This is a great start! I was thinking of starting a Teddy/Victoire story too! haha great minds think alike :P
I like the plot you have here, though I feel that maybe adding a bit more description to why Teddy is so determined and why Victorie is so adamant about this topic would really help this prologue!
Also, I got a vague idea of what kind of a pair Teddy/Victorie are thogh I feel like just by adding a few scenes, maybe flashbacks or something, readers could really feel their relationship a bit more clearly since that would make the story pop out more.
Also I noticed a grammatical error, " since I three.." I think you meant "since you were three"
Overall this was a great start! Can't wait to see where you are going with this =) Good job!
Sorry if this review seemed to harsh :P
-MyaAuthor's Response: It's so strange to hear someone refer to me by my actual name on here.
I don't know why but I seem to be hopping onto the Teddy/Victoire bandwagon (prepare yourselves for the obsession people). I'll see if I can add any more detail about that part in there.
Sorry, I haven't had access to a computer for the pass week or two so my writing isn't at it's best at the moment. I'll definitely be taking a closer look at the chapter and try and make it better. This wasn't a harsh review at all and it was really helpful, thank you for the feedback! Report Review
yayay! you updated!!
im really glad to see tht Al/Vivi finally talked =) That was rele good.
I also loved the bonding you had between Lily/ Vivi. That was very cute and nicely done as well! Great work =)
Can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Hello,
I'm so sorry it took so long!
That was totally unexpected, I wasn't intending for them to talk for quite some time yet but then this suddenly popped into my head a it fit much better than my original plan. I'm glad you liked it :)
Oh Lily, sometimes I worry she is feeling forgotten, which she kind of is with all the trouble James and Al are bring to the family. I thought it would be a good idea for Viv to get to know the third Potter kid, especially as Lily will be her baby's aunt.
Thank you for the lovely review and I hope to update again fairly soon :)
GirlOnTheSidelines x Report Review
Wow! thats a great start!! I really love the whole mystery and they way you portrayed the family!
Can't wait to meet Scor, Al, Rose and the others
I wonder who the men were. Did Kieran do something bad? Lol are people after him? Oh Molly! I hope he does keep her safe and all.
This is an amazing story! Do update soon =)
MyaAuthor's Response: Hi Mya! And thank you :) Glad you're enjoying the story and thanks so much for reviewing.
We've *technically* met Albus already but I know what you mean. And for your other questions.. you'll just have to keep reading to find out! ;)
Thanks again! Report Review
Sorry Im sooo late!! School is really getting to me and my time reading and reviewing :(
Anyway, I really liked how you started this! One thing I really loved was the fact that there was no Teddy/Victorie/Dommie triangle thing going on here, or at least as mentioned in this chapter.
Although I don't mind the triangle, sometimes I feel that people rely on too much when writing about Teddy in general so great work there!
I like the way you characterized Dommie! She's strong and a journalist which is quite different from other Dominique characters I have read.
I enjoyed reading the way you differentiated between Dommie being scared of werewovles and not actually hating them. This was a very strong and powerful way to portray her as a character!
Overall I think you have a great story here. It has a very effective beginning with a cliff hanger in the end, just begging for me to read more :D
I'll be back for more soon and again sorry for the delay! =)
MyaAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing, apologies for the delay in responding.
I am pleased you liked the way I started this. Yes, there's no Teddy/Vic/Dom triangle. Triangles are cliche xP
I am glad you like Dom's character, and that you found this an effective beginning.
Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing once again, and I look forward to your comments on future chapters! Report Review
HEYYY Kiana!! This was the Remus/Tonks story you were talking bout!!!
Well I really loved the beginning! I loved the way you described Tonks and how you had them meet as well. In typical Tonks fashion, meaning for her to just fall all over him ahah.
I was sad to know that Andy didn't know if Sirius was innocent. It's always so sad when Everyone thinks Sirius is a murder :(
Anyway, I would love to see some more Remus / Tonks interaction!! But the character development is amazing really lol
Great work :)Author's Response: Hey Mya!
I'm so glad that you loved the beginning and thought it suited her! I mean I couldn't have her meet him normally, of course she would have to fall!
Yes that is always so sad, but hopefully Tonks will get round to telling her mum that Sirius really is innocent.
You get to see them together in the next chapter, well Bill's there too, but they're together!
Thanks for the great review,
-Kiana :D Report Review
Aww! This is so unique! Bahah poor Jamesie :P
I wonder how she got his cloak lol. James had no clue what hit him hahah!!
Great work!! I really enjoyed reading this. Couldn't see any errors :PAuthor's Response: I'll take a wild case and just say that you enjoyed it lol. James faced the consequences of messing with Lily Evans (one does not simply mess with Lily Evans and get away with it).
I'm so happy that you enjoyed it and skglsegslegksg my first piece of writing with no errors in it! Report Review
This is really interesting. From Sirius' POV it always seems tht both his parents didn't love him. I liked seeing how you showed that Orion still felt Somethjng for his first born.
Poor Reggie, always getting overshadowed, however I'm glad Orion still tried to help Sirius. Obviously if his wife knew he would be off of the family list but he still took the risk.
I loved the idea of this and I think you developed the characters well.
-- MyaAuthor's Response: heyyy!! :D
thanks for reviewing. I'll get on yours tonight.
I always felt that because we don't know much about Orion, there may be more to him than the crazy hatred that Walburga and Bellatrix has. Just like Narcissa, I think that the hatred developed over time rather than having it be innate.
You're amazing (:
Okay this is amazing! I love the way you portrayed everyone ! I literally always imagine them like this, completely in sync with each other and caring for each other.
You know how I feel bout Marauders fics so I'm super super glad I read this since it totally goes w my head cannon :)
Snapes so harsh, Avery just hates, poor Jamsie!! Aww Sirius! Babyy :( LILY!! Respect woman! Good for you, standing up for your man ;)
This was really good Claire. So good I literally couldn't see any errors since I got too caught up in the story haha.
--MyaAuthor's Response: yay! I really glad that I portrayed Lily right. I always thought that Lily is a very complex person deep down inside, and I think an that finally loving James is central to the key in her personality because let's face it, how can someone like Lily love the person that James was? It's an interesting development that I think says a lot about Lily (:
IM GLAD IT FITS YOUR HC :D
I always love to hear that because I always want to strive to write canon lol
You're amazing! Report Review
Hey Claire!! Here w a review :)
I really liked this!! Keira and Hugo are really well developed here and I do love how you didn't drag it out too much since we all knew what would happen.
That said, I felt that the flow of the story could have been made better with a few more descriptive factors since it felt like Keira changed her opinion almost too quickly.
However, I still really loved this! ESP Hugo!! So cute. No one ever writes bout him so I'm glad you gave him a chance :P
-- Mya :)Author's Response: Hehe I don't think that Hugo's character would let him drag this out for very long because that just doesn't seem like the type of person he'd be, ya know? xD
I love and appreciate your honesty! I'm glad that I now know that the flow and description of Keira's changes of feeling coudl be better because it wasn't something I had thought about at first.
Yes, Hugo certainly is one of those forgotten characters and I loved that I can give him a chance at the spotlight.
Thanks, love! (:
You're amazing. Report Review
Awww! That was soo cute.
I loved the way you showed the parallels with what Ginny said at the end (obviously that was on purpose).
Some CC's I noticed were “I love you, Mum[.]”
It should be a [,] not a [.] since you are continuing the sentence and not ending it right there.
Great work though! I really enjoyed reading this =)Author's Response: Gah, grammar... I love it, but I still seem to make mistakes all the time. I'll go back and fix that up ASAP! Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it!
-ShadowRose Report Review
Okay this is just soo cute!! I really loved it. I don't really see a lot of Fleur/Bill but this really made me happy.
Things were kinda glossed over in the book about how they got together though this was just so cute. Poor Fleur, always being looked as a object. Im glad she found someone who would notice her as a person.
One CC, sometimes it was really hard to understand exactly what Fleur was saying. Although it really added to her character, maybe having the proper sentence in a bracket following would help?
See ya soon Kiana :P You should totally write more on this!Author's Response: Hey Mya!
Hahaha I'm so glad that you thought it was cute, I don't see much of Bill and Fleur either so I guess that's why I decided to write it!
Haha yeah I wanted to draw on the fact, as I did feel sorry for Fleur to, but she has Bill now!
I'm glad that you found it hard to understand as that was the idea, but I'll see if I can make it clearer:)
When you check out Against All Odds, you'll see how it ties in ;D
Thanks for the review! Report Review
This is really interesting! I love how you have Louis as the BFF. Its really unique!! Now I can't wait to see an update =)
Hope it comes soon!Author's Response: Yes! Don't ever stop loving Louis as the best friend. He's the best! ;) Thanks for the review. Report Review
Heyy!! Here I'm w the late review swap :P
Ahh! We finally get to know Mikaela a little better! Yayy!! One thing I noticed about her is that she really understands her parents' past. I love that you included Draco's past as a Death Eater as a part of her character since he can't completely get rid of that part of his life. Its not going to just disappear.
One CC I have is that the writing can be a little inconsistent at times. For example, right after she runs out of gas, and she's looking for money, she keeps changing her mind and by introducing so many ideas at the same time, the reader feels kinda overwhelmed.
Maybe add some detail and move some of the ideas to somewhere else to space it out?
This is a great chapter! Im glad I read it =) Thank you for the review swap!Author's Response: Heyy, yes I will bear that in mind. Thankyou once again!
Em Report Review
This was really good too! I loved it :p I wonder what Scott was talking about?
Aww James haha. Maybe adding abit more description to him would have helped :P
Billie? Thts an unusual name :P Some physical details about her could really let the reader get engaged to the story =)
Do continue soon!Author's Response: You will one day find out what Scott was taling about. He was harsh, but I think he had a valid point.
Billie is an unusual name but I think it suits her character very well.
I know that there is a lack of detail in this, but it's only the prologue and I wanted it to be a little vague and just set up the premise of the story. There will be more details in future chapters!
Thanks for the review :) Report Review
omg!! tht was soo cute haha.
she really loves her bed :P it just made me want to go roll in mine :P
aww I really can't wait to see how this story turns out! do update soon!!
ONE CC I would offer is that maybe adding a bit more detail could help?
Besides tht great start!Author's Response: Beds are amazing things, aren't they?
This was just a prologue and I deliberately made it pretty vague. Not to worry, you will get plenty more detail in future chapters.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Does the potion have a side effect or something? That she wants to be near him and look at him because of that? Or is it just cuz she didn't realize how much she looked at him before?
Well I'll see when you update again =)
This was really nice! I liked the way you mentioned Bella and overall I think this topic is really new so its cool to think about where you will go with this :P
update soon! I would love to know more about Jamesie haha Report Review
Wow!! this is amazing!! I really want to know what will happen next.
In this it seemed like Al didn't really like Julie. I wonder why? I wished we had seen more of James but it was a prologue so thats all good.
Maybe if you add a bit of description about Julie/James. Just a bit, nothing too much, we could get a good view on their relationship and feel more pulled in.
I really think this idea is unique! Can't wait for you to update! Report Review
aw!! that was adorable!!
i really loved ths james you have here and rebecca too!! honestly these things happen so often but its like never written about so thank you for writing about it :P
i loved how Rebecca just kept naming things and he was all like huh? ahh i dont rememberrr!! Amnesia! poor Rebecca but in the end at least she got what she wanted :P
I wish I could offer you CC's but I got so caught up in the story I didn't really see anything! (So obviously its perfect haha )
Great OS!Author's Response: Ha this story is just beyond fluffy isn't it?
I have an obsession with writing about James...I should move on and try out other characters, shouldn't I? Oh well, yeah he's a stud :P
Rebecca is so patient with the kid and I'm impressed with her. Well, I did create her...I should probably stop talking, none of this makes sense.
Thank you so much! This is such a flattering review :D
Woot! I love my forum friends ;)
Jack Report Review
Wow!!! Okay I have never really read a Fred /OC story so thank you for writing one!
I loved the beginning. Though there were some awkwardly phrased sentences, I believe it was a great start.
I think that maybe by upping your sentence structure, like combing short sentences and as such, this would become an even great piece!!
Thank you so much for writing this!!Author's Response: Thanks! So sorry for the late response.
I'll define consider what you said about the sentence structure. I'm aware that that is one of my weaknesses and I'm glad you pointed it out. Report Review
Wow that was really good! I really liked the different take you had on Scor and even Rose.
There were times I was a bit confused though. It took me a couple of times of reading to figure out that you were talking in the past when you weren't in 2nd person. I think that could hAve been cleared up a bit.
Also I think maybe a description of who's killing them or why? Could help since it would help the story differ from the past you were trying to explain.
This was really great! The idea was very unique and obviously you had fun w it :)
I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. Not my intention at all. Hope I helped :)
Mya :)Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for your review. :) I was going to add an author's note at the end clearing up any confusion, but didn't want to assume that people wouldn't figure it out on their own. There are actually three different timelines in this story: The present, in which Rose and Scorpius are being murdered, the past, which is actually his life flashing before his eyes, and the future. If you notice in the passage about the adopted teenage Squib whose parents died when he was little, he begins to make a Timeturner. The Timeturner is to take him back so that he can get rid of his parents before he's ever born.
So the young man who enters the room is actually baby Benjamin all grown up. And the reason why he was ever parentless in the first place, as you can see, is his fault. It's also his own fault that he's a Squib, because of the magical damage inflicted on the baby from too many spells.
I would have been a little more clearer about what the different sections represented, but also didn't want to ruin the surprise that the baby Scorpius protected in the last seconds of his life was also the man attacking them all. Scorpius saved his son /from/ his son. It's cyclical, because of the nature of time travel, so baby Benjamin grows up to be teenage Benjamin, who goes back in time and dies while trying to murder his infant self, over and over.
I hope I explained it so that I didn't make it sound more confusing! Thank you for reading and reviewing. :) Report Review
Okay so I really loved the fight haha. That sounds sadistic but I think it really built a realistic idea of what could be happening w Ginny/Harry.
So Dudley and Harry still in touch eh? OH MY GOD! Vernon is dead! How did he die?? Also, does Teddy spend a lot of time w Harry? I would love to see more of him =)
Great work! Update soon :DAuthor's Response: Haha, honestly I quite enjoyed writing the fight!
Yeah, Vernon is dead as a dodo! We'll find out what happened soon ;)
Teddy will certainly appear more throughout the story.
Glad you enjoyed this, thanks for reviewing! Report Review
awww tht was so cute!! i loved the whole thing.
I do think that you could have added more about the Potters fight or maybe just have a smoother transition but it was great really!
I was a bit confused about Freddie's weekend. like Freddie I or Freddie II being born?Author's Response: Aw I'm glad you loved it.
Haha as I think you saw in the next chapter, their fight was only just beginning to brew. I'm not sure which transition you mean, but this chapter is slightly odd in that I had a lot of locations and characters to include, and didn't want to go through their whole journey each time!
There are a couple of earlier chapters devoted to Freddie's weekend - it was Freddie II (I differentiate between them by having Fred and Freddie) and it was what we would term a christening, but in Weasley terms is a whole weekend to get together, have a naming ceremony, and basically celebrate each new child born into their family. Report Review
Okay this was amazing.
I have never heard that rumor before but its really interesting how you incorporated that.
I do have to say that in the middle I got a little distracted and my attention wavered. Maybe you could break up the para or break up the explanation w memories or anything? just to make it more captivating.
I really liked this story and it was just so sadd!! ahh~ great job really!! poor Harry losing his sibling:(
Wish James had known :(
Great work! Report Review
Hi! Just wanted to leave a review :P
I loved the beginning. It was great. The detail with Molly's character and her surrounding is amazing. I really like how you have it set up in the middle of another war.
Though I do have a few CC. The first is explanation. In the beginning everything's clear but as you get into the war things get sort of muddled and confusing. It kinda gets hard to follow what Molly is thinking and just a bit more explanation and detail would fix that I think.
Great start! I hope you'll update soon =)Author's Response: Hey! =3
Thank youuu - I had a little bit difficulty with the beginning. I felt horribly awkward writing this, and I've never been good with starting a story.
I... confess. I personally haven't figured out what the war's about. I've considered a battle over chocolate, but I wasn't sure how readers would take it :') I mean to edit that as soon as I figure it out myself.
Thanks again for that lovely review, and I promise to do so as soon as I can. Report Review
Hey Courtneyyy!! Wuts up? :P Im sorry im so latee!!
Aah, I'm so glad I read this chapter. Okay this was so fast paced =) it was perfect. The earlier chapters were much slower compared to this one. It was quite a nice change.
I think the dream really set up the story for me this time. It really added the element of suspense into the whole mix! im really excited to see how this works out :D
Izzy who's also a mean drunk. I wonder why there's so much antagonism between Scorpius and Izzy!
hahaha the fight between Louis vs. Scorpius. I would love to know more about Jeremy Johnson character, though. You provided a bit of detail about him. How he's so positive and all, but I think it would be great if you expanded on that more maybe show us what hes like rather than tell?
This was a great start!! Thank you so much for the read and sorry for the delay :)
Mya :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review! And sorry it took me so long to get around to it. I'm becoming so slack *blushes*
I'm glad you liked the dream, because it definitely has meaning. And more shall definitely be revealed about the antagonism and Jeremy Johnson (who becomes a key character)
Courtney:) Report Review
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