Reading Reviews From Member: marauderfan
  
1,173 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfanKeeping Secrets: Revelations

28th August 2015:
Hi Jayde ♥ Sorry in advance for any typos, this is a phone review.

I was so glad to see that you had posted an update on this! So many things happened in the previous chapters so it was really nice to have a chapter where everyone is trying to make sense of things and sort it out. While I was furious with Amelia before, I think this chapter defintely sheds a more sympathetic light on her, in that she really is doing what she thinks is right and has Liz's best interests at heart, even if she acts on it poorly. It was nice to see them just have a conversaton over tea and get all of their feelings and confusion out. Poor Liz though, she really got the short end of the stick as she is learning all of these things about her family and the darker side of the wizarding world mere hours after finding out that wizards exist - she's just kind of a mess of emotions and I don't blame her.

I liked the bit at the end when Amelia and Charlie came to some sort of understanding and were able to talk about muggle vs wizard life without blaming each other anymore.

How is Charlie going to reveal the other secret? I think the only thing to do is just go for it, kind of like ripping off a Band-Aid - just do it fast and get it over with. And since they're already airing out secrets at this point, he can't ask for better timing. Just do it, Charlie! (But he won't, will he? He'll have some sort of angsty deliberation about it first and wait too long. Because this is 'Keeping Secrets', not 'Revealing Secrets'! :p ) I'm really eager to find out what happens next!!

If you need any supportive nagging to help you keep writing, I would be more than happy to do so. :p Great work on this chapter, and I'm proud of you for powering through writers block and getting this writtten! MOAR PLZ



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Review #2, by marauderfanComplicated: In Which It All Goes Wrong

20th August 2015:
hi! I'm sorry I'm the worst reviewer eve because I have internet so sporadically, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm still reading and absolutely loving this story. I just love how well Olivia is being accepted into the group of Gryffindors. She and Al are adorable and I love how she's become so close with Rose and Louis as well. And she's even becoming closer with her family which is so wonderful. And then that ending oh my goodness! I was not expecting it at all and hjfdiksfh wow I wonder if it has anything to do with Cass' disappearance and I am just so full of questions. Anyway, I think you are a wonderful storyteller in terms of relatable characters and a well paced plot - i really can't wait until you update! Love it.

Author's Response: Noo don't apologise! I love your reviews, and as long as you're still reading and enjoying it I'm happy :)

Next chapter is up now. Thanks so much for taking the time to review xx


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Review #3, by marauderfanEvening Primrose: damp petals

15th August 2015:
Sorry about my snail pace but I am finally here for that review swap!

In general I'm not a huge fan of love-triangles but I decided to go for this story anyway, and I'm so glad I did, because this was gorgeous. The thing that stands out to me the most about this is the style. It's very lush and descriptive, and as I'm a person who absolutely adores details, I was just swooning at all your descriptions of Lily lying in that field of flowers, I could so easily imagine it! The way you intertwined her reflections on her relationship and the present moment of lying in the field are really beautiful.

Also, another really interesting point about the style is the use of entirely lower case letters. It's pretty unusual - I don't think I've ever seen it used to this extent in a fic before, but it's kind of cool because it's quite minimalist and gives off this tone of numbness and of everything just being the same, and honestly it just feels really appropriate in a fic where the narrator is lamenting the loss of love. It's really an interesting effect and I think it works!

The emotions are really where this story shines, as Lily's pain is so evident and my heart breaks for her as she's in this miserable state, comparing herself unfavourably with her cousin, being angry at her cousin, and hanging on to something that is over... none of which are very healthy of her but it feels like this is quite soon after the ending of her own relationship with Scorpius so it's understandable that she's still trying to come to terms with it all. I hope she is able to move forward soon.

if you don't mind, I did have a bit of cc, which is not intended to make you feel bad about your story - rather, it's just to help a great story become amazing! I noticed that there's a lot of flipping between present and past tense, even within sentences; here is an example of what I mean: i smiled at him, and a blush blooms on my cheeks -- the first half the sentence is past tense, and the second half in present tense. just something to look out for as you write, making sure that the tense of all the verbs matches up (except for flashbacks or whatever, things that are intentionally in other tenses)

Overall this is a really great story, and I love the descriptive imagery and stylistic choices. Well done and thanks for the swap :)

Author's Response: hi!!! /i/ should be sorry about my snail pace at replying to reviews aha
ok so firstly can i say, this was /everything/ i was looking in a review for this story. you got everything right and i love!!! you for that.
yes, im not a big fan of love triangles myself (i loathe them in fact aha) so even i was surprised when i was reading it over that how could i??? lol
im sooo glad you liked the style and the descriptions because this is the first time I've ever written something in a totally different style as i was going for minimalist and sort of an ethereal feel. and yay, the fact you thought the lower case letters were appropriate for the mood; im so glad to hear that! it felt odd to me but sort of fit ?? so i just went with it.
and aw ): i know, my heart was just into tiny pieces after I had finished writing it. my eyes were filled with tears lol ;o
and nooo, i definitely don't mind a bit of cc, i welcome it with open arms because im the worse at editing so pointing out my mistakes helps me /a lot/. and this did help me because thank you so much, I'll definitely look over the tenses thing! when i was revising the flash back part, i did feel something was wrong with it but i just couldn't put my finger on it aha so thank youuu. I'll definitely edit that (when im not feeling lazy .-.)
again: thank you sooo much for this wonderful, wonderful review!! (im a bit ashamed and sorry because my review was just /nothing/ compared to your beautiful one ._.) thank you xx


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Review #4, by marauderfanJarvey: Jarvey

14th August 2015:
Review swap!

I really love the Albus/Scorpius ship so had to read this one :) It was a really interesting read too, I don't think I've ever read a story featuring a Jarvey and gahahah I loved how you worked it into the plot - as I remember reading about them in the Fantastic Beast book Jarveys are just this ferret thing that uses a lot of foul language (lol, magical animals are SO FUNNY. Just visualizing a Jarvey is totally cracking me up XD ) and I loved the different approaches Albus and Scorpius had towards interacting with it - Albus trying to be nice to it, and Scorpius just meeting it where it is and being rude right back to it! Ahaha. The scene was just really charming.

And then the kiss! wow! I'll bet that was so confusing for Albus - and I really liked that it didn't go directly from hate to love - it was like hate to confusion which I think is much more realistic. The ending feels like the beginning of a lot of questioning for Albus and how he's maybe coming to some realisations or maybe just enjoys the experiment - either way I think it fits well for a reaction of a teenager and I'd be interested to see how the experience changes him or what happened because of this moment!

last but not least, I loved Albus' evasive comment to Rose. Haha.

Great fic! :) Thanks for offering reviews ♥

Author's Response: Thank you so much :) I am so thankful for these words this fic was hard to write and I was a bit nervous writing it! So I am thankful and glad you took the time to read and review it. So very kind :)

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Review #5, by marauderfanTwo Lilies: Unexpected attraction.

13th August 2015:
Oh, poor Lily - it must be so confusing for her - not only is she transported into a world she knows is fictional, but she's starting to fall in love - which is confusing enough, without adding in the fact that she feels like she's messing up a timeline or something. And I feel like this is only the beginning of a lot of confusion and complication with Lily and Remus, James, and probably Snape as well.

I like how you've written Remus- he's very unassuming and kind of shy, and guarding his secrets. His description of Lily (the witch Lily, not Muggle Lily) is so spot on and astute of him and I love the last bit about how she comes across as haughty because she's so much of a romantic and has really high expectations - that's totally what I'd imagined of her but never put words to it and I thought that was cool.

Also the details such as the portrait walking out of the frame and leaving Lily so confused with out any stationary landmarks in the corridor! THAT MUST BE SO CONFUSING! Can you imagine trying to pretend like you know your way around a school where things in the hallways move, and even the hallways and staircases themselves move?! I'm amazed no one has caught on that she's clueless. Probably because they're distracted that she's so extra-friendly with Remus :P

This was a great chapter!

xo
Kristin

Author's Response: KRISTIN!!!
Oh, thank you so much, honey!!!
It was such a sweet surprise to find this lovely review this morning!!! I love you!!!

Yes, everything is very confusing for her right now... I agree with you, falling in love is already confusing enough without being stuck in a fictional world she knows so little about. And one of the few things she does know is that her counterpart is supposed to marry someone else... I'm realizing now how crazy it all is...

I'm glad you liked Remus! He's my absolute favourite character!!! Unassuming and shy is a great description for him!

I'm so happy you liked his description of Lily, too! I always found that passage to be a bit boring to read, but at the same time I wwouldn't have known how to write it differently. I'm happy it fits with your idea of Lily, too!!!

Ahahah! Yes, that's pretty crazy, too!!! She's been lucky so far because she's never been alone wandering around the castle. Mary or Remus has always been with her... For the moment... I'm so happy you liked the detail of the portrait!!! :)

Thank you so so so much for another amazing review!!! You can't imagine how much it means to me to see you so enthusiast about this story!!! You are awesome!!!

Tons of hugs and kisses and an ocean of love!!!
Chiara


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Review #6, by marauderfanPast Tense: fourth.

13th August 2015:
WOW THAT TWIST WHAT?! It sounds like she's really surprised by the information and I'm curious how much she knows about her grandfather already - like what side of the story her family has told her about him. aah!

Also, I love Steph's flatmates. Iskander trying to put a picture of magic on instagram haha. The blend of magical and Muggle in this is just really entertaining. Especially Steph's very anti-wizard stance - it's a different viewpoint than is usually seen in fanfiction (which makes sense because there isn't a lot written about Squibs). I loved it when she put the Floo Network setup on her own terms and refused to pay and made the wizards just leave. She's very internally strong and I think that's something she'll need as a Squib teaching at a school of magic, especially because prejudices don't vanish overnight and I'm sure there's still a lot of distrust or dislike of Squibs - her own family being an excellent example. :( And Madame Pince (or maybe she was just grumpy about someone else wanting to use her books... she is just kind of like that), and that portrait that Steph actually PUNCHED hahah.

things I'm looking forward to: seeing how Connor deals with the idea of wizards just throwing Latin phrases around right and left when they're just "appropriated" and not used properly haha.

I love this story!

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Review #7, by marauderfanMiddle Clouds: Belgian Truffles

13th August 2015:
Swap! (in slow motion)

Aw, I loved this chapter. Before I get to the main point of the chapter, I just want to say how much I love the fact that Parvati Patil is the new Divination teacher! It's so perfect. I loved the scene where she's explaining her lateness by saying that she had to watch whatever chaos Peeves was creating - it's exactly like something she would do as a teenager :D I feel like after this short scene I already can tell what she'd be like as a professor and I think she'd be awesome. I love how candid she is (about the class being easy) and her kind of disorganization makes her relatable to all the students, and I can see why they all like her! What a change from Professor Trelawney. (Also, Parvati now has even more alliteration in her name: Professor Parvati Patil! how cool is that! :P Sorry, I'm getting so off topic. Next...)

I love your use of details. Details are what bring a scene to life and even something as simple as Ruth flipping through the page corners - I can totally envision what sound that is, too. But throughout all your writing, I just love the specific details you point out. ♥

Ruth still seems like she's hiding something! She uses her information about Albus and Jem kind of as a way to distract Rose from her own secret. I feel like Ruth's unprecedented plans for Herbology will come to light soon though - there is a reason she's in the class and I'm so curious! Did she discover some unknown Herbology talent? Is she a Phytomagus? (that being a word I just made up for I guess the plant equivalent of an Animagus? CAN SHE TURN INTO A TREE? RUTH WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?

Rose finally apologized to Scorpius! Yes! *trumpet fanfare* It only took forever. And wow, the awkwardness in that scene was so tangible. I could feel it as I read, the awkwardness for both of them, and I love that about your writing - I really felt like I was there in that scene where the tedium of cleaning silver is just grating on them and Rose wants to talk just to get rid of the silence but how? It was just so well done. And that weather comment hahaha. I love that they made up at the end and they're willing to start over as friends. Rose made leaps and bounds forwards in this chapter realizing that Scorpius is not a jerk, and I'm really looking forward to seeing how Friendship Round II goes.

Thanks for the swap! I'm really enjoying this story!

Author's Response: Yes, yes, Parvati Patil is the perfect Divination teacher, I'm so glad you agree! :D I have such a strong headcanon about Parvati and really, how could she be anything BUT a Divination teacher? Anyway, I'm glad you could tell what she'd be like from this short scene - it was longer at first but then I had to cut some parts out because 7k words is a bit too much for a single chapter. :P And OMG, Professor Parvati Patil sounds so awesome, I didn't even realise until now!

Details, details, details everywhere - I love them too! Thank you for mentioning the page corners thing - I was so happy with that sentence. Sometimes I spend more time coming up with these unimportant things than the actual plot - but it makes my heart sing whenever someone mentions it in a review. Thank you!

A Phytomagus!!! That should be a thing! Honestly, I laughed so much at the 'CAN SHE TURN INTO A TREE?' bit. That would be perfect, though. Also a bit hilarious because what could she do, except for photosynthesis, which is pretty amazing, but not the most exciting activity. Anyway, yeah, I obviously can't say if she's a Phytomagus or not, but she's definitely up to something! :D

It only took forever - hahaha! But really, it did take forever and I'm so relieved this part of the story is over! Actually, I keep trying to come up with a way to get rid of these two, so that I can focus on my OC's and random details, but I think the story would be a bit incomplete without its main character.

I am very happy, though, that you could feel their awkwardness. I love writing awkward scenes, in which the characters don't always have a witty remark at ready, but instead act like real, slightly confused human beings. It's honestly so gratifying to hear that you felt like you were in the room with them, so thank you, really, thank you so much!

I am so excited about Friendship Round II as well! Not to be all 'you should totally read my next chapter' but there will be some fun scenes ahead, and frankly, I'm glad to part ways with angst for a while. :)

Thanks for the swap, Kristin. I'm glad I finally started reading Icarus (and I plan to review the rest shortly!) and also I love love love your reviews. Thank you again!


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Review #8, by marauderfanIn Fields of Poppies: War Stories

11th August 2015:
Swap!! I was so excited to come back to this story, I remember really loving the first chapter.

The first thing I wanted to comment on was your impressive transitions! I thought it was really cool how you linked the last phrase of each section with the first phrase of the next - it made it flow really nicely rather than being choppy as it could have been.

It's also kind of cool how you arranged it so that this chapter is like the first taste of the war for all of them - Lily's father and grandfather adjusting to their new life as a member of the armed force and hiding in a trench where there are dangerous things and not a lot of time to sleep, and how Lily is seeing the first of what will eventually become a war (although at the moment it's just the beginning and not a war yet, but the ideas that fueled the later war are already causing disagreements between students). The parallels are set up really well.

Poor Lily, realising that her best friend won't always have her back and that Severus' friends see her as so much lower and unimportant. But I liked how assertive she was standing up to Avery by the second section - clearly their words aren't affecting her own self-worth and she knows she's in the right - good for Lily! You go girl!

Gah, that part about how the soldiers in the war tried to detach themselves and not get too attached to their fellow soldiers because those friends might die - ugh, that really got me. :(

It's interesting the way you've framed this chapter about Lily seeking the stories her father and grandfather didn't tell as often - which is making me wonder if the 1916 and 1940 segments are pieces of stories they're telling, or whether it's just another timeline being told concurrently - either way I think makes an interesting story. I'm really eager to keep reading and see how the stories unfold as each of them get deeper into the wars and everything that comes along with that. This is such an original idea for a story and I love it so far.

Thanks for the swap!

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Review #9, by marauderfanA Study in Silver: Prologue: The Lodger

11th August 2015:
Taaag! I have had my eye on this story for SO LONG wanting to read it, but unfortunately haven't had access to a computer and the idea of reading it on my tiny phone screen was really not inviting so I am thrilled that I'm able to read it now and that I happened to be reminded to do so when I saw your post in review tag. Anyway, enough of my rambly introductions and on with the story!

Hehe. Diurn Alley. :D Also 'quixotic' - that's one of my favourite words.

My amusement at words aside, I just love this chapter. It has everything I have come to expect from your writing: quirkiness that fits SO WELL with the HP-verse, incredible attention to detail, and a thoughtfully planned out plot (that last one in particular is something I really admire.) You've included just enough to make me curious, and to make me feel like I know the characters, at least a little, but you've left a lot of mystery in - like why Roxanne was fired from her last job? and I want to know more about Perry Hume? And HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD??!?! AT WRITING ALL THE THINGS?!

I love the Sherlock Holmes stories and I just CANNOT. WAIT. to see how this story goes and how you adapt it into the magical world - this basically ties together two things I love and aah! I'm so excited.

Pedantic things: an arrow pointed to an ancient-looking chord -- I think you want this to say 'cord' (as in the rope you pull), because 'chord' with an 'h' is a musical chord.

I will most definitely be back to read more of this. I'm stoked that you're writing another novel(la). Love this!! 1000/10

Author's Response: AH! HELLO! Oh I'm so excited that you dropped by this story! If I remember correctly, you were one of the people that encouraged me to give this wacky little idea a shot. Thank you for that! I ended up having a LOT of fun writing it :)

Quixotic is one of my fave words too! And heheheheh, "Diurn Alley." That was actually an idea I got way back in Y5 but couldn't find a way to rope in.

Oof, Plot. I'm so glad you appreciate it, because it's the thing I struggle with the absolute most. The only reason this story even has a coherent one to begin with is that I pre-wrote the whole thing and could experiment with it. Starting out, I had NO idea what the plot was and just threw things out there randomly. Like, I'd introduce a clue even though I had no idea what it might mean. At this point while drafting, I'm not sure even I knew what happened at St. Mungo's :P [I PROMISE I DO NOW]

Ooh thanks for the spelling note! I always do that!

Heh, this was originally planned as a short story (like 4 chapters tops), but it refused to cooperate and kept stretching longer and longer. It very nearly became a novel-length, and is on the long end for a novella, but I've come to really appreciate novellas. They're short enough where they need the same care and attention as a short story (and where problems don't have as much girth to hide behind), but long enough that you can do something Big and Involved with them.

Anyway YEE thank you so much for the review!

xoxo
Roisin





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Review #10, by marauderfanSentience : Debate

11th August 2015:
Hi Kaitlin - I'm here for the review swap! This story instantly grabbed my attention because I've never read a story about manticores before and I loved the idea of them being sentient and just all the interesting points that brings up.

First things first, I must admit I was really surprised it could talk - honestly I didn't even know manticores had a human head. I thought they were like a weird scorpion-lion combo that was maybe a bit crablike? I really don't know where I got this image of them because when I looked up what they were supposed to look like it's totally different from my mental image of them so thank you for increasing my knowledge of mythical beasts - or, I should say, beings!

What I liked most about this story was that it made me think a lot - it was about more than just a manticore meeting the Wizengamot. In the beginning I was thinking a lot about animals' feelings - like, as humans we can't even comprehend the types of feelings a cat or dog or a raven has. We know they are intelligent, but since they can't talk to us using the words we ascribe to mean certain things, and because we can't become a cat or anything, we don't know how they feel or how their thoughts work. I know this is such a tangent from your story but this is what your story made me think about, so that was really cool.

Also, I appreciated how the struggle of the manticore to be seen as someone with value and rights and how it echoed the struggle of many minority groups in human history and how those in power sometimes restrict the power of other groups by classifying them as 'lower' and taking away rights - and the fact that you were bringing up all these issues in a fanfiction about a manticore is impressive so props to you.

I know I've gotten off topic for most of this review and gone all philosophical and haven't really talked about your story at all - sorry - but I do really appreciate when writing makes me think about things outside of the writing and how it ties into real issues so thank you.

Relating to the story though - I knew from the beginning that that smart witch was Hermione and I'm so glad it was - it absolutely seems like something she would do, to start branching out into rights for other oppressed groups in addition to house elves. And Kingsley is the sort of person who I could totally see as the voice of reason wanting all other voices to be heard. I was so glad the manticore was granted 'Being' status at the end! And that it then goes to visit Hagrid. I mean, of course. Hagrid would be be friends with a manticore :D

Awesome job with the twist on perspective and playing with perceptions - this was a great read! Well done :)

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Review #11, by marauderfanLying Josephine: Brave Face, Kid

1st August 2015:
Tanya! Words can't even begin to describe how excited I was when I saw this had been updated!! Congrats on finishing a new chapter :) And once again you've done such an incredible job. I'm afraid my review won't really do it justice - there's so much I want to say and compliment but I'm typing this on my phone in one of those rare, brief occasions when I have internet. So while I can't go into the amount of detail you deserve, let me just say this was an incredible chapter. I love Josephine as a character and it was just so painful to read that last section when she's suffering silently and tells George that silence can be a cry for help. Wahh :-( and how their methods of trying to cope are so opposite but both really understandable. I think it would help Josephine a lot to learn how to release her feelings instead of keeping everything inside, and George could learn to not release his pain as anger at the nearest person - and in that respect I think their friendship (or whatever it is) will be immensely helpful in helping them change and grow as they deal with such an intense loss. One particulat line in this section stood out to me - a poorly choreographed duet of solos - I just love this as it's a beautiful description and so vivid. What perfect imagery. just aah. I loved it.

The first section was really intense! Things are really changing as the story works itself towards the battle of Hogwarts and I'm really interested to se how they managed things during that year and Josephine's part in it all.

I just love this story and I wish I could leave a better review but my thumbs are tired from this tiny keyboard so I will just conclude by stating: You are an incredible writer and I love the way you write characters and make them so real. the way you convey their emotions is amazing. And your writing of the twins, both in humorous situations and somber ones, make me wonder if you are actually JKR herself. I will continue to hound your AP and maybe send you annoying yet persuasive PM's until you finish chapter 7 because I'm so eager to read on and because you know how much I dislike even numbers.

Love this story (and you)!



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Review #12, by marauderfanThe Death Of Sir Nicolas: Tusks

12th July 2015:
hi kaitlin! this review if for the house cup, hufflepuff. also i apologise i am typing this on my phone which is why the lack of capitalised letters and the very probable typos.

this is a great story! i've never read a story about nearly headless nick before and to be honest i really love stories told by narrators who are dead. this was quite sombre for nick, who in the books we see as such a happy comical ghost, and here is one of his rare phrases when he's not. i guess after 500 years, it's hard to be so positive all the time. but wow, how unfortunate that it was all only only because he was trying to help someone! also, i'm pretty sure eveeyone has at some point done something embarrasing in front of someone they like, but to have the consequence be a badly executed (pun intended) beheading, thats pretty rough. poor nick. i really love how you described the doors to life and beyond, and his reaction and decision! and how his desire for not dying is something he's changed his mind about over time. this is a great fic. well done!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thanks so much for stopping to review this!

So when I decided to write about Nearly Headless Nick, I had no idea what his cannon back story was. The whole incident with Lady Grieve is actually cannon. I just sort of filled in the story.

Yeah, Nick is usually more positive and I think he puts on the happy face to be around the children, but I have to imagine that this whole incident still haunts him. (pun intended)

I'm glad you enjoyed my version of the afterlife. I figured that he probably wouldn't end up at Platform 9 3/4 since that didn't exist in his time. :D

Thanks again!

~Kaitlin


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Review #13, by marauderfanOn Crumbling Lives: Hurt

10th July 2015:
Swap! I'm back to read more of this one!

From the beginning of this I just love what you've done with Pansy. You haven't redeemed her as a character - she's still the same shallow, petty girl from the books, but she's so much more here, and more three dimensional. The part about how she cared for Astoria was really touching, and I think makes her so much more human.

This was such an intense chapter though - wow! Seeing the students torture one another for detention - especially when the detention was for something ridiculous like 'weakness' is just so horrible to read - they're still just kids! And this is the sort of thing that will stick with them for years. So awful.

Daphne was interesting in this chapter, and I think she crossed a bridge she can't un-cross. Before, she was good at playing it cool and just doing what she was told to do, and had become so desensitized to it, but when it came to Astoria, Daphne seemed to really cut herself off from one side - she can't pretend to be the Carrows' best student anymore, because she actually told them she's against them. After that, can she still pretend to be as uninvolved as she was before? I'm so glad she stood up to defend Astoria. And now it's a really interesting setup with Daphne's character such that I can't possibly predict what she's going to do next.

And Luna ♥ I love her, and this just made me feel so terrible for her! She is so strong and so kind - and she'd definitely stick her neck out for people like this.

And poor Astoria, having to witness all that. I mean, we got an idea of how bad things were at Hogwarts from Neville's brief description of it and his bruised face, but this is just heartbreaking to read. It's very well done though.

You mentioned that you were worried how the violence came across, and while it was a very violent chapter, it definitely made its point and it was fittingly chilling. Well done - and thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hi there Kristin! Thanks so much for the review!

I'm really glad you liked this chapter as I'm still so insecure about it! The violence was very, very new to me, so I'm still so worried about how I did portraying it.

And Pansy! She, along with many other Slytherin characters, seems to be one-dimensional in the books. But I don't believe any person is pure evil, so I've tried to sort of turn her into a real person here. She certainly doesn't fart rainbows and kindness now, but she isn't a heartless wench either. She makes a reappearance in the next chapter...

And this is definitely a huge turning point for Daphne. She's not one for the spotlight, but this event has definitely cast a very, very bright light on her. She can't hide anymore.

And Luna and Astoria too. Luna has always been brave and wonderul. I just did what JK Rowling's brilliant character would have done. But Astoria, this is a big turning point for her too. Daphne told her that they'd be safe, but already, that's not true. Things are definitely changing for these girls!

Thanks again for dropping by!

Stefanie


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Review #14, by marauderfanTwo Lilies: A traumatic awakening.

10th July 2015:
Lily's room is Gryffindor colours! Aw :)

Wow though, this chapter is just... Can you imagine not knowing anything about HP and then waking up in that world? Or watching the movie of your future life and knowing that you're going to die at 21? Gah, either way would be just so scary! I'm glad they both ended up meeting nice people in their respective worlds and were able to tell the truth to someone. It would be so hard to just pretend you knew what was going on - because it'd be so easy to mess up and forget someone's name that you're supposed to have known for 6 years.

Muggle Lily's friends seemed to react much less wildly than I predicted. If I were Charlotte and my best friend just told me they were actually from the pages of Harry Potter I'd first just not believe them, and then be sooo overly excited and probably end up scaring them away. Good thing Witch Lily met Charlotte instead :p

I really wonder what's going to happen when Witch Lily finds out all about her future. And how Muggle Lily is going to fare in her first class because she can't actually do magic. Unless she has gained Witch Lily's magical abilities as well as looking just like her?

so much to wonder about. This is really a great story and I will be back to read more of it soon!!



Author's Response: Of course! So happy you liked that detail!

I'm sure it was pretty shocking and scary for both of them. I was a bit worried that it wasn't verosimilar for them to tell the truth so soon, but in all honesty how could they not? I would've exploded if I didn't tell someone. And they were lucky to have found such nice people!

Ahahah! I know what you mean! I suppose I did go a bit soft there...

Can't tell... Sorry... :P Keep reading and you'll know!

Thank you so much, darling! I'm so happy you are enjoying this story! Can't wait to hear what you think of the following chapters, too!!!

Tons of love, hugs and kisses!
Chiara


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Review #15, by marauderfanTwo Lilies: I hate my name

10th July 2015:
Chiara! Omg, I saw the summary of this and was like WAIT ANOTHER STORY ABOUT LILY GOING BACK IN TIME AND MEETING HER GRANDPARENTS?!? I was so excited. And then I read the first section and it was totally not what I expected - in fact, what you have is better! I can't wait to see where this goes. :D Someone who doesn't like the Harry Potter series, ending up in the Potterverse somehow. Ahaha it's such a great premise!! (also how can I do this too? :P )

I laughed at Lily disliking her name. At least it's not as bad as like, Hyacinth or something. :P

Lily's narration is pretty funny. She seems like a typical teenager - bored by school and looking forward to the party at the cool guy's house. I like how much she goes on about all the boring school things she doesn't like, such as history and logarithms... Well, she thinks it's a boring day but I have a feeling it's all about to get very interesting! omg DID THEY SWITCH PLACES?!?!?!

I LOVE THIS

Author's Response: Hey Kristin!
Wow, I didn't expect you on this one! And I'm so happy that I caught you by surprise!!! Well, I read a lot of stories of people who end up in the Marauder era and then try to fix things. I didn't want this to happen here, so I wanted someone who didn't have knowledge of what was going to happen. And to have someone who hates Harry Potter just gives a very funny perspective! :)

Erm... Well, I'm afraid I don't know (I think I would've already left for Hogwarts ages ago if I knew...) But Lily arrived there because she was wishing to go away... Maybe if you wish it hard enough... Give it a try... :P

Ahahah! No, definitely not that bad!!! :P

She is the typical teenager. Well, not completely, but mostly. Boredom will be the least of her problems soon!

Thank you so much! Your enthusiasm makes me smile so widely! I'm so, so happy you enjoyed this first chapter!!!

Tons of love,
Chiara


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Review #16, by marauderfanOn Crumbling Lives: Return

9th July 2015:
Hi! Congrats on leaving 100 reviews - what an accomplishment!! :) Sorry I took so long with the review haha, I'm the slowest reviewer ever!

I love Hogwarts era stories, and those focusing on life during the war are always so interesting. And I absolutely love what you've started with here - I've read some stories about Astoria before, but none that focus on what both of the Greengrass sisters are going through. In particular I love your characterization of Daphne. How she's so cold and calculating, and generally jaded with how things are in the war - enough to speak out against it in the company of people who will listen, but she doesn't care enough to change things once she realizes she can't just run away to another continent. The scene with her sister was sweet, how she tries to be comforting even though she doesn't really believe her own words.

It's interesting how Daphne doesn't seem to be as affected by the war as Astoria is, yet Daphne still begs her parents to move the family to America. I get the feeling Daphne is very good at putting on a mask at school, and only lets her real worries show through when she's with her family. Because the two times she displayed any feeling were just in conversations with her family, but with her friends at school or demonstrating spells in classes, she legitimately doesn't seem to care - she's given up.

Omg, it was horrible what Amycus Carrow made her do! Not entirely surprising, but still wow. Her reaction to the whole thing makes me feel as if she's really on her own side - not supporting the actions of the Death Eaters, but not bothering enough to take a stand against them. It's like she doesn't like the current system, but doesn't think it's worth it to change it. She's a really interesting character so far.

Poor Astoria, too - she seems far more emotional and thus (I predict) far more likely to care, and to want to do something - but it will take a while for her to be brave enough, given what happened here and how she just said what she was supposed to and then cried about it. Gah, poor girl. I want to give her a hug :(

One thing I thought I might mention - normally when two people are talking to one another, they don't often use each other's names (because it's clear who they're talking to). So in the section where Daphne and Astoria are on the train, it feels a bit awkward - Daphne uses Astoria's name twice in the same short paragraph, but it's probably not necessary in the conversation.

That aside, I think you are doing a wonderful job with this story and tbh I'm glad it focuses on the Greengrass sisters and doesn't really involve Astoria/Draco at all. Definitely makes your story stand out and gives a chance for underappreciated characters to shine! I'm so glad I checked out this story - it's a great start and I can't wait to read more.

Thanks for the swap :D

Author's Response: Hi Kristin!

Thanks so much for such a long and lovely review!!

I usually only see stories were only one of these sisters is an interesting character and the other is tossed to the wayside. With this one, I'm trying to focus on both of them equally. With Daphne, she's a true Slytherin, through and through. That's not to say she's evil or a bad person, but she exemplifies Slytherin traits. And she definitely is jaded. I mean, seeing the side of the war that she sees, it's hard not to be jaded.

And you're definitely right in saying that she does not let her mask down except for family, and even then, she'll never be overly emotional. At school, Daphne would never let anyone see her in a moment of weakness. She doesn't care enough about either side to support as well at this point. She cares about her own survival and her family's survival, so she isn't about to put herself on the line for the greater good or whatever.

And Astoria! I love Astoria so much. This actually started as a Draco/Astoria story, but then her backstory became infinitely more interesting than his or their romance, but Draco does make a sneaky appearance further in.

I'm also going to fix that thing you mentioned with the dialogue right away! You're totally right about it - having them say each other's names is unnatural and nothing bothers me more than unnatural dialogue.

Thanks so much for reading and if you keep going, I'd love to know what you think about the sisters' character growth!

Thanks again!

Stefanie


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Review #17, by marauderfanToo Sexy: For My Love

6th July 2015:
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL



(that might be my most useless review ever, but it really sums up all I had to say)

Author's Response: (this might be my favorite review from you - okay, that's a lie but I love it)

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Review #18, by marauderfanLove in Three Acts: Epilogue: After the Curtain Fell

4th July 2015:
Prize review #6! I'm glad to end on a happier note.

I'm so glad they were able to become friends again - it has this wonderful bittersweet quality how both of them still have feelings for each other and a lot of guilt and just so much baggage from the past, but they can't really face that just yet and so they go back to being friends, and seeing where it goes. I think this story also gives a lot of context to Sirius' moodiness in HIKML - when I read that, I interpreted that as Sirius being jealous that his friend has an actual life now and someone special - but this fills in the gaps and kind of adds to that jealousy in that Sirius kind of wishes it were him instead of Tonks.

Feelings are complicated

This was a great story (as is everything you've written - I would know. I think now I have read everything of yours!) and I'm really glad to have had the chance to read it! Once again congratulations on your superb entry for the Non-Linear Challenge!

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Review #19, by marauderfanLove in Three Acts: Act 3: Betrayal

4th July 2015:
Back with your last two prize reviews! This chapter was so sad and I'm so angry at Sirius for being a jerk, first cheating and then blaming everything that happened on Remus' jealousy. And Remus' whole life just makes me so sad and how so many horrible things happen to him and he just dwells on it. They've both lost so much, but the way each of them deals with it is so different.

I thought you did really well with making this chapter fit in with why Remus was assumed to be the spy on the Potters - he was alone and off by himself because he didn't want any run ins with Sirius, but that made Sirius think that Remus was the spy who'd been giving information to Voldemort.

James definitely put Sirius in his place - a good friend will do that, I think. But I still was really shocked when James punched him. (He deserved it though.)

this was just the most angsty chapter in the world. i feel like a hippogriff stomped on my heart.

now my heart is flat.

with that, i will sadly click the 'next' button and hopefully you will not unleash anymore hippogriffs of feels in that last chapter. (let's be real it's still going to be all the feels)

excellent work and i'm sorry my capitalization skills have devolved. they were stomped on along with my heart. i still love your writing though ;)

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Review #20, by marauderfanLove in Three Acts: Act 2: Romance

3rd July 2015:
Nooo

I'm so angry at Sirius! Ugh! How is he going to explain that! But also, I do think Remus should hear Sirius out because maybe there IS an explanation - Remus tends to assume the worst about people's opinions of him so maybe there's an explanation but Remus is already sinking into self pity and won't listen. Either way, I know it's gonna end sadly :(

(I'm doing this review kind of in backwards order... which I guess is appropriate given that this is a prize review for a non linear story?) Anyway, I loved Sirius and Remus' trip to Diagon Alley - it's so like Sirius to run all over the place as a dog and snarl at Death Eaters while Remus has to use his words, fast. Haha. Death Eaters are dog people - if only they'd passed that info along to the Order!

Winning line of this chapter: “I can’t go to James and Lily’s wedding wearing these. They’re… they’re sexy pants,” Remus said in a low voice. -- AHAHAHA. I DIED.

okay also the scene where they were cuddling was just way too adorable. I could see Remus as being someone who enjoys his personal space and Sirius being someone who really doesn't like personal space and is way more touchy feely with people. But the last line of that section was so sad - Remus is in love, but he won't say it! AHSDJFASJD and the same problems plagued him like 15 years later with Tonks. But that's another story.

I will be back to finish this story later this weekend but right now I have a date with Game of Thrones binge watching. (I need to catch up on the recent season before all the spoilers find their way to my ears omg) Cheerio!

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Review #21, by marauderfanLove in Three Acts: Act 1: Friendship

3rd July 2015:
Here with prize review #3! Yes, I had actually not read this one before. I don't read a lot of wolfstar fics because I really love the wonderful friendship between the four Marauders without anything else in the way, just bromance haha, but every time I read a wolfstar fic I remember how much I love them! Sirius and Remus have really well matched personalities which makes them make a lot of sense together. And because these stories are always fated to end sadly, which is, for some reason, something I love in fic. Anyway, I'm way ahead of myself because this chapter is the friendship chapter and aaah this is so what I love, just a chapter of Marauder goofiness and having a water fight in a graveyard and pretending to be Americans from the Salem Academy of Motors. I just love the whole thing, and I want to be friends with all of them.

You build up the tension in this so well - it's really subtle but building all along, and neither one of them mentions it until the end and BAM it's obvious. I really liked the way you orchestrated the buildup. And that line about celestial bodies with gravitational pull - maybe I just love metaphors with space, but gah that was a phenomenal sentence! Beautiful.

Maybe because you've written two novels about Remus, but I feel like you actually know him personally. How else would you be able to write him SO PERFECTLY, with his tactfulness and really subtle dry humor and low self confidence and all the things that make him Remus? Seriously, you write him so well. OMG AND THEN THIS If dry humor were an art, Remus would be its Da Vinci. -- Ahaha! Love it.

This is such a lovely opening chapter and I'm really eager to read the rest and have my heart broken by you for the 17th time (it's inevitable). *Terminator voice* I'll be back!

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Review #22, by marauderfanOutsider: Friendship and Freak-Outs

3rd July 2015:
HI! I LOVE STORIES ABOUT DUDLEY HAVING A MAGICAL CHILD! Even though it's not canon (I think JKR denied it in an interview), it's still my headcanon. Anyway, that was what drew me in and I'm so glad I happened to click on this as it's such a wonderful start!

Your writing is very well put together and thought out, which is something I really appreciate. You've put a lot of effort into creating these characters - and I especially liked the first chapter and how you wrote Dudley - he's changed so much since he was a teenager, as most people do, but in some ways he's very much the same person regarding his stubbornness and the dislike of magic that he'd grown up with. I love that he was the one to reach out to Harry after not talking for so many years - and that just as quickly, he turns his back when he doesn't get what he wants! Ah, I just love what you've done with his character.

And it's really interesting to see how he doesn't know what to do when his own daughter is magical. The Dudley-tantrum in this chapter made me laugh, as he's reverted to his former self for just a bit, but in a more adult way :p And his reaction to the Hogwarts letter! Obviously he should know that burning it won't work - there's no way to stop the letters - but it's just such an instinctual reaction and a lot like his father, as much as he wishes he wasn't like his father sometimes. Sorry this is such a ramble. But I really liked your character analysis of Dudley.

I also liked the way you addressed Dudley's bullying in this fic, how Dudley really saw his teenage decisions in a new light, even more so when it's his daughter being bullied and he feels so ashamed of his past.

Nora's new friend seems really nice! I'm glad she got all the information about Hogwarts from him, and that she already has a friend before she goes into school. And I love that she's biracial. I'm always in favour of diverse characters on HPFF and I'm really eager to know more about her and her family! I wonder if Dudley's parents have gotten over their initial disapproval of Preeya, and what they think of Nora. I really like Nora so far, and looking forward to more of her story. Anyway, lots to think about - I just love how you've started this off and I'm really excited to read more of this when you update!

Author's Response: DUDLEY HAVING A MAGICAL CHILD IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE HEADCANONS TOO! :D And lol I've chosen to completely ignore Rowling on this one. :P
I'm so glad you think Dudley is well-developed as a character! That was one of my main concerns when writing this.
And yes, Nora getting bullied is a kind of unfortunate poetic irony.:(
Thanks so much for this wonderful review, It made my day! :D


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Review #23, by marauderfanYou Don't Own Me: Don't

3rd July 2015:
Rose! I am here with your 2nd prize review! Again, I'm so sorry about how long it took - but I didn't forget! My excuse is that I live on a boat and there is no internet out there. But enough of my excuses. Onto SCORPIUS DUMPING CORBIN! (I hope).

Okay, wow. This was much more intense than I expected it to be - but I must applaud you for writing it. I can definitely believe it was a hard one-shot to write!! It was such incredibly powerful writing - the use of second person definitely contributed to that, as it feels like it's sort of happening to you the reader, rather than just a fictional character. It makes it so much scarier and I was so invested in Scorpius' story and wanted him to get out! I'm glad he was able to eventually realize how sour the relationship had gotten, and that he asked for help - that was brave of him and so necessary, and I'm just so happy he got away in the end. I must admit I'm worried about Corbin stalking him, given how possessive he is, but hopefully he'll just stay away.

“I wish you wouldn’t push me like you do,” he says weepily. -- This, in a sentence, is the problem with their relationship (well, there are many problems, but this one is harder to notice but its effect is so strong) - that in all his gestures of kindness and his acting hurt, Corbin is blaming Scorpius, the victim, for Corbin's own reaction. Not okay. And it took a while for Scorpius to pick up on it because Corbin manages to make Scorpius pity him for something that's Corbin's own fault - Scorpius didn't make him react that way, Corbin acted that way all on his own. But aah, as much as it hurts me to read how destructive this relationship is, I am so glad you wrote it and really went into all these tough issues because victim blaming is a REAL thing and this fic just clearly displays all the reasons why it's wrong. Kudos.

This was a wonderfully written fic. I love fics that focus on controversial topics and difficult themes and this certainly fit the bill - it was so good and you handled a difficult topic with a lot of tact and seriousness. Thanks for selecting this one, I'm glad I read it!

Author's Response: Kristin!!!

I don't think I had anything new for you to read anyway - plus your reviews are worth the wait 100% of the time.

Well, I didn't mean for it to get so dark. My original concept was pretty not this difficult and twisted. There were a lot of levels of difficult to this - the site rules restricted some of what I was going to include (iwth the physical abuse aspect) and emotionally I didn't want to dwell on this for too long. I don't think this woudl have worked with third or first person perspective. It's just too emotional for those. I think it was the destruction of his photos that really made him see how bad it was. I suppose it was the closest I could get to him wanting to protect waht he cares about more than himself. :( I do think scorpius will struggle with some stalking after this but... for now he's safe.

When I wrote that sentence my stomach really dropped. It's the type of jerk thing I've heard from people who don't know how to take responsiblity for their actions or words. I had to include the kindness because it made him seem less bad (to scorpius). I didn't start with the intention of making this a victim blaming story (when I first thought of it in Jan) but as the idea sat with me that came out as somethng I should address.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this and that I addressed the topic/situation well!

*hug*

-Rose


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Review #24, by marauderfanWaltzing Matilda: Prologue

3rd July 2015:
ilovethissomuch

Okay, first of all, I knew this would be brilliant because I love both of you, and you're amazing writers, and that blog Emily posted about the behind the scenes of this story was hilarious, AND YOUR USERNAME IS AD DINOSAURUM. I love it too much.

So - this prologue - I love everything about it, from how cute Albus and Scorpius are, to the witty dialogue I have come to expect from both of you, to the fact that Scorpius actually listened to Professor Binns, to how much it sets up for a super excellent story. I am so eager to see how things go in Australia, and how Albus and Scorpius are going to make it work when their jobs are on two different continents, and basically i am so stoked about this story.

I can definitely understand Albus' reaction - how else do you react when your partner surprises you with such huge news in such a nonchalant way? But I really love how once he gets past his surprise, and his annoyance that Scorpius accepted the job without discussing it with him, Albus is still really supportive and helps give him confidence. ♥

I want to know more about this Australian magic school! I'm also kind of interested to find out what Scorpius thinks of Vegemite.

Your writing is so entertaining and I love it. Great job on this, both of you! I'm so excited to see a new chapter on this in the near future :D

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Review #25, by marauderfanThe Exchange Student: Prologue

3rd July 2015:
Meggg!!! I was so excited to see that review you left for me this morning that I had to visit your AP and leave a thank you review :P (Sorry about increasing your unanswered review count... i'll try and keep this short so you don't have to work too hard on the response hehe. But omg it might be hard for me to keep this short just because I'm so excited about this new story!!)

I am really glad to see that you're writing from Snape's POV, because honestly I don't see many stories from Snape's POV - and when I do, they're usually about Lily - so this already starts out quite original and I can't wait to see how you balance out his love for Lily and his feelings for Hermione as well. Not to mention that I'm just really eager to have an insight into Snape's mind because he's such an enigmatic character.

Ooh, also SECOND PERSON, I love it so much. I also love when things start at the end and then go back to the beginning. And things that have sad endings. Basically from what I can tell of this story, it's a recipe for all the things I love and is going to be amazing!

I love your descriptive word choice too! Aaah this line -- When she came into your life like a tornado, and left just as quickly; leaving behind the ruins of your abandoned and damaged heart. -- that's so vivid, and tragic in a beautiful way.

And let's not forget that really interesting spin you put on that scene as Snape dies, when he begs Harry to look at him - I love how you reworked it such that it doesn't contradict canon, but adds more to it. So cool the way you did that.

LOVE IT! I am a little sad that there will be a long time before the next update but I am hardly one to judge people on that - you're still a much faster writer than I am :p I'm looking forward to the next chapter of this (and of SSS)!!

(Sooo... this ended up being a tiny bit longer than I intended, sorry. I just have a lot of feelings.)

Awesome chapter!



Author's Response: Gah Kristin!! You're like the sweetest person in the history of ever!! Thank you for this review! ♥

Bahaha and that's alright about increasing my review count. It's completely out of hand, so why not add some more! :p And I'm super thrilled that you're excited for this! *frolic*

I don't even know how this happened, to be honest. I just got SO into Snape's head while writing SSS, that there's all this information that we'll never see in that story. So I thought, why not write a parallel version from Snape's POV? And here we are haha. But you're right, most Snape stories are strictly about Lily, so I'm hoping that this does come out to be kind of original and different. *crosses fingers*

Well, only the prologue is going to be in Second Person. As I started writing the prologue, it started out in third person, then slowly slipped into second as I was writing. Again, I don't even know how that happened haha. But I liked it a lot more that way and decided to edit the first half and keep it. But the rest of the story is going to be quite like SSS in narrative.

Eep! Thank you!! *hugs*

I SO badly want to keep this as compliant as possible and this death scene I so wanted it to be believable. So I'm so super thrilled that it did end up working! :D

I *might* be posting the first chapter of this sometime in the beginning of September. I don't want to make any promises, but it might happen. :)

Hahaha! I just have a lot of feelings about this review. *squishes Kristin* Thank you so, so much for this!! I just.. gah! All the hugs!

So much love,
Meg ♥ ♥


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