to react and hold Ron back without batting an eye. I laughed at Rose's departing line about "something untoward with the toilet", hahaha!

I love your interpretation of Daphne's story, as well. Makes a lot of sense, as the Greengrasses weren't known to be staunch supporters of Voldemort, and while their loyalties during the war are uncertain, the effects of the war are bound to have had an impact on her and Astoria.

All you need to know, Scorpius, is that you are much more like your mother than me.” -- Aww. This honestly says so much and I really liked this line. Although Draco hasn't appeared in this story much (and based on what happened last chapter, he won't be appearing much) I feel like I already have a pretty clear idea of who he is. He's definitely not proud of what he did during the war, regrets it, but still holds it against himself, hence why he never talks about it. I think he's happy Scorpius is a lot more like Astoria.

Small thing, but in that last section about Scorpius going to stay with the Potters, often you say "the Potter's house" when that should be a plural possessive, i.e. "Potters' house". Otherwise, the chapter is perfect. I'm really glad to have come back to read more of this story - can't believe how much I missed it. Onto the next chapter!

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Review #43, by marauderfanThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 5: Worry

17th July 2016:
More for the review hot seat!

The suggestion about Harry having to face Voldemort is interesting. Where is Voldemort, then? If sounds like he's just not there, which is good, otherwise the afterlife would just be the same as the life most of these people left behind. Voldemort's Takeover 2.0: Afterlife Edition.

So is that shrill laugh from the previous chapter Bellatrix? Did she redeem herself? Oh man I hope we get to find out about all these 'bad guy' characters from the books and how they fared. But I can't imagine her being particularly remorseful either...

Remember how he was sneaking into the dungeons and apparating the students who’d been tortured up to Madame Pomfrey for treatment. The Carrows practically went mad trying to figure out how people kept escaping regardless of their security measures -- Eep, I love this too much. I can so easily imagine Dobby doing that. (Is that canon or did you invent that? The fact that I can't tell shows just how believable it is, if that was your invention)

It must be so nerve wracking for all of the people waiting for Harry. Probably even moreso than what Harry is experiencing, because at least Harry's doing something, whereas waiting is sometimes the most excruciating thing! I hope they don't have to wait long. I am so looking forward to Harry meeting his parents again.

Awesome chapter.

Author's Response: Kristin!

Thank you so much for dropping by. *wub*

I agree and definitely wanted to avoid a re-write of Harry Potter or HP 2.0 Afterlife version as you titled it. :)

There will certainly be some of the bad guy characters and there will be some of the morally ambiguous ones too, but it won't be in the same action type concept as the original story.

I think I read a similar concept once about Dobby helping to save students, but I can't remember where. Anyway, it sort of stuck with me.

Ugh. Waiting around doing nothing is the worst.

Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #44, by marauderfanThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 4: The Weighing Of The Wand

17th July 2016:
And another for review hot seat!

I'm so glad that despite the fact that Harry knew something was up and that Dobby wasn't telling everything, he still chose to stay silent just in case there are things Dobby isn't supposed to say and will punish himself for saying.

The great hall with no one in it. That's kind of a weird visual, just a big empty hall making any movement seem too loud. I love your descriptions in this section.

Poor Harry, being so worried. I mean, I can understand the stress of having your whole life evaluated but... he did save the entirety of wizaring Britain from a dark wizard. I think that'll count for something.

Wow, I just loved the way you described all his memories coming back and how he gets just little snippets of each thing but just a tone of voice or one sentence is enough to bring back a feeling. I love this so much because it's so true, you don't really remember so much the words people say, but how they made you feel, and this scene is so beautifully written as he's just experiencing all these feelings at the same time as he hears bits of old, forgotten memories. The way you did this is so gorgeous. ♥

Oh no. Where did he go? Is that Voldemort's laugh? Bellatrix? . . . . . . why did you leave this cliff hanger argh

I'm glad the next chapter is already waiting for me :P

Great work on this chapter, I loved it!

Author's Response: Hey Kristin!

Thank you so much!

It was interesting trying to imagine all of these crowded places as empty and quiet.

You would think, but I'm trying to turn the stereotypical good vs. evil version of the afterlife on it's head a bit.

That memory scene was one of my favorite things to write, so I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it. :)

Sorry. I can't spoil the chapter. You'll just have to come back and find out. :)


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Review #45, by marauderfanThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 3: The Beginning

17th July 2016:
I love that he returned to King's Cross. In a way, I'm not surprised, because that's exactly what JKR hinted at, with the trains going "on" and Harry having the decision to go back instead. So I absolutely love that you used this as the departing point, and now I'm even more excited to read about this journey because of the way your story now so perfectly ties in to that moment of DH.

Although his body reflected how he’d looked in his prime, he could still feel the weight of old age in his bones. -- wow this alone is really interesting (and I admit I'm probably thinking far too much about this but hey, it's probably a good thing that your story is making me get all philosophical). So his image is of what he was in his prime - what is that exactly? I know that James and Lily in the forest were roughly the age they died, Sirius was younger again, but Dumbledore was old when Harry saw him at King's Cross. So I'm wondering how "they"/the powers that be/whoever decides this stuff, decide what a person's prime was. Not necessarily when they were young (because Dumbledore) When they were the most happy? It makes me wonder about Dumbledore most of all - was he happiest towards the end of his life? Anyway, I like that you included that line in there, despite that it got me on this ridiculous tangent, because it makes me think, and I appreciate stories that do that as well as are entertaining :)

Omg O__O what Dobby had to do in place of weighing of the wands sounds horrific and so painful! aah! like, I can't help but imagine that scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Poor Dobby :'(

the story about small James playing quidditch is just too cute

Free snacks. Not bad for the afterlife

To think all of these years later each of us has our own card. Ron said it was his finest moment.” -- Hahahaha, I love this, Ron's finest moment was being featured on chocolate frogs XD

Oh no, Rose inherited the terrible naming habits of the rest of her family! As if it weren't already confusing enough with there being two Mollys in the extended family, now there's two Freds and two Georges.

Hugo settled down with Scorpius Malfoy much to his father’s dismay, but the two of them are perfect for each other really -- Hugo/Scorpius! I don't see this ship often but I love it. Also, "much to his father's dismay" refers to whose father? Hugo's or Scorpius's? Because honestly I could either of them being dismayed :P

Dobby still calls Ron 'Wheezy'. ajdsfkjasdkf I love it

Everything Dobby does makes me want to hug him. When he first started sorting the beans I was on alert for secret tests Harry has to pass and jumped to the conclusion that the beans sorting was a test :P but the actual answer is just gahhh. Seriously Dobby is the most selfless person in the entire series.

I'm sorry this review derailed into ramblings but I'll do better on the next one :P Awesome chapter. I'm really enjoying this story, it's so unique and a great read!!

Author's Response: Hello my dear!

Thanks for stopping by!

I love that you put so much thought into what a person's prime is. I kind of had the same thought. I do think that for everyone it would be different. With Harry I imagine it being somewhere in his 20s, after the war and when he'd finally allowed himself to heal and have a normal life. Dumbledore on the other hand was a tortured soul and I don't think he really started to make peace with his failings until the end of his life, hence him being an old man in the afterlife.

I love that you picked up on all of the little details that I included about the different characters. :)

Please, always feel free to ramble away. It makes me so happy to read.


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Review #46, by marauderfanThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 2: The Transportation Office

17th July 2016:
Hi Kaitlin! I'm here for the review hot seat (albeit a bit belatedly since I didn't know it was going on :P ) I'm glad to be getting back to this story. Also: it appears that this is going to be your 100th review on this story. Congrats for reaching 100! :D

“Sorry, sir,” he said, “Office is closed for the night. -- D'awww I know this is an insignificant detail but the guy just called Dobby 'Sir' and I love that XD

A thin piece of glass was all that stood between Dobby and the portkeys inside. He knew he could shatter it in seconds if he used magic, but he wasn’t quite sure he remembered how. -- Guess it's time to jump up and KICK THAT DOOR DOWN, NINJA STYLE. The mental image of this is highly amusing to me. Or I guess he could just try and remember magic...

Your Dobby speech patterns are perfect, btw. This is exactly how Dobby talks in the books - which I assume must be a bit of a challenge to write convincingly, but here you do it so well.

I'm glad the man was so nice though, even after he'd just had the window of his shop smashed in.

It's really weird reading the names that are going to die within the next week or two - Charlie and Hannah. In one sense, it's sad, you know, they're about to die and all, but it's also not sad at all as we're seeing this from the other side where they're not dying, they're arriving! Such an interesting spin on things as seen from the afterlife.

Aah, here goes Dobby with the portkey! Onto the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for dropping by. :)

Ugh. Dobby's voice is so tough to write. Mainly because I feel like I'm repeating the words Dobby and sir a million times. So glad that you think it sounds accurate. :)

I think characters we love dying is always going to be a bit bittersweet, but in this sense, Charlie and Hannah are both old and have had full lives. They have loved ones waiting for them to cross. It's more of a happy thing than a young life cut tragically short.

Thanks for taking the time to read this!


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Review #47, by marauderfanMaybe This Time: Maybe This Time

17th July 2016:
For the hot seat :)

Ahh, this is heartbreaking. How are you so good at this? I love the little sections you used in this, snapshots as she grows up - even in such short segments of words, you say so much.

I was so glad to find a story about Eloise Midgen, because minor characters are my favorites and she's a particularly sympathetic one because literally the only thing we hear of her in the books is Ron making fun of her for her appearance. Obviously, there's more to her than that. And here, she has so much other stuff to deal with, her whole childhood under the shadow of abuse.

And the saddest thing about her mother insisting she's happy and that she wants the same happiness for Eloise... it's so sad because I know this is true for a lot of people. Abusive relationships can be hard to get out of, and the mother must know she's being abused, but either doesn't think of it as that, or always comes back around to this ideal she has of her husband, what he used to be before he became abusive, or what he's like when he's not drinking, or whatever it is that makes her put up with him. It's so sad .

Eloise is so strong though. Yeah, she's been through some duds, in terms of dating, but she's strong enough to realize that she absolutely doesn't want what her mother had, but at the same time wants to make her mother proud. So she just interprets her mother's words in a different way. I just hope that she doesn't find "a man who will never let her go" for the wrong reasons. I just want it to all work out okay for her :(

Beautifully written, Sam.

Author's Response: Thank you again ♥

This story was pretty special to write. Parts of it were drawn from my own childhood, which is something that would be too heavy to write super in depth, so the super micro-fiction format really helped make it possible to write this without it getting to heavy to write or read.

I also love minor characters, and I agree with you about Eloise being sympathetic. In the books she isn't really portrayed that way - we only see her made fun of, and that is her entire canon existence. But of course she is so much more than that. Of course she is more than her acne. My first impulse was to give her a great big joyful life, making the acne the least significant thing about her. And I ended up achieving the latter here - her physical appearance and what Ron Weasley say about her really are the least of her problems. And even though I did not give her a very happy life here, she is very strong and driven, and I think she's someone who should be proud to be herself.

Again, thank you for all three of these reviews, and thank you for all of your crossposts to ao3!

♥ ♥ ♥


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Review #48, by marauderfan19226: 19226

17th July 2016:
Another review for the hot seat!

I watch the girl as she walks, confident and capable in her spotless green robes -- Aah. I thought this meant a Slytherin at first, and that Ginny was still a first year, until I got to the bit about Ginny's bracelet. Clever. And omg sad.

WKAFLKWSKJLFKJE so I just reached the middle of the story and then it all starts going backwards - this is incredible, is there no end to your talents? It reads just as perfectly forwards as backwards, and I LOVE that stylistic choice as it for some reason works really well with Ginny being a patient at St Mungos. The pattern of her thoughts is kind of all over the place, but in the end leaves her right back where she started.

And the last few lines, the way you divided up the sentence into multiple lines - I really liked that as well. Kind of poetic, in a way... maybe because of the shape of the paragraph, in an artistic way - but I like it, it just really works.

A wonderful story - great writing once again. ♥


That was my hope, though I think the only comment I've gotten on it so far is someone who realized it was a Healer right away. I'm glad my deceit works on some!

I don't have much to respond to your review with, except that I love your enthusiastic and flattering feedback. ♥


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Review #49, by marauderfanPretty Little Thing: Pretty Little Thing

17th July 2016:
Saaam! ♥ Apparently the review hot seat was still continuing via twitter, but I didn't know about it until yesterday. So here I am with some belated reviews for the hot seat!

This is so beautifully written, and I love how you unfolded the details about the relationship gradually. At first, it just seems like a relationship that ended sadly where Rolanda is still in love with Septima - seeing and hearing reminders of her everywhere. But as soon as they cross paths and start to have a conversation, it illuminates exactly what went wrong in the relationship, and how unhealthy it was in the first place. Septima really is so rude to her :(

And yet despite that, the narration is absolutely beautiful. Her words seem to flow out of her like liquid, but by the time they reach me they are solid, wrapping like tendrils around my torso and constricting my breath. -- at first I read that as how breathtaking Septima is and that her words are just captivating, but it can also be interpreted as that Septima's words are kind of poisonous and suffocating Rolanda. And it probably means both, given how Rolanda's not totally over Septima. Gah, it's just so good!

And THIS! But I cannot stand here and let her rewrite our history when I also hold a quill. -- ugh this is seriously just gorgeous

I love the end too. She doesn't hear Septima as a voice on the wind or feel her as a cold space. Instead Rolanda just hears herself soaring through the clear air. A perfect end to an amazingly written story. Seriously, you're such a talented author.

Author's Response: Awww, thank you so much Kristin! ♥

I've been taking a hiatus from twitter, so I didn't even realize I was up for the Hot Seat. You're actually the only one who ended up leaving me reviews, so zero apologies are needed for their belatedness.

I am glad that you liked how the nature of Septima and Ro's relationship unfolded over the coarse of the story, and that it worked not to explain everything right off the bat.

You Gahing over my words being good makes me Gah ♥

Thank you so much for all your amazing words ♥


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Review #50, by marauderfanIllicit Obsessions: Illicit Obsessions

16th July 2016:
More for the review hot seat!

Ooh, I really liked this story. I've never seen Peter/Narcissa before, and what an interesting exploration of what made him decide to switch sides. The way you describe the Marauders' friendship in the beginning especially - of course it can't always be as idyllic as it was at Hogwarts, playing pranks and just having a grand time. Life in the real world at war with voldemort is much harder, and it strains their friendship - so Peter finds solace elsewhere when he's lost.

The choice of Narcissa was really interesting too. Since it's from Peter's POV we don't really see what is genuine and what is an act? How long did Lucius know - the whole time? But Peter, I find so easy to believe because his whole life he's been lesser than his friends, the short, ignored one who has a "rat-like face" - so when the girl of his dreams makes a move on him, how could he possibly say no? I found his reaction pretty realistic.

I also have to say that you're really good at writing the sensual scenes. It's so easy to make that kind of thing either too vague, or else tooo much, and you've managed to strike this perfect balance that is descriptive but doesn't take away from the overall story - it adds to it.

This is a wonderfully written fic, thanks for the great read. Nice work!

Author's Response: Hey there! Wow, another unexpected review!

I'm thrilled you picked this little tale, as it's one that's often overlooked. Peter-centric tales are not exactly the most popular, and I should know. Before I was hit with the idea for this story, I never found myself attracted to reading something about the traitor of the Marauders. Inspiration struck while I was in the shower one day and I simply had to write it.

As for choice of Narcissa, that was no random encounter. Lucius and his lovely wife planned the whole thing from the beginning. Some people are tempted by money, others by power. Leave it to a pair of consummate Slytherins to figure out what Peter's vulnerability and take advantage of it.

The sensual scenes weren't easy to write, let me tell you. They originally were more explicit and I kept paring them down. The thrust of the story wasn't the sex - that was merely the weapon Narcissa employed. Poor Peter, though!

Anyways, thank you for the lovely review!


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