Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.






Reading Reviews From Member: StarFeather
  
606 Reviews Found

Review #1, by StarFeatherLet Perpetual Light: The Last Enemy

3rd August 2017:
Hi, Nicole. Thank you for mentioning my name at your A/N. I’m deeply honored by it.

It must be sad for Albus to read Gellert’s letter. Gellert told him to lay the blame of Ariana’s death on him, which must have annoyed Albus more. Gellert kept saying he still loved Albus, but Albus couldn’t love him in the same way as the time when Ariana was alive.

Gellert’s attitude towards Bathilda was perfunctory. His words, “what I do not have, I do not need.” is very selfish. Perhaps his mother’s way of bringing him up was wrong. Or he didn’t mention about his father, so lack of father’s love let him behave like that.

It sounds painful that Kendra pulled Albus’s decayed tooth. I wondered again why Ariana didn’t write the reason why she sacrificed herself in the letter to her brother. She might choose her mother’s mysterious way to sacrifice herself. Two women's act, consideration not to let their family worry would keep tormenting both Albus and Aberforth.

Though I could understand Aberforth’s sorrow which couldn’t be given vent at all, it’s so heartrending to read Albus’s wish to live with his only brother.

Even after Albus made it clear he wouldn’t be Gellert’s friend any longer, Gellert looked childish, he couldn’t understand people’s mental pain forever, which must have led him to the next evil deeds.

It’s a meaningful letter that Ariana wrote to Gellert. Her last sentence is very similar to the one on the gravestone of Potters. Though Gellert didn’t care Airana from his heart, his words, “Let perpetual light shine upon your soul, now and forever.” are very beautiful and what you changed the title was great!

StarFeather

 Report Review

Review #2, by StarFeatherLet Perpetual Light: At the Hour

31st July 2017:
Hi, Nicole. Though I predicted what was coming next in this chapter, I’m deeply impressed. Reading each scene, I wondered how long you had planned to form this story. Every scene is marvelous. The mystery why she was always with the three mysterious witches, they represented Death (right?), was revealed. Ariana was destined to die when the Muggle boys attacked her, but barely escaped. The question still was left. Why didn’t she tell Dumbledore what Resurrection Stone was? Alright, I know. If she told about it, Dumbledore in J.K.Rowling’s books could have been alive now. :D

What I’d like to say most, you built up each scene very carefully. You showed Gellert’s malicious aspect to readers via his brutal deeds against Aberforth and his goats. Then the dueling scenes among Aberforth, Albus and Gellert is terrific. I remembered how Albus Dumbledore beat Voldemort protecting Harry in the film when I spotted he dismissed the Chimaera.

Back to the first letter by old Gellert, I have one question. Did Ariana become a ghost and appear in front of him in the jail?

When I spotted these, I got thrilled. : “The bloodline of the third brother is hidden, even from us,” sighs the Crone. “Such a pity, I would have loved to pay him a visit. Maybe we shall one day find his descendants. I expect there are plenty of them, scattered across the magical families, and proliferating in utter unremarkability.”
Even the Three Witches couldn’t find Potters.

It’s very impressive that you let Ariana think in that way, “She will be forgotten, but that is hardly important. Despite all her efforts, she isn’t important after all. The stories wind on beyond and without her, and she slips away from them, a loose narrative coil spiralling away into the uncatalogued annals of untold stories.” Her self-sacrificing is beautifully written.

And one more mystery is left. Who did she send her last will (a letter without her signature) to before she sacrificed herself?
I wish she could go to Hogwarts, because I read this spot, “If you had ever gone to school, my dear, you would have been exceptionally talented in the subject of Divination.” In that meaning, your plot about Ariana’s ability worked for readers.

And you indicated us why Dumbledore gave up Gellert. He couldn’t feel or think of Albus’s loss though he loved him so much. Another great chapter!

StarFeather

 Report Review

Review #3, by StarFeatherLet Perpetual Light: Witch in the Water

31st July 2017:
From Bathila’s correspondence, we recognize Ariana was very wise as Albus Dumbledore but at the same time her behavior was immature or apt to go to extremes.

Why did Ariana try to kill herself with stones in her pocket? Or did the three women try to finish her? Did they think Ariana was dangerous in the world? Why could Gellert see the three women? Did they appear in front of him intentionally? You also did a great job upon Marvolo Gaunt’s characterization.

Creamed porridge sounds good (We had porridge in the morning the other day. :D ) Oh, Nicole, I almost shed tears at Albus Dumbledore’s blaming himself and his song and dance with Ariana. I felt both a brother and a sister missed their parents and they cared each other. Then Ariana chose her death for her brothers to free them from her? Still Ariana had a will to write a letter. In the water, did she just try to calm down her intense magic power?

And Gellert’s pester him made Albus’s agony more noticeable for readers. I noticed how severe life Albus was forced to live without his parents, like Harry Potter. The scenes Albus served porridge for his sister and cooked potatoes showed us how he had to manage everything in spite of his strong desire to see the things in the world. And I’m very impressed by your description of the heat that wrapped Gellert in the kitchen and his impatience against the fact that Albus would never change his will. Writing the process from the spot to his evil intention against Aberforth’s barn is superb!


StarFeather

 Report Review

Review #4, by StarFeatherLet Perpetual Light: In Resurrection

29th July 2017:
Chapter 7

Hi, Nicole, I love your beautiful picturesque descriptions about clouds in the sky Albus looked up and his imagination about Svalbard Gellert told him.
(Maybe it was a typo, would ‘Gellert’s murmur, “I imagine all the powerat” be “the power at our disposal”?)

You created an interesting plot how Gellert urged Albus to go out of his house taking Ariana with him. Perhaps half of him was so fascinated by Gellert’s wild and reckless heart not only by his physical appearance.

Oh, what a surprise! I couldn’t guess Thimble was her! I got so excited by your way how Ariana used her blood magic. I was so thrilled at the scenes: how she used her magic upon Aberforth’s wand and slipped out of Albus’s ward so easily. And you prepared more! A highlight is the scene when she met Gaunt. Oh, Nicole, I really like this. Her blood magic! I held my breath reading the spot, how she got a chance to get Resurrection Stone and how her parents appeared. All descriptions about Kendra and Percival and Ariana’s response, so impressive and I’m speechless, just terrific!

I recognized the Crone, the Tall Woman and Glass Girl were very important in your story. Then I had one more question. If Glass Girl is the embodiment of Invisibility Cloak, will Ariana continue to live after she vanishes from Albus and Aberforth? ( Maybe just my imagination). It’s very intriguing.

StarFeather

 Report Review

Review #5, by StarFeatherLet Perpetual Light: A Communion of Saints

28th July 2017:
Hi, Nicole!

I really enjoyed this chapter.

The story begins with the letter written by Thimble to Gaunt, and it ended with the scene, Gaunt visits Godric’s Hollw. I suspect Thimble is Dumbledore. I wonder how Dumbledore knew the Invisibility Cloak. Will you write or have you already written about it? Or am I wrong? Is Thimble Gellert? It’s very intriguing.

I like your description about summer, how July was followed by August and a living vapour of mosquitoes and midges! I could imagine Dumbledore struggling with his publication dripping with sweat.

Ariana had foresight about relationship between Albus and Gellert. She might have prompted her brother to send owls to Gellert.

The episode, Aberforth observed the doll is also mysterious. Ariana must have enchanted it, so it smiled back to her second brother.

Writing this review, I feel sad knowing her fate, she showed her love to Albus with the owl and to Aberforth, the charmed doll.

The descriptions about the deserted chapel and the statue of saints are teriffic! And I felt chill when I read the spot, Gellert Hill. On the contrary, I smiled at the scene, Albus sent his Patronus, a silvery shape of Phoenix.

After thrilling duel scenes between Albus and Gellert, you set their kiss carefully. It’s like a beautiful cut from the film.

StarFeather

 Report Review

Review #6, by StarFeatherLet Perpetual Light: Of Blood and Intent

26th July 2017:
It’s impressive that you started a story with Marvolo Gaunt’s letter. Readers remember the episode about Stone, one of the Deathly Hallows. Then I notice all of your story are connected with the secret, all mysteries came from there.

I like your tone when you start describing Gellert. The scene with Creevy makes him a rascal, in that meaning, you succeeded in expressing the person, Gellert Grindelwald accurately.

You gave us a visual image upon the act of seeking of the secret about the Deathly Hallows, which was like your description, ‘children spinning round and round’.

From which we can imagine how Albus and Gellert repeated discussion about the Deathly Hallows.

It’s thrilling to read how Kendra prompted Ariana to use her magic. I held my breath and waited until I made sure she did it with Kendra’s potion. Blood magic! I remembered Lily’s magic for Harry.

The scene of Albus’s room is terrific. I’ve never read such a painstaking description from Ariana’s eyes under Albus’s bed. I’ve never known how you can tell the situation only from a state of each foot seen or heard from the narrow space under the bed.

Even after Aiana was found, (and how picturesquely you wrote about Gellert who found her!) you didn’t let us have a break, you showed us how strongly Ariana could do her wandless magic. Especially, I like how you use plants and flowers effectively to portrait characters, like snapdragons. It’s like reading traditional folklore when I spotted Glass Girl who evaluated the situation with Ariana.

I recognized how mystic Ariana was by your marvelous descriptions, compared with her two brothers, the one was longing for a true friend to understand him and freedom, the other didn’t mind living obscurely in the country, both of them struggled in their real life, in that meaning, she was really witchy and enigmatic.

Kenny aka StarFeather

 Report Review

Review #7, by StarFeatherLet Perpetual Light: Symbols and Stories

13th May 2017:
Hi, Nicole. I finally made it here!

Like the previous chapter, the story begins with a letter. I compared the age, this time, the age is 1946, so 47 years passed from the time when Theophilus's letter. I was thrilled again when I reread the previous chapter, the mystery about Godric's Hollow including the Deathly Hallows had just begun from chapter 3. There existed a young wizard's hope, Gellert's ambition, full of energy of youth.

The letter of chapter four, inspite of the fact he had the wand and seemed to give it to Albus Dumbledore, the last words,"It was not me who killed her" are so intriguing. So this letter indicates Albus did a dreadful duel with Gellert and he won.

Not only the impressive start with the letter, you showered me with your endless rich words which I have to take notes (where did I put the notebook I took notes from chapter 1 of this story...my bad...I seemed to have lost it...so many activities happened related with the forums!)
One of marvelous expressions I spotted is "taking a large bite, his teeth making a ticking sound against the wrinkled stone at the centre." I really could imagine the sound, Nicole!
I could also learn a new expression about the duelling scene, one of impressive ones is "nicking through the air like a razor", which I've not read anywhere. That timing you let Albus say "A Sherbet Lemon"! You are a genius, Nicole!

In the middle of chapter, I enjoyed a new version of the tales of Beedle the Bard. It's quite interesting, Death are the Three Witches.

In the latter half, I could take in the process how Albus was fascinated with Gellert naturally. And Ariana's insight about him made me nervous. She could predict ominous fate for Dumbledore brothers and her?

Kenny

 Report Review

Review #8, by StarFeatherThe Writing on the Wall.: Easter.

29th April 2017:
Hi, Margaret, it’s my great pleasure to be back to you story at CTF Round 5 attack review.
I know I started reading in the middle, but forgive me it’s the forums activity before we nominate for FROGS.

The title, Easter caught my eyes, we have no Easter celebration in my country so I’m eager to know how you will describe the celebration.
I like the first paragraphs. I tried writing about Rose and Albus and I like your style where Albus got confused with all tests and worried about his coming next years
and Rose gave him information. You mentioned Ravenclaw, so I guess Rose and Albus are Ravencalw.

I like the conversations between Albus and Derek. It’s a nice idea Potters set a box office number for Muggles preparing for Dark Wizards targeting them.
I’m thrilled to find the spot you mentioned Harry in charge of Auror office. I also like the chat between James and Harry about Auror jobs. I’m thinking it’s a good plot to
set policeman’s work in the story. I’ve read the similar one written by cambangst, of course it’s a very different situation, but I think it very good as well as yours. I wonder
if you have stopped by some chapters of Dan’s COB. Just I wanted to say I remembered the scene where Ron got confused with Muggle Police system reading yours.

I’m Hinny shipper, so I’m so pleased with this spot : “You must call me Ginny and my husband is Harry.”

You captured Albus’s mind movement while he was waiting till their parents would finish their conversations very well.
I really like you let Harry speak about his jobs to his family. And I like Ginny reproving two sons who were eager to speak a lot about their lives at Hogwarts.

Oh I want to try “large Honeydukes eggs” ! I also want to try eating “a chocolate bunny, that twitched their noses and bounced in their hands as if trying to escape”
And “a chocolate egg, which morphed suddenly into a chocolate dragon and then back again.”! I feel happy for Albus comparing with his father, Harry’s poor child memory with
Dursleys.

You showed me how to describe Weasleys gathering like family Quidditch games. There are plenty of cheerful dialogues, it’s fun to read them.

I was very impressed by the last scene with Teddy and I love “a new gramophone record of Teddy’s favourite skeleton band”!

Author's Response: That's interesting that ye don't celebrate Easter. Here, it is the second biggest holiday after Christmas. We have a few differences though, like the Easter Bunny isn't really a thing here. It seems to be coming in over the past couple of years, probably from British and American TV shows, but when I was a child, Easter eggs just came from your parents.

The Honeydukes eggs were sort of my protest at the fact that Easter eggs no longer have sweets in the centre of them. You now get a couple of bars in the box with the egg whereas when I was a child, there would be little packs of sweets or small squares of chocolate inside in the egg when you broke it. It's not at all the same to just get the bars or bags of sweets beside the egg.

No, I don't think I've read Dan's chapter, but I guess the comparison of Muggle and wizarding policing methods is a fairly likely thing to come up when the Head Auror grew up in the Muggle world.

Glad you liked the scene with Teddy.

Thanks for the review.


 Report Review

Review #9, by StarFeatherWhen The War Hits Home.: Chapter 2

28th April 2017:
Hi, Ineke! CTF attack review round4

I like your narrative tone. You showed me how to begin with describing back to Hogwarts.
Tessie Fincher, the sixth year female Ravenclaw Prefect jumped in my eyes. I wondered how to pronounce and did it. It sounds beautiful. Sorry I skipped first chapter, I couldn’t guess this dialogue“Haden didn’t lose his temper,” did something bad happen before? Hmm Remus and Lily sounds supportive for Tessie. They are always like that. I like their conversation caring Tessie. Hmm this spot “I wonder why she wasn’t a Gryffindor” reminded me of struggle to get more lions on the forums. I agree with your thought that not a few Ravenclaws has Gryyffindor characteristics, like Heremione.

“a strand of wet, red hair out of her face.” I’ve never encountered the description of Lily’s hair except “red” I imagined how her hair is “wet”, interesting. Was it hot in the train?

I was impressed by your expressions about each character, writing about their hair, gestures and glasses, which I sometimes forget adding detailed descriptions.

Oh “details about this boyfriend” was interrupted by Remus. I’m frustrated, too. :D

I also shook my head at this spot : Lily had provided concerning a kissing Vernon and Petunia :D

I love the description of nature! I spotted this : looking out of the window for a moment, where it was obvious that the rain was falling so hard you could barely see your surroundings.
So the weather was full of humidity, right? I got the situation inside the train very well.

 Report Review

Review #10, by StarFeatherSweet Love of Mine: Prologue

28th April 2017:
Hi, me again at CTF round 3 attack review!

Wa… this time is Roxanne Weasley! I’m eager to read how you set her characterization here. As I’ve read your excellent job at the previous reading, I have much expectation!

Oh, her job is babysitter! I remembered my fellow lion, you can guess her easily? I imagined if your Roxsanne was like my friend, you know? Oh, you prepared the task from Ginny Potter! I got so excited with the information. I expected Roxanne would babysit Potters!

Wa… I got hungry again. I’m jealous of George : George greeted her, with his mouth full of breakfast toast. I like the spot. :D

“Ginny replied, accompanied by a loud rumble from her stomach” I feel for Ginny.
“Never take flight without eating a bite!” Poor Ginny, she’s so busy caring her children.
Did Roxanne feel for her aunt? Or did she hate caring her nephews?

Ha ha ha Black Cat flu! An interesting disease name! Oh wait, why would they going away for a week and a half with Hermione and Ron and their kids? I’m confused. Were they going on a mission , Ginny would play Quidditch? Ah! The question was answered,
“it’s not like Harry and I could be much help anyway, ‘cause neither of us has had the BCF…”

How Roxanne hated babysitting, it was the only her who could help Potters! It sounds a very interesting start. I had many thoughts. Could Roxanne get over with babysitting kids alone? How long would it take until Potter kids got recovery? I remembered Anne of Greengables who struggled with caring her best friend’s sister. Would Roxanne do a good job on that like Anne?

 Report Review

Review #11, by StarFeatherJust Breathe: Dominique's Third Diary Entry

28th April 2017:
Hi, me again. CTF attack review round 3!
Wow, my ability in French is so limited and the first explanations about French= English are like a test for me! I tried pronouncing each word like I did the practice at Duolingo. :D

Hmm. I like the first words “Dear Diary” which reminded me of Ginny who consulted with the Voldemort’s Horcrux diary. Oh, Dominique got a job! I can understand that is one of the most things people want to write in their diaries.

I’m impressed with your expressions like “joyeux” and “Breathe out”, just they are the opposite, right?

I like the idea “hire someone as an apprentice if you don’t want them to take over your business one day,” I have a kind of adoration about the kind of job, one let the young one to take over his job or business as a professional, from generation to generation, these are wonderful things! I like the way of your writing.

What’s great thing is that Dominique didn’t forget the feeling when how people were happy to celebrate he got the job, even joking. Great job .

It’s an interesting characterization about Dominique you wrote. “ I don’t want to be un adulte! I want to be a child and hide under the covers with my big sister again!”

Oh, you mentioned this : I knew this stupid diary thing was a bad idea. I should listen to Aunt Ginny more.
I’m afraid if this diary is the same magical thing like the one Ginny had experienced? I hope not. Yeah I can guess it’s just Dominique’s worry about the new job.

 Report Review

Review #12, by StarFeatherGrey Fire: Party Preparations

28th April 2017:
Hi, Me again at CTF round 3 attack review!

Sorry I shoul’ve stopped by chapter 1 first, but I’m so hungry and the summary of chapter 2 attracted my eyes (actually, lunch time now!) . “Ginny prepares for the party at Malfoy Manor” does it mean she prepares dinner or something? Or may be fashion… the girl things… hmmm..

Wa…Charity party for poor, parentless children hosted by Astoria Malfoy. How elegant and a nice plot! I remembered British Royal family. You mentioned about Holyhead Harpies, too. Interesting development. Agh, my guess was right. She wasn’t preparing dinner, “she had to solve before the next day what to wear, what to give and who to go with.” The “ who to go with” part, reminded me of Harry Potter. Oh..no, no, no no! This:
“she’d moved after her breakup with Harry” you may know, I’m Hinny shipper (sad).

Ah, yeah I know the feeling, “her place because it was hers. She’d never lived alone before.” I remember we bought a house to live at first time.

Oh… I love these expressions very much : her home made her want to scream with frustration. She went to her bedroom, stared into her wardrobe, got out into the living room and opened all her drawers, went out into the kitchen and stared into the weird pantry called a ‘fridge’, then back into her bedroom and opened her wardrobe again. Not that she had any hope that she would suddenly find either fitting dress robes or good gifts for children in it. Might as well hope that a suitable man to bring as a date would turn out to be hiding in there. (respect! I really like these. You showed her emotion, frustrations very much!)

And you described Ginny’s inner struggles with choosing clothes for Malfoys very well. I’m really impressed.

Ha ha ha you are right! “She’d hated her Hogwarts uniform. “Too hot in the summer,”

And I like this, too. : the rumour that the lead singer of the Weird Sisters was dating an illusive witch twice his age. ( I remembered one of my favorite comedians did the similar thing. :D)

Wow, I’m happy to see you let her choose “Red and gold” as one of Gryffindors! With Pride!

I like you set Ginny at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes to buy fun toys for the poor children, too

Hmm, she chose to go alone to Malfoys? She didn’t choose to get back to Harry?

Oh…so sad but it’s a very intriguing end!

 Report Review

Review #13, by StarFeatherAn Innocent Question: Life is good

27th April 2017:
CTF attack review round 3!

Wow wow, Molly /Andromeda pairing? It’s totally new for me! I’m so excited with this story from the start between my works!

The girl asked Dromeda and Molly an innocuous question. You described her eyes at the beginning, it worked well! I love this : The girl looks so painfully earnest, with large brown eyes and a rainbow flag messily painted on her cheek.

I remembered some boys asked the same questions to my colleagues with their mischievous eyes and grins. :D

I thought she asked the question at their younger days, like Hogwarts days, but it was not. They were over one hundered!

It gives us a kind of melancholy feeling they observe the young birds, remembering their younger days. You chose a very profound theme, the gap in their ages, the young couple and Molly & Dromeda. I could even hear the giggles and whispers of the young girls looking at Molly and Dromeda. You cut the nice shot out of their episodes very naturally.

These are my favorite, impressive spot : they have so many surprises still before them, good and bad. She would know. But she doesn’t want to think of sad things
^ that is short but you expressed how she thought of their lives so far very well. Everyone has sent a bad time and a good time. Dromeda and Molly wished their happiness, I felt your kindness from the spot.

The last paragraphs are calm and full of affection, which give us warmhearted feeling.

I have one question, Is "Happy Pride!" well known expression in the conversation? I think it's the first time to hear that.

 Report Review

Review #14, by StarFeatherLying Josephine: Brave Face, Kid

16th April 2017:
Jailbreak for Sian

I forgot to tell you, Tanya, the previous CI and this CI are so fantastic, which suit your fabulous story so well! And this chapter is so heartrending. They were going to close the shop!
The dark time was coming to twins’ joke shop. You cut the very right dramatic scene, Tanya. I spotted this:
he begins again, voice softer and gentler than it's been all day. I brace myself for impact.
I was very impressed by the sentence. ^
“our big ol' family of blood-traitorous gingers... ...putting you all in danger, having you work here so openly... ...have to board the place up, make it look like we've shut down for good... ...want to continue undercover... ...anyone willing to help out” So severe facts!

Oh, Tanya, I am so lucky to be back to this story, ‘cause I’m struggling with one story challenge where I have to write the mind movement between one female character and one male character.
I spotted this: A dance around each other. He steps right, so I step left. I step forward, so he steps back. We move away together, skirting around each other in perfect unison; a poorly choreographed duet of solos. And in retrospect, it shouldn't feel so strange, so foreign.” I love these expressions very much. How could you think of this?

Wow, I was so amazed by the next movement including “"Fred always sent them?" These expressed everything around George and Josephine. They lost Fred and they were forced to notice how big his existence had been and once again lamented for him… I understand George couldn’t stop repeating to get fury and be sad. And then I’m relieved George said “Sorry” to her.

I like your story line, Josephine took a role to comfort George who missed his brother Fred. You really did a great job to analyze George’s mind from Josephine's POV.

 Report Review

Review #15, by StarFeatherLying Josephine: Eye of the Storm

16th April 2017:
Jailbreak for Abbie!

Hi, Tanya. It’s great to be back to your Josephine! I missed her and Fred. Oh, it’s fresh since I stopped by in the previous review posting, the Ministry where John Lupin worked for Fenrir Greyback and then went back to Weasley’s joke shop ! I was amazed by your writing talent. You description about inside the shop is great! I wish I could write like you.

And Josephine’s insight about Fred Weasley is well written. We could sense how Fred existed there (sadly, yeah, we know it’s the past memory told by Josephine).
Yeah, yeah yeah, your Josephine is so shy and cute so I can understand how Fred wanted to make fun of her and now she thought of him as a friend! Great!
Once again your description about Fred is super! I spotted this: rocking back onto his heels and looking a tiny bit anxious. "Well, er, thing is..." he begins, now rocking up onto his toes.
It’s really Fred Weasley!

Wa…is it tongue tweisters? “I'm seeing someone. Sometimes. I'm sometimes seeing someone. Yeah, that's about right, I reckon. Sometimes seeing someone. Been sometimes seeing someone. Someone crazy." I tried reading aloud. ;)

Yeah, you captured Angelina’s character so well, I agree with Fred, “Bloody sadist” I like your description from Fred’s POV. Ha ha ha “My jaw is on the floor.” A nice expression!

This is also so much Fred! : he practically shouts, arms flailing about theatrically. "You women are impossible!"

So they are good friends. Talkative Fred told shy Josephine how much he loved Angelina… I’m very impressed.

Oh, the latter half of the story was June 10, 1998… Verity and Josephine talked about broken George? So sad.
“The words he doesn't say hang heavily between us.

Fred's job. I know.” Really sad after we read the bright conversation of the first half of this chapter…

“We work together wordlessly. It is absolutely deafening. Even in silence he is impossible to ignore.” So heavy to keep reading through…
“the Fart-Attack, Deja-Poo, Poo-tion, Poo d'Etat, U-No-Poo, Faecal Treacle, the Bowel Towel... the Bowel Trowel...” Those must be fun if Fred was alive…

Oh, Tanya! You are so fantastic, I spotted this: his voice and hollow laugh against his lips, "not as much as I miss my left ear." It’s so George!

The last episode was your original, Tanya? I enjoyed the story that Josephine followed George to protect him after she was told from Fred and she saved him!
What a cool idea! It’s sad George thought that he should be dead instead of Fred thought…

 Report Review

Review #16, by StarFeatherScars: Introduction: It Only Takes A Moment

16th April 2017:
Jailbreak for Sian!

Hi, Tanya! It’s been a while since I stopped by your wonderful Josephine with Fred Weasley. I was very impressed by your work again. As the image of Josephine is so strong, this is so unexpected ‘coz you cut the scene the man who works at the Ministry. Moreover you treated Fenrir Greyback! How could you thought of the scene with Lupin’s father? I’ve tried to mention the tragedy in my fanfiction once so I got thrilled to find you tried writing how Fenrir had a grudge against John Lupin. The process was carefully written. The descriptions about his mind movement was well written, for example he repeated barbarous behavior while John had tried trusting him. I’ve never encountered such a story where John’s attitude towards Fenrir’s case was written in detail.
The plot is good and the flow of the story is super, the readers would be engrossed without noticing into your story. So much suspense because we know what would happen to John’s son, Remus next. The latter half has a lot of thrilling moments, especially, what John couldn’t stop showing off his pride as a father for his son, Remus. I prayed “Don’t show your affection towards your son, John, it’s no good.” in my mind. The last scene is so unforgettable: Greyback had nearly made it out the door when John called out to him a final time, "I'm sorry again, Fenrir."

Greyback hesitated for only a brief moment at the words, gave the same small nod as before, and disappeared behind the closing door.

We know Greyback would attack Remus, but you added more human-like emotion to Greyback, which attracts us the most.

 Report Review

Review #17, by StarFeatherThe Orchard: Clock Tower

14th April 2017:
CTF Attack review!

“Lily could be seen floating around the dungeons, her momentary anger at Snape had seemed to evaporate overnight” Ah, the story began from there!

I spotted this. I don’ know why, but I like this. : A young Slytherin boy was practicing some wand movements, though the branches he was trying to levitate kept humming instead of lifting off the ground. Maybe, after those first dark descriptions, I felt relieved to catch the small peaceful moment.

Every time I catch “Mafalda”, I remember she survived and worked at the Ministry in the HP book 7. You did a good job on setting her as a Prefect in her Hogwarts days.

I really love your descriptions about the surroundings with nature. I spotted this: The wind blew stronger for a moment and then, almost as quickly as it started, it died down again. There were a few more clouds rolling in by now, but the sun was still quite bright, refusing to be pushed away by the oncoming storm. It wanted to fight the dying of the day as well.

I was impressed by the way how you described Regulus Black. “Even though he was a year younger he still towered over Mary’s frame.” I could feel her fear so closely.

These are very impressive. : Regulus looked startled and a sharp calculated look entered his eyes before his face clouded over again in its usual bored expression.
“The real question is, do you?” So intriguing!
Though those “He gave a short, clipped laugh and the shadows in his eyes deepened. He took a step even closer and Mary could feel his breath brush against her skin. He raised her chin with one of his knobbly fingers so she was forced to stare him straight in the eye. “The real question is, do you?” He smiled a crooked grin before walking passed her, his arm brushing hers lightly as he went over to Wilkes and the other Slytherin.” re so scary,
I hope Regulus would remember what Mary explained to him. Or I guess her words influenced him and he would understand
what she meant later. Right?

 Report Review

Review #18, by StarFeatherThe Orchard: Lingering Scent

14th April 2017:
CTF jailbreak for Kayla!

Hi, I went by the previous chapters (sorry it’s a game review, I skipped some) and arrived here to save my fellow Gryffindor.
I caught the name, Muciber, Mapholda and Mary in the previous chapters. I noticed Mary entered so often.So Mary is your main character.
The Marauder era. I visualized that dark time in my mind to set for reading this chapter. She was going to be killed soon, right?

The story begins with the converstaions. It’s been a while since I read the story starting with the dialogues. So I felt this chapter fresh.
Oh, she had pointy shoulders. I visualized Mary in my mind. “Her sheets were wrapped tightly around her legs like a cage”
“Mary pulled the blankets tighter around her and huddled against the headboard. “ hahaha, it’s just like me this morning.

Wow, I like this: “it was a calm night and she could even see a few stars peeking from breaks in the clouds. It must have still
been quite early as there was no early morning glimmer; the sky still a black hole.” These are very beautiful descriptions, I love them.

Oh, you invented the word, “mumblyelling” ? I feel like using it for my fanfiction, I’m struggling with writing about Harry’s nightmare. Can I use it?
A nice word! “When someone is quietly yelling something, but some words you can’t quite make out, like in a mumble,” I like it.

“this was a normal moment for them to congregate on her bed in the middle of the night.” Poor Mary, I feel for her.

I’m afraid that Mary had a nightmare, which might predict her fate. Oh, poor, Mary. I spotted this: “Mary lay awake for the rest of the night,
blankets drawn up to her chin as she stared blankly at the ceiling above.” It’s well written about her situation. And you did a good job on
describing the surroundings of Hogwarts from Mary’s mind movement, too.

Poor, Mary again, “feeling so cold, she reckoned she could be eaten up by the mist the way her body felt not her own.” I didn’t want to be like her,
lack of sleep is so hard to go through the whole day.

The scene where James and Sirius entered is short, but you captured their characterization very well. I spotted these:
“Honestly though, where else is safer? We have Dumbledore,” James retorted. Sirius rolled his eyes and leaned back in his armchair.

“Yeah, because one old man is going to save the world. Let’s be honest here,” Sirius replied sarcastically.

I love the descriptions about Hogwarts Great Hall, the owl letters and the Hogsmeade trip.

Oh, finally I caught Mulciber (“u” is a typo?) and Avery. So scary for Mary. I muttered to her, “Run, Mary Run away from them” in my mind.
After that I read through the excellent writings about Mary’s mind movement and the descriptions about her predicament at one go till Moaning Myrtle entered.
“but at least you’re not…you’re not dead” oh, Myrtle’s word indicates Mary will join her…

 Report Review

Review #19, by StarFeatherCount: When You're Late and I'm Alone

14th April 2017:
CTF Jailbreak for Abbie!

Oh, it’s been a while since I read horror the last time. From the beginning, the closed space let us feel suffocated.
At least it’s comforting with cats. Oh, so she had panic attack. I don’t know what it really is but I can imagine her anxiety.

The story was told from the first person’s POV. I guess “You” is equal to “I”. Then the person talked with the other herself.
I wondered who she was. Oh, wait, I was wrong. There seemed to be two persons. James and Gee? Who is Gee?
Did James have panic attack as well? And they lived together? Are they just friends? I had many questions.

“I was in school to be a Healer and was nearly done with my training, but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything except the door.

I could only concentrate on how much I loved you.”

Hmm, the main character’s dream is to become a Healer. It must have been hard to work under the situation she had panic attack.
And she loved someone? James?

I spotted this: But I couldn’t help it, because I loved you. I loved you and your job scared me more than anything in the world.

She loved him so much and she was scared because of his job? Was James an Auror like his father? So intriguing. (I’m very obsessed with Auror’s Tale).
The last imaginations of her, James came home finally after she had waited for the moment, is so heartrending. I know how hard to wait for someone with anxiety.

 Report Review

Review #20, by StarFeatherTo Glory: Tom Riddle

14th April 2017:
Jailbreak for Sian at CTF Round 2 !

I’ve read some you wrote before,and it’s also super, Bianca!
The story began with the rainy weather, which suits him so well. Your writing style was focused on Tom’s inner thought, his mind movement, his lack of affection from the others or from his own soul.
Poor boy. He tried to be proud of himself under such a desperate miserable situation, lack of blood relative affection.
If only his relative loved Tom, he couldn’t be such a horrible wizard.

You captured Tom’s way of thinking so well, Bianaca! Most of the time, you wrote his mumbles in his mind longer, sometimes short, which
is very effective. I spotted these descriptions about Tom, :

“Morfin carried a great honour and privilege in his veins, yet he was dirty and barbaric.

Unworthy.”

“The little skull in his hand had once possessed an energy of its own; should something that was once alive be so fragile?

How disappointing.”

It’s so scary to imagine Tom played the little skull in his hand. “Every living thing looked like this underneath its life. Even humans”
It showed that he devalued the precious lives. It makes us shudder.

“But not him. He shuddered at the thought, his hand closing over the bone. No one would ever see him like this, because he would never die.”
It’s great to see Tom was afraid of his mortality. It reminds us of his desire for immorality. And we understand your story will be continued
to his obsession with Horcruxes.

Author's Response: Kenny your reviews are always so wonderful and I love hearing from you. Thank you so much!

 Report Review

Review #21, by StarFeatherThe Obliviator: Deer Dinner

14th April 2017:
Jailbreak for Abbie at CTF Round 2!

Grimmauld Place 13? So Mrs. Hamilton, no, Daniel lived next to Grimmauld Place 12 where Harry Potter lived? Was he going to marry
with someone and had the stag party? Were they Harry and Ron with the other old mates? It’s an interesting piece of work written from Muggle old lady’s POV. It sounds funny but these conversations are full of author’s affection to each character. The way how Mrs. Hamilton urged the Obliviator to have biscuits and tea is heartwarming. I could visualize the ordinary Muggle grandmother who lived in London in mind.
From the canary and bright orange hair, I imagined there were Weasley clans like George and Ron. I guess George let the canary fly?

The scene was really well written, ‘coz I could imagine how Mrs. Hamilton witnessed the magical car and the wizards with the canary and she was outside to hang up the laundry
and I visualized her garden in my mind. It must have some herbs and trees with bushes, which may be different from the other readers’ imagination.
The time went by Mrs. Hamilton and the Obliviator calmly and slowly, and I like the pace of your tale.

Your Obliviator is also a kind person. She (I thought it was a wizard first, but I got the Obliviator was a woman from your description later,)
did not force the poor Muggle old lady to talk rapidly or didn't let her forget everything she witnessed in haste. You embodied the task done
by the Obliviator untold by J.K.Rowling very well. Hahaha, a great start and an end with “here for the cable” and “the cable is working again”.

 Report Review

Review #22, by StarFeatherLiar: Children

14th April 2017:
Hi! I came as a jailbreaker for Abbie at CTF Round 2

This story began with Peter’s kid days. I’ve never encountered such a story. There are lots of mother’s love
and I smiled at Peter’s play a flying phoenix. Ouch, Peter, you got an injury. Everyone does have some injuries
in one’s kid days.

Reading him cry hard, I sensed his timidity. I know kids cry when they got an injury, but I sensed that you put the
episode intentionally to connect his future situation, is that right?

Oh, was Peter’s mother from House of Yaxley? I wondered the name influenced Peter’s future choice.
And you set Remus there. Hmm, an interesting plot. They had already known each other before going to Hogwarts.
It’s a heartwarming scene that they built a sand Hogwarts together.

Another heartwarming scene. Remus and his father
would make a swing using an apple tree. I remembered my younger days. I used to climb a tree with my friends.

Oh, no. Remus didn’t feel good. Does that mean he had already been bitten by a werewolf? Was that before full moon or after that?
Oh, I was sure. He had to be in there alone. Then the full moon was coming. Oh, my guess was right. So sad for his parents,
especially for his mother who spent longer time with him than his father. I’ve never read Lycanthropy themed story from his
mother’s POV. It’s brilliant!

You gave a chance to Peter for his bravery. I was very amazed by the episode which made him Gryffindor. So sad most of
Lupin’s friend bullied him after he confessed them what he was. I guess Peter was the first person who knew Lupin and understood him in your story. And I love your descriptions about Peter's tiny reaction in detail here and there.Your writing is full of affection towards each character. It’s a great start with the story!

Author's Response: Hey, Kenny! Welcome! :D

Yes, I know... Peter isn't a common character to focus on, but I really love exploring him, and I love writing children! Glad you liked the opening scene!

That's exactly what I was going for. Peter is such a shy and insecure character and his reaction to his injury served to show exactly those traits.

There might be a connection between him being related to the Yaxleys and his future choices, but it will all be dealt with in due time.

Glad you liked Remus and Peter's early friendship and the things they did together! :D

Yes, he's already been bitten, and this is just before his first transformation... :( And poor Silvia, too... it must be so painful for a mother, knowing your son will have to go through all that and being unable to do anything to help him... :( Glad you liked this perspective! :D

Peter does care a lot about Remus and yes, he did show a little bit of Gryffindor bravery in that moment. It's so horrible that Remus would be bullied like that... children can be cruel... but he does have a good friend in Peter at least!

Thank you so much for the sweet review!

Much love,
Chiara


 Report Review

Review #23, by StarFeatherOur Brand of Normal : Chapter One

14th April 2017:
Hi! I came from the forums, CTF review battle round 2 jailbreak for Kayla!

I was very impressed by your first paragraphs. They are so philosophical and they remind us of our world’s chaos. So many horrible things are happening in this world.

I like the thoughts written in the second paragraphs as well. They are written about how we feel at the beginning of a new school year or a new company or the other work place. It fits with the magical world like for people who work for the publisher, like Daily Prophet.

Oh, wait, I might misread these. Is it the end of the year? I spotted the name, Al and wondered if he was Albus Potter. Then I went back to your summary and checked it. Was Albus going out with Charlotte? What history did they share before? The mood of those conversations sounds bitter. I feel for the girl, Charlotte.

Reading your descriptions how to finish up the articles or something like that, I imagined Charlotte had worked hard to publish her articles for her school. Your detailed explanations about magical editing or something let the reader visualize how she was engaged in her work. I wish I had the experiences like her. Alas, I don’t have the experience in the field, though I have written a small school newspaper for the class members. Charlotte must have had her pride with it. But she seemed to understand there were more complicated things between the boy and the girl than doing publishing works.

I’m eager to know why Harry Potter’s second son was so cold to her. What annoyed him? What did he want to end?

 Report Review

Review #24, by StarFeatherThe letter: Who is D.Malfoy?

14th April 2017:
CTF Round2 Attack Review from the forums!

Hi! I came to see what story you prepared. Ron’s and Hermione’s face are so serious, I got an interest to read this story.

The first scene is so intriguing. The secret letter found by Hermione’s and Ron’s daughter, which seemed that they hadn't had a word about Draco Malfoy. All descriptions about Rose’s parents, they seem to be the same as they were at Hogwarts. But Draco Malfoy had apologized Hermione for laughing about Ron’s disaster at their second year? It’s a unique idea that you set Draco had regretted what he did to Hermione and Ron at his second year and even he had crush on her. I went back to the explanation under the banner, the paring is Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny, and checked to see that there was no mentioning about Draco/Hermione ship. Hmm, it is really intriguing. Does Draco still love her in your fan fic world? Such a poignant plot, if he still loves her or he had died already? ‘cause Hermione was crying over, maybe not, Ron got angry remembering his old nemesis.

I got so excited that you wrote Ron worked with Harry at the Department. As you may know, I’m obsessed with Auror’s tale, I had much imagination when I spotted it. Then you let Hermione say the answer for Rose’s question would be from Harry, I got more interested in your next chapters. It’s like solving the mystery! Does Draco still love Hermione or is he even alive or not? So intriguing. If so, will Ron take it seriously and will their marriage life be in danger to be continued?

 Report Review

Review #25, by StarFeatherHanging by a Moment: Hanging by a Moment

12th April 2017:
Hi, Jill! Attack reviews at CTF!

I’m happy to be back to your Ginny/Seamus ship again. Though I skipped the second, but Harry and Seamus
in the banner look so interesting. So exciting to read this series.

This is unexpected. You started with Seamus’ POV. I’ve never read any where he stands in front of the Burrow.
You did a great job. Old boots and the rain suited him so well.

Wow, how poignant this spot is, “found her almost immediately, sitting on the sofa next to an all-too familiar
looking bloke with unruly black hair.” I was very impressed.

In Ginny’s POV, you captured her irritation in the Burrow very well. I could visualize how Molly told her scoldings.

The most intriguing part is “No one understood. No one except Harry.” Did it mean Ginny confess her true feeling for Seamus to Harry? How shocking for Harry! He seemed to understand her. Yeah, Harry is a sort of person, he always wishes Ginny’s happiness.

After that you set the hot quarrel between Seamus and Ginny, which made Harry be a more solitary hero,even if you didn’t write about him in detail, I could sense it. I love it.

“I still have feelings for you, Ginny,” he whispered, reaching out and gently cupping my cheek in the palm of his hand. His touch was so warm and tender and familiar. “And now I know that you could have handled staying with me, and I feel like a bloody idiot for letting you go.” These sentences are so sad. May I call you
a queen of bittersweet, Jill?

Oh, I had a slight hope when I spotted these. : It felt like a blow to the chest. I looked away, not being able to handle the unsaid accusation that I might get bored with Seamus and run back to Harry.

: Harry was a constant shadow, a constant threat looming over our relationship

: there was no doubt it meant something to Harry too

You know, I’m an earnest Hinny shipper :P


Hmmm, the last one is so sad…Seamus left Ginny. How will you develop their relationship?

Author's Response: Looks like you captured the flag with this story, so congratulations! ♥

Yeah, you don't need to read all of the one-shots in order; that's what I love about this series. I tried to leave enough information in each so you knew what was going on without being confused. And Harry/Seamus is definitely interesting :P

Yes, Ginny confessed her feelings for Seamus to Harry at one point ;)

You certainly can call me the queen of bittersweet! :P I'm also the Queen of Angst, as Liz likes to refer to me as, haha!

I know you're a Hinny shipper :P If you want to know how their relationship develops, check out part 4 in the series!

Thanks for all the great reviews! ♥


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>