Reading Reviews From Member: randomwriter
  
234 Reviews Found

Review #26, by randomwriterWings: Wings

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello again! :) Your writing is so marvelous that I'm sure I'll follow your work long after this house cup is done and dusted.

I must admit that I found this a bit confusing at first, I had to re-read a couple of sections a few times before it could register and click and it made a lot more sense after reader your author's note. It seemed more focused on Narcissa and Lucius, but I gave it a bit of thought and realised that it can apply to Andromeda and Ted too on some realm.

Your writing is lovely, as usual. Descriptions that flow so well, and are vivid and just so lucid. I fell in love with your writing again. It goes well with all the symbolism you've applied here. The bird was a great addition.

This one-shot made me think and it did push me a little, and I loved that about it. I haven't read anything like this before and I thought that it was fantastic that you'd chosen to explore something like this. Great job, I really, really enjoyed this one as well, for its beauty and brevity. You've conveyed a world in a few words :)

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Review #27, by randomwriterNever All At Once: Never All At Once

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) I'm back, and I've decided to review bomb you like there's no tomorrow. You're going to get so sick of me!

Tears welled up in my eyes when I read this one. It was really, really sad. Somehow thinking of the trio as old and spent really makes me upset because they represent childhood to me. I grew up reading the books, so to see them like this was definitely no easy task.

You did mention your concerns over Hermione. While she may not be very much like herself from the books, two things struck out and convinced me of her characterisation entirely. The first is her reflective nature. This one-shot is completely written based on her reflections and thoughts. It's definitely a thought pattern I can see Hermione tending to later in her life. She always had it in her, but this sort of reflection is quite intense and comes with age. The second is the things she said. How she spoke so dearly and fondly of her friendship with Harry, how she filled him in on everything that's been happening, and just everything, basically. So, yes, her characterisation seemed pretty good :)

I guessed about Harry's death pretty early on in this story, and from then I was pretty subdued and upset.

As for everything else, I'm a little too caught up in my feels to even process it, but I like how realistic this was, in a way. You didn't write them as leading perfect lives. They all had their fair share of problems, and yes, being young is something I'd suspect everyone to want in their old age. I love the ending where she talks about seeing him soon, again. In a train compartment.

Ah, what a lovely, but sad story! Well done!

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Review #28, by randomwriterNocturne: Nocturne

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello! As a huge James/Lily shipper, I usually stay away from Snily fics, however I do sometimes satisfy my love for Snape by reading those that still end up in and follow canon. He is such a complex character. It's impossible not to be fascinated by him and his actions. It's difficult to understand him completely, but that doesn't mean one can't try.

I love how you used something like potions to conduct something like a character study. Potions was something he was good at- his talent. And you helped us understand him a little more by using that very thing as a template. How his love for it bloomed out of Lily's little tuition, how he evaluated his own life in terms of potions, how he turned to them for comfort, respite and finally, how he viewed everything in terms of malleable potions. It was a really creative idea. I haven't read anything like it before, and the metaphor definitely stuck out, to me.

As for the writing, bravo! It's so beautiful. The descriptions are lovely and the writing just flows so well. It's incredible! It was such a quick, smooth read. Plus, it's for the Every Word Counts Challenge! How people manage to complete it is beyond me. You not only completed it, but wrote a masterpiece in a mere 500 words. I can't tell you just how amazing this story is!

The ending was just beautiful. It shows how his love for Lily was eternal and ever-lasting and how he really meant his promise of always. A beautiful, beautiful story! I truly enjoyed every word! :)

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Review #29, by randomwriterwaterfall.: truth be told.

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello again, Nadia! Okay, so I'm always struck by people who manage to write something for the Every Word Counts Challenge, and you've already done it. Twice! And really well that too. I take my hate off to you, twinster!

I found this story really touching. Once again you've chosen to tackle a serious and sensitive issue. You've written about it, so delicately. I think that your writing has so many social implications. It's so far reaching.

You managed to tell us so much about Molly without really saying much at all. It's impressive, because each line carried so much weight. Each line conveys more than just the meaning. It's so full of depth and insight. I think you're a very smart writer. I really appreciate the brevity of this, and that coupled with how powerful this is is enough to make a lasting impression.

The line that won the Paws? I can see why now. In isolation, it seemed lovely. Again, deep and full of meaning. But now I've found out, that in context, it is possibly a hundred times more powerful. I also loved how you discussed the composition of water. But as a scientific fact and as something comprised of desire and hurt for her. She just wanted some attention.

Just stunning work, Nadia. You grown so much as a writer, as I just told you. It's incredibly. Keep writing such stories! You can really form a personal connection with so many people just because of how real the issues you deal with are. I also think it could help a lot of people :)

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Review #30, by randomwriterWho Killed Lucy?: Ruptures and Punctures

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello Nadia *hugs* I had to come and review this. I'd read it a couple of days ago just before falling asleep, so it took me a while. Sorry!

This was one crazy story. Never in fanfiction have I read something like this. It's just... woah. You took a really complex and distressing issue and treated it so well. You wrote it so well, and the idea of this whole thing was so unique and utterly amazing. It was a terrible thing to happen and it's so difficult for her family to deal with something like that now, but you somehow made the ending hopeful and somehow, it fits. It shows how even the most difficult of situations can be tided over with some acceptance and strength. Inspite of it, though, this was sad and powerful and I can't believe you managed all of it in 500 words. That's not a lot of words to take the reader through a journey as complex and messed up as this, but you did it.

This line--> "A for apple, B for blood. C for clot, D for dead." This line was just really unique and powerful. There were a lot of heavy impact lines in this story, but this just stood out for me.

Each time I read something of yours, I'm floored by how much you've improved! Great job, Nadia. You talented, talented person! *hugs*

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Review #31, by randomwriterConcupiscence: Concupiscence

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :D I'm grinning my head off after reading this. This was like one, continuous laugh-fest! Favouriting. I love Rose/Scorpius and parodies and humour, so this was just perfect for me!

I also love Pride and Prejudice more than an acceptable amount, so this really caught my attention from the very first line. The whole premise of this story is hilarious I don't even know where to start with this review.

As usual, the writing was excellent, and you've proved that you're the best when it comes to humour and parody and all that, so there's really nothing new to state. But there were so many bits where I couldn't just control my laughter. And I'm not talking about giggling. This was the full-blow snort, cackle and roar (oh how very un-lady-like of me :p)!

The number of stereotypes and overused plot lines that you managed to reference in this was incredible! Anastatia being on the team (and exploding? HAHAHA), the 'trio', GAH JUST EVERYTHING!! And Scorpius? Master Dater? I laughed more than I should have. Then I laughed at what happened next and at that rhinestone suit and incredibly touching backstory. And then she slapped him, of course. Obviously she felt a feeling in her heart because of all of this. Love. And that last scene? All that destruction? How romantic! :p (I apologise. It's 4:00 A.M. My reviews are allowed to be weirder than normal :p)

Ah, so I don't really know if I can get this across properly (because my intention was to keep this shorter, ah well. Fail), but I absolutely adored every single aspect of this. I haven't laughed this much while reading fic for a while. You're an absolute genius at this genre. Please go on writing :) (I'm sorry I can't say all that I want to say. House Cup=Short, speedy, weird reviews). There's so much more I wanted to mention, but I will just leave now. Dramatically. :p Good job!

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Review #32, by randomwriterDreamscape: darkmark.

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hi again! I'm back because your work is addictive and you deserve all the reviews you get!

This story was a touch more angsty than your other work, but I must commend you on how well you transition from one genre to another, doing justice to everything you write. Your writing here is beautiful. It simply sings. It flows so well and structurally, I think you've given it a very nice touch. I love the language and your choice of words, if that doesn't sound too weird. It's beautifully descriptive, without being too heavy. I didn't even stop once while reading this.

As for characterisation, I love your Draco! Most people paint a rather unrealistic image of him in post-war stories, but yours is painfully accurate. It seems obvious to me that the war would have left him with his fair share of trauma and nightmares. It's not easy to get over something like that and it certainly isn't a process that begins and end within a couple of years. In my mind, it takes him years just to make the first few steps. As for Astoria, I've always thought that it'd work well if she was some sort of counsellor to Draco. An informal one, if not a formal one. But I've never actually read a fic like that. I'm so glad I found this. It waltzed right into that slot in my kind, waiting to be filled. And I say waltzed because it was elegant, in a manner, the writing and everything about this.

The ending was really amazing. I'd never have thoughts of it, but I'd love to see the implications it has on the story.

Over all a great start, but I'm already panicking a little, seeing that it hasn't been updated. I would hate to see it go abandoned. Please update! I will follow it when you do :)

Author's Response: Ahhh thank you so much! I tried to keep a subdued quality to Draco's narration. His anger is quiet; it's inward, it's fear and guilt. His days are repetitive. He sees no hope in his days, and it's when he's desperate that the words start to lose themselves in these rambles.

Exploring the post-war trauma is very important to me, especially for Draco. He didn't even have to be a death eater--just going through the war, seeing classmates die in front of him would be trauma enough. And every character copes differently. Some grew used to war earlier than the battle. Some were thrown in at the last minute. And Draco is one who was on the wrong side for most of his life.

Thank you so much for this kind review! I hope I can finish it one day; I intended to leave the first chapter as least mostly standalone, as sort of an introduction to my Draco headcanon, because I knew the update would take awhile :P


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Review #33, by randomwriterSailing Ship: Sailing Ship

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello again! :)

So this was a really cute little one-shot. You're right about Junebug! What a dedicated fangirl. She went out there and made her OTP happen. I salute her too! I know that this is a humourous story, but it's really funny how you took a dig at those gossip-mongers and tabloid writers who won't stop till they get the goods or the dirt.

I love Junebug. All your OCs are so amazing. There's this element of craziness to each of them, and not two are the same. I LOVE the way you writing them. It's all so funny and this was no different. I was laughing throughout because of one reason or the other!

Sirius! Hahahaha xD I can't believe they told her that they were hiding their relationship to save James' reputation. I laughed out loud at that point... because, WHAT? HAHA :D It was so funny. If I may make a suggestion, I'd love to see a follow-up where Junebug comforts James without being too open about it, because she isn't supposed to know. It would be fun to read.

The banter between Sirius and Remus was really funny. I can see why June thinks like that, in a way :p They were like a couple of some levels and the whole thing became a great deal funnier. The funniest part was how Sirius reacted to the thought of Moony being on top. The dialogue was follows cracked me up!


Finally, I like how you sort of wove in a message (if that was your intention) also on a humourous note --> ďMaybe one day, people will understand. That love is love, no matter the gender or... fur content." People must never discriminate against fur content. It's not her fault if she has a moustache damnit!! Oh, and don't discriminate based on gender either ;)

Great job :) That was a good story!

Author's Response: Ha, I always end up taking digs at tabloid writers in every story I write.

I think everyone who cheers for Junebug knows exactly what it's like to be an obsessive fan--and hey that's why most of us are here. She's living our dream for us, meeting Sirius and Remus, having her OTP of OTPs come true AND having her very own secret to keep from the rest of the... er... fandom.

After a while, I swear Sirius would forget the real truth, like actually forget for a second, and get caught up in the soap opera of it all. And HA, I just imagined James finding this out from Junebug at a later date. She'd wink at him and be all, "Your secret's safe with me," and he'd go wide-eyed thinking "crap, she knows I still sleep with a blanket."

♥ thank you again!


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Review #34, by randomwriterRecipe for Disaster: A Recipe for Disaster

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) Remind me WHY I haven't read this before, please? I apologise for what will be a rather short review, with not much detail, but I am attempting to be speedy and review as much as possible, so please forgive me.

Anyway, back on to WHY I haven't read this before! I'm favouriting this story and coming back whenever I need a quick laughing! First of all, lovely idea! I would never have imagined this sort of thing, but now that I think about it, I can't not imagine this sort of thing happening.

Your characterisations were spot on. McGonagall is not an easy character to write. But you managed to get her perfectly! Her demeanor, her actions, her thoughts and her speech, were all definitely entirely her. I love how she automatically assumed it was the work of the twins. Dumbldore was also in character. Eccentric, with an irrational love for sugary sweets. Muggle taffy! Hahaha :D I find it cool that he went to a muggle library and picked up a recipe book, brought it back to Hogwarts and decided to experiment, at three in the morning! The house elves too were perfect. Dobby was written well, as were the other elves. I find that often, people overdo the House Elf speech patterns, but yours was perfect. This is exactly as it should be.

As for CC, I found two typos.
1) The topics those Muggles think off to write books on! It should say 'of', not 'off'.
2)she found her mouth gapping open again with absolutely no words to fill it with this time. 'gaping', not 'gapping'.

Apart from this, I absolutely loved your story! The ending was so funny! McGonagall being rendered speechless, after being covered with taffy! And just lieterally everything about this was amazing! The last line was a perfect ending to a great story! :)

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Review #35, by randomwriterBurn Away the Darkness: Shine

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello Sian :) I'm so excited about this review. It's my 200th overall and I know it's hardly anything compared to you, but I'm just really proud :)

I LOVE this story so much. Petunia is not easy to write about. She's annoying, but we know that wasn't always. She's got so many conflicting emotions and thoughts. It's so hard to get them all down and understand them properly. She is such a complex character. Yet you wrote her incredibly well. I like how you didn't portray her entirely from one angle. You gave us such a well-rounded image of her, focusing on how she became who she became and what made her that way.

I love the subtleties- how you referred to Snape as that boy like she couldn't even say his name, or give him an identity. Or how she fell in love with Vernon's normalcy, how that's what stood out to her. It's very in line with her character, her beliefs and her emotions. They're just small details, but they make this so much more authentic.

I was also amazed by how you gave us a snapshot of her entire life in just a little less than 1500 words. I mean, that's impressive! You took us through a journey of many, many years in a fairly short one-shot. It's incredibly and I'm amazed by how well you've done that.

You captured all her broad emotions so well. The jealousy, the dislike, the curiosity, the disgust she harboured from Snape, James and the magical world, the concern she had for Lily and finally, her conflicted emotions when she raised Harry. All of it is really well captured, as if the ending. I didn't know how you were going to tie in the overcoming adversity bit, but the last part is just so sweet that it can't possibly remind the reader of anything dark. That was an excellent touch!

Ah well, Sian. Short reviews. Must go,
Good job, really :)

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Review #36, by randomwriterA Flakey Tragedy: A Flakey Tragedy

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hi Selene :) So I'm reviewing stories for the House Cup, and it's your birthday, soo this is your HAPPY BIRTHDAY REVIEW! :D Over the last few days, I've been reading a lot of stories by a lot of people, whose works I haven't come across before and I've been wondering why I haven't. You're one such author.

I really, really enjoyed this story. Your characterisation of Severus Snape was absolutely hilarious! Who would have thought that an absence of a certain buttery, flakey treat would have caused him to get so crabby? I laughed so much at the thought of Snape secretly stashing away these biscuits. It's also pretty hilarious how quickly his mind rushes to thoughts of homicide just because his oh-so-precious biscuits are over!

Oh and bonus points for the Umbridge bashing! With all the evaluation going on, I think it's quite fitting! (*hugs* don't worry, Selene. DA will save you from those tattle tale inquisitorial squad members!).

As for Hermione, I'd never have thought :p LOL. That was very Claw like of her, sucking up to Snape of all characters. Still, it was really funny when he couldn't quite let his Slytherin pride kick in JUST because he loved those biscuits a little too much. I think that James Potter himself could have woo'ed Snape with them :p And to think that the biscuits are what got him through all those years! Oh gosh, this idea is just too funny!

As for a spot of CC, there was this one place where you'd said 'vial woman', where it should be 'vile'. That's the only thing I have, apart from the fact that your paras were slightly dense, but that's fine.

Great job, Selene! I love this story. Happy birthday again, dear :)

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Review #37, by randomwriterTo the Very End: To the Very End

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) I
I'm reviewing entries for the house cup and I came across this. Now I'm wondering why I've never read any of your work before. I'm not the best when it comes to short and speedy reviews, but I'll try for the House Cup, so I'm sorry about this.

What can I say about this story that doesn't come out as an incoherent gush fest?! Ah, I don't know. I give up.

I LOVE THIS STORY TO THE MOON AND BACK! I LOVE IT AS MUCH AS LEE LOVES DARLA *CRIES*

This was really sad, but sweet at the same time. It killed me to see George and Lee in a retirement home like that. I highly doubt they'd ever be in one. Also, in general thinking about them, old and close to death was pretty sad. But the idea was really cool, nevertheless. Now I want you to expand this and write about various characters of the story in retirement homes, because this was just so good :')

I love how George and Lee still share pretty much the same relationship. Only thing is that that friendship has grown so much over years. There's so much more depth to it now. I know that George will miss Fred for as long as he lives, but I'm glad he has Lee with him.

The way you wrote those old folk was so spot on! From Mrs Rencraw being loud, batty and complaining to the looks that they received from the other old people, everything was so perfect. It's exactly how old people would behave! Also, talking about 'the deplorable fashions of the young'. I cracked up at that. Old people are always doing that!

I like how you ended it as well. It shows that though they are old and they have gone through so much, they are still young at heart, thinking about various ways and means to prank people. I'd love to read more about how the others react to their pranks.

This story was so well written. Excellent characterisation and story idea. It also flowed really well and was easy to read.

Overall, this was such a great read. I laughed and chuckled here and there, but I was also a little sad in parts. Still, it was a perfect balance. Good job! :)

Author's Response: Haha! I'm a newb (compared to the people who have been on here FOREVER!) It's alright. +]

I'll take length over speed anytime. It's always nice to get paragraphs back. +D

I figured if the wives needed care they just couldn't give, it would be possible they'd willingly go into an assisted living type nursing home, but I definitely see where you're coming from. So much family!

Expand it!? No one has proposed such an idea. Hmm... maybe after I get a few WIPs crossed off the list I'll come back. Haha. +] Tis definitely an idea though.

I love old people! I love to find humor in the ones like Mrs. Rencraw, and I especially love old people like Lee and George. I'm glad you thought I did them well!

I'm so glad that you enjoyed it all! As he is one of my favorite characters, I was a little apprehensive about writing George, so it really is nice to know you thought the characterization was on point.

Thank you so so much for this lengthy review! They're my favorite, and I love hearing what people think so much!



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Review #38, by randomwriterLying Josephine: Introduction: Boxes

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello again Tanya :) Since you liked my previous review so much, I thought I'll leave you another one. I must apologise about the quality though, short, speedy reviews really aren't my thing, but I'm trying!

Your story summary really caught my eye, and I've heard so much about this already. I had to come here. This was such an interesting first chapter. Both parts of this chapter were really sad, but heart-breaking-ly beautiful. Your writing is so lovely. It flows so well. This was a short chapter and it was over in a flash. At no point did I have to stop because anything. It was such a lovely read!

This chapter has raised a ton of questions, no doubt. Who is she? How does she know Fred? What was her involvement in the war? Did she lose her family to Voldemort and the Death Eaters? Ah, see! So many things to think about. It just a few words, you managed to make me think so much. I really loved it. Stories that make me think are the best!

Crying, to me, has never been a sign of weakness, but one of strength. We are taught that tears are for the weak, for those of us not strong enough to keep emotions at bay, but I believe it is that reason alone that makes crying such an act of courage. Knowing how people will judge you, but choosing to do so all the same; that is strength. I cannot tell you how much I love you for writing this. I am a firm believer that crying is not a sign of weakness or vulnerability, even though it has the ability to make one feel vulnerable. It's a beautiful kind of vulnerable, nevertheless. Anyway, there is nothing wrong with crying. I sometimes even find it majorly therapeutic and cathartic. I'm the last person to hide my tears, so honestly, I could really relate to these lines.

I'm beginning to get a good idea of why this story is so popular! I'm sorry about this review though. I really must get a move on. I see that some of your chapters are quite long, so if I don't come back soon, I'll make sure I do after HC :)

Another awesome story! :D Great job, Tanyaa!

Love
Adi!

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Review #39, by randomwriterAnd Now A Word From Our Sponsors: Four

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello again :) HOW could I not continue, right? :p

This might possibly be my favourite chapter of the four. It's really, really well written and there was some good plot progression in this one. I like how you aren't wasting much time with introductions. We're four chapters in, and the plot has already progressed a bit :) I suppose I should have seen that coming though. It's only ten chapters long!

I loved the opening sequence. The amount of disbelief that both Pippa and Al harboured for Rose's apparent sudden change of heart was just hilarious! The way you wrote, how they reacted and everything was lovely! I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I really like how Pippa is shaping up. Her gum addiction is a unique characteristic that I haven't really thought or read about!

I did spot one typo here though:
a little hurt that they thought I could turn a new leaf so quickly. I think you meant couldn't ;)

The part where she said she was elegant and proceeded to stab her kipper and everything else about that actually made me laugh aloud.

The second part of this chapter was pretty amazing as well :D I love Scorpius' ideas for these 'lessons', though it's hilarious that she couldn't even find one thing she had in common with the most-amazing Julian Murdoch, except for writing difficult exams (LOL). I also particularly loved the part where you made a reference to her plan of going back to her thoughts of being elegant. I basically laughed my way through it all :p

The last line was a tad hopeful, don't you think? Just a tad :p Oh, and Madam Pince? Spot on, I say! THIS is exactly how I have believed she would remain. Cranky, batty old lady!

Anyway, another fabulous chapter. I suspect you will be seeing me quite soon :D

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Review #40, by randomwriterAnd Now A Word From Our Sponsors: Three

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) I'm back after a good night's worth of much needed sleep. My internet died, forcing me to retire for the night.

Anyway, Rose never fails to amuse me. I cannot tell you how glad I am that you're writing from her point of view. Her thoughts are, as always, hilarious :D As for Scorpius, isn't he sneaky? Making deals like this with Rose. Though at this point, I can't decide if I want Rose to end up with Scorpius, or Julian. I'm a major Sco/Rose shipper, but Julian seems... hot. Well, I guess I can only decide when we find out more about him :p

I like the opening scene. McGongall and Rose, being the boss she is. And his Quidditch mates and OH GOD. I laughed a lot again(marmalade to your porridge?! HAHAHAHA :D-genius). I suppose I should stop telling you this constantly because we have established that you've got this whole nextgen humour thing under control!

Favourite lines.? I don't know. A lot of things made me laugh. I can't choose. I'm glad I took a break from all the depressing stuff to read this. It's so well written.

I love the plot idea. This deal sounds like it'll shape up well. I can't wait to find out what happens next :)

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Review #41, by randomwriterAnd Now A Word From Our Sponsors: Two

10th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello again :) I'm back to drop off another review!

I really am loving this story. A LOT. Rose is such a fun character, and I'm glad you're writing from her point of view. The stuff she says and thinks is just golden. I've been reading a lot of depressing stories, so this is somethinf I was dire need of, actually. Once again, I'm impressed by your skills.

I loved the dialogue again. The banter between Rose and Scorpius is witty and fun to read. I know that Rose positively detests Scorpius at the moment, but I can't help it! It's no secret that I am slightly in love with the man, and your interpretation of him is lovely to read :D I've been laughing so much! I'm already dreading the fact that this is only ten chapters long.

I love the the progression of events in the potions class room. From Rose ogling Julian (who, by the way, sounds like a complete hottie) to the bubble gum popping. And of course, Slughorn with his instructions and winking and general obliviousness. Ah, you got him spot-on! As for Hooch, she too seems to be in line with whatever little we know of her. I love her conversations with Rose though. Rose's thought process become more biting, in a different way.

Ahahaha xD THAT ENDING. It was so funny. I'd love to know what Scorpius has in mind to get back at her.

Another great chapter :)

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Review #42, by randomwriterAnd Now A Word From Our Sponsors: One

10th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

If I may be completely honest, I have been eyeing this one for a while. And when I visited your page earlier, I fully intended to R&R this. I got sidetracked by all the awesomeness you have on there, though :p

I can;t believe how you seamlessly transition between different genres. How can one person be so good at everything? SHARE YOUR SECRETS WITH THE WORLD. Erm, okay, I'll keep that side of me away from now :p

I love Rose/Scorpius. It's a nextgen airing I really enjoy, so this is probably going to be right up my preferences :) As much as I love angst, we all need something light and funny. I love your characterisation of all the characters so far. Rose is delightful. Her snide remarks and internal monologue are so funny. I couldn't contain myself. I loved the idea of her being a commentator. I haven't a story like this before, so this should be interesting! I also love the dialogue and interaction between the characters. Everything was so lively. I don't think there was a dry moment in your story :)

You've set up the opening chapter nicely. It reads well and the plot line seems to be interesting. Add that to the humour and everything, and this should be a winner :D

Before I turn this into a gush fest, I must go. I'm reviewing for house cup, so I'm trying (and failing) to leave short and speedy reviews. So I'll see your around soon :) Lovely first chapter!

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Review #43, by randomwriterForgettable Me: Forgettable Me

10th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Tanyaa! Here to review for the House Cup! I think you Puffs have been doing really well, congrats! Anyway, I'm favouriting this story right away!

It was nice to see things in reverse for once. Well, not reverse exactly, but yeah. You're right in your author's note. The girl usually manages to win him over, so it was nice to read something from the point of view of a girl who didn't manage that. I found it very relatable and I think that your idea is fantastic!

This was so beautifully written. Are you sure it's your first story, Tanya? I'm not :p The writing has this seasoned finesse that I wouldn't expect to find in anybody's first shot! This is nothing short of perfection, and I can't believe you managed to deliver all these emotions in less than thousand words.

I love the tone and narration. It's as if she's addressing Sirius, but telling a reader about him at the same time. I thought that the way she was talking about him was both sweet, and sad at the same time. Her emotions are so heart-breaking, and you've written this beautifully! I have tonnes of lines I loved! But this one -->The truth is, you may have used me for one night, but I used you my entire life.-- was somehow so raw and real. It just made me stop for a second and think. Apart from that, there were a lot of ,lines that really left an impact on me. Your choice of words was amazing and you managed to deliver this is the best possible way. This is going to stick with me. What a lovely read! :)

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Review #44, by randomwriterIn Azkaban: In Azkaban

10th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello again :) Sick of me yet? Haha. Too bad!

This was such a dark and powerful one-shot. Your writing is absolutely marvelous! The more I read your work, the more I am in awe of your talent. This stuff just keeps getting better and better!

I love how you focused on each of the senses and thoughts. For 500 words, you did an incredible job! You took me on a sensory journey, building up the story with various chilling sights, sounds, thoughts, etc. The chills just kept building up as your described each element. You did a great job though, of truly showing us what it would feel like to be trapped in such an existence for eternity, not knowing how long you have. Knowing that escape is impossible, maybe one would choose death? It's a terrible life to lead anyway, but there is no option. One must keep it up. I would list out lines that made an impact, but I'm afraid there aren't enough characters left for me quote your entire story. I love it so much and every sentence, every word added another layer to it. Fantastic writing! :)

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Review #45, by randomwriterLittle Green Monster: Little Green Monster

10th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello! I'm back, and I'm pretty sure you're going to get sick of me soon, but that's something you're going to have to deal with :p

I haven't read about this side of Ron ever. It;s a really unique, and slightly darker take on his emotions. I do believe that there must have been times when he felt this way, but never did it cross my mind that this feeling was probably a continuous thing. Being shadowed and compared are horrible things. The comparison makes it worse. It echoes the feeling you have about yourself and only shows that you aren't the only one thinking that way. The part where Ron was talking about being the younger sibling, and by extension, not getting many things or even having a well defined identity sometimes, was so sad. For me, Ron was such a great character who grew and developed so well! I just love him. But to read about his insecurities and realise that it might have impacted him in adverse ways was pretty sad.

All in all, another great read :)

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Review #46, by randomwriterorange groves: orange groves

10th July 2014:
House Cup Review 2014

Hello :) Bear with me, for I am trying not to be too rambly as I'm hoping to pick up the pace and leave speedy reviews. I'm terrible at it, however that it is for another day. Onto your (great) story! I've never read about these two together, and I really like Teddy/Victoire, so I can't say that I've actively sought out stories where they're paired with others. I like one-shots that maintain a certain element of mystery, but try as hard as I might, I'd never have figured it out unless I'd gone back to the summary :p However, it was interesting to read about them together. There was one line where you said that nobody loved them together. You also listed out some negative qualities that they both had. So I'm guessing that there were people who believed that they didn't work well together, but I love how this fueled their love even more, how they loved each other together.

My favourite part about this was how you stressed on their imperfections, together and separately and how you showed that despite these imperfections, they were still in love with each other. It wasn't mad with passion or lust, it was a more muted and understanding kind of love, where he didn't feel the need to lie to her or to build castles of dreams. It was realistic, yet in many ways, ideal in a manner that we can only hope to find love so caring and lasting in real life.

I loved the writing style. The descriptions were absolutely breath-taking. I love the words you used to describe their love in the beginning. You defined it through little details and the smaller joys of life, which was a sweet thing to do :) The last line was amazing. You packed so much meaning into six short words.

Great writing. I love this :)

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Review #47, by randomwriterInfinity: Infinity

10th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) I'm back as I absolutely loved your writing! I also find entries to the 'Every Word Challenge' really inspiring. I myself have never been able to do it, but I enjoy reading the works of those who have succeeded.

I'm a huge James/Lily shipper. I love the pairing, and as a result, I stray away from stories that feature the Snape/Lily pairing usually, unless there is some assurance that they don't violate canon. I had a feeling yours wouldn't. That being said, I like Snape as a character. He is complex and there is so much depth to his thoughts, actions and emotions. I will forever be caught in trying to understand him well enough.

You've depicted his emotions in this one-shot really well. The parts in brackets was very clever addition and it just gave this story, as well as his thoughts a lot of depth. You can clearly see how much he resents James; how much he does not want to protect Harry, but must because he is Lily's son; how guilty he feels (blaming Harry was a great touch, as was his realisation that he cannot blame Lily's child, no matter how hard he tries); and finally, his undying love for Lily.

That word always has so much meaning to those of us in this fandom, that we forget what it is really. An oath. You couldn't have written in better. To put it simply, it is an undying oath.

As for the writing, it is beautiful. Every word serves it's purpose. This is 500 words, well used and well written. But in all honesty, as much as the brevity of this impresses me, it's nothing on how you've managed to write this without using the letter E at all. I didn't realise earlier, but I chanced to glance on the story summary just now, in the middle of this review, and I scoured through the story and I was shocked. I never felt it's absence, not once! I didn't even notice. You really didn't use even the most basic, yet ever-useful 'the'?! :O I don't know how you managed this, or even how long it must have taken you, but this story is just great! A great example of exemplary writing! :)

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Review #48, by randomwriterAlways: Immeasurable

10th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello, hello Kevin! *hugs* I don't know why, no... how I could have taken so long to get here! This one-shot is one of the best stories I've read for prompt three. I love it so much!

As you may, or may not be aware, I too did Marauders, with a focus on the friendship between Remus and Sirius, and mins is set after Sirius' death, but AH! THIS idea and the way you wrote it and the dialogue and everything!! Oh gosh, don't judge me, but I had tears forming in my eyes. I love the Marauders and I feel so sad when I think about how they never got the lives they truly deserved. It's so unfair!

As for the narrative, I know you aren't too fond of the first person style, but I LOVE it. I use it often and I find that it's easier to establish a deeper, personal connection if it's written well, which you've done. It isn't awkward or abrupt in points. It flows well and carries his thoughts out to the readers very well. I think you captured Remus very well, but I've known that you can do this after reading Apogee. You also showed how you can write dialogue very well. It's witty, effective and put a smile on my face. The ease in their banter was so sweet to read and it hurt me so much more. *sigh*

I like how you've kept the wives away from this one. As much as I'd love a full blown reunion, this focuses on their friendship and the infinite nature of the bond they shared. The time window you chose to write about was clever. It helped you showcase the prompt well.

From beginning to end, I was hooked. I couldn't stop reading this one, and throughout this I was hit with melancholic nostalgia. It was so bittersweet.

Your description of death was rather interesting. As was the part about the transition from life to death to the after life. The characteristics of after life are interesting :p (Unlimited supply of chocolate? I'd go for that YES!) But no, I value life too much and you showed how the marauders did too. Still, friends through everything, life and death. You did well, Kevin. You did :) Great story!

Author's Response: Howdy Adi! Thanks for the incredibly kind words! Being an enormous Marauders fan, writing their afterlife reunion was definitely a story close to my heart so it feels REALLY good to hear such nice things about the story!

When it comes to the first person, it's not so much that I don't like it, as it is that I'm not very experienced with it. I definitely know what you mean though about it being more personal and that's pretty much why I did it here (well, that and I was emboldened by the response to Apogee and wanted to see if I could capture Remus well AGAIN to convince myself it wasn't a fluke :p).

Hah. I had to thread the needle on the time frame didn't I? And yes, I kind of fudged Lily out a bit, but I did want it to focus on the friendship for the prompt and I thought it would be nicer if Lily wasn't about (poor Lily).

Bittersweet. I'm glad you used that word because it's exactly what I was going for with the whole mood of the piece!

And I'm glad you found the transition interesting - I wanted to do something a bit different with that moment to start the story, while still using the "fade-to-black" of death and "wake-to-white" of the afterlife, just in a different and more seamless way. Like a transference of consciousness from one plane to another in the space of a blink. Hopefully that came across.

I'm really glad to hear you liked the story and thank you so much for the incredible review!


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Review #49, by randomwriterStardust: Stardust

10th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) I'm here to review your story for the House Cup. To be honest, I'm not Percy Weasley's biggest fan. I find his character pompous and boring, and I hate that he turned his back on his lovely and forever supportive family to join the ministry. He was power-hungry and selfish. I like that he came back, but I love Fred too much and the whole thing just makes me not like him, really. So, yes. I think you may have guessed that I don't go for stories featuring Percy like this often. But I am glad that I got a chance to read this (yay, House Cup!). It made me think of him in a way that I'd never considered before. Pressured by his own expectations, stuck between people who were doing everything right, you made me question if Percy ever had a chance to change his course. Bill and Charlie were successful and he had to follow in their footsteps, taking care to tread cautiously so that he would not step on the paths they had already chosen. He wanted to stand out and be unique, but it was so different in his bog family. It's true that despite being lovely people, the Weasley's aren't the most driven, ambitious people. Maybe that prompted Percy to break away and choose another path. Maybe he was hoping it would work better for him, even though it didn't in the end. You threw a new light on his character and decisions, for me, and I'm really wondering about Percy now.

The fact that you showed how his thoughts of working towards success took the shape of a ladder, shows us how Percy himself viewed that road. He did see that he had to go upwards, ahead, by stepping on little byroads to success. He had accepted that there might even be times where he had to step on someone just to get ahead. This really shows us how much he craves for it.

As for his family, I like how you clearly demarcated him from his older sibling and his younger siblings. It shows how he felt like he didn't fit.

I like the narrative and tone of this piece. I think it reflects Percy's thoughts at that point in his life when he was too blinded by ambition to see the truth. I am glad you wrote about his entire journey though, and that you didn't neglect his coming back to fight during the war. The progression of thought and his linked behaviour are written very well.

There were a couple of lines that really stood out to me (there were a lot, but these deserve a mention):
The ladder crumbled beneath his world-weary feet, and the stars were not stars anymore, but stardust, remnants of former glory. Nothing but ash now, the whimper of the worldís end! (You are dust, Percy, dust.) LOVE the things you've referenced. LOVE the way it fits right in. And I love the imagery and implications that come with it.
And they were right; and he knew they were right. He moved through life fueled on the words and praise of them, that faceless mass that both plants and uproots the stuff of dreams. He thought that it was all he needed to get by.
AND His ladder to the stars had descended, and already his foot was testing the weight of the bottommost rung. AND The eyes that watched him asked a different question when he took the time to listen: Itís a funny thing about that ladder, isnít it, how itís built with the bones of the innocent? All this lines were very true and reflective of a young man seeking success. He is sometimes forced to step on other people to get ahead. They also, very accurately, describe the way life fools the young when they thirst for glory.

Ah, what an excellent one-shot and a unique take on Percy Weasley! Great writing :)

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Review #50, by randomwriterA Hundred Bloodied Sunsets: we will remember

10th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello Helen! I'm here to review your entry for the House Cup :)

My, my my! This was so beautifully written. Your descriptions took my breathe away. It helps the flow of this one shot. It also lends to the sensory aspect of this story; it makes it very visual and it's so easy to imagine the scene of the sunset. I how you've used the the coulours and their blending and the different stages if sunset so well in this story :)

It was really sad, having to think about the deaths of all these lovely people. It's such a touchy subject and it's so incredibly hard to write about them and do justice to them. I love this though. The vignettes were really well depicted. It wasn't straight-forward, which I loved. I like the characters you chose to write about, and the last part really tied things together nicely. I especially like how you stared with the death of Tonks (and Remus) and ended with Remus' death. It made the flow of thought circular (okay, that's a weird thing to say? :p).

I like how you've punctuated these vignettes with the lines in italics. Those sentences in particular were really strong and evocative. I really like the wording and the way you've written this is general. You've chosen just the right words to add a visual and emotional backdrop.

It's amazing to see how much you've managed to show in just a matter of a little over 500 words. This story is great and you've done a fabulous job! I'm glad I stopped by :)

Adi

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