Reading Reviews From Member: Lululuna
  
703 Reviews Found

Review #26, by LululunaTrue Romance: Live and Let Die

2nd July 2014:
Hi Rose! :)

Aha! I called it. I don't think Brandon is dead, per say, because not only would that make me sad but I feel like his and Albus' story isn't over. I do think that whatever has happened to him is very serious, however, and will make Al re-evaluate his relationships. I thought his running off to Scorpius in order to make himself feel better about being "stood up" sort of showed that he isn't quite mature enough to be in a solid, adult relationship, but time will tell. But I do really hope Brandon is ultimately okay! ♥ I feel like there's still a lot more to know about him and that Albus can learn from him. *crosses fingers*

Rose was so funny with the hiding in Lily's closet and all of that. :P Even though I feel bad that her family is concerned, the fact that she's actually staking out at Harry's is pretty ironic. I was actually (weirdly) thinking the other day that my parents' house is big enough with enough hiding places that there could be someone hiding out there and just using the toilet and sneaking food when nobody was home so it's quite funny that you showed how that might work here, though I suppose Rose has magic to help and the imaginary stowaway at my parents' doesn't. :P

Ahem, tangent. The banter between the girls was a lot of fun and I love how close and mischievous they are especially when talking about boys. Showing how Scorpius being gay is a bit of a shock for Rose through her recoiling from Lily's joke was a great detail as well. But such a good point - I'm used to the name Scorpius because of fan fics but I feel like if I knew someone with that name I'd just laugh every time I said it.

The way you wrote the romantic, sneaky love weekend between the guys was great as well and really captured the sense of how private and intimate their affection for one another is. This time it seems like Albus is the one pulling the strings and making the decisions, not Scorpius, which is interesting as opposed to in PI where it seemed like the power to decide - and the pressure - rested on Scorpius. I'm quite excited to see what will happen next though I imagine in the wake of this bad news Scorpius might take a back seat in Al's priorities.

Can't wait for the next chapter, Rose - great job! :D

Author's Response: You were the only person (who doesn't have a list of spoilers from me) who called it. Yes, I did soemthing to Brandon. I can't verify what it is at this point as i don't think you'd want spoilers for the next few chapters. Al is definitely showing his need for more growth in this chapter. he ran off like a wounded puppy.

I'm glad you like Rose's little hide out. Her family is quite concerned though they did hear from Hannah that she was at the Leaky Cauldron and Ginny suspects she's at their place now. So, they're not completely frazzled. The idea of an unknown person hiding out in a house is a bit creepy. I've seen stories of that in the news and it makes me shudder to think about.

kajflakfjio

Writing Rose and Lily and friends was quite a bit of fun. I mean, they were both Gryffindors and likely spent a good deal of time together at school. Rose is still in a bit of shock over scorpius being gay (because she had assumed he was bi). there are a lot of HP names that would be utterly bizzare in RL. I had to poke fun.

There was something furtive about their weekend together. Neither wants to fess up about it to anyone else either. Though, now i just have the song secret lovers stuck in my head. :P You're right about the power dynamic changing quite a bit between them.

The next chapter should be full of surpries for you! I'm trying to finish this for JulNo so there will be a lot of updates happening.

Thanks for a wonderful review!!

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #27, by LululunaTrue Romance: In the Waiting Line

2nd July 2014:
Hi Rose! :D

Ooh, I loved the scene between Rose and Scorpius! It's good that Rose finally knows the truth about his sexuality even if it hurt her, and I don't blame her: knowing that her ex-boyfriend was never attracted to her would be quite hard to process even if Scorpius was also a victim of the situation. I thought it was so sweet though when she hugged him and was so sorry that he couldn't have been who he was, it was a really lovely moment and shows what a good person she is.

I also agree with Scorpius: her family isn't worth sacrificing if she can prevent it, and they clearly love her a lot. I think she will come around, though. One detail I really liked was when Brandon noticed all the pictures of Rose in Harry's office, that was a great way of "showing not telling" how close Harry is to Ron and Hermone's family. Love that.

I'm pretty sure something bad is going to happen to Brandon especially after the cryptic foreshadowing. I hope he's okay! Also it might lead into Albus figuring out if he can live without Brandon or not since he doesn't have a Dementor to test it out on. And hmm, maybe or maybe not something brewing between Brandon and Rose? I'm thinking not, but interesting that Harry might insinuate it.

The scene with the grandparents was just adorable! ♥ I loved how much they cared about one another and all of Arthur's reminiscing.

Great chapter, Rose! :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I felt bad making Rose learn the truth there. :-/ i mean, it helps her out later on to know but she was quite happily ignorant before. I like to think he was as attracted to her as he could be. Rose is unusually mature here (though I hope not so much so that it's not believable). She sees his pain in this before her own though.

Scorpius would know a lot of about giving up family. More than anyone else in the story, he's uniquely qualified to talk about what it means.

I'm glad you like how I showed Harry's closeness with Ron/Hermione through the pictures. :D It just felt slimey for Harry to come out and say it verus let Brandon observe it.

You have good intuition about Brandon. That's all I can say right now. :P

I loved writing Al with his grandparents. They give me the fuzzies whenI think about them.

Thank you so much for a wonderful review!!

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #28, by LululunaEmpty: III

30th June 2014:
Hi again!! :D

There's a character called Jenna??! She is now my favourite.

Ahh, so Rose was about to say what was really bothering her!! I'm so curious now!

Hahaha, the awkward moment with Slughorn made me laugh so much, but also cringe. Why Rose, why?!

Personally I like her better with James right now, since Scorpius isn't doing very much to endear himself to Rose for the time being. He really likes her, but he doesn't really treat her like he likes her and just keeps irritating her, so I don't blame her for being with the boy who actually is nice to her even if he was annoying her a bit as well at breakfast. Maybe Rose is just really easily annoyed. :P

Another fun chapter, Liz! I really enjoyed reading this and will keep an eye out for updates! :D

 Report Review

Review #29, by LululunaEmpty: II

30th June 2014:
Hi again Liz! :) (I weirdly first called you "Rose," and then realized before posting the review. Woops!)

Well that escalated quickly! :P Rose sure does like the boys, doesn't she? James seems cute, and I liked how she thought him drawing the picture was cool rather than cheesy. It did sound quite cool actually. I wonder if Rose getting together with James so quickly when she doesn't seem to be extremely into him has something to do with her heartbreak over her ex.

It's also so funny that his name is James as well! I don't blame her for being creeped out though, when I meet boys with my dad's name I have this weird habit of telling them we can never date because of that. And he has a pretty common name so it cuts off a big part of the population. Anyway, tangent. :P But I like how relatable your characters are in their silliness. Rose's friends gossiping about who gets to be maid of honour were funny as well.

Poor Scorpius, though I found it a little rude with the name he called Rose. I think he's just nervous though and doesn't know how to interact with her in a polite way.

Another good chapter, Liz, and I loved getting to see into Rose's head! :)

 Report Review

Review #30, by LululunaEmpty: I

30th June 2014:
Hi Liz, I'm here for the Slytherin review exchange! :D

Haha, I'm quite enjoying this story so far! I think my favourite is how awkward but endearing Scorpius is, and how he's quite insecure and gets lost in his thoughts very easily. There were just so many funny, awkward moments which made me both laugh and cringe for him, like that poor girl asking him out, and Albus getting annoyed at him drifting off into thoughts. He seems to have his head in the clouds a bit, and that always makes for a fun character.

Rose really interests me as well. She's clearly very bold and outgoing, but I really want to know more about this change Scorpius has noticed in her. And this guy she was kissing... hmm, perhaps it's the evil ex-boyfriend Scorpius hates? That would be sad for Rose, but definitely add some drama.

The whole banter in the bathroom scene made me laugh. Judging by the summary, I wonder if there will be any more bathroom encounters? It also made me laugh how Scorpius just didn't leave, haha.

Great first chapter, Liz! :) On to the next one I go!

 Report Review

Review #31, by LululunaHC Event 3 - A as in Sexuality: Chapter One

26th June 2014:
Hi Liz! :) Wow, I'm so impressed with you for writing such a poignant story that did an excellent job of both bringing attention to but normalizing a sexual identity that isn't discussed very often, in real life culture and especially in fanfiction. Though this story was so short, you did such an amazing job of exploring how Dorcas as an asexual character is just like anybody else who experiences stress over her friends accepting her identity.

One of my favourite parts was when the story mentioned how she had forced herself to date for the sake of what people thought of her despite knowing she was asexual. That was so interesting and a really relatable way of portraying her sexuality and showing what it would be like to not feel accepted. The other really powerful line that I loved was about her father saying that she just hadn't met the right guy, and it made my heart ache for her a little bit because I just wanted everybody to understand and accept her without question. But I'm sure those are very relatable things asexual people have to listen to and overcome in social interactions.

Great job with this Liz - in a few very short but lovely words and poignant scenes you did an amazing job of portraying a really interesting and relatable character. See you again soon - I still owe you a review for the review exchange, of course! Well done! ♥

 Report Review

Review #32, by LululunaTrue Romance: Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

24th June 2014:
Hi again Rose! :)

This is actually uncanny - I was going to do a review tag before going to bed but still had this chapter of TR up, and you were the last one in review tag! I was just meant to review this story tonight. :P

Ooh, things were pretty steamy between Scorpius and Corbin. I'm not sure how I feel about him, however, with how he seems quite manipulative and controlling and possessive which should be instant red flag for Scorpius. But it reminded me a bit with how people with certain family situations tend to find themselves in similar situations over and over again - patterns of accepting some form of abuse, and I hope that Corbin isn't just another version of Scorpius' controlling family. I liked how you showed that Corbin is a manipulative person so sneakily with his putting an aphrodisiac in the bookstores - that was a brilliant way of showing how he's a bit sketchy.

Aw, Albus and Brandon were so cheeky and cute together! I like how careful Brandon is, and he thinks of every detail, from where they'll go to dinner to bringing the files to look like he was in the archives for a reason. I'm excited for their date and what might happen.

Hmm, I'm thinking that Rose is either going to Scorpius' or Brandon's place, probably the former since she made the connection between their families. I do think Rose was being a bit immature and dramatic though I understand her frustration at not having her career idea be appreciated by her mother - but they still could have talked it out more and acted like "adults" like Hermione said. But that wouldn't really fit with Rose's personality to be fair.

Another amazing chapter, Rose, I can't wait for the next one! :D

Author's Response: It's okay to stalk me though the review tag. :P I was just thrilled to get so many reviews from you.

I really liked writing that steamy bit between them (though, if I keep it up I'll become a steamy novelist rather than a good story-teller :P). Scorpius really should see the possessiveness as a red flag but his combinaton of inexperience and a desire for attention/approval is kind of blinding him. And, well, he got some good sexy time out of it. ;) Your insights on Scorpius' draw to Corbin (and his behavior) are spot on - as usual. I did want to show that Corbin isn't entirely on the up and up. Though, he and Scorpius do still have quite a bit of potential, if Scorpius can establish boundaries in his relationship.

The Albus and Brandon scene was my favorite so far in the story. I dunno, they're still quite into each other and didn't have a broken relationship (like Al and Scorpius) so I feel better about them having an easier time bridging their relationship again. Their date will be epic.

She is being qutie immature but she runs on emotions (kind of like Ron). She'll learn the weight of her rash behavior.

Thank you so much for a fantab review!! I always love reading your thoughts on a story!

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #33, by LululunaNot Normal: {Chapter the Sixth}

24th June 2014:
Hello! :)

Ahh, this was such a good chapter and so eventful! More than that, though, I think it was written very smoothly and flowed so well without getting trapped in one particular spot. Well done! :)

It's so exciting to see Ellie's ghost-hunting in action, and I'm excited to learn more about Alexia and her ghost boyfriend and how Ellie operates when helping people. It's interesting to see how her talent actually impacts her daily life but also shows her to be a very caring person. I also loved the banter with Ben and how sassy he was, it definitely stood out in the chapter.

You described the secret room and all of that so vividly, I definitely felt like I was there peeking over Ellie's shoulder, getting hot and frustrated with the shelves, and running away from the foreboding feeling of the statues. I wonder if someone was following her, or if perhaps there was a malevolent ghost there in the room with her? The playful actions of the Hogwarts crest on the walls were so cute as well - loved the boop.

Throughout the chapter, Ellie's inner commentary was so refreshing and fun to listen to. I liked so many bits, but a few favourites were when she punched the wall so suddenly, when she found books of all things in the first chamber of the secret room, and when she was embarrased about pretending to do a number two in public. You do a great job of blending in the fun and humour with the more serious parts of the characters, and I really admire that.

Amazing chapter, my dear! :D

Author's Response: I was so happy to write stuff happening plot wise, that I think I went a little crazy with it! I'm very happy to hear that you found it smoothly written, because that was something with which I struggled.

I can't wait to write about Alexia and her ghost boyfriend, because you're right - it's a great way to see Ellie interact with people. She seems to think she's not very good at it, and that should make for a fun few scenes! And yeah, she is caring, although I don't think she quite realises it. And Ben is the best, all the time.

Ah, the mysterious crash and bang! Mysteries abound *giggles maniacally* And I'm glad you liked the boop! Snakes are too serious sometimes - they deserve a little fun every now and again :P

I'm really happy Ellie is still entertaining. She reads as a little... farcical sometimes to me, and I don't want that for her, so I'm very happy indeed with this feedback!

Thanks so much for reading and leaving such a wonderful review as always :D


 Report Review

Review #34, by LululunaTrue Romance: Such Great Heights

24th June 2014:
Hi again Rose! :)

I was on your page so decided to drop by for more TR! :D

It was great to see Rose (fanfiction Rose :P Does that ever get confusing?) again and check in with what she's up to. I like how she's on good terms with Scorpius like Al is, and how she can give him advice even though it concerns her own ex-boyfriend. She's just as lively and cheerful as ever, and I liked how Hermione is pressuring her to set up with a good job while Rose wants more freedom of her own, it feels very in character for Hermione who only wants the best for her daughter but doesn't know how to let go and let her find her own way.

Uh oh, I'm not sure how I feel about Albus and Scorpius jumping back into kissing already. What about Brandon and Corbin?!! But it was a sweet moment, and I liked seeing both sides of the boys as they worried about what the other was thinking. :P

I love the sounds of Rose's dream job, that actually sounds really interesting! It was nice to see her having some interaction with Brandon, although that last line was a little cryptic. Hmm, I hope you aren't planning anything nasty to happen to him... :(

Great chapter, Rose - and thanks for reminding me of the song Such Great Heights, I used to listen to it all the time a few years ago! :P See you again soon!

Author's Response: I'M SO EXCITED YOU STOPPED BY FOR MORE!

haha, it gets confusing so often - especially as I'm used to people yelling at me via review. :P I don't know if she's on good terms with Scorpius as much as she's okay with their breakup. :-x Ignorance is bliss and she really doesn't know a lot about the movtives behind their relationship. But, it is pretty grown up of her to be okay with her cousin and her ex.

Albus' priorities are a bit skewed right now (this might be a key plot point too). Al and Brandon don't have anything official going on but, yeah, Corbin would be quite upset by the kissing. Okay, Brandon would be too but not from a cheating perspective.

I like to think Rose got the travelling bug while she was in Spain in PI. Um, me? Do something nasty to a character? *cough*

:D I still have Such Great heights on my writing playlist, it still gives me feels for writing.

Thank you os much for a wonderful review!!

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #35, by LululunaUntil the End: Together

24th June 2014:
Hi Rose! Ah, I was so torn between this and the next chapter of TR but as this is shiny and new I just couldn't resist. And I'm so glad I read this - all the lovely feels! :(

The spirit you wrote with Fabian and Gideon was so perfect and brotherly. I loved how the title was tied in throughout the anecdotes in the story, and how it helped unite the brothers as a catch phrase they used as well as add the poignant and meaningful use of the last line. Their mischief came through so well here, though I also liked how there were some differences like Fabian being a prefect and perhaps Gideon being a bit more reckless.

McGonagall's sass was hilarious - I loved how she said "aeronautic dueling club." and was so hard on the Gryffindors.

One theme which I really liked through the story was the brothers' relationship with Molly and how they teased her and had fun with her, but ultimately protecting her is their first priority, whether from rude comments or from Death Eaters. The strength of their love for their sister was amazing to read and their unity in protecting her was one of my favourite aspects of the story.

And how they got to play with Fred and George and teach them about being mischievous! I never imagined that happening, but I love that it did before the uncles died.

There was some really great unity throughout the anecdotes, especially how most of them began with Fabian and Gideon hiding or being apart from other people and talking to just each other. It showed their bond and rapport very well and made the story flow smoothly.

Great job, Rose - I knew how this was going to end, and so was heartbroken throughout as I knew what the end was going to be, but I absolutely loved it and how you wrote the characters! :)

Author's Response: I'm really glad you picked this! Just because it's new and shiny and needed love.

This story kind of just hit me and I had to write it - I did struggle with writing Fabian and Gideon in a way that didn't just seem like Pre-Fred&George twins because that was tempting. I wish I had more words because I would have spaced out their catch phrase a little more. I'm so glad you liked their characterizations - I had to make them not quite the same so that they'd stand on their own (and again, not just be like Fred and George).

:D I worried about that line and whether it sounded too muggle. Though, I could see her coming out with quick wit like that.

*squee* I wanted to have Molly at least relevant to all their little scenes, even if only in name. In the books she seemed to have been close to them and I wanted to show that in some way without bogging down the story with their narrative. I do want to make the ending a bit stronger and clear that they were making a choice to go out fighting rather than let Molly be in danger. I'm not sure that was clear.

I've been making a spreadsheet of people's ages and when they died. Fred and George were almost 3 when they died (so maybe I fudged a little in their maturity here). Fabian and Gideon definitely had a long time to influence Bill, Charlie, and Percy though (Bill was 11 when they died).

!! I'm glad you noticed and liked the hiding/talking theme. I mean, I was worried that it'd be too repetitive or uncreative.

I can't tell you how excited I am about this review! Thank you so much for taking a break from TR to read this!

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #36, by LululunaAcanthus: Of Final Thoughts

24th June 2014:
Hello again!

Ahh, Charlotte marrying George makes everything fit together nicely. It fits well with Frederic's madness that he would attack all the visitors to Acanthus and be responsible for the "curse" on those who search for the city, and that was such a clever way to tie in the curse.

And so Charlotte must have been pregnant when she left the group. It's almost too bad Rose couldn't intervene and say they should help her, and I do feel bad for Charlotte since it seems like she turns into an even weaker person who couldn't bear to raise her son. Also though I understand where she was coming from with wanting to be remembered and it was in a more difficult time for women, I do think that they are right to be angry with her. It's a very tricky situation and I think you showed Rose's indecision well. Charlotte being George's wife tied in very nicely as well with how they were able to escape George's hired men.

Poor Anthony! :( He's so brave, I feel really sad for him and impressed at how noble he is. Somehow I feel like the plan isn't going to quite work out and George either won't be fooled or will see that Scorpius is still alive, hmm.

This was another great chapter, Kiana, and it's exciting to see all the pieces begin to fit together! :D

Author's Response: Hi!

Hahah, I love seeing you piece it all together because it's so much fun revealing everything after knowing it for so long now and I finally get to share it :D As for Charlotte we do manage to catch up with her later on, just not in a way you quite expect it really, so she still does crop up. I think she just regrets a lot of things, especially in regards to her child and her husband so giving both away seems to cure everything in her world but how much that works is another thing.

Haha, you're definitely right about the plan not quite working! I really wanted to get the next chapter up soon but the HC has slowed things down a lot so we'll have to see but hopefully soon :D

Thanks for such a great review :D

-Kiana


 Report Review

Review #37, by LululunaAcanthus: The Web Thickens

24th June 2014:
Hi Kiana! :) Whoo I'm finally catching up on all my reading and reviewing!

Haha, somehow in the first sentence of this chapter you made me really want a shawarma, and then not be hungry at all thanks to the mention of sweat. :P Something I've noticed through this story is the tangibility of the descriptions, especially the ones describing Cairo's streets and culture and people. It's a really strong kind of description, not relying on waffling and metaphors and pretty language, but that honestly paints a picture and offers physical senses to the reader, and that's something really impressive.

Ahh I'm so confused and curious about Frederic Russell, what on earth is going on?!! You're really good at building suspense with all this POV-switching. :P

Aw, poor Rose, having to see her friends hurt like this. :( I thought it was so sweet and noble of her how she kept her head, and even tried bargaining in saying that she would be fine staying in the past as long as he was alright. And George was just awful here, you did a good job in making me hate him, haha.

Scorpius is so noble as well - both him and Rose are, really. I liked how he still wouldn't leave Edward behind, though he was very logical in trying to think through why Edward wouldn't be there. And oh no - somehow I still have hope they'll find a way home, somehow, though perhaps staying in the past wouldn't be such a bad thing anyway.

Hmm, I have no clue about Charlotte. I feel like she was either under the Imperius Curse or she feels guilty, and the fact that Rashidi's father was tortured by both a man and a woman is a big clue. What I'm confused about with Frederic Russell is why he would want to send them into the past to kill his ancestor because he's mad at them for killing his ancestor - something doesn't add up, so I really have no idea for anything about him!

Great, exciting chapter, Kiana! :)

Author's Response: Hi Jenna, ha I need to do that too *looks away guiltily*!

Aw, I'm sorry, you'll just have to make do with the people in the story eating them for now. I'm so glad that you liked the physical descriptions because I think I just have such vivid dreams of going there as it sounds so cool, that might be why because when you obsess over something for a while, it's bound to crop in a random place.

Haha, yes, you definitely find out more in the next chapter as his story is wrapped in the others a lot more than you probably expected.

Yay for hating and liking the right people, as I'm usual the weird reader who often finds sympathies in the people we're meant to throw flames at .

I'm glad you picked up on that trait, as this Scorpius is very disconnected with his family in this story which is why I think he can be noble as he doesn't have to worry about the Malfoy expectations that way. Also, everyone seem to fall for that trap with the vials, I want so what it is but don't worry too much ;)

Yes, Charlotte, George and Frederic all have different reasons and motivations for things which is why I hope it works out more in the next chapter as that's much less action based, but I hope you like how it works out!

Thanks for this great review, Jenna! :D

-Kiana


 Report Review

Review #38, by LululunaSomething: Coffee and Nutella

24th June 2014:
Hello! :) I'm here to review your story for the Beatles challenge - thanks so much for providing me with such an amazing first entry!

I loved so many things about this, so I'll start with the use of the song. It was really lovely how you tied in the idea of being in love with the way a person moves with the fact that Jocelyn is a dancer, and how Dominique first loved her for her movements on the stage. The ideas of changing bodies and the way Jocelyn's body moves, and how Dominique loves her all the same, was really powerful as well. And I pretty much squealed every time I discovered a line from the song being tied into the story, each one worked really well but I particularly liked the use of "I don't want to leave you now." It just fit in really well with tying the tone of the song and its meaning together with the story.

Though this could easily have been cut short when they get together as a happily-ever-after love story, I liked how you explored the darker side of Jocelyn and the things the two of them had to go through before overcoming the darkness and emerging as a stable, loving couple. Ending it with the adoption of their baby was just beautiful.

I also really appreciated how you chose to write about a sort of unconventional relationship of two women and how they got together. It showed how Dominique and Jocelyn being together fit so nicely and normally, from the jokes about being worried one of the other girls would steal Dominique away to the fact that they couldn't apply to adopt as a couple due to the laws. That last fact was a really poignant use of showing how their relationship is just like any heterosexual relationship, but faces these set-backs that other couples wouldn't have to. I also loved Dominique's voice here, and she felt very soft and feminine and observant. She was just a really relatable and likeable character, and very modest and down to earth, which went against the stereotype of a supermodel for me.

This story was so lovely - romantic, clever, poignant, sweet, and, as always with your writing, very well written. Thank you so much for this! :)

Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad you liked it! I really didn't want their relationship to come off as superficial, so I'm glad you found the depth I put in it. I was so happy with the way the song worked! Things generally turn out different on paper than in my head, and this time, it ended up REALLY cool. +]

The best stories, in my opinion, are the ones where the people in them go through adversity. It just makes the sweet moments that much sweeter. I also had a very dear friend of mine that struggled with the same thing as Jocelyn for years, so I had first hand experience with the helplessness you feel from the other side of things. I'm glad it translated well. The baby! I couldn't leave them in despair. Everyone needs babies. I love babies. +]

I like breaking stereotypes. Haha. I actually know a ballerina, and a model (they aren't together though, lol), and they're such normal, down to earth people. It's just another job to them, you know? And yes. I had to do a little research on Russia to make sure they actually still did have a stigma against homosexual couples adopting, since some places are finally moving past that.

Oh my, :blush: I'm so very glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for such a wonderful challenge and review! As soon as I saw it I knew exactly what I wanted to do. +]


 Report Review

Review #39, by LululunaStand Tall: Eyes Meet

22nd June 2014:
Hello! :) This might be a pretty short review as I have to run, but wanted to read this first! :D

Ah I love how you mentioned Grawp and that he has a place at Hogwarts - it was brief, but a really awesome detail.

I really like all the medical details and tying in magical remedies with Muggle ones. Since I don't know a whole lot about cerebral palsy, it's really fascinating to learn about it here through Alba, and the sorts of ways she has of avoiding her disease. I don't blame her for not wanting to cause a scene or to go out of her way when she needs medical attention - I'm like that too, to be honest - but even so it's a little frustrating because I want her to take the best care of herself possible. But I also really loved her feelings about Hogwarts, where her mind matters more than her body - that was both relatable and felt quite powerful.

Aw well it was nice of Chandra to take the time to apologize, though I'm suspicious she's only doing it to make herself seem nicer to James. The whole unrequited love triangle thing is even more interesting though when the evil party - Chandra in this case - isn't entirely evil and has some redeeming qualities, so I'm looking forward to seeing more of her interactions with Alba.

Ben seems like a lot of fun! I like how reckless he seems, but also caring towards Alba. And hmm, James is jealous?! The plot thickens. And I love the way you tied in the crosswords in the last line, by the way. Brilliant!

Wonderful chapter, I'm loving this! :)

Author's Response: I love seeing your reviews on this!

And yes. I had to make sure Grawp had a place. I love him!

OH my goodness, I'm so glad I didn't lose you there. I've taken quite a few medical terminology and anatomy classes, so I'm trying really hard to explain things in lamen terms and make it mix in with the magical remedies. It's nice to hear I'm making at least a little sense. Haha.

I don't blame her either. No one wants to deal with that on their first day back, but James has the whole frustrated with with her too. I mean, (I kinda hinted at this) he just spent a lot of time over the summer with her in a hospital bed as they tried to get her meds right, and then she's just trying to blow his concerns off when all he's trying to do is watch out for her. I'm glad you got that.

Yes. I thought about expanding the mind over body thought, but it seemed to work best when stated simply.

Yeah... Chandra is... complicated. Haha. Definitely not my favorite person, but she's not just a one dimensional hag either.

I love Ben. I actually wasn't in the original outline at all, and then while I was writing this chapter he kinda demanded to exist. (I know I sound crazy, but I swear that's what happened.) Haha!

And thank you, I did try to keep with the previous style, though it was a little more subtle this time. +]

Yay! I'm glad you're enjoying it. This is turning out to be one of my favorite pieces. +] I hope to see you again!


 Report Review

Review #40, by LululunaTea & Poison: Ella

20th June 2014:
Hi Isobel! :) I'm here for the TGS review exchange - by the way, partly because the story I submitted for the exchange was such a beast but also because I love your writing, expect at least one more review on another story before this month is over! :D

First of all, can I say I'm just really excited to read this? I saw some posts around the forums about it and also the name is amazing and so cryptic. I loved the way "the woman" also talks about tea and poison, and the impact of bringing the title into the story.

You are her gift, a possession to be handed over to your father so that he may boast of having a daughter. I thought this was a really brilliant interpretation and one I wouldn't have assumed from the meaning of her name. But it's so clever, how Elladora analyzes it, and fits with the old-fashioned, misogynistic view that women and daughters are possessions and bargaining tools, not persons in their own right. The fact that the women in the family actually participate in this as well was also very effective in building her resentment against "the woman." I also liked the explanation of the names and the significance they each had for the family, as it's a very pureblood thing but also adds a lot of dimension to the characters.

Elladora is such an interesting and flawed character. I know you've written unreliable narrators before, and she has those hints of madness and coldness which make her both a little unrelatable in how she's so distant and unbothered, but also very real and fascinating. I'm so curious about how her brain works, and all the other characters and family dynamics, especially Sirius and his death, and how that impacted the family. The idea that accusations of Sirius and Isla being illegitimate and how that both separates the family but also adds to their madness is so intriguing and I can't wait to learn more.

Am I scared? UM. YES. Ghosts and apparitions and spooky, personalized voices are pretty much the most terrifying thing EVER. At first I thought Elladora must have inherited her mother's madness, but if Isla and her are hearing the same thing...hmm. Maybe it's a curse of the women in the family?

I'm also excited about who the voice was saying was going to die. My first assumption was that it would be the mother, but the way that the women in the family are paired together and paralleled in a way makes it more ambiguous.

This was such a great, suspenseful start, Isobel, with a really bewildering but fascinating main character. I can't wait to read the next chapter! :D See you again soon! ♥

Author's Response: Jenna, hello again! ♥ Confession: the more I respond to your reviews during this review response marathon (!!) I feel awful for not answering them sooner but I'm also reminded how fabulous your reviews are! ♥

Woah, thanks! Yeah, I was worried about the summary so I posted in the thread, and thanks so much! In my opinion, decisions made in politics at the time weren't openly discussed but fell under the jurisdiction of the "nudge nudge wink wink here's some bribery money" club, so while men were a part of the old boys' club, their wives used tea and poison to manipulate their husbands. It's great to hear that you were excited to read this!

I came across Elladora's name meaning when I was looking up her date of birth and those of her family's and since she's the eldest daughter, it was too good not to include. I honestly do think Elladora's analysis is correct, since her parents were unlikely to have married for love. As for the others' name meanings, I felt since I included Elladora's it would be wrong to not include the others, so I decided to take advantage of that and explain some of the underlying issues in the family.

I utterly love unreliable narrators, and I love the fact that you find Elladora so interesting. I'm really pleased as I wanted the reader to be able to connect with her and judging from what you've said it seems like I was successful. Her brain's workings are sadly spoilery so I can't comment further, but it's fabulous to hear you're enjoying the family dynamics and the questionable paternity of Sirius and Isla!

MUAHAHAHA! Not to sound really horrible, but it's great that you're scared because then I've clearly written this chapter well! I'm afraid that due to the sensitive nature of spoilers, I can neither confirm nor deny your theories. ;)

Thank you so much for such a fabulous review, Jenna, and I'll do my best to get the next chapter up as soon as possible! ♥


 Report Review

Review #41, by LululunaThe Wizarding World War: The Hogwarts Express

17th June 2014:
Hello! :) Since the first chapter was so short, I thought I'd read both chapters and leave you one longer review on this one. Hope that's okay! :)

I thought the first chapter was so intriguing and confusing, though in a good way. The idea of a wizarding world war happening in the next generation era is quite original nd I loved how you introduced it through the eyes of the scared little girl, who is excited but doesn't really know what's going on. Since that happened in 1979, I'm curious to see if perhaps she'll have joined the movement in the present, maybe even become one of the leaders.

For this chapter, I like how you introduced the Weasley cousins and the different family and friend dynamics between them. Poor Rose, being in Slytherin - though I really liked how there were clues about what might make her a good Slytherin. Though she's kind and thoughtful, she also has ambitions about being liked by her cousins, and her giving them the money shows how she's willing to try other methods to gain their respect. So you did a good job of setting that up with her Sorting still being a surprise at the end. :)

The boys were hilarious as well, including the comment about Louis' mum! Poor boy, I bet he has to deal with those issues quite often. :P It's interesting how relatively normal and happy their lives are, and how that will change when the war comes. I'm definitely intrigued!

This was a great beginning to your story, and I really enjoyed reading them! :) Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Thanks for the great in-depth review! I'm glad you liked it. :)

 Report Review

Review #42, by LululunaStand Tall: Hands Touch

17th June 2014:
Hello! :) I was so torn between this and your Peverell brothers story, but just couldn't resist. It's so fascinating to see disabilities portrayed in fanfiction, and how Alba's Hogwarts experience accommodates her cerebral palsy. I feel like I learned so much just with this first chapter!

Alba is such a great character - I like how independent she is, how determined not to be pitied and to stand tall. She's so likeable and relatable already, and clearly very intelligent and just an all around pleasant person to be around. She clearly still has some faults, of course, which is also important: she doesn't seem to make a lot of effort to be chatty to others, for example, and comes across as a little stubborn though I respect her for not needing anybody's help.

The dynamic between her and James is great as well, and I'm excited to see if this will turn into a romance between them. Either way, I'm really enjoying them as friends and the way you've written James. You've captured his playful spirit and energy without making him over the top, and I like how he has that more serious side of being Head Boy and always being there and looking out for Alba as well. Even the fact that he's not a Quidditch star was such an original characterization. I actually enjoy a good unrequited love story and slow development love stories, so I'm excited to see which direction this takes!

Hmm, Chandra. Well, she's pretty easy to dislike at the moment, especially with how she spoke about Alba - not even to Alba, which was so rude. But James is great, and he must see something in her, so I'll give her a chance. :P

I really commend you for how realistically and thoughtfully you wrote Alba and her cerebral palsy. While it's not the most important thing about her as a character and she's far more interesting than just her disease, it's very interesting seeing how it impacts her daily activities and how she has to put in just that more extra effort than others might. I don't pity her, but stories like this are amazing for showing people what it's like to have a physical handicap and the differences it poses in daily life.

Amazing job with this - I'm definitely favouriting and looking forward to the next chapter! :D

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much! I really felt like this was going to be a hit or miss, and I'm so glad you thought I did well.

I ended up loving Alba a lot more than I thought I would. Haha. I tried to make her as realistic as possible. She isn't very outgoing, she has her safe circle, she deals with jealousy, and is definitely stubborn. I get tired of reading about the perfect girls and stereotypical guys. No one is that cookie cutter, in my opinion.

Haha. I look forward to hearing your opinion! Right now there is certainly nothing romantic on James's side. (honestly I don't know if they're going to get together. My characters tend to do things in their own time.)

I love James, maybe even more than I love Alba. I did take a rather original view of him, and I'm glad to hear that you like it! I figured he was the oldest, so he'd have that big brother feel about him as well as the silliness. (I just hope that Alba doesn't get stuck in the little sister zone.)

OH MY GOSH YOU AGREE WITH ME! I think that not even talking TO someone when they're clearly right there is just the epitome of rudeness. It's probably my biggest pet peeve. And yes, he does see something in her. However, Alba doesn't Lol. There will be more of their interactions to come.

Thank you so much. Your stories are all so brilliant, it really makes my day to hear that you favorited it and want to continue reading. I've become addicted to the challenges thread, so I'm not sure when I'll update next, but I certainly have an extensive plot lined out. +]

Until next time!


 Report Review

Review #43, by LululunaHouse of Cards: Queen of Diamonds

17th June 2014:
Hi Laura! :) I didn't even know you had a new chapter out - I thought I favourited this story ages ago but didn't, so shall remedy that once I finish this review. :)

It was great to see some familiar faces with the Aurors in this section, and you wrote Moody perfectly. I think the first section also showed so much about the Black family dynamics, what with how despite there being a murderer on the loos, all the Blacks (as represented by Orion) wanted to see the trouble in the family because they don't consider the Aurors "pure" enough. It's so typical and illogical but fits the family perfectly. I also loved the line about gossip being currency and how even the portraits themselves are so involved in the inner workings of the clan. It made me feel almost claustrophobic in a way and see the Black house as a sort of haunted house or entrapped little world, since once you're inside the rules of outside don't apply.

I personally think that Regulus was the one who owled the Ministry about the murder, though it's tough to say! That might explain why he was harmed at the end of the chapter, and I can see him doing that with concern for his family trumping the family duty. Also, I know that because he's going to betray the Dark Lord one day he does have a rebellious side - and oh, he left a note for Voldy in the fake Horcrux just like he sent a note to the Ministry!!! (that was such a stretch but who knows, anything could be a clue :P).

Poor Sirius though. :( Though I know from canon that Regulus probably survives, it's pretty awful and I know that the brothers still care about one another a lot in their stifled, frightened way. I thought Sirius' grief and pain was written so well, especially tying in the house of cards he was making - amazing symbolism for the crumbling of the House of Black and for how fragile and restless Sirius is, as well, by the way.

Hmm, perhaps the conversation Sirius overheard had to do with hurting Regulus instead? I wonder if maybe they found out about Regulus possibly being gay, or if they thought by getting rid of Regulus it would force Sirius to turn back to the side of the family and step up as the Black heir. I'm really grasping at straws right now, but that's the best theory I can come up with for now! :)

Great chapter, Laura! :) I really enjoyed it and can't wait for the next one! :D

 Report Review

Review #44, by LululunaTrue Romance: New Slang

17th June 2014:
Hi Rose! :) Ahh, I'm so excited that this is up and that there are three whole chapters for me to read! I saw on the forums when the first chapter was up but now that I'm back in a world with easy internet access I should have them all read shortly.

First of all, I really like the title. It fits well with Pure Intentions and has that strong but almost flirty feel to it, as well as a feeling of foreboding. "Intentions" are not concrete, and neither is "True" and so they fit really well together. That probably made no sense but I love the title and the continuation from PI, haha.

It's great to see how accepting Albus' family is of him being gay and even how James' Quidditch position helps Al meet guys, hehe. Just because at the beginning of PI Al felt he had to conceal who he truly was, it's great to see how confident he is now and how open he is with James and the rest of the family. As usual, I love the way you write the slightly "lewd" banter, your writing always feels so mature but fun at the same time. :P

It's very interesting to see where Albus and Scorpius are right now in their friendship. I think that because I saw Scorpius' side in PI, I'm more sympathetic to him than I might be if we'd just seen Albus' heartbreak. I'm not sure if I want to see them get back together just yet or if I prefer Al to be with Brandon, however, since Al has gotten out into the dating pool a little more and might be ready to have a healthier relationship with Brandon. It's quite cute how Al uses Brandon as a role model for how to be a good friend-ex as well and shows how much he looks up to and respects him.

Ooh, so Al and Brandon still have some romance between them! That makes sense, since they were together and quite physically compatible so when they drink they might be drawn back together even if it's emotionally confusing. I find that quite relatable, and you do such a good job of showing how a gay couple or pair of exes is just the same as a straight couple - of course I already knew and believed that, but you do a really good job of making all the relationships seem natural and getting readers invested in them and the characters. :)

I can't wait to keep reading, Rose, and I'll definitely be back soon! :D

Author's Response: Ah! I'm so excited that you're here and in the new story!! How did you go without the internet for so long? I'd go twitchy. :P

I'm glad you like the title. It popped in my head and just felt right but I couldn't quite put my finger on why it seemed to work out well. The theme doesn't make sense to me (but I know it's there) so any explanation of it doesn't have to make sense either.

I kind of figured that they'd be happy that Al is happy and able to be himself. I dunno, I always felt it would be a waste of plot/drama to make a family all weirded out by someone being gay when it'd fit in perfectly well for that family to accept it. I could see it being more of a plot point for a fic set in the 70's but not in one set years from now. I thought it'd be funny to have James' quidditch career serve as a boyfriend pipeline for Al. :D I've been writing a lot of lewd scenes for this story. I think validating has helped me hone in on what is good to read about versus what gets in the way.

When I was writing PI I really wanted to make Scorpius someone people could sympathyze with - just so that he wouldn't be Draco v2. I can't comment on how they'll end up but they will have a series of interesting experiences togehter in this story. ;) Making Brandon a bit of a rolemodel for Al was my way to weave him in before he had an appearance - and to show there weren't lingering hard feelings between them. :D

they do have a bit of romance between them. Getting drunk and making out seemed like a rather common thing that they'd probably fall into. I also didn't want to start them off cold (relationally). At least they've had some interaction over hte year-ish between the end of PI and now. I'm always glad to hear that the story doesn't make their sexual orientation the point but focuses on their relationship (if that makes sense but I think you know what I mean).

Thank you so much for a wonderful review! I was so happy to get to swap with you for this!!

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #45, by LululunaThat Voice of His - Yaxley and Narcissa: That Voice of His

13th June 2014:
Hello! :) I'm here to review your entry for the Slytherin May Writing Challenge.

I like how you jumped right into the action and the scene. There was some wonderful description in this piece, but your writing here has a very confident and direct tone to it which I really enjoyed and which suited this story very well. There are no real secrets in this story between Yaxley and Narcissa, and that feeling of their mutual understanding yet inability to be together and betray Lucius was very well written.

It's interesting, because while the romance aspects of the story with Narcissa and her two suitors are very swoon-worthy and quite adorable in some ways, I almost wanted her to stand up for herself and say she didn't need a man. Yaxley's thought that if Lucius died, he would stand up and take care of Narcissa was almost irritating because he didn't ask her if that's what she would want, but promised to take over the woman and almost own her, in a way. It was a very interesting direction for the romance to take as it showed the complicated and almost regressive dynamics of the pureblood families which fits Narcissa quite well.

You did a good job also of showing the impact the war would have on Narcissa, and the horror of having people killed in her own home. Though she's almost incapable of actually voicing her fear and horror, Yaxley's comforting did a strong job of showing how frightening the war was for her - it's not about glory at all.

I think my favourite line was the one with the almost-kiss. It was so close, so bittersweet and very endearing at the same time, and just a lovely moment.

Well done with this story, I really enjoyed it! :D Thanks again for entering the challenge! :)

 Report Review

Review #46, by LululunaWith All Of My Heart: You're the one that I love

13th June 2014:
Hello, Avi! :) I'm here to review your entry for the Slytherin May Writing Challenge! Thanks for participating!

Wow, this was so heartbreaking and bittersweet! You really made me resent Rose and feel that although she was a Gryffindor, she wasn't brave enough to really confront how she was feeling, or to be completely honest with Scorpius. But I'll touch on that after.

First of all, I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed the characterization of Scorpius here. While a Gryffindor/Slytherin pairing might be expected to show the Slytherin as the one who was ashamed of their partner, this was such a unique way of showing how in Rose's world, dating a Slytherin and a Malfoy is not worth her reputation in her family and perhaps in society as well. But Scorpius was so raw and genuine here, and his loyalty and adoration made him a much more likeable and brave, if rather pitiable character.

I'm not sure if you meant it to be directly read this way or not, but it seemed to me like Rose was using the shame of her family as an excuse to string Scorpius along and not feel forced to commit to him. While he clearly adores her, I felt that if she really wanted to be with him and not just use him - for attention, or affection, I'm not quite sure - then she would have done so. Scorpius even says himself that her family was very accepting, and that he can't quite grasp why she won't tell them, so I'm thinking that the prejudice was just a mask for leading him on without having to be honest with him about her true feelings. It made me feel sorry for both of them, to think of the story that way: for Rose, because she's not strong enough to be honest with this poor guy, and for Scorpius, because it felt almost like he doesn't want to admit that she just doesn't love him the way he loves her. If she did, she would show him.

I liked the flowing, stream of consciousness style of this story as well. It worked very effectively, flooding through the years and telling a very complete story in a few words. The effect was very lyrical and lovely, and you did a wonderful job with the writing.

This was a great story, Avi, and I loved reading it! :) Well done, and thanks again for participating! :D

Author's Response: Hi Jenna :D
Argh, I finally respond to all your five lovely reviews for my 'Upper Class' story, and then I got this even more lovely review!

I was getting a little curious about the challenge, as we didn't really get to hear anything after the deadline closed :)
But it was a great challenge! I enjoyed writing this entry for it.

I really wanted to try something different, and the song 'Say Something' was so perfect for this plot. Scorpius and Rose are certainyl different, when thinking of their houses - so you're right in your observation, Rose isn't quite Gryffindor in this.
They did date for quite a while, and that is one of the reasons to why Rose never came out to her family about their relationship. I believe she did love him, perhaps not as much as he loved her, but as time progresses you tend to overthink situations and I believe she was ashamed of that as well - how long she had been keeping it a secret for her family. Because not only is she going to admit to her family that she loves a Malfoy, but also tell them that she has been seeing him for over a year, since they're Hogwarts years.
That's what I think. I actually didn't have anything particuler in mind, so the story is quite open - will we ever know if she truly loved him? No. So we can only guess, and imagine the story with our own versions and ideas :)

Thank you so much for reviwing this, Jenna! :D
You're too kind, and so supportive.
- Avi


 Report Review

Review #47, by LululunaDefiant Blood, Defiant Love: A Pettigrew Party

12th June 2014:
Hello! :) So a month ago you requested a review from me, and I'm finally here to deliver - I'm so sorry for taking this long!

I really liked this first chapter and the characters you're setting up. Andromeda especially is a really wonderful main character and I like how you've done a good job of showing her internal conflicts and motivations. She clearly has all these emotional and moral confusions whirling about in her brain and I felt you wrote those very believably.

Andy is interesting here in her quiet form of rebellion and resistance, and how she contrasts with Sirius. While Sirius is more brash and bold about his hatred of Death Eater ideology - quite the Gryffindor - Andy is more secretive and sly about her beliefs, far more of a Slytherin. I like how you portrayed her more careful form of resistance and how she realizes that instead of revealing herself as a traitor by running to help Peter in front of all the other Slytherins, she holds back and preserves her own safety and helps him later on.

Narcissa is quite interesting here as well - I always saw her as quite a malleable character who is easily influenced, and that came across here with how she doesn't resist the other Slytherins, but neither does she stand up against Andromeda even when she knows Andy is acting dangerously.

Poor Peter - that whole scene was just awful. It also showed how by "sending" Peter as a spy, Sirius does have quite a bit of control over his friends, or at least that's how it came across. I can see how that could lead to some resentment from Peter in the future, and how his humiliation at the hands of the Slytherins might make Peter want to prove himself in front of them and eventually become a spy. The spell for making him lose control over his bladder was a brilliant addition, though very sad, and I could really feel his sense of desperation and humiliation. It's really mindless torture for the Slytherins, but fits with how Voldy would display his victims and put on a show of humiliating and dehumanizing them. This is just the student version of that really. You portrayed those hints of horror so well.

One thing which stood out to me was that this chapter was very dialogue-heavy. Your dialogue is very strong and was especially impactful at the beginning in jumping right into the scene, but as a personal preference I would have liked a little more description to balance it out. This chapter was great, but I think it could be even stronger with some description to really bring the scene to life. Another way to make it even stronger might be to develop even more "showing" not "telling." So instead of "telling" us that Rabastan wears being a pureblood on his sleeve, you could go even more into what qualities about him makes him seem pureblood - the sneer on his lips, the curve of his proud head, the rich stitching on his robes. So that's just one example, but maybe something to keep in mind! :)

Ooh, I also liked the little hint of Ted (or at least I hope it was him!) at the beginning. I'm looking forward to seeing how you develop the relationships and how we might see Andy in her quiet rebellion even further.

Great job, I really enjoyed this chapter! :) Feel free to re-request anytime, and I'll try to be a little faster if you do! :D

Author's Response: Hi there! No worries, sorry for taking so long to reply! I had finals so I understand how hectic life can get :/

Thank you so much, I'm really glad that you like how I portray the characters. I tried my best to stay true to what I already knew about them and just expand on that.

I will definitely work on my description in my chapters. Thank you for the wonderful advice.

You're amazing :)


 Report Review

Review #48, by LululunaI Loved You First: I Loved You First

30th May 2014:
Hi Isobel! :) I'm here for my half of the TGS review exchange!

I loved this story so much, it was such a creative take on the Marauders and I love how you addressed the challenge yet made it fit with canon. By writing a story that spanned so many years by focusing on these moments you really brought the characters to life in how they developed throughout. The only character I would have liked to learn more about was Ella, since she was so central and I really wanted to get to know her, but you did a good job with her and an especially amazing job with Lily and James. The bold sections from Lily's POV were so interesting as well in hinting at what is going on behind the scenes of Ella's thoughts.

I really liked here how James' rather simple logic that Lily must fancy him led to his declarations of asking her out in the Great Hall. I really like that explanation and how it fits with canon: he's not being a jerk, he just truly thinks that she likes him. It also shows how young he is at the time and how he's just learning to mature and how to act around girls.

It was interesting how Lily explained her relationship with James and how her love for him sort of developed, not happened overnight. The idea of loving more than one person at a time and the idea that perhaps, if it weren't for the stigma of the times and Lily's own fear, she would have been brave enough to tell Ella her feelings were quite interesting to contemplate. I think it said a lot about Lily with how she kept talking about loving somebody "first" as well: in some ways it shows how she's quite a methodological person and how organizing things, even her feelings and relationships, is a part of her personality.

I was so curious throughout the story about if Ella actually loved Lily back, but the ending just tied that up so perfectly and made the story more bittersweet. I thought it was done in a really subtle way and I liked how despite the fact that James suspects things about Ella and Lily he's able to be a good friend to her, both before and after her death, even protecting her grandparents from the truth (though I'd like to hope that if they did know the truth, they could have been accepting!). We really see James take on this strong identity here and he was a great change from the naive little boy at the beginning with how perceptive he's become by the end.

I wonder if perhaps Ella, in turn, was afraid to put herself truly on the line for love, just like Lily was. Both of them seem to make excuses - Lily's upbringing, not ruining their friendship...there was also so much dramatic irony that I just loved. LIke when Ella is the one who chooses the engagement ring.

Also, I'm really impressed with how you handled issues of sexuality here and how it's a spectrum, not really black and white. The assortment of gay and bisexual characters was great and showed really impressive diversity - I especially liked how Marlene as well seemed to identify as bi. I also found it interesting how the boy who came out as gay was ostracized from school served as an example, and even though the LGBT characters here didn't face that kind of systemic discrimination it's easy to imagine that they have more than emotions on the line. You explained and handled that really well.

This was such a wonderful story, Isobel! Your writing was so dynamic and amazing as always, and I loved the characters and all the complicated webs, not to mention to subtle, impactful scenes. I'm sorry this review is so ramby, haha, but I loved this! :)

Author's Response: Hi Jenna! It's good to see you back on my page! :)

I'm really pleased that you loved this story! I actually had the plot in my head for a while but had never gotten around to writing it until Lisa posted the challenge and I just couldn't find a reason why /not/ to write this, so I did! I was so tempted to make the ending AU and give Lily and Ella a happy ending but in the end my canon heart won out! I would've liked to write about Ella more, but the word length was getting quite monstrous and furthermore she's a main character in a novella that's on hiatus (all of my stories are set in the same canon universe with a couple of exceptions) so you'll be able to see more of her when I pick that story up again! Ooh, I'm pleased you like Lily's diary entries!

Hehehehe, obviously I've never been a fifteen-year-old boy but judging by how I've seen them behave, that situation seemed plausible and was a way to tie this one-shot further into canon as well. I do think he was a jerk when he was younger, as seen in Snape's Worst Memory, but I don't think he was a jerk to Lily (or the other Gryffindors) since his focus always seemed to be on Slytherins. I'm glad you like his characterisation!

I don't think anyone can fall truly in love overnight, that it's something that needs to be built up and of course Lily had feelings for Ella at the same time she began to date James, so there would have been some overlap. The what ifs really did make me think; her life would have been so drastically different if she or Ella had actually admitted their feelings to each other. Personally, I think Lily feels like she's betraying Ella by moving on with James, and betraying James by continuing to have feelings for Ella while she's with him, which is the reason for her compartmentalisation. (That is such a long word, woah.)

I wanted an ending that had impact and the tree bark carving was planned all along. I feel that Ella's grandparents would have loved her regardless, but of course James didn't know that, so he would be afraid of telling them as most older people tend to be stuck in their ways. There's also the possibility that they might have wanted to ask Ella questions but she wasn't around to answer, and they might have been upset to know that their daughter's love was seemingly unrequited. I'm really happy you enjoyed the changes in James though; it's such a long span of time and I wanted to show him changing from the person Snape remembered to the kind of person who deserved Lily.

There's a lot of fear in that time period of coming out, I presume, and I think Ella thought that it was better to have Lily in her life as a friend than risk not having her in her life at all. It's a shame really, since they're both Gryffindors, but like Lily says it's easier to be brave when you're defending others but much harder when your choice affects no-one else except you. I was worried the irony might be overdone, so it's fabulous to hear that you loved it!

Awww, thank you so much! Davy (I really need to look up his last name) was needed because while I could have written his situation happening to Ella and/or Marlene, an event like that would have been remembered and people would be saying to Harry, "your mum was best friends with a lesbian" so I wrote in the story of Davy to show just how precarious life was for LGBT people in that time period. Personally, I see Lily as pansexual because she's the kind of person who would love anyone regardless of gender (or lack of) and Marlene as bisexual but not quite ready to admit it to herself, which is why she eventually leaves Ella to pursue James, the epitome of masculinity.

Thank you so much, Jenna! Nonsense -- I love reading rambly reviews! Thank you so much for such a wonderfully complimentary review! ♥


 Report Review

Review #49, by LululunaIt Is the Colour of Joy: You Smile...

26th May 2014:
Hello! :)

This was so sweet! I love fluffy stories like this, though it did have the hint of darkness with mentioning how Draco would still have nightmares from the war. Their relationship is so sweet and lovely here, and it really made me love your Astoria as she just seems like such a kind person who brings joy.

The ending, with the potion being light red, was such a great detail in tying in the colour and pointing towards the future of the couple. I liked how subtle you were throughout the story, and how you did a lot of "showing not telling" and showed so much in only a few words. It did feel like a complete story and a great sequel.

The stylistic devices you used here are so interesting as well, I love it. :) It's really inspiring that you can say so much and I love how the story reads so poetically like ESME (ooh cool acronym) does as well.

NIcely done, I really enjoyed reading this story! :)

Author's Response: I love writing fluffy stories like this (that must be so evident by now, since all of my page is just fluff, fluff, fluff!)! I'm so pleased that you enjoyed it - I admire your writing so much, and your feedback is always such a pleasure to receive.

I wrote Astoria very much as someone Draco needed. She's kind and understanding and very good at giving, but she doesn't shy away from his darkness - she knows it's there, and that it will probably always be there. It was a very subtle way of connecting this story with the prequel - Draco truly believes he'll never recover from his past.

I basically took every chance I could to make something light red. I was actually really worried about it reading as if I was shoving the colour into people's faces. I couldn't resist mentioning Scorpius though! Totally setting myself up for a threequel...

*blushes* All the tenses, all the time! I'm so pleased that it reads in the same way as ESME, since I wrote that so long ago, and the way I write has changed since then.

Thanks so much for reading and all your loveliness! Please excuse me while I go flail over all this praise :)


 Report Review

Review #50, by LululunaPerfectly Pansy: A Proper Pureblood Witch

26th May 2014:
Hello! :)

This was such an interesting story, and I liked reading your author's note and how you went out of your comfort zone with Pansy. I think you captured her character so well but also managed to add new depth to her which fits well with her personality. She's both so dislikable, but also pitiable, and I can see why she is the way she is.

This was a really interesting story stylistically as well. I loved the repeated alliteration of the P sounds and the short sentences - the story really had a rhythm, like Pansy plodding through her average day, and that rhythm really added to the cyclical nature of the story and of her relationship with Draco. The use of second person was very effective here as well and helped me relate to Pansy even more, it felt so natural that I didn't even notice it throughout the story, which I think is the goal with writing in second person.

This actually made me ship Draco and Pansy more, usually she seems more like a ridiculous character but this showed how her adoration leads to her putting her own feelings on the line and putting out all her energy for her partner, not for herself. The ending, where she was crying and feeling like she failed, was so heartbreaking in how her facade sort of disappears, but she's still planning ahead for tomorrow. Her mother just seemed awful too though I did love the "pish posh."

This was such a great story and exploration into Pansy, I really enjoyed it! :D Well done! :)

Author's Response: Hi Lululuna,

I was so excited to see that you reviewed one of my stories! I did have a REALLY hard time writing it at first. The "P" alliteration just sort of happened, but I couldn't make the story work until I turned it to second person POV.

I actually let this one roll around in my head for several days before writing it, because I HAD to come up with a reason why Pansy was such a miserable character.

Pansy knows she isn't the brightest witch, or the most clever, so she is clinging on to Draco with all she has.

Glad to hear you liked the "pish posh" - I wasn't sure if that part would come off as confusing.

Thank you so much!

~Beth


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>