Oh man...this story.I'm so happy I'm reading it, you don't even know!
Freaking Isa, she's so awesome.
Enough said, thanks for writing this!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
I think I'm in love with Isa, but I know she'll be set up with one of the other fictional characters :/ Probably James, eh?
I can feel my heart breaking already.
Not a normal review, eh? Heh...it's fine. I'm engaged and nearly happily married to my wife, so I won't be a creeper anymore. *cough*Author's Response: It's completely normal to be in love with a fictional character Report Review
I love it already! Geez, I can't believe I haven't read this before now...life has been hectic, but it was on my to-read list, because it's very interesting.
I'm already sold on Isa as our main character. If she were to go into battle, I would follow her, waving my silly sword around! Strange metaphor, but I like this novel :D
All right! Onto the next chapterAuthor's Response: No worries! Read when you can! Report Review
I think my favorite part about this chapter (it'll seem lame) is about Albus being a very heavy sleeper.
I am a very, very heavy sleeper, so I could definitely relate to the bloke. Getting kissed awake is my ideal alarm clock too, but idk...I just really like his personality! Wonderful character development. Report Review
I see that you've tried the multiple point of view approach. I find that it's easier for my readers to read when I label which POVs are which characters. I.E. POV-Albus: ...
Anyways, I feel bad for Jamie. I guess I must have misread that first chapter about the attempted rape. Geez, how awful! How did I misread it? Well, I'm a complete imbecile :P
All that being said, I'll probably come back and read this another time. I must eat lunch now :DAuthor's Response: Haha no you're not. I try not to be too graphic so it ends up being kind of vague and I'll definitely label the POVs if I switch them again! Thanks for the tip! Report Review
I'm surprised this story doesn't have more reviews/favorites! I think what I've read so far is absolutely brilliant! I'm going to read the next chapter, and I'll probably favorite it :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for reading! I'm glad you like it! Report Review
I really like this story. It's adorable :)
The interaction between characters is believable, and the plot is exciting :D I like how Neil is a muggle! It brings a different interaction to the novel that I don't see very often on this site.
Oh man, speaking of things I don't see on this site, you have Hugo in this story! I like this Hugo you've created. He's so shy :P Ha, which leads me into my favorite part about this chapter: How Neil describes Hugo before figuring out he's Lily's cousin and after he finds out.
It's so funny! Oh, and he can't cook for himself?! Geez, this guy is me. Like, literally, I totally relate to him!
Anyways, I guess I should say something helpful :P There were a few inaccurate words (just small mistakes), like you put union instead of onion, etc.
Nothing big, I would just re-read through it really quick and fix those ;)
Awesome, I really like this story,
soapman333Author's Response: Wow, Thanks!!
If you like Neil now you'll have to read the rest, he get a lot more awkward and he's going to do a lot of stupid things.
I like that you like my version of Hugo, I once started a story starring Hugo when he's in first year, but it never got very far. I don't have a plot for him but I adore him as a character. If I get a plot I'll tell you.
I'll have to aske you to review my next chapter, because I love your compliments and I think you'll like to read it :)
Maya Report Review
I mostly clicked on this story because of the epic name!
Right, so I'm going to leave a review, because I enjoyed this chapter and I want you to write another one :D
Geez, first off, I have to say I'm a guy (why did I click on an obviously frilly work? I don't know, I'm having one of those days) and I somehow always take really long showers. I don't know what happens, to be honest.
Lily...has a freaking epic narrative going on here. It was hilarious and kept me chuckling like an idiot for a solid ten minutes.
Anyways, I hope I flattered you enough to get another chapter :P Yeah...I had an ulterior motive in doing this...
*cough* all right, I hope you have a marvelous day!
soapman333 Report Review
Hello! I'm dropping by to flatter you into an oblivion :D!
Okay, so the format of this one-shot was actually really awesome (As opposed to mediocre, of course. That was supposed to be a joke...I'm having one of those days). Right, well I'm geeking out about the Doctor Who quote reference of, "Every song must end."
I felt like this one-shot was more of a poem, and I'm a huuuge fan of poems. The whole tone of this piece was just brilliant. I was really "hit with the feels" (hehe...I just quoted you) and that generally doesn't happen with wee Draco.
Draco and I aren't that great of pals...but your interpretation of Draco is awesome.
Right, so I've mentioned once that we both have similar writing styles (I also rely heavily on dialogue in my works) so I'm impressed that you were able to break from your original style for this piece. Way to go :D, you give me hope.
Hmm, I wish I was awesome enough to articulate an equally awesome review...I really liked this piece :D
Thanks for sending it to me! Doctor Who Forever!
soapman333Author's Response: Hello. I'm looking forward to being flattered into oblivion - you've set yourself up, now!
(The joke was funny - I laughed) I'm glad you liked the format. It's something super different to the way I write normally. And I had a complete geeky freak out session when that was the quote I was given. You know why? BECAUSE I LOVE THE OOD! They're my favourite aliens of all time, even beating out Superman, who is pretty awesome.
Haha, I've had a couple of people say that the story reads like a poem! To be honest, it wasn't my intention (except for a bit of rhythm), especially because I'm not a fan of poems, nor can I ever write them when I actually try! So yay for my inadvertent genius?
(Loved the requoting, by the way!) I'm a bit of a sucker when it comes to Draco, and I've never written him, but I wanted to give him a bit of a happy ending. I felt he deserved it after all that!
Thank you for the wonderful review (your reviews are always really nice)! And there's always hope!
PS: DOCTOR WHO FOREVER! Report Review
So your summary is very exciting btw! I probably would've read this story even without the review request.
The first thing I noticed was the spacing in this chapter...it's kind of large. I guess you could keep it, but I had to do a lot of scrolling :P
Other than that: WOAH!!! This story is so epic!
There's not much here, but it pulled me into the story! Geez, look at how many exclamation points I'm using :P
Okay, this plot is brilliant. I generally read a lot of fluffy stuff on this site, so this is a nice contrast. Plus, I don't read much about Death Eater's daughters. That's just so unique!
Hmmm, I'm super excited for the next chapter. I'll probably be back to review it when I have time.
Honestly, I should say some more stuff, but this story is just so awesome that I don't really have much else to say :/ Sorry...
Er, okay. Feel free to re-request this masterpiece, but like I said, I'll probably be back ;)
soapman333Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing and for your lovely compliments! Haha I'm glad you found the summary and first chapter interesting, and that you liked the point of view of a Death Eater's daughter,although there's definitely some fluff in there as well :P
Looking forward to your future reviews!!! (Hehe) thank you so much for this great review! :) Report Review
All right...look at me, leaving another rubbish review.
Geez, James...James, you can't ask a girl to be your girlfriend and then say you're only doing it to make another girl jealous. It doesn't work that way, kid :P. Oh well, he'll figure it all out. Well, obviously he will. He has a kid with Lily for bloody sakes.
Sirius...bahaha he's hilarious.
Remus was indirectly mentioned?! Freak, I'm so excited to meet the bloke! Well, I'm mostly excited to meet your interpretation of him :D
All right, I'll leave you alone now ;) Thanks for the fun reads,
JackAuthor's Response: Nobody calls my reviews rubbish...including the reviewers themselves. :D
James is a bit...thick. Obtuse, like. But I love him all the same.
Funny Sirius is funny. 'Nuff said.
As for my interpretation of Remus, I think you just raised the expectations bar. *chews nails in anxiety*
Thanks for all these wonderful reviews, even though this hasn't been updated in the longest time, and doesn't seem likely to be.
Cupcakes and cheery smiles,
-Akansha. Report Review
I need those 2000 karma points! Okay, here I am, filling the hungry box, itching to go onto the next chapter, but I can do this!
This is a marauder era story? Epic! You don't even know...I would kill to be a marauder (Hey, what are you doing? Put the phone down...I already had the police over today)!
Tea sounds like one of your amazing female leads that I would date in a heartbeat. Did I say that? *cough* Er, right. Moving on...
I like it! I can't wait to meet my main man: Remus. We're best mates (In my mind...God I'm such a creep)!
Er right, maybe I should stop stalking your stories? I just like your writing style :(. I'm a weirdo! *huddles in a corner and cries my eyes out*
soapman333 (call me Jack)Author's Response: Okay, give me a moment because i'm giggling so hard. You're hilarious. You remind me of that classmate of mine who kept me entertained with his comments in class, so much so that I could never pay attention to my teachers.
This is a marauders era story, and thanks so much for the 'epic' label. I, personally, think it's too immature and all, but i'm a self-contradicting perfectionist, so ignore me.
Tea blushes to hear you'd date her, but, sorry, she's already irrevocably in love with James. But she says thanks, all the same.
I think Remus would be gratified to hear you say that.
Please, don't stop stalking my stories. My stories love being stalked. And my writing style loves basking in compliments. *pats head and wipes the tears away*
Sure, I'll call you Jack, then :)
-Akansha. Report Review
Gah, dimples...hold on, I'm still laughing about that.
I was a wee bit overwhelmed with OCs, but I'm sure I'll get to know them better later on. I'm not worried about it ;)
Assuming this fun little story is about Albus/Gen (alen? genbus? gus?), I'm all for them. Plus, I think Albus is a boss, so...yeah.
Trishna is epic! We'd probably be best friends, smoking floo-leaves together! Monica...eh, I don't have much of an opinion with that ball o' laughs (sarcasm). However, I have noticed that Albus does (woah, someone should give me the "blatantly obvious you idiot" award), so I'm assuming she's going to break his wee heart. :/
Albus, if you're reading this, just know that we've all had our share of awful girlfriends. Stay strong, kid.
Gen's secret...is that her love of dimples? Hehehe...dimples, so random, and yet not at the same time. I was a bit surprised, but I learned not to really expect anything short of a surprise from Gen. She's one of those delightful characters that keeps me on my toes.
I do like this fic and, so far, I adore you! I'm thinking of reading another story of yours. You've got such a pleasant writing style :D
Until I send you another obnoxious review,
soapman333Author's Response: No need to be sorry. I enjoy my readers laughter.
And that did not sound weird at all...
Ahem, moving on. It was a lot of OCs in little time, but I promise, we'll all get to know them better soon.
Two people have suggested the ship name Genbus. Hm, we might make it official, yes? As for Al being a boss... I'm sure Gen would snort derisively at that. ;)
Trishna is a girl I can totally see myself befriending, too. We'd hang around dingy bars, drinking martini and ragging on chauvanistic males. Monica /is/ a heart-breaker, but Al's deluded by her feminine wiles.
Yup, Gen's secret is her penchant for dimpled guys. I guess it's because normally, she's such a tomboy, she'd like to keep the information that she's so absurdly 'girly' in a way, hidden. And she appreciates the compliment.
Aww, thank you. I'm grinning right now. :D
Eagerly awaiting another /obnoxious/ review,
-Akansha. Report Review
This is the first time you've done a boy's POV? Wow, bravo!
I'm a guy, so I feel like I can compliment you in that aspect ;)
Man, I love how she woke him up for tampons! You don't even know, I've been snorting over my keyboard for the past half hour :P. What would I do in that case? I don't even know! Menustral cycles go over my head.
This is the first story where the "fan girls" don't annoy me. Okay, well, let me articulate that better. You wrote the fan girls in such a way that I was actually laughing more than rolling my eyes.
Cool, I'll probably review your next chapter and then add this to my favorites :D
soapman333Author's Response: This is the first time i'm getting reviewed and complimented for writing a boy's pov by a boy, so i'm pretty flattered. Thanks!
Snorting over your keyboard, hmm? I usually do that too.
As for the fangirls, completely random and unintended. The hilarity was inspired by justonemorefic's story, and i'm glad it made you laugh. :)
Yes! Another favourite! *dances in joy*
-Akansha. Report Review
I've come back to tell you that this was one of my first stories that I've ever favorited. You inspired me to write my own stories on this site, so I wanted to thank you for that :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! That's so lovely to hear :) Report Review
I'm excited to review this because you favorited my silly novel, "Shut Up and Kiss Me". Is it weird that I know that? I'll stop being creepy now...
All right, so this was an awesome start to your story. I was immediately pulled into the plot of the story.
Oh my gosh, there are centaurs in this story? I love it! Actually, I'm a fan of where you're going with this work.
So, the girl introduced (does she have a name? Well, she probably does, but did I skip over it by accident?) is awesome. I mean, I feel bad that she lost her brother and stuff, but I like her as a character. I immediately sympathize with her.
Hmm, oh yes the flashback was brilliant! I have an "obsession," for lack of a better word, with putting little flashbacks or short stories in everything I write. So, trust me when I say: well done! It was very interesting to read, and that's saying a lot, because (let's face it) a lot of flashbacks on this site aren't that great...
*cough* okay, so I like it! The over-all narrative was awesome. Feel free to re-request the next chapter :D
soapman333Author's Response: Don't feel creepy, because I immediately recognized your username when I was requesting because of said "silly novel," so we're both equally creepy. :)
I'm glad you liked it! And yay, you like my main character! Her name's Genevieve, but I may or may not have remembered to put that part into the chapter... I feel like that should be important? :)
I love flashbacks too, and I'm very happy you thought it was a good one! It was actually a last minute addition, but I really like what it adds to the story. :)
Thanks for reviewing! :) (yes, I have a problem with smiley-faces, I really ought to use them more sparingly...)
-ShadowRose Report Review
First off, I wanted to say thank you for taking the time to read and review my silly stories :D.
Also, getting reads is really hard on this site now. Back before the books and films were finished, this site was just bursting with readers. It comes down to advertising now, or updating quickly.
Requesting reviews like this is a good start :D, the more reviews you have (sadly), the more people read your story. Oh, and if you're constantly updating and adding to your story, more people will read it because a good chunk of readers don't like only reading a couple chapters into a new story. I know when I started out, I'd only read finished works because a lot of authors abandon their works.
So, to sum that all up: Just keep writing and readers will come and go. Do it for the love of creating characters and plots :D
Phew, okay now on to reviewing:
The owner's name is Jack?! Jack is a good name! Especially for a restaurant named "The Beanstalk". How clever!
For some reason, I didn't realize your character was a guy until he saw Lily walk in...I feel stupid now. I don't think that's anything you did, I just want you to laugh at how silly that was for me to do.
The first encounter: perfect! Just as awkward as any guy is in front of a beautiful girl. Way to nail it.
I really like the idea behind this work, there are a few grammatical errors here and there. If you want, you could get a beta-reader to read through your work and fix silly things like that.
Anyways, it's an awesome start! The characters seem strong, and it flows really well. I'd suggest just advertising it more on the forums to get more reads. Oh, and update so that readers trust you enough to start reading it (there are a lot of abandoned works on this site).
Cool, feel free to re-request :D
JackAuthor's Response: Hey,
That was the longest review I've got so far! Awesome! Thank you for that!
I think it's sad that so many people abondon really good stories. It makes me check to see if it is recently added before I start reading a WIP story.
Even sadder is the fact that people base the quality of a story on the number of reviews... I like to read stories with few reviews and write to those authors, just to make their day a little more fun... Since I know how much fun it is to get a review.
I won't abondon this story to soon though, I like it. I like it too much, really. That's why it makes me sad that there are so few readers for it...
It sounds a bit silly maybe, but is Neil really a name for a girl? Not to make fun of you or anything, just wondering...
Thanks for noticing my clever little joke with Jack and the Beanstalk. I kind of like to put those things in story and I like to find them in others. I makes me smile :)
I can imagine that you like it, I would love to find my own name in a story, that's something that has not happened to me before.
I think you'll like the rest of this story too, if you like the first chapter... Neil is just really an awkward guy, he like Lily a lot and though she shows some interest she's a little distant at the start...
I don't know if asking here is enough so i'll aks on the forum too, but would you like to review the next chapter as well?
I'd love to know what you think of it. I know I liked to write it.
If you have any tips on how to bring humor into a story let me know, I find it hard to do somehow.
Anyways. Thanks for the great review and I hope to get an other one in the future.
Maya Report Review
So I read the summary for this story and got really excited because its different from what is usually presented on this site :D
Geez, I like this story. In fact, I'll come back and read it later. I don't have time now, but I'm a fan of where you're going with this.
It's so freaking unique! I can't wrap my head around it. Way to go!
To be honest, I'm surprised this story doesn't have more reads. Maybe try putting a banner up? If you need help with this, just PM me and I can help you through it (Assuming you don't know how. If you do, but are against banners or something, I hope I didn't just offend you)
That's all the CC I have for you because I really REALLY like this story! I'm adding it to my favourites? Have I flattered you enough? You deserve it!
Okay, feel free to re-request :D
soapman333Author's Response: Hello!
I can't tell you how happy this review made me! I seriously did a little happy dance (luckily there is nobody else in the room, because I would have looked very weird) when I read this.
Of course you didn't offend me about the banners! It's a really good suggestion and I actually put a request in on TDA a few days ago, so hopefully I will have one soon. It would definitely be nice to have more people reading this and to hear what they think of it.
I'm so glad you like this story, and thank you so much for reviewing! And you added me to your favourites? I am VERY flattered! I really can't think of much else to say but thank you! And I probably will be back with a re-request!
nott theodore :) Report Review
For some reason I feel like Melanie seems too...perfect? Does that make sense? Albeit, you do take the time to make describe some quirks that set her aside from the average person, like:
-She doesn't really like fashion or spending more than ten minutes to get ready.
-She forgot that her father and her had an "outing."
-Her first reaction to being tackled is intense anger (except I'm pretty sure everyone else has this reaction...)
-Sea-sickness (This part was funny, I did enjoy that part)
Okay, all that being said, I think I get this impression because your narrative is in past tense. So, everything that I read has already happened. Like a history textbook...
So, why should you bother putting things in present tense? Well, think of the Potter series. We weren't passively reading about Harry's fight against ole' Voldy. We were actively living the action with him.
I hope this little CC doesn't annoy you, because I do like this story :)
Okay, now on to the fun part where I fill this little box with compliments:
-I never read about Gringotts on this site, so reading that part was super exciting. I have a slight obsession with goblins...I'm a fan!
-Her father is a freaking ex-quidditch player? Geez, I can't wait to learn what rumours were spread about him. Although, it seems that Melanie has suggested that there are some truths to these rumours. If not, why didn't the team take him back?
-CLIFFHANGER! The death to all readers! I love it. I use them all the time in my stories. I just get all giddy when I see other writers use them.
Quick question: Why is Melanie so...nice? I mean, I don't want to be one of those people that screams, "All Slytherins are EVIL!" because that isn't true. However, from what I've read, Melanie is a little too nice to those inferior to her to be a Slytherin personality. Ex: the part where the she thanks the goblin Report Review
What am I doing reading this story? Good question.
*cough* okay, well I wanted to say that this is a very intriguing start, and I'm excited to see where it goes :D
I generally don't read pregnancy stories, but your writing of them really has me interested. The characters have already got my sympathies :P
You're very talented, keep up the good work :D
soapman333 (Jack)Author's Response: Haha I don't know, why ARE your reading this story? It was just a plot bunny I couldn't get rid of! You can rest assured though that this one wont be about pregnancy at all, since the next chapter will probably take place well into the future :D Thank you so much, I always love your reviews x Report Review
Woah, I don't usually read stories like this, and I don't know what force made me click on your work, but I'm glad I did.
I'm immediately drawn in to your story :0
I'm just letting you know, so that you realize that this first chapter is AMAZING!
soapman333Author's Response: Hello soapman333,
Well I'm glad you did to! Thank you so much for such a great review, means a lot and I hope to see you around,
Irish Myth. Report Review
So, it's literally raining here. I was walking down main street and my face was attacked by little drops of water! Gah, I hate the rain.
Now that I got "ranting about the weather" out of the way:
Man, this chapter is way exciting. I knew that they probably weren't going to win, but having Pip elbow that kid in the face was priceless.
I've got a soft spot for all of these characters. Although, Ritchie is still my favorite.
In regards to hating...I don't hate any of your characters! They're all just a riot.
Seamus is in this chapter?? Hi Seamus! Remember when you blew off your eyebrows? I do! I nearly got my eyebrows shaved, but you grew them back, so I'm good :D.
Ole' Ollie is awesome. He's in my top three favs, but I feel as though there's some chemistry developing between him and Pip. Maybe Kathy? I'm just throwing theories out into the atmosphere, hoping one of them is right.
Oh, so they're not going to get paid for a few weeks. That'll be harsh on Woody :/ it's okay, Ollie! I hear the streets aren't that rough, you just have to learn how to rummage through rubbish bins :D
Great update, it's getting more and more intense!
JackAuthor's Response: I hate the rain as well! Its just after stopping here, but still. . . . . grr. . . . .
I don't think anyone expected them to win really, but I had to let Pip injure somebody, and I'm afraid the other poor seeker fit the bill . . . . . ah well!
Ritchie is just a sweetheart, you can't not like him!
I'm glad you like all the characters, as there are a lot of them , and none are really very canon! So this is good to know :)
Hmm. . . . Pip and Oliver? Kathy and Oliver? Who knows where this is going to go (seriously, even I don't!)
Thank you for the review :D Report Review
This chapter is about Lupin?! Oh man, you just made my night. Here I was, doing reviews for stories when you sent me the link to my favorite character. I'm oozing with happiness. Oozing. That's right, take a step back.
*cough* Er, moving on...
I'm surprised at how composed she is about seeing Harry Freaking Potter. I assume this is because you want to keep it following the series (which you do so fantastically), but I'm still impressed! Geez, I'd tackle that kid to the ground! We'd be best buddies.
The twins are epic. I like your interpretation of them, they're very similar to Rowling's, but with a more "focused" look. Well, they are your main characters...anyways, now I've reached my favorite part. REMUS LUPIN!
Remus?! Hey Remus! Remember how you're a werewolf and stuff? Oh, look you're friends with Brienne's mum! Just like how you were friends with wee little Harry's mum. Ha, Lupin. You stud. You can be friends with my mum if you want!
Anyways, to finish off this ridiculous review:
Her mum's dead? How tragic! It looks like she's unwilling to share that info with the twins, but it's cool. I probably wouldn't prance around telling random strangers that my mum's dead too.
I really like the direction this plot is going!
Sorry, I feel as though my reviews are utter rubbish,
JackAuthor's Response: Hi! Haha, Lupin's one of my faves too. I couldn't write a story without at least having all my favourites in the background somewhere.
Ha, I think for her it's a little moment of "omgcelebrity" at seeing Potter, but I guess she has more on her mind.
I'm glad you liked my twins, and thanks for saying they're like Rowling's, that really makes me feel great xD
Thank you for your review! Report Review
Don't worry, it wasn't too early to re-request :). I'm here to (finally) review your second chapter! This story really is enjoyable to read. The narrative is humorous, and the plot is unique!
First off, Regulus Black is a boss! Oh man, Ellie is my favorite, but Black is a close second. I think this is because of the way Ellie described his actions. I was just giggling over each line!
Geez, okay. This story just made my favorites, AND you have to update soon. I'm not going to even try to say anything more about this work. Instead, I'm going to list my favorite quotes and we're going to laugh about them, together:
-Ellie on the appearance of Regulus: "And dead, but who really cared about such trivial things?"
-Ellie on Regulus' smirk: "Yeah-I-almost-defeated-the-Dark-Lord-so-I'm-trying-to-be-humble"
-Ellie, after she asked Regulus if he knew he is dead: "Was a dead dude actually looking at me like I was stupid? The nerve!"
-Ellie on Regulus' cryptic messages: "Dead or not, teenage males were annoying as hell."
-Regulus on why he's still around: "Kitchen designs fascinate me."
-An epic Ellie narrative: "I was still aggressively trying to drink my water."
-Regulus on death: ". . .You get to wear those cool White robes, and chill in the clouds with Jesus (I choked on my own laughter at that part), and there's free wifi..."
-Regulus, leaving: "And I have to go. TTYL!"
-The closing statement: "But not before she hit me right in the feels."
Also, the Doctor Who references made me chuckle too. Bravo, my fellow Whovian, bravo.
Let's see, there wasn't a time when I skipped over any section of the chapter, because it was all marvelously hilarious (Two really long words to describe your comedy. Feel flattered!).
Oh, I did notice you have everything in the past tense, which is fine, but it might sound better if you put things in the present tense. Did that make sense? No?
Example: Noticing my glare, he grinned again. I could see and talk to ghosts, but I canít actually touch them, so I knew it would be futile to take a swing at his face to wipe that stupid smile off his face.
You can change that to: Noticing my glare, he grins again. I can see and talk to ghosts, but I can't actually touch them, so I know it would be futile to take a swing at his face to wipe that stupid smirk off of his face.
It's not really a big deal, because everything else in your story is epic!
Anyways, I'm going to clean the "geek" off of my laptop. Thanks for the great read!
JackAuthor's Response: Hello! And thanks for dropping by!
Do you know, that I actually blushed whilst reading this? Seriously. This review is just so wonderful and flattering, that I sat in my bed and blushed for like five minutes straight. It was the weirdest thing.
Regulus Black, indeed, is a boss. I wanted him to be more like Sirius is often portrayed, just because I think it would be really fun to play off that character mould. It is nice to hear that you have let Ellie into your heart. She's not perfect, but I'm glad to hear she's still likeable.
As far as updates go, I'm halfway through the next chapter, which is nice, but I have to figure out how to start the other half. After that, it'll be all smooth sailing!
And I get what you mean about changing the tense from time to time. I'm terrible at tenses, so I tried really hard, especially in this chapter, to keep the tenses consistent. I think I'll have to work on making it feel natural, rather than correct all the time! Thanks for the advice though!
Thanks again for the amazing review! And as for cleaning the geek off your laptop - geek slime thickly coats practically everything I own. I salute you for attempting to clean that stuff off, because it's sticky! Report Review
What a captivating introducing to your novel :)
Hello, its soapman333 from the forums to (finally) get that review for you all written up :D.
This story is well-written, articulate, and has a superb flow. I respect your writing style. It takes a great load of talent to be able to describe the setting to such perfection. I could visualize the scene outside the window as Melanie ate with her family. It was all very detail oriented, and that really made my mind "see," for lack of a better word, what it was that caught Melanie's attention.
The section of this work where Melanie could not properly organize herself really made me smile. I'm not familiar with the whole "make-up routine," but, if I was, I'm sure I'd be in the same boat as Melanie with mascara smeared everywhere.
That all being said, the narrative voice was very precise and elegant. Not entirely something I'd connect to a seventeen year old's voice, but it seems to fit well with the story. Melanie must be very "mature" for her age.
I'm a huge fan of greek mythology, so I was just geeking out when you added in the "zyphr" to describe the wind. Although, I'm guessing Melanie must be extremely educated to be able to easily come up with that type of word choice. That's very intriguing. So, I'm guessing she must also come from a very wealthy/elite family to be so well educated.
Just connecting the dots ;)
Obviously, by the decor of the home and the manners of those visiting the house, she's an elite. I'm just observing that the way she presents herself and thinks also points towards a wealthier way of living :D. It's all just interesting to read.
Okay, so she gets a letter from Draco, and I'm surprised she doesn't open it right away. I have a few theories on this front (I like to make guesses about what will happen, just to see if I'm right.):
1-Draco is a family friend: Eh, sure Draco is relatively important in her life. Just not important enough for her to get all that excited about something he has to say. Basically, he has become a sort of brother in her life. Maybe this relationship will develop into something more, but, right now, she's content with the friendliness between each other; therefore, she doesn't feel the need to read the letter.
2-Draco is an acquaintance: She knows of him, and, perhaps, has written to him before. Their relationship isn't to the point where she feels a sense of excitement when receiving something from him, because he is so foreign to her. He's like that friend you make in classes. You talk to this friend, but the conversation is limited to school/work, and you two never speak outside of that class. Ultimately, her interactions with him are to the point, right now, where she doesn't feel the need to rip the letter open and pour over his words.
3-Draco is a former lover: Well, maybe not a "lover" because she is only seventeen, but they reached a level in their relationship where they both agreed to want something more than friendship. They broke it off, and so she doesn't feel the urgency to read anything from him anymore. He's not such a big part of her life at this point.
As you can see, you left much room for a wide interpretation for your ending. I think that's just brilliant. It keeps readers like me on our toes. I probably guessed wrong, but it's fun to input my theories anyways.
As for CC, I love your descriptions, but I would sometimes zone out and have to go back and re-read a section of the narrative. This is probably because I have: 1) the emotional range of a teaspoon and 2) a problem with keeping myself on task (perhaps some form of ADD). The verbose descriptions add a sense of "romance" (as in the Romantic form of writing, not, necessarily, the passionate type) which is what I like about it all :) You are a very talented author, I just continuously lost focus. Please don't take that the wrong way.
Okay, now your characters:
Melanie-I mentioned this earlier, but she's a very intriguing character: very mature for her age, has much leisure time, and is perfect for narrating this story (well, from what I've read).
Parents: The childhood stories about her parents made me smile. They don't seem so close now, which is a shame :/. Oh well, it's all part of the story.
Jackie: Oh man, she's the sweet/caring/supportive character in this story. Gotta love these characters. They always gain the reader's sympathies, and seem to know the right thing to say.
Draco: I'm not usually a fan of Draco, but I can see this story influencing me in the "Team Draco" arena. I'm already wondering what it is he has to say to Melanie, and their relationship to one another.
Awesome, I hope you didn't hate the things I had to say :D.
Again, wonderfully written. Feel free to re-request.
JackAuthor's Response: Wow Jack, thank you for such a detailed, dedicated review! I'm very greatful that you took so much time to give such extensive feedback. Really appreciated, thank you.
And I will tell you this now - one of your theories was correct but only time will tell which one... ;)
I agree, I do have a tendancy to waffle on at times. I will have to try and correct myself a bit better to prevent the re-read thing. I get lost in description sometimes, really want people to see what I can see but I think you did just that, and that's wonderful to hear. Glad you enjoyed it and connected with the characters and narration style. I'm so happy that you enjoyed this story, and enough to write such a lovely detailed review. Thank you :) I hope you enjoy the next chapter, Bobby xx Report Review
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