Gosh it's been so long since I've had a spare minute to review this story! Apolagies for that - RL is annoying!
I loved the start of this chapter, it felt really tense as we can see how close Remus is to transforming. I also thought that, even though McGonagall was worried at how close a call it was, she wasn't afraid to be near him. Or she didn't appear to be anyway.
When Sirius said about a surprise for Remus alarm bells started ringing here. I was worried it was going to be the night he send Snape down after him and it was. I really loved that you told this bit of the story - your take on it is great.
It actually made me smile quite a lot when Wolf couldn't get free from the trousers and saw them as such a threat that he had to rip them to shreads. The way you write wolf actually makes him really cute and loveable in my head. Like how he sees the other marauders as his family and how protective of them he is. It comes shining through in this chapter as he wants to protect James.
Even though I knew it would all work out okay, you had me really panicing as I was reading the part where Snape and James are fighting. Wolfs thoughts are so vicious and all I kept thinking was how awful Remus would feel if wolf got out of control like that.
Oh, I can't tell you how much I love that you've got Peter as part of the group! He was a marauder and an important part of the group and way too many people forget that! He could see the issue from everyones perspective and could understand how everyone was feeling. I like your version of Peter.
Poor Remus, he wasn't having a good day was he? I don't blame him for wanting to hit Sirius, he was being stupidly reckless but when he was worried about losing him as a friend my heart went out to him! Then Lily has worked out his secret and he has to allow another to know the truth. The whole scene with Lily was actually really sweet though. She's really understanding and everything I expect her to be. I loved the hint of her and James getting together too!
Just one typo - this sentence didn't quite make sense: 'I tried to undo my belt but I lost it completely by the time to my trousers' button and zipper.'
Great chapter though! Can't wait to read more!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Heya!
You know what, I totally agree with you. I rarely have time now to read and review let alone to answer to the reviews people leave for me. BUT I'm here now!
I've always thought that McGonagall was a person that showed courage no matter what. I'm sure that she was afraid for Remus and the students, even for herself but she's not going to show it. She doesn't want to make Remus feel guilty or bad for something he has absolutely no control over. So the less afraid she appears, the better for everyone. Then again, you have to think that if she were to show fear, it'll only make Remus lose control a lot faster. It could agitate him in the end.
Wolf sounds cute and lovable but he's not! Hahaha! It's hard to not make him sound too much like a regular dog. He's suppose to be a feral animal, a beast...not a pet! XD However, just like you pointed out, he becomes vicious real quick when his family is being threatened.
It's hard trying to not be so mean to Peter. I have this dislike towards him but I have to get over it, you know. Just like you said, he was part of the Marauders, he was their friend so of course he is important.
Sirius is very reckless in his whole life. Like Dan pointed out in his review above, he tells Harry to be careful but he then rushes to danger. He's this man who doesn't stop and think of the consequences. He just does whatever he thinks is 'right' or funny. Lily on the other hand is a smart witch, she just needed a push towards the right direction. At this point she kinda likes James but she still feels iffy towards him.
Saw the typo and fixed it! Thanks for pointing it out!
Until next time!
--Rosie Report Review
I'm here with your requested review! Sorry it's taken so long - RL's crazy. Of course I wanted to read it though when I saw it!
So when I first started reading this I thought I had it figured out. I was almost positive I knew what Lily's secret was and it was going to break my heart while reading this story. Then you started talking about polyjucie potion and I got a little confused.
The beginning was a really refreshing read though. I hate Lily and James not being all happy happy but this was so much more realistic. Of course James would be feeling trapped and angry that he was being safe - even if he had good reason. And of course this would cause a lot of tension between the two of them. I thought the whole thing felt really real so go you!
The whole scene with Bathilda was really good. I loved her characterisation - she seemed quite motherly but not overbearing. Her and Lily seem like they would be good friends. The way she was worried about them all as they were only children was heart breaking.
I was so happy when James came in and apolagised. I like happy Lily and James.
It couldn't last though could it? I had a feeling something bad was going to happen and just so you know I think you may have broken my heart! Oh this can't be true, the stories sad enough as it is without this actually happening!
You wrote the whole thing well - keeping to the quotes in the book and film but adding to it and making it more real in my eyes.
It's just so sad though! I actually teared up at the end when it was confirmed that lily was pregnant as I suspected.
Amazingly well written one-shot even though it's so sad!
Lauren :) Report Review
I thought this was a really great start to your story :). I like the introduction to the characters Albus and Rose, they were really believable as eleven year olds and had some really nice touches. I particularly liked Al's embarrisment at getting his fathers chocolate frog card.
You do have a few spelling and grammar mistakes but they're nothing a quick read through wouldn't fix. One thing I would suggest though is to try and keep to telling us what one character is seeing or feeling. You kept flicking between Rose and Al and it did get a bit confusing at times. Just a suggestion though :)
I really enjoyed the section on the train, and the secction of the sorting (the sorting hats voice was great by the way) but I did think you switched between these two scenes quite rapidly. Seeing Hogwarts for the first time would give you the perfect oppertunity to give us a lot of description and insight to how the characters are feeling.
This was a really great start to the story though! I enjoyed it!
Lauren :) Report Review
Jami this chapter is so mean! I need to know what Bellatrix has done to James! This week is going to go way too slow...
Anyway back to the start.
I love the idea of them all sat around on the bed drinking together sharing stories. I think with everything they go through it's easy to forget they are still just 17. Drunk Lily is hilarious though. Her thoughts and actions are so recognisable. I love how she kept losing where she was in the conversation and drifting off into her own thoughts. She was making me giggle. The whole 'My cheeks aren't working!' and 'Maybe Muggle alcohol gives you super hearing powers'. Just so funny and not familiar in the slightest...
Ooh Belle dropping the 'L' word and Lily having a panic. I love that James was completely unfazed by it though. It shows us where he is at, although you've made it quite clear already.
The next bit with Lily and James in bed was great. It made me smile that it was James who had to be a gentleman and control himself as Lily was doing all the initiating. Her hurt was understandable, especially as she was still drunk but I was glad when she finally understood why James was saying no to her.
Again I have to say your portrayal of Bellatrix is amazing and I love her so much. I want to hate her as she's hurt James and Lily but she's just such an awesome villain I can't. Her disdain at her husband is perfect as we know who her real love is anyway.
Oh the James you write is the James I always pictured in my head. So sweet and lovely and yeah. Just great. This whole last section brings out so much of the James we did get from JK.
I love that we get some explanation about the night before from his POV. I guessed that's all it was but it was lovely to read too. He makes a good point about having Sirius and Belle right next to them! His thoughts about being honoured that Lily was thinking of making him her first were cute. The man is so romantic haha.
Then everything goes so so wrong.
James is completely selfless all the way through this section. It pretty much shows us what is going to eventually happen the fourth time they have an encounter like this though which just breaks my heart. He knows though that Lily being muggleborn is in more danger than he is, until he refuses the mark at least, and he does everything he can to try and save her.
Bellatrix is again so creepy and horrible but so good at what she does. You really got that through with the way she says 'kill' and when she talks about hearing them scream is the best part - it actually sent shivers down my spine. I was terrified for them.
I wondered if he would try and use Prongs to get out - definitely a good call on his part. Of course though, sneaky Jami had already figured out Bellatrix would have something to stop him doing that. I was so happy when Sirius and Belle walked in though! Although - I am now fearing for Belle's life and I don't have the comfort of knowing she will be okay. Saturday really does need to come sooner!
James, so selfless protecting Lily. And when I read that he was crying my heart just went out to him so badly. What was the spell though? Was it just the cruciatus curse but James hadn't heard of it? I wasn't sure with his parents being aurors. I want to know though! Ahh Saturday - please come soon!
One small typo I noticed: 'she argued, still not understand why he'd have wanted to sleep with someone else and not her I think it should be understanding?
Amazing chapter though - even though I think you're so so mean for leaving us like that! If you hadn't already gathered from the amount of times I've repeated it, I can't wait for Saturday!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hi Lauren! Sorry for taking a while to respond to this amazing review :) On the plus side, the week went by fast!! Tomorrow you'll know!! Yay!! hehe.
I had so much fun writing Lily and the group all just being young and over indulging a bit. And... umm... I of course didn't get any of my inspiration about Lily's attitude while she's intoxicated from RL... no... of course not :P heheh.
I really enjoyed writing the bed scene with Lily and James and the follow the day of the wedding. Letting Lily just be so much more unguarded than she usually is, and like you said having James as the gentleman, just felt really sweet to me. He's waited so long for something to work between them, and he's not about to mess that up now. I'm so excited about your comment regarding him seeming like the James in your head! That's exactly what I want. For the way we feel about a character to be put into words. Because all of our Marauders babies are just so amazing and gah ♥
Ohh Lauren you have no idea how close I was to letting Prongs come out. Haha! But it just wouldn't have worked for some other things i have set up, but how great would that have been?? James catching Bellatrix with his antlers :P
They talk all about the spell next chapter :). Um, if they live, that is. *insert sneaky face*. Haha! But no, it wasn't the Curciatus. The healer doesn't exactly know what it is either so, so I guess more what next chapter tells about is what the spell did to him. Umm. I'm being confusing, aren't i? I'm multitasking, and I'm really no good at it. Haha.
I am so happy you enjoyed this chapter ♥ most of it gave me so many warm fuzzy James Lily feelings to write. I hate bringing them into the darker parts of all this, but at the same time I feel like it really shows us how strong they all grew to be and how true their friendships/relationships were. See, now I'm getting all James Lily feelsy again!
Thank you so much for all your amazing reviews, m'dear ♥
I thought this was a really lovely and sweet one-shot of Snape and Lily together! I'm not always a fan of the two of them but you really captured Snape well here and I just felt so sorry for him. They were together though weren't they at the begining? I was just unsure with the 'just friends' at the end.
The imagery you used was really good - I particularly loved the line 'The leaves had long fallen away from the trees whose gnarled, crooked branches were reminiscent of skeletons - exposed until there was nothing left.'.
I loved this line too 'So strange was the relationship between the Gryffindor and the Slytherin. The one whose blood was not as old or as pure as the others, and the one whose was only half as satisfying.'. It just seemed so fitting for the two of them!
The present scene was so sweet too - the gifts are so thoughtful for the two of them. It contrasts really well with the harshness Snape and Lily go through at home. You got both of their home lives really well. The added detail of Petunia thinking that magic was some kind of disease was perfect.
One small typo for you:
'It didn't matater as long as they were together' I think you mean 'matter' not 'matater'.
This was a really lovely one-shot, I really loved it!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hi Lauren! This is a lovely surprise!
This is my first Snily fic. I was never here nor there about the pairing in the first place, so I had no misgivings about writing it. It was never really established whether they were together or not. Not properly anyway. And in the end, it's up in the air. This was intentional on my part because of when this story was set - Christmas of 5th year - and we all knew what happened the following summer. While Severus and Lily's friendship was definitely solid, I wanted to delve a little into the 'what could be'. For them, it floats in the air in front of them, but it's a bit too difficult to grasp. Severus may want this badly, but Lily isn't all that sure, but she tries to see what could happen.
I liked the present scene. It was a little fluffy, but not overly so. I wanted them to get gifts they'd truly value. It came down to how much attention they really paid to each other, hence the books. I love your contrast about their home lives! I never thought about it in that way.
I'm really pleased you enjoyed this :) And thanks for the heads up about the typo, I fixed it.
Have a great week!
Lia Report Review
I really enjoyed this one-shot! It was an excellent fill in for a missing moment in the books.
I thought your characterisation of Neville, Ginny and Luna were spot on. The beginning part with Ginny lecturing Neville in particular was great. I just loved it when Neville stood up to Snape though haha! His line was perfect. The explanation as to why Luna had the sleeping draught was great too! It was believable and just felt very Luna.
There were a couple of typos and you seem to change from Neville's POV to Ginny's POV in the middle of the story which was a little strange but neither take away from what a great story this is!
I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Lauren Report Review
Jami! Oh my goodness! I don't even know where to start with this amazingness! I've been squealing and cheering and - just wow!
Ok I'm going to do this as Lily & James then Sirius & Belle or I'd end up repeating myself so sorry it's all out of order and if I end up commenting on every little thing again like last chapter I also apologise!
Can I first of all just say that James and Sirius are the most amazing people in this chapter and I would like to hug and keep them both! James is just too cute. Please can I have him? Please?
So James - the perfect gentleman paying for the room and also suggesting they have two rooms. I bet that killed him although I can imagine him being pleased Lily didn't mind them sharing haha! Then when he was laughing at the electricity I was laughing along too - such a small detail but it's these things that make your story so good!
Lily's shower also made me laugh - the thought processes that go through her head are so fun to read - they make her believable as a character. The time I waste when I start overthinking things in the shower, and getting on to a completely random subject like she does here - I do think it may just be a woman thing! It was a good little scene for her though.
Cue more cuteness from a certain Mr Potter. Poor James needing a nap and pulling Lily down with him. I could see the whole scene playing out in my head and I loved it so much. The line '"Lily, I can hear you thinking from over here," James mumbled. "Wanna talk about it?"' was so sweet. I don't know why but it really stuck out to me. It shows just how close James and Lily are and how close they will be.
The next scene really got to me. You know you make me feel more and more sorry for Petunia every chapter? It was so awful when she was begging Lily to bring their parents back, it felt really raw and it wasn't even a flashback or anything. It really broke my heart for both girls. Then Petunia has to go and ruin it for herself by being so cold to Lily when she doesn't deserve it.
So James once again is willing to do anything for Lily - even be nice to Petunia and Vernon for the evening! His thoughts on Vernon were really funny to be honest. I don't think I will ever understand why Petunia loves him but hey, who are we to question? He was so good all evening though - even when he didn't know what a Ford was. I can imagine it being so hard for James to take all the insults Vernon was throwing at him, even when all of them were such the opposite!
Then pretty much the worst thing that could happen happened. Not only are Petunia and Vernon witnessing magic but it was Sirius's Patronus so I was kind of worried something bad had happened but at least I know they were ok. I guess we will find out the result of the dinner in the next chapter? I canít imagine it going down well!
So straight away Sirius is in the mood to go beat up Christophe - I could tell this was going to be enjoyable straight away! Belle and Sirius are just so perfect for each other though - they get each other and what it was like to grow up in a house where their parents don't give a crap about them. You managed to bring a little Olivia wisdom in through Sirius again - the story he told was perfectly fitting for the task Belle was about to do and it again showed us how much the Potters care about Sirius. Don't call Olivia's cooking though - that made me laugh!
Sirius just doesn't hold back does he! He not only does he burn her dads hand (nice charm by the way - I could use that!) he got a great dig in about his family - the one thing that was going for him in their eyes. Just perfect. And he knows her favourite pudding! Again with a lovely happy squee moment. This chapter was just full of them!
Her parents just know no bounds do they? I couldn't believe what I was reading to be honest. Restoring all the photo's eugh it was just awful. My heart went out to her so much Ė it really did. Sirius was so amazing though Ė making her see sense and realising they just needed to get on with this. Just get out. But you were never going to let it be that easy were you? Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions for poor Belle! As soon as Christophe came into the picture my first thoughts were 'Sirius please punch him!' then he said the line 'Just because I 'aven't forgiven you for what you tried to do to me,' I actually gasped 'no!' and decided screw Sirius, I wanted to punch him! The absolute nerve of him! You write a good bad guy and not a bad guy that you can enjoy either (like Bellatrix) just one that you purely hate (like Umbridge) I actually canít stand Christophe and I'm just so happy that Sirius punched him. Thank god. Unfortunately only once but I was happy to see that he was scared of Sirius. Iíll stop now before this goes over 12+.
It gave Belle the inspiration she needed though! I love that she got to stand up to her mother, tell her how she felt and got it all out of her system. I know she got a slap but it was worth it, as she agrees. Poor Sirius feeling guilty for not stopping it - more lovely squees! They're so cute the two of them - I just love them.
YES THEY KISSED! Finally! Oh Sirius I just love that he did it. Big smiles from me and it ended the chapter perfectly.
'He knew that not matter what' I think you mean 'no' not 'not'.
'curling up just as the base of his neck.' I think you mean 'at' not 'as'.
'What he needed more than anything right now was from someone to talk him down' This didn't quite make sense to me Ė did you mean 'for' instead of 'from'? If not I think it may need rewording Ė it didn't quite make sense.
Anyway this was just the most amazing chapter - you were right, I loved it. Thank you so much for writing this - your version of events is just amazing to read and I can't wait for the next chapters! I did want to say more but I ran out of characters. Thanks for bringing such happiness to my Saturday afternoons!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Lauren! I'm finally here! And hoping I can do this amazing review justice with my response! But I highly doubt that's going to happen... haha
Ummm don't EVER apologize for commenting on lots of things! I love that!
Well, I would like to give you James... I really would. The only thing is that Lily has come a *long* way, and she's really starting to get attached to him, so you may have to fight her for it... :P
Sometimes you just feel like you can solve all the world's problems in the shower. Like you just need to pick apart everything and figure it out, then you realize you've been in for way too long and do the speediest wash/shave/rinse cycle ever! Clearly Lily is not exception... haha!
That's really what I wanted to show with that line! I'm so happy you picked up on that! I think one of the best parts about being in a serious relationship, even the start of one, is learning this other person. I'm really looking forward to exploring more of that with these two.
I'm so happy that I was able to give you just a bit of sympathy for Petunia. Her making Lily feel so responsible wasn't okay, but she just didn't understand. We've seen so many instances in the HP series where lives are saved, where broken things are healed, and where characters break down when magic can't save them. Like when Harry kept hoping Sirius would come back somehow. Well, Petunia doesn't even know how the magical world works, so it really makes no sense to her why people can do crazy things like shift heir bodies into cats, and then Lily can't do something as simple as restarting a beating heart. And your right, Petunia absolutely didn't need to act cold to poor Lily :(
I really laughed to myself about Sirius making sure to destroy any good image these two could have of him. They were going to try whatever they could to get Belle back and restore their 'perfect family image' and Sirius was going to have no part in that. They compliment his family, he makes it clear that he hates them :P. hehehe. Now I want to hug Sirius!
I really hated Christophe too. I bed he's going to remember that punch for the rest of his life ;). I wished it would have been Belle's parents for calling him in the first place, but oh well. At least they'll never have the satisfaction of getting their picture perfect family back. Mwahaha.
THEY FINALLY KISSED! And we're only... 21 chapters in :P hahaha.
I'm so happy you liked how this chapter ended, and that the whole chapter was a bit of a roller coaster. Reading your reviews is so excited. You make me feel like you've really connected with my characters and are really liking them, and I can't even tell you what that means. Sometimes I feel like I put too much time into small details and characterization, then I get a review from you I feel like it's all worth it because of how well you understand them. Gah. you're going to make me all feelsy.
Thank you so much Lauren for this awesome review! And all the other ♥ Report Review
I thought this was a really sweet little one-shot. You captured George perfectly - he was still the George we know and love from the books but he seems that bit wiser which is great. When Louis tells him he wants fireworks and George says 'I'm not that irresponsible' I don't know why but that just made me laugh so much. It was perfect for George to say.
I love how smart Louis is, especially when he was making a deal with George at the end. It was great that he was so stubborn too - making him a lot like Bill or Ginny. Freddie was just too cute. Him and George together are absolutely perfect and I'd love to read more of them together!
Well done on such a terrific one-shot!
Lauren Report Review
This was a great first chapter to your story!
I love your descriptions of Wood at the beginning. He is so passionate about Quidditch that I can actually see him doing all these things which I love!
Ooh, Em's got some fight in her hasn't she? The bust up with Oliver was pretty intense - although I loved how you broke that with Fred and George counting the swear words!
I know it isn't funny because they were all in pain, but I love your descriptions of the next day! All of them just pointing to the parts of them that hurt the most - Fred with the earlobe haha. Your descriptions of the 'firey four' were really nice as well - they gave us something to work with in terms of characters.
Ooh, Oliver is sticking to his guns - I like it. I can't wait to see where you take this in the next chapters!
The big spaces through some of these paragraphs are a little off-putting. I know the editor can be a pain sometimes but it might be worth trying to fix those!
A really good first chapter - well done! I look forward to reading more :)
Lauren :) Report Review
This was a great first chapter to your story! I've not read one where Lily and Snape are so young so I think it's really interesting to read.
You seem to have their characters, and James and Sirius's really well. you captured how much Snape love's Lily, Lily's non-wavering friendship and the mischeivous nature of the two Marauders!
I thought it was a nice touch that James lives near Lily, it definitely sets things up to have more fun with later!
There were a few spelling/grammar mistakes that I did notice:
'"Sev, I'm nervous." "Don't be nervous Sev."
' Should this be Sev twice? Isn't the second one Snape talking to Lily?
'mad hime' I think you mean 'made him'
'Severous' I think you mean 'Severus' - a couple of times you don't use a capital letter either and put a c instead of the v too.
'younger sister' Petunia is actually older than Lily but if you're going down a different route feel free to ignore that!
'one who truley understood' I think you mean 'truly'
'friend I got' I think this should be 'I've'
'xhanged' I think you mean 'exchanged'
This was a great start to your story though! Well done :)
Lauren :) Report Review
Well this was a cute little one-shot!
The first section was really sweet, Neville admitting that he wasn't always brave and that it was the trio that helped him find his courage.
I loved this line 'Bunny-hopping my way back to Gryffindor Tower, a bushy-haired, buck-toothed, bossy know-it-all springing up to undo the curse, a tall, lanky, befreckled, ginger youth telling me to start standing up for myself, and a short, skinny, bespeckled boy, with the messiest hair Iíd ever seen, telling me that the Sorting Hat hadnít been wrong, that I really did belong. If you had told me then, that they would turn out to be the saviours of the Wizarding World, I donít think I would have believed you.' I think there would have been a few people who thought that!
I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that Neville couldn't stop Rose punching Malfoy, even if he was a teacher! It made me smile!
Then three years later we're back. I just love Neville in this - how he helps Rose understand how she's feeling.
Haha, I love that he feels like he helped them get together bless him. You definitely captured Neville at his best - although I kept laughing at how he wanted a sandwich!
There a few small spelling and grammar mistakes but apart from that, this is great!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hello :)
Yes, there are (many) grammar mistakes in this, as I wrote this when I was relatively new to the world of ff, before I realised one must either put a '.' or a ',' at the end of someone speaking, so I will get round to fixing it! Promise!
Yes, the Trio were a rather motley crew weren't they? I really don't think Neville was the only one to doubt them in the early years (after OOTP, I'd say everyone knew they meant business)
In my mind, Neville was just that really cool teacher who all the students related to. You know the one, the teacher that makes subjects interesting and you learn loads without even realising. . . .
And I just had to let Rose punch Scorpius, just had to!
Thank you for the review :D Report Review
Apolagies for the lateness of this review! RL's been rubbish lately!
I love how you started this with some really great imagery! You filled my head with all the changes you were describing so well done for that!
First things first well done for actually have them go to lessons! I think I've mentioned this before but I really love that you include it. They are at school after all!
You got Snapes character down well and your descriptions of the instructions and ingredients to the potions were well detailed. I love how Brienne couldn't resist a look at George haha!
The ending sounded like a typical potions class from the books - Snape insulting everyone but the Slytherins. Poor Brienne - that was a bit harsh but it is Snape.
George is so cute wanting to sit next to Brienne at lunch. She's still obviously got her head elsewhere though and isn't noticing anything. I'm glad you haven't rushed it, especially considering the situation Brienne is in with her mum!
Another great chapter! Well done!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hi! Don't worry about it, RL can be hectic xD
I'm glad you think it's good I'm going slowly, becuase I want it to be realistic. People don't meet and fall deeply in love in just a few weeks.
Writing Snape is really hard xD So thanks for saying he seems Snapish.
I'm glad you like this chapter! Thank you for your review! Report Review
I am finally here! It's taken me nearly a week but I finally made it. Oh and a good chapter it is too!
Your Bellatrix is just scary and amazing all in one. I think I've told you before that I actually really love her as a character. She's just crazy and always manages to surprise you by sinking to a new low - I just really enjoy reading about her. You've captured her perfectly in this; her devotion to Voldemort and the way she will do anything he tells her too is just spot on. The whole having control scene was so believeable as well as weird. Poor Lily and James, I'm absolutely terrified for them. Please bring on tomorrow soon - I need to check they are okay!
James trying to curse Sirius in his sleep made me laugh for some reason, I just thought the idea of it was quite funny. The whole scene with Lily and Sirius was really cute and sincere, you can see that Sirius isn't just friends with Lily because she's dating James. The fact he can come to her with his worries is really nice to see.
Poor Peter, you're really giving him as hard a life as any aren't you? This is the one story I've read him in when I really don't want him to do what he's eventually going to do. It's so sad to think of.
I loved how Lily was nervous because she didn't feel her bag was big enough to have fit everything in - regardless of the charm. I've felt like that many a time (minus the charm unfortunatly) so it was just a girly moment I think that made me smile to read. Then James with his 'I'll leave my robes here instead of wearing them to the wedding.' again made me smile so much. I'd love to see Petunia's face if he turned up in them.
I'm so happy Mr & Mrs Potter made an appearance in this chapter too. They're such amazing parents, they make people so welcome. I think you've done an amazing job of their characters. I'm interested in reading their reactions to the what's going to happen to James in the next chapter.
I just love how they are with Sirius. When Sirius said he'd been trying to keep James out of trouble for years I just couldn't help but laugh. I agree with Lily - it's so lovely to see how they treat him, and to know that it's probably down to a lot of their influence that Sirius is how he is. Oh William made me laugh when he told Lily to tell them if James was any less than a gentleman. Just perfect again.
Gosh - the Christopherson's is awful. I love how Alice just tells her parents like it is though. She's really come into her own in the last few chapters and I really love her for it! When Belle finally admitted she liked Sirius and expected Alice to have some reaction and she just said 'Well, that's nothing new' I actually laughed out loud. Then she turned all stern calling her 'Isabelle' and not letting her doubt Sirius. I think Alice is fast turning into one of my favourite characters and I'm getting sad thinking about her fate.
It's so sad when Belle thinks about the life she should have had - the line about the porcelain doll was perfect. I'm so happy that Lily and Alice became friends with her. The moment with Sirius was just lovely - I know it wasn't a romantic kiss or anything but it was something. You made us wait long enough for Lily and James so I'm hoping these pair step it up soon. I'm really rooting for them as a couple.
This just leads me back to something else I've been worrying about though: Belle's fate. We know what's eventually going to happen to Peter and then what happens to Lily and James leading on to what happens with Sirius. We know Remus is sort of okay, well at least for a little while, and we know Frank and Alice most definitely aren't. I'm really worried about Belle though. There are two options I can think of, neither of which I want to happen. I hope you've got a third planned - although I'm not sure how much I'll like that either.
There was only one line I thought didn't quite sound right - you may disagree. 'They said their goodbyes to Sirius as well, wishing him luck on his own excursion with Belle, before linking hands with Lily.' The whole sections kind of been focused on Lily and what she's thinking and doing, then this sentence sounds like it's coming from James because you said links hands with Lily. Only a small thing but I thought it was worth mentioning.
Amazing chapter once again though, there was so many aww moments and I've felt the need to comment on nearly every single one and leave you a mammoth of a review - apolagies for that haha! You really have really set things up for an explosive next chapter though! I actually can't wait for tomorrow!
PS: Do you think your banner will count as red for the review battle ;)Author's Response: Lauren ♥ I can't tell you how happy I am that you just got busy and didn't decide you hated Before They Fall. Haha. I was seriously worrying. I'm a crazy person, clearly. And I hope your busy schedule has calmed down a bit!
I don't even know how I got the idea for Bellatrix's scene. Haha. I think it's one of my creepier ones, just because it does show a bit more of how mentally messed up she is. It's not even like she knows it either, which is what makes me love her so much. I'm so happy that my scary Bella hasn't sent you running for the hills :P
I'm so happy you mentioned being able to see that Lily isn't just friends with Sirius because she's dating James!!! I don't know why, but for some reason giving them their own friendship is really important to me.
Yes! with Peter! That's what I want. I want when you get to that point, you to really want him to stop even for himself. Not just because of James and Lily. How do you pick up on everything I'm trying to get across so well?? I swear, you read my mind.
I was trying to imagine what it would feel like to have all your overnight stuff packed, but not actually feeling like you're carrying it, and I decided it'd be a bit nerve wracking! I'm a terrible packer as it is, though :P
Writing Sirius's relationship with the Potters always gets me sort of emotional. It makes me wish so much that they'd been around when he was sent to Azkaban to defend him. And it makes it even more painful that anyone would have ever accused him of betraying James and Lily... because.. look at them! Him and James are absolutely brothers and gahh :(. Now I'm getting all sad.
I thought Alice's reaction to her Belle's remark was funny too. It's like, she was expecting something huge, but then... nope. Sorry Belle. You're not that secretive. Haha.
Ugh I wish I could tell you what happens to Belle! It's so hard for me not to give away all my secrets. Haha. But you're right, we know something will have to happen that makes sense on why Sirius doesn't seek her out or anything after he gets out of Azkaban. Unless I just crumble and go AU with everyone running away together and living happily ever after :P
You're absolutely right about that line. Thank you so much for pointing it out. I'm going to go back in and edit it right after I submit this response ♥
hahaha maybe it would count as red! But I think this chapter would count as 'embodying the traits of a gryffindor,' they're all brave, getting ready to face hard things, sticking loyal to each other during it... yep. Totally. Haha.
Thank you so much for this amazing review, Lauren ♥ Report Review
I'm so terribly sorry for how long this review has taken :(. I have no excuse but RL got in the way so apolagies.
This was a really interesting chapter - exploring the kind of awkward phase after a kiss. I thought Connor was a bit mean - he seems to give all these hints about liking Rose and kissing her but hardly has a full conversation with her. Boys. I look forward to the two of them having a proper conversation soon.
You've painted a sweet picture of James, Kola and Carly - they seem to be in a good relationship at the moment. Poor Rose though - getting left to babysit!
I did notice one typo:
'I looked around and saw Connor come running towards me. My heart jumped a little when I saw him, he looked so good. I can't believe I haven't seen him for ten days, his hair is spiked and he's smiling.' The last sentence here seems to change tense - I think it should be 'I couldn't believe I hadn't seen him for ten days, his hair was spiked and he was smiling.'
Another sweet chapter though :) I enjoyed it!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hey :)
Don't worry it's fine xx
Boys: where to start, one of the most awkward thins on the planet. Lol :D
Oh, there are a few proper conversations to come. There may be good ones and there may be bad ones but there is more interaction!!
Thanks for pointing that out, I've now edited it :)
Soph x Report Review
Hello! Laurenzo7321 here filling in the review for the exchange in the CR :)
So, when I read your AN, I really wasn't sure what to expect from this. I really loved it though, it was really great read! The humour and wit you brought into it was just flawless and made me laugh so much.
I loved what you did with Newt's character. He was a bit odd, but quite frankly its what made the whole piece work so well. I do think the bit at the beginning was my favourite part though, 'it was just Mrs. Scamander down in the garden, a gorgeous, half-blurred vision if he did say so himself, but at ninety-eight, she looked amazing, especially when she wasn't in focus'. That just made me laugh so much! I love the fact that he and his wife are still very much in love later in life, it's just cute.
The relationship Newt has with all the different characters in this are all so well thought out. I liked the whole idea of Beau disappointing Newt somewhat but Rolf is going to end up disappointing Beau right back. You also got Luna in! I thought this was the perfect backstory to how Rolf and Luna would meet and eventually get together. If you were considering writing more about that I would love to read it!
I thought the words you used for the vocab challenge worked well - it can't have been an easy task getting them all in but you did it really well without them getting too much and spoiling the flow of the story so a big kudos to you for that!
I really loved this piece and it's almost a shame it's a one-shot. I would have loved to have read more to the story! Great job!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hi!
I have this strange concept for a Luna story in the back of my mind, but my muse isn't cooperating. My current strategy is to come at it sideways-like and try to fill in the pieces. This story is one of those ideas I had for back story - the challenge was a great way to force me to sit down and get it out. Unfortunately, the story that I want to write will probably not come together any time soon. My muse is taking its sweet time. *sigh*
I really had a lot of fun getting all those words in... and then some. I guess part of the success was that I didn't allow the story to take itself too seriously, which gave me some room to play and keep it light. I'm glad that worked for you and make it an enjoyable read.
Thanks so much for your review!
pix Report Review
Hello again! I'm here with your second review!
So. Wow. That was another very, er, interesting read. That line at the end was just wrong. I actually can't believe Tonks is letting Remus do that and I can't believe Remus would do that. It's kind of messing with the nice Remus I have in my head! You write one heck of a powerful and thought provoking piece though! Your work is so different to anything I've read on here.
I thought you got Tonks pretty much spot on. Her thought's, other than ones of Remus, seem very much in character. Her love for Remus shows through though so clearly. I just felt so sorry for her though, loving someone so much and not getting anything back is truely heart breaking. Then what she does get is just awful.
The long paragraph of Remus stream of consciousness at the end was a brilliant piece of writing on your part. So many thoughts and memories going through his head. He is horrible in this though, allowing Tonks to do that. It's just abusing her gift and using her. He doesn't even think of her by her name either. It's always 'The woman he married' or 'the most beautiful woman in the world'. I'm a massive Remus fan usually but you've succeeded in making me dislike him stongly in this!
Your stories are always so different like I said before, and always thought provoking. You're a very talented writer!
Hope to read some more soon!
Lauren :)Author's Response: And I'm here with your very very late second review response. I'm awful, I know.
You've written my favourite kind of review introduction! Thank you. :D
Remus is an interesting one to write at this point in canon. While in PoA he's all nice to everyone just 'cause he's a nice guy, by HBP he's practically invisible and in DH he just stops being nice at all, especially to Tonks. I think it gets glossed over in fanfic a bit, hence this one-shot was born.
Tonks is one of my favourite characters, so I'm glad you thought I got her right. She's a tough one to write without accidentally stereotyping.
Thank you so much for your lovely reviews! Report Review
Hello, Laurenzo7321 here from the forums with your requested review!
Wow, I think this is a very powerful start to your story. You have me immediately hooked and I can't wait to read more! You keep the interest the whole way through by not giving away who James is looking for and it's a huge shock when it's Albus! He's written as a goody-goody in so many stories that I really look forward to seeing what you're going to do with him!
I thought the flow was great, like I said, you kept me very interested all the way through. I didn't notice any problems with the tenses but this isn't my strong point either!
There are a couple of things I'd point out, feel free to ignore if you disagree:
'Each breath was a painful blow to my ribs, which exploded with pain every few seconds.' This just felt a bit clumsy and I had to read it a few times. The second bit just seems a bit unnecessary.
'NOW, it is time for me to avenge everything that has happened to my family.' I felt the capitals at the start where again a tad unnecessary here.
A great chapter though, I'm really excited to see what else you come up with! I hope you re-request.
Lauren :)Author's Response: I really wanted the reveal of Albus to be a shock, because it is not something you would expect out of his character. I took great pleasure in writing that.
I'm glad to hear about the tenses, that was something that had me worried.
I do see what you're saying about the couple of passages there, I will try to reword them. I don't know why that sentence starts with all caps, thanks for pointing it out.
Again thank you so much for reviewing this ! Report Review
Hello! Here is the first of your reviews for winning the face-off! Well done - I must say I loved your argument about Bill.
So this was really interesting. I love Mean Girls and that quote in particular, although it doesn't particularly fit with the story at first glance. The more I've read over the story though the more I can see why it kind of does. While she does seem to love Percy it does seem like she avoids people to sit by herself in the cafes. That in mind she kind of wouldn't fit into the Weasleys would she? She's also a witch I presume in a Muggle cafe so I guess that's another one. I do love that you took it completely out of context though.
Audrey is really miserable isn't she? But she seems to revel in it which I think is even worse. To answer your AN I don't think I'd hate her but I can't imagine I'd like her either. She isn't the kind of person I'd want to be around either.
I think it's interesting that she is afraid of beautiful people - especially having Fleur as a sister-in-law that really can't be easy. This Audrey is completely different to any other that I've read and she's really fascinating to read.
This was a really interesting one shot - I really enjoyed it!
Lauren :)Author's Response: God, it's been a long time. I'm so sorry.
I love messing around with context and stuff - though it's confused a lot of people - so I'm glad it worked for you, too! And Audrey was great fun to think up as a character, because she's married to the man who is in effect the unfavourite of the Weasley family, and so is put into a direct opposition against her sisters-in-law even without the phobia. I just amplified that a bit, and voila. :D
Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
I loved the cuteness of the beginning of this. Yay - Lily thinking of James as her boyfriend - even if it does feel strange to her! I like James and Sirius's nickname for Butterscotch too. Then the snowball fight was great. I like that you include these little moments and I to take as many of them as possible as I know they can't last *sob*.
The section with McGonagall and Albus was really touching. It was really nice to get something in her POV. I always see McGonagall as more this kind of person - even when she's stern you can tell how much she cares about her students so it was nice to see from her perspective. I think you have her character really well.
Then back to more happy Lily and James moments. This chapter was really full of them - It may just have to go down as one of my favourites for that. The bit where she saw his face light up because she was excited about spending christmas with them just made me so happy and filled me up with lots of warm fuzzies. I'm definitely in a good mood now.
The flashback was rather sad. It's horrible to watch Petunia push everyone away through jealousy. I know she brings it on herself, but I just can't help but feel a tiny tiny bit sorry for her. Only a little bit mind. You really got across how caring and forgiving Lily is though - she still wants to have some sort of relationship with Petunia even after everything. You've done a great job of getting us up to date as to where Petunia and Lily are in their relationship though through the flashbacks.
Wonderful chapter though - I loved it! Christmas with the Potters coming up soon! Can't wait.
Lauren :)Author's Response: There is no excuse for how terribly long I've taken to respond to this :(.
I'm so happy you liked the warm fuzzies in this chapter, though! The snow ball fight felt like something that sort of just needed to happen :P. I was happy Lily was the one to kind of start it all, haha.
I always worry when writing McGonagall. I agree with you on how I think she'd really care about her kids, so I have a hard time finding that balance between how she'd act when she cares and still keeping her feeling like Minerva. I'm so happy you thought it turned out well ♥
I feel a bit bad for Petunia, too. She wasn't nice, but it's so easy to see how hurt she was. Lily has so much. Her magic, all her friends at school, a whole other life. And watching her best friend gravitate a bit toward Lily, even if she was just being nice, really put Petunia over the edge. She absoluty acted terribly, but i get what you mean about still feeling a bit sorry for her. And that makes me happy that you do :P
Christmas at the Potter's is coming soon!! Yay!
Thank you so much for all your awesome reviews and support, m'dear ♥
Hello, I'm here with your requested review!
Please keep requesting all your stories by the way, I try and get round to them when I can but I usually try and do the requested ones first. If you request though I can fill them out without feeling guilty about the others I should be doing! You don't bug me at all - I love reading these stories!
I loved the start of this story with Angelina waking back up in the middle of the fighting. Her Alicia and Katie have a really strong bond and I really liked the way you showed that at the beginning.
Again, you showed how strong Angelina is, she's in the middle of her worst nightmare, she thinks the love of her life is dead and she continually keeps going and surviving. She must pretty much be running on adrenaline at this point. It's a wonder she can produce the patronus but it was nice that it was the thoughts of George that did that.
Then when George saves her and she just holds on to him and then saves him right back. Even though I'm still guttered about Fred I really loved this bit and think it works well for the two of them. I know it must be hard for her to watch George murder someone but in the situation their in I hope she doesn't let it get in the way of anything.
Oh god the ending. It absolutely broke my heart. Poor George! I think you got this section perfectly. Not many words but George just breaking down at losing his twin. Yeah - I'll just go fetch the tissues!
Amazing chapter as always, you write this story so well!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hello!
I shall keep on requesting my stories for you then since you can get to them any time you like! :)
I had went through alot of different ideas for this chapter and this entire story but settled on this one. I wanted the battle to be going out of control and Angelina waking up in the middle of it was just my way of saying that everything was about to either go right or go wrong. She, Alicia and Katie are like sisters, I think with them fighting together the way they did really showed that. :)
I tried to keep Angelina going by pushing and pushing her. She's the sort of girl that never givese up and is too stubborn to allow herself any amount of weakness. Its pretty true that she was running on nothing but adrenaline though, she was too far gone emotionally to really know what she was doing.
I think it took all of her power to conjure that patronus but George gave her what she needed. :)
Ah, that moment with the two of them is actually my favorite. I loved writing it and despite everything being so dark around them, there was that love between them. :D
Oh, the feels!
Thank you for picking up on the fact that Angelina watched him kill someone! That issue actually comes up later on, but there are going to be so many things between them by that point that it won't be the first thing they fight about.
I mean, talk about. >:D
That ending always makes people sad! Hahaha. I actually couldn't come up with any words for this last section, I just sort of relied on their actions. George breaking down over Fred was enough though and I'm so glad that you liked this! :D
Thank you so much! *Blush*
Gabbie Report Review
Hello! Tagging you from the review thread!
I really enjoy this story! Millie is so fun to read. Her personality is great - you've made a really good OC here. She does appear to have some commitment issues though! I think I feel for Sarah the most being in love with Remus. She's not going to have it easy there.
I love how you tried to bring Sirius down a peg or two here - he actually got dumped! It was really well written, you have the interaction between the Maurauders really really well!
One bit of CC is that I think it should be 'anyway' not 'anyways'.
A great chapter again, I look forward to reading more - when things start happening!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hello!
Thank you so much! I hae a tendency to make my OCs quite a bit Mary Sue, so I'm glad that you like her! And her commitment issues are insane! I feel for Sarah as well - all that unrequited love!
I've always wanted to dump Sirius - or see him dumped, really - because if I were dating Sirius, I definitely wouldn't dump him (actually, I might. He can be a bit annoying at times).
And yes - I'm editing through this slowly, so I'll make a note of it and fix that - thank you!
And I promise things start happening in the next couple of chapters! Report Review
Hello once more :)
I love the character development of Draco here and also his family. Narcissa in particular seems to have gone through the biggest change and I really liked that idea, especially the part where she stood up for Scorpius when Rose fell pregnant. I think you got Draco's character very right in terms of his personal hell being very different. He learnt in a very harsh way that the Dark Lord didn't care and that he was just as dispensable as anyone. I also liked the part that his relationship with his grandchildren is much better than with Scorpius. Again, it feels right.
So the plot does thicken... So, Marcus Flint is out of Azkaban and is after The Dark Lord's journal. Not only that but there is someone in the ministry who is involved too. Well, whatever plans are in there can't be good, that's for sure. I loved Astorias reaction though, not taking any chances with Flint being loose or the fact the book may be in the house. The two of them fit really well together. I don't read much Draco to be honest but I enjoyed reading this version of the two of them.
I just have to say that I loved the line 'My husband's problem is that he spent so much time in the Dark Lord's company that everyone else seems benign by comparison.'
I did not see the guy with the toupee being in on the attack! When he shot the spell at Hermione I was really surprised! Her arms and legs felt as though they were on fire? That doesn't sound particularly good. Someone's supposed to have died too - this surely can't be Hermione though as she doesn't work for magical records. Also I'm sure this is a trio fic and you seriously can't be so mean as to kill of both Ginny and Hermione, can you? I'll more than likely take a sneak peek at the next chapter before I go to bed!
As always, I loved this chapter. I don't particularly have anything to offer in the way of CC or anything. I enjoyed the POV changes and the flow to the story was as excellent as always!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hello, again!
Draco is one of my proudest accomplishments in this story. His family, in general, actually. For me, the most important thing was to keep him true to his characterization in the books, which is to say very ambiguous. I never saw him as a "good" guy by the conventional definition. He has deeply engrained prejudices, he looks down his nose at people and he has a mean streak. But, I think the war taught him that none of those things are worth killing or being killed over. And he's also not the maniacal arch-villain that some authors make him out to be. He's definitely a sympathetic character when viewed in a certain light.
Flint is on the loose, along with certain other names you'll recognize from the books. He had help getting loose, which will be explained very soon. Astoria is another character that I grew to love while writing this. She's Draco's backbone and his moral compass. She's the main reason that he didn't find a way to end up in Azkaban after the war. I hope you'll continue to like them together.
The guy in the toupee is also someone you'll recognize, and his identity is revealed fairly soon. The spell he hit Hermione with was very nasty indeed. You'll find out a lot more about it as the story goes on. And you'll find out very soon whether Hermione will be alright. ;)
This chapter is where the plot of the story starts in earnest, so I'm glad that you loved it. Hope to see you back soon! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I'm finally here with one of you reviews! I know it's not on a story you requested yet but I saw your status and thought I'd come and check this out!
This was so sweet and lovely and has filled me up with lots of warm fuzzies! Just what I needed! Since reading fanfiction Percy has become one of my favourite characters to read by far and you really captured him in a good place in his life.
The flashback to when he proposed worked amazingly well and I loved it. Everything about this worked though and definitely brightened my day!
I haven't got any CC or anything, I just really enjoyed it!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hey Lauren!!
Don't worry about it, I'm just glad that you enjoyed it!!
Awww, thank you!! Glad I could help. Fluff cheers me up anyday too. Percy is one of my favourite characters as well!! I purposely wanted to write about a time in his life when he's really really happy, because we usually never get to see that side of him.
I'm glad you loved that bit!! That was my favourite bit to write, I just couldn't stop smiling.
Thank you so much!! You have no idea how much it means to me when you say that you have no CC. It makes me feel all gushey inside knowing that you truly enjoyed it, and that there is nothing that you would change. And that's a feeling that every writer loves to feel. So thank you.
Thank you so much for such an amazing review.
Hello again :)
I really enjoyed this chapter - even though there wasn't as much of the twins it is definitely one of my favourites.
I like that Brienne has got a lot closer to Angelina and started to chat with the other girl, Paisley. You also kept showed us another lesson - you don't forget that they are actually at school like so many people do!
The lesson itself was really good too. Divination was always one of my favourites to read as I always thought it was really funny. You kept the right tone with it and made it very interesting to read.
The tarot cards seem to actually ring true for Brienne then? That is one thing I do love about Divination - everything seems ridiculus but more often than not the predictions Trelawney makes do come true so I like that you got that in there.
The twins can't keep out of mischief for long! The ending was a lot more relaxed and was a nice break from the more serious parts.
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hi! Thank you very much!
I like Paisley, she's going to be a great confidant for Brienne, a place that the twins or even Angelina may not be able to fill.
Thank you for your great review! Report Review
Hello! Laurenzo7321 here with your requested review :)
This was a really interesting one-shot - I haven't read anything like this before and I really enjoyed it!
I thought you wrote the two POV's really well. You can see how scared Rose is and how she feels the person she loves the most has turned on her too. Scorpius's section is just heartbreaking. As much as he doesn't want to leave her he knows this is the only way to help her.
You really don't need to worry about flow, I thought it was great. You do have a few sentences that don't make sense though and a few mistakes too that if you corrected would make the story even better. These are the few I noticed:
'You haven't stop and in fact' I think you need mean 'stopped'.
'I heard Scorpius' voice ring out behind me as the worried filled "Rose" echoed down the hallway I could turn and look at him or I would never be able to leave.' This just doesn't make sense to me. I think it might possibly need to be two sentences and you might have a negative wrong. I think you mean 'I heard Scorpius' voice ring out behind me as the worried filled "Rose" echoed down the hallway. I couldn't turn and look at him or I would never be able to leave.' but I'm not sure.
'I want to get away but I could leave with a finally look at the man I loved more than life itself.' I think you mean 'couldn't leave without a final look' but I'm not sure. I don't think it quite made sense anyway.
'I'm so whatever I did;' This doesn't make sense again - is the 'so' supposed to be 'sorry'?
If you correct these few mistakes it will make your story even better. It might be worth trying to get a beta, they can usually help point little things like that out!
Thanks for the request though, I really enjoyed this!
LaurenAuthor's Response: Lauren,
I'm glad that you enjoyed this story. I always wonder if what is in my head translates to what I have written. Less the minor mistakes you have pointed out I think I accomplished my goal with this one.
I have already gone through and fixed all the points you have shown me in your review and I hope it makes it easier to read for future readers.
Thank you so much!!
Meg Report Review
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