I think this was a really beautiful piece of writing. The story of Mary and Benjy is very realistic for a war, so great job there. The only part I found myself questioning was where you switch tenses in the first and second parts. Other than that, this was great.Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review! I'm really glad you found it realistic. Oh gosh, sorry about that. :s I'm really bad with tenses for some reason, but thank you for catching it!
- Faith Report Review
This is a brilliant start. You did a great job with introducing your characters and I especially love the way Liv thinks - it should be interesting to have the conflict of wanting to do what is right for herself and what is right for the people she loves in the story.
One bit of criticism I have is that sometimes your characters are very up front a concise about what they are thinking. For example, Teddy's line here - “I love it when you get so passionate about your books and such, it makes you look like a young child again at Christmas time.” - it makes him seem monotone and emotionless, mostly because of that metaphor. I mean, it's great to use metaphors but this one makes him flat in my opinion. Also, the line here - "I have never seen you in that state before, you scared me." - gives the same effect to Rose.
But great start. I'll be looking out for more chapters :)
~LizAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad you like Liv and the way she thinks, i wanted her to seem normal compared to those she hangs around with (the next gen) and i figured that by having the kind of thoughts and dilemma's she does have and has to think about often, it sets her apart from the others and shows the difference between herself and the Next Gens, even though she has grown up as a part of them.
I actually hadn't noticed that but now you've pointed it out, i can see what you mean so thank you. I think as i've read it in my head, it has sounded better because you can imagine the emotion and tone used but written down doesn't portray that, so i will definitely change that and keep an eye out for it in future chapters.
Thank you again, i really appreciate the fact that you've taken the time out to review this story.
-Vicki Report Review
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