You have an interesting story idea so far! But, and I'm assuming the story is supposed to be set in New York City bc you mentioned the Upper East Side, Soho isn't a red light district. Haha it's actually a really upscale shopping and residential neighborhood!
You said the story was inspired by the A-Team, so Idk if that was something the movie alluded to, but I thought I'd let you know!Author's Response: Hello, thank you. That might seem a little confusing- it's set in London but for reasons I'll explain later on, Merryn came from New York's UES. Yes, I know what it's like- I've stayed there and loved it. She's not supposed to be a 'lady of questionnable intention' or anything like that- Moore's just an old man who didn't think her outfit was appropriate for the office.
Tasha Report Review
Holy crap this is good! Sometimes your work is tends towards verbose, but overall, the story is very good! Things are starting to come back around to the initial chapters of the story ("Dissimulation" and "Conundrum", in particular, which make so much more sense after this chapter), and the action is finally starting to roll!
I can't wait to see what happens with "Peter" (interesting name choice, btw, does it hint at anything for the future?) and all the others :)Author's Response: I'm terribly sorry for taking so long to respond to this! And thanks very much for taking the time to leave a review. :) I absolutely know what you mean about the verbosity, but I hope the next chapters will be an improvement on the previous ones.
I wouldn't say Peter's name has any real significance to the plot. I chose it because it was a generic enough name; he might've as well been called Paul or John or David, wouldn't have made one jot of difference to the plot. You'll understand why later on. Right now I'll just say this: Peter may not be who you really think he is!
Thanks once again for the lovely review, and I'm sorry it took me so long to respond.
- WD, Feb 10, 2012
Holy shitakes your story is amazing. Honestly, the way you've built Empire State Buildings of (sexual) tension between James and Agatha is incredible, and I'm so happy you took all the time you needed. A lot of authors who write the hate-to-like/love stories want to get to the love part as fast as possible and just rush by/through all the preceding emotions necessary to make passion believable and to make it, as you wrote, like a nuclear reactor. M'dear, you do not fall into that category. Additionally, your story is light and funny while being completely serious underneath, and your writing/grammar/spelling is impeccable. A job very well done.
My only issue (i.e. why not a 10/10) is that there are unresolved issues from the last chapter - I feel as though Aggy didn't get to speak her piece. Like, James got to have his rant and such about invasion of privacy and Aggy was pushy about Nora, but it still leaves James in the dark about why she got so upset. My two main problems are that James doesn't know that Aggy feels as though he's cheating on his gf (even if they'd broken up) with her - even if he's only still emotionally involved, that makes her a kind of rebound girl, which stinks like a dungbomb. Also, I feel as though she should have called him out on lying, like she did in her thoughts. He's told her a few times now that he actually cares about her aside from being his bestie's younger sister, but he just said they weren't friends. If a guy I was hooking up with told me that, I'd be like 'woah woah woah - go figure out your own head before you come a screw with mine.' Just sayin'.
Maybe you plan on addressing this in future chapters (cause Aggy's a little shy now) - I'm sure everyone agrees that James and Aggy definitely need to sit down and have a 4-hour-long tête-à-tête/bash-sesh. But in case you weren't, it's, in my opinion, a snag-worthy, dragging-on-the-ground loose end that should be mentioned. Report Review
"My defeatism could rival the Russians." Oh My Lord. That's an epic line. I was lolling in my chair for about a minute strait (made it kind of hard to breathe...).
Usually I don't leave review a chapter when there's a subsequent one, but you deserved it here.Author's Response: Bahaha I love Russian jokes. They're mostly for my friend, because I don't know much about Russians except that they're kind of depressing in novels.
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
"We are not here to judge" - priceless. Especially funny since you've chosen Leighton Meester to portray Dessie, what with her "non-judging breakfast club" from Gossip Girl (don't know if you watch the show, but I found the connection amusing).Author's Response: haha that part was so much fun to write. i've never seen gossip girl but i read the books a long time ago so i know what you mean about her character (: Report Review
Holy crap - the line about the beater having the look of a goldfish staring at the castle ruins had me lolling for a solid minute strait. And my body like convulses when I lol, so it was painful, but the line was too good not to laugh. The descriptions that you give of Delilah's opinions/thoughts/observations of other people are what make this story, in my opinion, as good as it is. Sometimes her ramblings (those that are out loud, anyway) are a little over the top (also in my opinion), but I've never met anyone as painfully shy as she seems to be, so I could just be awkward for her...Anyways, please keep up your diligence and attention to Delilah's character! And update soon!Author's Response: Thank you for this review, it was so kind! It has been so long since I've updated this story, but I'm halfway through the next chapter already, so hopefully I can finish that soon and put it up.
Thanks again for the review! Report Review
So sorry for not having gotten you the second part of the corrections in an obsene amount of time. I was actually gonna start on them today, but I noticed that Chp. 6 was deleted, which was where I was gonna start
great chapter though, can't wait for the next.Author's Response: Don't worry about it, we're all busy! Wait, chapter 6 was deleted? Report Review
you accidentally wrote that Lupin was the new transfiguration teacher. Just thought I should let you know.
And, as you admitted, this chapter was a bit slow, but I did fill us readers in on some character details. It was an effective and concise recapitulation of her past 6 years. Can't wait for the next chp to come out!Author's Response: Crepes, I can't believe I did that! Thanks for pointing it out, I will be changing that asap. I do promise a faster next chapter. :] Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
You know what I just noticed? Sirius said that he loved her hair. And that he thought she was cute(inadvertently, but still!). So cute! Great chapter-but I wonder how he'll explain Padfoot to her.
Buds of romance-can't wait to see what happens!
Update soon!Author's Response: thanks! yeah. i like leaving little hints. i'm glad you like it. next chapter in waiting! =] Report Review
Lovely! Hmm...I wonder why Sirius is so moody about Remus dating Sabina...
Update soon, please!Author's Response: Hahaaa! Keep wondering.... Report Review
I love The Minnow and the Trout by A Fine Frenzy! Really great song...not sure I caught the connection between the song and the chapter, but maybe I'm just slow...
Love this story! Update soon please!Author's Response: There really isn't any connection between the song and the chapter; I love the song and happened to be listening to it at the time I posted this chapter and I was in a severe need of a title. Lol.
Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Lovely story! Its definitely in character for Sirius, though I'm not sure why James would decline to sit with his best friend...unless there are ulterior motives? Hmm...
Update soon, please!Author's Response: thanks! he didn't decline there were just three seats and Sirius wasn't fast enough. haha. Report Review
You have the makings of a strong plot, but the syntax needs improvement. In the second part, where Harry and Remus are concerned, you change between 1st and 3rd person a lot (I and he/she/it):
'I felt like doing the same thing, my hands clenched, slowly turning white from pressure. Lupin doesn't flinch, but looks up at Harry.' So Harry is the person telling the story. so 'but looks up at Harry' should be 'looks up at me.' There are other points where this gets confusing, such as:
'"...I promise." I replies, his tone'. It should be '"...I promise," he replies, tone...'.
You also switch between tenses and use a lot of present tense. This causes a strange flow of words, as most stories (and things in general) are written in any of the 3 major past tenses (imperfect, perfect, pluperfect).
These are areas to keep in mind when writing, and help to draw in readers, as a well written story is always nice to read than one with poor grammar and confusing syntax.
I like how you have Memorie (Memory?) admit that she is incomplete, and doesn't lead a life of her own. Perhaps she will start exhibiting more of a desire to live in future chapters? I look forward to seeing!Author's Response: Memorie. =] And thank you so much; and yes, I do believe you might see that develop in the next few chapters... although I'm not giving anything away! =] Report Review
I've loved this story for soooo long. I was wondering, as a request from a fan, I think it would be cool if you did a song fic as the last one in the series. I know you did the first one, but the last one could have all the verses be related to something that happened to her. Just an idea.Author's Response: That is a really good idea. That is how I wrote my other songfic story. You should check it out its called My Immortal Report Review
I can't wait for the sequel...the next part of the story. One question though, when will it be? Like, when she's in college, or after? Also, when are you gonna update Alone? As for your age....Im gonna say from 14-16. Sorry if your older (or younger). Its just, you said your a romantic, and I'm around this age and I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. I always like a happy ending. Ya know? Cool. So put the next one up soon!
~Kitty~Author's Response: it'll be when she's a freshmen in college. alone is under way, crazy busy.....and good guess! that's fine, it's a guess after all, everybody is most likely to guess wrong in a guess. thanks for the review!!!
~CeeCee~ Report Review
I'm really wondering what's going to happen now. Does she run away? Does she fall in love with someone else? Does she go along with it? Update soon!
~Kitty~Author's Response: hehe, thanks for commentin. Answers to your questions and more comin up in future updates i promise! Report Review
I liked it! But something to think about: maybe you should make one were James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter discuss her and Sirius' feelings. Just an idea though!
~Kitty~Author's Response: I probably will do that! Thanks! Report Review
this is reallllly good. Keep it up! write more soon!Author's Response: thanks!!!! i will!
~CeeCee~ Report Review
hurry up and put in the next installment!
Oh...my...God...that was simply amazing. I was crying when Hermoine was screaming for Harry. A job very, very well done. You should be proud of yourself for this. Thank you for writing it.Author's Response: Awww thanks alot! = D Report Review
Your stories really good! Definitly original and one of a kind, which is sooo hard to get! You should definitly continue! Report Review
I realize that this is from last...october, i think, but you have to finish it! its a good story plot waiting to happen, and you've already got me hooked. I like the beginning, not everyone can do it, but you pull confusion off very nicely. Keep going!Author's Response: Very nice review! I applaud! And just to let everyone know I am very unsatisfied with this story. I am going to tweak and edit it and change it around if I can, but if not then I am just going to start a new story. I've got a couple of plot bunnies hopping around up there to use. Report Review
That was really good! You should keep going! write more soon! Report Review
That was really good! you have to write the next chapter! Report Review
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