Reading Reviews From Member: Penelope Inkwell
661 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Penelope InkwellEffortlessly Dead: Death Comes Calling

30th January 2016:
Hey Emmi! Resubmitting this review--sorry about the HTML error, but I'm so glad you wrote me to let me know! I've been on a bit of an HPFF hiatus lately, but I hope to be back to this story, too. I was so glad that the Dobbys put me onto it, and I definitely hope to read more, soon!

Hello hello! I'm here checking out the Dobbys nominations. Congratulations, by the way!

So, this is sooo intriguing.

First off, that CI is great for a murder chapter. Ick! It made me shivers.

You did a really lovely job with that first section. I liked the cat-and-mouse opening, and getting to listen in on the murderer's thoughts, watch her process. It was super creepy! But in a good way. You definitely set the atmosphere up nicely.

And then I loved the vibe you set up in the morgue. I've a bit of a morbid sense of humor, so it was cracking me up, the way Galen was hiding out from his mother and sister and wedding details and enjoying the peace and quiet of the morgue. You really did well with walking the line between creating a warmer atmosphere while still giving us those creepy undertones. I mean, the bodies helped ;)

I loved that Rosie was asking the dead woman for her opinion on earrings for a date!

All of that cheerfulness--down to the description of the head mortician as a jovial person. I feel like, when they come up in fiction, people who work in funeral homes are always described as solemn and dreary and kind of eerie, but you flipped that trope on its head. And it makes sense to me. I think you'd need to be a sort of cheerful person, really, to work in that sort of job. Or, at least, it would help.

And then that thing about the Shrikes--it's so sinister--the murders, the impaling, the signatures, the not knowing who they are. And I love that you chose this fluttery little songbird that spears things for the name of the murdering clan. That's great!


So, as a rule, I always try to give CC, because I find it really useful to me, as a writer. However, in the words of Albus Dumbledore, "This is, as they say, your party." ;) I'll give a suggestion or an opinion, but obviously you're the author, so you go with what feels right for you!

From her current position, she couldn’t hear it but she was certain the mouse was squeaking in terror.
--I think it might be more correct to delete the comma after "position" and put one in after "it".

The young woman was one of those few people, although her reasons for staying out at that hour weren’t exactly the most popular nor acceptable.
--It might flow better to say, "although her reasons for staying out at that hour weren't exactly the most popular, nor the most acceptable." Or "although her reasons for staying out at that hour would neither be popular nor acceptable."

so Galen amused himself by holding animate (and entirely one-sided) conversations with the dead.
--I think "animate" should probably be "animated".

"It's only purpose..."
--In this case, "It's" should be "its".

Really nice job! I'm eagerly awaiting this next chapter, so off I run!


Author's Response: Hi Penny!

First of all, I'm so sorry this reply comes so late! I'm normally very punctual with my review replies but real life was keeping me busy for the last couple of months and then I sort of... forgot? (So sorry!)

At any rate, thank you so much for the review! I'm really glad that you liked this first chapter! The CI is simply brilliant, isn't it? RedHairGinny did a splendid job with it. The cat-and-mouse scene seems really popular, I'm happy I added it. I'm also pleased that you found the opening scene creepy since that was the mood I was aiming for!

The morgue crew is really delightful, isn't it? I really enjoy writing them, particularly Galen (well, naturally since he's one of the main characters). Still, the others are really fun characters as well. I'm glad that the mood I hoped the chapter to have came through in the second half of the chapter as well!

And Rosie. She's such a darling. I hope she appears as often as possible. The same with Mac. Given how dark the mood of the story is, I feel that having jovial or humorous characters is a must so it doesn't become too dark (I love dark stories with some humour myself so they're fun to write ^.^)

I'm starting to really repeat myself, but I'm glad that you like the mystery surrounding the Shrikes! I love writing about them so it's great that you love reading about them (for now anyway)! Hopefully you'll continue to like them when they are fully revealed in the next chapter!

And I'm always open for CC, no matter what it is about! English isn't my first language, so there are always spelling and grammatical errors and I'm really grateful when people point them out to me so I fix them at some point.

Again, thanks so much for the review and sorry that this reply comes so late!

- Emmi

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Review #2, by Penelope InkwellForever in my Heart: Molly

30th October 2015:
Anja! I'm here! I know I'm cutting it so close you probably thought that I forgot about you, but I didn't! And I am finally here for our October review exchange!

So, I'll just launch right into it, then!

Gripping her wand tightly, she thought of a happy memory. This charm was one she never had trouble with after becoming a mother.
--I loved that detail, and I thought it was very appropriate for Molly's character. I also love the way this example shows that being a mother made Molly a stronger witch, as we see again (and more dramatically) later in the story.

One of the kids, a tiny boy with mouse-gray hair gave her a thumbs-up before they all hurried off to join the fight again.
--this was another great image. It's so tragic, because they're just kids. They're fighting a battle and giving the cool mom a thumbs up because she saved them from death. But it really stuck out as a wonderful visual, and it made me smile for a moment amidst all the destruction.

When Molly described Fred's death--you wrote that so well. I really just felt so present, so in the moment with all her emotions. With her pain and her panic and her despair,and then her quiet mourning in the time that she had, before she would go see to the rest of it. The thing about Fred and George being separated, as they never should have been--OHMYGOSH ANJA! My EMOTIONS! I have chills--actual chills--just thinking about it. That bit was really well done.

AND ANJA THAT ENDING!!! I was holding up okay, I really was. I was like, alright, Molly goes to Lily's grave. Fine, good, I can handle that. Oh, oh gosh, Molly asks Lily to watch over Fred. I--I'm, I'm oka--no that was NOT a sniffle I am FINE.

And then, LILY. And that "Always"! TEARS, Anja! Tears in my eyes! I feel like an anvil just thwacked me in the chest. Oh my gosh, that final detail just made it. That was excellent.

Molly was great. Her emotions and her protectiveness and her despair and her faith that Harry was alive and her love for her children and her asking Lily to watch over Fred and--she was great. She was really, really great.


It couldn't be Ginny, her baby girl. She had ordered her to stay in the Room of Requirement, out of the way of fighting, protected from a world that was much too dark for her. She must have obeyed her mother in these terrible times.
--This assumption that Ginny must have obeyed orders seems a little naive for a mother of Molly's knowledge and experience--after all, she raised 7 kids, and she knows her daughter. I think maybe it would seem more natural if it was something like, It couldn't be Ginny, her baby girl. She had told her to stay out of the fighting. and it was left at that.

One thing that seemed a little odd is how Molly realizes that Harry is alive, but she never comments on the moment when he pops up and proves that to everyone. It just seems like something that she would definitely note.

My biggest CC would be that her defeat of Bellatrix seems a little bit anticlimactic to me. It's such a big moment in the books and it seems like here, in a one-shot from Molly's perspective, it should hold at least that much weight. The crux of Molly's character is her motherly love, which you highlight beautifully over the course of this one-shot. But this is that healthy, familial love's big triumph over Bellatrix's obsessive "love" of Voldemort. It's Molly's strike back, as she saves her daughter and avenges her son. But it's just over in a flash. "Just then, a simple Reducto curse left the tip of her wand and managed to get through Bellatrix’s defenses. It was over. The evil witch had gone." Bellatrix is gone like poof, which sort of pulls the rug out of the dramatic moment that was building. Since you really dedicate yourself to describing the scene in a lot of places in this one-shot, it seemed odd that such a major moment would come across as rushed. I just think that, with the story arc you're building, this could be such a strong moment if it was embellished a little more.

I love Molly Weasley, and I really enjoyed reading your portrayal of her. You created some really special moments that just leapt off the page and felt so real, where you really connected to the audience's emotions. Getting to read the Battle from Molly's perspective was a treat--I don't think I've ever read anything like that before. Fred's death and Lily's appearance at the end were so strong, and such well-written moments of painful, beautiful love. And I adored the way you wrote about Molly's love for Harry--how he was absolutely one of her own, how she knew he was alive before anyone else did because he was her boy! Oh gosh. The tears are starting again. Literal tears forming in my eyes. You've done some lovely work here. I am so glad to have had the opportunity to come read this. Good job, Anja!


Author's Response: Hey Penny,
took me forever to get here so I can reply to this. Thanks for this review, it's great!

It's 4 am right now, I'll keep this fairly short because of that, sorry.

I'm kind of proud of making you cry. I feel like that's something that doesn't happen every day (and the fact that this story has made quite a few people cry recently kind of makes me very proud of my writing).

I really appreciate the CC and I'll definitely cosider it and when I go through and edit it, I'll come back to this review to get some pointers.
I think you're right about the part with bellatrix - by the time I wrote that bit, I was emotinally exhausted and I have to admit that I didn't give it my all anymore. It definitely needs a little work.

Thanks again,
♥ Anja

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Review #3, by Penelope InkwellThe Next Great Adventure: Happenings

28th October 2015:
Hey Kaitlin!

Here for our review swap! Aaand I am back for chapter 2! Whoo-hoo!

- “We’re under a bit of a time constraint, so I’ll just get straight to the point…”

- “That’s a first,” Fred remarked.

--YES!!! Hahaha :D It was so good to see Fred being, well, Fred! This cracked me up. AND I loved that Dumbledore was amused by it, too. Very in character.

Aww, so sad to think of Dobby being alone, with no family. Kind of 'nothing to lose', even in the afterlife. I just wanna hug him, like Lily!

I wonder...I suppose that Dumbledore was reunited with his family. What about McGonagall? I wonder what reason they have for not considering her. Is she back with her family? With Dougal McLongLostLove?

“If Dobby is being honest, Dobby is scared, Miss, but Dobby has no family here. The great Harry Potter is Dobby’s only family, Miss. "
--My heart! Dobby! I love Dobby, and I haven't read a story with him in it in forever. This just reminds me of what a treat it's going to be, and just how much I love that little elf!

I think you got the characters' personalities nice and clear, and they seem accurate to how we remember them. Like, Sirius never really did seem to have proper respect for House Elves (I don't remember his views on Dobby, specifically, but he did kind of bully Kreacher, and I always thought that was one of his big flaws). I was initially a little surprised at Molly's outburst, but then she was sometimes like that with Sirius. She wasn't fond of his recklessness (and, honestly, she may have a point).

CC: I don't have much to say, here. I didn't notice any grammar errors or anything like that.

I noticed that Tonks was missing, which I had questions about. I mean, presumably everyone doesn't have to be in the same place all the time. She could be with her parents, I guess. And of course *everyone* can't be there. But just seeing Remus without her made me wonder. She's the only one that stood out to me as a sort of 'missing' character.

But that's really all I've got. Great work!

I'm really impressed by these first couple chapters. On the one hand, I'm sad to see that Dobby still doesn't feel he's earned his place at the table, so to speak, even in the afterlife. And that Harry could potentially fail some test and never see his family again--that's such a sad prospect! But obviously if it was all serenity and light, there wouldn't be much to work with, plotwise. I really look forward to Harry seeing Dobby, and I hope Harry can help give him some confidence, just as I hope Dobby can help get Harry through this whole test/challenge thing! I believe in both of them! AND this 'test" is so intriguing! Are they gonna go to King's Cross?! Where is Headquarters? Are they gonna meet other people?

I need to find *out* these things, Kaitlin! There is so much I want to know. You're doing a great job of making me super eager to see the next chapter.

This chapter lays the groundwork very nicely. And it makes me very curious about what the layout of all this is. The afterlife has portkeys? There's a bar? This test? SO many questions!

This is just such a unique idea! I don't remember reading anything like it, and I'm so eager to read more! You're doing a lovely job!


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Review #4, by Penelope InkwellThe Next Great Adventure: Prologue: An Old Friend

18th October 2015:
Hey Kaitlin!

So, I told you I was planning to head over here, and indeed here I am. :D This is a prologue like I've never seen before, that's for sure. If I've seen fics about characters on their deaths, they've pretty much exclusively been one-shots, so I'm excited to see what you're planning to do with a whole novel based around the idea. I love your creativity! You so frequently surprise me, and I'm sure you will with this story, too.

I think that you wrote the buildup to Harry's death quite well. You really described that sense of dustiness, of fading out, which felt right for a death of old age. I love how he wanted to say more, but couldn't get the words out--that felt very real--but how he still managed to say the truly important thing. It was very Harry.

I also appreciate how James tried to keep the mood as light as possible, because I could see that being what Harry would want, and what a child of Harry and Ginny would naturally err towards. Harry's known a lot of mourning in his life, and he wouldn't want his family to be too somber. Like he says, it's not a goodbye, it's a see you later. I love the way he faces death. "Like an old friend". That was a great shout out to the Deathly Hallows, which fits so well because it's in Harry's blood--he greets death without fear, just as his ancestor, Ignotus Peverell, did. It fits his Gryffindor spirit to face death bravely. And lastly, it suits him, as he has been the Master of Death--possibly the only one ever--as the rightful owner of all 3 Deathly Hallows. I like how all that comes into play here.


I haven't really got much. You've done a lovely job here.

Intellect told him that he was nearing death and at first Harry had tried to deny it.
--I think that "instinct" might suit this sentence better than "intellect". It sounds like it's not Harry's reason telling him that death is upon him--the Healers all say that he's fine. Rather, it sounds like his gut is telling him that he is about to die. Which makes sense, really, because Harry was always a more instinct-driven individual.

So, yeah, that's a pretty nitpicky suggestion. But that's all I got.

Oh, and I wanted to say that I think you did a really nice job with the tone of this chapter. There are bits of it that feel a bit sad, or wistful, but overall it's a good death. He's lived a long life, he's surrounded by family, he doesn't seem to have any great regrets, he isn't afraid. I think that, despite the death element, you manage to create a very hopeful beginning to the story. It's got more of a positive feeling, and I'm deeply curious about where it's going next.


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Review #5, by Penelope InkwellThe Many Tragedies of Being Hortensia Malfoy: The Tragedy of Having No Friends. Literally.

18th October 2015:
People don’t always have time to think in times of disaster.”
...but they have time to find Binder T37, Article 4, Subsection A? (Sorry! Am I being meant to Rose! I'm not trying to be mean to Rose. Just a voice of reason).

Also? CALLED IT! And I'm really glad to see her getting on well with Rose. Her idea about the secret passageway really was clever.

You really picked the perfect name. Hortensia is awful. Hor, Tense, and Sia, are all awful. But Tensia is much nicer. Nice job, Al.

I was also glad to see Albus be the one that pulls back. It kind of breaks the stereotype. Boys don't have to want to have sex *all the time* any more than girls are always clutching their pearls, aghast at the very idea.

It was nice to see a bit of a conversation between them, and I'd love to see more. I'm inclined to ship them, but i feel like I don't know Albus quite enough yet.


over the Summer
--I don't think Summer is usually capitalized

Poor Hortensia. I hope she gets her friends back soon. But I'm glad that she isn't just constantly lonely, and is managing to form new relationships as well.

I wonder. If Rose because Hortensia's new best friend, does that mean that she can insist that Scorpius can't date Rose? Maybe they can work out some kind of deal with that.


Author's Response: Remember they have magic, which might help with locating Binder T37, Article 4, Subsection A just a little bit faster. :P

More conversation between them is to come! I hope you'll be shipping them soon enough... I am!

As for the CC...

Arggh capitalising the seasons was something I was mistaught back in primary school, and I always do it out of habit. It's funny how something like that can stick with you...

You may possibly have called it with the Rose/Scor/Hortensia thing... more to come!

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Review #6, by Penelope InkwellThe Many Tragedies of Being Hortensia Malfoy: The Tragedy of Being Scorpius' Sister

18th October 2015:
Wow. That was a romantic 0-90 in .3 seconds. There is definitely chemistry (what do Hogwarts students even say instead of chemistry? They have...potionry?)

Scorpius. Dude. You're gonna have to relax. If my brother ever tried to pull that crap with my love life--well, first of all, I'm highly unlikely to ever date one of his friends, to to sizable differences in both age and taste in companions--but IF he did, my fury would probably annihilate a city block.

Poor Hortensia. She was just thrown into a bad situation all the way around. It isn't her fault that Lorcan liked her, or that she didn't like him, or that Lysander felt the need to blurt it out! And yeah, she shouldn't have said that about Lucy, but at that point everything else is on the table, so we might as well have all the secrets out where we can see them.

Still, that's rough. I wonder if she'll have to hang out with Rose and color-coordinate binders?


Author's Response: Scorpius is a bit annoying, isn't he? In this story I'm enjoying making my characters into slightly exaggerated caricatures which means they will go overboard sometimes. :P

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Review #7, by Penelope InkwellThe Many Tragedies of Being Hortensia Malfoy: The Tragedy of Having Curly Hair

18th October 2015:
YESSS! I approve wholeheartedly of this development. Which is weird, because normally I wouldn't this early in the story? But I approve anyway this time! They're so cute!

How long has he liked her? I get this vibe that it's been a while, but it's hard to say. Oh well, I suppose we'll find out!


Author's Response: You will find out indeed. ;)

Thanks Penny!

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Review #8, by Penelope InkwellThe Many Tragedies of Being Hortensia Malfoy: The Tragedy of Being a Hufflepuff

18th October 2015:
Bahaha! I am enjoying this so much. Hortensia--can I just call her Juliet, too?--has one of the best comedic voices I have read in a while. I can't even pick a favorite quote! I have so many!

That was the moment that I realised my best friends’ love triangle had a fourth corner. I’d just been dragged into a weird, polite, Hufflepuff love square.
--this is terrible and wonderful, all at the same time. Poor Hortensia-Juliet! Poor Lorcan-or-Lysander! Poor Lucy-Who-Really-Needs-to-Get-a-Second-Name-If-She's-Gonna-Hang-with-This-Crowd!

"You’re a good person. I see now why you belong in Hufflepuff.”

I pulled my wand out and aimed it at him.

“You take that back!” I hissed.

--This was glorious. I love this.

“I don’t see why I have to choose,” I said. “Why can’t I be loyal and ambitious and smart and courageous? Why do I have to be just one thing because a stupid hat told me when I was eleven?”
--Girl, tell 'em! This was such a good point. And I personally thought that Albus' comment was very insightful. Even though possibly I would have made fun of him, too. But then, I'm a Slytherin, so...

I was really glad that you gave us that glimpse of kindness into her, though. I can relate to Hortensia-Juliet. I like to bluster, but at the end of the day I can't stand to hurt someone who doesn't deserve it. And often I even hate hurting their feelings when they do deserve it. I think it was great that she stood up for Crazy Rose.

I had held on to the bitterness for five years, and I wasn’t about to let it go… that would just prove I was a Hufflepuff.
--I relate to this statement so much. When it comes to things that I enjoy complaining about, I'm like, "Nope. You can point out how it's not so bad somewhere else. Do not ruin my fun. I take great joy in my griping, thank you very much!" ;)


where Rose Weasley sat pouring over one of her binders.
--I think that in this case "pouring" should be "poring".

As much as I didn’t fell like I belonged
--"fell" = "feel"

Another great, amusing chapter! I'm having so much fun reading this!


Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review all my chapters! Sorry it took me a while to get around to responding...

I'm having so much fun writing Hortensia. The thing I like about OCs is being able to give them completely new personalities. I find them so much more enjoyable to write than say Harry or Hermione or Ginny because I always feel like I just can't get those characters right.

As for the CC...

Oh my gosh you are right about pouring/poring... I had to google that. I guess it's one of those words I've always heard and never actually seen written down...

Fell/feel... oops, typo! I'll fix that!

Cheers for a lovely review!

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Review #9, by Penelope InkwellActions Speak Louder than Words: Bombs and Bonds: Scorpius and Rose POV

18th October 2015:
Hey there! Here for review 3/3 of our swap! :D

First off, I didn't think that this chapter read as filler *at all* It allows us to finally have this conversation between Rose and Hermione, which just had to be coming, and it also gives us a hint about this Seer business, which I assume is planting a seed for later. It seems like these prophecies are important. Maybe one of them is motivating Stannous to target Rose?

The beginning is also nice and mysterious. It creates a sort of knowledge imbalance--the Auror trainees know something about this whole situation that we don't. So we're all eager to find that out. And planting those tidbits is an important part of any story--those are the hints that keep us dying to find out WHAT is going on.

I feel so bad for Scorpius, having this big information that he's supposed to keep from Rose. I wonder if she will figure out he's keeping something from her (probably) and whether that will prove problematic to their relationship.

And I was just SO happy to see this moment of vulnerability and honesty with Rose and Hermione. It's been clear that Rose's relationship with her immediate family has been a little bit distant, in part because of these secrets they were all trying to keep. I'm so glad to see her and Hermione getting closer and bonding over this shared experience, terrible though it is.

CC (or, Nitpickiness, thy name is Penny:)

Caesar nodded in agreement with the current levels of protection.
--Since the word "protection" was in the sentence right up above, it might flow better if you used a synonym, rather than using the same word again. Also, I think "agreement" kind of implies that he's like, "Yes, indeed, that's what we've put in place," which is odd since he's the one who asked the question, and also becaise it implies he's rather high up. Maybe I'm forgetting, but I thought Caesar was a trainee or a mentee? My suggestion would be to switch it to, "Caesar nodded in approval of the current levels of security."

so he may choose to lay low and let his lackey’s do the dirty work.”
--"lackey's" = "lackeys"

He was sending me a message with his piercing emerald orbs.
--so, this is just a personal thing, but I just think that there are no good synonyms for eyes. Whenever "orbs" is used, it always seems pretty comical to me? Like I can't stop imagining those giant decorative garden orbs they have in fancy botanical gardens. Giant round things in one's face. Which to me might not fit the intensity of the moment? I looked it up, though, just to check, and my thesaurus actually has a little side article on the use of the word "orb", and part of what it says is that it's best to avoid using "orbs" for eyes unless one is aiming for a humorously poetic vibe. Obviously that's also just the dictionary article person's opinion, too, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

My blue eyes bore into her warm brown ones and I rubbed her chilled hands again.
--I think the past tense of "bore" as in "to drill" is "bored".

eighteen-year old war heroes.
--I think there should also be a dash after "year"

Albus' contradiction--about how Stannous likes it--was so emotionally palpable. That line just resonated. It was so true, and so horrifying, and you could just feel his turmoil. It was really well written.

“I thought we could, you know… visit.” Visit? I raised an eyebrow. We were not a pair of pure blood witches from the nineteenth century.
--Hahaha! Glad to see Rose inviting a small bit of humor into the moment. And I loved how awkward and totally Hermione and mom-ish that was.

My initial confusion was leading me to a new emotion - aggravation. So my parents had thought it prudent to reveal all of this information to the general public, but never to their own children?
--BUT REALLY! I totally get Rose's frustration here. I get that their parents wanted to protect them, and that maybe it was easier to talk about early on, before it really hit them and they had to deal with the implications of it. By the time their children were old enough to explain it to, I imagine they'd have locked those corners of their brains so firmly, they'd be afraid to let it out, especially to their kids. I mean, they want them to be safe, to not know the kind of fear their parents went through. They wanted to give them stability. I get it. But I also can say that, in Rose's shoes, I'd have been totally frustrated. Good on her for realizing her mother's fragile emotional state and reigning that in to listen, though. Rose seems to be a pretty understanding person.

I love, though, that you included a bit of that frustration. Because it can be implied from the epilogue that the kids grow up without knowing they are from a famous family, or anything about their parents' pasts. And I think that that *could* be quite troubling, and might even lead to cracks in the relationships in the long term.

But Ron Weasley came through - even if it was with his stomach more than with his heart.
--BAHAHA! YES! Not only am I delighted to see Ron making a bit of an effort, but this just brought me such joy.

I'm so glad that you ended it with a bit of an attempt, on Ron's part, at accepting Scorpius. And Scorpius was making food for them! It's so sweet! It's like he's part of the family! Oh, I bet he loves that, or that he *could* really love it, given time. And I really want to reiterate how important it felt to me that Rose and Hermione have this conversation. I am so glad that it's in here.

And the mysteries you've set up in this chapter are SO intriguing. You know I love a good unanswered question. And you do it so well!! Just one of the many reasons that you won Most Addicting Story, no doubt :D

Thank you for the swap. It's been delightful! And I'll be back for more soon!


Author's Response: Hey there Penny!

This is bittersweet. The last review from you :( Eep! I'm so glad you liked this chapter. After I posted it, I realized how much it was really needed for this story. And as a happy side-effect, I also wrote a bunch of Hermione's backstory from this chapter and I've got another WIP from it - hee hee.

I'm so happy you noticed the relationship between Rose and her immediate family. That is intentional and it comes up in the story from time to time. There's also a bit of an exploration there that is (hopefully) resolved by the end of the story.

Thanks again for the CC! I've fixed the typos you found. I definitely have an issue of repeating words. Most of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it.

I'm breathing a sigh of relief that you understand Rose's frustration. That's something I've worried about. She's clearly in a type of danger that is unknown and very serious. I figured that readers might side with the Aurors on this - keeping Rose safe is the utmost priority. Anyway, I'm glad it played off.

And YES! I truly think the trio was trying to protect their kids - even if it was misguided and that they would've found discussion their roles in the war uncomfortable and unnecessary (although I don't agree with this, I just think it would be what they did - hee hee).

Ron has a LONG way to go to accept Scorpius - but he definitely sees similarities between Hermione and Rose - and that is what he is focusing on for right now.

Eep! Thanks so much for your kind words!

♥ Beth

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Review #10, by Penelope InkwellActions Speak Louder than Words: Beautiful: Scorpius POV

17th October 2015:
Hey Beth! Here for review #2 of our swap! :)

So, this didn't go the direction I was expecting, and I'm quite happy with that. I like how, even though the last section showed us that Scorpius still wasn't a perfect communicator, this chapter showed how good a fit he and Rose are despite that. They may not always know what the other is thinking, but they get each other. Rose understood that what Scorpius needed was the reassurance that she accepted him totally, just as he was, and she gives him that. They aren't always good with words, but they can sometimes communicate without them.

This chapter was just like this huge exhalation of relief. Here I was expecting more confusion and arguments and words, and this was just...calm. Soothing. It was a "we're gonna be okay" chapter, and I think that it was very well placed. I also like your idea to keep this chapter short and separate from what else to come. I think it reiterates that, in the midst of all the craziness, this is a sweet, even sacred, moment between them. A little bubble of calm and love. I think this whole chapter was just super important, both to their development and to the pacing of the story.

CC: Well, it's gonna be nitpicky, obviously, because you write so well. So, fair warning ;)

“Don’t think he’ll be back tonight,” Al said, referring to James as his head twisted to claim Selenia’s mouth.
--You've already written "referring to James" here to clarify Al's meaning, which is good. However, I think changing "said" to "added" might help with that endeavor, because it helps show that Al's comment is not a new statement, but an add on to his previous words before Scorpius interrupted with his internal monologue.

His left arm was bare and still bore the marks from battle.
I knew that I was approximately thirty seconds away from seeing more of Al than just his naked arm.
--like, how is his arm naked? Is his sleeve rolled up? Cut away? I was just trying to figure out what was going on here and how to picture it, since it's mentioned several times.

Her hands found the fastening to my robes and she deftly undid the clasp. She glided it off my shoulders and let it fall to the ground.
--I think maybe "glided" would be better as "guided" (though honestly I didn't notice that the first time I looked at the sentence). And also, I think maybe it should be "She guided them off my shoulders," because it seems like he'd be referring to her gliding/guiding the robes (plural), rather than the clasp (singular)

Rose’s lifted a cloth dampened with soap and warm water.
--It seemed like this should be "Rose" instead of "Rose's"

I am a nitpicky monster! Please do not pitchfork me!

Al and I had been effectively living together for ten years, which means that Selenia and I had been effectively living together for seven years.
--I loved this little bit of humor right there in the beginning. It made me smile.

My fingers reached toward her face to trace the side of her cheek, but the contrast between my filth covered hands and her porcelain skin caused me to recoil and pull away from her.
--oooh, symbolism. Poor Scorpius. It's not your fault. Well, I mean, the actual dirt kind of is? But not the emotional dirt of your family legacy. Not your fault. Poor baby. At least Rose understands. I really loved how understanding she was. I love them.

You did a great job in imbuing this scene with emotion and tenderness and understanding, all without any dialogue! Again, I think that was a great choice. Nice work, as always!


Author's Response: Hi there Penny,

I'm working through my unanswered reviews and I still have two left from our swap! Sheesh - I'm sorry about this. I'm so glad you liked this chapter and found it a welcome reprieve to the angst and action that's been going on. I felt it was necessary to give the couple some time to comfort each other. They both are in the process of recovery and Scorpius really needed to know that Rose wasn't about to blame him for his family's past.

Thanks for all the cc. I made those changes you suggested. As far as Albus's bare arm goes, Rose had to remove the entire sleeve the night before. It was mentioned in the chapter before. But I guess if you aren't reading the story all at once, it would be easy to forget that.

Thanks again, Penny - your reviews are so helpful and awesome!

♥ Beth

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Review #11, by Penelope InkwellThe Many Tragedies of Being Hortensia Malfoy: The Tragedy of Having a Horrible Name

16th October 2015:
Hahaha! This is so fun! So I saw this story listed in the Best Next-Gen section on the archives (congratulations on that, btw), and I thought I'd check it out. It really put a smile on my face. Hortensia is a very likable MC. I love her Shakespearean bits and tendency towards being a *trifle* overdramatic (really, it's to be expected in a Malfoy). I enjoyed the way you've written the Malfoy family, as well.

Bahaha! Rose is crazy. The *binders*! Although it sounds like Lucy is a bit uptight herself. I loved it. I almost can't wish her on Scorpius, but I think a relationship between them could be hilarious enough that now I really want to see if it could happen.

And she is right--that is an awful name. It's a good thing that she and Frankie Longbottom weren't meant to be. However, perhaps Albus Severus Potter could relate to her problems?


As a rule, I try to always give a but of CC. But it's just my opinion, and obviously you can take it or leave it as you will.

“That’s your middle name, Precious? I thought that was just some stupid love name your Dad calls you!”
--in this case, "Dad" should be lowercase, as "your dad", since the title is only capitalized when used to directly address one's father, himself. "your dad" or "my dad", or "his/her dad" are never capitalized.

That girl had it deep.
--this isn't, like, wrong, but as far as I know, the phrase is usually, "had it bad" rather than "deep".

This is a really fun story, and I look forward to reading more! So glad I stumbled across it. Expect to hear more from me soon!


Author's Response: Hi Penny! Thanks for dropping by!

WOW! I actually had no idea my story was recommended! I had to go to the archives just to have a look... and now I feel bad because she even comments on how I update regularly and I have gotten so behind on my updates! Oops! Hopefully that will give me a push to get back on to them anyway...

Anyway, thanks for the awesome review! When I started writing Rose my primary focus was on making her different from the Rose in my other set of stories ("Unlikely" and "Uncharted")... but she was just SO much fun to write like this. I guess my justification is that Hortensia only sees bits of this girl, and what she sees leads her to think of Rose as this incredibly exaggerated caricature... but I think as the Hortensia gets to know her better, she'll see her as a much more rounded person, and of course Rose will develop to become a more rounded person too (hopefully!) After all... It has to be believable for her to end up with Scorpius!

I certainly do think that good old Al Sev can relate when it comes to having an awful name!

As for the CC...

I can't BELIEVE I didn't catch that capital D in "dad"!!! You are absolutely right and I will fix that straight away! You'd think being an English teacher I would know better right? Haha so thanks for that one!

"Had it deep" vs. "had it bad"... To me "had it bad" sounds pretty American, though I'm not actually sure if they use it in Britain too... I tend to write how I speak and I have never really thought about this one before...

Anyway thanks again for the review! I will be updating as soon as I am happy with the next chapter (I'm ridiculously fussy and won't update until I'm completely good with it!) so I look forward to hearing more from you soon!


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Review #12, by Penelope InkwellActions Speak Louder than Words: Beloved: Scorpius POV

14th October 2015:
Hey Beth! Here for our review swap and so excited to be back! Here's review 1/3.

"Don’t worry, you didn’t screw up.". Haha. Friend telepathy is the best. I love how Albus is portrayed here as a true, good friend who really knows Scorpius and Rose. Their relationships don't seem surface. The friendships are believable.

The curse had passed directly over my heart, but for some reason, didn’t affect the vital organ.
--Could that have to do with the healing love spell thing from the Greengrass side of the family? Like a protection spell thing?

I love that you made Scorpius a good cook! My first (unposted) fanfic had Scorpius as one of the main characters, and it was part of my headcanon that he was a surprisingly good cook, so seeing that detail just makes me happy.

Something about Samara definitely seems off to me. I wonder if she's working for Rose's kidnappers, maybe? Or being blackmailed by them somehow--like if pressure were being put on her? Or maybe she's just had a traumatic experience, herself, and is having difficulty. Maybe she knows something. I just feel like something is going on there, something bad.

“I can’t help it,” I said not looking away from her, “She does it to me every time.”
--Ugh, now you can communicate? With James?! These two! *smacks forehead*. But it's so, so sweet. I like how Scorpius has facets. Like, there's the side of him that is super angsty and gets really angry and annihilates clearings of trees, and there's the side of him that is so sweet and thoughtful and puts others first. I love how there's a side of him that can see exactly where things are going and knows just what to say to break the tension, and another side that has no idea how to communicate with someone he knows very well and loves most. He's got a well-rounded personality.

Regulus’s room was clearly decorated by some sick, twisted, dark witch who seemed to want to evoke every depressing thought within a young wizard.
--Scorpius is so insightful! You'd have almost thought he'd met Walburga personally

This was such an interesting insight into Scorpius' home life and what a post-war Draco might have been like. I am a bit sad for the Malfoys when Scorpius asks how his father could have let Hermione's torture happen. Because we know that, at least at that moment, there was so little Draco could have done. I'm not saying he couldn't have tried, but at the end of the day? He was in so far over his head. Draco was responsible for several awful things, but I hate to see that weight on Scorpius' shoulders, and to see him wonder if it was his dad.

Oh my gosh I am SO SAD! Another TERRIBLE miscommunication! I understand that Scorpius was just so horrified and overwhelmed that communication skills were out the door--he was in zombie mode. But the fact that all he does, from Rose's perspective, is tell her she's a liar, vomit, and walk away as she cries without saying a word? Poor Rose. Poor Scorpius. Poor everyone!

Why would it matter? We could never be together. Not now. Now that I know what my family was, what they did.
--Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, you snap out of your angst mode right now! Don't you DARE even try to throw away a beautiful relationship based on something that happened before you were even born! Snap out of it! BOYS!

I really love how you ended up having Ron being the voice of wisdom, telling Scorpius to let Rose decide what she can forgive. It gives Ron a lot more depth than just someone who blows up senselessly. I also like how you connect his anger to Hermione's torture, rather than to a generic anti-Malfoy prejudice. And how he calms down significantly once he knows that Scorpius really does love her and is truly disturbed by his family's past, once he sees that Scorpius is different.

I'm just so happy that you gave them this scene together, to kind of hash things out. Not in depth, but in this way where it feels like a very man-to-man conversation. They're both so emotional, but guarded. There aren't a lot of words, but there's an unspoken understanding. And at the end, things are a little bit better.

Okay Scorpius. Now you can even communicate with Ronald Weasley. I know--I know that you and Rose can up your communication game. I have faith.


In his panic at not finding Rose, Scorpius never actually worries for Rose. He talks a lot about how he's totally losing his job, but nothing about fear that his girlfriend is missing. This seems odd, given that Scorpius clearly loves Rose and is very concerned about her well-being, and given that there was just an attack last night staged by a group involved in her kidnapping. So it might be more in character for him to worry about Rose herself first, and then his job.

When Ron Weasley is pissed off, it usually means trouble for me.
--Here the tense changed from past to present, which seemed a little inconsistent? It might be better to say "meant"

“I love you, Scorpius” she said simply,
--There should be a comma after Scorpius.

in all the times I spent at the Potter’s over the years.
--Potter's = Potters'

to your Grandfather’s house
--in this case, I think "grandfather's" should be lower-case

As always, you've done a lovely job with this chapter. Detail, characterization--excellent. There's a setback for Rose and Scorpius, but I'm glad to see them address this, as it had to come up sometime and now they have the opportunity to address it and move forward. And I'm glad that they didn't just magically become a couple and all their communication issues were solved. They finally admitted their love for each other, but they also had a big miscommunication right after. It's obviously something they'll still have to work on, but I think that's good.

Still loving this story! Congratulations on your DOBBY! And should get to the other 2 reviews today!


Author's Response: Hi there Penny!

I'm finally sitting down to respond to all your wonderful reviews. I wanted to have time to properly fix all they typos and look at your cc. I've added a few sentences at the beginning that I hope will show Scorpius's worry for Rose a bit more and I patched up all those grammatical errors - thanks so much for finding them!

But this review! Eeep! I feel like you really *get* my Scorpius character. He's got quite a lot going on in his pretty little head and sometimes the emotions bubble over. However, his feelings for Rose don't ever waiver, even if the two of them are not the best at communication.

You're a very insightful reader, and I love how you've picked up on little details. There is definitely something to the fact that Scorpius didn't sustain too major an injury by the violenti curse. It isn't exactly what you think, but you're right to question it.

And again, you're spot on with the scene with Ron and Scorpius. Ron doesn't necessarily blame him because he's a Malfoy - it's very much tied into the fact that Hermione was tortured at Malfoy manor during the war. I might've mentioned this before, but I actually went and wrote the story of her dealing with and recovering from PTSD from that. It's currently a WIP, but I have it all planned out.

And thanks for the congrats! I'm so, so, SO excited about the Dobby award!

♥ Beth

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Review #13, by Penelope InkwellWho Stares Where: She Said It Would be Harmless

12th October 2015:
Hey Songs!

Behold! My elephantine herd! My many fine pachyderms come in delightful shades of violet, lavender, and aubergine, and in various states of rage: vexation, indignation, and UTTER FURY.

They're yours now, since you asked for them. Good luck. Do with them what you will. Oh, and here's a review, too. ;)

Anyway, while you're contemplating elephant accommodations, I'm so glad I finally made it over here. It took a few days, I know, but I'm here at long last.

I think you've done a really good job with this first chapter. It's very intriguing and has a nice "doom is nigh upon us" shadow hanging over it. I particularly liked the "Tonight", "not tonight" refrain at the beginning. It adds to the sense of mystery, the urgency, & that feeling of being on edge. And then the chapter just continues to grow steadily more mystifying, & I keep wanting to find out WHAT is going on. Why would this professor request his presence, but refuse to keep him out of trouble? But the great thing is, that's still...kind of par for the course. It gets us curious, but there's no telling right away that this is necessarily a bad thing, because professors at Hogwarts are occasionally weird like that. And then there's the whole prediction of doom, which was wonderfully vague and Trelawney-esque, while still carrying much more of a sensation of actual doom. Then we see who exactly is coming to this party, & when she said the name Carrow, that's when I was just like, "Oh. Oh no. No good will come of this." And then that creepy bit about them needing the Cloak? And Scorpius? Oh bad. Bad bad bad bad bad.

I can't decide if I think that he was really sensible in getting the heck out of dodge ASAP, or if he should have stuck around and tried to at least figure out what they want. But I'm leaning towards sensible. Oh, Scorpius, just steer clear of them from now on. Maybe tell a trusted professor? No, of course that's not going to work, but still I can wish, can't I?

CC: So, as a rule, I always try to give a bit of CC. Of course it's totally up to you whether you want to take it or leave it--my opinions are just that: opinions. But here they are anyway. Do with them what you will, as well.

Holding my breath, I inch my hands under the bed, grasp a heavy wooden trunk, and move it to the left. Crunch. I freeze, and Albus Potter groans and mumbles in his sleep. Three seconds later, I’m running as quietly as I can down the stairs and through the common room, invisible under a large, silvery cloak.
--we see him move the trunk, but we don't actually see him open it, which, for a moment, confused me. I was wondering what the purpose of moving the trunk had been, and had paused to re-read and consider before I got to the bit about the cloak. So it might be good to see him open it. Also, I enjoyed the onomatopoeia, but I did wonder...what crunched? I could see a trunk making a sort of squeaking or scraping sound against the floor, or maybe crunching a magazine or a chocolate frog box stuffed under the bed. Opening it might produce a 'creak'. But I couldn't quite see where a crunching sound fit in.

I love the "Tonight" refrain! However, I do think it would read a bit smoother if you deleted the third "Tonight". Right now there are 4, but three is the magic number for a refrain, and in all the rest of them, the placement of "Tonight" kind of makes sense. "Tonight I lay awake", "trying to decide whether or not to get up Tonight", "I'm not going for extra help, or even detention Tonight." All those fit together in a way that the 3rd Tonight doesn't quite seem to match.

“I tell fortunes, not give advice.”
--The first and second part of these sentences don't exactly match. It generally goes, "I do _; not _." Or "I'm a _, not a _." "I tell _, not give _," seem like two halves of different versions of these statements; they don't seem to go together. One suggestion might be, "I'm a fortune teller, not a therapist."

And that's all I've got in the way of CC. It's all quite nitpicky, but I saw no grammar mistakes or more serious issues, so the nitty gritty details were what was left to me :)

As for other things I really enjoyed, the ticking clock was a great addition. It felt realistic--just the kind of thing you'd forget that could end up being your demise. I also liked how he was so panicked his magic broke the clock, instead. It was just a very small moment that was a little bit humorous among all the gloom and doom, and it showed early on that Scorpius is a bit of a hapless character, which the rest of the chapter seems to back up.

Aww, and I loved--LOVED--how, when he can ask one thing about his future, he asks about the *school dance*! I love that you had a male character doing that, because it's the kind of thing I can see Lavender or Parvati asking Trelawney about and being mocked for, but really boys worry about all that, just like girls. It rang very true for me, and was another small, funny moment that I enjoyed.

Oh, and I really liked how you had that comment early on about Scorpius' sort of silly fear of getting a Grim in his teacup every time he reads the leaves, and then it ends with him getting a Grim! That was great! And supposedly he's good at that sort of thing, so...dun dun DUN!

You've done a really nice job with this chapter. It's got a good hook. It keeps you questioning throughout the whole thing, which will help to draw people into this story. And it's just quite well written. It's not just the lack of grammatical mistakes. You paint pictures, and the chapter has a nice flow. It makes me want to keep reading it. You've done a lovely job! I'm really glad I stopped by!


Author's Response: Oh Penny,

Thanks so much for the great review! It's so LONG! Omigosh I'm so happy right now. Oh and thanks for the elephants by the way...I'm building a nice shed for them right outside the Forbidden Forest. It's large and cozy and complete with an elephant-sized swimming pool. Very twenty-first century.

I recently read a book which started its first chapter onamonapietically, and I really liked the effect, which gave rise to the repeated "Tonight." I didn't even notice how some of the "Tonights" fit together with the surrounding text. :-o (Twilight Zone-crazy stunned silence.) My subconscious does wonderful things when I'm not paying attention to it...(it does annoying things too. But I won't get into that). I'll definitely look into your 3rd Tonight suggestion. Magic numbers are always appreciated!

The fortunes part was meant to be a sort of dig at once-fortune-now-therapeutic cookies. I keep getting them at lunch and getting mad at their little "study hard and you will succeed" and "an apple a day keeps the doctor away." THOSE ARE NOT FORTUNES PEOPLE. But I'll look into the sentence structure. :)

Why Penny, the CRUNCH was the sound of the elephant sneaking past behind him. ...Actually, your suggestion is a really good one. What did go crunch? Cockroach maybe? (Don't worry, it's okay. Cockroaches don't die.) I'll give that one some thought.

I'm so glad you liked Scorpius's character! Hopefully I'll have more well-flowing chapters to follow, if darn school stops getting in the way. Who knew you couldn't procrastinate indefinitely? (I say with two essays looming in my face.)

Thanks again for the awesome review! I love you!


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Review #14, by Penelope InkwellHealing: The Importance of Communication

23rd September 2015:
Hello there! I'm back for more. Took me a bit – Dobby time is crazy! But I'm so excited to be back :D

He planned to sequester himself in Ron’s room until he’d worked out how to speak to Ginny and explain everything without getting himself blasted to bits.
--Hahaha, this is such a realistic Harry thought. And accurate. I love how you've kept the side of Ginny that really gets Harry, and you've let her grow up a bit, but you haven't sacrificed any of her fierceness (or the fear she can instill in all who know her).

- “Were you dropped on your head as a child?”

-"You haven't met the Dursleys yet, have you? I probably was.”

--This was so great! I chuckled. And I mean, honestly, it's probably true. Poor Harry. He turned out amazingly well, all things considered.


“Haven’t your lips long for my touch?
--I'm thinking that "long" should probably be "longed".

“I know. That's part of why I love you. And why I'll get around to forgiving you.
Between the Battle, and Fred dying and coming back, and you doing the same… Well, I’ve learned that life’s too short and unpredictable to hold grudges over silly things.”

--the spacing got a little wonky here. There was an extra "enter" or something, I think, maybe?

So glad to see Harry and Ginny actually talking (and snogging!). And it wouldn't be the Burrow if there weren't a whole host of Weasley brothers there to witness it. Heeheehee. Hey, at least they got applause, right? Could have been worse. I could see Fred and George holding up voting numbers: "4 out of 10, Harry. I'm gonna need to see more passion." Really, he was lucky. And I loved that he just accepted that his life was never going to be without an audience and just carried on kissing Ginny. I mean, it's a rare man who can snog a girl in front of her brothers and have them cheering instead of calling for blood. Just go with it, Harry. Count your blessings ;)


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Review #15, by Penelope InkwellThe Lark and the Nightingale: Help from Padfoot

22nd September 2015:
That's right! TELL HIM he is being absurd!

Oh boy. Lily in cahoots with the Marauders (did I just say cahoots? Oh well, whatever, it fits)! Things have gotten serious. Or Sirius. (Sorry. Couldn't resist).

Oh no. Sirius, no. Rose petals. Candles?! This is just embarrassing. Oh, those poor, sweet babies are going to be mortified. I can't watch. *covers eyes* *peaks nervously out from between parted fingers*

Well, apparently I can. I just can't look away.

And, to be fair to the Marauders + Lily's craziness, these two don't really seem to get far with the subtle approach.

Ha! I love that Chiara has to be shoved inside, but Remus just looks at his friends, knows he's not getting out of it, and gives up. How very in character. :)

YESSS! Yes yes yes yes yesss! They kissed! It happened!

"When will you stop stealing my lines?
--that was so cute!

They are precious! Go Remara! Or Chiaremus? Go them!


(Thanks for the swap, Chiara! It's been fun!)

Author's Response: Ahahah!!! This review just made me laugh so hard!!!

Lily in cahoots with the Marauders, indeed! Who wwould've said? (By the way, it is fitting! Even if I had to look it up because I'd never heard the expression before! :P)

Ahahah! I wouldn't worry about it too much... Firstly, Lily has a bit more common sense. And secondly, Chiara and Remus are used to their friends' craziness! Well, sort of...

Ahahah! Isn't it funny? That Remus is just resigned and doesn't even try to escape? :P

Yes, they kissed! Aww, I'm so happy you found it cute!!! (I think I like Remara, by the way!)

Thank you so so so much again for the swap!!! I really hope I'll see you again here soon! :)

All my love,

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Review #16, by Penelope InkwellStand Tall: There's a Girl I Know

22nd September 2015:
YEEESSS!! She did it! I am so proud of Alba!!! She was a superstar!

James was an excellent Companion, too. It was a good thought, to make the plan sabotage, and it was good of him to ask about the terrain, even if they didn't give the answer.

Oh, and I really loved the wand weighing. I always like hearing about different characters and how their wands fit them, but I particularly enjoyed the way you described it all, as well as the character of Mrs. Zauberstabe. She really popped in a short amount of time. I wonder where it is that Alba had heard her surname before.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Apparently he hadn’t told them about the blank paper to save his reputation.
--this is said like it's common knowledge, but I don't think it's been previously mentioned that James' paper was blank? It might be good to check on that, because I could be wrong. But if I'm not, it seems a little strange for us not to see that mentioned beforehand.

Ben shook his head, beaming at her. “Whatever you say, dear.”
--This seemed an odd thing for Ben to do, right after she had told James that she loved him. Wouldn't he be jealous? He's seemed jealous of James in the past. I was wondering if that was meant to be James' line, maybe?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Then you’re still the best this school has to offer. The Goblet knew that. Don’t forget it."
--Nurse Wainscott is absolutely right! She is very good at giving honest inspiration. I was just so glad that she said that, because she hit the nail on the head. Whatever Alba things--whatever anyone thinks, she is good enough. The Goblet wouldn't have chosen her otherwise.

For shame on the Hogwarts kids, for not supporting their own Champion. But I was very glad to see that the Ravenclaws were on board. I laughed when Ben said that the boys had been working on face paint options. :D Now that's the support I like to see.

And Alba was absolutely brilliant in the challenge! I am just so proud of her! She did an excellent job and used her brains and she rocked it! So excited to see the rest of what will happen. This plot is so interesting and fun to follow! Great job!


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Review #17, by Penelope InkwellThe Lark and the Nightingale: Wherefore art thou, Remus?

22nd September 2015:
Hello hello! Me again!

So, I think it was a bit cute, that Chiara was essentially waiting up for Remus (and a little concerned that he might develop a thing for the other prefect). Poor dear.

And Lily's right – Remus is obviously mad for her. But of course, we know the issue. I always feel so bad for Remus. He's so convinced that he needs to push everyone away that he wastes valuable time with people :(

At first I wasn't totally convinced by how suddenly Chiara sort of dropped her crush on Matthew – I had thought it might be better to let that peter out more slowly. BUT THEN it occurred to me that you might be drawing a parallel between Chiara and Matthew and Remus and Romeo and Rosalind and Juliet, and that's quite clever! So, if that's what you're doing, interesting take and good thought!

Oh, the boys, trying their best to throw her off the trail...and not doing it well. Dragon flu, indeed. Somehow I doubt that Chiara will be totally satisfied with that explanation. Now she'll be all worried about him.

And finally, FINALLY I get to talk about it – he said he loved her! And, I mean, then he ran away (typical Remus). But he said it and he meant it and there's no taking it back! Progress! :)


Author's Response: Ahahah! Aren't they adorable? Oh, Remus... He just can't shake the fear of hurting the people he cares about... The poor bloke... :(

I know, I know... Too rushed... Ah, didn't think about the parallel! I'll pretend that's what I was doing! :P Even if it sorts of make her a bit of a hypocrite, because she was disliking Romeo's character right for that reason... But then, again, she's a bit of a hypocrite anyway...

Ihihih! I love that passage! Dragon flu... Who wouldn't be 100% convinced by that? :P

Oh, yes! He said it!!! :D

Thank you for another amazing review! See you on the next! ;)

With love,

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Review #18, by Penelope InkwellThe Lark and the Nightingale: The Muggle Studies project

22nd September 2015:
Hey Chiara! Sorry it took me a bit to get to this! But here I am and, I have to say, I really enjoyed this chapter! :D

I'll start out with some of my favorite bits of dialogue.

"You're beautiful... As usual..."
--Aww. Oh, Remus. I can totally see him being like that. I love what you're doing with his characterization. He's still shy and studious, but he's clearly exercising his Gryffindor bravery in this chapter, auditioning for a show. And above all, he's got chivalry down pat. He sooo likes her. All aboard this ship!

-"She couldn't be serious..." Chiara complained while Remus and she were moving towards the Gryffindor common room after the lesson.

- "Of course she couldn't, I'm Sirius!" Sirius exclaimed, appearing all of a sudden behind them.
--Ohmygosh, the serious jokes never get old!. What a perfect entrance!

- "Was he serious?"

- "Are you really asking me that?"

--Bahahaha! Round two of the serious jokes, and I'm still lovin' it. Really good comedic timing. Somehow, having the jokes as a set made them even better.

- "For Merlin's beard, Sirius! Is it possible you never heard of Shakespeare?"

- "Is it something to eat?"

--Sirius! Ohmygosh, he's hilarious! (He could use a bit more Muggle Studies, though...)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I know you're going to comb through all this later for typos, so I thought I'd just pick out a few places .

"Thought you didn't want, too."
--Here it would be, "Thought you didn't want to, either."

"Congratulations, Miss Morgan. And now... Nightingale, Chiara."
--So, in an audition, saying congratulations would imply that Miss Morgan got the part. A director would be unlikely to say that to one particular student like that, though she might say it to the whole group. It's far more likely that she'd end the audition with a "Thank you, Miss Morgan." That's not really a grammar thing so much as it is a theatre thing, and one of my college (read: University) degrees is in theatre, so I couldn't help myself.

She knew he had green eyes, of course, but she'd never noticed the golden reflexes they got sometime.
--"reflexes" isn't quite the right word here. Maybe, "she'd never noticed the golden cast they occasionally took on,"? That would imply that his eyes are sometimes tinted gold, which I think was what you were going for? But if not, lots of eyes are described as having "golden flecks", as well. Just little dots of gold within the iris.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Now, as for content, I have to say, the idea of the Muggle Studies class putting on a presentation of Romeo and Juliet actually makes tons of sense!

I thought it was so cute that Remus understands her Italian, and can answer her back. Very "Remus" as well. :D

And he doesn't like Matthew. Well, fancy that. Wonder why that could be...

You know, I actually think that Sirius could play a really good Mercutio. Good casting (I mean, I'm assuming he gets it, but I feel like there's a pretty good chance)!

Oh my gosh, Lily and James' episode! Hahaha!

And Lily, saying that she'll just have to hope that Chiara gets sick. I love how she did that. Because it can be super awkward sometimes, being the understudy for a friend, because it's this unspoken thing that you'll only get stage time if something bad happens to them, and it just creates this weirdness. I love that she barreled right through that. And was quite observant. Chiara and Remus were staring at each other quite a bit, weren't they!

Another entertaining chapter! And on to the next!


Author's Response: Penny!!!
Please, don't apologize for the lateness. Your reviews just brightened my day!!!

Aww, Remus! He's such a sweetheart... Ahahah! Glad you're already cheering for them!!! :D

Ok... I might enjoy the old Sirius/serious pun a bit too much... :P

Ahahah! He could definitely use some Muggle Studies!!!

Ok for the CCs, I will definitely fix them (didn't think about the "Congratulations" thing, tthanks for pointing that out!)

Oh, good! So glad you liked the idea of the play!!! :)

I'll say later that Remus' mother is Italian, too. Anyway, it is sweet that he can understand her and answer her back. :) Ahahah! I wonder why he doesn't like Matthew too! ;)

Sirius is the perfect Mercutio, isn't he? ;)

Ahahah! Lily is so fun to write! Poor James... He's such a sweety! :P

I'm glad you liked her attempt to lighten the awkwardness! That's exactly what I was trying to do there!!!

Thank you so much for the swap and the amazing reviews!!!

Much love,

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Review #19, by Penelope InkwellStand Tall: She's Who's Winsome

22nd September 2015:
I am SO RELIEVED that James didn't put her name in. I was so angry with him. Like, whew. I cannot even tell you.

You know, in some ways it might be the best case scenario that Alba is in Ravenclaw. They're less likely to be swayed by emotion, and by how things look than by the facts. Alba can make a logical argument, and they'll listen. I mean, Gryffindor pretty much just tuned Harry out when it happened to him, at least at the start.

I can't help but wonder if Chandra did it. She was terrified to put her own name in.

I'm really glad that she chose Nurse Wainscott as her Guide. She has the strongest connection to her, and Nurse Wainscott knows her best.

Speaking of, what was wrong with Ben? It still does seem a bit odd.

Hmph. Durmstrang. I never had a problem with Viktor, of course, and at least Dimitri seems nice enough, but I'm keeping my eye on him. The Slytherin in me isn't all that trusting. I'd be really glad if he turned out to be a good guy, but it's too soon for me to bank on that.

And Ben is so cute with his little owl!


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Review #20, by Penelope InkwellStand Tall: Don't Wish, Don't Start

22nd September 2015:
YES! Alba got it! I'm so excited! I mean, I'm sure she's terrified and infuriated, but I believe that she can do it. However, James better RUN! I mean, honestly, risk someone's life, why don't you? Without their consent? Not cool.

I loved that Alba was working on crossword puzzles through the whole thing. Very Ravenclaw of her. And I was so proud of the way that she didn't falter, despite everything. She stood tall and handled herself beautifully, even though the student body was no doubt shocked.

CC: Just a few little spelling things.

The deep red and pale blue of there robes
--there = their

The site took her off guard for a moment.
--I think that "site" here ought to be "sight"

Alba stood in shocked reverence of it’s beauty; answers to it’s little riddles.; Her head swiveled to the side on it’s own accord.
--In all these cases, the it's should be its, since they're possessive rather than contractions of "it has". And in the last one, I think the phrase is usually written "of its own accord" rather than "on its".

I'm just so, so happy that Alba is the Champion. For a while, I was worried that she'd just be James' Companion, and I really wanted her to be it! I'm delighted!!! Also, I really like the addition of Guides and Companions being added in, officially, to reduce cheating. That's definitely a step I could see the Ministries taking. And it's great characterization that Alba has already looked into the entire history of the competition. She clearly likes to be prepared and was ready to help James if she needed to. I wonder if she'll forgive him in time for him to be her Companion. And which teacher will she choose as her Guide?!

I have to say, that was just so not cool of James. I mean, I'm sure he believed that Alba could never be picked (which isn't really flattering in the first place, though I suppose I can understand it, since Alba didn't think she could be picked, either. Still, it's one thing to say that yourself, and another to have a friend bank on it). But then, also, he tricked Chandra into entering her name – really bravely, I might add, since she's terrified of water – and he took no risk at all. Not cool, James.

And where is Ben? It does seem odd that he wasn't there. Oh my gosh, he is going to FLIP!

I bet Maude will actually be a great support for Alba in all this. But I'm looking forward to see. I'm really enjoying reading this story. Your plot is addictive! I'm so glad that this was nominated for a Dobby, because it deserves it, and because it set me on the path to reading this great story! Great, great work!


P.S. Loving the Wicked references in the chapter titles!

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Review #21, by Penelope InkwellBeauty Queen: Don't Go

21st September 2015:
“Ah yes, changing the topic when you know I’m right; I’ve trained you well in this art,” I mused, causing Dom to laugh.
--I love this, because that is Natasha's typical reaction.

Dom was right--they've been really distant lately. I was so glad to see her address it, like a good, mature friend, instead of just getting miffed over it and letting the chasm grow. And I'm really glad to see that they're going to work on it!


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Review #22, by Penelope InkwellIgnite: Sackcloth and Ashes

18th September 2015:
Hey there! I remember I enjoyed this story so much the first time, but I wanted to re-familiarize myself with it a bit before Dobby voting.

Poor Scorpius. I mean, Albus had a point--what he did was more than a little stupid and unfair. But, like he says, Scorpius prefers an audience. Having 2/3 of the school or so giving him the silent treatment is probably the worst punishment you could give him. Especially with Al not talking to him, either.

The difference was that where Rose ranted, Hestia was more the kind to conclude her diatribe with informative pamphlets... And according to Albus, Scorpius had taken the pamphlet explaining what a menace to society he was and had it framed. She'd not had the heart to tell Hestia.

Somehow I think that leather pants aren't going to be quite as anti-Malfoy as Rose suspects...

I'm glad that you show us this bit with Rose and Hector. When smart girls are taken in by jerkish guys, I really like when you get to see why, because otherwise it doesn't seem to match up to their character. I mean, 'we're all fools in love' or whatever, but since it's quite clear that Rose isn't at all in love with Hector, I'm glad that we can see why she doesn't realize how he is. He's a completely different, seemingly quite likable and even considerate, person around her.

Oh Methuselah. You're such a frustration, and such a joy *cries*

It cracks me up that Scorpius is so up on the gossip, but it seems very him. He's such a social creature.

I have to say, insulting someone's earrings is pretty catty and unnecessary, but I think Selena's pretty justified in being miffed over getting detention. Especially a Forbidden Forest detention. No earring is worth that.

'Presumed destroyed, Professor, it's not proven.'

Reading this just reminds me of how incredibly well you manage to weave such humor into the angsty, horrible situations that are soon to come. That's such a gift. Congratulations on your Dobby nominations! You've earned them!


Author's Response: Yay, returning readers!

Albus is right; Scorpius was entirely petulant and lashing out. He kind of wants it both ways; he doesn't want to fight for the truth, but he doesn't really enjoy being judged on it. But he could cope with silent treatment, until it's from Al!

Yeah, Rose is perhaps being a bit oblivious in assuming leather trousers are going to deter anyone. Unhelpfully, Hector fails to compliment. But noo, Rose doesn't love him - she is, indeed, more interested in something easy, fun, in someone likeable (as he presents, of course, differently to her!).

Methuselah, such a hoot. And of course Scorpius is up on the gossip! He's a fussy little fellow sometimes. Selena IS totally petty enough to make an unkind, catty comment about someone's earrings, but she really IS getting a disproportionate punishment! Entirely there by bad luck.

Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #23, by Penelope InkwellTurbulence: Chapter 4

18th September 2015:
Hey Erin! I've been reading through all the Dobby nominees--CONGRATULATIONS!--and of course I've already favorited this story, and reviewed most of it, but doing all that reminded me that I hadn't yet R&R'ed this chapter, so here I am!

You wrote the hospital wing scene really well. I feel so bad for Tori, and all that she's struggling with. You really write her in a way that allows me to connect to her, emotionally.

The fear bubbled, it began to rise, consuming her, tearing her apart from the inside. She gasped, unable to take it anymore, and then… white.
--this was a great transition.

Christy is such a good friend. I really love her. I mean, I'm sure she can drive a girl crazy, especially someone like Astoria, who has so many secrets. But still, she's just the kind of friend that Astoria needs. I'm so glad that she has someone that determined watching out for her. And the best thing is, Christy may push and push, but she clearly knows that there are times to back off. Like, she knows when Astoria is in one of those reminiscent moods and ought to be left alone. She really seems to understand her friend, or she understands her as much as she can with all the information that's being withheld. And she truly seems to care.

How do Fey and Durant know all about her family? And what did she tell Ferdi, I wonder?

Erin, you're so brilliant! I love what you did with Quodpot--Squadders and Cepters and all that! Did you come up with that?! It's so clever! I hope we get to see a game :D

And I'm glad that Astoria has agreed to help Pooja. I hope she might fall in love with Quadpot again, too. It'd be nice to see her doing something that would make her happy.


--this could use a space after the period.

and her small frame as well as a certain knack for flying had made her one of the fastest fliers on the pitch.
--this is pretty darn nitpicky, but that's what's left to me. This was a very clean chapter. But I think that 'a knack for flying made her a fast flyer' [paraphrasing], sounds a bit repetitive. it might sound better to say, "a certain knack with a broomstick had made her one of the fastest flyers on the pitch," or something like that.

I am enjoying this story so much! There are still so many questions I am dying to know the answers to, and I love seeing all the ways that you expand on canon, and put your own twist on things here at the American wizarding school. It's brilliant, and so fun to read. Congratulations on your Dobby nomination, chicadee! It's really exciting, and you deserve it!


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Review #24, by Penelope Inkwellpaper cranes: letters to a (dead) sweetheart

18th September 2015:
Hey! I'm coming by R&Ring the Dobby nominees--congratulations. And wow, this story is amazing. (Okay, I was a bit bad because I came by and read this during nominations, and I didn't review--which is against my usual practice--but I had always planned to come back and do so. And here I am! So it works out, right?)

Part of the reason I didn't review immediately was rushing to read as much as possible so that I could get my nominations in order. But really the bigger reason was that your story quite literally left me speechless. It's beautiful.

Shall I count the ways I love it?

- I love the way Andromeda goes through the story books--Muggle and magical--to remember her family

- I love the way the books have notes in them, commemorating occasions. It really drives home the tragedy, somehow.

- I love that she calls her daughter Nymphadora, always, because she's always her little girl, even when she's "Tonks" to everyone else (and maybe even though it might have driven poor Tonks crazy. From the outside, there's still something sweet about it).

- I love that Nymphadora's hair turns electric blue when she's happy. Like Teddy.

- I love that her parents wrap her presents in bright blue paper, because they know that, to her, that's the color of happiness

- I love that Sirius and Andromeda are close

- I love that Sirius caught Ted in a net

- I love that Sirius tried to catch Remus in a net. No explanations.

- I love that Sirius totally ships it.

- I love the way she writes him letters, and I also hate it. I hate it because it hurts my heart. But it's good.

- I love (and also hate) the way she struggles with, if she could have her miracle, who would she ask for. It's impossible--totally impossible--to choose, but I think it was a very believable thing, to have her wonder that in her grief.

- I love that Andromeda insisted on visiting Ted in the Hospital WIng.

- I love that Dean comes to visit her, after being on the run with Ted.

- I love that all she asks of Dean is to prove that someone can walk out the door and come back.

- I love that Dean does come back, and that he, Seamus, and Andromeda talk, and she comes to life a bit. I love that they're kind enough to care about her, and she about them.

- I love that they invite her to the memorial.

- I love that Andromeda chose her family at first, and then said no. I love that she ran back to Ted, and he accepted her with open arms. I love that they ran away together. I love that he had to ask, because how could he know. And I love how she did not hesitate to say "I love you."

- I love it.

- I love that she does manage to get out of the house. She manages to make a start.

- And I love (and hate, and love) that you didn't end with that, though. You didn't make it that easy. Because it's not that easy, and working through grief takes time. She'll get there, though. She'll have nights when she'll cry, and when the memories will be so painful, but she'll also make a new life. Some of the empty spaces will fill in. I believe that the woman you show us here--the woman who left everything to start a life with Ted Tonks, and who was strong enough to wait while her loved ones went off--I do believe she's strong enough.

You did a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful job of painting Andromeda. It was painful, but wonderful. Congratulations on your Dobby nomination--you certainly deserve it!


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Review #25, by Penelope InkwellEffortlessly Dead: Secret Plans

17th September 2015:
Okay! So, we've met the mysterious Magpie now, too! And his primary accomplice!

You wrote that café scene really well. I felt like I could really picture it, down to the poor-quality coffee. Although, to be fair, maybe the coffee was fine. Murdo did admit he wasn't fond of the stuff. Which already makes him extra-suspicious in my book ;)

I wonder if Gry is right. She seems to have a lot of faith in Murdo, but I thought that bit about how he might lie to other people but would never lie to her seemed terribly ominous.

It was exciting, though, to meet the other side.

You know, you've introduced a lot of characters in the last few chapters, but it's never felt overwhelming to me. I feel like I've been able to keep track of them all. That's a hard thing to do in the first few chapters of a story, especially when you have a fairly sizable cast, and you've done it really well. I really enjoy seeing all these threads dangling--all these different people and pieces of the story--and waiting to see how you'll weave them together.

Is it just me, or is no one in this fic very good with animals? First, Menna had the cat incident--that was probably a cat, but might have been an animagus and is causing her all this trouble. Then Ifan had his cat issue, Harry had to face down that owl, Menna had her magpie issue...these are not animal people, I'm thinking.

So, I'm thinking that Cosmas might be the healer that's working in league with the Magpie? And his son worked with the body of the victim. Now that's a small world. I'm really looking forward to seeing Menna thrown into the mix at their house.

Also, I really like everyone's names!


“I’m going to learn how to control whether with magic.”
--whether = weather

I won’t take the risk that something happened to him.
--since this would be in the future, I think it might be better to say something like, "I won’t take the risk of something happening to him."

“Are you sure that’s everything you have for me to tell?”
--"that you have for me to tell" sounds a little jumbled. "Are you sure that's everything you have to tell me?" or
"Are you sure that's everything that you can tell me?" might sound a bit more natural.

“Although I can’t imagine why Bell wants to have dinner with her future husband’s parents like this is beyond me, I give you that.”
--This seems to be two potential sentences sandwiched into one. Like, "Although I can’t imagine why Bell wants to have dinner with her future husband’s parents like this.” and "Although why Bell wants to have dinner with her future husband’s parents like this is beyond me, I give you that.”

This is a really intriguing fic, and very well-written! I am so glad that I've run across it, thanks to the Dobbys, and I'm deeply curious to see what you're going to do with it. I'll be favoriting it so that I can come back and find out! Congratulations again on your Dobby nominations--you absolutely deserve them! And thank you for sharing your story. :D


Author's Response: Hello!

Penny, meet Murdo and Gry, who're glad to hear that you liked the cafe scene! There was nothing wrong with the cafe (except it was probably lukewarm at that point), so it's Murdo's taste buds that need some fine-tuning ;) Not that I blame him, I don't like coffee either ^.^

Gry thinks the world of Murdo, I admit, but I can't tell for the life of me if he's lying to her or not (because he's not telling me!). We'll just have to wait and see...

Thank you! I was initially a bit nervous about having so many characters (particularly so many OCs); I wondered how people would react to that and would they be able to tell the characters apart. Glad to know that they've been well received and have voices of their own!

That seems to be some kind of theme in this story, though I assure you I didn't actually plan it that way. It's actually really funny, and thanks for pointing it out to me, I wouldn't have noticed it on my own!

Maybe he is, maybe he isn't ;) It is a small world, though, so we'll have to wait and see what happens. Menna and Galen's paths will cross soon enough...

Thanks! I love thinking up names for my characters, glad to hear you like them as well ^.^

Again, thank you so much for the CC and for the review! I've loved reading your thoughts about the fic and I hope to hear from you again in the future! This time, I promise to be more punctual with my review replies!

- Emmi

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