Reading Reviews From Member: Lululuna
  
703 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LululunaI'll Never Let You Have Her: Things Could Have Been Different

29th July 2014:
Hi Tammi! :) Here for the Slytherin Review Exchange!!

So I enjoyed this so much and kept reading until the latest chapter, and now I'm super excited for the next one! :) I haven't read the first novel in this series (yet) but I have this odd love for reading sequels before I read the first book. It's interesting because the characters are already developed and then I can look forward to seeing the pieces come together when reading the prequel! :P

Ahem...anyway. :P So I really love this. I think, first of all, that you're writing a teen pregnancy story from the male point of view and showing how the mother, not the father, was the one to abandon the child is such an original idea. In one of my classes last year we were looking at how female abandonment of children is far more taboo and socially rejected - as if because women are "natural caregivers" they are criticized if they abandon their children. Meanwhile, stats show how more often than not fathers abandon their children and are not held accountable in the same way as women. It's quite interesting, and here you're showing an alternative and non-stereotypical family and I really like how you've developed Louis as a father and a single caregiver.

I can't wait for Freya to come back and how she'll confront Louis. I'm not sure how I feel about her, I mean in some ways she seems like the bad guy but I also feel like she just wasn't ready to have being a mother forced upon her when there were other options available. It's really sensitive what she should have done and I'm not even really sure how I feel about it. I know that if I was in her situation I would want the choice of whether to be a mother or not but Louis keeping Sam and raising her complicated that as opposed to if they had given her up for adoption. And I can see Louis' perspective as well with regards to being protective over Sam and not wanting Freya to be able to hurt them again.

Another unique aspect to the story is the Louis/Horatio romance, especially in this chapter. I guess when I read the prequel I'll find out how far the romance went then but they're so cute so far. It's great to see bisexual characters in fanfic as well and adding the secret love/best friend dynamic towards them. Horatio is a really fun character but I don't really approve of how he's playing Louis and Molly a bit right now - Louis doesn't need to have his heart toyed with at the moment with all his other responsibilities.

Rachel and Louis were so cute, I liked her excuse to sneak him away from the party and how quickly things escalated from former chapters. I'm not sure whether I want Louis to be with her or Horatio - or someone else - yet but I really like seeing how romance blends in and mixes with Louis' responsibilities as a father, especially in the last chapter. I'm looking forward to finding out more about Sam and her current anxieties, and of course Freya's return. In the meantime I'm putting ILHEFTBOU on my to-read list and can't wait! :D

One more thing to compliment you on: I feel like you have a strong talent for writing ordinary, everyday situations and making them both believable but incredibly interesting. I just mention this because I think it can be a rare talent and shows your skills as a storyteller and at creating characters.

Amazing story, Tammi!! I'm so excited to read more!! ♥

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Review #2, by LululunaHouse of Cards: King of Hearts

12th July 2014:
Hola! :)

Honestly, these people need to hire some bodyguards or something because clearly this house is not safe and there is one, if not several, traitors in their midst. I'm not sure about the ending: if Alphard attacked Regulus, or if perhaps the potion he gave him just induced nightmares or pain or something which might cause him to scream. It seemed quite carefully worded so could go either way really.

Ah, so frustrating how Regulus couldn't explain what was going on in time! I'm so curious about who is committing all these murders and whether or not they will be brought to justice. Bella's accusation of Barty seems pretty far-fetched especially because Barty doesn't really have much motive to hurt his boyfriend other than being a bit mad.

And Sirius finally realizes about Barty and Reg! I liked how protective he was, just like any older sibling over a younger one, and I'm curious to see whether he'd be accepting of the relationship or not since I don't think he's the greatest fan of Barty. I wonder if perhaps Alphard is also gay which could lead to the distancing from the family - I really don't know how I feel about him since he's quite manipulative but also seems like he has good intentions -he's just as slimy as the rest of the really, but shows it in different ways.

Another suspenseful and exciting chapter! :D

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Review #3, by LululunaTraitorous Hearts: A Family Affair

12th July 2014:
Finally all caught up! :)

Haha, aw, I love how sweet Astoria is with the house elves, from helping them find clothes to leaving messes for them to clean up out of pity. It's sweet and also fits her personality in how she's quite resourceful and notices the little details, even if it's as simple as keeping the elves happy.

So I actually loved hearing Felix's thoughts on Muggles! It was really an interesting interpretation of an educated (though slightly mad and undisciplined) opinion on Muggles and literature, and as weird as it was the cat analogy did make sense to me. I also love the mentions of a wizard sponsoring a production of AMND because it's my favourite play and this fits so well with all the fantastic elements in the play. I love seeing how wizards could impact history with those little anecdotes.

I'm glad Astoria found a way to keep the books. It almost seems worth it despite the danger if they give her dad some comfort.

Ah, poor Draco - I liked seeing the impact of Harry's escape on him and how it changed the way he would think about his duty. I wonder if Astoria had an impact on Draco which explains why he showed some hesitancy to convict Harry despite disliking him, and so Astoria's influence fits quite well with canon here.

I can't wait to see what happens next!! :) I love this story!! ♥

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Author's Response: Astoria is sweet to the Elves, and it's one of the things I really like about her. The whole House Elf issue always reminded me of the American South. Like, I've never seen/read THE HELP, but I think it talked about this? Like, how you had African American women who worked in the house and raised white children, whose mothers were usually played a much smaller part in their upbringing. And the white children, as they grew up, had three responses to that, more or less: (1) they grew up, put it out of their minds, and continued to be racist (2) loved their nanny but were racist against all OTHER African Americans, or (3) they cared about the woman that raised them and thus actually grew to see an entire race of people differently.

I mean, that's an oversimplification, probably, but that's the idea. And I always thought House Elves would be the same way. You'd have people who treated them like dirt, or people who only cared about the ones that they knew, or people who cared about all of them because they had grown up in an Elf's care. Astoria falls toward that third approach, probably now more than ever, as Filly is pretty much the only dependable person in her life at present.

I'm so glad you liked hearing Felix's thoughts! Oh, the cat analogy! Writing Felix is really fun when he's *there*. Your description of him--educated, mad, and undisciplined--makes me SO happy, because that is just what I was going for. And I'm glad that you liked the Shakespeare references. I feel like Shakespeare + wizardry would be such an amazing theatrical experience, and also kind of disastrous. : )

Draco and Astoria both have sort of compromised their personalities lately. Astoria is so pragmatic, usually she'd have had those books destroyed. However, her desire to keep her family together outweighs her natural inclinations.

As far as Draco goes, I always felt like he was such a human character. I wondered, at the end of the 7th book, why the change? Like, he saves Harry's life, and then chapters later he's in the Room of Requirement hunting him down. Why?! What happened to that positive character development? To me, that meant that whatever happened to him as a result of showing mercy must have been pretty awful.

And I'm also delighted that you think it fits well with canon! I had hoped so. I saw it as a gradual ramping up of Draco's better instincts: he doesn't kill Dumbledore, but he doesn't *commit* to not killing him. To go straight from there to lying about Harry is a pretty big jump. I mean, he hates Harry, and Harry hates him. Neither of them has ever done each other a single good turn, and DRACO of all people is the first to break that tradition. Draco has everything to gain from Harry being caught--the war ends (or is more likely to fizzle out), he gets mega props, his family moves firmly to the Dark Lord's good side, which would mean their safety. But he doesn't choose that. In my version, I think his saving Astoria had a lot to do with his helping Harry. For a while there, he sort of built some merciful momentum. Obviously it doesn't last through to that scene in the Room of Requirement, but at least that side is there.

Thank you so much for all the reviews! My smile when I saw them was so huge--like, it covered half my face. :D

--Penny


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Review #4, by LululunaTraitorous Hearts: A Changing Tide

11th July 2014:
Back again! :)

Ahh, Draco defended Astoria! I'm so proud of him haha although granted for their future relationship it would be a bit difficult if she had been killed by Greyback. The moments where she thought she was going to die were so terrifying but excellently written of course, and I liked the little details like how she was thinking about her nails of all things. In a way I almost thought Draco was too slow and should have spoken up before Greyback was practically seconds away from sinking his teeth into her but at least he did in the end. I'm pretty sure that he won't see any real repercussions about it since he's still alive at the time of the battle of Hogwarts but I'm a little worried for both of them now.

Thinking about Astoria's poor father being killed and tortured was so sad and came across well. I certainly felt empathy for him and Daphne through Astoria's fears about them even in the face of her own possible death.

I really hope that Draco is helping Astoria because he legitimately wants to be a good person and not just because he thinks she's a babe, however. I think the attraction is definitely there but should take a back seat to helping her for the sake of doing the kind thing. It almost reminds me of Snape and Lily in a way even though Astoria and Draco are very different both morally and with where they stand.

Can't wait to keep reading! ♥

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Author's Response: Yay, Draco! Someone give that boy some positive feedback!

My lips are sealed in regards to their future relationship, but I will say that the story would have been much shorter if Greyback had made Astoria into an appetizer.

Thank you so much! As far as the nails go, when you're panicked, your brain sometimes kicks into overdrive. For me, at least, that means I'm frantically noticing all sorts of things and my mind will go down odd little rabbit holes and then I'll be yelling at myself like HELLO, EMERGENCY HERE! IT DOES NOT CURRENTLY MATTER THAT THIS CLOUD IS INTERESTINGLY SHAPED! I guess it's some sort of flight or fight, heightened observation thing, but it always amuses me (after the fact).

Draco *was* rather slow about it, wasn't he? Do you think that's a timing thing I should fix, or just something you wanted to yell at him over?

I think worrying for both of them is an appropriate response. We know he's still ALIVE at the Battle of Hogwarts...but "alive" and "alright" are two very different concepts.

I'm glad that came across. Astoria's loyalty to her family is a huge driving factor of her character. It's certainly one of her better qualities.

I don't think Draco *knows* why he helped Astoria. Although I'm really loving the image of Draco calling her a babe, and what Astoria's response to THAT would be--bahaha. He certainly is attracted to her, and I think that's sort of what he focuses on, because it's easier. If he can bundle all the layers of what he's thinking safely into the, "She was just really attractive" box, then he just gets to call it a lapse of judgement than any hormonal teenager might have. He doesn't like losing control or being convinced to do anything he hadn't expected to, so he'd like to lean on the simplest explanation possible. However, being convinced to do something crazy just because he thought someone was hot would be rather out of character for such a controlled person. I think it is safe to say that there's a more to it than that. Even as he does imply, for instance, that he find her eyes very pretty, he also talks about her strength of will.

Draco is not generally impulsive, and he isn't one to just let things go. I think we'll get to hear more of his thoughts on the subject ;)

Thanks again for the reviews! I appreciate hearing your thoughts SO much!

--Penny


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Review #5, by LululunaTraitorous Hearts: The Stolen Truth

11th July 2014:
Hi again Penny! :)

Gah, it was so chilling to find out that Draco's intentions with the interview, or purpose, are to lead to the execution of Astoria and her family. I liked seeing that he was at least a little bothered by this and not entirely caught up in "the game" as it's quite horrific. I'm really worried about her now as somehow my mind never went that far into the future for her fate but especially with the ending it looks like he's close to figuring everything out.

I'm still so curious to learn more about her family and finding out more details about her father, the sort of man he is and was and the suspicions raised about him was really fascinating.

Ahaha, so I know it's a serious conversation but I was quite amused by the bit of dangerous banter, like when Astoria was talking about the Weasleys' lawn. :P So witty, and Draco's sassy insult towards their house made me laugh though he's quite obnoxious.

By the way, I also really like how the Greengrasses have eastern/asian heritage! I'd love to learn more about that as well and how their culture might impact their identity as wizards. Very interesting to see diverse characters within the story. :)

Another great chapter - I can't wait to see what happens next with the Legilimency and beyond the parlour. :P

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Author's Response: OOoh! Chilling! I like it!

...that might not be a healthy response. Oh well :D

Draco would like to be caught up in "the game". I think that Astoria's cleverness allows him to enjoy it as an academic exercise--ferreting out her secrets (no pun intended) is sort of a chess match. He can think less about how horrible it all is, up until the very end when he's being forced to face the consequences, and it begins to trouble him even earlier. Astoria is obviously a case he hasn't run into before. He's used to dealing with "innocent" people who are self-serving and horrid and, while innocent of the crimes he's accusing them of, they more or less deserved what was coming to them. That's most of what he's been dealing with, and judging by his current levels of self-loathing, it bothers him a lot. So Astoria, who is *actually* guilty, but for whom he has some respect, sort of changes things for him.

Astoria's family are an interesting bunch, for sure. Her mom's a spy and her dad was associated with the Unspeakables/Department of Mysteries. She definitely has secret-keeping in her blood.

Haha, I cannot tell you how happy I am that you liked that part! I was hoping to break things up with a little snatch of humor. It's one of those things where, looking back on it, you get to see how well they match up to one another, and you can imagine a lot of future conversation between them that would be quite fun. You know, if Draco could ease up on the evil and Astoria could, like, not die. Both important stipulations in moving forward with any relationship ; )

And I am ELATED that you like the Greengrasses heritage. As you know by now, of course, since I'm answering these in reverse order, they are actually Chinese. Yay diversity!

And I'd like to go ahead and apologize about the Legilimancy. And the parlour. And the werewolf. Writing is so weird. You write these characters, and then you make bad things happen to them. It's like having children, and you love them, but instead of, like, working to give them stability and comfort, you throw rocks at them and put snakes in their shoes. Something is wrong about that, right?

I probably sound crazy again. Meh, oh well ; )

Thank you again for your thoughts and opinions!!!

--Penny


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Review #6, by LululunaTraitorous Hearts: The Malediction Perfidious

11th July 2014:
Hi Penny! :) So glad to have the chance to come back and review bomb you! :D I really missed this story!

I liked seeing things from Draco's POV and how materialistic he is with judging Astoria's home against his own. It's very in character with Draco from canon since he was obsessed with what he had that others didn't but now this is a more subdued reaction where he measures possessions in terms of all he has lost. I thought the breaking china set was an amazing metaphor for Draco's loss of identity and his life under the Dark Lord.

The Curse that Lavinia cast on her daughter is so horrific, yet so brilliant on your part. It fits so well and adds this whole, bewildering, horrifying dynamic to their mother-daughter relationship and the secrets which made them emotionally close. The idea that Lavinia didn't trust her daughter or wanted to punish her in the rare case that she would tell the secret...well, it really changes the way Astoria can look back on her, and I wonder if it will change her character in the future as well. The corruption of Astoria's memories of her mother being motherly were so heartbreaking too with how Lavinia was just cuddling and hugging her partly to cast the Curse.

I absolutely loved the last two lines and the alliance forming between Ginny and Astoria. Of course they can't quite be friends yet but I like the partnership between them and how much they have in common and can read one another - it's really interesting to see develop.

Great chapter, darling! :)

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Author's Response: Hello you, too, hon! Thank you so, so much! I cannot tell you how excited I was to see your reviews today.

Oh, Draco, you have so much potential...but you're such a jerk, like, 95% of the time. I think it was Elphaba&Boyfriend who actually gave me the suggestion of having him judge her house/possessions, because I was initially having a little trouble breaking into his POV. After that, it flowed pretty naturally. It's like a recipe--just add bitter materialism! And thank you! The china was one of my favorite details, so am really glad you enjoyed it. You're totally right--his response to Astoria's possessions is much more subdued. He once would have been looking so that he could lord it over her, how much better Malfoy Manor was. Now he's just looking because he's used to noticing these things, even though it makes him unhappy. He certainly doesn't gain any joy out of it.

Thank you. The curse is definitely horrific. I think it's safe to say that Astoria's family is totally screwed up, and the fact that she doesn't really know WHY Lavinia did it, that she can't confront her because she's dead, makes it all the worse. It truly changes everything. But it *was* important. Before, she told her secret to the Order of the Phoenix to *avenge* her mother. Now, anything she does won't be for her mother, but for herself.

And ugh! I know! It is awful, even for me, the way it changes that memory of her mother! I'm so sorry! I mean, I'm glad I did it, but I'm sorry!

However, perhaps there will be more to that side of the story...

Ginny and Astoria's dealings with each other are some of my favorite bits. They each give as good as they get, and it's a very different vibe from when Astoria spars with Draco. Lighter. Besides, she could definitely use some alliances, and personally, their willingness to ply me with chocolates is what I look for most in an ally. It only makes sense.

Thank you so, so, so, so much for all the reviews! You are the best :D

--Penny


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Review #7, by LululunaAcanthus: Penultimate Farewells

11th July 2014:
Hi Kiana! :)

There's something really sort of morbid and gothic about Rose finding comfort in Edward's body: it's like something Poe would come up with. :P But that section did a really good job of showing her frantic confusion. I also imagine that after Edward had been out in the desert for a few hours that he wouldn't be in such great shape...okay I'm the one being morbid now. :P

It makes sense that Rose would feel PTSD after witnessing what happened with Anthony. :( Aw, it's so sad how they secretly hope that they'll find Charlotte again and she'll be safe while still being angry with her - I'm curious about how she's managing to survive in the desert alone as well. I wonder if Rose had found her whether that would change the future and Russell at all.

Ah, Scorpius' self-sacrificing behaviour just irritated me so much, somehow people trying to be "noble" just comes across as selfish somehow because Rose deserved to know and at least have a proper goodbye. I sort of understand why he did it but he just sort of brought misery down on all of them. Grr.

I'm curious - I'm sort of suspecting he will find a way back, and I'm excited to find out the rest and what will happen!! Although his staying and being David's new bestie isn't such a bad thing either as David's pretty lonely right now and might need him. :P

Can't wait for the last chapter, woop!

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Review #8, by LululunaEverto Trucido: A Werewolf, Snape, and a Redhead

7th July 2014:
Hi Rumpel! :) I didn't even realize you had a new chapter up so I'm so glad I came to double-check!

First of all, I laughed so much at Grace going up to hug Severus during their Potions lesson, and how confused he was, hehe. I can just imagine her being so tired and just wanting to hug him and him just being terrified, ahahaha. But it's so cute to see them finally getting along.

I might have mentioned this before but I think it's so clever how you explain the werewolf phenomena which accommodates canon but also allows a more noble and graceful identity for Remus as a werewolf. The fact that he needs Grace to turn into a proper wolf, not the dreadful and painful half-man monster, fits so well and shows how important the Servitor and Trucido are to one another, whereas I'm not sure if I quite understood it fully before.

I thought Remus was justified to be so angry though he can't deny that it helped him. He's so self-deprecating and has been consumed with the idea of being a monster that it's hard for him to think of himself as otherwise. And we all know that Grace was never going to listen to him anyway. :P

Awesome chapter, Rumpel! ♥

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Author's Response: Hey there!

Ha, Grace still hasn't learned everything about boundaries yet...so she snuck in a hug (or two). Of course, he wasn't overly receptive of the hug, but I suppose we can't blame him ;).

So far, I haven't exactly done the best job of explaining the Servitor-Trucido relationship -- I'm trying to get better at doing that. Though, it would be easier if the characters weren't butting heads at the moment.

Of course he was angry, she broke a promise to him and, in his eyes, put herself in danger. Though, you're right, he's not very accepting of what he is, and it weighs down all of the good things he could see in himself. No, she was never going to listen anyway ^.^.

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #9, by LululunaTrue Romance: The Love You Save (May Be Your Own)

7th July 2014:
Hi Rose! Loving these speedy updates so much!

Hmm, so let's go over things. With Archie, I understand why Rose didn't quite take to him, especially since she's such a fervent defender of people's rights to love who they want and not have it affect their identity and everything. I wasn't too impressed with his comments myself, but the fact of the matter is that people exist in varying degrees of acceptance and assumptions, like, for example, gay men not being macho enough to do a masculine job, definitely still exist and are perpetuated whether the person making those assumptions realizes or not. Even being a firm feminist I sometimes find myself making comments that I look back on and realize that society has trained me to think that way and that I just don't even think to question: for example my friend and I were complaining about her boyfriend and how he's acting immature - "like a girl." And then we kept reminding ourselves that no, acting like a girl isn't a bad thing, it's acting like a brat that's a bad thing. Anyway, tangent, but the point is that we all are guided by societal assumptions and that doesn't make Archie an ignorant or bad person, just that he hasn't been exposed to situations that show him it's not okay to make those assumptions.

Also, people are always changing and developing, and just because he made a couple comments doesn't mean he's inherently negative and will always think in that exact way. So I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt a bit, especially because Rose tends to jump to conclusions and act a bit impulsively. She could give him more of a chance to broaden his perspective.

That being said, though, I do hate an ignorant jerk as much as the next person. :P

I totally didn't realize that Cora was that young - she's just adorable! I like her and Brandon together a lot and he's just going to be such a good dad. I thought it was interesting how Beatrice made that comment about Cora needing a female role model as well: again, it goes into those societally perpetuated norms about the family that even somebody accepting of her son's sexuality would question without really considering that love trumps historical normality in what makes up a family.

Albus was being a bit of a pest in this chapter. :P I'm glad that Scorpius isn't letting Al toy with him any more than he already has because he needs to stand up for himself a bit. Maybe Scorpius and Brandon should get together? They're both behaving a lot more mature than Albus right now, I don't think he really deserves either man at the moment. :P

Great chapter as always, Rose! ♥ Sorry for all the rants!

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Author's Response: YES - LET'S GO OVER THINGS!

Rose is probably one of those people who wouldn't like her cousin's bf anyway though. I mean, she's of the opinion that no one is good enough to date her family. :P But, yeah, Archie is a bit ignorant and is making comments based out of a lack of experience around gay folks. I've had some of those exact conversations about socliazed thoughts that aren't congruent with feminist ideals. my sister has reverted into "guys are just like that" talk with her fiance and it makes me so mad!! ...anyway... I agree with your point.

Archie is in that dangerous zone of thinking that he's accepting but doesn't realize his words show a bit of a homophobic/non-tolerant undercurrent.

She's just a wee baby! WRITING BRANDON AS A DAD MAKES ME SQUEE SO MUCH!! *ahem* yeah, Beatrice is another person who is just a bit more traditionally minded. I'm glad that her comment didn't make her seem like a jerk though! she's really loving and accepting towards brandon.

ALBUS IS A COMPLETE BERK IN THIS THIS CHAPTER. Scorpius has learned a bit of self-control and whatnot. He's not just following his id. albus will work towards redemption, I promise!!

I LOVED YOUR RANTS!! thank you for an awesome review!!

-Rose


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Review #10, by LululunaAcanthus: The Fatal Flaw

7th July 2014:
Hi Kiana!

Aw, poor Anthony! I really suspected he was going to take his own life though, and I'm sort of wondering whether he was depressed and suicidal or if he truly was meant for death anyway and was just speeding up the process. It's hard to say what could have been, but I'm also hoping that they do go back for his body as well as Edward's and give him a proper funeral if they can, because he did truly die a hero in his way as well. And he also facilitated Scorpius surviving, though I suspect there's something else going on with all this fatal flaw business.

I feel like the fatal flaw of all the characters is either that they are too selfish or selfless, and can never exist somewhere in the middle. George and Charlotte were selfish, Scorpius, Anthony, Edward were selfless and noble, and nobody is getting a real happy ending because of it.

We didn't get to see any Frederic Russell in this chapter but I'm quite excited to learn more and why exactly he saw reason in sending Scorpius and Rose back in time, unless he felt the need to make the past come true and urge it along it's way. Hmm, I'm not sure, but there's definitely still some danger lurking and some mystery to be solved.

Congrats on finishing, Kiana! :) I'm excited to read the next chapter when you get the chance to post it! ♥

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Author's Response: Hi Jenna!

I think with Anthony it was a mixture of all those things as he was just so confused and didn't really know what was going to happen, but this idea of death seemed to solve them all for him sadly which is why I think he ended up going for that option.

Yes, the fatal flaw was a subtle hint to their characteristics as well as the actually plot so I'm glad you picked up on that! You really did get them right though, because I think it could be a norm with people either only caring for themselves or not at all, so as you said there never could be anymore of them.

Yes, Frederic Russell and Hermione and co. have sort of faded into the background for now but that should reappear soon in the next few chapters so don't worry!

Thank you, and thanks for this great review, hopefully the final one can be up soonish! ♥

-Kiana


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Review #11, by LululunaThe Penelope Papers: R is for Revelations

7th July 2014:
Hi Isobel! :) So confession, I actually read this ages ago but totally blanked on reviewing - I'm sorry! :( I'm glad to be making up for lost time for now!

Wow, it's really interesting to see the background behind Penelope's grandmother and their relationship. I was so curious throughout the beginning of that section - good job building up the suspense! - and I love how you tie in issues of religion and bigotry and prejudice into this murder mystery, it really makes the story so rich. It's quite unique to see that prejudice from both sides, and that people like Penny's grandma and the Death Eaters have similar hatred of one another, despite the second group having more violent power of exclusion while Mrs. Clearwater had emotional power. Though locking Penny out of the house was just awful and is child abuse, I'm quite sure. I also like though how while religion is the reason Mrs. Clearwater used to discriminate, you showed the balance in that not all religious people are prejudiced through Oliver's teammate.

Can I just say how awesome it is that you liked the idea of the Pirates of Penzance and tied in the pirate portrait? I feel so proud! :P And the inn sounds really neat and wizarding, if that makes sense. I love how Fred was playing chess with the pirate, and that he's Leanne's ancestor: I definitely would want to hear more about that! :P

The chaos and banter between the friends was a lot of fun to read about, and I especially love how you wrote the twins, with the charmed chess pieces and Fred asking about oxygen. I think Bex was right about her friends needing an escape and finding different ways to grieve, and I'm pleased she stood up for them to Oliver. And as for Lee being the killer...hmm, well I definitely don't think so considering their future together and everything, but I'm very curious to see how the case and their relationship develops.

Hmm, I'm a little uncertain about ABC and whether he/she killed Penelope or not. Frankly my first reaction to the letter was to call nonsense and say that the killer's just trying to mess with the police but I'm not so sure, especially because of the line about "if only her suspicions had been noticed earlier..." So I'm not sure yet. Though this killer clearly knows a lot about Penny and her friends. I loved the description of Bex's picture as well: it suits her so well and how elusive she is, so that was a really neat detail.

Great chapter, Isobel! :) I'm really looking forward to the next one and promise to be more prompt about reviewing next time! :)

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Author's Response: Hi Jenna! Don't worry, I'm just really happy you wanted to come back and R&R the next chapter! :)

Yay, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed the background of the Clearwaters. Their lives are very murky (pun intended, heh) when you include the emotions that are clearly dictating their lives. I'm really pleased that you enjoy the suspense here, since of course suspense is needed in a murder mystery! I'm quite pleased that you enjoyed the inclusion of Mrs Clearwater's prejudice and the balance of including Oliver's teammate -- I didn't want to paint all religious people with the same brush so he was necessary!

Haha thank you so much! You're quite right to feel proud -- Dee, Nicole and I are collabbing now to write a story about the pirate and Walburga Black! :D I'm really pleased that you like the inn -- I figured that there /had/ to be more than just the Leaky Cauldron, the Three Broomsticks and the Hog's Head! Fred certainly is the type of person who would willingly play chess with a pirate in a portrait :P

Haha thank you so much, I was word racing that scene late at night so I was really worried about the quality so it's great to hear that you loved how I wrote the twins! Absolutely -- bear in mind that at this time, they're all late teens/early twenties and in the middle of a war so they were bound to need to let go and just de-stress and for people of their age, that usually involves a visit to the pub :P Well, you never know -- Lee is a good friend of Bex's and if he has a good enough motive for killing Penelope (if he did) then Bex might be persuaded to keep quiet.

Hehehehe. You'll just have to see what happens when the killer is revealed! As for your theories, again, I can neither confirm nor deny ;) You're quite right though -- ABC does know a lot about Penelope and her friends. Haha, that's great to hear!

Thanks for such a fab review, Jenna, and no worries! Honestly, it's just great that you want to come and leave some reviews on my little story! ♥


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Review #12, by LululunaA Minor Setback: Chapter the Seventh

6th July 2014:
Hi again Grace! Woop, I'm all caught up! :D

This was such a great chapter, quite possibly my favourite so far. I think there's something really interesting about seeing Seraphina's everyday Hogwarts life and the wizarding details that make the story and the setting unique, like Flitwick getting Levitated every class and the trials of learning the Aguamenti charm. Rose, again, is a little mean but her abruptness sort of suits Seraphina: it's too bad they weren't friends before!

Ah, poor Albus has no idea what's going on. I really hope she tells him soon because if he's pursuing her without knowing then he's really setting both of them up to get hurt. The kiss and all the confessions were really romantic and sweet, but ultimately this baby is going to change everything and put romantic feelings on the backburner: the baby and preparing for it should be their priority! I'm still thinking that Seraphina hasn't really processed the news properly yet, she's being a bit stubborn and although I love her interactions with Al she needs to face the issue of being a mother head on.

This was a great chapter and I'm so pleased I'm finally caught up. I'll be favouriting this and keeping an eye out for the next chapter, and of course checking my email for chapters ready to be beta-read! :)

House Cup 2014

Author's Response: Hey there! Finally made it through the entire story!

I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter so much. I tried to put in as much detail about Seraphina's life without making it too boring and I remembered Flitwick being flown across the room from the books so I figured that was probably still happening.

She's going to tell him soon, I promise! At the most in the next five or so chapters but probably sooner. Most likely in two chapters, but really, maybe in one. Seraphina has most definitely not come to terms that she is in fact going to be a mother but that's also happening in the next chapter so that's going to be interesting to write.

To be honest, I thought that you would find out the story one chapter at a time as I sent it to you but it was a nice surprise to find all of these reviews of yours that you left me!


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Review #13, by LululunaA Minor Setback: Chapter Six

6th July 2014:
Hi!!!

Wesley sounds like such a character, haha. It's funny how Seraphina is generally a little cold and a bit of a kill joy to others but he seems even more extreme. I was wondering how she knew who Sheldon Cooper was - you might not even need to use his name, but could show instead of reference how Wesley has Sheldon-like attributes with examples and interactions. So just a thought there, unless she watches Muggle TV. :)

Both the broom cupboard rant (and I totally see her point, haha) and the food fight made me laugh while reading this, they were so well written and amusing. I especially liked her adoration and excitement over the cheesecake - and I'm jealous she got to eat some! How sheepish the boys were was so endearing too. It's nice to see Al and Seraphina and his friends all bond a bit even if they are being a little slow to catch on to her being a nice Head Girl.

House Cup 2014

Author's Response: Wesley and Seraphina are really similar so it's probably why they clash, as you can already tell but he's definitely more extreme and even Seraphina realises that the dude's a little crazy. Oh yeah, that's why Seraphina made the Sheldon Cooper reference because she watches muggle TV at home (honestly, what do wizards do without a television).

The food fight scene was actually my favourite one to write in the chapter but I was worried that it was OOC for Seraphina to let them off the hook about it so I'm actually really relieved that you liked it and thought it well-written.

They'll eventually find out that she's not as bad as she seems. Seraphina only bites sometimes.

Thank ya for reviewing again!


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Review #14, by LululunaA Minor Setback: Chapter the Fifth

6th July 2014:
Hi Grace!

At first, I really didn't like Rose, haha. She was just so rude with saying how Seraphina was getting fat and then not even asking if she was okay, but demanding to know who the father was. But she definitely grew on me a little later on in the chapter with how she was actually being supportive and offering her friendship and help. That's what Seraphina really needs right now, and she should tell Albus for her own sake and on her own terms, not simply because it's the right thing to do. She's in a pretty delicate situation and should be able to handle it how she wants.

I liked the description at the end of the chapter with the long shadows and how she was feeling contented and tired. Those descriptions of Hogwarts and the setting are so great and really situate the story in the magical world which is awesome.

I'm still very curious about her parents and their reaction and what exactly they're going to say. It's been a bit easier for her so far since her parents are out of sight and out of mind but Christmas should be quite exciting.

House Cup 2014

Author's Response: Everyone in the Weasley-Potter family has this habit for being really blunt as I've come to notice. Rose and Seraphina share a dormitory so I guess even if she and Phina weren't friends, Rose would still know a little bit about Seraphina. If it had been a normal day, Seraphina probably wouldn't have cared how she looked but because she's pregnant, it's a big concern.

Everyone's mentioned her telling Albus because I can picture exactly how she's going to tell him and it's going to be the most awkward thing ever and I'm just super excited.

I get really serious about my description whenever the character is alone for whatever reason. I just keep chanting to myself that the reader must feel how it's supposed to feel to the character.

I've also got the whole parents finding out scene mapped out in my head, and some of it is even written down so that'll be happening soon as well.

Thanks again for reviewing!


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Review #15, by LululunaA Minor Setback: Chapter the Fourth

6th July 2014:
Hola!

Eep, I forgot to put "House Cup 2014" at the end of the last chapter - fail. :P Ah well.

It's exciting for me to get to chapter four since I haven't met it yet with beta-ing! Woop!

I was actually a little unimpressed with how McGonagall was saying that Seraphina getting pregnant was breaking a rule! It seems a bit draconian for the school administration to interfere into students' intimate lives, to be honest, and policing sex is a bit extreme though I suppose Hogwarts is old fashioned. Though to be fair Seraphina is being punished enough with having her whole world turned upside-down so having her privileges taken away would just be cruel.

Hmm, I'm excited to see her consider adoption even more! I've never read/seen a teen pregnancy story on here where the character seriously considers adoption or goes through with it so I'm really looking forward to see how you handle it. It still feels like she hasn't really realized the implications of having a baby so it will be interesting to see her go through all of that.

The moment with Lily was so sweet! I'm glad she has that support system and Lily is quite adorable with how caring she is towards her. They make excellent friends. ♥

Okay, so now I'm really curious to hear more about Sera's family and her history. Are they Quidditch players or famous somehow but she keeps it quiet? Has she told her parents about being pregnant yet?!! Ahh, that sounds like a scary conversation.

Another very interesting chapter, onto the next one I go! :)

House Cup 2014

Author's Response: Bonjour!

I can see where you're coming from and I do agree that Hogwarts is old-fashioned but I guess I can kind of see where McGonagall is coming. I think if it had been any ordinary student, there might have been consequences but it wouldn't have been that big of a deal and adjustments would have been made if they chose to attend Hogwarts. That being said, Seraphina is the Head Girl and the Head Girl is supposed to be an example for younger students so having a Head Girl get pregnant wouldn't really be sending out the message that the staff would want. And besides, you would want to keep a teenage pregnancy from happening at Hogwarts because you wouldn't want to hinder your students education and make their life more difficult by having a child on the way. It would make it really difficult for the students to go onto further education and training in well-paying jobs if they have a kid to look after.

But because this is Seraphina and she's not one to give up easily, something positive might come out of the situation instead of something negative because it tells everyone else at Hogwarts, "Don't make my mistake but if you do, your life isn't over."

And can you imagine going up the stairs at Hogwarts while pregnant, that's reason alone to keep it all in your pants.

I've actually been debating about whether or not to end the story with Seraphina putting her child up for adoption or something like that. I really like the idea and I'm considering it as an alternative ending. I can definitely see what I could write a sequel about if she does put her child up for adoption. Well, I'll be talking to you about this anyway so we'll see how it goes.

There's a couple of Quidditch players in her family but for the most part everyone is just really invested in the game like the world gets really intense about football(soccer). And no, she has not told her parents that she'd pregnant but that scenes should be coming up soon!

Thank you again for the review!


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Review #16, by LululunaA Minor Setback: The Chapter After Number Two

6th July 2014:
Hi again! :)

Lily is just such a character, haha. I loved this chapter and just how nervous Seraphina was which translated to me because I was so worried about her being publicly embarrassed. The tampon excuse really is a stroke of genius because it's the sort of awkward, random thing that doesn't really make sense, but Seraphina shows how she's good at thinking on her feet with mentioning how Al was using tampons for pranks.

The hug at the end is just so cute! I like the sound of Auntie Lily, haha, and I'm looking forward to seeing their relationship develop as friends. You did a really good job of showing how Lily is quite moody and how her reactions to things can change very impulsively: she's a bit of a foil to Seraphina in a way who is quite methodological.

Another great chapter! :)

Author's Response: I've actually got no idea how on earth I came up with the tampon excuse, the only thing that I remember about coming up with that bit was trying to think of something that would be embarrassing for a girl and being on the time of the month always seems to be embarrassing for girls for some reason so I went with that.

I'm looking forward to writing their friendship. Seraphina leads quite an uneventful life (well, at least up until now) and Lily's going to be that bit of spontaneity that keeps Phina's life interesting.

Thanks again for the review!


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Review #17, by LululunaA Minor Setback: The Second Chapter

6th July 2014:
Hi again Grace! :)

Aww, another lovely shout-out at the bottom! :) I'm happy to help!

I'm so curious right now about their friendship before Hogwarts and how that ties into Seraphina's current character. She's so prickly and guarded, and I wonder if Albus not being her friend when they were at Hogwarts has something to do with that. You've definitely caused me to be very curious!

Poor Seraphina, she truly doesn't think she's funny, and that's sad because she actually can be quite witty. I think her dry way of talking and stating the obvious is quite entertaining, in fact. One thing I'm excited to see more of as well are her reactions to the actual pregnancy and how this will impact her life: right now I feel like she's fixating on Al, which is fine and gives her something to focus on, but soon she will have to face the fact that she's going to be a mother and her life is going to change dramatically.

Oh dear, the Lily cliff-hanger: reading this even stressed me out even though I know what happens! :P But Seraphina's awkward handling of awkward situations are part of what makes her so endearing, so it's so fun seeing how she handles them.

Another great chapter! :)

House Cup 2014

Author's Response: Hey again Jenna!

Expect to see a shout-out in every chapter because that's how I roll.

We will see exactly how Albus is connected to her and just how big of an impact he was on Seraphina's life. The suggestion was actually made by a reviewer who pointed out that ALbus needed to have some sort of connection to Seraphina otherwise the amount of attention that he was paying her would've been a little bit weird.

The fact that Seraphina doesn't find herself funny is actually one of my favourite characteristics about her. You bring up a very good point that I keep forgetting to talk about so I'm going to keep Seraphina's own reaction something to mention in the story in the next chapters or two that I post!

Thank you so much for reviewing again!


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Review #18, by LululunaA Minor Setback: Chapter of the First

6th July 2014:
Hi Grace! :) So even though I get to read this story anyway I've been meaning to come and drop by some reviews - to focus on the fun stuff instead of the nit-picky beta stuff - so this is just the perfect chance with the House Cup going on!

I love how you jump right into the action and show Seraphina character and how consistently logical she is. Her personality really seeps through the narration here and I feel like I know her, even just from this chapter. She's relatable, but she's also a little frustrating, which I think is a sign of a great character who the reader has strong feelings about.

Albus is just so adorable. Sure, he's a bit of a drunk mess at the beginning, but their story actually is kind of cute in a very, very awkward way. One thing I really look forward to in this story is seeing more interactions between them so this was a great introduction to that.

Gah, she is so intense! It made me laugh how threatening she was with him, almost to the extent of desperation. It's sad how Seraphina cares about how people perceive her even if she sort of pretends otherwise: being Head Girl, her character can't be compromised, but she also secretly just really wants true friendship. Her and Al almost have an understanding of what the other is thinking, though, or at least he does towards her like when they're in bed and she puts a finger to her lips to tell him not to speak of it. That was a cute moment hinting at a potential growing bond between them.

Wonderful first chapter, Grace, and it's looking so spiffy with the edits! :) I'm so proud to be your beta, and thanks for the lovely shout-out!

House Cup 2014

Author's Response: OMG HEY JENNA! I'm quite fond of your nit-picky betaing actually but still, thank you so much for deciding to drop by with reviews!

I'm really happy to hear that you feel like you already know Seraphina, a lot of people seem to feel the same way and it never ceases to surprise me when I hear it yet again.

You can't really blame Albus for being a drunk mess, I think everyone's a mess when they're drunk. I'm so glad that you find Albus adorable because that's what I wanted him to be. I've seen him characterized a lot of different ways but I don't come across sweet Albus very often (and I couldn't picture him any other way for this story either).

I certainly hope that there's going to be a growing bond between them considering the fact that they're going to become parents to a little human.

I always get really proud when I see the chapter with the edits to it and it's all thanks to you for being an awesome beta!


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Review #19, by LululunaTrue Romance: A View to a Kill

6th July 2014:
Hi Rose! :)

Ahahha, I love how sneaky you were with not getting to the Brandon news until the end of the chapter and leading us on with all these fears that he could be dead. Silly me, I nearly fell for it too (well, nearly. I suspected you liked him too much to take him out just yet :P).

I'm still not quite sure how I feel about Corbin - I actually think this chapter showed his personality a little more and why he's acting so possessive: he's been hurt in the past and thinks that holding back will lead to him losing Scorpius, so that makes sense. Nobody is perfect, after all, and his past experiences can shape his current behaviour, so I'm still giving him a chance.

I'm glad Rose is back at her parents' and acting like an adult! It was fun seeing your business skills come through in the chapter and Rose's business plan seemed to fit quite well. I'm also so excited to hear more about her job and where she will take people as that just sounds so awesome and mixing travel with magic is great.

I honestly did not see Brandon's news coming at all - how awkward that poor Al had to hear from Harry, haha. Though I love how the story ties together with the mother of the kid dying and getting Brandon involved, and Bran being bisexual just makes the situation all the more complicated. I think Al was being pretty selfish and rude about the whole thing: I mean, of course it's a shock, but this happened before him and Brandon were together and Brandon is allowed to love whoever he likes: indeed, that's something Albus originally appreciated about him. It was sort of funny how that's what Al chose to rage against though, and it was fun seeing him quoting Brandon from Pure Intentions!

Absolutely loving all these speedy, exciting updates! I'm so excited to see how Brandon is taking the news that he's a dad and what will happen next with all these twisted relationships.

House Cup 2014

Author's Response: Would you have kept reading if I started the chapter with an update on Brandon? :P Okay... I was just being mean and wanted to drag out the anxiety about what happened to him. *nearly* fell for it isn't too bad. I mean, at least I didnt' cause mass-hysteria. I do like him too much for my own good though

Whoo!! I'm really glad Corbin's personality shon through a bit more here. I'm glad that you're willing to give him a chance at least. :) (some people just want him to die)

Rose finally came around and started to act a bit more like an adult. I always worry that I'll go too "oooh, business" with my characters. Let me know if I do that. :P

I'm glad the news was unexpected. When I thought of doing this, it seemed like soemthing no one would expect. Harry's involvement was mostly helpful while Brandon was discovering that he had a child. And, yeah, it was awkward for Albus to hear this from his father. Albus' reaction is quite frustrating but he does get better about it, I promise!!

I am still hoping to finish this for JulNo! So, hopefully you won't have to wait long for more.

Thanks so much for stopping by for the HC and for the lovely review!!

-Rose


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Review #20, by LululunaChaos, Love, and War: Chapter One: An Emergency Decision

6th July 2014:
Hello! :)

So, I gather that this story was either written before DH or disregards it, and that's so interesting! In the first chapter, I really liked how Snape was actually shown to be supporting Voldemort and his actions, and it shows that dark side to his character with prevails until his Worst Memory in DH shows a different side to him. But also, he does have a more caring side in how he helped Draco and felt some guilt towards betraying Dumbledore, so you did a good job of showing those elements of his character.

I also really liked the spooky setting of the castle and how Voldy made it very eerie and gothic. I could really see the scene in my mind and it was chilling! It also contrasted well with this chapter and the scene with the students so that was quite interesting as well.

I love how Ron complimented Neville here! Ron's always bumbling over his words but I liked how his outburst here showed his loyalty and respect for Neville. I also really liked how you wrote Hermione: her sophisticated and sometimes slightly complicated language fit really well with her character and the knowledge she bears. I especially liked the references to Muggles, that felt very Hermione-esque.

Rebuilding the DA is an awesome idea and I'm so curious to see how this would change the layout of DH and stop Voldemort. While Harry's individual tasks are daunting it's also true that he needs a lot of help from his friends and his community, so building an army to oppose Voldemort and fight back on the aggressive front is very intruiging.

Great job with this, hopefully I'll be back to read more soon! :D

House Cup 2014 - Educational Decree 1

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Review #21, by LululunaExactly As He Is: Homage to Dumbledore's Army

6th July 2014:
Hello! :)

Aw, this was a really lovely chapter and way of showing how steps for recovery would take place. I like the way Dumbledore's Army continues into the healing process, and all the honorary members - it was just a really clever way to honour them. I got especially emotional for two groups of people: first, the house elves, since they're so marginalized and thanking them both for Dobby's sake and their own sacrifices was really lovely. Also, with Teddy: Harry above all understands how much Teddy has lost by having his parents killed in the war, and that moment really brought to life the pain and injustice of having both Teddy's parents taken from him. The whole first scene was a really strong way of having people come together through the healing process.

I think that Harry have guilt, PTSD and even self-blame and hatred is very realistic considering what he's been through, and you wrote that very well. I felt so sorry for him, but the way he felt he deserved to die would definitely be a realistic reaction after nearly completely dying himself and seeing so many of his friends and comrades fall around him.

Great chapter, I enjoyed reading this, especially the emotional bits at the beginning! :)

House Cup 2014 - Educational Decree 1

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Review #22, by LululunaThe Dragon Club: The First Meeting

6th July 2014:
Hello! :)

This is really interesting so far! I like Rose and the cast of characters who are set up, and especially enjoyed in the last chapter with how both James and Albus hid their father's artifacts from one another by putting them in the girls' dorms. That was a really nice detail that stood out. Goyle and Malfoy are interesting as well, and I'm curious to learn more about why exactly Rose and Scorpius hate each other so much, other than their family names. Goyle is so creepy as well though he seems a little more articulate than his father was. I think that you did a good job of showing why Goyle and Malfoy would think of inviting Rose: she was there at the right time for the idea to occur, and the bet made sense for why they would want her there.

The Dragon Club actually sounds like a lot of fun, and I liked how welcoming they were and how open your characters are about inter-house friendships. The tattoo idea is especially interesting. I originally wondered if there was some more sinister background to the club, and perhaps it has a bit of a sketchy history at times, but so far it just seems like a really great thing for Rose.

If I could offer one piece of advice, it's that the story is flowing very quickly right now. You've introduced a lot of interesting moments and anecdotes, like Viola, and even the Fat Lady's cameo, and expanding on those and slowing down the pace of the story could make it even more impactful. Just a thought in case you ever feel like coming back to edit and need something to go off of! :)

Great job!

House Cup 2014 - Educational Decree 1

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Review #23, by LululunaTo Prevent An Unfortunate Series of Events : This is your mission, if you should choose to accept it.

5th July 2014:
Hello! :) I'm here from review swap on the forums!

This is really interesting! I've never read a Hermione-Marauders time travel story before but I quite like how you've set it up. Time travel can be quite tricky, and I'm curious to see if there will be more discussion of that in future chapters: whether Hermione keeping James and Lily alive will affect Harry's future life and friendships and whether the world Hermione someday returns to will be the same as it was when she left - if her and future Harry will even be friends. The consequences of time travel itself are just so interesting, and I can't help but worry if perhaps Dumbledore's risk might end up doing more harm than good.

You did a really good job of writing Hermione's fear and doubt, even showing how she's sensitive about even lying about her parents' death. That felt very relatable, and she seemed to be kept in character with how sensitive and thoughtful she was while also delicately and intelligently handling each situation, such as the first conversation with the Marauders.

I really liked how LIly and James have a bit of a playful bond rather than her hating him like in some stories, especially if they're going to get together within the year. The other Marauders were great as well, and I like how Lupin was quite kind and Sirius a bit playfully arrogant, it fit their characters well. Sirius' comment about her bed being in his arms made me laugh.

I feel like this storyline is more interesting than the storyline of a female OC coming to Hogwarts in the Marauders' seventh year which is also quite popular because it adds that new level of purpose and plot for Hermione and more complications to her relationships with the people there since she knows about their future lives and deaths. Good job, I really enjoyed reading this and will try and come back soon! :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

Oh wow, thank you! I love the whole Hermione-Marauders time travel storyline, so I'm glad that I seem to be introducing others to it as well. :) Yeah, time travel can be tricky. Even the tiniest, most insignificant thing can result in major changes in the future. One thing I can say is, Hermione will definitely not be returning to the future she knew of.

I'm really happy you feel that way! I really wanted to keep Hermione true to character. She is probably my favorite female character, so I wanted to do her justice. I"m so glad to hear you felt I did her well.

I've read too many stories where Lily absolutely loathes James, and then BAM! she falls for him. I think it would be more realistic to have it be a more playful, bickering sort of relationship, at this point. I love Lupin and I love writing Lupin. He's such a sweet, gentle and old soul. He's just wonderful. Sirius is my number one fictional crush. Mine and probably loads of other women's as well. ;) He's too much fun to write. Haha I'm glad you liked that line! After 19 1/2 chapters written, it's still one of my favorites.

Having Hermione go back into the past, I feel, adds a certain suspense that wouldn't be there with any other female character. You keep waiting for her to slip up, be found out, or come clean about who she is. It's my favorite storyline to read. Which would be the reason I chose that storyline for my first novel. You're absolutely right, it does make things more complicated with her knowing the destinies of the people she befriends.

I'm really happy you liked it so far! And if you find your way back, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as well!

Sorry it took me so long respond! And also sorry it's taking me so long for my review. Holiday weekend. It's been crazy. I'm heading over to your page now to read and review! Thanks for doing the swap!!

xoxo Meg


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Review #24, by LululunaLife As We Know It: chapter one

4th July 2014:
Hello! :)

This is quite interesting so far! I dabble a bit into reading Dramiones, tending to judge them on the quality of the story and not the ship, but I think that so far this seems to fit quite well into canon. I like how the scene is very similar to what happens in HBP, with Hermione's POV and Ron and Lavender, but just shows what could have happened if Hermione happened to go to the Room of requirement rather than an abandoned classroom.

Hermione's feelings of insecurity and loneliness at the beginning were really well written and relatable. The feeling of rejection that she had and her heartbreak over Ron felt realistic, and I could see how this hurt and anger could lead to her and Ron being in that fight for several months. It explains why their relationship was so catastrophic without just brushing it side to make room for Draco to swoop in, so I think you're definitely doing something right with showing why Hermione likes Ron, but also why they're perhaps not right for one another. But I have to say, there was a part of me that wanted Ron and Hermione to run off into the sunset together here, leaving Lavender and Draco behind! :P

Hermione's comments about not finding companionship and comfort in books and her insecurities about being teased felt very realistic as well and I'm glad you wrote it that way. She seems quite in character so far. I thought that Draco did as well: at this point in Hermione's life at least she only sees him as malicious and looking to embarrass her, so I'm glad that he's not rushing in to save her from her emotions, but is up to his old, rude tricks no matter what's going on with him.

I haven't read the pre-edited version of this chapter, but so far the writing feels quite mature and concentrating on Hermione's emotions in a strong and realistic way. If I could offer any constructive comments, it does feel like there is some repetition, especially when Hermione keeps thinking about how she wants to just be alone, so that section could perhaps be tightened up a bit to maximize the impact and the brief hopelessness of the moment. But overall, a very good start that I really enjoyed! :)

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Review #25, by LululunaLittle Angel: Losing Albus

4th July 2014:
Hello! :) Dropping by from review tag!

I remember seeing this plot in the up for grabs section and thinking it was so interesting, so I'm really glad you picked it up! You've definitely done a good job of showing what a jerk Albus is while justifying what has caused him to change from that sweet, shy boy we saw in the Epilogue. I felt so bad for his parents, especially Harry since I imagined his family would be very precious to him after not having parents for his entire life. This made me quite dislike Albus so I'm curious to see if there are darker reasons for his bad attitude and how he might develop more in future chapters.

Hmm, I wonder if the disappearing Floo powder might have something to do with the little girl. The term "angel" made me wonder if perhaps she was a ghost or some sort or a guardian angel rather than an actual person or child, or if perhaps she's somewhere in the middle. Ooh, was she Albus' daughter who died and then came back to make him a better person, Christmas Carol style?! That would be so cool, but maybe a little spooky. :P Either way, I'm really curious to see how she will be introduced.

Also, I thought you did a really solid job of explaining why the Floo powder not being there was such a big deal and why Ginny hated Apparating. That made sense, and I like it when details like that are explained and justified in the story.

A very interesting start, I'll keep an eye out for the next chapter! :)

Author's Response: Hey!

Yeah, it does sound interesting doesn't it? I'm planning to change it up a bit though and make it my own. Credit goes to ScarletEye158. Albus is portrayed as a different character in this book, from a shy innocent little boy to an idiot.

No Spoilers! But I like spooky stories ... they're scary ...

thank you for reviewing!

Emma


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