Reading Reviews From Member: FredWeasleyIsMyKing
  
242 Reviews Found

Review #26, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingAfter the War: Molly Weasley

2nd March 2014:
Hey again!

Review battle review!

This chapter was another mix of heartbreak and sadness. Your characterisation of Molly is perfect. You captured her fierce motherly love and caring nature and also got the guilt in there which I think is perfectly placed. Despite how evil Bella is, Molly is too good a person not to feel some guilt over it.

When she's thinking about each of her children in turn I thought you again captured the emotion so well. I will say though that Ron's was my favourite. Reading how much Molly cares about him and how she felt when he was away was completely understandable and relatable. My heart just broke for her...

Fred... I hardly have words to cover this. His death was by far the hardest for me to swallow and seeing both Molly and George's reaction to his death was devastating. I can't imagine what it's like to loose a sibling but to lose a twin, gosh. You did a very good job of dealing with such a sensitive subject so kudos to you!

The ending was that little bit of hope and brightness in a dark time so I'm glad you included it. Arthur and Molly completely understanding each other and seeing them together gives us hope that they have each other to get through this.

Amazing chapter, you got the characterisation spot on for this one! Well done!

Lauren :)

Review 5 of 10!

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Review #27, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingAfter the War: Vincent Crabbe, Jr

2nd March 2014:
Hi again!

Review battle review!

This was so much darker than the previous chapter, and rightly so with who it was!

I didn't feel comfortable reading this chapter at all so well done to your amazing writing! All the way through you kept reminding us of the cold and then when the buzzing kicked in too? That sounded so horrible! The whole thing though is so devoid of feeling, it was really chilling!

I liked the bit of Crabbe's character you showed, where he was pushing himself to be a death eater because of his fathers failure and trying to be in his fathers good graces. It was interesting to read!

The ending where he gets stuck with the faces of different people in his life is horrible, but as you said kind of deserved from the life he lead. I loved the stark difference you created from the first chapter... excellently done!

Again, I really enjoyed this chapter! Looking forward to the next one!

Lauren :)

Review 4 of 10

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Review #28, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingAfter the War: Remus Lupin

2nd March 2014:
Hi there!

Here for the review battle!

So I knew from the summary I would find this heartbreaking and it is. Oh Remus and Tonks... I really didn't want them to die! And leaving Teddy an orphan too... It was so nice how you gave them the after life I guess? The way they're able to see everyone, even though they can't communicate. It does make it perfect for setting up the forest moment with Harry too.

I'm glad James met Remus, it was perfect. I'm also glad you didn't include Lily straight away... it was nice for the two friends to make up although I might have expected Sirius to be there, but I didn't miss him too much.

Speaking of Sirius I thought it was so lovely that James went and sat with him so much in Azkaban... perfect characteristion there.

I think my favourite part of this chapter though was the ending... When James simply says Harry needs them and we know they're going to appear for him. It filled me with so many feels anyway!

I really enjoyed this chapter though! Moving on to the next!

Lauren :)

Review 3 of 10

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Review #29, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingThe Flesh of the Servant: Coward

2nd March 2014:
Hi there!

I'm here for the review battle!

So this was a really interesting beginning. I liked some of the origins you gave Peter... the vase, the not knowing he was a wizard and becoming friends with James, Sirius and Remus. This then took us into familiar territory until he is hit with Harry's stunner before escaping! I must say that whole first section really built the suspense well for the next part of the story - great job!

Oh reading the second parts though... it's so sad that it doesn't actually happen! The description you used when Sirius was free, oh it was just lovely with him standing in the sun. You did a great job of that so well done!

And Harry! He's so happy with Sirius. You do realise you're breaking my heart with all these what ifs. What I really really love though is that you included Cedric! He lives and gets the glory he really deserves. I'm so happy you added that in there, it made the story that little bit more special!

I honestly really enjoyed this so much! Peter's characterisation of a coward is an interesting one, and works really well in this. I didn't notice any typos or anything either so great job on that!

Lauren :)

Review 2 of 10

Author's Response: Hey there!

I was excited when I received the prompt for this challenge, because I'd been playing around with Peter's character, and what my head-canon was for young Peter. It gave me a chance to explore his childhood some more.

I'm sorry for breaking your heart! But this version does come with a happy ending :D (which is not something that I always do)!

Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed this!

-Rumpel


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Review #30, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingA Halloween Visit: A Halloween Visit

2nd March 2014:
Hi!

Here for the Blackout review battle!

Wow, this was so powerful. From the title I guessed it would be Harry seeing his parents but then when I read that Remus, Tonks and Sirius were all buried next to them my heart just filled with feels! How sweet an idea. I really love it!

The reason for the visit though, the fact he was going to tell them he'd asked Ginny to marry him again made me fill with feels. I don't know, it was so touching and poignant. Obviously it's so sad that he's having to tell them this way but its nice that given his situation, he has them there to talk to when he needs them.

The fact they can't put Teddy in a nursery because the staff think they've lost him is brilliant by the way!

Aww the ending, it's so nice to read that they're looking down on him... I don't doubt it for a second.

This was a great one-shot, so lovely and well written... well done!

Lauren :)

Review 1 of 10

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad you found this powerful and liked how I wrote this, along with the ending. Thanks!

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Review #31, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingThe Creation of Hogwarts: The Creation of Hogwarts

2nd March 2014:
Hi there!!

So reading your summary I guessed this story would be quite funny and I wasn't wrong! Taking it with a pinch of salt due to the challenge I must say I loved this!!

I think my three favourite points had to be "the no broomsticks" which was a genius idea, it really made me laugh. Then to make the castle they just waved their wands and it appeared. I just couldn't help but giggle because again of the challenge. The best bit was the test though to decide houses. Again such a good idea and so funny! I loved it! The four answers were brilliant for each question, clearly telling which house they belonged too.

It was really nice to read a one shot about house unity too!!

This was a really good one shot, very clever on your part to make it really funny! I hope you did well in the challenge!

Lauren :)

Gryffindor v Slytherin review battle: house unity review!

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Review #32, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingShattered Masterpiece: Broken

1st March 2014:
Hi there!

Wow, this is so sad! I mean, generally marauder fics have a chance of that but this really gets to you.

I love your descriptions of how each marauder + Lily needed the group for the different reasons. I think you did a really good job of bring out the qualities of each of them in turn, whether it be good or bad.

The ending though. In the devastation of what happened I think it's easy to forget to see things from Lupins POV. He lost all three of his best friends and Lily that day. Literally everyone he loved and cared about and you really brought that home. The ending made me well up.

Also, I loved this line: "If we were four brothers, they were the twins." I think this is a great description of the marauders.

Great job on an awesome one-shot!

Lauren:)

Gryffindor V Slytherin review battle: story with no reviews review 5 of 5!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review! I almost never get them, and when I do they're rarely as long and as well-thought out as this one. I really appreciate it!

I guess I was feeling sad and decided to shove my feels on everyone else in fanfic form, hahaha. I definitely agree that people tend not to realize the loss Remus suffered, and prefer to focus on the Marauders when they were united and strong, rather than broken.

Once again, I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review!

~MN :D


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Review #33, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingThe Voice: Chapter One

1st March 2014:
Hi there.

So this, this was really dark. You actually made me feel sorry for Pansy though, something I never ever ever thought I'd feel so good job there!

The voice, it's so cruel and so kind at the same time! I wasn't sure whether she was schizophrenic or if the voice was some kind of soul left in the castle... it really reminded me of Ginny and Tom Riddle though... I'm not sure if that's what you were going for though!

You did a great job of telling the story... Pansy's hate for herself that is then twisted until eventually it's turned her into someone willing to kill. It actually gave me shivers at the end.

Great job on an awesome one-shot!

Lauren :)

Gryffindor V Slytherin review battle: story with no reviews 4 of 5

Author's Response: Hi!

For starters, I love your penname!

I'm so glad you found it dark. That was just what I was going for.

Pansy is schizophrenic in this story, but I can understand that it can be a little confusing since her reflection is moving on it's own - sort of.

Thank you so much for review! I loved it.

Oh, you're so lucky. I hope you all had fun with the battle between Gryffindor and Slytherin! I didn't have time for it... Which is the reason to why it took so long to response to your lovely review!

-Aviaja


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Review #34, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingThe Elemental Secret: The Elemental Secret

1st March 2014:
Hi there!

So, James and Lily? I can never pass up a chance to read one of their stories!

I love that you've managed to build this whole story on the concept of fear... Even though Lily's biggest fear is the storm I think she's also terrified of people finding out about that! A storm is a completely normal thing to be scared of though so I felt able to relate to her.

Your James was every bit as cheeky as he needed to be! I thought you did a great job of letting him be there for her. Bless him, afraid of slugs! Now that's not one I've heard before but I'm not surprised Sirius was calling him a pansy... it sounds a very Sirius like thing to do!

One of the other things I liked about this story was that it wasn't full of a hate match between these two, but it also wasn't all lovey dovey. It was just a sweet moment between the two which shows how they might soon get together!

Great job on an awesome one-shot!

Lauren :)

Gryffindor V Slytherin Review Battle: Story with no reviews 3 of 5!

Author's Response: Hi,
James and Lily are one of, if not /the/ best couples of all time, in my opinion. So any chance to read or write them is fine by me!
Sometimes I find getting the balance between them to be quite hard, so to know it worked this time, when I was quite nervous about it, is a relief!
Thank you so much!
-Vikki :)


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Review #35, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingNoble: Noble

1st March 2014:
Hi there!

Wow. This is such an amazing entry and I can't believe you did this in just a few hours! You're amazing!

So the description you threw into this is just phenomenal. At every point in the story I had a clear image of what was happening so kudos to you!

I also loved (if that's the right word) your characterisation of Morfin. Obviously I don't like him as a character, but your version is perfectly fitting of what I expect of him! Right from the start when he got expelled from Hogwarts to talking to the snakes and then dying alone in Azkaban were all so well written.

You also did a great job of keeping the theme of Slytherin greatness running through this. Nearly every section had a reference to it, reminding us how strongly Morfin, and of course Marvolo believed it.

Also - great job on including the bit about Merope and Tom Riddle senior!

All in all this was really well written and I really enjoyed reading it! Great job!

Lauren :)

Gryffindor V Slytherin review battle: story with no reviews 2 of 5

Author's Response: Hi Lauren! :)

Thank you so much for giving me the first review on this! I wrote it so quickly and had no idea how it would be received, so this was extra lovely.

I'm glad you liked the description! It was quite fun, though a little sad, imagining how drab Morfin's world was. Haha, I'm glad you "loved" Morfin as well. :P I know what you mean, and it's nice to know you liked this version of him. I actually felt a little sorry for him, both in the books and when writing this. He really had no chance at a happy or fulfilling life.

Yes! For the Gaunts, being Slytherin was all they really had, and I wanted to show how Marvolo's obsession with it carried over to Morfin. I'm glad you liked Merope and Tom's appearances as well! For Morfin, that moment must have been quite critical.

Thanks so much for the amazing review, it really made my day! :)


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Review #36, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingThe Unknown: 1

1st March 2014:
Hi Lo!

So first, thank you for doing this you amazing girl! And second wow! I can't believe how amazing this is and how quickly you've done it! I'm completely blown away.

I love how you take us through the stages of this girls life, all awful moments I must add. The things she went through, but through it all this protector is their for her, comforting her and it kind of made me feel better. Although these horrible things were happening, she had someone. Was it her mother? I got the feeling it was but there was a few moments I doubted myself.

When she took the dark mark for her the mood of the story quickly changed and I wasn't sure you where you were going to take it. Wow though. Talk about powerful ending! That last paragraph left me in shock! Amazing twist though, I loved it!

I really loved this line: "When I did I began to search for air, unsatisfied with what was filling my lungs." I thought it was fantastic!

Well done on an amazing one-shot and a fantastic entry into the review battle! Go Gryffindor!

Lauren :)

Gryffie V Slytherin review battle: Story with no reviews 1 of 5

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Review #37, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingBuilding Dollhouses In The Sand: Prologue

22nd February 2014:
Hello!

Sorry, I'm here with your requested review but I'm unforgivably late with it I know. Apologies!!

So... wow. That first paragraph was really powerful! It left me with a lot of questions... is Elizabeth with Fabian? I wasn't sure if they were together or if they were just helping her. Either way it was really sad to read. So horrible.

So then we move on to Fred and George starting Hogwarts and on the train they meet Katherine, I'm going to guess this isn't a coincidence! But if it's the same Katherine, then she survived and I can't help but wonder what happened to her after that night! I look forward to you filling in the blanks!

I liked the introduction of some of the canon characters, Angelina and Lee for example. I also like the nod to Cedric too! Your characterisation of Fred and George was really good though. Some of the things you got in there... like when they pretended they'd not realised they were identical! Very very good.

To answer your AoC, I thought this was a really interesting read and I'm definitely left wanting to read more so great job!

Lauren :)

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Review #38, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingJordan & Parsons: B is for Babies, Blasphemy and a (Nervous) Breakdown

22nd February 2014:
Hi there,

I am so so so so sorry about how late this review is! I don't have any excuse except RL getting in the way. Apologies!

So, I really enjoyed this. I did read the first chapter to get a bit of background into the characters and story and I'm really intrigued in where you're going to take this story!

I'll address your AoC first. Plot believability? I honestly think you have no issues here. I absolutely love the idea of Jordan & Parsons and I loved the origins you have it to from the war. I would be very surprised if something like this didn't exist and so I loved it and think it's a brilliant idea! Now I just look forward to seeing what you do with it.

Thierry's plan. Well, it is a little crazy isn't it, but it's the kind of crazy I can imagine someone in his position doing. Money is no object and with him being in the public eye he's going to do everything he can to keep something like this coming into to light. It's crazy but I'm looking forward to seeing it being executed!

So Nick. You said he was popular with your readers and I actually can understand why. I don't know, there's something about him. Clearly there's something gone off and I am dying to know what he did (hoping you'll reveal all soon?) which isn't good that makes me a little weary of him, but the way he is with Molly in this chapter is quite sweet! He hints that he took the fall for Alicia too... I'm wondering if that's the bad thing or if he did something bad then made it worse with what he did for Alicia. Too many questions basically! But yeah, I'm really intrigued into his character, I think he's interesting for sure. I want to learn more about him.

And finally, Alicia. I don't think the selfishness is too subtle, don't panic! Its strange though, I hate what she did to Albus because that's horrible and she also seems to be good at getting things out if people, whether that be information or help. Like Nick says, everyone has a price and she seems to be good at finding that price. Despite that though, I still find her interesting. I want to know more. You've done a really good job of creating these really complex characters with faults and flaws but making them so fascinating that people can't help but be drawn to them! You've done a great job basically.

So yeah, all in all I'm really really enjoying this story and I can't wait to read more. Your characterisation is brilliant, you've done a great job of making your characters different personalities and the story is definitely gripping!

I look forward to reading more! Once again, apologies for the late review! Please feel free to re-request, your story is great!

Lauren :)

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Review #39, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingWaiting Room: Green Eyes Against Blinding White

12th February 2014:
Hey Dan

Tagging you in the review thread in the CR!!

So... Lily and James... How have I not read this? All I can do is apologise and dive into this review.

So, your start. Immediately it invokes a sadness in me as I can pinpoint where your starting this but I can't help but marvel at your descriptions.. Beautifully written Dan!!

When James is alone I really love how you let him work through all the possibilities that might have happened, particularly as he slowly pieces it together. The part with the pranks him and Sirius did to each other did make me smile though, I could imagine them both doing those things to each other!

As the truth finally hits him, I think his reaction is perfect. I actually wanted to cry for him because that realisation must be so hard for him. The way he breaks though, accepting he died but not being able to accept his wife and sons death is just so gutting. The way he thinks about them, it shows how selfless he really is and how much he loves them. It was so sad but so well written Dan.

He allows the grief to pull him under understandably but when he comes back to himself I like how you take him through the stages of grief, the bargaining in particular. He isn't satisfied though and constantly tried to piece together what happened, from what I have in my head for James, that's perfectly in character. I also love the whole paragraph about him being James Potter and not losing, again very in character.

Again his thoughts are with others as he realises that Sirius is going to take the fall for the betrayal which is of course what happens. Eugh, I can't bare it. Stupid Peter.

I was so happy when Lily appeared! Well happy and sad because obviously she's died too now but at least they have each other. She seems a lot calmer than James and like she's thought things through more, but I'm guessing by her red eyes she pretty much cried herself out.

Lily's very logical as she puzzles out what has/will happen. Cue more heartbreak as she guesses Harry will live with Frank and Alice (if only). It takes James a lot longer to come to terms with Peters betrayal but I like that you gave us some reasoning behind it. You showed us he was part if the marauders which of course he was. Too many people shy away from that fact and I'm glad you aren't one of them.

So I get the feeling that, even though they don't know it, they're actually waiting to appear to Harry in the forest when he calls them using the resurrection stone? Does that mean Sirius and Remus will join afterwards? I'd be fascinated with the possibility of reading more about that!

So once again you've written a beautiful piece Dan. Your characterisation is really strong in this, I loved James. Just yeah, a fantastic piece of writing.

" it's funny how she managed add just a touch of heaven to this insufferable hell. that line is perfect.

Also the whole section where James loves the fact his 1 year old son beat Voldemort was perfect - it did make me giggle!!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hi, Lauren!

I tried to be a little mysterious about the starting point of the story, but I guess the flash of green light sort of gives it away. That's alright, I guess. I'm not overly put out by people figuring it out early. Everyone will sooner or later.

I can't imagine that "waking up" in the afterlife wouldn't be a confusing experience, especially after such a sudden and unexpected end to one's life. So I wanted to capture a lot of that confusion and let him try to work his way through all of the unresolved questions.

When the truth does finally dawn on him, that part was hard to write. It's not very difficult to put myself in his position and ponder all of the moments in Harry's life that he's going to miss out on. It's heartbreaking stuff. Then to realize how his death is going to impact others, like Sirius, makes it even tougher. It's a pretty good thing that Lily arrives when she does.

I really enjoy making Lily the voice of reason in their relationship. It's just how I think of her. She's the one who's more likely to be able to think through a situation logically and come up with very plausible ideas of what's happened to them and what's going to happen to Harry. Plausible, but sadly not correct, I'm afraid. Another aspect of the tragedy of Harry's childhood is that fact that I'm pretty sure James and Lily would have been horrified by how things ended up. To see their son raised in an environment devoid of love and support... just awful.

You're absolutely correct about what they're waiting for and it's funny that you mention Sirius and Remus. My original idea was for this story to be longer. To have Sirius and then Remus arrive in the Waiting Room and then have Harry sort of "appear" in their world at the same time that they "appear" in his. But I decided that I like this ending better. It leaves things a bit open-ended for the reader to ponder.

I loved every bit of making James cocky and snarky in this. Even after he's dead, I don't think that part of his personality goes away. Heck, I enjoyed writing it all! I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #40, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingLike a Rat in a Maze: Coal-black Eyes

19th January 2014:
Hi Dan!

Eek, new story! It made me very excited to see! This though, this is amazing! There's so many things I love about it.

First of all I have to say something about your characterisation of Peter. Dan, it's perfect! This is the first time I've read Peter as a death eater where I can see some of the character that should be there for him. First of all, you gave him some traits that made me believe completely he should be in Gryffindor. He stands up to Snape even though he's in a bad way. Second, you showed that there was a time he was friends with the other Marauders and he still thinks about them. I can never forgive him for what he did to James and Lily but in here there were little moments when he was calling Snape and hoping James and Sirius would have been proud of that one and stuff and yes. Sorry, reading this just made me excited that someone has written a Peter that fits my head canon of him perfectly.

I like also that you got the rat theme going through this. So when he's furiously thinking through his options, what he should tell and what he shouldn't. I could just imagine him like I did in the books. His eyes darting, thinking of the escape routes. You also make reference to it with him curling up and retreating away. I thought it was very clever.

Staying on theme of characterisation, again I couldn't fault your Snape. The looks in his eyes, the cool exterior and the way he speaks. I think you got him bang on canon. Nothing felt out of place at all.

Next I have to say the plot of the story is fantastic. All the way through I was constantly questioning everything but by the end of the story I understood perfectly. You didn't need the explanation in the AN for me, but I understand if you want to leave it in. I think it's clear what is happening though.

When I was reading this at the start I was questioning Snape's motives, and even when Peter felt he had the upper hand, I wasn't so sure. It seemed to me that Snape had got him exactly where he wanted him, and we later find out this is true. I could tell Snape wanted to get in his memories and my first thoughts was that Snape was trying to get something for the order but I like what you did better. Ingenious. I love how Snape talked Peter round and Peter actually thinks he has the upper hand for a moment, but no. It was just so perfect Dan, I can't even begin to describe.

The ending, hmm, I think Snape may have done this a few times... The fact it comes full circle though, with Snape checking his memory and then getting angry again. Yeah excellent. Poor Peter, goodness knows how he gets through it!

Once again you've amazed me with your fantastic story Dan, I really enjoyed this, it's a great piece of writing! It's definitely going down as a favourite!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hi, Lauren! Thanks for stopping by.

Whew! I'm really glad you liked what I did with Peter. I agree with you that I don't like a lot of the characterizations of him that I've read -- granted, there aren't many. He's not a very popular character -- in that they make him almost cartoonish in the way that he cowers and fawns and generally acts like he's terrified of everyone. I just can't square that portrayal with the things that he's done. There would have to be more of an inner determination for him to have made the choices he made and sacrificed everything that he threw away when he changed sides.

I tend to think that Peter lived as Scabbers for so long that the mentality would have become very entrenched. It's sort of interesting to compare him with Sirius. In both cases, their lives came to a halt on the night that Peter faked his own death. Sirius went to prison, Peter went into hiding. Both of them were, in a sense, frozen in time at that moment while the real world kept on moving.

You know me. I love writing Snape as long as it doesn't involve anything yucky like having Lily fall in love with him. Around the time I finished reading The Prince's Tale in DH, it dawned on me just how infuriating it must have been to Snape to be ordered to babysit Wormtail. He had to protect the coward who betrayed Lily to Voldemort and caused his deal with Dumbledore to fall apart. So when he had the opportunity to take his revenge, I can't imagine that he wouldn't have. But, he's still Snape. He didn't stay alive for so long by being careless. I'm sure he would have gone to great lengths to make sure that there was no evidence for Voldemort to find, including inside Wormtail's head.

Yes, I could definitely see Snape doing this more than once. The way I think of Snape, the moment that Lily died ended life as he knew it. He lives in that moment and he always will. So given the opportunity to relive that moment in Wormtail's memories, there isn't really a choice. It isn't that he *wants* to see those things again and again, I just don't think he can help himself. That is the moment he lives in. Thus, the cycle repeats itself.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. It was fun to write in places, and rewarding to see it complete. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #41, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingThe Founders Four: Chapter two

19th January 2014:
Hello :)

Laurenzo7321 here with your requested review. So first of all this is the very first founders fic I've ever read and I'm really enjoying it.

I think the fact that you've started it when the children are really young is quite interesting, I never imagined the founders fics to be like this. I also love how you've brought them together so far and I'm quite excited to see how Helga get's brought into the story now!

I really love the characterisation of all your OCs so far. Lord and Lady Slytherin in particular are really good, although I didn't really like the Earl, but I got the feeling I wasn't supposed to? How horrible he is to Rowena, poor girl. The end of the chapter definitely left me with an excited feeling of where the story was going to go next though.

Also! Is the Slythrin castle going to become Hogwarts? You mentioned the great hall at one point and it suddenly clicked. I hope so as that will be really cool!

So for your areas of concern... The flow of the story I thought was good, although in that last section it kind of feels like the end of another prologue because you're skipping time on again. That's not necessarily a bad thing, as you've said you need to move the story on and from my point of view it did make me excited to read more. I think maybe the wand giving is something you could have made a bigger deal about though if you do want to extend it. Otherwise, I think it's fine.

This is a really good story so far though, you've got some really great ideas and you've actually got me wanting to read more founder stuff! Your descriptions are good and there's some interesting characterisation!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Thank you for such an amazing review!

Yup, Lady and Lord Slytherin are one of the main characters, and I am glad that you thought that their characterisation is good. And while the Earl is not necessarily a bad character (in terms of a villain), he is most certainly not someone I like. He is basically a power-hungry politician, not particularly bright, but at his position with the King for a lack of a better option, and very narrow-minded.

Um... for Slytherin Castle becoming Hogwarts ... maybe :D

As for the rushed bits, including Rowena getting her wand, I did think so too myself, but as you said - I needed to rush the introduction, since I don't want, like, a dozen chapter being all about introduction. I didn't feel that it was necessary to the plot.

Again, thank you for the detailed review, it really means a lot to me, especially from someone who is reading a Founders Era for the first time (YAY!) :D


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Review #42, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingDoorsteps: Wide Green Eyes

15th January 2014:
Hey there :)

Laurenzo7321 here for the review swap. I hope you don't mind me picking this, but as soon as I saw it was missing moment I had to come and read it... Missing moments are my favourite stories so I was so excited to see what you had in store!!

Well, you didn't disappoint! I really enjoyed getting this little snippet of the Dursleys life before Harry. In your AN you mentioned trying to pull of the style of JK and I think you very much succeeded. Reading this definitely reminded me of reading the first book when Vernon hears everybody whispering on the street about Harry and also the "strange looking people" that we of course know are wizards so you did an amazing job there, well done!!

Your characterisation in this I absolutely can't fault. I loved that you got in Petunia's obsessiveness to have everything orderly, and also her nosiness and gossiping, even if Vernon didn't really care. And you definitely made Vernon to be very boring! When he was picking his shirt I was sat giggling to myself... So nicely done. And then of course they both adore Dudley like he's a prince or something so yeah, all fantastic points!!

The end section was the perfect way of ending this. I don't know, the way you wrote it got me all excited and want to pick up the first book and start reading all over again. It definitely could have slotted in to the first book!

My one bit of CC would be to maybe lengthen the part where Vernon finds Harry. First of all, he's just found a baby on his doorstep. I think you did the puzzlement well but I kind of expected more of a reaction afterwards, but he easily let's petunia talk him into going to work. If I found a baby on my doorstep I think I would be ringing in sick and doing something about it. You could have Vernon kicking off a bit more in the kitchen shouting but petunia ignores both him and Dudley as you finish your last section maybe as one option? Or even him just not knowing what to do and petunia taking over? Something for you to consider maybe anyway. My second point about this section is it should happen the day after Vernon's heard about Harry Potters from the people wearing weird clothes, correct me if I'm wrong? So... Maybe an inkling of who the baby is? A feeling of dread? A moment of realisation between the two of them. I love that petunia recognises him from the eyes but Vernon wouldn't so you could have him thinking about the day before?

Anyway, this was a fantastic one shot that I really enjoyed reviewing! I'm glad we swapped!! I didn't notice any typos either so well done on great editing!

Well done,
Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hey there Lauren! :D

Of course I don't mind you picking this! I agree, missing moments are wonderful, that's why I entered the challenge. :P It's so fascinating to see what you can stick into the series around the already-there canon obstacles.

Ah, I'm so glad that you think so! Dursley life before Harry was actually surprisingly easy for me to write. Let's not think about what that means about my personality. :P I was trying for a JK kind of style, and I'm so glad you think I pulled that off! :D I reread the first chapter of PS about three times while writing this, I'm really happy you think I did a good job with all that.

Haha, I had a great time writing Petunia and Vernon, and I’m really glad that you think I characterised them well! Yep, Petunia is definitely a neat-freak, nosy, annoying, gossipy person, and even Vernon doesn’t pay very much attention to what she talks about. And they both definitely adore Dudley, I think their redeeming feature would be how much they adore Dudley. You can’t really read about the Dursleys without a healthy dose of boring, but I’m glad that you found him picking out a shirt amusing. :P

Hahaha, I’m so glad you enjoyed the ending! I’ve always been a fan of the idea that Petunia and Harry reconciled, so I decided to stick that little scene on the end. :)

Ah, I think you’re right , it is kind of unrealistic that Vernon would allow himself to be ushered out of the house in that way. But then, that needed to happen for the end scene to take place, so… Maybe ignore that? :P Nah, you’re right, I’ll go back and edit this at some point. And yes, you’re also right that it takes place the day after Vernon sees all the strange people with cloaks, so I’ll definitely go back and try to add some more emotion to that bit. And Vernon thinking about the day before is a great idea, I’ll try to implement that in somehow. :D

I’m so glad you didn’t notice any typos, my inner editor is throwing a party at that comment. :P I really enjoyed the swap as well!

Thanks so much for this amazing review, it really made my day. :D


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Review #43, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingThe Chaos Within: Hardships

13th January 2014:
Hi there :)

Laurenzo7321 here with you're requested review :)

So, this was an interesting start to your story, You instantly get a readers attention with Harry's opening nightmare. I think it's very realistic that he's really suffering, Harry was always one to blame himself for everything and it's good to see you continue that on. It was lovely that you included Kreacher too... I like to think that he would be much more helpful with Harry, exactly as you've written him.

I know Ron isn't actually in this chapter, only mentioned but I liked that he was helping his family cope.

The section with Hermione was very different. I couldn't imagine her reacting that way, she's always so level headed. I'm curious to see where you take that path though. I think the idea of her parents separating because of what she did really interesting so I look forward to reading more on that.

My one bit of CC would be to maybe try and add a little more description if you could. Really make the reader visualise what your describing and feel what the characters feeling. With Hermione for example... when Hermione sees her dad with another child... that's Hermione's sibling. You make it clear in her actions that she's devastated but you could really add some feeling to that section. Maybe some mixed emotions about the child?

This was a good start to your story, you did a really good job :)

Lauren

Author's Response: Hi Lauren!

Thank you for that wonderful review, it was really helpful. :) I understand what you mean about the descriptions and I'll get to work on them straight away.

Cheers,
Erin


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Review #44, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingDisclosure: Bonding with the Pages

11th January 2014:
Heya :)

Thought I'd come and tag you from the review thread in the forums!

Wow, so this was a bit creepy! You did a really great job filling in this missing moment though - I really enjoyed it.

I thought they way you wrote young Ginny was really interesting, I like the way you wrote about her worries about the boys laughing at her because of her crush - it seems very typical of an 11 year old girl.

I was a bit surprised Ginny knew the diary was from the Malfoys... I wasn't sure that she would trust it so readily coming from them. Not a major issue or anything - just a small point.

I do love how you wrote Tom Riddle. The whole, 'my names not Diary' was brilliant. You got the tone of him really well, something many struggle with so a big well done on that!

In one sense I really wish this would have continued... I wish we could have seen more of Ginny's conversation with the diary. It doesn't matter though - this was awesome anyway and the way you left it on a cliff hanger was brilliant!

Well done on such a great one shot!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hey Lauren! :D

I know, I felt like I could have continued, but I thought I'd mess it up if I did, so I decided to leave it be. :P

When I thought of Ginny knowing the diary came from the Malfoys, I'd like to believe she was too naive to think anything harmful coming from the book. But I am glad it's not a major thing to you. :)

Haha, I'm happy that I had gotten down Riddle's voice because I thought he'd be my biggest problem when I wrote this. ^_^

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :^)


- Asphodel


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Review #45, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingPrincess, Fall.: Princess, Fall.

11th January 2014:
Hey Sian!

So I've been so excited to read this and you certainly didn't disappoint. Once again you've shown us just how talented you are as a writer.

You've done an amazing job of writing in second person, it flowed beautifully. It suited the style of the story perfectly as you told us the story of Dorcas.

I like the character you've given her. She's a tad arrogant and as you tell in the story, quite high maintenance but there's a passion in her that I can't help but really love about her. It made me truly buy into her as a character and I loved it.

I also loved the age you've set her at along with the different characters. Her friendship with Marlene and being much older than the Marauders I think was really interesting. Most of the time I read them as being similar ages so it was good and also gave you the chance at the start to give her some interaction with the Black sisters.

I must say your characterisation of all the characters we know is brilliant. Bellatrix is arrogant and already obsessed with becoming a death eater, but you haven't given her the complete craziness yet which I think would have evolved later... just a glimpse of it, so I loved that. Then Andromeda you could tell was much nicer than her two sisters but needed to keep the peace, you even got Ted in there to be with her. Sirius - again his characterisation was flawless. I love that he had the guts to go and speak to her and ask her out and then not even be phased when she turns him down. My favourite edition was the Prewett twins though! They were a glimmer of light in the darkness in this story.

Another thing I really loved about this was the relationship you gave Dorcas with Benjy. I remember both characters being mentioned but I don't know if it was canon that they were together. Either way, it doesn't matter because I loved it and I think being with him and having that relationship only made me love Dorcas as a character more. When they were on the beach they were adorable.

So it seems a bit late to be mentioning this but you opening line. Well, if you want to grab a readers attention that's certainly the way to do it. I loved the whole format to be honest... the way you started with her dancing with death, then took us through key events that took us to this moment then finished it in a blaze of green.

The princess theme you had running through the story was also fantastic. From her being daddy's princess, to ruling the school, to being Benjy's princess and then finally dying to the best because that's what she was worthy of... very cleverly written - and also a great job of incorporating the quote from the challenge you entered!

Seriously Sian, I can't praise you enough. You are so talented at building these characters we hardly know anything about and just making them fantastic and making us love them. Also, your descriptions throughout this were just brilliant. I could picture every scene perfectly.

Congratulations on another fantastic story. You're writing is truly amazing. Good luck for the challenge!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Lauren! ♥

You're always so lovely in your reviews to me, you spoil me! Second person was a bit of an experiment but the detached-ness of it fit well with her character, and I'm pleased you liked it.

I found her character really hard to write because she wasn't very likable, but there is passion there and she's determined to do what is right - I wanted to show good people aren't always nice, and I'm happy you still liked her in spite of her arrogance!

Yes, I wanted to do something a bit different with her age - I normally see everyone at the same age as the Marauders but the ages I chose worked much better for the story, I think.

Ugh, Bellatrix! She was so hard to write, I was terrified of getting her wrong - especially when there are versions like Jami's around! I loved the Prewett twins too! I see them as an older version of Fred and George, so including them in the story was really fun and I wanted it to add some light to a story that's essentially quite dark!

I don't think it is canon that they're together - just another one of those obscure ships that I've made up :P I felt like their relationship could help redeem Dorcas a bit more as a character and make her more human, and I'm glad you loved them together!

Haha that's exactly what I intended the opening line to do! When I first came up with the idea, I had the opening and closing lines and the rest was just working through them - I'm pleased you liked the way it worked out!

The princess theme was one that sprung into my mind when I got the quote. I don't know if you've read Emma, but I consider her character to be a little bit similar to Dorcas's, which was why I wanted to include the princess theme. I'm glad you liked it and thought it was cleverly done!

Lauren, I can't thank you enough for this review and all the others you've left me! You're so kind and sweet and all your compliments mean so much. Thank you!! ♥


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Review #46, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingHeading Out to the Highway: Decompression

9th January 2014:
Hi Dan!!

So sorry this had taken so long to get around too, Christmas was much busier than I anticipated! Of course I'd love to come and check it out though, I do remember Brit-picking this for you a while ago and enjoying it then.

Also, this is my 200th review yay :) I think you got my 100th too you know... It's kind of cool though :)

Also apologies, it was hard to keep this 12+ at times and so I've had to presume you'll know which bit I'm talking about!

So it's interesting that you've picked to a song fic. I think you've done a really good job with it though... The song suits Sirius down to the ground. I personally don't think you have to worry about Sirius characterisation either as it's one of my favourite things about this fic. It's absolutely spot on. The temper he's got and the recklessness are certainly there. I do like how you have the moments though when he managed to reign himself in a bit. From when this is set this makes sense to me, it's clear the people in his life such as James, Lily and Remus are having a positive effect on him, even if it's only a little one.

Speaking of the people having a positive effect on him, the paragraph about Remus is my absolute favourite but. I can't quote anything due to the language but the whole section where he moans about having Moonys voice in his head is great. The way you've written it reminds me of one of my uni friends so I couldn't help but giggle.

Also your line about Bellatrix being the first death eater the dark lord could... um you know... had me in stitches!

Again, I thought you wrote Sirius's thoughts towards his family very believably. I completely agree with how you wrote his feelings... I can imagine him being very annoyed at his parents for what they did to his brother, but also being annoyed at himself for not helping his brother escape their clutches. As for his parents, I can't imagine him feeling anything but resent for them and that's exactly how we see him in the books later in life. I wouldn't change a thing about it.

The whole section at the end was very clever and again showed some fabulous characterisation of Sirius. It was fast paced and kept me on the edge of my seat but I didn't once want for description. I could picture every twist and turn. As much as Sirius shouldn't have done what he did, the idiot sounds like he deserved it!

Awesome fic Dan, but then I always love your work!

Thanks for requesting.
Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hi, Lauren!

Please don't apologize! The fact that you offer your time and insight to the authors of this community is an awesome thing, no matter when you're able to do it. And I'm honored to get a significant review number from you!

This, um, is probably not the easiest story to write a 12+ review for. Dan grins sheepishly...

I'm not really sure what made me decide to write a song fic. Partly, I guess, just because I hadn't written one before. Also, I agree with you: this song is a beautiful fit for Sirius. I'm really pleased that you thought the characterization was good. I really did my best to think through all of his words and thoughts and actions.

I always think of Remus as "The Voice of Reason" among the Marauders. Every group of friends has one. So I don't think it's much of a stretch to imagine that the voice of Sirius's own better judgment inside his head would be Moony's.

While I highly doubt Voldemort, um, *utilized* Bellatrix in that way, it definitely seems like the kind of insult Sirius would send in her direction. The fact that Voldemort had not chosen to engage her in that manner might actually have made the insult hurt her even more, if you think about it.

I'm quite sure that Sirius hated his parents intensely for lots of reasons. The way that the twisted Regulus's desire for approval and used it to impose their pureblood supremacist ideology on him was probably especially hard for Sirius to forgive.

I had loads of fun writing the whole encounter with the man in the Jaguar. It seemed like an awesome way for Sirius to burn off that frustration and pent-up aggression.

I'm so pleased that you liked it! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #47, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingDrummer Boy: run boy, run.

7th January 2014:
Ah Nadia it's up it's up!! I'm so excited for you and because I can finally read and review!! I'm really hoping I get the first review here too ;)

Okay first things first, I love the edition of the dates... They just added such a cute and lovely touch and made me smile!! It's the little things!! I was wondering why you only put it on a few of them though? I know it's where it's the same date, I just wondered as you changed the year...

I also love that you've done this over Christmases. The fact that he always measures his time with her in Christmases is sweet as it's such a magical time of year! In that section though I adored this line: " It could've been then when she became inked onto his heart." my heart melts!!

I know Hugo only gets a two minute spell in this but his protectiveness over his sister is adorable. I love the whole "you can't do better. Ever." line.

Teddy... where do I even start with that boy? Wow. There's so many lines in this that fill me with lovely warm feels and just make me want to hug you so so much. Where he says her smiles nice... and then, when he hopes to make her a Lupin. It's just too lovely! Where is this man Nadia? I want one!

"Words couldn't bring back the dead but they could punch guts and destroy hearts." This was such a powerful line. I really loved it.

I really enjoyed the whole style of this story though, having the time frame flick forwards and back could quite easily get confusing but it doesn't in the slightest. I can clearly see the snippets of scenes happening in my head like a film and I love it!

Minor typos for you:

First, I think you've missed a star out between the first and second section in December 24th :)

Second, this line "He wasn't bitter about his deaths" I think should be there deaths not his?

Third, this line "You deserve to be loved" should have a " before it I think.

Oh Nadia, I don't even know where to start with this. Really, you should write fluff lots and lots as you do such an amazing job of it. Teddy and Rose are the cutest pair ever and I've never shipped them before! This has gone straight into my favourites dear!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: LAUREEEN!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

It's okay that you didn't get first review, BECAUSE I CAN ALWAYS WRITE SOMETHING ELSE *hint hint* FOR SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL AND I WON'T TELL ANYONE, PROMISE, UNTIL TH DAY IT'S UP AND THEN YOU CAN GET FIRST REVIEW! Easy as that, really :P

Right, the dates haha. Those were added so I wouldn't get into any minor girl gets together with a man pairing rule thing. But also because I sometimes felts it might be a bit confusing to follow... If that makes sense? Hehe, well the first date was Christmas day of the present, and then the next was Christmas Eve -- as was the next Weasley party -- because I was assuming they would have dinner on xmas eve, and then Christmas was Christmas? Haha. The May was to show that it was still a while until they liked each other, and then Christmas after the whole Mistletoe Christmas was when he would ask her out and then etc etc. I put it in whenever a new day would start. For example, I put the date December 25th, 2026 once, and didn't put it again to show that every time it would go into second POV, it was that day. Similarly, with the first Weasley party. This explanation isn't making any sense, I know, I'm strange and now it's becoming awkward so I'll stop. Basically, I added it so it wouldn't become too confusing.. and to keep the Christmases in order... :P LOLOL.

AWH, YOU LIKED THAT LINE? That line is sooo cheesy oh my god, I don't even know how you like this :P

I like Hugo too :) He reminds me of Locke for the Lies of Locke Lamora.. definitely read that book.. It's excellent.

TEDDY=BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH + TOM HIDDLESTON. THEREFORE, HE IS NON EXISTENT, AT THE MOMENT. BUT THIS IS OKAY, BECAUSE HE WILL EXIST, ONE DAY, AND HOPEFULLY THEY'RE TWINS SO YOU CAN HAVE ONE AND I'LL HAVE THE OTHER.
I'm glad you like him :) I like him too.

I'm glad you enjoyed that line, and though the flow was great as well. That means a lot.

As for the typos, you are amazing, honestly *blushes*

But just as a friend, you are so nice. Not only are you a great writer, but one of the nicest people I've ever had the pleasure and honour to talk to.

And as far as favouritng goes, that is the kindest thing ever. Thank you so much, you continue to make my day brighter.

Nadia ♥


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Review #48, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: Only Blood

26th December 2013:
Hey there!!

Here for the review swap! I'd already reviewed chapter 1 a while ago so that's why I'm here :)

Wow this was an action packed chapter, I hardly know where to start!

I wasn't quite sure what to make of Geoffrey, he seemed so different to any other death eater. My guess is that as a werewolf he isn't considered as high up in Voldemorts ranks as the others. He also seems to have a real soft spot for Devlin though.

Devlin. I don't know where to start with him! I mean, being taken in by Voldemort has to mess with your head a little but that child is strange. Such a change from the boy in the memory... It leaves me with so many questions though... I want to find out more about his time with Voldemort and what he's like now!

I thought Harry was well written, I've never experienced him like this before but you pulled it off! It took me a little while to keep up, I'm guessing Alex is his missus and he's not with Ginny? It's quite nice to see Sirius alive I must say, I do miss him.

I thought you did a good job with this chapter, it made me want to keep reading! You kept the flow going well and I must say worked the memories in well, that's not always well done!

Great job!
Lauren :)

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Review #49, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingEscaping the Acheron: Platform Nine and Three-Quarters

26th December 2013:
Hey there,

I'm here for the review swap!

I thought this was an excellent and interesting start to a 'what happened after the war' story. You haven't gone straight after the war but you given us little fill ins to what happened to catch us up.

One of my favourite things about this piece is how you've written Ron and Hermione. Those two can be so poorly written and here they're just so perfect. When they had the moment just touching foreheads aww the feels. I loved it!!

As a little CC I think there were a few bits you could expand on. When they first went onto platform 9 and 3/4s for example. Would any of the surrounding people react to two members of the trio being on the platform? A little more description wouldn't go a miss. Both of the happenings and the emotions of the day.

The other thing I couldn't help but wonder is where was Harry? He wasn't mentioned at all? If there's a reason for that I apologise but I couldn't help by wonder!

McGonagall has trusted the right people with the prefect duties... I look forward to seeing Neville as head boy, good choice! He was doing great at his new responsibilities.

This was a great first chapter, I enjoyed reading it!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for pointing out the ways that this chapter could improve... there are definitely many of them. You're right that I need to work in more of the fame that they would've gotten.
As for Harry, we'll find out what he's up to eventually.


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Review #50, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingThe Last Keepers Of The Light: Chapter One

22nd December 2013:
Hey there!

Here for the review swap :)

Wow this was very different kind of story! I was really shocked when I read the beginning... It wasn't anything like I expected. You kept a really good sense of mystery throughout, giving us only the bear minimum of information which I really loved, it definitely got my interest!

I thought you did a great job with the description. Particularly at the beginning when she is chained up! This in itself leads to many questions though. We got that she was a muggle born so that must be why she was captured, she must have some use though otherwise she would be dead. You revealed part of that at the end but as such a cliff hanger anyone would have to be crazy not to want to read on!

As for a little CC, nothing major but you get a little fixated on words and repeat them quite a lot. Ugly I noticed was used often as an example. It might be worth trying to change a few?

Great chapter though, you've really set the scene for a thrilling story! The whole thing had a nice flow about it making it easy to read, I look forward to reading more in the future!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm glad you like the fact that it is a little bit different because sometimes it feels like the due to it's plot being a little unorthodox, people may feel a little confused and discouraged to read on.

I'm also very happy that you like the description since I remember ripping my hair out over it :p I do realize that the mystery around the chapter may be discouraging to most but it's good that you saw that as a cliff hanger and wanted to read more :)

What's more, I am always open to CC and I do realize that repeating words is a big problem of mine. I will try my hardest to take that in consideration when I write more!

Thank you for the lovely review,

Bella


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