Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
1,489 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfanLiar: Rebels

3rd December 2016:
Chiaraaa ♥

This may be the only story in the history of ever where I'm more annoyed at Remus and sympathise with Peter. But yeah, Remus' self-blame game and constant pushing others away would get old, and could easily make any romantic partner doubt themselves. And not everyone is as stubborn as Tonks eventually is in convincing Remus to listen to his heart rather than his head. I mean, I can understand Remus too, so well, and all his insecurities. He is so real to me. But not everyone can handle that amount of emotional baggage Remus brings along. Both of them are such great characters and their love is so tragic because despite that they have strong feelings for one another, their personalities aren't really compatible without a lot of work on their relationship.

HA, a teacher's desk?! Peter!! Hahaha *shakes head* I've never seen a characterisation of Peter quite like yours - I love the way you write him and how you give him such a strong personality that still fits into how we know him in canon.

Peter telling a Marauders secret so he can hook up with Leander in the Shrieking Shack... ahh. This is such good writing because it's so believable of him. He tells secrets when he has personal gain from it, and feels guilty about it but not guilty enough to stop him from telling. But also lol at the fact that Peter protested against the charms classroom because it wasn't romantic enough, and then led the way to the absolute least romantic place on the entire Hogwarts grounds, apart from maybe Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.

he resembled a goldfish, but a really elegant one -- for some reason I found this line absolutely hilarious XD

Sirius purposefully making the chair grate against the floor is SUCH a Sirius thing to do. You write him so well.


That ridiculous gift the MArauders gave Remus - I love those boys. And I went from grinning at that to really sad in about 0.2 seconds because of Remus crying about the Ministry summons right after. Ahhh!! This story is not good for my emotional sanity but I'm too invested in it to stop hahaha

All the werewolves waiting around in the lobby forever for their turn and hating every second... this is like the wizard version of waiting in line at the DMV. Except a whole lot worse because it's about discrimination rather than getting a driving licence. *hugs Remus*

Remus is such a bad liar. I can relate. :P

Omg ♥ all the Gryffindor sixth years staging a protest this just makes me so happy and proud and I love all of them.

Their Divination predictions are hilarious. I bet that class would have been a lot of fun - if not in actually learning any Divination, it would have at least been good as an exercise in creative writing XD

ooh, what a tense family standoff there. Peter has an interesting family background and I really like these glimpses into what his family was like and how he has pretty strong forces on each side pulling him one way or the other. And so far he's firmly on the side against Voldemort, but... the way you write him and his family explains a lot about him. I know this story is AU and that Peter's fate is different in this story than it is in canon, but like... I can still see how canon Peter could have come from these same circumstances.

Great chapter! ♥

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Review #2, by marauderfanAll the truth about Jimmy Portman: A new friend

9th November 2016:
Hi Chiara! This is one of your prize reviews for leaving the most reviews in the Halloween Review Battle on HPFT. And, of course, it's a chance for me to get back to this story which I love!

Tapestries are distracting things. I'd probably end up meeting this fate too :P Sorry I'm late for class Professor. You see, there was a tapestry...


That letter makes me sad. Clearly Peter "Portman" really cares about Jimmy, but he doesn't know what Jimmy has found out yet, and Jimmy hasn't told him... which kinda makes sense, because it's not really the sort of thing you bring up in a letter, it's more of a thing you want to discuss in person! Like, I can just imagine how that letter would go: "Dear Dad, was I adopted? Also please remember to water the cactus in my bedroom. Love, Jimmy." haha But they need to talk about this. Is it going to have to wait until Christmas when Jimmy goes home?!

Neville being bullied by the other Slytherins makes me sad. I mean, Slytherins usually stuck up for other Slytherins, and I'd think they'd try and get close to Neville just because he's important, but there's also the thing about Neville defeating the Dark Lord so maybe some of the Slytherins who are Death Eater's kids (such as Malfoy) hold that against him. Either way, I feel really badly for Neville feeling so alone and alienated. But I like how he and Jimmy have become friends because they're both feeling kind of lost at this point. I love how natural their friendship is already - I enjoyed their note passing :P

Snape has figured it out. Of course, he's too smart not to. I love that he sees Neville as a lot like Remus because I think they have really similar personalities as well, and I think Neville being in Slytherin would really accentuate the similarities, esp with Neville being even more different from his peers (the chosen one rather than a werewolf, but it still makes him feel alienated) Ah, and Snape is just as much of a jerk and Neville is just as scared of him. Some things are a universal constant!

This was a great chapter! Big hugs and squishes and a snowball hug ♥

Author's Response: Hi, Kristin!
Sorry if it took me forever to answer to this review... and thank you so much for coming back here! :D

Ahahah! I totally agree! Not sure how the professor would react to the excuse, though. :P

Yes, Hedwig! I'm just reflecting that I don't know if she's the same Hedwig... probably yes, if Peter bought her as a birthday present for Jimmy... I can't remember what was my idea... ah, whatever...

No, definitely not something you would want to discuss through letters. (Love your letter by the way, lol) They might have a chance to discuss things before Christmas. Not sure the conversation will be satisfactory, though...

I think they don't see him like one of their own. Neville isn't the canonical Slytherin and he probably would tend to isolate himself anyway. Besides, as you say, there must be some resentment about the defeating-Voldemort bit...

I love Nev and Jimmy's friendship, too. They are my kids and I really love them (even if they drive me crazy... :P) Glad you found their note exchange funny. :D

He hasn't figured it out exactly. It's more like a feeling, you know? Poor Snape, they'll give him a hard time. :P

Ahahah! Yes, some things never change. Guess you meant multiversal constant. ;)

Thank you so much! Snowball hug rolling your way!!!

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Review #3, by marauderfanSaving Severus Snape : xiii.

6th November 2016:

Severus has come so far. No more do we see the surly, bitter Severus who detests Hermione for talking to Sirius one time, here he is essentially asking her out on a date. Not in those terms, but, there's no question as to what he's implying. Also, the idea that two bookish nerds who take pride in their scholarliness spend time together by skiving off class is just too great for words. :D

Skipping class is definitely a most un-Hermione thing to do (Because you could get killed, or worse, DETENTION) but it's believable here because as she points out, she's already done this whole year. She knows all of the things. One skipped class, she'll be fine. She can be a rebel without having to miss out on learning anything!

She was grateful, but also slightly irritated. She had spent months on the run using that same exact charm. Why hadn't she thought of it? -- This is SO Hermione. I think she's really proud of the fact that she can think under pressure and is the first one to come up with logical answers, and Snape is that sort of person too so it's natural that she would feel kind of challenged by the fact that he thought of it first.

“What are you doing?” Hermione hissed. “We could be expelled for this, you know!” -- There's our Hermione! XD

OMG THEY'RE HAVING A SPLASHING FIGHT. It's weird to see either of them so... playful, but it's really nice. I think both of them are characters who could easily forget to have fun sometimes and so this is a really special moment.

LOLOLOL Hermione expects Severus to believe that she's thinking about "nothing". I don't think she is capable of not thinking. And Severus knows it, because he's the same!

Also, for someone with walls as thick as Severus has, the fact that he's taking her on a boat ride for two across the lake...! What's awaiting them on the other side, a violinist and a nice Italian dinner at a secluded table for two?!

“So - come here often?” she asked in a sandpapery voice. HERMIONE OHMYGOD AHAHAHAHA. Beautiful weather eh? How bout them Yankees? Hahaha. Well, she tried :P (actually though, I can relate. Sometimes it's hard to come up with interesting things to say during an awkward silence helllppp)

Potter and his merry gang of morons -- This is the best name I've ever heard for this group. It kind of makes James sound like a really goofy Robin Hood. Potter and the band of Merry Morons, who live in the Forbidden Forest and rob the Death Eaters and give to the Muggle-borns. Omg I need to write this AU. /tangent

I love that you include the detail of him pulling tufts of grass out of the ground. Such a small thing but it's so distinctly Severus especially when he's nervous or letting a bit of vulnerability show, and it ties right into how he acted around Lily (who, now that I mention it, has a lot in common with Hermione. Severus does have a type...)

“Like as in a date?” Her voice went up an octave in a panic. -- Has she not figured out that she's kind of already on a date? :P

And of course Lily isn't totally blind to it. I felt really bad for Lily there, as she knows Severus' true nature and doesn't want anyone else to be as let down and hurt as she was, but at the same time doesn't want to interfere with other friendships. Hermione's alter ego Hermione Devereaux isn't Muggle-born though, so I kind of wonder what how that will affect what Snape says/thinks about Muggle borns around Hermione. How much did Lily's rejection change Severus' opinion of Muggle borns, or did it just leave him sad that Lily won't talk to him? Did he see that he was in the wrong there, or just that he got rejected? I'm really interested to see the after-effects of that and kind of how (if) that changed Snape.

Some picky things, because I just happened to notice them:
unravelled the ropes which bounded the boat to the dock -- unraveling would be like, unwinding all the threads from one another. it would make more sense with "loosened" or "untied"

another one of their ludacris pranks." -- shouldn't that be 'ludicrous'?

This review is now reaching epic proportions, so I'll bring it to a close, but it was really exciting to see that this was updated, and it was a great chapter! You are such a wonderful writer ♥

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Review #4, by marauderfanGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Chapter 122

3rd November 2016:
YAY! OK HERE I AM! I sent in a job application and so now as a present to myself I am reading this chapter.

I liked seeing a little from Harry's POV here. This is very believable for him, that he wants to get to know Sadie but doesn't know how. Harry's not particularly social so this made a lot of sense for his character - I mean he rarely ever talks to anyone aside from Ron and Hermione, but he does have a big heart, so those few paragraphs rang really true with what I would expect from Harry - sympathy, but not really much of a clue how to go about communicating :P

Ahh and it kills me to think that Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were keeping letters from him for so long! There is no way they'd want Harry to be in constant communication with wizards. Not at all. it just breaks my heart though that Harry had people who cared about him all that time and he didn't even know, and they probably thought he didn't care about them enough to respond to all the letters. :'(

Harry's effort to get to know Sadie may have started off with a bit of a hiccup but I really love that Harry is trying, and that whatever resent either of them is feeling is put aside so they can learn from each other. Also, Mrs Weasley telling everyone to eat - classic, and also I really love this because it makes Harry and Sadie laugh together, and that's like the first thing that cements a friendship.

It struck her that she really had come to love this Burrow and the crazy people that inhabited it. -- ISN'T THAT HOW WE ALL FEEL?? ♥

I love that Sadie feels so safe there. She deserves that.

BILL. He is so sweet. For some reason I found it really easy to imagine - not only that Bill would offer to carry laundry upstairs, but that he would be smug answering that question. And then that book for Sadie! That is just the most wonderful thing. I love how supportive the Weasleys are - even though Sadie understandably feels left out when conversations zip on by and she has trouble keeping up what with not being able to speak, the Weasleys really are trying because they want to understand her and to include her. Sadie could not have ended up living with a better adoptive family. *Hugs all of the Weasleys, and Sadie, and Harry can get in on this hug too*

So Hogwarts is coming up soon! I imagine that will be kind of a scary step for Sadie, but she has a good support system all around her which hopefully will make Hogwarts exciting rather than scary, because she's not alone anymore.

Amazing chapter! I'm so so so so glad that you updated this, it made my day :D

P.S. Just a note - this says it's chapter 122, so you may want to delete the extra 2 :P

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Review #5, by marauderfanWhen I Go Out With You: Look of Love

27th October 2016:

I was so excited to see a new chapter on this! SO FLUFFY. SO CUTE. I really love what this chapter reveals about their relationship. While Neville is uninterested in a relationship with anyone else, he still respects Hannah's other relationship. And on Hannah's part, she wants Neville to see this happy world she's experiencing - something she can maybe share with Neville - but she understands that that isn't what he wants and doesn't try to push him into anything. In other words, they just show so much mutual respect even though they don't agree, they're good at communicating - it's such a healthy relationship. I love these two.

Loved this chapter!


I mean... *ahem* normal review response voice.


hehe, anyway, yes. It's really good to see Hannah building more healthy relationships. It's a fun challenge for me to show-not-tell so much about different relationships in such short chapters, so it's great to hear that you found the content revealing and interesting.

Mostly, it's really good to be writing this story again, and after all the time I spent away, I'm super glad you're still coming back for ore =) Hopefully more coming soon!


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Review #6, by marauderfanSurvival of the Fittest: Shadows Aren't Permanent

25th October 2016:
Team Werewolf Review for HPFT

Hi! It's about time I got back to this story. I've missed it.

Ooh, I love the description of being followed as "My shadow felt heavy" - that's such a creative description and also feels very appropriate. That's totally what being followed feels like.

I loved learning a little more about Riya here, about her parents, about her desire to become a scientist (A+ decision), and just... seeing her let down her guard for a moment. After a long time of just trying to survive in the woods while being hunted, it makes sense that she's almost a little uneasy being so safe. She's still expecting something to jump out at her or for the Potters to try to attack her at any minute. And that's a good survival instinct, but seeing her actually open up a little is great. And I love that Theo feels safe there - he's been through so much and he deserves to be able to sleep like a log for once.

Also I must say that the anecdotes of Riya and Albus at Hogwarts together were hilarious. I love that James appears to have forgiven Riya about the knife, as well. They're actually having fun chatting together. Things are looking up, and it's nice.

Please tell me you're going to continue writing this story? I love it and I want more!

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Review #7, by marauderfanTell Me Who You Are: Phase Five: Tell Me Who You Are

25th October 2016:
Team Werewolf Review for HPFT

I'm finally here to review this like I promised a while ago.

First, I don't know why this story doesn't have a million reviews. Maybe because it draws the reader in so much that you just simply can't put it down.

I loved the way you slowly revealed bits of their past, until the whole story was out in the open. And the dynamics here are so complex. On one hand, Dom is constantly manipulating Mark and then erasing his memory of it, which is like... pretty morally objectionable. She's stealing his own memories away from him. But on the other hand, there's a very positive aspect to it - almost like they're meant to be, since they keep crossing paths and being drawn to one another and falling in love. Dom doesn't want to hurt him, but she can't help but think that maybe this time it will be different. And it almost is, but she jumped to conclusions too early, and Mark reached out too late. And so after three failed attempts, she tries to fix her mistake in the only way she thinks she can. Maybe because of that, I really wanted Mark and Dom to be able to work it out! Like, they were on the same page, just not at the same time. I'm kind of reminded of that line in the Bob Dylan song Tangled up in Blue, "we always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view" which seems to sum up these two quite perfectly :P

The ending is PERFECT. It's heartbreaking because she decided to forget, but at the same time very fitting because she's been tormented by the knowledge of what she did to him for so long, it's like a sort of karmic justice, in a way. It finally turns the tables for the first time which is something I think Mark needed, after he's been constantly manipulated by her for three years, now he's the one with the knowledge of their past. Their history is incredibly complicated, but at least it's more equal now!

And it ends so sadly, how she can't remember, but also incredibly hopeful. Maybe this time it will work out? After all, this time they don't have to go through the bit about her modifying his memory and her being a witch, because he already knows and this time he has time to adjust to it.

Gorgeous story. Really wonderful work ♥

Author's Response: Hi! You can stop by whenever, I'm in no rush. I'll still be here. ^_^

If it had a million reviews, I'd probably die of shock, so that's probably why. To preserve my life. ;)

I don't even know how to respond to this review. It really makes my day and I'm so glad you liked to so much and understood it on such a level. I always thought it's sort of s curse for a magical person to fall in love with a muggle/mortal. It's a very big risk to take, telling something so personal and important, especially when your laws expressly forbid it for the most part. It's walking a very torturous line and I tried to illustrate that here.

A sequel is coming in the form of a series of one-shots if you want to see what happens. The first one should be up sometime in December for the Christmas challenge.

Thank you for reading and I'm really so very, very glad you liked it.


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Review #8, by marauderfanAll the truth about Jimmy Portman: The Sorting

23rd October 2016:
I'm baaack!

Your reasoning on what each of the first years was feeling while waiting for the sorting hat felt spot on. I also want to draw attention to the fact that Jimmy's boredom with the Boy Who Lived almost mirrors Draco Malfoy's reaction to Harry in the books, which I find really funny - how he refers to him as The famous Neville Longbottom. Haha...

NEVILLE IS A SLYTHERIN WHAT you totally surprised me with that one. I suppose at eleven Neville was much less assertive than Harry so the horcrux-part of him would be able to have more of a say? Interesting...

Potter! So Jimmy Portman is a false name. So his father then, Peter... while it would be funny for his name to be Peter Potter (lol) it would seem that this is Peter Pettigrew under a pseudonym who adopted 'Harry'. This is all kinds of interesting and where are Remus and Sirius? Since Peter didn't betray James and Lily in this reality (because they weren't in hiding) DOES THIS MEAN THE MARAUDERS ARE ALL STILL ALIVE AND FRIENDS?!?! Well, I get the feeling JAmes and Lily are in St Mungos, but the rest of them should still be around RIGHT??? OMG

I love the Sorting Hat. A little sass, a little argument, and a little caring. I always knew there was more to it than just singing a song and yelling out house names!

Aw, Fred and George! I love that you showed this side to them. For all their pranking and silliness, they do have a really caring side that I think often gets forgotten about in fic, so I love that you showed that.

Awesome chapter once again! ♥

Author's Response: Hi, love!
So happy to see you back! :D

Glad you liked their thoughts before the Sorting and that you found them in character. Ahahah! He does remind of Draco a bit :P But he really has nothing against Neville, he just wants the Sorting to be over... Jimmy has a flaw (or many flaws, actually) he isn't very patient... :P

Yes, that's exactly what I had in mind, that Neville wouldn't be as insistent as Harry was. Besides he is sort of angry with the world and he wants to prove himself worthy. So, yeah...

Ahahah! You know me too well...
Actually, things are a bit more complex... but, once again, you'll find out in a couple of chapters. ;) Marauders stuff might be just behind the corner. :P

Ahahah! Oh, I love the Sorting Hat too! I'm actually always a bit doubtful when I wrote Sorting scenes because I fear to overdo them... but it's too much fun! :D

Fred and George are great! And yes, they do have that caring side! Glad you enjoyed it!

Thank you so much for coming back and for another wonderful review! *wub*

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Review #9, by marauderfanAll the truth about Jimmy Portman: The Hogwarts' Express

22nd October 2016:
Team Werewolf review for HPFT!

Okay, how great is it that on the day you read my chapter about destiny and free will, I decided I was going to read this fic (because I'd been meaning to for a while) and found that the summary is about destiny and choices!) Bahaha! Coincidence, or destiny? :P

So anyway, yay! I love the start of this. As you know, I think what-if types of AU are really interesting to think about, and this is a great idea, exploring how Neville and Harry would both be different if VOldemort had thought the prophecy meant Neville. Are Neville's parents still alive? Is James Portman's name really James Portman? Peter... Portman? Pseudonym or real name? So many questions and I can't wait to find out! Like... does Harry exist? Is Jimmy actually Harry with a changed name and a history in America?

I'm really interested in what things you've changed about this timeline and how those effects play out. So Ron and Jimmy became friends, but under totally different circumstances than Ron and Harry did. The complete opposite in fact. Ron is kind of bored by Jimmy! Meanwhile Neville is drawing stares all over the place (while still searching for Trevor. Bless him.)

Best line award: The only thing that came to Ron's mind was his mother -- HAHAHA. And what's even funnier is that it's so true. Molly Weasley could kill someone just by looking at them!

This is such a great start and I love that it's raising so many questions after just one chapter! That's how I know it's going to be good :D I like what we've seen of the characters so far as well.

Lovely work!


Author's Response: KRISTIN!!!
Hello, my wolfy mate! ;)

Ahahah! Yay, so awesome! Destiny, definitely destiny! ;)

Ah, I'm glad you enjoyed this first chapter! :) I must confess, this isn't nowhere near as well structured as your Icarus alternative universe... but Neville as the Boy-Who-Lived is an interesting fellow to write about. :P

I'm afraid Frank and Alice's destiny was just the same as James and Lily's in canon... :( (this is not really a spoiler, so I bet there's no reason not to answer)

As for your other questions... Are Peter and James Portman real names? Is Jimmy Harry? Maybe? Maybe not? Answers are coming soon enough, anyway. ;)

A lot of things are actually just the same, but you'll find out reading on. :P
Ron and Jimmy will be great friends, even if they started a bit awkwardly. And Neville is the old, good Neville. Just a bit more grumpy... (they all are, to be true. But that's the way I love them)

Ahahah! I totally agree! Molly definitely could kill just looking at you! :P

Thank you! I'm really so glad you felt intrigued by this first chapter and I really hope you'll read on and you won't be disappointed in the rest (this story really is far from perfect and could use some heavy editing... maybe one day...)

Thank you so much for stopping by and for another amazing review! It was just wonderful to wake up to it! You are the best!

Snowball hug!!!

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Review #10, by marauderfanThe Harder They Fall: Under the Helmet

11th October 2016:
Here I am... signed sealed delivered, I'm yours. I mean, here I am with your requested review. :P

Wait, Finn wants to do homework?! :O Where is the real Finn and what happened to him? DANGER, WILL ROBINSON.

Why does he not own a copy of the textbook? How is he going to become this new responsible person who studies and wants to do his homework, if he doesn't even have the required class materials? I know he's rich enough to afford it, so he can't even use that as an excuse. *shakes head*

After hours library pass? It's like they're asking for trouble. I guess I can see why these passes no longer existed by the time Harry went to Hogwarts. :P

He stood in front of her desk. She didn’t look up. “I need that book,” he said bluntly. -- Um. In case I doubted that Finn is the most entitled, selfish snob ever. Literally he thinks she's going to give him the book she's using just because he needs it. This is how toddlers think about toys. Come on, Finn, you can be better than this.

Her hair added a sweeter scent to the library; like cinnamon -- *makes mental note just in case you have a chapter on Amortentia coming up*

Um. All the coughing fits and she's even coughing up blood into a handkerchief. I remember when this happened in Moulin Rouge and it didn't turn out well. Aah! I'm seriously worried about Brindley. What is going on with her? It seems like a wizard illness, but one Finn isn't familiar with either. One thing I did catch however: Finn is concerned. He'd deny it I know, but he was worried there.

Aw, Brindley covers for him so he doesn't get kicked out of the library. She has literally NO reason to be nice to him after how he's treated her. But she's just nice. That's who she is. AND. Finn is jealous of Brindley's date?? And I notice him glancing at her a lot. A long glance. *Raises more flags on the RMS Finndley* (wait I just remembered Finn's full name is Finlay isn't it? Finlay and Brindley. They RHYME. Hehehe. Did you do that on purpose? XD )

the hard and unfeeling outside he let the world see might be inhuman, but it was a hell of a lot more civilized than what he hid inside. -- I mean I do feel bad for Finn but he literally sounds like the music I used to listen to in 8th grade. ANGST

Brindley really didn't have to apologize for saying that. Finn needed to be taken down a peg or ten.

Slughorn chortled. “Indeed! I also heard tell of your skills as a duelist.” -- Random fact but I accidentally read duelist as 'dentist' at first

When you mention Henry Potter's familiar face - particularly the turned up nose... Long shot here but I feel like you mentioned Brindley's nose as turned up. Maybe. Once. I think? Maybe I made it up. Anyway now I'm really wondering. Of course, it's probably someone from Hogwarts, but my money is on Brindley.

Aw, Finn's mum kind of breaks my heart. She may not know the particulars of what's going on but she's definitely aware something is going on and that Finn is confused about it.

So the pineapple Tom got for Slughorn was actually bought by Finn. Haha, for all the way Tom weasels his way in with other people, he literally does no work to do so. He's like a puppeteer just moving the strings of everyone around him. And it's so believable.

I have no comment except eye rolling about Finn and Lucretia at the end. When Finn wants to study, he demands a book from someone who's already using it because how could anyone not understand that he wants to study. But when a girl he likes wants to study, he can't understand why she wants to study and seduces her instead because that's what he wants. *headdesk* Finn has a lot of growing up to do, and up to this point he basically only thinks about himself, but I think that's why he's such a dynamic character and interesting to read about. He's an idiot 98% of the time, but that 2% is when he feels shame and guilt about Hero, or concern about Brindley, and you can tell that he has potential to be better. Oh and I guess by 'no comment' at the beginning of this paragraph I meant 'a lot of comments'.

How did this review get so long? I'm about to run out of characters. So um, this was a good chapter. I should probably have some CC, shouldn't I? I guess there was this:

He threw himself into the chair, letting the legs scrape nosily, - That should probably say 'noisily'. Unless the chairs are not minding their own business.

Okay that's all. This was a great chapter! ♥

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Review #11, by marauderfanThe Fortunate Ones: Chapter 6

9th October 2016:
SEE ALL THE SHARDS ON THE FLOOR? THOSE WERE MY HEART. until you broke it with this chapter.

Their confrontation in Lily's house was... well, it was painful, but at the same time it felt so necessary. Mary couldn't possibly have gone on with all that unsaid, and I don't think Lily realized how strongly Mary had been affected by their breakup. It was important for both of them, to be honest with each other, even if it meant reopening really old wounds. And at the time it was sort of like closure for Mary.

I do like that it helped her redefine her relationship with Reg, and how she realized that everything she craved from Lily and had never received were things Reg gave unconditionally - I think it helped Mary realize she sort of took him for granted, and that was also really important. He is a nice guy and I like that Mary finally appreciated him. I especially love that Mary was able to tell him about her history with Lily - she allows herself to be vulnerable and stop hiding, and Reg was supportive of her and makes her feel loved.

And that was the last time I'd ever seen Lily Evans. Well, the last time I'd seen her alive. -- UGH just when I'm annoyed at Lily you drop THIS line. *SOBBING*

shackled and dressed in Azkaban’s finest -- I know it shouldn't but this made me chuckle. Like, stripes are all the rage right now.

It was comforting to see that they hadn't managed to flatten his hair and it was just as ruffled and wind blown as always. -- this kills me. KILLS ME.

aaahh, her final conversation with Lily when it was too late... there are actual tears in my eyes right now. I have so many feels about this. I personally do think that Lily always did care about Mary, though probably not to the extent that Mary loved Lily, and not in the same way. And the fact that Mary only realizes it when it's too late, and their friendship has already fallen apart... that just makes it sadder. Just the thought that it turned out how it did when there could maybe have been a chance for them to reconcile, just breaks my heart. Yeah, it would have taken time and a lot of work, but. ugh. At the same time, they just didn't have a lot of time, and they spent most of it not talking to one another because it hurt too much (at least in Mary's case). Now I wonder what Lily's reason was. Because she wasn't thinking about Mary? Or because she knew Mary was hurt/not over her, and wanted to tread lightly and not bring up heartbreak for Mary again by being around her? Either way is sad. :(

this chapter broke my heart, even though I knew what was coming. But I loved it. I think that sentiment applies to the story as a whole, as well. I honestly loved this story so much, right from the very beginning. This was such a wonderful portrayal of these two girls, and through the lens of a ship I've never seen in any other story. It's so full of emotion and so real and so devastating. This is some of your most beautiful writing and you should be so proud. Congratulations on finishing the story!! ♥

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Review #12, by marauderfanCloaked in Silence: T H R E E

25th September 2016:
Hi Paula!

So, I found this story when I was looking for a fic to review for the hufflepuff monthly newsletter (i.e. someone finds and reads an underappreciated story and talks about it) and so I ended up here. And seriously, I can't believe this story doesn't have more reviews already because it's phenomenal.

First, I love your summary! I love that it doesn't tell much, it's just this ominous, mysterious, and desperate question, which really sets the tone for the whole story.

And to the story itself. Gah, it's heartbreaking. I didn't realize it was going to be about a child dying in a hospital after having cancer. Stories about people dying too young, especially with cancer involved, really get to me on a personal level and from the instant I read about Mia's past struggles I was already really invested in Laura's quest to find a way to save Mia. So, yeah, reading this story was kind of like being run over by a truck, but I mean that in a good way I promise :P like, it was so powerful and so sad and then there's a glimmer of hope but then stomps on my heart at the end, and you should be proud that you wrote something so powerful. I was amazed that you said this was out of your comfort zone. For someone who only writes fluff and happy endings, you did an amazing job with this angst fest. You should write sad stories more often, because you're really good at it.

Not only that, but the perspective is really unique, since Laura is a Muggle, and it shows a really interesting eye into the wizarding world from the outside. It breaks my heart that she knows things could have been different if she'd been able to gain access to a wizard hospital. But what she does end up doing was really interesting - it was quite a leap to decide to steal the invisibility cloak. It was interesting that stealing it was her first thought, I felt she should have thought that over a bit more :P but I loved the way you put a spin on the use of the cloak, it was a really clever use of a familiar object in a new way. And the way the doctor wants to keep using it to save children! Wow, I just loved that use of it and how it really puts them in a whole new light, because I was almost indignant at the Potters for hanging onto it as a family heirloom when they have this miracle cure to themselves.

speaking of the cloak, there was a bit of a weird moment in the third chapter when Laura sees Mia's hands sticking out, covers her back up, and summons the nurse... but wouldn't the nurses not be able to see her?

Okay but anyway, the descriptions are truly wonderful, from Laura's bold midnight theft to the sweet moments with Mia in the hospital. It's easy to see this whole story play out right before your eyes because of how detailed the prose is, focusing on the little but important things. There's a lot of visual description, but most of all what's described are feelings and sensations, like her heart beating, or the way her mouth feels dry because she's so nervous. These are such important details and I feel like stuff like this often gets forgotten, what's going on with a character's body, but those are important details because you notice these things as a person in real life, so of course a fictional character will feel these things too. And so it places the reader right there in Laura's shoes so effectively - I feel what Laura feels. I love that you included that. The emotional power of this story is its strongest feature.

Overall, it's a beautiful story. It's incredibly well written and I'm so glad I stopped by!

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Review #13, by marauderfanLiar: Heartbreakers

19th September 2016:
I'm sorry it's taken me so much longer than I expected to get here! I had computer issues but they're fixed now.

That scene with James yelling at everyone and being angry at them in the aftermath of the werewolf prank... honestly, I really loved that scene. I mean, it was sad and heartbreaking and all, but I love the way you drew out certain aspects of each of the four characters that is rarely shown. I've seen a lot of fic focusing on the fallout of the prank between Remus and Sirius, but never James, and he was the one who prevented anything horribly serious (lol Sirius?) from happening, and in a way was betrayed by his best friend and everyone's just mad at each other and no one stops to thank him from preventing them from going to Azkaban for murder. He's so vulnerable at that moment and I just found it to be a profound character moment, so I loved it. I think that's one of your greatest strengths as a writer, to get into the characters' heads so well, and you do so well with this particularly when you write the Marauders.

And I love what you did with the Snape's Worst Memory scene here from Peter's POV, especially with the context of all that came before it in Peter's life, especially between him and Remus. It sets this scene in such a different light, and I really liked reading this fresh perspective of it.

And the split between Remus and Peter is so sad. I think you paralleled it really well with the Snape/Lily fallout, how just one word ruined them both, and in the case of Remus and Peter, it brought up all the insecurities Remus has been managing to push away, about him being a monster and not deserving any love. The fact that he actually believes that about himself just kills me. In a way I don't think Peter can see how vulnerable Remus is, he's just tired of being pushed around by Remus closing himself off, and even when he realizes he said the wrong word, everything just kind of crumbles, because on top of that there's all this latent jealousy. I feel bad for both of them, but at the same time I just want to shake them for their bad communication.

So anyway: I loved this chapter, as always! Such wonderful writing. You are amazing.
Snowball hug! Love you ♥

Author's Response: Kristin!!!
Snowball hug!!!

(And apologies for answering so late... the truth is, I loved this review so much and liked to have a quick access to it... :P)

And no worries about the lateness. Technology issues are the worst... glad they are solved now!

Ah, it's such a relief that you were particularly impressed by James' scene, because it was the one I was most worried about. I felt scared it would be too heavy and confusing, since I only quickly hinted at a lot of things going on for him in that moment (why on heart did I think that seven sections thing was a good idea???)

Anyway, I'm glad that you liked that scene as a character development moment and that you could feel him and his rage and frustration so well. You're right, he is the one who saved them all and he only received resentment and loneliness in return. I've always thought that friendship was what mattered most for him and now his friends are deceiving him in the worst way possible... erm, am I rambling too much? Point is, I'm glad you liked what I did with his character!

Ahahah! Horribly Sirius! You are Siriusly the best, Kristin! :D

Gald you liked Peter's POV in the Mudblood incident scene as well! I wanted to bring out his uncertainties for the future and his suffering about Remus and also a bit of his darker, vengeful side. I hope it all came across well...

And, yes, I know... it broke my heart to have them breaking up (plot necessities, plus Remus is that stubborn...) I'm glad you liked the parallel with Lily and Severus, too.

Poor Remus, he always think so poorly of himself... he definitely needs both the hugging and the shaking! And Peter should've understood better his state of mind, but as you said he was just tired of being constantly shut off and sent away... my poor boys...

YOU are amazing! Thank you for stopping by and leaving such an incredible, stunning, encouraging review! It made my day a thousand times!!!

Snowball hug!!!

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Review #14, by marauderfanThe Smell of Lilies: 4 a.m.

12th September 2016:
Curieee! I'm so glad to see you're still around here and still writing and posting your magnificent stories! :)

Okay, so this story was so good, and so sad. I really loved the way you did the timeline of the story, the alternating past and present. The way the reader already knows the relationship is doomed puts this sad tone over the happier scenes of them falling in love, and makes it really bittersweet.

And the second person POV! Seriously, this story has everything I like - queer Lily, bittersweet tone, unusual POV and non linear narration. And I really love how the second person perspective adds to the story here. It's far more personal than 3rd-person, and for a story about heartbreak, that's appropriate. And the fact that it's 'you' as the main character going through the heartbreak - it makes that heartbreak hurt just a little more.

And it's so sad the way she noticed too - but something small like that seemed so realistic - as simple as the perfume she used when she came home later and later. I wonder if the girl was named Rose... or even if she was Lily's cousin Rose. That would be the saddest. I mean, it's already sad, but you know. In a way, I like that you left the identity of the new girl hinted at but still a bit vague.

This was so good! I'm really glad I saw this story today :)

♥ ♥ ♥


Thank you so so much for the review man!! I really am around a lot-- mostly reading though (life's a bit hectic this year but hopefully I'll be back soon).

And thank you again! I really did want it to be vague and 2nd person was actually chosen to enhance the pain, so I'm glad you noticed that!

And honestly i have no idea who the girl lily's girlfriend was seeing is actually I didn't even write Lily's girlfriends name into it intentionally too! It was all meant to be vague and confusing and I'm glad that worked.

Thanks again for the review Kristen! You actually made my day!

Curie xx

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Review #15, by marauderfanSeven Hills: Prologue

8th September 2016:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review from HPFT. Sorry about the delay!

This is really cool. I love this first chapter - it's so different from everything else I see here, and your writing style really stands out. I don't read a huge amount of AU so that makes this particularly interesting to me, what you've done to make this world your own.

I really love your descriptions.
as the night grew uneasy and the flames from the braziers guttered to cinders. -- like this one, it's so vivid. The whole way through though the chapter, you provide perfect detail - not lengthy descriptions of everything, but focus. You draw attention to the small details, like dying flames or the one guard's chipped tooth, as a way of being very specific but not heavy handed with the description and it's so effective. I love it.

As for characterization: Portia is clearly someone who is used to having her way, and above all having control. And, well, Tom is much the same, which makes their relationship very interesting to me. I can see what drew them together in the beginning, and why it would never work with such clashing personalities. And she still loves him (and he probably knows it), and hates that weakness about herself but still loves him - ah, so many complex feels about this. I love the characterization of both of them and the way they interact is fascinating, with their history sitting heavy between them.

As for plot, I do really like it so far, though there's not a huge amount I can say about the plot seeing as it's just the first chapter. But you've set it up well with all the political and emotional games here, and clearly there's a lot of interesting history (which looks like it'll be the basis for the story, given that this is a prologue). So based on what's here, the plot is very interesting!

My CC is pretty minimal, because on the whole this chapter is well polished. There's a line at the beginning when Portia tells the house elf to tell Tom she will see him now, which makes it sound like she's waiting for him to come to her (which I realize is what she wants, haha) but then goes to visit him, so why is she telling the house elf to tell him she's coming when she's almost there? (I'm not sure I articulated this very well, but basically - that line could potentially be reworded for clarity... but maybe that was just the way I read it)

A couple of typos-
Portia shook him off at once and entered of her own violation -- Here, I think you meant 'volition'

it forced its way passed her lips -- should be 'past'.

All that small stuff aside, this is a REALLY powerful start to your story, and I loved this introduction! Portia is a really vibrant character, and even after one chapter her personality is quite well developed. And Tom is really interesting in this context as well. I'm so eager to see what you do with these characters. Very well done! ♥

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Review #16, by marauderfanElaborate Lives: The Siege

8th September 2016:
(transferred review)


At dawn, the light spread across the lake like dye in fabric. -- this is such a wonderful visual!! Honestly, ALL of your descriptions in this are beautiful. I'm just going to sum it up like that, otherwise I'd probably be quoting every other line back to you to point out how beautifully worded it is. But it is - your word choice is so deliberate and delicate, it really sets the reader into the time period so effectively.

I don't know why Founders Era is often overlooked, but to me it's one of the most interesting eras for HP fanfiction there is. It's just so different from any of the more modern eras and there's so much that you can do while still within the confines of canon since canon is pretty scant. Besides, it's just a really interesting time historically. Aside from mine, I can't think of any other Founders era stories I know of that even discuss the Vikings, when the invasions were a huge deal back then, so I'm really glad you included that in yours. I'm interested to see where that plot will go. (-:3
(the 3 is raised eyebrows :P )

You've also done a great job with Helena's character even after only one chapter, as well as Lora in the brief scene she was in. And by the way, I think that comparison between the two of them did well at explaining Helena's motives for staying around to fight in the battle, despite not liking battle the way Lora does. You've also given a pretty good indication of Helena's relationships with those around her, such as her mother, and Salazar. The glimpses of the other two Founders, even though only a glimpse, perfectly capture the personalities of those two - Godric leading a host into battle, and Helga reassuring and helping those who are preparing to fight.

The description of the battle was really cleverly done. It's blurred and vague and rushed, but in honesty that makes perfect sense, especially for someone who doesn't regularly fight in battle. It's a new thing for her, and everything is confusion and happens so fast. To me it kind of reads as if she's just there, in the midst of battle, but not necessarily fighting, if that makes sense. If you wanted, you could add detail about what Helena specifically is doing (i.e. is she holding her wand, or the dagger?) but it's not necessary. It's really good already, that's just a suggestion :)

HOW can you end the chapter with that cliff hanger though. I guess it wasn't even a cliff hanger, it was one step further than that, like falling over a cliff. aah! That's cruel of you :P but very effective as I am so eager to read the next chapter already.

If you hadn't guessed yet, I loved this chapter and I love this story! Amazing work - it really doesn't feel like your first ever Founders, it's as natural as if you'd been writing Founders forever.

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Review #17, by marauderfanLa Salvezza: Inferno

5th September 2016:

Where to start! Aah, this is just... amazing.

I love all the metaphors and imagery and the flame motif that occurs throughout. Your writing style, as always, is incredible - it's so rich and layered and so unique. There are about 50 lines in this chapter I'd love to quote back to you in my review, and most of them are long, and I think it'd probably end up being the whole chapter quoted back to you by the time I finished! But every line you write, every phrase, it's so well crafted and practically a work of art - a complex weaving of description and metaphor in every sentence. I don't know how you do it. You're such a talented writer.

The way this story draws inspiration from the Divine Comedy and mirrors Hell in Gellert's imprisonment in Nurmengard - this is so brilliant and I love the way you wove the themes of suffering and religion and atonement. I find it very believable that Gellert would not regret the actions of his past self nor have any want to atone for them. And in this he seems to have some sort of bitter enjoyment in the idea that Albus is probably trapped in suffering too, guilt about his past. While Gellert is trapped in the physical building of Nurmengard, which is Hell for him, Albus is no less trapped but it's in his own mind, as he can't forgive himself, and that's a brilliant juxtaposition, especially the way you enhanced it by interspersing the fire imagery. The style, and the way you worked those themes together so cohesively, are really admirable.

I also love that you had a few sentences in there about Gellert thinking about his parents and his sisters and brothers. I think, due to the fact that he arrived in Godric's Hollow alone when he met Albus, it's easy to forget that he had a family back home, and that he wasn't just a completely independent, solitary being. What I loved was how something as simple as him remembering his family puts him in such a different context than he is usually portrayed in.

Tell me, what makes something right? ... -- this whole paragraph is so, so good. What does make something right? A question even the philosophers have never figured out, and it's just so interesting here because probably some of those questions apply to Gellert, who, after all, probably thought he was doing the right thing. Its not like his Muggle domination thing was like "Imma just be really evil because I can"; he thought he was doing something for the 'greater good', however deluded he was in its correctness. But yeah, what is it that defines good? The intent? The ratio of beneficial/harmful outcomes? this is just such an interesting thing to think about and I love that you included that subject in here and in this context.

Ooh also I noticed that mention of Albus being half English and half Indian, which I'm sure is a reference to that one-shot you wrote about Kendra (which I loved, btw) and I loved that little connection there :)

Thank you for writing this beautiful story for me. ♥ Your dedication was so sweet, btw! I'm so lucky to have had you as my gifter :) And you're a wonderful friend too! *hugs*

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Review #18, by marauderfanCase Study of Lily Evans & James Potter: An Exploration and Analysis of the Development and Root Cause of Attraction Between Two Teenage Subjects

1st September 2016:
Gift Tag!

Em, this is gold. I might even say that it's Au. (Not AU.)

I think this has got to be the most original James/Lily piece I've ever seen. I've read parody Jily, fluffy ones, sad ones, but never a scientific article explaining how Lily went from hate to love. I love how well thought out everything is - clearly a lot of research went into this study.

I did notice however that it was missing an abstract. :P Perhaps that will aid in its submission to the journal of your choice.

Bahahahaha all these references are hilarious too. I mean, the rest of the fic takes itself seriously, or at least pretends to, but the references are just like LOLOLOLOL. Absolutely Completely Legitimate and Ethical and Undoubtedly Trustworthy Journal of Psychology, -- Oh this is my favorite scientific journal! The Not Freud one made me laugh too but I don't think I can copy and paste it here due to a couple of the words :P Also the fact that the section of James' diary used in this study is like 1700 pages haha

P.S. I would also like to inform S. Black that he has been fined 50 galleons for manipulating and potentially falsifying data in such a groundbreaking study.

Awesome story, Em :D

Author's Response: Kristin,

I see what you have done there and assure you that I am laughing hysterically.

That you regard this study to be original will really help me with getting my case study on the Absolutely Completely Legitimate and Ethical and Undoubtedly Trustworthy Journal of Psychology. Thanks for that.

I am not aware of abstracts within case studies, but, if it helps, being a freelance researcher, I think of myself as a very casual sort of researcher. I do take my work very seriously, however: casual, albeit serious.

Ah, yes, the references. All completely legitimate, I assure you. You laugh, I presume, because of the relief you experience about this study being a genuine one? No? I mean statistically, that was a better guess than if I had presumed you were laughing because you thought the references were jokes.

James's diary was a lengthy read, yes. I should mention that I only used one out of the numerous volumes I read through.

S. Black has been notified and is overcome with so much smugness that it must be physically painful.

I thank you greatly for your feedback.

Kindest regards,
Best regards,
All the best regards,
Sincerely the best and kindest of regards,
I have the best regards,
P. Proclamations
Freelance Researcher of Teenage Hormones and Their Social Manifestations and the Like

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Review #19, by marauderfanTwo Birds, One Stone: Two

1st September 2016:
Here with your requested review! :)

Deamus as parents, aahh! This is really sweet, and haha I love that you put in how Hannah is such a typical teenager regarding having conversations with her parents. She clearly loves them, but there's also this hint of 'ughhh dads, just let me live my lifeee!' haha which I love because it's so accurate XD

Also I can't believe she left such a delicious sounding breakfast mostly untouched.

sometimes even he could surprise me.
Which is what I was,

-- here, I don't think the transition works 100%, probably because it's a verb in the first sentence and an adjective in the second. like, the word "which" doesn't seem to apply to anything there. I think it might sound better if the second sentence starts out "And surprised is what I was" or something.

Ahh, the scene where they practice kissing/being a couple, was so... awkward. haha. Not your writing, but just, all the awkwardness Hannah feels and all her confusion radiate clearly off the page, so as a reader I feel just as weird about it as she does. Which means that you've done a wonderful job writing this part, since it's so easy to feel what Hannah feels here.

Also... James. I wonder if he is actually interested in Nat at all, as he claims to be. After all, he seems very comfortable with everything and with kissing Hannah. :P

Also, James and Hannah 100% won the battle of wits with Ben and no-name-blonde. Haha. Ouch. :P

Aaand the media has found them. That certainly didn't take long! You know, one thing that comes to mind - they never really discussed how long they're going to keep up this charade. Just... indefinitely? :P

Okay. So! Characterization seemed very consistent with the first chapter, and built up the characters more. I like seeing more of the snarky side of Hannah, because in the first chapter we only really saw her like immediately post-breakup when she was understandably glum. This seems like more of the real her.
And Ben is as much of a shallow jerk as he was before.
James is even more of a smooth talker. I don't trust him. :P

As for descriptions: I think they are definitely sufficient. You have a good balance between dialogue and narrative of what things look like/what is happening.

I'm kind of curious why neither Seamus or Dean like James. I'm pretty sure I know why Seamus is weird about Ginny, because I know you :P but I can't think why they're both quite dismissive of James even though he's been Hannah's friend since birth.

I like your new summary a lot better, btw. It's great!

(ps oops I should never do reviews at night because this review does not follow any pattern and jumps topics all over the place, I'm sorry :P )

This was a great chapter, Jill! ♥

Author's Response: Kristin, I love your reviews. They're just so detailed and well thought-out, and I might request them purely for selfish reasons, but I wanted to say how much I appreciate them!

I'm glad you loved that scene. I really wanted to show her with a supportive family, but there's some tension in certain aspects as well, like all families have. Whatever you do mean, you might know why Seamus is weird about Aunt Ginny?! Haha :P

I know, I really wanted that breakfast for myself! Geez girl.

James *is* very comfortable with kissing Hannah, isn't he? Hmm, I wonder what that might be about. He really is interested in Nat, though - or at least, he thinks he is. *innocent whistling*

I'm so glad it was awkward! I didn't want it to be one of those "EVERYTHING FELT AMAZING, WAT IS THIS". I wanted it to be "omg I'm kissing my best friend, WAT IS THIS" so I'm so glad that that came across well! :D I had a lot of fun writing that scene, though.

Erm, that's totes my fault, because I didn't really put a timeframe on it, haha! I'll be sure to include that next chapter. Hannah, no doubt, has noticed that by now.

I'm glad you like the snarky side of Hannah; I wanted her to be her own person too, to not rely so much on James for humor. She can definitely hold her own, and I'm glad that came across in this chapter as well - and I wanted her to wallow, but not be horribly depressed about it, either.

You don't trust James?! :D Errr keep on that. ♥

Ooh, thanks! I've been trying to work on description balance, so I'm happy there's a good one here.

They *like* James, for the most part. There's *certain parts* of James they don't like. I'll leave that to you to ponder...

Thanks! I actually had some help with it from my friend Liz, but it summarizes it a lot better.

(don't even worry about it)

Thanks for the great review!!

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Review #20, by marauderfanMaking the Reserves: Making Mr. Wood's Good Books

31st August 2016:

Aw, yeah the divisions of teams would totally make a divide socially as well. I hope Molly doesn't get too much grief about being in first string. I felt bad for her that she thought it was because of her name rather than her talent - that would be tough, as she is trying to make a name for herself when Weasley is already such a big name in Quidditch.

Woohoo! Quidditch! I thought you did a great job writing the game. I always feel I'm rubbish at writing Quidditch matches but you do a great job of putting the reader in Molly's mind and seeing what she's seeing during the game.

I can't believe she stood on her broom during the game. Like... danger aside, it would make you go slower! But I guess it's worth it for the shock value, and how easily it distracts the other team - no one would be expecting that sort of stunt at all. And attracting the attention of recruiters looking for people who stand out. So that was effective, for sure, and strategic thinking on her part. But like... leaping off your broom mid-game and then summoning it while you free fall?? That girl is fearless. :O

I really like Vicki. She seems nice, and I love how easily she and Molly click. And, maybe I'm reading too much into it but the way she was kind of shy and blushing around Molly, and the nervous hair twirling... I ship them. I know you had a poll going on the forums about which guy Molly should be with but I say Vicki. :D There's chemistry there, I see it!

*climbs into canoe and raises flag* This ship is sailing! Don't worry I have a bucket to bail out water just in case

Omg that professor just told them that PS, YOU ONLY HAVE FOUR MONTHS INSTEAD OF NINE UNTIL YOU TAKE YOUR NEWTS! MUAHAHA SURPRISE?! that would be the worst. I can't imagine having that kind of news dropped on me and I feel bad for the students. Especially because Molly HAS to get outstandings on her NEWTS now that she got that new broom. :P

Wonderful chapter!!

And on to the next one :D

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Review #21, by marauderfanThe Harder They Fall: Stand and Deliver

30th August 2016:
BIANCA! ♥ ♥ ♥ I am here with many hugs and also this fact: Did you know that wood frogs, which can live above the Arctic Circle, hibernate by freezing completely solid?

And also I'm here with your requested review.

Why is Finn sitting around listening to Tom Riddle and failing at spells when he could be eating dinner? I thought he had more sense than that. :P

Wow, Tom is definitely becoming a lot more Voldemorty and it's really easy to see how he eventually becomes Voldemort. That line about "not by his side, but I will rule" -- eek! Dun dun dun...

Oh my. Family drama for the Avery's. Ben isn't very good at playing it cool, anyone can see right through the way he just angsted his way out of the dormitory haha.

Finn has such high hopes about how his project of kidnapping and threatening will turn out. Ah, Finn *shakes head*

Yikes, that was an intense dueling club meeting. Finn kind of comes across as pathetic here because he's obviously so desperate for Tom to like him, and still at the end Tom and Malfoy are whispering together and ignore Finn.

Also do you have to keep reminding me about Hero? :( It's sad. But also I think it says so much that Finn still cares and things keep reminding him of her. Things like this make me think that when Finn finds out about Tom's role in her death, he will instantly stop being on Tom's side. In his heart if not officially.

Birds flying low overhead is a big deal. I sympathise, Finn!

Lol, of course his owl is named Adonis. I don't know why I found this so hilarious but it is.

I like that Brindley isn't afraid to be blunt and say that Finn is basically a sheep following Tom around. The one question I had about this section is why Brindley is reading that book in the owlery. Like, she comes up there to find moths, and next Finn looks at her she's reading about Brocken Spectres. Is that just to pass the time until she senses a moth is in the area? While I love that this is how the Knights of Walpurgis discussion came up, I think it could use a tiny bit of clarification ;)

Ooh, and the Knights of Walpurgis make their first appearance. I like that it was Finn's idea, and of course that the original Death Eaters names came from something mentioned by a Hufflepuff who is like the complete opposite of them :P And that it started out as simply the name for their dueling club - you're doing really well at building all of this up.

I especially like that all that dramatic build up happens just before this line: He stepped back to admire his handiwork - and their number of points - pleased to have done something with dignity before he went to hunt bugs. -- hahaha.
Did he find any millipedes?

Bahaha, Finn just can't abide the fact that Brindley doesn't find him attractive. Please tell me that next time he sees her he's going to be like, casually flexing his biceps or something in an attempt to show off and change her mind. XD

oh man I can 100% relate to Finn having issues concentrating and having to work 10x as hard for his grades. That is me. It sucks. Poor Finn!

Oh no :( I think your writing of Tom is PERFECT in this last bit though, everything from his slimy ingratiating himself with the professors in order to sneak information out of the office, to torturing Finn when he failed to get the information. What is it going to take for him to realize he's better off out of Tom's group? Or is he just in too deep now? *bites nails in worrying about Finn*

This was a great chapter! Things are really starting to get intense now and aaah. !!! Excellent work ♥

Author's Response: What a coincidence, that's how I get through winter! Ahhh so many wonderful things in this review I can't pick one thing out, so thank you so much for all of it! ♥

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Review #22, by marauderfanSurvival of the Fittest: Tell me that isn't Harry Potter

30th August 2016:
Your reviewing spree on my stories has made me decide to attack your page with love and reviews.

Bahahaha, her description of what she imagines Harry will look like! Golden eagles perching on him XD Omg, I saw this amazing nature video once where golden eagles were literally picking up mountain goats and carrying them over valleys, it was so epic and impressive. /tangent

I feel like I could fill up a whole review just quoting the great things that Riya thinks/says. Such as this: I thrive in madness! I’m the queen of chaos!
Or this: Okay, but Voldemort was pure evil. I'm pure awesome - hahaha

The Potters really are doing this in style! The fancy tents that are more plush than how I live in RL haha.

he was suspiciously nerdy for a Hufflepuff. -- I have never related to Theo as much as I do in this moment. Now I think he is my spirit animal.

Also, thank goodness for Theo. I think he's the only reason the Potters are civil toward Riya at all, as he's trying to be friendly and offer to help. At least Riya helps with the dishes, which is definitely something.

I was curious about who he knew that was now dead, but it would be rude to ask. -- I'm curious as well, but I also don't want to know because then I'm gonna be sad. :(

Bahaha and Riya wins again with that last line. I really love her as a character. Same with Theo. I love them as individuals and how they balance each other out. The Potters seem very cranky and annoyed thus far, but I really can't blame them. :P I'm excited to see how things develop now that they're forcing the Potters to provide hospitality to them.

Eee, this story is so good. ♥

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Review #23, by marauderfanMaking the Reserves: Making First String

29th August 2016:
Thank goodness for Cedric to shout some sense at her. Seriously, going that fast and standing on her broom... it's like balancing on a speeding twig 50 feet above the ground. I'm not surprised that she fell off.

Good for her friends for having lightning quick reflexes though. Omg, that must have been so terrifying for everyone involved.

Aw, I kind of feel bad for the people who only made Second String. like, clearly they're exceptional Quidditch players or they wouldn't be there, and they're there to be good at Quidditch, but only day 1 and the authority figures are already saying they're not likely to be chosen for reserve teams. :( Are second string able to advance when they improve? I guess they have to separate people somehow though. If people are able to move up to first string, it sounds a bit like the system of varsity/JV, so I like how you kind of adapted that - but yeah it'd be hard when there's only seven slots!
*is too much of a Hufflepuff for any sort of divisive competition*

you do a really good job of writing the teenage mindset, and I find your characters really believable. Everything from their rebellious disregard of rules (whether it's about broom safety or about using fake ID's), to the way friendships are formed and disintegrate, they feel like real people, and to me, characters are the most important part of any story.

This is a great chapter! I love the way you've continued to develop the world of Oakshaft Academy and the culture of the students there. Lovely work, Lo :)

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Review #24, by marauderfanMaking the Reserves: Making it to the Academy

29th August 2016:
Hi Lo! (haha. does this joke get old to you?) Anyway, I'm here from the gift tag!

Oh no, falling dreams are the worst! Especially when you're a Quidditch player, I imagine.

Watching a quidditch match with the Weasley family would be quite an event, with everyone so loud about their own team, and with so many teams in the mix! Makes me wonder who gave her the Magpies t-shirt when she was a kid.

Your characterization is stellar, btw! I love how you've introduced Molly and her mother and even in only a few short sentences I feel like I know them. Her family are all super sweet! Also LOL at Percy for essentially bribing his daughter with a really great broom to remind her to get E's and O's on her NEWTs :P

I found the bit about Fleur's saint necklace really interesting, and I love that you included that. I don't often see religion of any kind mentioned in HP fanfic, so I thought what you did with that was really cool and I like the way you show these things about the characters rather than tell.

You also do a really good job describing that feeing of anxiousness and excitement that comes before something big like going to a new school or a new phase of your life, particularly when you're on the way there.

I love that you mentioned how her Aunt Ginny is even more of a big deal there than Harry is. Everyone always remarks on how Harry is important and famous, but it's nice to see Ginny getting some of that glory (as she should, in a fic about Quidditch!) :D

Leave it to Percy to know all about which brooms are the safest!

Aw, I love how quickly she and Juliette became friends. It kind of feels like camp in a way

I have to say I love your world-building. You've included just the right amount of detail that I can clearly imagine what the school looks like, and the way you've come up with their different names for things (the Canteen) and stuff, it's so well formed already and you did a great job with that.

If it's okay to give you some cc, I noticed that the first four paragraphs (after the dream) all begin with the word I. If you go back to edit, maybe that'd be something to mix up a little just for sentence variety, but it's not really important.

And here: the sleek shape causing my breath to be taken away -- this seemed unnecessarily wordy/in passive voice, I think it might sound better as just "the sleek shape took my breath away".

Okay that's it for cc, I honestly loved the rest of it. What a great start to this fic! I can't wait to read more!

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Review #25, by marauderfanSelfietastic: #QueenoftheSelfie

28th August 2016:
Bahahahaha Tammi this is glorious. So happy to know this story exists. Wow Sirius is such a complex character! :P I also love the historical accuracy, regarding all the twitter, and of course his medieval betrothal that he narrowly avoided. (to Barry Kinder Egg... hahaha what a name. I know his real name was longer but I'm sure he goes by Barry Kinder Egg for short/ I'm too lazy to type it all out) Thank you for all the laughs! :D

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