Reading Reviews From Member: maraudertimes
  
342 Reviews Found

Review #1, by maraudertimesComplicated: In Which Christmas is a Disaster

24th January 2016:
Hiya! Review swap!

Okay, so although this was tense and full of awkward family moments, holy was it good! I love the Wood family, even though I know this story isn't about them. Their dynamic is so great and it's obvious that Katy and Oliver really love each other.

I'm curious as to why Olivia is named Olivia. It's so close to Oliver that I wonder if perhaps there was a reason for it? But then again, it could just be that Pansy liked the name :P

I really don't like Pansy, and I never have. I really liked how you wrote her though, because you've kept her adoration for Malfoy intact, and you've kept her vain. The fact that she's so insecure about what her daughter looks like is a testament to how awful of a mother she is. I'm sorry for saying that, but you don't give your daughter diet books for Christmas.

Olivia's father is also somewhat of a disappointment - he doesn't even know what position she plays? I really feel bad for Olivia, having to grow up in that situation, although it doesn't seem as if she cares too much about her extended family, so maybe she makes do?

In any case, I really like Olivia and also I really love her dynamic with Jason. Them trying to relieve tension with Quidditch banter, all while it being also somewhat serious speaks to how they may not get along but they're also looking to keep the family dynamic from breaking apart.

Olivia herself is also a great character, albeit a bit ah... witchy. I mean she is a witch it makes sense, you know? But yes, I still really like her and you've really created a well-rounded character with her!

I'll review two more chapters but I'm going to do a bit of writing first - but don't worry I'll get to them ASAP! :)

Thanks for the review swap!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hi Lo,

Thanks for the lovely review. I'm really glad you liked Katie and Oliver. I'm enjoying them lots and have ended up putting them into my Lee Jordan story quite a bit because I wanted to write them more.

I think maybe Katie suggested to Andrew that he name his child Olivia, and he agreed without really thinking about the fact he was naming her after Oliver.

Pansy's terrible. More on that later :)

THank you for such a kind review! Emma xx


 Report Review

Review #2, by maraudertimesMonochromatic: Just Lying There

24th January 2016:
Agh what is happening???

Okay, this was really great. The first part explained a bit more about Cara and David's friendship and it was really nice to get that bit of background about them. Also, the background info on Cara was really cool, especially about breaking her wand. Of course, that just makes me ask myself even more questions because it's so confusing and I don't know what's happening, but then again, I guess your A.N. dealt with that. :P

The whole James waiting outside for her kind of has me hoping that in the middle of all this despair maybe they can find each other and find some comfort in each other. For some reason I think they would work well together.

The second part of this chapter was absolutely devastating. So the plague affects only those who have magic, although I'm still left with so many questions about it! But you did answer so many and of course, the whole quarantining Hogwarts seemed true to form and the sorting the kids based on their health also. The fact that she lost both her sister and her friend - that's so harsh.

The end of this was so sad and you've just created this really bleak world. It really is so monochromatic - so kudos for that kitting name!

This was really great and I'm glad we swapped - I'm so hooked! Thanks again!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #3, by maraudertimesMonochromatic: Just a Nightmare

24th January 2016:
OMG!!! Hi again for the review swap!

Okay, so this was really cool. I loved how the first part of the chapter was really centered around Cara and David's relationship. It's very cute and it's so sweet that she has a friend who'll bring her breakfast. When he picked up the photograph, it was so sad, especially when Cara mentioned that she had never told him about Kyla.

The facts you gave about the picture were amazing. You simultaneously gave background on Hogwarts and the Wizarding World, as well as showed a calculating and perceptive side of Cara that I really liked. It was so subtle too and I applaud you for it!

The second part of this chapter was really sad and really scary. The fact that the Hospital Wing no longer really takes care of the students is heartbreaking. When Kyla wouldn't wake up and Cara went to go find James, I was absolutely hooked and I was so scared along with them. Also, I love how you made Cara a bit out of shape - so relatable.

Now the ending has me wanting more because what are those scars on Cara's arms? Did she have a rough time when she was younger as well? AND WHAT IS THIS PLAGUE??? Darn, you're so good at this suspense thing, it's killing me.

Thanks so much for the swap, I'll be right back this is so good.
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by maraudertimesRise of the Phoenix: Tooth and Claw

24th January 2016:
Hi! I'm here for the review swap!

Okay so this story just keeps getting better with every chapter. Perhaps that has something to do with the fact that I'm a bit preferential to action scenes, although it could just be you becoming a bit closer to your character (something that plagues me too).

I liked how Greyback tried to play with her before killing her, especially when he mentioned that he was a bit dramatic because that's how he is - he's an overgrown childhood with a superiority complex. It's really great and ties in to the series marvelously.

I really like the fight scene as it's got so much action and also it's so dynamic. You don't leave anything to the imagination and you're very descriptive with what's happening, which really helps imagine the fight. The drinks from the bar were a really fun thing to add in, especially because I would probably do the same thing in that situation. It really brought some humanity to Aurora, showed how normal she really is, even if she's got immense power.

I liked the ending, it was really smart of Aurora to realize that the electricity might be able to be manipulated even without her wand, and the fact that she managed to beat Greyback because he underestimated her and overestimated his (small) victory was probably my favourite thing to happen in this story so far.

This was a great chapter and hopefully we can do more review swaps again!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Wow, cheers Lo. Awesome to hear it worked so well. I really liked the Quidditch story, I must say. Morgan's Minxes, what a name :)

Yeah, I am really glad the action and sense of creepiness worked. This is the chapter that got my rating bumped up to an M, so I am glad so far, no one has found it too gory.

I love writing fight scenes.

I am game for more review swaps, I really like your writing. One note though - some of the middle chapters are too "plot" based to a fault in my view. I need to edit them, so I apologise if they bore you to death in later review swaps :)

I also am glad the drinks thing added something to the tale too!

Aurora is unbelievably fun to write.

Cheers,
Nick


 Report Review

Review #5, by maraudertimesMonochromatic: Just the Coffee

24th January 2016:
Hello! Review swap! I might have to review all five if it continues like this! (also, my reviews might be a bit short only because the chapters are a bit short, I'm so sorry about that!)

Okay, so I really liked this first chapter, albeit it made me a bit sad. The whole eating disorder thing is not something I've personally dealt with but I know people who have dealt with it in the manner that James and Cara have. You've really managed to show their sorrow in such a short chapter and it's really powerful.

The fact that you've mentioned a plague and that Cara isn't using magic is really scary and a bit confusing, although I know I'm going to read on, as your author's note says, so I don't think that will be much of a problem. :P

This is a really cool concept and I've never read anything like it and I'm really enjoying it! Great job on the first chapter, I'll get to the second in a moment :)
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #6, by maraudertimesDesignated Mum Friend: 1.

24th January 2016:
Hi Claire, here for the swap!

I really liked this chapter, and I really like what you have as the premise of this story. It's really funny and I think anyone who's been drunk at least once before also has a Designated Mum Friend (heretofore referred to as DMF). It's a really great concept and it's also really cool that you've created this kind of post-hogwarts scene for the Next Generation - I've read so many where they're in school that this is refreshing.

Side bar - not that I don't like NextGen fics while they're going to Hogwarts, those are some of my favourites, but I just really liked how you went against the grain for this story. :)

Lyra is really a great friend. Goodness knows I could never be the DMF. I do not have the patience she does. I mean, I guess it is true that Lyra has patients though, she is a nurse (really bad pun I know). Although I did enjoy the banging of pans, ripping away of blankets, and throwing of shoes. You can still be the DMF and still be merciless in the waking of the friends. ;)

I love the idea of a hangover potion (I want the recipe if I'm going to be completely honest), especially because *of course* someone would have created that. It's so nice of Lyra to pour that out for her friends and make coffee. I'm a disaster in the morning I probably would've set out juice and raw eggs. :P

The fact that Lyra is very strict with her friends and making sure they get to their engagements on time is really sweet and totally to character as the DMF, although I do agree with Felicity - her friends are adults now, they need to take care of themselves. Although I would always love to see bagels at my friend's house if I stayed over there! :P

This was a really great story and I really liked it! You've created a great character in Lyra as the DMF and I'm excited to see how you continue with this story! Thanks for the swap, I'm so glad I did this!

Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #7, by maraudertimesSarah: [one]

21st January 2016:
:(

:( :( :( :(

Okay well this was super sad. I really liked it though, which is a bit strange. You know. Because it basically ripped my heart out.

I liked how even though this was centered around the abduction of a character no one knows about, it was still so involved with the plot of Harry Potter. I got a bit confused when Sirius mentioned that Peter was a rat for a reason, since I thought that James and Lily weren't supposed to have doubts about Peter, so immediately afterwards, those few sentences were really clarifying and also made me chuckle a bit (as much as I could given the sad circumstances).

It was a really smart move on your part to kind of slowly ease into the unease the Potters must have felt around their friends, specifically around Sirius, since it's obvious that Remus blames Sirius for the abduction of Sarah. I feel like he would still hold these feelings well after this night so I can see where Lily and James would get their suspicions about Sirius if Remus was constantly berating them about him.

That aspect was really cool because it gave a new depth to the series and gave me something to think on.

I think that Greyback took Sarah was one of the saddest parts of this story. He's caused so much grief in Remus's life and he has to inflict more pain? I really hate Greyback. And the pentagram and the bite marks just sound awful, it gives me shivers, it really does.

The ending was just heartbreaking, but I feel like if was anything but, the story wouldn't feel as complete as it does. I think your writing in this story is amazingly well done and you've really rounded out a plot point in the series that was kind of left to the imagination of the reader, and I really liked how you did that.

Thanks for the swap, I really liked this story!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #8, by maraudertimesLivewire: Jolt

21st January 2016:
Hi hi!

Aw this was amazing, Dean/Seamus is definitely one of my favourite ships! I love how you started this and how a lot of it shows the after effects of the war, especially in how whomever one of them this was was woken up by these nightmares, but that he was glad that the other at least was having a peaceful night.

For me I picture Seamus being the one who woke up, but I really like how it's a bit ambiguous (at least that's how I read it - I might be off because I just missed a tiny detail) because it really could go either way so it's a bit like two stories in one. That's a really neat thing to see - I don't think I ever have read anything like this. I love how you did this because I could read this four times over and not be bored because every other time it happens in a completely different way.

I don't really know what else to say other than this simultaneously broke my heart and made me so happy and my heart burst with happiness. I love how the story is both sad yet full of love and passion and I think you've blended the two seamlessly.

Thanks for the swap!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #9, by maraudertimesRise of the Phoenix: Into the Void

21st January 2016:
Werewolves and spells and muggles, oh my!

This was a really interesting chapter. I found it had a bit more action than the last one and I was a lot more interested in it. The italics have been sorted out, which made everything flow just that much better! The paragraph thing is still throwing me off a bit, but I love me some big juicy paragraphs so that's personal preference :P

I really liked the action in this chapter, and it's cool to see that your character created that spell, it seems very useful. It's a bit unfortunate that it doesn't wear off in the light, although that's probably to be expected. Although that ending was very scary.

Ugh, Fenrir Greyback is such a bad person but you wrote him really well. He scares me to be completely honest. Although the whole making a scene thing seems like something he might do. He's a bit full of himself. It added a bit of funniness to an otherwise scary situation.

Thanks for the swap!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hi Lo,

Cheers for the review.

I am glad I have had some really constructive feedback from you - on both chapters. Not everyone has to like my prose style or my penchant for unorthodox word choices (I did it again didn't I haha). I think at times I do it to a parodying level so I am open about that.

As for sentence stricture, it is also not a problem that you prefer bigger paragraphs and are less keen on looser sentences.

Personally I am just the other way round :)

I like that the you found the story entertaining in these parts from an action perspective. Also as perverse as it sounds, I am thrilled that Greyback was scary.

Basically, like any person on here I try and experiment. Chapter 1 was supposed to be like a drawn out horror/suspense story. Chapters 2 is more action. 3 is the creepiest thing I have ever written. Chapters 4-7 are slower and intentionally more meditative.

Though frankly, whether they work or not is another matter. :)

Yeah, I just read and really enjoyed one of your stories. Hope my review did it justice.

Thanks for the swap.

Best,

Nick


 Report Review

Review #10, by maraudertimesRoses are Red: Making Decisions

20th January 2016:
Hiya again!

This makes me so sad! Ugh just kiss and make up and be happy and married and have little ScoRose babies! Although I guess with the head injury and the memory loss, well that really can't be. I understand where Rose is coming from with the fact that she can't stand Scorpius, really, but I just want them to be in love and happy and kissy kissy be married. I guess that's the romantic in me.

I suppose what Hermione said is somewhat true. Someone who can get on your nerves so much you just want to strangle them at times can definitely be the person you love :P And although I do understand where Rose is coming from, not wanting to stay in a relationship with someone she doesn't care about, I agree with Hermione that Rose should at least give Scorpius a chance. They did get married for a reason after all.

I hope in later chapters, Scorpius tells her about their little trip with Albus, and hopefully Rose can fall in love with him again. Gosh, I'm a sucker for some good ScoRose :P

Thanks or this review swap, I really like your story, I think it's really well written!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hey :) I went ahead and reviewed your story, because I'm a rebel like that.

I know! If they did that then there wouldn't be a fic though :) But I love the idea of them together, so we'll see if they end up that way. I love tragic endings so not sure yet ;)

Hermione is so logical, and Rose's guiding light :) Everyone I love I know I want to strangle a lot of the time, so that's where that came from.

Thank you so much for the compliments :) Really glad you liked it!

-Maraudergeek


 Report Review

Review #11, by maraudertimesRoses are Red: Just a Bump on the Head

20th January 2016:
Hi! For the review swap, this caught my eye immediately! I'm going to review the second chapter as well since these are so small so my reviews might be as well :S

I really love this. Ugh I adore Quidditch stories (can you tell yet by the one I asked you to review:P). This is a really great premise. It reminds me of that movie The Vow or something, except that Rose obviously remembers Scorpius.

I think the thing I really like about this story is that Rose is so hot-headed. She gets injured? "When can I play Quidditch again." She can't remember the past three years of her life? "I play for THE CHUDLEY CANNONS TELL ME ABOUT THAT." She's got a husband she can't stand but only because she doesn't remember falling in love with him? Well her last line speaks to that. ;)

I love how this dynamic will play out, the whole love-hate relationship thing. I think the funny quips and the mocking will only the help the two rekindle any romance and I'm excited for the next chapter to see some Rose/Scorpius action!!!

Thanks for the swap, I really enjoyed this first chapter!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Aw thank you :) I'm glad you enjoyed it!

I LOVE Quidditch too! I just had to make her a Quidditch player! And Rose is very hot-headed!

Yay! Hope you enjoy the next chapter too :) I will definitely get to your story by tomorrow, it looks super interesting! Unfortunately, school calls and a 6 AM alarm :(

Maraudergeek


 Report Review

Review #12, by maraudertimesThe Fortunate Ones: Chapter 1

20th January 2016:
Ah this is so cute OMG!!! I love little Mary MacDonald with a crush on Lily!

I love how you incorporated the whole 'two of us were fortunate and one of us was lucky thing,' because I think it really speaks to the fact that Lily was so loved and the one she chose would be the luckiest. It was a very cute yet at the same time, very heartbreaking sentence. I love the premise of the story too. I can tell that Mary can see that Severus likes Lily a lot, and she obviously realizes that she does too.

I find that Mary sounds somewhat defeated when talking about Lily, which is exactly what I would expect. If she truly loves/loved (whatever) Lily, yet Lily was happy, I think that the healthy thing to do would be to feel defeated, not cheated. I guess that's why I like the fortunate/lucky thing. Mary isn't bitter with Lily for not loving her back in that way, she's just happy that Lily loved her back in any way.

The story was really cute and I liked how you detailed everything from the train carriage on. The fact that Mary and Lily are so similar just solidifies the fact that they're going to be fast friends (at least I hope so), and I really like that you've taken something another prominent Muggleborn did (Hermione with the reading of Hogwarts: a History) and showed that it's not uncommon for other Muggleborns to do (hey, I would do the same thing :P)

The sorting was really well explained, and I loved the little quips about the Marauders and how Mary doesn't like them already. I bet she'll warm up to them won't she? ;)

This was a really great first chapter and I love how you played around with the characters. It's so cute to see a character fall in love and you've explained everything so perfectly I feel as if I'm falling in love with Lily too!

Thank you so much for this review swap, I really like this story, it's absolutely adorable!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #13, by maraudertimesThe Defenders: Prologue

20th January 2016:
Hello! Thank you for the review swap!!! :)

Wow, this is really intense isn't it? Before I get started on one of my rambling reviews, I just wanted to point out at the start, you mention people outside are all in black so people who aren't going inside the church have insight onto what's going on and then you go on to say that everyone had on purple or green, which was confusing and I had to reread that part a few times. Might I suggest saying that those in purple and green were instead, say, peppered throughout the crowd? Or there was a large group in a corner? Other than that...

This was amazing. I loved how you start on a serious note and kind of ended on a more upbeat but still serious note.

It must be awful to be alone in the world, so I have no idea what Clara might be feeling. I do think it's odd that her grandfather never let her leave the house, especially that she was home schooled in magic as she doesn't seem to have any friends. I wonder as to why her grandfather was so insistent she stay away from the public.

I love how you introduced Professor Dixon and that he was smart enough to dress in black but with a purple tie. It subtly shows that he's extremely intelligent - something a Hogwarts professor should be. I also loved how you introduced the others. Mrs. Ollivander seems a bit fiesty and I quite like her :P

Ooh, Mr. Clayton seems like a handful. Although for some reason I'm getting a bit of Pride & Prejudice vibe. Kind of an Elizabeth and Darcy scenario. It'd be so cute if she got him to smile :P Honestly though, I liked how he added a bit of intrigue and also some conflict to the chapter as it gave it a bit more depth.

All in all, it was kind of short and lacking in content that I would normally like to see in a story - but it is a prologue so it totally makes sense. ;) I really liked this and I'm hoping to continue reading this - I'm very intrigued! You wrote this amazingly well!

Thank you so much for the review swap! Your story truly is off to a magnificent start!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hi Lo! You're welcome, I was super excited to read Making the Reserves!

Oh I didn't realise. I'll definitely go back and re-read it and change it. I get really into my writing so I don't always notice things like that but thank you! I'll check that out.

Thank you! I knew from the plot I couldn't start of happy, as such so a funeral seemed the perfect setting for the tone of the story and then at the end, I tried to capture the wonderment of Clara whilst still noting the seriousness of the plot so i'm glad you liked it!

It wasn't so much not letting her leave the house as it was not exploring the wizarding world on her own or visiting places like The Leaky Cauldron - Her grandfather knew of the rising tensions and was just worried, especially with her being home-schooled, that she would be too naive.

Yes, Professor Dixon is extremely smart and I kind of envisage him as an early Dumbledore-like figure, in his intelligence, manner, etc. And Theodora is my favourite character to write - I love her boldness!

The vibes are right, although this was initially based on Mr Thornton and Margaret Hale from North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell - that gave me the inspiration of the characters. but yes, the vibes are similar and i'm glad that comes across. Thank you!

I'm glad you enjoyed this and thank you so much for the swap Lo!

-Vicki


 Report Review

Review #14, by maraudertimesRisk It All: You'll Regret This

20th January 2016:
UGH WHY IS THIS SO GOOD I DIDNT KNOW I NEEDED THIS UNTIL I BEGAN TO READ IT UGH WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME???!?!!!?!?!

I totally get that whole 'I have so many WIPs why do I have to write another???' feeling. It's awful but sometimes it sparks some pretty great ideas. LIKE THIS ONE

I really like this story, it's got basically everything. So far, your main character is so totally cool. The lead singer for a band that went on a worldwide tour? James is this your tour or your girl's tour? (That last sentence credit to Drake because yeah, Drake is amazing). Anyways, I liked the dynamic of the band, all of them rallying together as soon as they realized that something was wrong with Esme.

I already don't like James. If your spouse is coming home FROM A WORLD WIDE TOUR in like THREE DAYS you don't send the divorce papers until they're home. I'm sorry, but that's such an awful play on his part. I enjoy what Esme had last to say about him, and I agree that their first song is oh so fitting for the situation at hand.

Considering that Esme is so close to Hugo, I'm wondering if possibly she's quite close to the rest of the Weasley/Potter clan. Well, being married to James for so long she ought to be, so I'm excited to see how the rest of them go about this whole divorce thing.

James is still a jerk really. Even if he is a big Quidditch star, ugh that's so rude!

I really like this chapter, it's a great introduction to the story and I love everything about it! I'd love to do another review swap because OMG THIS IS AMAZING (and also I'm shameless and I covet your reviews - they are so uplifting and amazing :P).

Thanks so much for the swap AND YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO CONTINUE WITH THIS!
Lo :)

Author's Response: THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :D Yay! I'm so excited about your reaction to this.

Seriously, I need to finish something haha it's getting out of control! :P

James is jealous, so very jealous. and the loser hasn't even come to a show, what a horrible husband!

The band are going to play a big part of this story, they're going to be there for Esme because they're a little family.

James is a massive poo head! You're right! He's done something horrible and needs to be punished for this.

She gets on very well with the others and is close to a few, but none obviously compare to her and Hugo, but they're all going to be annoyed at James when they find out what's happened.

He is a massive jerk! And so rude!

Thank you so much for the wonderful review, and we still need to do our massive review swap! We need to pick a day and just review each others everything haha :D

Thank you, Lo!! :D


 Report Review

Review #15, by maraudertimesRegrets: Inevitable

20th January 2016:
Hi Kaitlin! Review swap!

So this was really good! Except that saying it like that feels wrong so let me start by saying: I hate what happens in this story. But I love how it's written. Does that make sense? As in, I'm trying to compliment you because you've written about a subject I despise and yet I still really like the story because of it's powerful message? Oh no, I'm rambling, I just want you to know that while the content hurts my heart, the writing is stellar.

Okay, so I've never seen a post-war Pius but you've done what I'd imagine him to be so much justice. I feel awful for the man and the pain he endured both under and after the Imperius Curse. You've written him so thoughtfully and the heartbreak is so real when you mention that he feels as if the ghosts of the people he has hurt have come back to haunt him.

I think that doing what Pius did in the end is an awful thing, as I've dealt with losing someone in that way, and while I have written about it, I hate reading about it, but your story does not have me getting mad at you for writing it and it doesn't have me hating the story and here's why:

You've given Pius a mental disorder. He obviously has PTSD. He's wracked with guilt after being forced to do things he never would have done. He's hallucinating and thinks he's hearing voices. You've shown a side of the aftermath of the Wizarding War that not many people do - the ugly, cruel side without any happy parts. Yes, people do tack on that the Hogwarts kids have nightmares, but they are almost always able to go about their day, not having a care in the world.

The thing I like that you've written is that for Pius, there is no escape. And for me, someone who would contemplate such a horrible thing only does it for one reason and one reason only - they are in unimaginable pain and to them, there is no way out. Without saying those words, you've shown the reader that Pius is going through exactly that. You've shown his struggle and his heartbreak and you've shown that no one was really there for him.

I'm fairly certain I've forgotten what else I was going to say (curse these tiny boxes), but this was a really great story, and I really liked it. The writing is powerful, the message is powerful, I just really loved it.

Great job!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #16, by maraudertimesRise of the Phoenix: The Gathering Storm

20th January 2016:
OHMIGOSH I'D COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN TO REVIEW THIS CHAPTER, MY COMPUTER CRASHED AND I FORGOT I HAD THIS PAGE OPEN WHEN I REBOOTED IT!

I really am sorry! Okay, on to the review!!!

The first thing I want to talk about is format. You've got strange bouts of text being italicized, usually due to the fact that a character is talking, although sometimes that's not the case. Usually, and I mean this in the sense that when I write, Beta, or read stories on the archives, italics are meant to emphasize something or when you're writing in the past or future tense. It's a bit difficult to read through the chapter because of that, only because I'm used to what I mentioned above.

The second thing is the language. I understand that she is an older woman in an older time, but there's a lot of big words - like a lot. I'm going to be frank, I'm not a big words person, I can have almost an entire conversation where the word 'like' is present at least once in every sentence. So like, (oops), take this with a grain of salt, but even just pulling the big words back might make things flow better? Right now it seems a little stiff (please remember I'm really bad with big words, so this is just for me, if you find it flows, don't pay attention to me), but still, you're able to show the importance of what your characters are saying.

The third thing is that there aren't really paragraphs, it's more like lines, and personally I find it easier to follow along with a story if there aren't as many breaks in the actual story. I mean, that's me, I love big paragraphs :P But hey, personal preference, so don't listen to me if that's not your cup of tea, I totally understand!

Okay, I really liked how this is before the big uprising and how Voldemort isn't really a household name/fear. It's refreshing to read something that isn't directly related to fighting him in that moment, e.g. Marauders, Pre-Hogwarts, Hogwarts, you know the deal. I really liked that you played it off like that.

I really like Aurora, she seems really smart and really good at magic. I say that last bit because SHE SPLIT A MAN'S WAND IN HALF? Damn girl, that's some serious magic! I also liked how you gave her a lot of humanity after her brother died in explaining what she did and her reasonings, because she might be a strong female character, but that doesn't mean she can't cry.

I really liked this first chapter, I'm excited for the second! Still so sorry that I forgot about this, I'm off to my second job of the day but as soon as I'm done that I'll be right back and get on the second chapter before any one else's! :)

Thanks!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hi, cheers for the comments. I will get back to you with a review soon as I can.
Fair point on the italics - still playing with that.
I always listen to points on structure in terms of paragraphs, I am probably going to have a dabble with it soon.
Glad you bought into the story and Aurora though.
Best,
NPE


 Report Review

Review #17, by maraudertimesI Miss You: I Miss You

19th January 2016:
Hi um so this is for that review swap thing and I chose this story because it didn't have any reviews so naturally I thought it was a newer story BUT NO THE REASON THERE ARE NO REVIEWS IS BECAUSE YOU BROKE MY HEART LIKE OKAY NOT OKAY WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS I AM HURTING.

Anyways, back on track here. I'm pouting right now and I had to hold back tears, just so you know. Even though there isn't much written, the amount of emotion in the words you've spun together is so powerful. I loved how years would go by so that progress could be spoken about, and I loved how you subtly had George tell Fred basically everything we know is true from the NextGen.

I'm not going to lie, there were two parts that killed me: George talking about how Angelina saw the real Fred and then George talking about his wedding.

When he mentions that Angelina saw a side of him that not everyone saw - that she even saw a side of Fred that George had never seen, it did seem extremely believable. Of course George wouldn't have seen the romantic side of his brother. But then you followed it with his quip about not wanting to see some of those sides and I died. Ugh, it's so perfect and you've really captured George really well, because of course he would be the one to make a joke in a time that he was in pain. It's in his nature to crack jokes and I thought it was wonderful that you added that.

The second time I died was when George mentioned that since he didn't have his best man anymore, no one would be at his side for his wedding and it was at that point that I got shivers for the first time and had to stifle some tears. That was so moving and sad and I just died right there. Happy now? I'm heart broken. Anyways, I thought it was really sweet for you to write that in because I feel like that's exactly something that George would do, especially since (sob!) they were going to have a double wedding (brb crying).

Actually I lied. I died three times. The third was the last line because it makes me so sad to imagine Fred's ghost/spirit/what have you waiting for someone - anyone - to come visit him, hoping that George will come back one last time.

What you wrote was really powerful and although I think the story is wonderful, I hate it because it's making me sad and emotional and having to stop myself from crying. So yes, I hate your story because it makes me sad, but I also think it's an amazing story and maybe if one day I need to cry and I can't seem to, I'm going to come back and read it again. (I hope this is coming off right, I really do love the story, but I hate the emotions I feel after reading it but I'm not sure how to express that I'm a wreck right now).

ANYWAYS this was amazing, thank you so much for the swap, I really appreciate it and I'm so glad I got to read this utterly heart breaking story even if I DID CRY MY HEART OUT WHY DO YOU THINK ITS OKAY TO HURT PEOPLE IN THIS WAY

Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #18, by maraudertimesThe Fourth Daughter: The Pavilion

8th January 2016:
Hi! Sorry this came so late, I got caught up in work.

I really liked this chapter, it's such a good introductory chapter. You've really touched on everything that's exceptionally important in this chapter, and although I'm left feeling like I want to know more, there isn't anything that's confusing or needs more explanation, everything is really well thought over.

I really like how you've taken this fairytale and kind of put a spin on it. I searched up the fairytale and it's really cool. I'm super interested in how you're going to write this, especially since you've done such a great job already and I can see where you're going with everything!

I love Dezzy, she seems like a really great character. I love her hard headedness and her general personality is really well written. Her sisters are also really well written, but since she's the main character, I seem to feel a bit more of a connection with her.

I really liked the start of this and I hope we can do another review swap soon because I really liked your reviews and I really love this story. You ended this with just the right amount of suspense and I'm really intrigued! I'm not going to read ahead though because I don't have time for a second review right now and I want to review right after I've read it!

Absolutely great job!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hi Lo!
I'm so glad you enjoyed this! I love reading fairytale retellings, so writing one has been really, really fun! I get to be more flowery with my language and make everything really magical and nostalgic and all that good stuff. The Twelve Dancing Princesses is not a fairytale that tons of people know, but it's one of my favorites.
Dezzy has been a lot of fun for me to write. She's sweet and kind, but has a bit of a stubborn streak. She has to try and navigate life in the kingdom under all her father's rules, and try and find some joy with her sisters.
Thank you for such a great review!
Cassie :)


 Report Review

Review #19, by maraudertimesStrings: Strings

18th January 2015:
Hi!

So I had absolutely no idea what I would want when asking for a one-shot based on the song, but this is amazing! I love Katie as a character, even if she is a very minor character, and your portrayal of her was amazing! I liked how you explored a side of the series we don't really explore - the true poor.

Oh course, Ron's family is exceptionally poor, but they make ends meet. It's obvious that they are on the higher end of lower-class, but Katie's mother in this is definitely on the other end of lower-class. It made me sad to see her step-father (love the name by the way) act that way towards her mother without her mother standing up for herself. I wish she would have kicked him out. :(

I loved how you really explored Katie and how her family dynamics from both parents work, as well as how she deals with her family's financial, shall I call it stagnation? Not really anything happening... It was sad to see her have to admit to being very good at numbers if only because she's spent her whole life trying to decide if she can afford this or that. *cries softly*

I asked for angst, I got angst, why am I surprised that I am sad?

Anyways, I loved how you set background information to why Katie would want the necklace. It provides more depth to what is otherwise a bit of a coincidental encounter that went extremely well, making it something very believable and relatable. (Even though Draco is a snake, I can see how Katie would trust him when that necklace is involved)

I loved how you tied the song in right at the ending with showing that Katie's finally getting what she wanted but also not. I thought that was a really cool way to do it and I loved how she really had to debate it but finally chose to do so to help out family. It really let her character shine through.

Like I said, this was absolutely not what I had in mind when I requested it, but since I didn't really have anything in mind, you completely blew me away. This is amazing and the song is so pretty with everything and I absolutely adored it! Thank you so much for filling this request for me, I never could have done anything as amazing as this with the song!

Thank you so much, this is stellar!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #20, by maraudertimesDaydreaming: Daydreaming

13th January 2015:
Hi! Very late review swap (sorry!).

Okay so I don't necessarily like Dramione but this looked cute and I'M SO GLAD I CHOSE IT BECAUSE IT'S DARLING!

Okay, a little bit steamy, a little bit "What in the world," but the overall feelings were so cutsey and fun and I really liked this. I loved how you also kept them in character, both in the dream with Hermione being very apprehensive of why he's following her, to out of the dream with Draco calling her a mudblood (he deserves to get punched for that).

I think my favourite part of the entire thing was the whole Draco being woken up because that was hilarious. Of course Hermione would have woken him up if he was defacing a book with his awful drool! She has every right to. :P

I think the premise of this was very nice and I really loved it, despite it being a Dramione. Being a big canon fan, I loved how you used a cliché (the library) and didn't really just throw them together and have them fall all over each other yet you also did (there was a bit of conflict at the start but at the end... not so much), especially in a dream because it speaks to Draco's character (:P), but also because it was in a dream setting and didn't really do anything at all that would've destroyed any part of canon or made Draco seem OOC.

All in all I think you did a marvelous job and thanks for the swap!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hi! It's totally fine, you weren't all that late, lol. It took me a while to get to yours, too.

It's totally okay that you don't necessarily like Dramonie, although you're definitely the first to call this story (and maybe ANY story of mine) darling. I loved it! Probably because I wouldn't necessarily call it that considering it is a bit steamy. I did very much want to keep them in character and that's probably where the idea for the dream came from because I was trying to figure out how to make this work without taking them (especially Hermione, it would not at all be in character for her to just automatically go along with kissing Draco) out of character. I also love the part where she wakes him up, I think it's so her. Merlin forbid anyone deface a book.

I'm so glad you liked the cliche library scene bit, that's exactly what I wanted to write from the beginning, but I had to make it different, because I didn't seem them actually falling all over each other in real life. And the dream of course was supposed to be a surprise. I did not want the readers to know they were even in a dream until he's woken up. Because I like to be sneaky like that, lol.

I'm super glad you loved this! Even if you don't love the pairing, I applaud you for coming out of your comfort zone to read it anyway. Thanks so much for this review and the swap!

xxNix


 Report Review

Review #21, by maraudertimesFlawless: Flawless

11th January 2015:
Hiya! Kinda late on the review swap - so sorry! I chose this because I just love Bill/Fleur, so I hope you don't mind!

This was so cute! I loved how it was entirely centered around Fleur in the hospital wing because she wasn't really interacting with everyone which is a twist on a Fleur story. Of course, there was the obligatory "Fleur is gorgeous" parts, but I liked how you handled it with Fleur always reminding the audience that she had brains too. Her mother's looks and her father's brains - it's magnificent!

The word flawless is something that obviously means something to the both of them and it was so cute how you used it, especially how you incorporated the line "The kind of flawless I wish I could be." I thought that showing Fleur, someone who most would consider flawless, wishes that her flawless could be more like Bill's, because it gave her even more complex layers.

I loved the ending because it was so cute! And of course, Bill woke up, so that was a plus, but honestly, I loved how cute they are together and Bill/Fleur is one of my favourites, so their little antics were super cute!

I really liked this and I'm glad I got the chance to read it! Thanks so much for the swap - this was really good!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hello there! And don't apologize... I was even more late for this swap I know! :P

I don't mind of course. :) Anyone who loves Bill/Fleur is basically my fried because I kind of love them! ;)

Haha, thanks! This was probably the cutest and fluffiest thing I have ever written. I'm not comfortable with writing fluff so I was actually stepping out of my comfort zone with this one shot. It makes me really happy to know that you enjoyed reading it. :D

I always think that many aspects of Fleur's character go unnoticed just because she's so beautiful and gorgeous. I wanted this one shot to be more about her inner personality and the goodness of her heart if you know what I mean! She was wise enough to be a champion after all.

When I was given that line, I could think of no one else but Bill and Fleur. Fleur is probably the only character we would say is 'Flawless' due to her beauty with brains reputation. And I wanted to explore the reason she fell in love with Bill so deeply for a long time. The quote was just something that pushed me to do so.

Bill and Fleur equals to cuteness literally! They are one of my favorites too!

Thanks for the wonderful review! It was fun swapping with you. Let me know if you are interested in another one!

Ashwini


 Report Review

Review #22, by maraudertimesMortality: Mortality

10th January 2015:
Reebee, I'm so sorry for being so late on the swap! I fell asleep and then I had to work! Also, I chose this story because the first story on your page is for my challenge and I'm reviewing it anyways during my challenge reviewing binge in like two weeks when I get a break from everything for a few days.

This was like this sad, cute, awfully emotionally hurtful things to read, although I suppose you deserve to do this to me after what my story did to you... Oops... :P Okay, so it was really cool how I didn't really know who the woman was until near the end, although that might just be my incompetency... Anywho!

Yeah, so I liked how you kept it rather ambiguous because it really made me look harder at the woman you were describing. If you will, I was 'listening' more intently to what she was saying/thinking/doing, to try and understand more about her.

The fact that it was Arthur that died though? *cries profusely* Ugh, thank you for completely destroying my happiness! The only happy part was the fact that Ron finally convinced Molly that she could be vulnerable in front of her kids instead of bottling it up and letting it out in private settings at specific times. It was nice to see that cute little Mother/Son interaction/dynamic.

I thought this story was totally cute, albeit, super sad, and I definitely am super glad we swapped! I'll get to your newer story soon, but that might not be for a week or so or maybe two! Thanks Curie! This was a great little story!

Lo :)

Author's Response: Hey Lo!

Thank you! SO THE MYSTERY WORKED?? I didn't want it to be obvious that it was Molly and I'm glad that worked!! :D YES OMG WHEN I WROTE IT I WAS SO SAD!!

thank you for the review!!

-Curie xx


 Report Review

Review #23, by maraudertimesTo the Very End: To the Very End

6th January 2015:
Hi there! Thanks for the review swap!

First things first so I don't forget, George married Angelina not Angela.

Okay, so this was super cute! I really loved how Lee and George managed to become really close over the decades Fred was gone, almost as if the twins were back. It was hard, of course, to see that both of them were getting on in their age, especially Lee since it seems as if George will outlive another one of his best friends, but it does correspond well with the story.

The mischief they're up to is perfect for their characters and you really pulled it off well! Lee and George disliking someone like Mrs. Rencraw and using that dislike to prank her? Very true to character. And the shoes? Priceless!

This was a really cute story and I'm glad for the swap! Thanks so much!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Oh my, how did I not catch that!? ARG! I feel like such a fake now. haha

I'm glad that you enjoyed it, I thought it was sweet with the right amount of bitter.

Thank you so much for the swap!


 Report Review

Review #24, by maraudertimesAll or Nothing: there is a light that never goes out

6th January 2015:
Hi Kristin! Thanks for the swap!

Wow, this was amazing! I love the intricacies of Bellatrix so much, and you surely did not disappoint! I've never thought of Bellatrix as having a lesbian lover, although I suppose that's what resetting the default is all about!

I loved how you started this off with Bellatrix reminiscing about her sisters and how she perceives them as weak because it sets up her character so well so early on. And then when you introduced her lover, you did it so well that I really wanted them to get together and be happy even though I knew they wouldn't. Still sad about that BTW. *pouts*

The end was very powerful and kind of lends itself to how Bellatrix ends up in the books - manic and crazy, utterly devoted to the Dark Lord. The loss of her lover obviously drove her over the edge, but it was kind of sad to see her go through that since the way you depicted her in this was both amazing but frightening. For some reason I find myself drawn to this version of her, almost as if I'm sad for her.

Anyways, you did amazing with this! It's so poignant and powerful and I utterly adored it! Your descriptions were amazing, the dialogue was amazing, the overall thing was absolutely stellar! Great job and thanks for the swap!

Lo :)

Author's Response: Hey Lo! Ahh, wow thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked how I wrote Bellatrix.

I was surprised how much I liked writing that first scene with her sisters. I love Andromeda and Narcissa as characters, and to write them from such a perspective as Bellatrix's was really interesting, pointing out the different things she would have found weak about each of them.

And ahaha wow! I'm so glad that you actually wanted Bellatrix and her lover to be happy together - especially with a character such as Bellatrix, I'm glad that this story actually put you on her side for a second! :)

Thank you, that's so wonderful to hear about the end, that it kind of explains how she became who she was in the books. 'Amazing but frightening' - wow thank you, that's a huge compliment! It's so great to hear that you were kind of drawn to her in this as well, that's definitely what I was hoping for despite her being evil haha

Thank you so much for this amazing review! I'm thrilled that you liked the story and found it poignant and powerful - wow! ♥ Thanks for the swap!


 Report Review

Review #25, by maraudertimesUntil the End: Together

6th January 2015:
Hiya Rose! Thanks so much for the review swap!

OMG this was amazing! I don't read many Prewett brother fics, but this was amazing even so! Gideon and Fabian are so much like an older version of Fred and George, so I loved that you called the younger twins their proteges. It really worked with how you set everything else up.

I loved the little quips about being in it together until the end, even if it meant going up against their mother, the Slytherins, the Weasley bunch, or the Death Eaters. It really gave their brethrenship (not actually a word but ignore that) a new dimension and really helped developed their characters.

With such a sad but canon ending, I can neither be mad nor glad with you because you did what I loved - sticking to canon - but also you kind of killed them off (alluded to it anyways) - which makes me sad. :( You did amazing on this story Rose. I'm just so sad that they were together in their very early end because they should've lived longer. Excuse me while I cry...

No, but honestly, this was amazing and I'm so glad I got the chance to read this! Thanks for the swap!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Thank *you* for doing a review swap.

I haven't read a lot about them either so it was fun to jump into rather uncharted territory. I didn't want them to be exactly like Fred and George but just enough so that they were protoge-ish.

Having the phrase mean something different each time felt important to get the overarching changes in their lives. I'm so glad it built a deeper connection for you too.

I definitely blame the ending on JKR. I didn't want to write about them actually dying because :( I couldn't do it.

ah! I'm so happy you liked this. thank you for this awesome review!

-rose


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>