Reading Reviews From Member: Lululuna
752 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LululunaJigsaw: Piece #8

23rd January 2015:
Hey Sian! :D (Aw, thanks for the shout out! I will pester you to update any time you wish :P)

It was really great to get to meet Fred properly and to see more of the family dynamics between them. I think your portrayal of him is so unique, he's often portrayed in fanfic as this joker sidekick prankster guy so seeing him more uptight and sensitive is really interesting. I also loved the interaction between all the family members, from George getting involving when he means business, to the way that Roxy is trying to keep the peace and not get visibly upset even though she is. Fred really is being so unfair and almost slandering her to her parents when they should hear the story of the breakup from her is just a low blow.

I'm glad Angelina and George stood up for Rox, however! They do seem like really good parents. I also liked the detail about George being the cook in the family, I always imagine all of Molly Weasley's kids knowing their way around a kitchen. :P

(Sidebar: I've been binge-watching Downton Abbey and just wrote that last paragraph in Mrs. Patmore's voice for some reason. Ahem. Anyway...)

I also thought it was really poignant when Rox mentioned how her father cared a lot about family, especially after the losses during the war. It shows how empathetic she is in understanding what her dad might be thinking. She really is such a thoughtful and observant person.

I still have no new ideas about the disappearances, but it's interesting how Roxy is re-visiting the blood status argument. It makes me think that although it felt wrong to even consider those prejudices still exist, sometimes they do have to face them. I still think it has something at least to do with the technology business, though. Sort of because from what we've seen of the criminals, they seem more politically/economically motivated than ideology-motivated.

For the last scene, I'm kind of suspecting right now that the dark-haired man is Fred. If he's dealing some strange drug it might explain why he was in Knockturn Alley, and maybe he's taking it too which could explain why he's been acting so angry and emotional.

As for the green eyed girl... hmm, I feel like that should be a clue. Miranda? I'll have to go back and investigate who has green eyes. Unless it's Harry or Albus disguised as a woman or something, haha, since they have green eyes.

Another superbly written chapter, Sian! :D I'm excited for the next one!! ♥

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Review #2, by LululunaJigsaw: Piece #7

15th January 2015:
Hello! :D Finally caught up, yay!! :)

This was such an eventful chapter! I'm so curious about what happened with Armstrong and why he was killed since we didn't get insight into the kidnappers this time. The scene at the end was so tantalizing. Hmm, I'm wondering if maybe they're attacking and kidnapping powerful wizards for the sake of possibly impersonating them, but maybe Armstrong's disappearance got too public before they could replace him with an impersonator or something. Then the reason why Miss Abbott wasn't supposed to say that he was missing could be because his co-workers were behind it or something, I'm not sure. :P This theory probably makes no sense, haha. I don't know what to make about the T on his hand.

I liked meeting Dom, she seems very down to earth and likable. The news about Victoire being a bridezilla made me laugh. :P

It was cute how Roxy and Daniel got to go to work together, even though their careers are separate. :P I also liked how predatory the press are with getting their stories and how clearly irritated the Hit Wizards get. I liked how you mentioned needing to Obliviate the Muggles and how they feel a bit uneasy about having to do it because it definitely is invasive and a bit unfair for the Muggles.

At first I wondered if Richard might actually be a vampire, but now he seems to be showing more werewolf symptoms. I'll have to wait and see on that one, haha.

So excited to finally say: can't wait until the next update! :D I'm really loving this story, Sian! ♥

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Review #3, by LululunaKaleidoscope Love: Oh Comely

15th January 2015:
Hey Joey! :) Here for the Hot Seat and I'm so glad I get the chance to review some of your work after all the love you showered on mine during Secret Santa! :D

I liked how the use of the song was really subtle here and really fit in with dividing up the sections of the story. I listened to it while reading and it made me feel a little bittersweet, but also happy about being bittersweet, if that makes sense? It fit the mood of the story so nicely and I thought placement of the lyrics that you chose were just perfect for the pairing.

Both Anthony and Ernie were so perfectly characterized here and so much fun to read about. I liked how at first Anthony has this idealized idea of Ernie, which seems realistic for when we have crushes and don't really know the person yet. It was neat too how the DA kind of brings him out of this Ravenclaw-centric world to make connections with the other houses and I feel like he grows up and widens his perspective on life and his place in the world throughout the story. His voice, with all the complex sentences and elongated thoughts, was very formal and yet easy for me to connect with because it felt like he really enjoyed just playing with words and phrases.

(Also this makes me want to ship Anthony/Ernie in The Girl from Slytherin but I already have a boyfriend in mind for him grrr :P)

“Ah, but don’t we all?” he mused. “What else are we to make of our convenient house system that totally wasn’t designed to help us prematurely judge people more efficiently?” This made me laugh out loud because he's just so pompous and annoying that it's endearing. At least, I'm glad Anthony finds him endearing, and Anthony himself is kind of wordy and analytical in a way and it's great how they kind of connect through that. It was fun hearing them talk about house stereotypes, especially about the free hugs, hehe.

I was certain at the end that you were going to break my heart by having one of them die in the Battle of Hogwarts but I'm so happy that wasn't the case and they lived happily ever after. The word kaleidoscope was so perfect and really tied the whole story together as a whole, giving it this finished finesse that really made it feel complete and satisfying.

This was a really great one-shot, and I'm so glad I got to read it! :D Really lovely job! ♥

Author's Response: Hi Jenna! It's so awesome seeing your name pop up in my unanswered reviews because obviously I'm a huge fan of yours. In fact, I'm not sure I would have even attempted to write in this era if I wouldn't have read TGFS and realized how interesting this part of canon can be from a minor character's point of view.

I'm really glad you noticed how I used the song in the place of what would have been a page break! I definitely wanted to use the song in a meaningful way, rather than just kind of throwing it into the story at random. And you listened to the song while reading!! That actually means a lot to me because I spent way too long (like, weeks) into choosing it and making sure that it made sense with the story. So, it's cool that someone opted to go for the 'full experience' so to speak.

I always thought that the DA was such a cool idea just because there's really not enough cross-house friendships in canon until that point for me. I think that all of a sudden spending so much time with people outside of the little bubble of your house would definitely lead to some unexpected friendships.

And can I tell you, I am so glad that the language doesn't come off as pretentious or annoying. It makes me really happy that you felt you could connect with him, even with all of the formal speak.

That would have been so awesome if you shipped this ship, but I'm pretty sure whatever you have in mind will be great and I can't wait to find out who it is!

That is exactly the balance I was trying to strike. Pompous, but endearing isn't too far from what my friends say about me, so maybe it wasn't all that difficult for me :P

I thought about having one of them die, but I wasn't sure I could do justice to that kind of sadness in words. Also, dying at the end of my stories is sort of a recurring theme, so I wanted to throw a curveball where everyone actually survives.

Thank you so much for this review!

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Review #4, by LululunaJigsaw: Piece #6

12th January 2015:
Hiii!! :D

The technology is still so new that it’s extremely expensive, with prices that Daniel could hardly believe when he compared them to those in the Muggle world. If it wasn’t for my job at the Prophet, which comes with a company phone, I wouldn’t be able to afford one either. Ooh does this have something to do with the mystery? Maybe the kidnappers are against the Muggle technology, or want to take over the company or something since it’s so wealthy? The way that Roxy keeps pointing out how much Muggle culture influences wizarding culture makes me think increasingly that it must be significant.

Aggie is so funny, but I feel bad for Jane that she has to work for her. :P

Okay I just have to mention this because it made me laugh but Chapters is the name of the largest bookstore chain here in Canada. Like, it’s the Starbucks of Canadian bookstores in terms of the frequency with which it appears (ironically a lot of them actually have Starbucks in them). So when I read Chapters here where she said it was a “Muggle café” I was like “lol sweet little wizards, think Chapters is a little local café.” AND THEN I REALIZED that they must not have Chapters in England, which I never explicitly noticed when I was living there but it makes sense. :P So I’m not confused anymore, but I am still amused.

Ahem, anyway back to Daniel. I like how there are all the details about how awkward it is, like how they’re awkward about not knowing who should pay. I feel like that’s such a common thing that couples do and to have to adjust to it after breaking up would be really disorienting.

I’m so glad Roxy got the chance to explain herself to Daniel! It’s good that they’re taking things slow and seeing where they can go from there. I don’t ship them too forcefully, because I feel like I don’t quite trust him yet, but I do ship them tentatively for now, hehe.

This is such a minor detail but I loved the image of the old lady blushing through her powdered cheeks. It was just so neat and vibrant, I could really see it in my head.

Somehow I’m not sure the body is Armstrong, but luckily for me there’s one more chapter to read and find out! :D Yet another amazing chapter, Sian! :)

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Review #5, by LululunaJigsaw: Piece #5

12th January 2015:
Bonjour my belle!

Okay so you already know I loved the first few lines because they described my most beloved London. :P I like how the man calls the London eye a “strange Muggle wheel” too. It must be pretty odd for wizards.

I liked how the chapter began with Roxy’s article! I didn’t really suspect Upton anyway, but the fact that the kidnappers are going after the publicist, and not after Roxy, makes me think that they might not mind the press leading the public on a false trail. But now I’m worried that Upton himself will come after Roxy and try to curse her or sue her or something for publishing against him!

Ahh, we get to find out what happened with Daniel! Hearing Roxy tell the story – and knowing how honest she is – makes me angry with James and Fred for being so mean to her. Why should she stay in a relationship where her partner is being unexplicably rude and making her miserable? Although it does sound like perhaps he was going through something external from their relationship and was taking it out on Roxy. Hmm, I wonder if it has something to do with the case and these kidnappers going around Imperius-ing people?

I’m glad Lucy pointed out what I was thinking, how they were being unreasonable, and also decided to set things straight with their family as it is unfair of them not to at least listen to Roxy’s side of the story. Lucy seems so great and supportive, it’s awesome to see her in Roxy’s corner while also helping Roxy understand their cousins’ behaviour.

Another awesome chapter and I'm so glad my curiosity has been satiated for now! ♥

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Review #6, by LululunaJigsaw: Piece #4

12th January 2015:
Hey hey!! (It’s hard finding a new exciting way to start each review without being too much of a broken record, haha).

Ah, poor Roxy, trying to get a good interview. Archie seems really sweet though, I like how Roxy was able to convince him to speak with her by being sneaky and saying her full name. It’s probably a good thing she said she was a journalist too because she could possibly get in trouble for libel or something if she lied and put it in a story. I also like how both Archie and Marius really fit their names somehow, where Archie seems like a bouncy, happy name and Marius is more mysterious and moody, haha.

Using a Pensieve for interviews is brilliant! I’m so mad that the equivalent doesn’t exist in the Muggle world! :P (though I guess we do have tape recorders…). Oh, a quick note about Roxy not revealing her sources though, I know in my journalism classes at least they’re really iffy about anonymous sources, i.e. if we use one in even an assignment we get marks taken off because they’re not as credible and are supposed to have a really good reason for being anonymous. So maybe if Roxy gave a specific reason (like the fact that Armstrong was murdered), and cited in her interview that the sources preferred not to be named it would be super realistic? Just a thought because she might have gotten some trouble from the boss about promising not to use her sources’ names. :P

Aw, poor captive. I’m assuming the captive is Armstrong, though for all I know he wasn’t named, so he could even be one of the kidnappers potentially. That scene was so intense and exciting. I also noticed how the first time he appeared, they cast the first Unforgivable curse, and the second time, the second Unforgivable… does Roxy have to help find him before they cast the third one?! Am I reading too much into this pattern?!

Haha, I can totally imagine Ron making fun of George for going a bit bald. :P Although I’m sure George would return the favour. I giggled at how he was “threatening” the poor sales boy. And Verity got a mention!!! YAY!!!

I’m glad that George can talk about Fred and laugh. It definitely seems like the best way to honour Fred’s memory is by remembering how fun he was.

Hmm. My suspects so far are…Stephen, because this nervous thing could be all an act…the garden gnomes from the frist chapter…and Fred, because he’s being shady. Clearly you can tell that I really have no good suspects right now and I should not be an Auror, ever. :P

Awesome chapter, Sian!

Oh! I just realized something else! What if the chapter titles mean that there is a "piece" of the puzzle inside each chapter, like one specific detail that will lead to the truth? I really have no clue yet what those could be, though. Hmm. Maybe not such a great theory after all. :P

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Review #7, by LululunaJigsaw: Piece #3

12th January 2015:
Hola!! ☺

I’m glad Andy told Miranda off for being mean to Roxy, and he did it in a really sneaky way too by bringing up actual facts and using them against her. Definitely a sign that he’s another good journalist. :P

I’m liking Violet more and more. It’s really neat how she uses Muggle comparisons to explain things, and I liked learning about her take on press conferences.

I love how even though Roxy herself is a journalist, she still sees some journalists as feeding on gossip, like her and Lily not speaking. Ah, I’m still so curious about Daniel and what happened to have so many of Roxy’s own family turn against her! I like how Lily can still be happy for Roxanne, though, and it’s really relatable for whne people are in arguments with their family members but still love them. This story just feels so real!

Ugh, Jensen. I hate him already, especially with how he’s trying to manipulate Roxy by acting interested in her. Although I do think his theory, though not phrased with sensitivity, is probably something that people would think of in the wake of the war. I’m wondering if the dismissal of his theory of the motive involving blood status is maybe a red herring to get the reader off that track, hmm.

My tentative theory at this point in the story is that it has something to do with his job and Muggle technology coming into the wizarding world, but I’m not sure yet. :P

I'm really excited to learn more about Fred and what he's up to! He seems a little too oblivious right now...possibly under the Imperius Curse since he doesn't hear Roxy calling him? Just more speculating, I really have no clue. :P

This was another really great chapter, Sian! :D

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Review #8, by LululunaJigsaw: Piece #2

12th January 2015:
Hello again! :D

I have a talent for remembering names and faces that my family cannot comprehend, and there have been multiple awkward occasions when I’ve spoken to someone who doesn’t have a clue who I am. Oh my, THIS. I can totally relate so much, hehe. Although it's also happened to me where I'm not wearing my glasses and legitimately mistake a stranger for a friend. :P But this is also a great example of her journalism skills showing through!

Richard seems interesting! I like how he's kind of set up to be a bit of a shady character, between being a Parkinson, drinking heavily and having yellow teeth (for some reason this reminds me of bad character traits). But the fact that he's a friendly acquaintance who Roxy enjoys speaking with makes him very unique and curious.

I really like Andy's case about the smallest detail making a story stand out, and it's so true. The descriptions of the elite journalists is really realistic, but also shows how as an outsider Roxanne might have a leg up in finding an angle that goes against the mainstream.

Speaking of details, there are many here which I found really effective in making Roxy's job really believable and relatable. For example, the point about questioning the family and how it's both sensitive, but also something that journalists are supposed to do. I thought Roxy's conflict over that was really relatable, and loved how she mentioned her parents and how they would feel.

Hmm, so Malcolm worked at Conjuring Communications? And the Aurors are unusually interested even though he hasn't been gone for long? Already there are many seeds of clues which I am trying desperately to piece together. :P I love how you mentioned the phones and Conjuring Communications in the last chapter too, and how it resurfaces in this chapter. Hmm.

I already don't really like Daniel, because he seems really angry and bitter. But then again, there are two sides to every story. I wonder if maybe Roxy cheated on him, or maybe she used him to try and get a story, even if she didn't realize it at the time? Neither really seems like something she would do but it does seem like she did something to make him feel justified in being angry with her. I'm so curious! You've done an amazing job with already building this whole complex world with a full cast of characters in only a couple chapters.

This was another exciting chapter, and the plot is moving along at a really well-written pace! :) I'm excited to keep reading!

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Review #9, by LululunaJigsaw: Piece #1

12th January 2015:
Hey Sian! :D I read this chapter so long ago but kept getting distracted when I started to review, ugh. But I really love this story and can't wait to catch up with it and review all the chapters, woohoo! :)

The beginning was so exciting and I love how you jumped right into the action of the mystery. It's also really interesting how the expectation is reversed. I expected the spell to be "Avada Kedavra" because that's what tends to happen when dark wizards come calling, but the fact that it was "Imperio" means that I'll be second-guessing all the characters in trying to figure out who it could be and who is actually acting in their right mind.

Can I just say that Violet Toots is an excellent name? :P And haha, so true that Muggles have way more sports than wizards do, seriously. I love how yoga was mentioned as one of those sports too, because yoga is awesome!

I really love Roxy already. She's very relatable, with how she feels like she isn't accomplishing everything she wants to, and is both bored and embarrassed with her articles. Although I will say that garden gnomes invading a town does seem quite amusing. :PI also liked how she's very down-to-earth, like not being tempted into gossiping about Miranda because she suspects that they gossip about her. It shows her character really well in how she can see the bigger picture that way and not want to engage in mean behaviour, even though she doesn't like Miranda. She feels very mature and observant.

It's really interesting how the wizards have adapted Muggle phones and are making use of them. That's very creative but also makes sense, as they would be a lot more convenient than owls or Patronuses (Patroni?).

Aw, Bob! He's so sweet! I'm glad Roxanne is his friend. :)

I loved the description of the pub and the way the girls make time to meet up every week. It's definitely relatable that it's tricky to stay in touch sometimes, even when friends live in the same city.

You did a great job stirring up suspense about Daniel here and what happened, and why Fred might be taking his side. I love how the family dynamics are already being mentioned as they really round Roxy out as a character and make me want to know everything about her!

It takes less than a second for the warm combination of alcohol and friendship to dissolve into an icy fear that takes hold of my insides and twists them, making me feel sick. This line was so amazing because it made me feel exactly the way Roxanne was feeling! I hate getting in trouble of any sort too so it was really relatable, I felt like I was right there with her. :P

Yay for Roxy! I love how she's a journalist who will be investigating the mystery, instead of an Auror or detective. It's a really neat perspective for solving a mystery, and I'm really excited to keep reading and find out what on earth is going on!

Great first chapter, Sian!! :D

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Review #10, by LululunaDull Ache: Oblivion

4th January 2015:
Hi Rose! ♥

Wow, I just wanted to drop by and say that I read this and am sending so much love your way. I'm so sorry for your loss. This story was beautiful and powerful and heartbreaking, and I felt myself even more immersed in Andromeda's ordeal here because of your experience.

This story really made my heart hurt. It was really strong and immersive and I couldn't tear my eyes away. The structure of going back and forth between the past and present added a new layer of how her mind must be working.

I loved the name Elvis here and how the name was tied in with Ted's Muggle heritage. Throughout the story, the characters of both of them really shone through: the humour, the anger, the grief and the way they both face it in different ways. I felt like Andromeda's body being a constant physical reminder of her loss was very relatable and uniquely feminine.

Wow, that last line. It was such a unique contrast. I feel like when many people experience grief or trauma we wish we could have it removed from our memories, and the way that her body remembers even if her brain has been coaxed into forgetting was just beautiful. It gave a really interesting dimension to the first section as well, revealing how she had been Obliviated and while her brain didn't remember, her body tells her that something isn't right. The word "barren" to describe the room really emphasized that and shows how somehow, she still remembers. It was an amazing and heartbreaking twist.

Thank you so much for sharing this. ♥

Author's Response: Jenna!!

Thank you so much for stpping by and for the lovely review. I had the idea for this before my loss but I got the power to write it because I could so freshly relive those emotions and experiences.

I'm glad you liked them picking that name. I had to change a standing joke in Epitaph/HIKLM to make Tonks' body pillow named Elvis (because I had a living person's name before). I wanted that tie in with Tonks and her life. I was worried that their characterization was flat so it's nice to hear that their personalities came through with their experiences. I do find Andromeda's experience to be a piece of what is uniquely feminine and something a man could never experience or fully get.

One reason I'm glad you read this is that you connected the first and last sections. You really hit the nail on the head with how I hoped people would read the end/beginning.

thank you so much for reading and reviewing


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Review #11, by LululunaValentine's Day: Valentine's Day

4th January 2015:
Hello! :) I saw your post on the forums and read that ridiculous flame review. Geez, some people really need to get a life if all they have to do is troll and be mean on the internet. Ugh, it makes me mad that somebody left that nasty review. Hopefully you don't let it get to you!! ♥ Your writing is amazing!

Anyway I refused to let that be the only review on this story so once you report it this can be the first review instead. :D

This was such a neat take on a Valentines day and it really kept me guessing. I love the non-linear style of the story as well, it's so unique but I feel like it made the story all the stronger. The last section was so bittersweet because I already knew that it wouldn't be working out for them.

I loved the surprise line at the end of the first section, as well as the shock when it said that Ginny had been staying with Dean. I think you did a great job explaining how Ginny might be compelled to leave Harry: they were having problems before, and the trauma of the war would quite likely fracture their relationship in the long term as well. It was a really original take on their relationship and fit really nicely with the story.

I loved the writing in the last section. The intimacy between them was so beautifully written and I especially loved the line about their bare legs beneath the sheets. Lovely!

This was a great story and I really enjoyed how original and well-written it was! ♥

Author's Response: Aww! Thank you so much for coming to read my story! It was totally unnecessary but I really appreciate it.

I'm glad you liked the non-linear aspect of the story! That was the challenge, and I wanted to try to work it to my advantage so I am glad it worked!

I'm so glad that you understood what I was trying to do with their relationship. I am happy that it is apparent why Ginny would end up leaving Harry. I wanted to portray them as real as possible; sometimes these things just happen, you know? You are totally in love with someone one day and then as things progress you could fall out of love. Unfortunately that happens all the time. So I wanted to bring that realness to the HP universe. I'm glad you liked it!

Thank you so much for reading my story. You are so kind :)

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Review #12, by LululunaDeath Eaters: Death Eaters

1st January 2015:
Hello! :) Here for your second of three prize reviews! :D

I couldn't resist this story, the summary and promise of darkness caught my eye. I'm always so impressed by micro fiction because I myself am awful at it so I'm really impressed with what you've accomplished here!

I'll go through for each character!

Regulus: Wow, I love how much emotion and foreshadowing was in his section. It really showed his self-loathing and doubt as rationale for his eventual betrayal of Voldemort, and the last line was just chilling as we all know what happens to him. It was so interesting to refer to him as "exploding" and made it seem like his sacrifice wasn't necessarily rational, but an inevitable build-up of guilt and hate.

Narcissa: I loved the line about Ted having the "kindest of eyes" &hearts. The connections between the Black sisters always fascinated me and I liked how you showed Andromeda as Narcissi's protector, but Narcissa as inherently selfish and not being able to see beyond her own limitations. It seemed like Narcissa wasn't strong enough to shift into that role of protector which causes her to retract into that babyish role. Very interesting considering how she eventually becomes the protector for Draco and is such a strong maternal character. This got me thinking how perhaps her fierce protection for Draco stems from her memories of Andromeda, and a desire to prove that she, too, can protect her loved ones. Very cool! :) I love stories that really get me thinking.

Rosier: Wow. That line about the children was really difficult to read. It was beautifully written, but heart wrenching and made me so angry for those poor unnamed victims. That's a real sign of powerful writing!

Greyback: This section was so interesting in showing how Greenback is motivated by revenge and wants to achieve self-worth. I felt that perhaps he himself is insecure and so he even needs to prove to himself that he is great, even if he knows that he is being evil or at least breaking the rules of the society. That was a really interesting interpretation in making him more sympathetic while still hating him.

Snape: This section was both creepy and sweet, but perhaps I'm a bit prejudiced against Snape already. :P I think you did a really good job with having his voice be distinct from the others. The form and language seemed to shift a little bit to show how he was unique among them. I really loved the image of Lily with a flower, and how she's associated with light. :)

Rabastan: Ah! Emmeline makes an appearance!! I loved this section and getting Rabastan's POV and really showing what a jerk he is. This section was mysterious, but kind of seemed like it was suggesting that he was using Legilimency on Emmeline to impress Voldemort, or at least showing off how he could manipulate Emmeline and perhaps other people in the future. It was such an interesting way to show their relationship from his view. It made me sad how he called her stupid and selfish but also excited at how she managed to break free from him. Really shows what a manipulative, patronizing man he is and adds some new insight into the Emmeline series.

This was a really great series that I loved reading and analyzing, as you can probably see. :P Sometimes I get a little carried away, hehe. Great job! :)

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Review #13, by LululunaNow You've Seen: Now You've Seen

1st January 2015:
Hello there! :) I'm (finally) here for your first of three prize reviews for placing in the Beatles Challenge. I'm so sorry for taking this long to deliver your prize!

I actually read this story ages ago but didn't get around to reviewing. It's exciting to see how you took the song from the challenge and made another story out of it as well, and I love how this story built off of the first one and really took Emmeline further in her journey of self-discovery.

I love how the whole story reads almost like a song. I feel like Emmeline really is talking to me, but in a really soft, elegant way, and it gives a truly strong feeling of her character, like she's the sort who wants to explain herself both in her own mind and to others. She really evolved over the course of this story and it was beautiful to read about.

Peter, with his small words, that meant so much. I loved this line so much because it seemed to capture a pre-evil Peter perfectly. I love it when authors account for him and show that he was a valued member of the group, and the diction of "small words" fit him so well. It was such a great line and one that really was lovely to read.

My wand had collected an inch of dust, untouched in the back of my sock drawer. I thought this was a really strong, yet subtle way of showing to the reader how she separated herself from the magical world and was trying to put away a part of herself. Showing-not-telling is tricky to do in writing and you really nailed it with that line. :)

I would never change the world. But I had changed myself. This was such a great message for the story to end on. It shows, I think, how the idealistic way we think about changing the world isn't necessarily the way to go about it. Instead, changing our own position in that world and turning it into something positive is the way to enact good. It's a very wise idea, in a way, kind of like advocating for small change which will lead to bigger change in the long run. I don't know if that made any sense but I really liked the way Emmeline had evolved into this view of herself. :)

This was a wonderful sequel, and I really enjoyed reading it! :)

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Review #14, by LululunaDivided: The Tale of the Hogwarts Founders: Chapter VII

1st January 2015:
Hi Kristin!! :D So excited to see this was updated!

I think you did a really great job here showing Salazar's descent into hatred and bitterness. It felt very authentic how he went from sort of an emotional resentment which, when triggered by his grief, turned into all-out manic hatred. At the same time, after the deaths he still preserves his image by hiding his hate and biding his time, and I think that trait is really emblematic of the ways that Slytherins can be sneaky in tucking away different parts of their lives and really succeeding through secrecy. As the founder of a whole house of people who exhibit and are even socialized to have certain traits, I think you've done an amazing job in creating a character who is both archetypal and yet absolutely unique and three-dimensional.

I feel like Salazar here is honestly become mad, or is so possessed by grief that he is mad in his single-mindedness. It's a little terrifying to read about actually because in a way, even though I know better, I could relate to his anger in wanting revenge because he's so heartbroken. I think it's a very human emotion we all border on sometimes, but he's enabled by his power and authority as well as his skills in secrecy.

It was interesting reading about his logic in deciding on the Basilisk, and I did giggle a moment at the image of Salazar crouching down and encouraging a toad to sit on a chicken egg and getting all excited when a little snake comes out. It's an amusing image for some reason.

As usual, the attention to historical detail here is so impressive. Including the stocks was so brilliant while also showing the general ignorance of people of the time. I felt really sad for Elaine and Morgan, they were innocent and reasonable people and deserved better, poor things. It was interesting to think to that even though people died young in those days all the time, the grief of the loss is still as poignant as ever. :(

Amazing chapter, Kristin! I'm excited for the next one! ♥

Author's Response: Eeep! It was so exciting to see this lovely review from you!! ♥

Gah, thank you so much! I'm so thrilled that you liked the portrayal of Salazar here and his descent into hatred/bitterness/madness, and that it felt authentic. It means so much to me that you see him as unique and three-dimensional here, and that you appreciate his tucking away his feelings in secret to present an image to the others.

I think there is an element of madness in him, yeah. And yes I'm so glad you said that about relating to him - that is exactly what I was hoping for - to explain his descent, not making excuses for him, but just to put people in his shoes for a bit as his grief and anger are very real, even if his coping mechanisms are flawed. So I'm really glad you could understand him in this, even though he was becoming fixated on his hatred.

Ahaha, that is a hilarious image to think of and I'm glad you shared it with me :D

Thank you! Your compliment about historical detail is so wonderful especially because I know you are particular about this sort of thing as well, what with all of your historical details in Play the Devil! :) I did feel bad killing off those two, but considering the era, as you mentioned, people dying young was pretty common. Not that that would have made it any easier. :(

I'm so glad you're excited for the last chapter! I can tell you already that it will definitely be up on or before the 20th of January, because that marks exactly two years from when I began writing this fic, and I have a weird obsession with numbers lining up perfectly like that :p

Thanks so much for your review, Jenna! ♥

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Review #15, by LululunaViolet Hill: an iridescent colour.

19th December 2014:
Hey hey!! :)

Ooh, I really liked how while the first two chapters were about Astoria's death and this one about Lily, there were still links between the two of them. Like how Lily was the one who helped him come to terms with Astoria dying. I particularly liked this line:

she was the one who allowed the light to seep in. Beam by beam, she wiped away your melancholic edges. It was just such a neat image and I could really picture Scorpius' emotions here.

I like how much Lily's character was flushed out, with her interest in history and how she seems very clever and logical. I liked how they were just good friends, not necessarily in a relationship. I suppose thinking back that fits with the HC prompt and it felt really unique as usually I might expect a story like this to be about a spouse, but it was all the more meaningful that they were friends in a way. It's lovely to see how Scorpius sees Death as not limiting, but that Lily will live on forever. It was a really nice ending to the story and tied it all together so well.

Great job with these, Kiana, I really loved reading them!! :) Sorry again for taking forever! ♥

Author's Response: Hi hi!

I'm glad you liked the link as I wanted to make the final chapter a little more positive and less negative than the previous had been as it couldn't be all dark and gloomy.

I'm so glad that you liked it, as we usually see Scorpius in a relationship with one of the Weasley/Potter girls, I wanted to change it here and make them friends instead as it's quite different for him, plus that's what the prompt was! I'm glad you liked the idea that death wasn't limiting as I think it's something we should all remember as it will make life a lot easier that way.

No problem Jenna, and thanks again for the great reviews! ♥


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Review #16, by LululunaViolet Hill: the land of delusions.

19th December 2014:
Hello again, my dear! ♥

Ooh, this chapter was so creepy. Even more so than the last one, I'd thought that Scorpius had accepted his mother's death but this shows that the grieving stages are a process, and perhaps something that he will never quite come to terms with.

The wind’s soft tongue wraps itself around you, drawing you into its hushed words, making you think its blurred syllables, obscured vowels, are the truth, that it doesn’t possess an ounce of lies. I really loved this line, it was such a cool personification of the wind and really effective. Scorpius' idea of Death as an essence or presence also really felt powerful and reminded me of Death in the Tale of the Three Brothers.

I like Draco's idea of Death and how he sort of brings Scorpius out of this eerie world and back into reality. It felt like Scorpius' grief had sort of gone beyond his simply missing his mother and become a more psychological fear that affected his own idea of his own identity, and that he needs Draco's words to bring him back to reality.

Another great story! :) I liked how it expanded on the first story but also brought something new and a different angle in understanding his mother's death. Well done! :)

Author's Response: Hey again Jenna! ♥

Haha, I know, as this is perhaps the more reflective stage of the grieving process where he really has to confront all the horrors of death.

Aw, thank you so much, it was so much fun making Death more of a character as he's so intricate and complex when you do personify him it's so much fun to write.

He does, and I think him being an only child and having a sort of recluse father doesn't help much with the grieving process as he's doesn't have anyway to confide until Draco finally got his act together and looked after him.

Thank you so much for this fab review, Jenna! ♥


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Review #17, by LululunaViolet Hill: a glimpse of infinity.

19th December 2014:
Hi Kiana! I'm FINALLY here for the TGS review exchange from forever ago, and I'm so sorry for taking this long! :( My only (not very good) explanation is that RL has really taken over me and kept me away from HPFF, but should be a bit better now. :)

I love the idea of this short story collection and how each chapter centers around the same theme. Also what a great song to frame the stories around, it's a weirdly inspirational song haha and so chilling.

Great job with the second person POV, as always! :) I think it helped bring that eerie quality to the story, but at the same time made me feel sort of detached from Scorpius, as if he has secrets that he's not yet sharing with us and that slowly are hinted at throughout the story. I felt like even though the story was short, we got a strong understanding of his character - how he runs away, how he is quite introspective, but looks to external objects for understanding and signifiance. I really liked the imagery as well, between the white of the snow and his mother's skin, and the image of the dark, fragmented Thestral in contrast.

It's a really interesting use of the HC prompt to have Scorpius kind of bonding with the Thestral and it actually helping him accept his mother's death. It was a really unique use of the relationship between bereaved and Thestral and I liked the idea of Scorpius finding peace and acceptance through the understanding of death.

Great job with this, Kiana! :) Onwards I go to the next chapter!

(PS. Sorry about the weird / marks, they've been appearing in my reviews today for some reason).

Author's Response: Hey Jenna, don't worry RL has kept me away from HPFF a lot lately too so I completely understand how it is for you.

Aw, thank you, I thought it would make it slightly more eerie too which is why I opted for it as this is quite a dark time for Scorpius to deal with. I'm so glad that you got an understanding of his character though as it was hard to try and convey that in 500 words as well as develop the rest of the story too.

Aw, thank you, Thestrals have always interested me because of their close relationship with death so it was fun to explore the more positive connotations rather than the negative ones.

Thanks for a great review, Jenna! ♥


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Review #18, by LululunaThe Red Haired Witch: Chapter One

19th December 2014:
Hi Hori! :) I'm so, so sorry for taking so long with your review for the review swap. It really took far too long and my only explanation is that RL completely conquered me! :( I really loved this story and thought it was perfectly written, so expect a review full of compliments coming up, hehe.

I love how the plot of the story was completely realized. Though the last section jumps quite significantly in time, we already know everything about Ganymede's transformation to fill in the blanks of the missing years and how much the glove means to her. You did a really great job of showing time's progression and telling a complex, complete story in a single one-shot.

And Ganymede, wow! What a character. Even though she turns to the dark side, I found myself really rooting for her and wanting her to triumph over Callista. You just wrote her so perfectly and she was incredibly complex: between her apprehension and jealousy, her bitterness and glee, I felt like she could be a real person who just was pushed too far and became corrupted.

I loved Ganymede's transformation into the Red Widow, this supernatural human who had just been poisoned beyond having any humanity left. The transformation from her at the beginning to the ending of the story was fascinating to read about and felt like something out of a dark fairytale.

I also thought you did a really good job incorporating the story with the wizarding world. Tying in Tom was a great addition and I liked the companionship between them in how they were kindred spirits and how he helped her to realize her full potential in a way. When she got in the carriage I knew already that it was him, in a really delicious way: it's neat when you feel so invested in a story that you can feel the presence of a character even before his identity is revealed. :)

I absolutely loved the descriptions of Borgin & Burke's and how vivid the scene was. It was extremely gothic but the beautiful writing made the scene feel real and tangible. There were so many beautiful lines and moments in the story and the whole thing was flawless.

I feel like this is the sort of story that you could consider turning into an OF short story, maybe for a Halloween contest or something. You could make Tom a more mysterious figure who helps Ganymede in her supernatural vengeance and maybe twist it so the magical world setting wasn't necessary. Maybe something to think about, the quality is definitely extremely impressive! :)

I really loved this story and thought it was perfectly written and very chilling. You did an amazing job with it! I'm sorry for rambling so much in this review haha but I just really liked reading it. Sorry again for taking so long to review! :(

(Also I have no clue why but there are a bunch of random / marks that I can't get rid of haha. Spooky.)

Happy holidays! ♥

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review!

Firstly, don't worry about the time it took. Real life gets the best of all us mortals at some point or another. I'm just happy you took the time and enjoyed the story. :)

I'm glad that the feedback I've gotten on this story (including yours obviously) has more or less confirmed that I was mostly successful in creating a dark atmosphere and creepy tone. I don't write short stories very much (or at all, really), so it wasn't exactly comfortable for me to condense into a few thousand words what I normally would have taken many chapters to realize. It was hard to tell if I was being too heavy handed or, conversely, glossing over too much.

I really enjoyed the process of coming up with Ganymede, so I'm happy you had a good time with her. She actually went through several very different versions before I settled on this one. Originally she was actually meant to start off fully corrupted from the beginning of the story, but that didn't lend to a very compelling tale.

Interesting idea about trying to convert it into an original piece. I'll think about that...

Thanks again for your lovely review and for taking the time to read! :)


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Review #19, by LululunaSaving Severus Snape : 2nd September 1976 - Part 1

16th December 2014:
Hi again! :) Here for your fourth prize review. Also, I completely failed to deliver on your prize for a chapter to be beta-read, so I'll contact you soon on the forums to find out if you'd like the same chapter beta'd or a different one. :)

Now, onto the chapter! As before, I really like how seriously Hermione takes her role here in the past and how strict she is in trying to follow the rules. It makes her the perfect person for this job because I feel like Harry or Ron would get carried away and break the rules and make all sorts of dangerous mistakes, whereas Hermione is more controlled and cautious, and that really shows well here through the situations she's been put in.

I'm a bit worried now that Snape will never warm up to her! :P He's pretty nasty, but who knows, maybe they'll be able to find some common ground through Potions.

Lily seems very sweet and very much in character with her portrayal in canon. I really liked their interaction and thought it really showed Lily as a character and what role she might play for Hermione. James on the other hand is quite annoying. :P I don't really like how he used the word "bird" to describe Hermione but it fit his sort of arrogant and careless attitude. Hopefully he smartens up a bit. I liked how although he reminds Hermione of Harry, the father and son are very different and that shows in the way James treats people in contrast to Harry.

Flitwick was so sweet here! What a nice man. I really like the care he shows for her in trying to make her feel at home.

Another great chapter! I really enjoyed reading the first few chapters of this story and will be keeping an eye out for updates! :)

Author's Response: Hey again!! ♥

Oh that's totally cool! No worries! :) If you happen to see this before you PM me, the same chapter would be awesome.

I agree completely. I don't think Harry would be able to not tell his parents, Sirius or Remus of what was to come and who knows what that would do to the future. Ron... Well I do love Ron, but I think we all know he wouldn't handle this well at all without Hermione or Harry. Hermione is just the most logical choice.

Bahaha! He is pretty nasty. Who knows if he'll warm up to her... I guess we'll see what happens. :p

Lily was very sweet and welcoming towards Hermione. I figured, from what we know about her, that she would be one of the first people to approach a new student. (If Hogwarts ever received them) She really won't be a huge part of the story, but she'll pop up here and there. Same for the Marauders. They're around a bit right now, but they're going to be more minor characters in the story. Yeah "bird" was kind of rude, but as much as he may look like his son, they are pretty different. I'm glad that seemed to be portrayed well.

Oh I know! Flitwick was just so great, wasn't he? :D

Thank you so much for all of these fantastic reviews! I'm so happy that you've enjoyed this all so far and, if you do read on, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, too!! ♥

xoxo Meg

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Review #20, by LululunaSaving Severus Snape : 1st September 1976 - Evening

16th December 2014:
Hi again!! :) Here for your third prize review.

I really love Amelia already. She's so accomplished and amazing in the future and it's great to see how that began with her being a not only kind but perceptive girl at Hogwarts. Her and Hermione seem to have a lot in common so it seems right that they would instantly be friends. I feel like they both like having "quality over quantity" when it comes to their friends and are sensitive to the needs and fears of others.

I'm actually really glad that Hermione isn't attracted to Sirius. His behaviour is pretty obnoxious and I agree that Hermione can see through his good looks and cares more about the personality inside. :P Plus he is her best friend's godfather so it's probably uncomfortable enough for her that he's hitting on her. :P

Rita and Gilderoy will definitely add some excitement to the mix. It's great that they're paired together and I loved the characterization of Rita as being nosy and a gossip, and how Amelia warned Hermione about her. I hope that Hermione can keep off Rita's radar since having her secrets spread around the school would be not only embarrassing, but potentially dangerous if it affects the future.

It's really interesting seeing the Marauders world through an outsider's eyes and I think this chapter did a great job of world building without being too overwhelming or confusing. As usual, the quality of the writing was amazing and clear, and I really enjoyed reading it! :)

Author's Response: Hiya!! :)

I'm totally loving Amelia, too. She's becoming one of my favorite characters in this story, so I'm thrilled that you like her! :D She and Hermione are a little bit alike, so they'll definitely bond pretty quickly. You're exactly right, they do prefer quality in their friendships, which is why they'll get along just fine. :)

He may be good looking, but she's not falling for it haha. You've nailed that right on the head. It is making her VERY uncomfortable that he's hitting on her. I'm sure she'll put him in his place soon. ;)

I'm so glad that the whole Rita/Lockhart seems to be working. I thought it would be a really funny pairing, and I was so hoping others would find the humor in it as well. I'm beyond happy to hear that you liked it! And yeah, Rita digging around Hermione too much would absolutely not be a good thing for her. At all.

Oh wow, thank you!! :D That really means a lot to me!! Thank you so, so much for another amazingly lovely review! I hope you continue to enjoy the story! ♥

xoxo Meg

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Review #21, by LululunaSaving Severus Snape : 1st September 1976

16th December 2014:
Hi there! :) Back for your second prize review.

I like the pacing of this chapter and how quite a bit happens to develop Hermione's character and the situation she's in. It's really exciting and suspenseful seeing her noticing all the familiar faces and the shadow of foreboding that hangs over them because she knows what will happen to them. There's some really great details here - I especially liked the description of Lockhart and how Hermione knows how he will end up.

Madam Rosmerta was a pleasant surprise too! I like the idea of them becoming friends and Rosmerta seems like a really nice character. It was really interesting to see all of the Marauders as well and they definitely made an entrance. I really have no idea how Hermione is going to win Snape over and make friends with him but I'm very curious to see how she will try and bond with him. Something tells me that maybe bonding around a common enemy (like the Marauders?) might be a good way to do that, but I have no idea what Hermione's plan is at this point. :P

One comment:
saw a very young and - as much as she hated to admit it - extremely beautiful, young The adjective "young" is used twice.

One other little detail I noticed is that Hermione sees James' eyes and notices that they're a different colour from Harry's. I guess it depends how close he was standing to her at the time but that's a pretty specific detail to notice from a distance, unless she has superhuman eyesight. :P A way to fix that detail might be to clarify how close he was standing to Hermione, or not to mention minute details like his eye colour until they meet and are face to face. Just a suggestion there! :)

I liked the interaction between James and Lily and how Lily stands up for people James bullies. It felt very true to their canon characters.

This was another really interesting and well-written chapter, I really enjoyed it! :)

Author's Response: Hey! Welcome back!! :D

Thank you!! XD That was all definitely what I was going for, so I'm glad that the whole darkening atmosphere seemed to come across there. Oh Lockhart haha. He'll be popping up some more during this story. :)

She was actually a surprise to me too, to be honest. I wasn't planning on having her really in this, but it just kind of happened, and I'm glad that it did. I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed her being there too! She'll definitely be along again. Haha yeah, they most certainly did. That's definitely a good guess, but I can't give anything away! :p

I didn't even realize I did that. I went back and took out the second "young." Thanks for pointing that out! ♥

I'll have to go back and edit that, too. I have her sitting right near the door, and the guys are all right there, but I'll go back and make it a little bit clearer.

Lily definitely started to, until she noticed who James was bullying. After that, she did not seem to care any longer. But you really can't blame her after what just happened at the end of last term.

Thank you so much for another amazing review! And I'm super thrilled that you've enjoyed this chapter as well!! ♥

xoxo Meg

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Review #22, by LululunaSaving Severus Snape : 31st August 1976

16th December 2014:
Hello!! :) I'm finally here with your first of four prize reviews for placing in the Beatles Challenge. Sorry for taking so long!! :P

I thought I'd review the four later chapters of this story because the first one already has a fair bit of reviews. I love the idea of the story, being a huge fan of time travel in fic. It's so interesting to see how the characters adjust and how all the mechanics of time travel itself work as well, so I'm excited to see where this story goes. :) I'll admit, I'm not the biggest Snape fan but that's mostly because of his actions as an adult, so I'm excited to see if the portrayal of him as a teenager will redeem him and how it might change the HP story and relationships.

With regards to the first chapter, I thought it was really well paced and realistic with Hermione's reactions. She was portrayed as being really empathetic and caring by JKR and I think you captured that really well. The one thing that I found a little odd was that the first thought she had when going back in time that she'd be in the same time period as Harry's parents and their friends - I wonder if she wouldn't acknowledge that her own parents would be teenagers somewhere out there as well? I don't think Hermione would be as conscious and intrigued by the Marauders as Harry was in the books so it did feel a bit fast that they were the first ones she thought of. Maybe she could try and think of who was at Hogwarts in that year, and then figure out that Harry's parents and co. would be around? :) So just a thought there.

I really like how Hermione is still thinking about the Battle and is clearly quite upset from what she has lived through. It feels like a really reasonable reaction and I especially liked when she was walking through the corridors and thinking of what they would look like after the battle.

I thought Hermione's decision of which House to go into made a lot of sense and fit really well with her character. I like how she's embraced the fact that she should keep her distance from the Marauders to keep from getting too involved and being tempted to help them. I was curious about why she didn't consider Slytherin, since it would get her closer to Snape - maybe because she's Muggleborn and just didn't feel comfortable?

I'm so curious about the book! This is definitely looking like it will be a great story and I'm excited to see how you continue it. :) Your writing is very clear and a pleasure to read. Well done! :)

Author's Response: Hiya!! Oh, no worries!! :D

Thanks for stopping by this story! I'm uber excited that you've chosen this one, because I've done a lot of work with this story. It was the first one that I actually have an outline and character chart all made up for. (I think I went a little overboard haha)

I really enjoy time-travel fics myself, so I'm always thrilled to have another fan of the concept read and review! :) I have very mixed feelings about Snape. He really was awful when he was an adult, but there's just something about his character that really draws me to him. I'm planning on keeping this as canon as I can, so he definitely won't be a little ray of sunshine, by any means. ;)

Aww thank you! I'm really pleased to hear that Hermione seemed like Hermione. :) The reason why I did have her immediately think of all of them, is because I felt they would all be fresh in her mind at that point. Harry would have just told her and Ron about seeing his parents, Sirius and Lupin in the Forbidden Forest with the Resurrection Stone. She always would have just heard about the whole Snape and Lily thing, so I figured that when she did get sent back to that time, she would have thought of them pretty quickly. I didn't have her think of her parents at that moment because, there's no chance of her running into them. They will absolutely cross her mind during the course of the story thought. I don't know if that makes sense.

Yeah, I figured that seeing the castle whole like that would be another thing that would throw her for a loop. The last time she walked those corridors they were destroyed. That was something I couldn't just ignore.

Ravenclaw seemed like the most logical choice to me. I didn't want to throw her into Slytherin with a lot of the people who were just trying to kill her. I think living with so many future Death Eaters and Voldemort supporters would have been too much for her to handle. I couldn't do it to her.

Aww thank you so much!! :D I'm so glad that you've enjoyed this! And thanks for such an awesomely amazing review!! ♥

xoxo Meg

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Review #23, by LululunaThe Brothers Three: The Pale Steed

16th December 2014:
Hi again!! :) Back for your fifth and final prize review (though I'll definitely be back soon when you update this and Stand Tall). Also, I totally failed miserably on beta-ing one of your chapters, so I'll be messaging you soon on the forums to discuss what you'd like me to read. :)

This was another really fascinating chapter and good continuation of the plot. I like how although the outline of the Peverell story already exists, you've really added a lot of depth to the characters between the sins and little details like Cadmus' family and the wand-making business. I thought it was a bit ironic that his daughters were called Patience and Temperance, haha, since their father is anything but those qualities. Hehe. :P

I feel like at this point, Cadmus is the most developed of the three brothers. He's almost the most interesting one of the three in a way, at least for me, since he's got this emotional instability and wild, irrational grief to balance. I liked the detail about how he feels guilty about Nora as well, it feels like he almost revels in his pain and grief and likes feeling like a bit of a martyr, to be honest. It definitely makes him a very fascinating character.

And Death! It was so interesting how she wanted to comfort him and it just failed completely. I loved the descriptions of her ghostly horse and how chilling and gothic the whole scene was, it was so well written and eerily real for me to read. Great job with the descriptions. I also like how the story was changed up a bit in that Cadmus actually encountered Death first and is even going looking for Death.

This was another great chapter! :) I'll be keeping an eye out for the next one! ♥

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Review #24, by LululunaThe Brothers Three: Introduction

16th December 2014:
Hello! :) Here for your fourth prize review. Also I'm a huge fan of Peverell brother stories and have wanted to read this for a while!

Ooh, great first sentence. It's so ominous and drew me in right away. Death here is such a fascinating character, and I love how you took the significance of JKR's Death and really made her your own. The way she moves among people and the embodiment of the sins was really neat, and I especially liked the line about Greed smelling like sewage. So cool.

Death's neutral opinions and almost boredom with human sin was really interesting as well. I like the idea of Death as an almost-neutral force, but who finds pleasure in the deaths of those who have the sin of Pride. I also like the last line, and how Death is silently watching. It was the perfect line to end the chapter on and hint at what Death might be planning. I'm thinking that perhaps from the summary and Death's hatred of Pride that Ignotus himself might be her main target. I feel like the older two brothers' sins are almost more pitiable in a way, while I can imagine Death wanting to knock clever Ignotus off his moral high ground.

I liked the backstory of the brothers set up here, with their dead mother and the resentment between the brothers. Poor Cadmus - I think he's a little foolish in the original story, but I do feel bad for him. Although his Envy of Antioch and wishing that Renee had died instead definitely shows how his grief has something wrongful and dangerous in it as well.

Couple small things:

would inevitable - inevitably?
but gravedigger didn’t stop I think it should be "But the gravedigger didn't stop"
At the end of the first paragraph about the brothers, it says both "father" and then "mother." Are they both supposed to say "mother"? I wasn't quite sure but thought I'd point it out.

Really great start to this story! :) I'm excited to keep reading!!

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Review #25, by LululunaStand Tall: Don't Wish, Don't Start

15th December 2014:
Back again!! :) Here for your third prize review.

Ahh, the Ben moment at the beginning was so cute! I loved how Alba is realizing that she might have a crush on both him and James, and how well they get along and are comfortable around one another. I especially liked her comment that Ben would probably carry her up the stairs even if she didn't have CP because it definitely seems like something he would do. Also, the way Alba rationalizes something like romance is so funny and typical of her character. :P It's like it can't be real until she's used logic to work through it.

Speaking of though, how the heck has Hogwarts made it this long without having some sort of accessibility services??! What if a student was in a wheelchair and couldn't physically climb all those stairs? I know that Alba is very determined and might not even accept help if the castle itself offered some sort of special stone escalator or what not, but I wonder if the school could help her out with getting around if she would let it.

Okay, jumping back a bit here... I thought the explanations of how the Tournament has evolved with the Guide and the Companion makes a lot of sense. It fits that they would want to not only make it less dangerous, but keep people from cheating as the Tournament Harry was in was pretty corrupt.

AHH I KNEW JAMES WAS GOING TO PUT HER IN!!! I totally suspected that when he was so insistent about dragging her into the circle and holding her hand. Or maybe it was someone else (Ben?) who put her in and James' weird behaviour was a red herring? Hmm, well James seems more likely to me at the moment. I'm not sure how I feel about his intentions, maybe he wanted to put her in so she can prove to the school that she can do anything, but it feels like forcing somebody to do something that scares them without their permission is going too far. I'm so curious to find out who put her in now!! Ahh!!!

Really great chapter!!! :D

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