Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
1,151 Reviews Found

Review #26, by marauderfanMuggle Affairs: Chapter 1

18th April 2015:
Review Tag! :)

I love stories set in the World War II era, so this fic immediately caught my eye. It's such an interesting idea to explore - how wizards would have reacted to all that was going on in the Muggle world which, I imagine, was quite hard to avoid despite how rarely wizards associate with the Muggle world at all.

I'm really curious what happened to Johnny, and how the rest of Leilani's assignment with this new person will go. They're off to a bit of a rocky start. But wow, they're going to destroy the evidence and documents of the atomic bomb?? Since one has already been detonated, are they going to have to wipe people's memories of it, or go back in time and change it?!? So many questions hehe but I love 'what-if' stories and the premise of this is so intriguing! Great chapter!

Author's Response: Hi! Firstly, thanks for the compliments. This is my first fanfic so I really appreciate all the nice comments. I got this idea from when I read Year of the Hangman for class (it's a book about an alternate ending to the American Civil War). I haven't really thought out a lot of the details, and I didn't even consider the previously detonated bomb!


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Review #27, by marauderfangoodbye good friend: What We Talk About When We Talk about Death

14th April 2015:
Hi Joey! I'm here with your first of four prize reviews!

Wow, I'm really not sure what to say about this - I'm kind of speechless, though once I'm able to get my thoughts together cohesively I think I'll have quite a lot to say, because this story really touched me. Right now I'm sitting in a library trying not to cry...

I think the style you used was so perfect for the subject matter. It's kind of a bare story, a bit harsh, wih no embellishments; it just is. Kind of like death itself. There's no way to soften it at all, especially concerning the death of a young person, it's just a raw thing - and closure doesn't come immediately, which is why I like how you ended the story with no closure at all. The tone was perfectly created with the simplicity of the story.

“She always seemed so happy.”
“A lot of depressed people do,” Albus explains to Fred.

- this. This is so true. It's said so simply here, but I had a lot of feelings reading that bit. Having struggled with depression myself, I could resonate with this a lot, as well as with James' reaction. It's so hard to lose a friend, especially as a young adult, and James' reaction and confession of his struggles echoed the feeling I had when my cousin died (not suicide, it was cancer, so I knew it was coming eventually but it was still a huge shock to hear of it and made me question a lot of things.) Reading this, although the circumstances were different, I could so easily see myself in James' shoes with this familiar combination of shock, confusion at why things happened the way they did, and even a bit of a misplaced feeling of guilt at the unfairness. Death is not an easy thing to talk about, or to think about. And especially in those ending lines - They’ll deal with it another day. - that one again is just such bare truth.

I'm sorry this is the most useless and rambly review ever, but this story, despite its brevity, hit close to home and I felt so connected with the emotions you were portraying. This is such a strong piece and though it was definitely not a cheerful read, I want to thank you for requesting that I read this one. Really well done. ♥

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Review #28, by marauderfanIn Fields of Poppies: Prologue: Her War

14th April 2015:
Hi! I'm (finally) here with the review you requested aaages ago, and I sincerely apologise for the huge delay.

I'll just start by saying that I skimmed a couple of chapters of this story during the Keckers nominations and read enough to realise that this fic is really good, so I'm glad I have time now to properly read and review it. I love historical fics, especially anything that relates to the second world war, so this fic is definitely my type of story.

As I see it, prologues are meant to be short and sweet, with just enough in them to grab people's interest. I'd say this fits the bill. You've compared the two world wars with the wizarding war, both in means of fighting and in motives, and set up this really interesting inter generational, epic sort of theme where the narrative will span decades. It grabbed my attention for sure!

I like how in your brief descriptions on what the war was like for each individual, you use really specific details, because those always bring a story to life - the contrast between World War I and the first Wizarding War in particular is really well noted, with the mention of the hostile environment of trenches, rats, and amputations, versus the battles in silent neighbourhoods - and how both had bright flashes of light. Great comparison.

One thing I think could improve, though - it seems a bit disjointed and unfocused, because each character mentioned is brought up multiple times with a little snippet about their experience, and then cycles back around to the same character. This almost gave it a repetitive feel. Here's what I would suggest: your ideas are all there, and well thought out, but they could potentially use some re-ordering. For example, you could put all the bits about her grandfather's war together, and then her father's war, and then her own war. I think this will make the ideas you've presented feel much more cohesive.

That said, it's a really interesting start, and I've never seen a fic quite like this before, so I'm really eager to see where it goes. I love it! Great writing :)

Author's Response: Hello! No problem with the delay, life happens!

I'm so glad you've enjoyed this so far! It really is my baby and it makes me SO happy to know that all my hard work is paying off.

Thank you for pointing out the choppiness of this. No one's mentioned it before, but I definitely see it. I will definitely keep your thoughts in mind while editing!

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed this. :)

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Review #29, by marauderfanThe Most Powerfully Magical Number: One

14th April 2015:
Hi! This is the review that you requested forever ago, and I'm so sorry about how long it's taken me!

This is certainly an action-packed start, and I love the setting. I don't think I've read much fanfiction that takes place in the USA, so that was a cool change.

You've also managed to get across all the feelings of a large family gathering - the teasing, the hugs and hellos, so many people around that you kind of get lost in the mix, and that one cousin you don't really get along with :p So with this big gathering you did really well setting the scene and creating a kind of familiar feeling, even though there were so many characters introduced.

You've created some interesting characters, too. I feel really badly for Steven, who is kind of a victim of his upbringing and I wish Adam had more patience with him, or at least acted his age (isn't he supposed to be thirty something?) because maybe then he could help Steven in some way, who seems like a very unhappy person. Anyway, I think he will be an interesting character to watch and I think he has a lot of potential.

Omg, the ending! What a cliff hanger, I don't know if Emily is dead or alive, or what even happened at all, and it's so suspenseful! Well done with that! Your writing of that whole action scene is superb, from the chilling appearance of the screaming cheetah patronus all the way to the end of the chapter, my eyes were glued to the page.

The one thing I thought could be improved - and this is all just a matter of personal opinion - is that it felt a bit too fast. So much happened in this chapter that it seemed quite rushed. If you decide to edit, that could be one thing to think about - maybe splitting it into two chapters? That way, you have a bit more time to get to know the family and the setting before all these scary things happen.

Overall though, it's quite a good start! I think you've done really well with creating something so original. Thanks for requesting!

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Review #30, by marauderfanLife Was Meant to Be Easy Now: Back to Hogwarts

12th April 2015:
Hi! I'm here with a review, and an apology and virtual cake for taking so long to get to it!

This is a good chapter, and I like that things started to pick up as they went back to Hogwarts and you introduced some new characters. Scorpius' friends seem really nice :) and for the first appearance of these characters, you've done really well at suggesting what sorts of people they are, personality-wise, and the dynamics of their friendship with Scorpius.

In terms of pacing, you've done well; mostly it was pretty solid and consistent, and I appreciate that. The one area I was kind of caught off guard was when Al got all snippy during Potions - it seemed to come out of nowhere. I think this is because I didn't know Albus was such a perfectionist in his work, and so he seemed to be really overreacting, until you provided that explanation later about how he needs top grades, etc. Does Albus struggle with Potions normally? (Maybe these are things you've already covered about Albus in the prequel, but having not read that, its news to me.) So, what I might suggest is that either in the beginning of this chapter or possibly one of the earlier ones, insert a line that hints at Albus' tendency to perfectionism, or his frustration with Potions - then his outburst in class will seem less out of the blue.

As for flow: Mostly, it's good. The one thing that stood out to me that could improve, though, is sentence structure. A lot of your sentences are short and simple, often beginning with the subject, which makes it feel a bit choppy in places (although I like long sentences, so take that with a grain of salt haha) What you can do if you want to have more variety in sentence length is just to combine some of your existing sentences. You've already got your great ideas down on the page, and it's just a matter of editing the way they flow together. Example:
Today we are sitting at our separate tables. I've no intention to go over and talk to him. Nothing that happened in Potions class today was my fault. He can sit there with his cousins and feel sorry for himself as long as he wants to.
maybe instead :
Today we are sitting at our separate tables, and I've no intention to go over and talk to him. Nothing that happened in Potions today was my fault; as far as I'm concerned, he can sit there wih his cousins and feel sorry for himself as long as he wants to.

I hope I haven't come across as really harsh - I know there was a lot of CC in there but it's coming from a place of love :) I think this story has so much potential and I really like how you're developing the story so far. It was another enjoyable chapter! Keep on writing! Thanks once again for your patience with my slow reviewing these days.

Author's Response: Thank you! I love getting CC, it's the one thing that makes me develop and to try to do better. I'm going to think about the things you said, and keep it in mind in the future. I really understand what you mean about the lenght of the sentecnes.


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Review #31, by marauderfanAtonement Is Coming: A Shadowy Threat

11th April 2015:

with that out of the way, I'll just mention that this is the review you requested like 50 years ago and I'm sorry it has taken me sooo long. But wow! This is such a great opening chapter - it's very well written, and I have so many questions and theories and akjekjvirkg (so basically, this chapter does everything a first chapter is meant to do!)

Your concern was that the chapter flows okay and makes sense - yes, it does. It escalates pretty quickly into this scary situation that's very much under control by the antagonists - they mean business, and they (at least seem to) know what they're doing. Except for using each other's real names. If Kingsley and McGonagall ever get out of their imprisonment, they can instantly tell someone "it was these four people who are such amateurs at being criminals that they used each other's real names lololol." For shame. I'd totally adopt the name 'Lord Mudblood' if it were me in their place. But I digress.

Unless those aren't their real names and they're framing Anthony Goldstein, Roger Davies, etc? Mind blown. See, these are the thigs I was thinking while I read the chapter and if you can't already tell I'm quite invested in it :p

Which brings me to the identity of these trespassers/impostors/cloaked hoodlums (I'm not quite sure what I should call them yet) - if they are in fact using their real names, the group seems to include at least two members of the DA, which surprised me! I see they've co-opted the coin message system as well. As for the others, Penelope is an interesting (and well thought out) choice - I could totally see her having some bitterness against purebloods - after all, she missed most of her fourth year due to being frozen by the Basilisk. Thanks, Voldemort...

Ok, now to make this review actually useful rather than just a long ramble, here's a few things I caught:
As Michael is opening the door to the office and the four sneak in, I thought Michael was one of them, so when the four were identified and Michael's name was not among them, I was confused for a moment before I figured he must have remained outside. So I'd suggest maybe mentioning that the four slipped past Michael and into the room? Or just something that says he doesn't go in too. I think that would clarify the scene a little.

and this little typo:
just as the door creaked opened. -- should be 'creaked open'

yep, I think that covers it. Once again, I'm sorry it took 2 months for me to get to this, but I absolutely loved the start to your story - and please feel free to re-request once I open my review thread back up (unless I happen to read on before then hehe) Great work!!

Author's Response: Hello there!

No worries on the wait. I understand that life often gets in the way of these types of things. And honestly, it worked out perfectly because I just revised the first chapter. I'm working on this story for Camp Nano, so your review will help me going forward!

The usage of names was only when Kingsley and McGonagall had been knocked out by the stunning charms. Unfortunately for the two of them, when they wake up they will have no idea who attacked them!

They are actually using their real names and there are definitely a few members of the DA in this group, hence the coin message system! I know it seems odd that most of them would be in this situation, but I promise it will be explained thoroughly as the story progresses!

Thank you for pointing out the part about Michael being confusing. I will take your advice and tweak it a bit to make it more clear. I could see why you thought he might've gone inside. Good catch on the typo as well! It will be corrected.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter and I hope that if you are back to read more that it doesn't disappoint. This is quite a complex undertaking for me, so I'm hoping I can keep up with it.

Thank you again for the review!


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Review #32, by marauderfanPending Further Investigation: xxi. legacies [or] the llodewick institute

10th April 2015:
Wait. It's over? I was really, REALLY hoping this fic would be like, 400 chapters because I love it so much. I'm sorry I've been such an inconsistent reviewer - I barely have time or the means to read fic at all these days, but I would always catch up on this story when I could. I'll try to make up for it on One of a Kind (ps - omg, can not even begin to say how stoked I was to find that there's a third novel set in the fantastic tfwms-verse YAY. I don't have to say goodbye yet!)

You did so well with these ending chapters (well, really, the whole story obviously, but the ending was phenomenal.) I think that given the situation Rose ended up in, the outcome wasn't surprising - and while I was biting my nails worrying for her, I knew that as bad as it got, things would still be okay because she has such a great support network. (I want a best friend like Holly.) She has good friends, and relatives who are there for her when things are all falling apart, and being Rose, she stubbornly pushes through it all and makes a new start, and succeeds with it.

That ending, though - yes! She founded a university!! This is not only something that was long overdue for the wizarding world to have, and so necessary, but it really brought the whole story full circle. In ths beginning, we have five nerds who love school and learning and being Ravenclaws. Then they stir up some trouble, gotheir own separate ways into separate countries, and come back together at the end where several of them work together at a school that one of them founded. If thats not perfect, I don't know what is. Nerds for life!

other things that need to be addressed : Summer and Autumn Raine. Aaahahaha that is horrible but also the best. Potter Naming Syndrome is a real thing! Also: Holly Helen Holyoake-Hall. XD You're killing me here! I love this too much.

Scorbus are adorable as dads. I loved hearing about their success in Syria and how everyone reunited at the end! SO MUCH LOVE FOR THIS STORY.

All I have left to say is this (this one's for Scorpius) : ! شكران
(Thank you!) For the story, for these amazing characters who feel like old friends to me, for sharing your incredible gifts, for everything.


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Review #33, by marauderfanUnlikely: Abandoned

4th April 2015:
HI ADITI!!! I'm here for that review you requested in... uh... February *cringes* (Being an adult with a real life is annoying.) Anyway, I won't bore you with my excuses and lets just jump right into the review!

This is such a lovely idea. I love stories that have inter-house friendships, and the fact that this features a Gryffindor and a Slytherin during the Hogwarts era when there was so much tension between those two houses, makes this especially great.

I think your characterisation was excellent, and I loved the balance between sass and friendliness. Like each of them kind of insists they're not being nice, and they've got this defensive attitude up so they don't get hurt by mean comments, but then kind of bond. I love that the topic they bonded over was the frilly pink robes they both had, which seems very natural for each of them given their personalities. They do actually have a lot in common!

I think this story says the most about Pansy, though, because she's the one who takes the first step. It shows that although she is hesitant to be seen with a Gryffindor (because that's so uncool), she considers it a worse thing to be seen sitting by herself. She just wants to look like she has friends/is popular, and I like that she (and Parvati) looked past house stereotypes to be friendly with one another and commiserate about being ditched at the dance.

I think the narrative is great, and flows well. You've got the perfect amount of hesitation and stutters in the dialogue to show just how both of them are a little on edge, and it feels real. The first paragraph was the only one that felt a little clunky to me. As is, all the sentences have the same structure, so maybe varying that a little would help the flow (like the second one could be "On the crowded floor, students danced around merrily.")

Alltogether though, I really enjoyed this fic and I loved how you portrayed these characters and crafted a friendship bbetween them. Thanks for requesting! :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

I am pleased you liked the idea. It was something fairly new for me! I am also happy to know you enjoyed the characterisation =) Yes, it's more on Pansy and less on Parvati - as I was giving a different light to Pansy.
As for the first paragraph, I'll go back and edit it. Thank you!

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Review #34, by marauderfanHow You Court A...: ...Pretty Girl

3rd April 2015:
I was so excited to see a chapter about Fleur, especially one that went into detail about her time in the lake - I don't often see that! And I really liked what you did with her character. I think it makes perfect sense that even a girl as beautiful as Fleur would be insecure about love, and how she faces difficulties because of her looks - it's not hard for her to get someone to notice her, but she worries that they are only interested in what she looks like rather than her personality.

The best part of this chapter, though, was Cedric. I adore the way you wrote him - so genuine and caring and basically Pufftastic. He and Fleur have a lot in common and I liked that they just had this heart to heart and a bunch of food. The way you wrote about Cedric and Cho's relationship is so cute, and makes me really sad to remember that Cedric dies :'( but anyway, I love his and Fleur's friendship. So much.

Another really lovely chapter!

Author's Response: We wanted to show her insecurities made her seem so shallow in the fourth book. It's hard to know a man's true intentions, and with a girl with as much fire as Fleur you need a strong man to lead that, men like that are hard to find among teens.

We saw Cedric as the perfect Hufflepuff. Cedric and Cho is difficult to write; it all depends on how you see Cho. But we're glad we could do them justice and the relationship between friends who happen to be different genders.

Again, thank you so much for reviewing this chapter! We love your reviews so much!

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Review #35, by marauderfanHow You Court A...: ...Weasley

3rd April 2015:
Hi Freda and Georgina! So uh.. I did promise, and although it took me FOREVER (sorry), this is for the Review Hot Seat, haha. You were so on top of your reviewing game and left me so many kind reviews which I appreciated so much! And I know I missed your last day due to my job taking over all my free time, but... better late than never, right? :p

So! This story! I saw it had been nominated in the Keckers so I knew I had to come check this one out. And I think it totally deserves all the attention it's been getting! I like the feminist themes in this - she doesn't need a man to be happy, but her family is the most important thing to her. It's really sweet. Though wow, she went through her share of toads before finding her prince! That first boyfriend was so sleazy end entitled and I was proud of Roxanne for putting him in his place. And that second one - lol, he's not going to have much luck with the ladies if he dumps girls for being on their period. He has a thing or two to learn, haha.

I liked Jonathan and I thought for sure he would be the happy ending, but honestly I prefer the way you wrote it. I love bittersweet endings. And while it's so sad to think that Jonathan died, in such a tragic way, Roxanne keeps on keepin' on, and it's left open, like years down the line, maybe she'll find love again, but for now, she's happy because she was in love with a good person and will always have that memory, and she has her supportive, wonderful family by her side.

Such a great chapter! I'm excited to read more of this. :)

Author's Response: Quite a few people were busy on our day; but we really appreciate you trying to get it in!

Yeah, we saw it was rather popular, and we're certainly not complaining! I (Georgina) kind of relate to Roxanne where she wants to trust guys so much but the ones around her let her down. We weren't going for feminist, but I suppose it can be translated that way. I am always surprised about how many people can't stand hearing about the menstrual cycle, I've always seen it as a normal bodily function. But Freda really had to edit the original version to make sure it wouldn't offend any readers (I'm not good at making things less uncomfortable).

There was a woman we knew whose husband died of cancer when they were in their early thirties. I kind of wanted to write this with people like her in mind, young widows or young widow-ish-but-wasn't-married-yet women. And Roxanne's family is the best; she knows how to make the most of it.

Thank you so much for reviewing this!

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Review #36, by marauderfanChicks Before Broomsticks: Sign Up

3rd April 2015:
As promised, here I am to love this chapter. And THIS CHAPTER IS EVERYTHING I WANTED IT TO BE. I kind of wish I had more words other than just "eEEE SO HAPPY akfhjxjfidjfsje" but no. Those are the only words I have. Yay Roxanne and Hollie! :D

Author's Response: Kristin!

I'm so happy you liked it!!! I always love(d) hearing your opinions on the chapters. Thanks so much for the continued support while I was writing this story. It was definitely helpful to me when I got stuck with things! I appreciate it a lot.

(Yay Roxanne and Hollie indeed :D )

Thank you!! ♥

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Review #37, by marauderfanPending Further Investigation: xvii. let's do science [or] what's in a name

29th March 2015:
Lisa! ♥ You're updating far faster than I can keep up, haha, and SO MUCH has happened in the last couple of chapters! Rose's suspension, oh my goodness, ahh! I feel like I should have expected that, but I didn't. And awkward Christmas and angry cousins to add to it - she's not in a good place :( I'm glad she has a good support network, though. But ah, just, please make it all better! :S

I really liked Lester's POV here and it's so nice to see that things are finally looking up for him. And he and Lily are so sweet! I love thejr relationship, and it really made me smile when she said she was changing her last name, and if Lester had expected her to then she wouldn't have. I love how independent she is, and how Lester encourages her to just be who she is. They're very supportive. :)

I'm not too surprised about Albus being demisexual or Rose being aromantic (and I love the way Rose announced her discovery haha) and while I'm on the topic, and having just read your fantastic blog post earlier today, I just want to say how much i appreciate the diversity of your characters and how you basically take heteronormativity and smash it into the ground. I think Rose even said it herself in a previous chapter, about people being queer until proven straight - I love that. Anyway, I don't have the time to leave the lengthy, gushing review I want to write, but I just wanted to stop by and let you know (again) how much I appreciate this story and all your characters, and that even though I haven't been reviewing as consistently as I'd like to, I'm still reading and loving this story.

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Review #38, by marauderfan1981: Autumn

29th March 2015:
ekndhxksvknf I can't process all of this. It's so hard to read these terrible things happening, but I couldn't look away, I was just too absorbed in your writing. I love the little mundane details in the first section and how an ordinary day gives way to this horrible, huge moment - it makes Voldemort's arrival that much more of a shock.

The section with Sirius was really strong and I loved the style of it, particularly the repetition in the explanation of why he's laughing. Everything is ending for him at that moment and he just can't handle it. And then the horror of Azkaban :( I want to give him a hug! Same with Remus. He and Sirius are both so alone, trapped in different circumstances but the same sort of situation in the tremendous loss they've faced and how they have no one to turn to. Excuse me while I go cry for hours about the unfairness that is the Marauders' fate.

So to sum up - Chiara, this is such a great fic and I am so glad I stopped by to read it. I'm so impressed. Your writing is so powerful in this and I love how it really brings out these emotions. And I loved your use of second person throughout. I really love that perspective, and it can be tricky especially when switching character POVs as you did, but you pulled it off so well. Molto bene! (That's the only thing I know in Italian and it just happens to express how I feel about this story :D

Lots of love,

Author's Response: Once again, I apologize for this story being so depressing... I really didn't want things to go like that, but that's what J.K. created for us...

That was exactly what I was trying to show, how everything happened so suddently and unexpectedly. I'm so glad you felt the shock of it.

Oh, Sirius and Remus... Yes, it is so terribly unfair... You are excused... Think I'm going to shed a river of tears too...

I'm so so so glad that you stopped by this story, too! I simply can't handle your kind comments, you are horribly too sweet!!!
And thank you so much for the comments about my use of second person!

Grazie mille!!!
Mountains of love,

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Review #39, by marauderfan1981: Summer

29th March 2015:
There was a lot of buildup in this chapter with this feeling of suspense underlying it all... it's so difficult, knowing how it all ends and just seeing each unfortunate thing fall into place.

The balance between dark and bright side in that first section with Sirius is really well done, how you wove in Sirius' grief at his girlfriend's death, and James acting so... seriously (pardon the pun.. haha) with Harry in the background flying on his toy broom. I like how that juxtaposition really highlights how they had to appreciate the little things and any joyful moments, because the rest of their lives were so dark.

Wow - the detail in that section with Remus' transformation was just so vivid! That was an incredible scene.And to add insult to injury, that rejection letter - so sad. He really is the most alone of the four, and it's so tangible here.

And the scene where Peter sells out. He seems almost emotionless in his scene, like he's spent so long doubting and worrying and being afraid that by this point he just doesn't care anymore, or just isn't able to feel anything as he betrays them. It's so cold and unfeeling, and that makes his betrayal just that much more chilling.

This story continues to be so powerful and so well written. You've done great work with it. And now I'm onto the last chapter. I'd better make sure I have a box of tissues nearby because I know what's next...

Author's Response: Hey Kristin!
Here I am again with the answer to your review!

I'm so glad you liked the balance between bright and dark in Sirius' section. The birthday party was one of my favourite scenes to write. Ahahah, James is acting pretty Siriusly in here ;)

Yes, poor Remus... He's so lonely...
I'm so happy to hear that you liked the scene of his transformation! I really struggle with description... I'm so glad you found it so vivid!

Yes, I suppose Peter is sort of emotionally exausted at that point. He's really just trying to convince himself that he has no choice, when really he could pull out a bit of braveness and loyalty and just not do it. But sadly, that's not what happened :(

Thank you so much, I'm so glad you feel that way!!!

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Review #40, by marauderfan1981: Spring

29th March 2015:
I'm back! Gah, this was such a sad chapter. Everyone's kind of lost in their own problems and really just need to open their eyes! But as they say, hindsight is 20/20...

I love the way you've captured the personalities of the characters. It's probably no secret that I adore the Marauders, and reading anything about them during the war just gets me in the feels every time. That scene with Remus all alone with his Easter egg, I just wanted to step in and give him a huge hug and tell him it will be okay (though, really, it won't, at all). Aw. Life dealt him a horrible hand, it's just so unfair! Wah! But I really liked how you wrote him dwelling on the past, getting hung up on litle things, and of course unwrapping the chocolate really slowly and deliberately. Your use of little deatils bring the scene and characters to life.

Peter... ah. I do really like him as a character, though I hate him for what he did. I like that you've focused so much on his insecurity. Based on his tendency to ally himself with stronger people, it's evident that he's a really insecure person, so I think it makes perfect sense that even well into his service with the Death Eaters, he's still on the fence and questioning himself and his decisions. I almost felt badly for him when Avery left Peter all alone with his worries. Almost. And I like that you showed that Avery, despite his position on the side of evil as a Death Eater, has some good qualities to him, like the way he values loyalty. I like complicated characters - no one is ever wholly good or evil and your scenes with Peter do so well at portraying that.

James... If only he'd open his eyes! I can't handle how precious that scene is with him and Lily and Harry. Too cute. It's just going to break my heart even more when I reach October in the story!

Once again, wonderful work on this. Well done!

Author's Response: Welcome back, hun! :)

I'm sorry... This story is just so depressing... But it was supposed to be...

Thank you! I adore the Marauders, too (I think that's pretty obvious...)
Remus is my absolute favourite! I know how you feel, I feel the same way! Definitely wanting to step in and give him a hug!!!
I think he would totally be the slowly unwrapper... I'm like that, too... And thank you, I'm glad you liked the little details!

I feel for Peter exactly the same. I love writing him, because he's so complex and has so many facets to investigate. I agree, no one is totally good or evil. That's exactly what I was aiming to with Peter, and I'm glad you feel I portrayed him well!

I know... I'm so sorry... They are such a cute family, and knowing how everything is going to end... :'(

Thank you! I'm so glad you liked this!
Now I have to go to boogie, but I'll answer the other two reviews as soon as I'm back!


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Review #41, by marauderfan1981: Winter

29th March 2015:
Hi Chiara! Welcome to Hufflepuff - I was so excited when I saw you'd joined us badgers! :D So here's a review to say 'welcome' - and also to say thank you once again for being such an incredible reviewer. You're awesome.

So, onto the story! Omg, that first section, wow! It was so chilling and absorbing, I was so caught up in it. And I love your use of second person here - it's a really particular perspective that I think has to be used in specific ways in order to be effective and you totally did that. It's perfect the way it creates this kind of distance from Peter's POV, but as the reader I still feel very involved in it - and it worked so well with that pivotal moment for him. Gah, it was just so good.

The section about James was so lovely in the way you portrayed how trapped he feels and how he is managing. Alhough his frustration is really evident at how he can't go anywhere but stay in the house, at least he has Lily - and I think it says a lot about James that he can see the silver lining in his boring situation and still feel so lucky and grateful for the family he loves, and for his friends. It was realy sweet.

Poor Sirius, though - he's definitely struggling to handle it and I think you did really well with all the things he's facing and how he reacts - he tries to just drown his problems and forget, but he is angy at a situation far out of his control and probably feels some guilt about Reg. I like that you implied that whatever Sirius said about Reg, he really did care about him- it is so frustrating to think that if they'd just talked, realised they were really on the same side after all, it wouldn't have had to happen this way. :'( Gah, so sad.

As you know, I love seasonal themes in stories, and I absolutely love what you did here with incorporating the loneliness and bleakness of winter into all three sections of this chapter - the experiences of each show a different side to loneliness and feeling trapped or out in the cold. I love how symbolic it all is :) And I must say -having read some of your earlier work before, which was good, you've already improved so much as a writer and I'm so impressed. This chapter was really superb and I'm so excited to keep reading and see where you go with it.

So, I'll see you again on the next chapter ;)

♡ Kristin

Author's Response: Kristin!
This was such a marvelous surprise to find these absolutely amazing reviews from you!!!
You are awesome too!!! Thanks so much!!!

Thank you! I'm so happy to hear that 2nd person worked well, because it made me so nervous! And that you felt involved in Peter's POV! I'm quite proud of how that first scene turned out, modesty aside...

I think that's how James would be, feeling trapped and insufferent, but trying to see the bright side in Lily and Harry :) I'm so happy you liked it!!!

Yes, I know... Sirius is going through so much at the moment... And yes, I've always thought that Sirius and Regulus really loved each other and were just too proud to admit it and apologize. They could've settled things right if they'd tried and I agree with you, it's really frustrating!

I love seasonal themes too. I'm kind of a meteoropathic, actually... I'm happy you manage to feel the coldness in this!

Oh, Kristin, thank you so much! To be true, I don't think my writing has improved... Just this story turned out particularly well written for some inexplicable reason... But thank you for saying that anyway!!! Coming from you, who are so talented, is such a huge compliment!!!

See you on the next chapter!

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Review #42, by marauderfanKeep Calm and Carry On: Happy New Year?

18th March 2015:
Omg. That... could have gone better. I see Edie has not lost her talent for ending up in really terrible situations. I had a bad feeling about that article she wrote in the last chapter - like I thought someone might have seen it - but I didn't expect anyhing quite that bad. Eek!

On the oher hand, I really, really loved the appearance of Seamus again. I had missed him! It felt like kind of a throwback to old times, except with a little weirdness about Dean now. Ooh and I like that Rose and Edie are kind-of-friends now. That was a lovely scene. I like that they have each other at least - both of them have been screwed over by their former jobs, and been dumped (by the same person!) so at least they can understand each other a lot more, and gripe about how unfair life is, haha.

This was a great chapter!

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for reviewing ♥

Yes, she definitely does have a penchant for the less than ideal. It was weird writing it because normally I try to make the situations humorous (or at least not be totally devastating) but this time she really is experiencing something fully, and letting herself be upset by it instead of sweeping it under a rug, making light with jokes, etc. I didn't really say it in the story but it was a huge deal that she cried at all, as she's emotionally stunted and can't ever fully grasp how terrible things can be enough to experience it emotionally. She's not very empathetic, but that includes things that happen to her. She's selfish and self-centered, yes (ohhh yes very), but rarely does she fully acknowledge the Truly Terrible. The fact that she cried in front of Ward and Rose, two people she disliked, is saying something.


Yes Rose! That was a last-minute change to the plot, actually, but I'm glad for it. Originally Edie and Lisa were going to be hanging out, but I wanted to express change, etc., so Edie suddenly being back to having girl time with Lisa (who, let's face it, cannot function without Justin) felt too comfortable. Plus, like you said, things have come full circle and Rose and Edie are now in the same boat!

Thanks so much for reading. I can't believe how close this story is to being done (no I will not stop saying that, not even after it's already done.)


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Review #43, by marauderfanAn Ode for W. H.: Taurus

13th March 2015:
Jenna! Aaah, I am so glad to see this - I think I remember creeping on your Stories Offered page a while ago and seeing that Joey had requested this and thinking "ooh, I need to read that" and then here it is and I'm so glad you wrote it! I always wondered who Taurus' mysterious Hufflepuff was in TGFS, and... well, now I wonder even more :p But the WRITING in this, just, gah! How do you do this? It is incredible, seriously. I adore the poetry angle, and the bits from the Iliad, and of course seeing things throuh Taurus' eyes.

It's always really fun to see main characters through the eyes of others, so I enjoyed this perspective of Tor, as usually I'm reading about her from inside her own head. And I loved Taurus' thoughts on how dull Theo Nott is, haha. But most of all, the backstory about him and about his sister and family just adds so much more to an already wonderful character. And omg, Taurus/Pyxis! (Well, almost). I love it! Headcanon! (Does that even count as headcanon, seeing as neither of them is a canon character? Because they feel like canon characters to me. Anyway, I digress.)

I don't really know what else to say about this story, except that I was really impressed by it. This was wonderful - a great read. ♥

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Review #44, by marauderfanKeep Calm and Carry On: A King on Her Throne

13th March 2015:
This was such a good chapter! (They all are, honestly) I thought you handled her resignation really well, and I liked the way it was more complicated than just choosing between a boyfriend and a career - life is more complex than that and you illustrated that in here. I think she made the right decision though - the job was turning her into someone she didn't like, who wrote cruel things about people, and she wouldnt have been happy there in the long run. And with that ending, as Oliver says it is a new beginning (though I can really relate to Edie on how much she is dreading searching for jobs again. Ugh it's the worst haha.)

And wow, Oliver's story! I really didn't expect any of that. It' does explain a lot though, and ties some loose ends together. I love how the way Oliver is portrayed in this story has changed so much, and it has a lot to do with how much Edie had changed over time - she has come a long way from when she just saw him as the privileged, pompous jerk.

Lovely writing! I can't believe the story is winding to a close - I'm simultaneously really looking forward to it and also not wanting it to end because I just love reading it. :)

Author's Response: Heya!

It was really important to me that Edie doubts her decision quit the magazine. Even moreso that she truly didn't *have* a choice, and that the way things stacked against her, she couldn't choose a career. It's always bothered me in stories and films when somebody completely gives up on something (usually a job) for the romantic interest in the story--who, in many cases, they just met. In real life, making that rash of a decision based on somebody you just met or barely have spent time with, doesn't work out. At least not always. So that's why Edie has the moment where she thinks "Oliver and I aren't getting married, by any means, and he's not necessarily my boyfriend--has this all been worth it?"

There were, of course, other reasons for quitting. As you pointed out, it was turning her into somebody she didn't like... which is a big reason, and maybe the "right" reason to quit.

It's all very complicated! hehe.

Yes, hopefully she and Oliver have both grown tremendously! Although to be fair, Edie actually had the majority of the growing up to do--Oliver just needed to be explained a little better.

I completely agree! Every time I write a new chapter--which has been happening REALLY fast these days--I feel so sad! Partially I'm very proud, because I've never actually finished a novel before on HPFF. But I also don't want to stop writing about these characters I've come to love so much!

Thanks for sticking around ♥

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Review #45, by marauderfanMoments of Impact: Prologue

5th March 2015:
Hello, Voldy Needs A Hug! (I love your username.) I'm finally here with the review you requested ages ago, and I'm so sorry about the delay!

What a powerful prologue! I love what you've done here with the narrative. Although you don't reveal until the end of the chapter that the narrator is Remus, I wasn't surprised, by the way you set it up and the tone and word choice. Remus seems like the sort of person who would use a very literary voice to tell a story, and here, with a combination of the complex sentences and the light of regret, self blame, and bitter sadness that is cast by the thoughts of his later self, it's very strong and poignant and captures the voice I'd expect Remus to have when telling about his life.

I can't comment much on plot or character relationships, because I have only a vague idea of what the plot will be (Remus doesn't use much detail in outlining what his story will be, in this chapter). But, you have set it up very well for the plot to begin in the next chapter, as the general feeling of the story has already been established.

As for reader appeal, I'm very interested in how this story will go! I love that you chose Remus, and that it's being narrated by his older self who's already experienced all these huge events in his life. That will make the narration really rich. I'm interested to see how the story progresses! It's a truly wonderful start.

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Review #46, by marauderfanEsto Perpetua: My Side Of The Fence

5th March 2015:
Hello! I am finally here with the review you requested... many aeons ago. I'm so glad you requested - this was such a wonderful chapter and I really loved reading it!

Your characterisation is excellent. In your request you had asked about how Regulus comes across, and your writing of him fits perfectly into my own headcanon of him. I love to think that he and Sirius were close as children, and really did care about one another. The scene where they talk before dinner, and especially the scene when they play the prank at Narcissa's wedding, were just perfect. Your Regulus seems a lot like Sirius, but is afraid to stand out or cause any fuss, and therefore goes along with what his parents want, and it really fits. Also, the few little comparisons Sirius makes between Regulus and Remus did not go amiss, I thought that added a lovely aspect and showed how much Sirius really does care about his brother.

You also asked about whether Sirius seems too cowardly around his family, and I don't think he does. He's old enough by this point to know what he can get away with and what he can't, but still young enough to be afraid of what might happen if he missteps. Besides, it seems that at this point in his life he is still hoping for some affection from them and hasn't entirely given up on them yet. I loved that scene when he hugs his mother - that really tugs at the heartstrings, because I know how it all ends up but its just really sweet - he's primarily doing it to annoy her but he really does crave affection and wants a hug. Aw :(

I love your interpretation of Uncle Alphard, as well! I don't recall if I've ever read a fic that had him in it, but I like your version. He's a lot like Sirius in terms of humour and also a source for information that's not biased in the way that his parents are, and I can see why Sirius would look up to him. And is that the two way mirror I saw in there? Very clever incorporating that in ;)

Your characterisation is phenomenal, and your writing flows so smoothly. I'm really struggling to come up with some critique for you, tbh. Um... in one place you said Alphard lead Sirius along the pathway where it should say led. And... I think that's all. :p

Wonderful chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! So glad you enjoyed it.

I really loved writing the exchanges between Sirius and Regulus - it's my favourite part of the story. There's so much to explore with those two. Since we know Sirius was treated badly by his parents, it's quite possible that he grew very close to Regulus since he does require some form of love from home. Ah, you picked up on those comparisons, then? That makes me very happy. I love to throw in tiny details like that in to it, and you've been the only one who's picked it up so far.

I was a bit hesitant about writing Sirius so obedient, because he's usually portrayed as rebellious and entirely too full of anger and nothing else. It's not how I see him, and I went with my own perception of him, but I was wondering if other readers would find it odd. It's good to know he comes across all right. Poor Sirius doesn't get too many hugs from Walburga - but Mrs. Potter will make it up to him soon, don't worry!

Uncle Alphard is such an underused character - so much potential to play with that I couldn't resist. He has a rather important role to play here, and not just as Sirius' mentor either. Hint: what do you think he is up to in Asia? That's actually not the two-way mirror (that will come via another father-figure). No, this object is something very, very important.

Oops. Typos always seem to escape me however much I read through before posting. I'll fic it when I go back for edits.

So happy you enjoyed the chapter. I'll be back to rerequest, and thank you so very much for this amazing review! :D

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Review #47, by marauderfanPlay the Devil: Missing

5th March 2015:
Hi Jenna! I was thrilled to find another update on this story! It really is one of my absolute favourite stories on the archive.

The beginning part with Richard is so great. I love seeing his thought process and how he views someone from the future like Rose, and all the different pressures of society on him and how his peers would behave in similar situations. You write the historical aspect of this story so well and I love it.

Most of all I love how much depth you've gone into with the time travel! I was just glued to the screen during Rose's conversation with Archie. Besides the fact that I got a really bad feeling when Rose decided to visit him (because I knew she'd end up sticking her nose into something), I loved that conversation they had about sending a cat back in time, and the different interpretations of how time works, whether it's predetermined or in flux - gah, I just love that stuff and I found their discussion so interesting and I'm glad you went into all that detail. Awesome.

Oh no! Rose is thinking dangerous thoughts at the end there! Uggghh. Not only did she steal a potion (this could really get Archie into trouble), but the kind of flippant, entitled attitude she has about it all is very worrisome. Didn't the notes say something about it being most dangerous when it's deliberate? And I'm willing to bet that the piece of the story Archie hadn't gotten to yet is the mkst important. Rose is really blinded by her own obsession at this point and I really wonder how things are going to end up when she goes back.

this story is addicting. Keep up the awesome work!

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Review #48, by marauderfan12 Hours: 12 Hours [or] There Are People Who Would Cause You Harm And Those Who Seek Your Undoing, But Before You Condemn Those Pitiful Souls, Be Sure Of What They're Pursuing

1st March 2015:
Hi! I'm here to review for the non-linear challenge (again)!

This was so original. I loved how you worked in towards the middle from the beginning and end - it really intensified the mystery and made each successive section like filling in a smaller and smaller gap. It was such a wonderful use of the non-linear prompt.

I also loved seeing these familiar characters show up again. It's like catching up with old friends! And even though this story isn't primarily character-development-motivated, these little snippets of their actions or dialogue tell a lot about them. They are simple details, and subtle, but make the characters feel real and complex. You're so good at that.

Sooo... What was the literary association really about? Why did Pansy organise all of this? Ahh! I'm so curious haha. But I think just enough is explained that it can be left as a mystery, more or less, and the story doesn't feel incomplete with that left untold. It just keeps up the mysterious vibe that the whole story has. The tone was really well set in this, with that eerie mansion and its labyrinthine halls. I was kind of reminded of The Shining while they were all trying to find their way out of the maze while being pursued haha.

This was so well done! Thanks for entering the challenge! I'll hopefully have the results up next week.

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Review #49, by marauderfanSomebody to Die For: I Will Let the Devil Know

1st March 2015:
Hi! I'm here to review for the Non-Linear Challenge!

Wow, this was a really unusual one. I love unusual. And your writing style in this is fantastic! You use very evocative words, and perfectly thought out details. In particular, I liked how a lot of the descriptions were of living bodies - how Theodore smells blood and sweat, how he can feel the man's heartbeat - things that stand out to him as he himself is not alive anymore and no longer bleeds or sweats or has a heartbeat. It's subtle but makes his perspective just that much more unique.

Although Harry doesn't really appear much in this story outside of Theo's thoughts about him, you've captured his personality really well, in the way he is so focused, knows that Theo is still alive. (Well, not alive, but he knows Theo is still around, I guess.) It reminded me of Harry's stubbornness in HBP that Malfoy was up to something. And how Harry is 'a boy who cares too much' -- yes! That's a perfect line.

The last two lines are also perfect, and I can't think of a better way to end this story! I loved it.

You incorporated the non-linear narative style so effectively. It was kind of tricky to piece out what happened when, but I think that really adds to the feel of the story overall, as I'd imagine that Theo, as a perennial eighteen-year-old, struggles with that very same problem and perhaps things blend together in his memory as well. He would have a different perception of the passing of time after becoming a vampire, and that's what stood out in the way you used he non-chronological order. Brilliant!

This was such an interesting perspective to read a fic from and I loved your word choice. Really well done on this and thanks for submitting it to the challenge!

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Review #50, by marauderfanFlicker in the Wind: Flicker on the Wind

1st March 2015:
Hi! I'm here to review for the non-linear challenge!

Okay, well to begin with, I'm pretty sure that someone is cutting onions here in the library. No? Maybe it just rained a little on my face. Either way, this is a heartbreaking story and that last section really got to me, with Hermione and George grieving together. Gah. I really liked that scene.

I'm getting ahead of myself though - this was a really lovely story overall, and just so sad! It has this raw emotional intensity to it that's very powerful and I think is the strongest aspect of the story. So many emotions are covered in here and they all felt so real. The loss and grief that pervades most of the story is even stronger because of that first flashback, a huge contrast to the rest of the piece in how wonderfully happy and hopeful it is. But it's still tinged with sadness because you already know it's not going to last. Gah, I'm rambling here but basically, you did an exceptional job setting the tone of the story.

Hermione and Draco's story is so sad in this. Just as they are both recovering from the war, Draco is killed by someone on the side he deserted :( it really makes me appreciate just how difficult Draco's life must have been after the war. He doesn't really have a side at all, he's just on his own.

I think you used the non linear structure to a wonderful advantage here, how the main story takes place after Draco's death, and as Hermione struggles to come to terms with it, she has these flashbacks of better times, as well as flashbacks of the horrible day when she lost Draco. It makes perfect sense as after something as liffe-changing and devastating as that, she'd be really inclined to dwell on better times in her memories, as well as the kind of survivors guilt/ 'what if I could have done something' thoughts that would continue to plague her.

I'm just going to reiterate how much I loved the ending. I think George was exactly who she needed to talk to, as he understands more than others might, having lost someone so close to him as well. And his words to her were spot on. That's where you really got me. :'(

Bravo on this beautiful, tragic fic. Thanks for submittting it to the challenge!

Author's Response: I'm sorry for the delayed response, but thank you so much for the long review. I'm really glad you posted the story challenge because I had a lot of fun writing the story - even if it did end up being short.

And I'm sure someone was cutting onions in the library ;) I do it quite often myself ^.^

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