Reading Reviews From Member: Penelope Inkwell
  
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Review #1, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: xxi. the rest of our lives [or] an epilogue of sorts

20th October 2014:
Well, that tied up nicely. I've enjoyed this story.

I was totally wrong about Rose and Emily, then, but that's okay. It's nice to mix it up sometimes and have an MC who doesn't end up with anyone. I'm glad that it all worked out, and that they got the scholarship and had a bit of fun as well. I think the experience was good for all of them and, despite their worries, I suspect that this lot will remain close.

Thanks for the story!

--Penny

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Review #2, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: the spirit of fred weasley [or] exit, pursued by a bear

20th October 2014:
Okay, mega-points for turning "Exit, pursued by a bear" which was already excellent, into a prank.

And reggae-style Hoggy Hoggy Hogwarts? That was inspired. Also, I love that their last prank wasn't just funny. It also gave the whole year a good time.

Also glad to see that they all did well on their exams. Not that I ever doubted they would, the crazies. Of course, it's very easy to be sure of someone's prospects when your future isn't actually riding on them, so I can't blame the Order of the Raven for going absolutely mad over exams.

--Penny

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Review #3, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: xix. the calm before the storm [or] regroup; onward

20th October 2014:
“Always the tone of surprise."
--Nice reference. Made me smile

“I will duel any teacher who thinks you’d let them down.”
--This was great. So Hermione.

Well, I'm not usually a vindictive person, especially when it comes to wishing damaging, long-term consequences on people, but Louis and Lucien deserved that, for sure. I mean, how awful! Besides, Hermione totally did the right thing. And if she'd done anything different, the opposition would have just accused her of burying the incident because he was family.

They're absolutely right, though. Fred would want them to go out with a bang!

--Penny

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Review #4, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: xviii. the hour of reckoning [or] april fool's

20th October 2014:
Well, that was a right mess.

Honestly, if I were Rose, I don't think I'd have got over Alfie sleeping with one of my closest friends/my cousin's super-recent ex-boyfriend quite so quickly. It's less to do with the sleeping-with-the-same-person thing than it is the whole emotional trauma thing. Like, I'd think that someone who did that didn't have a lot of respect for me, even if we weren't together. That said, I'm not piling blame on Alfie for everyone else's emotional issues. I just couldn't have hooked up with him immediately after - on some level, I don't get it. But then, Rose is a big girl and she can make her own decisions, and forgiveness is a virtue, and all that.


AWW! I loved the way they did the Howlers with each other's favorite works of literature. It was adorable, and totally dorky in a way that fit them perfectly. It was just perfect, over all. That was some well done resolution.

Louis. Ugh! He really is the worst. I can only hope that he doesn't know Lester's backstory, because that would just make him unbearably awful. Seriously. Ugh. Good on Rose, though, for staying sensible in a stressful situation and outwitting him!

CC:

I did have this one thought. Rose says of Holly and Lester, "Neither of them are particularly close to Albus." And I get that you mean particularly as in, they are not close to Albus above all others. But "particularly" in that context usually reads as "very" or "that". Like, neither of them are that close to Albus. And, of course, they are all quite close. So maybe I'd suggest saying something like, "None of them were as close to Albus as I was" just to clear things up.

--Penny

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Review #5, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: xvii. the implosion [or] when it all hits the fan

20th October 2014:
OH MY GOSH!

OH, MY...

I did not see that coming even a little. Poor Scorpius. Hopefully they'll patch things up. But wow.

Favorite quote:

"Alfie’s so deep in the closet he’s eating Turkish Delight with the White Witch of Narnia."

Also, Rose's prank idea is terribly clever. No, like it's terrible--the idea of your almost-finished essay self-destructing?--but clever.

--Penny

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Review #6, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: xvi. the way ahead [or] i reminisce too much and scorpius has a plan

20th October 2014:
Whew. This was a big chapter, too.

So, all my questions of Rose's unresolved introspection were solved here. She was quite introspect-y.

I liked the thought that "good" isn't always the exact equivalent of "well behaved" and vice versa, especially since your behavior being in line with what an institution expects may not actually have anything to do with how moral said behavior is or isn't...if that makes sense. It's late, and my brain's a bit addled.

I like that we're getting a sense of the teachers being real people. It makes it easier to picture Rose and Holly being part of that crowd.

Aww, poor Lester. I really feel for him.

Interested to see how this last big prank turns out, and how Louis' turns out, as well. How can you combat Felix Felicis?

--Penny

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Review #7, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: xv. the game-changer [or] between a rock and a hard place

19th October 2014:
Oh dear. Poor Rose. That's so difficult, and I'm very glad that they were willing to call in Holly.

Man, this chapter was packed. Rose was so casual about it last chapter, I didn't even realize it had been her first time. In fact, she seems quite blasé about the whole thing. Not that I assume it has to be on the same level of enormity for everyone, but she seems to barely even process it. Of course, maybe it already had her on edge, having such a big event happen and not really processing it? Maybe that's part of what led to her panic attack? Not that I'm suggesting that losing one's virginity leads to panic. Calmness or being emotional are both fair responses. But it could have put her in a more tenuous emotional state.

Then again, perhaps the two had nothing to do with one another. But I am surprised she didn't think about it more. Or maybe she did, and there was just so much in this chapter that it's slipped my mind. Because this one was really a rollercoaster. I feel like so much happened!

Six thousand galleons? Oh my goodness!

--Penny

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Review #8, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: xiv. the easter buns [or] don't leave me to my own devices

19th October 2014:
I really want to know what Professor Vector is going to make of Bunnygate (that's what I'm calling it in my head, anyway).

So, Rose and Alfie, huh? Well, I'm glad to see that Rose finally gets a bit of romance. Though my theory is that she'll end up with someone else. But we shall see. Alfie seems like a nice guy.

I'm sure they'd like to see the holidays stretch on forever--these poor kids need a break--but I am eagerly looking forward to what happens when everyone gets back.

--Penny

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Review #9, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: xiii. the smoking gun [or] i flew too close to the sun

19th October 2014:
Well, we know Rose can totally become a Potions mistress! She can obviously think on her feet. After all, she figured out a name and alternate explanation for the Valentine's prank on the spot, with Professor Vector and the teacher of the subject she wishes to one day take over staring at her. Plus, she's getting lots of thinking-outside-the-box experience from this scholarship.

I wish there had been a pranking scholarship back when I was in high school. We could have used something to liven things up a bit.

Favorite quotes:


-What happens in detention?”
-“I’ve heard stories,” Albus offers.

“You sort of have to royally [mess] up to lose your badge,” Scorpius points out. “My dad never lost his, and he tried to assassinate the Headmaster.”

If you need me – don’t. It’s Faculty Friday at the Three Broomsticks, and I want my half-price pint.”


--Penny

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Review #10, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: xii. the art of love [or] nothing is sacred anymore

19th October 2014:
I'm so glad that they were concerned about consent and things going too far, because that's exactly the sort of thing that would have given me pause planning this kind of prank. And the Potion theory was clever, with the Hades/Persephone thing.

Hmm...I wonder what this whole Lara/Louis debacle will turn into.

The bit about this happening at Beauxbatons, too, struck me as really funny.

Favorite quotes:

“I’d like to take this opportunity to congratulate Rose on her success,” Albus says, smirking. “And on the beautiful poet’s heart that lies within. May nobody ever awaken it again.”


“He did,” Albus confirms. “He always said he wouldn’t give it to me until I could say the words truthfully. So when I told him about the scholarship over Christmas, he said it was time I had it.”

--I just love this detail! I really do. I'm sure James couldn't be prouder.

Unfortunately, no refuge can be found from the hell known as Other People’s Love Lives.
--Girl, I feel you. This is a problem I have faced so often. There is no escape.


Great chapter!

--Penny

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Review #11, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: xi. the drawing board [or] my time to shine

19th October 2014:
Hermione's reaction to the Draught of the Living Death shortcuts--bwahahah! That was such a great detail to include.

I'm really looking forward to the themed pranks! That should be fun.

Aww. House Elves. I just love House Elves. They're like bunnies. Anytime there are Elves around, I'm smiling :D

--Penny

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Review #12, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: x. the weasley christmas experience [or] scorpius and lester get festive jumpers

19th October 2014:
Oh boy, mistletoe shenanigans. Good on them for shutting that down. I'm sure everyone was grateful.

Oh dear. Unresolved sexual tension with anyone? That does sound like a lot to handle, even if it does mean less mistletoe weirdness. Poor Rose.

Ohmygosh, James cracked me up! He was fantastic.

Favorite quotes:

“Apparently by about May all the professors are setting sleep hours instead of homework. Otherwise you just don’t.”
--I'm kind of resentful that none of my professors have ever done this. They should.

“It’s seventh year, nothing will be okay again.”

“That one looks like a book,” Hugo says, pointing. “And so does that one…and that one…that one too…this {} family,”

--This made me laugh, but I would love that!

Fun to see everyone. A very merry Christmas chapter! :D

--Penny

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Review #13, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: ix. the family we choose [or] all you need is love

19th October 2014:
Bahaha! Louis' singing, though it is too non-12+ for me to post in the review, is EXCELLENT!

And Holly is going to be a teacher! Hooray! (Although Vector seems like she'd make a much less cuddly Headmistress than Sprout. Oh, the poor troublemakers of the future!)

Favorite quotes:

“I wonder if he has any control over the genre,” Albus muses, twisting to face the Slytherin table. “Add a bit of soul, Louis!”

Holly dotes on her, Emma worships the ground Holly walks on, and Albus and I are left glaring at our detached and condescending younger siblings wondering what went wrong and whether we could ever pull off a quiet trade.


Very much enjoying this story!

--Penny

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Review #14, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: viii. the spanner in the works [or] keep your enemies closer

19th October 2014:
Wow, so Emily didn't double-cross her. Or apparently did not. Is it just me, or am I getting the vibe that we're meant to ship those two? I could see it.

I loved what Emily said about Louis and Lucy not knowing what it's like to have to bury your heritage. I think that's a very realistic problem to have as a Slytherin. She was a well-drawn character in only one chapter, and I think you did a great job with her.


Favorite quote:
I can't pick a favorite quote. I can't even pick a couple I'm picking a whole section.

“You snogged my little sister?” Albus roars.

“Snog is a terrible word,” Lester says delicately. “I’m sure there are better ones…”

“Raine, have I ever told you how appropriate your middle name is?” Albus asks.

“What, Dante? Why – ?”

“Because you’re about to be dragged through the nine circles of hell.”

“Do I at least get a Latin poet as my guide – ”

Albus grabs Lester by the tie, jerking him forward so their noses are almost touching. “I am your Virgil,” he growls.

“This may be really inappropriate and a complete overshare,” Scorpius whispers to me, eyes glued to the scene, “But I am so turned on right now.”

I shove him away.

Albus releases Lester and the latter is cowering behind me in two short strides. “Mediate,” he says in a small voice. “For the love of God, mediate.”



--Oh my gosh, I'm dying! Everything about this is INSPIRED. The Inferno references. 'I am your Virgil. I can't. Bah!

You are brilliant.

--Penny

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Review #15, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: vii. the peace offering [or] we should've given them olive branches

19th October 2014:
Oh my gosh, I adore how geeky the Ravenclaws are! I want to be in on that conversation (I'm a Slytherin, myself, but it's a close call).

Personally, I'm not sure I trust Emily. Rose is supposed to show up after curfew, with no one knowing where she is? Sounds like a potential pranking situation, to me. But we can hope for the best.

--Penny

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Review #16, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: vi. the acceleration of chaos [or] holly & lester become inadvertent zookeepers

19th October 2014:
You know, it probably is better for them to break some rules. It will make them much better at cutting their students some slack, and they'll be better able to connect with them.

This chapter had SO MANY BUNNIES! So obviously that made me happy.

I'm very interested to see the next few pranks, and the next few retaliations. Take those Slytherdors down!

Favorite quote:

“It’s exhilarating, isn’t it? I can feel the character development. We should write a novel.”

--Penny

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Review #17, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: v. the tell-all [or] don't hold back now

19th October 2014:
Okay, this chapter actually put tears in my eyes. Like, eep! Feels! No, but when Scorpius was having his breakdown, it was just so...*sniffs* (no, literally, I sniffled while writing this) saaad. And then their parents' responses were just so in character and so great and I loved how you wrote Draco and how he obviously wasn't perfect and still had his hangups but he loved his son and that thing about the Malfoy name dying out and how he came to accept it and just...just...eep.

Deep breath.

It was very well done.

Favorite quotes:

"You know how the highest praise our teachers give you is that you’re like your mum? Or that Albus is like his dad? The highest praise they give me is that I’m not.”

“But we’re both anticipating the worst here, and if he’s incapacitated by his father’s crushing disappointment, he can’t help me cower from my father’s cold fury. Both tasks will therefore fall to you.”

“Though I always thought Scorp was more likely to be with Rose…heteronormativity makes fools of us all.”
--Bahaha. But really. It does. I've found that trying to avoid assuming that everyone's straight does wonders for keeping everyone out of awkward situations. Best to do your best to never assume.

--Penny

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Review #18, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: iv. the secret weapon [or] well, i didn't see that coming

19th October 2014:
Man, it is Ravenclaw coming-out week. Well, good for them! I'm glad to see the Enemy's idea of a prank fall flat--because really. But now they've got Felix Felicis. Dun dun DUN! Maybe Rose can figure out a potions trick to get them out of this mess?

Favorite quotes:

“We cuddle,” Albus says frostily.

“Go you guys,” I call, unsure on the protocols here. “Congrats on your love that we totally didn’t know anything about.”
--Bahahaha!

They kiss on the table long enough for a bunch of Hufflepuffs to figure out a spell to make confetti rain down on them.
--Aww. Those Hufflepuffs--so sweet. Way to be supportive, ya'll.

“It’s changing us,” Lester says in hushed, dramatic tones. “The scholarship. It’s changing us.”
--Maybe for the better?


Dude, I'm loving this! It's great!

--Penny

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Review #19, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: iii. the order of the raven [or] our reputation precedes us

19th October 2014:
Aw, the poor babies really haven't quite got their dramatic timing down yet, huh? Well, this will make it more interesting. Now it'll be all-out WAR!

Favorite Quotes:

"Louis finally managed to free himself from his curse and is now stalking through the Great Hall with the sleeves of his robes rolled up in case anyone forgot he has forearms."
--I love this. Because showing your arms is the perfect way to regain your macho-ness. Obviously.

"Holly gives him a strange look. 'Did you just say voluptuous?'
-I couldn’t think of the right word,' Lester says defensively. 'So I went for a synonym.'
-'You missed.'


“You realise you’ve just said your own name in that disparaging tone as well?”


Very good chapter! Your writing flows so well.

--Penny

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Review #20, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: ii. the initiation [or] five thousand galleons justifies everything

19th October 2014:
Hello again! This is great. 'My father didn't raise me properly'--Hah!

Also, good to see that Rose has already begun with a successful prank. And Louis really is hateful. I hope he loses his entire House's points (not for language. I'm actually rather terrible about cursing, mostly because people don't expect someone with my personality to do so, and it cracks me up). But the gay slurs--nuh uh. No sir. I say take 'em down!

Also, points for representation!

Favorite quotes:

-"'Does anyone have friends in either of those houses?'
-'Nobody in this room has any friends outside this room.'”

"'Five thousand Galleons,' we echo. We sound like a cult."


--Penny

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Review #21, by Penelope InkwellThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: i. the plan [or] five nerds face a life of hedonism

19th October 2014:
Hello, hello! First of all, huge congratulations on your Dobby! I didn't get to read all the entries, so I hadn't gotten to this one yet, but I'm already seeing why it won. This is very well written, and your concept is brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. I am so curious to see what these crazy overachievers get up to :D

Favorite quote:

"'Anecdotes,' Albus says dreamily. 'No longer will I live in the storied shadow of James Sirius *flipping* Potter. We’ll be legends. We’ll eclipse him. We’ll eclipse his namesakes. We’ll come out of nowhere to take the prize of eternal shenanigan glory.'

'Eternal shenanigan glory,' Scorpius echoes."

--Penny

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Review #22, by Penelope InkwellTangled Web: Chapter Thirty-One: Check-Ups.

16th October 2014:
One more chapter? It's almost over?! Oh, gosh, I'm gonna be an emotional wreck.

Whisper, you're trying to drown me in emotions, aren't you? Is that your goal? Because you are doing a mighty fine job, chicadee. ; )

First off, I totally get Hermione's position at the beginning of the chapter. I think there would be people who would see her as selfish, maybe, but I don't think so at all. She's 23! She and Draco really have just started their relationship, and adopting Cooper changes things. I mean, I understand why Draco did it. I admire him for it. But I also understand why Hermione put the brakes on moving in. It was already going to be a lot to adjust to, and trying to do it all at once could have put a real strain on their relationship.

Besides, she hadn't signed up to be a mother--not yet. But it's clear that she does really care about Cooper. Hermione's a planner, so she needs some time to adjust to the idea. She's practical, so she would have seen the potential difficulties of both her and Cooper moving in at once. I think her decision makes a lot of sense for her character, and for her and Draco's relationship. It would have been nice and neat and prettily wrapped to have them all just magically fall together, but that's not how it works, and I like that this deals with the complications and ironing out the details.

Oh, Hermione! That's so hard. It's one thing to say that you don't want kids now (or even that you don't think you'll want them at all). It's completely another to be told that you may not be able to. That's a hard thing to go through. I'm glad that she has Draco by her side, but...just, ouch. That section gave me the uber-sad feels.

I'm holding out hope that magical treatment for those kinds of issues may be more effective. Besides, the regular fertility treatments definitely can work as well. Hopefully she'll be able to have a child one day, if she wants to. And it's good to know that, either way, there's Cooper. In some ways, I think having him might have kept their relationship from undergoing an (even more) major hurdle. I think Draco would have always been mostly concerned about Hermione; even if he had been disappointed, he's clearly the sort of person who'd be happy to adopt. However, I think Hermione, knowing how badly Draco wants to have kids, might have tried harder to pull away, and that could have been an even bigger problem.

So, even though it was obviously a bit of a curveball, Cooper may have saved the day, in some ways. For my part, I know someone who broke up with her boyfriend partly because she knew he wanted a big family and she'd found out wasn't supposed to be able to have children. It happens (It worked out, by the way. She actually married a guy who had a child from a previous marriage whom she got to help raise, and she ended up able to have one child, herself. And they all seem pretty happy : D ). But I'm really glad that Cooper is already around to deflect that line of thinking, and that Draco so firmly steers her away from sinking into that kind of negativity, which really could have dragged her down.

Ginny and Harry are getting married! I hope we get to see at least part of the wedding!

Aaaand vacation in the south of France. Fancy. I wonder what Draco has up his sleeve, now...

Favorite Quotes:

"It’s kind of endearing in a psychotic way."

-“I’m hoping Harry cries a bit.”
-“If he doesn’t I’ll step on his foot to get him going.”


Thanks for another chapter! And for this story! And for giving me, like, a gift basket of sad and happy emotions in this one. So many feels. I hope next chapter can give me a much needed sparkle of sunlight. Poor Hermione and Draco have been through so much!

--Penny

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Review #23, by Penelope InkwellThe New Pride of Portree: Therapy

16th October 2014:
Hello hello!

So, first off, I may have mentioned it before, but I love how the team reacts to Fitz and Molly's relationship. And I really enjoyed how Fitz reacted to their reaction...to put it in the most confusing way possible ; ) Anyway, it's adorable.

Another thing I really like is that you have Fitz and Molly really talk. They've got passion, but they're also just comfortable with one another, discussing things like Molly's feelings on seeing her old teammates, stuff like that. Normal relationship stuff. That's something I feel like it's easy to skip over when you're plotting out a relationship arc, because there's the temptation to only deal with the BIG ISSUES, but the small ones are also hugely important. It makes them seem much more grounded, like they can really make a go of it, and that makes me happy.

Finally, I thought that scene between him and Mariah was very well done. You created an atmosphere in which we were able to feel more charitable toward Mariah, maybe recognize that she isn't all bad, while still remaining kind of wary of her. And I think that's exactly what Fitz feels, so props on really bringing us to that place during the scene. I liked how you had Fitz realize that even though Mariah had been kind of awful, she hadn't always been. And he also takes responsibility for his failings, realizing that maybe he hadn't always been the best husband. Sometimes break-ups are one party's fault, or even (as perhaps is still the case here) mostly one person's fault. But usually it's a two-way street, and when a relationship falls apart, usually both parties have a hand in that, in some way. I'm glad to see Fitz own up to that. It shows maturity, and I think it will help him move on from some of his bitterness.

Also, glad to see that he's going to therapy. I think that'll be a big help. Actually, a team therapist sounds like a *brilliant* idea. If you ever wanted to do a spin-off one-shot, I think it would be so awesome to just have scenes from the official therapy sessions of the Pride of Portree. I would sooo want to read that. So much room for comedy (and serious moments too, of course, but so much humor potential).

Aaand Mariah's going back to Tutshill. That is such a relief. Nice to see some things wrapping up nicely, after all Fitz and Molly have been through. Now, to just deal with McCormack...

--Penny

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Review #24, by Penelope InkwellDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: Only Blood

5th October 2014:
Hey there! Penny here for the review swap! Sorry it took so long. I tried to read on my phone during my rehearsal breaks, but it was just not working. So, finally, here we are:

Whew! This was an eventful chapter.

So, right away, I like how full-throttle this scene seems. They do a lot of talking amongst themselves and arguing, and it would have been easy to drop the energy ball in a scene like this, but that never happens. I was always on the edge of my seat, waiting for another bit of information. That's great!

Also, the whole idea behind your plot is really interesting, and your execution is well-done. I can totally see Voldemort making Harry believe he has lost his child, while secretly raising him himself. As some sort of weapon, perhaps? Seems like the kind of sick emotional manipulation that would be right up his alley.

I also like how you've introduced Geoffrey. We get the idea that he is very aware, and quite manipulative. He also knows when he's being outmaneuvered. Clearly he's a clever guy. And, even though he's a Death Eater, he seems to have developed some affection for Devlin, or at least pity for the boy that Devlin once was. That mix of light and dark makes him a well-rounded, compelling character, so snaps to you for that!

Wait, wait, wait. Is Voldemort...Devlin's grandfather? Am I getting that right? Because that is supah-creepy. But the HP books tend to lend themselves to just those sorts of creepy twists. This escaped convict is actually your godfather! This evil overlord is actually your grandfather! I could see it. But then maybe that's not right? Because it says that Alexandra is a Muggleborn, so it would seem to rule that out. Unless Petunia and Lily's mom had a deep, dark secret that I'd rather not contemplate. So maybe I'm totally reading that wrong. Either way, I'm curious!

I like Alex. She seems like a strong person who can balance a cool head with a very strong love for her family. I'm definitely interested to hear more about her. And I liked the way you described Devlin's magic as feeling sort of like a mix between his father's and his mother's.

It also sounds like Devlin has been pretty brain-washed. I can't imagine what it would be like, if they actually do manage to get him back. How fascinating! You've created quite a predicament here. I wonder how/if they'll be able to navigate it.

The intensity was really good in this chapter, and I remained very interested by the story. So many questions!

***
CC:
Okay, I only had a couple questions in regard to content:

(1) "Did Voldemort simply leave the broken arm as well?"
--When Alexandra says this line, it kind of threw me. Just because, if she thought her son might be dead, it seemed odd that she would ask for confirmation on whether or not he was alive after she asked if Voldemort had Devlin's arm healed. Especially since Geoffrey notes that she strikes him as a particularly logical person, the priorities here seem a bit oddly numbered.


(2) "'And what are you to him?'
'He's Devlin's 'guard',' Harry answered..."

--immediately above this, Geoffrey introduces himself as Devlin's guard, so this conversation seemed a bit odd.

--
The rest of this is all little spelling and grammar details. I just figured it's a bit vague in a chapter as long as this to say, "There were some grammar mistakes," because that means, if you were to choose to fix them, you'd spend 5 million years combing through it. So I went ahead and wrote down what I noticed. Hope this helps!

-In these two sentences, you switch suddenly from past tense to present:

(1) Geoffrey was reminded of the boys own magic when he hasn't decide if he is furious or not. Potter's voice is demanding and intimidating...

(2) But he never will, so he sighed again.
His magic had one difference from the boys.
--"boys" is possessive, so it ought to be "boy's"


"So brutally honest - even to his enemies face."
--"enemies" should be "enemy's"

"Mortal danger, how informing!"
--I think it would be more correct to say "informative" rather than "informing"

"Voldemort was either incapable or to calculated to show the emotion."
--Instead of "to" it should be "too", and "calculating" might be better than "calculated". An action or a decision might be calculated, but a person is usually described as being calculating.

"It was rare that a grown werewolf desire to bite a child.
--"desire" should probably be "desired".

"You're a werwolf?" Black asked.
--werewolf is misspelled here.

"The boy would forgive him for treating Potter however he had too...
--"too" should be "to".

-These sentences have words with unnecessary apostrophes:

"because the tent door has opened and in it's frame was a small boy."

"Her parent's are muggles..."

"Devlin was on his knee's."

***

Overall, I think you've got a good second chapter here. I am definitely intrigued. You do a great job creating tension, and giving us hints, while still leaving us with so many questions! (So. Many. Questions.) I'm so curious about what Devlin's really like now? Can he even be saved?

Nice work! Thanks for the fun read, and the swap!

--Penny

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Review #25, by Penelope InkwellWaltz: Waltz

4th October 2014:
You did a truly excellent job with this.

Rose has OCD, yes? I do, too. It's gotten much better, but when I was younger I was a lot like Rose (My number was four). It's SO NICE to see that represented in a story! I cannot even tell you how wonderful it is. I think that if I had read more characters like me in my childhood/tween years, it would have made things so much easier. Representation is so important! So, props to you for throwing some (mental) diversity in there!

Really, I cannot give you enough congratulatory snaps.

And Scorpius has a stammer. And is adorable and considerate! And he maybe isn't the guy every girl thinks is dreamy, but Rose totally sees it! I love that. :D

When he smiles and says the "Good, good, good," part...I can't even...my heart!

The whole thing was also just so poetic and symmetrical, which I adored. And having the waltz as a sort of embodiment of her number was so clever!

This is a beautiful piece, and I have, like, mega feels now. Thank you so much for writing it! I wish I could go back and wave it in middle-school-me's face and be like, "Here is this story it's beautiful and it's like you and you're going to love it!"

Collegiate-me loves it, too.

Thanks.

--Penny

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