Reading Reviews From Member: nott theodore
  
1,193 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nott theodoreThe Writing on the Wall.: The Gryffindor Quidditch Team.

17th April 2015:
Hi again! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this story *hides* I've missed reading about Albus and the start of his time at Hogwarts, particularly as I was certain the mystery was going to start soon, but this has been the first chance I got to come back and read and review.

I don't know if you realise how much those opening sentences read as though they could have come from the books themselves, but that was the first thing that struck me when I started reading this chapter. I'm not sure what it was about them, but you did a great job of emulating JKR in that opening section. I had to read it over a couple of times to appreciate it :P

Even if Albus doesn't realise it, it's quite normal for James not to approach him much at school. At least, as far as I'm concerned it is; maybe there's something more behind it that I'm meant to suspect. But in my experience, older siblings don't always seek their younger siblings out when they're starting school, because they've already created their own little world there. I am the older sibling, though, so it was interesting to see it from the perspective of someone younger.

Even so, it was really sweet to see that James was so nervous to try out for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and he wanted Albus to come along and watch him at the try-outs, to have support in the crowd. I liked the way that he gradually got more cocky and confident as he was talking to Albus about it, as if just being with his little brother helped him to (at least act) be that way. We only see a glimpse of James from the epilogue and I think a lot of people characterise him as someone who's constantly confident, but when you remember that he was actually winding up his little brother, this portrayal of him feels much more accurate.

I liked the fact that both Albus and Rose were so interested and excited to get the chance to go and watch James try out for the Quidditch team. Even if James has better things to do than spend time with them generally, it stills suggests they're quite a close-knit family who like to support each other.

I liked the detail about Brian objecting to the presence of Ravenclaws in the stands, watching the Gryffindor trials. I think that any serious captain would probably suspect sabotage, even if the innocent little first years aren't likely to be able to steal much in terms of information. It was good that Dominique was there to calm things down, I think, or Albus and Rose could have found themselves in a more awkward position.

The try-outs were so interesting to read! I haven't read many stories that include characters trying out for the Quidditch team, but I enjoyed reading this chapter. I also thought it was great that James was trying out to become the Keeper - I've only seen him as Chaser and Seeker before, so it was an original touch to have him playing in a different position. And it was certainly tense to read the trials as they progressed; the fact that James was a Keeper meant we had to wait even longer (like the characters did) to find out whether he'd manage to make it onto the team. Then, finally, when he gets his turn to fly, there's another contender for the position who's just as good as he is - well, almost. I was glad that James managed to get on the team, although I did feel sorry for Claire. It was great to see James being sporting about the fact that he'd got the position, and trying to console her.

Dominique reminds me a lot of my cousin, actually - I thought you captured the dynamic between her, as the slightly older cousin, and the others well. My cousin and I are obviously a fair bit older than these characters, but her dialogue reminded me of the way my cousin used to speak to me when I was that age.

Hmm, the ending has me really intrigued. I know that you said that the introductory parts would start to segue into the main plot at this point, so I'm wondering about whether or not there's something going on here. Professor Blackburn could just have been in a bad mood, or be one of those teachers like Snape who hands out detentions to students they don't like, but I don't know if she has any reason at all for disliking Albus and Rose other than the fact they were in the corridors in the evening when she didn't seem to want to be seen. And I noticed that Slughorn wasn't completely sincere in his response to her, either, so I'm very curious about what's going on here. I'll be keeping my eye out for more clues in the next chapters!

Ah, I feel sorry for Albus and Rose, too, with an undeserved detention that they have to serve. And I liked the vulnerability that you showed in Albus here, and the way that he doesn't want to tell anyone, not even Rose, how nervous he is about the detention. It felt very appropriate for his age.

Sian :)

Author's Response: Glad to see you back. This chapter is sort of the start of the real story in my opinion.

I honestly don't even know what to say about your comments about the first few sentences. I try to make the feel of the story fit with J.K. Rowling's world, but the idea that they sound like they could have come out of the books...thank you so much. I honestly thought you were going to point out some mistake I'd made with them when I started reading that.

*laughs* I WOULD have been willing to approach my little sister when she started 1st year (equivalent to Hogwarts' 2nd year) and I was in my final year, except that I was expressively forbidden from doing so. She told me straight out that if we meet up, that's fine, but not any more than that.

Al is so anxious to impress James and be noticed by him, but James is too busy trying to be a cool teen to take much notice of his little brother.

Brian takes Quidditch rather seriously. He's a minor character but that detail about him is in my head.

There'll be a little bit more in the next chapter about that detention and you'll probably get a fair idea as to whether this is a personal thing against Rose and Albus or what. Their family is pretty well-known, of course.

Slughorn IS rather insincere, particularly when dealing with people he doesn't consider worth his time for whatever reason, so it may be no more than that, or on the other hand, there may be somewhat more to it. He will actually comment about Blackburn to Rose and Albus later on, now that I think of it.

Thank you SO much for this review. Your reviews are SO detailed and amazing. Thank you so, so much.


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Review #2, by nott theodoreOil and Water: oil and water don't mix

17th April 2015:
Adi! ♥ Guess who finally made it here?

(When you say 'hit me', do you mean that to be metaphorically, with reviews, or literally? :P)

I was really frustrated with myself that I didn't get time to complete the story I wanted to submit to the Logophile Challenge, but I'm so glad that you did! You used the word 'crepuscular' so well through this story, so that I was wondering until the end what the word actually was (as in, it wasn't overly obvious what you'd been given, but you weaved the word and its connotations in seamlessly).

I've asked you before whether or not you always write your head canon in your stories, and you told me no, and I'm still always amazed by the different interpretations you're able to give one pairing. This felt almost like a reversal of your wonderful one-shot Forget Me Not, with the way that Rose and Scorpius took such different roles in this compared to the other story. I'm just so impressed with the way you're able to portray the same characters, and their relationship with each other, so differently and yet at the same time still tell their story so convincingly.

Your description in this story ♥ Rose, as a writer, tells this story so beautifully, her narration lyrical and poetic and the imagery is so amazing in this. I actually read it through a couple of times just to appreciate the description and metaphor that you used in this piece. It was so lovely, the way that you highlighted the contrasts between Rose and Scorpius and captured their broken, slightly unhealthy relationship against this beautiful, serene background.

So much symbolism. You know how much I love symbolism, and in a piece like this, which was relatively short (at least compared to some of your other pieces :P), it worked so well - it had a real impact to act as a metaphor for their relationship. From the very beginning of the story - the opening sentence - there were symbols of the way that their relationship worked and the way that it made Rose feel. Wishing that she could move and get away from Scorpius's arm; his weight is pressing down on her, suffocating her, stifling her creativity as he stops her from escaping to the outdoors and putting pen to paper. And then later, with the ice and fire, and the way that the sun's rays turn their hair to hay and fire - substances that shouldn't mix, or one will be burnt, consumed, by the other. It indicates the way that their relationship works, that they shouldn't really be together because they - not only because of their families, but also because of the people they are - don't mix well.

And bringing into that the title, Oil and Water - I love the way that you don't actually tell us who is who, leaving us to decide it for ourselves. Rose could be oil, rising to the top and overcoming Scorpius and the strange relationship they've had, or it could be Scorpius, who is only there for the surface, the material, and can't go any deeper in the way that Rose can.

I found your portrayals of Rose and Scorpius so interesting, as well, in comparison to your other versions of them. Rose, here, was the one who cared far more for Scorpius, loving him and yet still falling out of love, disillusioned, finally, with the way he treats her, acknowledging that he's always the one who leaves, that sometimes she doesn't want him to return, and that she's a better writer when she's afraid of losing him, because she can pour out her soul into the words. It isn't Scorpius himself that inspires the words for her, but the emotions that he creates, the experiences that he gives her.

In contrast to that, Scorpius seems so unfeeling. He's there for fun, almost using her - although it's told from Rose's perspective, so we can't be sure that he actually knows she feels differently before she tells him - and removed from the situation. He's a far different character and while it's a case of opposites attracting, at least as far as this broken relationship is concerned, they're simply too different to have a successful, loving relationship together.

And I've probably rambled on for long enough now :P But I'm so impressed with this, especially the fact that you wrote it so quickly, and the way you manage to constantly deconstruct and reshape and rebuild Rose and Scorpius in a different story. You're amazing, my dear!

Sian :)

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Review #3, by nott theodorele ciel saigne pour nous. : la lune et l’étoile.

17th April 2015:
Kiana! ♥ So I've been slacking on reviewing your stories, apparently, because you've suddenly started updating things and I've missed it (next time, tell me :P) but now I've noticed I'm here to spend a bit of time on your page - choosing between this and Ides to review first wasn't easy, but since the title was French, this one won (surprise, surprise, I know)!

Wah, so the title - I knew straight away, of course, that this was going to be angst and also feature some of that beautiful imagery that you manage to incorporate into all your stories. But it always seems more appropriate when authors include French with characters that either are French or have French heritage, so I loved the fact that you used it here even more than normal. I thought you put the French to great use, too - it just worked as section titles and the few words that you included had more impact too.

The imagery ♥ You know this is something that I always end up mentioning in my reviews of your stories, but I can't help it, because I notice it every time that you write something new and it's just so beautiful to read. The description is so lyrical, almost poetic, and your use of metaphor always finds a way of adding more meaning to the actual story itself - in this case, casting Victoire and Scorpius as the moon and the stars and then continuing the theme throughout, and the sea as their constant background/almost companion. Gah, it was just so amazing and I really love reading your stories even if it's just for the description and imagery you include.

Victoire and Scorpius is a bit of a rare pairing (I think - I don't really read many unusual pairings so I probably wouldn't know :P) but I found it so interesting to read about here, even if I do have Victoire and Teddy together in my head canon. I really liked the way that you told their story, in short snapshots, because really it didn't seem like a long, drawn-out love affair, and it was kind of more like a burning passion that was extinguished too quickly. Telling the story in short segments really worked to communicate that.

The nature of their relationship really captured my interest too. I've never read anything about them together and obviously there's quite an age difference, but you didn't attempt to explain how they ended up together and that left it to the reader's imagination. But I got the idea that this was something secret, perhaps illicit - the fact that they always meet outside, against the backdrop of the sea and bleeding sky, makes me think that they were hiding their relationship from other people. The way that they act together, the passion that you describe in their meetings, also makes me think that it was maybe an affair of some sort.

I loved the way that the relationship and their roles in it reversed in the course of this short piece. At the beginning, Scorpius seems to be the one who's more in love with Victoire, who cares more about her - she seems to be in control, more distant from him, and he's waiting for her and wanting to know her decisions about them. Then, eventually, he gets tired of waiting for her to make a decision and all of her hesitation, and once she's finally ready to choose he isn't there, and he becomes the one in control. I found that reversal really interesting to read and I can picture a relationship of sorts between them with the way that you've conceptualised it here.

This was a really lovely read, Kiana, and thank you for introducing me to another pairing I hadn't read before! I'll be back soon to review Ides ♥

Sian :)

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Review #4, by nott theodoreThe Art of Small Talk: Bam, Bam, Bam! Goes My Life

14th April 2015:
Hey Kiana! Yay, I'm so excited to see another chapter of this story up (and I just sneaked to your page to see Ides has been updated too, I have so much to read)! Although this review might be a bit rubbish as I need to go and get food and so I have to rush a bit :P

The conversation at the beginning of the chapter was interesting - I feel like there's something I'm blanking on but I'm really curious about why Eileen was annoyed with her and whether it also somehow links into everything else that's happening in Audrey's life at the moment. It might do, or it might just be that Eileen's having a bad day and taking her mood out on Audrey. But it was emphasised more than that would be, I think, with James saying later that Eileen's never annoyed at her and stuff, so I'm inclined to think that there is something behind it and it's got some significance for the plot. I just don't know what yet :P

The conversation with James was suitably awkward :P I had to laugh at the way that Audrey was dealing with things though and that her assessment of herself included owning a cat as being a sign of a mature adult. But I liked the way that she decided just to bring it up and out into the open because that way it was easier to deal with. It was sweet to see that James was so relieved to hear her talking about it as well, and the fact that she was okay with him being with Oliver. It was sad that he pointed out that so many people can't deal with him being gay and ask questions about whether he's really sure about it and stuff, but I thought it was a realistic portrayal of the sort of thing that happens.

Audrey's internal monologue was brilliant, once again. She's just such a vivid and likeable character and I really enjoy reading the story from her perspective. I know that I say that in pretty much every one of my reviews on this story, but it is true and it's one of my favourite things about this story. She's so funny with the way that she thinks about things and gets carried away with thoughts in the middle of a conversation or something.

I really enjoyed seeing George and Angelina again too! I'm starting to appreciate how difficult it is to write them but you do such a great job, and I really loved the way that George acted here, and his dialogue just seemed really in character. It made me laugh that Audrey arrived at one of the worst possible moments, probably, with the discussion about love potions going on - both Verity and Angelina expect that Audrey will be on their side and then it turns out that Audrey's actually the one who produced the potion for the shop. Oops!

Hmm, the hints that George was dropping about Percy are really interesting - I wonder if Percy's confided in him and said that he likes Audrey! I definitely think that Percy likes her and is probably more ready to admit it to himself than Audrey would be, and even though she's awkward the problem is likely more deep-rooted. When I think of all the things that have happened in her past, especially with her mum leaving, it's not going to be easy for her to form close bonds with people because there's always going to be that fear of them leaving. Anyway... I'm intrigued to see Percy again and how things develop between them!

Oh wow, I was not expecting the end of this chapter, not at all. I thought you did a fantastic job of creating the tension with the Aurors arriving and knocking on the doors - even though Audrey wasn't really involved so much in the war, I think those fears would still have existed for her, and it's clear that for George and Angelina and Verity, those fears haven't gone away. George is still ready tor react as well, as if the instinct to protect himself and the people he cares about will never go away. It's kind of sad to think that the war had such an impact.

The Aurors were really rough in the way they handled finding and arresting Audrey! I was kind of surprised at that, since she wasn't actually resisting in the first place or running away from them or anything, so bashing down the door and then stunning poor Verity was really terrible. But I was even more shocked at the fact they arrested Audrey for making that potion to help Draco! I wouldn't have thought that it would actually be something worth arrest!

I don't know what's happened to Draco, but I think that Penelope might have had something to do with all of this. And I'm worried about Audrey being able to get out, too, because she's not always great in situations that require quick-thinking and I don't want her to end up in even more trouble! I'm kind of thinking that Percy might turn up and do a Mark Darcy and help her get out of prison, but that's the only theory I can come up with at the moment :P

This was another great chapter and I was really happy to see it up - everything is so hectic for you right now and it can't be easy to find time to write as well, but I love reading this when you do get time to update! ♥

Sian :)

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Review #5, by nott theodoreL'optimisme: Bulgaria

13th April 2015:
Laura ♥ (This review is taking me a ridiculously long time to write because I keep getting distracted, and I'm also very tired so keep reading things wrong in this chapter, but I'm finally here :P But just a warning in advance if this review is worse than usual and even more rambly...)

The opening of this was just... wow. There was a real shift in tone there from the last time we saw Gellert in this story, when he seemed more wistful and nostalgic. Here he really seems to have been ensnared by the lure of power and he's consumed with it completely, going down that path even though he knows where it will lead him.

Also, the imagery in that opening section. I mean, your description is always stunning and beautiful, but the imagery there was just incredible. I reread it a couple of times, just thinking over the way that you used fire and all the things it could symbolise in this story (which I'm not going to list, because I'm sure you know them all and were intending them to be there when you wrote it, so). It was just really powerful and evocative to me, and to open the chapter with that just gave it such an impact.

I think that in this chapter we seem to get more of an insight into the differences between Gellert and Albus, too, and especially the ways that they grew apart after going their separate ways. Gellert can't stand being still; he's the sort of person who always has to have a purpose, a motive for doing something, and he wants the sense of power that being able to move around gives him. Stripping away his independence and freedom when he's imprisoned after being defeated in the duel is the worst thing that could happen to him, and I loved the way that you touched on that. You've thought so deeply into these characters and know them so well, and it really comes across in your writing.

There was also a real shift in the way that Gellert thinks about Albus in this chapter, too - a lot more bitterness and some jealousy, too. Albus is the one who, though he's often content to sit in contemplation, still has his freedom while Gellert's in prison. And Gellert seems to be very ambitious but also tries to be true to himself, in a way; he's kind of ideological in his plans for domination and power. Because of that it's even worse to him when Albus disassociates himself (as much as possible) from the schemes and dreams that the two of them once had. There's a lot of bitterness and resentment towards Albus because of that, I think, and Gellert's trying to convince himself that he doesn't feel anything for Albus anymore, but the fact that his thoughts come back to him so constantly throughout the course of the chapter proves that he's not fallen out of love with him.

Is it okay to say that I also found it a little scary to see how well you managed to capture Gellert's mindset when he was setting out on his plan for world domination? :P You capture him so well in this, and you could really feel the greed and determination there.

I loved, once again, the way that you segued from one location to the next. Bulgaria comes into play, and Bulgaria's the natural next step because we know that Gellert stole the Elder Wand when he was still a young man, so it makes sense for him to then go there - in search of something, with a purpose. The sorts of things he needs to distract him from thoughts of Albus, really.

I could have probably drooled over that last section for the amazing description and imagery that was contained in it. I won't, partly because I'd want to analyse every line and I don't have anywhere near enough characters for that, but seriously, Laura - how do you keep doing this? Throughout this chapter - the fire, the hunter imagery, and then the sky, something that encompasses the two of them no matter where they are. And those last two lines... just, erm, wow. I don't actually know what else to say.

This was really beautiful, as always, and I apologise now for the complete confusion that this review must be because my brain is slowly shutting down as I write it :P

Sian :)

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Review #6, by nott theodoreBruises: Terror

13th April 2015:
Hi Kaitlin! Here for the Red vs. Gold review battle!

I chose this story because I feel like I've seen you posting statuses about this being the best thing you've written so far. I might just have been imagining that, but I wanted to read it anyway and it was really impressive!

I loved the creativity that shone from this story. The banner challenge in itself is such a good idea, and I'm so excited to see all the different stories that it inspires, and this was such an original and interesting story to come from your banner. You not only created a whole new character for this story, as well as fleshing out her whole background, but managed to capture the reader and pull them into the narrative as well - I was so gripped reading this, determined to find out what was going on and what would happen to the protagonist!

From the very beginning of this piece, I found myself asking loads of questions: where was this happening? Who was the character this was happening to? What was actually happening? The fact that I was asking all of those things just goes to show that you've crafted a great opening to the story - we don't know any of these details because the protagonist herself doesn't know, so we're even more drawn into the narrative because we go on the discovery process with her.

From the first point that I read her name, I was racking my brains for a mention of a Caroline as a canon character, but couldn't remember one. It became clear pretty soon that it was an OC, though, especially with the way the setting was described; to me it felt like it was somewhere in the States (and because you'd deliberately left clues to that) and I placed it sometime in the twentieth century, although I wasn't entirely sure when. I couldn't help wondering, when I heard the surname 'Johnson', if Caroline was somehow distantly related to Angelina, but I think that's probably stretching things too far :P

The way that you structured this story was really well thought-out as well. The different days broke things down so that we got a much better insight into the way Caroline was processing time, counting in days rather than weeks or months, and the fact that you build this story up over a relatively short timescale helps increase the tension and the curiosity about what exactly is going on. I really liked the way that they varied in length, too, some shorter and some longer, focusing on specific moments. It gave a great idea of how Caroline's life in captivity was.

As for what was happening, it was so fascinating to read! When I started reading this my first thought, especially when capture was mentioned, was that it was something to do with Dark Magic or the Death Eaters. But it quickly became clear that the 'treatments' and the 'procedures' weren't magical, and were some form of Muggle medicine. I realised quite soon after that that the story was focusing on somebody's 'treatment' for witchcraft.

Even though I find it fascinating, I've not actually seen the Muggle perception of witchcraft dealt with very often in fanfiction (I wrote a story about it myself, but set in a very different time period :P) but it was both interesting and heart-breaking to see what happened to Caroline here because of her magic. And while we think that Hogwarts and all of that magical world is fiction, it's sad to remember that these sort of treatments were actually carried out on people for no real reason.

I really enjoyed reading the scenes with Caroline's parents. Things didn't seem as threatening or as tense when they were there, but really, they were the cause for all her suffering in the first place. Having seen the way that you wrote it, I do think they did it out of love for her and fear of what was right/wrong and what might happen to them as a family, but even so, it's an awful thing for them to have submitted their daughter to. When she didn't remember them at first, and they were devastated by it, it almost felt like a just reward for what they'd done.

Sarah was so cute in this! I got the impression earlier on in the piece that she was younger and I liked the way that Sarah had been the one who first reignited the memories of home for Caroline, and when Caroline was able to return home that bond between them was reinforced. You captured their sibling relationship so well, and Caroline's protective nature when it comes to her sister, the one thing that's enough to wake her from her stupor and show that the treatment didn't even work anyway. I'm so glad that she's not going to sit back and let her sister go through what she had, and that she's not actually lost her magic!

And, um, I'm sorry for this rambling review which quite probably didn't make much sense, but I'm exhausted and English is proving difficult at the moment :P But I really enjoyed this story and you did a great job on it!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian!

I'm so happy you chose to read this story! I was very excited about it when I finished it!

I'm thrilled that you thought my usage of the banner was creative. I always tend to go off on tangents that stray from the normal with challenge prompts.

Getting the reader to ask questions and be a bit confused was my goal. I wanted it to be slightly disorienting and confusing in the beginning because I wanted the reader to be pulled into Caroline's struggle.

Caroline is definitely an OC and you were right. This is supposed to be in the States, more specifically the South. I imagine this taking place somewhere in the 1950's.

The structure was a bit nerve wracking for me because I was worried it would get too redundant. By the time that I finished the 14th day, I was really worried that most readers would clock out around the 11th day.

Funny how easy it is to mistake muggle medicine for torture. Some of the procedures that have occurred in medical history could certainly be classified as such.

I've been toying with the idea of writing a novella around a character who's magical, but from a non-accepting muggle family. I imagine the struggle could be quite intense. Maybe one day I'll get around to it! It is incredibly sad to think about how much this story, this scenario, and these types of treatments happen in the real world, but for vastly different reasons.

I'm not sure the good intentions of her parents justifies their actions. They've basically mutilated their child for no reason. I can't imagine any good parent doing that.

Sarah is absolutely Caroline's saving grace. She triggers the memories. She is the strength Caroline needs to keep fighting back. And in the end, she is the motivation for Caroline to keep them both safe.

Your review made perfect sense and absolutely brought a smile to my face! Thank you so much for putting in so much detail! It made my day to read this!

~Kaitlin



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Review #7, by nott theodoreWhat The Heart Wants: The Light

10th April 2015:
Hi Ashwini! I saw you posting about this story on the forums and I thought I'd come and give it a read!

I thought this was a really original and sweet idea for a story! I love Ron and Hermione together but I haven't actually read much of them for a long time, so I was intrigued to see what moment you would choose to write about. I don't think I've ever read a story which focuses on Hermione's thoughts and feelings when Ron's just left them in the seventh book before, so I really enjoyed reading your interpretation of the events and the way that she felt.

I loved the way that you began this story! That simple sentence had a lot of impact for me, and really showed the fact that Hermione felt so drained when Ron had left her. You did a brilliant job of showing what Ron meant to Hermione in that section - the different things that she was feeling and thinking about in his absence really highlighted how much he meant to her.

I was so glad that you included the distinction between Harry and Ron, as far as Hermione's concerned, from the start of this. It's Ron who Hermione gravitates towards, even though she's doing what she believes is right and staying with Harry to help him find the Horcruxes and defeat Voldemort. Ron is the one who brings her laughter and comfort in the dark times and when he's gone she misses all of that.

Another aspect I really liked was the way that Ron being missing made Hermione reflect on all her memories of the two of them together, and to consider the way that her feelings developed and she came to love them. I liked the fact that it wasn't instant, because in the books we do see the way that it developed gradually, from their first year to when she first noticed feelings for him, and then started loving him.

The little details that you included in this piece were brilliant, too - you captured Hermione's character so well! Like the fact that life without Ron was as spiritless as a room without books for her - that was such a tiny character detail and added a lot to the story for me.

It was so sad to see how much Hermione missed Ron and the way that she wanted him to come back, to be a light to guide him back there but she didn't believe she could be. And then to see the switch in the narrative to Ron, who you also captured really well, and the way that he was wishing exactly the same thing. It was so sweet that when they were separated, they still had the same thoughts of each other, and they were reunited because of that love. So many feels! ♥

This was a really sweet one-shot and I really enjoyed reading it, Ashwini! I would never have believed that you wrote it in such a short space of time either!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hello Sian! I'm so glad you decided to give this a go, I really do need some feedback here! I usually write a bit darker stories than this one so I was very anxious. But now your review has given me quite some relief! :D

Actually, that's what I realised a while ago as well. I absolutely adore Romione but I hadn't written them and it was too long since I had read a story featuring them as protagonists so I decided to devote my free time to them and gave this plunny a go.

I believe that only during this time in the books Ron and Hermione realized how deep their love ran. They missed each other so much that they came to know that it was too hard to live without each other and I wanted to explore this. :D I'm happy you liked it!

That's exactly what I love the most about the relationship between Ron and Hermione. Firstly, it wasn't love at first sight, which I practically hate :P and I liked how their love developed through the years of friendship. It's great that you like it too. :)

Haha, thank you! The part from Ron's PoV IS rather cheesy and too much fluffy for my liking! ;) But anyways, you guys say it's good and I like stepping out of comfort zone for once!

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving such a wonderful review! I really appreciate that!

Ashwini


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Review #8, by nott theodoreUnconfirmed Reports: [S1:E1] Pilot/"The Pluckley Anomaly"

7th April 2015:
Hi Kevin! I'm here for our review swap (and I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to get here, but with everything that's been going on in real life recently, I'm still catching up with all of the things I've been missing out on and this was first on my list).

Also, I'm really glad that we got paired together because I've been meaning to read this for the longest time - since it first went up on the archives - and it's finally stopped giving me excuses to not read it :P

I really like the concept that you have here. Since you told me about this story, and the idea of an 'episodic' approach to a story, I've been so intrigued about how you were going to write it. I love the way that from the very beginning of this story, even with the chapter title, you make it clear that it's inspired by TV shows with the fact that this is a pilot. Since it is a pilot, I hope that you realise people want more of it and the rest of the series will come soon ;)

I love the set-up that you have here in the Ministry, and the way that we get to learn more about the way things work in the Ministry. I've always wondered what the Unspeakables actually do, and the fact that they - or at least some of them - investigate things that the Aurors and other people in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement don't was great! I definitely think that you did a good job of showing what they do as a job and how it's different to the other investigative roles we see in the series. One thing that helped distinguish them and their work from the Aurors et al. was the way that they actually thought about them in the narrative.

There are a few tiny points of CC that I'd mention to you. One of them is the way that you write the time - things like 1956. To me it looks more like a year than a time and I had to read it a few times before I worked it out. The other is I'd just read over some of Kieran's speech again - I feel like you've probably got his voice in your head when you're writing, but to me I'm reading it with a real mix of British accents and it sounds a bit strange. It's not a big thing but it just confused me a little bit.

The characters and the introduction to them was done brilliantly. Hatch and Landreth seem like very different people and I can definitely see the way that they reflect the sort of duos that you tend to get on a TV detective show. Hatch doesn't seem impressed with Landreth at first but she proves her worth and the fact that she's actually got a talent for detecting.

The mystery was really interesting, too! I'm so intrigued by it and I loved the way that it unfolded through the chapter, and that it got solved in the chapter too. I'm so curious about whether it will have links to other 'episodes' too!

This was a really great start to your story, Kevin, and I really enjoyed it! Sorry for the lateness in the review and the shortness (compared to most of my reviews, anyway :P) of it too. I'm looking forward to future chapters/episodes - maybe there'll even be some two-parters?

Sian :)

Author's Response: Howdy Sian! No worries. Life = mayhem right now for me too!

I was excited we were paired together too! It's been too long since I read anything of yours - let's not even start talking about how behind I am on Jigsaw...

Since you speak of "the rest of the series" it will certainly be coming. First, I wanted to gather some feedback on the piece, but my goal (if I can reach it at this point) is to clean up the end of this episode and then get through the next two for Camp NaNo. I'm pegging the whole project at about 25,000 words so we'll see what I can do (hopefully lots better than I have been).

I'm really glad you liked the intro to the Ministry and the two main characters. As the series progresses I think you'll find that the approach to making Hatch and Landreth seem in many ways like a stereotypical detective duo is a bit of a nod to the familiar that will erode over time. While their overall personalities will remain largely intact, they definitely won't stick to the veteran-rookie archetypal relationship for long - at least not the extent they seem to fit that mold in this chapter.

As far as plot I will say that there's a reason the end is rather abrupt here and that we don't get a lot of information. While it won't be developed immediately, it is actually the first cog in the first major arc of the series - indeed editing in some more tidbits toward that end is what I have to finish up before moving on in earnest. Two-parters is something I haven't schemed out so far, but it's definitely not out of the question. Once I finish Season 1 (hopefully still this year, though we'll see since I also want to finish Evolution and don't have loads of free time), My goal will be to have the subsequent seasons last a year, with an episode a month.

As far as the CC goes though, it's very valid and much appreciated. Part of the reason for Hatch expressing time that way is his background, that element of which will come to light later this season, but I will consider inserting colons in there instead. With the speech for Kieran...yeah...I actually modeled it after this hodgepodge accent I used as a mock trial witnesses that ended up sounding as a mixture of multiple accents (but I nearly won a witness award with it - and I was almost never a witness. Shows how gullible we Americans are about even quasi-British accents :p). Kieran's background is a actually a potential reason for that, though I'm not wedded to it (primarily because I'm not sure if developing a "hybrid" accent is realistic at all. Though I would honestly need SERIOUS guidance to tweak it really.

Thanks for this wonderful review, Sian! It was really helpful for me as I start to move back into writing the series again!


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Review #9, by nott theodoreMy New Life: Beginning of Classes

19th March 2015:
Hello again! I'm here with another review for the HPFF Fundraiser!

It was really interesting to read about Nikki's first day of classes at Hogwarts! There was lots going on in this chapter and it was so interesting to read about it all - you packed a lot of information into this chapter and it really was great to read it and find out how Nikki is gradually getting to become a part of the wizarding world.

The fact that Katie is the only one in the Gryffindor girls that year to come from a magical family is really interesting, and at least means that Nikki won't feel so out of place as she gets used to life at Hogwarts. I also like the way that the Weasley twins are both starting to notice her around and be friendly - that's definitely going to be helpful in the future, I think.

The different classes that Nikki had on her first day were really interesting, and although we know what happens in those sort of lessons, it was interesting to read about them and what happened to Nikki in them.

The one that interested me most is when the conversation was overheard by Nikki and she heard them talking about her and Lily Evans. I'm wondering now if Nikki is supposed to somehow be Harry's older sister, although I hadn't expected that before. I'm intrigued about whether we'll find out more in the future on that!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind reviews. I am afraid my writing takes after my conversations lol somtimes I just don't know when to quit. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Thank you once again for reading and reviewing!

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Review #10, by nott theodoreMy New Life: The First Day

19th March 2015:
Hi again, here with another HPFF Fundraiser review!

Ah, this was a really interesting chapter to read as well! I was a bit worried for Nikki about what her first day would be like because she was so apprehensive and nervous before she went to Hogwarts, but I'm really glad that it went well!

I thought you did a wonderful job of describing the castle and the approach to it. It sounded so beautiful and I could picture the castle in my mind very easily. It was clear to see the sense of awe that it inspires in the young first years crossing the lake to it for the first time - it really is magical!

You also did a really good job writing Hagrid's speech, even though he didn't say much overall. He's always a difficult character to write, I think.

Ah, so Nikki's in Gryffindor! That's great (Gryffie myself :P) because it ties her in more to canon and we get to see her with characters like the Weasleys and Katie Bell, so that really places her firmly in that setting. I thought the letter that she wrote to her parents and siblings was really sweet as well, though. It would be important to keep in contact with them, especially for Muggle-borns, so it was sweet to see her thinking of them straight away on her first proper day.

Sian :)

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Review #11, by nott theodoreMy New Life: Into the Unknown

19th March 2015:
Hello again, here reviewing for the HPFF Fundraiser!

This was another really interesting chapter. Into the Unknown is a really good title for it. I can't imagine how I would have felt if I was leaving my family behind at the age of eleven and travelling on my own to a magical school. Especially when I didn't even know that it existed just a few months before. It's not surprising that it seemed to pass so quickly for Nikki and that she was dreading the day arriving. But I really thought you did a good job of writing her emotions and thoughts when she was on the train, not knowing what to expect when she arrives.

I liked the appearance of the different Weasley brothers in this story. I always like including canon characters because it helps tie a story like this into the timeline we already know, and so that was great to see here. Plus we never see enough of Charlie in fanfiction!

The question about sorting is a good one - it's a scary prospect to someone who doesn't have any idea how it's going to work!

I liked the different perspectives at the end of this chapter too. Mia seems more wary of Nikki and almost jealous of her magic whereas Wart is more supportive. I'm interested to see what it'll be like there in the holidays.

Sian :)

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Review #12, by nott theodoreMy New Life: Diagon Alley

19th March 2015:
Hello again, here with another review for the HPFF Fundraiser!

I really liked this chapter as well! Once again (and this is the last time I'll mention it, as I think you'll get the idea from now on), I think it would be good to shorten your paragraphs and make the story easier to read. Partway through there's a really long paragraph which was kind of difficult to focus on and read.

I really liked the way that you wrote a little about the process for Muggle-born children (or in this case, someone who's grown up as a Muggle) when they start Hogwarts. They need someone to explain things to them and their family, and it would be pretty much impossible to get into Diagon Alley and get all the things you need if you've never done it before.

It was interesting to see Mia's jealousy creeping in here. She reminded me a little bit of Petunia actually, but I can understand the reason she wanted to join her parents and Nikki and I'm glad she did get to go eventually. I also liked the way that they mispronounced Diagon Alley because they'd never heard of it before.

McGonagall's not easy to write but I thought you did a good job of capturing her character in this. I also thought you did a great job of capturing the wonder and excitement that Diagon Alley holds, particularly for someone who's never been there and is visiting for the first time!

Sian :)

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Review #13, by nott theodoreMy New Life: The Final Decision

19th March 2015:
Hello again! I'm here reviewing for the HPFF Fundraiser again!

(I also realised I typed Maria instead of Mia by mistake in the last review, sorry about that!)

I enjoyed this chapter, as well. Things are moving quite slowly so far, but I think that it's really good that you're taking time to focus on the decision process that Nikki and her family are going through when she gets her Hogwarts letter. I don't think I've ever really seen it written about in detail before so I found it really interesting to read about. I don't think it would be an easy decision for any family, let alone this one. If you're adopted, the last thing you would want would be to be told you don't belong with the rest of your adoptive family.

I liked the way that her family helped her to come to terms with the fact that she needed to go to Hogwarts, though. You could tell that they really cared about her and that they had her best interests at heart, even if she didn't realise that and was maybe too young to appreciate it. Even Mia didn't betray her, but wanted to have all these fantastic opportunities, and that really shows they love her.

So now the decision's been made, and I'm looking forward to seeing what'll happen next!

Sian :)

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Review #14, by nott theodoreGoodbye Moon: Goodbye Moon

19th March 2015:
Hello again! I'm here reviewing, once again, in support of the HPFF Fundraiser!

Ah, I really love Remus and Tonks as a couple and although I've read quite a few different stories about them, I still don't think that there are enough stories written about them here on the archives. It was great to read this and discover your version of their love story.

Ah, this is just such a sad moment. It's so sad to think that these were their last moments together before the battle. I don't even want to think about the fact that poor Teddy was left alone without his parents because they were both so brave and went off to fight, and that Remus didn't want Tonks to fight but she couldn't stand being away from him and not knowing if he was okay. It's all so sad but such a lovely love story too!

I thought you captured their characters really well, even though this was just a short one-shot. You definitely managed to make Tonks's motivations clear when she left Teddy behind to join her husband and I thought that, even though you didn't emphasise it too much, you really showed how much Remus and Tonks loved each other in this piece. I really enjoyed reading it, and now I'm sad all over again that they died!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Sian,

Thank you so much for your kind words and taking the time to let me know what you thought of the story!

I have always been intrigued by the love between Remus and Tonks, and their selflessness in wanting to preserve one another. They are a lovely couple and I'm glad someone else shares that fascination with me.

Thank you, Sian! Your review means a lot :)

XX


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Review #15, by nott theodoreMy New Life: Maybe

19th March 2015:
Hi again! Here with another review in support of the HPFF Fundraiser!

Again, I think it would probably help if you could break up the paragraphs a little in this chapter. They're just quite long blocks of text and at times that makes them a little intimidating to read - if you change the formatting a little, it would be much more readable.

I liked the fact that Nikki wanted to talk to her siblings about the news that she's just had to discuss her options. I can understand the fact that she feels quite betrayed by her adoptive parents as they've never told her this, and she's going to be sent away to go to a school she's never heard of before. It's a scary prospect! It's great that her siblings are both close enough to her that she feels she can talk to them, though.

It was kind of sad to see that she thinks Maria is betraying her, because I think it is best for Nikki to go to Hogwarts, and in the end she'll be happy there. It's sweet to see how supportive Austin was though. And I'm looking forward to the rest of the story and seeing Nikki start at Hogwarts!

Sian :)

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Review #16, by nott theodoreMy New Life: They're Completely Mental

19th March 2015:
Hi again! Here for another review for the HPFF Fundraiser!

This was a great second chapter. We really seemed to delve into the action more here and we got to learn a lot more about some of the different characters. There were also lots of little references to the first Harry Potter book that I picked up on in this chapter and I thought that was a really clever way of connecting this story to canon.

I'm so intrigued to know who Nikki's parents actually were. It seems like her adoptive parents met with Dumbledore so that they could get her and that's interesting - it definitely helps to place this story in time.

I liked seeing the two siblings fighting outside the door to try and listen into the conversation. It reminded me a bit of Harry and Dudley listening into the Dursleys' conversation when Harry got his letter, although nicer. It was good to get a different insight too.

As far as constructive criticism goes, I'd suggest breaking up some of the paragraphs a little more in this chapter as some of them were quite long and a little difficult to read. You could also read through some of the dialogue again as there were several run-on sentences and some more punctuation would really help that.

I thought Nikki's reaction was believable - almost like Vernon's, in a way, actually! I'm intrigued about who her parents really are though!

Sian :)

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Review #17, by nott theodoreMy New Life: My Family

19th March 2015:
Hello there! Welcome to HPFF and congratulations on posting your first fanfiction on the site! I'm here reviewing stories for the HPFF Fundraiser!

I enjoyed this chapter - I haven't read any similar stories before so it was an interesting concept for me. I thought that there was a lot of description in this chapter; it was really detailed and that was great, because we got to have clear pictures of the different people in our minds from the beginning. The only thing I'd say is that you could probably find a way that flows a little better to show off those descriptive talents. Maybe they could all be sat round a table eating and then your protagonist has cause to describe her family?

From there I loved the idea of this big family that's a real mix of people, but that all seem to get on. Nikki seems to have had an interesting upbringing and belongs to a loving family so it's great for her. But at the same time, if you know you're adopted then it would definitely make you question who your real parents were when you receive an invitation to a school of magic! I'm intrigued to find out more about her family!

Sian :)

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Review #18, by nott theodorePure: Pure

19th March 2015:
Hello there! Welcome to HPFF! I'm here reviewing in support of the HPFF Fundraiser!

I haven't ever read a story like this - not that I remember reading, anyway. I enjoyed reading this. It was like a snapshot into the Malfoy family and as a missing moment it does fit in quite well to things that happen in canon. I thought it was great to get an insight into what you think pureblood families are like as well. It's always interesting to see different people's interpretations of them.

It's interesting that Narcissa doesn't have any comfort in Lucius's return. A lot of the stories I read including them have them as a loving couple so that was an unusual take but I enjoyed reading it still.

It's so sad to think of poor Draco in this story. He's so young and innocent, and at this age he looks up to his parents - and especially his father - so much that he'd probably accept anything that they told him. The fact that Lucius is determined to introduce him to dark magic from such a young age actually makes me feel a little bit angry. Feeding a child those sorts of prejudices is really frustrating because it's so hard to escape them afterwards. With an upbringing like this, Draco never had a chance, really.

Great little story!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hello Sian!

Thank you very much for the review! I am glad that you liked the story. I know that it has a lot of room for improvement and I plan to revise it in the future. I don't think that I quite got to where I wanted to be, but I'm very happy to see that you were able to get some of the bigger plot intentions from this early version of it!

Prejudice and the psychology behind it fascinates me. What truly makes people think that they are so much better than another human being? I think that if someone were to grow up in a pure-blooded family that prided themselves on that, they wouldn't have the option of thinking of it otherwise. I want to explore this subject more with Draco and the Malfoys.


Many thanks,

XX


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Review #19, by nott theodoreMaybe Forever: Into the Woods

19th March 2015:
Hi again! Here with another review for the HPFF Fundraiser!

I really enjoyed this chapter as well! I was interested to see where things would get to in this chapter and how you would develop the plot, and in just a short amount of time (as far as the plot is concerned) you've done a good job of letting us get to know the characters better. I'm also more interested and intrigued about the plot for this story.

I like the fact that people seem to be so accepting of Albus and Scorpius as a couple. It seems that people in their friendship group have probably known for a while that the two of them like each other and so they're more prepared for two people to get together. It's going to be interesting to see how the group dynamic changes now that they're together though, since it's inevitable when two people start a new relationship in a friendship group like that.

I really enjoyed reading the scenes between Aly (who I've now realised is a girl) and Blanche in this chapter. The game of truth or dare was interesting and I liked getting to know more about the two of them. The dialogue between them was also great - you wrote it so that it seemed natural and flowed well. I can definitely see some chemistry between Blanche and Aly, and I don't think it's just because we're reading from Aly's perspective. I'm enjoying this so far!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. It's been a while since I've posted anything for various reasons, but there is another chapter coming soon! I appreciate the positive feedback.

GM


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Review #20, by nott theodoreMaybe Forever: The Transfer

19th March 2015:
Hi there! Welcome to HPFF! I'm here reviewing in support of the HPFF Fundraiser (which is taking place at the moment to help raise money to keep this wonderful site alive)!

I was really intrigued by the summary of this story and I wasn't disappointed when I read this chapter!

The introduction of the character Blanche was really interesting. From the very beginning of the chapter it was clear how struck Albany, the narrator, was with Blanche and because of that it was almost impossible to avoid being interested in her. She certainly seems to have a striking appearance and she made an impact when she joined and arrived late to the Potions class. It's interesting that she was expelled (the story kind of made me laugh) and that she was put in Ravenclaw rather than being sorted.

The only thing that I was confused about was whether Albany was male or female or whether they were intended to have no assigned gender in this chapter. It wasn't clear and I wasn't sure if you intended that or not.

The Albus and Scorpius scenes were really cute! I haven't read many stories about the two of them, but they seem to be cute together and I'm happy for them already, even though we don't know them that well yet!

Sian :)

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Review #21, by nott theodoreA Magical Hunger Games: The Portal

19th March 2015:
Hi there! Welcome to HPFF! I'm actually here leaving reviews in support of the HPFF Fundraiser that's taking place at the moment to help keep the site alive!

I have to admit that I don't really read many crossover stories because I don't know many other fandoms enough to enjoy them properly. I've still only read the first book in the Hunger Games trilogy *hides* but I was intrigued by this and wanted to read it.

I liked the way that you opened this! The animals reminded me of a chase and at first I thought there was some sort of danger, and it really gripped me and made me want to read on in the story. I liked the way that it then turned out to be witches and wizards who seemed to have Animagus forms, and there wasn't actually any need to be worried as they were all friends.

The discovery of the cave and the door there was very intriguing. It's never a good idea to open a door when you don't know what's behind it - especially in the magical world - but I'm curious about what will happen next! This was only a short chapter to open the story, but I'm enjoying the story so far!

Sian :)

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Review #22, by nott theodoreThe Night Petunia Dursley Turned Cold: The Night Petunia Dursley Turned Cold

19th March 2015:
Hello there! I'm here reviewing in support of the HPFF Fundraiser!

I really, really love stories like this one. Petunia, in the books, seems like such a one-dimensional character at times. She's often portrayed that way in fanfiction and yet she's a character who's always intrigued me. She has a story of her own and I think that it deserves to be told, as well. It was great to see this story showing another side to Lily's sister and showing someone who mourned.

I was a bit confused on a few points, like how she found out everything about the Secret Keeper business (and why she didn't then tell Dumbledore that it had actually been Pettigrew and not Sirius, who betrayed her sister) and how she got to the house in the first place, but overall I really enjoyed this.

One other suggestion that I'd make is to break up some of the paragraphs a little so that it's easier to read the story. Mostly the first paragraph, which is difficult to read as it's a long block of text, but otherwise it's not a real problem.

Apart from those minor details I really enjoyed reading this. I liked the idea that, even though she hadn't told Vernon (from whose perspective we see the first chapter of the books), she had kept in touch with Lily and slipped out to her wedding, and wanted to have Dudley and Harry playing together. It's a different side to her that we don't see in the books. I liked your explanation for her coldness, too - the fact that Harry reminded her so much of the sister she'd loved that it was painful and so she treated him badly. It's really intriguing and I enjoyed this story!

Sian :)

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Review #23, by nott theodoreWhat is Fair About Love and War? : The Day After

19th March 2015:
Hi again! Here with another review for the HPFF Fundraiser!

The opening of the chapter showed just how awkward things were for Sapphire after she's cheated on Harry with Draco, and I think she deserves it to be honest. I know she tried to apologise but it's not surprising that Harry isn't in the mood to listen to apologies at the moment. I'm not surprised that he stormed out of Potions class, either.

Trust Snape to give Harry the detention and take points away from Gryffindor even though Draco punched Harry as well. That seems like him. But I can understand Harry being so hurt when he found out that not only did Sapphire kiss Draco on her birthday, but before they got together as well. It's not as if it was new.

It seems like now that Sapphire's lost Harry she's going to get with Draco soon. I'm not sure how I feel about that, really.

I can imagine Hermione ignoring Sapphire for doing what she had done to Harry. Hermione's a really loyal friend and wouldn't want to talk to Sapphire after something like that. I wonder what's going to happen over the Christmas holidays.

Sian :)

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Review #24, by nott theodoreWhat is Fair About Love and War? : Happy Birthday

19th March 2015:
Hi again! Here with another review in support of the HPFF Fundraiser!

Wow, this was another chapter with a lot of drama in it! I wasn't expecting that it would be so dramatic this early on in the story, especially because there was a very dramatic chapter recently.

I thought all of the different presents that people got for Sapphire for her birthday were really thoughtful. I especially really liked the way that Harry had decided he wanted to treat her and he got Blaise to help him with the different things that he could do for her birthday, although I was surprised by the fact he was able to take her out to Hogsmeade for a birthday dinner. I really liked Blaise's present though. It shows they're so close as cousins and it was very sweet and thoughtful of him.

The party was a really nice idea. I suspected that might be happening when Harry took Sapphire out so early and it was great for her to have a surprise party when she got back for her birthday. Even though she's only been there for a few months, if that, she seems to have settled in well.

Oh dear, I didn't think that the fact of Draco giving her a present could end well. In fact, I'm sure that's probably what he wanted - Harry and Sapphire to split up - but it's not great. I feel really sorry for Harry. Sapphire needs to start thinking about what she's doing before she does things which hurt people!

Sian :)

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Review #25, by nott theodoreWhat is Fair About Love and War? : The First Challenge

19th March 2015:
Hi again! Here with another review for the HPFF Fundraiser!

Personally, I think you could probably just use a few sentences - sometimes even just one - to recap what's been happening. Normally people remember if they're reading and enjoying a story, so you probably don't need to state that it's a recap of events at the beginning.

I thought Sapphire's reactions when Harry was going through the task for the Triwizard Tournament were well written. It makes sense that she'd be very nervous when she's watching it, especially because she's had to watch the others go through the tasks. I was surprised about the fact that Blaise was sitting with them and cheering for Harry too, but apparently him and Hermione seem to be together so it's kind of more understandable.

The party was really nice for Harry. He definitely deserves to celebrate after managing to get the golden egg from the dragon.

The conversation between Draco and Blaise was really curious. I thought they were talking about Voldemort, which surprised me because he hadn't actually come back at this point, but I suppose there's a way he might have got a message to them and threatened the two of them. I didn't expect that part of the story.

I wonder what the gifts that Blaise and Harry got for Sapphire are, and what Draco's going to get for her too.

Sian :)

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