Reading Reviews From Member: Lululuna
676 Reviews Found

Review #26, by LululunaThe Red Haired Witch: Chapter One

19th December 2014:
Hi Hori! :) I'm so, so sorry for taking so long with your review for the review swap. It really took far too long and my only explanation is that RL completely conquered me! :( I really loved this story and thought it was perfectly written, so expect a review full of compliments coming up, hehe.

I love how the plot of the story was completely realized. Though the last section jumps quite significantly in time, we already know everything about Ganymede's transformation to fill in the blanks of the missing years and how much the glove means to her. You did a really great job of showing time's progression and telling a complex, complete story in a single one-shot.

And Ganymede, wow! What a character. Even though she turns to the dark side, I found myself really rooting for her and wanting her to triumph over Callista. You just wrote her so perfectly and she was incredibly complex: between her apprehension and jealousy, her bitterness and glee, I felt like she could be a real person who just was pushed too far and became corrupted.

I loved Ganymede's transformation into the Red Widow, this supernatural human who had just been poisoned beyond having any humanity left. The transformation from her at the beginning to the ending of the story was fascinating to read about and felt like something out of a dark fairytale.

I also thought you did a really good job incorporating the story with the wizarding world. Tying in Tom was a great addition and I liked the companionship between them in how they were kindred spirits and how he helped her to realize her full potential in a way. When she got in the carriage I knew already that it was him, in a really delicious way: it's neat when you feel so invested in a story that you can feel the presence of a character even before his identity is revealed. :)

I absolutely loved the descriptions of Borgin & Burke's and how vivid the scene was. It was extremely gothic but the beautiful writing made the scene feel real and tangible. There were so many beautiful lines and moments in the story and the whole thing was flawless.

I feel like this is the sort of story that you could consider turning into an OF short story, maybe for a Halloween contest or something. You could make Tom a more mysterious figure who helps Ganymede in her supernatural vengeance and maybe twist it so the magical world setting wasn't necessary. Maybe something to think about, the quality is definitely extremely impressive! :)

I really loved this story and thought it was perfectly written and very chilling. You did an amazing job with it! I'm sorry for rambling so much in this review haha but I just really liked reading it. Sorry again for taking so long to review! :(

(Also I have no clue why but there are a bunch of random / marks that I can't get rid of haha. Spooky.)

Happy holidays! ♥

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review!

Firstly, don't worry about the time it took. Real life gets the best of all us mortals at some point or another. I'm just happy you took the time and enjoyed the story. :)

I'm glad that the feedback I've gotten on this story (including yours obviously) has more or less confirmed that I was mostly successful in creating a dark atmosphere and creepy tone. I don't write short stories very much (or at all, really), so it wasn't exactly comfortable for me to condense into a few thousand words what I normally would have taken many chapters to realize. It was hard to tell if I was being too heavy handed or, conversely, glossing over too much.

I really enjoyed the process of coming up with Ganymede, so I'm happy you had a good time with her. She actually went through several very different versions before I settled on this one. Originally she was actually meant to start off fully corrupted from the beginning of the story, but that didn't lend to a very compelling tale.

Interesting idea about trying to convert it into an original piece. I'll think about that...

Thanks again for your lovely review and for taking the time to read! :)


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Review #27, by LululunaSaving Severus Snape : v.

16th December 2014:
Hi again! :) Here for your fourth prize review. Also, I completely failed to deliver on your prize for a chapter to be beta-read, so I'll contact you soon on the forums to find out if you'd like the same chapter beta'd or a different one. :)

Now, onto the chapter! As before, I really like how seriously Hermione takes her role here in the past and how strict she is in trying to follow the rules. It makes her the perfect person for this job because I feel like Harry or Ron would get carried away and break the rules and make all sorts of dangerous mistakes, whereas Hermione is more controlled and cautious, and that really shows well here through the situations she's been put in.

I'm a bit worried now that Snape will never warm up to her! :P He's pretty nasty, but who knows, maybe they'll be able to find some common ground through Potions.

Lily seems very sweet and very much in character with her portrayal in canon. I really liked their interaction and thought it really showed Lily as a character and what role she might play for Hermione. James on the other hand is quite annoying. :P I don't really like how he used the word "bird" to describe Hermione but it fit his sort of arrogant and careless attitude. Hopefully he smartens up a bit. I liked how although he reminds Hermione of Harry, the father and son are very different and that shows in the way James treats people in contrast to Harry.

Flitwick was so sweet here! What a nice man. I really like the care he shows for her in trying to make her feel at home.

Another great chapter! I really enjoyed reading the first few chapters of this story and will be keeping an eye out for updates! :)

Author's Response: Hey again!! ♥

Oh that's totally cool! No worries! :) If you happen to see this before you PM me, the same chapter would be awesome.

I agree completely. I don't think Harry would be able to not tell his parents, Sirius or Remus of what was to come and who knows what that would do to the future. Ron... Well I do love Ron, but I think we all know he wouldn't handle this well at all without Hermione or Harry. Hermione is just the most logical choice.

Bahaha! He is pretty nasty. Who knows if he'll warm up to her... I guess we'll see what happens. :p

Lily was very sweet and welcoming towards Hermione. I figured, from what we know about her, that she would be one of the first people to approach a new student. (If Hogwarts ever received them) She really won't be a huge part of the story, but she'll pop up here and there. Same for the Marauders. They're around a bit right now, but they're going to be more minor characters in the story. Yeah "bird" was kind of rude, but as much as he may look like his son, they are pretty different. I'm glad that seemed to be portrayed well.

Oh I know! Flitwick was just so great, wasn't he? :D

Thank you so much for all of these fantastic reviews! I'm so happy that you've enjoyed this all so far and, if you do read on, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, too!! ♥

xoxo Meg

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Review #28, by LululunaSaving Severus Snape : iv.

16th December 2014:
Hi again!! :) Here for your third prize review.

I really love Amelia already. She's so accomplished and amazing in the future and it's great to see how that began with her being a not only kind but perceptive girl at Hogwarts. Her and Hermione seem to have a lot in common so it seems right that they would instantly be friends. I feel like they both like having "quality over quantity" when it comes to their friends and are sensitive to the needs and fears of others.

I'm actually really glad that Hermione isn't attracted to Sirius. His behaviour is pretty obnoxious and I agree that Hermione can see through his good looks and cares more about the personality inside. :P Plus he is her best friend's godfather so it's probably uncomfortable enough for her that he's hitting on her. :P

Rita and Gilderoy will definitely add some excitement to the mix. It's great that they're paired together and I loved the characterization of Rita as being nosy and a gossip, and how Amelia warned Hermione about her. I hope that Hermione can keep off Rita's radar since having her secrets spread around the school would be not only embarrassing, but potentially dangerous if it affects the future.

It's really interesting seeing the Marauders world through an outsider's eyes and I think this chapter did a great job of world building without being too overwhelming or confusing. As usual, the quality of the writing was amazing and clear, and I really enjoyed reading it! :)

Author's Response: Hiya!! :)

I'm totally loving Amelia, too. She's becoming one of my favorite characters in this story, so I'm thrilled that you like her! :D She and Hermione are a little bit alike, so they'll definitely bond pretty quickly. You're exactly right, they do prefer quality in their friendships, which is why they'll get along just fine. :)

He may be good looking, but she's not falling for it haha. You've nailed that right on the head. It is making her VERY uncomfortable that he's hitting on her. I'm sure she'll put him in his place soon. ;)

I'm so glad that the whole Rita/Lockhart seems to be working. I thought it would be a really funny pairing, and I was so hoping others would find the humor in it as well. I'm beyond happy to hear that you liked it! And yeah, Rita digging around Hermione too much would absolutely not be a good thing for her. At all.

Oh wow, thank you!! :D That really means a lot to me!! Thank you so, so much for another amazingly lovely review! I hope you continue to enjoy the story! ♥

xoxo Meg

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Review #29, by LululunaSaving Severus Snape : iii.

16th December 2014:
Hi there! :) Back for your second prize review.

I like the pacing of this chapter and how quite a bit happens to develop Hermione's character and the situation she's in. It's really exciting and suspenseful seeing her noticing all the familiar faces and the shadow of foreboding that hangs over them because she knows what will happen to them. There's some really great details here - I especially liked the description of Lockhart and how Hermione knows how he will end up.

Madam Rosmerta was a pleasant surprise too! I like the idea of them becoming friends and Rosmerta seems like a really nice character. It was really interesting to see all of the Marauders as well and they definitely made an entrance. I really have no idea how Hermione is going to win Snape over and make friends with him but I'm very curious to see how she will try and bond with him. Something tells me that maybe bonding around a common enemy (like the Marauders?) might be a good way to do that, but I have no idea what Hermione's plan is at this point. :P

One comment:
saw a very young and - as much as she hated to admit it - extremely beautiful, young The adjective "young" is used twice.

One other little detail I noticed is that Hermione sees James' eyes and notices that they're a different colour from Harry's. I guess it depends how close he was standing to her at the time but that's a pretty specific detail to notice from a distance, unless she has superhuman eyesight. :P A way to fix that detail might be to clarify how close he was standing to Hermione, or not to mention minute details like his eye colour until they meet and are face to face. Just a suggestion there! :)

I liked the interaction between James and Lily and how Lily stands up for people James bullies. It felt very true to their canon characters.

This was another really interesting and well-written chapter, I really enjoyed it! :)

Author's Response: Hey! Welcome back!! :D

Thank you!! XD That was all definitely what I was going for, so I'm glad that the whole darkening atmosphere seemed to come across there. Oh Lockhart haha. He'll be popping up some more during this story. :)

She was actually a surprise to me too, to be honest. I wasn't planning on having her really in this, but it just kind of happened, and I'm glad that it did. I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed her being there too! She'll definitely be along again. Haha yeah, they most certainly did. That's definitely a good guess, but I can't give anything away! :p

I didn't even realize I did that. I went back and took out the second "young." Thanks for pointing that out! ♥

I'll have to go back and edit that, too. I have her sitting right near the door, and the guys are all right there, but I'll go back and make it a little bit clearer.

Lily definitely started to, until she noticed who James was bullying. After that, she did not seem to care any longer. But you really can't blame her after what just happened at the end of last term.

Thank you so much for another amazing review! And I'm super thrilled that you've enjoyed this chapter as well!! ♥

xoxo Meg

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Review #30, by LululunaSaving Severus Snape : ii.

16th December 2014:
Hello!! :) I'm finally here with your first of four prize reviews for placing in the Beatles Challenge. Sorry for taking so long!! :P

I thought I'd review the four later chapters of this story because the first one already has a fair bit of reviews. I love the idea of the story, being a huge fan of time travel in fic. It's so interesting to see how the characters adjust and how all the mechanics of time travel itself work as well, so I'm excited to see where this story goes. :) I'll admit, I'm not the biggest Snape fan but that's mostly because of his actions as an adult, so I'm excited to see if the portrayal of him as a teenager will redeem him and how it might change the HP story and relationships.

With regards to the first chapter, I thought it was really well paced and realistic with Hermione's reactions. She was portrayed as being really empathetic and caring by JKR and I think you captured that really well. The one thing that I found a little odd was that the first thought she had when going back in time that she'd be in the same time period as Harry's parents and their friends - I wonder if she wouldn't acknowledge that her own parents would be teenagers somewhere out there as well? I don't think Hermione would be as conscious and intrigued by the Marauders as Harry was in the books so it did feel a bit fast that they were the first ones she thought of. Maybe she could try and think of who was at Hogwarts in that year, and then figure out that Harry's parents and co. would be around? :) So just a thought there.

I really like how Hermione is still thinking about the Battle and is clearly quite upset from what she has lived through. It feels like a really reasonable reaction and I especially liked when she was walking through the corridors and thinking of what they would look like after the battle.

I thought Hermione's decision of which House to go into made a lot of sense and fit really well with her character. I like how she's embraced the fact that she should keep her distance from the Marauders to keep from getting too involved and being tempted to help them. I was curious about why she didn't consider Slytherin, since it would get her closer to Snape - maybe because she's Muggleborn and just didn't feel comfortable?

I'm so curious about the book! This is definitely looking like it will be a great story and I'm excited to see how you continue it. :) Your writing is very clear and a pleasure to read. Well done! :)

Author's Response: Hiya!! Oh, no worries!! :D

Thanks for stopping by this story! I'm uber excited that you've chosen this one, because I've done a lot of work with this story. It was the first one that I actually have an outline and character chart all made up for. (I think I went a little overboard haha)

I really enjoy time-travel fics myself, so I'm always thrilled to have another fan of the concept read and review! :) I have very mixed feelings about Snape. He really was awful when he was an adult, but there's just something about his character that really draws me to him. I'm planning on keeping this as canon as I can, so he definitely won't be a little ray of sunshine, by any means. ;)

Aww thank you! I'm really pleased to hear that Hermione seemed like Hermione. :) The reason why I did have her immediately think of all of them, is because I felt they would all be fresh in her mind at that point. Harry would have just told her and Ron about seeing his parents, Sirius and Lupin in the Forbidden Forest with the Resurrection Stone. She always would have just heard about the whole Snape and Lily thing, so I figured that when she did get sent back to that time, she would have thought of them pretty quickly. I didn't have her think of her parents at that moment because, there's no chance of her running into them. They will absolutely cross her mind during the course of the story thought. I don't know if that makes sense.

Yeah, I figured that seeing the castle whole like that would be another thing that would throw her for a loop. The last time she walked those corridors they were destroyed. That was something I couldn't just ignore.

Ravenclaw seemed like the most logical choice to me. I didn't want to throw her into Slytherin with a lot of the people who were just trying to kill her. I think living with so many future Death Eaters and Voldemort supporters would have been too much for her to handle. I couldn't do it to her.

Aww thank you so much!! :D I'm so glad that you've enjoyed this! And thanks for such an awesomely amazing review!! ♥

xoxo Meg

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Review #31, by LululunaThe Brothers Three: The Pale Steed

16th December 2014:
Hi again!! :) Back for your fifth and final prize review (though I'll definitely be back soon when you update this and Stand Tall). Also, I totally failed miserably on beta-ing one of your chapters, so I'll be messaging you soon on the forums to discuss what you'd like me to read. :)

This was another really fascinating chapter and good continuation of the plot. I like how although the outline of the Peverell story already exists, you've really added a lot of depth to the characters between the sins and little details like Cadmus' family and the wand-making business. I thought it was a bit ironic that his daughters were called Patience and Temperance, haha, since their father is anything but those qualities. Hehe. :P

I feel like at this point, Cadmus is the most developed of the three brothers. He's almost the most interesting one of the three in a way, at least for me, since he's got this emotional instability and wild, irrational grief to balance. I liked the detail about how he feels guilty about Nora as well, it feels like he almost revels in his pain and grief and likes feeling like a bit of a martyr, to be honest. It definitely makes him a very fascinating character.

And Death! It was so interesting how she wanted to comfort him and it just failed completely. I loved the descriptions of her ghostly horse and how chilling and gothic the whole scene was, it was so well written and eerily real for me to read. Great job with the descriptions. I also like how the story was changed up a bit in that Cadmus actually encountered Death first and is even going looking for Death.

This was another great chapter! :) I'll be keeping an eye out for the next one! ♥

Author's Response: Cadmus is kind of the catalyst for the story, so it's good that you feel that he's the most developed.

I'm really working on active writing voice in ST so that I can kind of make this one more intense. Active isn't easy for me. Haha.

Death is my favorite, and everyone seems to love her, so I'm really glad that you think I've done well with it.

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Review #32, by LululunaThe Brothers Three: Introduction

16th December 2014:
Hello! :) Here for your fourth prize review. Also I'm a huge fan of Peverell brother stories and have wanted to read this for a while!

Ooh, great first sentence. It's so ominous and drew me in right away. Death here is such a fascinating character, and I love how you took the significance of JKR's Death and really made her your own. The way she moves among people and the embodiment of the sins was really neat, and I especially liked the line about Greed smelling like sewage. So cool.

Death's neutral opinions and almost boredom with human sin was really interesting as well. I like the idea of Death as an almost-neutral force, but who finds pleasure in the deaths of those who have the sin of Pride. I also like the last line, and how Death is silently watching. It was the perfect line to end the chapter on and hint at what Death might be planning. I'm thinking that perhaps from the summary and Death's hatred of Pride that Ignotus himself might be her main target. I feel like the older two brothers' sins are almost more pitiable in a way, while I can imagine Death wanting to knock clever Ignotus off his moral high ground.

I liked the backstory of the brothers set up here, with their dead mother and the resentment between the brothers. Poor Cadmus - I think he's a little foolish in the original story, but I do feel bad for him. Although his Envy of Antioch and wishing that Renee had died instead definitely shows how his grief has something wrongful and dangerous in it as well.

Couple small things:

would inevitable - inevitably?
but gravedigger didn’t stop I think it should be "But the gravedigger didn't stop"
At the end of the first paragraph about the brothers, it says both "father" and then "mother." Are they both supposed to say "mother"? I wasn't quite sure but thought I'd point it out.

Really great start to this story! :) I'm excited to keep reading!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for all your help and critique on this. Hopefully I'll be able to update again soon.

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Review #33, by LululunaStand Tall: Don't Wish, Don't Start

15th December 2014:
Back again!! :) Here for your third prize review.

Ahh, the Ben moment at the beginning was so cute! I loved how Alba is realizing that she might have a crush on both him and James, and how well they get along and are comfortable around one another. I especially liked her comment that Ben would probably carry her up the stairs even if she didn't have CP because it definitely seems like something he would do. Also, the way Alba rationalizes something like romance is so funny and typical of her character. :P It's like it can't be real until she's used logic to work through it.

Speaking of though, how the heck has Hogwarts made it this long without having some sort of accessibility services??! What if a student was in a wheelchair and couldn't physically climb all those stairs? I know that Alba is very determined and might not even accept help if the castle itself offered some sort of special stone escalator or what not, but I wonder if the school could help her out with getting around if she would let it.

Okay, jumping back a bit here... I thought the explanations of how the Tournament has evolved with the Guide and the Companion makes a lot of sense. It fits that they would want to not only make it less dangerous, but keep people from cheating as the Tournament Harry was in was pretty corrupt.

AHH I KNEW JAMES WAS GOING TO PUT HER IN!!! I totally suspected that when he was so insistent about dragging her into the circle and holding her hand. Or maybe it was someone else (Ben?) who put her in and James' weird behaviour was a red herring? Hmm, well James seems more likely to me at the moment. I'm not sure how I feel about his intentions, maybe he wanted to put her in so she can prove to the school that she can do anything, but it feels like forcing somebody to do something that scares them without their permission is going too far. I'm so curious to find out who put her in now!! Ahh!!!

Really great chapter!!! :D

Author's Response: The rationalization of romance was probably the trickiest part her character. I'm so mushy, it's like a foreign language. Haha!

Ben annoys me, because he's one of those characters that doesn't do exactly what I plan, but I do like him as a person. (I'm not crazy, I swear... 0.o)

I love your guesses! I love them so much! And I'm so glad that it's not all that obvious. You have room to doubt yourself and consider other people +]

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Review #34, by LululunaStand Tall: Sudden Heat

15th December 2014:
Hello!! :) Here (finally!) for your second of five prize reviews for the Beatles challenge. Real life really took advantage of me these past few months but I'm on break now so should hopefully be able to give you your prizes. Not to mention that I love this story so always excited to return to it.

One little comment: I found it a bit jarring that Alba's name wasn't mentioned in the first paragraph and it just said "she." I feel like that's the kind of thing that's easier for readers to notice than for writers so might be something to add in if you come back for an edit. :)

I liked how we got to see more of Chandra in this chapter and how it made her more likable. I liked how she was bonding a bit with Alba at the dinner table, and her having OCD is really interesting. I think it's great that you're showing diversity and representation not only through Alba, but her schoolmates as well, and it feels very authentic. As usual, you do a really good job showing how Alba has to make sacrifices and be mindful of her body's specific needs, but not making her whole identity and life revolve around it.

Alba's such a well-rounded character too. I think the way she reacted to Chandra's panic attack showed how she can be a little judgemental too, but how she still tries to see the most in people and be empathetic. That's very relatable.

Is it weird that I'm potentially shipping Alba and Albus?? He just seems sweet, if a little overshadowed by James. But I love the way the brothers work together and are such good friends, that's definitely fitting with my head canon especially if they're a year apart. And the names "Alba" and "Albus" are just too perfect to ignore. Hehe.

Hahaha, Krum!! I'm so excited that he's here - such a charmer, too. I like how he has such fond memories of Hogwarts, his feelings towards it reminded me of Harry a bit actually and how iconic Hogwarts is as both a symbol and a place in their minds. I'm so excited for the Tournament too, and what mischief the other schools might stir up.

Also, so funny to see Krum is still popular with the fangirls! Haha.

Couple typos I noticed (I know I like it when people review my stories and point these out so it might be helpful :P):

smart and cool." James answered - Should be a comma in the dialogue tag.
"Oh yeah!" Jam exclaimed Missing the last part of his name. Though Jam is kind of a cool nickname. :P
a better vantage point. He pointed to tops of Missing a quotation mark when his dialogue ends. Also I think it's supposed to be "the" tops.

Awesome chapter! I'm so excited to see what happens next. ♥

Author's Response: Thank you so much for all your help with these chapters!

It's always great to be able to look back (when you're especially bad at responding to reviews to like me -sorry-) and see that someone enjoyed the small details. +]

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Review #35, by LululunaChai, Samosas, and a Friend in the Wee Hours of the Morning: Chai, Samosas, and a Surprise

1st December 2014:
Hello! :) Sorry I took so long getting here - I read the story last night and loved it but got distracted by the massive evil essay that is my life, haha. But all done now so I can properly review! :D

I love this story, really. It was just amazing and made me incredibly hungry so you should be proud of the descriptions and how perfectly everything was described. I love stories like this which focus so much on the little details and it really shows how Hannah truly delights in the small things about cooking. Samosas yummm!

This was just such a cute little story and made me so happy to read. When they compared the lengths of their hands - aww! But so realistic for how people flirt when they're just getting to know one another. I liked all the explanations for why Hannah chose to work at the bar - she had other options, but it's what felt right to her. That's very inspiring, in a way. Neville was great too. I'm glad he's gained confidence since leaving school, he certainly deserves to. :)

I also love how you wrote Hannah as biracial. Her Indian heritage was clearly very important to her and I loved how she explored that heritage through her cooking and relationships with her parents and grandmother. She was so much fun to read about. Thanks for writing this awesome story! :)

Author's Response: Evil essays will be the death of us all. I completely understand. I still have to leave my review on your story but real life is always like NOPE. YOU CAN'T REVIEW TODAY.

I wrote this story in the middle of the night, and it is the absolute worst to start craving samosas in the middle of the night. I'm so pleased with the way the descriptions came out here - I think they're my favourite descriptions I've written so far. And Hannah was such a delight to write.

I was like "how do you make two people flirt with each other completely by mistake, but also make it really obvious that they're flirting?" I'm so lucky that Neville just turned out to be that way. And Hannah's motivations are something to which I aspire. To be mature enough to make the right decision for yourself is difficult.

Hannah's heritage is a part of her but I didn't want to make the story all about that. I just wanted it to be like the way it is in real life - it's always there and colours the way you do things and think things without it being in your face about it. Thanks for the lovely review :)

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Review #36, by LululunaBurned by Ice: Frostbite

1st December 2014:
YOU WROTE A STORY FOR ME?? HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?? ♥ Isn't that just the sweetest thing!

(Btw I'm not counting this review as part of our swap so I'll review another story after :P)

I really love Helena and Founders and Frost's poem, so this was just such a lovely read. And perfectly creepy as well! Especially the comments about the Baron being reserved yet violent in the throes of passion - eep.

I absolutely loved this line: Her heat seeped into the decay on which she lay. Her mind frosted; her thoughts crystallised; her heart pattered its last. It was just beautifully written and really resounded with me. Also the last line was perfect.

I like how despite being creepy and ominous, this story has your familiar humour and voice particularly when she's addressing the knocker and how it represents so much that she hates. The characterization here is so strong and really reminiscient of the Helena we met in the book. I felt that her resentment against her mother was great too, really showing how bitter she was that she felt she had to compete with her. She's right: that really isn't fair.

Great job with this, dear! And THANK YOU!! ♥

Author's Response: *blushes* *dies* *blushes more*

Ahh! I'm so incredibly happy that you liked it! Creepy is not my forte AT ALL, but I tried. I'm glad that I did - Helena was surprisingly fun to write.

Your stories always have the most beautiful descriptions, and I suck at descriptions, so I really tried with this one. I think that's my favourite line in the entire story. I'm pleased you liked it.

Haha. I couldn't help the way the humour creeped in. I just couldn't imagine Helena being all dramatic and angsty as she died. She'd definitely be one of those people who'd be like "well, great. Now I'm dying. That totally sucks." Her relationship with her mother is complicated, and was probably the hardest part to articulate. I'm glad that it all came across!

Thank you for the lovely review! And also thank you for being a very wonderful person in general :)

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Review #37, by LululunaActions Speak Louder than Words: Blown Away: Scorpius POV

30th November 2014:
Hello! :) Here for our swap! I really liked the story and wanted to keep reading and try and review a chapter that had (slightly) less feedback so here we go. I'm making myself stop now though because I have an essay to finish, eep. :P

I have been numb for two years. I loved this line. It really stood out to me, and I loved how direct it is and how it tells so much yet leaves so much unanswered. Brilliant. The way it stands alone in a paragraph made it so crucial.

I'm so curious and sad for Rose and why she has these panic attacks. I know now that she was kidnapped, and that's so horrible and I'm so torn for her and I've just met her! You really built up suspense in the first chapter and I loved all the little details that brought her to life, like her routine for throwing up. Of course it was awful but such a strong way to introduce her and give us an idea of her physically.

And the idea that the hat was drunk when sorting them - too funny. :P How would the hat drink, anyway? I would love to actually see that happen...ahem, off topic. Anyway, it's great that although Rose clearly has inner demons she is fighting there's also a good combination of romance and humour and fun in the story. I feel like that's realistic: through humour and her relationships with other people, she feels a little less alone, leaving the fear and hate to come in waves.

The party scene was fun. Wolfie! I love him already. He seems so adorable. I'm excited to see him at work with Rose because they just seem like they would be hilarious with him talking about vomit and everything.

I’m so glad that Rose calls the creep an "aggressor." For many people, it would be difficult to even acknowledge that. Unwanted advances and the treatment women go through by people who either don’t know better or pretend they don’t know better are really close to my heart – well, critiquing them and being a feminist is really close to my heart at least. In Canada we’ve got a lot of talk going lately about harassment (ranging from CBC to Parliament Hill, yay...) and it’s great that you’re addressing it here. It makes me sad how Rose thinks it’s her fault for not protecting herself immediately, when really it’s HIS fault for being rude and aggressive. Not being able to keep from blaming herself seems very realistic of victims.

I love how you did such a good job of showing how close Rose and Scorpius are as friends, and how supportive he is in understanding why she’s upset and knowing how to try and comfort her. He’s protective, but not in a weird, overbearing way: in a really comforting and kind way that makes me feel like she would do the same for him. It’s so refreshing.

Ahh, so she was kidnapped? :( This makes me wonder if creepy bearded guy might have had some inside knowledge and was purposefully trying to make her feel powerless…

It’s so cute that Scorpius calls Arthur “Grandad Weasley”! His descriptions of the Potter house were awesome as well.

Wow, the scene where Scorpius discovers his parents are dead was just…horrible. Beautifully, powerfully written: I felt like I was there and my heart thudded into my throat when I first realized that they were dead. What happened to them? Who did this? I have to know!!

I feel so sorry for Scorpius too. Inevitably I feel like he will feel guilty for not having a proper goodbye and for behaving that way, even though it’s not his fault. Kind of like with Rose and how she blames herself with the creeper and has self-hate.

I'm really loving this!! Hopefully I'll be back for more reviews soon!! ♥

Author's Response: Hey!

This review completely blew me away and it's taken me a few days to be able to wrap my head around it enough to respond to it :)

I'm so excited that you kept reading - eep! You are the first person to comment on that line. It was totally meant to make the reader pause and also to make Rose pause for a moment and realize that we are starting off at a turning point. I wanted to start off at a low point - there is only one way for her to go from here.

Haha - I'm not sure The Hat was really drunk - I think that was just James's excuse for why all the gang was sorted into Ravenclaw. Although the image of a drunk sorting hat is pretty funny!

I like Wolfie too! Unfortunately, he is only a minor character - but he does show up from time to time!

Gah! I'm so excited you noticed my careful treatment of Rose's attack and her reaction. I'm really trying to be cognizant of the message that I send regarding how she feels and how it is dealt with. I think many victims blame themselves first and try to act like there isn't an issue. But hopefully, I've done an alright job showing Rose go through the emotions of healing and growing from this.

Yeah, I wanted to show that Rose and Scorpius connect on a much deeper level. He is head over heels for her, but won't act on that until she is ready. She's always been there for him - and they did have a (small) history - you'll see that it gets mentioned in the next chapter (I think).

Great job connecting he creep at the party with her kidnapping - all I'm gonna say right now :)

The next chapter discusses Scorpius's parents death a bit. But I'm so relieved that the scene came off well. I re-wrote it so many times, wanting to get it just right!

Scorpius does carry a bit of guilt from the way that they died. He left angry and spiteful.

I would love it if you came back and let me know what you think! Thanks so much for doing a review swap!

♥ Beth

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Review #38, by LululunaWitch: Witch

14th October 2014:
Hey Sian!! :D Finally here to review this AMAZING story that you were so lovely in gifting me with. First of all, I know you know me well enough to know that this story is just right up my alley and I loved it so much, between the thoughtful portrayal of historical events and adapting them to the HP world, and the extreme pathos and slightly creepy element to the story and Jennet's experience.

One thing that stood out for me was how sorry I felt for Jennet and how she just had a terrible fate. How she was manipulated as a child and completely misguided, and how that led to a lifetime of guilt and hurt. It's truly heartbreaking, and inspires this real sense of sadness for me that there was nobody to look out for her and to protect or guide her. It's good that Lizzy has the guidance and education that Jennet didn't, but it made me feel really heartbroken for Jennet herself all the same.

The image of the bodies lined up when she was a girl was truly chilling. This line; Ten is the biggest number she can count up to. And there are ten of them, the bodies. Wow, that is just beautifully heartbreaking while also gruesome and terrifying. It shows both how ignorant Jennet is but also how this is the moment that completely changes her understanding of society and her place amongst humanity. :( I wonder if this is the sort of connection, between numbers and bodies, that makes her continue to fear education and the dangers it brings. She almost seems to prefer to live uneducated, because knowledge and speaking brings danger. I'm not sure where I'm going with this but it was really neat.

I really liked the historical details you incorporated, like the characters speech. I'm a big fan of dialect in dialogue to show how those characters differ from the norm and you did a great job with Jennet's language especially here. And then the little details, like the "gaol" and how she sells eggs and they go begging, really made the period believable.

I felt both sad and happy when Lizzy went away to Hogwarts. Happy, because she'll get a better life, and not have to suffer like Jennet or see how her mother suffered. But also sad, because Jennet lost the only thing that gave her love and even has to cope with the idea that Lizzy might be embarrassed or ashamed of her. It was really moving how much she clung to the idea of Lizzy as embodied through the letter, and she was quite selfless in that way. The way she focused her dreams and love on the letter was really beautifully written. In some ways I was longing to know just what the letter said but in other ways it was more powerful that Jennet never really found out, only imagined: it made it more of a dream and that way she could never be disappointed.

Jennet Device is a black stain on the green hills of her home. She knows that her name will be forgotten. The blot on the pages of history will be erased from time. I thought these lines were amazing. The narration takes on an almost accusatory tone, and I felt like the narrator could be read as holding the people responsible for not taking care of Jennet, for not being able to help her. It's an almost Charles Dickens-style message of trying to inspire pathos and societal change which I really loved.

The cyclical nature of the story and the sadness of Jennet's life was really brought to life with your beautiful writing. Thank you so much for this story, Sian - it truly means the world to me, and I know I'll be back to read it again and again and discover something new next time. You are amazing!! ♥ ♥

Author's Response: Jenna! ♥ I genuinely can't tell you how happy this review made me, because I really hoped that you'd like this story even though it's a bit random at first, and I know how busy you are, so the fact that you took the time to review means a lot! And thank YOU for everything too, plus I loved writing this story so it was definitely worth it!

Jennet Device as an historical figure is so ambiguous and so interesting, and I've always found myself really intrigued about her and what her motives were behind betraying her family, which essentially condemned them to death. It's so, so sad that there was nobody there to guide her properly and she made one mistake that had massive repercussions and affected her for the rest of her life.

In Jennet's mind, I think there's definitely a link between education and danger, because the people who are educated that she's encountered have always posed a threat to her, and at the same time there's that connection in her mind like you commented on, the fact that when she can count and if she could read, she'd maybe realise the magnitude of what she'd done even more. Perhaps she prefers to be this way as it means she can't understand to the same extent? I don't know where I'm going with this either, but it's really interesting to think about!

The dialect was so fun to write, as I love using it, although I had to tone a lot of it down as I was sure so many people wouldn't understand it :P I'm really glad you liked all those little historical details!

Lizzy definitely got the chance of a better life when she went to Hogwarts, but for Jennet, who's left behind, it's really sad. She has to be selfless here, because she knows that this honestly is the right thing to do, and that sacrifice kind of shows how much she's grown and changed since she was a scared little girl. I'm glad you liked the letter and the dreams that it evoked for Jennet - I was always sure I wouldn't include the letter, as I think it works better that we, along with Jennet, never know what it says.

I'm so pleased that you liked those lines! Jennet's life is one of those that gets forgotten so easily, or she gets cast as this demon child, so I really wanted to explore that and maybe try and make sure she'd be remembered for something other than what she did as a nine year old girl.

I'm so, so happy that you liked this story, Jenna - it's honestly all I was hoping for, and then this amazing review has just blown me away! ♥

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Review #39, by LululunaL'optimisme: Silence

3rd October 2014:
Hey Aph!! :) Sorry for taking so long to get here, these past two weeks have been complete madness. I know I reviewed this chapter back before you posted a new version (I think?) but it might be helpful to have a longer review and I'll hopefully be able to come back and review the other chapters sometime soon!! :)

As usual, your power with words is at full expression here.

The section on words was really interesting and felt like something Dumbledore would say in a letter or message to Gellert. Their connection was both physical and emotional but also intellectual, and I think that's more of an important quality than it would be in some relationships. I also loved how after the section about words and silences, the first line of the next section mentions how Albus never "told" Gellert something. It was a neat transition from the first section.

I love the comfortable, relatable, almost domestic description of their waking up together. It really humanized Gellert, who is so often seen as being otherworldly and beyond reach. I love how the description brought a real physicality to their relationship, right from the beginning, and of course the logistics of their sneaking about and being together. I especially loved the image of Albus jumping the fence. :P

your breath ghosting over my collarbone, a soft harmony to the birdsong. I love this line. It's just so beautiful and vivid, especially the image of breath "ghosting."

The emphasis on the day when Ariana was killed was really vivid and effective, especially since Dumbledore says he watched it over and over again in his Pensieve. I can imagine him doing that, a ghostly figure standing in his own memory and trying to make sense of what happened. It's almost like he's looking for penitence for his actions that day and punishes himself by reliving them. I've been reading a lot of nineteenth century literature lately but a big theme is Catholicism and the practices of confession and punishment and self-loathing and this reminded me a little of that, almost as if this story is Albus' confession to Gellert or to a higher power, like how he mentions God in the last line.

One little thing I noticed (though feel free to ignore, I'm just being picky):

wary of their power since young The use of the word "young" brought me out of the story a little as it didn't quite flow with the rest of the sentence, would "youth" or "being young" or "childhood" maybe fit better?

Lovely job, love! :) I can't wait to keep reading!

Author's Response: Hey there, Jenna, thanks so much for stopping by! :)

Oh god, someone who remembers the first version! :P Nah, no worries about it - I don't remember who reviewed that one either... - and don't worry about taking a while, I completely understand about RL just knocking you over :)

Thank you so much! :) I really wanted to emphasise that they had this relationship, and it was so much more than perhaps the normal teenage romance, but that they didn't really talk about it - because what was there to talk about for them, you know? I want to say that was intentional, but I honestly can't remember if it was or not :P

Yeah, a lot of romances linger on the sort of emotional aspect of it, but I thought with them, since the emotions will (hopefully) come through anyway, mention of the physical was kinda necessary too, to make it seem more like a romance, and to make the 'they were in love' rhetoric more believable. Haha, I admit I did smirk a bit when I wrote that - and of course it had to be Albus attempting to jump fences :P

Thank you! :) I love writing sound imagery - it's so much fun to do, so I'm so glad you like it too! :)

I wasn't originally sure about including the actual duel itself, but I liked including it in the end because it was such an important day for both of them - it was both the end of them and the start of the rest of both of their lives; it divided everything for them. I actually didn't think of that connection, but I like it! There will be a lot of references to Albus punishing himself, and caging himself in Hogwarts and so on, because of what happens, so I think your way of phrasing it is amazing :)

Ooh, no worries about it! I'm always happy to take on board suggestions and criticism :) I will definitely take another look at that - I think I see what you mean! Thank you so much for pointing it out!

Thank you so much for stopping by, and thank you so much for the wonderful review - it was so amazing! :)

Aph xx

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Review #40, by LululunaDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: Mind Field

1st October 2014:
Hey hey!! Wow, it has seriously been way too long since I have reviewed - I've been awful with HPFF participation lately. :( So glad to be back!

The way Legilimency was described here was really cool and vivid. I loved the use of mist and armies and parchment - it as all just so brilliant and fit well with how I would imagine the inside of Devlin's mind. Clearly he has met his match in Snape, and the conversation they had inside his head was really intriguing.

I liked how Devlin analyzed Snape and his former Death Eater position as well - how he was acutely aware of his dark magic and how it was sort of hibernating, and how Death Eaters are good at pulling out their wands quickly, and how Snape still mirrors these practices even if he is currently separate. As usual your analysis of the familiar canon characters really goes deep and rings true.

Clearly in this chapter at least Devlin is realizing the wrongs that Voldy committed against him and coming out of his blinded love for his grandfather. But then there are the contrasting images like Voldy smiling because of him and how special and important that thought is to Devlin, to the extent that he identifies that quality as part of his own identity. The moral confusion is quite effective in showing how nobody is all bad, even Voldemort, and how Devlin could still be loyal to him in parts of his mind even if he knows it is dangerous. He's such a complex, wonderful character, and I do love it.

Great job, I hope I'll be back soon!! :D

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Review #41, by LululunaHow Long Will I Love You?: As Long As The Stars Are Above You

30th September 2014:
Hello!! :D Here for my part of the Slytherin review exchange. I'm a big Ron/Hermione shipper and thought you did a wonderful job with their relationship, both with the canon aspects and expanding it to tell a full story.

I'm not sure why but the fact that Slughorn died in this version of the battle made me really sad. I'm not sure why but I think because I have a prof who is a little like him but very likeable it just made me sad. :P Also that was an amazing paragraph: it could be just a list, but shows so much delicacy and depth in how many lives were touched and ended by the battle. I loved how even though they didn't know all of the names of the dead, they spent a little bit of love mourning and honouring their sacrifice. It was a really lovely, bittersweet moment.

Ron's interest in the stars and poetic analysis of them was interesting. It's definitely a development from his callous canon character, but that's what fanfiction is for - expanding on those characters who feel so familiar. I also thought the descriptions and reliance on the stars as symbolic and physical was really beautifully written throughout the story.

Aw, it's too cute how Ron matched his outfit to Hermione's dress. :P So thoughtful and subtle of him.

honey coloured orbs This is just a word choice preference, and feel free to ignore me but I've been doing close reading of literature all day which always gets me in a picky mood. :P I'm not a huge fan of the term "orbs" for eyes, it conjures up a bit of a weird image and I feel like another word might flow better with the poetic tone of your beautiful story. Maybe "honey coloured gaze" or even just "eyes"? Just a thought! :)

Bringing up Ron's love for chess and how he analyzes his proposal in terms of chess was just genius. I love how he was the knight and she was the queen - it was too cute.

I especially loved the scenes with Rose and Hugo - it's amazing seeing them as parents. Hermione is just how I imagined, very attached to her children and I can imagine her feeling a little lost with them both away at school. I love how Hermione defended Rose's right to date a Malfoy as well, it was perfectly in character for both of them.

Aww, the final scene was so bittersweet! :( I'm sad Hermione had to die when she was still young and before she could meet her grandkids but it sent a lovely sense of grief and love and pathos through the whole story. Ron was so adorable with his granddaughter, the scene just felt quite real.

Great job with this, it was a wonderful read! :)

Author's Response: Hi!
Well thank you for that amazing review! I have such a big grin on my face, you are so brilliant. I warn you that I am rather tired and hence my reply may be slightly ramble-y, so sorry for that :) I feel bad for replying so late and I don't want to put it off any longer.
I'm sorry for Slughorn's death. I wanted to show that it wasn't just the other houses that fought, and I chose Slughorn because he finally decided that he was going to be brave for this one time, to protect Hogwarts and the students. He was a hero.
I'm really glad you liked my take on Ron, I was worried he might be a little OoC for some people.
I'll go and change the orbs part as soon as I'm finished here!
Haha, the chess part was slightly sur-of-the-moment. I was reading the first book again and remembered how he had played a knight and Hermione the queen :')
I think they would be really good parents, although perhaps slightly overprotective. They have good reason though. I'm glad you like those scenes!
Eek, thank you so much for all of that review.

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Review #42, by LululunaStand Tall: Sudden Silence

29th September 2014:
Hello! :D I'm here for your first prize review for the Beatles challenge.

It's nice to see Alba's circle of friends expanded a bit and I liked her interaction with Maude and the latter's concern for Alba. The bandaid explanation was great as well in explaining not only to Maude, but to me about Alba's potions. It's really great how you weave in her everyday interactions with how she's always conscious of having Cerebral Palsy and its impact on even the smallest things. I thought the mention of her fear of falling and breaking her wand was especially poignant since it would be so disappointing and inconvenient for a witch to break her wand yet could happen so simply.

Unlike most of the girls in her year, Alba actually liked Maude, though their interactions were generally strictly academic. This sentence confused me a little as I wasn't sure if it meant that Alba disliked most of the girls in their year, or that most of the girls in their year disliked Maude. Maybe both? :)

tapestry cannot know it's worth I think this should be "its"? Also this was a great line and kind of reminded me of something Dumbledore would say. And the goblet of fire coming into Alba's life is so exciting and adds such a suspenseful future for the story. I like how James is quite down to earth about entering the tournament, though his yielding to Chandra is intriguing as well. Somehow I got the suspicion from his wink to Alba that maybe he was going to enter Alba's name - hmm. I don't think he would be that sneaky and he's pretty protective of her safety so maybe not, but it did seem like he was up to something.

I actually love how Alba wants to be a Healer. She would be a good one too, since she already knows so much about her own medical treatment and has a passion for communicating to people about medicine like we saw with Maude. But that being said I liked how you focused on the difficult aspects as well with Potions and Herbology. I wouldn't have thought of that but it fit well with how people accommodate disabilities in the Muggle (our) world.

Great chapter, I'll be back soon!! :D

Author's Response: You're right! I need to go back and fix those.

I hope that everything continues to meet your expectations. Thank you so much for such a wonderful review, it really keeps me going.

Until next time!

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Review #43, by LululunaYou Are Part of Everything : Dear Prudence

4th September 2014:
Hello! :) I'm here to review your story for the Beatles challenge - thanks for the wonderful entry! :D

Firstly, I really liked how you kept Sirius' identity secret until the end, and in doing so showed a completely different take on his womanizing ways. It took his handsome charm and the attractions girls felt for him to a darker, less innocent place while still fitting in with his character. He comes across as so selfish and manipulating instead of romantic, and I felt so sad for Prudence and seeing the effect that Sirius' betrayal had on her.

I like how although the beginning feels like a nice, sweet love story with the popular crush noticing the quiet girl, there were still hints that all was not as good as it seems. I was pretty suspicious that Sirius might hurt Prudence and that just became stronger and more foreboding, building throughout the story. One way this was done was how Prudence's feelings of attraction and excited nervousness around Sirius were also symptoms of fear, like her heart beating fast and her stomach being in knots. It parallels the attraction with fear.

Something interesting about the story which I liked was how it was told in the form of Prudence directly addressing Sirius, almost in an accusatory way by the end of the story. It was a cool parallel to the Beatles song where the singer is directly addressing Prudence, so I liked how you kind of told the other side of the story with an interpretation of the song. I'm so glad you picked this song as it fit so nicely with the story, both in terms of plot and language.

I liked the use of the word "play": instead of it being a word indicating Prudence's freedom from her stifled, indoor life, it was a word used for Sirius playing with and discarding Prudence's heart. Sadly, I'm sure there are many girls who have been similarly treated by boys, and I really like how you tied that into the story here to show both a tragic but realistic interpretation of teen romance.

Great job, thanks so much for the lovely entry! :D

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you for making this awesome challenge! :)

I really wanted to make this story more about Prudence, and not just another Sirius story, although, ultimately it *is* another Sirius story. That was why I kind of kept him hinted at, but not flat out acknowledged until the very end. Yeah, we always hear about what a "playboy" Sirius was - at least in our collective head-cannon haha - so I thought it would be, not fun, but interesting to focus on the aftermath of his carelessness with women.

It's definitely your typical toxic, for lack of a better word, relationship. It starts out all sweet and roses and then slowly disintegrates into something awful. But when you look back, you see that the slight awfulness was always there in a way. Prudence was scared because, she knew what he was like with other girls. She may have hoped it would be different with her, but I think deep down she would have known it would not have been. But at the same time, she was a teenage girl, who was just ecstatic that her long time crush had finally noticed her. Ugh... boys.

The way Prudence told the story was not planned out. It just kind of happened. It felt right to tell it this way, you know? I'm really happy you liked how it all came together and how it did end up paralleling the song. XD

This story was a little personal to me. I've had a similar experience when I was younger. Not *quite* as bad, I definitely embellished a little. I put a lot of myself into Prudence, so posting this has left me feeling quite vulnerable. I was actually terrified to post it, at first. So I'm glad that this did end up feeling authentic.

Again, thank you for the challenge! I really enjoyed doing it. And thank you so, so much for such a lovely review!! I'm thrilled you enjoyed this!

xoxo Meg

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Review #44, by LululunaEverto Trucido (Hidden for edits): Halloween 1976 -- Part Two

2nd September 2014:
Hi again!!

Ahh, so the vampire was unexpected! Well, sort of, but I had kind of forgotten about it, so it was quite scary. You write the battle scenes really well: they're suspenseful without being too gory which I really like.

The idea that Sirius thinks Regulus is her soulmate made me laugh. If only he knew... well, he did suspect, and I feel like Snape being her soulmate is probably even worse for the Marauders.

I thought Sirius was sweet here, even though he was extremely drunk. It's nice to see him opening up to Grace and showing the pain he has experienced regardless of the circumstances.

it was interesting how you addressed Grace's addiction to cigarettes and how she recognizes that she has a dependent personality. It fits with her character, not only that she would be dependent but also that she notices that and tries to prevent a new addiction from forming. It was a little detail but something that really was powerful to me.

Another great chapter, I'm already excited for the next one!! :D

Author's Response: Hello round two!

Bahah, so I may have let the vampire thing go on for a bit too long...but I wanted to save it for the Halloween chapters!

I think that, despite everything, that discovering that Snape is her soulmate would be worse for the Marauders than if Regulus was... they just don't like Snape...

Oh the budding friendships ^.^. Drunk Sirius is a little more open than sober Sirius.

Thanks for the lovely reviews!! :D


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Review #45, by LululunaPlaying for Keeps: Mint Chocolate Chip Memories

2nd September 2014:
Yay, she has a name!! Well, she's gone by a few different names, by the sounds of things. It makes me so sad that she was bullied to the extent that she hates and is ashamed of something as genuine as her name - it's just awful. Right now I'm hoping that she never forgives James and just gets some solid revenge on him, frankly. He seems horrible, though I suppose that people do grow up and change.

I liked all the backstory with Hattie and the roots of their friendship, though one detail I thought was great was how Hattie did have other friends and how Annie felt neglected and jealous when she did. It fits well with Hattie's personality that she could have multiple friends at once, and I thought Annie's feelings of jealousy made her more relatable. As confident as she is when playing pool, she clearly has a lot of faults, like not being good at magic and being so shy and closed off from others.

I love mint chocolate chip ice cream as well! It's the best flavour other than MAYBE blueberry.

I'm still loving this, and even though you've answered some questions I'm still longing for answers. What happened with her sister? What exactly did James do and why doesn't he recognize her? What's the wager with Freddy? Guess I'll have to just keep reading!! :D

Author's Response: Yep, a name at last! Her first name (in my opinion) is a bit stuffy and old-fashioned, so Annie is definitely the preferred name. But the bullying didn't help--I mean, Portia is a perfectly good name, but if people are going to turn it into a joke, it isn't so good anymore. She may or may not forgive James in the future, but right now she still hates him. (Although he HAS changed... But she doesn't know that yet.)

Thank you! Hattie is definitely a social butterfly, unlike Annie, and that can lead to some jealousy. But at the end of the day, they're still best friends. I'm so glad that Annie's characteristics and actions make her seem relatable--I really didn't want to create an OC that was too "perfect." Flawed characters are the best characters!

Mint chocolate chip is my second favorite kind of ice cream. My first favorite is Blueberry Pomegranate Dark Chocolate Chunk. (Yes, that is a thing, and it is beautiful!)

Thanks for loving it, and for giving me some stellar reviews! There are many questions that still must be answered, but it may take the whole novel to answer them. Don't worry, you'll find out the wager soon, and all the reasons why James is an idiot, and et cetera.


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Review #46, by LululunaPlaying for Keeps: A Face From the Past

2nd September 2014:
Back again! :D

Ahh, I knew it was James since you mentioned his hazel eyes. :P Hehe. Gah, he seems like such a fascinating character but I dislike him because the main character (what's HER name?!!) hates him and has clearly held a grudge which I don't blame her for. At first I thought that he maybe physically abused her while at Hogwarts and felt really sad, but emotional bullying is still quite awful as well.

I liked how much emphasis was put on the power of names in this chapter. The impact of James' name and how much it defines him, to the extent that he'll do anything to protect it. The narrator's name and how it could be turned against her and how if he knew it, it would turn the power back to him: it's fascinating, and reminds me a bit of fairy tales where knowing somebody's name gives power.

I love, once again, how there's a contrast between her body and her spirit. I loved the line about her spirit not being able to break like glass in contrast to her body being only the surface: it seems like her body protects her spirit, guarding her false exterior from her true interior. She's so interesting, and I love all the literary contrasts of her character.

So it sounds like James and Freddy made some sort of wager? Sneaky underworld casino Freddy is really exciting to me as well, I hope we get to meet him at some point. :P

Another great chapter, Mallory!! :D I'll for sure be back sooner rather than later.

Author's Response: Woo! Hi again!

Yep, I tried to put in some clues about his identity, since the MC still remains shrouded in mystery. :) But you'd be surprised at what people guessed after his appearance in chapter one! He is completely and utterly reprehensible in this chapter, and I hate him too. But character development will happen, and things might change. Nope, I still didn't reveal her name in this chapter, haha, but at least I revealed (sort of) what the relationship between James and the MC is.

Names are so powerful! I drew that theme from magic and how the slightest mispronunciation of a spell can lead to disastrous results. And I'm sure that there's some lore about how revealing your true name can give someone else the power to destroy you. (Rumpelstiltskin, for instance.) Fairy tales were DEFINITELY an inspiration. :D

She's a walking contradiction, almost to the point of annoyance sometimes! It's difficult to balance out what I mean with what I write, and sometimes her spirit is more vulnerable than she would like it to be. I'm glad that you think she's interesting! :D

Yes, a wager! Freddy will certainly show up in future chapters, but he and James are not on good terms at all. Interesting cousin relationships are fun to write!

Thanks once again!


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Review #47, by LululunaPlaying for Keeps: Shooting Star, After Midnight

2nd September 2014:
Hi Mallory!!! :)

Wow, this story is so unique and cool! First of all, I completely fell in love with the first paragraph. The writing and the descriptions of the casino are both beautiful and poetic but also have this... almost tough, gritty quality to it, as if there's darkness and decay lurking underneath all the glitz and glamour.

At first I wasn't sure how I felt about the main character not being named, but I think it worked in building up the mystery and really making me want to read the next chapter. Although I have no clue who she is and what her story is I love what we've got of her so far: how clever and sly she is, how she manipulates men while being disgusted by their need to subordinate her even though this allows her to dupe them. She seems to both lean on and resent her sensuality and sexual power over him, which carries some really interesting messages about gender roles in society and how women function and confront these gender roles. I'm excited to read more about this and how the character both uses and abuses her gendered sexuality.

This positioning of the next gen characters like Freddy gives a new maturity and dark side to the wizarding world and their regular portrayals in fanfiction. Coupled with your beautiful writing, I'm looking forward to reading more of this story and learning more about the casino and the mysterious characters! :) Great job, lovely!! :)

Author's Response: Hi Jenna! Thank you so much for doing a review swap with me! :D

Thank you! The first paragraph is actually one of my favorite paragraphs that I've ever written, haha. I really like the contrast between glitzy things and the dark underbelly that lurks underneath, so it was fun to write that paragraph with so many gritty contrasts. :D

I have this habit of not reveal my main character's name until a little farther into the story (which can get old, I understand). But my character's name holds a lot of significance for this story, so I thought that it would work to leave readers in the dark about her name, at least for a little while. Don't worry, her story will unfold as things progress! I've been thinking/reading/learning a lot about gender roles and women's sexuality lately, so this chapter is sort of a reflection of that--ish. It was a bit difficult to balance her femininity with her own personal strengths, but it is definitely becoming a curious experiment for me!

Freddy... heeheehee. He definitely plays a substantial role in my MC's life, and he's definitely got a dark side. I haven't written much of him yet, but I'm super excited for all the ideas I have in my head. :)

Thank you so much for this review, and all the ones after it!


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Review #48, by LululunaEverto Trucido (Hidden for edits): Halloween, 1976 -- Part One

2nd September 2014:
Hey hey!!

Ooh, great chapter! I've really missed this story and Grace's insane life. I thought the beginning section was really haunting and beautifully written what with the oddness of Grace wandering through the future and the horror of seeing James' body. It's a good reminder of how awful her gift of knowing the future is, and I wish there was something she could do to help. After all, this is an AU... right?! I thought her throwing up after seeing it was Halloween was effective as well.

One thing I noticed that you could think about was this description: with its white siding and picket fence, which I just thought sounded quite American. A British cottage, especially in historic Godric's Hollow, might have a stone wall in front of it instead of a picket fence - they're pretty big on those over there. :P And maybe stone walls covered in vines or something instead of siding, but again I'm not sure how exactly the Potter cottage was described in the books.

I hope Grace does go to the party! Lily was so funny with how nerdy she was. She's a lot like Hermione and I'm glad you've emphasized the goody-two-shoes part of her character.

Hmm, I wonder if perhaps Grace didn't mind looking her best in front of Severus, even though she denied it? :P Regulus was really rude and I wanted to smack him, and I like how you've made him a truly nasty character. He just feels like a little spoiled brat. I was on the edge of my seat throughout the potion exploding, ahh I can't believe that happened!! Grace and Sev's little tumble on the floor was sweet, though. :P It's fun to see her getting a break from all her crazy responsibilities.

I think business is going to go down at this party, and I'm guessing Grace might find her way there!! Awesome chapter, Rumpel! :D

Author's Response: TWO reviews? How did I get so lucky?

I'm SO not telling what's going to happen *evil grin*.

Oh yes, that's probably a very good idea. I didn't even think about the difference between what a typical American household would look like versus a typical British household. Duh, Rumpel...

She is a bit like Hermione in this, isn't she? ;)

I'm sure there was something brewing along those lines in the back of her teenage mind :p. Regulus, Regulus, Regulus... well, he'll be more important later. Yay, I'm glad that you like the potion-explosion, as that was particularly fun to write.

Business is going down, but not so much at the party ;).

Thanks for the wonderful review!


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Review #49, by LululunaBeat It: The morning after

31st August 2014:
Hi Tammi!! :) I'm here for the TGS review exchange, and decided to leave a review on the second chapter since the first one was shorter.

I really like Roxy so far! She seems very down to earth and I like how she is so relatable, between being silly with her friends and coping with a hangover by going back to her parents and hoping for mac and cheese. The dynamics in the Qudditch teams seem fun as well and I'm curious to know more about the rivalry between the two teams and how it plays out. The dynamics between all the different Quidditch teams and how they are a little community was really well described as well.

Personally I actually found Jason Turner pretty creepy! It seems like Roxy is sort of interested or at least attracted to him though, so I'll give him a second chance. :P His comments about getting married were a bit of a red flag, though, haha. It would be interesting to see her team's reaction if she actually started something up with him and if that would actually affect her place on the team as well.

It's really interesting how Roxy is a Beater and I'm curious to learn more about why she chose Beating. She must have to be pretty strong to carry around the bats, but even though Beaters tended to be guys in the books I like how she's breaking the mould a little bit while still following in her father's footsteps.

Violet is a great character, I liked her and Roxy's interactions and also her comment about not even being able to see the snitch made me laugh. I also thought George and Angelina seemed very in character and the dynamic between the two of them made me smile. George's hat was just classic, and I like how you mentioned his ear as well, it was a great detail.

A great start, Tammi! :) I really enjoyed the first two chapters!

Author's Response: HELLO!! :D Yay!

I'm so glad that you like Roxy, I have so much fun writing her. I need to go into the rivalry with a bit more depth, I have the upcoming match between the two soon, so I shall have ot include more in it and explain why they have it.

He is creepy haha, bless him. I do love that man :D Jason really likes her. Ah, the teams reaction will be soon, they will find out about Jason and Roxanne.

She is very strong, would beat any of her cousins in an arm wrestle or in a fight. She's always wanted to be a Beater, wanted to follow in her fathers footsteps.

Aww yay! I'm glad that you like Violet, and how I write the other characters.

Thank you so much hun!

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Review #50, by LululunaHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter One

31st August 2014:
Hi Hori! :) I'm finally here for your review from the Slytherin review exchange!

Wow, so this story is really intriguing and I'm excited that I got to discover it. It's quite different, both in content and in the mature, elaborate quality of the writing style from a lot of novels I've read on here. It's funny how you mentioned that our stories started off similarly with the descriptions of post-war Azkaban, and I love how you focused on the politics surrounding the changes at the prison as well.

One detail I really liked was how Azkaban was filled with talking and chatter. It's the sort of characterization which really brings the setting to life and helped me to really picture what it might be like there through sensory detail.

I also enjoyed how Weston was characterized: I'm not sure if he's going to be a continuing character in the story or was just a pair of eyes through which to describe Skerbetz's death, but I liked how you showed the motivations behind wizards who become guards there and how they're not necessarily driven by the most noble intentions. It's a funny balance, because while the prisoners are dangerous criminals, the conditions they are kept under are pretty inhumane and I could see the hints that the guards have let the power go to their heads and enjoy having that power over the inmates.

One thing I did find a little odd was how Weston was so shocked that the prisoner could be dead. I think it fit well with how he was afraid of the prisoners and of his own safety being threatened, but wouldn't they have people dying quite often, from the squalid conditions or even from taking their own lives? Just a thought there, though you did a good job of showing how Weston might not be completely rational when faced with fear.

I liked the vagueness of the discovery of Skerbetz's body, and how there wasn't a lot of detail in that section compared to the rest of the story. It did a good job of raising the mystery and intrigue surrounding him and made me want to know if there was something wrong with his body. I also love the background surrounding him: how you've taken the Dark Mark's powers as a tattoo and turned it into this whole culture of magical tattoos. It's such an original, amazing idea, and I really want to keep reading and learn more about it.

It's interesting how Imogen has the same skill and passion for tattoos as her father, but resents and fears him to the point of being glad he's dead. I like her as a character so far and really loved the scene with the cat tattoo and how it went to hide. That tattoo seemed pretty sweet and harmless but you've hinted at the more dark uses for these tattoos as well. I'm curious too about Imogen's tattoos and the unique powers they have. I can tell you've put a lot of creativity and effort into creating this sect of the wizarding world.

I really liked this, and will definitely be back to read and review the rest of the chapters when I have a chance! :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I'm very happy you enjoyed it so far, and I do hope you make it back to read on further.
The questions you have about Weston's surprise and Imogen's complex relationship to her father's vocation are precisely what I wanted readers to be curious about, so I thank you for confirming that I'm doing that at least passably. ;)
Thank you again for your thoughts and compliments!

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