Reading Reviews From Member: my_voice_rising
237 Reviews Found

Review #1, by my_voice_risingIn turns: Stealing Bicycles

2nd June 2015:
This is so cute! I love that James actually chased her for miles (miles! Miles?) because it's something that Harry would have done. Writers of Next-Gen fics that make characters behave similarly to their canon parents have my heart.

Alex's internship is funny, especially that they pay her in candy. Her relationship with her parents is pretty unique, too! I like that you have a strained relationship without the typical reasons for it that we find in fic.

The only thing I thought was a bit weird was how angry she got at James after she had to give back his bike--maybe angry isn't the right word. She *did* call him a git, though, even after he was considerably nice to the person who stole his bike! Either way, this is really cute, and a good start. I'd love to see where you take it!

Author's Response: Sarah! You reviewed! I feel guilty bec I haven't given Keep Calm a good review and er, I will! I promise!

Anyways, yes, that part. I guess she was irked bec she was late and James was holding her up and I don't know, really. Teenagers, psh.

Thank you! You're amazing! You made me real happy! :)

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Review #2, by my_voice_risingetc. etc. (and life goes on): A Kingdom For My Name

23rd April 2015:
Hiya! I wanted to leave an actual review instead of just a tumblr ask... I read this chapter on my break at work and it was all I had time for huehuehue.

This is seriously your best writing! You can really tell that you put a lot of thought into making every single word count, and move the plot along. A couple phrases that stuck with me are Here, with only each other to want, we kiss and kiss until it could fill a language. Here, we make sense, and I want fame; I'm fame's girlfriend. The way that Clemence has fallen for him is so wonderful too. You've done what everyone tries to do in fic--the accidental falling in love with your enemy--and done it so wonderfully!

I have to say that part of me thought/wanted (still wants?) the last scene to actually be Pickett and not Albus! Though I blame that on the Clickett tumblr graphics ;)

Seriously Gina, you should be so proud. This is really amazing writing. Can't wait for the next!

Author's Response: Eeee thank you! I agonized over SO. MANY. WORDS. this time, like I totally forgot how to write. One punctuation at a time *pats typing muscles*

"fallen for him" ;) DEPENDS.

And I will say cryptically for the readers reading reviews: BUT WHERE ARE ALL THOSE CLICKETT SCENES I SUPPOSEDLY WROTE? THE CLAPPY SCENES? Oh, this is just the lull before mobs. Pitchforks and ships will rain from the heavens. No umbrella will help you next chapter.


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Review #3, by my_voice_risingChaos Theory: ii. the journey

20th April 2015:
OH MY GOD Headcanon that Oliver Wood named his son Harry, because Harry caught the Snitch and won the 1993 House Cup for Gryffindor. PLEASE let this be true!

You've got a pretty diverse cast of characters, which is very refreshing! I loved Kit's crush on Harry. Is Orla the daughter of Romilda? And it was so funny that they were finishing (or starting, ahem, Kit) their homework on the train.

It's also very interesting, and realistic, that you've chosen to explore Post-War magical Britain and how Muggle items are becoming more commonplace--even coveted, hence Nox's existence. I particularly liked the mention of Sinistra's pre-war robes; that was a very nice touch.

I'm a little confused about what's happening with NEWTs/no more split-level coursework, partially because I'm very sleepy and partially because I don't really remember much canon about schoolwork, whoops. But this is very well written and I'm interested to see where you're taking things!

Author's Response: OH MY GOD HAHAHHA YES SURE LET'S GO WITH THAT. my headcanon was he named him harry bc he just thought harry potter was such a great hero and friend and overall great guy but I can just imagine his wife having just given birth like "oLIVER ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND" "NO BUT LISTEN [INSERT NAME] YOU ~DONT UNDERSTAND~ THAt SNTICH CATCH WAS INCREDIBLE"

orla IS the daughter of romlida, yes! she started off as lavender brown's daughter but I changed route haha. one of will's dads is richie coote, if you remember him from the 6th book

hopefully the education thingy is a little better explained now sorry for making it so so confusing yikes

anyway thank yaa for the review!!

- jess, xo

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Review #4, by my_voice_risingChaos Theory: i. the introduction

20th April 2015:
Hiya! So I have to let you know--in case you're wondering if your experiments have been working--but I decided to read this fic because of all the tumblr posts you've been making! Haha. There was a recent story preview that I can't quote right now due to 12+ rules, but it really had me laughing.

I like Lucy so far; she's a tad bit unlikeable in that she's pretty grumpy--although rightfully so, with her family. And even more on her family, she's kind of like Percy that way! He's much more insufferable, but they are similar in many ways and you've done a really nice job! Her friends seem funny. I'm excited to hear more about them, and their physical descriptions and such, but I think you also did a really nice job not info-dumping in the first chapter. That's always difficult not to do.

Excuse this not-so-great review. Can't wait to read on!

Author's Response: OH wow I didn't even think ANYONE read my tumblr posts tbh hahahha wow it's so weird that you've come here because of them hah

oooh yes lucy is designed almost to be one of those characters where you're in the between feelings about. she's neither likeable nor unlikeable; she's just a girl in the middle who is forever grumpy and very pessimistic

thank you for the review! and for reading my tumblr hahahaha

- jess, xo

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Review #5, by my_voice_risingCareful What You Wish For: The Dementor on the Train

13th February 2015:
Jeez, I turn my back for a minute and suddenly there are
30 chapters to this fic! I have so much catching up to do
♥ Hope you've been well, lovely.

Can I just say again how much I love retellings of the HP
books with minor characters as the MCs? So excited to
read on! (Nice CI, by the way.)

Agh, so cute! All of the characters squished together in
the car, listening to the radio... Obviously it's a bit
of a dark moment, with hearing about Sirius, but it's
still such a cute picture. You have a very nice cast of
characters started up here and I love reading about their
group interactions. The arguments about Quidditch were
cute... Sweet Oliver has no idea he'll be playing for
Puddlemere one day!

I like their teasing of Percy, and how Penelope already
seems like such a good fit for him, with the "important
tone" she takes when speaking about him. We all have
those friends who are dating a person we don't like, and
you've done a great job interpreting it here. I'd
forgotten what happened to her in the Chamber of Secrets
and it makes a very interesting addition to her

One teeny, tiny thing that isn't super important: I think
JKR calls her the Trolley Lady. ;) I only bring it up
because I have a soft spot for her and her minor
character-ed-ness (it's a word.) As I'm typing this I'm
realizing how insignificant it is, but all I'm doing is
gushing about this story and now I've had my tiny bit of
concrit and can go back to gushing.

BRAVO! *Standing ovation* When Penelope talks about how
Oliver is annoying and then lists reason that aren't
really reasons to dislike someone, Dani defends him! And
she's so nonchalant, too--it's clearly not a big deal. I
don't know if you did it on purpose but you've totally
taken the trope of "I hate this male character for these
really flimsy reasons that don't stand up and solely
exist to prolong the buildup to our romance" and turned
it on its head. I don't know if it was intentional in
that way but seriously, well done.

Really nice chapter! I can tell that the romance between
Dani and Oliver will take its time and not be rushed.
Glad I picked this fic back up after so long, especially
now that there's so much to read. Can't wait for more

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Review #6, by my_voice_risingDamage Control: Choices, choices

11th February 2015:
Hey there!

This is a really great start! I love the characters, and how detailed and individual they all are, especially considering how many are featured in this chapter. I think my favorite characterization, just from your descriptions, is Albus. I don't typically read Next-Gen so I don't have too much to go on, but this seems like a very unique characterization. And Hero seems interesting--very ambitious and I have the feeling willing to do whatever it takes to get what she wants. I also like that you've given her a unique name. Is it also a bit of satire because she is, indeed, the hero of the story?

The only suggestion I have is that you've done a bit of an information dump, particularly on the amount of characters. Reading about the Weasleys was fun, and helped move the plot along. But while I enjoyed the descriptions of the rest of the Ministry team, as they aren't present in this chapter, it ends up being a lot of information thrown at us at once.

Other than that, this is a very great start. Can't wait to read more! ♥

Author's Response: Hiya!

Although you won't necessarily meet all of them, I liked the idea of introducing the Next-Gen characters, playing 'Where are they now?'. It was for the most part a bit of fun. The Potter Kids especially had to contrast each other and you'll soon find out why they are the way they are.

I love your interpretation of Hero's name. I wish I could say I was that clever. I have a book of literary names that I go through for character names inspiration and found 'Hero' as a girl's name. It's apparently from the Elizabethan era, both Christopher Marlowe and Shakespeare had female characters in their plays whose name was 'Hero'. It's such a striking name that I had to use it.

I do see your point and agree with you that this was a massive information dump. This chapter was mainly about introducing the family at first but the chapter felt a bit short and I wanted to solidify Hero and Caesar as characters in their own right. So I brought in a bit of history on the Ministry Team and why there are only two left standing. Don't worry, you'll meet the deserters soon enough ;).

Thank you so much for your comments and review, I really appreciate them.


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Review #7, by my_voice_risingThe Lost Wolf: A Wolf at the Door

26th November 2014:
Hi! Here with your requested review.

You have a strong opening to the story! You asked me to keep an eye out for over-embellishment, and the scene is vivid but leaves enough to the imagination. But I wonder how it would be if you wrote it in the voice and vocabulary of a four year-old. You mention that she's very smart, but words like 'illuminate' and 'accusation' are out of place here. I'd love to read the opening scene more through the eyes of four year-old Cassandra.

??? How has Cassandra been fighting since she was fifteen? Did she lie about her age? Also it's extremely impressive and a bit strange that she isn't afraid of bombs or tanks at all.

I don't think I've ever read an OC with an amputation before. Very original and adds a level of reality to the story. Am I wrong for hoping that magic will be able to heal her? Also an interesting parallel with the wolf that maimed her and Moony/Padfoot. I'm wondering now if it was a werewolf, but surely she would be showing signs by now...

I'd like to see some more depth to the Colonel. He's a great addition to the storyline, as she's now completely cast out and lost at sea. But what does he look like? Can we glimpse into their past together? Right now he only seems to be there to allow Cassandra some quips at his tan and to move the story along.

Ohhh, Lupin. Interesting! I wonder if it was chosen from subconscious memory or by coincidence.

This sounds like it will be a really interesting and unique story. Just remember to flesh out your characters--otherwise Cassandra seems a bit like the snarky, angsty orphan (when really her time in the military and disability set her apart) and the shouting, unnecessarily cruel adopted parent (when there could be much more to their history.)

Thanks for requesting ♥

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for your review!

First of all, I'm glad you pointed out that thing about vocabulary used in the dream at the beginning of the chapter. I never put too much thought in it, and I was wrong, so I'll read everything again and try to modify it as to make it appear as... Childlike as possible :)
Regarding Cassandra's work in the army, well... It is unusual, and the reasons why it was possible for a fifteen year old girl to join will be explained as the story goes on. And the trauma left by the two years in the battlefield isn't so insignificant as it may appear here, I promise! My OC is just too stubborn to understand she has a mental resistance that is not so different from that of any girl of her age. Her personality and physical appearance will be discussed more deeply from the next chapter anyway and I hope you'll find her more... "Round" as you continue to read.
Colonel Wilkins is... Not a good person. I am afraid he will not be treated as a main character here, but his role in this story hasn't ended yet. He will come back, just... Not now. In the later updates :)

Anyway, thank you again for leaving this nice review, and I hope you won't mind if I re-request ;)

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Review #8, by my_voice_risingTunnel Vision: Letters in the Dark

26th November 2014:
Hi there! I've arrived with your requested review.

First, yay for a Rose Weasley slash story! And your banner is gorgeous. I'm already hooked.

Some things that immediately jump out at me are the length of your paragraphs and sentences. They could stand to be shortened, just for readability's sake. For example, It wasnt necessarily the comment from Harry which made her smile at the thought of the memory... could be It wasnt necessarily Harry's comment that made her smile, as we already know that she's recalling a memory, and "thought" and "memory" in this case are redundant :)

I like Ron's quill/Lockhart comment. It's fun reading about the grown-up trio in next gen fics. It's also interesting that he is a bit of a darker character in this, and his lingering guilt for leaving Harry and Hermione in DH.

lol@Rose calling the Trio's problems "insignificant thoughts."

Also what snake is she talking about, that Harry killed? Some garden shed pest, or Nagini in DH? Because the latter would have been killed by Neville--is Rose left in the dark about their history? Am I just confused?

All in all I think this is a nice start. Tightening phrases and paragraphs would be a great help, as there is so much information/back story and little action here. But nothing a few edits can't fix! ♥

Author's Response: Hi, thank you for your review.

I really do like the banner. :P

Thanks for mentioning those I will defiantly try and work on that when I am writing and may edit this chapter a little.

Hahaa, typical teenager eh? Always thinking their own problems are the worst. :P

I was talking about the Basilisk in CoS, Rose was trying to make the point that, although Ron had the idea in DH to get the basilisks venom to destroy the horcruxs, that it wasn't a big deal because it was already dead. Harry had killed in in CoS. I hope that made sense, I may need to re-read that bit.

Thanks for the review, it was really helpful.


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Review #9, by my_voice_risingKissing in Private: Part One

26th November 2014:
Hiya! I'm here with your requested review.

I like your characterization of Teddy. I'm not much of a next-gen reader so this is my first encounter with him as the main character, but I like him! What we know so far is that he's a loner, self-conscious and has low self esteem. He seems to be kind as well, as he didn't try to fight Derek. In fact he seems a lot like Marauders-era Remus, which is great.

I also like Victoire's characterization--she's beautiful but a bit shallow, going to watch boys play Quidditch and all.

You mentioned that this is your first time writing in this style, and overall you've done a good job. The first scene feels just a tiny bit too fast-paced, because so many characters are involved, but it's a great opening. Lastly I'd suggest adding a plot synopsis to your story summary, either instead of or along with the lyrics.

Thanks for the request ♥

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I am glad you like my characterization of Teddy. It's interesting that you say you haven't read much of him because actually this is a rather different characterization of him! Thank you for saying he seems a lot like Remus! That means a lot.

Thank you for your suggestions. I am curious why you think a synopsis would be necessary in addition to the lyrics. I ask because I feel like the lyrics do a great job of summing up the theme of my story. I'm just curious about what other writers think!

Thank you so much for your review!

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Review #10, by my_voice_risingHer Choice : A New Beginning

23rd November 2014:
Ha! It's so funny that you requested a review for this fic because I actually just read it on my own the other day. But I'm happy to leave a review with some friendly concrit :)

I'm always intrigued by OCs that grow up in orphanages, or are orphans in general, because of the Harry/Tom Riddle parallels. Laynie seems to be following in the footsteps of Harry, in terms of maintaining a positive attitude (though Harry was more grudgingly obedient to the Dursleys I suppose.) Laynie reminds me a bit of Jane Eyre here, with her perseverence and best friend. The scene where Laynie is adopted and Margaret tells her to live her life was very touching.

I suppose one thing I would like to see is a bit more humanlike qualities to your OC. Obviously this is only the first chapter so we an expect more growth in the coming pages, but she feels almost *too* saintlike right now? Right now we know that she has unwavering positivity, is beautiful, pious, and "fiery" as Lucius says. Again, you're laying the groundwork in this chapter--but does she have any negative traits? Was she maybe more excited to be adopted than she let on, even though it meant leaving Margaret behind?

This is a good start, though. And it is indeed an interesting idea; I saw it on the Recently Added page and was intrigued enough to check it out. Hope this was helpful and feel free to re-request ♥

Author's Response: Well, hello there.
Thanks so much for coming by and leaving a review! ♥
I am so happy you like the story so far and that you may be interested in leaving more reviews in the future. I agree with you now that I think about the characterization of Laynie. She is a bit TOO positive isn't she? Hmm.. I will make sure you will see a little bit of her other side too as the story goes on. ;)
Thanks so much!

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Review #11, by my_voice_risingetc. etc. (and life goes on): And All the Girls and Boys Merely Players

19th October 2014:
Hi Gina! I've finally (finally) gotten around to reading more of this wonderful story. And I've binge-read the last 7 chapters in one day. Just wanted to pop in and say that it's brilliant. Your ability to be succinct while also setting a scene or telling backstory (and still leave enough up to the reader) is really nice. At first I didn't quite ~get~ Clemence--like how are you mean but also nice what are you. But she's a wonderfully developed character. Just wanted to drop by and say hello before I read on!

Author's Response: Thanks!! :3 Hopefully you caught the edited version of the chapters, which still aren't up to par but I will leave them be because NEW chapters need to be written. And an OF.

I see Clemence as an angry intellectual, which is what I draw a lot of inspiration from. She gives reasons for everything she does and makes herself seem right; it's a rather manipulative way of presenting herself! There is much more of her character to come c: the fun has barely started!


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Review #12, by my_voice_risingUnexpected Parenthood: Chapter One

29th July 2014:
Hello! I've decided to read this after seeing all of your posts on Tumblr about this story. I rarely (never) read pregnancy fics but I thought I'd give this a go. So yes, indeed, your Tumblr posts are working ;)

First off, how cute is the name Flick? It has so many possibilities. Flick and Swish... Please tell me that comes up somewhere, maybe in a joint nickname situation? And yay for using a Hogwarts-age character Face Claim who doesn't look 32.

So I get the impression Flick's family is pretty wealthy. The house sounds huge (and nice!) and in the city. Maybe we will get to hear what it is they do? Also I'm confused by what a "grizzly" baby girl is...

You do a nice job of including enough backstory at just the right time so that the reader doesn't feel bombarded with information. The story of Flick not going back to school was very good. I'd like a little more description of Mrs. Samuels, though... what was she like? Did Flick prefer tutoring to Hogwarts? How did she deal with her transition?

Another thing I'm wondering... are her parents Muggles? The bit about "hardly considering their pets in their house Magical" tipped me off, as there are household magical pets such as Kneazles and Pygmy Puffs and even owls/bats/toads. The image I have of their house (and this could just be me) is a very clean, streamlined, modern, Muggle-y looking place. Kind of like when we see Hermione's home in Deathly Hallows.

So do her friends not know where she is, then? I reckon an owl could just "find her" via magic, though. How sad that she just stopped opening her post. It seems that she really has cut that part of her life out--everything magical--as she can't legally practice magic and her house seems more Dursley-like than Weasley-like, if you know what I mean!

McGonagall's initial reaction seems very appropriate. Concerned and nurturing but also scolding. Well done! The relationship between she and Flick is very nice--you can see that they are familiar with each other, but it's not the kind of relationship she had with Harry, for example. The ONLY thing that I think is off here is that she asks who the father is. Definitely she would be concerned about another student of hers running around, getting girls "in the family way," but I don't think she would ask that--at least not right away, and not so bluntly. Maybe she would have been a little more distraught too? Upset? I like the line "You aren't the first and won't be the last," though. It makes you wonder how many times she's had to deal with this...

Ah, so her Dad has an owl, so they are not Muggles. Hm! I really thought they were, especially when you said that she grabbed a pen instead of a quill. Maybe some more Magical things would help to make this story feel more ingrained in the HP world. Even if her mirror made a comment about her hair sticking up when she was getting ready, or some mention of magical baby toys in the bedroom... That would definitely make this feel more like HP fic. (It's really hard to do that when the story isn't taking place in a very canon location, i.e. Hogwarts or Diagon Alley--I totally understand!)

I'm glad I stopped by to read. I think you have a strong start here, especially with the lovely balance of action and backstory. ♥!

Author's Response: Hey!

Aww thanks for stopping by! I've been meaning to read KCACO for ages but I haven't got around to it. I swear I've you in hpff tag before about how Jamie Dornan was you Oliver Face Claim and they he got the 50 shades role? If not I am so imagining things :p Haha, tumblr is the best.

Technically her names Felicity but nearly everyone calls her Flick. Haha, no actually, that's really good though :D I can't remeber how I found Anna-Sophia Robb but when I saw her I was all 'That's Flick'.

They are now (Sort of) but there were a lot of ups and down, six/seven years ago for the family. It seems so long ago I wrote this now, and it does say somewhere. But her dad works in the Mis-use of Artifacts office and her elder sister works in a muggle pub in central London. I think it's just a term I/we use where I come from, but I could be wrong. But it's mostly when a baby is crying a lot for no reason sometimes, or if they are ill and really clingy to their parent. E.g Aubri was really grizzly today due to her teething. It makes sense to me, lol, but I may change it now since I think that has confused more than one person.

Haha, nope Flick is half-blood. Her Mother is a Half-Blood and her Father is a Pure-Blood. That was mainly because they own cats and owls, as I was thinking more of Kneazles and Hippogriffs, all the things you might find in a Care of Magical Creatures class. Pretty much although it is fairly messy what with the twins and Flick's younger brother, but yep mostly clean/modern along with Muggle technology.

They know that Flick left after she sent them a letter and that she would have a tutor but she never said she was at home or where she was, but even then they still sent letters to her. Flick felt incredibly guilty that she didn't tell any of them she was pregnant, especially Albus. She had all these fears that they would shun her or no longer be friends so she stopped replying. In her head, her focus was on trying to up her grades with her tutor and her pregnancy/beign a mum. Flick hated that she had to stop doing magic apart from her school lessons since she was still underage at the time. Yep! With her mother being a Half-Blood she was the one to introduce all of the muggle things into their household.

Since some of her back story came out on pottermore, I like to see McGonagall as thinking of all the students at Hogwarts as her children, so she is disappointed especially as Flick is pretty bright but of course the scolding is there, I mean Flick is only sixeten. In my head there would definitely have been girls to have gotten pregnant, I mean you can't exactly say that no one in the castle was getting up to things they probably shouldn't have.

Yep, he has an owl. Haha I just think pens are a lot more easily than having to faff about with getting ink and a quill, but I definitely see where you are coming from. Especially about the lack of magic in a way. I think since apart the odd chapter where Flick is home, the rest is mainly set at Hogwarts so that could easily be a reason for lack of magic at home.

Aww thank you so much for stopping by, it's put a smile of my face :D
Soph ♥

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Review #13, by my_voice_risingStarving Artists: A Dark Room

30th May 2013:
Hello again!

One of your best skills with writing, in my opinion, is dialogue. The flow between every single one of your characters--even between Raven and Mr. Holstone--is so natural. The conversation between Lucy and Scorpius was so realistic, too; I never felt like he was getting unrealistic with opening up to her. It was nice that she admitted to failing everything (even Muggle Studies!) just to make him feel more comfortable. I am already 100% on board this ship.

The only thing I want to suggest is some Magification. Like, instead of a light switch, why wouldn't they use spells to make the red light or the white? Or using potions instead of chemicals? Or levitating the paper out of the solution instead of using tongs? Maybe even the enlarger could somehow be more HP-esque. I know this story was finished a few years ago, and I'm not sure if you want to go back and edit, but that's my only complaint. Everything is very well-written, to the point of reading like original fic. But some HP-isms would really make it feel more canon :3

I love smarmy-Scorpius, though! Especially how he snaps back and forth between being nice and being all "It's more about being careful than showing off." It's funny; in some ways, he's like a well-written Draco in a Dramione fic. When he gets too nice or personal, he puts that front back up. We definitely see how he's Draco's son. Yet he's totally his own character. Something about him getting rid of the Malfoy blond (if I read that correctly and he did dye it) says a lot about his decision to go to art school. It seems that he and Lucy are both being rebelious!

Nicely done! ♥

Author's Response: Hey there! (This formal mutual greeting belies the fact that a lot of my responses, and reviews themselves, are capslock-filled pits of chaos).

Ah, I'm glad you like it! Dialogue flows quite naturally to me when I'm writing. I find it helps to speak things aloud as I'm typing them, which can result in a lot of funny looks if I've got company.

Eek, I know! My only explanation for that is that my headcanon of the next generation is of a society that's far more 'muggle', and that the building in question here has just been adapted from a muggle one, so the electricity's been replaced by magic and the switches still function - but that's just the lazy explanation. The truth is that I get quite carried away when I'm writing and I forget to include magic! I do have an explanation for how magical photographs are formed using muggle photos, but it may have to wait for another day. And, apologies, but this fic's been through about three edits already, and I think I'd defenestrate myself if I had to edit it once more...I will take your point on board, however, and try to slather all my current fics in magic!

Awh, thank you! I was a bit concerned when I was writing him that, whilst I wanted him to be different, he didn't /seem/ like a Malfoy, so this is reassuring to hear. And I'm glad you like him!~

Thank you so much for the review! :3 ♥

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Review #14, by my_voice_risingStarving Artists: Art School

30th May 2013:
I have an embarrassing confession to make. For all of my Lucy/Scorpius love, I have never even finished reading the first chapter of this story!! I have started it dozens of times and always had to leave the computer for something stupid (like work, or friends, UGH come on I'm trying to HPFF guys.) But I have seen all of your playlists and drawings and quotations and graphics and NOW I AM HERE FOR THE REAL DEAL.

Most of this review will be fangirling and screaming, because I am working on finishing this pot of coffee, and I just love you and your stories okay?

Um, so my family tree of Next-Gen is completely awful, like horrible. So at first I thought Lucy was the daughter of Ron and Hermione, and I was going to be like "Ron seems a little out of character," but it's PERCY. And it makes TOTAL SENSE NOW!!! Oh man, I love it so much more knowing that Percy Weasley's daughter wants to run off to art school instead of following in his footsteps!

And I love that Lucy has never painted a picture in her life! There are so many art-centric books and films, where an undiscovered talented young person suddenly finds their element because it's "where they belong..." I dunno. Maybe I'm just reaching, but it feels like a cliche, and this story is so not like that. I'm already beyond interested to see how Lucy handles her coursework having absolutely no idea about gesso and composition and gouache and all that good stuff.

One tiny little nitpicky thing (I think we should just comprise all of our reviews of each others' stories of nitpicking) is the spacing. The double-spacing between each paragraph is kind of distracting. And, of course, that is just my opinion. And it appears to have been intentional, because it's consistent throughout the whole chapter (which is good!) So maybe just ignore everything I just said.

Hahaha. She thought Dean was his first name. And there are no applicants. Bahahahaha, "I keep telling you, my name is Raven." I love this school already.

Ooooh, and Rose and Scorpius have a history together. Poor Scorpius, being forced to do Magical Law. I can just see the child of Ron and Hermione being equal parts brilliant and hot-headed. Her characterization is great!

Oooh, I'm excited to see her new appearance! I will be back to read the next chapter later today! ♥

Author's Response: Eee, hello! Ahh, story of my life - it's hard to get decent time by myself to read HPFF~

Baha! Yeah, this would be an alarmingly OOC Ron, haha. Don't worry, I actually made a huge mistake in my family tree for this story and accidentally swapped Lucy and Molly around, so Lucy's actually the surprise older sister in this.

Awh! If I was writing this now that I actually /am/ an art student, I would probably work a bit more on the classes etc, but at the time I started this I was still at school~ I was actually surprised when I got to art school to see the range of skills people came with. I only had limited photography knowledge and drawing skills when I arrived; I'd probably done about three paintings in my life...and now I'm specialising in painting and working with oils! A lot of the intermedia and photography students in my year don't draw at all, and really suffered in our compulsory life drawing classes. I imagine Lucy's main skill is, uh, making stuff up (Oustanding in Divination!) and she'd probably have the right sort of mindset for Intermedia art. I feel I have a right to say this because some of my best friends are in Intermedia, even though me and some of my fellow painters are apt to sneer at them once in a while.

Ah, the entire story is double-spaced - everything I write is like that, I thought that was just the TOS! Or maybe I was wrong D:

Rose gets a bit of a bad rep in this story! I tried my utmost to re-humanise her in the sequel - although Scorpius is mostly based on me, there are parts of me in Rose too. I think that says a lot about my self esteem...

Thank you for the review! ♥

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Review #15, by my_voice_risingThe Joker and Her: Christmas

30th May 2013:
I am finally back!!! I absolutely love reading this story. It feels so canon sometimes, with the bit about charming their house with Christmas decorations, and the replenishing chocolate box (by far the best invention of HP fanon. How do I get one?)

Fred and George's notes were so perfect. They were sincere, but not too sincere. I love when Fred said "try not to get too fat." And George's line about throwing his note in the bin and using the memory charm. And Paisley's gift made me laugh. Oh man, I really think this is one of my favorite chapters so far.

OH GOD, reading the scene with her mother's wand was so heart breaking. At first I thought it was going to be one of those "my mother's locket" situations, and I was a bit dismayed, but this was so perfect, and so sad. The pink bubbles added just the right touch of humor to make it so bittersweet. And the bit about not being buried with your wand, and it being bad luck for your next of kin, was brilliant. I love moments between Brienne and her father, they're so genuine.

THIS CHAPTER WAS SO FLUFFY I LOVED IT. Especially the parts with Nyx versus Serge. I love Serge... is it weird that he's kind of my favorite character at this point? :3

Nice job as always! ♥

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you're still liking it :) Aww, thanks for saying this is like canon, that's so sweet xD And yes, ten replenishing chocolate boxes for me, please.

I thought receiving her mothers' wand would be somewhat poignant for Brienne, as it's such a personal object to someone magical. Maybe Brienne will receive more gifts from beyond the grave ;) But then again, maybe she won't.

I love Serge too! It's fun to write animals having characters, and Nyx and Serge differ a lot. It's not weird at all he's your favourite character, but I do hope you like my other characters too! xD

Thank you so much for your review! :)

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Review #16, by my_voice_risingReason to Fight: La Faiseuse d'Anges

7th May 2013:

I have ~*~two days off~*~ am finally here to review! Look at how many reviews this story already has! It deserves more, too. On we go.

First of all, "chewed up by wisteria." I don't think I've heard that phrase before, and it's so lovely. And oh my gosh, Astrid's smile faltering when he mentions his nephew. It's really heartbreaking. But getting him to dab at his face was genius. It's interesting to see this man be kind to a random old lady. Getting to understand these characters, whether the assasins or targets, on a personal level is really toying with my emotions, here!

GAH THE KNITTING NEEDLES. "...glint alarmingly against a gray towel." Such a beautifully horrific image. Poor Johanna. The woman's immediate question, "Can you pay?" was perfect. If she had tried to be comforting, or even polite, it just wouldn't be the same. What a horrible experience for poor Johanna.

Um, Val, what is going on. You are seriously pulling out the big guns for this story: chandeliers are still being used, glinting in every direction, rippling like pennies as one would see them underwater: flickering, uncertain, temporary. That is absolutely stunning imagery. And I love that you've mentioned that, even though all of Europe is suffering right now, the Ministry still has Monets and other lavish things.

Wait, I don't understand... Perhaps it's just been too long since I've read this wonderful story, but why are Camille and Xavier upset at the comment about Astrid being the most important? Or do they just want their due credit? Hmm...

The mountain elf is a really neat idea... and also horrifying. Even moreso that it may be applied to our protagonists, if they fail to comply. And no, I don't like Goldberg...but he's a politician, so of course I don't :P

Ohhh so you do explain Jean's lie. What an interesting twist! Camille's right, though; if he plays her up to the Minister, and then she can't perform as expected, he's putting Astrid in danger as well. Especially now that she appears to be having second thoughts... Gah!

Another job very, very, very well done! Sorry it's taken me so long to read it, but I'm glad I finally had the time ♥

Author's Response: Sarah &hearts

This review has me squeeing all over the place, so I'll try to answer like a civilised being instead of like a yapping puppy.

This makes me sound like an absolute monster, but toying with emotions is one of my objectives with this story -- I don't think I could ever factually speak of WW2. So I'm sort of flattered that you found this horrific...

Yes, Johanna. This was inspired from a TV show I watch with my mom and my brother, and watching it on screen was absolutely gut-wrenching. It wasn't explicit, but it was more graphic than this, and I really wanted to get the character's pain right here.

Oh, psh. *blushes* I've been trying to work on imagery ever since you commented on it in Frozen Waters, so thank you!

Camille and Xavier just don't appreciate the way Jean puts Astrid on the front of the stage when they're all going through the same things. Especially when Jean has ulterior motives...

I won't confirm anything about Goldberg yet, but he's very important to the story. Sometimes I love him, sometimes I don't. (And I also completely second your final statement about him.)


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Review #17, by my_voice_risingLogarithmic: (1)

17th April 2013:
Oh my gosh. Best. Introduction. Ever. Her brother asking how long they had before she couldn't be returned... So funny! And quite realistic. Their family sounds so delighfully quirky, congratulating her for showing signs of magic by buying her a Kneazle. After she made a girl's dress disappear! Brilliant.

I wonder if this is a typo? ...and a little on Heloise's too, whom Vincent had convinced that her letter would never arrive. :3

Oh wow, those jokes about her face are so mean! But very clever... Did you come up with them? I feel like they're something that Draco, Crabbe and Goyle would say as well. The jerks.

I'm excited to read on! Can't wait to meet the other characters. I wonder if you'll continue using this narrative voice, I quite like it. Adds a fairy-tale quality to the story.

Nice work, as always ♥

Author's Response: YOU. HAVE SOME HEARTS: &hearts &hearts &hearts

Her brother's comment, sadly enough, is one that my brother made when my sister was born, except that he added 'Another girl? But why?!'

Yep, definitely a typo, which I've edited now!

I had a little too much fun coming up with the jokes, I'm ashamed to admit. Draco, Crabbe and Goyle would probably say something like that, yes.

The next chapter is seen through Cormac's eyes, so I hope you'll like him! I'm going to try and stick to this narrative voice, yes -- it's really fun (for now, at least).

You're the best.

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Review #18, by my_voice_risingThe Calendar Girls: Owling

25th March 2013:
HELLOOO! I have just ingested a whole lot o' espresso and I am finally here with the lengthy review that you deserve!!!

First of all, YES. You already dispelled the twin-core possibility with Louis and Autumn's wands. I'm glad that you didn't do that--obviously that's been used in this series before ;D But now I'm even more interested to know what's going on! It would have been cool to hear some more of their interaction with Flitwick. I know you don't want to give anything away, but even if they had the twin-core conversation in his office... I love the Hogwarts that you've created in this story, and it would be fun to read more of it with the new Headmaster!

(One teensy thing... if it's late at night, how did they see all the way out into the lake and recognize Summer in the dark?)

BUT I LOVE THAT SHE IS SWIMMING. Most importantly, I love that they're in the Black Lake. What a daredevil she is! The mentioning of Louis's fancy aftershave was a nice touch. He is the son of Fleur, after all. I feel like I always say this, but I want more of each scene! They're so fun to read, but it's like just as we're getting into it, the scene ends. It was really great that Autumn made such a scheme up to pay back her own sister, and that Summer fell into her trap. But I just felt like they were all kind of like "hey! alright bye!" A lot of this story has been Summer and Louis character development, which is done so well (I will gush about this in the next paragraph) but I would like just a teensy bit more of Summer in that scene! :3

As mentioned, I really like Louis and Autumn's friendship. Clearly there's something more there, but it's very believable that they'd get on. They're totally relaxed around one another, like they don't have to make any effort. Their friendship comes easily. All of the back stories, like falling into the pond and pelting each other with apples, are a really nice touch.

Ahhh! The letter from home was so great. Their family is so realistic and believable. And how wonderful that they will have a bigger flat now! Two per bedroom is still more than a lot of people have to worry about, but I'm sure at this point they're just excited to have the space!

I love all of these little WWW inventions you've created. Especially the twin notebooks... I would be so mortified if that happened to me! Luckily it sounds like Autumn escaped revealing too much about herself ;3

Hmm, would you possibly consider breaking this up into two chapters? So much has happened in one chapter (twin wands, Summer's midnight swim, the dance between Louis and Autumn, elaborately planning the surprise birthday, and then the actual birthday...) I just would love some more detail! Descriptions of place, weather, other lovely things that you do so well.

Plus since so much has happened, it's a good idea to kind of remind readers of things. Reviewing what we already know, but may have forgotten, really helps. What if Autumn spent some time wondering about her and Louis's wand? It's such a strange phenomenon, but I feel like she totally forgot about it. What happens when they're in class, or when she used the Lumos spell later in the chapter? Do the wands only react when near each other? It's just such an interesting plot point, I think it could really do with some explanation :D

Also, what were her sisters' reactions to Yuna? There are a lot of characters in this story, and it helps to make it so great. But I've already forgotten basic information about their distant family members. You could easily reminds us by having the sisters talk to one another about the letter, or having Autumn write back.

Like I said, this story is really fun to read because it's fast-paced. But this chapter has so much information that it'd be good to take a step back :D

OOoooh, the excitement of rising very early to do something fun! It reminds me of when I was younger before school trips or something, and that feeling of not wanting to leave your bed and the excitement of knowing that something fun was about to happen. The line "we all seemed to carry pieces of each other" is really beautiful! I know it's just in passing, but it's even better that it was written that way. Bringing any more attention to it would detract from the lighthearted mood of the scene. I think that it's very well done!

(I am sorry to be so adamant about this, but...) If you broke this up into two chapters, we would get to read about them sneaking out to the boat house. I don't think we've ever seen that place in canon, so it'd be very exciting to read! Not to mention the thrill of them hiding from patrolling Prefects and the like.

I like how the chapter title comes back to play in the end. This story is so fun and so cute! I'm glad you updated! Please don't think that my suggestions to break it up are for any reason other than I want to read as much about these characters as possible. xD Can't wait for the next.


Author's Response: SARAH I LOVE YOU.

Yes, I should have developped that. *wears hat of shame* The interaction between the wands is something I'm going to stay very quiet about though, and seeing as this is the first introduction to this idea I want the readers as clueless as the characters.

I've edited the bit about Summer now, as you know. Yes, daredevil is appropriate! Autumn would disagree and say stupid though... I'm actually having a lot of fun writing the twins' scenes -- it allows me to inject my crazy side in Summer and my sensible side (huh) in Autumn... And then I wonder why I feel bipolar!

Yeah, Louis is very much Fleur's son -- and she does appear later on, so we get to see some of that.

Something more? Whatever are you on about?! (Autumn is 100% clueless on this one, poor girl).

I love writing the family so much it shouldn't be allowed, and I'm so happy you think they're realistic! I really wanted to stay away from the used-and-reused theme of tense parent/child relationships, so people telling me I'm managing makes my day!

It's funny that you mention the WWW inventions because those are generally spur of the moment ideas that will most likely not reappear. The notebook scene was huge fun though -- Autumn was lucky indeed!

OKAY SO. Thanks to this wonderful review, I've cut this chapter in two, and expanded some scenes, so I will not develop your last points just in case somebody reads this and gets spoilers.


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Review #19, by my_voice_risingDown Comes The Night: Chapter Three

20th March 2013:
I'm sorry that I can't leave as detailed a review as I usually do, but my brain is mush. I will try my best though!

Ooh, I wonder if the room is cursed to display the person's worst fear? Kind of like a boggart? I wonder what the fire has to do with Salazar, and his past.

I think the thing I like most about your story is your characterization. You seem to know your characters inside and out, particularly Helga, Rowena and Elaine. I was really impressed by how much I felt like I knew Elaine after only a few paragraphs. She seems very much the quintessential wife-on-the-outside; she doesn't know the others and feels out of place. But she's so much deeper than that.

And I wonder why Rowena's expression changed when she saw Godric with his family. Is there some interest there? I really enjoyed getting a better glimpse into her character. Is it canon that she was the one to design Hogwarts? Either way, it was a nice touch. It makes me really happy, for some reason, that the swinging staircases have always been there. I really like getting to read all of the wonderful things about Hogwarts!

Again, I'm so sorry about this review xD I promise to leave a better one next go-around. Thanks for requesting!

Author's Response: Hey Sarah, thanks so much! Don't worry about it, I appreciate any feedback you have time to give me.

You're on the right track about the secret of the room. All will be revealed soon :) And I'm so glad you are enjoying the characters! I actually really do feel like I know them well, and I love hearing that it comes across. Elaine is one that I hope to bring out more as I continue to write this; I think she's got an interesting point of view that wouldn't normally be seen at Hogwarts.

Rowena's layers do get peeled back somewhat as the story goes on, so I hope you continue to enjoy getting to know her. I've really loved writing her friendship with Helga in this :) I'm not sure if Rowena's designing the school is canon or not (there aren't a whole lot of canon details out there), but for some reason I like the idea of her doing it. I'm happy you're enjoying the glimpses of Hogwarts in its very first years. They've been so much fun to write!

Thanks again for this review! I love hearing from you, and I'll definitely be re-requesting as soon as I can!


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Review #20, by my_voice_risingThe Joker and Her: The Hermit, Part 1

20th March 2013:
I am back!!!

I like the idea of the Dementors having a stronger affect on Brienne because she was happier than she once was. I wonder why they continue to target her, though, from a crowd of students? Or maybe everyone is experiencing their own painful memories, but hers are so fresh that she's the only one who passes out. I'd be interested to hear what happened to Paisley during the match. As she and Brienne were so close, there's no doubt she would have been affected too.

I'm glad to see that Brienne is finally opening up about her mother. She's been carrying a serious weight around with her. Hopefully her constant ache will start to get better. The fact that she said the word "killed" aloud was a huge milestone for her, I think.

Also, something I just thought of. Since she primarily grew up in France, wouldn't she say things like Maman instead of Mum? And other little phrases that are typically British? I think there are good reasons why she wouldn't, too, but it would help develop her character if we actually saw evidence of the accent other than reading in passing that some Hogwarts students noticed it. :)

Aww, the hand-pat with Angelina and Brienne was so sweet. It's good that she has somebody to talk to now. George definitely tried, bless him! But it's always difficult to open up like that to a boy you barely know.

I know this is really random, but I love that one of the patronuses (patroni?) is a crab. I feel like people always try to pick really majestic or beautiful animals--the crab is so cool! xD

You are very good at building suspense! From the fact that George/Brienne hasn't happened yet (umm is Georgienne the PRETTIEST SHIP NAME EVER), to the buildup of performing a corporeal patronus, to learning about her mother's death... brilliant! You don't give anything away up front, and develop the storyline well!

The Ben/Brianna/Brienne confusion was funny. A nice bit of humour to give more punch to the overarching morose feeling. The bit about the castle being enchanted so the rain didn't disturb lessons is brilliant, too. I can totally see that being in canon!

GAH McGonagall. I can't decide if what she said is totally in character or a bit out of character. I think I just love her so much that I want to deny that she would be as blunt as she is. Then again... I am in denial. Regardless, I liked the exchange between she and Brienne. It felt very realistic in terms of a school counselor and grieving student.

AND GEORGE GOT DISTRACTED WHEN SHE WALKED IN. STOP IT STOP IT they're so subtlely adorable. I love it.

Another great chapter :3

Author's Response: Hi! Yeah, everyone was affected by the Dementors. I don't want it to seem like Brienne is just extra special to them xD Paisley was shaken but I think more worried about her little sister.

Brienne was brought up learning two languages, so I guess after a few months of speaking solely English and hearing no French around her, Britishisms come more naturally to her. I have a French friend who backs this up, though I do agree that maybe it should be made more clear :)

I am literally obsessed with figuring out the perfect Patronus for Brienne. I don't want it to be a completely perdy animal, like you said.

Aww, thanks about the suspense thing!

It's sooo difficult to write McGonagall! xD I'll try and make her less blunt.

Thank you very much for your review! :D

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Review #21, by my_voice_risingPuddlemere United: Chapter 4.

18th March 2013:
YAY AN UPDATE! Thanks for requesting a review. I've been so busy lately, there's no telling how long it would have taken me to notice a new chapter!

Ah Pippa, I love her so much. He knew she'd be late, so he told her that practise was an hour earlier than it was. To funny! Also, I dunno if you noticed, but I totally nominated Pippa for "Best Original Character (Female)" for the Keckers ;D

Gaaahahaha. No lights. Oh my gosh, between that, the splinter death-trap, and the way they've clearly never seen a blackboard, this just gets better and better.

Oh my god, I'm actually laughing out loud. "Elbow him in the face." "No." "Punch him in the face."

Ahhh, a twist ending. Wow, for somebody who didn't know where their own chapter was going, you wrote this so well! It may be my favorite chapter yet, actually. Ritchie is just so likeable. He's kind of like Mundungus Fletcher, in a way, but he's just a pleasant guy so it's hard not to like him.

Well done! Can't wait for chapter five!

Author's Response: Yaay! A review! You have no idea how much I love your reviews!

Yes, Oliver may be new, but he is well up on the way Pippa functions :P

And don't worry, I noticed. I'm just going to be all cool and casual about it.


Ahem. . . like I said, cool and casual.

You also may have noticed that I nominated Seamus for 'Best Minor Character' and Edie for 'Best Original Female', how could I not?

Yes, they really don't have a clue do they. And I love that splinter death-trap, it just works so well with the on-going theme of 'abandoned-but-not stadium'

Pippa really needs to work on her seeker techniques, because I don't think shes going to get away with punching and elbowing people in the face for much longer. . .hee hee. . .mysterious. . . .

Yes, a twist at the end! I feel so bad for writing Harry as the bad guy, it goes against everything I believe in! But it had to be done, I keep telling myself that.

I love Ritchie, I really do! He tries so hard. . .


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Review #22, by my_voice_risingThe Joker and Her: The Storm

18th March 2013:
Hello! I hope it's alright to leave my review where I last left off. Clearly I got quite addicted to this story and just kept reading--no time to stop and type words! :P

I like how the twins and Brienne have kind of become their own Trio. I also want to add, though it's late in the game, that I applaud you for actually developing the romance between George and your OC. Eight chapters in and there's still no kissing scene yet. We are actually given a realistic depiction of two people going from strangers, to friends, to love interests. Nice work! :)

I also love that this story brings back so many lovely, nostalgic things that happened in PoA without following the plot word-for-word. Sir Cadogan was somebody who I'd almost forgotten about, but his scene in this chapter made me fall in love with HP all over again. It's the little things like this, and Brienne's reaction to Divination, that make the story mesh so perfectly with canon.

My only critique (and I've noticed this throughout all the chapters) is that Brienne seems oddly subservient to the twins. Clearly George has feelings for her, and they like being around her, but it seems like they're mostly just using her for homework? Especially Fred. Or maybe this is your intention?

I also can't help but feel that we know so little about her. She's had a traumatic past, and that haunts her every day. She was a Beauxbatons student until recently and feels a bit alienated at her new school. She's pensive, quiet and accommodating. She's level-headed and a hard worker. But I don't know exactly what makes Brienne, well, Brienne. I can't really explain it, other than that her past and her life is such a mystery--because it needs to be for the story--that it's almost too mysterious. I really want to know this girl inside and out, because I quite like her so far. But I just don't feel like I know her. Also I just keep picturing Taylor Swift in a Hogwarts uniform, and it's totally throwing me off, haha! :P

Gah! George got upset that Brienne found Cedric cute. (I mean, can he really blame her?) I loved that subtlety there; you mentioned his head snapping up in distress and then nothing more. I know I've already said it, but the subtlety and slow build-up with their romance is so well done.

Is their being tired on November 6th intentional? Wonder if they were up all night celebrating and burning effegies, hehe. Do Wizards celebrate Guy Fawkes Day, as the Muggles do? Interesting to think about!

Your description of the rainy day, with the scent of pine trees and mud, is so wonderful. It really puts us in the moment. The memory of Madame Maxime telling Brienne about her mother is touching. Your descriptions of Beauxbatons, from the kitten-heels to the courtseying to the ballroom, is so well thought out, too.

I'm glad I finally got to leave a review for this story! Sorry if my thoughts on Brienne seemed harsh. Con-crit for OCs is one of my favorite things, but Brienne is one of the better OCs I've seen on the site. I'll definitely be reading on!

Author's Response: Hey! I've been looking forward to hearing from you!
Honestly, don't worry about what you said about Brienne; I want people to think of her when they think of this story, so any constructive comments about her would really help.

You certainly figure out more about her as the story goes on, and I guess because The Goblet of Fire is so Beauxbatons-heavy I've been withholding that information here in favour of later, if that makes sense. BUT I completely see your point and will see if I can smooth in some backstory here and there :)

A realistic romance is what I really wanted to do- when you first meet someone you don't just fall in love and start making out a few weeks later, it takes time, especially after a bereavement such as Brienne's. So thank you for that :) Also important to me was keeping it canon.

Thank you for everything you said, all of it is really helpful and complimentary and it makes my day shiny and sunny, so thank you :)

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Review #23, by my_voice_risingAnd Love Prevails: The Tale of the Three Brothers

18th March 2013:
Hello! So sorry for my late review, but I'm finally here with your request. I've heard a lot of good things about your stories, and I'm excited to begin!

First paragraph in and I'm already hooked. It's so unique; we rarely read about this period in history on HPFF unless it's a founders story. (I have no idea when Hogwarts was actually founded... but I'm guessing somewhere along here.) Your language really suits the time period! One thing I've noticed is that your sentences could be shortened. I'm guilty of run-on sentences too, but it's much easier for the reader to understand if the sentences are shorter!

Another thing I'm noticing is that they sigh a lot xD It's very easy to write, as it conveys a certain kind of emotion so simply. But imagine if you were actually listening to somebody who sighed three or four times in as many minutes. It'd sound a bit stange, yeah?

You've really developed your characters quite well! From what I can recall, we know very little about the three brothers other than what was written in the fairy-tale, but you've already given us so much information about their history and the way they treat one another within the first few paragraphs. Nicely done!

A lot of what I'm noticing is some shortening that could be done. Shorter sentences have more impact, in my opinion ;3 For example, when dialogue is clearly being said by a specific person you could leave it with just the dialogue. "We survived, did we not?" was clearly said by Cadmus, and the punchiness of not including a "convinced Cadmus" adds humor to his line, and the light-hearted scene in general. Or "Well done, Cadmus," is clearly a compliment--you could just move that line up into the previous paragraph and we'd know who's talking. Another example is "Cadmus set off in the lead, and the three brothers galloped forward. Their horses picked up speed," which is a bit redundant. If the horses are already galloping forward, then we can assume they've picked up speed :3

Just some places like that around the chapter that could use some tidying up. You're a really good story-teller! It's just important that the first chapter can get "to the point" enough to draw a reader in, without skimping on the detail. I think by trimming the excess phrases, you could totally achieve this!

I like how Victoire seems to have gotten her mother's personality, while Dominique seems more like her father. The transition between scenes was also nice. It went from a very somber, kind of suspenseful moment with Death to the trifles of wedding napkins.

Gah! I love reading about older-Harry, and I think you've got him spot on. Going from loving uncle to serious boss in a matter of nanoseconds is perfect. I also really liked that Dominique is an outsider to her cousins. (Another good spot to do some weeding is in that paragraph; where you say "her cousins" quite a bit when "them/they" would suffice.) Usually we read about the Potter-Weasley clan as this big, hyperactive group of troublemakers. I like this take, it's quite refreshing. I feel like she and Harry could relate and maybe have a special bond, both feeling estranged from their families--whether Lily/James or the Dursleys--in different ways.

I think her personality also lends itself well to the idea of invisibility. She's often viewed just as that to her cousins, and even to Victoire, it seems. You've set up some really nice parallels between she and Ignotus. I'm a sucker for crack-ships anyway, but this is nicely done!

Gah! She already ruined the cloak! Oh no. I like this twist. It makes us ask questions and want to know what could happen to her.

My only serious critiques have been mentioned. I think if you found a beta-reader who's good at shortening sentences, it would really help you out! We just need to be able to see the "meat" of the story, if you know what I mean.

All in all, brilliant start! Feel free to re-request in the future.

Author's Response: Oh my goodness!! Wow, thank you so much for you incredible review!!

I can't tell you how thrilled I was to see this with all of your input. It really was so beneficial to me. You gave me a lot of input that I hadn't heard before, so I really appreciate it. As for the lengthy sentences, I'll to work on that. :)

Really thank you SO much for your input and I'm glad you seemed to have enjoyed the story a fair amount.

Again, thanks so much! I'll be taking all your words to heart and hopefully I can come request another review from you sometime soon!

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Review #24, by my_voice_risingThe Calendar Girls: Walking

11th March 2013:
Oh my garsh. A new chapter of Calendar Girls!

(Also, crap, I just saw your A/N before I even began the story and now I know about Ferpius (yes Ferpius.) Damn my wandering eyes.

Anyway! It was fun and unique that Autumn and Louis went to WWW. A lot of Hogsmeade trip FF scenes read the way that they must have felt to be on them. A nice break from the castle, but we've already been to Honeydukes and Three Broomsticks a hundred times. This was a refreshing take! The ending scenes where they raced one another to the castle, and the rose he conjured, were very cute too. I'm shipping Autumn/Louis pretty hard... hrrmmm... Lotumn? That's a hard one.

Slughorn! I keep forgetting that Wizards generally live longer... which is strange. But I love that you addressed that right away by asking "Shouldn't you be dead?" hehe.

The only critique I have is that you say the Ravenclaw parties are a small get-together, but when she comes downstairs there's flashing lights and people dancing and music. These two ideas seem to conflict a bit--was this an unusually busy party? Otherwise I'd imagine it to be quiet chit-chat with a few drinks, as you hinted at before :3 Also I don't think the dress description for the party was too long, but maybe her outfit for the date? I like the "aww man I like dressing like a tomboy but fine, I will wear this backless dress" bit. But it's a bit repetitive twice in one chapter.

I'm really curious to see what's going on with their wands though! And I haven't forgotten that photograph found in the first chapter... and Fern's (Fern's, right?) gambling problem.

Can't wait for another update!

Author's Response: FERPIUS, YES! That's much better than Scern, and almost as awesome as Ediver.

I'm so happy you thought the date was okay, because when I sat down to write it, I had no idea what to do about it. So, WWW. As for the ship name, Loutumn has been suggested, if ever...

Okay. Bear with me if I launch into a detailed explanation about my party-lacking knowledge.
Basically, I figured that it was possible to have House-only parties, without the alcohol, but with people acting just as stupid. No? I need to edit, in any case, so I'll add that to my list of things to modify. The same explanation goes for the dresses: the contents of my cupboard consist mainly of jeans and tshirts, so I had some trouble coming up with the description of something different. I'll change that too!

Nope, Summer's the gambler, but other than that, don't worry, I haven't forgotten about the photograph either.

Chapter 5 should be up reasonably soon, I think. Thanks again for your wonderful feedback :)

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Review #25, by my_voice_risingWillows and Wood.: Talk that talk

11th March 2013:

Okay. Wow. I loved meeting Oliver's family, mostly because of Katie. It was really creative and horrible that she fell of her broom, but a very unique twist. I don't think I've ever heard of/read anything on HPFF that dealt with a handicapped person. Especially a canon character. It seems to be a very under-used, misrepresented part of life. So that was very brilliant! I also liked that she and Oliver were cousins, as you usually see them as love interests.

Oh man, Anna just really put it all out there didn't she? How embarrassing for Oliver. But I do like that Kiwi was the one to propose.

Another lovely chapter! Off to read the other update now!

Author's Response: You know, this story almost was aKatie/Oliver originally, and I won't bore you with the thought process that made them cousins instead. In fact, I have no idea how it happened. Anyway. I'm glad you liked her!

Haha, Anna is just the epitome of the irritating little sister -- the more Oliver is embarrassed, the happier she feels.

Thank you for another of your wonderful reviews! I'm going to go and respond to the other one now.

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