Reading Reviews From Member: my_voice_rising
233 Reviews Found

Review #26, by my_voice_risingShut Up and Kiss Me: Prologue

24th February 2013:
Hallo! I am here to review.

I like the beginning already. A lot of writers make the Hogwarts Express goodbye scene awkward unintentionally--like it's just filler to begin a story. But I like that you come out and say that they stand there for fifteen minutes without saying anything and then they leave. Even more when her mother says "don't bother...," which really should be so horrifying to hear from a parent. But your characters are just used to it. It tells us a lot about their relationship with their parents.

I wonder if they would use the Shrieking Shack again to hide a werewolf? I feel like a lot about Harry's personal life--and those of the dead--would have been leaked to the press after the war. Would it really be smart to put her back in the same place? It's really important to distinguish your OC from Remus, since they are the only prominent werewolves in the series (except for Greyback, but I have a feeling your OC is not like him.) One way to do this would be to not give them the same story while at Hogwarts :3

The banter between James and Ellie was funny. I'm excited to see some more character development there. Nice work!

Author's Response: Just so you know, I went back and edited a bunch of grammar/spelling mistakes I had in this story. For some reason, I was too lazy to go back and fix that before validating (won't happen again). So, don't worry so much about that rubbish, it should be validated by Tuesday.

The opening scene makes me laugh. . .I'm a horrible person. Thanks, I tried to suggest that their family is split because of Ellie's "time of the month" (I crack up when I write that too. . .this is why I picked a girl. I'm still a horrible person).

Good point, I haven't really said any specifics on where she goes, so I will the next transformation. I'm thinking that they just set her loose deep in the Forbidden Forrest and I can describe how the creatures in there are not very happy about it, or something. Thanks, that's uber helpful.

Oh James. . .he just says whatever I think whenever I see a very pretty girl :P

Thanks for this wonderful review!

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Review #27, by my_voice_risingReason to Fight: Le Phare

24th February 2013:
Wow! Val, this story is just incredible. In fact, I think you could consider getting rid of the HP aspects altogether and trying to publish.

It's so well-written, and the way that you insert bits of historical information (like the pink triangles) is subtle enough that it fits with the characters. Meaning you don't have to explain Simon thinking "Oh, they're wearing pink triangles. That means they are homosexuals because that's what the Nazi party does." It's much more realistic and helps the reader become absorbed in the time period. I hope that makes sense.

The suspense!! So much of it. You write it very well, in fact. When they Xavier and Camille were following their target through the crowds, I was so nervous. And when he said "look at me and laugh," it was so quick and subtle but it just portrayed how intense everything really was.

The potion was really haunting--did you come up with that yourself? When Johanna said "You mean it only leaves a skin envelope?" I actually got chills. How horrifying. And how suitable for everything that's going on around them.

I was so worried when Simon went to talk to his sisters over the fence, that he was going to be caught. Like really, edge-of-my-seat worried. Do you not think they would have more rigorous patrolling there? Or did he study the guards' rounds and learn when there would be an opening?

Another amazing chapter. Job well done! ♥

Author's Response: Daww, you. I would never dare.

Yes, that did make sense -- it leads to me leaving insanely long author's notes though!

The target following, really? I was worried it would be too boring, so it's great to hear that it made you nervous (and now I sound like some completely creepy person who enjoys watching other people suffer).

The story of that potion popped up in the car, in the middle of a traffic jam. Random piece of information you probably don't care about. I have no idea where it came from, and I wasn't too sure about it, but I'm really happy you found it chilling (gosh, the creep in me is very talkative today).

Camp survivors describe in their testimonies that not all areas of the camp were regularly patrolled, which is what I used here. Also, I think I said somethng about Simon's barrack companions. This sounds fairly horrible inside my head, and worse written down, but I think most male prisoners would make sure to find out when it was possible for them to get a glimpse of the women's side of the camp. Simon is in the same situation, except not for the same reasons!

You're the best. &hearts

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Review #28, by my_voice_risingPuddlemere United: Chapter 3.

23rd February 2013:
YES I WILL READ THIS STORY. Hello, I am here with your very late requested review. My apologies, real life has been too prevalent lately :c But I am here at last, and can't wait to read this new chapter because I siriusly love this story.

Baaahahaha, I love Pippa's analysis of Ginny. Too happy-clappy for marrying her first crush. That always was something that I found horribly unbelievable, that these people never grew apart after being in love since the age of 12 or whatever. And Wood's response to the best Quidditch team was hilarious.

Gahahahaha. Have I mentioned how much I love your Finnegan family? Seamus hiding the bottle behind his back and holding Pippa off with one hand--I imagine it to be over her face--is too funny!

The scene at the pub with Oliver and Kathy was really sweet. I really like all of your characters, but she really resonates in this chapter. The bit where she was worried about getting old was so earnest and I feel like she wasn't even trying to get Oliver to tell her she looks young (even though I do sense a bit of a budding romance there?)

And how sad that Oliver is divorcing his wife. Plot twist! Or at least to me; I don't think you've already mentioned that bit.

Gah! The barmaid was Romilda Vane?! You know how I love the insertion of minor characters. Really nice touch; I can totally see her sauntering around like you said. And she sure is good at potions brewing... like love potions. Really funny that you tied that all in!

And the mustache!


I don't care if this chapter was "filler," like you said, it was so good! And fluffy! And we got to know more about Wood and his teammates. I think it was a brilliant job, you really have a knack for writing humor.


Author's Response: Your reviews are always worth the wait! Which reminds me, I am running rather behind on my requested review front as well. . . . .oh dear. . . .

I actually am one of those people that like Ginny, but Pippa is rather different to me so I put that in! I think Pippa has a very clear view of the world, and she's not drawn in by fairy tales and happily-ever-afters!

I love Seamus, so much :D Really I do, possibly a bit too much but anyway!

Yes, Kathy and Oliver's moment was rather cute! As this story is slightly, err. . . . . writing itself, I don't know as of yet if there will be romance between these two, but I do like them together.

I know, poor old Oliver is getting divorced! I plan on introducing everyone to his ex-wife in the coming chapters, but who knows where she'll make an appearance :P

Yes! The barmaid was Romilda Vane! I sort of wanted to give an explanation as to the reason Pippa is the way she is (complete raving lunatic do you know :P) and Romilda just seemed like the perfect fit!

Aah! I'm so glad you noticed the 'good with potions' bit!

I have an unhealthy obsession with mustaches, so naturally Oliver had to get one (even if its only temporary!)

Thank you so uch for another fantabulous review, they really do make my day :D

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Review #29, by my_voice_risingThe Mysterious Case of the Twin Wands: I. Dedalus Diggle

23rd February 2013:
Hello my darling! I am finally here with your review, after IRL has kept me away from my beloved HPFF for far too long. I hope to leave a super-lengthy one to make up for being late, not to mention becuause of all your general awesomeness. :D

Here we go.

First of all, your introduction is really captivating. I know you said that it was choppy in your request, but I see very little that needs working. The only thing I could think of would be changing it to "first on the scene that cold November night" or "first on the scene, on that cold November night" just because the double-use of the word "on" is a bit awkward. Also saying "weird angle" is a really common phrase in conversation, but I think for the benefit of the story you could use another adjective. :3 But seriously, a great introduction; very eerie. And with so few words, you tell us so much about the size and sense of community this small town has. Everyone's looks of concern; how a neighbor investigated Diggle's home. A wonderful setting for a story to begin!

Agh! As I read on, I remember that I've read most of this chapter before and then something got in the way--maybe I had to leave for work or something. But I'm so glad you requested from me so that I could find time to check out this wonderful story! I love the image of a Weasley and a Malfoy working side-by-side. And bravo! You made their relationship tense, and we're able to see that they don't particularly like one another, but you haven't done anything out-of-character or over the top. Like having them arguing over absolutely nothing while they're supposed to be professionals. Nice job.

Grantham! Is this a Downton Abbey shoutout, or have I just been watching too much of it?

Very realistic touch, there, mentioning that with his new job, Harry is mostly faced with paperwork and press conferences and filing. Is this a bit of your lawyer training shining through? ;D Gah!! And is Ginny a reporter in this story?! That is so perfect, I absolutely love that! JKR just mentioned her playing for the Harpies for a bit, right? So this is all your creation? I think it's a very suitable job for her. And the bit about Harry dodging the memo; it's like one of those small little inserts of humour that JKR puts in her novels, to remind us that despite everything dark, the Magical Word is still whimsical at times. Love it!

I love your overly-eager Teddy Lupin. He seems to have a bit of his mum's clumsiness and sense of humour. I wonder though, would Aurors use clear plastic bags for evidence? Or would they use cloth pouches, or something more Harry Potterish?

It's also an interesting parallel here, between our world and theirs, that the "weapon" was left at the scene of the crime. Of course, instead of a Muggle contraption it's a wand. It does seem a bit suspicious, though, that it would just be tossed so carelessly into the bushes when there are a whole number of spells that somebody could have performed to cover their tracks. Hmmm! Intrigue!

WHERT PLOT TWIST! Parvati?! No way! This can't be right--or maybe it could be? I can't wait to read more of this story, it's so brilliant. The only consistent mistakes I've noticed were with punctuation--particularly with dialogue, and at one point I believe you said Dursley's instead of Dursleys. But this is a great start, and I've added it to my favorites so I can keep up with it.

Amazing work, Ral!

Author's Response: Aaaah! What a long and lovely review! Let's see now!

The idea of this story came to me with Dedalus being found dead by a neighbour in his house. I don't know why, sometimes I try to retrace my steps and figure out how I came to the 9th chapter and the plot from "Dedalus Diggle was dead".

I expect Ron wouldn't be too happy about working with Scorpius, but then again, he gets to boss a Malfoy around. It'a love-hate kind of relationship going on there and Scorpius is caught on the wrong end of it most of the time.

Ah yes, the lawyer training. Loads of paperwork so little time actually doing stuff you see in movies. :D JKR actually did mention somewhere that Ginny retired from the team and went on to be a Quidditch correspondent for the Prophet.

As for the cloth pouches you mentioned, that's where my law school kicked in. You can't preserve DNA or other organic material in cloth pouches, because the cloth can never be sterile. The clear plastic bags and the brown paper bags are all sterile. The forensic people handle them with gloves and no other DNA or organic material comes in contact with the evidence before it's been processed.

I'm so happy you liked this and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story! Thank you!

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Review #30, by my_voice_risingSweet Dreams: Sweet Dreams

18th February 2013:
Hallo there! I am here with your requested review. Sorry it's so behind, IRL has taken a toll lately. Onward!

You've managed to mix humor and angst very well here. The entire exchange with Dumbledore in particular was funny, but there was still that underlying feeling that something wasn't right. It culminated very well at the birthday party; first when we see that Ron and Hermione never got together. Clearly there's something not right there. And then finally when we see that Harry's never had a scar; it leaves us wondering what else has changed in the world, if Voldemort never existed.

George's transition from happiness in the beginning of the story, to the birthday party when he realizes that he wants to go back to the world he knows, is really heart breaking. The way he was jarred out of the dream was unique, but I feel like the ending was a bit abrupt. I don't know exactly what it could use, so perhaps this is useless CC. I get the feeling that this has happened before, as he has the dreamless sleep draught, but maybe you could state that a little more plainly so that we get a sense of conclusion and finality? I dunno. Just a suggestion!

All in all, this was well done. You balanced between angst and humour quite nicely, and I think for that reason it adheres to George's character very well. Nice work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad you liked the story; it was one of my favorites to write. I've gotten many CC's about elaborating more at the end, so I'll definitely take what you said into account. Thank you!

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Review #31, by my_voice_risingGrowth: dull as dirt

18th February 2013:
WHY YES I WILL GLADLY READ YOUR STORY. I was so excited to see a request from you! I'm afraid these days it's the only way I can make time to read anything. But I'm always so excited to read your stories!

Wow. One paragraph in and I'm completely blown away. My favorite thing about your writing is your absolutely stunning use of subtle imagery: pouch of warm soil; thrumming of insect wings... gorgeous. Beautifully disturbing. I can tell just from your introduction that this story will succeed in the horror/dark challenge!

OH MY GOD "SPINES OF SUNLIGHT." And kissing the purple bruises from the corners of his mouth. And the black irises bleeding into the whites of his eyes. Will you just stop it? Just stop. (Of course I don't mean that, this is so incredible, I just want you to know how much your writing truly blows me away!) I do think the line She can almost hear the creaking of marble plates sawing against each other is stunning as well. But the word "creaking" kind of throws in a different idea from what (I think) you're going for. I think the line would be much more powerful if it were just She can almost hear marble plates sawing against each other, or even ...the sound of marble.... Again, a really powerful line.

(My apologies that my reviews are always 99.9% fangirling.)

I think it was really smart to pick pregnancy as a major part of a horror/dark story. Maybe I'm just being biased, as somebody who never wants to have children, but there is something parasitic about it and you've really taken that idea and expanded on it so wonderfully. The section about the comma of a fetus, sprouting eyelashes and fingernails--all completely natural things, but they sound so grotesque in the way you have rendered them.

There's definitely a unity in your choices of imagery. Dead insects, green vines, hair, sprouting potatoes, the growth of a fetus--they're all a part of cyclical death and rebirth. They tie together so well, but are so subtle that you have to stop and consider exactly what it is about this that seems so unified.

I pity Merope so much in this story, but it hits the hardest when she's dealing with Burke. When he refused to give her the six Galleons for her earrings (which were probably worth that) and she gave up so quickly, it just said so much about her. And how she's willing to part with the locket so easily. So horribly sad.

Oh my god. Goosebumps. Your ending is so haunting and so incredible, and I must add this to my favorites RIGHT NOW. I'm sorry I haven't been very helpful at all, this is just so astounding. Gah!!! Another amazing job!

Author's Response: HELLLOOO

I'M GONNA TAKE THIS REVIEW TO BED WITH ME...wait that sounds a bit weird...

All these compliments askljdashfjklasf!?!?

BAHAHA imagery...every time I start having trouble with moving the story forward I resort to imagery for some narrative filler and stuff like that :P So umm...the more imagery my stories have, the more stuck I usually am. But I'm so flattered that you like the imagery and think they're subtle! When I was writing all that stuff I was repeatedly facesmashing into my keyboard thinking, oh my god what is this can I be any more obvious blah gah! I'm so so happy and relieved that you find it alright.

And yes, that creaking/sawing thing...I do have the tendency to overdescribe sometimes! thanks so much for pointing that out; it does actually sound pretty clunky. LOVE IT whenever reviewers start picking my sentences apart and pointing out all the awkward bits and all the parts where the writing gets a bit too cluttered or too lazy or something.

I'm glad you managed to feel so much sympathy for be honest I was having a lot of trouble connecting with her character, I didn't feel as deeply involved with my writing and stuff.

And I'm glad you thought bad pregnancy was a good choice for a horror/dark story bahah! It's quite creepy actually, the way the body can change so much and so quickly over such a short period of time.




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Review #32, by my_voice_risingDown Comes The Night: Chapter Two

18th February 2013:
Hello! I am here with your (very late) requested review.

I love Helga's determination to be equals with the other founders in terms of her education. Studying in the library all hours of the night... very Hufflepuff indeed! :3 I love this line, "For reasons I could not fathom..." so fluffy. But still written in the time-appropriate dialogue. You are making me a serious Helga/Salazar shipper. (Helgazar? haha)

I really like your characterization of Rowena as well; you tell us so much about her in so few words. She rarely smiles, and speaks her mind. She and Salazar seem to have more in common in that way, but there's just something that clicks between your Helga and he. When they were trying to get information out of Evan, and Helga stepped in, it really showed their differences and her willingness to look past his brash behaviour.

This line is so brilliant, and ties in this story with the entire HP series and all that it entails: Sometimes I thought Hogwarts castle held even more secrets than books. So good, so good.

GAH!!! When he said that he's been watching her too, and that he noticed she doesn't like low ceilings. I am shipping them so hard right now. And the ending, oh my gosh! Cliffhanger! Please feel free to re-request from me, I don't want to forget to keep up with this story. :D

Another job very well done!

Author's Response: Hi Sarah! I am so sorry for the appalling lateness of this response. RL got away from me for a minute there, but I'm back now! Thank you so much for the review!

One of my goals for this story is to show some of the "signature" traits represented by the houses in the Founders themselves. It ties the history into the present, in a way. Glad you enjoying seeing that hardworking side come out in Helga!

Haha, I've had fun writing Founders fluff. I didn't want it to be too in-your-face just yet, but this chapter definitely has the beginnings of chemistry between Helga and Salazar. They have very different values, but Helga is drawn to him regardless. And yes, Helgazar is the perfect name for this ship! I love it because it sounds like a dinosaur to me :)

If I had to choose a favorite character aside from Helgazar in this story, it would probably be Rowena. She has this very composed air about her, but in later chapters I get to explore what's going on beneath that. I hope you enjoy that when you get to it, because I'm definitely going to re-request :)

I love that line! I'm so happy you noticed it. And I guess it does hold true in the series as well, I never noticed that before. That's a great thought!

Thanks so much for coming by! This review made my day when I read it. I'll be looking for an open spot to re-request :)


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Review #33, by my_voice_risingMoments of Perfection: Seven

11th February 2013:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review! I remember you had some questions about this story on the forums, and am excited to read it. I'll break up my comments into sections; one per each scene. :3

I like the first scene, and the interactions between Narcissa and her mother. Isn't Lucius a year older than her? He seemed confident, like he knew his way around the train, so it seems very possible! But I'd be interested to hear more about her first impression of him, just because they're so young. Are they feeling uniquely romantic feelings for such a young age, or does she want to become his friend, or was she just merely noticing him? It's a little unclear how exactly she felt, other than she felt something, because she's blushing.

The second scene was great! I love the strained way in which they have to speak to one another. There's so much tension, but it's just the way they were raised. What a nice way for them to bond; clearly they both aren't too fond of these kinds of parties.

You handled the announcement of their engagement quite well. If she'd been excited, it would have been strange to read--what seventeen year-old wants to hear that their parents have selected a life partner for them? Even though she clearly has feelings for Lucius, I like that you made her neutral about the whole thing. She has some trepidations but isn't over-reacting with angst, either. Nicely done!

This line, from the next section, is beautiful: Lucius, looking handsome as ever, watched me with a rare smile, and that was when I realized that I loved this man. I blinked at this sudden comprehension.

Section VII makes me feel sorry for Narcissa. She cares so much about her family, and I think that's very accurate with canon. It's sad so see that Lucius has clearly become a different person, even in just the five years that Draco was born, yet he still sees the same since section I.

Wow, this line is really powerful: Numbness had washed over me and all I did was stare unfeelingly at the pathetic form that had tyrannized my family relentlessly. How much Narcissa has changed! I like the last section, because it shows strength in her. She seems like the kind of person to always stand by and worry about her son and her husband, but we know from Book Six and beyond that she isn't. You've captured that nicely in this last section.

Job well done!

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing!

I am glad you liked the first scene over all, but I'll keep your CC in mind and see if I can talk more about her impression of him. I didn't want it to be incredibly long which is why I simply left the scene on her seeing him for the first time in years. And yes Lucius is an year older than her which is why he was already in his Slytherin robes.

I am glad you liked the second scene as I worked hard on trying to make it sound like two pureblood teenagers talking.

I am pleased that you liked the way I handled the announcement of their engagement. Thanks!

I am glad that you liked that line. I just wanted it to be a special moment where she realises she loves Lucius.

Yeah, you're very right in your thoughts regarding section VI. I did think that they would have changed a lot in so many years yet their feelings for the family would be the same.

I am glad you liked the last section too, and liked Narcissa's portrayal.

Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments!!

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Review #34, by my_voice_risingHanging by a Thread: Chapter 2

10th February 2013:
Gah! I'm so glad you asked for a re-request. I am really bad at remembering to look back on my favorites for something to read :3

Ohhh gosh. I just love your Oliver. There are so many Oliver fics on HPFF that have him as this really cocky heartthrob type, but you have a much more realistic portrayal of him. It was so thoughtful for him to take care of Katie, and I like the dynamic you've set up between them, what with her kissing him and then turning out to be gay.

That was a really heart-wrenching story, about Leanna. I don't know if I just misread the first chapter, of if you meant to surprise us, but I thought they had just broken up. But what actually happened is so terrible. In fact, I don't think I've ever felt so connected to the horrors of the second War--not even in canon. In Deathly Hallows, we're following the trio, who's on the outside of it all as they travel. But this is a powerful portrayal of the really intense, horrible things that happened to those who couldn't escape. Really well done.

I think even more heart-wrenching is how Oliver's changed. This line is so poignant, "Because, more than anything, she wanted him to argue with her, to set her straight, to put her in her place and tell her how stupid she was being, because this was Oliver, and that was what he had always done. But he did nothing." Oliver's always been one of those background characters, humorous for his obsession with Quidditch and his tough-love nature. The way you've characterized him now is really sad to see, and so accurate.

GOD this story. I love it. Please re-request from me, and remind me to actually pay attention to the stories I'm so fond of xD Great work, another very well-written chapter.

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Review #35, by my_voice_risingChains of Bronze: The Beginning

10th February 2013:
Hi there, I'm here with your requested review!

Right away I'm captivated by this story. Why is she tied up; who is her father? I want to know more about the Clairmonts and their civilization. But there were some sentences that were phrased in a way that I didn't understand. Your first sentence could be shortened, definitely. (I'm only picking on this one because it's the one readers pay attention to the most, and because the rest of the paragraph is perfect.) "I let my head hang as my hands were tied behind my back and my legs to the metal bar that I had resolved to lean on" could be changed to something like "I hung my head, my hands tied behind my back, legs bound to the metal bar I'd resolved to lean on." Or something. You're clearly a talented writer, it's just that the first sentence is a bit wonky. :3

I really do like this story so far. It's unique, especially the notion of their Wizarding village far away from the Magical World. I know that your summary tells us this is a Next-Gen fic, but if I hadn't read that, I would almost think it was a founders-era story. The village; being tied to a pole (reminiscent of the witch trials, a historical event); being shamed by her father. You give us little hints that it is present-day, like mentioning playgrounds and homework. But I like that this could just as easily be historical fiction.

I also like her mother's parting words to her, about never trusting a man. I'm sure this will come into play in the story, with her relationship with James.

Where are they, though? I'm surprised that her father was so careless to do this in a place where some complete stranger could walk up and stop it. I also wonder if a fetus could survive a Cruciatus curse... I would think definitely not! Also, why does she sound happy that her fiance is back, if he deceived her and then left her pregnant?

I'm interested by the ending scene. So it wasn't Richard? Intriguing.

All in all I think this is a good start. Happy writing!

Author's Response: Hey! Im glad you liked this story!

Thank you for pointing out the sentence mistakes! Yay! Happy you liked the background and setting of the story =)

You will just have to see :P

Thank you!

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Review #36, by my_voice_risingCircumstance: Circumstance

10th February 2013:
Hello, you! I was excited to see another request from you in my thread :3

So, I really like this idea of Snape knowing the 'real Lily,' and I like it even more that you didn't say it in such a cliched way. The bit about her not being a mother's type, and how she's been canonized as this saint for feminine love and maternity is brilliant. I've never thought about it that way, but you're right. The image of her hair stuck in the bark of the tree was really powerful; one of those seemingly insignificant moments that you still somehow never forget.

I liked your opening, especially about knowledge being power and energy, and I think you should expand and lengthen the idea of knowledge being like a burning house. That is really powerful imagery. My only critique is that it was a little too vague, and almost conflicting. You say knowledge is power, but that knowledge is a burden. And I can totally see the link between these two, in terms of Snape especially, but I think you should elaborate a bit more. The beginning of a story is the most important because it either captures a reader's attention or it doesn't, and I think you have some serious potential here. Just flesh out the introduction; it's written poetically enough that you could even drop in some names and it wouldn't lose any less of its beauty.

I always found it difficult, even in the scenes given to us with canon, to imagine Snape and Lily being friends. But your characterization of her shows just how they could be close; her desire for revenge and her clenching her hands into angry claws; the way she's changed in five years. And the line "regurgitated as a symbol" is so powerful. She really is the Christ figure in the HP series.

Again, your ending is a bit vague. Beautiful, but conflicting. An example is the first paragraph: "Once we cease to be, we are at our most vulnerable and we can only hope that, should there be anything left of the days we spent on this Earth, that it reflect who we were." I'm assuming you mean "Once we're dead, we hope people remember us accurately." But it's written in such a way that differs with the rest of this story (and frankly I think the bulk of this story is the strongest) that it's difficult to understand. It's quite a jump from tone to tone, and the "we" pronoun sounds so much more philosophical than the rest of this story. It's like this tone isn't as easy to relate to, in a way. Like I say, the language is beautiful, but it's so esoteric compared to the rest of it, and (in my opinion) not as strong.

I like how the ending turned out to be Lily. Again, though, it's so beautifully written that it would be fine for you to have some "dumb lines," as my creative writing professor would say. You're a great writer, and there's enough mystery and poetry here, that even if you stated plainly that it was Lily speaking, the story wouldn't suffer.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh. This is a great one-shot, and I just wanted to give an honest opinion. Really well done. :3

Author's Response: Hey!

No, really, you don't need to fear coming accross as harsh. After all, you know my review style and I sometimes forget to hold back :s Besides, I find that well thought-out critique is more difficult to give than praise. And it should be, or else "literature critic" would not be a paying job, now would it? :P
I really needed someone to cast a critical eye on this story and you have done just that!

"esoteric"! Oh dear! I try to generally stray away from anything carrying that title...Thanks for pointing it out!

The beginning and end are indeed quite different from the bulk (which I also like way more). They were intended as sort of a fuzzy buffer that gets the reader into the story and then zooms them back out again. Hence the vague style. I do see what you mean with conflicting statements. Also, that sentence you quoted towards the end is a mouthful! I'll try to wrestle it into shape at my next edit. *blush*

Your creative writing professor gives good advice! "Dumb sentences" is a great term and a few of those could certainly give some flesh to the dreamy bits of the story. I'll have a look at which details could use a more simple presentation. And I will try to expland the ideas in the beginning. I sure don't want my story to sound like the intro to a "Revenge" episode, those are terrible!

I'm glad you agree with my opinions of Lily in the books. Not only is she a Christ figure, she is also a classical example of the Women in Refrigerators trope, where female characters get killed off only to inspire a character arch for a male protagonist. In the books, she functions as frige stuffing for two male characters at least. Things like that annoy me *angry feminist scowl*

Thank you for a helpful review! Feel free to visit my request thread if you would like me to return the favour :)

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Review #37, by my_voice_risingFire and Steel: Fire and Steel

5th February 2013:
Hello! You've been so nice to review my story and I wanted to return the favor. I was drawn to this story because 1: your banner is awesome, and 2: YAY, Neville!

I think you've really captured his character, just within the first paragraph. We see the admiration Neville's had for Harry since First Year, and then the certainty and resolution he developed as he grew older. Then there's that little hint of uncertainty where he's trying to talk himself into it: "Yes, that had to be it." I have to say, I'm really impressed!

What a heartbreaking scene, with Neville talking to his grandmother, and her trying to reason with him. He's becoming full of rage and, like you said, bloodlust. She's trying to bring him back down, but it seems she can't. It must be so hard for her to see how much he's changed (because the Death Eaters made him change.)

I liked how everything comes full circle when Neville pulls the sword out. The story began with him worrying about Harry; the story ends with him pulling the sword out just like in the stories about Harry. And your ending line was very haunting.

Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Your stories are great by the way, and the newest updates are very intriguing! I have to give lots of props to the artists at TDA because I have no idea how they do it. And yeah, Neville is a beast.

I'm glad you think I got Neville right. I have never written from him being the main character/from his POV before so it's important that you think that it's accurate.

I think that Neville's grandmother was shown how bad it was at Hogwarts it really is. I would guess they used Crucio, and since that has been known to drive people mad, it must effect you somehow.

This is my first one-shot that I have completed and since they are meant to stand alone it's a little hard how to end. I was aiming for it to be like the beginning so I'm glad that I achieved that. Thank you so much for reviewing!

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Review #38, by my_voice_risingPuddlemere United: Chapter 2.

5th February 2013:
An update!!

The description of the locker room was particularly funny--especially the bit about the walls always being wet! Why is it that so many public spaces like that are ALWAYS full of condensation?! haha.

I just love your Oliver Wood. He's trying to be optimistic but knows that he's got a load of goofballs for his team members.

Pippa is my favourite, I think ;D The bit with her mouth guard (where she found it and why she needs it) was hilarious. Actually, I've been laughing at little bits throughout the entire chapter, like Oliver wrestling a pair of binoculars from a stranger's hands, and Thugs United. The scene change when Pippa said "It's still not as bad as that time with the Wanderers" really got me too!

Wait, is that Seamus? IS THAT SEAMUS. I think I'm going to have a heart-attack if it is; you know how much I love him (like a bro.)

Hahaha, "It was Firewhiskey! ...Mostly." Oh my gosh. This is too funny. I absolutely love the Finnegan family here, the mother especially.

And the ending. The ending! So funny! This is going on my favorites right now, I absolutely love this story.

Author's Response: Hi there! :D

I know right? Its like the people who design public venues don't get the concept of ventilation! So I added that in for good measure!

I think Pippa is secretly my favourite as well! I haven't quite figured her out yet, but I like her so far! Optimistic with anger management issues!

That is Seamus. I COULDN'T RESIST! You know how much I love him!

Ah Pippa, when will you ever learn! This scene is actually leading into one that reveals more about Olivers personal life, and why he even took the job in the first place!

Thank you so much for all the support! I was afraid I wouldn't do a Quidditch fic justice (as I am just about the unsportiest person you will ever meet!)

Thank you again for reading and reviewing! This has made my day! :D

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Review #39, by my_voice_risingThe Calendar Girls: Snowballing

5th February 2013:
I am back!!

Hehe, I giggled at "extremely regulated and secretive family meeting." One of my favorite things to read about Next-Gen stories is all of the goings-on of the Potter-Weasley clan! The family gathering and the detailed list of Charlie's girlfriends were particularly funny! Don't remember if I've mentioned this in a previous review, but I love that the Seasons sisters have their own little clan that's becoming entwined with those of canon. I can just imagine them all running around Hogwarts, practically taking over the castle. xD

The dueling scene was great! Really well-written; I could see everything perfectly. It's so nice that this generation of students is able to to actually practice DADA in class, instead of the poor Trio. I really liked the bit where the professor told Summer and Autumn to try different partners sometime because they may not always be there for one another. It showed their dependency on one another (although they are clearly very independent people, choosing never to marry) and, I think, a bit of foreshadowing?

I thought it was strange that Peeves gave her a straight answer, though. Isn't that who he is as a character: as annoying as he could possibly be? He does care for Fern, which I thought was cute, but I think he's enough of a complete prat to be a pest to everyone else, including her sister. What if he was being himself until she asks about Fern, and then he starts being kinder? That would really show how he feels about their unique friendship. I did like the bit with Miss Norris though.

Bahahaha, Lorcan is defensive over female goblins' rights. Would I be a complete arrogant twit if I thought my Edie had something to do with that? ;D The two should meet!

The snowball fight was cute. Do I sense something going on between Louis and Autumn? Mebbe? And I want to know what's happening with Fern!

Can I just say, again, how much I love the comraderie between friends here? They all mesh together so well, and their friendship seems so genuine. It doesn't seem at all like characters tossed together solely for the purpose of having supporting roles, or "the best friend" stock character. The scene where they're eating banana bread in their onesie pyjamas was so cute.

Louis is totally not just looking for a random date. They're so cute! I know I keep saying this in your reviews, but I can't wait for some CIs so I can see what he looks like xD (What? I am entirely too visual of a person.) I can see Blake Lively doing all of this stuff clearly, and I know a lot of people don't think it's the most important aspect of a story, but I think you've chosen the perfect person to play these characters, with their personality and all.

Can't wait for your next update!

Author's Response: YOU ARE THE BEST.

I love the Weasley/Potters too, but heck, writing them all together is insanely complicated! We get to see a secretive and regulated meeting in the future, I hope you'll like it!

That DADA lesson was so much fun to write. I don't actually understand why people leave description of classes aside, it's much more interesting than describing parties or balls or whatever plot device throws characters together.
And yes, perhaps that was a bit of foreshadowing, but I won't say anything else!

The thing with Peeves, yes. I was planning to include some more explanation that I forgot about, but it'll come up in chapter four. Basically, I figured that Peeves would, at Fern's demand, leave her sisters alone as well, unless they're part of a group that Peeves wants to prank. I don't know if that makes much sense...

Nah, you wouldn't be an arrogant twit. Lorcan is very much inspired from Edie, at least at the level of defending female goblins' rights! They should definitely meet though, it would be an interesting encounter :)

Louis and Autumn? NOOO, OF COURSE NOT. Why on Earth would you suppose something so ludicruous? (Mebbe indeed).

I love the girls as a group. And I can tell you for sure that there will be many more moments with all of them!

Maybe, maybe not! I'm slowly getting CIs, and there are some already for chapters 1 and 2. I imagine Louis as Hunter Parrish though, if you're interested.

Thank you so much for your review!

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Review #40, by my_voice_risingReason to Fight: Prologue

2nd February 2013:
Val, you are on FIYAAAHHH with your updating right now. I'm so excited to see another story on your author page!

Uh. What is going on. How are you getting even more amazing at writing? I was really impressed by your historical writing in Frozen Waters, but this goes so much more into minute detail--minute original detail about magic's role during WWII. I am so impressed! This is incredible!

At first I was worried about there being six characters introduced at once, but you seem to know them all, inside and out. I love the companionship between Johanna and Camille; Simon's devotion to his sisters; the way his mother would call for dinner across the courtyard.

This is so great. Really! I can't wait for some story graphics so I can see what everyone looks like! Of course you did a great job with the physical descriptions, particularly Xavier's and Astrid's. I just get really excited about CIs and such xD

Nice work, again!

Author's Response: That sums it up pretty well, yes.

I knew you'd worry about large casts, so the fact that you think it makes sense is the best thing you could tell me. I'll be going into more precise insights of characters though...

You have no idea how excited I am about story graphics too! They're slowly being made, and I'm really excited to get your opinion on them.

Thank you, again, for such an amazing review!

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Review #41, by my_voice_risingWillows and Wood.: Paint pots and iteration

30th January 2013:
I'm so glad Oliver has finally decided to fix things with Grace! I want a CI with all three of them, being adorable and happy. Their flat sounds really cute. And I loved that he said "squashed strawberries" was his favorite color, and the line "parents with benefits."

It's really realistic that Oliver and Grace still only talk to one another from a distance. It's totally believable that they didn't jump right into a very close relationship.

I'm excited to see their interactions at Hogwarts! More more more!

Author's Response: I really want a CI too, but I have no idea who I'll use for Grace... I'll give it some more thought though, but fire away if you have suggestions!

More more more is coming soon, I swear. Thank you for the review :)

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Review #42, by my_voice_risingWelcome to Blunderland: { epilogue }

30th January 2013:
Wow, so good. This story definitely took a turn, but I liked the ending. Especially that you brought back the thestrals, and how they remained a point of this story all along. You're a very talented writer, and I'm so glad to have been able to follow along with Four-eyes Flora and her friends. Really wonderful work.

Eagerly awaiting Counting Daisy Roots!

Author's Response: 'This story definitely took a turn' is a bit of an understatement...

Ah, glad you noticed that! Even when this story was still following the original plan (and it was your average love triangle fare) the thestrals were always meant to crop up at the end in some shape or form. Kind of a callback to the start of some form!

Thanks for reviewing ♥

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Review #43, by my_voice_risingPuddlemere United: Chapter 1.

28th January 2013:
GAAAHH first review spot! You have written an Oliver Wood story?! I'm so excited!

I absolutely love the premise of this story. Incredibly straight-laced and serious Oliver Wood having to turn around a team full of goofs? I love it. So does this take place after he played for their reserve team? Or before? Or is it just AU? I'd be interested to know!

I really like that you've got so many diverse characters. The young Seeker was by far my favorite; she seems really feisty, but still absent-minded enough to become distracted by staring at the sky. So great!

I have a feeling that this is going to be a really funny story. I'm so glad to see another WIP from you. Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Yes! I have decided to bite the bullet in every sense and jump on the Oliver Wood bandwagon :P And I couldn't be more excited :D

This takes place when Oliver is much older, I haven't worked out the exact date, but he is in his forties anyway :) So he has well retired from the world of Quidditch :P

My aim was to get a range of different characters and kind of smush them together! I have a soft spot for Pippa as well :P And you will actually get to see just how fiesty she can be in the next chapter, lets just say that her size has nothing to do with her power :P

I know, I know, another WIP! I have a disease! I-can't-commit-to-stories-so-I-just-keep-starting-new-ones-itis :P
Hopefully I should finish Chapterino 2 in the next two days! :)

Thank you so much for reading this :D

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Review #44, by my_voice_risingFrozen Waters: Sailing

28th January 2013:
Wow! This is incredible! Like seriously, some of the best writing I've seen from you--I am so blown away by your descriptions of characters and places. And the voice of your main character is so well-written and thorough! The fact that she's no longer like Mathilda is stated plainly in the beginning, and then so beautifully by the line, "I was never one for poetry." Wow!

There are some really disturbingly beautiful images here, like "fragile stomach" "my fickle heart" and "bile black as ink." So I guess Mathilda is much younger than Elizabeth, as she has to ask permission to walk around the ship. I like the age difference here; I think it shows a lot about how Elizabeth had to grow up quickly.

I like that Elizabeth smokes, and isn't proper; and even more that she only began smoking to infuriate her step-mother. She's responsible and level-headed, but certainly isn't going to be walked all over by a woman like that. I really admire her!

WHOA she punched him in the face. Hahaha. That was really great to read; she really wants to prove a point, eh? I like that he came back to return her handkerchief. It was a totally different feel from if she'd dropped a piece of jewelry or something trite like that. ;3 One thing I did notice is that you said "I am having breakfast with Mathilda the next morning when he walks up to your table," which I think is supposed to be "walks up to my table."

Which reminds me, I love the tense you're using here. It's so fun to read. :D

Something I'd also like to know is what class they're in. I'm assuming that Mathilda/Elizabeth are in upper class because of having a porter, a private bathroom, and being chastised for not behaving as "proper ladies," but are they part of the London elite? Their stepmother only gave them enough money for the trip, so is she broke or just a hag? Also, what kind of class does Jeremy belong to? It was a really big issue back then, and especially since they're all confined in one space, class distinctions were really important to keep them separated. It'd be really interesting to know! :D

Again, really great glimpse into Elizabeth's character just by describing her coffee. Black, no sugar, no milk: just the bare essentials. Wow! Val, this is really amazing writing. You've always been talented, but I'm so blown away by this--it seems you've really found your voice with this character. I'm so humbled that it's a present for me! Really amazing work!


Mathilda is, as a matter of fact, much younger than Elizabeth -- eight years (which for some reason seems to be a recurring age difference in my stories, but I digress), which makes Mathilda thirteen.

Comments on my imagery, gah. I'm just incapable of expressing how flattered I am that you like my imagery, because it's not something I'm normally good at. So thank you.

The smoking habit is entirely inspired from Helene. When I read your description of her smoking, my first thought was "Woah. This girl irradiates power." So, Elizabeth is to you what Helene is to me (or so I hope) -- I think we can call it even!

Punching in the face has to be my favourite part of writing female characters, I think (this must be my feminist side kicking in) ;)She /definitely/ had a point to prove! As for the handkerchief versus jewelry, it would have seemed so out of character, in my head, for Elizabeth to even wear jewelry. She's too down-to-earth for that.

That typo, urgh. This was originally written in second person, except that's not allowed for OCs, so I got this proofread and changed, but obviously, I missed that particular mistake. I'll edit asap, thanks for pointing it out!

As for class, well, I /thought/ second class could have adjoining bathrooms, but Wikipedia just proved me wrong :) They'd be second class on the boat, although their step-mother is still the second of the two options! Jeremy is also second class -- this is not a star-crossed lovers type of story, or at least I'm hoping that it won't turn into one.

I'm done rambling here. Thank you for this awesome review, and I'm so happy you like the present! &hearts

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Review #45, by my_voice_risingWillows and Wood.: Flight and vocabulary lessons.

24th January 2013:
Awww, I loved the ending! So are we going to get to see them back at Hogwarts, then? It's really cool how the story went from them meeting outside of Hogwarts to them going back together, but as professors. I would have liked some more descriptions in this chapter though--where were they when Oliver made the announcement? How has Cat changed (or not?) since they'd seen each other? What does Tim even look like?

Also I can't believe Wood. What a complete jerk, completely refusing to have anything to do with Kiwi and Grace and then going back to flirting with her first chance he gets. Urgh.

The scene where Grace sees her mother excited, and then starts screaming along with her, was really cute. Especially the line "like mother, like daughter, I suppose."

I'm so excited you updated!

Author's Response: We do see them back at Hogwarts, indeed!

Ack, those questions actually make me facepalm because I know the answer to them without having to think about it. It's all in my head, but of course you're not in there (thankfully for you, you'd probably drown amidst the amount of phsics/chemistry/maths/biology/random thoughts).

Hehe, I like jerk!Oliver. He's fun to write -- you should know that, right? ;)

I love Grace. Enough said.

Thank you so, so much again for your constant reviewing!

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Review #46, by my_voice_risingDown Comes The Night: Chapter One

23rd January 2013:
Hello! I am here with your review, after all of that confusion. I don't usually read Founders fics, so I'm excited about this one--especially the 'ship! Hufflepuff is so overlooked and neglected, even a bit in canon, and then in fanon it's just become kind of a joke to be a Hufflepuff. But we need to stay strong! :D

Anyway, here is the review proper. Like I said, I haven't read more than one-shots with Founders era, so my canon is a little rusty.

Your introduction is beautiful. I feel like you have engrossed yourself, and therefore the reader, in the time period you're describing. The fact that the Hufflepuff clan were travelers is brilliant. Did you make her aunt a kitchen maid on purpose? It makes me thing of the Hufflepuff common room being near the kitchens at Hogwarts; really ties it all in together.

I love the line "simple and full of light," but am distracted that she goes from saying this to saying her childhood was marred because she carried a secret. I guess it's just the phrasing used, because it's entirely possible to have a simple childhood with the downside of having to keep your magic a secret. But it seems to go from saying that everything was pretty much perfect and her not having any secrets to hide, which is wonderful, to having a secret. A very minor detail, but it does seem to conflict a bit :)

The relationship between Godric and Helga is really endearing. I wish his wife, Elaine, had a fun and esoteric name! xD But it's nice that she accepts him for who he is, and very rare in those times.

Interesting change to go from Helga and Godric having to hide who they are from their families, to having to hide their families from Salazar. And it's brilliant that her role as a traveler comes back into play when she is able to point them to an abandoned castle to use as Hogwarts!

I'm interested how they contacted their first round of students. If it was so difficult to come out as having magical powers back then, how did they find them? How did these very first people to ever hear of a magical school react?

Also, I would love to see some dialogue here. Your storytelling abilities are wonderful, and for the amount of back story here, you really do retain the reader's attention. But it would be nice to be shown, and not told, certain aspects of the story in real-time.

The line "in hindsight, I suppose that was my first mistake" is brilliant. Are we going to have an explanation as to why exactly Salazar is so prejudiced? Especially since the general worldview back then was that he was the one "in the wrong" for being a Wizard, rather than exhibiting a trait of magical nobility?

The exchange in the kitchen was easily my favorite part of this chapter. Helga isn't like your typical female character, playing tricks on boys out of spite--she only did it because she was challenged, and up until then kept her mouth shut about her abilities. She and Salazar are really compatible. They're equally ambitious and passionate, the only difference I see being that she's much more private about her opinions.

I think this is a really great start--I'm glad I got to read it!

Author's Response: Hey! I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to respond, but I so appreciate you swapping with me! This review is wonderful, and you've given me some awesome feedback.

I love getting review from people who don't read many Founders fics. As a Founders enthusiast, I'm always hoping for more readers to enjoy this awesome genre with me :) And I wanted to write about Helga not only because she's the founder of our awesome house, but because of exactly what you said: Puffs are overlooked so much, and I wanted to give Helga a chance to stand out.

Yep, I made her aunt a kitchen maid to give Helga a foundation for her expertise with food. It seemed like a good way to work that in :) And I'm glad to hear that the writing feels true to the time period, because that's been really important to me while writing this story.

I reread the chapter just now, and I see what you mean about that conflict being a little wierd. That's something I'll definitely work on when I edit. And you know, I never really fleshed out their methods of contacting students. But now that you ask, that could be something worth figuring out :)

I've actually been playing around with some dialogue to add here. I'm so glad you enjoyed reading about the backstory, but I definitely agree with you: there needs to be something to break up the monotony of that first section. Maybe sometime I'll actually get around to editing :)

Salazar's motives for his prejudice will be explained later, yes. He's a very proud person, and that plays into it. But I hope to give a more complex portrayal of him than the generally terrible person we tend to think of him as. And that kitchen scene! That was such fun to write :) I loved giving Helga a chance to stand up to Salazar and give us Puffs a good name, haha. She and Salazar have different world views, but they're more compatible than they seem at first glance, like you said.

Thanks so much for your feedback! This review was so awesome (and by the way, so is KC&CO. I think I'm already hooked!) I'm so glad we swapped!


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Review #47, by my_voice_risingWelcome to Blunderland: { 21 }

21st January 2013:


Oh my goodness, oh wow, oh gosh. I can't believe Scorpius is alive after all--I thought the Ministry studying the afterlife was going to come back into play, but I thought Flora was dead and they brought her back. Oh wow. Okay. I feel better--I can't believe nobody told her! And poor thing, those horrible scars. Oh gosh. You must update soon. You must. I wish I could leave two reviews: one for now, one for when I have calmed down. But I just can't. Please update soon!

PS: I think you should know that I almost used the word "mega" in conversation yesterday.

Author's Response: that is one epic keyboard smash, my friend!

don't worry. I feel like I went through the five stages of grief writing this.

also, yes, hurrah! I am not totally evil. I let scorpius escape with...well, a sort-of life. not that I'll ever have time to write it, but the afterlife concept comes from my plans for 'in dreams', a drastoria I'm writing - fact: the scorpius in this story is the child of the draco and astoria in that one. if that accounts for all the angst...

well, you know what happens now :3

thanks for reviewing! (and for using the word mega. heeehh) ♥

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Review #48, by my_voice_risingWelcome to Blunderland: { 08 }

19th January 2013:
I really admire Flora for wishing she had never gone to the party at all, and truly resenting what she did with Scorpius. Most OCs would probably be thinking "omg wait does my friend like meh?" but she knew right away that she regretted it, and the fact that she had cheated on Albus was her biggest concern. The line about her not remembering what colour Scorpius's eyes were was really brilliant. :)

Author's Response: Omg, you're so on it with every chapter - seriously, best reviewer ever: you're getting everything right. Scorpius is a bit of a meanie in this chapter. It felt about 50% wrong to even /consider/ shipping them together here. Flora puts too much blame on herself, though...

Thank you so much for your amazing reviews :D ♥

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Review #49, by my_voice_risingWelcome to Blunderland: { 07 }

19th January 2013:
How sweet of Albus to make sure that Flora gets her sugar quill fix. Ahhh, a wink. I am totally fangirling over this story, but so many feels. It's kind of like Pretty in Pink (which I at least find to be a compliment) with the Scorpius-Albus-Flora love triangle. So good!

It really made me sad that Albus said his friends abandon him often. But it said so much about him, I think: Flora may only have two friends, but they stick together, and have for years. Albus has a really wide circle of friends but they don't seem to be that close. It added a really nice touch of humanity to his character, even if I'm reading way too far into it!

I love when he asks her if she's afraid of ghosts. It's a really unique and somehow personal way of talking to one another--and her response about the fat friar was really funny.

My only critique is how much we see the word "awkward." I feel like it's become a buzzword in today's pop culture; socially awkward/tragically hip girl we see in characters portrayed by Zooey Deschanel, Kristen Wiig, Lena Dunham, etc. You've done a really great job introducing us to Flora, and I believe that you know her inside and out. So the word "awkward" is going into overuse and kind of detracts from her character, like she's really insisting how quirky she is. I hope that doesn't sound too harsh; I really like Flora. and she's a really believable OC. But I think you've characterized her so well that her 'awkwardness' speaks for itself and doesn't need to be mentioned so frequently :3

That being said.




The kiss in the snow! So perfect, so adorable, so believable, how she kept trying to say something; how it took two attempts before he could actually do it. I love that he blew on her face. It's a really sweet and unique gesture that perfectly encapsulates being nervous and not knowing what to do but it's so endearing. Oh my gosh. I am so happy now :D

Author's Response: I've never seen Pretty in Pink - I'll have to give it a shot! (does it help that my favourite Fall Out Boy song is Pretty in Punk?)

Eee, I'm glad you noticed that! It was a bit deliberate. Flora makes a big deal out of being unpopular when she actually has two very meaningful friendships, Albus seems popular but he's actually a bit of a loner in a way. Five house points for you.

Thanks for pointing that out! I intended for this story to really play up the cliches so I think I kind of flung the word 'awkward' asunder without really thinking. I'll be sure to tone it down in the edit.

Heh. I used to know a boy whose one and only real trick was, er, breathing on your face to make you look at him. Real charmer, he was.

Thanks for reviewing! ♥

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Review #50, by my_voice_risingWelcome to Blunderland: { 05 }

19th January 2013:
I couldn't possibly stay away! So I'm back. :3

It's easy to see that you've really invested yourself in this magical world. The ease with which your characters talk about certain bands and their albums and concerts was impressive, but I was really blown away by Albus making the WS symbol at her from across the library. And you actually gave them a reason to click and start bonding, rather than randomly develop an attraction for one another when beforehand they knew nothing about one another. And when he said "mega" I was so happy!

I love "Life's a Witch" makeup. Like too much.

And extra-curriculars at Hogwarts are always overlooked in stories. Baking Club, Book Club, etc.--of course they had these! But we never get to read about them because the trio was busy with the Saving the World Club. I love the normalcy that we get to see in your story; it's something we didn't get much of with canon.

I get the sneaking suspicion that the entire reason Albus is hanging out with Flora is because of his I HAVE TO HELP EVERYONE complex. The way he invited her to Hogsmeade was so cute, but I think that she's reading into it. At this point in the story, at least, the relationship seems one-sided.

So I must continue on then, right?! :D

Author's Response: Hello again!~

Ah, it was pretty easy! I just transplanted elements of my own life (my obsession with Pulp and Jarvis Cocker, etc etc) into this fic and gave things more, er, magic-sounding names.

I had to put in some extracurriculars - I'd be so unhappy if I was at Hogwarts and they didn't have an art club or anything! Also, heh, saving the world club, I like it.

Ah, you're touching on something there with Albus. He's not as shiny as he seems. Although there's still a good portion of the story to go so I'll keep my lips zipped for now.

Thanks for reviewing! ♥

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