Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
  
1,145 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfanAs Fate Would Have It: 20 Questions and Cheat

30th May 2015:
HI GRACE HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I know I'm a bit early but I won't have internet for the rest of the week and saw that your birthday was coming up so here's an early review. And it's already your birthday in New Zealand and Australia so really I'm not that far ahead with this, maybe Canada is just behind :p

Aaaanyway. I really liked this chapter, and I love how it's such a flip of the previous one - rather than despair at being stuck in the airport for Christmas (at which her despair is quite understandable - this almost happened to me once too) now she is really enjoying the time, with her airport family, so to speak. She's made some new friends and they're playing card games super competitively -sounds like a lot of fun, considering! I'm glad she stepped out of her comfort zone and went to introduce herself to a group of strangers as everyone involved was probably much happier with the companionship. Not to mention that game is pretty impossible with only two people :p

The discussion Roxanne and Alyssa had about their lives though, every minute I was worried she'd slip up! There's so much to watch out for talking about - even when she pretends she's a doctor, then she gets asked about surgery and isn't familiar enough with Muggles to know what that is. Her reaction made me laugh! Though poor Alyssa, she must have been so weirded out to be talking with someone who is (claiming to be) a doctor and has no concept of what surgery is. I'd be suspicious, haha.

A lovely chapter! Great job and hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow :)

Author's Response: OH MY GOODNESS HELLO THANK YOU! I'm so glad to hear that you liked the chapter! I'm sure if Dom hadn't had her airport family there to keep her company it would've been a very sad stay for her. It all depends on who you're spending time with really. Card games are especially fun to play at airports, especially when you're friends with super competitive people because then things get interesting.

I had the most fun writing their discussion because I knew how confused Roxanne must've been with all of the muggle stuff that Alyssa was talking about and the amount of quick-thinking that she would've had to do during the conversation to not slip up.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEW I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS!


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Review #2, by marauderfanHigh Romance: Prologue

30th May 2015:
Hi Laura :) I don't know how you do it, but all of your writing (that I've read) has such a beautiful, ethereal quality to it. Even this, which is about a delayed flight at an airport, about the most mundane, least ethereal thing that can happen to a person. But somehow you give it this really beautiful quality and that's so impressive!

Having spent my fair share of time in airports as well, so many parts of this were instantly relatable, like the way airports are hypnotic and draining and leave you feeling 'like not a person at all', and the way the lights are always harsh and you can see the tiredness on your face in the light. These tiny details you've included just make the scene so rich and relatable and I feel like I'm right there. Not only do I feel like I'm right in the scene, but also experiencing the same kind of detached, lonely and exhausted feeling Rose has.

There is so much loneliness expressed in this chapter, the last flight on a long succession of flights, alone, where Rose (well, I assume it's Rose!) has changed on her travels and is going back to a place where things haven't changed, such as (presumably) Scorpius.

This is seriously gorgeous writing. The one thing I'm left wondering is why Rose is taking an aeroplane rather than a Portkey, but I suppose that's not necessarily an important detail to include in a prologue, haha. Speaking of which, this is such a short chapter but expresses SO MUCH, and that's a mark of really grest writing.

Love it!

Author's Response: Heya! ♥

Thank you so so much for this review - honestly! I swear, all of your reviews reduce me to a blubbering mess on the floor, you are just so kind and your reviews are always so lovely and unexpected. Thank you so much ♥

I'm really glad that you enjoyed this and that it was at least interesting! I was a bit hesitant because I was concerned that nothing really happens here, but as you say it is just a prologue after all! Hopefully it gives a good indication of the tone and of Rose's character :) airports are the worst, but they're also really interesting too! You're allowed to feel like a zombie in them and because they all roughly look the same I have a theory that they're all secretly one place haha. Hehe your Portkey related question will be answered soon I promise! I do have an answer to it, just not yet :)

Thanks for the really amazing review, honestly. You're the best! ♥

Laura xxx


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Review #3, by marauderfanEffortlessly Dead: Issues with Trust

30th May 2015:
Hi Emmi! I'm so glad to see another chapter on this story :)

Besides, many pure-bloods scorn Muggleborns because they can’t list a magical ancestry as long as their arm. As far as I’m concerned, that’s more condemnable. We at least hate each for something we’ve done, not because of our supposed pedigree.” -- wow, for all the angry, short tempered things Menna says, sometimes she's got some profound points as well.

I would have guessed agoraphobia too - though that whole episode was pretty surprising! I can't blame Galen for being so shocked and unsure of how to react but he covered for her well. I love that she goes right back to her short temper and ordering him around haha. But there was a moment of vulnerability there when she thought she could trust Galen and wasn't sure what that meant, and I think that will be important later.

Eeek who was watching? That is such an eerie feeling to have when you sense that someone is nearby. Ah, it's Vance. That was a really interesting interaction between the three of them - and I definitely agree with Menna's assessment of him that he's not trustworthy. Just the fact that he's not on Murdo's side when he's supposedly working for him raises an alarm - he seems like the type of person who would switch sides at a moment's notice if the convenience suits him. Defininitely not the sort of person Menna needs on her side.

Ahahaha though I laughed so hard when Vance was trying to push their buttons and said Galen is attracted to Menna, their reactions were so awkward and she clearly felt way out of her depth. Still, I'm not giving up hope for this ship to sail eventually :p

This was an awesome chapter! I am really enjoying this story and can't wait to find out what will happen next.

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Review #4, by marauderfanFinally Reunited: Finally Reunited

28th May 2015:
Hello! I don't think I'd read any of your work before so I'm very lucky you posted about reviews or I don't know that I would have seen this - and I'm so glad I found this story!

Ahh, this is just such a cool idea and what I love is just how entirely open ended it is. There are so many possible explanations for when and where this is happening and its making me think so much, which is exactly what good writing should do. Here are my guesses.

This seems to me to be set after the deaths of James and Lily, as in the beginning James is reflecting on the good and bad in his life. And then at the end they are meeting Harry - which, ahh, so many feels. So this could be after Harry's death and he has gone to join his parents wherever they are, beyond.

Or, and I think this is my favorite interpretation of it, this takes place when Harry is looking into the Mirror of Erised in first year. The group mentioned at the end is various other members of the family, and Harry is standing in the doorway (aka frame of the mirror!) to greet them and see their faces. I just love the idea of that scene from the other side, from those who are in the mirror. It's not quite a reunion, but it's almost. Ahh.

Am I close? :p Regardless, I really enjoyed reading this. Lovely work.

Author's Response: I left it open deliberately to let people decide for themselves just because imagination is the best in these scenarios. I personally wrote it in mind of Ignotus Peverelle, the third brother, and how he 'greeted death as an old friend and went with him gladly, and, as equals they departed this life'. So this is set, in my mind, when Harry is very old and lived a long life. He's just gotten to the afterlife and about to catch up with everyone and it's just wonderful. I do like the mirror of Erisid idea as well and it's definitely an option so you're closer with the first option but it is open to whatever the reader thinks.

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Review #5, by marauderfanSaving Severus Snape : vii.

28th May 2015:
I iz in the interwebz, stealthily visiting your AP with a surprise review! ;)

This was an awesome chapter and reminded me how much I had missed this story! I love the way you write Remus, he's so sweet. I want to be best friends with him. And I love the way he and Hermione start out as such close friends right from the start.

Wow, the bit about the scar that says Mudblood on her arm and how she's gone to such lengths to hide it but in a way she doesn't want to because of all it represents - that was such a powerful paragraph and I really appreciated. In honesty I had totally forgotten about that scar, but the mention of it really drove home the idea of how much she's already been through and why being in 1976 with some relatively carefree teenagers is slightly surreal to her.

Hahaha, I love that Rita Skeeter keeps showing up. And Hermione being so rude to her in French! XD So great. I hope Rita Skeeter is in every chapter. :p I don't know what is so amusing about it honestly.Probably the fact that when she grew up she was still the same exact person.

Ooh, another thing I liked was how Hermione really struggles with pretending to not know the nonverbal spells, as she has been using them for so long. Your description of how that felt was particularly great, how Hermione equates it to holding in a sneeze and suppressing instinctual reaction. I love how much thought you put into this.

Snape is stilll being grumpy. At least he's impressed by Hermione's mad skillz. Whether that turns into respect or resentment is yet to be discovered I guess...

Awesome chapter! Love it :)

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Review #6, by marauderfan(Sometimes) Love: Just Ain't Enough

27th May 2015:
ROSE I AM SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW AND IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT THE FLOOR IS COVERED WITH TINY PIECES OF MY BROKEN HEART.

Oh, and this is your first prize review for the nonlinear challenge.

I could understand both of them in that first scene when Remus wanted to leave - the Order needs people and he knows he can help. And Tonks, well she's just been through a whole lot, having a baby and adjusting to that new life and then her new family is threatened by this battle at Hogwarts, I can see how she'd react with emotion first before logic has a chance to step in, and then regret saying it when it's too late to take the words back.

I love that you showed Tonks as she fought her way through the battle, and the little details about what it was like for her - a disguise that makes her less of a target for Death Eaters, and the way she stops along the way even as she is trying to find Remus quickly because its so important to her that she lets him know she is sorry, she still stops to duel and probably saves some students' lives along the way.

That ending killed me. All they get is a glance, just a few seconds but it's not enough and her chance to apologize is ripped away from her as she WATCHES HIM DIE. AAAH D-': Too sad. And she probably died thinking that it was her fault he died, as it was just the second he turned to look at her that Dolohov got him.

Akxmfjsjgiejvnsjgjhskshf. I am sad. You have such a knack for writing stories that go right for the feels and have such real characters and emotions. I love that you wrote Tonks and Remus again after so long but I hated that it was the ship sinker. Waah :( I guess I shouldn't really be blaming you because this is what JKR gave us, but, ugh. I'm sorry I don't have more profound things to say but my feels are crushed and now I can't words.

Really well done on this story. Great work.

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Review #7, by marauderfanKeep Calm and Carry On: Just Edie

27th May 2015:
Wow, so much has changed! Aah, I love that she's working for the FGC and doing freelance writing, I am so glad that things worked out so well and that she's doing the work she loves. I like that it's set up so that things may eventually return to somewhat-normal with Dean and Edie because I love their friendship :) but it's not an easy road and thats shown really well.

I also love that Rose and Edie are legit friends now. Rose was always an interesting character and had a lot in common with Edie in some ways, despite their differences, and its nice to see that they were able to become friends.

The part where she goes back to Hogwarts was so metaphorical of her journey over the whole story so far.So deep. I loved it. And omg I am on the edge of my seat waiting to know what will happen with Edie and Oliver. Anything could happen and I can't believe there is only one chapter left! I am so excited to know what happens but also not excited because then it will be over. It's a real dilemma. Aah! Anyway, this was a great chapter!! I love all the different themes and how well rounded this story is - it's so much more than a love story, its about finding who you are and growing up and there are so many things that go into that so I like how there were so many subplots, it made for a very rich story.

Excellent work!

Author's Response: Yes, things have finally worked out for Edie--at least in the employment department. I suppose she could have a big-shot journalism career writing about everything that interests her, but that didn't feel too realistic to me!

Dean and Edie will probably never go back to being completely normal, but they're at least talking now. Natalie is going to put a strain on things. Dean finding a new (and more compatible) love interest is really important and formative for their relationship. Edie will realize that Dean was only doing certain things for her (landing her an internship, for one) and being there for her all the time because he had feelings for her. I tried to allude to those weird, semi-jealous feelings that occur when someone who liked you unrequitedly finds a new love interest. Edie certainly doesn't have feelings for Dean, but he's being swept away much in the way that Lisa was by Justin. It sheds some light on how Dean's actions as her supposed best friend were really founded on sexual or romantic intentions, and not just friendship, which makes you feel super weird.

Yes, Rose and Edie are friends! It was important to me that this wasn't a Girl vs Girl fic--especially Girl vs Girl fighting over Boy. In a lot of ways Edie and Rose had more in common than Edie and Lisa. The former are both single (or before Conor at least), in to the nightlife scene, and writers. Lisa and Edie are meant to represent the friend you make when you're eleven, and who you grow in a different direction from. Even though Lisa and Edie will be best friends until the end of forever and always, they don't have a lot in common (unlike Rose and Edie!)

Hmmm, maybe this should become a Rose/Edie fic...

I'm so glad that this comes across as more than a love story. The second half of the fic, when Edie starts to have those ~*~fEeLiNgS~*~ for Oliver, definitely becomes more about their relationship. But it's definitely not The Most Important Thing in the story--nor is it in life!

Wow, all of my responses are kinda preachy, eh?

Thank you! ♥



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Review #8, by marauderfanKeep Calm and Carry On: Girl Seeks General Sense of Purpose

27th May 2015:
This was a great chapter and I love that Edie is really finding her passion in life even if it isn't clearly apparent to her yet - she's realised now that journalism isn't for her (and her declining that job was really unexpected but perfect and I'm glad she did), and she seems most invested in social activism and that's where she feels most connected and that she can make a difference. I could see her working for a Wizarding nonprofit org to create change, given her attention to the Female Goblin Coalition and how much the outcome of the rally means to her, so I wouldn't be surprised to see her eventually end up with a job concerning that sort of thing. Of course, as I myself know too well, sometimes the most interersting and meaningful work means you don't make much money, but it's worth it to do what you love!

I have so many feelings about Edie and Oliver and I can't decide whether they're going to make it in the end, as there's so few chapters left. Things are pretty messed up now and it's so complicated, but it seems to be just bad circumstance and it does feel realistic.

Edie continues to have the most hilarious comments about her unlucky life and unemployment. I laughed out loud both times it was mentioned that some sort of wayward food had materialised in her hair. :p

Off to read the next chapter now!!

Author's Response: Hey you!

I'm glad that Edie not being "What I Wanna Be When I Grow Up" sits well with most readers. *Quickly uses this as an excuse to talk about self* I studied Art History in school and have been trying so hard to get a job in an art museum ever since, but the more that I learn about general philosophies and practices in the Art World, the less I want to become part of it. (This is just me here.) Edie's undergoing the same thing. After the way that Theo and Mr. Ward treated her, Edie started to have second thoughts. Now, learning that the publication she thought was so above it all really *isn't* any better, she's realized that she had grandiose ideas about people and journalism that aren't necessarily true (at least in this story.)

Yes! You're just hitting the nail on the head, with the problem in Ediver's relationship being timing and circumstance. It's been a difficult dance because I didn't want it to seem like they randomly hated each other and then it turned into love. Stories about people at odds who fall for one another are so interesting, but I was hoping to approach it from a different angle.

Oh gosh, I know that after I went through a breakup I did *not* look cute. Same hoodie for days, bloodshot eyes and swollen face from crying--like people in my classes were staring at me. It was bad, but not so bad as having cheese in your hair ;)



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Review #9, by marauderfanGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Chapter 10

27th May 2015:
Hi Farmgirl! I am back on land for a few days and here to appreciate and love this chapter!

This was great. You've got Ollivander's mannerisms and dialogue down perfectly, and as always I'm really impressed with your ability to adhere so closely to canon. Ollivander is kind of weird in that his love of magic and wandlore kind of gives him a strange energy that's a bit off-putting, but in his own way he did show Sadie that she has nothing to fear from magic. It was wonderful to see Sadie face that fear, realise she has a choice, and take a step to conquer her fear - she was close to following her flight instinct but she has already changed a lot now that she has support.

As always Fred and George really shine here. I will never tire of saying how much I love your writing of the twins!

Lovely chapter and I'm so eager to read more. :)

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Review #10, by marauderfanMurphy's Law: Chapter One

8th May 2015:
Review swap!!

I actually know someone who seems to have ALL the bad luck, similarly to Pippa in your story, and one thing I've noticed about people who attract bad luck is they always have the BEST stories to tell because their lives have so many ridiculous things. Pippa seems like this sort of narrator - she's got a sense of humour about her bad luck which makes it all really funny to hear about.

Poor thing though - I couldn't help wondering if she's got a curse on her or something! haha. The curse of her surname, maybe. I did appreciate that her surname is Murphy ;) But really - everything they do at Hogwarts involves some sort of potential danger, like the high likelihood of encountering angry magical creatures or accidentally Transfiguring tendrils onto your face or exploding a potion - how does she participate in classes at all?! haha I could see her excelling at Arithmancy though, I don't think there's anything too dangerous about numbers. :p

Love the idea that Dom uses Pippa's bad luck to drive off dates she's changed her mind about. At least it's good luck for Dom if nothing else! :p

Also, the last three lines of this chapter are genius and I love it. :D It's just so wizardy, too - I could totally see Frogbeard being a wizard surname, and Hogwarts having a frog choir - of course. Not only is it a hilarious way to end the chapter as Pippa puts things in perspective, it fits right in with the quirky wizarding world we know and love.

Way to get out of your comfort zone and post this! I wouldn't have guessed that this was a new style for you - nicely done. Thanks for the swap :)

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Review #11, by marauderfanto the end of time: Just a Phase

8th May 2015:
since the previous chapter (and my review for it) was really short here's a bonus review to make it fair ;)

This chapter was really sweet and I love the idea of this friendship that transcends house boundaries to the point where they hang out in each other's common rooms all the time. Unity! Hurrah!

PARVATI LIKES LAVENDER :D :D :D I mean, I guess the story summary said that, but I'm still very happy about this :D Poor girl though, being pressured into saying something that's not true just because she's worried what will happen if she admits the truth. :( I mean, how do you admit your crush when they ARE IN THE SAME ROOM? so not only is it about coming out, a daunting enough task on its own, but also that her crush is her best friend.

I also liked that the name she gave them was Harry, incidentally her date to the Yule Ball the following year haha.

Love these little snapshots, this is a wonderful story so far. Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hey, Kristin!

I figured that there was nothing in the books that said the girls didn't hang out with each other, so why not stick it in :P

Hehe, yeah, I love these two together, even if they aren't together together. And I do love Parvati, I just might be a bit mean to her at times haha.

I'm so glad that you like this! Thanks for doing the swap :)

Claire


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Review #12, by marauderfanto the end of time: Bracelets

8th May 2015:
Review swap!

I love this chapter! The way you're developing their friendship is just so touching, and what I love most of all about it is that even though Lavender is her ditzy, giggly self, it's not annoying here as she can be in the books. Since we're seeing this scene from the perspective of her best friend, it really highlights Lavender's thoughtfulness and how she thinks of others and how to display her affection for them. I adore the idea of them having matching friendship bracelets, its definitely something they would do.

I think this short little scene does a wonderful job of showing how close they are. It's a great chapter!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for doing the swap!

I'm so excited that you like this Lavender! The books always show her as being rather shallow and ditzy, but they're also all from Harry's PoV and he didn't seem all that fond of her nor did he really spend all that much time with her. I'm positive that she's really a genuinely wonderful person, she can just be a bit over-the-top at times :P

I'm glad you like this so much! Thanks again for the review!

Claire


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Review #13, by marauderfanFaith: change.

7th May 2015:
Hi! I'm here with prize review #4!

Next-Next-gen! That's certainly a new thing for me, but it doesn't seem that odd because I'm so familiar with the YLYL universe by now that it didn't even occur to me how rare next-next gen is. anyway, i'm rambling.

that is unfortunate that they have to move because the rent went up. but I can totally relate. being a responsible adult and having to pay bills when you're still only employed part of the time = hard. I think you've captured the mentality of these young adults really well.

Wizards still haven't come up with anything faster than owls when Muggles have texting and who knows what else by this point in time?! haha, that's a little sad, wizards are WAY behind the times here. I wonder if they've invented their own magical version of TV yet or if they all still use just the wireless? haha. anyway, that bar actually sounds awesome. I love the description there too - of the decor, the other patrons, the barkeep, everything - I could visualize it so well. And Bloody Merlins, hahaha, props to Roisin as that's brilliant.

Cassie was not a very understanding girlfriend, what with her not trusting Faith's ability to stay faithful to her (sorry, pun totally intended) and questioning her decision to not rely on her parents forever. I could see that relationship going downhill from pretty early on in their conversation and wasn't all that surprised when it suddenly ended.

But Austin! He's so great and I love the friendship between him and Faith. Their banter is a lot of fun to read.

Haha ew their new apartment sounds pretty horrendous. But at least it's cheap! And has good acoustics for their music! What more could they ask for, it's a deal. :P Hopefully neither of them is too afraid of cockroaches or rats or Acromantulas or whatever else lives in that house that they haven't discovered yet but will find whenever they move in.

This is great so far. I love your characters and I can't wait to see what adventures are in store for them, as well as a look into the wizard music industry because that sounds really interesting. I will definitely be back when you've got a new chapter up!

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Review #14, by marauderfanWake up, Rose.: The Nightmare Before Christmas

6th May 2015:
Hey Joey! I'm here with your third prize review! I know you said chapter 4 but... technically, I have already reviewed that, just not under my own name. heh heh.

Poor Rose! I felt so bad for her, being argued about in the middle of the Great Hall, and Albus, WHO STILL HAS NOT APOLOGISED TO ROSE, is standing up for her, but so loudly that it's only making the situation more embarrassing for her. And Scorpius! Ugh! I thought he felt badly about this whole thing and I am just so irritated at those two boys for being insensitive. I can't even imagine how mortifying that would be for Rose. Hopefully (and most likely), Hogwarts will have something different to gossip about tomorrow.

Roxanne is really sweet. I like that she's there for Rose. And I'm pretty sure I've said this before but if so it deserves to be repeated, but I LOVE the wonderful sibling relationship between Hugo and Rose. They are so supportive of each other, and honest, it's really great. Though, ahaha, those rumors :p

Small detail, but I love that she pays a first year to deliver a message to Scorpius. Haha. I'm glad she confronted him because that's important, but I do hope we get Scorpius' side of the story at some point. I don't hate Scorpius, but I don't like him much either - he seems insensitive but not intentionally malicious - but at this point I really can't decide what to make of him.

Wow, I actually loved that conversation between Rose and her friends because 'school friends' is such a real thing - though, as they pointed out as well, even best friends drift apart after school and despite their optimism I can't help thinking it will happen to them too because that's just what happens.

Hugo! Omg, I felt so bad for him, poor guy! *hugs Hugo* So glad Teddy knew where to look for him, but that is just such a horrible thing to happen to him - I would be absolutely PANICKING if i were shoved into a closet and not able to move for eight hours - and I hope those bullies get put in their place and stop being homophobic bigots. Bahaha, Teddy's reaction "that's illegal... but I don't care". XD He is the greatest.

I agree with Rose, Dom's apology is nothing but selfish because she just doesn't want to get in trouble. But Dom totally would deserve it. Also, how Rose doesn't want to tell anyone because it also reflects badly on herself for being involved - this whole scene is so strong for what it says about victim blaming in society - the incident wasn't Rose's fault but it makes her look bad so she says nothing, although by keeping silent she is also kind of protecting the people who did it to her. Gah! :( Anyway, I like that you addressed that. You really are taking on some important issues in this fic and I think that's really great.

Awesome chapter!

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Review #15, by marauderfanThe Story of You: The Story of You

4th May 2015:
SIAN. This is GORGEOUS. Not only do I love all things Albus/Gellert, but this is just such a beautiful representation of them and ashdfjahsdki. Teach me your ways. I'm going to try to review coherently but be warned there will probably be significant keyboard smash/gushing and mostly consist of my quoting your own incredible words back to you.

Before I even get into the story itself, your WRITING. It's better than some professional authors, I swear. It just flows so beautifully, with metaphors so evocative, and you craft such timeless art with your words. Speaking of words, I do not have enough words to describe how AMAZING your writing is. Gah.

I love the use of second person, too - it's so personal here, but a bit detached, like the narrator is writing a letter to Albus after a long time; and that POV really brings the story to life.

it was your time at school that made you realise, slowly, that you couldn’t bury your nose in dusty pages and expect to live in the present -- this! ugh, I love it so much because it just works so perfectly with the narrative and I could absolutely see the young Albus being like this - and it fits in with his later assertion that "it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live". Perfect.

I also love how there's about 6 lines of dialogue in here but in those few lines and the little character moments, their personalities are three dimensional and real and so present. You wrote their love in such a beautiful way - it was at the same time so happy and bittersweet, because Albus is afraid to write the words (which, once again, ties in to the books theme just too perfectly.)

And on the topic of the recurring theme of books and of life being a fairytale and who's the hero - I really loved that aspect because in Albus' eyes, surely Gellert was a hero for a while, as his first love and whatnot, but it all changes and then they're both simultaneously the hero and the villain (because they don't know who did it) and in the end Albus has to simultaneously listen to his heart and fight against it. He stops dwelling on the dream of his past, and on the fairytale it was once, and remembers to live for the present. It's really sad because you can tell that Albus still cares for Gellert, and maybe wishes that he didn't. THIS: Albus, as you fought your heart and your lover simultaneously; you stole the pen from Life and wrote the ending of the story yourself. -- I just love that line as it sums up so many of the themes that you've brought up in this story, not to mention is just so expressive and beautiful.

i have to quote you again: You never stopped to think that hurricanes always release the debris they have gathered up, scattering them around, miles away from their point of origin, useless and discarded. -- asdfhlahsj. JUST WOW. THAT IS ALL. UGHHH I LOVE THIS

I apologise if this review makes no sense at all, but I really did love the story so much, even if it reduced me to inarticulate keyboard smash. HULK LIKES STORY.

Please keep writing forever

Kristin

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Review #16, by marauderfanThe Fourth Daughter: The Pavilion

1st May 2015:
Hey Cassie! I've seen this mentioned all over the place before, probably as it placed in the Keckers a few years ago, and I'm not sure how I've never read it before because I LOVE anything founders-era.

Okay, I know this is probably not even meant to be a major point, or that funny, but THEIR NAMES START WITH A B C D. hehehe :D ... but my silly observations aside, the opening to this is wonderful - I really appreciate your descriptions as I can so easily imagine this beautiful ball room and their fancy gloves and things, it's such a great image.

Omg, there are more alphabetical names. Haha, I love that more than I should.

THERE IS A SPIRAL STAIRCASE HIDDEN BEHIND A SECRET PANEL IN THE WALL. This is like all of my childhood dreams come true.

And it goes to a snowy forest? It just keeps getting better and better! Pretty sure they've ended up in Narnia.

Okay, now that I've gotten my capslock reactions out of the way, I can provide you with some more useful thoughts. I love the way you've started this. It has such a lovely old-fashioned feel, but it's not too stuffy which is something that can easily happen writing old timey things. Considering you've introduced so many characters in the first chapter, I'm really impressed with how you've managed to incorporate tidbits of their personalities so I feel like I can already distinguish between some of them. I'm really curious how they're all related to Rowena Ravenclaw, and interested to know more about their father. And of course, ALL THE THINGS ABOUT THE SECRET FOREST WITH THE SPIRAL STAIRCASE. Who's watching them? (my bets on Mr Tumnus)

Anyway, I think this is a wonderful start, and I've not seen any other fic quite like this, so I'm really excited about it. Thanks for the swap!!

Author's Response: Hello!
Haha, yes their names are alphabetical! Their mother thought it was funny, and their father thought it was practical to name them that way. (Also it helps me keep track of them all!)
Oh my gosh, your excitement about the spiral staircase and everything else they find is awesome. That's how I felt when I was writing it!
I'm really glad you like the tone of this. I'm trying to get that old-fashioned, fairytale feel, but have it feel a little modern at the same time, so it's easy to connect to the characters.
You'll find out how they're related to Rowena in a few chapters, but the other founders will come into the story even sooner!
Thank you so much for the review swap! I'm so happy you liked this chapter!
Cassie :)


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Review #17, by marauderfanPlay the Devil: Wishes

1st May 2015:
egads it's a new chapter! *pounces*

The pigeon incident gets a mention again. Gah, you just keep drawing out this suspense. I MUST KNOW. :P

I love all the superstition about coin throwing into the St Mungo's fountain. It all just sounds so wizardy - stuff that's really silly but makes sense in a world that doesn't take itself seriously anyway.

I am really curious if there's something weird going on with Cecelia in that scene. Of course, I'd probably be embarrassed if work colleagues came up to me while I had stuffed half a sandwich in my mouth, but it seems like (or at least Rose thinks) there's something else going on. Huh... Anyway, I really like the friendship between Cecelia and Rose.

thinking of the special potion I had taken from Archie’s flat the day before and feeling increasingly sure it was the right decision. -- ROSE. WHY would you think that. >__< I'm also not sure how I feel about her getting so much stuff prepared to take with her. On one hand, that's great that she's planning ahead and self sufficient and has all she needs. But on the other hand, does she really need to bring makeup to the 1400's? It sounds like more trouble than it's worth, haha. Bringing any stuff from the future to the past just sounds kind of unwise to me - like what if it gets into the wrong hands? How is she going to explain all that stuff?

but yeah somewhere in there she also mentioned something about her tie to the 14th century - how DOES she know she'll end up there? What if she ends up in the 1700s instead? Or like, the Pleistocene epoch and England is full of glaciers and mastodons? SHE HAS NOT THOUGHT THIS OUT AT ALL.

Wow, those are some harsh words from Hermione about that inmate. Is it Fenrir Greyback? I can't think of anyone else she'd hate that much.

Aw, Richard is doubting himself and pining for Rose. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I guess. I enjoyed seeing this group again though. Lol, Sir Nicholas... I guess he's not really known for his eloquence. I can't believe you wrote out a whole song, too! I am sort of curious about the rest of it :p

Anyway, like all the others, this was a fantastic chapter and I'm so excited to see what happens next!!

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Review #18, by marauderfanPrimus: elegaics.

27th April 2015:
eeEEE aksdhfkjasd I have no words just keyboard smash. I LOVED THIS SO MUCH, THEY ARE THE MOST ADORABLE COUPLE EVER. And seeing them as ickle fourteen year olds - gah! *smushes with hugs* I LOVE THEIR LOVE. I LOVED THIS FLUFFY FIC. I AM SO HAPPY THIS EXISTS.

Sorry about the capslock! But, in case you couldn't tell - I loved ittt ♥

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Review #19, by marauderfan[april turner]: [the library]

18th April 2015:
Hello! I'm here with your second of four prize reviews!

I really liked this story (which is no surprise, as I love everything you've written). You have a really neat ability to write these simple scenes but have so much meaning behind them - the majority of this fic is just two friends in the library, but it's so much more.

Was totally not expecting to see Roisin's Alacratus charm and recreational hexing in this story - I had this weird moment when I was like 'wait. two fanfics crossing over. what. yes.' It's so cool to see fics overlap like that and I love it! But more to the point, it really does seem like something that would have happened at Hogwarts, and unsurprisingly with James, who must feel so much pressure to be known for his own accomplishments and not just 'Harry Potter's son who doesn't quite live up to his father's accomplishments.' (But really, who could?)

Speaking of him being Harry Potter's son, I loved how you incorporated that line - both times. The first time, although the professor was not amused, I found it pretty clever :D But rhe contrast between that and the second time was really strong - in the beginning, he's a joker with some snark, remeniscent of 12 year old James in the epilogue. And then the second time he uses that line, it comes with a lot of insecurities and it really shows how much he's struggling with fame and the pressures he puts on himself to be perfect. Poor guy. I'm glad he has April there to help him through it. i love the dynamic of those two by the way - James who gets noticed anytime he walks into a room just because he's James Potter, and April, who kind of floats under the radar, invisible behind books in the library. They're a great sort of yin and yang.

lastly, I can 100% sympathise with April at not wanting to go to the desert hahaha. I live in a desert at the moment and jfkskfkajf. too hot.

wait, another thing. Novel to come?! I will keep my eyes open for that! I'm curious what's up with Albus, and I'd love to see more of James and April.

Great work!!

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Review #20, by marauderfanMuggle Affairs: Chapter 1

18th April 2015:
Review Tag! :)

I love stories set in the World War II era, so this fic immediately caught my eye. It's such an interesting idea to explore - how wizards would have reacted to all that was going on in the Muggle world which, I imagine, was quite hard to avoid despite how rarely wizards associate with the Muggle world at all.

I'm really curious what happened to Johnny, and how the rest of Leilani's assignment with this new person will go. They're off to a bit of a rocky start. But wow, they're going to destroy the evidence and documents of the atomic bomb?? Since one has already been detonated, are they going to have to wipe people's memories of it, or go back in time and change it?!? So many questions hehe but I love 'what-if' stories and the premise of this is so intriguing! Great chapter!

Author's Response: Hi! Firstly, thanks for the compliments. This is my first fanfic so I really appreciate all the nice comments. I got this idea from when I read Year of the Hangman for class (it's a book about an alternate ending to the American Civil War). I haven't really thought out a lot of the details, and I didn't even consider the previously detonated bomb!

-Jayna


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Review #21, by marauderfangoodbye good friend: What We Talk About When We Talk about Death

14th April 2015:
Hi Joey! I'm here with your first of four prize reviews!

Wow, I'm really not sure what to say about this - I'm kind of speechless, though once I'm able to get my thoughts together cohesively I think I'll have quite a lot to say, because this story really touched me. Right now I'm sitting in a library trying not to cry...

I think the style you used was so perfect for the subject matter. It's kind of a bare story, a bit harsh, wih no embellishments; it just is. Kind of like death itself. There's no way to soften it at all, especially concerning the death of a young person, it's just a raw thing - and closure doesn't come immediately, which is why I like how you ended the story with no closure at all. The tone was perfectly created with the simplicity of the story.

“She always seemed so happy.”
“A lot of depressed people do,” Albus explains to Fred.

- this. This is so true. It's said so simply here, but I had a lot of feelings reading that bit. Having struggled with depression myself, I could resonate with this a lot, as well as with James' reaction. It's so hard to lose a friend, especially as a young adult, and James' reaction and confession of his struggles echoed the feeling I had when my cousin died (not suicide, it was cancer, so I knew it was coming eventually but it was still a huge shock to hear of it and made me question a lot of things.) Reading this, although the circumstances were different, I could so easily see myself in James' shoes with this familiar combination of shock, confusion at why things happened the way they did, and even a bit of a misplaced feeling of guilt at the unfairness. Death is not an easy thing to talk about, or to think about. And especially in those ending lines - They’ll deal with it another day. - that one again is just such bare truth.

I'm sorry this is the most useless and rambly review ever, but this story, despite its brevity, hit close to home and I felt so connected with the emotions you were portraying. This is such a strong piece and though it was definitely not a cheerful read, I want to thank you for requesting that I read this one. Really well done. ♥

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Review #22, by marauderfanIn Fields of Poppies: Prologue: Her War

14th April 2015:
Hi! I'm (finally) here with the review you requested aaages ago, and I sincerely apologise for the huge delay.

I'll just start by saying that I skimmed a couple of chapters of this story during the Keckers nominations and read enough to realise that this fic is really good, so I'm glad I have time now to properly read and review it. I love historical fics, especially anything that relates to the second world war, so this fic is definitely my type of story.

As I see it, prologues are meant to be short and sweet, with just enough in them to grab people's interest. I'd say this fits the bill. You've compared the two world wars with the wizarding war, both in means of fighting and in motives, and set up this really interesting inter generational, epic sort of theme where the narrative will span decades. It grabbed my attention for sure!

I like how in your brief descriptions on what the war was like for each individual, you use really specific details, because those always bring a story to life - the contrast between World War I and the first Wizarding War in particular is really well noted, with the mention of the hostile environment of trenches, rats, and amputations, versus the battles in silent neighbourhoods - and how both had bright flashes of light. Great comparison.

One thing I think could improve, though - it seems a bit disjointed and unfocused, because each character mentioned is brought up multiple times with a little snippet about their experience, and then cycles back around to the same character. This almost gave it a repetitive feel. Here's what I would suggest: your ideas are all there, and well thought out, but they could potentially use some re-ordering. For example, you could put all the bits about her grandfather's war together, and then her father's war, and then her own war. I think this will make the ideas you've presented feel much more cohesive.

That said, it's a really interesting start, and I've never seen a fic quite like this before, so I'm really eager to see where it goes. I love it! Great writing :)

Author's Response: Hello! No problem with the delay, life happens!

I'm so glad you've enjoyed this so far! It really is my baby and it makes me SO happy to know that all my hard work is paying off.

Thank you for pointing out the choppiness of this. No one's mentioned it before, but I definitely see it. I will definitely keep your thoughts in mind while editing!

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed this. :)


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Review #23, by marauderfanThe Most Powerfully Magical Number: One

14th April 2015:
Hi! This is the review that you requested forever ago, and I'm so sorry about how long it's taken me!

This is certainly an action-packed start, and I love the setting. I don't think I've read much fanfiction that takes place in the USA, so that was a cool change.

You've also managed to get across all the feelings of a large family gathering - the teasing, the hugs and hellos, so many people around that you kind of get lost in the mix, and that one cousin you don't really get along with :p So with this big gathering you did really well setting the scene and creating a kind of familiar feeling, even though there were so many characters introduced.

You've created some interesting characters, too. I feel really badly for Steven, who is kind of a victim of his upbringing and I wish Adam had more patience with him, or at least acted his age (isn't he supposed to be thirty something?) because maybe then he could help Steven in some way, who seems like a very unhappy person. Anyway, I think he will be an interesting character to watch and I think he has a lot of potential.

Omg, the ending! What a cliff hanger, I don't know if Emily is dead or alive, or what even happened at all, and it's so suspenseful! Well done with that! Your writing of that whole action scene is superb, from the chilling appearance of the screaming cheetah patronus all the way to the end of the chapter, my eyes were glued to the page.

The one thing I thought could be improved - and this is all just a matter of personal opinion - is that it felt a bit too fast. So much happened in this chapter that it seemed quite rushed. If you decide to edit, that could be one thing to think about - maybe splitting it into two chapters? That way, you have a bit more time to get to know the family and the setting before all these scary things happen.

Overall though, it's quite a good start! I think you've done really well with creating something so original. Thanks for requesting!

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Review #24, by marauderfanLife Was Meant to Be Easy Now: Back to Hogwarts

12th April 2015:
Hi! I'm here with a review, and an apology and virtual cake for taking so long to get to it!

This is a good chapter, and I like that things started to pick up as they went back to Hogwarts and you introduced some new characters. Scorpius' friends seem really nice :) and for the first appearance of these characters, you've done really well at suggesting what sorts of people they are, personality-wise, and the dynamics of their friendship with Scorpius.

In terms of pacing, you've done well; mostly it was pretty solid and consistent, and I appreciate that. The one area I was kind of caught off guard was when Al got all snippy during Potions - it seemed to come out of nowhere. I think this is because I didn't know Albus was such a perfectionist in his work, and so he seemed to be really overreacting, until you provided that explanation later about how he needs top grades, etc. Does Albus struggle with Potions normally? (Maybe these are things you've already covered about Albus in the prequel, but having not read that, its news to me.) So, what I might suggest is that either in the beginning of this chapter or possibly one of the earlier ones, insert a line that hints at Albus' tendency to perfectionism, or his frustration with Potions - then his outburst in class will seem less out of the blue.

As for flow: Mostly, it's good. The one thing that stood out to me that could improve, though, is sentence structure. A lot of your sentences are short and simple, often beginning with the subject, which makes it feel a bit choppy in places (although I like long sentences, so take that with a grain of salt haha) What you can do if you want to have more variety in sentence length is just to combine some of your existing sentences. You've already got your great ideas down on the page, and it's just a matter of editing the way they flow together. Example:
Today we are sitting at our separate tables. I've no intention to go over and talk to him. Nothing that happened in Potions class today was my fault. He can sit there with his cousins and feel sorry for himself as long as he wants to.
maybe instead :
Today we are sitting at our separate tables, and I've no intention to go over and talk to him. Nothing that happened in Potions today was my fault; as far as I'm concerned, he can sit there wih his cousins and feel sorry for himself as long as he wants to.

I hope I haven't come across as really harsh - I know there was a lot of CC in there but it's coming from a place of love :) I think this story has so much potential and I really like how you're developing the story so far. It was another enjoyable chapter! Keep on writing! Thanks once again for your patience with my slow reviewing these days.

Author's Response: Thank you! I love getting CC, it's the one thing that makes me develop and to try to do better. I'm going to think about the things you said, and keep it in mind in the future. I really understand what you mean about the lenght of the sentecnes.

Thanks!


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Review #25, by marauderfanAtonement Is Coming: A Shadowy Threat

11th April 2015:
!!! WOW OMG SO INTENSE

with that out of the way, I'll just mention that this is the review you requested like 50 years ago and I'm sorry it has taken me sooo long. But wow! This is such a great opening chapter - it's very well written, and I have so many questions and theories and akjekjvirkg (so basically, this chapter does everything a first chapter is meant to do!)

Your concern was that the chapter flows okay and makes sense - yes, it does. It escalates pretty quickly into this scary situation that's very much under control by the antagonists - they mean business, and they (at least seem to) know what they're doing. Except for using each other's real names. If Kingsley and McGonagall ever get out of their imprisonment, they can instantly tell someone "it was these four people who are such amateurs at being criminals that they used each other's real names lololol." For shame. I'd totally adopt the name 'Lord Mudblood' if it were me in their place. But I digress.

Unless those aren't their real names and they're framing Anthony Goldstein, Roger Davies, etc? Mind blown. See, these are the thigs I was thinking while I read the chapter and if you can't already tell I'm quite invested in it :p

Which brings me to the identity of these trespassers/impostors/cloaked hoodlums (I'm not quite sure what I should call them yet) - if they are in fact using their real names, the group seems to include at least two members of the DA, which surprised me! I see they've co-opted the coin message system as well. As for the others, Penelope is an interesting (and well thought out) choice - I could totally see her having some bitterness against purebloods - after all, she missed most of her fourth year due to being frozen by the Basilisk. Thanks, Voldemort...

Ok, now to make this review actually useful rather than just a long ramble, here's a few things I caught:
As Michael is opening the door to the office and the four sneak in, I thought Michael was one of them, so when the four were identified and Michael's name was not among them, I was confused for a moment before I figured he must have remained outside. So I'd suggest maybe mentioning that the four slipped past Michael and into the room? Or just something that says he doesn't go in too. I think that would clarify the scene a little.

and this little typo:
just as the door creaked opened. -- should be 'creaked open'

yep, I think that covers it. Once again, I'm sorry it took 2 months for me to get to this, but I absolutely loved the start to your story - and please feel free to re-request once I open my review thread back up (unless I happen to read on before then hehe) Great work!!

Author's Response: Hello there!

No worries on the wait. I understand that life often gets in the way of these types of things. And honestly, it worked out perfectly because I just revised the first chapter. I'm working on this story for Camp Nano, so your review will help me going forward!

The usage of names was only when Kingsley and McGonagall had been knocked out by the stunning charms. Unfortunately for the two of them, when they wake up they will have no idea who attacked them!

They are actually using their real names and there are definitely a few members of the DA in this group, hence the coin message system! I know it seems odd that most of them would be in this situation, but I promise it will be explained thoroughly as the story progresses!

Thank you for pointing out the part about Michael being confusing. I will take your advice and tweak it a bit to make it more clear. I could see why you thought he might've gone inside. Good catch on the typo as well! It will be corrected.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter and I hope that if you are back to read more that it doesn't disappoint. This is quite a complex undertaking for me, so I'm hoping I can keep up with it.

Thank you again for the review!

~Kaitlin



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