Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
  
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Review #26, by marauderfanThe Lark and the Nightingale: Telling Lily

8th May 2016:
Back for more :D I really love all the plot twists and turns in this story. I really haven't seen anything like this before!

Aw, I love that Chiara visits Remus in the hospital wing to check up on him even though she can't talk to him and he doesn't even know that's her there. She's just there to look out for him even though he's unaware of her care at the moment. It was really sweet.

And the Marauders are all working together to figure out the curse! Aww, I do reallyl ove the camaraderie of those four and how they do anything to help one another. Even going so far as TAKING NOTES IN CLASS. :O haha. Oh, and I love Chiara's sass even though she can't speak, she can still basically do the equivalent of rolling her eyes at Sirius/serious puns and at James' smartaleck comments by poking them with her beak :P It's so cute that she still hangs out with them despite the barrier, and that they can still communicate! Haha, Sirius totally does speak lark-ish! :P

And Remus finally told Lily her secret! Or, well, Lily told Remus his own secret :P I'm not surprised she'd figured it out before hand, nor that it was Snape who gave her the idea. Snape was probably not very quiet about it when he was still trying to figure it out, and Lily is smart - she'd have put things together but would be tactful enough to not say anything. I love the way Lily told him she'd figured it out because Remus couldn't get the words out. Poor Remus! I just want to give him a hug because it's so clear he's terrified of his closest friends rejecting him for his secret, and that must be such a scary thing to reveal about yourself because of worrying about how people would react. But clearly Lily's known for a while and still wants to be his friend :)

And now Lily's in on the solving the curse, working together with the Marauders! They'll be unstoppable! With their five powers combined, they'll summon the strength to solve the problem! (Either that or they'll summon Captain Planet. :P )

Awesome chapter! I can't wait to see them work together to figure it out!

Author's Response: Welcome back! *frolic* (it's no use to tell you again how much I adore your reviews, and you, right?)

Yes, she's worried for him and wants to make sure he's alright. Even if he doesn't know she's here. Glad you found it sweet!

And I love the Marauders' camaraderie so much as well!!! Taking notes in class... their loyalty really knows no boundaries, right? ;)

Ahahah! Chiara poking James and Sirius is my favourite part! :P And I agree, Sirius is a fluent larkish speaker! Eheheh!

Lily would've figured it out before hand, she's a smart girl. And Severus definitely wouldn't have been quiet about it... poor Remus, it must be hard to have such a secret and to fear that people would hate you because of it... but fortunately there are people who want to still be his friends! :D

Ahahah! They will definitely summon something (not sure what exactly, but they will! :P)

Thank you for this super awesome review that made me laugh so hard!!! :D Can't wait for more feedback from you!

All my love, as always!
Chiara


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Review #27, by marauderfanWhispers in the Dark: Prologue- Chosen

7th May 2016:
Hi Jill! Here with your requested review!

All right, so this definitely starts out with a fair amount of suspense, and you built up the ambiance of terror in the scene really well. The way Ginny is tied up, shaking, but still defiant in the face of the Carrows - it fits well with what we know of this time period in canon and what we know of Ginny. I have no doubt the Carrows would resort to having students torture each other (gah, that seriously just so awful to think about - they're still just kids!), and that Ginny would not play along even if she knew they would hurt her. I really love Ginny (in the books at least) as she's so fierce and stands up for what she believes in, but is also so very caring. It's especially evident how she's most defiant when it's just her own safety at stake, but when the person she loves is dragged in and now it's him who might be hurt - that's what breaks Ginny. That's solid characterisation.

The end of this chapter is truly heartbreaking. I can't imagine how awful it would be for both of them - for Seamus to look up at the eyes of his torturer and see Ginny (even if he knows it's not of her own free will), and also for Ginny to have no control and to torture the person she loves while under the imperius curse. it's just so dark. And so believable for the Carrows. So yeah, I think your characterisation of Ginny and of the Carrow siblings is superb.

Since my note about suspense got on a tangent, I'll just say again that the suspense is really well written here, and especially the fact that you ended the chapter where you did - I don't know if Ginny found a way out of that situation or whether something stopped her or whether she actually hurt Seamus (I think the latter, sadly) and it just ends in a place where I can't help but want to continue reading and find out.

The flow is great. As everything takes place in one scene, things flow right from one thing to the next, and I think the pace is appropriate too - slowing down when Ginny describes the pain she's in or her panic (because obviously she's going to be focusing a lot on this) and speeding up when the other Carrow comes in to the room. I thought it was well done.

Little things:
intent on lunging him, -- think you missed a word, that should probably be 'at him'

My limbs began to move on their own accord -- I think this should either be 'on their own', or 'of their own accord'.

A note on 'The Chosen One' - is this a name that Death Eaters used for him? As far as I remember, they were more fond of 'Undesirable Number One' as a name for him. This isn't criticism, by the way - I could see Carrow using the word Chosen One as a way to taunt Ginny. Anyway, just something I happened to think about while reading.

And in the beginning, a note on Carrow's horrifying face -- yes, agreed, that'd be a horrifying sight, but as this is the first time you've mentioned Carrow in the fic, what his horrifying about it? (This being an area where 'show instead of tell' could really help with that scary mood you're setting here). Is he scowling? Sneering? What are his eyes doing? Basically, why is his face horrifying?

So anyway, my CC aside, this is excellent. I really love what you've got so far of this story, thanks for requesting! This is great writing. Awesome work. :D

Author's Response: Hey Kristin!

I really love book!Ginny too, so I always worry/hope that I get her characterization right. She's one of my favorite characters, so I'm glad that she still seems to be canon even when faced with terrifying things like torture.

I'm glad the suspense is there! I was trying to find a good balance between descriptive paragraphs/keep them short with suspense, so I'm glad that it seems to flow. I've never really written anything this dark before, (well, in terms of torture) so I'm relieved that things seem to build up and that you want to know what happens next - that was definitely the intent!

You know, that's a really good point about the Carrows + The Chosen One. I honestly hadn't considered it, but I think they do use it as more in more of a taunting/mocking way since it IS Ginny that they're torturing.

Ah yeah, that's a good point! I'll definitely have to get better at showing; it's not always my strong suit :)

Thank you for this lovely review and feedback!

♥ Jill


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Review #28, by marauderfanIris: Trust

7th May 2016:
yep this story is fantastic. sorry this review won't be as comprehensive as my first one haha, Im writing this one on my phone now, but this was great. I have so many questions! James and Iris/Charlotte knew each other when they were 6, and then what happened? Who is Iris really? Were they neighbours? Who were her parents? Gah, part of me wonders if she hasn't actually been living in the forest with Mallory for that long. As far as I know it could be only like a month or something, given that her memory has been modified.

I think you've also done really well keeping Charlotte's character consistent as she wants to learn about what is out there, but has this deeply ingrained distrust that'll be hard to break. This is so good! I am so curious how things are going to unfold. Keep up the great work!!

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Review #29, by marauderfanIris: Found

6th May 2016:
*Zooms in like a snail* Hey Ella! I'm so sorry for the massive delay in getting to this review you requested - RL got pretty rough for a while and I didn't have the time to write the thoughtful review this deserved, but at any rate I'm here now with your review!

Wow, so this chapter just got more and more interesting with each sentence. My thought process was something like this: "ooh, spooky dream, evil mother, okay... woah, something is really off here. SHE ONLY KNOWS ONE PERSON? THIS IS LIKE RAPUNZEL BUT DARK? Wizards are evil! Is the mother a hag? OBLIVIATING? Omg the Ford Anglia! ALJSLDFKJALSKJDFK!!KL!!J!?!??!?!!?" Thank goodness this was a request that I have to put thought into rather than just me randomly reviewing otherwise you might have gotten that as your whole review. :P

Sooo as you may have gathered, I like this. There are a lot of stories out there that start with kind of scary dreams, or have unpleasant family members, but this is on an entirely different level. I can't tell what from the dream is real or not - clearly a good portion of it is, or maybe the mother can get into Charlotte's mind, but either way, there's creepy stuff going on.

The things revealed about Mallory in the rest of the chapter hint at her being not what she says she is. It seems like Mallory is able to keep a youthful appearance, hides a lot of things from her daughter, hides her daughter from the world with lies, is adept at obliviating potions (I think the key here being that she works with potions rather than spells), and then what really convinced me was that Charlotte was like, inches away from reading about Hags and then interrupted. I wonder if her mother is one? It certainly fits. Which leads me to wonder who Charlotte really is, and if she's part hag or whether she isn't related to Mallory at all, or just, really, so many things that I wonder.

I loved the cameo of the Ford Anglia there, as well as the "firewhis" haha. Familiar things appearing to a character who is unfamiliar with them - that's always pretty fun to read about :)

So on to your areas of concern! The flow is good. For me, it started kind of slowly and then picked up pretty fast, like an exponential function :P (Yeah, I went there :P ) You've paced things well and introduced just the right amount of information to keep the story moving along at a good pace while not answering too many questions right from the word go.

As for characterisation: great. Charlotte knows the kinds of things I'd expect her to know after living in the woods her whole life - how to interact with wolves, how to take a really cold bath without complaining about it because she doesn't know what a warm one is like :P And everything else she just knows from books or what her mother has told her, so she has all these fantasies about the world that are unrealistic (and she knows it), and some confused but deep seated hatred of wizards because that's what she's been taught. She's curious, because of how sheltered she's been, but not rebellious, because what would be the point of rebelling against the one person she knows as where would that get her? Basically she makes sense as a character.

Because she lives in the woods, I kind of wondered if she'd be really good with plants - knowing which are edible and which are dangerous and what is what. I mean, if they're that secluded she probably doesn't go to a supermarket and buy food, so I kind of envision her and Mallory finding or growing their own food. Or does Mallory leave the forest on occasion and go into town in a disguise and buy food? Is it weird that I wonder these things? Anyway, I do see a potential with Charlotte being really knowledgeable about plants and animals, maybe something to consider, I don't know.

Your last question - is there enough mystery and intrigue. That's a loud, resounding YES. I've never seen a story quite like this - you've taken some standard tropes and woven them together in a way that's totally original, and I love that. You've raised SO many questions in this first chapter, and no answers. And right after I finish this review I'm totally going to read the next two chapters. So yes, I think I can safely say that you've done well with the mystery aspect :P

Some notes: There were a couple of typos here and there - like in one place you used the word 'danky' which isn't actually a word and I think you meant 'dank', and another place in the second paragraph you used the word 'too' when you meant 'to'. Small things, and a quick read-through should catch any of those :)

Wonderful work on this! I love the story so far. :)

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Review #30, by marauderfanThe Lark and the Nightingale: The Lark and the Nightingale

6th May 2016:
*Glomps Chiara in hugs* (meaning you, not the character... I mean, I do love the character Chiara as well, but the hugs are for you :P)

Aww, poor Peter. I hate the guy for what he did later, but it's hard to hate him during when he and his friends were at school. Especially how he always feels forgotten about - I can seriously relate to him. Great job evoking such sympathy for a generally non-sympathetic character. I like the way you write him!

HAHAHA I love the exchange with James and Sirius in the forest and how James pretends he doesn't feel the cold just because he finds it funny to annoy Sirius about Sirius' complaints of being cold. These two crack me up. :P

Featherly little problem. XD Yes, I suppose you could call it that. Hahaha, this is great.

Ah, no, how do you do this? The end of this chapter has me going from giggling about 'featherly problem' to sniffling sadly at the end, a complete turnaround of emotions within about 1 minute. What an overload of difficult news for poor Chiara. I'm really glad she confided in James and Sirius though, even if they weren't her first choice - because now she has help.

I'm also really glad you explained the bit about why it took so long for Chiara to contact them, if she's only really herself on the full moon, it makes a lot more sense that she took two months to get around to it. The other days she was more of a bird than herself. And how horrible to be completely opposite to Remus so each one is themselves when the other isn't. A cruel fate indeed... though an effective curse, at least.

Awesome chapter! *Snowball hugs and tons of love*
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
Kristin

Author's Response: KRISTIN!!!
*hug hug hug*
Thank you for coming back!!! :D

Ah, Peter... did I ever mention that I have a soft spot for Peter? He is quite forgotten about... not that the other three do it on purpose, they are just too distracted...

James and Sirius are so much fun! I love those two, especially when they act so childishly (all the time... :P)

Featherly little problem, yes! Well, you were the one who said she was a were-lark...

Sorry for the sadness... :( poor Chiara, so many informations to accept... yes, she does have help now, at least...

Yes, it's really a cruel (though effective) curse... poor Chiara... and poor Remus...

Thank you for the awesome review! You're the best!
Snowball hug rolling your way!
Chiara


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Review #31, by marauderfanLife on the Run: A Currach on the Shore

6th May 2016:
Kenny!! I'm here for the Hot Seat! Congrats for being featured this week :D

This is a wonderful little story, and I like that you focused on that turbulent period when Lily and James were being hunted by Voldemort. The way you have them constantly on the run from place to place and not hiding in Godric's Hollow for a long time makes perfect sense, because if they'd been there very long Voldemort would surely have found them earlier. And so here you have them hiding in small villages with the locals, staying low key and on the run. The way they seem very comfortable turning an old wagon into a place to stay indicated just how long they've been keeping this up, the constant moving around.

I can't say I'm familiar with that artist you chose for the Masterpiece Challenge but wow, I just love your descriptions here, and even though I don't know the artist, I can feel the influence of the art here because your visual descriptions of nature are so powerful. I really think this story showcases some of your best descriptions that I've read in your work! There was one line in particular about pastel skies melting down over a purple horizon - so vivid and beautiful. Your settings here really are impressive.

James wished the next hiding place would be the last. He had fought back against Voldemort to protect his family three times. He wanted to end this endless war game.
-- oof. This was the line that hit me the hardest. Because, of course, the next one is their last hiding place as they died there. Not quite what James intended when he thought those words, I expect. Ahh it just breaks my heart but it's incredibly written - worded just so it sounds like it could be hopeful, but with the added meaning behind it that it certainly is not hopeful. It's just a sentence full of feelings.

Seems like James and Lily got the idea for Harry's name from Frank's kid :D That was sweet. I really liked the addition of Frank and his family.

This was a lovely story, Kenny! I really enjoyed the read. And for three challenges - best of luck! :D

Author's Response: Hi, Kristin! Thank you for stopping by for Hot Seat Review! You are a very generous person.

As you pointed out, J.K.Rowling left much homework to explore untold episodes. She hasn't revealed how it was like, the hiding life of Harry's parents. When I saw Margaret's story challenge, the idea just popped in my head. There must be much or less conflict during Voldemort's regime. I'm planning to write about it more in my other story, "Cygnus Black III and His Three Daughters", and I'm editing "Harry Potter and the First Mission" and "Harry Potter and a Daughter of Druid", in which I'm adding more information about James and Lily. I have an idea to connect Harry with his mother's blood magic.

Thank you for the compliment about the nature scene. I just wanted to write about the beautiful sunset I saw with my family in Ireland. Stefi's story challenge gave me a chance to describe the beauty.

And Griffin Duck's story challenge gave me a chance to create the original character, Frank. It was fun to write about him,too.

I'm so glad you liked my description about James. J.K.Rowling gave us hints about James who fought against Voldemort. I tried visualizing how he fought for the right thing.

Kenny


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Review #32, by marauderfanHarry Potter and the Broomstick Makers: Memories of Young Warriors

2nd May 2016:
*Zooms in on the slow train* Hey Kenny, sorry about the long waiting time on this review. RL has just been brutal these past couple of weeks :-/ but at any rate, I'm here with your requested review!

I loved the way you wrote Legilimency here. I don't think we ever really experience that in the books, only what it's like from the opposite side (i.e. when Snape is doing Legilimency on Harry), so I really appreciate seeing the more active side of it here, particularly how Harry describes it as swimming through memories. That's such a neat metaphor to use, as memory is such a murky, fluid thing. Especially as the scene is all in Dara's mind, and it makes me think of the Brain room in the Ministry and how the brains are swimming there and all the memories swimming inside them. A really neat comparison... even if an only slightly related tangent :P

Interesting history about Harry's second Animagus as well. I'm curious to know more about how the King Arthur legend fits into Harry's own story and more about the map!

In terms of the flow, I think it's paced well, but sometimes it felt a bit choppy. For example we go straight from this Legilimency scene with Malfoy right to a scene at the Black Lake with Harry giving a speech, and it took me a second to catch up there and figure out what's going on. I think one thing that would help that passage would be a bit of scene setting in the beginning of the section, giving the reader a chance to readjust to changed surroundings, or maybe just a mention of what's coming earlier so it doesn't come out of the blue.

That aside, I think it was very wonderfully written and I liked the nod to the fallen friends at the Battle of Hogwarts - Colin and Tonks and Remus and Fred - it was a nice tribute. I can definitely see people asking Harry to make a speech and for him to be kind of nervous about it.

Overall it was a wonderful chapter! Really great work on this chapter! :)

Author's Response: Thank you, Kristine for offering review! Your words always encourage me. Sometimes, I think of quitting everything, but this community including you, is fabulous, so I keep writing and editing my work. With love from HPFF members, I think my writing got developed, compared with the ones a few years ago.

The sad thing is that this site will be closed in a few months, I started migrating my works to the other places like my fellow authors, but the chance gives me to edit my old dusty stories and your CC is helpful, I'll edit the part you found for me ASAP.

Writing Legilimens is, I think showing how powerful Harry's magic is. The impression of his reading Voldemort's mind is still so strong to me. There are lots of magical episodes in J.K.Rowling's world. We can't stop writing, can we? :D

Kenny


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Review #33, by marauderfanThe Fifth House: History

30th April 2016:
You come up with the best names! Mr Diatomungi :P I always thought it hilariously convenient that the Hogwarts Herbology professor's surname is Sprout. I mean, her future was basically determined for her. I guess Mr Diatomungi could have gone in a number of different directions but it was always going to involve autotrophic life forms. I assume his surname is a combination of diatom and fungi? If not, sorry about this nerdy tangent and now we're back to our regularly scheduled review :P

Wait, no, one more comment about names. Marigold doesn't know anything about Herbology. I love the irony :P

Why doesn't Willow want to talk to Lef? They ended up working together in class and Lef was her first friend, but now Willow acts like they don't know each other. I hope she learns at one point to not trust the older Gryffindors because they seem to say nothing but lies :(

I loved the way you approached the history of magic lessons. Just because Professor Binns is as boring as cardboard doesn't mean history is boring, and I've always felt that the best way to get people involved in learning is to get them involved in it rather than just listning to a lecture or reading a book. Mr Zolock's method for teaching history is brilliant and I like how he's encouraging his students to see both sides, because history is always written by the victors and all that and it's so easy to skew it, but he seems to be not only taking a broad perspective of it but also making it interesting. His class sounds cool.

I wonder what the dream was about! So weird. I think it's going to be important later!

Awesome work on this chapter!

Author's Response: Kristin,
Thanks so much for coming back to the story and posting a review.

I found almost all of JK Rowling's names to be convenient. Lupin? (Latin for wolf); Crabbe and Goyle (evil); Lovegood (good). But I can't claim credit for any of the names here - it is absolutely a combination of diatom and fungi and I got the inspiration straight from her series.

Ha! I didn't even realize that I put the funny about Marigold not knowing herbology in there. Thanks for pointing it out - my subconscious works in mysterious ways.

Why doesn't Willow talk to Lef? Because she's been told that all Slytherins are evil...Lef is a Slytherin, so she must be rotten inside. It's going to be a while before Lef can learn to trust anyone...

I'm a history nut, so I definitely wanted history to be taught in a way that would interest the students rather than boring them to death. I thought about how I would interest a bunch of 11-year olds in history and my first thought was to have them participate in a bloodbath (troubling - yes; effective - also yes).

I'm glad you're enjoying the story!

-Drew



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Review #34, by marauderfanEvolution: The Price of Popularity

30th April 2016:
The flowers... haha, James is such a cheeseball.

wow, as for the rest of it though, poor Katie. To be just an average girl, not popular, not unpopular, just average - and then to suddenly be the most talked about person at school, and none of it good, that's got to be so difficult. I hope this perception of all the whispers is just because we're seeing the situation through Katie's eyes, and not because literally every girl at school has nothing to talk about other than gossip about a boy :P And those girls in the library were totally giving Hufflepuff a bad name. Don't they know Hufflepuff is the house for the nice people? For shame, Rebecca! I hope the gossip calms down soon. I guess gossip usually does calm down once people find something else to talk about, so that's good at least!

I think James and Katie's discussion at the end was really well written. She's hesitant to be vulnerable and talk about things that really bother her because she doesn't want to be whiny and also doesn't want to hurt James, because a lot of it wasn't particularly nice about him either. And he's ashamed of some of his past and how it's landed her in this situation. But the way they talk about it is a very 'we're in this together' sort of way, as they both know it's a rough situation but they'll help each other through. They're already going through some difficulties but the way they respond to it says a lot, and they're supportive of each other. I think it bodes well for them in the future.

This was a great chapter!

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Review #35, by marauderfanEvolution: One Day in November

30th April 2016:
I do really like Katie. She has a lot of integrity, and it's been evident in earlier chapters but especially clear here, as she's preparing for her date - she is who she is, and isn't going to change who she is for the sake of becoming the image she thinks another person wants her to be. She's so right - if he doesn't like her as she is, she can find someone who does.

And I like that James appreciates that about her too - he noticed she just looked like herself.

In this chapter it feels like where the reader is first getting to really know what Katie is like as a person, and that she's not going to be just a plot device, but an important character in her own right.

Their date was really cute - who knew James could play the violin? Kudos to him for originality :P James and Katie really are cute together and have a lot of chemistry. I hate that you're going to break them up eventually. :P But I'm sure you'll have good reasons, canon being the most obvious one haha

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Review #36, by marauderfanEvolution: Aftermath

30th April 2016:
I'm back, as promised! I loved the prank idea with the notes. That sounds like such a nice prank, (never thought I'd use those two words together) with them sending notes of compliments to everyone. Though I do wonder how complimentary the notes to the Slytherins actually were. Like what would they write to Snape? "Dear Snivelly, your hair didn't look as greasy as usual today. Keep up the good work." :P

Lily kept the note from James in her book! And she's hiding it from her friends! Ahh! I know it doesn't mean she likes him yet- far from it - but she is definitely thinking about him a lot more than she used to, and what's more, hiding that fact from her friends.

Ah, I suspected Remus had figured James out. As someone who keeps such a big secret himself, he probably can tell when other people are keeping secrets, and James isn't really subtle. But Remus calling James out on pursuing someone as a cover story will probably get James to make some decisions. I mean, James certainly does seem to like Katie, even if he chose her as a cover story. And she actually likes him too, which must be pretty encouraging. Poor James though, it's really evident in this exchange how uncomfortable he is with his secrets being exposed, while Remus just kind of figures things out nonchalantly :P

great chapter!

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Review #37, by marauderfanThe first kiss is grand...: The first kiss is grand...

30th April 2016:
Chiara ♥ You wrote a new story, and as a TA! *throws confetti* Congrats on your first chapter as a TA! :D

ahh from the first line I'm in love! That's such a good song and I love the cover of it in Moulin Rouge ♥

And it's in second person! Haha, it's like you got a checklist of things I love and then put them all into this story :P

Aw, awkward James :3 As much as he manages to muck it up, he is able to recover and say what he needs to say, and doesn't totally ruin everything. And she feels the same way! ♥ this scene is just too cute for words. adorable.

Lily and her roommates dancing around was such a sweet scene, I loved it! And the bit when Marlene says James is waiting for her and she dashes out while her friends are just like :O haha that was really amusing. Lily's been keeping some secrets very well! But now it's all out in the open.

You've always believed he was only playing with you, you've always believed you weren't good enough for someone like him. That's the true reason you've rejected him for so long. It was your way to protect yourself, -- oh man I relate to this so, so much. I'd never really thought of low self esteem being a main factor in why Lily constantly rejected James, but since you mention it, I can see it - with James' reputation and popularity he'd be kind of intimidating in a way, and she wouldn't know whether or not she can believe him when he asks her out all the time.

This was such a wonderful fic, Chiara! So fluffy and cute :D :D :D Really excellently written, as well. I particularly liked the opening few lines about blue and green and the different things it makes James think about - that imagery was incredible and beautiful. Great work!!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Author's Response: Aww, Kristin!!!
What did I do to deserve such an amazing friend like you???

Thank you so much! Don't you feel proud of being the first reviewer of my first story as a TA? :P So glad you enjoyed it!!!

I love that song too!!! And Moulin Rouge is one of my favourite movies!!! (*cough* Ewan McGregor *cough*)

Well, that's what I did, of course! Ahahah, kidding!!! I love second person too!!!

Awkward James is the cutest! (or maybe not... Remus still remains the cutest, but awkward James is nearly there! :P) I'm glad you found the scene sweet!!!

It's always fun to include some girlish camaraderie! And yes, Lily can't hide her secret feeling anymore... ;)

I always thought she felt that way. James being so popular, probably craved by half the girls in school, and not being known as the most sensible person around would make her doubt the seriousness of his intentions. But we know he was sincere. :D

Aww, thank you!!! I'm so, so glad you enjoyed this story! And the imagery at the beginning! You are the best reviewer ever!!!

Tons of love,
Chiara


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Review #38, by marauderfanHero: The Descent into Hell

30th April 2016:
I'm still so annoyed with Hero for being dense enough to fall for Tom Riddle. Emory can see right through him, and it's not just because she's Muggle-born. She can sense that something's off about him, which Hero can't really see, because she's too focused on how Tom is attractive and doting and a pureblood and someone her parents would approve of.

Hero's relationship with her parents is so sad because it's clear she disagrees with them about a lot of things but still craves their love. Maybe because she's a Gryffindor and that has already got points against her, so she feels like she has to make up for that. I don't know. Anyway, it's sad.

I feel so bad for Emory too, and the fact that Hero was to wrapped up in her own world to ask her best friend what was going on just makes me sad. I mean, I like Hero, but I'm just very annoyed at her lately for being oblivious :P I have an uneasy feeling that something bad is going to happen to Emory too. Although maybe now that Hero knows she neglected her best friend and didn't know about the breakup for a week, maybe she'll start being more tuned in? Time will tell I guess.

"De- Noah"? Uh huh. I KNOW WHO NOAH REALLY IS. And I think I know Darcy's real name too, because it's probably not actually Darcy. I'd tell you my predictions but I don't want to get in trouble for spoilers again :P (sorry!)

Sebastian! Nooo :( Tom has been careless in supervising the basilisk lately I guess, if it's going after just anyone.

awesome chapter!

Author's Response: Don't ya just want to shake Hero? It's probably bad for me to say, but I like that you're annoyed, since we all know who Tom Riddle really is and Hero doesn't. Plus if it means you feel that strongly, I'm good with that! ♥

Ha ha yes you've guessed a lot! But I'm still not saying anything! :P

Thank you so much for your review, K. I always love hearing from you! ♥


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Review #39, by marauderfanThe Quidditch Boot Camp for Troubled Teens: Team-Building

30th April 2016:
Oh no, I hope she's okay! If she got a concussion or something she's going to be snapping at James for a long time. And Grant as well, because she doesn't seem to like him either. So I hope for her sake, and for the sake of the team unity, that she's okay :P

That flashback in the beginning was scary! I wonder who the man was and how she got out of that situation, or if it was a nightmare, or what. And who she was running with. The only next gen character I know for sure has bright green eyes would be Albus, but I can't really see that person being him. (Well, other people do have green eyes too I guess :P )

That tent sounds amazing. My life would be so much easier if I lived in a tent like that rather than the kind that gets blown down in strong wind while you're in it. Wizards know how to camp in style! I mean, a kitchenette. And a FIREPLACE. In the tent. Legit. Their tent is basically a house, but it's bigger on the inside! :P Does the fireplace ever catch the canvas on fire? I suppose they've found ways around that too because magic.

Have I mentioned that I love their team name? I think it's second only to the team "Black Like Our Hearts" hahahaha.

I'm really looking forward to seeing how the team moves past all these interpersonal struggles and bickering and learns how to successfully work together.

Loving this story! Great writing, as always :D

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Review #40, by marauderfanThe Quidditch Boot Camp for Troubled Teens: Team Purple

30th April 2016:
Leigh! This story is awesome so far - I love the idea of it. Mic's narrative voice is super enjoyable, and I just love seeing things through her lens.

Oh man, the whole thing about having to choose a team name and then drawing a team flag - this is so great to read about because I used to work at a place that did summer trips/camps and we had all the participants do the exact same thing. (I guess this makes me the Weasel in the situation?) but I just loved watching Mic and co. go through this process and here you showed like all the reactions I always saw from teenagers doing this in real life. At first they'd be really quiet and no one would volunteer anything, because it's like, sooo uncool :P and then they'd start to get silly and get really into it. So that whole bit just rings really true with me and I adore it!

I wonder what James did to end up there - I assume that's something I'll find out as I read on. I'm curious to know everyone's stories.

Anyway, I can totally see why this was nominated for story of the month and I'm glad that gave me the impetus to read it. I love this so far and I'll definitely be reading on! :)

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Review #41, by marauderfanEvolution: Celebration

30th April 2016:
Another great chapter! (of course)

I love how you're setting up the eventual Katie/James ship. I ship them already. I mean, I know it won't work out, but I can still float this ship for a little while at least. I like how she can see right through James, and gets him to admit things he wouldn't ordinarily - like the fact that he needs help with the decorating. She's supportive yet also doesn't take any of his act about how he's so cool he doesn't need help. She sees the human in him rather than the Legendary Quidditch Star/Marauder persona he's trying to cultivate. I think she's good for him.

And Lily! I really loved that scene between her and James. The fact that he listens to her and acts on it really shows a step in maturity, which Lily was so unprepared for haha. Definitely gives her a lot to think about, even though at this point she's not really aware that he is trying to improve, she just is really confused and can't figure him out yet, because this current behaviour of James' is just an anomaly in a history of careless rulebreaking. Remus, I think, has figured out a lot more than he lets on. He's a perceptive one.

Since you made a note about POV shifts at the end, I just wanted to say that I like them. It provides a really rounded picture of what's going on as a whole. In this chapter particularly, you have the POV shifts separated into sections, which I think works a lot better than the previous chapter which kind of drifted between Lily and James and the commentator without being in separate, clear sections, so I think this chapter is better organized. Eh, my 2 cents. Regardless, I like the shifts :)

I will be back with more reviews later but right now it's really late at night and my reviews will turn to gibberish if I keep going now :P Can't wait to keep reading tomorrow.

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Review #42, by marauderfanEvolution: Just a Game

29th April 2016:
Hi Kevin! You're on the hot seat, congrats! So it's really about time I got back to reading this story. I'm starting here on chapter 8 though, because I reviewed the first 7 chapters a while ago, as Voldemort... So without further ado, here goes!

What an exciting chapter! I do really love Quidditch match chapters :D Lily in the beginning kind of reminds me of Hermione, though I think a large part of the reason Hermione wasn't interested in flying was because she wasn't good at it, and I can't tell yet if that's the case with Lily. Regardless, despite that she's less than enthused about the prospect of watching people 'just flying about on brooms' she goes with her friends to support them, and the Gryffindor team... if somewhat begrudgingly, she did at least go.

I really like Katie, and I can see why James likes her too! That girl is a firecracker! I laughed when she essentially guilt tripped Lily into staying out there. I mean, front row seats. You don't just get up and leave. :P

I thought it was interesting how the chapter is mostly narrated by the Quidditch commentator, and I think it works well in this situation because then it's kind of simultaneously what Lily and James are experiencing - though it did drift more into James' thoughts during the match than Lily's. (Which is probably good - Lily's thoughts would have probably been a lot like 'ugh how has it only been two minutes since I last looked at my watch?'

James is such a trooper here playing quidditch even with that gnarly of an injury. And staying afterwards to thank the Gryffindor stands rather than going off to deal with his injury. It's very selfless of him - like, he's acknowledging all the many people who came out to see the team play and thanking them for their time. I like that. Shows he's not as selfish and conceited as Lily says he is - and the comparison is only too funny considering Lily selfishly wanting to leave in the middle of the match :P

A great chapter and it feels so good to come back to this fic. I really loved it when I was reading before and I'm so glad the hot seat reminded me to make time and come back!

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Review #43, by marauderfanPlay the Devil: All the Devils

29th April 2016:
JENNAAA. You're back AND there's a new chapter! Just so much to be happy about :D
After the misogyny at the end of the last chapter I was ready to punch Clarence, which would probably have resulted in my computer in shards on the floor so I'm glad Richard told Clarence to get out. I'm sure Rose would have done something pretty impressive and drastic in a matter of seconds if Richard hadn't interfered.

And the long-awaited story about Scorpius and Rose finally comes out! I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. Yeah, I'd be pretty mad at Scorpius too after something like that, first the animal abuse and then trying to kiss Rose's best friend to annoy Rose. But most of all it didn't really seem like that was the one event that really broke them apart. The way Rose talks about it, it kind of feels like they'd been falling apart for a bit before, and that was just what cemented it. Yeah, Rose was petty to play the Death Eater Card, because it's not relevant and probably something Scorpius hears a lot, but what he did has no excuse. Ugh. I can certainly understand all the bitterness that she still holds on to after the end of their relationship.

So at this point Richard knows that Rose is a witch. How is Rose going to know when to tell him, because she hasn't actually told him yet, she just travelled to a place further in time where he already knows? This story always makes me wonder about the intricacy of time travel and how complicated it is to go back and forth through different times and to not know what people already know about you at any given point (I hope that made sense :P )

Interesting at the end as well, I know the idea of what constitutes a scandal is a lot more encompassing in those days and certainly just sitting in the garden together is a scandal. Interesting that that is a scandal yet people were constantly cheating on each other, many men having mistresses, and many women being mistresses. It seems that no matter what Richard and Rose do, there's bound to be scandal.

Great chapter! I'm so glad to see you back and writing again :)

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Review #44, by marauderfanMarry Me: Marry Me

24th April 2016:
*Zooms in on the slowest jetpack of all time* Hi Gabbie! I'm here with your requested review!

You seem to have a knack for writing this broken, vulnerable Draco, and here he's at his most vulnerable, lying in bed with a cold, still regretting his past actions and who he used to be, and worrying if he can face his father. I really love how you've written all these layers to him. And despite how much he's changed and how he's kind of got this perpetual angst cloud over him about his regret of his side in the war, he doesn't seem out of character. He still has these flashes of the old Draco, with all his stuffy dignity and his teasing, and Pansy is easily able to keep up with him. I loved the dialogue between the two of them, by the way. It felt really natural like people who've known each other so long that they can say just about anything to one another.

Especially wonderful is how you write Pansy. Rather than being the vain, mean spirited girl from the books, she's grown up as well. She still teases Draco, and kind of gets her own way in their bickering, but it's easy to see there's no mean intent there as she's taking care of him at his home. The way you balanced her caring, selfless side with the snarky, bold Pansy we know was a really lovely characterization. Like Draco, she has moments where she's the same as before, but mostly is a very changed person.

I kind of wonder about Pansy at the end, after Draco just dumped all of this on her. Like, she didn't even want to kiss him, and then he proposed. It must be pretty overwhelming for her. But given that she seems cool with it in the end, I guess it worked out all right and Draco's going out on a limb there was successful. He was definitely very honest there in that last scene which is something I don't usually associate with Draco, but I think that after all he went through with the war, and having someone like Pansy there voluntarily taking care of him, he knows what he wants to be now.

My CC would be that sometimes the speaker of dialogue can get lost in narration, like here as an example: I'm too weak to even stand up at the moment and if you were really concerned about me, you would lose that tone. Draco eventually grumbled. Pansy merely quirked her brow, I haven't been demanding with wanting company and respect. -- At first I thought the second dialogue was Pansy, because she's the one mentioned at the beginning of the sentence, but the speaker is still Draco for both. I'd suggest re-clarifying the speaker on the occasions that you talk about someone else in the narration. :)

Anyway, really lovely work on this, Gabbie! I love the way you continue to develop both of these great characters and explore their personalities so much. Great writing :D

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Thank you for stopping by with this review, there is nothing wrong with being a little late! Hahaha.

I honestly love writing this version of Draco and I really think that it's becoming a hobby of mine to make him cry. Hahaha.

I've talked about him being like this before in other stories so it's really fun to show this side of him. Draco is a great character to write and I enjoy making him dwell on who he was and who he wants to be.

He's been broken and shattered apart by the decisions he made during the War and so he's still just suffering with how to move forward in his life.

There are still some old parts of himself that I think I really like too. Draco will be a stuff brat on one hand and tease Pansy on the other simply because he can. Hahah. There's no real malice between them but I think that Pansy just offers a harsh dose of reality that he desperately needs.

Pansy has known him for most of her life so I would think that their banter would be filled with the sort of comfort that only old friends can give. She's snarky and a little mean towards him but you can tell that she cares about him.

You know, I was conflicted about the ending because I feel like I didn't express Pansy's emotions about the whole thing well enough. I think that I might go in and change that because it feels like she just got it all dumped on her. Hahahah.

Draco did show some bravery by asking her though and it came from a genuine place. He wants to try and be the best for Pansy and I think that matters more than anything. I don't think that you see vulnerable sides to him very often so it was great to write him like this.

Thanks for the CC and the awesome review, it really made my day! :D

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #45, by marauderfanHero: The Kiss

23rd April 2016:
Nooo Hero had come so far, and was angry at Tom and why couldn't she stay that way?!?! Why did she have to forgive him? THIS IS BAD VERY BAD OH NOOO *bites nails* I just... agh. I'm so angry at her for forgiving him, but at the same time I can't bring myself to be angry because she has no idea who he really is.

Finn is the worst. that is all.

I do really like Sebastian though. Poor kid. He's at the age where he's easily persuaded to be one thing or another, and I'm glad Hero stepped in to sway him away from following Finn's path.

Oh, and Morgan. I really like him, and I think he'd be good for Hero, and it just breaks my heart that she lets him down like that because she DOES like him and it's all just because of what her parents would say. But... at the same time, I don't really ship them because I know something bad would happen to Morgan if they were to be together. You know, because I am still convinced Noah's death was intentional.

Ugh Tom alskdjfkasjdf I just wish she could see past the charm. I think you've done really well showing how people idolize him and just really love him though and how the notion that he's The Heir of Slytherin wouldn't even cross anyone's mind. He's quite good at acting, and I just wish I knew what his ulterior motive was with Hero. Because I know there is an ulterior motive, and I'm sure it's not good. I am convinced he doesn't actually *like* her, he's just using her.

Such a good chapter, even though I'm frustrated at all the characters haha. Keep up the great work ♥

Author's Response: Hi Kristin!

Sorry for the anxiety! But not really, because I'm evil.

I'm glad you like Sebastian because I do too, and I agree Morgan would be perfect for Hero, if only she'd let him!

What's this? You think Tom Riddle has an ulterior motive? Whatever makes you think such a thing? ;)

Thank you so so much, my dear! ♥


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Review #46, by marauderfanThe Lark and the Nightingale: Show must go on

23rd April 2016:
Aw. James trying to be persuasive and failing yet again :P At least he seems to have had some success with Lily, finally.

Oh Remus. I am not even surprised anymore when he blames himself for everything. I wish he wouldn't, of course, and he does have three people who already constantly tell him not to blame himself, but that's just Remus being Remus. I had to laugh though at everyone else's reactions when he starts going on about Romeo and Juliet being real and this curse and how he read a diary in 16th century Italian five times and everyone's like "ummm...what"

Very like James to go help a friend in need rather than bother with his responsibility as lead in the play. Remus needed him more.

Chiara sent a letter! Wait, it's been 2 months now? How did she not do this earlier?!?! Ahh, and she wants to meet on the night of the full moon. Noo!! Her timing is awful :P At least the other three will be there. But Remus will be all alone! Couldn't they have had two people with Remus and one person meeting with Chiara? I'm glad she's telling people what happened, at any rate. Though I feel like it would have been easier to write a note saying, "Hey Remus. I'm the bird that delivered this letter." and then deliver it XD Many secrets about to be spilled, though...

Also, I feel like it's appropriate to mention here due to that A/N about your birthday and the fact that this story contains so many references to Shakespeare - Happy birthday to William Shakespeare! (...and also his death day, incidentally)

Great chapter! :D *hugs*

Author's Response: Hi again, sweet Kristin!
Yes, poor James... well, he's trying at least. And yes, Lily is starting to change her mind... :)

That's Remus. But we love him the way he is, right? Ahahah! Yes, I guess his friends would find it all quite crazy... :P

Typical James, running to his friend's aid and forgetting everything else! Once again, that's the way we love him!!!

She could've made it easier in many ways... but I wouldn't have the same evil-writer fun, if you know what I mean... :P Many secrets about to be spilled, definitely. As for Remus being alone... well, I agree with you that they could've organized this better. There's more about this in the next chapter. ;)

It was Shakespeare's birthday? Really? Happy belated birthday to William Shakespeare, then! :D

Thank you so much for another wonderful review!!! And the hugest snowball hug ever!!!
Chiara


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Review #47, by marauderfanThe Lark and the Nightingale: Feathers and moonlight

23rd April 2016:
HELLO MY DEAR I AM HERE WITH REVIEWSSS ♥

Wait wait wait. The bird, specifically a she, who has been transforming when the moon rises. So... Is Chiara a werebird? :P

...SHE IS

ASJDLFJKAS

I did not see that coming. At all. Even though her last name is a bird. I guess this explains why she hasn't been around - she's been a bird during the day. I hope she at least got bonus marks in Transfiguration for that.

What a sad existence, that she's only a human when there's no one around to talk to. But she saw the Marauders running to the Whomping Willow! I have a feeling she's going to figure out Remus' secret before he has the opportunity to tell her. Also, as it's been a month, I think she should go into the castle and seek help from Madame Pomfrey, or at the very least sneak into the library to look up any past cases of Werebirds, or Werelarks? (that's what I'm going to call her, with no other name for this curse :P)

Haha, I love that you pointed out how her human form is so disgusted by what her bird form eats. Mmm, worms.

An awesome chapter and I'm glad you finally told us what's happened to Chiara! I never wuold have guessed, it was such a creative curse, and now I wonder how she's going to find a way out of it.

Loved this!

Kristin

Author's Response: Hello, dearest! *hug*
Thank you so much for stopping by again!!!
I've already told you, but I'm telling you once again, your support means so much to me and all your reviews never fail to make me smile! Thank you so much!!! *wub*

Ahahah! Yes, she is!!! :P (I shouldn't say this, I know... but I need to... James will think the same you did. He'll call it her featherly little problem... :P )

I know... she should've seeked help... well, she will, in her own way (you've already got to that part, so it's not an additional spoiler)

Ahahah! Well, I don't know about you, but worms are my favourite food...

Glad you enjoyed the chapter! There is a way to break the curse, you only need to read on...

Thank you so much for the awesome review! I'll answer the other one asap (this evening, probably)

All my love!
Chiara


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Review #48, by marauderfanLess Than: Less Than

23rd April 2016:
Gah, this story is heartbreaking. Especially so after reading the A/N at the end. I definitely understand writing as a kind of catharsis for emotions though, as this is something I've done as well when going through difficult things, so I really hope that writing this helped you process things. I'm so sorry you're going through this *hugs*

It's so sad to read Hannah feeling like less of a person, or defective. I can understand why she does, because this one thing she wants that most women are capable of biologically and she's unable to. I can kind of relate to her in a sense, in that for me, depression and anxiety are what make me feel like a defective person, like I'm not the same and not as worthy as a person as someone else. I think it's only too easy to see ourselves just in terms of our flaws, when as Neville points out at the end, there's more to a person than that. After all, who decides what makes a person 'whole'? I know it's a cliche saying but no one is perfect, and just because Hannah happens to have that particular flaw doesn't make her any less of a person, because no one is really 'whole', in one way or another. Poor Hannah, though. I know it's all fine to just talk about flaws being a small part of a whole, but it's never easy to see that right when you're going through the worst of it, and I feel so bad for Hannah as she tries to process this information and how it affects her and Neville.

And it's not just her feeling like less of a person, I can tell there's definitely themes of her feeling like less of a woman, as well. But the ability to have children isn't what defines a woman. And of course Neville sees this - I just love Neville in this story, and how he is supportive of her and loves her no matter what, with the large flaws and the small, and still wants to marry her. Because for him, their love isn't about whether her reproductive system works properly, it's about the fact that the two of them care about each other and work together through the hard times. Despite how sad most of this story is, the end section with Neville has so much hope. Things may be rough, but it's easier to face difficult things with loving people by your side, and that's what she has. I just love Neville, and I'm so glad Hannah has him to help her through this hard time in her life. That ending section just shows why they're such a wonderful couple.

sorry this review partly turned into a philosophical tangent about feminism. I think honestly there's a lot more I could say but I do want to bring it back to the story :P I do like that you made me think about these things though. You can always tell good writing because it leaves you thinking afterwards.

Last but not least I want to say bravo to you for writing this story. Wonderfully written and heartbreaking story, but still so positive at the end. I hope things start looking up for you *hugs*

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Review #49, by marauderfanRise of the Planet of the Snapes: Tapioca Dreams

23rd April 2016:
This is so unbearably awful of a story and for that I applaud you and give you 100 gold stars. Well done. :D

Author's Response: Well, I don't know whether to be thankful or insulted :P

I'm glad you hated (or, rather, enjoyed) it!


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Review #50, by marauderfanKeep Calm and Carry On: Morning

22nd April 2016:
Sarah! Ahh, first things first, CONGRATS ON FINISHING!!! I know you've been working on this story for years so you're probably in this weird state of combined 'HOORAY I finished' and 'I can't believe it's over' and 'the story still won't get out of my head so here's 12 sequels'. But it is really exciting to see this marked complete! (And a bit sad, because I have loved taking this journey along with Edie and seeing her grow up and learn to put on her Big Girl Pants, as you called it :P If you ever write any fic sequels to this I'm sure I'll be right there to read them!

So maybe it was a little cliche with the cheesy, happy ending and Oliver literally running onto the train to catch her. But despite that, it still doesn't feel wildly unrealistic, because the two of them are still three-dimensional people with real problems. They seriously messed up before, and it's implied that they still have a lot of work to do on their relationship. They'll argue, learn from the past, and work towards being better people. But isn't that what we all do? So even with the cheesy factor turned all the way up to 11, it's still such a perfect ending and ties everything together really well. It shows how far Edie has come and that even with all the mistakes she makes, it doesn't mean she's ruined everything. She learns from her mistakes and things turn out better. So as well as your message of "it's okay to be unsure of How To Be An Adult", there's also an underlying message of "it's okay to make mistakes"... rather fitting as those go together well haha.

If you're taking votes about which of the thousand epilogues to write, I vote for one with Dean and Seamus in it. They were such awesome supporting characters in this fic and I loved whenever they turned up :P

Last but not least, Edie and Oliver's conversation about their ineptitude at healing spells was hilarious. And that Quidditch is basically sustaining injuries for money :P This story was such a fun read from start to finish, and I've absolutely loved reading it. Congrats once again on completing it!

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