Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
  
1,164 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfanThe Death Of Sir Nicolas: Tusks

12th July 2015:
hi kaitlin! this review if for the house cup, hufflepuff. also i apologise i am typing this on my phone which is why the lack of capitalised letters and the very probable typos.

this is a great story! i've never read a story about nearly headless nick before and to be honest i really love stories told by narrators who are dead. this was quite sombre for nick, who in the books we see as such a happy comical ghost, and here is one of his rare phrases when he's not. i guess after 500 years, it's hard to be so positive all the time. but wow, how unfortunate that it was all only only because he was trying to help someone! also, i'm pretty sure eveeyone has at some point done something embarrasing in front of someone they like, but to have the consequence be a badly executed (pun intended) beheading, thats pretty rough. poor nick. i really love how you described the doors to life and beyond, and his reaction and decision! and how his desire for not dying is something he's changed his mind about over time. this is a great fic. well done!

 Report Review

Review #2, by marauderfanOn Crumbling Lives: Hurt

10th July 2015:
Swap! I'm back to read more of this one!

From the beginning of this I just love what you've done with Pansy. You haven't redeemed her as a character - she's still the same shallow, petty girl from the books, but she's so much more here, and more three dimensional. The part about how she cared for Astoria was really touching, and I think makes her so much more human.

This was such an intense chapter though - wow! Seeing the students torture one another for detention - especially when the detention was for something ridiculous like 'weakness' is just so horrible to read - they're still just kids! And this is the sort of thing that will stick with them for years. So awful.

Daphne was interesting in this chapter, and I think she crossed a bridge she can't un-cross. Before, she was good at playing it cool and just doing what she was told to do, and had become so desensitized to it, but when it came to Astoria, Daphne seemed to really cut herself off from one side - she can't pretend to be the Carrows' best student anymore, because she actually told them she's against them. After that, can she still pretend to be as uninvolved as she was before? I'm so glad she stood up to defend Astoria. And now it's a really interesting setup with Daphne's character such that I can't possibly predict what she's going to do next.

And Luna ♥ I love her, and this just made me feel so terrible for her! She is so strong and so kind - and she'd definitely stick her neck out for people like this.

And poor Astoria, having to witness all that. I mean, we got an idea of how bad things were at Hogwarts from Neville's brief description of it and his bruised face, but this is just heartbreaking to read. It's very well done though.

You mentioned that you were worried how the violence came across, and while it was a very violent chapter, it definitely made its point and it was fittingly chilling. Well done - and thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hi there Kristin! Thanks so much for the review!

I'm really glad you liked this chapter as I'm still so insecure about it! The violence was very, very new to me, so I'm still so worried about how I did portraying it.

And Pansy! She, along with many other Slytherin characters, seems to be one-dimensional in the books. But I don't believe any person is pure evil, so I've tried to sort of turn her into a real person here. She certainly doesn't fart rainbows and kindness now, but she isn't a heartless wench either. She makes a reappearance in the next chapter...

And this is definitely a huge turning point for Daphne. She's not one for the spotlight, but this event has definitely cast a very, very bright light on her. She can't hide anymore.

And Luna and Astoria too. Luna has always been brave and wonderul. I just did what JK Rowling's brilliant character would have done. But Astoria, this is a big turning point for her too. Daphne told her that they'd be safe, but already, that's not true. Things are definitely changing for these girls!

Thanks again for dropping by!

Stefanie


 Report Review

Review #3, by marauderfanTwo Lilies: A traumatic awakening.

10th July 2015:
Lily's room is Gryffindor colours! Aw :)

Wow though, this chapter is just... Can you imagine not knowing anything about HP and then waking up in that world? Or watching the movie of your future life and knowing that you're going to die at 21? Gah, either way would be just so scary! I'm glad they both ended up meeting nice people in their respective worlds and were able to tell the truth to someone. It would be so hard to just pretend you knew what was going on - because it'd be so easy to mess up and forget someone's name that you're supposed to have known for 6 years.

Muggle Lily's friends seemed to react much less wildly than I predicted. If I were Charlotte and my best friend just told me they were actually from the pages of Harry Potter I'd first just not believe them, and then be sooo overly excited and probably end up scaring them away. Good thing Witch Lily met Charlotte instead :p

I really wonder what's going to happen when Witch Lily finds out all about her future. And how Muggle Lily is going to fare in her first class because she can't actually do magic. Unless she has gained Witch Lily's magical abilities as well as looking just like her?

so much to wonder about. This is really a great story and I will be back to read more of it soon!!



Author's Response: Of course! So happy you liked that detail!

I'm sure it was pretty shocking and scary for both of them. I was a bit worried that it wasn't verosimilar for them to tell the truth so soon, but in all honesty how could they not? I would've exploded if I didn't tell someone. And they were lucky to have found such nice people!

Ahahah! I know what you mean! I suppose I did go a bit soft there...

Can't tell... Sorry... :P Keep reading and you'll know!

Thank you so much, darling! I'm so happy you are enjoying this story! Can't wait to hear what you think of the following chapters, too!!!

Tons of love, hugs and kisses!
Chiara


 Report Review

Review #4, by marauderfanTwo Lilies: I hate my name

10th July 2015:
Chiara! Omg, I saw the summary of this and was like WAIT ANOTHER STORY ABOUT LILY GOING BACK IN TIME AND MEETING HER GRANDPARENTS?!? I was so excited. And then I read the first section and it was totally not what I expected - in fact, what you have is better! I can't wait to see where this goes. :D Someone who doesn't like the Harry Potter series, ending up in the Potterverse somehow. Ahaha it's such a great premise!! (also how can I do this too? :P )

I laughed at Lily disliking her name. At least it's not as bad as like, Hyacinth or something. :P

Lily's narration is pretty funny. She seems like a typical teenager - bored by school and looking forward to the party at the cool guy's house. I like how much she goes on about all the boring school things she doesn't like, such as history and logarithms... Well, she thinks it's a boring day but I have a feeling it's all about to get very interesting! omg DID THEY SWITCH PLACES?!?!?!

I LOVE THIS

Author's Response: Hey Kristin!
Wow, I didn't expect you on this one! And I'm so happy that I caught you by surprise!!! Well, I read a lot of stories of people who end up in the Marauder era and then try to fix things. I didn't want this to happen here, so I wanted someone who didn't have knowledge of what was going to happen. And to have someone who hates Harry Potter just gives a very funny perspective! :)

Erm... Well, I'm afraid I don't know (I think I would've already left for Hogwarts ages ago if I knew...) But Lily arrived there because she was wishing to go away... Maybe if you wish it hard enough... Give it a try... :P

Ahahah! No, definitely not that bad!!! :P

She is the typical teenager. Well, not completely, but mostly. Boredom will be the least of her problems soon!

Thank you so much! Your enthusiasm makes me smile so widely! I'm so, so happy you enjoyed this first chapter!!!

Tons of love,
Chiara


 Report Review

Review #5, by marauderfanOn Crumbling Lives: Return

9th July 2015:
Hi! Congrats on leaving 100 reviews - what an accomplishment!! :) Sorry I took so long with the review haha, I'm the slowest reviewer ever!

I love Hogwarts era stories, and those focusing on life during the war are always so interesting. And I absolutely love what you've started with here - I've read some stories about Astoria before, but none that focus on what both of the Greengrass sisters are going through. In particular I love your characterization of Daphne. How she's so cold and calculating, and generally jaded with how things are in the war - enough to speak out against it in the company of people who will listen, but she doesn't care enough to change things once she realizes she can't just run away to another continent. The scene with her sister was sweet, how she tries to be comforting even though she doesn't really believe her own words.

It's interesting how Daphne doesn't seem to be as affected by the war as Astoria is, yet Daphne still begs her parents to move the family to America. I get the feeling Daphne is very good at putting on a mask at school, and only lets her real worries show through when she's with her family. Because the two times she displayed any feeling were just in conversations with her family, but with her friends at school or demonstrating spells in classes, she legitimately doesn't seem to care - she's given up.

Omg, it was horrible what Amycus Carrow made her do! Not entirely surprising, but still wow. Her reaction to the whole thing makes me feel as if she's really on her own side - not supporting the actions of the Death Eaters, but not bothering enough to take a stand against them. It's like she doesn't like the current system, but doesn't think it's worth it to change it. She's a really interesting character so far.

Poor Astoria, too - she seems far more emotional and thus (I predict) far more likely to care, and to want to do something - but it will take a while for her to be brave enough, given what happened here and how she just said what she was supposed to and then cried about it. Gah, poor girl. I want to give her a hug :(

One thing I thought I might mention - normally when two people are talking to one another, they don't often use each other's names (because it's clear who they're talking to). So in the section where Daphne and Astoria are on the train, it feels a bit awkward - Daphne uses Astoria's name twice in the same short paragraph, but it's probably not necessary in the conversation.

That aside, I think you are doing a wonderful job with this story and tbh I'm glad it focuses on the Greengrass sisters and doesn't really involve Astoria/Draco at all. Definitely makes your story stand out and gives a chance for underappreciated characters to shine! I'm so glad I checked out this story - it's a great start and I can't wait to read more.

Thanks for the swap :D

Author's Response: Hi Kristin!

Thanks so much for such a long and lovely review!!

I usually only see stories were only one of these sisters is an interesting character and the other is tossed to the wayside. With this one, I'm trying to focus on both of them equally. With Daphne, she's a true Slytherin, through and through. That's not to say she's evil or a bad person, but she exemplifies Slytherin traits. And she definitely is jaded. I mean, seeing the side of the war that she sees, it's hard not to be jaded.

And you're definitely right in saying that she does not let her mask down except for family, and even then, she'll never be overly emotional. At school, Daphne would never let anyone see her in a moment of weakness. She doesn't care enough about either side to support as well at this point. She cares about her own survival and her family's survival, so she isn't about to put herself on the line for the greater good or whatever.

And Astoria! I love Astoria so much. This actually started as a Draco/Astoria story, but then her backstory became infinitely more interesting than his or their romance, but Draco does make a sneaky appearance further in.

I'm also going to fix that thing you mentioned with the dialogue right away! You're totally right about it - having them say each other's names is unnatural and nothing bothers me more than unnatural dialogue.

Thanks so much for reading and if you keep going, I'd love to know what you think about the sisters' character growth!

Thanks again!

Stefanie


 Report Review

Review #6, by marauderfanToo Sexy: For My Love

6th July 2015:
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL



(that might be my most useless review ever, but it really sums up all I had to say)

Author's Response: (this might be my favorite review from you - okay, that's a lie but I love it)

 Report Review

Review #7, by marauderfanLove in Three Acts: Epilogue: After the Curtain Fell

4th July 2015:
Prize review #6! I'm glad to end on a happier note.

I'm so glad they were able to become friends again - it has this wonderful bittersweet quality how both of them still have feelings for each other and a lot of guilt and just so much baggage from the past, but they can't really face that just yet and so they go back to being friends, and seeing where it goes. I think this story also gives a lot of context to Sirius' moodiness in HIKML - when I read that, I interpreted that as Sirius being jealous that his friend has an actual life now and someone special - but this fills in the gaps and kind of adds to that jealousy in that Sirius kind of wishes it were him instead of Tonks.

Feelings are complicated

This was a great story (as is everything you've written - I would know. I think now I have read everything of yours!) and I'm really glad to have had the chance to read it! Once again congratulations on your superb entry for the Non-Linear Challenge!

 Report Review

Review #8, by marauderfanLove in Three Acts: Act 3: Betrayal

4th July 2015:
Back with your last two prize reviews! This chapter was so sad and I'm so angry at Sirius for being a jerk, first cheating and then blaming everything that happened on Remus' jealousy. And Remus' whole life just makes me so sad and how so many horrible things happen to him and he just dwells on it. They've both lost so much, but the way each of them deals with it is so different.

I thought you did really well with making this chapter fit in with why Remus was assumed to be the spy on the Potters - he was alone and off by himself because he didn't want any run ins with Sirius, but that made Sirius think that Remus was the spy who'd been giving information to Voldemort.

James definitely put Sirius in his place - a good friend will do that, I think. But I still was really shocked when James punched him. (He deserved it though.)

this was just the most angsty chapter in the world. i feel like a hippogriff stomped on my heart.

now my heart is flat.

with that, i will sadly click the 'next' button and hopefully you will not unleash anymore hippogriffs of feels in that last chapter. (let's be real it's still going to be all the feels)

excellent work and i'm sorry my capitalization skills have devolved. they were stomped on along with my heart. i still love your writing though ;)

 Report Review

Review #9, by marauderfanLove in Three Acts: Act 2: Romance

3rd July 2015:
Nooo

I'm so angry at Sirius! Ugh! How is he going to explain that! But also, I do think Remus should hear Sirius out because maybe there IS an explanation - Remus tends to assume the worst about people's opinions of him so maybe there's an explanation but Remus is already sinking into self pity and won't listen. Either way, I know it's gonna end sadly :(

(I'm doing this review kind of in backwards order... which I guess is appropriate given that this is a prize review for a non linear story?) Anyway, I loved Sirius and Remus' trip to Diagon Alley - it's so like Sirius to run all over the place as a dog and snarl at Death Eaters while Remus has to use his words, fast. Haha. Death Eaters are dog people - if only they'd passed that info along to the Order!

Winning line of this chapter: “I can’t go to James and Lily’s wedding wearing these. They’re… they’re sexy pants,” Remus said in a low voice. -- AHAHAHA. I DIED.

okay also the scene where they were cuddling was just way too adorable. I could see Remus as being someone who enjoys his personal space and Sirius being someone who really doesn't like personal space and is way more touchy feely with people. But the last line of that section was so sad - Remus is in love, but he won't say it! AHSDJFASJD and the same problems plagued him like 15 years later with Tonks. But that's another story.

I will be back to finish this story later this weekend but right now I have a date with Game of Thrones binge watching. (I need to catch up on the recent season before all the spoilers find their way to my ears omg) Cheerio!

 Report Review

Review #10, by marauderfanLove in Three Acts: Act 1: Friendship

3rd July 2015:
Here with prize review #3! Yes, I had actually not read this one before. I don't read a lot of wolfstar fics because I really love the wonderful friendship between the four Marauders without anything else in the way, just bromance haha, but every time I read a wolfstar fic I remember how much I love them! Sirius and Remus have really well matched personalities which makes them make a lot of sense together. And because these stories are always fated to end sadly, which is, for some reason, something I love in fic. Anyway, I'm way ahead of myself because this chapter is the friendship chapter and aaah this is so what I love, just a chapter of Marauder goofiness and having a water fight in a graveyard and pretending to be Americans from the Salem Academy of Motors. I just love the whole thing, and I want to be friends with all of them.

You build up the tension in this so well - it's really subtle but building all along, and neither one of them mentions it until the end and BAM it's obvious. I really liked the way you orchestrated the buildup. And that line about celestial bodies with gravitational pull - maybe I just love metaphors with space, but gah that was a phenomenal sentence! Beautiful.

Maybe because you've written two novels about Remus, but I feel like you actually know him personally. How else would you be able to write him SO PERFECTLY, with his tactfulness and really subtle dry humor and low self confidence and all the things that make him Remus? Seriously, you write him so well. OMG AND THEN THIS If dry humor were an art, Remus would be its Da Vinci. -- Ahaha! Love it.

This is such a lovely opening chapter and I'm really eager to read the rest and have my heart broken by you for the 17th time (it's inevitable). *Terminator voice* I'll be back!

 Report Review

Review #11, by marauderfanOutsider: Friendship and Freak-Outs

3rd July 2015:
HI! I LOVE STORIES ABOUT DUDLEY HAVING A MAGICAL CHILD! Even though it's not canon (I think JKR denied it in an interview), it's still my headcanon. Anyway, that was what drew me in and I'm so glad I happened to click on this as it's such a wonderful start!

Your writing is very well put together and thought out, which is something I really appreciate. You've put a lot of effort into creating these characters - and I especially liked the first chapter and how you wrote Dudley - he's changed so much since he was a teenager, as most people do, but in some ways he's very much the same person regarding his stubbornness and the dislike of magic that he'd grown up with. I love that he was the one to reach out to Harry after not talking for so many years - and that just as quickly, he turns his back when he doesn't get what he wants! Ah, I just love what you've done with his character.

And it's really interesting to see how he doesn't know what to do when his own daughter is magical. The Dudley-tantrum in this chapter made me laugh, as he's reverted to his former self for just a bit, but in a more adult way :p And his reaction to the Hogwarts letter! Obviously he should know that burning it won't work - there's no way to stop the letters - but it's just such an instinctual reaction and a lot like his father, as much as he wishes he wasn't like his father sometimes. Sorry this is such a ramble. But I really liked your character analysis of Dudley.

I also liked the way you addressed Dudley's bullying in this fic, how Dudley really saw his teenage decisions in a new light, even more so when it's his daughter being bullied and he feels so ashamed of his past.

Nora's new friend seems really nice! I'm glad she got all the information about Hogwarts from him, and that she already has a friend before she goes into school. And I love that she's biracial. I'm always in favour of diverse characters on HPFF and I'm really eager to know more about her and her family! I wonder if Dudley's parents have gotten over their initial disapproval of Preeya, and what they think of Nora. I really like Nora so far, and looking forward to more of her story. Anyway, lots to think about - I just love how you've started this off and I'm really excited to read more of this when you update!

Author's Response: DUDLEY HAVING A MAGICAL CHILD IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE HEADCANONS TOO! :D And lol I've chosen to completely ignore Rowling on this one. :P
I'm so glad you think Dudley is well-developed as a character! That was one of my main concerns when writing this.
And yes, Nora getting bullied is a kind of unfortunate poetic irony.:(
Thanks so much for this wonderful review, It made my day! :D


 Report Review

Review #12, by marauderfanYou Don't Own Me: Don't

3rd July 2015:
Rose! I am here with your 2nd prize review! Again, I'm so sorry about how long it took - but I didn't forget! My excuse is that I live on a boat and there is no internet out there. But enough of my excuses. Onto SCORPIUS DUMPING CORBIN! (I hope).

Okay, wow. This was much more intense than I expected it to be - but I must applaud you for writing it. I can definitely believe it was a hard one-shot to write!! It was such incredibly powerful writing - the use of second person definitely contributed to that, as it feels like it's sort of happening to you the reader, rather than just a fictional character. It makes it so much scarier and I was so invested in Scorpius' story and wanted him to get out! I'm glad he was able to eventually realize how sour the relationship had gotten, and that he asked for help - that was brave of him and so necessary, and I'm just so happy he got away in the end. I must admit I'm worried about Corbin stalking him, given how possessive he is, but hopefully he'll just stay away.

“I wish you wouldn’t push me like you do,” he says weepily. -- This, in a sentence, is the problem with their relationship (well, there are many problems, but this one is harder to notice but its effect is so strong) - that in all his gestures of kindness and his acting hurt, Corbin is blaming Scorpius, the victim, for Corbin's own reaction. Not okay. And it took a while for Scorpius to pick up on it because Corbin manages to make Scorpius pity him for something that's Corbin's own fault - Scorpius didn't make him react that way, Corbin acted that way all on his own. But aah, as much as it hurts me to read how destructive this relationship is, I am so glad you wrote it and really went into all these tough issues because victim blaming is a REAL thing and this fic just clearly displays all the reasons why it's wrong. Kudos.

This was a wonderfully written fic. I love fics that focus on controversial topics and difficult themes and this certainly fit the bill - it was so good and you handled a difficult topic with a lot of tact and seriousness. Thanks for selecting this one, I'm glad I read it!

Author's Response: Kristin!!!

I don't think I had anything new for you to read anyway - plus your reviews are worth the wait 100% of the time.

Well, I didn't mean for it to get so dark. My original concept was pretty not this difficult and twisted. There were a lot of levels of difficult to this - the site rules restricted some of what I was going to include (iwth the physical abuse aspect) and emotionally I didn't want to dwell on this for too long. I don't think this woudl have worked with third or first person perspective. It's just too emotional for those. I think it was the destruction of his photos that really made him see how bad it was. I suppose it was the closest I could get to him wanting to protect waht he cares about more than himself. :( I do think scorpius will struggle with some stalking after this but... for now he's safe.

When I wrote that sentence my stomach really dropped. It's the type of jerk thing I've heard from people who don't know how to take responsiblity for their actions or words. I had to include the kindness because it made him seem less bad (to scorpius). I didn't start with the intention of making this a victim blaming story (when I first thought of it in Jan) but as the idea sat with me that came out as somethng I should address.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this and that I addressed the topic/situation well!

*hug*

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #13, by marauderfanWaltzing Matilda: Prologue

3rd July 2015:
ilovethissomuch

Okay, first of all, I knew this would be brilliant because I love both of you, and you're amazing writers, and that blog Emily posted about the behind the scenes of this story was hilarious, AND YOUR USERNAME IS AD DINOSAURUM. I love it too much.

So - this prologue - I love everything about it, from how cute Albus and Scorpius are, to the witty dialogue I have come to expect from both of you, to the fact that Scorpius actually listened to Professor Binns, to how much it sets up for a super excellent story. I am so eager to see how things go in Australia, and how Albus and Scorpius are going to make it work when their jobs are on two different continents, and basically i am so stoked about this story.

I can definitely understand Albus' reaction - how else do you react when your partner surprises you with such huge news in such a nonchalant way? But I really love how once he gets past his surprise, and his annoyance that Scorpius accepted the job without discussing it with him, Albus is still really supportive and helps give him confidence. ♥

I want to know more about this Australian magic school! I'm also kind of interested to find out what Scorpius thinks of Vegemite.

Your writing is so entertaining and I love it. Great job on this, both of you! I'm so excited to see a new chapter on this in the near future :D

 Report Review

Review #14, by marauderfanThe Exchange Student: Prologue

3rd July 2015:
Meggg!!! I was so excited to see that review you left for me this morning that I had to visit your AP and leave a thank you review :P (Sorry about increasing your unanswered review count... i'll try and keep this short so you don't have to work too hard on the response hehe. But omg it might be hard for me to keep this short just because I'm so excited about this new story!!)

I am really glad to see that you're writing from Snape's POV, because honestly I don't see many stories from Snape's POV - and when I do, they're usually about Lily - so this already starts out quite original and I can't wait to see how you balance out his love for Lily and his feelings for Hermione as well. Not to mention that I'm just really eager to have an insight into Snape's mind because he's such an enigmatic character.

Ooh, also SECOND PERSON, I love it so much. I also love when things start at the end and then go back to the beginning. And things that have sad endings. Basically from what I can tell of this story, it's a recipe for all the things I love and is going to be amazing!

I love your descriptive word choice too! Aaah this line -- When she came into your life like a tornado, and left just as quickly; leaving behind the ruins of your abandoned and damaged heart. -- that's so vivid, and tragic in a beautiful way.

And let's not forget that really interesting spin you put on that scene as Snape dies, when he begs Harry to look at him - I love how you reworked it such that it doesn't contradict canon, but adds more to it. So cool the way you did that.

LOVE IT! I am a little sad that there will be a long time before the next update but I am hardly one to judge people on that - you're still a much faster writer than I am :p I'm looking forward to the next chapter of this (and of SSS)!!

(Sooo... this ended up being a tiny bit longer than I intended, sorry. I just have a lot of feelings.)

Awesome chapter!



 Report Review

Review #15, by marauderfanPitfalls for the Unwary : Run

18th June 2015:
Hello! I'm here for our swap!

Wow, if you were going for the suspense/nail-biting/eeek vibe, you totally nailed it. Even though this was a short chapter, it felt like there was a lot covered in it. The first paragraph was really fast-paced and there was a lot going on in it - but it was effective because it seemed to fit with how Hermione must be processing all these events- everything is happening in such quick succession and it's all a jumble to her. I liked the way you did that.

And the way you introduced Fenrir Greyback first by his voice. Ooh, that was so creepy. Like, you could have said "the voice of Fenrir Greyback" but this is like ten times more chilling that it's the familiar raspy voice she recognizes first before she places who it is.

Hermione is a quick thinker, even under stress, and I like that you showed that here. And I love that last line, that all these things were the least of her problems - scary! It is such an effective hook though and makes me want to continue! I do wonder where Harry and Ron have got off to, if they escaped.

I'm sorry this was more of a rambly reaction than a useful review :p but I really did like it! It's super effective and I love the use of detail in everything that's happening to Hermione, it makes the scene feel that much more real (and scary!) Love it. Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Thank you ever so much for the swap. I am really pleased that you felt that the tension and panic came across in the first paragraph. I am always really worried about the first paragraph when I write something as it sets the tone and I really didn't want to mess that up.

Thank you for the lovely comments about the way I introduced Greyback. I noticed that in the books JKR as a tendency to highlight Greyback's voice when he is in a scene (as if it is his most distinctive feature;) I suppose I just learnt from the master. Plus, by withholding his name (even momentarily) it helps to build the tension.

Thank you for your kind words regarding my portrayal of Hermione and the level of detail. So far I have written almost 30 thousand words of this story (in various sages of editing) and the biggest challenge I have discovered with writing this so far is preventing Hermione from looking weak while still maintaining a high level of apprehension. I had hoped that this introductory chapter (even though it is short) manages to reflect Hermione's strength under pressure.

I love the fact that you describe your review as a reaction - I think that is one of the best types of reviews (especially when the chapter is so short.)

Many thanks,
~Elfy


 Report Review

Review #16, by marauderfanFounders Four: Pillars of the Ages: Chapter one: The Beginning

18th June 2015:
Founders Review Swap! :p

I love Founders stories and it's always so great to find more of them in the archives as it's an era that needs more appreciation for sure! I really enjoyed what I have read of yours so far - this is a great first chapter!

What's most interesting and stands out the most to me is the way in which it's told, with the speaking directly to the reader from the narrator (i.e. "Reader, I cannot promise a happy tale") - it makes it feel like one of those old kind of dark fairy tales which is really appropriate to the time period. I also like that it starts out by saying that it will not be happy. That's honestly part of the appeal of Founder's stories for me - they always end sadly and make me feel all the feels.

Your setting descriptions are wonderful and really help set the medieval scene. and I love the introductions of Salazar and Godric! I'm not sure yet how these two scenes relate but I would imagine that some sort of connection is coming soon. The idea of a young Salazar Slytherin hiding up in a tree to read and hide from his mother is oddly amusing to me, and yet still fits what we know of his character very well. And Godric - haha, I loved that scene with Ingvar Slytherin and how Godric just pushes his buttons as if he hasn't been away for ten years. It's such a neat idea that he had a mentor - and provides a reasonable explanation for how Godric and Salazar might have become friends.

This is a great start and I love the tone you have set. That's such an important feature in Founders stories especially, because you want it to feel old-timey, and it does. Well done!

FYI, I noticed a typo in the beginning of the Godric section - "relitivly" should be spelt "relatively" ;)

Overall though this was a wonderful read! Thanks for the swap!

 Report Review

Review #17, by marauderfanAt The Lake: At The Lake

16th June 2015:
Here for our review swap!

Wow, this is really impressive the amount you have managed to put into only 500 words! Congrats on that, because I know how hard it is and you've done wonderfully. And what a lovely pairing too ♥ I don't think I had seen that before but I really love it!

Your descriptions, particularly setting the scene in the beginning, are beautiful. I particularly like the bit about the ripples in the reflection on the lake faintly echoing her appearance - what a superb visual.

I also like that you really touched on those feelings of alienation Gabrielle would have at Hogwarts, at a school where she doesn't speak the language very well, and knows no one, and is really just there to be a prop in the tournament for Fleur. Poor girl! And then Daphne arrives just at the right moment, a friendly face in a crowd that of people who don't care about her - it was a lovely moment.

While most of the relationship is behind the scenes, it's really neat the way you have interspersed their first meeting and their wedding and how you were able to convey so many emotions that way, especially how Gabrielle is just as entranced by Daphne that day as she was when they first met - how it's set up, it kind of gives this feeling of their love unchanging through the years, which is sweet.

Lovely work on this! Thanks for the swap!!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the swap and the lovely review!

I actually found it pretty easy to keep this to 500 words. I have been working on keeping my writing direct and concise, and have been reading a lot of other EWC entries. Once I drafted this I think I actually had to ADD words.

I'm glad you liked the pairing! It seemed super weird at first, especially with the age and geographical differences, but once the plot bunny came it just seemed so natural.

Thank you so much for your compliments on my descriptions! That is also something I've been working on, as I historically tend to get pretty wordy describing characters' emotions, and the one-shot I did focusing on descriptions got too wordy doing that! So it's definitely good to hear that I've struck a good balance here.

Thanks again!

Sam.


 Report Review

Review #18, by marauderfanAreopagitica: Prologue

16th June 2015:
Hi! I'm so glad you posted about a swap as it brought me to this wonderful story. First of all, I love the title! I was not familiar with that word before and when I got to the end and saw your authors note, well it's really just perfect and I can't think of a better title especially for something focusing on the war year at Hogwarts when students voices were censored and the Carrows had the run of the place. And being a historical pamphlet from the 17th century just fits in so well with all you were saying about history in the last paragraph of the chapter. I love that! Anyway, on to the actual story!

Actually before I even get into the plot yet I'm just going to mention how much I love Luna and there are so few stories that really focus on her so I'm really glad to see this. She is a great character and her perspective is such an interesting one as she's got this balance of eccentric and very profound/sentimental, and you've managed to touch on both of those in just a short opening chapter - her fondness for bright coloured things, gifts from her father - and the way she shares her gifts with her housemates, that is so Luna.

Those quills, though! What are they! And gloves, are those going to have blue lights too? I'm really curious what all the little gifts are for! As of now it just seems that they bring a little light in the darkness, and that alone would be such a Luna thing to do, but I can't help wondering if there's something more to it, like they all connect and pass on messages in the way that the DA coins do.

You've certainly given me a lot to think about! This is a wonderful opening chapter and I'm eager to read more of it! Thanks for the swap! ♥

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for the review!

I didn't expect many people to know what Areopagitica is or means, but I really like what it stands for once you do know the history of it - political involvement, awareness, anti-censorship, rebellion! It's perfect for what I'm writing. Actually, the word 'Areopagitica' has a longer history than what I explained in my author's note since John Milton took it from an Ancient Greek speech, but I won't get into all that now!

I really wanted to write about Luna during the Carrows year because she's such a ray of sunshine. Also, as you'll see later on, only Luna could be doing this.

Well, I won't give anymore away, but I hope you stick around to read the rest!

Thanks for the review!

Stefanie


 Report Review

Review #19, by marauderfanTaming the Dragon Tamer: [two]

16th June 2015:
Hi Anja! I read and loved the first chapter of this a while ago (as the Snorkack) and your status today reminded me to come back! Thanks for offering to review people's stories - it's so kind of you :)

I love how enthusiastic Charlie is talking about the dragons, and especially the back story of that Welsh Green, Miranda. It's like you're making the dragon an actual character in the story by giving it this whole history, which is appropriate given how attached Charlie is to the dragons. I'm not really sure why that whole section stood out to me so much, but I just loved that you gave them their own story.

As well as the thought you put into how the dragons have to be transported all over the place and cant all just be released in Romania. I'm glad they don't just release them. My ecologist brain was wondering about the ramifications of introducing a nonnative dragon species and what it would effect. Maybe I'm thinking too hard about this. :p Anyway, to get back on topic, I like how much thought you put into the dragons' individual stories as well as how the dragon taming business works (because it's really not described much in the books!)

Bwahaha, I really enjoyed when Christopher totally proved Charlie's unfounded assumptions wrong.
Charlie: You know nothing, Christopher Parker.
Christopher: [CALMLY DROPS THE KNOWLEDGE BOMB AND HELPS THE SICK DRAGONS.]

Your characters are wonderful so far - it's very evident just how passionate Charlie is about things that he cares about, like the dragons he considers his 'babies'. And another thing that's great about your portrayal of Charlie is how his prejudice is shown as such a character flaw and how he's not one-sided about it - he feels a lot of regret about being rude, but doesn't know how to apologise because his ego gets in the way. And in that way he's a perfect contrast to Chris, who doesn't have much of a temper or an ego, he's just pretty chill and unflappable. I think they can both learn a lot from each other. That last line is wonderful as it leaves it pretty open to lots of possibilities. This is a wonderful story Anja, and I'm so glad I came back to read more of it! :)

Author's Response: Hello again!

I really loved the Snorkacks review, thank you so much for that. I love offering reviews because feedback is so important for all of us, and it helps me find stories I probably wouldn't have come across otherwise. So you see it's mostly just selfish need to find the next great story. ;)


I'm so glad you commented on that section! I think Charlie's love for the dragons is so strong that for him they are definitely like people. Everyone who owns a cat probably knows how different they can be... mine is stubborn and crazy and flings herself at the vaccume cleaner every time trying to protect me from the fierce beast making so much noise. We got her off the street as a kitten when she was starved almost to death and it took months for me to be able to touch her without wearing thick leather gloves or she would bite and scratch me badly.

Sorry for going off on a tangent here, I guess what I wanted to say is our pets/animals do have a back story and it's important if you love them. That's why Miranda's is important to Charlie.

Hahaha yeah, I've been thinking along the same lines about letting non-native dragons roam free... kind of like introducing rabbits to Australia - that ended well too.

Chris really is a no-nonsense kind of guy. I love him, probably because he's how I would like to be myself, but I'm just not that cool about stuff.

I'm really glad people seem to enjoy Charlie's flaws just as much as his good sides. I think it makes him more real somehow, relateable.

Thank you for your awesome review, it really made my day!

~Anja


 Report Review

Review #20, by marauderfanThe Worst: From Bad to Worse

15th June 2015:
You incredibly wonderful person, leaving me all those lovely reviews. ♥ This review is for me to say thank you! (And also because I'm so excited to see another chapter on this story!!!)

This was a really surprising chapter. I couldn't think of who had written that letter - and Julia is probably the last person I would have guessed. I also don't know how Julia could possibly have thought that plan would work, since it depends on so many things happening exactly as she wants them to and life just isn't like that. *headdesk* Regardless, I'm glad the girls made up again afterwards and that they're still on good terms because I don't think Dom can lose anyone else just now, especially not her best friend. Though... I am a bit nervous to see how Julia will resolve the situation, or whether she'll muck it up even more :p I am really curious what Julia will end up saying to Teddy to explain it all, haha.

Ah! I need to know what happens! This is a great chapter and I can't believe there's only one left. You've done a wonderful job on this story so far and I'm so eager to know how it ends.



 Report Review

Review #21, by marauderfanAs Fate Would Have It: 20 Questions and Cheat

30th May 2015:
HI GRACE HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I know I'm a bit early but I won't have internet for the rest of the week and saw that your birthday was coming up so here's an early review. And it's already your birthday in New Zealand and Australia so really I'm not that far ahead with this, maybe Canada is just behind :p

Aaaanyway. I really liked this chapter, and I love how it's such a flip of the previous one - rather than despair at being stuck in the airport for Christmas (at which her despair is quite understandable - this almost happened to me once too) now she is really enjoying the time, with her airport family, so to speak. She's made some new friends and they're playing card games super competitively -sounds like a lot of fun, considering! I'm glad she stepped out of her comfort zone and went to introduce herself to a group of strangers as everyone involved was probably much happier with the companionship. Not to mention that game is pretty impossible with only two people :p

The discussion Roxanne and Alyssa had about their lives though, every minute I was worried she'd slip up! There's so much to watch out for talking about - even when she pretends she's a doctor, then she gets asked about surgery and isn't familiar enough with Muggles to know what that is. Her reaction made me laugh! Though poor Alyssa, she must have been so weirded out to be talking with someone who is (claiming to be) a doctor and has no concept of what surgery is. I'd be suspicious, haha.

A lovely chapter! Great job and hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow :)

Author's Response: OH MY GOODNESS HELLO THANK YOU! I'm so glad to hear that you liked the chapter! I'm sure if Dom hadn't had her airport family there to keep her company it would've been a very sad stay for her. It all depends on who you're spending time with really. Card games are especially fun to play at airports, especially when you're friends with super competitive people because then things get interesting.

I had the most fun writing their discussion because I knew how confused Roxanne must've been with all of the muggle stuff that Alyssa was talking about and the amount of quick-thinking that she would've had to do during the conversation to not slip up.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEW I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS!


 Report Review

Review #22, by marauderfanHigh Romance: Prologue

30th May 2015:
Hi Laura :) I don't know how you do it, but all of your writing (that I've read) has such a beautiful, ethereal quality to it. Even this, which is about a delayed flight at an airport, about the most mundane, least ethereal thing that can happen to a person. But somehow you give it this really beautiful quality and that's so impressive!

Having spent my fair share of time in airports as well, so many parts of this were instantly relatable, like the way airports are hypnotic and draining and leave you feeling 'like not a person at all', and the way the lights are always harsh and you can see the tiredness on your face in the light. These tiny details you've included just make the scene so rich and relatable and I feel like I'm right there. Not only do I feel like I'm right in the scene, but also experiencing the same kind of detached, lonely and exhausted feeling Rose has.

There is so much loneliness expressed in this chapter, the last flight on a long succession of flights, alone, where Rose (well, I assume it's Rose!) has changed on her travels and is going back to a place where things haven't changed, such as (presumably) Scorpius.

This is seriously gorgeous writing. The one thing I'm left wondering is why Rose is taking an aeroplane rather than a Portkey, but I suppose that's not necessarily an important detail to include in a prologue, haha. Speaking of which, this is such a short chapter but expresses SO MUCH, and that's a mark of really grest writing.

Love it!

Author's Response: Heya! ♥

Thank you so so much for this review - honestly! I swear, all of your reviews reduce me to a blubbering mess on the floor, you are just so kind and your reviews are always so lovely and unexpected. Thank you so much ♥

I'm really glad that you enjoyed this and that it was at least interesting! I was a bit hesitant because I was concerned that nothing really happens here, but as you say it is just a prologue after all! Hopefully it gives a good indication of the tone and of Rose's character :) airports are the worst, but they're also really interesting too! You're allowed to feel like a zombie in them and because they all roughly look the same I have a theory that they're all secretly one place haha. Hehe your Portkey related question will be answered soon I promise! I do have an answer to it, just not yet :)

Thanks for the really amazing review, honestly. You're the best! ♥

Laura xxx


 Report Review

Review #23, by marauderfanEffortlessly Dead: Issues with Trust

30th May 2015:
Hi Emmi! I'm so glad to see another chapter on this story :)

Besides, many pure-bloods scorn Muggleborns because they can’t list a magical ancestry as long as their arm. As far as I’m concerned, that’s more condemnable. We at least hate each for something we’ve done, not because of our supposed pedigree.” -- wow, for all the angry, short tempered things Menna says, sometimes she's got some profound points as well.

I would have guessed agoraphobia too - though that whole episode was pretty surprising! I can't blame Galen for being so shocked and unsure of how to react but he covered for her well. I love that she goes right back to her short temper and ordering him around haha. But there was a moment of vulnerability there when she thought she could trust Galen and wasn't sure what that meant, and I think that will be important later.

Eeek who was watching? That is such an eerie feeling to have when you sense that someone is nearby. Ah, it's Vance. That was a really interesting interaction between the three of them - and I definitely agree with Menna's assessment of him that he's not trustworthy. Just the fact that he's not on Murdo's side when he's supposedly working for him raises an alarm - he seems like the type of person who would switch sides at a moment's notice if the convenience suits him. Defininitely not the sort of person Menna needs on her side.

Ahahaha though I laughed so hard when Vance was trying to push their buttons and said Galen is attracted to Menna, their reactions were so awkward and she clearly felt way out of her depth. Still, I'm not giving up hope for this ship to sail eventually :p

This was an awesome chapter! I am really enjoying this story and can't wait to find out what will happen next.

Author's Response: I'm so sorry it took me a while to answer this! Real life has been pretty hectic for the last couple of days.

Menna would like for me to inform you that she can say some pretty profound things once in a while. :) Just between you and me, though, those moments are few and far between... ;)

Menna's lived so secluded life I'm surprised that she thought it would be a good idea to go in places where there's a chance to meet many people at the same time. :P Then again, she's known for doing stupid stunts like that. I think it's been pretty much established by now that the short temper and being bossy is (mostly) a facade - after all, she's only sixteen going on seventeen and alone without any support from her family (because of the aforementioned stupid stunts...) As for whether the things you listed will be important... Maybe, maybe not. ;)

I'm so glad you assessed Vance so correctly when you take into account he's only appeared three times! He's exactly as you said he is - an opportunist of the worst kind. Definitely not someone Menna (or anyone else for the matter) should trust. He's amusing, though. :)

I had so much fun writing that scene and I'm glad you enjoyed it as well! I think it was pretty obvious that Menna hadn't even considered that possibility. ;) I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't trying to nudge Menna and Galen in the romantic direction but we'll have to wait and see if that's the direction the story takes them. They're both pretty stubborn...

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

- Emmi


 Report Review

Review #24, by marauderfanFinally Reunited: Finally Reunited

28th May 2015:
Hello! I don't think I'd read any of your work before so I'm very lucky you posted about reviews or I don't know that I would have seen this - and I'm so glad I found this story!

Ahh, this is just such a cool idea and what I love is just how entirely open ended it is. There are so many possible explanations for when and where this is happening and its making me think so much, which is exactly what good writing should do. Here are my guesses.

This seems to me to be set after the deaths of James and Lily, as in the beginning James is reflecting on the good and bad in his life. And then at the end they are meeting Harry - which, ahh, so many feels. So this could be after Harry's death and he has gone to join his parents wherever they are, beyond.

Or, and I think this is my favorite interpretation of it, this takes place when Harry is looking into the Mirror of Erised in first year. The group mentioned at the end is various other members of the family, and Harry is standing in the doorway (aka frame of the mirror!) to greet them and see their faces. I just love the idea of that scene from the other side, from those who are in the mirror. It's not quite a reunion, but it's almost. Ahh.

Am I close? :p Regardless, I really enjoyed reading this. Lovely work.

Author's Response: I left it open deliberately to let people decide for themselves just because imagination is the best in these scenarios. I personally wrote it in mind of Ignotus Peverelle, the third brother, and how he 'greeted death as an old friend and went with him gladly, and, as equals they departed this life'. So this is set, in my mind, when Harry is very old and lived a long life. He's just gotten to the afterlife and about to catch up with everyone and it's just wonderful. I do like the mirror of Erisid idea as well and it's definitely an option so you're closer with the first option but it is open to whatever the reader thinks.

 Report Review

Review #25, by marauderfanSaving Severus Snape : vii.

28th May 2015:
I iz in the interwebz, stealthily visiting your AP with a surprise review! ;)

This was an awesome chapter and reminded me how much I had missed this story! I love the way you write Remus, he's so sweet. I want to be best friends with him. And I love the way he and Hermione start out as such close friends right from the start.

Wow, the bit about the scar that says Mudblood on her arm and how she's gone to such lengths to hide it but in a way she doesn't want to because of all it represents - that was such a powerful paragraph and I really appreciated. In honesty I had totally forgotten about that scar, but the mention of it really drove home the idea of how much she's already been through and why being in 1976 with some relatively carefree teenagers is slightly surreal to her.

Hahaha, I love that Rita Skeeter keeps showing up. And Hermione being so rude to her in French! XD So great. I hope Rita Skeeter is in every chapter. :p I don't know what is so amusing about it honestly.Probably the fact that when she grew up she was still the same exact person.

Ooh, another thing I liked was how Hermione really struggles with pretending to not know the nonverbal spells, as she has been using them for so long. Your description of how that felt was particularly great, how Hermione equates it to holding in a sneeze and suppressing instinctual reaction. I love how much thought you put into this.

Snape is stilll being grumpy. At least he's impressed by Hermione's mad skillz. Whether that turns into respect or resentment is yet to be discovered I guess...

Awesome chapter! Love it :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>