Reading Reviews From Member: randomwriter
  
113 Reviews Found

Review #26, by randomwriterHow To Not Procrastinate: The Five Easy Steps

22nd January 2014:
Hello :)

I haven't read or reviewed anything in ages, but I saw that you'd placed in this challenge, and your story really caught my eye, so I thought I'd give it a read.
And I am SO glad I did :D

You had me hooked from the first word. I haven't read too many stories like this one. So I'll definitely give you points for originality. And humour of course. I swear. I just could not stop laughing. The scene by the lake had me in splits. So did Sirius' constant remarks. And the last line about him going 'stag'? HAHAHA xD Your entire story was just so witty and humourous. I really think you have a knack for writing light-hearted humour.

I love Jily stories. And I think this one is definitely unique. I enjoyed every word of it, even though there was no romance as such. I really think you should write more humour. I'd definitely give it a read!

I absolutely love the flow of this story, and I think that the way you've managed to make it work with Montgomery's steps is just great! ^_^ Also, I think I need that book. Procrastination is my thing.

I didn't spot too many mistakes, honestly. I was just too busy laughing to even keep my eye out. But I'm sure you're good :) There is this one place though, where you've said 'purposefully', but I think 'purposely' is the word you were looking for.

I missed your Author's note and went straight to your page, in hope to find something else to read. But unfortunately, this is your only story :( Anyway, I think it's a great first attempt and I'm sure to come back and read this whenever I need a pick-me-up or a good laugh.

Congrats on placing :) And I hope to find something new the next time I visit your page! (Yeah, get writing :p)

Author's Response: Hey!

Oh thank you! I'm glad you found it hilarious, I was worried that it would be kind of lame. I love that last line too. Wow, thanks, I was definitely trying to make it a mainly humorous fic and I'm really happy it came across that way. :D

I'll correct that mistake when I go back and edit. Thanks for picking it up. :)

Hahahah, hopefully I'll have something up soon because I have a few ideas but I keep procrastinating. I need that book too!!!

Thanks for this lovely review and dropping by. I'm literally just smiling (really creepily) at the computer screen reading it.

- Tash


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Review #27, by randomwriterThe Nightingale's Lament: The Nightingale's Lament

18th November 2013:
Sian :)
I wasn't supposed to be reading anything today. I'd set my time aside to catch up some other stuff, but I simply couldn't resist this.

All my efforts at trying something as petty as exercising a bit of self control have gone in vain, and I am sobbing uncontrollably now. This is definitely going to my favourites.

I finished reading this a while ago. Once it ended, I was overcome with the sort of feeling that renders you helpless. I really didn't know what to do with myself. Was I Vicky? Well, I don't know. That's what I was asking myself. That's how well you delivered this one. I felt like I was her.

I promise you. I just stared at this plain wall in front of my face for at least fifteen minutes, thinking. It took e fifteen minutes to feel confident enough to type out a coherent review, and I'm doubting that now! AND, oh my god, I love that you made me think. I LOVE it so much. Not many stories have that ability. Yours certainly does. It demands the reader's attention.

I don't know what to say, Sian. If I told you that it's perfect, I probably wouldn't be doing it any justice. That's how amazing it is. I don't know how your brain works, but it's amazing. Simply beautiful, honestly! I'm so jealous of your abilities.

(Note-I still haven't stopped crying. In fact, I'm a wreck.)

Okay. I suddenly LOVE Vicky Frobisher now. And I think that she belongs with Colin. And I can't fathom the possibility of them being apart. It's not right. Vicky Frobisher and Colin Creevey Would you believe that?

I love how you wrote them. There is this sense of comfort and ease and I found that very endearing. It really put a smile on my face. All their conversations, the dialogue and everything was lovely! They sort of... well, fit, you know. So SO well. And you have a firm handle on human emotion. Everything you described was spot on, I think. Their relationship was very nicely done!

I love how you took Vicky, a character about whom we hardly have any information, and gave us THIS. It's splendid. I wouldn't know where to start and I'd probably have mixed up Quidditch and Charms in one clumsy one-shot. THIS is on a different level. I don't know how you did this, but it's magic.

I love that you brought in a reference to Harry and Ginny. It fit well into the story, especially towards the end. Raw human emotion-jealousy- is a very natural reaction to such a situation and I think it really made a difference, emotionally.

Another thing I absolutely adored was how you juxtaposed the present with her memories from the past. But more than that, I love how you showed that everything- and I mean literally every single thing- reminded her of Colin or of memories about him. You weaved the past into the present really well. You connected them together with subtle references to things like colour. I thought it was really clever and showed that this piece is of a remarkably high quality.

Another thing I love (Well, I might as well start quoting the entire thing, but I'll keep it generic) was the flow. It was easy to read and it really didn't feel like it was 7000+ words long. You apologised for it being too long. That, I have a problem with. I felt that it was too short. I could read about Vicky and Colin forever! I can just sit here and read and read and read. Seriously.

Also, your descriptions. Out of this world! WOW. They were so vivid and I really liked how I could visualize every single thing. And the comparisons and connections with the different colours was also a really nice addition, as I mentioned. I think that it's right up there, in terms of description. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Only issue I had was that since you were writing about Colin, I expected his love for photography and his camera to play a slightly greater role. I know that it wasn't your focus here, but maybe Vicky could fondly add how she loved that there was always a camera hanging on his neck or something? That, of course, is just a poor example, but I thought that one or two mentions about his camera would certainly solidify the already strong characterisation and make it irrefutable. Apart from that, there were a few capitalisations and commas that you missed, but it seems trivial to pick on such things. I only noticed them when I re-read it!

OH, and I don't want to forget! The refrain (I know that it wasn't one technically, but still) of the nightingale and strong presence of the bird in different forms throughout this was a very nice touch. It was interesting and added to the emotional connect. The title of this was very apt, by the way!

I'm just starting to get a grip on myself after having a good cry about the unfairness of this. Sian, you're guilty of doing this to me, and countless others, I'm sure.

There was something about the way it transitioned seamlessly from present to past, something about its visceral nature that just struck me.

Some stories, they touch your heart. This one grabbed mine. I'm going to favourite it and commit emotional suicide by re-reading it many more times. So, expect a river of tears and feels. And lots and lots of love directed towards your lovely story! It's beautiful. And I can't think of anything to more accurately say it. Colin and Vicky forever.

Love
Adi *sob* *hug* *squishes*

P.S- Kiana! Damn you for sneaking in the first review. And since it's taken me so long to type this out (and stare at the wall), damn whoever else got here before me :P

And Sian. :) (Hope I didn't bore you with this. It's incredibly long!)
*sigh*

Author's Response: Adi! I'm sorry I've taken so long to respond to this and other reviews, but I hope you know that I still really appreciate this. As well as being overwhelmed by RL, it's taken me this long to form a coherent review. Just... thank you. It means so much.

Thank you for the favourite, as well! ♥ This review has just showered me in compliments and made my day many times over. Vicky kind of took over and wrote herself, so the fact you felt that means an incredible amount. I really want to touch people with my writing, so to hear I've achieved that is amazing.

This response is just going to be a long list of thank yous - I can't say it enough. To hear you love this and think it's perfect is the biggest compliment I could receive on my writing. Thank you!

Since Vicky and Colin are now a pairing in my head canon, I might be secretly thrilled you're shipping them... I really didn't want the moments in their relationship to seem forced, so saying I wrote them well really means so much.

Is it bad if I say I'm glad I made you cry? Probably, but I can't help smiling at that fact! ♥

You already know I love minor characters, but I had so much fun crafting a character for Vicky! She's barely mentioned in the books so I had a lot of freedom; the fact she was still able to touch you makes me really happy.

I'm always a bit worried about writing main canon characters, but I felt like including Ginny was important so that I could include the jealousy later on. It's not one of the nicest aspects of grief to focus on (not that any of it is) but I felt like it was important to include it, because it's very real and natural.

The fact that it flowed is very reassuring, because I was worried the transitions and connections would seem awkward and clumsy. Colin was so much a part of her life that she couldn't avoid being reminded of him, and I'm glad I conveyed that.

I wrote most of this in a day, and the words just kept flowing, so I was worried it would bore people by being too long. I'm glad it didn't!

Thank you for those suggestions! I'll definitely check for typos and see where I can improve on that aspect of Colin's characterisation!

In literature, the nightingale often represents connections between love and death, so it seemed perfect to include. I'm pleased the repetition worked and it tied in with the title - it just seemed to fit for me!

I don't think you could give me any higher compliment than saying this touched your heart. It means so much to me and I can't thank you enough for this brilliant review!

Thank you! ♥


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Review #28, by randomwriterJust Go With It: Running Away

15th November 2013:
Hello Ashwini! :)
I'm back. Courtesy, REVIEW TAG! :D
I know it has taken me a very long time, I'm so sorry! :( I should learn to be more prompt with these things!

Anyway, onto the review.

I'm liking the sound of Amy. She seems like a free-spirit and I really like such characters who aren't afraid to break free and go their own way!
I think you have a lot of potential to develop a great character here and I hope that you have explored her further in the coming chapters because it is loads of fun to read about her! :)

I love how you've given the readers two very disconnected chapters here. It keeps us guessing and wondering. It's a wonderful way to keep your readers in the loop. Personally, I'm trying to figure out where the two stories overlap.

I do have some CC though, and I hope this doesn't sound too harsh! Firstly, I think I mentioned this in the first chapter too, but I'll say it again. Your paragraphs are quite dense and it makes the story difficult to read or concentrate on. If you could break up your paragraphs, it'd be great!

Secondly, description, description, description! Trust me, you've got some great stuff here and it's the kind of story that lends itself well to a little bit of description. Not too much, but there has to be a balance. I would love to know how all of this looked or how it all felt! Flesh it out a little and you're set :)

Thirdly, I see that you've made some grammatical errors and some of the words have been used out of context. Don't worry! It happens to the best of us :) But if you could get a beta, I think it would be very helpful to you because I think that sometimes, as a reader, you see a mistake and you stop and correct it in your head. A few of those don't distract the reader much, but there's a point where we have to stop-and-correct a little more than we should. So, I'm not saying that this is bad, but I think it would be nice if you could have the mistakes edited out :)

Finally, and if you allow me to be brutally honest, Amy... She's a witch who's of age, isn't she? So why couldn't she apparate out? Or why didn't she cast a couple of spells here and there to aid her in her escape? It just seems highly unrealistic to me that a witch like her would not make full use of her magical abilities in such a situation.

Also, maybe you were going for a reckless personality, but you described her as a naughty girl. and it seemed a bit childish, but that's just me :P

Overall, I think that there's a lot of room for improvement here, but what you have so far is quite interesting. I like your OC and hope that you will be able to develop her well. I wish to find out how her story is linked to Krum's and I will be back soon :) In the meantime, if you ever need any help, do shoot me a PM and I will do what I can!

I'm sorry if this seemed sort of harsh. I'm only trying to help and I do tend to include a lot of CC in my reviews! It's just all the advice I can give and I'm sorry if I gave a bit too much or if it's all rubbish! :P

Hope this was helpful! :)

Author's Response: Hi there! It was nice to see you back for the second chapter. :)

Yes, I have tried to explore her slowly through the upcoming chapters. I didn't put much description into this for I wanted to tell more about her through Viktor's perspective. You'll have to come back for chapter 3 if you want to know how they meet though! ;)

Well, you do make sense. It didn't even come to my mind that Amy might use spells or something to escape her house! Thanks so much for mentioning that! I'll definitely edit the chapter and make some changes. =]

It wasn't harsh at all! Neither this was rubbish. Thanks for the lovely review!

Ashwini


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Review #29, by randomwriterBroken Crown: Scorches.

15th November 2013:
Hello Kiana! :)
I'm here for our swap. Sorry it took me a while to review this. I've been fairly busy!
On a side note, WOOHOO for completing 50K already! *hands over celebratory cake and balloons* :D

Okay, now onto the story.
I really like the idea of a short story collection about Andromeda's life. I too have a soft soft for her and I'll definitely stick with this story :) It'll be interesting to see which moments of her life you choose to write about, and how you show them.

I really liked the voice in which you wrote this. Andromeda's inner voice, I think, is perfect, especially because it is so simplistic and it goes well with her only being eight. You've written her thoughts well too.

Showing Bella as the darker one from their early years. I also like that Narcissa is the follower without a backbone, because it explains her later self quite well. Andromeda, of course, is already slightly breaking away from everything her family stands for. I like how you didn't show it explicitly because she still is a child, after all. But you can see the signs here, and I think that it's a great way of building her character. We don't see much of Lucius, so I'm not sure. But he seems like the kind who does as he's told. So I suspect that he was taught 'the proper ways of being a pure-blood' when he was younger, and he might just have absorbed it at it's face value without questioning it So, that's a plus on characterisation! :)

I especially loved the conversation between Bella and Cissy because it shows how they were conditioned to hate muggle-borns from their childhood. In a way, it wasn't even their choice.

About the flow and the pacing, I really like how you didn't drag it out. It was somehow fitting because she's very young and childlike and the human attention span during that period is very low, if that makes sense. It somehow felt appropriate. I had to re-read some bit because it was slightly confusing, but not enough to really detract from the story, so maybe you could see if you want to edit some parts, but I don't believe that it's necessary.

All in all, this was a really nice read and it fit in really well with the image I have in my head! Ping me when you update next :) I'm sure to read it.

Love Adi :)

Author's Response: Hey Adi!

It's fine, I've taken a while to respond to this so we're quits :P Thanks for the cake by the way!

I'm so glad that you liked the idea because when you think about it an awful lot of things have happened in it yet no one seems to write her so I hope to create a revolution with more emphasis on her :P

Yes Narcissa as the follower is sort of a recurring theme throughout this short story collection so I hope you like it. I'm glad you liked how Bella and Andromeda are also mimicking their later characters as I wasn't too sure about it. Lucius will pop (I think?) again in this so no worries you will see him again!

Yes, I would definitely agree with that for Bella though I do hope to show a different side to Cissy so watch and wait :P

I tried to not drag it out because I used to do it all the time with pointless description and stuff but it just made it worse even if it was longer :P I'll definitely re-read it again because I think at times it delved too much into a child's mindset thus leading to the confusion that you had!

Thank you for this wonderful review, I will definitely ping you when the next chapter's up which I hope is in a couple of days!

-Kiana


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Review #30, by randomwriterHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Any Sufficiently Advanced Technology

7th November 2013:
Hello Dan :) I hope it's alright if I call you that. I gathered that it is your name from the forums. I'm so sorry it has taking me longer than expected to come back. I've been buried under uni assignments. The next couple of months are going to be very hectic and I might take a while, but I will read this story right up till the very end even if it takes me a while. Of that, I'm sure.

Now, about this chapter... it was incredible. My eyes had misted over by the time I got to the end of it because so made me so SO nostalgic. I really felt like I was reading some thing written by J.K Rowling herself! In spite of that, you've managed to retain some of your own writing style and I personally felt like it was the best of both worlds.

Your characterisation is amazing. I can't fault you anywhere. Harry, Ron and Hermione- PERFECT. I'm in awe of how well you've written them. This is certainly one of the best stories on the archives in terms of the characterisation. I'm certain. I love how they still spend time together in the same way and share the same relationship even in their later years. I also enjoyed how you focused on that in this chapter. It was lovely to read, and it definitely added to my growing nostalgia. At the end of the chapter, I just sat back and stared at the screen for the longest time because I really don't know what to say to you that 55 people haven't already said. At the same time, no matter what I say, I don't think I will ever find the words to tell you how well I think you've written this.

Another thing I that really made me happy was the inclusion of Hermys, who seems like a really lovable house-elf! I could imagine Hermione's discomfort, but I know that Harry would treat him well anyway. I love that you mentioned Kreacher too. Can't say I've ever read a story that's paid even the slightest attention to his existence. It made me smile.

Rose and Scorpius sound lovely! they're one of my favourite pairings and I always enjoy reading about them. As most of my head-canon IS Delicate and Still Delicate, this fit in so perfectly. I really smiled the Heathrow evacuation bit because I particularly enjoyed that scene in Delicate and always laugh at it, no matter how many times I read it. Also the bit about Rose being so close to Teddy also felt like a touch of familiarity as it fits with my head-canon. I know it's a very subjective thing, this whole talk about head-canons, but for ME, it was just perfect. I love how you've shown Rose and Harry. They share a father-daughter bond and are extremely close for sure, which warmed my heart, really.

I know that you are yet to introduce Ginny, but I've already begun to feel upset at the thought of her demise. The boggart bit made me so curious. I simply can't wait to find out what happens next and what the Conspiracy of Blood actually is. I NEED to know. There are so many questions burning through my mind right now.

I'm so jealous of your abilities! :P There are many many more things that ran through my mind as I read the story, but as of now, I can't remember anything else because I'm so consumed by emotion.

I LOVE THIS. Thank you for writing it. It's like I'm reading a new Harry Potter book again! Yay!

Amazing. That's all I can say!

Love
Adi :)

P.S- This is so freaking brilliant, and it's only chapter 3! :P

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry it's taken me days to respond to this...

This was my chapter where I tried to catch everyone up on what has been happening in the wizarding world in the quarter-century or so since the epilogue of Deathly Hallows, at least in my version of it, anyway. For twenty out of those twenty-five years, things were pretty awesome. I'm glad it all felt nostalgic to you because I remember feeling the same way while I was writing it.

I am incredibly pleased that the Trio all sounded authentic to you. That, more than anything, was what I was going for with this story. I want readers to feel that continuity with the characters they remember from the books. I hope it keeps working for you.

I really, really came to love Hermys as I wrote this. He's cut somewhat out of the mold of Dobby, except he doesn't have any desire to be a free elf. He's very traditional and fiercely devoted to Harry and his family. You'll see a lot of him in the story.

The whole Rose-Scorpius relationship is very much a product of the head canon I took away from reading Delicate. I've changed some of the details to fit my own imaginings -- they get pregnant after leaving school for instance -- but the dynamic between the two of them is definitely the same. I do love the two of them together, not least because of the mental trauma it was sure to have inflicted on Ron and Draco.

You'll find out more about what happened to Ginny in the next chapter, although the complete story isn't revealed until the very end. Her death and the conspiracy are closely related. All will be revealed in time...

Thank you for all of the kind words. They really mean a great deal. Again, sorry for being so slow to respond. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #31, by randomwriterHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Everything That Ever Mattered

1st November 2013:
Hi again! Told you I'd be back!

OH MY GOSH. You're going to make me cry with this one. I'm certain. This chapter was so heart-breaking-ly beautiful. Initially, I thought he was having an actual conversation with Ginny. But when she didn't reply at all, I began thinking that something terrible must have happened. At first, I thought she might be dead, but I was hoping against hope that she wasn't. Then, towards the middle, I thought that she'd been through a terrible accident and could not talk or move or something like that. Perhaps she'd been tortured? But then THAT happened. The Ending. And gosh, it was so beautiful and sad. I can't even put my feelings into words. Gah. I felt so broken when I read it.

It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Your writing style is so amazing. I can't imagine any better way of writing this. The kind of feelings it made me feel...Just... WOW. I have no words. Really.

I love how you're telling this. I'm guessing that the prologue was about what happens later, because Harry is SO alive in this. THIS seems like JKR's Harry himself. Anyway, this is the actual beginning of the story, right?. It's so clever of you! And I'm sitting back in my chair, thinking, "Hmm... When's the last time I felt this way after reading just two chapters of a story?" I feel so attached to this already. You're such a great writer and I'm kicking myself for not reading your work earlier.

I really like the fact that you seemed to have used all the nextgen characters in the story, and then some more. I like it when writers do that.

Many post-Hogwarts/nextgen stories portray post-Voldemort Harry's life as something straight out of a fairy tale. He has everything, gets everything he wants, not a care in the world. I'd be guilty of that too, i guess. But I like how you've decided to show a side of him that's broken; that has lost everything; that actually feels empty. I feel so So sorry for him, but I love reading this.

Can't wait for more! :) trust me, I'll be back. Your story is worth it.

Adi :)

Author's Response: Hi, there! I can't tell you how happy I am to see you back. :)

Aww, I hate to make anybody cry, but I'm incredibly pleased that you felt the emotions in this chapter. Believe me when I say that it wasn't fun to write. At the time, this was the most emotional thing I'd ever written. I tried to conceal the truth about Ginny for as long as possible, mostly just to build things up and hopefully to let the reader absorb what Harry was talking about without that horrible emotional context. I love the fact that Harry seemed genuine to you. That's probably the most important thing I was shooting for in the entire story.

The scene that begins in the prologue is actually from the end of the story, in chapter 38. So this is the actual beginning. It sets the tone for a lot of what Harry will be dealing with in the story. I really appreciate all of the compliments. :)

A major part of the plot of the story is Harry struggling -- and mostly failing -- to deal with the huge void left behind by Ginny's death. As the story goes on, you'll find out more about the circumstances of her death and Harry's borderline obsession with it. Stories where characters don't have a care in the world can be fun to read, but they're not very realistic unfortunately.

Wow. I'm really enjoying your thoughts and feedback. Thanks so much!


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Review #32, by randomwriterHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Prologue

1st November 2013:
Hello CambAngst :)

When I saw you on Review Tag, I immediately posted below you because I've been wanting to read your work and it's a shame that I haven't gotten around to it earlier! A lot of people have been telling me to read Detox, actually, so I almost did, but then I looked around your page and found this. The summary, the banner and the fact that you've won a Dobby for this drew me in, to be honest. You might not notice this review, but after reading this chapter, I can tell you that I will certainly leave you 41 reviews. Which means that when I'm done, this'll be on 999 (if I've done my math right, which is often not the case! :P). That is, if nobody else sneaks in a review and I highly doubt that.

Okay, I'm supposed to be leaving a review, not getting all rambly and doing math. I'm sorry! I'll get on with it.

I love how you've set this up and I can tell, straight away, that I haven't read anything like this. I'm curious to see where this goes, and I'm wondering if your story takes off with him already being dead, or will we see some of him alive as well... Guess I'll find out as I read this. (I'm kinda stating the obvious, right? :P)

I really really like how you've written Harry. I think it's really hard because the entire series is based around him and there's so much that's already been said (and written). Slipping into JKR's shoes is certainly no easy task, but I think you handled it extremely well!

This chapter has given life to many questions in my mind. I'm wondering if Harry is actually dead. I was also wondering when exactly this happened and why he hadn't brought up any of the Weasleys and all that, and then you introduced Ginny, which made me think that she too is dead, which could imply that this takes place much later than I initially imagined. Oh, to say I'm very VERY intrigued, would be putting it all too mildly!

Excellent start. Very original. Very interesting!

You had me hooked from the start and I know I'm going to love this story. Great work! I thoroughly enjoyed it :)

Adi :)

Author's Response: Hi, Adi! I've seen you around the forums quite a bit, so it's nice to make your acquaintance.

I always love finding a new reader for CoB. It was my first work published on the archives and I'm still quite attached to it even though it's been a little over a year since I marked it Complete. I really do hope I'm able to get to 1,000 reviews, but if I was on 999, I could probably handle that as well. ;)

Part of the reason I wrote this story was because I hadn't seen one like it. The time period that it's set in and the way that characters (canon and original) from four generations of the Weasley/Potter family play a role in the story is -- I hope -- kind of original. At any rate, it was a lot of fun to write... most of the time.

I really don't want to give away too much at this stage of the game, so I'll just tell you the following two things: First, there is a reason why both Harry and Ginny are at King's Cross. Second, the prologue is the first part of a much longer scene. The rest of the scene is in chapter 38.

I'm glad you find it intriguing and I really hope I'll be able to keep your attention. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #33, by randomwriterTime Marches On: ...tick...tock...

28th October 2013:
Cannons! :) I'm back! (You must be so bugged of me by now :P) Anyway, I've been wanting to read this ever since you reviewed 'Myrtle' and told me that it inspired you to write this. I couldn't believe that my work had such a great influence on someone, and that review made my day. Seriously! I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. I've been so busy!

Now, onto the review! Your story was just so SO powerful. I haven't read many stories revolving George and angst, probably because I tend to stay away from stories that focus on Fred's death. I'm still not over it. I've always felt so bad for George. It's difficult to lose a family member, but Fred was so much more to George. They shared such an amazing bond, and his death was extremely tragic.

You've done a great job of writing this in second person. Not many stories are written that way, and I don't know if you've done this before, but I can say that you've mastered it perfectly!

I also enjoyed the way you've written this. It's so stylistic and lyrical. I think you've done a great job, especially by adding the refrain- 'Tick-tock...' It was so powerful and rhythmic.I loved it.

I like how this story didn't really follow a story line or plot, but simply focused on George and his emotions. You've done great justice to his feelings of extreme grief and bereavement.

I found a few errors here and there, but I see that you've gotten it beta'd already. Maybe it's just something you both missed. A read through should solve your problems :)

For example, One moment you were duelling side by side, fighting for a cause, as you had always hoped (INSERT COMMA HERE) the next your twin falls, dead before his chin smashes in-to (no need to hyphenate) the concrete.
Gosh that is such a minor thing, I feel stupid for pointing it out.

"You are times prisoner."- This line was amazing. I loved how it just pulled me in, like a trap. It goes well with the emotion and sentiment of the piece. Just one thing- it should be 'time's'. There's an apostrophe.

"They see him in you, but he is gone, and time marches on. "
^Another line I absolutely loved. It made me feel so sad and hollow. I think that being able to evoke such emotion in a reader is a mark of a great writer.

Towards the end though, I felt this duality where I found it both realistic and not very realistic at the same time. While I thought that George's emotions were realistic, for he had lost his twin, I felt that there was something off about how he kept wondering who would crack the jokes and make things fun. I know that Fred was often portrayed as the funnier of the two, but George was no less really. And he was completely aware of that, so maybe he would have wished for death to have taken him instead, but I doubt he'd question his own abilities in this regard. Maybe if he'd wondered if he'd ever find anyone to joke with, or if he'd ever feel like cracking jokes again, would have been a little more realistic. But that's just it to me. Many people might not agree with me here. it's just an opinion :)

You went back to drawing comparisons, to give the notion that George is caged and has lost his freedom. The phrase 'prisoner in his own mind' really stood out. Once again, it made me feel. It's brilliant.

There's another phrase where you've said 'but the smallest things set you of'. It should be off, not of :)

I would say that this has the most perfect ending ever. It tugged on my heart. Seriously. The last paragraph was so SO beautiful. It was sort of bittersweet almost. It rounded everything up nicely and I'm glad that you made it a point to show that the other's hadn't forgotten or moved on too easily.

Your story is amazing. I'm so glad I chose to read this, and if Myrtle really brought it on, I feel so proud. Of you, of course. For taking on all that angst and turning it into this lovely one-shot! I would really like to read more of your work sometime :)
Great job!

Author's Response: LOOK. I'm going to be honest I have not responded to this awesome review because I don't know how to! It just amazing.

I'm like seriously intimidated by the humungous wall of text above, I don't know where to start!

The fact that you thought it was powerful is great, that's what I was hoping for and the fact that you think I've mastered second person perfectly in this just AHSWIhsaeph iksj !!

Thanks for pointing out the errors, I will try and edit them in at some point.

I just thought that death really messes with your head, emotions and impacts massively in your life that he would feel uncertain of himself in probably every aspect of his life now that he doesn't have Fred including the jokes and stuff. I feel it would be unrealistic if he didn't question himself.

Seriously the fact that you think the endings perfect *high 5* :D

Thanks so much for leaving this massive review, it was so helpful and flattering :D






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Review #34, by randomwriterMake or Break: Make or Break?

28th October 2013:
Hello :) It's a shame that it has taken me so long to get here after all the wonderful reviews you've been leaving me. So, here I am!

First of all, wow. Good on you for writing about such a sensitive topic. It's also very difficult to tackle. Self harm arising out of lack of self confidence is quite hard to write about and I think that you've done a pretty good job out of it :)

Initially, I was wondering why a dare left her so broken. I was surprised to see her affected to THAT extent. But then I read about her stutter and the self-esteem issues, which made sense, you know. I felt like it was probably a built-up reaction, as if this was the last straw. She was tired of being rejected.

I have a friend who used to stutter. Sometimes, he still does. And he's told me a lot about it. His experience, regarding confidence issues (not self-harm) are quite similar. So I think that's realistic. The dare just threw her over the edge.

I just wanted to remind you that Hufflepuffs are not necessarily bad. After all, Tonks was a Hufflepuff ;) It was said that Helga took in loyal people, but since she was so kind, she also took in the students that the other founders didn't want. I know that you didn't mean anything by it, but I just felt like I should clarify! :P

I also spotted a couple of errors. For example, there should be a comma in the first sentence after 'am'. Similarly, you'd missed some commas in a couple of other places. One read through should fix it :)

Also, this bit here- 'I was glad Seamus didnít see me with my wand out about to hex the first years either, otherwise he would of probably ran away.
And hid.'- is a little off, tense wise. And 'of' should be 'have' :P So maybe something like- 'I'm (since the rest of it is in present tense) glad that Seamus didn't see me with my want out, just as I was about to hex those first years either, otherwise he would have probably run away. And hidden.'

Also, Neville's entry seemed a little random. Maybe you could mention him being around before she blows up, rather than adding him in the piece suddenly.

About the scene where she actually lost it- WOW. I don't think I'd have been able to write that. It was crazy, and it actually shocked me. I wasn't expecting it, and I certainly wasn't expecting it to end like that. It's so angsty and sad. I think you could have improved it by adding some more detail and description, but it's great as it is as well. It just seemed a tad rushed.

One last nitpick-y thing I have. You say that she saluted pain like an old friend. I think there' something a little off about that. Greet, instead of salute would be better. If you want to use salute, you might want to change 'friend'. But it's up to you :)

Lastly, I hadn't seen the genre before reading it, and when the story took a turn, I was so shocked. I felt for Leah, I really did. As someone who's confident of herself in most situations, Leah's side of the story was definitely worth a read. I also admire you for putting in a bit of humour, like the part where Leah said that she's eat dragon balls if she ever saw Snape smiling again... OH MY GOD. I laughed too much at that :P
So, all in all, you've done a pretty good job here :) there is some room for improvement, but I'm so glad I read this.

Author's Response: hey! thanks for the review! sooo long :D

I'm so pleased that you thought this was a build up of frustration and anger and...feelings...because that was exactly what I going for.

I didn't really mean much by her being a Hufflepuff but the other houses weren't really suitable for her.

Thanks for you CC I'll edit those in.

I'm pleased that it shocked you and that you didn't expect it!

thanks for the amazing review, I'm seriously bad at responding sadly. ( I don't get enough practise ;))



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Review #35, by randomwriterAll Along: Epiphany

26th October 2013:
Alishya :) Hello! You've done so much for me and it's only fitting that I help you out and leave you a review. You'd said in your Author's Note that you lost confidence and took this down. Don't feel discouraged. You should always be proud of your work, no matter what people say. You've put in so much effort and hard work into writing something, and as long as you love it, you should be happy with it. Nobody can take that away from you :)

Okay, now that I've gotten that bit out of the way, I must warn you that I do include a fair bit of critique in my reviews sometimes, but that isn't meant to discourage you. Please don't assume anything! I'm only here to help.

I really liked the idea behind this story. There is something appealing about reading a story revolving around a 'missing moment'. I'm glad you chose this moment because it was one of those actions that really made a huge difference to the trio, their relationship and the story, of course. I think Ron slightly matured after this, in fact :P

Your characterisation of Ron was pretty good, except in a couple of places. There were two bits where I believed that he didn't fit in with canon Ron. His thoughts seemed a little... well, not like himself. But apart from that, you've handled his thoughts and emotions really well.

I think the story flows well too. There's no odd point which perhaps shouldn't have been there or something else like that. However, there were a lot of grammatical errors that can hamper a reader's experience. I'll point out a couple, but I suggest you get someone to beta read this? If you just need some help (or some beta reading by someone without experience :P), I would be happy to help you, if you'd like.

Okay, so I found that you'd confused you tenses here and there in a few places (has/had, made/make, etc were interchanged). And some words were contextually incorrect (for ex. You'd probably be better off calling Fleur Bill's newly wedded wife, in stead of new-found wife, as the latter usually refers to discoveries and inventions). There were some sentences I'd consider re-phrasing because they were slightly odd.

Another example- He removed the horcrux, and he remembered as he left, her heard Hermioneís distant cry and plead for him.- Hermione's distant cries and pleas for him. Or how about- "He had removed the horcrux and just left them behind, but he could still hear Hermione's distant cries and pleas pounding in his ears."

Okay, I won't point out anything else. But I'm certain you could make the corrections yourself after a quick read through. Having spoken to you, I'm sure you're capable of it :) If you really need some help, you could get it beta'd. Now, as I said, please don't feel discouraged. Your story is still great and I love your idea behind it. I think a little more description would enhance the flow and make it better. Over all, I really enjoyed this, and I'm happy I read it, but I think that it would benefit from an edit. Sorry if this comes across as harsh, Alishya, but I'm only pointing these things out so that you can make your story better! If you just edit it, let me tell you, you have a great story here! :)

Author's Response: Ah! Hey Adi! :D

Thank you for your wonderful critique. I know - I have to go back and edit... I still plan to, just focused on other things right now. :)

And I feel that I brought this up and left it the way it was because I want to look back on this and see how far I came (If I ever improve) - like stepping stones.

Again I still might come back and edit but as of now, I'll just leave this be. ^_^

I'm glad you like the unfilled moments too, because I enjoy writing it because it gives me a lot of muse as to how far I can take things. (n.n)


I'll not take down my stories again. I'll leave em be this time. ;)

And I'll try not to get discourage so much. (Forgive me I have a bit of a self-esteem issue but yeah.)

Thank you so much for your compliments, your support, and for reading and reviewing and it's no problem that I help you! =D I'm always be happy to help!


- Asphodel


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Review #36, by randomwriterwinter, cry.: winter, cry.

25th October 2013:
Maia.

Randomwriter is staring at the screen now. Just moments prior, she was wiping the tears from the corner of her eyes. You story has tugged at her heartstrings and has made her feel immense sorrow for Irma Pince, a character she has never thought about much before.

She deems your story heart-breaking-ly beautiful. She has added it to her favourites. She loves the way you have broken Irma Pince's life into winters that affected her the most, and has enjoyed the style of writing you have used, for it has lent itself to the story well. She likes how you have rejected the use of dialogue tags, even where necessary, because it suits this story and it does not break the flow.

She believes that this might be your best story and that it is layered and complex and very well written, unlike this review, which clearly lacks coherence owing to how disoriented its writer feels. Your story has done that to her.

She has read your story twice. She will read it many more times to come. She is certain of it. She applauds you on your characterisation of Irma Pince. We do not know much about her from the books, but what you have given to her personality, not only fits in well with what is known, but also justifies her character, as it is quite realistic.

She believes that all the scenes were written very well, but the one where Irma fell in love with the boy was the best. It was the moment everything changed because her heartbreak became the reader's heartbreak. It made her relate-able.

She likes the manner in which you chose to end Irma's story. She is proud of Irma for drawing strength from her books and standing up to Carrow. She is proud of her bravery, and smugly adds that she had guessed the book correctly (the first book she ever bought).

Randomwriter could only spot one mistake. She believes that you meant to say 'viscious' hands, not viscous hands.

She wishes to conclude by wishing you good luck for the challenge. She too has entered the challenge and is in the midst of writing a Rita Skeeter story, but she does not know if it will be in the same league as your wonderful piece here. She has her doubts. She wishes to see more great stories on your Author Page because she is in love with your writing.

She will take your leave now and depart before her review begins to annoy you. She wishes to tell you that she loved it one last last before she does- I loved it :P

'Twas a great story, she says. Well done, she adds. I will not use dialogue tags here, she explains and then she clicks on preview, following which she shall submit if no edit is required.

-Adi (randomwriter)

Author's Response: Ahahahaha oh my god, Maia feels this is one of the best reviews she has ever gotten.

Maia wants to thank you very much for leaving such an amazing review, and says she's glad you enjoyed the story. She had a lot more fun than she thought she would writing about Madam Pince and has in fact become quite fond of her, so she's glad you have too.

Maia's impressed you only spotted one mistake! She says that there's quite a few in there, because put this in the queue while it was still in the midst of being beta'd so there's going to be an updated version in a couple of days with zero spelling and grammar mistakes and shinier writing in some places. In this version there's a whole paragraph that got stolen by a goblin. It just stops in the middle of a word! So Maia is glad the story distracted you from noticing that ;)

Maia is glad you liked her lack of proper dialogue and didn't find it horrifically annoying, as many people probably have. Maia likes writing weird stories in weird ways and still can't honestly believe people seem to like them so much. Maia is a little overwhelmed with how sweet people on this site are!

Maia loves you and says thank you for the amazing review.

~Maia (wow, I am so impressed you wrote a whole review like that, THAT WAS HARD!)


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Review #37, by randomwritermurmur.: one.

25th October 2013:
Hi Maia! :)

First of all, I take my hat off to you! I saw the 'Lack a Letter Challenge' on the forums, but I couldn't bring myself to sign up. I mean, how did you write an entire story without using a letter.

I realize that the letter is 'P'. Well, I'm impressed :P And on top off that, you also attempted the 'Every Word Counts' challenge. (Or did you?...This fits the bill!) Another of those challenges that scare me. I've always wanted to try it, but I'm not sure how I'll manage to write a story using exactly and only 500 words.

This was brilliant. The way you started off completely drew me in. It was like you were trying to brainwash the reader in the manner that the necklace was attempting to brainwash Rose. I love how you've written this, especially since it's also for a Horror challenge too. Wow! Talk about challenging yourself on so many levels in just one story! I think you've done a great job. The feeling that this leaves you with (dazed and brainwashed) goes along the theme of horror.

Great job, Maia! I'm off to read your other story in a few minutes! I love your writing so much. I'm glad your page has a couple more from the last time I checked. (I re-read Soaring then :P) ...and meh. I don't care if it's creepy. You're a great writer!

Excellent story.
Love Adi :)

Author's Response: Aww, you're the sweetest! I've entered quite a few challenges recently so there'll definitely be more from me in the next few months, though this was definitely the most challenges I'll be combining into one story! I think the only way I managed to avoid a letter was because it was only 500 words, haha, otherwise a P word would have eventually been unavoidable!

I'm glad you thought the spookiness worked well :) I've never tried to write anything outright scary before so that definitely added yet another challenge to it for me! Thankfully I got inspired by a terrifying prompt or I don't think I would have been able to write something scary! Still, I adore Halloween, so it was worth getting out of my comfort zone for the spirit of the holiday ;)

I'm glad you liked it! And if you haven't read "winter, cry" yet, wow, prepare yourself for a very long and depressing oneshot! Hope you like it haha :)

~Maia < 3


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Review #38, by randomwriterOne Crazy Moment: Taking Risks

24th October 2013:
Hi Sian! :)
I'm back!! Which is great because I usually don't review this fast. I just HAD to. I love your story so much. I only stopped between chapters to favourite it. I'm sorry my previous review looks so weird poem-ish. Something went wonky with the formatting.

Now, onto the review. You writing is so much better in this one. I don't mean that the first one wasn't well written, because trust me, it was great! I just think you've improved here. Especially on the humour front. This one had me laughing throughout and I really REALLY loved Molly's voice! Her internal monologue is so funny and I can relate so well to her sarcastic side! I haven't seen her as sarcastic person. This was a really nice addition :)

I tend to be sarcastic as well, so I really laughed along and GOT her sense of humour. Just the other day, I met a friend and I ended up running into him a couple of days later, so he asked me how I was doing and I replied saying, "Oh! Yes, in a matter of just over 24 hours, SO much has changed." :P Okay, you get the point. I should stop being lame.

Anyway, I usually don't like Molly much. But I really love her in this fan fic! :) The whole clumsy sitting-standing bit and sprouts thing literally made me laugh out loud. And erm, yeah. My brother might have given me a really weird stare because of that... uhhh. I mean I laughed a lot.

The date was described so well! It was natural and realistic and at the same time it was funny! Given their relationship, or lack of it, there was bound to be some awkward-ness and you've written, handled it and overcome it well :)

I love that Cyrus has an adventurous side, and that he's pulling Molly along! Wouldn't hurt her to live a bit maybe :P Like it wouldn't her hurt her to like a guy. (The realisation of liking him made her thoughts a whole lot more hilarious, btw!)

The whole chapter was excellent. I had so much fun reading it. I was thoroughly engrossed in your story. A very original next gen fic!

And I know this review is very gush-y and really doesn't make too much sense, but what can I say? I loved it :D

Keep it up, Sian! I'm off to read some more :D

Author's Response: Ah, this makes me feel even worse that I took so long to respond! *hides* I hope you know this doesn't mean your reviews weren't extremely appreciated! (And I meant to say this in the last response but forgot - you wrote review 70 on this story! Thank you so much!)

Molly's humour and inner monologue was probably my favourite part of writing this. I'm also quite sarcastic, even though I try to tone it down more now, and I loved including that in her character! Actually, just reading this review has made me want to write about her again... gah, no time...

Phew, I'm so pleased that you found the date realistic! I'm so bad at writing these sorts of things, and to be honest I don't know why I chose to write this genre, but I'm glad that you're enjoying it!

Yes, I think that Cyrus is definitely good for her! Thank you so much again for this wonderful review, Adi! ♥

Sian :)


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Review #39, by randomwriterOne Crazy Moment: The Interview

24th October 2013:
Hello Sian! :)

I can't believe I haven't read this before! it's
fabulous! You plot is so original. I can't say
I've read anything from Molly's perspective
before! Not many people choose to write about
Molly, so I think this is a great choice on your
part! And Cyrus is brilliant too! I love that he's
a dragon handler. We don't see much of that in
fanfiction either, so you seem to have found
something incredibly unique to write about. I LOVE
it! :D

Molly's personality is excellent. She's very much
like Percy, but I think she's a lot less uptight.
She's really mature and responsible, and she takes
her work seriously. Which completely fits with my
head canon of her, so that was a bonus for me :P
You've written her really well, and while her
personality might seem boring to people around
her, I think she's going to be very interesting to
read about!

Cyrus. My god. I hate how easily I fall in love
with fanfiction characters, but... Well... He
seems so dreamy and perfect! I am gushing about
him now. It's like Sirius. I can imagine him being
effortlessly hot. As I mentioned, I think your
choice of profession for him is just as different
as unexplored as Molly's and I think the whole ex-
rock star past is going to fit in very well and
make this story so interesting! I was so surprised
that he didn't throw a fit when Molly didn't
change her position on the matter, because we
usually expect such characters to always get what
they want. But it was a fantastic touch!

I already love the way this is going. I can't wait
for more :D Sian, this is great!

Love
Adi :)

Author's Response: :O I can't believe that it's been over a month since you left this review! I'm so sorry... Real life has just been hectic - I'm responding to reviews as a reward for doing work at the moment!

So you already know that I've been hoping nobody would notice this story, but I'm glad that you enjoyed it! I think the fact that I hadn't read many stories about Molly II was why I wanted to write about her. By now you'll probably have seen how her character changes over the course of this story, but yes, you've got her exactly right in this review! She has elements of Percy, but isn't an exact copy of him. I'm glad that came across!

Yay, you like Cyrus! I'm sure there was some wish fulfillment going on here when I wrote this :P His character was so fun to write, and even though he is used to getting his own way, it's no necessarily something that he enjoys... which you've seen by now again!

Thank you for the lovely review, my dear!

Sian :)


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Review #40, by randomwriterJust Go With It: Pain

24th October 2013:
Hi Ashwini!
Wait! Ashwini? :P Fellow Indian, I see. Always nice to find another one over here! :)

Anyway, I clicked on the Random Story button and ended up here. I recognized your penname from the forums and decided to read your story. It looked quite interesting!

I really like the story line you have here. There aren't many stories that concentrate on post-Hermione Krum, and it's always nice to see something new :)

I think you have great potential to develop Krum's character further. It will be interesting to see where you take it from here. At first, I was quite puzzled to see that Krum was still so hung up over Hermione, but after reading the entire chapter, his sentiment made a lot of sense. I think you could spend a couple more sentences connecting his background to his feelings for Hermione to enhance the flow :)

You were very descriptive in the beginning, but it sort of disappeared towards the end. So another thing you could do to improve the flow is add description. Talk about what Krum saw in muggle London, maybe? :)

I do have one suggestion though. You've made a few punctuation and grammatical errors. There's also another issue here, but it's not very huge. There are about three-four words that you haven't used in the right context. As I really think you might have a good story here, I would recommend reading through it again and fixing the errors :) You could also get a beta. It might work quite well. But don't be disheartened because what you've got is of a good standard and you story line is pleasant :)

I would suggest splitting up some of your paras to make them easier to read. Formatting really helps in making sure your work doesn't seem too dense or heavy!

I like where this story is going, and there is NOTHING wrong with romance and fluff! :) Good work, Ashwini! I will be back for more, and I really hope that you didn't mind the constructive criticism! :)

Oh, and your banner and CI are gorgeous! *_*

Author's Response: Ooh, a review from another fellow Indian! :D It was nice to see you here.
I began writing this story just because there aren't many stories about Viktor Krum's life. I am fascinated by his character and I love writing him. =]
I have edited the grammar errors and have split the paras but the version in currently in the queue. Thanks for suggesting though!
The credit for my lovely banner and CI goes to the amazing TDA artists. You can see their names in the summary. =]
Hope to see you back!
Ashwini


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Review #41, by randomwriterThe Sacking of Pomona Sprout!: The Sacking of Pomona Sprout!

20th October 2013:
Hello there :)
I liked your tale quite a bit. However, I feel that it could have been much longer!

Firing the Head of Hufflepuff and the teacher of Herbology would certainly call for a greater explanation, or a more well-drawn out one, maybe! It happened very quickly and I couldn't help but wonder if McGonagall wouldn't let her off for being a great teacher and for being around for quite long!
I'm happy for the fact that you decided to write a piece on the incident you've dealt with. How unique, I found it! The idea of the tale! And I love Neville. Yay :)
All in all, great idea, but could do with a little more explanation, I feel! :)
Good job though!

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Review #42, by randomwriterVenom: A Tragedy: Act One

19th October 2013:
Hello :) I'm here for our swap.
I had a tough time decided which story to pick because you've written so many and they all look very interesting. I finally zeroed in on this because I can't turn down the promise of anything Shakespearean and of course, Rose/Scorpius. I also love Wuthering Heights, which came as a bonus. THIS, for me, is the perfect combination.

I love the style you've adopted to write this one. Your writing is so beautiful and the descriptions are incredibly vivid and symbolic, in a way. I always prefer descriptions that appeal to me in both a visual and auditory sense and this certainly did that very well.

The story line, I can see, is very much along the lines of Romeo and Juliet, except that you've used Chess and rival houses here instead. The idea is absolute genius! I take my metaphorical hat off to you. I've never read anything like this. It's so SO original and I love finding stories like these.

To a great extent your Rose reminded me of Catherine, but there were also many elements of Juliet's character too. The way they fell in love was written so well. Suppose you hadn't mentioned the influence of Romeo and Juliet on your story, I would have still guessed it. That's how well you've re-written (or re-visioned :P) this.

Now, I know that the word 'Tragedy' is in the title, and that the story is very much along the lines of Romeo and Juliet, so I anticipate that there will be death, but I'm already hoping that there's some great plot twist, because you've made me fall in love with them even though there isn't all that much about them, in a way.

Overall, I really enjoyed this and I cannot think of even one negative to say. I'm definitely going to come back and re-read the rest! I'm sure it's great. I've favourited this one because I really enjoyed it so much! Great writing. I love your style and your idea is simply amazing!

Can't wait for more!

P.S- As I write this, it's almost 2.45 A.M. My review may not be entirely coherent. I apologise.
I will come back and read the rest tomorrow :)

Author's Response: Your review is very coherent - for some reason, late-night writing and reviewing results in more interesting ideas coming to light. ^_^ Thank you very much for choosing this story! It's very strange, but there are aspects of it that I'm proud of and others about which I love to receive feedback. :D

It's fantastic to hear that you think this combination of influences is perfect - I hope that you feel the same even if you continue reading, though, since I draw on many of the darker themes from both texts. I'm also pleased that you've enjoyed the style and descriptions of this first chapter - it was a great experience to write in this way, twisting seemingly average scenes into something more menacing. And descriptions should be meaningful, even symbolic - they have to do as much work to tell the story as the plot and characters. :)

Thank you so much for all of your compliments! It means a lot that you think so highly of this chapter and the foundational ideas of the story. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to read and review!


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Review #43, by randomwriterAngular Cuts: Angular Cuts

19th October 2013:
Hi Kiana :) I'm here for our swap! I usually never get reviews done fast, so this is a first! :)

Your Author's Page left me confused because you asked me to pick whatever I'd like to read. There were so many stories I wanted to and I shall add them to my reading list :) The reason I picked this one over the others was that I have never read a story about Pansy before. She's one of those characters that we all put down as irritating and one-dimensional. I was curious to see how you'd built up on that. The second reason I picked this is because the title was really intriguing. It made me want to know more.

I loved your take on Pansy. Through this intense, but short character study, you've been able to bring out so much of her. In a way, you've justified how she is portrayed in the books. You've spoken about her background in the slightest of ways and that might have been a very good reason for the way she turned out. Another thing you did beautifully was bringing out Pansy's identity which manifests itself as more of a non-identity. She is an amalgamation of what people expect her to be. She hasn't ever found her individuality and she isn't her own person. You've written this part of her personality really well.

I love your title, as I mentioned and I love how you've wielded it in the story itself. You've used the title to provide a sort of a backdrop to your entire story, which worked very well here. It lent the piece an almost poetic or rhythmic feel and it was written so well.

There were many powerful sentences or paragraphs in this one-shot that really caught my eye. I cannot possibly list them all (I might end up listing the whole story!), but here are a few I particularly enjoyed. They conveyed a lot more than just the surface meaning.

"At times, she wonders whether her life is an act, a play, a scene laid out for others to enjoy while she can hide from herself. "

"A child playing with life, a child playing with playing. All her actions have been without cause or reason; they were just a game. A game which has to end now she acknowledges the truth of it all. The truth she still tries to deny.

"She knows that the only thing that the cigarettes and the make-up are hiding her from is the person most unknown to her, herself. Nothing more. Nothing less."

And the entire last two paras. They tied up this one-shot really well and I think you did a good job with the ending. One thing I would suggest is to have a single sentence in the end that brings out her pain and angst in a final and definitive manner, but that's just a suggestion. This story is brilliant as it is and I'm glad I picked it. There's so much depth and beauty to it and for the first time ever, I feel like there's more to Pansy than meets the eye! :)

Author's Response: Haha, maybe I should have picked one for you then? :P I'm glad you chose this one though, because I thought the same until I wrote this one-shot and now it's making me desperate to have more information about her and see what she was actually like!

*blushes* I'm so glad that you liked my characterisation of her as I was little worried it might have been too OOC or something like that. You picked up on exactly what I was trying to do because a lot of her behaviour did seem to be rather showy in the book, so it made me wonder whether it was all real or not. Then it sort of evolved into her never really being herself.

I have to admit, it was in the story first and then I chose it as the title, but I'm glad you liked it still! It was poetic though? *blushes again* You're being too nice to me here, and I feel this response is inadequate with it's ramblings.

Yes, I don't think the review box quite stretches into fitting the whole story into it :P I'm really glad you picked out those lines though, as they sort of showed her whole idea of acting and not being true. She does turn out to be a rather helpless person by the end of it.

I'll definitely go and review the last sentence, and see if I can make it angstier (is that a word?) so thanks for pointing it out! Thank you for such a wonderful review, it really, really did make my day, and I hope Pansy's got a new fan now!

-Kiana


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Review #44, by randomwriterThe Last Keepers Of The Light: Chapter One

19th October 2013:
Hello there :) I'm here with your very VERY late review and I'm so sorry! I read this that night, but didn't find the time to leave a review!

Fist of all, I really like the start you've gotten this off to. It was a very nice way to start off the story because the chapter certainly holds a great degree of suspense. It leaves the reader wanting to know more and I applaud you for getting that right! It's really difficult to completely get a reader hooked, but it's worker here :)

I also found your choice of era quite fascinating and interesting. Not many stories are centered around the time when Voldemort's rule was peaking, and for good reason. It's quite a difficult time to write well and master, but you've done quite well! :) Just be careful about staying in cannon ( if you intend to, of course!)

The descriptions were so vivid and pained that I was able to visualize a lot of this and I was able to understand her pain. However, one bit of CC that I have is that there a couple of grammatical errors and a few words which seem out of place, making certain phrases seem a little... um... wrongly worded? I don't know how to put it. Just read through it once and you should be able to fix it! :)

I really enjoyed this chapter, and I apologize once again for how late I am in leaving this review.
So sorry!

Author's Response: Oh don't worry I know the feeling of being busy haha

I'm so glad you like the chapter, especially it being the open chapter and creating suspense was my main goal so I feel very relieved that I have been able to do that.
I do aim to stay somewhat in canon even though some parts of the plot will be completely bizarre and made up.

This chapter was Beta'd but I think the grammatical errors was just me being a bit crazy :p

Thank you so much for reviewing! :)


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Review #45, by randomwriterLike a House on Fire: Rain, Rumours and Plans

17th October 2013:
Hi :) I'm here with a very late review. I'm so sorry :( I'll try to make this extra special.

I know I keep telling you this, but I can't say it enough! Millie is lovely! I love her voice during her Point of View. She's really funny and her personality is so strong. And I know this is insane because she isn't real, but I feel like I can connect with her. If she was real, we'd get along quite well ;)

I am so in love with Sirius. He's one of my favourite characters and I always love him, but your portrayal of him is so amazing, and in many way, it's spot on! He's so concerned about his 'image' and he wants to always be portrayed as the tough guy or the heart breaker, but in reality, he is just as vulnerable and human as the rest of us. I just felt like giving him a hug, honestly!

The plot was absolute genius :D The rain and the rumour. And the best part was about how Millie said that they would definitely own up because:
1) They wouldn't watch Quidditch to be canceled and
2) They wouldn't want anybody else taking credit for their prank. I think that you got that bit spot on. Marauders are proud creatures and they would definitely not share credit :P

As for Dumbledore, I've always had the feeling that he liked the Marauders a LOT despite their pranks. He was always amused I guess. I'm sure he could fix it in just a flick of a wand anyway.

And who loved plot progressions? I DO :D I know Millie is resisting right now, but pretty soon she'll cave I guess. And I can't wait for some White/Black action. They'd balance each other out and it'll be great :D

As for CC, I saw a few punctuation and grammatical errors. There were also some weird sentence fragments. Nothing you can't fix, I'm sure :)
Anyway, keep up the good work! I love it :)
And once again, I'm so sorry for being late.

Author's Response: You don't have to be sorry about that! I totally made up for it by this late reply!

I'm so glad that you like her! There are moments where I don't, just because her reactions to some situations are so different to mine. But then again, because of this, she's quite a lot of fun to write, because I can pretend to be someone I'm not for a bit! I'm so happy that you feel as if you know her really well, and you two would get along!

Sirius is so much fun to write! He's so arrogant and conceited at times, but then he has these great moments, too. Thank you for liking him. More than Millie, I think, I was worried about writing Sirius, because he's my fave character, and you want to do them justice.

I loved writing the prank! It was a lot of fun. And yeah, Dumbledore totally has a soft spot for them. It's difficult not to, because they're just so adorable!

PLOT PROGRESSION OMG YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW EXCITED I WAS. I WAS ACTUALLY BOUNCING IN MY CHAIR AS I WROTE IT.

This entire story needs an edit, so thank you for pointing that out! I'll make sure to find and fix those!

Thanks so much for this fantabulous review!


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Review #46, by randomwriterI Am The Half Blood Prince: I Am The Half Blood Prince

16th October 2013:
Hi there :)

I really like the idea you've got here and though it was quite short, I think you've written in a very powerful manner. However, I feel that if you had just been a tad more descriptive about what you've already got here, it would really help the story. It would lend this beautiful sense of imagery that would work well.

I feel that you got Snape's tone right. This is how he talks to Harry- with an air of superiority, alright. But I didn't quite imagine him to even think like that because we find out about his true nature, his intentions and everything later on.

As for him calling Harry worthless, it's something he does all the time. But I'm just not entirely sure if he actually think that he is worthless :P

About his destiny, I'm sure it has a connection with Snape's conversation with Dumbledore where he remarks that it's as if they're merely preparing Harry like a pig for slaughter. There's some resentment there. I think you've got that bit right. Spot on :)

I think the idea is certainly unique and I haven't come across something like this despite the fact that I'm practically always reading fanfiction. Kudos for trying something new :) Good job, and I'm sorry if this is slightly harsh. Honestly, I did enjoy it. I just had a couple of pointers, that's all! :)

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Review #47, by randomwriterThe Aftermath of the Boggart Incident: A very average day

15th October 2013:
Hi there :)

I'll be honest and tell you that I haven;t read too many stories from Neville's POV. This was one of the few and I really did enjoy it :) I think you've written Neville perfectly. Full points for characterisation.

I watched Harry from a distance, laughing and eating. Why couldnít I be more like him? Cool, on the Quidditch team, lots of friends, clever. I was none of that, I never will be.


^ This line seemed like something straight out of Neville's thriteen year old mind. He only seemed to gain a smidge of confidence later on.

As for Snape, I understand why he'd be humiliated, but I was wondering why he'd taken special pains to talk to him alone. I'm sure he's not as unreasonable as to punish him for his fear. Something he can't change.

I think you also got Lupin really well :) His caring nature towards the end and how he stand up for Neville is something I'd definitely expect Lupin to do. So you've written him very well, certainly.

Finally, I really enjoyed the idea behind the story. There are so many lost moments and to take one of those moments and write about them is great! You did have some punctuation issues and a few typos. But that was all! Good story :)

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Review #48, by randomwriterBlurring Whites: One

15th October 2013:
Nadia! I came rushing as soon as I saw that you'd posted this. I kept wondering if it had something to do with 'Her Only Choice', but I'm glad you cleared that up in your Author's Note.

Now, OH MY GOD. The feels are just too much. I was so close to tears and I had to keep telling myself to keep it in control lest someone walks into my room to find a blubbering mass for no apparent reason. You say that the other one is darker, but I think this one is. Mainly because there's this hopelessness not is present in every fold of this story, and it sticks. I'm done reading it, and I'm still in the 'zone', if you get what I mean. I also think that in the other fic, you'd shown pain only from Lily's perspective. Here, we got to see multiple perspectives, and we got to see multi-dimensional pain from both sides.

To see James so broken, and seeing how that affected Lily was what just broke me. James is always lighthearted and fun and seeing him like this is just SO sad.

I like how you've written this with the whole switching perspectives. It wasn't confusing and I think it was a nice way of telling a tale from all sides.

I think a part of me really hoped that Lily would be able to come back. But I get why you ended it like this. It's a really good idea for the kind of story this is. Another thing I thought I should mention is that this fic seems quite different from your other stories. It really suits you, and I'm glad you tried something different!

Overall, I'm still feeling all forlorn and lost, which means that your story has done the trick. Angst does well on you, Nadia! Good story, bro!

P.S- On a lighter note, I hope I managed to sneak in the first review :P

Author's Response: Adi! Sadly someone else managed to sneak in a review before you... But that's okay because this was pretty awesome.

Yeah, people have asked me that. I couldn't have this be a companion of HOC, only because I needed to change her age and stuff so I made a whole new story for it.

Ah, I was crying as I was writing James' lines and, I tried so hard to look for real life stories for inspiration and to get the feel of someone who's gone through it, and it was agonizing. I had to step aside for a moment, and then continue writing.

I'm so glad you liked that way, I was scared it would be hard to follow, or it would get annoying.

I just wanted to show, that you might want to do it, but you're hurting so many people around you if you do.

I hope you find yourself Adi!

I really like the way you worded it, and it truly is a chain reaction of unnecessary pain all around.

Thanks for stopping by m'dear! ♥


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Review #49, by randomwriterJust Across The Wall: The Scientist

15th October 2013:
Hello quixotic! I LOVE your pen-name :)

I also really REALLY like Coldplay and when I saw this, I just HAD to read it. I've entered the challenge too and I was interested in seeing what you've come up with. Especially because I love 'The Scientist'. I think the style you've employed to write this story goes very well with the tone of the song, even though that is slightly more melancholic and angsty. I like how this ended on a happy and positive note :)

I love how you integrated a real life historic event into your fiction. I love history and I really enjoyed how easily the two worlds seemed to mould. I think you explained how tense the situation was quite well.

I love both your OCs. They seem so perfect for each other! They're love was delicate and complex and I like how they held hope till the very end. It's so heartbreaking sometimes, but knowing that there's light at the end of the tunnel does make it so much better!

I like the sense of wonder that seemed to ooze out of this. That, and charm.

Well done :) I liked this piece!

Author's Response: Greetings, fellow contestant. I just saw your entry on the forums and fully intend to check it out. Coldplay is one of my favourite bands and the Scientist is one of my favourite songs by the band (the other is Violet Hill, wink wink).

The Scientist is a sad song, a man mourning for a lost lover and how he desperately wants to reverse time to get her back. Actually it could be about someone who did something he really regretted, but the first option worked better for me. I was listening to the song the whole time while I typed the story and like to think that some of it rubbed off into my writing. I made this story a sad tale of separated lovers. Turned out more sappier than I intended it to, but yeah.

However, I'm not a fan of sad endings (seriously, I'm all for butterflies and rainbows) and I wanted to leave a message of hope. They had a love worth waiting for and I also think that it's important to never give up on anything.

History is a great backbone for amateur writers like myself and the Berlin Wall seemed like the perfect opportunity for an angsty story. I'm so glad you liked it.


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Review #50, by randomwriterThis Devilry: Chapter Three

13th October 2013:
Hello Amanda! I'm back :)

As I mentioned before, I'm studying psychology and as a result of that, this appeals to more than just the potterhead and literature lover in me!

I love the style of writing you've employed in this story. it's unfolding really nicely and I like that you update on a regular basis too :) I remember the last two chapters very well.

The scene with the therapist was quite nice. Ginny's hesitation when it came to talking about Tom is very realistic and I like how you wrote it out. Ginny is trying to give her a sense of the issue, without letting much on because she's still unsure about the whole thing. I really liked that touch, and though assuming that Harry and Ginny were having marital problems was unprofessional of Bree, I still sort of liked her.

The last scene literally sent shivers up my spine. I wasn't scared, but it did spook me out a bit. And let me tell you, I'm not easy to spook. At all!

The diary bit especially. Since we're obviously meant to draw parallels between her experience back then, and the events that are happening now, I'm all the more curious.

Who's trying to possess her now? Or is it just her head messing with her (you know, PTSD)... I can't wait to find out! Once again, nice update :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying my writing style and feel like the update schedule is appropriate. I'm a bit too busy right now to be able to update every week, but I tried to restrict myself to this one story (and the odd one-shot) in order to be able to update more than once every month or two.

As a therapist, if I were to have a celebrity client -- I think that would be hard. I probably would keep it together enough not to make assumptions like Bree did, but I can't say I wouldn't be wondering what was going on in that person's life. I felt like it would only be natural for Ginny to feel awkward and cautious in her first session; that's usually the way it goes, and I think it's normal to feel that way at first. If she builds more trust with Bree, maybe she'll be able to open up more.

It's great that the final scene was spooky! I won't reveal yet if what's going on is actually happening or just all in her head, but suffice it to say that Ginny's troubles aren't even close to being over just yet.

Thanks for your lovely review :)

-Amanda


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