Reading Reviews From Member: hannnahgracr
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by hannnahgracrKeep Calm and Carry On: The Proposition

8th December 2012:
Hey! It's hannnahgracr finally getting round to your requested review.

I've just read the first 2 chapters as well and I really enjoyed them. They set up the plot well, you didn't rush into it too quickly which was good. I like how you took the time to set up the characters first before developing the plot. Anyway onto this chapter...

I really love Edie, the narrative is fantastic. The humour through out the chapter is great.

The whole pub scene was brilliant, I feel it really allowed you to develop Edie. Bringing Viktor Krum into it was a great idea!

I love the characterisation of all your characters, Lisa seems a wee bit too perfect thought. But I suppose it emphasises the contrast between Edie's life and her's. She is a very likeable character though.

The ending has really made me want to read on!

Sorry that I couldn't think of any criticism, I really enjoyed this chapter!

Author's Response: Hi! Yeah, I know Lisa seems really unrealistic at times; I guess that's just meant to show how ridiculously lucky she is? I modeled her after my friend who is extremely beautiful, kind, used to be a professional ballerina, is engaged to the love of her life, traveled throughout europe for fun, lives out in the country in a beautiful house, just had a baby, etc. Her life is totally unreal, isn't it? ;D

Thank you so much for your review. :)

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Review #2, by hannnahgracrThe Mirror Man: The Mirror Man

6th December 2012:
Hey, it's hannnahgracr with your requested review. Sorry it has taken me a bit longer than expected to get to this.

I really liked the beginning and end sections, they had a real element of mystery to them. Both bits were really interesting and drew me in.

I think the middle section could have been a bit more interesting. I think it could have a bit more flare and punch to it, perhaps more dramatic or mysterious. I felt it was a bit of a let down after your really good introduction. It did make sense however.

For a challenge, it was very well written though. Characterisation was good especially in the beginning and the end bits.

I hope you found this review slightly helpful :-)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! It was my first attempt at an action scene and I did it on the spot, so I'll be sure to work on those when I have more time to get things more interesting. This was really helpful, and don't worry about timing! I used to do reviews and I know how hard finding time for them can be! *squish*


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Review #3, by hannnahgracrAnthology: Chapter One

3rd December 2012:
Hey it's hannnahgracr with your requested review.

I really liked this chapter as an opening, you really jumped into the plot which is a good thing because it has made me want to read more. I'm a big fan of Draco/Hermione which added to my enjoyment. I really like the idea of your story and I'll be coming back to read more chapters even if you don't request reviews! Keep up the great work and update soon :-)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review :D

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Review #4, by hannnahgracrA Study of Love: A Study of Love

3rd December 2012:
Hey it's hannnahgracr with your requested review.

I really enjoyed this one shot, the 2nd person POV makes it particularly interesting. As does the fact it isn't linear, that is something I really enjoyed actually. I didn't think it was hard to follow hopefully other people feel the same way. I really loved the simply plot line and the whole one shot overall. It was a perfect length and I love the elements that make it unique. You should definitely try another one shot like this.

Sorry I couldn't find any criticisms but I hope you found this review slightly helpful :-)

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad it was relatively easy to follow and came off okay. It was different for me to write as well as writing while coming off off a very long writer's block so I appreciate the kind words!

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Review #5, by hannnahgracrImagine: Meeting Lily

30th November 2012:
Again another really good chapter but just one small thing I'd like to say.

This sentence is just a bit clumpy if you know what I mean - 'watched as I spoke with her about her becoming a witch and then watched as she got so very upset since she thought that I was insulting her and her and her sister wandered back to their house quickly.' I think you could have made it flow a bit better. I find that with a few other parts of the story, you use quite a lot of short sentences.

Apart from that I really enjoyed it!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your feedback! I'll take a look at the sentence and play around with it. :)

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Review #6, by hannnahgracrImagine: One Last Dying Wish

30th November 2012:
I really enjoyed this chapter, it definitely captures a reader and would make them want to read on. Fantastic opening!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad that the first chapter was enough to make you want to read on. :D Thanks for taking your time to read this!

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Review #7, by hannnahgracrAmicus: Amicus

30th November 2012:
Wow, that was really something. I love how it is all OC's, it makes this one shot particularly unique.

Your concerns - The style definitely isn't confusing, I think the style is what makes it so brilliant. I personally would have liked it to be longer mainly because I loved it so much but it isn't too brief at all. I think the tone fits the plot very well and the atmosphere is well developed as it is.

The dialogue between the characters was fantastic, the characterisation was really good.

Overall I really enjoyed it and I'm glad I got a chance to read this.

Author's Response: Hi! (Sorry it took me so much time to respond to this).

Thanks for the help! I was debating adding in more, but at some point, I thought the ambiguity might go away if there were many more scenes. I'm glad that the atmosphere worked for you.

Again, I really appreciate the review and your kind thoughts!

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Review #8, by hannnahgracrEasy as Pie: A Slice of Misadventure

30th November 2012:
Hi, sorry it's taken me so long to get round to this review.

I really loved this one shot, it's simple and humorous. Even though it's out of your comfort zone it's really good. I'll definitely be checking out some of your other writing.

I love the characterisation of Percy, it's just perfect. I especially loved how he changed his jumper just because of a small hole, it fits his character perfectly!

I don't know what else to say other than I really enjoyed this, it made for a very pleasurable read.

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Review #9, by hannnahgracrWhen Lightning Strikes: Chapter One

23rd November 2012:
So sorry it has taken me so long to review!

First paragraph is an amazing opening. I found it intense (in a very good way) and the way you introduced the plot was magnificent. Wonderful first paragraph, really made me want to read on.

Remember to double and maybe even triple check for spelling errors/typos. There wasn't many but I juts thought I'd point it out.

Some of the dialogue is a bit disjointed and not as believable as it could be. Maybe try saying it out loud and think if you can actually imagine someone saying it.

Very dramatic ending, certainly made me want to read on.

I think maybe you rushed the plot a tiny bit, I'm not sure what else you've got planned for the future. But I maybe would have left the kidnapping of Lily until at least the 2nd chapter, just to build up to it more.

Also I think you rushed a bit with the chapter by just introducing so many characters all at once, I know almost all Harry Potter fans are familiar with them but it was a bit much. You maybe could have filled the chapter out with a bit more descriptions here and there.

Overall I thought it was a really good chapter and I certainly would read more of this story. I hope you found this review helpful.

Author's Response: This was really helpful!! I think I'm going to edit the first chapter before I start the second one. Thank you for your input!! :)

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Review #10, by hannnahgracrThe Circle: Again

23rd November 2012:
I seriously love this. I think you did this remarkably well. It's just dramatic enough and not over the top. I really really like it this and I don't know what else to say. Definitely have a go at writing something like this again, it's amazing!

Author's Response: Thank you for being so nice. I really struggled with not making it overly dramatic but also not making it ridiculous and not thought out in 500 words. And I hope there's a potential for the depth of the characters to be explored.

I seem to be really into writing angst and break ups so I'm sure something like this will crop up soon.

Thanks :D

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Review #11, by hannnahgracrGrand Scheme: Chapter 1

29th October 2012:

I really love the introduction to the chapter, I think you worded it wonderfully. It made for a very interesting opening and it made me want to read on.

I personally am not a fan of stories in the third person but that is completely my own opinion. So if I had started reading this story I probably would have stopped because it's in the third person but that does not reflect your writing at all, just personal preference.

I feel you overused the word 'she' which is hard not to do when writing in the third person so maybe watch out for that in future writing. Also I felt some of the dialogue was a bit disjointed. Try reading out what you've written as speech and see if it flows, if that makes sense?! Also some of your writing is disjointed as well. Perhaps look into conjunctions to make it flow a bit more.

I like the element of mystery about her mother and I look forward to seeing how you develop Arwen and her feelings towards this situation. Also fabulous name choice, it's always rare to find a story with an unusual name for the main character.

I don't really like the fact you wrote 'flash back' then 'flash back ends'. I personally would have lead into the flashback with an ellipsis and ended it with one too. I would have made the flashback in italics so readers knew it was a flashback. However I know this could probably be confusing for readers so ignore this if you like the way you are introducing flashbacks now.

The last two scenes were a little confusing. I know you were probably going for dramatic effect which you certainly achieved but I would have preferred more detail. Still it does make me want to read on.

If I had time I definitely would read the other chapters but unfortunately I don't but I'll be coming back to read on another day.

I hope you found this review helpful :-)

Author's Response: I have a major problem with punctuation!! =P Hahaha. Yes I did find your review helpful!
I did think about making it first person but I wanted to experiment with third person.
I'm glad you pointed out the mistakes. Yeah I do feel I overused the word 'she' too much. Hmm if I ever get a few ideas for introducing flashbacks I shall definitely use it! Since I am working on giving a back story to the characters and all (which I think I got carried away with =P) there will be a few flashbacks.
Yep reading out the sentence helps! =)
Thanks so much for your review!!!

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Review #12, by hannnahgracrDanse Macabre: Exit Music

28th October 2012:
Well starting off with your concerns, you definitely don't use the word 'dark' too much. You managed to make the one shot dark without using the word too often. The metaphors are very good and the imagery you used was fantastic. I think you did a wonderful job in making it weird and mysterious.

I like how it's not the one point of view throughout the whole one shot and it was very helpful that you numbered the sections, made it easier to follow. The third section was my favourite. It was particularly intense and I loved the wonderful simple way you described what was going to happen to each of them.

The absence of capitals and punctuation in 6 was particularly effective, I think it was a really good touch.

It's hard to criticize something you really enjoy which is why I'm having trouble. It is an extremely thought provoking piece and I really really liked it. You definitely did a good job of writing in this unusual style. My only criticism would be that it wasn't long enough ;-)

Well done for a fantastic piece of writing!

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you think so. I was a bit worried about V, 'cause I've used the word 'dark' like four times in half the number of paragraphs and I thought that might've been overkill. I was having tons of fun with imagery and metaphors and so on in this one, too, and I don't usually, so it was a bit scary.

I've always wanted to write one of those numbered one-shots, and so I'm glad it worked for you. And changing up the perspectives was also really fun but I was wondering if it'd turn out a bit like Monty Python, you know, "AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT".
I was wondering whether that third section and that sentence about the Marauders&co. were a bit random too, actually, given that this story is about Regulus and the others' ends haven't come yet, so thank you for that.

I completely desecrated the rules of grammar, and it worked! Yay!

Thank you so much for your lovely review, and I'm really happy that you liked this. :D

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Review #13, by hannnahgracrLungs: One

26th October 2012:
I overall enjoyed it but for a first chapter it was quite filled with background which is intriguing however I know some people don't particularly enjoy it. I say this from when I once received a review saying the same thing that I shouldn't have included so much background in the first chapter. Maybe a bit more action and perhaps dialogue would capture the interest of readers. However I know it's your first chapter so I understand the reason for it.

I find the character of Helene very interesting and I think you are doing a very good job so far. I look forward to seeing how she interacts with other characters and how you develop her showing her flaws and weaknesses.

It makes slightly hard reading to have so many larger paragraphs, I know you're just setting up the story but just for future writing.

This may sound strange but try not to overuse the word 'as'. I find myself doing it a lot in my own writing so it's just something to watch out for.

At the moment I don't have any suggestions for titles as I feel I haven't read enough of the story and I don't know where it is going to give an appropriate title. Some advice - perhaps put in a request for a banner at TDA because it may attract more readers to your story.

I hope this review is helpful, just ask me on the forums if you want me to review any more chapters. :-)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I know, I really struggled with trying to keep this chapter interesting without having much more than reflections going on... it's going to be a challenge, I think, since she doesn't have any friends. But I'm up for it :)

I'll also look in to breaking up the paragraphs, and using too much of the word "as." Thanks for the suggestions!

And I really really want to request a banner--I even have all my images and such picked out, but I didn't want to do it before I knew for sure what the title was going to be.

Thanks so much!

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