Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
1,467 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfanPeriphery: Chapter One

24th July 2016:
WOW this was a fantastic chapter! Very intense but I thought it was really well written.

The tone in the previous chapter was somber, mostly due to its stillness - and I don't necessarily think that you could use the same tone when telling this part of the story. This part is much earlier in time, and there's a lot more action. But starting at the point where Chloe first gets suspicious about the party invitation, the chapter still has a strong sense of unease and anxiety which, although different from the feeling in the first chapter, ties in really well with it. It's kind of like you've carried a similar tone to a very different setting. So yeah, I really like how you did the voice in this chapter.

Especially when they first walked into the baths. My first thought was "SLOW DOWN WASN'T THERE A ROMAN EMPEROR WHO WAS MURDERED IN THE BATHS?!?!" (and in fact I don't think there was, but I still got all kinds of nervous feelings about how that night would end the minute Emily and Chloe found the party.

the Fat Friar, on his way to the kitchens, where I’d heard he liked to look at the food he could no longer eat. -- haha, for some reason I just love that you chose to include this detail. It's not important for scene setting, but somehow it adds a lot of richness to the story - character background is so important, even if it is in little side anecdotes like this. Characters are never just there for that one moment, they have back stories and secrets and stuff like this contributes to a more comprehensive character next time they show up. (I don't know if that makes sense. but I love the details you choose to include and how that shapes characterization)

The way you show Chloe's personality in this, in regards to what she prioritizes in situations where she feels unsafe, is so effective at indicating what kind of a person she is. She didn't want to go to the party in the first place, and then her thoughts are occupied by how she can get Emily out of there, and her last resort is to escape alone and then tell a Prefect so she can get Emily out safely. Whereas Emily... Emily is the worst Hufflepuff. I really hope that when she left she was going to tell someone to help Chloe, much like Chloe was thinking when Chloe tried to escape, but... I don't know. I mean I get that she was scared and ran, but COME ON, THAT'S YOUR OWN COUSIN WHO WOULD NOT EVEN BE THERE IF NOT FOR YOU AND YOU LEAVE HER TO BE BURNED AND HALF DROWNED. UGhhh I have no respect for her right now. I'm interested to see what the fallout of this is going to be though.

The moment when she's shrieking that Chloe is a Mudblood kind of reminded me of that scene in the novel 1984 when Winston is being tortured. like, I don't think Emily hates Chloe, but betrays her because she's scared and in pain. That said, I'm still furious with her for leaving Chloe to endure that all alone.

I think your portrayal of Sirius was right on. Kind of joking and clueless at first, but once he catches on he's kind and helps take care of her.

And the Slytherins in the baths were terrifying, which means you did a really good job writing them, particularly the way they have such control over the situation and the way they hold that power over the two Hufflepuffs to make them feel vulnerable. It's sick. But effectively written.

I couldn’t remember how the way to the Hufflepuff basement. -- how to get to? or maybe just take out the word 'how'

I dully registered him kneel beside me -- kneeling?

One thing I did find myself wondering about - in the previous chapter, which takes place in 1981, Chloe states that she and Marlene have been best friends for 12 years. But in this chapter, which is 7 years prior to the first chapter, Chloe didn't seem to recognize Marlene and only referred to her by her last name. I mean, this could be because of the mental state she's in at the moment, dizzy, in pain, and half-drowned, but it seemed odd that she doesn't recognize Marlene at all. (Or is it a different McKinnon mentioned here?)

Well. I think that's everything I wanted to cover. Sorry I deteriorated into shouty CAPSLOCK for some of that haha I just have a lot of feelings. Anyway, I think this was a great chapter and even though it's different from the setting of the previous one, they complement each other nicely. Great work.

(eep I'm about to run out of characters)

 Report Review

Review #2, by marauderfanThe Letters to No-One: The Letters to No-One

23rd July 2016:
although Maximum Security attracts a higher concentration of Dementors, it is nestled in the heart of the prison, protected from the elements. -- Yes, always look on the bright side, Sirius :P

I'd never considered how difficult it would be for Sirius to see his former friends coming in to Azkaban bringing in the prisoners - Aurors with whom he used to be on the same side, and whom he was working with to send Death Eaters to Azkaban. And now everything is all backwards. That must be so jarring.

Hahaha, I love the idea that Remus engineered a prank all on his own and ended up getting James and Sirius in trouble for it. I've always thought Remus was the mastermind behind all of their best pranks. You have to be a good planner to come up with the really good ones :P

Gah, Sirius' letter to Remus is breaking my heart. This seems to be a habit of your stories :( But seriously, the way he says he should be angry but only feels love for him... wah. So sad. Especially because these letters never reach Remus, without a name or address. It seems like Sirius is just writing them because he needs to get the words out, and that's important whether or not the words are actually heard.

It's super sad too how he keeps remembering all these good old times with his friends, and the knowledge that the group fell apart as it did and ended up destroying one another. Like, he hates Peter, and in that instant wanted to kill him, but in Azkaban he keeps drifting back to thinking about being friends with him. And when Sirius is in isolation - although you don't mention the Dementors specifically there and taking good memories away, but in this section I realized Sirius actually thinks he killed Peter. And I found myself wondering if he can't remember the truth after so long stuck in Azkaban, or whether he thinks he figuratively killed Peter, because who Peter was as a teenager is not the same person who Sirius fought with the day after Halloween. interesting thought.

WRITING A LETTER TO LILY. *sobs* this is too much. That ending is so sad. But once again you've written such a beautiful story. Really well done.

 Report Review

Review #3, by marauderfanMuggle Studies: Muggle Studies

22nd July 2016:
Another one for the review hot seat.

What a great story! Often I review as I read, but I just got so absorbed in this one I forgot to do that :P (Sidenote: I can't fathom how you thought this was rusty. It was anything but.)

So first let's talk about the variety of different sources you used and how they all put together such a complete story. It doesn't feel like it needs traditional narration at all - everything you need is there, and what's beautiful is that it's so subtle. No narrator is there to interpret what happens, you just present all the facts and then the reader themselves has to draw their own conclusions. And I love that. Especially the bit about Posy disappearing, and then Artemisia Burke just happens to visit Tibs' father, and immediately afterwards is arrested and then has an alibi. That's what is said, but there's so much more going on here that's never said. I love how epistolary writing - and especially your story - encourages a reader to look between the lines and see how Posy is behind all of this (with Polyjuice potion I expect? or something) Her escape was quite a bold move, I have to say!

As for the plot itself re: Tiberius - Most of the way through I was caught in this weird indecision, because I suspected that he would end up as a Death Eater, but his desire to take Muggle Studies didn't really fit in with that, and in fact seemed pretty genuine. I mostly believed it. There were some warning signs though, like his essay where he started to write Mudblood instead of Muggle-born, and the end of his essay: That's why I chose this subject. Because that needs to change. -- Clever. Because there are a number of ways that could be interpreted.

I was so surprised Tiberius' father was having an affair with a Muggle-born woman! It makes his disgust with Tibs taking Muggle Studies even more hypocritical. Or perhaps he was worried Tibs would find out about it?

What happened in the end though, that was such a great twist. I wasn't sure who the last voice was, telling that last story, but what an ending. It showed a lot about the other side of Tibs and provided a lot more of an explanation as to why he took the class in the first place - as well as indicating how twisted and manipulative he really was from the beginning (even from the age of 12/13 when he first signed up for that class!)

Really well done. I was so impressed by this story - it's wonderful. Nice job.

 Report Review

Review #4, by marauderfanSilky Blue: Silky Blue

22nd July 2016:
Hi Isobel! I'm here for the review hot seat :)

Gah. So, this. At first I was frolicking in all the fluff and cuteness and just adoring the image of Dean and Seamus looking for jackets and being all cute, because Deamus is one of my favourite ships. Then you mentioned a bride and my heart broke a little. And then my heart broke a lot more when you mentioned the coffin and the funeral.

You knew. -- aah. How many times can my heart break in one fic I ask you?? I do really love bittersweet stories though, and this is as bittersweet as it gets. They were both just too afraid to admit their feelings to each other, even though they both had those feelings, and so they didn't end up together. And there's no chance at all of fixing that because Seamus is dead. How did he die? I'm tempted to assume he died of heartbreak because this story was just so darn sad. Or maybe that's me talking :P

Anyway, I really loved this, despite that it hurt. Your writing is so beautiful and I love the way it flows - it creates magnificent imagery. This is so wonderfully written - you're so talented! Great work.

 Report Review

Review #5, by marauderfanActions Speak Louder than Words: Better: Rose POV

19th July 2016:
One more for review hot seat! Also, this is my 1500th review which is exciting and I'm glad to be able to celebrate it with this story :)

I can find it kind of believable that Rose can't relate to Ron as well as she can relate to her uncle Harry. I mean, I totally see Harry as being super close with all of his family because he never had a family growing up, whereas Ron had a lot of brothers and is just better at relating to boys.

geez I can't believe Harry and Al were just chilling in his office while Al HAD BROKEN RIBS. I mean, seriously. Priorities. Thank goodness Rose stopped by.

YAY ROSE. That's a step in the right direction to talking about her feelings! It could easily be that she and Scorpius will just cuddle and hold hands and not talk about it (this is actually quite likely) but... she has to catch on by now that Scorpius likes her. That goofy grin was enough to give it away to even the most oblivious people.

And of course Harry has noticed :P

Aw, this chapter was really cute. Great work on it - I'm really loving the story so far!

 Report Review

Review #6, by marauderfanActions Speak Louder than Words: Bitter: Scorpius POV

18th July 2016:
Finally, we had dinner with Harry and Ginny, who never forgot the anniversary. -- This is so believable. Of course Harry would feel a lot of connection with a kid who's also lost his parents and has nowhere else to go - he was the same. I love this... especially because it shows how much Harry cares for Draco Malfoy's son, regardless of his history with Draco himself. That says so much about Harry. What a good person :)

eep Scorpius' thoughts about Rose are so cute. how he just wants to see her every day all the time. So yeah, he may not technically be a teenager anymore but based on the way he's acting... Aw. Young love :P

Oh I love that you described exactly what sort of corruption was going on in the Auror department (I mean, we knew the rest of the Ministry had problems, but it's nice to see the specifics for that department) and how Harry was able to restructure it.

haha that's like the classic teacher move, calling the person who's disrupting the class up to the front to 'volunteer' for whatever thing. Even worse when it's your dad noticing you not paying attention... Sorry, Albus! :P

Thank goodness for Scorpius intervening and saving the day. I think everyone else was too scared to..

“Albus Severus!” -- oh boy

Poor Al, though. He is under a lot of pressure. And I honestly loved the way they sorted all of that out. Harry has grown up a lot since Hogwarts, and seeing the way he handled that situation was really great. I think Al is very similar to how Harry was at that age, so Harry understands what his son needs. They can't both be hot-headed in this situation, and he recognized Al's achievements, and Scorpius's as well and it all turned out fine with no hard feelings. Good job Harry. And Scorpius of course.

I love that you had the Auror dept using the animal acronyms for their exams as well haha, the SNAKEs

Haha, Al at the end. What a sneaky devil :P

 Report Review

Review #7, by marauderfanActions Speak Louder than Words: Besotted: Rose POV

18th July 2016:
Another one for the hot seat!

Aah, seriously, who thinks the cruciatus curse isn't enough and actually invents a spell that intensifies it?!? Poor Rose, I can't believe she suffered six days of that. I did appreciate learning more about Rose's back story here though, and I'm glad she is starting to come face to face with her trauma rather than hiding from it. Of course that will be difficult, but she has good friends who love her and maybe soon she'll be able to open up to people about her captivity.

I, myself, had been brought up by Ron Weasley, so a little burp here and there didn’t even register on my radar. -- haha. For some reason I really loved this. I can just see like, 6-year-old Rose burping at breakfast and Ron saying "good one" and Hermione being exasperated. :P

Drunk Scorpius. Aw. Gah, these two SO obviously like one another and it's obvious, but I also feel like they have a lot of personal issues to get through before they can be together (at least that's probably how they see it?) Nothing like jealousy to make you realize your feelings for someone :-/ but I also can't really blame Scorpius for behaving like that. He was going through a lot and had no idea how to cope. I love that Rose is still so supportive of him and not bitter about her past with him.

Another wonderful chapter :)

 Report Review

Review #8, by marauderfanActions Speak Louder than Words: Bereft: Scorpius POV

18th July 2016:
Hi Beth! I'm here for the review hot seat!

A kitchen accident. -- Nnnoooppe. I don't believe a word of it, not for a second. Wasn't Astoria saying to Scorpius just in the last chapter something about "it's not safe"? She knew, or at least suspected something was up. I hope Scorpius doesn't believe the Official Ministry Report either, because it's a cover-up.

I would’ve seen the leak in the stove – or smelled it -- but he does believe it! I guess I can understand him not being suspicious yet though. He's still kind of in shock and hasn't fully processed what happened. He's more caught up in the fact that it happened and not in why. I wonder if he'll start to think about that, especially given the last things his parents said to him, once he's had more time to adjust. Either that or I'm seeing things that aren't there...

Aw. I love that Rose and Albus came to visit him, that scene was so emotional and such a wonderful thing. like, it's impossible to process grief totally on your own, and they were exactly what he needed, just being there for support. Aw ♥

Oh no, poor Scorpius. Angry visiting Weasley family members who don't know the whole story - that's the last thing he needs when "it's not what it looks like" isn't going to get him anywhere. This scene was really well written though, with Ron overreacting and Rose shutting him down, and Harry being so used to Ron's outbursts that he's quick to react and hold Ron back without batting an eye. I laughed at Rose's departing line about "something untoward with the toilet", hahaha!

I love your interpretation of Daphne's story, as well. Makes a lot of sense, as the Greengrasses weren't known to be staunch supporters of Voldemort, and while their loyalties during the war are uncertain, the effects of the war are bound to have had an impact on her and Astoria.

All you need to know, Scorpius, is that you are much more like your mother than me.” -- Aww. This honestly says so much and I really liked this line. Although Draco hasn't appeared in this story much (and based on what happened last chapter, he won't be appearing much) I feel like I already have a pretty clear idea of who he is. He's definitely not proud of what he did during the war, regrets it, but still holds it against himself, hence why he never talks about it. I think he's happy Scorpius is a lot more like Astoria.

Small thing, but in that last section about Scorpius going to stay with the Potters, often you say "the Potter's house" when that should be a plural possessive, i.e. "Potters' house". Otherwise, the chapter is perfect. I'm really glad to have come back to read more of this story - can't believe how much I missed it. Onto the next chapter!

 Report Review

Review #9, by marauderfanThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 5: Worry

17th July 2016:
More for the review hot seat!

The suggestion about Harry having to face Voldemort is interesting. Where is Voldemort, then? If sounds like he's just not there, which is good, otherwise the afterlife would just be the same as the life most of these people left behind. Voldemort's Takeover 2.0: Afterlife Edition.

So is that shrill laugh from the previous chapter Bellatrix? Did she redeem herself? Oh man I hope we get to find out about all these 'bad guy' characters from the books and how they fared. But I can't imagine her being particularly remorseful either...

Remember how he was sneaking into the dungeons and apparating the students who’d been tortured up to Madame Pomfrey for treatment. The Carrows practically went mad trying to figure out how people kept escaping regardless of their security measures -- Eep, I love this too much. I can so easily imagine Dobby doing that. (Is that canon or did you invent that? The fact that I can't tell shows just how believable it is, if that was your invention)

It must be so nerve wracking for all of the people waiting for Harry. Probably even moreso than what Harry is experiencing, because at least Harry's doing something, whereas waiting is sometimes the most excruciating thing! I hope they don't have to wait long. I am so looking forward to Harry meeting his parents again.

Awesome chapter.

 Report Review

Review #10, by marauderfanThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 4: The Weighing Of The Wand

17th July 2016:
And another for review hot seat!

I'm so glad that despite the fact that Harry knew something was up and that Dobby wasn't telling everything, he still chose to stay silent just in case there are things Dobby isn't supposed to say and will punish himself for saying.

The great hall with no one in it. That's kind of a weird visual, just a big empty hall making any movement seem too loud. I love your descriptions in this section.

Poor Harry, being so worried. I mean, I can understand the stress of having your whole life evaluated but... he did save the entirety of wizaring Britain from a dark wizard. I think that'll count for something.

Wow, I just loved the way you described all his memories coming back and how he gets just little snippets of each thing but just a tone of voice or one sentence is enough to bring back a feeling. I love this so much because it's so true, you don't really remember so much the words people say, but how they made you feel, and this scene is so beautifully written as he's just experiencing all these feelings at the same time as he hears bits of old, forgotten memories. The way you did this is so gorgeous. ♥

Oh no. Where did he go? Is that Voldemort's laugh? Bellatrix? . . . . . . why did you leave this cliff hanger argh

I'm glad the next chapter is already waiting for me :P

Great work on this chapter, I loved it!

 Report Review

Review #11, by marauderfanThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 3: The Beginning

17th July 2016:
I love that he returned to King's Cross. In a way, I'm not surprised, because that's exactly what JKR hinted at, with the trains going "on" and Harry having the decision to go back instead. So I absolutely love that you used this as the departing point, and now I'm even more excited to read about this journey because of the way your story now so perfectly ties in to that moment of DH.

Although his body reflected how he’d looked in his prime, he could still feel the weight of old age in his bones. -- wow this alone is really interesting (and I admit I'm probably thinking far too much about this but hey, it's probably a good thing that your story is making me get all philosophical). So his image is of what he was in his prime - what is that exactly? I know that James and Lily in the forest were roughly the age they died, Sirius was younger again, but Dumbledore was old when Harry saw him at King's Cross. So I'm wondering how "they"/the powers that be/whoever decides this stuff, decide what a person's prime was. Not necessarily when they were young (because Dumbledore) When they were the most happy? It makes me wonder about Dumbledore most of all - was he happiest towards the end of his life? Anyway, I like that you included that line in there, despite that it got me on this ridiculous tangent, because it makes me think, and I appreciate stories that do that as well as are entertaining :)

Omg O__O what Dobby had to do in place of weighing of the wands sounds horrific and so painful! aah! like, I can't help but imagine that scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Poor Dobby :'(

the story about small James playing quidditch is just too cute

Free snacks. Not bad for the afterlife

To think all of these years later each of us has our own card. Ron said it was his finest moment.” -- Hahahaha, I love this, Ron's finest moment was being featured on chocolate frogs XD

Oh no, Rose inherited the terrible naming habits of the rest of her family! As if it weren't already confusing enough with there being two Mollys in the extended family, now there's two Freds and two Georges.

Hugo settled down with Scorpius Malfoy much to his father’s dismay, but the two of them are perfect for each other really -- Hugo/Scorpius! I don't see this ship often but I love it. Also, "much to his father's dismay" refers to whose father? Hugo's or Scorpius's? Because honestly I could either of them being dismayed :P

Dobby still calls Ron 'Wheezy'. ajdsfkjasdkf I love it

Everything Dobby does makes me want to hug him. When he first started sorting the beans I was on alert for secret tests Harry has to pass and jumped to the conclusion that the beans sorting was a test :P but the actual answer is just gahhh. Seriously Dobby is the most selfless person in the entire series.

I'm sorry this review derailed into ramblings but I'll do better on the next one :P Awesome chapter. I'm really enjoying this story, it's so unique and a great read!!

 Report Review

Review #12, by marauderfanThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 2: The Transportation Office

17th July 2016:
Hi Kaitlin! I'm here for the review hot seat (albeit a bit belatedly since I didn't know it was going on :P ) I'm glad to be getting back to this story. Also: it appears that this is going to be your 100th review on this story. Congrats for reaching 100! :D

“Sorry, sir,” he said, “Office is closed for the night. -- D'awww I know this is an insignificant detail but the guy just called Dobby 'Sir' and I love that XD

A thin piece of glass was all that stood between Dobby and the portkeys inside. He knew he could shatter it in seconds if he used magic, but he wasn’t quite sure he remembered how. -- Guess it's time to jump up and KICK THAT DOOR DOWN, NINJA STYLE. The mental image of this is highly amusing to me. Or I guess he could just try and remember magic...

Your Dobby speech patterns are perfect, btw. This is exactly how Dobby talks in the books - which I assume must be a bit of a challenge to write convincingly, but here you do it so well.

I'm glad the man was so nice though, even after he'd just had the window of his shop smashed in.

It's really weird reading the names that are going to die within the next week or two - Charlie and Hannah. In one sense, it's sad, you know, they're about to die and all, but it's also not sad at all as we're seeing this from the other side where they're not dying, they're arriving! Such an interesting spin on things as seen from the afterlife.

Aah, here goes Dobby with the portkey! Onto the next chapter!

 Report Review

Review #13, by marauderfanMaybe This Time: Maybe This Time

17th July 2016:
For the hot seat :)

Ahh, this is heartbreaking. How are you so good at this? I love the little sections you used in this, snapshots as she grows up - even in such short segments of words, you say so much.

I was so glad to find a story about Eloise Midgen, because minor characters are my favorites and she's a particularly sympathetic one because literally the only thing we hear of her in the books is Ron making fun of her for her appearance. Obviously, there's more to her than that. And here, she has so much other stuff to deal with, her whole childhood under the shadow of abuse.

And the saddest thing about her mother insisting she's happy and that she wants the same happiness for Eloise... it's so sad because I know this is true for a lot of people. Abusive relationships can be hard to get out of, and the mother must know she's being abused, but either doesn't think of it as that, or always comes back around to this ideal she has of her husband, what he used to be before he became abusive, or what he's like when he's not drinking, or whatever it is that makes her put up with him. It's so sad .

Eloise is so strong though. Yeah, she's been through some duds, in terms of dating, but she's strong enough to realize that she absolutely doesn't want what her mother had, but at the same time wants to make her mother proud. So she just interprets her mother's words in a different way. I just hope that she doesn't find "a man who will never let her go" for the wrong reasons. I just want it to all work out okay for her :(

Beautifully written, Sam.

Author's Response: Thank you again ♥

This story was pretty special to write. Parts of it were drawn from my own childhood, which is something that would be too heavy to write super in depth, so the super micro-fiction format really helped make it possible to write this without it getting to heavy to write or read.

I also love minor characters, and I agree with you about Eloise being sympathetic. In the books she isn't really portrayed that way - we only see her made fun of, and that is her entire canon existence. But of course she is so much more than that. Of course she is more than her acne. My first impulse was to give her a great big joyful life, making the acne the least significant thing about her. And I ended up achieving the latter here - her physical appearance and what Ron Weasley say about her really are the least of her problems. And even though I did not give her a very happy life here, she is very strong and driven, and I think she's someone who should be proud to be herself.

Again, thank you for all three of these reviews, and thank you for all of your crossposts to ao3!

♥ ♥ ♥


 Report Review

Review #14, by marauderfan19226: 19226

17th July 2016:
Another review for the hot seat!

I watch the girl as she walks, confident and capable in her spotless green robes -- Aah. I thought this meant a Slytherin at first, and that Ginny was still a first year, until I got to the bit about Ginny's bracelet. Clever. And omg sad.

WKAFLKWSKJLFKJE so I just reached the middle of the story and then it all starts going backwards - this is incredible, is there no end to your talents? It reads just as perfectly forwards as backwards, and I LOVE that stylistic choice as it for some reason works really well with Ginny being a patient at St Mungos. The pattern of her thoughts is kind of all over the place, but in the end leaves her right back where she started.

And the last few lines, the way you divided up the sentence into multiple lines - I really liked that as well. Kind of poetic, in a way... maybe because of the shape of the paragraph, in an artistic way - but I like it, it just really works.

A wonderful story - great writing once again. ♥


That was my hope, though I think the only comment I've gotten on it so far is someone who realized it was a Healer right away. I'm glad my deceit works on some!

I don't have much to respond to your review with, except that I love your enthusiastic and flattering feedback. ♥


 Report Review

Review #15, by marauderfanPretty Little Thing: Pretty Little Thing

17th July 2016:
Saaam! ♥ Apparently the review hot seat was still continuing via twitter, but I didn't know about it until yesterday. So here I am with some belated reviews for the hot seat!

This is so beautifully written, and I love how you unfolded the details about the relationship gradually. At first, it just seems like a relationship that ended sadly where Rolanda is still in love with Septima - seeing and hearing reminders of her everywhere. But as soon as they cross paths and start to have a conversation, it illuminates exactly what went wrong in the relationship, and how unhealthy it was in the first place. Septima really is so rude to her :(

And yet despite that, the narration is absolutely beautiful. Her words seem to flow out of her like liquid, but by the time they reach me they are solid, wrapping like tendrils around my torso and constricting my breath. -- at first I read that as how breathtaking Septima is and that her words are just captivating, but it can also be interpreted as that Septima's words are kind of poisonous and suffocating Rolanda. And it probably means both, given how Rolanda's not totally over Septima. Gah, it's just so good!

And THIS! But I cannot stand here and let her rewrite our history when I also hold a quill. -- ugh this is seriously just gorgeous

I love the end too. She doesn't hear Septima as a voice on the wind or feel her as a cold space. Instead Rolanda just hears herself soaring through the clear air. A perfect end to an amazingly written story. Seriously, you're such a talented author.

Author's Response: Awww, thank you so much Kristin! ♥

I've been taking a hiatus from twitter, so I didn't even realize I was up for the Hot Seat. You're actually the only one who ended up leaving me reviews, so zero apologies are needed for their belatedness.

I am glad that you liked how the nature of Septima and Ro's relationship unfolded over the coarse of the story, and that it worked not to explain everything right off the bat.

You Gahing over my words being good makes me Gah ♥

Thank you so much for all your amazing words ♥


 Report Review

Review #16, by marauderfanIllicit Obsessions: Illicit Obsessions

16th July 2016:
More for the review hot seat!

Ooh, I really liked this story. I've never seen Peter/Narcissa before, and what an interesting exploration of what made him decide to switch sides. The way you describe the Marauders' friendship in the beginning especially - of course it can't always be as idyllic as it was at Hogwarts, playing pranks and just having a grand time. Life in the real world at war with voldemort is much harder, and it strains their friendship - so Peter finds solace elsewhere when he's lost.

The choice of Narcissa was really interesting too. Since it's from Peter's POV we don't really see what is genuine and what is an act? How long did Lucius know - the whole time? But Peter, I find so easy to believe because his whole life he's been lesser than his friends, the short, ignored one who has a "rat-like face" - so when the girl of his dreams makes a move on him, how could he possibly say no? I found his reaction pretty realistic.

I also have to say that you're really good at writing the sensual scenes. It's so easy to make that kind of thing either too vague, or else tooo much, and you've managed to strike this perfect balance that is descriptive but doesn't take away from the overall story - it adds to it.

This is a wonderfully written fic, thanks for the great read. Nice work!

Author's Response: Hey there! Wow, another unexpected review!

I'm thrilled you picked this little tale, as it's one that's often overlooked. Peter-centric tales are not exactly the most popular, and I should know. Before I was hit with the idea for this story, I never found myself attracted to reading something about the traitor of the Marauders. Inspiration struck while I was in the shower one day and I simply had to write it.

As for choice of Narcissa, that was no random encounter. Lucius and his lovely wife planned the whole thing from the beginning. Some people are tempted by money, others by power. Leave it to a pair of consummate Slytherins to figure out what Peter's vulnerability and take advantage of it.

The sensual scenes weren't easy to write, let me tell you. They originally were more explicit and I kept paring them down. The thrust of the story wasn't the sex - that was merely the weapon Narcissa employed. Poor Peter, though!

Anyways, thank you for the lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #17, by marauderfanEmbracing Death: Embracing Death

16th July 2016:
Another one for the hot seat!

Wow, this was... I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this. I really loved it though once I figured out what was going on. I've been kind of getting more into AU lately and this was a really interesting, dark, horrific view into what the world would be if Harry had lost and Voldemort triumphed. Scary place.

But so well written. Like, I can't even imagine how broken and empty Hermione would have to be to agree to this in the first place and literally go back in time to seduce Tom Riddle (and kill him, but honestly killing him would be easier I think :P ) Even if he thinks she's someone else. She's got to be so desperate. And based on the snippets of what the post- war world is like, the torture and Hermione watching everyone she loves be destroyed, I can see how it would have gotten her to actually go through with it. She's sacrificing herself, because she has nothing left anymore, just to make sure that this never happens. I feel like I just got punched.

Though then, she's rewritten the future in a way she can't possibly know what she created instead. :O

A great story - so chilling and really showcases the psychological horror of the war. Nice job.

Author's Response: Hey there!

Ah, you've found one of my darker tales. You're not alone in thinking it's not quite what was expected. A friend challenged me to write a Hermione/Tom Riddle one-shot and this is what she got.


Hermione is not often depicted this way, but that's how my somewhat twisted muse insisted she was. The barren landscape of her mind was not a pleasant place to be taken. In a sense, Hermione is as dead inside as her body was after Snape's spell.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for leaving such a lovely review! It means a lot because this story is often overlooked.



 Report Review

Review #18, by marauderfanIf Only in His Dreams: Winter's Solstice

16th July 2016:
Hi Alexis! I just discovered the hot seat had continued on Twitter, though I missed it until now so I'm sorry about this very delayed review! Anyway, this is for the hot seat!

Awww, this was so sweet. An adjective I never thought I'd use to describe a story about Snape and Lily, because I'm not the greatest fan of Snape, but this is just so... innocent. (Mostly. But it's SO in character that Snape turned his face so she wouldn't just kiss him on the cheek.. :P ) I think the fact that they're just kids though, best friends - and Snape is in the mindset of being so genuinely happy and not hating everyone, it is sweet. And the fact that it's just this one moment, when the beginning and the end of the story are an adult Snape many years later, very alone. It just emphasizes the happiness of that one moment.

And your descriptions are gorgeous - it makes the scene just magic.

For a moment, the veil between worlds stretched thin until it was merely a pale gossamer curtain that separated the past from the present. -- I absolutely LOVE this visual. Beautiful.

Great work on this story!!

Author's Response: Whaaat is this? I didn't know the Hot Seat had continued! I thought with the implosion of the forums, the Hot Seat was kinda of dead. Then again, I don't have a Twitter account. But oh wow! Imagine my surprise when I went to edit a chapter and found your lovely reviews.

This story was one of the times when the muse just took off and I just tagged along for the ride. Some of the descriptions are based on having lived once where it snowed. Anyways, I've always thought there might have been a moment when Severus and Lily friendship might have ventured further, something poignant and so personal that he’d recall later when he cast his Patronus.

Thanks for making my day with your review!



 Report Review

Review #19, by marauderfanLiar: Lovers

14th July 2016:

because rationalizing his emotions was the only way he knew to deal with them. -- this is so 100% Remus

Aw, I'm glad Remus talked to his dad and asked his advice. And he came out! Maybe it'll take John some time to adjust to that but he didn't seem upset - he still cares just as much about his son, and that makes me happy - especially because in this time period it was so much more difficult for people who weren't straight. You know what though, John didn't even answer Remus' original question! haha.

Portraits were snoring in their ornate frames along the deserted fourth floor’s corridor, softly illuminated by the light of the crescent moon filtering through the high windows. Not a soul could be seen there, yet footsteps echoed against the stony walls, and words, whispered by invisible owners. -- gorgeous imagery here! I can envision this so perfectly :D

LOLOLOL Remus found them because he smelled them. Either he has very powerful sense of smell due to his wolfy side, or the other three just haven't had showers in a few days. Haha

Aw, cool to see the very beginnings of the Marauder's Map!

OMG HOW COULD YOU DO THAT all the joking and fun of them sneaking around the corridors and then they find Mary like that! I was not expecting that and then ahh :O

Sorry to be picky :P but... tapestry of a marine landscape -- a landscape is by definition land and therefore not marine... unless it's of the ocean floor? If you want the tapestry to be of an ocean scene maybe you could say seascape, or a rocky seashore, or even just 'an ocean scene'?

gah, whenever Regulus and Sirius talk it makes me SO SAD. like, they eventually ended up on the same side, and they started out on the same side as they were (I imagine) close when they were younger, but they just lead such different lives during their Hogwarts days. I love that you pointed out how similar they look. That would be really hard for Sirius, to see this person who resembles him so much, who used to look up to him, and is now doing things that result in people lying wounded on the floor. What used to be, versus what is. You said it all here: Sirius was undecided if it was more tempting to pull him in a hug or to punch him.

“To whom?” -- whatever qualms I may have with Regulus, at least he knows his grammar :P

The whole discussion between Regulus and Sirius was so good, but especially this: “Who are you to decide what’s right or wrong? -- because really, who can decide? They're both doing what they think is right, but that happens to be on opposing sides. gah! so heartbreaking, but so good

You can’t trust her. She’s only an opportunist. And she’ll throw you away the moment she’ll learn what you are.” -- OMG Peter is so manipulative. This is seriously playing on Remus' insecurities... it's no wonder Peter was able to get away with being a spy for a year.

I like that Peter was the one who initiated the kiss. Mainly because I can't ever see Remus being the one who initiates anything, but this story really brings a new light to Peter because both he and Remus are the quieter, less forward of the Marauders and pairing the two of them brings out such interesting dynamics.

Aw, I loved Sirius and Remus' bro chat. Sometimes Sirius' advice is exactly what Remus needs just because of the different ways they see things. Remus is very prone to overcomplicating things, and Sirius oversimplifies them, and a fresh perspective can help sometimes. I hope it helps Remus sort through his love life problems at the very least! Poor guy.

Aw, though, I'm so glad he and Pete worked it out in the end! :D It's nice to see them both happy for a bit :)

Loved this chapter! Hope things are going well with you.

* *
* * * *
* * * * * *

Author's Response: Finally here to answer this incredibly awesome review! (I love you, Kristin... You know that, right? Maybe you're tired to hear me say that, but it's the truth...)

Yes, that's Remus. (That's me, too, but irrelevant...)

I love John and Silvia, they are just the sweetest of parents. I imagined that if they could raise a werewolf, it wouldn't be so hard to accept Remus not being straight (even if they would be a bit shocked at first). Do you feel I oversimplified things here?

Ahahah! You're right, he didn't answer Remus' original question. I think the Lupins have a talent for that. :P

Ah, glad you liked the description! :) Descriptions drive me crazy, either I skip them altogether or I feel like I overdo them... I still have a lot to learn...

Ahahah! It was his wolfy side, of course. But I wouldn't exclude the non-showering possibily either... :P

Erm... sorry... :( Poor Mary... The building of the scene that way wasn't planned, it just sort of happened... Sorry for the sudden dark turn... :(

Ah... didn't realize that... I just translated the word "panorama", which can refer to both landscape or seascape or any-scape, actually... (why is English so hard?) Thank you for pointing that out.

I love writing Sirius and Regulus together, even if it breaks my own heart a bit. They are so similar and yet so different and you can tell that they care about each other, despite their opposing views. Their relationship is so incredibly complex and I just love to explore it.

Ahahah! Well, a Black ought to know grammar, don't you think?

Like the Hat said, Peter likes things to go his way. And he is very manipulative. We'll see the extent of it later on.

I agree with you, Remus just isn't the type to initiate anything. :P And while Peter is quiet not that straightforward himself, he knows what he wants and (like I said above) likes things to go his way. I'm glad you find their dynamics interesting.

I had a lot of fun writing the conversation between Sirius and Remus. They are so opposite, and I totally agree that Remus needs to hear a more relaxed perspective on things from time to time.

Glad they worked it out, too. :) Not sure how long it will last, though...

Thank you so, so, so much for this incredible review! You have no idea how happy it made me! :D

The biggest snowball hug ever!

 Report Review

Review #20, by marauderfanPeriphery: Introduction

9th July 2016:
Hi Sarah, I'm finally here with your requested review from HPFT!

After reading this chapter, the primary thing that sticks with me is how marvelously you've set the tone. It's very dark and bleak, even from the very beginning, with the cold and the stone all around her and the way everything outside looks so far away. The suggestion of Chloe's loneliness is there without you having to say anything - and in fact this entire chapter, there's a lot said without you directly saying the words. Showing, not telling: one of the most effective techniques in writing, and you're definitely succeeding.

So, for your areas of concern: The introduction does effectively raise questions- especially the author's note! Normally I do love things that stick to canon, but your very same reason for writing this - exploring cause and effect - is a huge part of my own AU story as well, so I really relate to that, and I'm so curious to see how you'll explore cause and effect in the Marauders era, and how one little difference could change the fate of so many. And here, something is different - Marlene died after Lily and James, and is that due to an insignificant change you made - and what else is changed by the delay in Marlene's death?

The mother's condition is vague, but I think that's good. You don't want to give everything away in the first chapter, so this raises enough questions to get a reader interested in continuing to further chapters to find out some answers.

As for Chloe's relationship with Sirius - certainly very mysterious, because he's only mentioned twice here. Chloe obviously has some history with him, based on how she feels about seeing his handwriting, but the last line - that was unexpected. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I don't know whether the past relationship Chloe had with Sirius was a bad thing or a good thing. So... it is vague, but I prefer that rather than an infodump of her whole past. :P

You also asked about your summary, and honestly I love it. It hints at the ripple effect of insignificant changes, and already gives an interesting context to your narrator. It's great. However I would say that this sentence seems worded a bit oddly to me: She didn't ask to watch her friends die by their own hand. - like the number of people doesn't agree with the number of hands :P I think it'd work better as "hands".

Another small grammar note:
I pulled the sleeves of my jumper over my knuckles, clutching tightly. - Okay, this may be sort of picky, but this sentence distracted me and had me wondering. What is she clutching? Is she clenching her fists inside her sleeves or clutching the end of the jumper sleeves within her fist? - this isn't really a detail that needed to be worried about but it just felt like it was missing a noun there.

Anyway, I really enjoyed what you have of this so far. It's much different from the other writing I've read by you, but the switch to a totally different genre seems to come naturally to you. Great work on this! And please feel free to re-request when you've got more chapters up :)

Author's Response: HELLO YOU! Thank you so much for checking out this fic, especially after you were kind enough to read KC&CO. I pretty much rely entirely on the Reviews Offered thread when starting a new fic, and I'm very grateful that you offered one ♥

It's so good to hear that the "showing, not telling" came through. I've really been harping on this in my review responses but that was kind of my mantra while writing this. Dumping a lot of information on the reader in the beginning is a bad habit of mine *cough* KC&CO *cough* (Though to be fair, the tone's a bit more conversational there and Edie is a blabbermouth and oMG SARAH THE STORY IS OVER STOP TALKING ABOUT IT)

Yes, I see you have a story of your own that explores similar themes of "butterfly effect," etc. etc. I'll have to give it a read after this. Maybe you're feeling nervous like I am; tbh adhering completely to canon in fic isn't really one of my priorities. I want to say "I mean yeah, Harry is a boy and his parents were killed by Voldemort" but honestly I would read a fic about Harriet Potter having a completely normal life and meeting Ron and Hermione, sooo... My point is, a part of me is nervous about writing this because I have had people come at me with torches and pitchforks because I screwed up a canon reference, and I don't want that to happen again (Also at the same time, it's my fic and like, let me do what I want?? Plus HP has been around for long enough that, unless you're writing a Next Gen fic, pretty much everything that could be considered completely canon has already been done so I say GO FOR IT and do something DIFFERENT)

Okay wow *gets off soapbox*

Ahhh yes the last line! I'll admit I wrote it and was like *vigorous head-nod* "ye." Hopefully it raises some questions and maybe ruffles some feathers. I love the Sirius/Marlene ship and it will be present in this story. I don't want to give too much away but I want to explore how these people--the Marauders--have been martyred by history, yes, but they were humans and they were flawed and maybe not as amazing as everyone says they were, or as Harry imagined them to be in his POV.

Thank you so much for pointing out those editing errors! I didn't really think about the first one (hand v. hands) so thank you, and I was really struggling with the second sentence you mentioned. Originally I said "clutching them tightly" but then I was like is "them" her hands or the sleeves of her sweater and OMG SARAH YOU DON'T HAVE TO OVER-EXPLAIN EVERYTHING but I think you're right; that sentence needs clarification to even make sense at all. Thank you for pointing those out, I will be sure to fix them!

I'm off to read your fic right now, as you've been so kind to me over the years that I've sucked at doing anything on HPFF other than writing my own story. And the second chapter is up, so I will most definitely be poking you for another review, if the offer is still on the table.

Thank you so much! I really really really do appreciate it ♥

 Report Review

Review #21, by marauderfanThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 1: Happenings

29th June 2016:
Hi Kaitlin! I'm pretty sure I still owed you one more review as a prize for winning the least favorite challenge, but I can't remember. If I didn't, then I at least owed you a (belated) birthday review!


Oh good, they have firewhiskey in the afterlife.

DOBBY. How many years has he been gone and he STILL tries to punish himself for every little thing? Aw. I hope the others there have been looking after him and restraining him from smashing his head against walls.

Wow, what kind of a test is this? If it's so intense that even people who are already dead are worrying about not making it... yikes. It sounds like the afterlife equivalent of the triwizard tournament. Except... you win or you die. :P

The argument between Sirius and Molly made me sad. I would have hoped that they'd had some time to reconcile their differences and be on friendly terms with one another, because they were always on the same side, concerned with the safety of the people they loved. All the same, it wasn't really out of character for either of them. Molly would bring up something like that from the past, and Sirius would be super defensive about it. Sigh. Old habits die hard I guess.

Speaking of Sirius, to me it did actually seem slightly out of character when he was so outraged that Dobby was the one chosen. At least how I interpreted his view of house elves - his animosity towards Kreacher had nothing to do with him being a house elf and everything to do with the fact that Kreacher represented the family that had hated Sirius and made his childhood miserable. So, I don't know, that scene seemed a bit off to me - it just wasn't what I expected - but that's only my opinion so feel free to ignore it! :P

Dobby would be so great as a guide for Harry though. I mean, despite all the things Dobby did in CoS that resulted in Harry getting blamed for exploding a cake, flying a car to school, etc., Dobby was ALWAYS there for Harry and cared so much. Without Dobby, Harry would have failed the triwizard tournament, and also died at age 17. I'm also really beyond excited to read a fic about Harry and Dobby going on an adventure. like. you have no idea. the plot alone, it can only be amazing, and since it's written by you - doubly amazing.

Great chapter! I can't wait to read more of this. I can certainly see why people have been saying this story is so good! :)

 Report Review

Review #22, by marauderfanLiar: Marauders

28th June 2016:
Chiara!! I'm sorry I'm the SLOWEST reviewer of all time. But I'm here!

For some reason I really like that you interrupted Remus' letter with the narration, and then even cut off the letter at the end when Peter walks in. That's how writing letters works in real life - who actually writes down a whole thing just in one go without having to sit and think about it at some point? (okay, maybe some people do that, but I don't :P ) Anyway, I like that it felt like this was all happening in real time as Remus wrote the letter.

Aw, and Remus is still insisting he doesn't want to be friends with Sirius and James. Haha. It's okay Remus, we'll let you rethink that in a couple of weeks.

Black said with uncharacteristic seriousness -- Teehee... Siriusness. :P Yes that is still funny

Sirius has a good point about the hair potion James's dad invented. It's pretty hilarious actually that James, who is always mentioned as having messy hair, is the son of the person who invented the potion that cures messy hair. How much do you think James' hair annoyed his father???

They actually noted the dates and everything. Who said they couldn't study?

Hey, Remus, do you perchance transform in a huge, furry monster once a month? -- that ought to do the trick :P

"James, you can't be serious!"
"I'm not. You are." James smirked, as Sirius rolled his eyes.
-- Ahaha. There it is.

"No way! Hugging is for sissies. I have no intention-"
"Well, now. That's totally sexist." Lily complained
-- Preach it Lily! :D Feminist Lily is my favourite headcanon.

Srius huffed annoyed, but in the end joined his friends and put his arms around them. Remus burst into tears once more. That had been, without a doubt, the happiest moment in his young life. -- Aww. :') This is so sweet. *joins in on the hug too*

LOL Sirius's nickname for Remus - Supreme Seer and King of Ill Omen. No wonder they went with 'Moony' instead. XD

The moment when Peter forgot his own birthday is the moment he became the most relatable to me. Don't worry Peter it happens. Aww but that was such a sweet gift that they got for him!!

The rhyming prank was BRILLIANT. Omg, I love it. And McGonagall speaking several verses of poetry to them about detention was just.. the best thing. I love that that's where they got the nickname the Marauders as well! And the last scene was really sweet as well when Remus has friends there for his transformation and he's so much happier :)

LAst but not least, I just made cookies and there's way too many so here, you deserve some for such a wonderful chapter! *sends Chiara sone virtual cookies*

You are amazing!
♥ ♥
Snowball hugs!

Author's Response: Aww, Kristin! *hug* *wub*
How much do I love you on a scale from 1 to 10? At least 50!!! :D

I'm so glad you liked the chapter! And I can't thank you enough for this super sweet, super detailed review! *more hugs*

Isn't it how writing a letter goes? You start, then stop to think, then start again, then someone interrups you... Glad you liked it! :)

Ahahah! Poor, stubborn Remus! But we know he'll change his mind! ;)

Erm... can't avoid some Siriusness... it wasn't actually meant as a pun there... except that it was... :P

Ahahah! Poor Fleamont... his son's hair must've been such a pain for him! :D

They can study. But only when and what they decide to. ;) (and we know they can take notes, if it means helping a friend! ;) )

Ah, yes... Remus would be thrilled to have such a conversation... Poor Remus...

This time the pun was intended! :P

Ahahah! I so love feminist Lily! :D She's awesome!

Aww... so glad you found it sweet! *joins in the hug too*

Why? Supreme Seer and King of Ill Omen is such a practical nickname! :P

Poor little Petey... yes, that happens! :) It was a sweet present! Aren't they all adorable?

I spent so much time trying to figure out a good prank... then the idea came and it was the funniest thing ever to write!!! :D Glad you liked McGonagall's poetry! My favourite part as well! :D

Remus is so lucky to have the friends he got, isn't he? The Marauders are amazing!!!

Ah, thank you! I really need your virtual cookies to start the day sweetly! Are they gluten free, though? :P

Thank you so so so much for this awesome review! It really brightened my morning!

All my love and hugs and kisses!

 Report Review

Review #23, by marauderfanBeyond Repair: A Highly Unusual Day

25th June 2016:
Renee! I read the first five chapters of this ages ago and I could have sworn I'd reviewed this before, but it look like I didn't! I'm so sorry. I am the worst. So I'm going to make up for that now!

First here is me gushing about the story as a whole. I love this. Your portrayal of Petunia and Lily is so adorable, so touching, and so realistic. Petunia as a child is not always nice, but I can really understand her. Maybe because I'm an older sibling myself, but all the moments when Petunia is jealous of Lily being so doted on and the golden child of the family - I could relate to Petunia. And what I especially love about the way you write their relationship - of course they fight, and they're jealous of one another sometimes and try to look cool in front of their friends and don't always get along, but at the end of the day, they are sisters and they care about each other. I loved the chapter where they're on their pretend boat, it was adorable. I just love the realism of the way you portray these two characters, and the sweet sisterly moments between them are even more special knowing how it all turns out later.

Which makes this chapter so much sadder. It felt like a long string of misunderstandings, and reading this chapter I just felt like it didn't have to be the way it was! Even after all that's happened, Lily is excited to tell Petunia her thoughts about Hogwarts and says she'll miss her sister, and Petunia backs Lily up in that scene when Lily's parents find out about magic. Until the last section of the chapter, it didn't feel like she thought Lily was a freak, just that she was sad to be left out of all the excitement, and annoyed that Lily could share that excitement instead with Snape, whom Petunia hates.

And then they fight, just as Lily's about to leave for months, which means they leave on a bad note, and then you have that ominous ending line about a storm coming. You've had all sorts of symbolism in the story so far that I really love - they used to sit through the storms together, and Petunia was afraid of storms (which is so appropriate, because here you have storms symbolizing conflict, and Petunia totally demonstrates this aversion to conflicts several times - not thinking about Snape's background, covering for Lily at the slumber party... it's all there and I can tell how much thought you put into it - it's fantastic. Anyway, before I got sidetracked talking about your excellent symbolism, I wanted to point out that the end of this chapter made me sad, because it really feels like the point where they stop being friends :(

on the topic of less sad things:

She’d been on the phone arguing with Susie, and his lecture interrupted her phone call. It was totally embarrassing. -- haha this is classic! Daaad, stop embarrassing me in front of my frieeends! this line made me laugh.

And I loved the appearance of McGonagall arriving to explain about magic. Everything about that scene was wonderful :D

this was such a great chapter, a wonderful story overall, and of course that a/n about you having a backlog of finished chapters makes me very happy as well.

now go summarize your research article. :P

 Report Review

Review #24, by marauderfanHaunting Shadows: Shadows

20th June 2016:
Heya Jill! I'm here for the review you requested on HPFT!

I love your writing of the Weasley twins :D They're wonderfully in character and I love seeing them pop up in the story. Same with Angelina and Alicia - it kind of helps ground the story into the Hogwarts era setting. I also like the way all the interactions with the Weasley twins juxtaposed right next to Cate and her twin brother interacting, really emphasizes the difference between the two sets of twins. Fred and George of course are inseparable, and especially compared to that, Cate and Tommy are so opposite. She sort of just hides from him.

Cliff-type rocks -- What exactly is that? Jagged rocks? Weathered granite? Tall slabs of rock? there are lots of types of cliffs :P

Okay, so I thought that italic bit was a flashback at first. Then it got really alarming. So it's a nightmare, and I'm interpreting it in the metaphorical way, as in blood on her hands = she blames herself. But Chris's death still has something to do with water, I suppose. I don't know. Definitely still mysterious.

Although it is obvious by the end of that section that it is a dream, it doesn't really read like one to me. At least, I've never had a dream that was that coherent. I think mostly this is due to the referencing swimming in the quarry on past occasions, as well as the very crisp dialogue and actions of the characters. Normally that's a very good thing, because it paints such a clear picture, but since it feels so much like an event that's really happening (until the blood), in which everything makes sense and nothing is off, it doesn't feel much like a dream. Think about your most vivid, detailed dream and then read the dream section to yourself, to get and idea of what I mean. Of course, maybe you intended it that way because Cate's dreams seem very real to her, in which case I just said a lot of irrelevant stuff :P Basically, have a look at the section and you can decide for yourself from there! :)

Anyway, you asked about the suspense, and I think you are still doing a really good job of that. More details have come out in this chapter, but we still don't have the whole picture, for example what exactly happened to Chris, how (and if?) it relates to the triwizard tournament, and why Cate blames herself. And that's good - you're not dragging it out tediously by giving no hints, but there's still plenty of mystery to keep readers interested.

As for the ghost at the end, I doubt he's a real ghost, but Cate certainly is very haunted by Chris. She keeps pushing everyone away who is close to her, but she needs help :( At least she doesn't completely isolate herself - I'm glad she's at least studying with Lee.

This was a great chapter and I was so glad to come back to read something of yours again! Wonderful writing. :)

Author's Response: Hi, Kristin!!

I am so glad you're enjoying my take on the canon characters. I struggle so much writing the Weasley twins because humor tends to escape me when writing, and I'm glad that they seem in character! And you're right, Cate and Tommy are totally different from Fred and George, which was kind of on purpose. I'm not sure if she necessarily *hides* from him, but they ARE opposites with their share of issues.

Okay, so, the dream/flashback. Spoiler? Ish? It's SUPPOSED to be very vivid and very real, I wrote it like that on purpose. I do see what you mean, though, and perhaps I'll be exploring that in future chapters, but for now, this is exactly as it should be. It's half that it's very real to her and half that it's supposed to be more of a flashback-dream. I hope that makes sense!

I'm glad the suspense is still there. I've been struggling with how much I should reveal and when I should reveal it, so I'm glad that the details seem to be presenting themselves and that there's still enough to keep everyone interested at this point.

But *is* he a real ghost? We'll have to wait and see ;)

Thank you so much for the wonderful review!


 Report Review

Review #25, by marauderfanto the end of time: A Moment of Confidence

20th June 2016:
Claire. There is a problem.

Actually there are two problems, but the main one is that the Next Chapter button seems to have disappeared. Any chance you can fix it? bc I need more of this story.

the other problem - you guessed it! - is the way this chapter broke my heart. Lavender is engaged, Parvati finally, FINALLY told her of her feelings, and Lavender... walked away? Did she walk away because she's annoyed at Parvati's outburst, or did she walk away to cope with her feelings about Parvati which she herself has been fighting against for years?

I have to know!

Thank goodness for Padma in this chapter. She's the only one who can really understand and I'm so glad she's there for her!

Although it was so sad and painful, I think you wrote that scene really well when Parvati tries to come to terms with Lavender's engagement while at the same time trying to act happy for her friend. There was so much internal turmoil going on there and it was so well written.

Excellent chapter and I'll be looking out for the next one!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>