Reading Reviews From Member: jillybeans
35 Reviews Found

Review #1, by jillybeansReally?!: Owls, Diagon Alley, And A Very Hurt Girl

16th June 2014:
It's a good start!

(you asked for this gross long review so enjoy it)
the first thing i would say is to watch your mechanics (like punctuation, formatting, etc) always, and
my second piece of advice would be to add more description! it seems like Rose it just rushing from place to place, like breakfast-gringotts-wand-wand-wand-done. it's kind of like she's trying to get the whole day out in one breath. So, give your girl some time to breathe! describe diagon alley- how she feels now that it's finally her chance to go to hogwarts.
What role do her sisters play in her prep process? is there some sort of inferiority complex going on? that would be interesting-- to see how she's going to show that she's different from her older sisters.
also- why is she so hurt that her wand is a dud? go more into that. (hint- this could play into an inferiority complex)
one last thing- at the very beginning, watch your rambling. although this is a first person narrative and your narrator is eleven, tangents and rambles all over the place really detract from the meat of the plot, and may even (gasp) reflect negatively on your expertise as a writer.

i really hope this review was helpful and as constructively critical as possible. keep writing!


Author's Response: Jilly-
Thank you do much for the review! To match your'grossly long review' I've got one for you. Yeah, I see what you mean with my conventions, now I'm rereading my stories before I put it in the queue. Writing humorous is out of my comfort zone, so I'm trying to make it humorous, so some aspects might not coincide with the rest of the story. The next chapters should have more description, I always find it hard to write the first paragraph, or chapter in this case, for anything. You need to set the scene, grab the readers attention, everything. For now Rose likes her sisters, mostly. Yes, the wand will play a key part. Remember, Ollivander mumbled something incomprehensible. Okay, I'll stop the rambling, the chapters go into detailed memory, so there will be less interruptions from current Rose, the narration kind of switches around, though it'll stay in first person. Does that make sense? I'm sorry if I'm not explaining it well, second chapter's already in queue, so should come out soon. I hope. Please keep reading, your review really meant a lot to me.

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Review #2, by jillybeansTo New Adventures: To New Adventures

16th June 2014:
I agree with your previous reviewer in that this piece does seem to be cut short, though i totally understand this in the context of an english project. I would recommend that (if youre up for it), you take this one-shot and turn it into the first chapter of some big, albus and rose- centric adventure of a fic.
also (random question) who was the boy sharing their compartment? you could expand on that too, maybe give him a couple of lines?
happy writing!

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! While thinking about expanding it, I though that the boy in the compartment could turn into Al's best friend, just like how James, Serius, and co. met on the Hogwarts express.

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Review #3, by jillybeansFinders Keepers: The Unexpected Promotion

19th February 2014:
Ye this is quite the good one!
Sophie is believably awkward- not too over the top like some OCs to the point of extreme annoyance-- and so it's incredibly easy to relate to her. And I like your writing style too (maybe that bc it reminds me of mine...)-- its not stuffed with tangents or annoying runaway trains of thought like some stories. Also, I think it's interesting that you chose for her "Harry-era" parent to be McLaggen- most people, when they choose a jerky parent character, tend to make that character's kids have the same jerky traits- but this is definitely not the case here! I also like that she has an annoying younger brother- most OCs are an only child with a dark past, or if they have a sibling, they're older or a twin. So yes, good things. (and...also... ha idk transition words)
I can't wait to see where this is headed!

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Review #4, by jillybeansGet in Line: Drunk and Disorderly

17th February 2014:
Literally the only reason I come onto hpff anymore is to sporadically update my own story and check to see if yours has anything new, so when I saw that this chapter was up,I practically peed myself with excitement. This fic is one of my favorite things (mostly bc I absolutely love your James, though I'd really like to see a side to him that isn't arrogant or drunk...or maybe that is all the sides...)
BUT THE ENDING MAN, THE ENDING. I died a little (a lot) inside. WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN!!!???!!
Perfection. All of it. 10/10

Author's Response: Ahh why thank you! This review practically made my day. Is it bad that I love my James too? Like I think I'm attracted to him and it's embarrassing... Anyway, thanks for reviewing! You're awesome!! Xx

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Review #5, by jillybeansNo Good: Deviation

8th October 2013:
Ahh yes! I like this one a lot!
uhm words, words. ok.
commencing bulleted list!
I like sydney! She's a main character that isn't overly silly, dorky or confident. I like her reclusive deviousness and her interesting backstory-- most people wouldn't dare to tackle a main character with a murderer for a father- I know I wouldn't!
Ohhh the ever lovable and horribly obnoxious marauders. I've been without a good story featuring them ever since i finished this great one a few months ago, but today might be my lucky day :)
So yes! You got me! I'm hooked in and ready to read on! Keep the chapters coming!
xox Jillybeans

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love hearing my readers thoughts and opinions. Ahh we'll all will be revealed about her father soon enough!! Next chapter is still under construction, it's gonna be a long one!

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Review #6, by jillybeansFinally Mine: Finally Mine

8th October 2013:
what a lovely one shot! the ending was adorbs x10! keep up the good work!
ps- thanks for the review of ootb!! :)

Author's Response: Hey there!! No probs I like reviewing good stories! Aww thanks, it's great that you find this one-shot lovely. I'm thinking about posting another one so I hope that you'll like it if ever you read it!
Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)

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Review #7, by jillybeansGet in Line: Death To Cats Everywhere

22nd September 2013:
AHHH YES i'm very very excited for my sugar honey iced tea! I ordered it to happen four chapters ago! where is that lousy waiter? haha this story is actually the only thing i care about reading on this site anymore (besides my own of course!). i come here to solely see if this has been updated. if it's not i leave.
Why? But Jilly, you dislike characters that partake in illegal/frowned upon activities like most of the characters in this fic. You and moseley are as dissimilar as pot-AY-toes and pot-AH-toes. so not alike in the slightest. you would never do what she does. they're all crazy as devil cats.
But that's what I love about this fic. It's something I'd never be able to write myself bc i could never even think of what to do in these situations, much less put it in first person. but somehow i find moseley (my absolute polar opposite) to be really easy to relate to, and it's effortless for me to step into her sh0es and see things from her perspective.
i think that it's so cool that you are able to immerse your reader into your narrator like this, and i'm uber goober jealous. you have got yourself a talent, man.
(plus i really really really like your james. favorite. and the plot. and all the things.)
(oh and cyrus? i would never be friends with him or any of these devil cats irl, but i like him here in the story. he is going to cause some problems, i can feel it.)
i CAN'T WAIT to come here and find a new chapter of crazy iced tea waiting for me!!! write swiftly, brave knight!

Author's Response: I'm completely different from Jordan as well but oddly similar in a weird way. I don't have the amount of balls she has and I wish I had her ability to not care about what people think of her. I wish I could just be her to be honest. I love writing her so much cause she's so weirdly fearless but like a really big coward in a weird way. I don't know I just love her. I'm so happy that you think she's easy to relate to because even though I am different from her I do feel like I always know what she's going through. Like I know I'm the one writing her but still. I'm sorry I'm not making any sense I'm kind of rambling. As a teenager btw, I know that illegal/frowned upon activities are very common and realistic which is why I put it in. Plus it's fun to write. I love my James too. Like even though he can be kind of a jerk, he's still perfect and I just love him. And I adore Cryus so I'm glad you like him.

I'll try and get done with the next chapter as soon as possible for you guys. Thank you times like a million for your lovely review. It meant a lot xx

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Review #8, by jillybeansGet in Line: Let The Games Begin

31st July 2013:
oooh i like this. i've never really read a fanfic with all slytherin main characters, so it should be interesting! you're style is very casual, funny, and sounds 100% teenaged vernacular-- just how i like it! yay! i'm especially fond of your description of james potter- it was gorgeous word choice and sentence structure and it makes his entire existence as a character scream sex appeal *swon* (cue conflicts between lovely slytherin friends and siblings!) can't wait to keep reading! xox Jilly

Author's Response: I've never written a story with all Slytherin main characters either... Actually I've never written a story with any Slytherin characters unless they're like partially evil so this was definitely a change for me. It got me, in a way, to understand the Slytherin house a bit better though and I don't think I'd actually sob hysterically if I ever got sorted in that house now.

I tried to make the vernacular and characters as realistically teenagerish as possible. I've had a couple reviews saying they didn't like all the alcohol and drugs but that's what teenagers do.

Thanks so much for the review! It was one of my favorites that I've gotten so far!

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Review #9, by jillybeansMusic is Might: Tutoring?

26th May 2013:
but yeah that was a cute chapter.

Author's Response: Aww that made me laugh haha snd Maybe she did maybe she didn't... And you're probably right mwhahahaha I'll let you in on a secret the next chapter is in James' pov so. :-D thank you for reviewing (again) they always make me happy so thank you!!! The next chapter should be with you soon hopefully just doing the finishing touched to it!! :-)

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Review #10, by jillybeansMusic is Might: A Day in the Life of a Spy

22nd May 2013:
ohh you have no idea how glad i was that this was updated! i've been studying all day for my last and final exam, and boy did i need a break! I love the plot development, and this chapter in particular was great! i loved the plan and the whole scene in the dorm. Ally's mental commentary is fabulous! sometimes i can't express how much i love this story. it's perfect.
ps--watch your spelling/editing-- i noticed a few typos. (nothing major)

Author's Response: Oh my god hahah thank you! And I know the queue was like 0 hours at one point so I thought I'd take advantage of it! I didn't get chance to pre read these I was too excited about uploading them but I'll go back through and change them eventually haha I'm so glad you like the story and thank so you so much for reviewing!!!

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Review #11, by jillybeansPeanut Butter Geli Time: Flying and Falling

18th May 2013:
oh the drama!
so many plot twists and conflicts and random outbursts! excited to see where you take this!

Author's Response: Draaammaaa! :P
I think my favourite part of that was the random outburts XD Thanks for the review! x

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Review #12, by jillybeansMusic is Might: Tutoring at its Weakest

18th May 2013:
Aww James likes Ally

Author's Response: That obvious? Hahah

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Review #13, by jillybeansMusic is Might: Apologies of Sorts

16th May 2013:
i clapped like a deranged monkey upon seeing that this was updated!
What a lovely way to spend a study break. These exams are killer, man.
Loved it, as usual.
xoxo Jils (who is going to spend the remainder of her break from honors geometry to check out your new story... (: )

Author's Response: That makes me happy haha and the next chapter is awaiting validation too so you can clap like a deranged monkey again ahhah and you're right they are I have my last one today so after that I'll be a 100% committed to finishing this story hahah thank you for reviewing!! :-)

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Review #14, by jillybeansSix Degrees of Separation: Bloodflow

15th May 2013:
my gosh, Jane's got to stop fainting all the time!
Love this, btdubs

Author's Response: :D But fainting is so fun ;)

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Review #15, by jillybeansSix Degrees of Separation: The Gryffindor Four

15th May 2013:
You know those days when you really don't want to talk to anybody? Well Jane has one of those days everyday, and I love it. She's very different from other OCs who seem so loud, witty and confident, and it will be interesting to read a story from the perspective of a wallflower like her. Can't wait to keep reading!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your feedback! I'm glad you like the main character. I was a little worried since, like you said, most OCs are loud and boisterous, and I didn't want Jane to blend into the background too much as she is the main character and all ;) More to come very soon!

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Review #16, by jillybeansLast Moments: Last Moments

14th May 2013:
I've been run over by the truck of feels... again. I swear, every time i read a story about the last night i start sobbing. I love James and Lily so much and they were perfect and they had a perfect family and it was all lost and i just CAN'T sometimes, okay?
Beautiful. Heartbreaking and Beautiful.

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Review #17, by jillybeansMusic is Might: Behind the Masks

13th May 2013:
once again, love it. i just--- asdfghjkl can't really put into words what i love about this. i'll attempt with a list: (a failure of a list that is)
-Ally. sarcasm, social awkwardness, occasional insanity. just great. she exhibits the signature qualities of a Jilly.
-Phoenix= fire. ginger hair= fire. Phoenix is a firey, confident character (oh the symbolism.) (plus i can't spell phoenix. pheonix phoenix same thing)
-I used a tutoring plot bit in one of my ffs, so i'm eager to see if you're going to use it similarly to how i did...
- i wonder what's up with James and if he'll discover who Ally really is! (something tells me he will...)
-i love how they're keeping themselves completely anonymous and (oh my gosh when will the charade fall? what will ally do? ahhh suspense!) yeah.
- I haven't really elaborated on how much i love the whole band/music idea. it's like a high school band, hogwarts style, and it's just so different and perfect from any other ff or canon stuff. i can't believe that no one had adressed this idea before (that i've seen that is...) GENIUS. MORE PEOPLE NEED TO READ THIS!
-i love the band name- music is might, magic is might, hahaha play on words
-I'm excited to see how Dom will fare as the manager/ will she accept!?1 hmmm
- Only 1 problem-- for me, the three guys in the band are interchangeable characters who don't have their individuality defined just yet. that's not a huge deal or anything, but hopefully they'll develop more in the next few chapters!
keep on writing,

Author's Response: No that's absolutely fine! Honestly that review has made my day! I'm glad you're liking the story and don't worry if it wasn't for spell checker I wouldn't be able to spell Phoenix too haha. And I am trying to include the rest of the band as the story progresses it's just hard without going off on a complete tangent. You'll be happy to know the next chapter is written just waiting to upload it and thank you so much for reviewing!!!

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Review #18, by jillybeansMusic is Might: Performance of a Life Time

13th May 2013:
wow! i really like this!
what a creative idea! can't wait to see where you're headed with this. i love the double persona element-- reminds me of hannah montana (in a good way haha)
I love that Ally (Al?) is so nerdy and Phoenix is a freakin rockstar. total opposites. and the Phoenix after the Order? awesome. i could totally see that happening.
Love love love! Update soon :)

Author's Response: Aw I'm glad to hear it- I can't believe I never answered this review I feel awful, even though its late, thank you for reviewing aha x

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Review #19, by jillybeans12 Fail Safe Ways to Charm Witches: The Revised Edition: How to Snag the One that Gets Away

6th May 2013:
gosh, these two are perfect. this is one of my absolute favorite FFs. I think that the plot twist is interesting but it makes me sad that brad and taylor are getting separated from the rest! ah. maybe this is setting up some sort of epistlatory (i cant spell. or is this even a word?) sequel? i like those.

Author's Response: So glad that you like the story so much! So glad that you are good with the plot twist, but don't be too concerned about them being separated! There will be more!! Thanks for reviewing!! :)

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Review #20, by jillybeansThe Dating Game: The Winner of the Game

25th March 2013:
i saw the that this was updated in my favorites and i was SO EXCITED!!! this is one of my absolute favorites atm, and you ended it so PERFECTLY. it was exactly how i wanted it to be!!! i was so glad that june and remus got together, and i love that it was ruby who told him to go after, and not james/sirius, bc that really shows that he's moved on from her. plus june and remus makes so much sense its impossible for it to go any other way.
your remus is just how i picture him, and i loved reading a story from his POV. except now i'm all sad that canon remus ends up with tonks instead of june (even though i love ronks but still... ):)
wizard god yes! i would probably prefer a sequel since then you can just elaborate on the relationships and characters that you already have and that i already love. if i were writing a sequel to this i might write something centered on james/lily/dara (cliche as it would be) but yeah i'd do that because their conflict was left unresolved... (on purpose perhaps so you could write a sequel? hmmm)
just a random typo that i noticed-- in the para about sirius laughing in HoM, the word "figured" got all mangled and moved around.

Author's Response: Oh my goodness, thank you so much! I am honestly grinning from ear to ear right now, this review really made my day! I am fairly certain I'm going to be posting a sequel - I've already started writing one, so look out for that!

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Review #21, by jillybeansThe Dating Game: A Date with Ruby

13th March 2013:
oh my gerbils.
that chapter was so dramalicious i screamed with excitement! i'm so excited for the last chapter! this story is short and sweet and i really like it!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! This chapter was super fun to write!

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Review #22, by jillybeansThe Redhead: Albus: The Detention

28th February 2013:
THis chapter's good! Bree's finally not ignoring him! yay! i can't wait for more chapters!!

Author's Response: Thank you! :D Will update as soon as I finish the next chapter! Keep reviewing! :D

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Review #23, by jillybeansBehind Enemy Lines: Plans Into Action

26th February 2013:
i love the idea of the enchanted journal and the whole "you can fall in love with them if you strip off their public image" thing! this is definitely not cliched and its different from the (millions of) jily stories i've read so far! i can't wait to see how this plays out! great job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you don't think it's cliche, because I was a little worried that the whole "see the /real/ James" thing was. Thank you!!

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Review #24, by jillybeansMemoirs of a Nutter: Nutty Beginnings

10th February 2013:
bwahahaha i'm highly amused by this. so amused that i am laughing without making any noise (you know that weird kind of laughing? yeah, that one). i'm glad that jess isn't afraid of what other people think and does whatever nuttiness she wants. lovely story.

Author's Response: Mwhahaha. sorry. i wanted a cool laugh too.
i am very amused that you are amused by the amusing story. i am aquainted with such mentioned laugh, i always look like a frog when i attempt it though. :D Jess is quite fearless and im glad you like it :D thanks for reviewing m'dear.

till next time

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Review #25, by jillybeansDare: On the fourth dare of Hogwarts

5th February 2013:
i like it a lot! you definitely avoided the clichs (of which there are infinitely many) and i like the twist on the classic first-kiss-then-date story. keep up the good work!
(ps- this is your virtual [insert favorite baked good here] that you earned by r/r my story! thanks!!!)

Author's Response: Thank you, you are ever so nice :)
I shall gladly take your offerings in the form of a brownie!!

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