Reading Reviews From Member: ginnys twin
  
53 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ginnys twinMaster of His Own Destiny: A Quaint Little Town

4th June 2013:
Interesting. I liked how you described the village at the beginning. Especially the line about how the buildings stood crooked as if afraid to stand strait and alone. I also liked your explanation of why the barmaid and her father stayed. I think it was much more realistic and heartfelt than "we stayed because of the memories we have here." The one thing I think you could improve on is keeping the air of mystery and the dark atmosphere all the way to the end. To me, it felt like as the chapter went on, all the mysterious-ness of it all started going away. As for the vocabulary challenge, I didn't know what most of the words meant, but I looked some of them up, and the ones I did look up seemed to fit well. I also liked the originality behind this. This is the first story I've ever seen about Quirell. Oh, yeah, and I'm here for the 'Claw battle. See you in the common room!

-Krissy

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad that you liked my descriptions and the way the words fit into the chapter. I had a lot of fun trying to make that all fit together. :)

I do see what you mean about the melting away of the air of mystery. I'll definitely try to edit that when I go back and give this story another look!

I haven't seen many stories about Quirrel either, which is why he was the perfect candidate for a story. Thanks so much for your wonderful comments!!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #2, by ginnys twinMoonsetter: Hogwarts Express

26th May 2013:
'Ello!

This is going in a nice direction so far. I like that Artemis has a bit of a unique problem. But there are a few things I would suggest:

1. During sixth year, Draco wouldn't have been this light hearted, happy, and excepting. Maybe you could set it in year five or something? Or have Draco be a bit more sullen and depressing? Just a suggestion to make this canon, but I can see why you would chose sixth year.

2. You could try to Add a bit more of Artemis's thoughts. I just think it would make the story a bit better. Right now, this is more what's happening and not so much Artemis's reactions and thoughts.

3. The last thing I would suggest is add a bit more story at the beginning. As it is, the start is a bit choppy and has a lot of gaps. You could beef things up and clear up some of the cunfusion like this:

Even when I made the chili fly in his face and hid his wedding ring under the couch, he wouldn't let me go- but now he can't decide for me anymore during the school year. I'll be away from him four a solid 9 months. Best Nine months of my life in a way. My only regret is that I'll be leaving Mum alone in the company of THAT.

I would also consider explaining why Zara married Reggie a bit more, and just kinda smooth out the kinks.

I am really curious as to which house Artemis gets sorted into and I'm really interested in her friendship with Draco. I look forward to the next chapter!

I also noticed that your a bit new. Feel free to ask me any questions you have via review or PM.

Again, this seems like a really promising story!

-Krissy

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Review #3, by ginnys twinHow it all began..: Chapter One

26th May 2013:
Aww, that's so sweet!

I like how so far this has started off sweet and slow, yet steady. I like the way you wrote Sev, as he is perfectly in character. I would suggest adding a bit mor of a problem, but I'm sure that's coming soon. I would also suggest going through and re reading. I know that capitals and grammar slow everything down, and cutting the grammar out gets chapters in the que faster, but trust me, the extra minute is worth it. I liked how you gave us a bit of how Lily's life is, and I also thought that your description of Sev was great, but don't forget to add his greasy hair! :) Can't wait for the next chapter!

-Krissy

Author's Response: Hiya Krissy,
Thank you so much for the review! I know there are still a few tweaks that need to be made but I can assure you that the next chapter will have better grammar, I hadn't realized how bad it was before:3
This review really has made me want to continue this story and the next chapter should (fingers crossed) be up by Monday:)
Again thank you for taking the time to help me improve:)
-Iesha


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Review #4, by ginnys twinA little fox: A little fox spirit

25th May 2013:
Mysterious. I love the idea behind this. In less than 600 words, you've showed the problem, characters, setting, and a good portion of the background.

I would suggest adding in how old the fox spirit is in Human years. I would really like to know which year she will be in at Hogwarts.

I really like that you included China. When people think of magic they think of the London magic center. Or sometimes America. But never China. You are bringing Fanfiction to a whole new level!

I would suggest using "" instead of '' for when someone's speaking. It's just easier.

I also noticed that you're a bit new. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have!

Anyway, I can't wait for a new chapter because this is just so fascinating. Again, I love that you have such a perfect balance of the magic we know and the magic in this world you have created. I would like to know more about the fox spirits in later chapters. I really hope you continue this story! Don't give up!

-Krissy

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Review #5, by ginnys twinUnited: The Beginning

25th May 2013:
this seems like a very promising story, and I've only read one chapter! I love the plot bunny, and it's quite interesting. I like that Rose looks like her mother.

One thing I might suggest is not have Narcissa call her Rosie. Narcissa doesn't seem like one to be so excepting (that's just my opinion).

I like how Rose was hidden in the cupboard, because usually when people give Harry a sister, she is in the crib with him, and this is a nice change.

I would also consider re wording Narcissa's responses to Lucius because the way it is right now, it comes off a bit sarcastic.

I love the ending. It's a bit of a cliff hanger and it sets the tone perfectly. Well, overall this was great and I look forward to reading the next chapter!

-Krissy

Author's Response: thank you so much for the review, i wanted to let u know that the reason i had narcissa be sarcastic was because she was taken by surprise and gave her husband a bit of a malfoy attitude, also i wanted to show a more of a fatherly side of lucius, but thank you so much for the review

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Review #6, by ginnys twin"My Only Love Sprung From My Only Hate": Back to School

25th May 2013:
Nice! One thing you did really well was making this relate able. A lot of the things in here from the droning class to unwanted pity are something a lot of people experience on day to day bases (or at least I do.)

one thing I would work on would be putting something between time changes. A lot of stories on this site have little markings like *** or or &&& to signal time change or setting change. Since I'm used to that, I thought Hermione had lessons straight after dinner. So my suggestion would be to add those marks in.

You might also want to seperate people talking. Just make each person talking a new paragraph. It makes it much easier to follow the conversation without saying who said what every time.

I also saw you are a bit new. Feel free to ask me any questions you have via PM. I go by katty01 on the forums. Hope to see you around!

-Krissy

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, it really helps me a lot! yes I am a newbie, so if I could ask you some questions on the forum that would be great. when I re-do this chapter I'll add all the tips you gave me. Btw I have not abandoned this story, I've just been away for a few days!

rickmanfanatic :)


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Review #7, by ginnys twinI Want to Walk in the Full Moon With You: Epilogue: November, 1981

25th May 2013:
I honestly am speechless. This has got to be the best story I've ever read. (Yes, that includes HP). I don't have words for how well thought out and awesome this is. I can't wait until I have time to read some mor of your stories because if this novel is any indecation, you are a fantastic writer. I wish this ended differently, but I respect your decision, and I see why you ended it like this.one last time, I love this story.

-Krissy

Author's Response: Awe, you are so sweet! And I'm honored that you think this is the best you've ever read! This was my debut story on HPFF and I highly enjoyed writing Artemis's mystery. Thank you so much for your highly flattering review! I do hope you'll find something else you will enjoy!

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Review #8, by ginnys twinThe Little Sisters: Overprotective Brothers and Custody Battles

24th May 2013:
Rome is definitely my favorite sister. I can relate to her a lot, and I love her personality altogether. I also think that she is doing the right thing by helping Remus. If her friends knew about his Furry Little Problem, I'm sure they would gladly help. No one needs that cloak more than he does. Can't wait to see what happens next!

-Krissy

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Review #9, by ginnys twinI Want to Walk in the Full Moon With You: Chapter 7: "I'm Sorry" Isn't Good Enough

15th May 2013:
I liked the way you portrayed Sirius (mostly, but I miss your humor.) I LOVE the way Artemis is portrayed, and I find it original. Yes, there are tomboys out there, yes there are bookworms out there (like me :p), but very few stories are about tomboys/bookworms. I like that she has her flaws, but right now I'm puzzled as to why people get scared of her mouth (are her teeth really that bad?). I'm assuming that's the idea, that we are supposed to be puzzled, and I look forward to seeing why. Again, I really like this, but it doesn't have the same humor Good Bye James, Hello Derek had.
-Krissy

Author's Response: Hello again! Sirius probably has the most personality changes between all my stories, or at least how he reacts to girls. I think the Sirius in Goodbye James, Hello Derek was probably the most immature yet cutest version I've come up with to date. Oh wow, I'm glad you like Artemis! She is one of my favorite characters I've ever created! At this point, Artemis is known only as the bookworm, but when she gets irritated her sarcasm can come out as harsh and can really hurt people's feelings. So it's not really her mouth but rather the words that come out of it. (I hope I answered that right, I haven't reread this story in a while.) Rest assured that she had perfectly normal teeth. That's why she can pack away so much food. This was my first story here on HPFF, so I tried to keep a balance of humor and real life problems. With Goodbye James, Hello Derek, I wrote that with a kind of mental laugh track playing in the background. Thank you for leaving another review! :)

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Review #10, by ginnys twinGoodbye James, Hello Derek: Epilogue: The Aftermath

14th May 2013:
Yay!!! Mostly happy ending! I like the bit of twisted logic Sirius used there, never would have seen it coming. And I can't leave my last review on this story without telling you how great the characters were, and how much I enjoyed your humor. I've loved everything about this story from the disclaimers, to the A/N's. I will definitely be coming back to see what other awesome stories you have!
-Krissy

Author's Response: This is actually the happiest ending I've had on one of my stories on here to date. *Sighs* Sirius and logic don't mix well. At least, not the kind of logic that exists to most people. But that just makes for fun reading I suppose. :) This was a really fun story for me to write, and I'm absolutely thrilled to hear that you enjoyed it so much! Thank you so much for taking the time to pause and leave these wonderful reviews for me to read!

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Review #11, by ginnys twinGoodbye James, Hello Derek: 9: The Full Moon Waits for No Marauder

13th May 2013:
Fav character: Lupin or Sirius. I love Sirius's humor, and teasing personality. I adore Lupin's smarts and his witty comebacks, and his shy, nervous personality. I might also add Danielle, because I LOVE that you gave her a strong, firm personality that not many people would give a girl. I like how she has her flaws, and the flaws are really tasteful. I have a whole list of favorite characters, because they are all SO well written. I don't really have a least favorite character, I like all of the characters. But if I had to name one, it would be Nancy. I just don't like her.

Again, this was awesome!
-Krissy

Author's Response: A lot of people really love Remus and Sirius too! I think it might kind of be obvious that my personal favorite character is Remus and my favorite character to write is Sirius. Add those two together? You get what you have before you! It's great hearing how you like practically all the characters here! I'm very flattered by your kind words! Thank you again for reviewing!

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Review #12, by ginnys twinGoodbye James, Hello Derek: 7: A Week of the Weak

12th May 2013:
NO!!! How could you split up the Marauders? I know it's probably for a reason, and it will all work out eventually, but WHY MUST YOU PAIN ME SO?

On a brighter note, THANK YOU for including Peter. Some people seem to forget that HE WAS A MARAUDER TOO! (Can you tell I'm going through a CAPS LOCK phase?) The cheese thing is just plain weird, but I like it any way. My suggestion would be to put more of Lupin's chocolate obsession in, when you need a break from Peter.


-Krissy

Author's Response: Ooh, splitting the Marauders was so much fun from a writer's standpoint! You're absolutely right as far as their fate goes, but it makes for satisfying reading. Trust me!

I absolutely love teenage Peter (not adult Wormtail). I've always seen him as a sweet little boy with a hero worship complex. Peter's cheese obsession is my alternative to the over-used Remus and chocolate pairing. I want my stories to be a little different from the thousands of other stories out there. :) Again, thank you for another review!


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Review #13, by ginnys twinGoodbye James, Hello Derek: 5: Feast Your Eyes on This

11th May 2013:
Ok, I just want to congratulate you on a truck load of humor in the last chapter. Although, I don't think Sirius would say "yay me." Just saying. Anyway, I'm loving this so far, and I can't wait to see what comes next. Although, I can predict that Danielle will keep James's identity a secret because your summery says Lily will fall for Derek, and it hasn't been long enough for that quite yet. Again, loving the humor!
-Krissy

Author's Response: I realized after starting to write this story that Sirius's intelligence at times is quite questionable, to put it mildly. He's basically my outlet for my odd sense of humor. I'm glad that I'm not the only one that thinks I'm funny! And there is a long way to go before Lily falls for "Derek." Thank you for another encouraging review!

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Review #14, by ginnys twinWho Are The Marauders?: All Seems Normal . . .

11th May 2013:
Bess as the seeker, I like it. Even though Cho was a seeker, no one seems to right girls as seekers in fanfiction. I also like the idea of Remus having a girlfriend.

The one thing that doesn't seem believable to me is that Katherine would have followed Remus in their first year, I would change it to second or third. Also, I was wondering how the girls would know about their animagus forms when James and Lily aren't together yet. I realize they could also know about the animagus forms because of Kat and Remus, but I would suggest going a bit more in depth about that.

Overall, I like the originality and can't wait for the next chapter. I am now going to check out that story about Derek Gardens.

-Krissy

Author's Response: Really? No one else puts girls as Seekers? But it makes sense to me, because girls are usually lighter and slimmer than boys. Bess is either my second or third female Seeker in fan fiction. Oh well. On another note, this is my first story where I start out with Remus already having a steady girlfriend. I'm really happy for my favorite character!

Sadly, there is a whole lot of back story that I just couldn't manage to squeeze into this first chapter. I did the best I could though. But I can see your point about Katherine discovering Remus's secret. I promise, I'll go more into details about the Marauders' secrets in upcoming chapters, when the main plot of the story really comes to light. This chapter's role is to establish all the characters before the problem becomes obvious.

I'm glad to hear you like this story. Chapters two and three are already planned out, so I'm hoping the wait for an update won't be too long. Thank you so much for being this story's first reviewer!


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Review #15, by ginnys twinGoodbye James, Hello Derek: 1: To Change, or Not to Change

11th May 2013:
I am sitting here laughing like there is no tomorrow. Where in the world did you get the idea for a stalker bunny? I LOVE LOVE LOVE, the characterization of this piece. Lupin and Sirius are just so well written. I especially love Lupin's "last word" phase. The end bit where Sirius is explaining why he doesn't have a girlfriend is well thought out, and something I can totally imagine him saying. So what I'm trying to say, is I just love this already, and I've only read one chapter.

-Krissy

Author's Response: Hearing you laughing like that makes me so happy! I'm not entirely sure where Havoc came from anymore actually. But I'm glad I wrote him in nevertheless! And this story is half Lily/James, half Remus and Sirius banter. I'm glad you liked this story so much after just one chapter! Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #16, by ginnys twinResiduum: Shattered

11th May 2013:
Here for your review request! First, I want to warn you that this won't be as long or as helpful as the other reviews.

The mystery seems to be very strong in the beginning, but not as strong in the middle and towards the end. My suggestion would be to re-read everything, and see where you can add a little more of the mystery. I'm curious about why Hermione left, as I see no reason (although maybe I missed her motives while cheering for my brother's soccer team. )

The plot seems to flow well, and the writing style is one that I like a lot. I LOVED the line "a single tear broke through her defences." That just is a perfect portrayal of Hermione's bravery and her feelings towards Ron. I also liked how Neville is included here. Many people seem to forget that Neville was a war hero too when they write fan fiction, and I'm glad to see you included him.

Overall, everything was great, and you can be sure I'll be here when the next chapter comes out!

-Krissy

Author's Response: Hey there,
I'm glad you think I have a strong begining, hopefully that will draw the readers in. There are a quite a few reason's why Hermione decided to leave, but it was still a difficult decision for her. Some of the reasons I have deliberately withheld, while others I have tried to foreshadow. Thanks so much for your lovely comments, they have been really helpful.


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Review #17, by ginnys twinGlass Memories: Glass Memories

5th May 2013:
Wow. This is a VERY fresh thing. I have never thought about what Mcgonagall did before Hogwarts and you developed her entire life and a very solid backstory in one chapter. I especialy like that Dumbledore was always there for her amd this was was a perfect characterization of him and her both. Overall, fantastic!
-Krissy

Author's Response: Thank you very much! It's fantastic to hear that you think this story original and even better that you liked the characterization of both Dumbledore and McGonagall. They're two of my favourite characters to write - there's so much to explore with their histories and personalities. :D

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Review #18, by ginnys twinEvery Song Must End: Bitter...

5th May 2013:
Interesting.

It's so far, so good, but practice makes perfect! I didn't even notice the lack of dialouge, and you did fantastically with that. What was really cool about this piece was how well you conveyed the idea with such short, clipped sentances. It sounded very poetic to me, and a bit like a song itself.

Anyway, great! You are probably getting annoyed of my nagging by now, but WHEN will you update Like a House On Fire?

Catch you later
-Krissy

Author's Response: I don't know if I'll ever try something like this again. I really liked writing in 500 words, that was super fun, but angst is super draining to write!

And concerning the update - I answered that in the review you left for Problems


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Review #19, by ginnys twinProblems: Problems

5th May 2013:
I'm sitting here laughing my head off. Where in the world did you get the idea for his HAIR being a MOOD RING? And his GRANDMOTHER being a DRAGON? Or GREEN HAIR being a sign for HELPING MOTHER NATURE? This was great!!! A bit cliche, but funny, emotional, and perfectly in character. I gush, I can't help it. Again, WHEN MORE SNUFFLES? (This is in regards to like a house on fire, not this story).

Yours-Anxiously-Waiting-For-An-Update

-Krissy

Author's Response: You may have to wait a very long time for an update on Like a House on Fire. I'm approaching exam time, and that means quite a few assignments as well. However, at the latest, an update should happen by the beginning of July.

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Review #20, by ginnys twinPrisoner 1272: Prisoner 1272

3rd May 2013:
This was super emotional and very heartfelt. I can only think of a one thing I would change.

I think I might add someone calling her Barty and the emotions that might cause/the memories that would trigger.

Overall, this was really great and I especially loved how you revealed the identity if the narrator piece by piece. Great job!

-Krissy

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review and the advice! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

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Review #21, by ginnys twinWriting a Fairytale: She is Special

30th April 2013:
Hello!
Here for your review request!

First off, I just liked the beginning a lot. We learned a little about Merissa's personality, the setting, a sort of problem. So, the start was great.

Second, there is a part in the middle about hiring a coach and her father agreeing that doesn't need to be there. I feel it takes away from the rest of the story. So, my suggestion would be to edit out that part. Here's the paragraph I'm talking about:

"Her father reluctantly arranged for her carriage with one coachman to drive. Her mother managed to engage the services of Widow Bellum on the advice of the mysterious lady."

I also really loved the ending and felt it was a perfect way to wrap everything up. It was just a beautiful ending.

As for everything else, the plot flow was pretty good and I don't know what to say! I will also review the other chapters once I get a chance!

-Krissy

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

The latest revised chapter 1 is up where I have taken out that particular paragraph and inserted quite a bit more storyline where it shows how much she's looking forward to being considered more adult and hopefully shows how much is expected of her.


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Review #22, by ginnys twinLife's Not Always Black and White~ A Marauders Story: Rather Unfortunate Outbursts

27th April 2013:
I feel for Lore, but I have an unhealthy obsession over Sirius.

This Was Great! I love how you keep bringing Farrah back. Oh, also, you have some really neat names in here!

-Krissy

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Review #23, by ginnys twinLife's Not Always Black and White~ A Marauders Story: Cover Your Ears

27th April 2013:
So let me get this straight: Lore is kinda sick of her sister yet she writes to her first when she has news? Well, i'm sure you have your reasons and i have mine!


Anyway, very touching, great bonding, just awesome!

-Krissy

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Review #24, by ginnys twinLife's Not Always Black and White~ A Marauders Story: Two Lilies

27th April 2013:
Well.

This is cliche and not cliche at the same time.

How do you do it?

The one thing I would recommend is adding a character or two who ISN'T in Gryffondor.

Maybe a minor character like Farrah or someone Lore met once?

Kudos to you for adding that Slytherin.

Everyone forgets the other houses. L

Lots of inprovement from the last chapter!

Good bye for now

-Krissy

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Review #25, by ginnys twinLife's Not Always Black and White~ A Marauders Story: Meet Lorelei

27th April 2013:
YAY!!! Sibling comparison is a conflict not explored as often as other problems. This was well planned out and overall, good job!

Well done!

-Krissy

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