Reading Reviews From Member: FredWeasleyIsMyKing
320 Reviews Found

Review #1, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingBunny Slippers: The Longbottom Family

4th May 2015:
Hi Kaitlin!

I'm finally here, I'm so so so so sorry for how long it took me again.

Just give me a minute to piece together my feels. Man that was such a hard read.

I loved the opening scene. It was so cute and just lovely to read a happy family scene. If only I could have stopped there and pretended the Longbottom's live that way forever. I've never read the idea of them having an older son before - I thought that was a really good idea, I really liked it! Well until I realised what was going to happen I did anyway. I took to Benjamin straight away, he was really cute.

The descriptions were great. The whole scene played out in my head for me to watch. The little boy setting the table and Alice cooking the dinner in her bunny slippers - nice use of prompts by the way. The thought of dinner kind of made me hungry!

I knew the scene was going to be too good to last. I'm struggling to find the words - what you wrote was very well written, I could see everything happening and your charactisation was great - Bellatrix in particular with her manic love of causing pain. I think the mothers instinct and love you had from Alice was also spot on. The little scene with Benjamin broke my heart. He was so brave and clearly a very skilled and clever little boy, he would have clearly been great if given the chance. I thought it was also clever of you to use that moment to signify the end of Franks sanity. I think a moment like that would have easily been too much for him to handle. Alice on the other hand hears Neville and fights for him showing once again a mothers love.

I was also left wondering who there secret keeper was...?

One bit of CC for you is that you use "anyways" when it should be "anyway". Nothing huge, i just thought I'd point it out.

So overall, very well written chapter. You have a great grasp on characterisation and playing the scene out for the reader. I can't say I like the content of the story, but you know you've written it well when you've broken my heart so much. I hope you understand my mix of emotions when I say that!

I'll be back for more soon!


Author's Response: Hi Lauren,

Thank you so much for such a lovely review!

I'm sorry that this was a tough read for you. I know it's a tough subject.

It was so hard to kill off Benjamin and destroy the happy Longbottom dinner. I really wanted them to have a happily ever after, but it seemed that it just wasn't in their cards.

I'm glad the scene set up worked well for you.

Characterization is always a major concern of mine, particularly when dealing with a well known character like Bellatrix. It's a relief to hear that you think I portrayed them all accurately.

Thanks for pointing out the "anyways". It's a bad habit from my American English as we always say "anyways". I will fix it on re-edit for sure.

I do understand what you mean about the emotions. I felt that way writing it.

Thank you for stopping by to read this!


 Report Review

Review #2, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingDating Hannah : Liquid Courage

4th May 2015:
Hi Deeds!

I'm finally here, I'm so so so so sorry for how long it took me again.

This chapter. Well, it was hilarious. I was literally laughing all the way through. Just the thought of the Gryffindor boys all meeting up regularly and getting drunk is brilliant but also so lovely because they can finally do something normal! There isn't a war and they aren't being threatened and they can just act like normal guys. Yes. This is how things should have been.

Ron not really being all that sober himself but trying to get Harry to sober up before going back to Ginny also made me laugh! But so many bits made me laugh - I want to quote most of the drunken scene back to you. The spiders! Oh and "You search for Horcruxes with him one time and he just latches on" I was literally crying with laughter.

I'm totally a Neville/Hannah shipper anyway so it made me happy that this was about them too. Neville was so god damn cute in this! Literally I just wanted to hug him. But you should never listen to advice from Ron Weasley. I dread to think what the final letter actually said - drunk message writing never quite works as you want it to! Clearly Hannah saw something in it though, I was really excited when Neville got the letter back at the end!

I also liked the bit you did with Augusta. It was really sweet the way she was with Neville - even is she was annoyed at the drunkenness.

Overall, your writing is a joy to read. You clearly have a gift with writing humor because this whole chapter was full of it. I also thought, despite the drunkenness, you still kept the characters well. Such as Ron giving love advice and stuff. Well played.

I'll pop over to the second chapter soon! I'm really happy I paired us up! This was great!


 Report Review

Review #3, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingOut of the Darkness: Into the Sun

19th April 2015:

I'm so so so so sorry about how terribly late this is, please forgive me!!

Eugh Alishya!! My feels. They're all broken. Why are you doing this to me?!? *sobs*

Okay. Breathe. I'll try and be coherent.

The beginning was really cute. Harry liked the snitch! Nice touch! I also love the idea of James starting him on Quidditch young haha.

But Lily. Oh my heart breaks. She's 21 with a baby - that should be enough to deal with. But no. She has a war she's fighting in and her son's targeted by the leader of the other side. How she's holding it together I can only guess.

Then her words to him. Man. It's almost like she knows here. Maybe a mothers instinct? She knows she and James aren't going to make it but Harry will. He's the saviour of the wizarding world after all. But all those moments she mentions. It makes it all the more heartbreaking just knowing that he will be alone in those moments. I can't deal.

You have such a way of creating these one shots that really stamp on our feels! In the sense that your writing is excellent in them I mean. To make us feel so awful about what's happening.

Amazing one shot m'dear. You're writing is really improving with each new one shot I read of yours! Great job!


 Report Review

Review #4, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingHarry Potter and the First Mission: Eighteenth Birthday and Independence

17th April 2015:
Hi Kenny!

I'm here for CTF round 8! Jailbreaking deeds.

I think this is a really interesting take on life after the war which can't have been easy for anyone. It was nice to see so many characters and find out snippets of what they're doing!

One thing I think you've done well here is characterisation and they way your characters speak. Hagrid in particular who's accent is so hard was really well done! I also thought your take on Ron was great.

I thought it was sweet Hagrid brought harry a new owl because Hedwig had died *cries* I think George seemed to be doing incredibly well considering Fred had only recently died. While it would be lovely if this was the case, personally I always think he'd struggle a lot more in the beginning. He not only lost a brother but his twin. Just my opinion anyway.

I thought it was very different that andromeda and teddy are coming to live with harry. I very much expected Ron to, but i guess having andromeda and teddy will be like having a real family at home for harry so that will be nice for him.

You have a few spelling and grammar mistakes but considering english isn't your first language, you've done an amazing job of editing this. I can see a few people have previously pointed out the errors for you to fix though so I won't repeat what they've already told you.

All in all, a great job!

Author's Response: Hi, Lauren.

I'm so excited to have review from Prefect. :)

Talking of Twins, I admit I'm no good at writing about them. I've read lots of stories the other authors worte about George's lament the death of Fred, so inside me, the story was completed by other authors, so I didn't feel it was necessary to write more here. But with your opinion, I may reconsider this before sending draft to my beta reader.

As you says, there're other options to write where Harry will live during his Auror training before his marriage: the Burrow, Muggle flat..etc. But you know, I chose the Grimmauld Place with Andromeda and Teddy. For Teddy, it seemed natural for them, and Harry inherited Sirius's property.

 Report Review

Review #5, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingForget Me Not: bloom and wither

13th April 2015:
Hey Adi :)

CTF Round 6/7 Attack post

So this is an Adi story, I'm preparing for some heavy emotion here. You start by lowering a body into the ground - this is not going to be good is it? I'm immediately thinking Rose purely because it's a Scorose I believe and it seems the most logical.

I must admit the first section had me a little confused... I had so many questions!! Was it a chance meeting between the two or planned? The two clearly dated and were in love but now they aren't but it seems Scorpius seems to still have feelings but Rose is indifferent. Why has she gone through to have such differences in her appearance? You answered a few, the last line gave away she's married but not happily so, I can't help but wonder who he is. You also confirmed my suspicions on Scorp still having feelings - she wanted to know if he'd come and he did. There has to be something there. I'm all very curious now though.

We're then rewinding back and the scene with Albus was cute. I loved their easy dialogue, it was lovely to read and flowed really well. But then we have another scene with Rose and I was really shocked they were engaged and she just called it off. This is unlike any Scorose I've read! My heart went out to poor Scorp, that was so harsh! What a cow. I still want to know who this mysterious fiance is!

Woah. So still don't know who her husband is but even though Rose is being horribly selfish with Scorpius and just plain using him, I do feel a little bit for her now. I just wish she would realise that she doesn't have to put up with it and go back to her family. I can't decide if she's scared though or if she likes the other stuff her husband provides and accepts the beatings because of it.

A name. Henry. I'm racking my brains but I'm thinking this is just an OC? Please correct me if I'm wrong. But oh he's so horrible and Scorpius is just the sweetest. Gah I can't deal. The dancing in the living room even though she's sick is so cute. Can I have a Scorpius like this please?

Oh dear... baby boy that looks like Scorpius... I'm literally screaming at her to leave him but it's clearly not going to happen. She doesn't seem happy so what's keeping her? The money... I'm sop angry at how selfish she is! Scorp isn't angry enough... I'll get angry for him. Al makes me laugh when he talks about her. I also think your gum analogy is clever - I just don't like Scorp being the gum.

Oh my god the ending Adi! I did not expect that. Wow. I can't believe - their son... I guess I should have seen it coming. He beat Rose, why wouldn't he a child that wasn't his. But for her to beg Scorpius to kill her and then he wipes his own memories... just wow. I'm speechless. I love how that tied back to the beginning though. I just thought that was a cute bit of Al and Scorp but no. Very clever miss. And the ending where he doesn't remember her but the familiarity. And it makes the opening paragraph make so much more sense. Wow.

Again, in this your descriptions and word choices are you're forte. I love reading your stories just to see how you weave the words together, you really make it an art form my dear. I can't compliment you enough.

My one criticism is that you change how you present the date and I would personally think it would work better if they were the same. Just my two pence though :)

Amazing one shot my dear!


 Report Review

Review #6, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingEvent Three- Aperture: Focus and Exposure

13th April 2015:
Hey again Adi!

I'm here for CTF, jail breaking.

How have I not read this before? I have no idea. Anyway I've read a few Dennis stories and I really like them. This one is awfully sad but I like that you put the focus on him. Romilda on the other hand I've never read about but it was a nice change.

Again I have to commend you for your beautiful descriptions, particularly surrounding the camera and the details of taking the photographs. It was all done wonderfully and you really brought it all back at the end.

I thought this was a lovely idea, despite the horrible background. Two lost souls drunk and meeting. I was really heartbroken when I read Dennis was going to jump. but I'm so happy he's found something that means he's changed his mind. It gives me hope for the two of them.

Also, your toasts were brilliant.

Beautiful oneshot Adi, you writing is really amazing my dear!


 Report Review

Review #7, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingthe earth and the sky: the earth and the sky

12th April 2015:
Hey Adi!

I'm here for CTF Round 6/7 with the honour of reviewing this wonderful one-shot. I don't even know where to start with the emotions this gives me but I'll try and review as I go. Firstly though, I want to applaud you. I know how much work you put into this one-shot and it's truly an amazing piece of work and you should be so so proud of yourself. It's all paid off and this is absolutely wonderful. I will try not to just gush and fan girl the whole way through...

Astoria. She fascinates me as a character and she's one I love reading about and trust me you did not disappoint. I love her caring nature and how she's drawn to Draco. She isn't perfect either and I think you successfully capture a lot of her flaws. And Draco, he's so broken to start with. I think you've really done the post war Draco here justice. With the nightmares and drink and him just basically trying to piece his life together after all that happened to him. But you also put him through a lot of hardships and I love the mature version of him you create. Great job.

The descriptions throughout this piece are just so vivid. You've chosen your words so well, they flow like poetry and if this piece wasn't wonderful enough already your choice of words makes it an absolute joy. Each scene you go into more detail in I can see playing in my head perfectly. The details you've added are also so cute. Like Astoria can't cook.

The Chase. I love how you call it that when it really isn't much of one to begin with. I truly believe the best relationships can come out of friendships and that's how they start really. There's so many little details, like the fact they don't always have to speak so they're clearly comfortable in each others company.

Astoria is so patient kind and caring despite Draco's denial that there's something there. You can hardly blame her for turning him away when he shows up drunk and slobbers all over her. I'm really glad she does. It shows she has some gumption about her. I'm equally glad though that she goes to him in the end. It's clear he needs her and after pleading with her (very un-Draco like so he must be desperate) I think she can be sure he's going to actually try.

Then we move into the next section and my heart is literally bursting at the two of them. I totally understand how Draco is feeling - I know what it's like to attend school with someone for 5 years and never know them, never truly see them and then all of a sudden things can change so quickly and you wonder how you could have missed them for so long when they become such a huge part of your life. That section was perfect to me and I loved it.

The next one I have to comment on is the ring buying. I was crying with laughter bless him... rings changing size to the finger (so much more convenient!!) and the whole "Stone? Yes. I wasn't asking if you wanted one, sir. Which one, I meant." was brilliant. A lovely touch of humour. I also adore the "Had there ever been any other answer?" theme going through this section too. It fits perfectly for the moving in, permission to marry, and will you marry me questions in this section.

I love how you brought the rain back in this too, going full circle on the new start aspect of it. Clever.

And then oh. The next part. Break my heart much Adi!! Eugh. I love your analogies on marriage... the smiles that fix what words can't, and sharing a bed but not facing the same way. Little things but all very true. Marriage isn't easy, it's something you work at and you captured that here.

But the baby thing? So sad for the two of them. You wrote the experience well and my heart really broke on it.

And you don't let it get any better do you you meanie?!? Firstly, let me say that using the attack on London this way and bringing it into your story was very well done. You did it delicately considering the subject and also put it into your story seamlessly. I'm also glad (even though it was horrible to Draco) that you didn't just have him recover perfectly. I like that wizard magic can't solve everything, it shouldn't. It's awful that he ends up deaf but he can learn to deal, and he does.

Astoria is clearly not perfect and goes through a hard time, ending up with Blaise. I'm glad nothing happened and she realised how much Draco meant to her. I much prefer it that way. But it was good to see you bring out Astoria's flaws too.

Yes Rose and Scorp! I love that you got them in there!!

Third section - it should get better right? Course not Lauren... this is Adi! Now it's Astoria's turn, we have no misleading happiness to start with we're straight in to the horrible symptoms. I'm kind of worried about Astoria's nonchalant attitude to it but going to the healer just confirms the worst. Death Wish. Nicely done - I remember having conversations over what to call the disease you created and I think you went for the perfect choice.

It's kind of sad, and you sum it up in one line how one doesn't speak and one doesn't hear. The one cute thing (if I pretend Astoria isn't dying) is their communication despite what they go through.

Of course I knew she was going to die. There was only one ending. Still, the pain and the way you write it, it still really got to me. Again all I can do is commend your writing and move on before I cry too much...

Oh my god the last section. Adi! Now I really am crying. I'm so glad you gave them that section. You put them through so much but in the end they were reunited. I LOVE that you did the whole Hogwarts express thing, it tied everything up so neatly. The fact she had never got off the train waiting for him was also really sweet.

Oh Adi, so much emotion. This one shot is amazing, honestly. Running out of chars though so I can't say much more. Just wow.


 Report Review

Review #8, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingIt's the way he loved her: Love

19th March 2015:

Here for gryffindor in the review competition.

This was so lovely and cute! I love how it was just about him and her and could be related to a number of course in the potter universe. Very clever and we done.

Each paragraph was really lovely though and the whole thing has just put a huge smile on my face from the cuteness of it all. You've really wrote this nicely, it flowed really well. The last line is definitely my favourite though. It just summed the whole thing up perfectly.

Kudos on a great story!

Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #9, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingFact: Truth

19th March 2015:

Here for gryffindor in the review competition.

So. Wow. This wasn't what I was expecting at all. This was so heartbreaking. I'm a massive Lily and James fan... Always will be. But I felt so awful for this girl. Clearly she thinks so much of James but unfortunately for her, his heart just belongs to Lily.

Your descriptions were wonderful in this. I completely empathised with this poor poor girl. It just broke my heart to read. The first part was particularly powerful, just the way she's trying desperately to convince herself that she doesn't care when she quite obviously does.

To say you've barely used any dialogue in this you've done a fantastic job. This was a great one shot, and really different. Well done!!

 Report Review

Review #10, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingHis First, Last Love. : Lily Potter

19th March 2015:
Hey there

Here for gryffindor in the review competition

Man this was sad. Wow. The feels. My heart is literally breaking. It was nice that you focused on James, you really made him so sweet in this. This is the kind of James I love to read. He was just so cute and lovely.

But you had to write about that moment. James' last moments were heartbreaking but I think you accurately showed his last thoughts would be with Lily because he loved her so much.

You used the colour green here well, to reflect both Lily's eyes and the killing curse. Nicely done. I also liked your description throughout, you had a nice way of including it all so the story flowed beautifully. I imagined each scene while it was happening.

So yeah. You broke my heart but I'm glad I've come across this well written one shot! Great job!!


 Report Review

Review #11, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingForever: Love

19th March 2015:

I'm here for gryffindor in the review competition :)

So this was lovely. I love how you focused on the love these pair have for each other. It was so tangible throughout. Every action and description of them just oozed how they felt for each other so great job on that.
Your descriptions were really lovely. I thought you did a great job. The nervousness of James to start with looking all fancy in his dress robes, then lily walking down the aisle looking like a dream to James. So cute.

The one speech I was disappointed not to get was Sirius. As best man he really ought to have done one ;) James and Lily's were nice of course, I just think Sirius' would have been cheeky, and a nice contrast perhaps? Jut my two cents anyway, feel free to ignore me!!

All in all though I thought you did a great job of filling in this missing moment piece :)


 Report Review

Review #12, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingFirst Snow: First Snow

19th March 2015:

Here for gryffindor in the review competition!

Oh my goodness, this is genuinely one of the cutest moments I've ever read of these two. Just a simple moment and James is so so sweet and I can't even deal. Gah. The feels!! I loved now lily was so warm and comfy in bed so didn't want to move (that would totally be me) so James just picked her up and took her out so she didn't miss anything. It' was genuinely so cute. Your descriptions of the snow were lovely, I imagined the whole thing. And you could practically feel their love for each other you wrote it so well!!

I'm so happy I stumbled upon this, it's made me really happy to read as it's so cute and well written!

Great job,

 Report Review

Review #13, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingSparkle: Sparkle.

19th March 2015:

Here for gryffindor in the review competition!

This is so cute, it made me fill up a little. Not only did we have the perfection of the ring for Lily and James but you ten moved on to harry and ginny. Going the ring two couples. Arg, it was just so perfect that Harry could find it and I couldn't imagine how much it must have meant to him to have a piece of his mother with him.

All your characterisation seemed really good. Both Harry and James rambling in their proposals was really cute and something I could imagine happening, especially in Harry's case. The engraving on the rings was also just perfect for them all.

I loved the lines "the boy who lived. The ring that survived'

So cute though and while heartbreaking, especially the part with Lily and James, it was so nice that you have a thoughtful ending. Great job!

Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #14, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingHate?: Hate?

19th March 2015:
Hi there

I'm here for Gryffindor in the review competition.

Okay, this was really lovely. I love the detail you went into in Lily's thought process and how she tried to convince herself he was still a toerag she should hate but in the end couldn't because it simply wasn't true anymore. We didn't get to see much of James but I like what we heard about him. The way he's matured, stopped randomly cursing and calmed down on the pranking. He sounded like he was doing a great job of being headboy :)

The one teensy mistake I noticed is that you changed James eye colour at the end. You started with hazel which is canon then changed to green... I'm guessing you just got mixed up with Lily which is understandable! Nothing bad, just thought I'd point it out :)

Anyway, this was really lovely and I enjoyed reading it. It's nice to finish on such a hopeful note and it's let me think that this is the part where they'll get together!! *fingers crossed*

Great job!


 Report Review

Review #15, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingFirst Kiss: First Kiss

19th March 2015:

I'm here for gryffindor in the review competition!

Aww this was so cute!! Literally, it's put the biggest smile on my face. It's just so lovely to read a happy perfect moment between these pair!

Lily's reactions were really well written. Her nervousness along with the butterfly's in her stomach and the like were just perfect and right for this moment. James was such a cutie too, gah, I love him, he's one of my favourite characters, especially written like this! To be honest, both characters seemed very in character with what I'd expect so great job on that.

The description and dialogue were nice and the whole thing had a good flow about it so kudos to you on that :)

Great job!

Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #16, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingHallowe'en 1981: A (very) short story: Hallowe'en Night.

19th March 2015:

I'm here for gryffindor in the review competition

Oh my god I'm dying. The feels!! I literally cannot cope with this?!? Gahh my heart :(

Okay I'll try and calm down to form a coherent review.

Wow so much stuff going on here. You captured perfectly a lovely family moment, despite the fact they're in the middle of a war and they're in hiding as some dark wizard maniac wants to kill their baby, you manage to create such a lovely moment. If I didn't know what was going to happen next I would be sat here smiling at the loveliness of it all.

But unfortunately I do know what's to come. And wow, the foreshadowing you got in here was clever. Obviously the mention of wormtail, the traitor!! Lily and James still so confident in him, gah it makes me angry. And saying Sirius would go mad locked away :( it just makes me so sad when we know what will happen. The the gate banging at the end, it broke my heart. Can I just pretend I don't know who that is? Yeah? Okay thanks.

I thought your characterisation of Lily and James was great here and pretty much what I expect of them from what we know in canon so to get that in in so fewer words is brilliant - well done. Harry as a baby was so cute too!!

So yeah, great one shot! I'm so glad I read it, despite the fact you've torn my heart in two ;)


 Report Review

Review #17, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingLost In The Rain: Lost In The Rain

19th March 2015:

I'm here for gryffindor in the review competition!

Wow, this is really sad I read. I love James and Lily and here James was all lovely and cute but lily was just so... Harsh! I mean, not once was he the big headed or prat like, just actually being decent and she threw it back in his face. Lily's thoughts though... She seemed to regret what she was doing. It seemed to me she is actually starting to like him, it's just that she can't bring herself to admit that yet and is still trying to make him out to be a bad guy. Hopefully that changes soon and she hasn't lost him for good by being so horrible.

Anyway, I thought your use of the lyrics here was very nicely done and there was some nice description. I could imagine the whole scene so great job from you on that part :)

Great job!
Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #18, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingBuilding Dollhouses In The Sand: Chapter One

28th February 2015:

Sorry for how long it's taken me to get here, but I'm finally here and ready to review!

Wow so much going on here and so much to comment on. First things, George was a bit mean at the end haha! Poor girl doesn't know which is which. Although, that must be kind of hard with a twin, for the twin and for the person speaking to them.

I really felt for Katherine in this - my heart just went out for to her so much when she felt the need to beg for the snowglobe. I know that she was clearly desperate but I was just hoping one of them would jump to help her. Eventually they did of course but I felt so awful for what she went through... especially after what had happened to her Uncle.

I feel she's going to have so much more of a bumpy ride with her father being a Death Eater. I also worry that he might have had something to do with her Uncle's death? I feel like there's so much more here.

George. Now he was a little different to how he is in the books but I felt it was because we were seeing him in a much different situation. There is clearly the beginning of something here... a friendship coming at least. I'm excited to see where it goes.

My one bit of CC for this chapter is that it changes quite a lot and it can be occasionally be a little disrupting and so I'd maybe look to extend some of the scenes or something? You certainly have captured my interest though!

Looking forward to reading more!

Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #19, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingThrough the Half-Moon Spectacles: Preparing for What is to Come

31st January 2015:
Hey Alishya!!

Sorry it's taken me so long but I am finally here (hooray!) and I'm so glad I am because I've read this little gem!!

Okay first. Dumbledore? Wow! I'm totally in awe that you attempted him because, he's Dumbledore and scary to write!! He's a character that can easily become so so occ and you didn't do that at all which made me so happy and also so in awe of you!! It was so brave but you pulled it off well.

Next... A portrait? Again wow. I've never read anything from the POV of a portrait so I really enjoyed this with it being a bit different. I liked the idea that they can see through each others eyes and have this whole communication thing going off. I thought it was a very intriguing idea! I like it.

Hmm, it was nice to see a very thoughtful Dumbledore... As I mentioned above you did his character well. I am a little gutted he didn't say anything though - I was hoping he might. Still, the inner workings of his mind were a great read!! I hope if you do carry on though we might see more of "awake" Dumbledore who talks to people/portraits.

Loved the idea that Snape couldn't face going into the headmasters office, I can seriously see that being cannon or something. That's how I'd imagine it anyway. Again I think Snape can be a tricky character to get right but you went for it and did a really great job!!

My one point of CC would be to be careful what tense your using. You occasionally slipped into the present so it might be worth a quick scan through and edit as they will be really quick for you to sort :)

All in all though, great story Alishya! I'm glad I got to read it :) great partner!!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hey Lauren!

Awww, thank you! ♥ Yes, Dumbledore and Snape are in fact scary to write. Heck, I was even surprised how I managed to carry them out. I remember feeling very cautious when I wrote this.

You're right about how easy it is to make Albus Dumbledore and even Snape ooc. Can't help but cringe when you come across ooc-ness.

I'm happy though that you said I kept them in character!

Yeah! Writing in a portrait's pov was a really cool experience for me. I was considering other ways the portraits could communicate other than traveling through each other's paintings. I felt like it was a lot of work, compared to just mental-communication.

Ah! I'm sorry! In the next chapter (whenever I can get over this block that keeps me from writing it) I did plan from the time I wrote this that Dumbledore will definitely be talking and interacting with Harry.

Yeah, I know better now! It's quite an old story. Again, when I plan to write the next part for this, I'll edit the first chapter. ;)

♥ Thanks again Lauren for reading this and reviewing! :D I'm happy that you enjoyed this! Great partners indeed!

- Asphodel

 Report Review

Review #20, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingThe Best Brother Ever: The Best Brother Ever

19th October 2014:
Sian! Oh you! *hugs tightly* This. Wow, I can't even tell you how grateful I am. I honestly love this so much. Thank you. You're so so sweet to write this for me.

The twins. Who wouldn't love them? Reading them in this was just so perfect. They were spot on character wise and the story just was just so heart warming. It put a massive smile on my face. I love how proud Molly was of her boys too. Her worrying about the presents and what they think just all so canon.

Honestly Sian, I really loved this. Thank you so much, it was a perfect present!! Sorry this review is just really a ramble of my thanks but yeah. I'm just a pile of mush that you wrote this for me.

Thank you x

Author's Response: Hey Lauren!

Ah, I'm so pleased that you liked this! Seriously, you don't know how hard you are to write for... like, I know /what/ to write, but the actual writing :P

I'm really happy that the twins were well characterised and written! I wanted to get them write so badly because I know how much you love them, and that you liked Molly too.

And yay, I'm so happy you liked it, I can't even tell you! I wanted to write you a good present and you completely deserve it! ♥

 Report Review

Review #21, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingDon't Become Too Serious With Him, Rosie.: That Malfoy Boy

12th September 2014:
Hey :)

Lauren from the forums here for the Gryffindor review swap!

So I'll be honest, I've really got into next gen lately and Rose/Scorp are one of my fav couples. I love how you've set this up so far, the pair of them are so cute! Gah it makes me smile so much.

Your characterisation is really good, there's some really interesting characters. I love Scorp being a sweetheart, that's cute. Lily made me smile too. Ron's protectiveness was spot on I thought. Personally, Hermione was a tad shouty for me, but she wasn't too OOC. Basically, I thought you did a great job, and even though you had the daunting task of introducing so many characters, you did so without me getting too overwhelmed so kudos to you.

I like the story so far. I love the cliff hanger, I def want to know what Scorp wanted to tell Rose! I feel it may just be about liking her but I guess I have to wait and find out. I thought it was funny that everyone seems to feel the two of them should be together and how obvious it was that they like each other!

I didn't notice any grammar or spelling issues so great job there.

So yeah, overall you seriously have my interest. You had loads of cute little bits in there like Rose being a better keeper than Ron and Rose not being able to date a Malfoy. I look forward to reading more!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hiya Lauren! :D

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond, and to get to your review. I wanted to do both when I had a moment it was actually quiet in my house, so I could do each properly. :)

Same with me, actually. I used to read strictly Marauders, but there is something very sweet about Rose/Scorpius that had me just dying to write one myself.

Aww thank you! I did not want to make Scorpius a carbon copy of a young Draco. I wanted to make him all of the things I think Draco wished he could have been, instead of buying into all of his father's propaganda as a child. I think Lily might end up being my favorite character, besides Rose, to write in this story. She's pretty fun. :) I think with Hermione, it's just that this is being told from Rose's POV, and at least for me, most teenage girls take everything their mother's say as shouting, or being mean. Like when Hermione joked with James on the platform, and Rose's thoughts were very snarky about it. I didn't mean to make her too out of character. I'm sorry you felt that way. :(

:D I'm really happy to hear you like it! Yeah, it seems that it's quite obvious to everyone except Rose and Scorpius haha. Maybe they'll finally speak up to one another soon. ;)

Thank you so much, Lauren!! I'm glad you liked the little things that were thrown in and the chapter as a whole. I truly appreciate your review and all of the kind words!!

xoxo Meg

 Report Review

Review #22, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingThe Adventures of Abigail Higgs and Potter Boy: The One Where I Find Out Why James Was Up All Night

13th August 2014:
Hey again!

Really hoping this gets you to review 80 ;)

And here we are. Michelle is a total cow again. This is why I don't like her and never will! You write her well though, otherwise I wouldn't feel so strongly. I'm glad Abigail did at least give her an answer back and a slammed door. Much deserved!

But James &hearts he makes it all better! His mention of Michelle... I get the feeling he doesn't like her... I hope he intervenes at some point. Or helps Abigail stand up to her at least.

Yay! I knew James would love comic books too but it wasn't what I was thinking he was doing that night!! I agree with Abigail that he's so cute when he's excited. It puts a massive smile on my face! The bit about Ron getting him into it was cool, I like that you gave a bit of background.

He asked about a boyfriend! Checking out the competition methinks? He totally likes her! I'm almost positive!

Amazing chapter again, I honestly love this story so much!!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hello!!

Awww thank you! I'm sure it did!

She really is, she couldn't have been nice for long, it's not in her nature. Good! I don't like her either, we should start a group! Abigail is beginning to stand up to her, I like to think that James is helping her with that.

He does make it better! He's good for Abigail, helps her stand up for herself.

Haha he does! And that was what he was doing that night :D

Awww I'm glad that you enjoyed that, I liked having a special bond between Ron and James, comic books are only something that they have between the both of them that noone else is a part of.

Haha he totally does :P

Thank you so much Lauren! You're awesome!

 Report Review

Review #23, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingThe Adventures of Abigail Higgs and Potter Boy: The One With The Talent Show

13th August 2014:
Hey Tammi!

Aww, I was really excited to read about the talent show. I thought it was a great idea of James so I looked forward to it. I felt for Abigail... it's such a big scary thing! James though. He's so lovely. Taking the attention off her that way was so lovely. Gah can I hug him please? He's so lovely and cute!!

Oh and his talents! Hehe, he was brilliant! I love his energy with everything. He's so enthusiastic, it makes a great character to read.

I really like William. He's a great friend for James. There was a little bit of teasing there which was fun to read. I was a bit gutted about not seeing the flip but still, it was a lovely little extra.

Michelle. Huh? Who knew she could be so... nice. It scared me a little! I still think Abigail should hang around with Isabella more though.

Great chapter though Tammi!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad. James is good for Abigail, he could tell that she was nervous and he doesn't mind having all of the attention on him. You can hug him! Hug away!!

He has many talents, and you're right, he has so much energy and so enthusiastic.

I love William, he's a good friend for James definitely. Haha I'm gutted about it too, but James got embarassed, which he never does.

I know! I'm scared of her niceness too, she's up to something, I don't trust her at all. Abigail needs Isabella more.

Thank you so much Lauren! :D

 Report Review

Review #24, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingJigsaw: Piece #1

4th August 2014:
Hey hey hey Sian!

Eek I'm so excited you've put this up here! I've been waiting so long! I know you've really been panicking about this Sian, but you really shouldn't... it's fantastic!

The first section. Man it really puts me on edge. You got so much tension into those few sentences! You also leave me completely puzzled about this man and who he is and how he got involved with this other cloaked figure. I have so many questions Sian! You have to hurry and post more so they can be answered!

Your description of the Daily Prophet was lovely, I really lost myself in it. You got both Roxi's annoyance at not having the name for herself she wants as well as her love of the paper and why she stays there. I could literally see and hear everything. It was brilliant.

I liked the parallels between Violet and Rita Skeeter! Her interest in Roxi's personal life definitely brought that out. But there was definitely a bit of tension from Roxi when her man was brought up! I look forward to reading more...

Just saying the added bit about George selling teacups - loved it! But then my heart broke when you said her parents can't celebrate his birthday.

Janes an interesting friend, and I loved the chatter they had. You could see they were really close and the conversation was really natural and not forced at all. You still built up the tension around Daniel though!

Ah! She has her first story. Fantastic end to the first chapter, I can't wait to read more! Honestly Sian, this is fantastic, please don't be worried!

Can't wait to


Author's Response: Lauren!

I'm so excited to see you here and thank you so much for being patient with me and waiting and encouraging and everything, because I couldn't have done it without you!

Yay, tension is what I was hoping for, something mysterious and a little bit creepy. The questions will be answered in time!

I really enjoyed imagining the Prophet offices, and I'm so happy you liked the descriptions. At this point Roxy's really frustrated with her work but she does still love working there, and I wanted to get that across.

Poor Roxy, she hasn't got the best of colleagues here, and Violet's a bit of a busybody. Hmm, you're right to pick up on the tension ;)

I'm glad you liked the line about George selling the teacups! It was nice to inject some humour and a mention of her family in there, but I did feel a bit bad when I wrote about his birthday.

Jane and Roxy have been friends for about twelve years by this point so they're really close, and I'm glad that you could pick up on that too, and that the conversation seemed natural!

Thank you so much for this wonderful review, Lauren! You've reassured me so much! ♥

 Report Review

Review #25, by FredWeasleyIsMyKingDeath on the First: Chapter One

3rd August 2014:
Hey Sian!

I've finally made it here to review :D I'm so excited about this story! I can't wait to read it all. For now though I'm desperately trying to work out who this can be... I'll leave my thoughts as we go along...

So nine people... well, eight. Poor Parvati! In with the action straight away and I can't help but feel for her. What reason has the murderer got to kill Parvati? And want to kill more of them? Oh this has me thinking so much!

Now, occasionally the murderer thinks about other people, meaning I should be able to cross people off my list of people, as technically the murderer wouldn't think of themselves that way. But I don't know if this a trick by you! Just to throw us off the scent! I'll make notes though and see if it narrows it down...

I love the murderers thoughts. If it wasn't kind of creepy they would be really funny! You've also really thought of everything... like the fact they're all trapped together, giving the murderer chance to kill the rest of them. Brilliant. All though, not for the rest of them!

I like that Pansy already has a history following her that hints at past murder. I don't think it would be her though... it seems to obvious. Plus the murderer thinks about her so I don't know. Also Theo seems to have his mums past trailing him.

The murderer was very clever in seeming to put suspicion on Seamus to me with the conversation they "overheard". I'm interested to see how that develops!

So I've narrowed my list of suspects down... but I'm still not sure who it is yet... I eagerly await the next chapter!

Sian, this was a great opening and I can tell it's going to be a great story. I can't wait to find out where you're going to take it. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes. The story just flowed so well and sucked me in completely! Please update quickly ;)

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hi Lauren! I'm so excited that you managed to stop by, thank you so much!

I can't help but feeling a bit bad about killing Parvati in this story, even if it's not quite my head canon. I'm so excited that you're asking questions and thinking about who the murderer could be, because that's exactly what I was hoping for!

Haha, the idea of them all being stuck in the house together for the rest of this came from Agatha Christie stories, because that always seems to happen and the concept's kind of strange to me. Writing the killer's thoughts was actually really fun though, even if it was kind of strange to put myself in their mindset!

Hmm, I'm really intrigued about who your suspects are at the moment, but I can't really give much more away other than saying that your thoughts about narrowing down the suspects and on who some of them are are very interesting!

Thanks so much for this amazing review, and I'm so glad that you liked this first chapter! I'll be putting another chapter in the queue soon if I can ♥

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>