Reading Reviews From Member: aquabluez17
  
114 Reviews Found

Review #26, by aquabluez17Denouement: Prologue

6th March 2013:
Wow!! this is amazing!! I really want to know what will happen next.

In this it seemed like Al didn't really like Julie. I wonder why? I wished we had seen more of James but it was a prologue so thats all good.

Maybe if you add a bit of description about Julie/James. Just a bit, nothing too much, we could get a good view on their relationship and feel more pulled in.

I really think this idea is unique! Can't wait for you to update!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. It's always really hard to get an immediate heart to heart in prologues. In particular in this one because I really wanted to focus on the situation surrounding Julie. However, I'm planning on adding more descriptions about Julie and James.

Thank you for your review, I'm glad you liked it :)


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Review #27, by aquabluez17Being Mrs. Weasley: Chapter 1

5th March 2013:
Wow!!! Okay I have never really read a Fred /OC story so thank you for writing one!

I loved the beginning. Though there were some awkwardly phrased sentences, I believe it was a great start.

I think that maybe by upping your sentence structure, like combing short sentences and as such, this would become an even great piece!!

Thank you so much for writing this!!

Author's Response: Thanks! So sorry for the late response.

I'll define consider what you said about the sentence structure. I'm aware that that is one of my weaknesses and I'm glad you pointed it out.


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Review #28, by aquabluez17Protego: Fate

4th March 2013:
Wow that was really good! I really liked the different take you had on Scor and even Rose.

There were times I was a bit confused though. It took me a couple of times of reading to figure out that you were talking in the past when you weren't in 2nd person. I think that could hAve been cleared up a bit.

Also I think maybe a description of who's killing them or why? Could help since it would help the story differ from the past you were trying to explain.

This was really great! The idea was very unique and obviously you had fun w it :)

I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. Not my intention at all. Hope I helped :)

Mya :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for your review. :) I was going to add an author's note at the end clearing up any confusion, but didn't want to assume that people wouldn't figure it out on their own. There are actually three different timelines in this story: The present, in which Rose and Scorpius are being murdered, the past, which is actually his life flashing before his eyes, and the future. If you notice in the passage about the adopted teenage Squib whose parents died when he was little, he begins to make a Timeturner. The Timeturner is to take him back so that he can get rid of his parents before he's ever born.

So the young man who enters the room is actually baby Benjamin all grown up. And the reason why he was ever parentless in the first place, as you can see, is his fault. It's also his own fault that he's a Squib, because of the magical damage inflicted on the baby from too many spells.

I would have been a little more clearer about what the different sections represented, but also didn't want to ruin the surprise that the baby Scorpius protected in the last seconds of his life was also the man attacking them all. Scorpius saved his son /from/ his son. It's cyclical, because of the nature of time travel, so baby Benjamin grows up to be teenage Benjamin, who goes back in time and dies while trying to murder his infant self, over and over.

I hope I explained it so that I didn't make it sound more confusing! Thank you for reading and reviewing. :)


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Review #29, by aquabluez17The Blossoming: Harper's Hill

3rd March 2013:
Okay so I really loved the fight haha. That sounds sadistic but I think it really built a realistic idea of what could be happening w Ginny/Harry.

So Dudley and Harry still in touch eh? OH MY GOD! Vernon is dead! How did he die?? Also, does Teddy spend a lot of time w Harry? I would love to see more of him =)

Great work! Update soon :D

Author's Response: Haha, honestly I quite enjoyed writing the fight!

Yeah, Vernon is dead as a dodo! We'll find out what happened soon ;)

Teddy will certainly appear more throughout the story.

Glad you enjoyed this, thanks for reviewing!


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Review #30, by aquabluez17The Blossoming: Tempers Frayed and Secrets Told

3rd March 2013:
awww tht was so cute!! i loved the whole thing.

I do think that you could have added more about the Potters fight or maybe just have a smoother transition but it was great really!

I was a bit confused about Freddie's weekend. like Freddie I or Freddie II being born?

Author's Response: Aw I'm glad you loved it.

Haha as I think you saw in the next chapter, their fight was only just beginning to brew. I'm not sure which transition you mean, but this chapter is slightly odd in that I had a lot of locations and characters to include, and didn't want to go through their whole journey each time!

There are a couple of earlier chapters devoted to Freddie's weekend - it was Freddie II (I differentiate between them by having Fred and Freddie) and it was what we would term a christening, but in Weasley terms is a whole weekend to get together, have a naming ceremony, and basically celebrate each new child born into their family.


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Review #31, by aquabluez17Promises: Chapter One

3rd March 2013:
Okay this was amazing.

I have never heard that rumor before but its really interesting how you incorporated that.

I do have to say that in the middle I got a little distracted and my attention wavered. Maybe you could break up the para or break up the explanation w memories or anything? just to make it more captivating.

I really liked this story and it was just so sadd!! ahh~ great job really!! poor Harry losing his sibling:(
Wish James had known :(

Great work!

Author's Response: thank you for the review

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Review #32, by aquabluez17Once Upon A Lifetime: one

3rd March 2013:
Hi! Just wanted to leave a review :P

I loved the beginning. It was great. The detail with Molly's character and her surrounding is amazing. I really like how you have it set up in the middle of another war.

Though I do have a few CC. The first is explanation. In the beginning everything's clear but as you get into the war things get sort of muddled and confusing. It kinda gets hard to follow what Molly is thinking and just a bit more explanation and detail would fix that I think.

Great start! I hope you'll update soon =)

Author's Response: Hey! =3

Thank youuu - I had a little bit difficulty with the beginning. I felt horribly awkward writing this, and I've never been good with starting a story.

I... confess. I personally haven't figured out what the war's about. I've considered a battle over chocolate, but I wasn't sure how readers would take it :') I mean to edit that as soon as I figure it out myself.

Thanks again for that lovely review, and I promise to do so as soon as I can.


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Review #33, by aquabluez17Just A Game: It's hard to make sense

2nd March 2013:
aww haha the kiss :P

I really did like the way you handled it though Im a bit confused about Sirius now. Does he like Gisela?

Cuz if he did and Remus knew then I really dont think he would have kissed her...

Oh well i'll just wait to see what happens! great update =)

Author's Response: sorry for the late response!

i'm glad you liked it. sirius does like gisela but he hasn't told the rest of the boys, hence why Remus let himself kiss Gisela but i think he knows deep down that sirius does so he's happy to call it friends for the sake of Sirius.

you will, i'm hoping the get the next chapter out soon, i've left you guys hanging for so long now! thank you for reading :D


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Review #34, by aquabluez17forget-me-not: Living

2nd March 2013:
Awww!! Poor thing!! I'm glad the ending was happy, really!

I would have loved to know more bout Leigh but its alright. He seems like the sweetest person ever haha. So she didn't try to kill herself! Yay! lol. That would just be too sad.

Well this was a great story!! Im glad you wrote this!

Until your next story!

Mya

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Review #35, by aquabluez17forget-me-not: Learning

2nd March 2013:
oooh!! Molly!! Im glad shes getting better :P

Looks like shes becoming more of a likable person like this compared to before.

Great job! I really loved the characterization and the internal struggle you showed with Molly not remembering

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Review #36, by aquabluez17forget-me-not: Waking

2nd March 2013:
aww thats so sad. poor Molly. I liked the story plot and character description you hav added.

I do feel that maybe a bit more emotion on Molly could help the story and reader feel more connected w her.

I wonder whos face Molly keeps seeing

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Review #37, by aquabluez17Hotel Artemis: one

2nd March 2013:
Hey! Here from the review battle :P

Okay I really loved this. Its a great start with loads of characters that you have obviously developed so awesome job!

Jo seems so genuinely sweet and Louis cheated?? I could see that with his Veelaness and all of that :p

ahahah!! when she goes to look for his name! that was really good LOL.

I would love to see a bit more on Louis though and just explain a little more about their relationship but I bet you have that planned for later chps so its all good.

All in all I really liked this start and I hope you continue soon!

Mya =)

Author's Response: Hey! I love that Jo is quite vindictive, and I'm glad you liked her sass too :P

more on Louis is definitely coming, and thanks for reviewing! :)


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Review #38, by aquabluez17Shut Up and Kiss Me: The Rumour Mill

2nd March 2013:
hey!

aww so Ellie is feeling really sick which kinda sucks. Im glad you dont have Ellie completely hating James which makes the story really interesting. I wonder when he will find out about her "virus"

I think a bit more detail about the surroundings could really add to the story and help it become awesome :P (like the great hall or maybe the hospital wing.

great update though!

Author's Response: Oh yes, I have a horrible habit called "the talking head syndrome" where I hide behind my dialogue. I'm trying to develop and add more details to my stories, and I'll get to that point soon :D

Awesome, glad you like it and thanks for reviewing my silly story!

Jack


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Review #39, by aquabluez17Daddy's Girl: Confusion

26th February 2013:
Hey! Great update!

So someone is out to get Flora I see. I wonder if it's related to her title in the Muggle World since you mentioned that the person didn't attack with a wand.

I noticed some tense errors in the story, especially in the beginning. You were using the present when you were referring to the past


"Why would I need a bodyguard?" I ask again, louder this time, but Albus continues to ignore me as Beckett .."

I think it would be continued though you might have purposefully written it like that so sorry if you meant it like that!

Can't wait to read more! Great update and I think it was relatively early =)

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Review #40, by aquabluez17Abandon: Will and Won't

26th February 2013:
Ooo!! Benji was jealouss!!

I was a little upset that Roxy did go to see him but I guess it made sense since they were friends before.

One thing I would like to mention is that the George and Angie scene, although cute, didn't seem relevant to the whole chapter. It felt like it was stuck in there for the sake of it since it wasn't even mentioned.

maybe when Benji is talking bout his parents and how they dont' get along we could see Roxy remembering how her parents were always there for each other just like a few minutes ago?

Okay so Benji thought she was pregnant?! clearly he's just trying to find reasons to talk to her. How could she possibly know that soon if she was pregnant?? Silly Benji. Needs to work on lying man.

HE ADMITTED HE LIKED HER! Or well, you know, in Benji talk said he wants to sleep with her. Same thingg :P I wonder how this is going to turn out.

Great update Gabbi! Can't wait to read moree!

Author's Response: Hello!

Wow, thanks for being the first person to literally attack this for me. That means alot! :3
Like, really. Hahaha.
So, on to the review! Ben was indeeed jealous but he didn't exactly like that he was, did he? Hahaha. He's so strange that way.
I wanted Roxanne in this chapter to face off with Benjamin, both to show that she was trying to be more "mature" and to get away from what was happening in her house.
The thing with Angie and George wasn't meant to be cute at all, it was more like a sense of realism to this. With the pair of them, people always say how funny they are but underneath it all, they're very damaged. I wanted to show a different side of them and to Roxanne, she feels like she can't help them.
I mention the pair of them having issues in other chapters though. Right? :p
That scene though put into perspective how different her home life is from Ben's, which was also something I'd wanted to play with.
Bwhaha, Ben thought she was pregnant but you're right, he was just looking for an excuse to talk to her and figure some things out for himself. Hahhaaha. He's silly.
And weird.
And my secret dream lover...
Nah, he's a nightmare.
Anyhoo, he SORT of said that he liked Roxanne but not really! Hahaha. That's the thing with Ben, you're never sure what he's going to say or what he really means. He's quite awful for that. :D
I shall update eventually...I have a stripper love story to get through, a violent, violent, crazy love story to get through and THEN my other NG! Whoo!
T-T Whoo.
Thanks for reading!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #41, by aquabluez17The force of nature: Lightning

24th February 2013:
Hey! here with your review =)

This is a great start! It took me a while to understand that Neil is a muggle though. Maybe you could build that. Also in the beginning things are kinda choppy and are jumping everywhere which makes it hard for a reader to really pay attention when the story isn't focused.

haha Lily is so cute. I do wish we got more of both of the characters personalities though. just adding a bit more description and setting would help I think

great start!

Author's Response: Wow, that was fast!
Nice to know that it is a good start. I started the story thing Neil was a wizard and the beanstalk was a wizard lunchroom. Then somehow it changed and I liked it better that way.

Would you read and review the next chapter for me too or should I request that on the forum...

I think you'll like Lily even better in the chapers to come. She does not really the things I plan... she has a mind of her own.

thanks for reviewing... I'm going try and make it more focused.

x


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Review #42, by aquabluez17Abandon: Tug and Pull

24th February 2013:
Whoaa!! Loved this! Adam being such a great jealous toy :P poor thing has no idea whats really going on :P

OH GOD! George and Angie are sooo embarrassing!! AHH! It was soo funny though ahah. Poor Draco was like ah god save me!

Sister?? Benji has a sister?? I mean i know about Scorpy but Sissy? Noppee.

I really want to know the relationship between the three kids. I wanna know if Benji is a good older brother =)

So someone looked completely jealous! And now hes at her window! Wow :P

Well lets see what happens next! Hope you update soon!

And noww I hav reviewed every chp :P

Author's Response: HELLO!

Hahah, Adam is being used as a ploy to get Ben jealous, though not by Roxanne herself. She actually doesn't care about him that way and doesn't appreciate that everyone else is sort of pressuring her into him. :p
George and Angie are HILARIOUS. And they're the worst parents to have your friends around, I would just DIE. HAHAHA.
Draco is far too polite to actually say he's uncomfortable you could tell, couldn't you?
Ben DOES have a sister. He mentions it in the flashbacks more than once but I think that was an error on my part. I didn't really make much emphasis on that...
But, erm, he's an INTERESTING big brother, let's just say that. HAHAHA. Actually in my other fanfic (Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince), you meet him there. You'll uhm, have to judge how good of a brother he is by that. HAHAHA.
Ben was jealous but he'll never admit it. And yes, he's a creeper and is at her window! ;)
Actually, this should be updated tomorrow at the latest so look out for that!
Please come back when it does and thanks so much for your reviews, they've made my day.
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #43, by aquabluez17Abandon: After the Storm

24th February 2013:
Molly is such a great cousin! Her love for Teddy... thts so sad

How old are Teddy, Victorie, Molly and James again? Respective to Roxy?

Adam!! Well I can surely see something about this in the future!! :P At least a way to make Benji jealous for sure

Oh god he walked in!! Oh this is going to be a blast. HOpefully Freddie won't find out about Benji just yet. tht would end very badly!

Author's Response: HELLO!

Hahah. Molly is a really great cousin! And that thing with her and Teddy is pretty sad but I don't go into more detail about it until later I'm afraid.
Okay, here you are my dear: Perce (Fred the Second) is seventeen, Teddy is nineteen, Victoire is currently sixteen in this story and James is only eleven. Molly and Victoire are the same age, Dom-Dom and Lucy are thirteen, Louis Weasley is a year younger than Roxanne so he's fourteen. Albus is ten and Lily is nine so that's everyone...right? Phew, I hope that's everyone...
HAHAHA. Yeah, Ben just walked in! It would be too funny if Perce found out what happened but he doesn't. Not yet anyway.
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #44, by aquabluez17Abandon: Torn Apart

24th February 2013:
aww poor Roxy. She's trying her hardest to keep it together.

I wonder if Freddie guessed where she was but just didn't question her.

The memory blast was interesting to read. I wonder how they stayed friends after that :P and it showed how close Freddie and Roxy really are.

Molly!! Im glad you kinda hav her as a main character here since she's usually side lined for Rose or Lily. I hope she can help Roxy get through this!

Author's Response: Hello!

Roxanne has no choice but to keep things together as much as seh can. It would hurt her so much if her family found out about what happened and her brother did sort of guess what happened.
He's very observant. ;)
You actually get more flashbacks that talk about what happened after that one. The way they stayed friends is actually pretty sweet in my mind. And of course Perce and Roxanne are close! :D
There aren't enough Molly fics around for some reason and I love her for this story, she and Roxanne are best friends. :D
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #45, by aquabluez17Abandon: Then and Now

24th February 2013:
okay Benji is the worst! tht was terrible! poor Roxy!! I hope she is mad at him for this and tries to stay away. I mean srsly?? that was just a cheap shot.

Horrible Benji! I wonder why he feels the need to push everyone away. And I can't really tell if he even likes Roxy or just uses her. I mean I'm pretty sure he lusts after her but an actual like, I can't tell.

Maybe I'll find out soon =)

Author's Response: Hello!

This is the chapter I know that alot of you stopped loving me. Hahha. It was pretty awful that he did that to her, wasn't it? Roxanne might not see him for a while but their interactions will be...uhm, intense.
Ben might go into detail on why he needs to push everyone away but good for pointing that out! ;) You can't really tell if he loves, hates or wants Roxanne and I love making you all confused and such.
Mwhahahahha.
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #46, by aquabluez17Abandon: What the Heart Wants

24th February 2013:
and yet again w the kisses! wow Benji!!! DO YOU LIKE HER OR NOT?!?!?! god tell me what you want Benji!

Lol I loved the part about George and Angie haha :P thts just so like George. Poor kids though! I would like die of embarrassment!

Roxy is such a die hard lover while Benji is just a pessimistic! I really wonder how this story will end. With them together or leaving each forever... ahh!

we'll see then I guess

Author's Response: Hello!

Oh, yes, the kisses. You're never sure what Ben wants are you? I enjoyed making you all wonder though. I mean, honestly, Ben, make up your mind!
George and Angie are actually pretty fun to write for. They're just the sort of parents that would embarrass and love you so much that you can never stay mad at them long.
This story isn't close to being finished, its not even halfway through but Roxie is more romantic towards Ben than he is towards her. Or is he? Mwhahahha.
Well...they don't have a hard time getting together, let me tell you!
HAHAHAH.
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #47, by aquabluez17Abandon: Benjamin Fredrick Malfoy

24th February 2013:
oh my!! he kissed her!! WHOAA.

well we got to see Draco in this (love my Draco) and learned a bit more about Benji! He's still such a creeper haha :p

poor Roxy though she really does like him. I think the thrill of this fic is really that you can't exactly pinpoint what Roxy x Benji relationship is like. You can't really label it and that is the best part for me =)

Great update~!

Author's Response: Hello again!

People always comment on that kiss. I mean, it was a bit of a shock! And so fun to write.
Draco does show up in this story more than a few times and I'm glad that you enjoyed learning a bit more about Ben. :D
Poor Roxie indeed. She really does have some feelings for Ben adn the fact that you really can't tell whats going on between them is what draws you back to this. ;)
Hehehe.
Thanks for the review!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #48, by aquabluez17Abandon: Stealth and Lies

24th February 2013:
Wow Benji just gets creepier. Was he a little jealous with Roxy having boyfriends? I think so :P Good for him lol. He needs to get his life in check.

I wonder why exactly Roxy is going w him if hes so creepy and has not been around for so long. He was also really rude to her before leaving. I wonder why he was like that... why did he yell at her be4 leaving?

Dommie still being cute while Benji hating on the Weasley family :P

Great update!

Author's Response: Hello!

Hahaha, Ben is really creepy isn't he? Honestly, you wouldn't want him coming up on you in the dark, right? I mean, on some level i think I would because lets face it, he's hot but on the other hand, he's creepy and sort of weird.
I think he was a little jealous that Roxie had boyfriends while he was away. I don't think he'll ever admit to it though, he considers himself above that sort of thing.
Roxanne at the moment is very confused on her feelings for Ben. She keeps thinking he's the same person that he was when he's changed quite a bit and I don't think she can tell the difference. Why Ben was really rude to her before he left will be answered actually...I just have to write it. :D
Dom-Dom! Adorable, yes? And Ben? Well, he'll forever hate the Weasley family for his own reasons. >:D
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #49, by aquabluez17Abandon: Yes and No

24th February 2013:
Okay this is where Benji is introduced and my eternal love begins :P

He is such a creeper though. Poor Roxy has no idea what hit her.

Dommie was soo cute! Didn't imagine her to be stuttering. Thought that the Veela would crush that out maybe.. haha :P

I really loved the flashback you gave so we could get a feel for Ben without really knowing what kind of a person he is right now.

Great work!

Author's Response: Hello!

Bwhahaha, why do you all love Ben so much and what a cute nickname too! Benji, it makes him seem almost human! HAHAHA. So cute...
I'm going to use that at some point.
Yeah, he is really creepy though and Roxie really had no idea what to expect! Dom has some real fans doesn't she? I keep getting told how adorable she is and I'm glad that people like her character, I enjoy writing her.
Bwhaa, I don't think the Veela blood would have made her pretty or all that special, really, Fleur herself wasn't even half and plus, no one wants to read about a perfectly beautiful Weasley girl without flaws. At least, I don't. ;)
The flashbacks will continue but you all should pay attention to them because they sort of hint at things to come in the actual story. OR just hint that Ben really isn't as nice as he was then. :D
Hehehe.
Thanks again!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #50, by aquabluez17Abandon: Strangers and Fireworks

24th February 2013:
Heyy! I just realized this is one of my favorite stories and I have never reviewed it! How rude :P SO here I go to rectify my mistake!

Okay I really love Roxy. I liked the introduction you gave us about the whole Weasley family and how we really got to know Roxy as a character.

I was a bit surprised with the ages of the kids since Roxy is actually younger than pretty much everyone but it was a nice change.

Roxy's nickname for Fred is also surprising mostly since there already is a Percy in the family who's nickname would probably be Perce as well :P

However, I still really loved this!

Author's Response: Hello!

How dare you not leave me a review for this! Shame on you! Hahhaa. Nah, its okay, quite a few people favorite my stories and never leave me reviews for them. I don't get mad. I just rock in a corner for a while and eat candy, hahahhaaha. :D
I'm glad that you love Roxie! I really do, I tried to make her very likeable and I'm glad that you were able to get into her character. And honestly, it was nice writing the entire Weasley clan, I always have SO much fun doing it.
I am not really sure how old Roxie would be, since I never read anything with the kid's ages at all. But having her older fits my purposes better! :D
Mwhahahahaha.
I actually got told the thing about her brother's nickname before. But I sort of made sure to say "Uncle Perce/Percy" if I was talking about their uncle.
I think?
Anyway, thanks for reading!
Much love,
Gabbie


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