Reading Reviews From Member: ChinaDoll
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ChinaDollExpecting Otherwise: 17 Years Later

3rd September 2013:
Well, it's been fun. I was on a fan-fiction rampage going though the list and bookmarking things for later. It has been awhile from that day up till now. First off before I say anything, I'd like to comment that I'm volcanically thankful that you came back to us and fished this story.

I found this one first, I read though I'd say five or more chapters before it promoted me to read the first one. My views on the first story are mixed, but I really think you wrote Hermione and Draco well, it's not easy to take an already well known and loved characters and bring it into your own with out losing the substance that was already there from it's original creator, you however did it in the first book; which brings me to an actual point with the second book. I felt like this changed in this one, I realize that Hermione and Draco aren't apart of the main plot anymore but the chapters that they where in didn't seem to hold to much with them as characters. I also felt like though out the year of her pregnancy she should have gotten more letters from her parents.


As for everything else, the ending was sweet.

But most of everything before it was very hostile and 'public teen shcoolish' this is probably just me, I don't like that mentality. And you throw a bone with Scarlett's love affair but don't reconcile it before finishing the story.


Over all I thought it was cute enough, the only thing that kept me reading though was Chase (before the 17 years later...)

story rating 7 and three quarters/10. Chase 9/10 He lost a point in that last chapter, it's been seventeen years get over it, if Draco didn't want you to be with Adella you'd be dead by now!

Thanks for concluding.

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Review #2, by ChinaDollRanímer: Parachever (English translation: To perfect)

7th August 2013:
Hey there again, I read this last chapter and I see improvement. I can't say I read the whole story, but I got most of what happened from this chapter alone. I might come back and read the whole thing just because I want the full story for Draco/Elizabeth.

Good job, 7/10 for this chapter, might review again later.

Author's Response: This is truly a Harry and Ginny story, but they don't start off as a couple. By reading the last chapter, however, you've negated much of the tension of the story.

It does lead into GUMD well, so if you're going to read Growing Up...(ie: GUMD) you might want to know about the groundwork laid herein.

Thanks for reading and reviewing,
MNF


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Review #3, by ChinaDollContinuum: Chapter 23: You Say Hello and I Say Goodbye

5th August 2013:
I found this story after 'growing up with mum and dad' which I haven't read yet, now that I've read this I don't think I'll bother. If by some chance I take the time, you'll get another review I'm sure.

I had a review written out, but it seemed to harsh so I'm changing to this;

It starts with harry finding a spell in a book he took from Grimwald place, I don't think this sounds like harry, Hermione maybe, but it was in a dark house so it doesn't sound like her either. Now if your going on the basis that harry took the book because is was in his godfathers house, that still isn't firm ground. Because Harry knew Sirius hated everything about that house including what was in it.

I didn't really like where you started things, I felt they didn't have enough information.

Okay, I must admit, that some of the chapters where fun to read, others where sad, and more to the point some where just plain depressing...

I felt you where putting to much into the relationship problems with Harry and Ginny then was needed. It got better after awhile, but then you slit them up in the end.

Eva; I felt that as your own oc, you didn't do much with her, all the sudden she was there. And once you start liking her and her back story and all, you pulled her out of there.

There is alot more that I want to say, but I'm just going to leave with a rating; 4/10

Now please everyone who likes this story, this is only my feeling for it, this just wasn't my kind of story.

Author's Response: I appreciate your evaluation of the story, and I can see where you're coming from. I'm suspecting you didn't read the first three stories I'd writing, called Bound/Woven/Restored, as your questions about Eva would have been answered.

As for Harry and Ginny, you're not the first to tell me you didn't like how I'd written them, and you didn't like their relationship. That's fine, but I stand behind their problems. They rashly got married, even though they barely knew each other. Learning to live with someone is hard, learning to live with them while also learning about who they are is downright impossible.

I think if you read "Growing Up with Mum and Dad" and get past the first few chapters, which are really just fluff, you'll find it an interesting story, which is nothing like this one.

I appreciate an honest review.
MNF


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Review #4, by ChinaDollThe Missing Painting: Chapter 15

30th July 2013:
I read this last night and now I'm re-reading it, in case I missed anything before I review.

Fist off; I really like how you start with the house not being used to the drunk cheer that is Draco, being egged on by 'Painting Hermione'. The part that I feel is odd is where you enter his parents room, you mention it's their bed room but you don't say their sitting up in bed. (at some point you put something in there but it isn't until Narcissa gets up.) So while I was reading I made my own conclusions and had them sitting in a small area with chairs. (maybe by a fire) In their room but not in their bed. The way you described some of the things Lucius doing, sounded weird when I had them in chairs so I didn't get a good Idea until it says she got up from their bed. This is an easy fix, just need to add a word or to so your readers know what your talking about.

The other point I have is soon after she leaves the room, 'Winky' the house elf, which in number four book is given cloths by her old master, then go's to work at the school with Dobby. Now the way you write her it doesn't really sound like the 'Winky' from the book. If she's your own then that's fine, but I think you should state this. Or if she is the 'Winky' from the book, that fine as well. Just keep us in the loop.

When I got to chapter four; I really enjoyed the Krum family, but I wish you at least introduced his older children. Not all of them I realize there are eleven in all but a few names and such make it just enough fun with out droning on and on.

I was very pleased with the fact in general that you married him off, instead of him mooning over Hermione.

When reading I don't like affair plot lines anyway, but I just can't see Hermione ever doing such a thing no matter how lonely she is, the first time is one thing, she didn't know he was married. And this is not the worst I've ever seen either, I'm just adding this as a side note. I don't think it's very in character for her. And on top of it if she was really interested she could have any single man she wanted, the FedEx guy was into her.

I'm sure the '(Break)' things where useful at the time, but I wish you had edited them out once you started to write again.

I felt the back and forth trying to find the right cloths a little Cliche but I suppose it's all in good fun. I was glad though that once you got them together it was sweet and loving, instead of overly sappy. (If anyone thinks this is sappy, I have a book for them to read, then they'll know what I mean.)

I'm not sure how I felt about the 'magical pregnancy' because that's the only thing it could be. Food cravings don't start that fast. So anything I might have to say on that point would be shot down by the 'Magical pregnancy' I must admit this is the first fan fic I've read with that plot point though.

I was with Draco on this one, Hermione should have named the kitten something different...

Overall it's a charming story one that I intend to keep in my read list. I felt it was a little rushed at a few points but I think that's just me. Because I read it in one sitting, instead every time you updated.

Thank you for writing I'm giving you a 8/10 rating.

Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to review. I am glad that it was memorable enough for you to sit down and write some criticisms and imagine how things should have gone, and even give me a rating...how thoughtful.

Story and plot points aside...and you didn't comment on the ones that I struggled with, so I guess they slipped through...The (Break) is in there because there are a lot of FF sites that don't easily accept things like * (this comment box won't even let me enter more than one star) or dashes to indicate that there is a break in the story. They aren't really chapters, more of a place that you, dear reader, need to take a breath and get ready for a scene change.

I guess if I was inclined to write a 700 page novel, I could get you from scene to scene seamlessly, but alas, I have a life.

Thanks for reading and giving me your feedback.


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Review #5, by ChinaDollExpecting Otherwise: Goodbye.

30th July 2013:
Hello there! I started reading this several months ago, I found this one and it got me to read the first. So I'd like to thank you so much for continuing this one up to the end. I know I try not to review until the very last chapter, but I noticed something that no one else has mentioned yet. (At least not in a review here.)

quote, "Chace had been holding my hand ever since we'd left the dorm earlier that morning. It was a regular wednesday, but the professors had given them all a free period to bid me farewell." End quote.

I only made it that long so it was easier to find in the story. I found it slightly ironic, my nephew is turning 6 months after tomorrow. His name is 'Chance' I know it was just a miss spell of chase but I got a smile out of it anyway.

Thank you again, I look forward to reading the last chapter. I might still post an overall review there.

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Review #6, by ChinaDollI'll Hold You Forever My Slytherin Princess: Epilogue

22nd March 2013:
Rating 13/10

Hi, before I had found this story I was in some muddy waters with stories that had the same 'Pregnant' thing, it's like every other Hp fan fiction you read has had one of J.k's Ocs get Pregnant,(And the other half has their own Oc, with one of her Ocs as the father.) so I'll admit I was not jumping for joy when I started to read your story.

But I was very pleased to be wrong, once I started one chapter I just couldn't stop.

And the plot, I loved it, I was a little wary seeing that you killed Ron off, but again you pulled it together so well.

This is the first story with this pairing that I've read where Ron gets killed off, and I like it better then some of the others I've seen. Most Drmoine fan fictions put Ron in a bad light, having him cheat or just get bored with Hermione.


I think the one thing that I wasn't sure about was Draco and the doll making thing, but I got used to it. It was just because it was another first, what made me give into the cuteness was the chapter where he brings Mia to work with him. Has to be my favorite chapter.

The other thing, I wanted to make you aware of is the birthstone thing, I don't know if anyone has told you yet or not. In chapter three you set Mia's birthday as May 18th. But in chapter seven you say this,

quote,
'Mia couldn’t help but stare at the gift. It was a white gold necklace with a small oval shaped sapphire droplet; her birthstone.' end quote,

Emerald's are May's birthstone, you also say some where that Mia and Hermione have the same birthstone. (Sapphire) Which is the birthstone for September, in Harry potter three, Hermione says that her birthday is in September, and that's why she wants to buy herself an owl.

Now I would say that if you want to keep Mia's and Hermione's birthstones the same, just change her birthday to September instead of May.

That would be the easy way, if you keep May you have to edit every place you say their stone is the same.

I really enjoyed this story of yours, I'm going to read it all over again.

Author's Response: Thank you for pointing out the birthday thing that is very helpful - you see the problem with doing a story over such a long period of time, means you forget what you've put in and what you haven't - I'll get round to editing the story.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed the story so much and that it exceeded your expectations; I felt the same way about Ron always becoming the bad guy; they have such a great connection in the HP books that I felt it unfair to make him into something he is not. However, I prefer Dramione fan fics because it brings a lot more opportunites so that's why I couldn't keep them together :) Again thank you so much for reading, you are a treasured reader :)


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Review #7, by ChinaDollan unexpected baby: the great hall

12th March 2013:
Hi there, other then spelling I think you have a nice story here. You might want to read up on pregnancy, I mean you just had her sleep with him, most morning sickness is four weeks (One month) after the deed is done. Read the wiki page it was very helpful for me. The other thing is her baby isn't even a fetus yet, I don't think she'd have sudden food cravings, I did like that part though, looks like she got her eating habits from her father.

Over all a good story, just needs some embellishing. (Meat on the bones) I'll keep reading, rate again later.

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