Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
1,215 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfanBeautiful: Alone

25th November 2015:
Angie! Hello, and I'm so sorry for the delay on your requested review, but I am here for that! Also Happy birthday :D

So, first things first- every word counts challenge AND second person?! ♥ I already know I'm going to love it.

I LOVE your descriptions! As you describe the gloom of the room and the old memories, it really has this pervading feel of loneliness that is just perfect for the story. You did a wonderful job setting the tone through your descriptions.

But AKJSDFLKAJSDKJ I AM SAD. Please tell me this is an alternate ending to 'The Worst' and not the way it actually ends? Because WHAT HAPPENED TO TEDDY? Did she let him go? AKSKDLFDKL I don't know what happened to the two of them and it's making me panic for what you're going to do to your poor characters.

My feelings aside, it was really beautifully written and actually gave me chills when it's revealed that she hasn't seen Teddy in ten years and misses him and is stuck remembering the past when things were easy.

I also really liked how you emphasised this theme of duality, now versus then: how she is numb about her condition now, versus her heartbreak before; so young, but so old, etc. and then the way you tied it together at the end, beautiful before, and now a 'beautiful chained monster'. The last is a really interesting phrase, as I wonder if she sees some sort of beauty in her condition, or in her life, it's just a really interesting choice of phrase and I love it.

Oh, and you asked about the second person POV: I adore that POV. It worked really well in this, as it's personal enough to put the reader in Dom's shoes for a second, and as she seems a bit detached from herself as she observes her condition from the outside, 2nd POV is also a bit detached like that. Wonderfully done.

You touch the smooth wood of the cabin wall, the scent of pinewood -- I think you could say 'pine' instead of 'pinewood' - saying pine implies that it's wood, but without the repetitive word in there.

Your long tresses, that were once a dark shade of red -- Pedantic grammar rule: generally, you don't put the word 'that' after a comma, instead you would use 'which'. e.g. "Your long tresses, which were once..." (or, alternatively, you could remove the comma and keep the word 'that')

The sun is a vivid red today evening -- I'd say 'this evening'

Absolutely wonderful work on this story! It's really great and I enjoyed reading it, despite that it made me worry about the outcome of your other story haha. But I think you should consider that an accomplishment as I got that emotionally attached after 500 words haha! Well done on this :)

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Review #2, by marauderfanAnd Then There Were None: The Invite

25th November 2015:
Hi Sam! Sorry for the wait but I am now here for your requested review!

Wow, what a start! I love it! I like that you're beginning with all these totally unrelated stories, a snapshot of people just living their average daily lives as they all head off to this same meeting place and time.

also, Muggle Island? haha That sounds like such an amusing place, and given the knowledge wizards seem to have about the Muggle way of life, probably nothing like what a Muggle island would be :p I'm really curious to see what it's like though!

I actually haven't read the original by Agatha Christie, so I have no idea what to expect! But I can tell you that having read this first chapter I am very curious, I'm mainly wondering how the Blishens know all these people and what the real purpose of the meeting is - because it's clearly been told to different people as different things. And what's going to happen there?! Because according to the summary, it's about to get intense.

I like the way you've divided it into sections with all the different people - it makes for a very good introduction. I hope to get a little more in depth with each character later on to figure out everyone's motivations/thoughts etc. But anyway, I really liked the tone for this chapter, it sets things up perfectly in a way that makes the reader wonder how all these stories are going to tie together.

I did find this typo:
He laid removed the galleons from the envelope -- this might be left over from a copy/paste or something, but the word 'laid' doesn't really belong there

This is a great chapter - I don't have much in the way of CC because this is a really effective set up. It leaves me with a lot of questions, but that's the whole point of a mystery/suspense story so you're doing the right thing :p Lovely work!

Author's Response: Hello, thank you very much for your review! No worries about the delay - I know it's a very busy time for everyone.

I am glad you like the start of this! It was both intimidating to write and very rewarding.

I think this story can definitely be interesting to people who have and have not read the original. Because I am so familiar with the original, I really value the perspectives of people who aren't.

Hehe, I'm thinking Muggle Island will be fairly true to reality, though your version would be amusing as well! But n this story the stark absence of magical familiarity has a larger role to play than comic peculiarities.


I kind of feel like I can't take credit for a lot of the stuff you liked, as the chapter structure and style is based on Agatha Christie's, but I'm certainly glad you thought I did it well!

Thanks for pointing out the typo =) I'll be posting a revision soon.

I'm really looking forward to hearing what you think of future chapters... Once I get around to, you know, writing them.

Thanks again!


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Review #3, by marauderfanThe Two of Us: Tension

22nd November 2015:
Hi, I'm here with your requested review!

You have a really wonderful grasp on the twins' personalities, even when they're doing something we never see them do in canon - fighting. But I think it is very natural; all siblings fight, and this scene really highlights the differences between the twins and that they don't see 100% eye to eye all the time. As well it highlights the similarities - the fact that they both snapped and punched each other at the same time says something :p I must admit I was really surprised when it reached the point of physical violence, but you made it work - they both seemed surprised as well.

I also must say I loved that line Fred said about "genetics" being the reason he's such a jerk haha... he's not denying it, but also getting in a dig at George as well because they're IDENTICAL TWINS. Lol, I see what you did there, Fred. XD

You've also done really well in making both of them understandable - George is upset because Fred knew about George's feelings for Angelina and asked her anyway, and it's hinted that Fred is maybe doing this to make George finally do something about it himself - at least that's the idea I got. Regardless of how inconsiderate he was to ask Angelina, he does have some good points.

So yeah, I think you did really well with George's characterisation, and you made the fight seem realistic.


Fred warned with a trace of anger, “I thought that I'd at least come out and save your sorry (non 12+)" -- this doesn't really sound like a 'warning', maybe use a different verb there.

Sometimes I couldn't tell who was speaking, and I think that's usually due to alternating lots of dialogue with lots of narration in the same paragraph. For example here Fred merely shrugged but his eyes were flinty with determination, “I've been friends with her for five years, it's not about me just keeping my feelings a secret.” -- that's (I'm pretty sure) actually George speaking, even though from the narration at the beginning of the sentence it seems like Fred. My suggestion would be that if you have dialogue in a paragraph, try to keep it all together as much as possible, rather than sticking a piece of it into each sentence - and it should always be attached to its speaker (if that makes sense.) I think that'll make it read much easier. :)

And in general, another thing to watch out for that I saw a lot of is run on sentences, such as the one here: Wands were quickly drawn but even through the thick layer of fury that was smothering the two of them, he didn't want to fight, “why do you always treat everything like a game?” he demanded, more puzzled than angry.

Anyway, I think this is really good and oh my, that cliffhanger!!! I couldn't believe you were gonna end it there, until I saw this is a short story so I'm more okay with that :P What is she going to say?! Did she figure it out? Did she figure out the real reason for Fred and George's fight? Ha I bet she wouldn't be happy about that.

great work, Gabbie! :)

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Review #4, by marauderfanKiss My Lips and Swear to Die: Unwilling Damsels

22nd November 2015:
For our review swap! :)

I really enjoyed Alyssa's description of finding out about magic - not believing in it at all for practical purposes, and then after seeing proof, wanting to do so much reading about it. And I loved that she read about the war heroes and that Hermione was her favourite - I'm not surprised! Based on what we've seen of Alyssa's independence and no nonsense attitude it makes sense that she'd admire a really awesome and intelligent woman who helped save the world. :D

And Alyssa's first meeting with Freddie - haha! It's such a silly and sort of typically childish thing to do and somehow I'm surprised that more people don't end up pushed into the lake, because that's the sort of thing an eleven year old would find very funny. XD (I would have, at that age. Well, probably still would.) Anyway, I thought that was a hilarious first meeting and makes a lot of sense that she'd hold a grudge towards him after that, especially as he continues to annoy her.

Freddie is kind of a jerk though, kissing her and giving her attention all the time when she doesn't want that, it's disrespectful and kind of creepy. I mean, I know he's doing it in kind of a joking manner and really doesn't mean to upset her, but I'd be upset if I were her. Maybe she's just nicer than I am :p But I think she needs to establish some boundaries.

So yeah, I'm really not Freddie's biggest fan at the moment, but I'm also aware that he's 15 and has a lot of growing up to do, so I can at least tell there will be some good character development in chapters to come! ;D His immaturity is a quite realistic flaw for someone to have, anyway. I look forward to seeing Alyssa knock some sense into him. :P

You have a really enjoyable writing style. Great chapter! And thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hey,

Haha, I rather like Lyssa's reaction to magic as well. Confession: it's actually pretty similar to what mine would've been had I gotten my letter. After getting over my initial apprehensiveness, I would've devoured anything I could. And yes, she admires Hermione for those reasons precisely! The fact that Hermione is also a Muggleborn just adds to it all.

Freddie's a bit of a joker in that sense. I guess he just wanted to enter Hogwarts with a bit of a bang and Lyssa ended up being the unwilling accomplice to that. Unfortunately for him, she's the type to hold a grudge and I don't blame her either! (Also, I agree with you there. Being/pushing someone into a lake is genuinely hilarious.)

You've hit the nail on the head there. When he kisses her, he doesn't mean to be malicious or creepy, but he's too immature to realise that it's not right. The fact that he genuinely doesn't realise that he's behaving extremely inappropriately is something I wish to explore in the coming chapters. It's an issue with teenagers especially that few people understand how wrong his actions are, something that's only heightened by Alyssa's difficult personality and Freddie's popularity. I've just written the set of chapters where he finally understands what he's actually doing and the ramifications of his actions have hit him at last so there is definitely character development coming along. :)

Thank you for the great review and the swap! I enjoyed it a lot :)

Plums xo

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Review #5, by marauderfanKeeping Secrets: Liz's Secret

20th November 2015:
Mwahaha I knew it. Ever since a couple chapters ago when she comments on her recent tendency to have emotional reactions to things. I wasn't surprised, but I bet that Charlie was, as he's just been preoccupied with his own secrets lately.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, OMG WHEN IS HE GOING TO TELL HER THAT HIS FAMILY IS ALIVE?!?!?!?!?! HOW has he gone this long without telling her? I wouldn't be surprised if she breaks up with him because of how long he's kept that from her - how can she even trust him, because unlike the wizard secret, this secret makes no sense. Except now... it's a little more complicated because it's not just the two of them. GAH CHARLIE I AM SO ANGRY AT YOUR BAD DECISIONS

Oh! I love the idea of Liz learning magic though! And I'm really excited to see an American version of Diagon Alley. Or is she allowed to learn magic? I'm envisioning someone important meeting her and saying "But she is too old to train as a̶ ̶J̶e̶d̶i̶ a witch." And then a whole array of bad things could happen, culminating in Liz becoming Darth Vader. That would be sad. But really - what happens if you don't start learning magic at eleven? I'm really curious! haha

also aww thank you for the sweet dedication! ♥

This was a great chapter! I'm so proud of you for finishing this chapter up yesterday! *cheering* You are amazing Jayde!

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Review #6, by marauderfanThe Afterlife: Gelastic

19th November 2015:
okay, I'm pretty jealous of Teddy if all he has to do to make his hair look good in the morning is just concentrate on what he wants it to look like. :P

Haha, Giles' word of the day makes me laugh so much! He's kind of like a walking dictionary, which I love for two reasons: 1) it's funny, and 2) it reminds me of the character in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, also named Giles, whom Buffy describes as "a textbook with arms". Did you do that on purpose? :p If not, it's a hilarious coincidence :D

oh and reason 3) it's educational! I love the chapter title - I'd never heard that word before. I feel like if nothing else I should keep following this story just because of the excellent words you choose as chapter titles. :P Then I can convince myself that reading fanfiction is an acceptable way of studying for the grad school entrance exams :p (Haha, don't worry, I'd also keep reading because this is an awesome story ;)

The potions professor sounds great! Though it does make me wonder how anyone ever gets anything done at Hogwarts if they're leaving class still affected by the potion and hiccupping/laughing all the way to their next classes! :p

Oh no, well that wasn't a good first day of Charms :-/ I kind of feel badly for Teddy, but not really. I mean it sucks that he got kicked out of class for the day, but he was kind of being a jerk to the new professor who hadn't really done anything apart from be strict. Ah well. :P I do wonder how it will affect Professor Savage's treatment of Teddy in the future, whether he'll be strict and fair, or strict and holding grudges (like Snape).

A great chapter! Keep up the good work Dee :)

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Review #7, by marauderfanThe Afterlife: Fidius Achates

17th November 2015:
Deee ♥ hello! You're writing Next-gen, congrats! :D I must say, your summary is really intriguing and I'm so eager to see how Teddy manages to mess things up by playing with the Resurrection Stone. *evil laugh*

I like the introduction to your characters so far, as well - you've shown little glimpses of their personalities and it seems like they'll be a fun group. Also, I love that they're Hufflepuffs :D

You wrote a Sorting Hat song as well! I'm really impressed, because that can be a hard thing to do. I like it - it seems like it's just off the pages of the books.

I'm really curious about this new Professor Savage. I assume he's an ex-Auror, so probably Defence against the Dark Arts. Why is Neville terrified of him? so much to find out.

even though he had seen pictures of thestrals -- ooh, this just distracted me as I started wondering, what would happen if you took a photograph of a thestral? Would it be a picture of nothing to some people, and a picture of a thestral to others? /tangent Anyway, I'm assuming that Teddy is talking about he's seen drawings of Thestrals, right?

I'm glad I found this story today, it looks like it'll be great and I'm definitely going to watch out for your next update! :)

Author's Response: Kristin! Hi♥ Thank you! I'm really excited about this story, I'm glad you're intrigued :D

I've been dying to write a story with a Hufflepuff main character, now I have one with 3! I adore them, especially Giles :p

The Sorting Hat song was probably the easiest bit of this for me to write, you might have noticed I enjoy poems :p

Professor Savage is such a meanie, he's just one of those people that makes people fear him. Poor Neville :p

Teddy meant drawings of thestrals, maybe I should change that to clarify... I'm totally intrigued about the photograph thing now too!

The next chapter is up now, I hope you like it! Thanks so much for the review *hugs*


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Review #8, by marauderfanA Brother's Love: Rock Bottom

16th November 2015:
wah. this combined two of the saddest things ever: Dennis grieving over Colin's death, and George grieving over Fred's death. Tears were inevitable. But I just love this story and I think you did a wonderful job with it, as their reactions are so believable. It's hard to see anything but empty words from people who haven't suffered through the same thing, but George has suffered through a very similar loss and if anyone can help Dennis turn his life around, it's George. And that final scene with Fred and Colin watching - gah. So sweet.

completely furious that I was being an utter prat with my life when he’d been robbed of his so early.” -- this. This is so, so true and honestly this exact thought was what turned me around as well after losing a family member far too young, a couple of years ago.

this was such a good story, Kaitlin. I do have one question though - is Dennis still at Hogwarts? I thought he would have been like 19 by this point, if it's 5 years after the war. Maybe I just read that wrong :p anyway, absolutely lovely work on this ♥

Author's Response: Hello my dear!

Thank you for such a lovely review!

I know right. I had a hard time writing about it as I sort of like to pretend that neither death happened.

I'm thrilled that you think the interactions were believable. I really felt like they could relate to each other based on experience, so it seemed sort of natural.

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, but glad that you were able to see the value in continuing on.

For the age, Dennis would've been 14 (3rd year) during the battle of Hogwarts had he gone to school, but his parents had pulled both him and Colin out of school that year due to the anti-Muggleborn sentiment. battle, Dennis is 15 and goes back for his 3rd year. Then 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th. During this story he is in the end of his 7th year. Hope that helps to clarify the timeline.

Thanks again for such kind words!


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Review #9, by marauderfanSaving Severus Snape : x.

16th November 2015:
OK MEG I AM SO HERE FOR THIS! :D I'm here with some NaNo encouragement in the form of a review!

Operation Stalk Severus - ahahahaha XD But on a more serious note, I think this really fits with Hermione's character, that she'd just want to study him as much as she can - following him, watching him, etc because it fits with how she needs to know everything about whatever it is that she's trying to figure out, be it a complicated spell or the workings of Snape's mind haha.

Once she separated herself from her friends, she would use the cloak and follow Severus -- Did she steal the cloak from Harry before she left? I wonder if he knows. Or did she steal it from James? (I'm sure you've mentioned this, but I have the actual worst memory ever.)

OoooOOoOoo... she finds him 'not ugly' HAHAHA I don't know why that was so amusing to me. Maybe because I'm reading this at night. FYI ishould warn you that when I read things after 10pm my reviews turn into gibberish and for that I am truly sorry. But at least it will give you something to laugh at.

AH! I love that you included little flashbacks in there that indicate that she was remembered all those years later. That is indeed something I have been wondering while reading this story!

I really liked Hermione's analysis of the Mudblood Incident as well. I'd not really thought about it from Lily's POV before - I'd thought about what jerks James and Sirius were, and how much of a jerk Snape was, but Hermione raises such a valid point in that a real friend would try to find room in their heart for forgiveness. Maybe it was the combination of that and all the previous Death Eater-y stuff Snape had been getting into that had deteriorated their friendship, or maybe Lily just didn't have room for forgiveness. I honestly kind of like that, if it's the latter: too often Lily is portrayed as this perfect, nice person with no faults, and as you've written her here, her ability to hold grudges really humanizes her.

Anyway. Splendid chapter my dear. Keep on truckin with NaNo, you've got this!

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Review #10, by marauderfanLet Perpetual Light: Witch in the Water

16th November 2015:
tehhh. ♥ I was so glad to see that this had just been updated the other day! :D

I've been waiting for this moment in the story. :p Not because I'm a horrible person and love seeing things fall apart into chaos (okay, maybe that's part of it :p ) but it's just really interesting to see the point where everything turns around and the worlds Albus and Gellert have both created for themselves kind of crumble and they're forced to deal with it - and they deal in such different ways.

I do wonder what was in Ariana's most recent letter to Bathilda! I don't think her correspondence with Bathilda had been mentioned recently. I did find Bathilda's unknowing "You seem quite like a child sometimes" remark pretty amusing though. Poor Bathilda, if only you knew.

Wow, Ariana's story in this chapter is really intense, how she kind of ended up at the bottom of the river with stones in her pockets totally unawares. I think the most interesting part of this segment though is that Gellert can see the three women at first. Do they exist? Or are they just something you see if you're determinedly seeking the Hallows? I'm guessing it's the latter but wow, that really did a number on my brain :p

And then we get the beginning of the division between Gellert and Albus. This is where they differ as they are both equally determined to reach the Hallows, but Albus is more patient, and his concern for his siblings finally takes precedence now that something happened to Ariana. Whereas Gellert is tired of being all talk and no action and he can't just sit around and wait. And then - I really loved this - Ariana says in deadly clarity that she will drive a wedge between Albus and Gellert - she doesn't even have to actively do anything, as she's already done so without knowing. (Or does she know? She knows a lot more than it appears.)

Music will always be one of the most beautiful mysteries of life for me.” -- this is such a small moment, but it makes me think of Dumbledore's speech in the first book (I think it was the first book) about music being a magic beyond what they do at Hogwarts - and I just love this nod to that aspect of his character here.

I'm worried about Aberforth - is something bad going to happen to him?! I know Gellert can't have gone into the barn to do anything good. And I know the big duel is coming up... ahhh.

Can't wait for the next chapter. This one, like as always, was amazing :)

also aw, thank you for the chapter dedication!! ♥ You are so sweet!

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Review #11, by marauderfanTwo Lilies: Jealousy and misteries.

15th November 2015:

I'm so glad we did that review swap a few days ago because it reminded me that there were several stories of yours I wanted to read, so I'm here for this one again! :)

Lily held herself together really well during that conversation with Snape, I was so worried she'd let something slip! It was bold of her to refer to the events of June without actually knowing what had happened, so she's lucky it happened to work out in her favour to say it :p

"Of course not." He said, squinting. "I'm Sirius." -- Hehehe. I don't know why, but no matter how many times I hear this pun, it is always funny. :P

Omg, yes. Remus the Were-yeti. Please write this XD

Haha, what a weird dream though. You did really well writing the dream - dreams can sometimes be hard to write, but you got the balance between things that make sense, and things that make sense in dreams but not real life (like people turning into other people) and reflection of stresses in the day. It was really entertaining to read.

I also think it so realistic that even after Lily has trusted Remus with her secrets, and overheard a piece of what the boys were saying, he still wouldn't be ready to open up to her about the Furry Little Problem. He's only just met her, and that's a secret he holds so close, so I thought it very in character that he refused to tell her.

James is not dealing with his jealousy well, though. At least his real world counterpart isn't a jerk, and is a good dancer.

Speaking of real world, I do wonder what's going to happen when(/if?) they switch back, with Witch Lily knowing all about her future, and Muggle Lily now pining for a fictional character (though she's in good company, as I'm sure she's not the only person ever to crush on a fictional character. ;)

Loving this story! :)
All the hugs in the world,
Kristin xo

Author's Response: Oh, Kristin, darling!
This was such a sweet surprise!!! Thank you!!!

Ahahah! Lily is quite smart, isn't she? I totally wouldn't have been able to handle everything like that. Well, she figured out Snape was feeling really guilty about it, whatever it was... She was quite lucky, though...

Ahahah! I can't resist, I love that pun too much!!! :P

Remus the were-yeti! Ahahah! Kristin, I adore you!!! And don't give me ideas, I already write crazy enough things... Why don't you write it? It would be a wonderful piece of captivating nonsense! Would end up among my favourites in a heartbeat! :D

I love writing dreams. You know I do. In dreams everything is possible and you can make them funny, or angsty, or scary, or all of the above at the same time. I had so much fun writing that bit!!!

Remus isn't ready to tell her. He's so used to keep it secret, and I think he's also scared of losing her. Rightly so, I daresay... Uh oh! Spoiler? Maybe? Maybe not? :P

Ahahah! Poor James... He's not happy... His counterpart is quite cool! Why have I never met anyone like him when I went dancing? :(

Eheheh! Interesting questions... We'll see...

All the hugs to you too!!!

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Review #12, by marauderfanRise of the Phoenix: The Gathering Storm

15th November 2015:
Here for our review swap! Sorry it took me so long :p

Wow, this is quite the opening chapter! I really liked how you built it up, starting with Aurora's history in China as a curse breaker and then the mystery surrounding her brother, and finally the fast paced action sequence towards the end of the chapter. You've clearly got your story well planned out and it's evident in the way you pace the revelation of information, such as the story about her brother.

I also liked the way you built up the scary mood - long before the werewolf attack you had constructed this eerie feeling on the train with the storm and everything, and it was really well done! I think you did well capturing the violent and creepy aspects of Fenrir Greyback as well - I think you've figured him pretty well as it makes sense that he's on his own side, only joining Voldemort's side when it's convenient for him but not really bothered either way,

AND THAT CLIFFHANGER my goodness. What a place to cut off the chapter haha! It absolutely leaves me wanting to click Next Chapter and read on! So that's very effective :)

If you don't mind some CC:
or at least tried to attempt to relax once more -- try and attempt are kind of the same thing. You don't really need this phrase here.

“Get out of here!” shouted the man.
“Here you go” said the man
-- I figured this out eventually, but I was kind of confused when I first read it, as they're both described as 'the man' - maybe a bit of description could fix that i.e. 'the father' and 'the man with prominent canines' or whatever :p

As well, something that might help you to get more readers might be to split up this opening chapter. As is, it's quite long at over 14,000 words, and that can sometimes put people off reading before they even open the chapter. I'd say you could actually cut this into two or even three chapters, and that might make it more inviting.

This was a really great chapter though - thanks for the swap! Great work on this so far, it's shaping up to be such an interesting story.

Author's Response: Hey. Thanks for taking the time to both read that rather hefty chapter and give such a helpful review.

I am delighted you enjoyed it, and I am glad this swap gave me the chance to see your work. It was terrific to read.

I am glad you felt I built up the mood ok, because the real reason I didn't end the chapter after say 5-6,000 words was I was scared no one would touch it until I put in things definitely obvious to the HP universe like werewolves...

It also lacked the action set pieces right till the end.

Your review helped. It gave me the confidence to split the chapter into three. And also to edit my original chapter two.

Thanks again, so much, for taking the time to read it. I will look out for your writing, and for sure, keep reading mine if you so wish.

It will start from a place you recognise, I think, midway through the new chapter three.

Best, NPE.

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Review #13, by marauderfantime, space. : love, hate.

14th November 2015:
Erin! Hi, I'm here with your review - and wow yeah it has been a while since I've read anything of yours! I've missed your wonderful writing.

Wow, this is so, so beautifully written. I really love abstract writing because it can have so many different interpretations and meanings at the same time, and resonates with readers in different ways, so I love that you experimented with this style.

And gah, I'm just drooling over your descriptions of time and space, which are some of my favourite things to write about :D And I especially like how you used the vastness of each to describe the narrator's experience with depression, which can often feel like a void and I think the abstract ideas of time and space which you applied to it are really fitting.

It's also interesting because as a reader I don't know how long any of these things were going on - how long the narrator suffered from depression, how long they were in love with the other person - and as stated by the narrator, what is time anyway but a construct? so yeah I think the theme was really well integrated and your language/descriptions throughout were STUNNING. it's almost poetry. Really well done.

I'm so glad the narrator got out at the end and was brave enough to leave and let go.

I know you mentioned it was scorbus, although I couldn't honestly tell who was who. It felt very anonymous, as if the story could be about anyone at all. Which, considering that the topics discussed in the story are things that really happen to people and are often difficult to talk about, I think the anonymity is perfect, honestly.

one thing I noticed:
voices that would sneer and snide and try to cover me -- 'snide' is not a verb and felt a bit weird in this sentence. maybe you meant 'chide'?

this was a really incredible fic, Erin - you should be proud! Great job on this.

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Review #14, by marauderfanOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: First Impressions, Undone

13th November 2015:
Hello! I'm back with your requested review! :)

Aw. I bet that was so difficult for Severus to see his best friend sorted as a Gryffindor. And aha! Is that a Selwyn in Gryffindor I see?

Gah, I just love seeing the girls all bond and become friends during their first evening in the castle, in a new place. It's really sweet. And I like how you've painted Lily's loneliness - despite how she shares a dorm with other people of Muggle birth (I assume, based on Mary's knowledge with Muggle money), Lily is still lonely because she misses her family. It's really strong yet subtle characterization about how much her family means to her.

And I like what you've done writing the boys as well, particularly this: “Sirius Black,” supplied Sirius, raising his chin in a nod. -- you've included his kind of aristocratic upbringing in his mannerisms, and he kind of unconsciously does that, but he's still friendly. Nicely done. I think you've included a good intro to the four of them with the snippets you've included about their personalities so far.

In terms of canon-ness, I don't see anything that expressly negates canon. Seems good to me. :) And it's definitely interesting so far as well! I like that it starts in their first year, because that's not something I often see.

Some specific things:

“I’m sorry, Sev,” Lily was saying -- Most of the time in writing, it is a lot more powerful to say 'past tense verb' instead of 'was verbing'. I.e. here it would be Lily said.

I met these guys -- you didn't ask about Britishisms, but I'll just throw this in - 'guys' isn't a widely used term in the UK. The first instance you used it, when Adhara greets them, you could replace it with 'you lot'. The second time (the one I highlighted) Sirius is talking about a mixed gender group, right? he could just say 'them'

Lily replied bemused. -- careful here as 'bemused' is not the thing as 'amused'. Lily doesn't seem particularly bewildered here which is what bemused means.

And lastly, maybe this is a weird thing for me to comment on, but I think it might help if you're worried about characterisation: that A/N at the end where you describe the four boys' personalities. That doesn't need to be something you tell the reader outside of the story - if you want those qualities to be apparent, show it in the chapter itself. And I can see the foundation for that in this chapter, so I say keep doing what you're doing and show the reader these things in the characters' actions and dialogue rather than saying so in an A/N.

That's all! I think this is a wonderful chapter and builds on what you've set up in the first one! I did notice that the first one visits a lot more POVs, and as you were wondering about whether to include more about Remus and James' perspectives - I think it's a great thing to include, though not necessarily in this chapter. Maybe in the next one. As you go on, it may be a bit difficult to fit six POVs in each chapter (it means either really long chapters, or really short scenes), so focusing on different people in each chapter (as it seems you're doing at this point) makes a lot of sense. Essentially keep on with what you're doing! :)

Great work! This is an enjoyable story so far.

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Review #15, by marauderfanWickerman Wizard: ACT I - Nosferatu

13th November 2015:
Hello! I'm here with your review!

Oh wow, I'm getting such good Old-West vibes from this already in the way I can feel the hot noon sun and dry air, and pervading loneliness, and see the abandoned, ramshackle buildings with windows like mouths. Your descriptions are stellar! Also I just had to look up the word 'aurum', which is a great word and I love it. You've done a remarkable job of setting the tone (and yes I know it's Spain, not the 'Old West', but it's that sort of feeling, if you know what I mean. It's great.)

ALSO WOW THE PLOT TWIST! This chapter really kept me on the edge of my seat as it starts right in the middle of things - and I did not expect the people to be vampires (though the hints were there, with the blood and the fear of fire.) It was really well done.

You were worried about the prose style, and honestly I really like it. Your descriptions are wonderful, and while I can see how it would be called 'dense' or 'archaic', it really seems to fit the story as it's quite heavy things that are happening in this first chapter. So, I think the prose is great.

You also asked about the summary: there is a thread on the forums called 'Summary Help' which could be very useful, if you want more assistance! I can throw in my two cents here though - I'd say you can probably eliminate the sentence saying "In medias res, AU, mythology, dark" (because AU and dark are already included in the listed genres, and medias res isn't really a summary element, it's just how the story starts and isn't really an indication of plot.) Your summary looks much more intriguing without that last sentence, at least to me, and those elements are hinted at in what you already have.

For ability to follow the plot: in general, yes, I follow it. I admit I'm a bit confused, but not enough to make me stop reading. It's the sort of confusion that would make me want to click and keep reading the next chapter where (hopefully) some of the background would be explained, as the first chapter opened into the action.

Small things I noticed: patch of sequoia cacti -- unless you're creating your own AU hybrid plant, these are two separate things. A sequoia is a type of redwood tree. I think maybe you're looking for the name of the tall cactus that has branches and grows in the Sonoran Desert - that's a saguaro. But they don't really grow in 'patches', nor in Spain. (ha, sorry for infodump, I used to work as a botanist :P )

Also, this: I could do for an aquafina oasis right now. -- I looked it up, and I don't think aquafina is a word (other than the plastic bottle company).

Anyway, this is a very exciting start to your story, and very original, which is always something I like to read. Well done, really good work on this! :)

Author's Response: Thank you very, very much, this review far exceeded what I had hoped for! I'm not used to this style at all and it is a relief that you've enjoyed and followed things well enough.

I've corrected the term on the cacti - I did indeed mean for saguaro rather than sequoia, thank you! As we'll see in future chapters, however, the winding road to El Dorado may branch out farther than the Spain we know, and the flora and fauna contained on the journey will not be entirely limited by natural habitat.

The line about aquafina oasis *is* supposed to reference the line of water bottles, given his dehydrated state. He just wants fresh, clean water at the chapter start, and having grown up partially in the muggle world I figured he should have come across some brand in the stores or in vending machines somewhere.

Again, thank you so much for your review! I'm very happy you liked it and I hope that you'll enjoy the chapters to come too.

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Review #16, by marauderfanThe Last Dance: I promise

11th November 2015:

WAHHH okay now I've read the whole thing and got tears in my eyes! guh how did you do this, in 500 words make me go from 0 to tears?

This is such a beautiful piece - this tender moment as Ron and Hermione are dancing and he's reflecting on their many years of happiness together - and simultaneously acknowledging that she is ill and near the end. It's just one short scene but there is so much feeling in it. And it was those last few lines - "We'll see each other again. I promise." that just sent me over the edge. :'( Because it's sad, but it's also beautiful, and above all, it's hopeful. I absolutely love it, Avi. And your A/N at the end just made it that much more touching.

You are such a talented writer! I'm so glad I read this - this is seriously a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing. ♥

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Review #17, by marauderfanThe unusual tale of Shirley the Squib and Brian the Boggart: The unusual tale of Shirley the Squib and Brian the Boggart

11th November 2015:
Review swap! I was torn between continuing your Lily story or reading this one, but I've had my eye on this one for a while (because of the quirky title!) and decided now is the time :p

one line in and I'm already really curious because I've always wondered what a Boggart looks like when no one is looking at it! there was one scene in OotP when Moody can tell by looking through the floor with his magical eye and knows there's a boggart but HOW DOES HE KNOW!? /tangent but I'm excited.

And let me tell you, she was the most beautiful and terrifying unshaped creature I've ever met. Never knew nothingness could have such a glamorous shade of black. -- Ahahaha! XD I love this so much! Best line of the story.

Omg, the image of young Shirley helping Scandy the house-elf make biscuits and Scandy allowing her to eat the dough because he loves her company but then sticking his ears in the oven to punish himself... gah! this is simultaneously so sweet and so heartrending omg what are you doing to my feelinsg

Aw, I love how you pointed out it's a Boggart's reflex to assume the shape of the scariest thing, and that's what Brian does - but he doesn't really want to scare her. Their ensuing friendship once he goes back to his original form (a black nothingness... with a hand.. haha however that worked) was really sweet. Sidenote though, I can't imagine how scary it would be to be a 7 year old who's just been kicked out for being a Squib! That makes me so sad.

I also kind of wonder what happened to the house-elf, and now I have this headcanon that Shirley hid nearby and was regularly visited by the house-elf, who still cooked biscuits with her (because how would Shirley take care of herself at seven?) and so Shirley and Scandy remained good friends. I also vote for the second option in which Shirley and Brian joined the circus as trapeze artists because that sounds awesome haha.

I just loved this story Chiara - you know I really like stories that are kind of unconventional and this certainly fit the bill. Wonderful writing and I can certainly tell why it won a challenge too! :) I'm so happy I read this! ♥

Author's Response: Oh, Kristin!
Thank you so much!
It's always so lovely to receive your visits!!! :)

Ahahah! Our minds really work alike, because that scene in OotP is exactly what I was thinking about when I wrote this! :D

A lot of people loved that particular line, and I'm so glad because it was quite difficult to word it in a way that satisfied me...

Poor Scandy...sometimes I'm so cruel to my characters...

I imagined that it was more of an instinct and a defensive mechanism. Of course there is also a will component, but in Brian's case he was just caught by surprise and did what came natural to him. Ahahah! I have no idea how it works, actually...

I must confess that I was a bit doubtful about them just running away when they were both just children and living on their own... I like your idea of Scandy visiting her, it's really sweet! :) And yes, the circus sounds awesome indeed! :D

Thank you so much, honey! I'm so glad you enjoyed this story! And you can tell that I love unconventional stories too! :P

Thanks for the amazing review and for swapping!!!
Love you so, so, so much!

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Review #18, by marauderfanHarry Potter and the Broomstick Makers: Eye Healer in a Muggle Town

11th November 2015:
Kenny! I'm glad to be reading this again! I must admit it has been quite a while since I last read this so it took a bit of re-reading to remember what was happening but I think I am caught up now :p

I thought it was interesting how they visited an eye healer who also treats Muggles. It's cool how the wizarding world and Muggle world are a bit less separate after the war. That healer was a bit weird though, doing Legilimency on Harry the instant he walked into the clinic! :S

I must say I loved that you showed this scene with Harry reuniting with the Dursleys, and that Dudley seems to want to be friends with Harry now. Ahh! That's really sweet and I'm so glad you included it. Even Aunt Petunia seemed much nicer, and Vernon despite not really caring about all that happened with Voldemort, is at least civil to him. Big steps forward from HArry's miserable childhood.

The pacing is good in this chapter, but I think the flow was interrupted by some odd phrasing regarding dialogue (which is fortunately a very easy fix!) There were a number of places where the dialogues were separated by the speaker/action/dialogue tags by being in different paragraphs - I'll point out a couple of those spots here: Hermione said in her trembling voice, “Dr. Higgins, what did you do to him?” -- in the chapter this is two paragraphs, but I think it could be combined as such.

Same with this one (which is three paragraphs in the text but I have combined here) : Higgins threw his glance at them and muttered,“Not yet,” and wrote down the words, “eighteen, single” on the parchment on which the two magical photos pasted.

One thing that struck me as sort of odd was that Petunia's first reaction to seeing Harry was that it was James. I found this odd because I can't imagine Petunia met James that many times given her hatred of the wizarding world, and she raised Harry from age one to 17, so she knows him much better. Maybe that's a paragraph to revisit?

Otherwise, I am really enjoying this so far and you have a very interesting plot - there aren't proportionally that many stories following Harry's auror adventures after Hogwarts, and it's always really cool to read about Harry's adventures following the whole ordeal with Voldemort. You're doing a great job with this story! :)

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Review #19, by marauderfanRuins: Ruins

11th November 2015:
Hi Gabbie, I'm here with your requested review! (FYI - I do really like it when people respond to my reviews before requesting again just so I know what CC is the most helpful to you, or if I should focus on different things. So I guess I'm just going off what I did last time, but I don't know how useful it was)

I love the depth you've given your characters here, and your portrayal of how different life is for purebloods after the war - especially those who are sort of disgraced from being on the wrong side during the war. Although Draco was kind of a jerk during the whole book series, I do feel badly for him because after all his family had been involved in, he has a lot to do to rebuild his own life and his reputation which is pretty ruined.

I love the story you gave Pansy, as well! She is very one dimensional in the books and it was really nice to read about how she outgrew her teenage pettiness and grew up to follow her heart and get the job she wanted even if it meant associating with people she previously thought inferior - she's grown up so much :)

Oh, and you also asked about the end. The ending is my favourite part because it's so open ended, and it leaves it kind of up to the reader - maybe Draco and Pansy got back together later, maybe they didn't, but either way Pansy is in the picture in whatever form, and it ends on a really hopeful note where they're both friends again and can help each other. I just love that.

Reporting from the Grammar Police:
A body was lying down the hall as if they had taken a hard dive from some jagged cliff another cry was snatched from her throat as she ran forward, her chest pounding with panic. -- this should probably be two sentences (a full stop after 'jagged cliff' and then capitalise Another)

Draco grunted something foul and sank his fingers into her arm, “it's all right. I've got you—” -- this sentence sounds as if Draco is saying that, but I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be Pansy.

Her father had been a drinker but even he had had some manner of decency in his worst moments but Draco appeared like some kind of strange beast -- this is something I think I mentioned in a previous review for you - the overuse of 'but's is sort of like when you notice a friend says 'um' or 'like' all the time and you can't help but notice every time. Maybe read through a few paragraphs of the story and keep a lookout for that word, and potentially re-word a few sentences to have some variability?

All in all this was really wonderfully done and i loved the emotion you put into it and the way you set the tone for the whole piece. This was a really lovely one-shot Gabbie, well done! I loved it!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by so quickly and I'm sorry that I haven't responded to your other review, I'll get to that tonight. I've just been ridiculously busy lately because I'm getting ready to move so I haven't been able to keep up with anything. It's so annoying!

I was really nervous about this one-shot because it was really out of my element. I've never written Pansy before and I certainly didn't have an idea for her character. I've mentioned her a few times in my other stories but I had never written her in detail much, especially not from her own POV.

I actually have a lot of detail about what happened to the pureblood kids after the War because my stories are all interlinked. I have to be careful about what information I put out there sometimes but I did want to show how the War didn't necessarily mean victory for everyone. Of course, you don't really expect the purebloods to be happy about it if they sided with Voldemort but you do get an idea of the consequences.

I feel only the slightest bit of sympathy for Draco. I guess I'm still in another stories mindset but his life is certainly not going the way he planned either. He doesn't have it the worst, out of their old friends but you can see how damaging everything has been for him after everything was over. Plus, he has his own guilt holding him down too so I don't think he's going to be completely healed. I leave that up to you guys though.

Oh, I looked through this the other night and noticed all of the CCs. I wrote this in about three or four hours but it was super late so I didn't catch all of the mistakes, particularly these ones when I went through it. I guess I'll just have to pay closer attention next time and stop writing at four in the morning like a crazy person.

I actually have Pansy and Draco becoming a couple later on but you would have to read "Grey" for that. Draco doesn't go into much detail about it but you get more information on what their relationship was like after this.

Thanks for the review!

Much love,


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Review #20, by marauderfanThe Misfortunes of Misunderstandings: Primus

10th November 2015:
Hello! I'm here with your requested review :)

I really like the premise of this and how a letter detailing Christine's feelings got sent to the wrong person and awkwardness ensues. Muahaha *rubs hands together and grins evilly* I do really enjoy awkward character interactions. So. I love the general plot idea and I can't wait to see what shenanigans unfold because of it.

And the scene that Christine and Sirius spend in detention together is really amusing! I love that Sirius charmed the clock so they could leave faster - absolutely something I would expect of him, so well done on that bit of characterisation. :D

Other characters though - I admit maybe this is a bit premature of a comment because I've only just read this one chapter and don't know how the character portrayals continue to develop, but as of this chapter, be wary of turning James H into a stereotype. Right now he kind of just seems like the archetypal Sassy Gay Friend, because all we know about him is that he is gay and sassy, and feels kind of one-dimensional. I'd love to see you do more with developing his character. i.e. hobbies, other personality traits, etc. But as I said - I'm aware this is only the first chapter and so obviously I don't know the characters that well yet. Just something to think about as you go forward. :)

other small things: " how do you two know each other?" -- this sentence should begin with a capital letter.

Did he just referred to himself as more fabulous than my James? WHAT NONSENSE IS HE SPOUTING? -- here, a couple of things - first of all it should say 'refer' not 'referred', and second, this isn't really so much as a grammar thing as a personal preference thing, so you can take or leave this - the caps in the second sentence are kind of jarring to the flow; I think that sentence would be just fine without capslock.

Lastly when James is leaving the library and teasing Christine about overhearing her... 'ta' is slang for 'thank you' so I'm not sure it really makes sense to have that word there? unless he's thanking them for saying those things about him haha, but that's not the impression I got.

So overall - I think this is a good first chapter! I hope my CC is helpful and that it isn't too much - I do really love the premise and I think you have a lot of potential in this story. Great work!! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review!
Yes, you're right. James does seem a bit stereotypical, so I need to change that and work on developing him a bit more.

Thanks for catching the mistakes! Those were really silly and careless on my part.

I had to be careful in writing the Marauders like they are, so I had to think, what mischief would Sirius Black try to pull off? Haha

I was a bit worried about writing in first person pov, but I hope it's fine.

I'm glad you like the plot and once again, thanks! It's my first story and I really appreciate/need the feedback. :D

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Review #21, by marauderfanHamartia: three.

8th November 2015:
ELISABETH. Truth time: My plan was to work on grad school apps and real life adulty things that I have to do, and not get sucked into fic writing/reading today, but I'm a terrible procrastinator and instead visited your AP because I can always find good things there. How am I just discovering this story now? IT'S SO GOOD

gah, where to start! I just love everything about this! But I think, as with most things I read by you, the characters are really what stand out and shine, and the reason I want to read more of this (new chapter soon pls?) Amelia is such a well crafted character and I love seeing the world through her eyes - she has such strong opinions and feelings and since it's from her POV I can't help but be on her side, and I imagine it's going to make me really confused when - based on the summary - I know she's on the wrong side but I'm still on her side... I'm going to have lots of feelings about that and I'm ready. :P

I also really like how Athena is portrayed as this perfect, godlike person - and even her imperfections are godlike as well, as the residents of Olympus were flawed (or whatever she said) - it's just so good. It's just really interesting how she deals with the fact that Athena is flawed - not avoiding the flaws but seeing what she wants to see. It's really interesting.

Also, the Slytherins. I love stories told from a Slytherin POV, especially during the second war time period. Reading the books we only get a limited and very biased view of what Slytherin House is (according to Harry, they're all ugly jerks, but... for real? obviously I don't need to say how silly that is). So I reeeally love this look into the Slytherin mindset and their perspectives on the Ministry, Umbridge, and Voldemort.

So yeah. I absolutely love what you've written of this so far, and I can't wait to read more.

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Review #22, by marauderfanOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Signed, Sealed and Delivered.

7th November 2015:
Hi, I'm here with your review! And thanks to your chapter title, I'm now humming Stevie Wonder before I've even started reading the chapter :p

You asked about a few things in your areas of concern which I'll address:

Dialogue. Most of it I thought was really spot-on, especially for the ages of the characters you're working with. I laughed at James being so insistent on reading his letter, and his father just dragging it out haha! I can so see that. The only area where the dialogue seemed a bit off to me was in the section where Severus is talking to Lily - mostly just here: The muggles always try to wipe us out. Incompetent fools,” he added in an undertone which Lily missed. -- If it's just Severus and Lily there, I don't know why she wouldn't have heard him say 'incompetent fools'. Unless it's really loud outside?

Canon-ness: All seems well to me! I must admit I'm not caught up on Pottermore and haven't really looked at it in months, but I did hear about James' parents names (excuse me while I LOL) so I can at least confirm that your story aligns with all I've heard about Pottermore and to what I would have expected of the Marauders at this age. The Blacks particularly - I have always cherished the idea that Sirius and Regulus were really close as children, and I can easily see Sirius' sorting as having been what made Walburga upset rather than anything before that.

Characters: so far, there's just a little snippet of each one, but certain qualities do stand out about each of them and I'm sure those are traits you're focusing on - James' determination, Peter's desire to fit in, Remus' embarrassment at being different, and Severus and Lily's interesting dynamic of him liking her and hating her background and her not really picking up on either of those things. I'm excited to see where you go with them from here on.

Great start!

Author's Response: Hey!

Thank you for coming over and reviewing. Lol, I was actually listening to that song on my TV when I was debating this title :D

That undertone, I pictured it as Snape turning away as he said it. Maybe I should have been more specific.

And James' parent's names are so pathetic. I mean his grandad was called Henry, why oh WHY would his dad be called FLEAmont?
I really wanted to keep the snippets short but convey a lot, kinda like Prince's tale from DH. I'm glad you like it.

Thank you,

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Review #23, by marauderfanAlmost: Almost

7th November 2015:
Hi Gabbie! I'm here with your review!

I love that you're writing more George/Angelina. You have such a wonderful grasp on both of their characters and I just love reading all the interactions between them. I honestly love how this story doesn't come to a conclusion either, it's just like a little snapshot that exemplifies George's feelings for Angelina (and hints at her feelings for him!) over the years. Their friendship really is special and it's obvious that they're very close.

(I only wonder, if all their other friends including Fred seem to be aware of George's feelings, then why does Fred ask Angelina to the Yule Ball the following year? Jerk. :P )

I think the pacing of this was really good, to answer your areas of concern - it didn't feel too jumpy, and I liked that it was primarily just that one scene of the two of them in the library. Fics that are just one scene, set in only one time and place, are surprisingly hard to write!

Some grammar/flow suggestions:

Dumbledore had warned them to stay away from the beasts -- here you might want to say 'the students' rather than 'them', as the previous sentence is about the Dementors and you want to clarify you're talking about the students now, not the dementors :p

She had never been girly but he had noticed a subtle change in her appearance these past few months but felt a sting of jealousy at the thought of her doing this for someone else, “I'm not doing so well in Charms right now and I can't get distracted.” -- this particular sentence highlights a lot of things, actually. I noticed that you use the word 'but' a lot in your writing (twice in this particular sentence). Maybe a synonym? Or the second 'but' could actually be an 'and' in this situation.

Secondly, (and this is something I've noticed before, but I don't think I've ever mentioned) you have an interesting habit of adding the dialogue to the ends of sentences, which I haven't really seen anywhere else. In this sentence, what Angelina says isn't actually related to the rest of the sentence, and I think it'd make a lot more sense as its own sentence. Maybe this is more of a personal preference than anything. But maybe still something to look at - making sure the dialogue is related to the rest of the sentence wherever you have them together in the same sentence.

I really loved this story! And the end just makes me want to smack their heads together because it's OBVIOUS THEY BOTH LIKE EACH OTHER but honestly that's a perfect way to end the story and just leaves a reader wanting more Georgelina one-shots by you. :) Excellent work. ♥

Author's Response: Hello! >:)

Thanks for leaving me this helpful and super awesome review, sorry that I'm just now responding to it.

I've written George and Angelina more than a few times by now but for some reason, I never feel like I grasp George right. He's kind of a hard person to write and so I'm so happy that you all liked how he turned out. Angelina I think, is easier for me to write because I have more experience with her but for some reason, George just makes my head hurt.

I was worried that people wouldn't really respond well to this one-shot because there honestly isn't a plot to it. It's just two friends crushing on each other in the library and that's it. Hahah. I'm glad that it worked out all right though because I was tempted to go back and conjure up some story arc but I'm satisfied that you guys liked how it things were here.

I actually explain why Fred asked Angie to the Yule Ball in the current one-shot that I'm writing so hopefully you'll like it! :)

Hm, this story ended up having a lot of little things nagging at me. I'm going to go in and change some things around because I made a lot of mistakes while I was writing, it was one of those four in the morning stories. Hahaha.

I actually refer to Angelina as a boy at some point and I cringed. Hahahahaha.

I couldn't have them confessing how they felt about each other because it wouldn't have worked. I don't think they were emotionally ready for it yet and plus, it would have disrupted my universe. Hahaha. I didn't mean to leave it on such a cliffhanger though...


Thanks again!

Much love,


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Review #24, by marauderfanOne Last Rousing Speech: and the world was silent for a moment

6th November 2015:
Here for our swap!

Wow, this is such a raw, powerful piece - as I've come to expect of your writing. You have a way of really getting to the core of things and laying all the emotion bare, and I really love how you did it here.

The perspective on the relationship is really interesting, and I especially loved the parallel the narrator makes about feeling outside and looking in through a glass pane. Reading it I felt like I could see the whole spectrum of the relationship - like zooming out on something. I love the way you focused on how the narrator fell in and out of love with the other person, especially how things they used to like about them were then sources of annoyance (yep, isn't that how it always is?)

I also love the way it's paced and how you related it to music. Some sentences are really short, like steps in a dance, and it flows so beautifully between sad and happy and back again. Gah, I just love all the recurring themes in here of things that are circular.

The first two sections give me the idea that they will fall back into the cadence and repeat the cycle they have been in for a long time, falling in and out of love. But the last paragraph is where it hints at something else: the other person being dead. and I get the feeling that it's the person's death that made things final, otherwise the couple would have kept going in the cycle of falling out of love and staying together, but now they can't. At least that's how I interpreted it. And it's sad on so many levels, and so beautifully written.

I don't know what else to say other than that I loved this and it really made me think a lot! Incredible writing, as always. ♥

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Review #25, by marauderfanY5.5: Identical, Yet Inverted

6th November 2015:
whAT IS THIS I LOVE IT AHAHAHAHA. Two lines in and I am crying tears of laughter.

I had started to quote some funny lines back to you but then I realized that my review was going to be as long as the fic and justquoting the entire thing back to you, so I deleted most of it. Suffice it to say that nearly every line made me laugh. Especially the really short section about Laurel just being there but who cares, and the author doing all this research. And the lyrics that subtly reveal character/plot ... brilliant. omg I just loved all of this. What a fine tribute to Y5 :P

I'm sure you're aware how much I ♥ parodies and this has made my heart glad. I have nothing profound to say because it's still after 1 in the morinng, because after reading your other story I visited your AP instead of going to sleep like I should have done. I regret nothing.

Thanks for writing this weirdness. ♥ ya

Author's Response: AH! You are the QUEEN of parody so I'm absolutely over the moon that you enjoyed this! I'll admit, it was pretty absurdly fun to write :P And I'd been revising Y5 at the time so I was hyper aware of little mistakes I'd made in the past (like tagging EVERY line of dialogue, and having EVERY tag start with the verb... *facepalm*)

Thank you so much for your flurry of surprise reviews! They've really made my week :)


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