Reading Reviews From Member: maraudertimes
  
286 Reviews Found

Review #1, by maraudertimesAbandon: Strangers and Fireworks

19th September 2014:
Hi! Review swap!

Okay this was kind of strange, but good. There was a lot of Weasleys to talk about and at some points it was a little disorienting, but all in all it flowed well.

I liked the little points about how each of the Weasleys grew up, although some of them were a bit of a shock, such as the information about Audrey, and the fact that Fred (Perce) likes bullying his younger cousins, while it does seem realistic, seems a bit exaggerated. Although Hermione's reaction was golden!

One thing I noticed was that the losers of the dance battle had to house the kids all summer, and apparently George lost, but then Roxie says she doesn't mind living with her aunt and uncle, so perhaps just looking over that part.

The end was really scary and I'm so frightened for Roxie. I hope she's okay. You did a very good job setting up the scene and keeping the tone of the scene dark and scary, so great job there.

Overall, this was quite good, a few of the sentences were kind of run on sentences, but other than that it was really cool. Great concept.

Lo :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for coming by with the swap, I really enjoyed your story as well. I hope we see more of each other, I'm always lurking around the forums. :D

I've been meaning to clean this chapter up a bit since there's a bit of confusion with all the Weasley children. Hahahha. If you're shocked by how Audrey is, you should really read "This is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste" to get a better understanding of her. I'm glad that you were shocked though! Hahahah. Perce is a bully but if you ever get a chance to continue reading, you'll see that he's nothing compared to Teddy.

I think that Roxanne meant that she wouldn't mind staying with her aunt and uncle if they lost but I see what you mean. Hahaha.

Oh, there's no need to be scared for her yet! If you read on, you'll see what I mean but as for right now...hold your breath.

Thanks a lot!

Much love,

Gabbie


 Report Review

Review #2, by maraudertimesHow to Become Minister of Magic: A Guide: Let's Make a Deal

19th September 2014:
Hiya! Here for the challenge reviews!

Ohmigoodnes, I read your A.N. and I was like "Oh this better continue on" and then I saw it had seven chapters and I was good. Honestly though, I really liked this for some reason.

I say for some reason because Laney *is* kind of... rude... mean... judgemental... and basically the epitome of people I dislike and Louis is... proud... calculating... uses his name for perks... and basically the epitome of guys I steer clear from. But together? I am so excited to see how they interact, for goodness sake, their chemistry already is amazing!

I like the way you've set the scene, especially with Laney from France, although maybe this is just me, but I would've expected an accent or a reason as to why she doesn't have one. However, I'm going to assume that because of her English last name and the fact that many people know her father, she was shipped off for school. I would like to know why but that's just me. :)

Ugh her icky boss is icky. And I love the independent 'I'm going to do my own thing to get what I need' attitude Laney has in exploiting her boss's ickyness. And it's awesome that Louis noticed it. Shows they have a bit in common.

I'm excited to see where this story goes and I absolutely love the chapter image/banner and basically everything. It's really well set up. Great job!

Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #3, by maraudertimesHurricane Luna: They Meet in a Tree

12th September 2014:
Hi Beth! Sorry this took way too long! I'm going to try to get the results up in the next ten minutes, so I won't review the other three chapters just yet (I'll read them though). As soon as I have the time afterwards, I will though.

Okay, so this was really cool. I'll start with Rolf, who is nothing like I imagined (yet) as he seems very uppity and I always imagined him as a free spirit, kind of like Luna. I do like how that kinda gives off the whole 'opposites-attract' kind of vibe though, so it isn't necessarily bad. It's nice to see that he's really just like that because he's always had to live in his grandfather's shadow though. It gives him a reason for his flaw, which is nice because it means he has such a big one, but it also means its relatable.

Luna is very dreamy and almost exactly as canon Luna, so kudos to you for writing her so well. I really liked how she had been watching Rolf for a few days before he even noticed her, because it really lends to her intelligence as she hid herself amazingly well.

Their chemistry is really cool to see, and I'm excited to see how their relationship progresses. I can't really say if I like the use of the quote yet (just because it's so different), but I promise to try and review the other chapters ASAP to see if it kinda builds up, I'm just gonna busy for a while.

Thanks so much for participating in my challenge, again, so sorry for taking so long. This was great and I really liked it!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hi Lo!

Wow - thanks for this review! And I just read that the story came in third for the challenge. This is the first time I've placed in a challenge and I'm just so giddy right now!

I know that Rolf is often described as the male version of Luna, but I thought this was so much more interesting. Thank you for giving it a chance. I know that I took a different twist on the quote, but I really started to fall in love with Luna and Rolf while writing this.

I think you will like the subsequent chapters as the love story unfolds. I included one aspect of the quote in each chapter and now I have the motivation to finish this story.

Thanks again Lo!

Beth


 Report Review

Review #4, by maraudertimesStorm: I'm Not An Angel

12th September 2014:
Hi! So sorry it took so long! Had some personal things to deal with! But I'm here now!

This. Was. Awesome! I really liked this! Not exactly how I imagined someone might use the quote, but crazily close!

Okay so let's start with Dominique. I love how she isn't the typical vela who is completely and utterly gorgeous, and that the veelaness gives her something else. It sucks that it's the anger management issues, but what can you do.

The little cute quips about her parents make me so happy! Bill and Fleur are such cuties and I'm glad to see their relationship progress as such. Also, Fleur talks like my French grandmother does, so it's really cool to see you really pull in French culture and language/accent in that, especially as her children call her Maman. I call my grandmother MeMe even when I'm speaking to her in English, so it made me feel a little something personally.

The whole Jack thing is a mess and sad and awful and if only it had worked out! He was so sweet! I loved how it was Dom that really set their relationship in motion as it really captured how apprehensive Victoire is about relationships especially with her condition. But he's such a sweetie and maybe you could write a sequel of how they get back together? No? ... Okay...

Needless to say, this was absolutely amazing. I'll try to have the results up soon, and again, I'm sorry for taking so long, but I'd like to just say that I loved this. Thanks so much for participating in my challenge!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #5, by maraudertimesA Promise: Don't leave

12th September 2014:
Hi! I'm so sorry that this is late. Trying to get everything done by today or tomorrow, everything's just been really hectic.

Okay, so I liked this but I didn't, only because it was sad so don't take that as a 'this-isn't-good'. It was.

Remus and Tonks is one of my favourite canon pairings and I love the dynamic between them that you wrote. It's very true to Tonks' character that she'd never sit and wait when there's a fight going on, especially considering she's an auror. But I do understand her needing to stay behind for Teddy, at least for a little while. Honestly, this part breaks my heart because I don't know which decision I would've made since I will never be in that position.

As far as the quote, it didn't really jump out to me as much as I would've liked, especially due to my own understanding of the quote as someone who breaks someone's heart by leaving voluntarily, but I definitely see what connection you made, and that's what I like to see: different interpretations. That's what art is all about, right?

This was really great and even though it was exceptionally sad, I really enjoyed it. Keep up the amazing writing and I'll try and have the results up soon. Sorry for taking so long!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #6, by maraudertimesI Am Reality: My Purpose is to Attract

9th September 2014:
Hi! I am so terribly sorry for taking so long! Real life got, well... real. But I'm here now!

Okay, so first things first, I love James! How could you do this! But immediately after that: I really love this, so don't read on thinking I didn't!

Okay, so I loved how you put a spin on the quote. I always imagined it being someone who would leave, maybe not so willingly, but who knew that people would fall in love with them more easily than she/he/ze would fall in love with others. I have never envisioned someone purposefully breaking others' hearts, but that was one of the reasons this story struck me.

I loved how she went by steps, almost cataloguing responses and (to me at least), very calculating in how she approached situations. It lent a very methodical and almost machine-esque presence to the girl, further exaggerating her absolute disdain for love.

I also really liked how she was a veela, because I don't see all that many stories with veela that are like this. It seems as though she has had her heart broken and is determined to do the same to all men, so maybe a prequel could be awesome (hopes fervently).

The fact that she left him at the alter breaks my heart but really lends to the story so I commend you on doing something so brash and giving your story that much volume. I could never do that to my James (*cuddles character aggressively*)

Anyways, this was a really good story and I liked how you drew inspiration from the quote, especially in this manner. Again, I am so sorry for the terribly long wait!

Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #7, by maraudertimesBeautifully Destroyed: Beautifully Destroyed

9th September 2014:
Hi! Sorry this took so long (far too long), I just had to deal with a few things.

In terms of your story, the richness of the description is lovely, and the situation you have painted is really realistic in what someone might be going through in those times. Hiding in cupboards or closets when Regulus's 'acquaintances' made their rounds, trying to keep him from breaking but trying to keep herself from breaking as well.

It was nice to see that Regulus listened to her, at least in the sense that when she asked him to stop drinking he did, although I don't necessarily think drinking was that much of a problem for him.

The ending was very sad, although somewhat to be expected, although her rejoicing in death almost was a certain twist that could be construed as inevitable though. It was nice to see such raw emotion.

In terms of the quote I wish you could have done more with it, used it in a more meaningful way instead of just using the more subjective pieces, but it definitely did work in the context.

Great job, and the hopefully the results should be up soon! (Again, so sorry for everything being so terribly late.)
Lo :)

Author's Response: Thankyou very much for all your time writing this helpful review :)

 Report Review

Review #8, by maraudertimesSpread Your Wings: Chapter 2.

30th August 2014:
I'm back! And yay, it's the date!

Okay, so, I really like the whole "getting lost in his eyes" thing. Unfortunately, I know the feeling (awks) and you've captured it seamlessly. But when boys have those baby blue eyes it's just so easy to zone out and not hear what they're saying... *sigh*

Anyways, I think it was really cool how Lorcan is kind of outgoing and if he and Annabelle strike up a relationship, it would be cute to see him get her to do more adventurous things. Already he seems to have gotten her to a place where she's more comfortable and a little bit more engaged in conversation.

Lily and Lysander are so cute, but I wonder how the long distance thing will affect them. Unless this story only pans out the rest of the summer, but still, I do hope they stay together and nothing bad happens! I hope I didn't just jinx that!

Also, Lorcan is really bad at this dating thing. Asking a girl if she's watching her weight? Big no-no, but I guess he does accept it and he didn't mean it meanly. :P

Overall, this was a really cute chapter - OH! and also, I love how Annabelle realizes she's pretty! Like dayum girl, you're best friend tells you you're gorgeous and you don't believe her until you put on a dress? Chick flick moment!

But yes, this chapter was really cute and I wish there was a third so it would continue on! Keep writing, yeah? Cuz this is such a cute story!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #9, by maraudertimesSpread Your Wings: Chapter 1.

30th August 2014:
Hiya! Here for the Gryffindor review exchange!

I think I read this a little while ago when there was only one chapter and never really reviewed, so when I started reading it again everything immediately clicked and I remembered something: I really liked this when I read it the first time.

Annabelle and her father seem really close and I love how you explained why. While the circumstances are sad, it's totally understandable and very realistic. The fact that she was able to tell her dad about the strange double date really demonstrated the relationship between them since I don't know too many girls who would tell their dad right away, and it's really sweet.

I love the homeschooled part about the Scamanders. I'm not sure if that's part of your fanon or actual canon but it really speak to the type of people Luna and Rolf are and really helps develop their characters even if they're only mentioned.

Ooooh, and the brother twist sounds fun! Hopefully Annabelle and Lysander's brother (I think his name is Lorcan?) will hit it off, or at least, the date will be super awkward and hilarious! But even so, I wonder if maybe one of Lily's older brothers might come into the mix (*cough cough* James), only because you introduced him as "Lily's incredibly attractive older brother". That would be funny!

Anyways, this was a really cute first chapter and I'm excited to read more! So, on to the next!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #10, by maraudertimesObsession: Obsession

20th June 2014:
Hi Lauren! Reviewing for the challenge thingy or what not!

I'm going to start off by saying ohmigoodness this was AMAZING!! I can't believe you created such a creepy, morose atmosphere just with description, there was absolutely no dialogue except for Pansy's cry for the house elf, yet still everything came off very clearly and I felt as if I was there.

I loved the little tidbits about Pansy's friends trying to tell her to stop being so obsessive over Draco, especially since it shows that even Slytherins realize when it's time to let some of their fellow housemates go. Her ignorance of that really shone through as well.

Ugh, I can't believe Pansy would want to erase her memories, but I guess I've never been in that situation, have I? The ending with the remembrall was really cool, especially because it seems like Pansy wants to remember the pale boy but she can't, and I think that speaks volumes to memory loss.

But ohmigoodness the absolute ending was amazing! I thought perhaps Draco had died or something, but I hadn't expected it to be his wedding announcement! That was a really cool plot twist and I liked the formatting of it, where the invitation was right at the end and not necessarily part of the story itself.

Anyways, this was crazy good Lauren, I absolutely loved this! I don't know if we're supposed to tell anyone, but I voted for you because out of all four (superb) entries, yours evoked so much emotion in me and provided such colourful imagery and depth, and ohmigoodness I've never really felt bad for Pansy but you gave me a small inkling of that!

Absolutely amazing job Lauren! This was stunning!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #11, by maraudertimesFix: Fix

13th June 2014:
Hi! Here reviewing before voting on the Gryffindor Writing Challenge!

Okay, so please bear with me because I've had less than two hours of sleep in the last 30 hours, but I'm slightly confused...

First, why does getting the job have to do with Pansy losing everything? If she has a boss then doesn't she already have a job? Maybe just outline why exactly she needs this one and how it's different from her last? Next, who is her boss arguing with? His boss? Draco? It's really ambiguous and I can't figure it out, but again, that could be my sleep deprived brain. Also, why does her boss hit her? Isn't that kind of abuse? And why did her response spark that kind of reaction? Does Pansy have leverage on her boss or her bosses boss? Last thing, why would Pansy throw a vase at her boss? The whole situation feels a little off balance as if everything does have a reason, but none of the reasons are explained, and so I don't really get what is supposed to be happening...

That said, however, it was a really interesting concept having Draco narrate the second person POV for Pansy, especially because he seems very accusatory. The only problem I saw there was "Your eye is killing you..." If Draco's the narrator, how would he know that? Maybe if you put "Your eye must be killing you..." Same thing with "You're replaying what had happened when you broke up with me." Draco couldn't possibly know that, so maybe "I wonder if you're replaying what had happened when you broke up with me." maybe?

I really liked how you portrayed Pansy, talking about her cold heart, especially because that's how she comes off in the books. The fact that she was using Draco isn't very unbelievable at all, especially because she *is* a Slytherin after all, and they are known for being ambitious, so kudos on that.

Overall, this was really interesting. I liked how you incorporated each Mix and Match element and the twist with Hermione at the end really does leave this on a strange note. Dramione being such a cliche where Draco leaves Pansy for Hermione, it's really refreshing to see the other side of it, and since this is a WIP (as far as I can see on your page), it allows you to continue on really well/seems like a really good transition.

Good job!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #12, by maraudertimesIn The Light Of The Moon : How It All Began

31st May 2014:
Hi! Review swap!

This was really sweet to see, especially considering Remus never thinks about that sort of stuff happening, right? It was very marauderesque to have them want it to be a secret too, so kudos on that!

The one CC I have is that when animagus transform they don't need wands, but when you try and force an animagus out of their animal form, then you do need a spell.

So, this was really great. I loved how you had their nicknames in there and how it kind of went with them discovering their abilities as animagi, and the entire time, Remus being so scared and nervous was very true to form and made a lot of sense considering his character. The fact that he was counting down and kept trying to say that if they weren't careful he may (and probably would) kill them through no fault of his own really brought his character out.

The ending was really sweet and it was funny to see Remus try not to cry because his friends would never let him live it down. It relates perfectly to what I believe the marauders to act like!

In short, great job! This was a wonderful little story!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hi there!!

Aww thank you! I was really trying to go for sweet/heartwarming with this. I can definitely see the 3 boys hiding that from Remus until it was time. I think they would have expected that Remus would try and talk them out of it.

I'm sorry. :( The only reason I wrote it that way was because I had the scene from PoA in my head. When Remus transforms and Peter picks up the wand to transform. It was more or less to paint a picture.


I'm so glad you liked him discovering their nicknames along with the transformation. It my head, I imagined that Sirius, James and Peter had already been using them in secret, but this was the first Remus heard them. I was very much hoping to convey Remus's nervousness and uncertainty. I'm so pleased to hear that came through! XD

Haha yeah, I don't think any 15 year old boy, anywhere, wants to be caught crying in front of his friends. I'm thrilled you liked the ending!

Thank you so, so much for the review! You're way too kind!! :)

xoxo - Meg


 Report Review

Review #13, by maraudertimesLove in Three Acts: Epilogue: After the Curtain Fell

31st May 2014:
Rose! You didn't make me cry! :D

Oh, this was so sweet with a bitter under taste of sadness for James and Lily and Sirius in Azkaban, but I'm very happy!

I'm glad the two of them sorted everything out and even though Remus decided not to try being together again, I think his reasons are sound and to be honest, I don't believe Sirius deserves another chance, even after his stint in Azkaban. It's good to see that Remus kind of thinks like that too.

Well, at least they're friends, right? I think this was a really great ending note and you did amazing at making me slightly less sad! It also coincides almost perfectly with what I imagined being in the prequel to your two other Remus/Tonks stories (which I still need to review - oops), if there was a wolf-star, so yay for that!

Great job Rose, this is a great story!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Yes! Your smiley face is back :D

I wanted to end this with something a little less depressing than the previous chapter.

If Tonks/Remus weren't canon, I might have let them get back together. I love Ronks enough to where I'm not upset that they stayed just friends after this.

Being friends again is a wonderful step for them after all they went through! I'm glad it's slightly less sad now! I did end this so it could lead into my Remus/Tonks stories.

Thanks you for the wonderful reviews on this story!

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #14, by maraudertimesLove in Three Acts: Act 3: Betrayal

31st May 2014:
Ah! Rose! You were too mean!

Goodness the start was sad, Remus being secluded, and then everything kind of got better at the meeting, but then Marlene, ugh!

I don't like her. Not that I'm glad that she was murdered in HP, but I think I'd be okay with it in this scenario. Sirius is a right... let's say dog. I can't stand him and I usually love Sirius. And for him to say that to Remus? I'm glad James reacted how he did.

It's sad to see that Sirius thought everything was happening because of his and Remus's failed relationship. He's very conceited and I think he needs a good thwack on the head. For him to be telling others that nonsense is horrible, although I guess it does lie true with canon somewhat.

Ugh, Rose you're too mean. I'm so sad! I'm going to go read the last chapter. Hopefully I don't cry.
Lo (note I don't have a smiley face)

Author's Response: :( :( I'm sorry! I did feel horrible writing this chapter (wonderful but horrible). I can't really blame Marlene for Sirius' actions.

haha, I get what you mean about being okay that she dies here. I don't think she was the only thing stopping Sirius and remus from getting back together - they had too much unresolved angst between them to really get sorted out. They'd have to apologize and admit they were wrong. :-/

It is a very conceited line of thought that brought him to that conclusion but in his mind Remus has a reason to want to get back at those people.

I'm sorry for being so mean. The next chapter isn't as horrible. Oh no! I made you forget the smiley face. :(

Thank you for a rad review!

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #15, by maraudertimesLove in Three Acts: Act 2: Romance

31st May 2014:
Review swap! Also, I realized I never reviewed for the challenge (I didn't finish anyways), so I'll review the next two chapters as well for being so late.

Ah! Rose, what did you do? It was all cute and romanticy and sweet and although I'm not one for wolf-star, I really do love this story, and the start was magnificent and it was so cool to see them doing Order stuff, but ohmigoodness the ending, I'm just gonna start at the start, okay?

It was really cool to see Remus and Sirius going about auror business and Remus's quick thinking really translated well to the character that Rowling wrote, so kudos on that! Sirius seemed true to 'self' as well, what with his antics about the pants, and that part was quite funny!

The fact that Remus still didn't sleep in the same bed as Sirius made me a little sad, although because of his uh shyness (?) around those he has feelings for due to his affliction, it seems reasonable. I was hoping for him to settle that by the end of the chapter...

Ohmigoodness, James and Lily wedding? I wish there could have been more detail on that front because Jily is awesome, but its understandable because this unfortunately isn't about them and their wedding ( :( ) but yay!

Ugh, the ending makes me so mad and ugh! Sirius! Why would you do that? I'm not happy with him. At all. UGH!

Okay, great job, I'm going to go read the next chapter and hopefully be happier.
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hi Lo!!!

You're too sweet. :) I just thought you were busy with school (or got bored with my story :P)

I... broke wolfstar... I'M SORRY BUT IT WAS THE THEME I HAD GOING WHERE IT WOULD START OFF WITH LUV THEN GET ALL HEART-BREAKY.

I'm really glad you liked their little death eater adventure. It was fun to write Sirius being all fun and care-free.

Given all the relationship baggage Remus has with Tonks, I thought that he would have always been like that (not that it makes it okay but at least it's a pattern). He was planning on settling it. :-/ Sirius just kind of ruined it.

I was worried that it would be a distraction to go into detail on their wedding.

Sirius was needy and remus wasn't meeting his emotional yearnings so he displaced onto Fabian.

...why would you expect it to get happier? :P Next chapter is all sad and :-/

Thank you for a wonderful review!!

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #16, by maraudertimesForget Me Not: bloom and wither

29th May 2014:
Hi! Gryffie Review Exchange! So sorry for this being so late, I had a huge exam and then when I went to review this yesterday the webpage crashed and I lost all of my review. :( But I'm here now, finally!

This was a crazy story. I both hated and loved the characters, I both hated and loved the story line, I just had a lot of emotions.

I loved your portrayal of Rose, because she's so different from the usual portrayals of her character. That said, I hated her as a person, but as a character she was really interesting. I recently read Looking for Alaska by John Green, and she reminds me of Alaska in the sense that I don't like her, but I respect the character in that she is flawed and her back story seems to be well thought out. So, needless to say, I loved the character you created, but I didn't like her as a person (if this doesn't make sense just so you know - this is a compliment).

It was strange to see such animosity between Albus and Rose, but it was refreshing from all the stories where they're really close. The friendship between Scorpius and Albus didn't seem forced either, which was nice considering Scorpius and Rose seemed to have a thing.

Scorpius himself was also really cool to see as the quasi-good guy compared to Rose's bad-girl, and also it was nice to see how he could let her go but still harboured love for her. It was very true to life and I enjoyed that aspect of it.

The one thing I was a little confused on was at the start its 2029 if I'm not mistaken but then the years jump back and then continue forward again. I'm guessing that was a flashback or something but it was difficult to keep track of when everything was happening because that was out of order. However, this could just be because I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately and I don't exactly think that well when sleep deprived.

The progression of your story was great, even though I didn't like where it was going. Meaning: I loved how you transitioned from scene to scene, but I didn't like that Rose was getting hurt, that she was pushing Scorpius away at first, etc. Your characters were really believable as they went along, and even near the end when I was tearing up, I was really impressed with how you dealt with it all.

I can understand why Scorpius would have wanted to keep his distance from their son, but it pains me to not know if he even knew the kid before Rose's husband, well, you know... The fact that this event (well, that and others, but I'm sure this was a trigger) led Rose to her final decision was really sad and I would be lying if I said I wasn't getting teary eyed near the end.

The last part killed me because of the love Scorpius had for Rose even during those last moments with her. It reminds me somewhat of the scene where Snape kills Dumbledore in HBP, except with more emotions and less double-agent stuff going on. Scorpius's reaction and actions after that happened also made me so sad.

The funeral scene was so sad but it was possibly my favourite part. You can tell that Albus knew what happened and was trying to keep Scorpius from falling apart, even if the latter couldn't remember Rose. The little voice in his head was so sad and I think it's one of the most beautiful lines I've read. It perfectly sums up what happened in the story and I really loved how it was delivered.

This was a great story, and I'm sorry again for being so late, especially since your reviews were so helpful and sweet! Great job!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #17, by maraudertimesNutshell: one.

22nd April 2014:
Hi! Review swap!

This was really cool! I really like this aspect of a James Potter love story! (even if I do feel bad for Jodie) It must be awful to like one of your best mates and have him completely in love with someone else (especially if that someone else is Lily Evans).

Overall though, I loved Jodie. She seems like a very down-to-earth girl and her relationship with Remus already seems very tight. It's nice to see a guy-girl relationship be just a friendship, especially with their dynamic.

Your concept is quite refreshing and I liked what you did with the chapter. Jodie's unrequited feelings are definitely going to get in the way, but I like the idea of her trying to get over him. I can only imagine what Sirius will be doing to help with that...

So far, this seems really good and I hope you manage to update soon! I definitely want to see more of Jodie!

Thank you so much for the review swap and honestly, this is very well done! The only think I would CC would be maybe a little more description, but other than that it was great!

Lo :)

Author's Response: Hi!

James/Lily are one of my OTPs and I wanted to give the James love story a bit of a twist. Hehe yes, Jodie is in a bit of a dilemma. But that can happen when you fall for your best mate, right?

I am honestly so over-the-moon that you like Jodie. I was worried that she would come out as a flat character. She is really close to Remus, and guy-girl friendships are always so genuine and I really wanted to capture that.

Sirius... well, he'll help... in his own way. ;)

Thanks so much for the positive review! And I'm glad we did the review swap. Thanks for the CC... description has always been a weakness of mine. I'll have to work on it.

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #18, by maraudertimesTusk, Tusk: Molly - 1

22nd April 2014:
Hiya! Review swap!

Well this is a quaint little idea! I've never actually seen a Molly/Scorpius fic, so it certainly was refreshing! I absolutely love your Molly by the way. Very different from the usual, but I really like her. Rose is not so different from some fics, but she's also still the same: a little bit pompous. Perhaps even a lot.

Scorpius seems like a likeable character as well and his unrequited feelings towards Rose are a little sad, but nonetheless totally believable (unlike her dating Matt Dean Thomas Jr.).

On that note, why is it Matt Dean Thomas Jr.? Dean Thomas was named exactly that. DEAN Thomas. Not Matt Dean Thomas. Having the Jr. at the end of Matt Dean Thomas's name doesn't really make sense since his name is different from his father's. If his name was Dean Thomas Jr., it would make sense, but maybe you'd want to get rid of the Jr.?

In any case, this was a rather interesting chapter and it's really funny to see Molly and Scorpius, ah... otherwise incapacitated (?) and moaning about this and that. Their kiss and what led up to it was exceptionally believable and I really hope they don't get caught with that bottle!

Great job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: sup >D

haha, thank you! Everyone's been saying that it isn't an usual pairing and its actually surprise me. But glad to say I'm breaking the mold in some way, even if its just one inebriated kiss. ^^ One of the things I've always tried to do with Molly is bring her away from that box that other fics put her into, which where is annoying and uptight like her father, and give her a personality that branches out into a different persona. Something you can do with next gen with nothing set in stone. I have, however, written Rose before but never in such pompous manner, so figured it was time to do so.

Scorpius is fabulous.

You know, you raised a really good question - I think I sort of wanted to get across that he's even MORE pompous than Rose could ever be. I should probably clear this up in some later chapter; maybe its the kids that call him Jr, or switch the names around. Definitely gave me something to think about!

but thank you so much, I appreciate your views on my story ^__^


 Report Review

Review #19, by maraudertimesThe Underdogs: Let the Madness Begin

22nd April 2014:
JANELLE!

I saw this a while back and never got around to reviewing it, so I'm glad I got the chance, because it was super fun!

Your characters are hilarious and I think other than Maude and Frank(lin), they're my favourites! You really nailed the aspect of a tryout with misfits, and I can't believe that poor boy showed up with one arm! Goodness gracious, that would be a little scary!

Every character seems really rounded out, and I like the budding rivalry between James and Maude (well, budding...). It's also super cool you've got a Hufflepuff to show the world that Hufflepuffs CAN be awesome!

This was really great and I'm going to have to keep an eye on this, because you've really started out strong!

Great job!
Lo :)

 Report Review

Review #20, by maraudertimesLove and Be Loved: Hope Is Real

8th April 2014:
I'm so sorry this is late Sarah, but I'm here!

Okay, so I'm crying. I just can't deal with how beautiful this is. I read another entry for the awareness challenge, Thin, and I'm sorry, but I'm going to do the same thing I did when reviewing that and tell you why this means so much to me.

I have struggled with intense self esteem issues in the past, and I still struggle with them now. I had a friend who also had self esteem issues, but she couldn't handle it as well as I could and was nearly hospitalized at one point. My sister is going through what you've depicted Rose going through, right now.

Sarah, you have made me feel better about myself. You have made me want to love myself as much as I deserve. You have made me want to show everyone I care about that they are loved, because no matter what I think, one of them is probably hurting on the inside.

In this one-shot, you have created such dimension in Fleur, someone known to the Harry Potter community as a gorgeous girl. My sister has always been that gorgeous girl. I want to thank you for showing that even someone as striking as Fleur can develop self esteem issues so bad that she ends up doing something she later regrets, because until I found out about my sister, I didn't think that pretty girls could hate themselves. I want to thank you for showing that even those perfect girls can be hurting, because goodness knows we overlook them every day.

The words you took from To Write Love On Her Arms' "Vision" page were beautiful, and you had it structured so wonderfully, and the writing in between each quote was so perfectly worded and mastered that I felt all throughout this. You created a scene from nothing, gave me 3D glasses, and pushed me into it, where I could see everything up close and personal, and experience it for myself.

Your words are binding and although I have cried after reading some things, I have never cried for myself. "I hug you, and hold you, because for every reason you think 'I can't', I can give you a thousand for why you can." Every time I read this, I start crying, because not only have you shown us how Fleur feels, you have shown us how Rose is thinking, and how if we are ever in that situation, what we can do. And you have indirectly said this to me, and everyone reading this.

For every reason I think I can't, someone will have a thousand reasons for why I can. You have indirectly stated that to me, through beautifully crafted words and a story that has broken my heart. Thank you for this, and thank you for saying that to everyone who has read this.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, I don't even know if this is about the story anymore, but I want to assure you, it is. This story has made me feel more than almost anything I've ever read. This story is an example of what I want to be like when I get to be in the same position as Fleur. This story has made me realize that even though I will never love myself as much as I deserve, I should try *because* I deserve it.

You have taken fanfiction and made it something that could honestly save someone's life, that could help someone up when they're down. I'm sorry this isn't as coherent as it should be, and I'm sorry that I have taken so much time about me, but that is the drawbacks to the internet. I cannot stand in front of you and tell you how much this means to me, so I have to resort to rambling in a gray box that will hold words that will never express how much this one-shot has had an impact on me.

So in conclusion: this was wonderful. Everything was perfect, everything made me sad (but in a good way), and I can't tell you how much I love this. Your characters are wonderful, the end is wonderful, the writing is wonderful, everything is wonderful!

Thank you. :)

Author's Response: Don't worry about it being late, hon!

Okay, so, you made me cry, and I'm going to explain why. I have ALWAYS always always always struggled with self image. I've always had a terrible view of myself, and for a while I hated myself. I've been in some really dark places. While I was climbing out of that hole I had managed to dig myself into, I found TWLOHA, and they pulled me out.

To write a story about them, and to show what they do, was already humbling, but to recieve this review? That was more than I ever could have expected. I figured I would move people, this topic tends to, but your review. Just. Wow.

I'm so glad that you connected with everything I wrote, the way I connected with it when I wrote it. I feel like you're not telling me about you, but you're telling me about me. And that is such a gift.

Thank you for this review, I wish I could more clearly respond to this, and I wish I could explain what I mean. I simply want to say thank you for making me cry when I read your review. It was wonderful, and I'm glad you liked the story. I'm so glad you see the message in the story that I wish I could tell everyone. If I could hug you right now, I would. Think of this story as a hug.

Thank you for the review swap hon. ♥

xoxo Sarah ♥

P.S. Feel free to PM me whenever, I'm always available even for just a little "Hello"


 Report Review

Review #21, by maraudertimesPerfectly Pansy: A Proper Pureblood Witch

3rd April 2014:
Hi! Review swap!

This was cool! I never really read about Pansy, but this was positively refreshing! It showed her more vile side, when she interacted with the Gryffindors and then also a little bit with her dorm mates, but I really loved how everything really came down to Draco, and she's really just a love-sick teenage girl. Also, the tidbits about her mother and that's the way she is was really nice and gave an extra dimension to Pansy's character and the story in general.

The scenes with Draco were good, my only problem would be that he seems a little bit too open with someone who isn't part of the Dark Lord's army, although considering he's a teenage boy in the army and Pansy is his girlfriend, I suppose that's to be expected. I did like the kissing her to forget, because it kind of shows that the relationship wasn't just one-sided.

The only thing I really had a problem with was that Cho Chang should not have been in Pansy's Potions class, because she's a year older than Harry and the gang and would have been in seventh year in the time you're writing in, so she wouldn't have been in a sixth year Potions class.

Other than that, this was very nicely written and it was a cute little one-shot that kind of exposed the goodness that even people portrayed as villains can express. Good job!

Lo:)

Author's Response: Hello Lo!

Thank you so much for the kind review! I really appreciate the notes. I am so embarrassed about Cho (I wish I could post that little emoticon with the smiley hiding behind the couch)! I will definitely fix that.

Also, I think you are right about Draco and I have some ideas about how to make him seem more withdrawn - and less open.

Thank you so much for doing the review swap. It was fun!

Beth


 Report Review

Review #22, by maraudertimesEvolution: Ain't No Sunshine

3rd April 2014:
Hi! Review swap!

I really liked how this panned out. It was really cool to see your version of James, and James/Lily, and I've never seen it portrayed in such a way. Usually, Lily is sort of a social butterfly, if not, really sweet and nice and has tons of boys trailing after her, all of whom are only chased away by James. And James is almost always smitten with Lily from Day 1, so to see this contrast, where it was all just to tease the shy girl, is both refreshing, and horrible in the sense that they're so cruel, but it's so marauders-esque that horrible isn't bad. I hope that made sense. In short: I liked it! :)

James's mentality during the scene is really good, and although not much happened and it's pretty short, it's a good introduction and really helped set up the stage for your plot, in my opinion. You have the main characters (the other marauders) set up beautifully as James's friends, and may I say it's a delight to see Peter Pettigrew portrayed as James's friend, not suspicious friend, but honest-to-goodness friend? Kudos on that front!

Other than that, I liked how you used the house elf, because obviously the Potters had quite a bit of money, and in that day in age it would make sense for them to have a house elf, and judging from James Potter I, without Snape being around, the Potters definitely would have treated her nicely, just as you've added in, which was a nice touch (I also loved the bit about the bacon!).

In short, great introduction, even though it's a little small - sometimes less is more. It was really interesting and you've set up everything really nicely!

Great job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Thanks! You are super, leaving a review for me before I had left you one after you proposed the swap!

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and my take on some of the characters and relationships. This was literally the first chapter of fiction of any kind I had written in about four years, so it's good to hear I haven't totally lost it.

I definitely appreciate your comments about it being a little small. I have wondered about this as I have gotten deeper into the story, and I think it's one of a number of things I'll probably go back and tweak or supplement when I edit. My plan was to keep the early chapters fairly short, because I wanted to ping-pong between James and Lily's POVs and use the events of Snape's Worst Memory as a set up for the START of the titular evolution, but I think maybe they're still a bit TOO short.

On a more minor note, I'm also really glad you liked Tinka and the bacon! One of my struggles with the Marauders is humor (I never really write "humor" pieces) and that was my first crack at injecting it in this story so it's comforting to know someone thought it came off.

Thanks again!


 Report Review

Review #23, by maraudertimesWho You Are: Who You Are

25th March 2014:
Hello! Sorry or being so late on this.

Okay, so I have a little checklist thingy, so I'm going to use that to structure this review. First, I think this perfectly fit the challenge, with both your use of the song and also your characters. You used the lyrics "It's okay not to be okay" perfectly, and the summary was stunning in accordance to the piece. Also, both Molly and Annalise are strong characters, one being the broken doll who is totally believable, and her thoughts are very realistic, and one being the athletic girl who is so blunt that making friends does not come easy. I loved both of them and really enjoyed how you wrote their interactions.

Everything seemed good grammatically, although while reading through with a fine-toothed comb, I did notice these:
""What do you want to do after we finish?"" While there's nothing wrong with this sentence, at first I thought Annalise meant what Molly wanted to do after dinner. I had to reread it to catch the meaning of after Hogwarts, so maybe just add 'after Hogwarts' in and you'd be golden!
"I don't want that annoying [insult] knowing about it," he says referring to Lana's younger brother. James and him did not get along very well." While this is completely okay, maybe just put Lana and her brother's last name after the insult? It's totally my opinion, but I just think that would read better?
In any case, those are the only two things I could really nit-pick at (and considering this is my challenge, I do try to nit-pick), so good job on that front! :)

Next, everything was clear, concise, and coherent. I was never confused (maybe a little question-y on the above occasion but never confused), and it flowed very well. Although the time frames jumped varyingly, you pulled it off really well and it blended together seamlessly.

Next checklist question: does it evoke emotions? Needless to say, yes it does. At the start, I couldn't get over my annoyance of Molly's mother and her needling, even if she wasn't there, and even at the end I just couldn't stand her glaring and unspoken jabs at Molly, ohmigosh CAN SHE JUST SHUT UP? Sorry, I just really don't like your version of Audrey (I mean that in the best way possible - you wrote a character who I love to hate, so great job! :P). Throughtout the story I was kind of a background Annalise, wanting to tell Molly that she's perfect without the makeup and that everything would be okay, although when Annalise actually told her, I felt a little bad for Molly, since it's a little earth shattering to hear that, but extremely proud, albeit a little bit iffy, of Annalise (iffy only because the poor girl needs more tact :P). And then the kiss! I was so happy! I thought it was masterfully written, although more on that later. Anyways, I squealed and made happy faces when that happened - it was just so gosh darn cute!

But then everything went down hill, with Molly doing all of that stuff, then everything that happened afterwards, you really painted a vivid picture. Everything was so sad but I was extremely glad that the healer was able to get Molly to open up and get her the help she needed. The ending was the cutest thing ever, although again, more on that later.

Your characterization was spot on. When I first started reading the kiss scene, I was apprehensive about how you were going to pull it off, because to me Molly wouldn't just let it happen (or more accurately, her mother's voice wouldn't let it happen), so it was an absolute delight to see that you wrote Molly freaking out about it (although not so awesome because Molly and Annalise are so cute). That part was just very well done and I was absolutely delighted to see you pull that off!

Okay, so before I end this review, I just wanted to point out some of my favourite quotes. Not really anything to do in terms of reviewing, but I thought it worth mentioning. So without further ado:

"She shouts as she throws each bottle, ignoring the yell, "Ladies do not throw things!"" I love how the whisper turned into a yell here - very consistent with how the story was developing.

""You don't realise that death doesn't just affect you it affects everyone who's even just spoken one word to you!"" I absolutely adore this line and it deserves so much recognition. You've written something so powerful in just 20 words and I commend you on it.

"You deserve better but I'm going to try and be the best you deserve, Molly Weasley."" This line just made me so happy! It's so cute and adorable and lsxufhaker. Molly and Annalise are just so gosh darn cute! :P

Okay, so the point of this lengthy review is to say: great job! I'm so honored to have this story as part of my challenge. The only thing I would change would be to maybe divide it into two chapters, just because as it stands now there are a lot of words, but even so this was an amazing piece and I loved reading it and I feel so privileged to be reviewing it, especially for a challenge I issued.

Absolutely stunning job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hey there! Don't worry, it's taken me an age to respond!

I'm glad you think that it's matched! I was really worried with this because I tried to make it match as possible but I thought it was a bit average but reading your comments have made me smile so much! :D

I adored writing Molly and Annalise's interactions, I never planned on them having a relationship but suddenly my fingers started typing it up and I couldn't get away from it, hahaha!

Ooh, I'll add those in! Thanks for pointing it out! Sometimes you just forget not everyone can read your mind, haha!

I needed to make Audrey an evil cow even though I generally never see her like that, haha! It just needed to be that way to suit the story :p I hated her too so don't worry about it! :p

All your comments have put such a big smile on my face, thank you so much! ♥ ♥

I was going to make it in two parts but I couldn't find a place to separate it. And I thought about leaving it after the part where she tries to commit suicide but then the first chapter would have been 7,000 words and the second would be 1,000 and it would be imbalanced so I decided to just keep them as one :p I spent ages trying to work out a good spot but ah well.

Thank you so much for this absolutely amazing review and thank you for posting such a great challenge! Female power!

- Kayla :)


 Report Review

Review #24, by maraudertimesLion Hearted Girl: Lion Hearted Girl

25th March 2014:
Hi! So sorry for being so late!

Okay, so I have a little checklist for the challenge, so why don't I start with that?

First, this fit the theme amazingly. I loved what you did with the song lyric and I absolutely love Ginny Weasley and I think she is one of the more well developed characters in all the literature that I've read. Next: grammar/spelling/typos! You not only wrote this magnificently, the only typo I could find was:
"You are Quidditch Captain, of course, and you find *your* calling out on the pitch as you lead your team to victory after victory." I think you just missed a 'self' at the end of 'your,' but other than that, it was flawless in that area.

It started strong and pulled me in, especially with you describing Ginny's handwriting at 11 years old spidery. I thought that was genius, considering you ended with describing her handwriting polished. It's such a small thing that I don't think I would have considered it any part of character development had I not read through this with a figurative fine-toothed comb! But it is such a big thing, showing the transition from slightly skittish first-year to mature, polished adult, and that was just amazing!

Everything was clear, concise, and coherent as well, and nothing was ambiguous or confusing, so great job on that! Your flow was impeccable. Although the time line was stretched, Ginny's age jumping years, the way you wrote it was masterful and everything bled into each other like those watercolours of sunsets. It was very nice and really helped draw me in.

Next on my checklist: did it evoke emotions? Yes. Yes it did. I loved how you started with a small and scared Ginny, because I wanted to wrap her in my arms and love her, then you transitioned to the indirect facts of Fred's death (your description of four and half brother - the half being George I assume - was simply heartbreaking), then to Ginny's thoughts of not wanting to let the war define her, which really made me think (I love to think so kudos!) about all the Wizarding War veterans who were asked to be aurors and who turned it down, such as Hermione. After that, you showed Ginny with the Harpies, and I loved how you showed why Ginny decided to go into journalism after Quidditch! Most chalk it up to her becoming pregnant with James, so this reason was mind-blowing and spectacularly fresh! I loved it. After that, the proposal was so cute, and the fact that she had to propose to him because he was stuttering too much seems very Ginny and I aw'd so much! Her tattoo and Harry's response was so cute and I gushed happiness, although I was sad to see that even then Ginny didn't believe him. The new Harpies manager made me mad, although Ginny's rebuttal was flawless and so awesome and is basically the epitome of Ginny Weasley awesomeness - great job on that, by the way, since your characterization was stunning! Then the ending made me so happy and I adored it, especially because I knew myself that Ginny was a lion-hearted girl, and even you hinted at that with saying that she ignored her victories and focused on her defeats. That part really hit me because isn't it true for a lot of people that you aspire to be something you don't realize you already are?

All in all, this was a great one-shot and I'm so glad that it is entered in my challenge and that I got the chance to read this and am now reviewing this because it truly is amazing. I should probably stop soon because this is getting to be the longest review I've ever written, but the gist of this lengthy review is: Amazing job! I loved this and how you used the challenge rules/guidelines successfully while making this superb!

Absolutely stunning job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: AH THANK YOU SO MUCH AND I APOLOGISE IF THIS RESPONSE IS RIDICULOUSLY INCOHERENT

Firstly, that's not a typo - 'find your calling' in the idiomatic sense of finding what you're "called to do" - as in "you've missed your calling" etc - but I can see how that could be confusing :)

I honestly don't know how to respond to everything else, you've been so lovely! I do love that you've picked up on those little details -I was very proud of the way the handwriting tied everything together and it's incredibly gratifying to know that someone else appreciates it. When I first started writing this, I didn't intend for it to span as many years as it did, but it seemed to fit and I enjoyed putting in my own 'headcanons' too much to stick to when she was seventeen. I always found the idea of Ginny switching careers because of pregnancy/necessity at odds with her character, and exploring the other possibilities behind it - and the passion she found for that second career - was one of my top priorities when writing her as a young woman.

I think it's easy to overlook exactly how the war, and everything that happened to her (not just her family, though that has an importance impossible to overstate) affected her and would have affected her perception of herself and her abilities, particularly the possession and subsequent loss of agency. It's subtle, but it's woven into the way she thinks for many years afterwards. I think it's also important to show that she is and always has been an incredibly strong character despite those doubts, and the two aren't mutually exclusive - she's not defined by what has happened to her - which of course fits into the reasoning behind her turning down the Auror job. It's a difficult balance to strike, acknowledging a character's experiences as potentially traumatic and very influential/formative, but also showing how they rise above those experiences to the point you sometimes forget what they've been through. I think that's Ginny's story in a nutshell, and if I've in any way done that story justice with this piece, then my work here is done.

Thank you so much for such a detailed and fantastic review, and for the challenge which inspired this!



 Report Review

Review #25, by maraudertimesBrain Activity: The Zombie Lord

19th March 2014:
Hello!

So I've seen this story mentioned around the forums, but I never really went looking for it, so I'm really glad for the Blackout Battle because it led me to you and this crazy, out-of-this-world, totally AU, completely unpredictable, hilarious fic that probably shouldn't have been called Om Nom Nom Brains, but that would've made me laugh.

Writing canon characters, especially the golden trio or even the silver trio, can be really tricky and unfortunately I've seen quite a few fics where they just haven't brought the characters quite to the same level as dear J.K. Yours however was simply marvelous and I utterly loved Hermione and Ginny and how you portrayed them. So Kudos on nailing such a difficult task! :D

Then as an added bonus to the whole "canon characters are exceptionally well written" thing, your plot is so unique and so out there, but already it seems flushed out and it shows that you put a lot of thought into it! It's intriguing, exciting, adventurous, slightly humorous, and all around awesome in every single aspect.

But seriously. Why would Hermione risk something so scary as attempting to revive someone? Bad things happen when people try and do that! Example 1: well this. Harry turned into a zombie. A literally zombie. This is the best example ever as to why you shouldn't try and reanimate dead bodies. Either they won't come back to life and you'll look like a fool, or they will and try and kill/harm you. Neither seems like a good deal.

Anyways, back to the story! I liked the Next Gen characters you've got, especially how we still haven't really met them fully but I feel as if I know their personalities through your telling of their careers, how they handle grief, and small snippets of conversation. You write them and everyone else in the story excellently and it's simply wonderful!

Your description is simply awesome as well, especially the scene where Hermione is trying to revive Harry (again: BAD IDEA!). The small details about the liquids and the rest of the room really gave the scene extra dimension. I hope what the liquids were and what happened gets cleared up somewhere in the future of this fic, because I'm really curious to see what exactly happened and exactly what to avoid when attempting to reanimate a dead person. (Even though I still think it's a bad idea, can't hurt to know these things.)

Also, I really liked how you included the little facts about Harry's grandparents and how they died early, and how some speculate James might have died when Harry was young if Voldemort hadn't, you know, killed him. It's so cool to see canon information like that used in this way and I've never seen an explanation like this, so I really enjoyed it!

Okay, I haven't made much sense I don't think, or that's the sleep deprivation telling me I haven't made a lot of sense, but great job! Absolutely amazing job! Everything's so wonderfully written and just completely awesome and I adored every second of it!

Again, stunning job!
Lo:)

Gryffindor vs Slytherin Blackout Battle Review 6/6

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>