Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
  
853 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfanEverto Trucido: Halloween 1976 -- Part Two

18th September 2014:
HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS NEW CHAPTER. NOW I AM SO STOKED ABOUT THIS REVIEW SWAP. Woohoo more Everto!

Manhandle somebody and trap them in a closet once and they seem to have a life-long grudge surrounding it. People needed to learn how to relax. ... love it

Aw, I liked that scene with Sirius and Grace. Even though he was really drunk, and maybe that's part of why he was sharing all that information about himself, but just the fact that he went to talk to her and she tried to be a good friend. I also think it was interesting the way you contrasted their vices - Sirius drinking firewhisky alone, and Grace thinking about her dependence on cigarettes. As well as Grace's very astute self-analysis about her dependence on things and her subsequent reasons for refusing firewhisky.

I hadn't even considered that Sirius might think Grace was interested in Regulus. I mean, she did shove him into a closet and then dress up for potions with him. But yeah, I don't think the knowledge that Grace's soul mate is Snape instead would make Sirius feel any better about it! :P

Asjdfkj the vampire! I had forgotten about it. I've said before and I'm sure I will say it again - you are so great at writing action scenes - your writing feels very alive. It also really gets the reader into Grace's mind as the only action that's written is what Grace notices and feels and does, so it's like seeing this battle through her eyes. It's cool.

Lol, Sirius being nearly killed by a vampire and then only mentioning that he's hungry. And then telling his friends how awesome it all was. *Eyeroll* But I'm glad that all made him feel better. Note to self: next time you're feeling down, don't go for the firewhisky - instead get into a fight with a vampire and then eat some Halloween candy. :P

Great chapter!!! ★ :D

Author's Response: YOUR EXCITEMENT IS MAKING ME EXCITED! :D

So, drunk Sirius is a little more open than sober Sirius, but that's okay, because I'm trying to make these two have a friendship (though sometimes it doesn't seem to work all-that-smoothly).

Haha, no, I don't think that discovering that Snape was her soul mate would make Sirius feel any better. :p

I really let that vampire thing go on for too long, but I really wanted to save it for the Halloween chapters! Yay! I'm glad that you enjoy the action scenes, as I enjoy writing them.

:D Sirius. What are you going to do with him? Right, do well to remember that! Haha

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #2, by marauderfanMy (Fake) Wedding: Welcome to my Crappy Life

18th September 2014:
Hello! Saw your status on the forums and so yeah, now you're at 150! Congrats! :D

This is an entertaining opening chapter. Her family (well, her sister's family) sound like a riot! So maybe some things are really unfortunate about her love life, getting kicked out of her flat, a mysterious thing that happened (which I'm dying to know what it is!) etc. but at least her niece and nephew love her :P

And then the Weasleys come into the picture. I must say, I adore your characterization of Molly as such a go-getter and a party girl! It's unusual to read about Molly like that - but I think it's so fitting, since Percy was a go-getter himself, just more about careers and stuff, so it's natural that his daughter would be as headstrong as he is. I just love that Molly is so wild! :D

Hm, James with a potentially nonexistent girlfriend he's been dating for two years, haha. Seems a bit of a mystery there as well! This chapter gives lots of insight into Elle's current predicament and hints at other things but doesn't give it away, making me want to read on, and leaving me very curious what's going to happen next and how on earth the fake wedding fits in.

Excellent start to what looks like a great story so far!

Author's Response: Woo! Congrats on being the 150th reviewer! *hands over trophy* :)

I'm glad that you find it entertaining, I wanted Elle to still have a loving, happy family image (kind of) with her sister even though things with her Dad isn't quite as good as it should be.

Molly is my fourth favourite character to write because she's such a living-life-to-the-edge kind of person and it's such a contrast to Elle :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story :) And for leaving a lovely review!
~Aimee xxx


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Review #3, by marauderfanSix O'clock: Six O'clock

18th September 2014:
Wow, this is a really great piece. It shows, with a few rather anonymous characters, the constant stress and uneasiness in every day life during the first wizarding war. And I love that you chose to use original characters too, because it reminds the reader that it wasn't just the Order involved in the war, it was lots of people who are never mentioned in the books - people who were affected by everything going on, and the people in this story are a few of them.

I especially liked how it focused on one moment - someone waiting for someone else and watching the clock - and because of the war happening, the narrator doesn't know if the person is late because they just got caught at work late, or if something horrible happened, like it's been happening to so many other people who are too young for all this to be happening to them.

It's a really great piece and although not much happens, it's so full of suspense and emotion, which makes it a wonderful story even in a quick 541 words. Great work on this! :)

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Review #4, by marauderfanThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: An “Auf Wiedersehen” and a Wotter Invasion

18th September 2014:
Review Tag! :D

Haha, I love Annett's first moments on the platform at King's Cross, slyly teasing Teddy - as if he hasn't heard enough from James at this point! - and then giving the 'shared introvert nod' to Scorpius, that part made me laugh out loud. But anyway, I can see how she and Scorpius would take to each other right away as I always imagined Scorpius as somewhat of an introvert, and certainly Annett is uncomfortable with hordes of people around her as well.

Wow, it sounds like Merlin had pretty cool socks. Polka dots are rad.

What a highly stressful interaction that must have been for poor Annett, who is so used to minimal social contact, to be confronted with 17 shouting redheads who are all related to one another!

I've never seen a Sorting done quite in this manner before, how she didn't really care or know what it meant or even know which house she was in at first, and only went in the direction of the clapping! I have to say, for those few paragraphs where we didn't know, I was assuming Ravenclaw. But I could see her in Slytherin too. I like that she's friends with both Scorpius and Albus.

Is magic a genetic mutation in muggle-borns or is it inherited, hidden as a recessive trait and only appearing when two carriers produce an offspring? -- lol, can I just say... this is something I have wondered too! :P But anyway, I love the things she thinks about, and the ways you're integrating magic and science, particularly in the realm of Transfiguration. Of course Transfiguration would come so naturally to her, as she can see the underlying similarities between things she is transfiguring, the way the molecules go together and how they are composed of the same things. Her perspective of Hogwarts education in that last section was really interesting and I loved it!

The one thing that slightly confused me in this chapter was Annett's awe at Al's name - if she grew up with Muggles, Al's three names wouldn't really mean that much to her, would they?

Aside from that - great chapter! This is a very unique story and I love the spin you're putting on the magical world. :)

Author's Response: Hi again!

Thank you so much for this wonderful review.

It's quite fun to play with this 'friends but not really' thing she has with Scorpius.

I admit, I couldn't write a regular Sorting and yes, polka dots are incredibly rad.

There are so many questions I have regarding the Wizarding World and genes, too! I would love to discuss it with you if you are interested.

I should have clarified in the story. I'm sorry. Last chapter, Teddy gave her a summary of the "history" of the Wizarding World so that she would have some idea of what is going on.

Thank you so much for all your kind words. I really appreciate them! :D They make me smile. It means so much to me to hear that you've been enjoying this story did far.

Cheers,
Em


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Review #5, by marauderfanChances and Fate: A Chaper in Four Parts

16th September 2014:
Here for our swap! Wow, the description of this one totally caught my eye. AU with the Founders in present day? Whattt? Had to read it. :D

The premise of this is so silly, yet I really like how you wrote the characters and maintained their canon personalities in these totally different settings. Godric seems a bit full of himself, I can see Rowena's intelligence and vanity, Helga's free-spiritedness (and her grinning at birds made me laugh), and Salazar thinking all the people around him are idiots. So funny, but I can totally see them being those sort of people in the modern day :p

I love how they all became friends in this wacky, random way - Godric coming up with brilliant ideas while drunk, and then making friends over the phone while Helga was hitchhiking with Salazar. Ps, the idea that Salazar would get tricked into picking up a hitchhiker makes me laugh. I can see him being so grumpy about the whole thing XD

Basically, this was a really amusing little story and even though it's super AU, the personalities of the characters are really well done and adhere to their canon personalities (or at least how I imagine them to be), just without all the stuffy Middle Ages dialogue :p Great job - this was an enjoyable read! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Thank you off that fantastic review! I'm so glad you liked it.
I really enjoyed writing this, so I love that you interpreted the characters so well. I'm glad they were in line with their personalities: I was a little worried about this since I had never written Founders before, and the characters were present day versions of themselves. I did love them, I'm glad you did too :)
Haha, thank you very much!
Lottie


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Review #6, by marauderfanOut of order: Bad Guy

16th September 2014:
Um, so... how have I never read any of your work before? This is the main thing that's floating through my head after reading this fic. Seriously, you're awesome. I've never read anything from the POV of Mundungus Fletcher before, and minor characters are my favourites to read about - especially those who aren't particularly likeable - and this fic did not disappoint!

Firstly I loved how you used simple, short sentences and common language and cut off half of the words, so it reads exactly as if Mundungus is telling the story aloud to someone, in his distinct Cockney accent. There's not much of a plot to the story either- which only reinforces the feeling that Mundungus is just ranting to whatever ear will listen to him about this horrible toad lady who ripped him off :p Mundungus, in his own eyes, is still the same crook we always saw in the books, but here there's a bit of backstory, and his rather cynical opinion of his whole life and the government and employment and stuff - even if he's not any more likeable at the end, he's a little more understandable.

I really enjoyed this fic! The style you wrote it in is really unique, as well as the choice of character. On the whole it's very honest and unapologetic, which makes it just so Mundungus, exactly as I would imagine him.

Just so you know, there was one section where it hopped out of past tense and into present - ("I take off at a sprint") though maybe this was intentional as Mundungus seems to be telling the story aloud and maybe he doesn't care about grammar :p but I just wanted to point it out in case it wasn't intentional.

Otherwise, this is a really solid fic! Nicely done on getting into the mind of Mundungus Fletcher, I bet that was kind of a weird POV to write and you did it so well! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: That's what I was asking myself about you! I really appreciate you calling me awesome :) I think you'll find when you read my review for this swap that the feeling is mutual.

I may or may not have studied the speech patterns of Mundungus before starting to write this, so I'm glad that my embarrassing amount of research didn't go unnoticed. For the challenge I was supposed to flesh out a particularly uncharismatic character, but I was told, I didn't have to redeem them per se. Hence, you get an utterly unlikable, but understandable Dung Fletcher.

That tense error was *not* intentional and *was* very much a case of me not editing very thoroughly so that I could get this challenge entry in on time. Thanks for pointing that out, I'm going to stealthily edit that right out.

Thank you for all of your compliments, I just loved this review. Thanks for the swap!


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Review #7, by marauderfanKeep Calm and Carry On: Chapter Twenty-Five

15th September 2014:
Another fab chapter! Lisa's wedding was so entertaining, particularly her outward composure while running around and handing off drinks to Edie.

Fluff! And more fluff! Haha, honestly I loved it. For me it's such a struggle-fest to write anything fluffy, so I can appreciate your trouble with writing it - and it all worked out well, and even if you felt awkward writing it, it doesn't show. Congrats on the fluffiest fluffy fluff. :D

I like that you're addressing the friend zone too. Poor Dean. I do feel really badly for him, but it's not Edie's fault by any means. I think it's a really realistic view of that sort of friendship too, because in real life that's a pretty confusing situation and I think you captured that. It's awkward, and maybe it will get worse before it gets better, but I hope that someday in the future they can be good friends again, because I loved reading about Edie, Dean, and Seamus, the dream team of friends back in the beginning.

Awesome work on this chapter! ♥

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Review #8, by marauderfanYear Five: Cleaner, More Brilliant

15th September 2014:
Wow, I can't believe it's the end! This was such a genuinely wonderful story, and I'm so impressed with your storytelling abilities. Even with not much of a plot to work with (life at Hogwarts without all the Voldemort stuff), you created such a rich, engaging story. I loved your attention to details, original ideas, the additional depth to the established canon, and ultimately the realness of your characters. They were all so dynamic, with different flaws, passions, ideas, strengths, and their friendships both as a group of four and individually one-on-one were so realistic and sensitively written.You handled some pretty dark topics in there as well and did it with a lot of tact, and I'm impressed how you handled those. I really can't say enough how much I loved your characters and after following their stories for these 22 chapters I feel like they're old friends of mine, as you feel about people you grew up with, or at least were around to see them change.

And even in the end, things aren't perfect for anyone. Some things still suck, and things are still moving forward. But it's better than it was before, and hey - that's as real as it gets. Great ending.

This review wouldn't be complete if I didn't gush about your writing style. You truly have a gift - your wielding of words and subtle details and especially satire, is just fantastic. You put a lot of planning and thought into this story and it shows - there are no plot holes or things that don't make sense -everything read just like I was seeing it happen in real life. I love the narrative voice you used in his story. Also, I (as well as like 37487 other people) nominated you for the best new author Dobby Award, just so you know. Your writing is awesome! ;)

I'm so, so glad you happened to click on my review thread months ago and dropped a request, because ever since then I've been glued to this story like that really sticky glue you use to fix things when duct tape doesn't work. And now... there's no more story so I'm going to stalk your author page to pass the time until you write a sequel, or another novel, or really anything - if you wrote about a day in the life of Francis the Flobberworm, I'd still read it.

Bravo!

xo,
Kristin

Author's Response: THANK YOU SO MUCH! *sobs*

I don't even know what to say in my last author response of this story! Thank you so much for sticking with this story, and basically coming on this crazy journey with me! You were my first regular reviewer, and your encouragement is the real reason I was able to push through and get this all up!

AND JUST AGJKVFYWMBASJGW THE DOBBY NOMINATIONS. I genuinely CAN'T. I am so overwhelmed with joy and shock!

This was my first ever foray into writing fiction of any kind, and the positive reaction to Year Five has been (and I'm not exaggerating) LIFE CHANGING. I'm taking a creative writing class now, and have committed to learning more and continuing to write. I had no idea whether I'd be any good, and I've learned just a crazy amount!

Seriously, reading your reviews has taught me SO MUCH, and means more to me than I have words to explain!

And what you said about feeling like you know these characters is kind of the most flattering thing ever. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!

Just overall, everything about writing this has been such an amazing experience, and it meant sososoSO MUCH to me that you read and reviewed this story!

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS THE END! (for now)
XOXOXOXOXO
-Roisin


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Review #9, by marauderfanBonds of Blood : Brothers

5th September 2014:
Here for our review swap! Sorry I'm the slowest reviewer on the planet :p

This was so dark and I love the way you explored the mind of a lesser known Death Eater, particularly his struggles with loyalty. The way he injured his brother and left him to die was really awful, and even for a few moments Thorfinn seemed to think so as well, but he still went ahead and did it.

Most interesting of all, I think, is the way his loyalty to Voldemort never wavers, he never doubts that what he's doing is the 'right' thing to do, and in his mind Egil is clearly on the wrong side - but he loves him, and regrets that he has to take these actions. It's so twisted, in areally sad way - he laments that he has to harm his brother, but he also wants to do it.

I also like the way you framed it going back and forth between the flashbacks and Thorfinn's haunting memory as he orders his house elf around and drinks firewhisky and wants to be left alone and not having Selwynn interject with his opinions. What an interesting note it ends on, as well - how this horrible memory still follows him, but in a way he is proud because he showed that his loyalty to Voldemort was above his loyalty to his family, as he knows Voldemort would be pleased by that. The way you showed the two sides of his mind in conflict was really great.

Nice work on this one-shot! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hey thank you for the swap! Thank you Thorfinn is my favorite Death Eater, I have a lot of head canon surrounding him, it is sad Egil after all is still his younger brother no matter what side f the war he's on.

Thank you again for the swap :)


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Review #10, by marauderfanThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: The Peculiar Childhood: A Prologue

5th September 2014:
Ooh, from the first line, I'm intrigued. As a scientist myself I always find it exciting when science appears in FF!

Annett's narration is so unique. The combination of her age and upbringing lead to these naively observed statements that she thinks are normal, but to the average person who's not a reclusive science genius, they sound absurd and I love it. This is my favourite: a hominid banker whose phylogenetic history I am still pondering -- I thought it was hilarious, because I get the feeling she doesn't find her observations to be unusual in any way. It's cute :D though she'll have quite a surprise when she gets to Hogwarts!

It does make me wonder a little, though. At one point it is mentioned that she has a very critical mind and won't believe anything at face value, which is of course a product of years of science education, but to me it seemed like ten years old was a bit young for that kind of astuteness. Young kids often do take things at face value, until they learn how to analyse information better, and I guess I was just a little surprised that she's already reached that point by ten years old. But then again she's had scientific scepticism drilled into her studies since she was born, so hey its possible! :p

Anyway, I think you've done well at balancing Annett's character. She's a super brilliant child prodigy at science, but also is pretty socially awkward and fears that social stress. I'm eager to see how she changes and how she interacts with people at school!

I really liked how supportive Annett's parents are and how they encouraged her to experiment and learn. I am super excited to see how they react to Annett doing magic! Especially as it's so contrary to science in a lot of ways so I look forward to seeing how Annett's new world collides with theirs.

Loved the scene with Teddy teaching her about magic - and of course he would conjure lupine flowers! :D I bet he's done that a few times before but Annett is probably the first to appreciate it like that.

This was a great opening chapter! I've never seen any fanfic quite like this before, so major props for originality. Awesome work so far and thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for the review swap. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! :D

You're a scientist!? That's amazing! :D Oh how I would just love to hear more about that. I have massive respect for scientists.

I admire the way you are able to break down Annett how I built her up.

I've written her parents to be there when she needs them, but otherwise, they let her explore magic on her own. Magic is her area of study while engineering is Wolfgang's and biology is Emilie's.

Annett explores magic and science in the next chapter which also includes her first time at Hogwarts. So if you're curious to see how that all happens. . . ;)

I'm hoping, from your perspective, that it sounds at least quite reasonable. I'm only still studying science after all. :)

Once more, thank you! I really appreciate your insight.

Cheers.


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Review #11, by marauderfanYear Five: After

5th September 2014:
Omg, the line about he pin that used to say --- Slytherin and now only says --- ... how perfect, in a really dark way. Of course it says that.

Frank Bryce! Ahh, how did I not make that connection before now?! Mind blown. But at the same time I really shouldn't be surprised because you have a tendency to use surnames from the books. Also, seeing Frank's story in this light is so sad, because as the reader we know he was innocent, but everyone thouht he was guilty. :( Just so you know for editing purposes, there was a typo in the section where Eddie was talking about Frank, it said "you're" instead of "your". Otherwise it was flawless ;)

I also love that you included that conversation between McGonagall and Dumbledore. Obviously Dumbledore knew what was going on, and I appreciated that you (through McGonagall) pointed out the obvious flaws in that plan.

"That one,” Tristan pointed out the youngest Weasley. “Played some chess. And that one,” he indicated to a manic little witch with a lot of hair, “did something clever with potions. The rest has a lot to do with some special rock.” -- Hahaha! You are too good at this. Best summary ever.

Rabastan - I knew that's what the R was! One of many guesses, I think, but it was in there somewhere :p Anyway, I just loved thst scene when Tristan finally tells his friends the truth and they all hug him. That was a long time coming. Aw

Wow, this whole chapter was full of catharsis and letting go of problems onto other people's helping shoulders, and it was nice to see Emily and Isobel talk things out. Even if Isobel didn't voice all of her concerns, and she'll probably still have some latent self esteem issues, but I think that conversation was a huge turning point for her - for both of them, really.

Definitely got chills while reading that scene in Azkaban. It was so dark and terrifying yet illuminating, and I think one of my favourite scenes in the story thus far. I'm glad Tristan visited his real father -sure it was by no means a pleasant experience, but it gave him some much-needed perspective, and confront his angst I suppose, and to see that he is not his father. When he came back and was actually HAPPY it was just so great, I'm so relieved things are taking an upward turn for him.

Stories have meaning; they are real whether or not they are true. -- love it. You are a fantastic author and I love these little nuggets of wisdom you drop sometimes as an endnote, or in the story itself. Amazing chapter and I can't believe we're so close to the end! I hope you have a sequel in mind or at least another novel ;)

Author's Response: Hello!

Ahh! Thank you! The pin was one of my favorite parts too!

Heeheehee about Frank Bryce :) I dropped a few hints when Isobel visited Tristan. I know people probably figured out the big "R" reveal ages ago (man, when I first wrote this, I had NO IDEA everyone would be up on canon as much as me). I'm glad there was at least one "AHA" moment! But, like I mentioned on my MTA, I'm sort of OK with people figuring out about "R", since it was originally revealed in Chapter 10 (and then mostly the story was the same from there, just a few more specific references).

Yee--I'm so glad you liked the McGonnagall and Dumbledore conversation! A lot of people (less on this site, but elsewhere in the world) have pointed out the futility of a lot of Harry's quests (if he'd just left things alone, the stone woulda been fine). BUT a careful reader knows that Dumbledore really did set it all up to kind of train Harry. Which does, I think, make a big argument for Dumbledore's Machiavellian-ness--which is fine by me.

Hah--this story is, I realize, VERY DEFENSIVE of the Potter story! (It's sort of like, NUH UH THAT'S NOT A PLOT HOLE!)

"Catharsis" is such a great way to describe this chapter! I'm so stoked it came off like that, and that it worked!

!Azkaban! That scene ALMOST didn't make it into the story--that it's your favorite makes me feel SO RELIEVED that I made the right call! I felt really challenged to write Azkaban well, and was worried I wouldn't do it dark/terrifying/chilling justice. It was just such a big scene, and I would rather just cut it then not get it right. So YAY I'm so glad that what I tried to do worked out!

Man--as for a sequel, there are SO MANY options, and I just DON'T KNOW which one to do! I will probably ask people what they think after the story is all up.

Anyway, it's now time to post the last chapter and cry my eyes out! I can't believe it's almost over!

THANK YOU SO MUCH! That you've read and reviewed this whole thing means the world to me!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #12, by marauderfanKill Your Darlings: Curse

4th September 2014:
Ugh, Walburga is terrible, and that whole scene was incredibly chiling. I just.. ugh. Can't anything ever be easy for this couple?! They've been through so much already, and deserve some happiness!
I hope they find a way around that curse. I mean, I know they get married eventually, but I didn't imagine it was because they HAD to. Man, that is the worst. I can't blame Andromeda for being freaked out by marriage, but... well, at least they're being honest with each other now, so maybe things will get easier. I hope. Please? :p Great chapter though!

Author's Response: Walburga is an awful human being. :( I'm glad that the scene was chilling, though! Not in a sadistic way, of course, but just that it accomplished what I set out to accomplish.

Tedromeda haven't had an easy road, and it's certainly not getting easier, is it? But of course they will prevail in the end, however long it takes to get to that end! And YES. Honesty is key, and they've got that going for them at least. There's hope for them yet.

Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #13, by marauderfanOf Final Thoughts: How to Say Goodbye

27th August 2014:
Mm, second person. I love second person. It's the type of POV that always produces such interesting stories :D And this was definitely an interesting story. There are few, if any, other stories I've seen about Caradoc Dearborn, and with him simply disappearing without a trace, it was great to see your take on what actually happened to him.

You used repetition to great effect here. The "Get some rest, lad" line as well as some of the things Caradoc says multiple times - after all, he is stuck in a dark cell, a prisoner of war, with nothing but his thoughts of regret and 'if only' which are consuming him. It also feels like he keeps repeating his thoughts as if they'll somehow reach Moody that way, so that Moody will know he died as a martyr for the Order. And those thoughts, put together with the fact that Moody never did know whether Caradoc died a hero or a coward, it's just such a hopeless thing for Caradoc as he sits in his cell, especially when he looked up to Moody so much. Gah, so sad, but I really loved it!

Those last few paragraphs especially, as he knows the end is close, and just wonders if he'll be remembered, if he'll make a difference. And that line when he mentions that he won't be forgotten if Moody hates him - that just tugged at my heartstrings, so sad that he's lost that much hope. What a tragic way to die :(

This was such a good fic, Rumpel! Thanks for the swap!

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Review #14, by marauderfanThe Monopoly on Honour: Do we not Suffer?

27th August 2014:
REVIEW TAG!

Wow, this is quite a start! Very dark and still has moments of sweetness! It's a great combination. I really like the premise though, expecially Slytherin viewpoints during the war. I have a soft spot for stories like that. And I love how you write Astoria and Daphne, particularly how Daphne was protecting younger students as she fled the castle - considering the last we see of the Slytherins in the books is them all fleeing, it's nice to think that behind the scenes, some of them were helping the younger students.

And aw, I cannot even tell you how much I loved the scene with Lucius and Draco. Yes, there are elements of Draco's rather snobby, aristocratic upbringing, but it's just so CUTE. Lucius obviously adores his son, and Draco is such a happy 7-year-old, and aw it was just really sweet.

Draco's relationship with Astoria is cute as well. What a challenge they face, after the war when everyone perceives them as villains, although they lost people as well. It takes a lot to change people's minds about social events and who's on what side and this story shows the grey area present in the war. I like it.

If I might point out one thing that seemed odd to me: Until there was a massive crack like a muggle gunshot. -- Would Selena, a daughter of a pureblood family, know what a Muggle gunshot sounds like?

Otherwise, this was a fantastic opening chapter! Great writing! :)

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm so sorry for not replying sooner - I've been having problems with my internet; oh the joys of having an ancient laptop :)

Thanks so much for the review, it means a lot, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! Daphne and Astoria, well we see little if anything of them in canon, so writing them is a lot of fun for me. You picked up on Daphne's defence of the younger students! I'm SO glad - without giving too much away, it's going to be important. Very important, especially, but not only for, Daphne.

I'm happy you liked the scene with Lucius and Draco - I suppose I wanted to show that they had been happy; that they had within them a capacity for happiness.

Oh, Draco and Astoria do face a massive challenge. I don't think they're villains - and yes, a major point is that they have lost people as well. On grey areas - I think that only very rarely are events or people objectively either evil or good, and I always did think that categorisation of an entire group of people as evil just like that is just as dangerous and just as wrong as fighting against people for something like blood status. And, I also wanted to show the other side of the war, without doing something like the archetypal 'protagonist goes dark because it seems like a rather cool thing to do'.

Thanks for pointing out the bit about the gunshot. I am planning to go back and edit at some stage, and when I do so, I'll fix it. Thanks very much for pointing it out to me :)

Thanks once again for your review, and I apologise for such a late reply. It's so encouraging and helpful to see what people liked and didn't like about the chapter.

Celi :)


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Review #15, by marauderfanThe Lost Wolf: In Limbo

27th August 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review! Since you didn't provide any areas of concern, I'll just list general things I noticed - what I liked and what I think could be improved - and hope that's helpful ;)

In the first chapter I remember thinking that Cassandra seemed almost a bit Mary-Sue ish as she was a child prodigy/ soldier/ doctor at 17, but this chapter added a lot of depth to her character that was very welcome. In particular how insecure she is about her scars - at the heart of it she is still a seventeen year old girl, and that section there was a great reminder that despite her amazing successes in life, she's still human! I like her as a character a lot more after this chapter - she's more complex now :) The juxtaposition of her kind of broken, lost feeling with her shoddy flat and broken furniture was really nice as well.

I'm curious about all the flashbacks and how she (might?) know Remus and Sirius and James (even if she can't remember the surname Potter haha) And why she was at Hogwarts, but never went there as a student? Who attacked her? Why doesn't she remember? There's a lot of mystery in her past and it's kind of neat the way you've set it up so that it's not just a surprise to the reader, but to Cassandra herself as well as she remembers these buried memories - it's like we're learning about her past together.

I did see a few word choice errors, the most noticeable to me was the following: The doctors who cured her supposed that her organism had been put under an excessive stress -- I don't think 'organism' is the right word here, as it is just a more scientific term to refer to a living individual (whether plant/animal/protist/anything) and feels out of place. Perhaps you could just say her body?

and another place you wrote 'lied' instead of 'lay'.

But on the whole, typos aside, this is shaping up to be a really intriguing story and I love the mystery in it! I'm eager to find out what her connection is with Remus and Sirius.

Great work! :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for the review!

I'm glad you think Cassandra's character is developing well, I was a bit worried when you wrote me your first impressions on her! In the future chapters it will become more and more evident that her intelligence and professional skills can't do much to hide her vulnerability and flaws. Of course, her brain and experience in the military field will be of some help in the course of the story, but she won't be the classic female hero that can to everything without any kind of help. She will try to deal with her issues alone, but unlike Harry, she won't have the luck to succeed.

Oh, I'm so happy you have questions, and I think you will be surprised by the answers you will find in the next parts ;).

Wow! I really don't know how to thank you for pointing out that mistake! In Italian, we use the word "organismo" (that is the exact translation of organism) to indicate the body of a person seen as the combination of the different organs, tissues, etc. Being a medicine student I use that term quite often, so I just wrote it assuming it would be the same in English. Obviously I was wrong, and I can't help but kicking myself mentally for having fallen for that false friend. I will be more careful in the future, but, as I don't write the chapter in Italian before writing an English version, it may happen that I'll use a term in an improper way. I would be eternally grateful if you could point out the words that seem "off" to you, so that I will be able to correct them in the massive editing this story will soon endure.

Thank you again for your review, and I hope you won't mind if I re-request in a couple of days!

Maryhead!


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Review #16, by marauderfanThe Wizarding World War: On A Winged Horse

27th August 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review... and many apologies for taking so long to do it! Real life has taken me away from HPFF a lot lately! :(

Okay, so a refresher, since it's been a while - you were wondering how things in the story were progressing, whether there was too much going on at once, and if the story is still interesting. I think the story is progressing well. Especially at the end with that cliff hanger, I feel like important things are about to happen/have been happening in the background the whole time and the next chapter is about to be when things start to collide between the various different groups. So that's pretty exciting!

As for how much is happening at one time... it is kind of a lot. Mainly just that there are a lot of characters and sometimes it's hard to keep track of them, or in the case of some of the really minor characters like Peng and Lei, whose kids they are and whether or not I remember them being mentioned before. That said, a lot of characters is not a bad thing. I do like the way you introduced them in groups in the beginning and not all at one time - you've given a few chapters of time to get used to all the characters, so it's like a way of easing into a large cast of characters.

And yes indeed, the story is definitely still intriguing! That cliff hanger ugh, that absolutely makes me want to keep on reading and see how all these pieces fit together. It's quite an ambitious fic I think, trying to tie together so many different stories, and I'm really looking forward to see how you do it!

Great chapter, and once again so sorry for taking ages to get to it! Keep up the awesome writing. :)

Author's Response: No worries about the time! And thank you for the review :3 I'm definitely making notes of your notes! haha. Thank you for the kind words!!
-emma


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Review #17, by marauderfanYear Five: O.W.L.s

27th August 2014:
Omg. There are so many things I want to say right now, most of which are non 12+, so I won't say them. I had a vague suspicion that something like this was coming, I saw the signs, but at the same time I wasn't expecting it at all. Ugh. My heart stopped at that part when they found him in the lake. I just... asjdfkjakwnrflkj WHY :(

Author's Response: I AM SO SORRY, I KNOW!

I really didn't plan on this happening, but then I realized it was always going to. He was showing ALL the warning signs, and I'd subconsciously added foreshadowing. (In Ch1, he goes "out," and even though Mary and Eddie never "gave voice to their worries," they "sigh in relief" when he comes home several hours later. When Mary's secretary tells her that Hogwarts wrote about Tristan, "a thousand familiar anxieties" plague her, and she's ultimately relieved that it's just suspension. So on).

Weirdly, even though this is a short review--it might be my favorite. It means so much to me that you care about these characters, and that this story affected you.

If you have any not-12+-friendly comments to make, and are down to take the time, definitely feel free to PM me because I would love to hear them!

Thank you so much for sticking with this story, and reviewing it--it really means the world to me.


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Review #18, by marauderfanTrue Romance: The Long Day of Vengeance

25th August 2014:
Nooo I can't believe Scorpius just took Corbin back! It's only going to happen again. I mean, I get that it's difficult to make that choice to break up especially when he loves him, but it's just an unhealthy relationship. I hope Scorpius sees sooner rather than later that he deserves better than that!

Hmm, Archie. It was a funny idea for James and Albus to go mess with him, but it kind of makes me sad that they (and Lily, for a bit) beat him up or something. I mean, I hated Archie, but rather than being violent I think it would have been much better taste if they'd turned all the furniture in Archie's flat into mouldy fruit, or let loose a giant flock of pigeons in there. Well, at least Archie got what was coming to him, I suppose.

The scene where Brandon was talking with Josephine made me so irritated! It's so sad that there are still people who think that way in this century, and that she was under the impression that a household with two dads would be somehow inferior to the 'traditional' family and have negative impacts on Cora's upbringing. Ugh. Poor Brandon :(

HA! YES HARRY, PLAY THE 'I AM HARRY POTTER' CARD! Harry never uses his fame for stuff so when he does it's just like BAM! WATCH OUT, BIGOTED BACKWARDS CHILD SERVICES LADY, YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE OVERRULED. YES.

Someone needs to make me stop writing reviews late at night. Sorry I made no sense. Anyway, yay I'm caught up! Super stoked for the next chapter!

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Review #19, by marauderfanTrue Romance: I don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

25th August 2014:
Ugh the funeral was so sad. :( Though I did completely sympathise with Rose having no one to comfort her after a funeral... there were a lot of others, one of whom she walked away from - after all, Molly doesn't have anyone anymore :( And Rose's conversation with Charlie afterwards was so heartbreaking, because although Rose has no idea what's going on in Charlie's mind, I know. And Rose's casual mention of Albus and Brandon probably did not help, though she didn't know she was bringing up a sore spot.

CORBIN WHAT. Um, yeah I know I had said earlier that Corbin might not be that bad, but I have changed my mind. He is that bad, and worse. Abuse is not okay - he is way too controlling and even if he apologises, who's to say he wouldn't do it again sometime? Scorpius needs to dump him.

AND ARCHIE. Well, I'm thrilled that he is no longer engaged to Lily, because that relationship went on much longer than it should have, but ugh what an awful way to have that happen, poor Lily. Although Rose's motives for visiting Lily were a bit questionable (wanting to gossip), I'm glad she was there to comfort Lily at a time when she needed it.

Onward! I'm almost caught up now!

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Review #20, by marauderfanThe Girl from Slytherin : The End

25th August 2014:
Jenna! Eeeep it's the last chapter! I was essentially glued to the page the entire time, my heart pounding. The suspense! I was so terrified she wouldn't be able to get Terry out in time, or that someone would catch them, or really any number of bad things that could have happened.

Brilliant way to get Terry out! I was so relieved when it all worked out, and the scene when Terry and Tor were reunited was just the sweetest thing ever. Gah, and now they're on the run together and it's the end of the story! She's a blood traitor and he's an escaped fugitive! They're like magical outlaws and it's only October, so they have a long time to go until things are safe again and askdhfaj so many feels. I'm so glad there's a lot more to this story because then I don't have to say goodbye to these characters yet, they're like friends to me now! I will keep an eye out for The Devil's Road and if somehow I miss it, then send me a PM so I can smother it with love and raving reviews.

So ahhh, congrats on finishing your first novel! That's such an amazing accomplishment and I'm so proud of you! :D Your writing style is so fantastic and even though it was great at the beginning, your writing has improved astronomically throughout the course of the story, which is so lovely as it really complements how Tor grows up and matures in the story as well. You're incredibly talented and your characters and plot are written with such insight and care, I really admire that. Please keep writing forever.

Love,
Kristin

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Review #21, by marauderfanPlay the Devil: Puzzle

25th August 2014:
Gah I just love the irony of her thinking about how scary ghosts are with the exception of a few including Nearly Headless Nick, and then Sir Nicholas himself shows up in person. You are having way too much fun setting up things like this :D I'm super excited for Rose to make the connection - she has to sooner or later!

To be fair, she had raised a son who would gallop off leaving an amateur rider on a mischievous horse. Perhaps she deserved the ruining of an old dress. -- hahaha, brilliant.

I liked the scene with Rose and Richard on the horse headed back to the castle! Haha, sending Nicholas away was definitely planned.

Like Rose, I too am really interested in whether time will have passed, or whether she'll return to the same moment, or whether she'll show up in a different time entirely. Who knows with time travel!

I kind of love her discussion with Sir Nicholas about feminism and how Victoire would totally not stand for the lower status of women in the middle ages. Although she might be more chill than Rose is about the not being able to shave her legs! :P

If only he had left some of his fine aura wandering the halls of Hogwarts to teach the loutish boys there how to properly treat a woman. -- Ha. Too much! This is great, seriously. Come on Rose! The hints are all there! XD

Awesome chapter! (Sorry about the excess of exclamation points in this review, I just ate way too many gummy bears!)

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Review #22, by marauderfanCareful What You Wish For: Careers Advice

24th August 2014:
Kat could probably get away with marrying some rich bloke, killing him and taking all his money. -- AAHAHAHAHA... I love this. Brilliant. Such snark, but it's even better because it's TRUE. :P

Why is Dani second guessing herself?! God, just when I thought she was done being oblivious to feelings. I think Angus needs to wear a sign around his neck that says "I fancy Kat!" Maybe then Dani will catch on.

Oliver and Dani's goofy banter is always amusing as well.

I love how you illustrated that feeling you get at the end of school when you realise you're about to go into the real world and you feel wildly unprepared for it. Especially the contrast between optimistic 15-year-old Dani wanting to be on the Holyhead Harpies, and then slightly less naive 17-year-old Dani realising that she might need to set more realistic goals, or at least stepping stones along the way to her rather loftier goals. So... working with the Chudley Cannons, I'm interested to see how that will work out or what her friends will say about it. It sounds fine for a job for a 17-year-old who's just out of school, but then where does she go from there? I suspect she hasn't thought that far ahead yet. Flitwick didn't seem to be that helpful either - perhaps Dani is brilliant enough for a Ministry job, but say she doesn't want to work in the Ministry? So many things to think about. I feel bad for these Hogwarts graduates who have to figure out what they're doing with their life at 17. I'm older than that and still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. :p Anyway, I could relate.

This was a great chapter, as always! Looking forward to more!

Author's Response: Hey again!

I am so glad you mentioned the whole feeling at the end of the school year thing, because that's one of the main things I was trying to show in this chapter. Younger Dani, still with two years left of school, was super confident in her fifth year, but now that she's about to leave school...well, the whole world seems much more real and difficult and scary, and I think she's only just seen this.

Thanks for yet another awesome review - you are seriously amazing!

Courtney:)


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Review #23, by marauderfanPainting Over: Painting Over

24th August 2014:
Hi! Here for our swap!

A story about Rita Skeeter! There are not many of those out there so it was neat to see this. And honestly, this was very different from what I had expected it to be. You wrote a completely different side of Rita than the one she outwardly shows, while still keeping her the same Rita we know, who is incredibly concerned about shallow things like her appearance and the perfection of her nail varnish.

I love the back story you added for Rita, and although it is so sad, it really provides an explanation for why Rita tears down other people's lives as much as she does - because her own was torn away from her. Your story portrays Rita at her most vulnerable and sad, but her most vindictive as well - she's getting back at the cruel world for taking away the people she loved.

And then at the end how she just picks right back up and keeps going. As they say, the show must go on, and Rita is certainly a show, all about appearances.

Thanks for writing this fantastic story, and congratulations on such a wonderful portrayal of Rita!

Author's Response: Hi marauderfan! Glad you liked my lil' one-shot! When I wrote this, I didn't expect for anyone to like it, so I'm really happy people are enjoying! I love how you summarize the backstory: her life was torn away from her, so why not tear someone else's? And of course, Rita will pick up the jigsaw pieces and quickly mash them together again, no matter how warped and horrible it looks because smoothing and closure takes time and she doesn't have that. Thanks for writing this fantastic story? It was my pleasure.

-Meena


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Review #24, by marauderfanHow to Become Minister of Magic: A Guide: A Boyfriend and Something Else

24th August 2014:
Hello, I'm popping in again!

I really like James and Laney's 'relationship'. I think he's just the influence Laney needs. Honestly she's a lot more similar to Louis, in the way they're both manipulative and shrewd and they think in the same way, but I don't think they would last in the long term - or if they did it might not necessarily be a very happy relationship. James would make Laney happy. So I'm on his side at this point ;)

And the discrimination agh! Grr! But I really like that you put it in there, because the world is full of discrimination and it's an ugly fact about society but it's there, and you don't try to hide that. So there's this element of realism in here that I really appreciate, even though the goblin discrimination makes me angry!

The vote in the Wizengamot made me sad as well, how she has to vote against her morals in order to gain a higher standing in the polls. I wonder if there will eventually be a point at which she has to face whether her position of authority or her morals matter more to her. I think she'll get pretty deep in before she realises she's not making the change she wants to. Anyway, I'm excited to see where her journey goes and how she reacts to the many pressures of the political system.

Aw, you didn't need to credit me for that sentence :p Credit to you for writing such a great story! :)



Author's Response: Aw! You are so sweet for coming a leaving me a review after everything you have already done for this story. You are literally the BEST beta in the whole world *hugs* Eee! Yay! More Laney and James shippers. Honestly, they are the couple I'm trying to sell yet people still see Louis as the better choice... Thank you for seeing that! They aren't happy together! He never looks out for her, only for himself, while James does all that he can for Laney, despite only knowing her for a short while. *sigh* Unfortunately high school guys seem to be taking a page out of Louis' book rather than James'. Sigh, hopefully college guys are better :P

Gosh I know! I mean, the world all around us is still so prejudice and it is so terrible and the wizarding world is described many times as being behind the muggle times so I would think it would be (unfortunately) worse there. I'm currently reading this book about this boy growing up in segregated South Africa and it is just terrible what they are doing to people just because of the color of their skin. Gah! It just gets me so mad but I'm happy that I'm not boring readers with that info :P

Yes, I'm thinking that over the process of the novel, Laney will speak up more and more for her beliefs. Right now all she cares about is getting ahead but you can already see from her a little bit her passion to make things better and hopefully James can help her see that somethings are more important than her own ambition.

Aw, thanks! This review literally made my day :P


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Review #25, by marauderfanYear Five: The Presence of Love

24th August 2014:
Hi there! Wow, a lot happened in this chapter! I think you wrote Emily's conversation with Dumbledore really well. Particularly the bit about how his silent disappointment made her feel the guiltiest, and the fact that he set her 'suspension' as the same week as the Easter holiday, perhaps as he figured she'd already spent a good amount of time contemplating it and feeling guilty.

I love that you pointed out just how ridiculous the Hogwarts Express is for the students who live in Scotland! What a pointless train ride just to return the same way for 8 hours.

This chapter really delved into the relationshiops the students have with their parents which I think was such an important thing to add. It seems at the moment that perhaps Betty realises she was too hard on Laurel, and Emily's parents didn't have much of an idea what was going on in their daughter's life, and Mary doubts whether she's being a good parent by smoking with her son... but what I liked about all three of these snippets is it shows that just like the teenagers, the adults all make mistakes too and have their own problems; nobody is perfect. But they're all trying, and learning as they go along. And maybe their kids are just beginning to see that. I don't know, I just really appreciated the inclusion of all of that.

So glad that Emily and Isobel's friendship is healing, even if it had to dredge up unpleasant memories for both of them. I think they'll find it easier to work through those challenges together rather than alone and unhappy! Thank goodness Quirrell didn't end up returning the following year..

And it sounds like Tristan will be coming back soon, since Emily told the truth. I am eager to see how the group melds together again after some time apart.

Great chapter! Aah I can't believe there's only three left!

Author's Response: Hello again!!!

Gosh, this chapter was such a beast! The longest by FAR.

I'm so glad you liked Emily's talk with Dumbledore--I fretted over it SO much! There's just very little canon on how Dumbledore might approach a drug dealing student! So yeah, I ended up relying a lot on my thoughts about how Dumbledore would feel about rules/punishment/justice. And Dumbledore is kind of an ANARCHIST (in the Emma Goldman sense), so I ran with that.

And haha! The train! Yeah, getting picked up from London can hardly be convenient for a lot of the students! That was another little point on the whole "the Potterverse was created around Harry, so what happens to everyone else?" examination.

I'm so glad you liked how I did the parents! I figure that having a teenager must be a really difficult time, and no one parental strategy works for every kid, so they're all just kind of making it up. But I didn't want any of them to be all bad or all good. Emily's parents seem like the best in a lot of ways, but then things can go too far (Emily dealing at school; the older boy when she was 13). And I definitely had friends who's parents smoked, who just kind of gave up about it when their kids did, because they didn't know what else to do. There's a lot of different family structures and styles in this story, so I wanted them to be not all good, and not all bad.

And yeah--I introduced earlier ways that their friendship might get unhealthy, and here I wanted to show that it's better than isolation. They all just needed a break, and time to think (basically, they ALL got suspended, in the Dumbledore sense).

I hope you feel like this story resolves the right way! It's hard serializing it, as I feel like the last few chapters aren't really meant to be episodic--and kind of work as one movement. But whatever! Uploading each chapter individually ended up being an amazing way to see people's feedback, and really helped me think critically about my writing!

Thank you so much for reviewing! I always get so excited to see what you thought!!

xoxo
-Roisin


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