Reading Reviews From Member: LumosWeasley
  
12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LumosWeasleyEvasive Normality : Prologue

14th February 2014:
Hey, LumosWeasley here for the review swap!

I really like this so far! It's a great prologue and really makes me want to read more. The way that you showed how bad Harry feels is spot on. I think we all forget that even though Voldemort was gone, not everything went quickly back to normal. The little details that you added were great; I liked the bit about the garden gnomes. There were no huge errors or mistakes that I noticed, so that's good. Overall, I think that this is a great beginning to your novel :)

Author's Response: Hi,

thanks for reviewing this for me, it's always nice to get an opinion on something you've written!

I'm pleased that you thought I wrote Harry well because I'm always worrying about my characters.

I'm pleased you enjoyed the little details!

thanks for the awesome review!


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Review #2, by LumosWeasleyA Boy Bitten: Truth or Lies

29th October 2013:
Hello, this is LumosWeasley with your requested review! I'm so sorry this has taken forever to post. Next time will be sooner:)

I really liked the way you wrote him as a five year old. While I was reading it, I could picture little Remus reading with hi mother and it was really cute! He was definitely acting like a little kid:)

The way that Remus learned to spell his name is adorable and hints at why he used many magical creatures in DADA class. When he looks out the window at the playground, it made me anxious because I thought that the werewolf might pop up in front of it!

The ending was so sad; the way his parents were fighting and how it made Remus feel. I thought that how you wrote that "fear" was hurting him is really creative because it seems like how a five year old would feel if they hadn't been hurt that badly before.

This is an amazing one-shot and I am so glad you shared it:)

Sorry again for the timing!
-LumosWeasley

Author's Response: Hi!! No worries about the timing. I kind of like getting reviews a bit after I request them. I forget that I've made a request then it's like a pleasant surprise to see one sitting there! (I also hide candy in my desk drawer at work for the same reason)

I am very excited that you liked Remus as a kid. He was so fun to write. I really like kids who are fun and bright so it was a bit natural to imagine Remus being that way. I'm glad he came across as a kid and not just a short adult Remus (if that makes any sense).

I'm really glad you commented on the fear hurting him bit. No one else has and I was hoping to get feedback on it. :D It's great that it sounds like the way a kid would process physical pain and fear (for their first major injury). I meant to leave the story on a sad/bitter note. I think there's not just how Remus feels about his parents fighting but how they feel about him being bit.

I am so happy you enjoyed this! Thank you a million for such a wonderful review!!

-Rose


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Review #3, by LumosWeasleyGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Chapter 1

29th October 2013:
Hello, this is LumosWeasley with your requested review!
First of all, I feel terrible that this review is so late! I promise next time will be sooner:)

I loved the way that you added little bits to the story that we probably never would have thought of, like international Floo. I thought that McGonagall was written well and I enjoyed her interaction with Ophelia.

I really liked the line, "The rain had finally stopped and the sun emerged, the world washed clean and born again to a new day.

The symbolism of it all wasn’t lost on her." It is really well written:)

I love how Mcgonagall is practically rescuing Sadie; it kind of reminded me of Hagrid rescuing Harry, although Ophelia isn't necessarily like the Dursleys. Except for the knitting needles, those were awesome:)


I love your writing style! It's very easy to read and I liked all of the similes and metaphors you used. Overall, I really liked this chapter. Can't wait to see what is going to happen next!

Sorry again for how late this is.
-LumosWeasley

Author's Response: Don't feel terrible for being late! Look how long it's taken me to get to responding to your wonderful review! I totally understand about real life getting in the way sometimes.

I really had a lot of fun adding in those little details about the wizarding world. I find it such an odd, quirky world and love it when I can continue that. So glad you enjoyed it!

And also glad you thought Minerva was done right. I love her, but she can be tricky to write. And Ophelia was a blast. Wish I would have thought of a way to keep her more in the story. Oh well...

Oh, thanks! No one has picked out that line to comment on, but I liked it when I wrote it.

I never thought of the comparison between Hagrid rescueing Harry and McGonagall saving Sadie, but you're right. It's very much there. And poor Sadie does need someone to rescue her. As for the knitting needles, Ophelia really wasn't trying to be mean, promise. She tried to coax the girl to relax, eat, clean up - but Sadie was just too scared and kept trying to run away. Ophelia knew she needed to keep Sadie in her apartment until Minerva could come, so that was all she could think to do as she didn't want to hurt the girl.

Aw, thank you! I know my writing isn't nearly as good or amazing as a lot of the authors on this site, but I do try my best.

Glad you want to know more. As soon as I can, I'll snag a spot in your thread again so you can continue.

Thanks again!
- Farmgirl


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Review #4, by LumosWeasleyThe Last Keepers Of The Light: Chapter One

28th October 2013:
Hey, it's me for the review swap!

First of all, I think this chapter is really good! It definitely sets the stage for the whole story, which is good. The description is very nice to read and I think you did a very good job with it. One thing I might change would be in "...it’s hard to be in awe when it’s your neck on the block I guess." by getting rid of the "I guess". It's just my opinion, but I think it might strengthen that paragraph ending by making it better. That's just my opinion though, so take any nit-picky things with a grain of salt. It's your story after all!:) The whole "flobberworms for brains" bit added a bit of humor, so that was good!

Overall, I think this is a great beginning to the story, I definitely want to read more!

If you ever want to do any more review swaps, just say so:)

-Lumos

Author's Response: Hi! :)

I'm very glad that you liked the chapter. I wrote so many drafts of it so I'm glad I picked this one.
I actually have the same opinion as you on that particular line, it's always seemed a bit dodgy to me and now I know that the 'I guess' does read a little out of place. Thank you for pointing that out!

Thank you so much for the lovely review! :)


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Review #5, by LumosWeasleyIn Sickness And In Health: The Battle

15th October 2013:
Hey, it's LumosWeasley with you review, sorry for the timing.

First of all, great first chapter, I really want to read more! The beginning was just a bit slow to me, but that's just my opinion. You wrote it well and it fits the plot, so kudos!

I really like your description and writing style, not too much details to leave the reaper bored but enough to form a clear picture.

Since it's only the beginning, I didn't hear a lot from Draco but what you have so far seems appropriate for his character at that time, not as cocky as his earlier years. I liked how you wrote Hermione, curious, scared but still brave, and determined. You can definitely do a lot with this:)

I definitely think that this can develop into a great Dramione story and it is interesting so far.

-LumosWeasley

Author's Response: Hi LW! Thank you so so much for reviewing! I'm sorry it has taken me so long to respond :)

Yaay, I'm glad you liked my first chapter, as I re-edited it and was worried about it. I have tried my best to un-fast it, but perhaps i have made it too slow! oops! Thank you muchly in regards to the plot :D

Oh good, because i suck at description, so i am very happy that it works well, and forms a good picture :D

I didn't want to put too much attention on Draco as he wasn't supposed to be there anyway, and felt out of the picture, and wanted to portray that.

Hope i can request more and that you enjoy it!
Thank you again for this :)

Grace :D


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Review #6, by LumosWeasleyThanatophobia: Falling Asleep

10th September 2013:
Hey, this is LumosWeasley with your review:)

GAH.THE FEELS T.T

I was crying at the end, it was just so beautiful. The ending is just perfect. We know he is going to die from the beginning, but for it to actually happen in such a poetic way is heartbreaking. I would quote my favorite lines, but I'd probably end quoting half the story.

I just read the ending again and now I'm crying. The brother/sister love is so touching. The fact that he is so worried about his family is really moving. His fear is so tangible and I could really picture him sick and all of the things he is going through.

The only CC I have is a couple grammatical errors. In the sentence '“Uncle Harry?” Hugo asked', there should be a comma after 'asked'. I know there were a couple more sentences that should have had commas, but overall it is really good.

This is an amazing one-shot, I loved it! Great job:) Feel free to re-request and please respond:)

-Lumos

Author's Response: Hey there!

I take it I may have attacked your feels a little bit?

I'm glad that the ending made you cry (that sounds horrible of me to say), I was hoping to make it emotional and if it hadn't been then I would've felt like an idiot for being the only one who cried.

The fact that you were able to picture everything in your head is good news for me because it means that I've used description great and it has not failed me. That's always been something that's been difficult for me.

I'll add this to the list of things to fix when I look through the chapter again to polish it up some more.

Thanks so much for your lovely review and I always respond to all of them no matter how long it takes me!


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Review #7, by LumosWeasleyGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Prologue

10th September 2013:
Hey, this is LumosWeasley with your review!

This is a really good prologue! It really captured my attention and makes me want to know more. Your imagery is awesome, I could really see a lot of he things that you were describing. When I first read it, I was expecting a place like London, but I was surprised when it mentioned New York City. But that's not a problem, just something I noticed:)

For your OC, I enjoyed the description. She seems very lonely and sad. It makes the reader want to know more about her background and what has happened to her. So good job!

The old lady was definitely recognizable as a witch as soon as you described her clothing. I liked that she had a hat with flamingos:)

Since it's only the prologue so far and not very long, I didn't really find any problems. I think there might have been a couple grammar things, but that may just be preference and grammar isn't exactly my strong suit, so I'll just leave them be.

You have a great story so far! Feel free to re-request and please respond:)

-Lumos

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for coming and being willing to read stories like this! You are very kind. :D

Yeah. Makes me happy to hear you were captured by the prologue and would want to know more. And I know NYC was a little surprising, but hopefully in the end it will make sense. And hopefully I can pull this off without it being the "typical American student comes to Hogwarts" story.

She is lonely and sad right now. We'll work on that, in this story. And I'm glad you want to know more.

I had fun with the old lady and her clothing. And really, flamingos are just so awful, they HAD to be there.

Good to know it's looking pretty clean mistake wise. I do try, but things always slip through.

Wonderful review! Thanks so much. Think I might go re-request right now, if that isn't too soon.

*hugs*
- Farmgirl


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Review #8, by LumosWeasleyHow I Killed my Lover -or - Why You should Never Love a Werewolf: Rusty Sweeping Skills

9th September 2013:
Hey, this is LumosWeasley with your review!

So first of all, good job! This chapter is well-paced and interesting. I've never read a Lupin/Tonks fic before but yours is really good :)

For character development, I really liked how you portrayed Lupin; Nearly everything seems like something that he would say, except for "loopty-loops", which didn't really seem like him to me. but I did think that the kiss was very cute and seemed like it would have been his reaction.

To me, Tonks also seemed true to the character; she's always falling over stuff! I liked the part about Crookshanks on the stairs. One thing that seemed off to me was when she said "You're pulling me leg", I thought Tonks would probably say "my". I also enjoyed how you wrote Sirius :)

I love your description! It's detailed, but not to detailed to make you lose interest. I especially liked a couple of your similes, such as "confetti at a funeral' and "a moth exposed to a bright light".

Great job!

Feel free to re-request and please respond!

Lumos

Author's Response: Hi Lumos!!

Thank you so much for the wonderful review.

...you've never read a Remus/Tonks fic? That breaks my heart!! :) (just kidding, mostly). I really like your feedback on loopty-loop. I agree - it doesn't fit. I'll think of a better word. I'll also think through the "me leg" bit. I was trying to imitate her Yorkshire accent (at least the one she seems to have in the audiobooks). Not sure if it works well here though.

So glad you found the description useful. It's hard not to describe every detail. It's also limiting sometimes with a first person narrative. They can't know everything after all.

Again, thank you for saying wonderful things and for your very helpful tips! I'll be sure to re-request.



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Review #9, by LumosWeasleyMyrtle: Myrtle

8th September 2013:
Hello, this is LumosWeasley with your requested review :)

This is truly an amazing story, I never would have guessed that it is your first attempt at angst. It's extremely believeable.

You brought Myrtle to life! I never thought of her as anything more than the whiny ghost who had a sweet spot for Harry, but you have added so much more depth and description to her. For that I applaud you :)

I think the way you left out dialogue, intentionally or not, really helped the story. It didn't break up the description and leaves a feeling of being in Myrtle's head.

One thing I did notice was that in the third from the last paragraph, the line "ripped my beting heart" should be 'beating'.

I think the quote was incorporated brilliantly. I love The Casual Vacancy and it was nice to see the connection.

One of my favorite lines was the very last because it was almost abrupt, leaving a feeling on the reader that was really deep.

Great story!

Lumos

Author's Response: Hi there, LW :)

Wow? You really think so? Thank you :) Well, it really is my first time.

To be honest, I never thought of her much while reading the books. But when I was given the quote, the idea of using Myrtle's voice just popped into my head :)

It was intentional. I intended to write something that was heavy on the description. And I'm glad I got it right :) Thanks!

Oh gosh :( I know I have some typos. I'll get around to editing them soon :)

Wow. Thank you so much! :) this was a lovely review.


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Review #10, by LumosWeasleyThe Brave at Heart: Beginnings

8th September 2013:
Hey, this is LumosWeasley with your review!

Your story is pretty interesting so far, I like how it talks about her first year and then jumps to fifth. One thing I thought about the first couple paragraphs was that they were a little confusing to read because they both had the word "I" in them frequently. I feel like the writing style gets a lot better as the chapter progresses.

I think you did Lily, Severus, James, and Sirius justice :) Their dialogue and characteristics seemed to be accurate, so kudos to you! I like the way James and Lily interacted.

One thing that stood out to me is that some of the dialogue and description reminded me of Harry's first day at Hogwarts:)

I'm pretty sure there weren't any grammar or spelling mistakes. This is a great story so far! Feel free to respond and re-request.

Author's Response: Hi there, thank you for your review! I'm so glad you like the story so far. I will read back over those first few paragraphs and see if I can make it clearer, thanks for pointing that out! And it's actually sixth year... so maybe I should clarify that as well :)

It's wonderful to hear that the portrayal of the canon characters was good, I do worry about that :p So thanks! And I really appreciate the review!


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Review #11, by LumosWeasleyCryptic: Ron Cannot Know

17th January 2013:
Hey this is really good! I don't mean to bother you but I was wondering if you were going to continue it? Thanks(:

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Review #12, by LumosWeasleyA Constant Reminder: There is such a thing as a second chance.

17th January 2013:
This was really sweet:) Good job!

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