Reading Reviews From Member: Hiduras
  
120 Reviews Found

Review #26, by HidurasPotter and Evans: prologue

2nd October 2005:
I have just seen that someone have told you the exact opposite of what I am saying, but maybe if you choose between the two instead of using only one way??

Author's Response: right, no problem...i just like that you are helping me out! i really didn't know how to do that part!

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Review #27, by HidurasPotter and Evans: prologue

2nd October 2005:
"Ah, the fair maiden calls." a messy haired boy thundered down the boys dormitory stairs, ".and she apparently cannot control her sexual urges anymore and wants my bum immediately! I must go to her aide at once!" That is very well written! I like your light harted James, I have always imagined him this way, you know before all that Voldemort stuff happened! and it is really funny, I am glad you asked me to read it! Some more serious notes on the story: You are right when you say the chapter is a bit short, but I think it workes for you! maybe you could pull it up to be about a 1000 words but that's enough in my opinion! Oh.. one more thing; "I.uh.have no idea?" you do this a lot, you know with full stops, it is a bit disrupting when reading... maybe you could do this instead: "I...uh, have no idea?" Well I am off to the next chapter!

Author's Response: wow, thanku for such a long reveiw! and i love that u gave me advice, i was wondering how to correct that...i'll have to do so right away!

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Review #28, by HidurasChanges: Changes

1st October 2005:
Uh... I really don't like this, what is he doing! Argh... It is well written and a darring move to make but I think it is refreshing to read a new perseption of Ron! You were right this is a lot more in character and I think you make Rons shift to darkness real by putting him in first person!

Author's Response: =) lol, You had me worried, I thought you might not like my story.... Thank you, I agree, it's sooo refreshing to see a new side of Ron. I love all of the ideas of what I think could happen. The possibilities are endless! I had trouble deciding what way to write it. I wrote the first chapter in third and first person. I was unsure of what to do. I didn't know if my writing in first person was good enough. My sister told me to use the first and I'm glad I did. It seems very real! I really like the next chapter and hope you continue to read! =) ♥

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Review #29, by HidurasChanges: Going Down In Flames

30th September 2005:
It is well written and nicely put together... I just find it to be a bit OC, mostly Harry. He seems to eager to pick a fight with Ron... I don't think he would like to be in the middle like that and I don't think he would accuse Ron of anything, maybe say that he was beeing a bit reckless or something... Malfoy on the other hand is very good, he is sneaky and takes advandage of Ron when he is weakest

Author's Response: Yeah, I know they are OC.... but Harry gets better in the second chapter.... or at least I think so. I loved writing Draco! esp in chapter two... I do hope you keep reading and think that the only OC character is Ron.... <3

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Review #30, by HidurasInto the Darkness: Standing on the Edge

28th September 2005:
This was very good! You didn't make a choise telling what side he is on and will be an in the end... it was in character and that is important... I could just hear Snape arguing eith him self like that... I don't understand why you mixed Trelawny into it though.. I don't know why it just seemed a bit half harted... was i´t because you wanted to etablish the fact that he was the one who heard her in the Hogs Head? oh and one gramma thing: "For either side to fail would mean countess and unnecessary deaths..." shouldn't it be countless instead of countess?? I am glad I got a chance to read this!

Author's Response: [mistake fixed!] The second half was written about five months after the first, which I suppose would make it sound different, and there's the fact that for the second part, I was trying to follow HBP as closely as I could. Thanks for reviewing this, Heidi, I really enjoy hearing your thoughts on stories. =)

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Review #31, by HidurasA Walk By The Lake: A Walk By The Lake

27th September 2005:
Don't sell yourself short! I like that you get your point across without to many twists and turns! I live reading these kind of oneshots... if you make them to long then you could just as well split them up in chapters right!

Author's Response: lol. Thanks for the reassurence, but not everyone thinks the same as you. :-) (I personally sorta agree to some extent... lol)

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Review #32, by HidurasA Midsummer Night's Spoof: The Wedding Fools

27th September 2005:
Hahaha this was funny, I liked it better, or maybe I just had to get in to this form of writing.. it's a very funny chapter it is weird to see Neville so orginised and ferm though! Why are the twins a t school??

Author's Response: Oh, I am pleased you enjoyed it more! Yes, Neville has taken some lessons from Hermione! LOL. The parchment was magical-- if the Queen of England was a witch, it could have called her out but I thought the twins would be more practical-- and fun to play around with! Thankies so much! Luna.

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Review #33, by HidurasA Midsummer Night's Spoof: Denied Love

27th September 2005:
Hmm... an interesting aproach to the Harry Potter Universe... I don't really know how I feel about it, it seems a bit forced... well that is just an opinion of course. No matter how I feel about the concept, it is well written. It must be hard trying to imitate JKR and W.S. at the same time! I have one gramma note for you: "Suddenly, their conversation is cut short..." I should be was cut short!

Author's Response: Yes, it is slightly out of person but I tried my best to keep the characters as they should be but still keep that poetic language at peak. Got to fix that-- you're not the first to point it out! Thankies, Luna.

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Review #34, by HidurasShe Will Be Loved: Part 2

26th September 2005:
I still say this is a nice story... but I hold to what I said about the last chapter I miss some talk of the surroundings... what does ron think of the place Hermione lives? where does he land? on grass in an empty street? I really liked the flashback! well written!

Author's Response: once again...I have trouble writing the EXTRA details...so I normally leave them out...I'm glad you liked the flashback...I really like it too...thank you for your time...I will look into what you have said in my future writing... :hearts: Tonya

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Review #35, by HidurasShe Will Be Loved: Part 1

26th September 2005:
up till now it has been a nice little teaser, I am looking forward to see where you go with this. I think the beginning was well written but the lacj of desciption later on makes it a bit flat (not a lot though...) The conversation between the two are good but I can't really form a picture of it in my head when there isn't enough description... an example: you write: “Hermione, we miss you. All of us. Why did you have to leave?” Ginny had finally stopped crying, but her eyes were now puffy and red.------ You could easely add something about what she is doing with her hands, is she standing in the doorway still? how is she standing? .... well it's of course up to you!

Author's Response: okay...I see what you mean..I always have trouble writing the EXTRA detail...so I don't normally put a lot in...which a lot of people have complimented me for...no offense...but I like the WAY I've written this...sorry if I seem rude...I don't mean it that way...thank you for your time a long thought out review :hearts: Tonya

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Review #36, by HidurasReckless: Revelations

26th September 2005:
Wow... this was great! I finally had the time to get into it... I have started reading this chapter a hundred times but I always get interupted... this time I had the day off! I am still not totally clear on what Catarina and Sirius are/were to each other, but that's the point I guess... I only have one thing "bad" to say well not really bad... you know what I mean I hope... I think you jumped over the scene, where James goes to see Lily in the beginning, too lightly... I would have loved it if you had really gotten in to that... but hey, this fic is about Sirius so I can't blame you, but it would have been a "nice" scene to read I think... well I am gonna read the next chapter and stop rambling! ----- Heidi

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

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Review #37, by HidurasThe Twins of the City of Masks: Prologue

24th September 2005:
Are you writing more on this story or are you dropping it??

Author's Response: I am writing more

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Review #38, by HidurasHarry Potter and the Meaning Of Love: Farewell To Privet Drive

24th September 2005:
hey I never judge and don't be so hard on yourself! i like it! I am in a bit of a hurry so I will check out the rest of your story on another day!

Author's Response: cool thanks for the review

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Review #39, by HidurasHarry Potter and the Black Unicorn: Chapter 1: A Rabbit In The Burrow

21st September 2005:
Well as a first chapter it is not teasing enough, I would say it needs a little taste of the plot in general, If it doesn't work for you to have them talk about it, then you could always have another paragrph switching to someone else's poin of view... The trick (in my expierience) to keep the flow of the story going is to have a balance between speach and description you start of with a lot of discription but then go on to make it almost intirely speach... I have a little gramma note too; "hoping that this time nobody will disturb them this time." It should be: Hoping no one would disturb them this time." Well all in all I think your story is a nice start but you might want to consider finding a beta reader (in the forums) that helped me a lot, and still does! sometimes it is hard to look at your own words and see the small changes that would be beneficial... hope this helped! Hiduras

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Review #40, by HidurasThe Twins of the City of Masks: Prologue

21st September 2005:
Wow... this looks promising, I love it! I am really looking forward to reading along, when it really begins! I have never seen a plot quite like this one! well keep up the good work! one thing though, I would maybe consider making other chapters a bit longer like 1500 words or something, just a suggestion of course!

Author's Response: Thanks...My second chapter is much longer...I think it will be getting longer

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Review #41, by HidurasThe Worst Horcruxe Yet: Defeat?

21st September 2005:
Hallo there! well this is a nice beginning, it is hard to tell if the plot is going to work from this one chapter, but I am looking forward to finding out! Ok a couple of comments; This is a bit on the short side, it is ok for a first chapter (in my opinion) but you hould think about making the following chapters somewhat longer, to get the reader really captured! and one last thing; Don't use u instead of you it is confusing to read, well it is your choise of course! Hope this was an ok review! Hiduras

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Review #42, by HidurasThe Trouble with Thieves: To Catch a Theif

20th September 2005:
Well, the idea of the story is quite good! it seems as though something is missing... I think you could get a bit more deep, get in to the characters a little more... I hope I am not to harsh! I have an example: "Every one in the room looked frightened" you write this and then you go on to tell why they are frightened, but not how they look and react... someone could turn white, someone could drop in to a chair... Give the reader some kind og picture in their head to go along with the action, wich is working very well! I hope it helped (and that I didn't offend you) I like constructive comments when I write! -Hiduras

Author's Response: thanks for the review. yeah i have this problem with having to do discrriptions alot. it will get more intresting i swear! any way thank you very much for the sugestgions. i love when i get more then just a 'you suck!' or 'i like your story'

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Review #43, by HidurasReckless: Consolation

17th June 2005:
Firstly: Very nice, very nice indeed! I have two small things to comment on: "Although Sirius was certain Voldemort had something to do with it, the uncertainty weighed heavily on Sirius." In the end I would put 'him' instead of Sirius... well I don't have a gramma-reason for that... and it is just a personal oppinion... but it just sounds better (in my ears!) next one: (there is a gramma-reason for this!) "Her position hadn’t change, her voice still held no emotion." It should be chaged... but I expext that it is just a typo! In the beginning of this chapter I was thinking... Why is the mother dying before the father and why is she making averything good... I was very confused... but then you twisted it perfectly! I can't wait for the last (3??) chapters... I am of course very curious about the girl... but who wouldn't be, right? And I would like to end this little review with a quote from your story... (the best sentence in this chapter!) “Must you wait until I’ve had two bottles of rum to decide to be profound?”

Author's Response: I agree...that does sound better. Thanks for that. And, oh, I love that line too! It's so Sirius! Thanks so much for sticking with me and giving me such wonderful helpful reviews!

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Review #44, by HidurasJust Like Old Times: Just Like Old Times

14th June 2005:
Wow! I loved it... I alway read one-shots that leaves me wanting more, but this one was perfectly cunstructed. It gave me the feeling that I was allowad a peek in to the mind of Lupin and not really reading fanfiction at all! (does that make any sense?) I found your description captivating... ok I am gonna stop now before I make a fool out of myself! Just wanted you to know how nice it was to read a one-shot and not be wondering where the rest was...! -Hiduras

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm very glad you enjoyed it and I tried to make it as conclusive as possible so that people weren't really wanting much more to come from it since it annoys me with one-shots where I end up wanting more chapters to help me understand a little better. I'm going to write more one-shots in future... :o)

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Review #45, by HidurasHarry Potter and the Power the Dark Lord Knows Not: Haunted Dreams

31st May 2005:
Ok here I go: Chapter 1: You write: “…and help her body recover more fully.” I wouldn’t write ‘more’ either your body recover fully or not… When you mention that Crookshanks is offering his comfort to Hermione you write: “…Offering its comfort to her mistress.” Crookshanks is a ‘he’… (look in PoA where Sirius talks about the fact that the cat has been helping him.) Chapter 3: When Hermione is being attacked you write: “…preventing her wand from flying out of her wand.” ‘Wand’ should be ‘hand’ but I think that it was just a typo… Chapter 4: I was wondering why Gretchen calls her own Grandmother Mrs. Longbottom… (unless it isn’t her Grandmother, and I just misunderstood something!) Chapter 5: You write “…the damage had most likely taken out…” To me that sounds a bit off… I would say something like: “…the blasts has most likely…” maybe that is just me though! Later in that same chapter it says: “We’ve a complicated but secure system set up here. Your friends.” Shouldn’t it be ‘You’re friends’?... Chapter 7: There is a typo here that doesn’t really matter that much, but I thought that you would like to know anyway! “…and either must die at the hand at the hand of the other…” I think you see where the typo is! Chapter 9: “…as the normal twinkle in his pale blue eyes was unusually absent.” I seems a bit double to me when you use both normal and unusually… I would delete normal… Chapter 12: “He doesn’t know you. I know your blaming…”I should be “I know you’re blaming…” Chapter 14: “Hermione, Harry, Neville, your to go down the stairs…” Again it should be “you’re”… Chapter 15: Hermione says: “What if wants me to move to France…” there should be a ‘he’ between ‘if’ and ‘wants’.*********************************** Ok that was all of my ‘negative’ comments… now to the good ones! I absolutely love the style you have chosen! It is refreshing to see a new approach! I miss the Weasley children a bit but I expect that we will see a lot more of Ron when he is back on his feet! And Luna is so sweet… I love the way you portray her! You have a huge talent for dynamic dialog, I must say! I could use a bit more description in what they are doing exactly… like at the end of chapter 15… “shall we keep practising” Hermione asked always ready to study… maybe you could add something like: ‘She straightened herself in her seat preparing for another round of concentration.’ Well it is just a suggestion! All in all I really like the direction this is going, and I think you have a lot of original ideas going! Nice work so far! ---------> Hiduras

Author's Response: Wow...you must have been taking notes. I'll go back through and fix those mistakes. It may take a few days. I sometimes feel the story is lacking in detail as well, I will definately try to address this as well. The Weasley's will come back in, I promise, I have just gotten caught up in setting up the attacks, aftermath, and the beginnings of Harry and Hermione's relationship. I am becoming impatient myself to move on with the rest of the story, but I am trying not to overlook details that the readers will need for the future. Thanks so much for such a comprehensive review. I really appreciate it.

Author's Response: I finally finished fixing the mistake you mentioned. I am also trying to heed your advice of putting in more description. Hopefully, I am succeeding and striking a nice balance. Thanks again.

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Review #46, by HidurasGarden of Forever: Missing Photograph

31st May 2005:
"I would sacrifice my own life just to seem..." It should be see (a typo?!) another great chapter... but I am starting to get a bit annoyed with Harry! Why doesn't he just go agead and tell her?

Author's Response: Yeah, a typo... *sighs* I'm such a loser. Anyways, thank you very much. And maybe Harry's not telling her anything because he's not sure? Hehehe, thanks for the review!

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Review #47, by HidurasHate, Prejudice and Secret Intentions: Poetic Justice, Part Three

31st May 2005:
As good as ever! my heart was pounding insanely the whole time... Wow! How did they brake the spell? was it because they were in the shower, ot because they both wanted it?? Well I suppose I will have to wait to hear the answer... I especially liked the part where Hermione kept thinking "Kiss him" that was brilliantly done!

Author's Response: Breaking the spell...hmm, it has something to do with the potion and of course their real feelings...you'll find out later. :) Thank you for your review. I'm so happy that you liked it.

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Review #48, by HidurasReckless: A Rift Begins

31st May 2005:
Wow, James is great in this chapter... Not to angry, but the Potter temper really shines through! I love this part:“I’m protecting you.” “I know you believe that, but Sirius,” James touched his shoulder, “this is one time where refusing to let me in could get us both killed.” Very forshadowing! Well I am looking forward to your next chapter (as always!)

Author's Response: You know how I worry about James so I'm so glad you thought to mention him. I hope he turned out as he should be and thank you so much for the contiuing support and help with this story.

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Review #49, by HidurasThe Edge of Light: Prologue

26th May 2005:
*looking in my crystal ball* -yes yes, this is going to be good, really good! I am loving it already, but you know how I live your style, you always keep me at the edge of my seat! I was wondering about the whiskey, does his father give it to him when he is ten or younger? or is more time gone by? (what I mean is; is he still ten?) -Hiduras

Author's Response: Oh, goodness..I hope you are a better se'er than Trelawny and are right about this! If you read it carefully, it doesn't say his father gave him any whiskey...Sirius just learned the uses for it. For a little more info about this you may want to check out the response I left in a review from jynx...it may help explain some questions for you. Thanks so much for the wonderful words and great motivation!

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Review #50, by HidurasMiss Hogwarts: The Hogsmeade Fashion Show

25th May 2005:
Der stod i din beskrivelse af dig selv at du bor i Danmark...kan du saa forstaa dansk ogsaa?? Det er en gos begyndelse.. jeg haaber du forsaetter din historie! -Hiduras

Author's Response: Ja det gør jeg da :)

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