Reading Reviews From Member: Penelope Inkwell
  
427 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Penelope InkwellKeep Calm and Carry On: The Proposition

28th July 2015:
Edie Edie Edie don't do it! This is a very bad decision! Even if your writing's great, you'll never get the credit. It'll just move Rose up in the world. She's getting a free article and you are getting precisely nothing from this. Except a lot of work. The Slytherin in me is horrified.

So drunk!Oliver was pretending to be Viktor Krum? Well that's certainly interesting. I do wonder why.

Man, I am not cut out to be a bar tender. I applaud Edie for holding out as long as she did, and I applaud her for kicking them out. And for having the sense to use magic in a barfight!

CC:

"I’ve kicked my fair share of kicking people out of pubs, and being kicked out."
--I think this is either meant to say, "I've done my fair share of kicking people out of pubs, and being kicked out, myself," or "I've kicked my fair share of people out of pubs, and been kicked out, myself."

Enjoying this story. And wondering what is going to happen when Edie discovers that the man who's caused her all this trouble is Oliver Wood!

--Penny

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Review #2, by Penelope Inkwelletc. etc. (and life goes on): V-Day D-Day

28th July 2015:
So, I'm reviewing in reverse here, but I failed to leave a review on this chapter before (shame on me). But here I am now!

First, shenanigans. I love shenanigans. You always come up with such interesting ones. And love potion. Well, it just wouldn't have been right if that hadn't been thrown into all this romantic craziness at least once.

It was all so zany. And Scorpius, ohmygosh! Scorpius and the elk. Scorpius and trying to help and announcing that he was gay and KISSING PICKET oh my gosh I died laughing.

Ohmygracious. I liked getting to see Clement's steely nature applied to such an absurd situation. She really never backs down, and good for her. Honestly, Al deserved what he got, in my opinion. I mean, I can understand being jealous and hurt by those pictures. Perhaps he should have known better, but I can still understand. Nonetheless, subjecting yourself to the horror of an Appy romance? If he'd had three kids named Comma, Semicolon, and Dash before he snapped out of it, he'd have brought it on himself.

I think that Dom's comment here is really fitting for this fic: "They think they have it hard, the boys. Believing there must be better people hiding under our skins, and by God, it's up to them to uncover us. They put us on pedestals and they get angry when we don't sit still."

It reminds me of something really important that I forgot to say in my review of the following chapter (A Kingdom for My Name, since I reviewed these backwards). After all this...madness, I was happy to see Al and Clemence back together.

I was happy, but...I don't think it's a terribly healthy relationship. And I don't think it could last, definitely not in its current incarnation. Because Albus is putting Clemence on a pedestal. And don't get me wrong, I think he's right to an extent. There is more good in Clemence than she shows. She likes to portray herself as 100% sharp edges, but that's not entirely true. Still, it's not entirely false, either. If he's trying to make her into someone she isn't, or if their relationship makes it impossible for Clement to be who she should be, then it's not going to happen. They may love each other, but at present, I don't think it's the best sort of love.

Plus, I can't help but notice that Scorpius says love potions don't work so well on the already-in-love, but it seemed to work pretty well on Albus. Maybe it's a bit less of a love and a bit more of an infatuation? They have chemistry, but you can't build a life on that (well, you can scientifically, but not in the literary sense. Aaand I'm rambling now).

Really, in some ways, this whole thing seems to be a lot about shipping. You can't will people into being right for each other. And I can't say that they will be or won't be in the end, but right now, I can't say that I see Albus and Clement as a good fit. And that's okay. I'm just waiting to see where it goes.


Highlight reel:
- A girl stands up on her chair, fist ready to pump in the air. "Team—"

"NO." Pickett, without moving his gaze, points an emphatic finger in her direction. "NO 'TEAM.'"

--I love Henry. My love for all the others is complicated, but no less deep. My love for Henry is a simple love. Simple and true. :D

- And you didn't deserve Appy; no one does. She's too quirky for this world.
--that's a personal favorite of mine. I mean, he still might have deserved it, in my book, but Clemence does make a point.

Thanks for the fun times as always!

--Penny

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Review #3, by Penelope InkwellIn Every Stitch: Eight

27th July 2015:
STOP IT STOP IT STOP MAKING ME FEEL EMOTIONS I'M A SLYTHERIN AND I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE THEM THIS IS COMPLETELY UNNATURAL WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!

*sniffles*

So merlins beard pointed out that you are on the birthday thread for today, and I had seen your status the other day talking about how Molly's sweaters were like reverse horcruxes, so of course when I came to your page I knew I had to read this one.

I started out like, okay, these are jumpers. I can tell there are going to be some FEELINGS but surely I can control myself, right? Because they are jumpers?

Wrong. I don't know what kind of fell sorcery you worked into this, but I am 85% sure I teared up at some point! Molly! Adopting Harry! Via jumper! Because she knows it's what she'd want for her kids, and what his mother and father would want, and how her jumpers are like a hug when her kids are far away and how she wants to protect them because she's already seen so much and she's stitching in her love and he's part of the family like the rest of them and this is the beginning of that and waaah!!!

It was really *sniffle* sweet. I love the jumpers on a whole new level now. I didn't think you could do it (well, not you in particular. Just anyone). But you did. You made me tear up over yarn.

Fell. Sorcery.

Good job. :p

Oh, and happy birthday! You should get good presents, too!

--Penny

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Review #4, by Penelope Inkwelletc. etc. (and life goes on): A Kingdom For My Name

27th July 2015:
You're back you're back you're back!

Look, I'm just gonna poke you a little with this pitchfork. I won't even draw blood. Those excuses are pretty good ones.

Man, that first part of the chapter. Whew! Is it just me, or is it a little steamy in here *tugs collar*.

Nice to see Clement and Albus are back together. I mean, we saw it in the last chapter, but now it really hits. And they seem to have a better understanding of one another now. Growth!

Can I just say how much I love Clemence? I love that she's a Slytherin. I love that she is selfish and harsh and critical and she knows it. I also love that her crazy cult isn't totally wrong about her having a heart. And I adore how much she hates the cliche of it all. She enjoys having a reputation as a bit of a b***, and is sad to let it go. But there were also times that she disliked everyone thinking so poorly of her. She is such a complex character, and I think she's very realistic. Definitely no cookie cutter, and more of an antiheroine than anything. She's a very different sort of MC, and an absolute inspiration for me, as a writer, because reading your portrayal of Clemence makes me want to tackle writing difficult characters myself.

I also like Albus a lot. He's not clean cut either, and he's certainly done some stupid things, and he's a hilarious mix of idealistic and a little evil. Which maybe can give us hope that he and Clemence (who is a little more evil, with a dash of idealism thrown in there, which she seems to have half a mind to dig out of the mix grain by grain) can balance each other out.

And Dom! I'm not even going to have room in this review! I love them all! Well, no...I love to hate Appy. But that's it's own sort of love, all the same.

All of the little quips and the sarcasm and the ridiculous bits about the students of Hogwarts in this fic give me such joy.

Barry the beleaguered barnyard owl was a nice touch. Poor thing.

I have to say, a bit of me enjoys the irony of Clement's being mobbed by the gossip columns. You can't really call it unfair. But I love how she was always too smart for that kind of crappy journalism; she was just clever enough to know how to use it. I like that she's encouraging Janey to be a better journalist, and I'm interested to see what direction Clement herself will go. Will all the madness of this whole debacle--From Rose vs. Dom to Her vs. Appy to the mutterings about her relationship with Albus--change the way Clement writes? Or not? Whatever she does, I'm sure it will be with her own particular flair, and I look forward to finding out.

The fairy tale theme for this chapter was an interesting take. I liked it. It shows off Clement's wry sense of humor, and how she's never really fit the archetype of what a heroine "should" be. And Appy, who was everything a romantic lead ought to be stuffed with, made you want to hit her until quirkiness and glitter burst out like a pinata. It works as a nice highlight for some of the overall ideas of the story, like archetypes don't really exist in real life, and there are shades of grey in everyone (at least, I think those seem to be themes. That's what I was picking up). It's an un-fairytale. Poor Clement. Always unfair that the wicked witch has to melt a little, huh?

Well, I still think she can have grown and learn and got to the point where she can even be (occasionally, a little bit) kind and not lose any of her snap. I believe in Clemence!

Well, not in a "member of her cult" way. I'm not quite that far gone ;)

Speaking of which, Highlight Reel:

-"Did you see Sandra?"

-"Yeah, with the Church of Clemence." I untie the cord from Barry's feet. He droops over the sack, regretful of his career choice. Two girls come up to ask me to sign their toast; I ignore them.

-"Church, pshaw. Call it what it is—a cult. Have they built you a statue yet?"

-"No idolatry,
pagan."

-"You're a witch, b***"

That was one of my favorite bits from this chapter.


So, yes. Still loving it! Still one of my absolute favorites. You create such well-written, entertaining stories and interesting characters. I always enjoy them, but this one holds a special place in my heart.


Hope this review was a decent one. I think it's lucky number 1,000 for this story! CONGRATULATIONS! *throws glitter* *shoves Appy out of the glitter. She's trying to bathe in it. Sparkling like a disco ball brings out your distinctive eye color, which is the first thing that will stun your leading man speechless. What can I say? It's quirky.*

Thanks for the story, and for sharing it with us!

--Penny

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Review #5, by Penelope InkwellCrossing the Borderline: Albus: The Decision

25th July 2015:
Hey Sama!

Here for our review swap. I've been meaning to come back and review more of this story, so this was the perfect opportunity :D

I can tell you've really thought through the core traits of your characters. I love that I can clearly see that Albus is a Slytherin--I have run across plenty of fics where the characters don't seem to match with their House traits at all, or only in very superficial ways, but I vastly prefer things like this, when it's quite clear why they are where they are. Albus obviously has pride and self-confidence, he is prone to keeping secrets, and he carefully guards his emotions. It's clearly important to him to be in control, and to not let anyone have an advantage over him. It's all clear in the things he does and in his mental monologue. That's very well done.

I also find it hilarious that he's so guarded with his emotions that, in some ways, he refuses to admit them to himself. That boy is in serious denial about his infatuation with Aaliyah. His examination of her also demonstrates that he is keenly observant. You set up a lot of his character traits without saying them outright, and that's wonderful! :D

The other thing I really like here is that Aaliyah's lines sound very realistic--like what a clever (and cautious) teenage girl in her situation would say. Overall, I give you lots of points for your characterization.

CC:

First I'll give some general comments and then some specific ones: If you do edits, the main thing I would suggest adjusting is sentence structure. There are a good many sentences in this chapter that could use a comma or two to break them up. There's also a few places that have shorter sentences and sentence fragments that come across as a bit choppy. They would flow better if they were combined with dashes or commas or semi-colons.

For my specific comments, I always try to give an example of how it might be written, just in case it helps. Vague CC can be frustrating, bc then you think something might be wrong but you've no clue how to fix it. I don't want to leave anyone in that boat. However, these are all just suggestions. I definitely might not have captured your intent. I'm just throwing them in there in case you're useful, but I don't want to tell you how anything should, for sure, be written. That's often a matter of style, and everyone has their own. I don't want to intrude!

"I slowly open an eye to see Scorpius’s expression, but there isn’t a trace of a single reaction. Being a snake teaches you how to be collected at all times (well, almost at all times)."
--This sentence seems a little out of place, since immediately above Albus was saying that Scorpius was showing way more emotion than was wise. The qualifier in parentheses doesn't quite take away the fact that Albus is contradicting himself. Maybe it would be better to say something like, "I slowly open an eye to see Scorpius' expression, but there isn't a single trace of emotion. It seems that his Slytherin side has finally kicked in."

“Why would she choose to finally come out after trying to avoid it like a disease? Aaliyah doesn’t even know me and seeing that I’m Fred’s cousin she doesn’t trust me."
--I think this sentence could be a little clearer. Maybe something like: "Why would she choose to draw attention to herself when she's spent years avoiding it like a disease? Aaliyah doesn't even know me. And, seeing as I'm Fred's cousin, she doesn't trust me."

“The tension in that abandoned classroom tired me out. Aaliyah and I may have been there for moral support and all, but I think we both felt the tension radiating off of James and Gabby. Now that I am in the Slytherin Common Room, I can finally relax with the heat from the fireplace warming me as well as the leather of the couch. That bench that I had to sit on for two whole hours was hard, rough, hard, scratched up, and hard. (Did I mention hard?)"
--I'd maybe sub in a synonym for one of those "tension"s. The 3rd sentence would be clearer if the words were re-ordered a little. i.e. "Now that I am in the Slytherin Common Room, sitting on the soft leather couch, I can bask in the warmth of the fireplace and finally relax..."

When you want to accomplish something, you need a couple things: effort, want and belief.
-- I think "desire" might sound better here than "want".

"You may call it a hero complex or whatever. However, that isn’t it. It is one of those impressions that make you think you could have done something. You could have prevented some of the events but you didn’t. Instead of doing something that caused an effect, you guilt yourself into thinking that you could have stopped that effect."
--When I first read this paragraph, I had a little trouble following what he was saying. I'd suggest running through this bit and clarifying it.
i.e. "You may call it a hero complex or whatever, but that isn't it. It's a responsibility, the kind that you feel when disaster strikes, and you know you could have done something; you could have prevented some of that, but you didn't. It sucks to feel guilty for the things you did, but the things you failed to do? Yeah, those'll make you feel a hell of a lot worse."

"Her face doesn’t hold any visible traces of thoughtfulness or anger, only passion towards the book she is reading. Weird."
--For some reason "passion towards the book she is reading" is striking me as an odd turn of phrase. And most people do look thoughtful when they read, since their absorbed in the story. Maybe, "Her face doesn't hold any visible traces of worry or anger, only a passionate interest in the book she is reading."


I'm a super nitpicky person, but you mentioned that it's easier to edit when stuff is pointed out to you, so I figured I'd go ahead and be particular. Feel free to PM me for any clarification! I'm loving the characters and setup!

--Penny

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Review #6, by Penelope InkwellKeep Calm and Carry On: The Job Thousands would Kill For

23rd July 2015:
Hello again! Finally got back to this. I really enjoy this chapter. It sets up a sort of wry, funny tone for your story that I'm thinking I'm going to like a lot.

Ugh. Internships. Terrible, fake jobs you're expected to be grateful for, aka the worst. The way you set up both of her disappointing meetings with Mr. Ward was really well done. I think I laughed and groaned out loud when she had to read his sandwich order aloud. The timing was just perfect. I was stuck between, "oh you poor dear, don't get your hopes up," when he mentioned the Gringotts thing, and at least being glad that Edie's spirit hasn't quite been broken yet.

Your descriptions of the WW offices are very well-thought out. It seems like you've got a very clear picture of it in your head. I especially liked the moving wall of awards, though I think it would be terribly dizzying to look at.

The way you described Theo's nonsensical fashion was also amusing. It makes no sense. It doesn't matter. You can't see that it makes no sense because you're blinded by his beauty.

Finally, I really appreciate that even though Mildred is a grouch and would be terrible to work with, Edie recognizes that she has a point about the hangover business. She's willing to recognize her own shortcomings even when dealing with people she doesn't much like. Same applies to Rose. I like that Edie can objectively admit that Rose isn't so bad, all the while knowing that she kind of hates her, and that most of that is jealousy. It all makes Edie a much more realistic, dimensional character.

Ugh, would I hate that job!

CC: I noticed this one little thing:

Ward didn’t even know my for the first two weeks I worked for him.
--I think it should be "didn't even know my name for the..."

Another really enjoyable chapter! I'm looking forward to reading on!

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Review #7, by Penelope InkwellKeep Calm and Carry On: Take Two and Call Me in the Morning

22nd July 2015:
Oooh. I like this! First off, I'm really feeling the post-grad, pre-proper-adult despair. I may not be 26 yet, but I can relate. Second, you do a good job with description--I feel like I can really picture the pub and the people in it. Edie and her friends are amusing and realistic. But I certainly don't envy them their headache in the morning.

A very good first chapter.

--Penny

Author's Response: OOOoooOoOoh! A new reader! Welcome! ♥

I'm so glad to hear that you can relate to Edie. That's why I started writing this fic in the first place, honestly. I was struggling with post-grad lack of purpose and straddling the line between real world adult and college student. It was something I hadn't seen explored on HPFF (not to say that it hasn't been; I honestly just didn't stumble across it) and I wanted to give readers a sense that it's okay to be floundering. It's unfortunate but it happens. And ideally it ends at some point?? Haven't landed the Dream Job yet myself, but maybe I'm still stuck in Edie's shoes?

Anyway, thank you very much for the review! I hope you enjoy the story :)


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Review #8, by Penelope InkwellThe Girl from Slytherin : Prologue

22nd July 2015:
Oh my gracious, WHAT a prologue!

I am absolutely sucked in, dying to figure out what is going on.

I love how you really characterize the Slytherin/Pureblood dilemma. It's easy for Harry and the others to think of the Death Eaters as monsters--and in many ways they are. But for all the kids in Slytherin House, all those who didn't choose to fight or who went along with things they might have been uneasy about, those were their parents and uncles and childhood friends. They had seen those people be kind and gentle. It was impossible to think of them as evil. You do a wonderful job in showing that human side, and how difficult it must be to straddle those worlds, since it seems clear our heroine has some blood traitor sympathies.

I'm dying to know who they are, and what he needed to close his mind to hide. This is a very well-written prologue. Tense, full of questions, leaves me wanting more. Excellent!

--Penny

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Review #9, by Penelope InkwellA Disaster In The Making: Petunia

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

You know, this actually makes me feel quite sorry for Petunia. I always felt that she was just selfish and spiteful, but here you can at least understand where it comes from. She loses her best friend, and she has to grow up so fast and take care of so much, while Lily comes home with these amazing, outlandish stories of an unbelievable life. Of course her parents get caught up in it. They probably think Lily is missing out on their everyday support, unlike Petunia. But that's not what Petunia sees. And that last one really would hurt--organizing her mother's funeral and then her father saying more positive things about Lily than he did about her. She still is too bitter, but I can at least understand where it started and be a bit sympathetic. Nice job setting that up!

No way this Christmas goes smoothly.

--Penny

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Review #10, by Penelope InkwellA Disaster In The Making: Mr. Evans

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

Oh poor, dear Mr. Evans. I'm sure he's in for quite a time. This is an interesting set up. Somehow when I thought of the infamous meeting-gone-awry between the two couples, I always imagined it as taking place after Lily's parents had both passed, but this puts it into a completely new light. A clueless dad trying to deal with the lovable (well, I find James lovable--who knows what he'll think) boyfriend his daughter is supposed to hate, and the hateful boyfriend his other daughter loves! Add in two sisters that don't get along, and magic? THIS is going to be some Christmas! That poor man!

--Penny

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Review #11, by Penelope InkwellEvent Three - All Quiet on the Post-War Front: and all the years between

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

I liked how you ended this. It was considerably more hopeful. And it was nice to see a bit more blend between the lives of Muggles and wizards, at least from Dean, who always did like his soccer. I liked the Bela Lugosi reference, too. The first thing I wondered was, "Now why did teh pick that name? Fan of old horror films?" and then he was a vampire! I loved it, and it brought more lightheartedness to everything. Oh, and was those some references to Dennis Creevey's relationship that I spotted from your Sanguini story? I thought it might be. It was lovely to see them all getting on, and I can't say I felt too sorry for Sal the ex-Bagpiper. I especially liked how it began with Hannah and ended so hopefully for her as well. I really enjoyed reading this piece, but then I always enjoy your work. Lovely job, as always!

--Penny

Author's Response: Ooh, you picked up the Bela Lugosi reference! I COULD LOVE YOU FOREVER. ♥ ♥ AND the reference to the Sanguini story! MORE LOVE ON YOU FOR ETERNITY! ♥ ♥

Also, this fic was actually written for last year's HOuse Cup, which also happened to be when the FIFA World Cup was taking place, and one particularly notorious incident was when Luis Suarez, Uruguayan player bit the shoulder of another player and caused quite an uproar. Lugosi Soiree is kind of a blatant reference to Suarez bahaha!! The reference is really dated now, but I must say I had a great time writing such silly stuff, and including all of RL silliness into this final part of the story. Things definitely had to get more light-hearted.

Sal-the-ex-Bagpiper. :P :P :P SORRY I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH FUN SOMETIMES.

All is hopeful for Hannah and for Dean. And maybe for Dennis as well.

Thank you for your amazing reviews, Penny! I've loved reading through them, and they've made my day, and as always, I'm so honoured and grateful that you feel this way about my writing. ♥ ♥

-teh


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Review #12, by Penelope InkwellEvent Three - All Quiet on the Post-War Front: sweet dreams

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

Poor Dennis! I don't think about him too much, but he lost his only brother. He's left all alone. This chapter definitely did sound like a bit of a trip, but I think the sphinx suited the tone of the story much better than rampaging Pygmy Puffs. And this awful bagpiper--I'm assuming One Dimension is a play off One Direction? It made me smile. I can totally see that being the new version of rockstars trashing their rooms--Fred and George's [environments] in a box. Oh, what those boys have unleashed upon the world!

--Penny

Author's Response: Dennis is my favourite character to torture. :P I love writing Dennis in angsty situations, but also in ridiculous and rather stupid moments. I have SO many Dennis plunnies and I should definitely not be allowed to release them. :P But yeah, poor Dennis. :(

The trippiness of this story, bahaha! I admit I had fun with this. The humour just came in by itself, and I let it. One Dimension is indeed the most popular wizarding band these days! Thank you for your fabulous review, Penny!

-teh


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Review #13, by Penelope InkwellEvent Three - All Quiet on the Post-War Front: heavy bones

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

teh, I haven't read something by you in far too long. I'd almost forgotten how utterly brilliant you are--not quite, but almost. This is lovely. It's gritty and raw and really encompasses what the end of the war would have been like for so many people. Your writing style is so beautiful, I can't even think of the words to do it justice. In so few words you create such emotion. I just love it. I'm proud of the way that, despite all that she has lost, Hannah is still willing to take steps to put herself and others back together.

--Penny

Author's Response: Penny! ♥

Aww, aww, Penny! Thank you for stopping by and reading my work! And leaving me such wonderful reviews. Also, I'm so glad to see you around again on the forums. And your praise...aslkdjalksd I hardly think I'm worthy! :O ♥ I'm surprised that this very short piece on Hannah made you feel so much, and I'm very very honoured. You've absolutely made my day with your lovely words. ♥

Thank you so much, Penny!

-teh


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Review #14, by Penelope InkwellBetter Dig Two: A Terrible Love

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

CLICHES! I love cliches! Or, at least I do when they're handled well. And this one certainly was. While I have my doubts on how long Hermione would have tolerated Ron cheating, war can certainly change people. I think your explanation for the first time--he was drunk, she was gone, he was pained by the losses of the war--might have stood, though. And maybe after that everything just goes downhill. The idea that she would stay with him is disturbing, but I'm not surprised that Hermione would want to give him a taste of his own medicine.

The Room of Requirement has great and terrible powers. Like what I wouldn't give to go to a room that could conjure me up chocolates AND a hot man ;) Honestly, just the chocolate part would be a dream, throw in the latter and it's a paradise ;)

You do a nice job with your descriptions throughout the whole thing, and those two definitely have chemistry. I'm a Dramione shipper, but I've read plenty where, chemistry-wise, they fall a bit flat. Not so, here! Yowza!

I will definitely be keeping an eye ou for more of this fic. I'm quite interested to see what happens next!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hey Penny,

Thanks so much. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. I've been a little worried that it was TOO cliched so I'm walking a fine line.

xx-Ellie


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Review #15, by Penelope InkwellAlong the Astral Plane: Gemini

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

Awww, so sad! I hate to think of Helena stuck in such a shadow of an existence, especially when she really did want to move one. It was interesting to see how she spent her time, though. I'm glad she moved past her elusiveness while she still had family (of a sort) left at Hogwarts. And it seems like Belden really will need her. This was well-written, as always, and I look forward to the next installment.

--Penny

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Review #16, by Penelope InkwellAlong the Astral Plane: Dark Flight

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

Okay, this chapter is heartbreaking! The realization that she was dead came so gradually that, for me, it was a plot twist! And well executed, though it made me very sad. I hadn't expected her death to come so fast, so now I'm very curious as to what comes next. I think you did a beautiful job with her fragmented memory--giving her time to catch up to what happened. So, the diadem is what's keeping her there? Does that mean that when it's destroyed in Deathly Hallows, she will cease to be a ghost?

I have one suggestion. We know that the Bloody Baron killed her, but we only got a very brief glimpse of him in the first chapter. Supposedly he killed her because he was in love with her and she spurned his advances? That would work very well with the diadem, since she was already thoroughly uninterested in marriage and, without compassion, no doubt would say it in a rather brutal manner. Anyway, to that end, I think it would be nice to see at least one more interaction between them before he killed her? Or a flashback to Rowena's POV when she sent him (because why not send Gareth, really? Why did she pick this guy?) Or maybe something from his perspective as he chased her down? It's just a suggestion, but I think the added bit of explanation and motivation would add richness to your already excellent story.

Really nice work!

--Penny

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Review #17, by Penelope InkwellAlong the Astral Plane: Binary Star

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

This is really, really clever--appropriate for a Ravenclaw centered story. I love when people can take canon facts and put a new spin on them. So the diadem makes people think with perfect logic, ridding them of all emotions, hmm? That's really very smart--I mean as an idea for your story; no one should ever wear that thing--it was clearly a terrible idea! It's just puts such an excellent twist in everything: the diadem soured Helena's relationship with her mother, the diadem is what made her think it a good idea to take it and run. It all makes sense, and I think it's brilliant!

Also, I still kinda ship her with Gareth, but he definitely should have asked first. Just because he's a nice guy doesn't mean things would automatically work out between them. Oh, and was that a bit of a Helena/Salazar thing right there? I only recently discovered that people ship them, and color me intrigued.

Another great chapter!

--Penny

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Review #18, by Penelope InkwellDeath Eater's Kitchen: once more, with quiche.

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

WHAT IS THIS?! It's too BRILLIANT for your own good, that's what it is. I knew as soon as I saw the summary that I simply had to read this, because...why had it taken the whole year to kill/transport Harry Potter? Why?! Well, you have provided me with a most satisfactory explanation. Why? Pie. And also quiche. Really it makes absolute sense--what else would Barty have done under house arrest. And, I mean, everyone has a passion! Even Death Eaters! Why should he only eat death? Why not linguine? And THAT ENDING! BAHAHA! This is wonderful! This is all the answers I needed. Thank you!

Highlight reel: The revived Dark Lord would be so pleased to receive, as a welcome-back present, a Dark Mark-stencilled apple pie from his most loyal servant.

“This is a classroom,” said Barty gruffly, “and you are here to learn Defence Against the Dark Arts. There is no room for tomfoolery in this class, so put away that wind machine.” The blonde girl sighed and turned off her portable fan.

his eyes twinkling like sequins at an ABBA concert.
--I can definitively say that this is an excellent comparison, as I have been to...well, not an ABBA concert, exactly. They were a great deal before my time. But I went to one of their tribute band's concerts (my parents took me. I was going through an ABBA phase. No one really knows why, even now, or how I even discovered ABBA It was the early 2000s, and I was in elementary or early middle school. It was a wonderful evening, and there was indeed much glitter!)

(after becoming frustrated with the bureaucracy in the nonprofit organisation, he’d spitefully bought a new wooden leg made of teak, which had to come from the rapidly shrinking rainforest)

BAhahaha I'm still smiling. I can't stop.

--Penny

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Review #19, by Penelope InkwellA Tale of Star-Crossed Lovers: In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Penny

This story is everything I never knew I wanted and desperately needed. I don't really know exactly what just happened, but I do know that I never stop smiling. I dearly love a good Dramione, but I also dearly love poking fun at my favorite things, and you've done it so well here! Draco is a Muggle pirate, who can use the internet but not the toaster! Hermione is wearing shoes that are more suited to weaponry! Everyone's on a pirate ship. Genghis Khan built a flying yurt! Look, it's just...incredible. That's the only word for all this. It's really something.

Highlight reel: "I know exactly vhat you mean," said Viktor sympathetically. "After the year vhen I vas simultaneously an international Qvidditch star, a student trying to pass my exams in another language, and a Trivizard champion, being only a Qvidditch star has become dull."
--ohmygosh i am crying

Sparks flew between them, which destroyed Draco's new toaster

The toaster saga as a subplot is really remarkable. So I had to remark upon it. What excellent use of Muggle artifacts for comedic purpose.

--Penny

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Review #20, by Penelope InkwellWhen Arthur Saved Molly: When Arthur Saved Molly

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

Now this is an interesting oneshot. I've never read one where Arthur wasn't his off-beat, zany self, but of course that could have come after Molly. And I saw a mention of his Pureblood status. By HP of course he doesn't care anything about that, but maybe he once did. Maybe he was raised to. The idea that a free-spirited Molly could have helped him grow into a happier person is an interesting premise, and a good one in my book. Very creative!

CC:

and the more that his surrounding tried to cheer him
--I think "surrounding" should perhaps be "surroundings".

--Penny

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Review #21, by Penelope InkwellLying Josephine: Eye of the Storm

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

Okay, so this chapter made me begin to really like Josephine. I was intrigued by her, but kind of frustrated by her silence, previously, but it hit me that, scared as she is to talk, let alone to talk to George after everything, she has been quite brave here. And at times she really shows some backbone--telling Fred that she could improve their business model, telling George that he absolutely should not say he ought to have died in Fred's place, fighting in a battle even though she can't duel! She's really quite remarkable. And I love that you gave her a special affinity for shield charms, that she saved George's life, and that it's exactly what Fred would have wanted. I like that, as we see in her interactions with Verity, Josephine may not be social, but she really is kind and considerate.

I'm favoriting this, and I absolutely do not wish to make you feel rushed or anything--this isn't one of those please hurry up and update sorts of things, because we all have lives. But I'll be looking forward to whenever your next update comes. I'm especially looking forward to Josephine meeting the rest of the Weasleys.

CC: (for the record, I try always to give CC. This is an excellently written story!)

The closing of the store each night means resigning to this space
--I'm not certain "resign" is the proper word here. Maybe retreating, adjourning, or withdrawing?

It would probably continue to remain deplete from my arsenal if the twins weren't both so fond of it.
--I don't think "deplete" can be used that way. I think it would have to be "depleted", but even then that implies that the gesture was in her arsenal and she's used it all up. Maybe "absent" or something along those lines might be better.


I've really enjoyed reading this. I've been meaning to get to it for ages. Thanks so much for writing it! (Oh, and last chapter I had meant to tell you that I loved your idea for a Weasley's Wizard Wheezes fireworks globe where Fred tells jokes. That was brilliant!)

--Penny

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Review #22, by Penelope InkwellLying Josephine: Breakable Girls and Boys

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

I think this is my favorite chapter so far. I think it so perfectly captures the "trying to move on" stage of grieving--those baby steps where you're bound to fall. I think I've read some one-shots of George immediately after Fred's death, but I've never come across anything from the period right after, where he's got to try to pick up the pieces and figure out what to do now. I like how you had them open Wheezes--I could totally see that scenario happening. George would be operating at half his ability, so I don't think they'd be adequately prepared. I could see him just trying to go through the motions, assuming that the "Grand Reopening" couldn't possibly be that big or grand because without Fred how could it be? But of course Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes was once one of the most popular destinations in Diagon Alley, and lots of people who have just survived a war are looking for a bright spot in there day, so they'd want to go have a laugh. It was the perfect storm, and it was very realistic.

I'm glad that Fred's death is at least forcing Josephine to step out of her comfort zone to honor what she knows his wishes would be. Hopefully it will be good for her.

CC: I didn't see anything this time! It was a wonderful chapter. They all are.

--Penny

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Review #23, by Penelope InkwellLying Josephine: Nice to Meet You

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

Another lovely chapter! At first, I was chomping at the bit to see what would happen next, chronologically, after Fred's funeral last chapter. However, I think that going back to the beginning of Josephine and Fred's introduction and how she got involved with the joke shop was perfect. Fred is just so...Fred. It can be so hard to capture the voices of the canon characters, and you've done it quite well. It put such a smile on my face to read his zany little monologues. Also, "Well, drape me in purple velvet and call me Dumbledore," definitely belongs on the highlight reel. Bahaha!

CC: I only really noticed one thing, which is remarkable, particularly in such a long chapter.

Of course I know the answer, however weary the attempt to attain it may be.
--That sentence doesn't quite make sense to me. Maybe, "however wearying the attempt to obtain it may be," or something along those lines? The attempt itself can't be weary, though.

Your writing really is so well done, just the quality of it is exceptional. And you really hold those questions out there. I'm like a pony going after a carrot. I so very badly want to discover what, exactly, is going on!

--Penny

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Review #24, by Penelope InkwellLying Josephine: Promises, Promises

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

Oh. My gosh. First off, your writing is incredible. It's really quite lovely, and flows so nicely. I'm dying to read more. I'm really fascinated by Josephine--what happened to her family? Why doesn't she speak? You've set up the questions-to-be-solved very well. And Fred was so Fred, it broke my heart and made me smile. Blackmail, slipping around the rules--Gryffindors really are just the opposite side of the same coin as Slytherins.

That funeral scene was painful and beautiful, and you did it really well. I'm glad to see that Josephine is going to try to keep her promise to Fred. But she's going to pose as his girlfriend? What about Angelina? How is that going to happen. So many questions! I look forward to reading on.

CC: caught a couple little snags, so I thought I'd let you know.

Fred approaches me again, his eye’s wide and innocent
--"eye's" ought to be "eyes"

"his blue irises looking about as alive as his brothers."
--"brothers" should be "brother's"

at my best friends funeral
--"friends" should be "friend's"

Really lovely job!

--Penny

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Review #25, by Penelope InkwellLying Josephine: Introduction: Boxes

20th July 2015:
So, with this intro I am definitely intrigued. So, Our Heroine has done something to lose herself all her friends (or her family? Or both?) and is now mourning Fred on top of all that? Had she lost him with everyone else, or did he stick it out with her? And what sort of relationship did they have, really? Obviously she is in no good state, at present. I'm definitely going to have to read on and find out more.

For the House Cup 2015, Slytherin

--Penny

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