Reading Reviews From Member: nott theodore
  
1,062 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nott theodoreLily, I'm a Werewolf. : Lily, I'm a werewolf.

18th August 2014:
Hi Meg! I'm here for the Gryffie review exchange!

It's been quite a while since I properly read anything set in the Marauders era, but I used to read a lot of it and I'm really surprised to be able to say that I don't think I've ever read about this moment before! And if it does happen in most stories then Remus tells Lily when they're at Hogwarts together and she and James have just started going out; it's a lot more realistic to read something like this, when Remus only tells Lily when his best friend is about to marry her. I've always thought that he would be extremely protective of his secret and only those who need to know get to find out, so to me this story makes a lot of sense there.

The only possible CC I had were a few tiny suggestions I have about phrasing. In this sentence 'and took his one hand in both of my own', it sounds a little bit like Remus just has one hand instead of two. And here 'he said with his voice growing thick', the 'with' feels a little out of place - I think you could take it out and still have it flow well and make sense. Those are only minor adjustments though, and nothing that really affect the flow of this story.

I also love the fact that you chose to write about the friendship between Remus and Lily for the friendship prompt in the house cup, rather than the Marauders, who many people focused on. We know from canon that Remus considered Lily a really good friend and it was great to see the way that you captured that friendship. It felt so believable and realistic and made me really smile to see the interactions between the two of them.

I think you characterised Lily really well! From the start, I could understand her anxiety about James and Sirius when they're away from her on a mission for the Order, because I think she probably would have been constantly living with the fear of hearing bad news about them. It felt so in character with the woman we see in canon; once she's realised that she loves James, the thought of losing him would become unbearable. And all of the little quips about the fact that she's managed to cope with James and Sirius, so she'll be able to deal with whatever Remus tells her - they were so funny but fit really well with the scene too!

Remus was portrayed brilliantly. I loved his anxiety about telling Lily the secret that he's a werewolf, and how apologetic he seemed beforehand, trying to tell her he'd understand if she didn't want to be friends any more. It's so true to Remus's character, because we see that he's constantly worried people will abandon him when they find out about his condition. I felt so sorry for him and how nervous he was about telling her, because he couldn't have known how well she'd react to the news. The hints of anger when he thought that James might have given away his secret were very realistic too, because I can imagine how he'd have felt at the thought of his friend betraying him.

Lily's reaction is fantastic, too. I love her genuine concern for seeing Remus when he's in pain, and wanting to help him. Her reaction to the news was so in character, not being surprised at all because she's figured it all out herself in the past when they were at school, and just never felt the need to bring it up. She does remind me a bit of Hermione, and it makes sense she wouldn't have the same prejudice towards werewolves as others might, being a Muggle-born.

The ending to this story was lovely as well. It was really nice to see them after this moment, not just staying friends but probably having a stronger friendship because Remus doesn't need to worry about being accepted for who he is any more. The dialogue in this was great and you did a great job of capturing their characters and keeping them in line with the people we see in canon. This is a great one-shot!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hiya Sian!!

My head-canon, she doesn't find out until later. I agree completely. I do think he would try to keep it from her as long as he possibly could justify hiding it. But if James were to continue running around with him during the full moon, which I'm sure he did, then he would have to tell her. Otherwise, she would be wondering where her husband was running off to once a month, and that could cause some serious marital issues. ;)

Now that you have pointed that out, I can see how that does sound rather awkward. I wrote this very quickly to try to get it in on time for the HC. I'll definitely go back and edit that. Thank you for pointing it out!

I feel, most likely, Remus was the only Marauder Lily genuinely would have liked during their time at school. Remus was very smart, sweet and not at all arrogant. I really wanted to write about their friendship, because you don't see it that often. I'm glad you enjoyed that and it seemed realistic!

Lily is such a highly loved character in the series, and I was truly hoping to get her right. I'm thrilled her compassion seemed to come through, because we're told how kind she was. I can see her being a mess if James was away, doing something dangerous. Especially with Sirius, since they're well known for being reckless. I'm happy you liked that, about her marrying James and tolerating Sirius. I wanted to throw a little bit of lightheartedness in there to ease the tension.

I really enjoy writing Remus, and may try to write more of him, so that's awesome that you feel I did a good job with him. I think he is just such a wonderfully flawed character. I'm sure he would have expected her to throw him out of the house, and never speak to him again. And I am sure that he would have never expected her to figure it out, let alone laugh. I'm sure the first thing that would have went through his head would be, "James told her." You're right, I'm sure he would have been very angry and betrayed at the thought of James telling Lily.

I can imagine that would have been the last thing Lily expected Remus to be telling her, honestly. Seeing someone who she loves in pain, would tear her up. Her laughing, that made me giggle while writing it. I could just picture the horrified look on Remus' face while Lily began laughing at his big secret. I've always felt Lily and Hermione were rather similar, more than them both being Muggle-born. I think Lily, just like Hermione, would have figured that out. And would not have judged, or thought any less of him for it. I completely agree with you; growing up in the Muggle world, they would not have the same prejudices about other magical beings.

This was a bonding moment for Lily and Remus, and I'm sure their friendship would have never been the same after this. In a good way. I think they would be a lot closer, because now Remus could completely be himself around Lily. It must have been extremely liberating for him.

Thank you so much for such an incredibly lovely review! Your kind words have made me smile and I appreciate it so much! Thank you again!!

xoxo Meg


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Review #2, by nott theodoreSevenfold: all dead hearts to you

17th August 2014:
Hi Jenna!

Can you explain something to me? How on earth do you manage to write such long chapters which don't seem long at all because the writing is so brilliant? Not fair, I want skills like yours! (Although I'm also perfectly happy to enjoy your lovely writing :P)

The opening of this chapter was so chilling to read. I think it's amazing that you can manage two different timelines at once in the same story, especially when I consider how closely the storyline from the 1940s is merged with the events from the second world war. The attention to detail there is really impressive and it's great to read about it. Finding out what had happened after the scene we saw in the last chapter was really interesting; it's so sad that her mother's unable to do anything because of her grief. But I think that makes it more believable that Ada would feel prompted into action, just to do something, because the adults in her family are dead or unable to act.

Even so, Ada's quite a strange character. I'm not sure that I actually like her, to be honest, because she's so cold and detached from what she's doing in this chapter. It's quite terrifying to think of someone so young killing in cold blood (although this is kind of a crime of passion too, I suppose, and revenge - at least the first murder is!), and planning it and executing it so calmly. Already here I can see that she has potential to be the Sevenfold killer in the future, although I am really intrigued about what might lead her to the next murder!

The description of the way that Ada decided to arrange the body once she'd killed Gottschalke was really intriguing, too. I'd wondered how that sort of arrangement came about, and it was interesting to read about why she chose to put the body in the shape of a cross to mirror a crucifix. The red ribbon is there as well already - it's quite chilling, and I'm wondering how on earth this is going to tie in with whatever is happening with the murders in the present day and whether it is just a copycat or something more sinister.

Once again, I loved Louis's section! He seems so real and believable, but he's also incredibly likeable as well. I found the background to Louis's family and to James's childhood really interesting as well, because it's the sort of thing that's never really focused on. I think it's great to see such original characterisations of the Weasley/Potter children, because I don't think I've ever read about them having learning difficulties or problems like that before. The details about the sort of education they got at a primary school level was great, too, since I've always wondered what magical children do to learn to read and write before they actually start at Hogwarts!

I loved the way that you wrote Ginny's character in the section when she came to see James early in the morning. The relationship between James and Louis is lovely because the dynamics that you've described seem really believable. I can just imagine Ginny arriving early in the morning (although really not that early) and being disgusted at finding James there with a girl she's never met, who he goes on to say isn't his girlfriend :P To be honest, I don't blame Harry for trying to get Louis to warn James that she was going to be coming to visit!

The development on the case was really interesting, too, especially the fact that Runcorn is still working at the Ministry and because of that he obviously knows about the fact he's being considered a suspect in the investigation. And Theodore Nott was there too, and that's making me wonder if perhaps he had something to do with it, even though he's not been mentioned yet - I'm not believing that anyone but Louis is innocent at the moment! (Although thinking about it, it could be him and he's an unreliable narrator... or maybe it could even be Eugenie Bones! No, I hope it isn't her!)

The pictures you're painting of all the different next generation characters are brilliant. They all just seem so vivid and real that they stand out to me as really original characters, especially compared to a lot of other next generation stories. I think that's really hard to do since so many stories are written about them!

The idea of Victoire being an angry sort of feminist is brilliant, especially since she's the oldest of the cousins because I can imagine her telling all of them off for making any sexist remarks and trying to get all the girls to join in her beliefs as well. The line about having raised Louis to something better made me laugh so much!

Dominique sounds great as well, and it's so funny to think of her being a hippy who's gone of with her friends and has a series of oddly named boyfriends with whom she goes around the country trying to protect the environment. I loved the way that they were talking about all the different things that she might encounter too, and the Muggles were listening in and they switched to French to avoid them eavesdropping. I like the relationship between them a lot as well, as they seem to get on well in spite of little differences. It's so interesting to see that!

This was another great chapter and I'll be reading on soon! Although I'm suspecting all sorts of people right now and I'm not going to trust any of these characters at the moment :P I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next in the mystery!

Sian :)

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Review #3, by nott theodoreDecoding the Tutshill Tornados: The One with St. Mungos

17th August 2014:
Hello!

Oh, this was a really sad chapter to come back to. I've been worried about Amy since the cliffhanger that you left the last chapter on but this was so much worse than what I thought it would be - I hadn't expected that Amy's condition would be so serious! I know that this story is fluffy and funny but at the same time you never fail to show how versatile you manage to be as a writer, with chapters like this one which are really moving and tense!

I thought you wrote the tension and the nerves of the scene really well. I don't think being the last one to arrive makes James a bad friend, though. But I can understand why he'd feel that way and feel guilty about what's happened, because that's the sort of person James is. And in a situation like this one, I think it's only too easy to try and take the guilt on yourself because there's nothing else that you can really do.

It was great to see everyone else there at the hospital though, even though they don't all know Amy that well. That's the sort of family I imagine the Weasleys to be, rallying around each other when they need it. And Fred needs it right now.

It was so, so upsetting to see Fred devastated the way that he was! I can understand it completely because he acted differently with Amy than he did with any of the other girls he'd been out with and it was so obvious how much he cared about her. I can't believe that her condition's been like that for over a day and James has only just found out, but I want to give Fred a hug because of the way that he's blaming himself. He couldn't have known that a fall down the stairs was going to lead to something so serious!

The things that the Healers are saying about Amy's chances of survival are so worrying and I think you wrote Fred really well. Amy can't die! Please don't let that happen!

I don't want James to get benched, either, but I feel like the code is really unfair! It's typical that James would join a team with a code now but things could be much more serious than that if David Flynn is getting involved again. I think he really deserved that Dobby for Best Villain last year when we see how evil and plotting he can be when he's locked up in prison!

Rose and Bink are kind of hopeless at the moment. Part of me hopes that they'll get their act together and work things out between them but at the same time I think it might be a bit unlikely. I guess we'll see if either of them ends up ready to make a move!

I'm so pleased that James went and got his parents at the end of this chapter, even if they weren't happy about being woken up! The threats that are being thrown around at the moment aren't fair for James to deal with when he's only just eighteen and still hasn't played a proper game of professional Quidditch yet. Hopefully Harry and Ginny will be able to come up with a plan to help sort things out, and I'm really hoping that Amy's going to be okay as well because I'm not sure I can deal with reading about a really heartbroken Fred!

Sian :)

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Review #4, by nott theodoreYou Can Write The Book: it's all in the details

17th August 2014:
Hi teh! I've been meaning to come and read this story for absolutely ages as well and I'm so glad that I got the chance to read it!

I know that Dennis Creevey is one of your favourite characters and I absolutely loved the way that you portrayed him in this story. You've captured the little boy that we see in the books and made him into a real and believable character. He could easily walk off the page (or screen, in this case) and into real life.

I loved the way that, from the start, you brought the whole Creevey family to life and made them seem very real, just with little aspects and touches that don't seem that important when you first read them. It's great to see that you've taken the tiny details we know about them from canon - that their father was a milkman, that they were both Muggle-born brothers - and expanded them into something much bigger. Having Dennis refer to his mum as mam gives him more of a regional accent in my mind and places him somewhere in the country straight away; follow that with the fact their holidays were a weekend trip to the seaside and we realise they're from a family that isn't very well off. I know they're only tiny details but it's things like that I love in stories like this one, as they really help to make the narrative believable and authentic.

I think my favourite thing about this (which is hard to say, because I loved the whole story) was the way you captured Dennis's voice. I feel like it would have been so easy to show him as a child, but here he sounds like a man, who's grown and suffered and seen a lot of things. He misses his brother, and that strong relationship really comes through well, but at the same time there's a hint of anger sometimes. Anger that he's been left behind, and that his parents are grieving so much for their eldest son that they can't seem to pay proper attention to Dennis. There are so many conflicting emotions that I can see in this piece and that makes Dennis seem so realistic and believable, because I think those sorts of things are exactly what anyone would be feeling in a similar situation to his.

Another thing I loved was the concept of telling this story through the photographs that Colin had taken. It's really interesting to see what each of them triggered for Dennis in terms of the memories that accompanied them when he viewed them, because they mean a lot more to him than they would to the average viewer. Colin's love of photography is something that we know so well from the books but I loved your interpretation of it, which made it seem original. I liked the idea of Colin having all these different projects, and that was why he wanted to take so many photos of Harry Potter - not that he was so in awe of him as a person, but that he was interested in the way that the camera would capture him.

It was brilliant that you included the fact that Colin was petrified, too, but rather than just mentioning the fact, you explore it. I've never seen a story that includes any sort of explanation of what being petrified must have been like and it was actually worse than I imagined in this, since he wasn't actually unconscious and could only concentrate and see one thing. For someone like Colin who's so intent on exploring the world, it would be even more frustrating.

The ending was just brilliant. I loved the way that all of these pictures built up an image of different people and were, in a way, memories of Colin for Dennis because of what they made him think of, but at the same time, there weren't any physical reminders because Colin was always the one behind the camera lens. For Dennis to have used the camera once and taken an inexperienced photograph which actually has his brother in must be something really special for him to see and remember him by. Not, clearly, that Dennis is in any danger of forgetting Colin, but the fact that he's there, captured in a photograph, shows that he was real and living and not just a memory. Something like that is really important and I thought ending the story the way you did was incredibly poignant.

I could ramble on for a lot longer but it would mostly include quoting a ton of lines back to you, so I'll just say that I absolutely loved this story and it was amazing!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Waaahh! SIAN! ♥

I don't know what I've done to deserve all these wonderful reviews from you but THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! This was a huuuge surprise and an absolute joy to read! Yay!!

And thank you for reviewing this little fic of mine! This holds a very special place in my heart; you're right - I do adore Dennis Creevey, though it's been some time since I wrote a fic really focusing on him. *updates to-write list*

When I first wrote this fic nearly two years ago, I wanted to create a life for both COlin and Dennis, a very normal life, quite different from how magical children would have been brought up, and definitely not a life most people would think of as extraordinary, heroic. Telling it through snapshots seemed like a natural choice, given that Colin's so into photography. Dennis is definitely putting together Colin's life again, in whatever pieces he has. It's never complete because Colin isn't really in those pics, and Dennis is filling in the gaps himself. Until of course that last picture.

I'm so glad you like his voice! I don't believe he sounds like the typical fourteen or fifteen year old, but he has gone through some serious life-changing stuff (a war, for instance), and I do feel that he's lost more than a brother by the end of everything. I'm glad you noticed how alienated he feels from his parents. It's somehow my headcanon that Colin with his lively personality was the apple of his parents' eye, and losing him was a dreadful blow to everyone.

I included petrification because I thought it would create an interesting contrast to the idea of precious moments being 'frozen' in (Muggle) photographs. Except with Colin's petrification, it was himself being actually frozen and paralysed and unable to perceive the world around him. It must have been awful for poor Colin. :( Dennis won't quite understand that.

The ending is my favourite favourite ending ever to write bahaha! I think you analysed it amazingly well; it's an ending that means a lot to me, and to hear your detailed, thoughtful comments about this is just so wonderful!!

Thank you so, so much for this brilliant review, lovely! ♥ And for all the amazing reviews you've left me in the past.

-teh


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Review #5, by nott theodoreSunshine: Hero

16th August 2014:
Hi Adi! Sorry it's taken me a few days to get here!

Aw, this was so cute! It's really nice to read some fluff because lately I've been reading some more angsty stories and it's very refreshing. But anyway, yay for fluff and happiness and you writing again!

I absolutely loved the way that you capture the scenes just after the battle has finished! I think you wrote them really well, and I could see the confusion and the sort of chaos that there is for people as the fact that it's finally over is sinking in, and they want to go and find their family and reunite with them. With all of that, there's an intense relief that comes through when people are celebrating and enjoying the fact that they're finally free from the darkness and shadow that they've been living under. I found all of that part of the story very realistic and believable - you wrote it so well!

Neville, as well; you captured his personality perfectly in this moment, and I thought your portrayal of him was great. This is exactly how I picture Neville to be in the moments after the battle is over. During the last year at Hogwarts when he's had a purpose and people have looked up to him, trusting him to lead them in the fight and the resistance against the Carrows. He was a lot more unsure of himself when he was younger and it makes sense to me that even though he's come through the war and been such a great leader for people, he now begins doubting himself again. It works so well to capture his personality and I particularly loved all the questions that he's asking himself.

I really liked the way that even though he's starting to doubt himself a bit, we can still see the way that he's grown over time. The fact that he remembers the way Harry's turned to him and how proud his grandmother was, and Luna too, show that he's got more belief in himself and I think you did a great job of portraying that.

Aw, and the ending of the chapter was really cute as well! I liked the way that it ended with a Hannah and Neville moment but didn't launch into a full romance or anything. It's just a small, shared moment at the end of the battle and maybe it doesn't seem so significant yet, but I think there's a lot of potential for it to grow and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next!

Sian :)

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Review #6, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Prisoner

16th August 2014:
JENNA NO I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS.

Wah, I can't believe that I've caught up only to be left on a cliffhanger like this and now I'm absolutely terrified and struggling to form a coherent review because what are you doing to me with this story! Although I will try my best because this was an amazing chapter and it deserves a semi-coherent review!

I felt so sorry for Tor in this chapter! I thought you did a brilliant job of capturing the sort of boredom and neglect she's feeling at home when her parents are basically treating her as a nuisance. It must be so horrible to be cut off from all of her friends at home and not even know whether or not she's going to hear back from them. And she doesn't even know whether or not she's going to get a tutor soon, so there's a lot of uncertainty about minor things in her life, without even coming to the issue of Terry. And they seem to blame her for what they had to do about the Snatchers who were at Malfoy Manor too, which feels unfair.

Selena really didn't seem to care much about the fact that Tor was feeling upset and lonely - it isn't fair the way that she favours Daphne so much. And now that Yaxley's so stressed and worried about what's going on with the Death Eaters, it's only natural she feels abandoned a bit. But at least they seem to have bought the story that she was writing to Taurus rather than Terry or a Ravenclaw that they've heard about. So their secret seems a bit safer for now, until the ending!

The fact that someone was trying to break into the wards... I wonder if it was actually Terry, trying to get to Tor? If so, it makes me even more worried that he's got a reason to come and try and find her other than maybe just wanting to see her, and that might be the reason that he turns up at Malfoy Manor too...

I wanted to shout at her parents for getting rid of her to Malfoy Manor, and on her birthday too! And Draco started off being horrible but it was nice to see the scene with the two of them and the way that he tried to warn her to some extent of what she should expect. It's a real worry and possibility that they might try and induct Tor to the Death Eaters now and I hope they don't, because she's so young and it would be absolutely awful to see her forced into doing something like that. But the chance to see the scene between them, and the way that Draco was kind of looking out for her, was sweet. It was really interesting to see his opinions on the way that Draco thinks they attract new members to the Death Eater ranks too, and the fact that he'd share it with Tor shows that he does trust her - at least, I think it does.

Oh my goodness, I can't believe that final scene! Even though I've read it before right back at the beginning of this story, a whole forty chapters ago, it was still terrifying. Even more so, I think, because we know now how sweet Terry is but also how much he means to Tor. It was petrifying to read the interrogation and see it again through Tor's eyes now that we know all that's happened between them - my heart was actually racing. I'm so, so worried for them now and I can understand why Tor would deny knowing him, because in a way I think they would be more dangerous if they knew about the relationship there was between them - they'd blame him for polluting her thoughts, or something like that. It's so scary to think that they might be found out and I'm just hoping that Terry and Tor will manage to get through this unharmed.

I'm so nervous for the next chapter but looking forward to it as well. I just really hope that Terry doesn't die or something awful like that because I want to see more of the two of them together and I'm not ready for something so terrible to happen! I know that there's going to be at least two deaths in the next six months or so, and I'm just so nervous. But this was a brilliant chapter and I'm looking forward to the next one now that I've finally caught up on this too, although it is with a bit of trepidation!

(Also it's a bit late but I just wanted to say congratulations for getting so far with this story and having written something so brilliant!)

Sian :)

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Review #7, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Monster

16th August 2014:
Hi again, Jenna!

Oh wow, after the way the last chapter ended saying that things were going to get even worse I was wondering how they possibly could, but you managed to write events that were simply terrifying to read. I was so scared for Tor all the way through this chapter! In the back of my mind I know that she's going to survive because it's a trilogy and she's going to marry Draco, but at the same time I get nervous that things are just going to go badly for her, and if not for her then those around her. I'm also really conscious of the prediction that two of the people she loves are going to die in this war, and we're approaching the end of the year too...

The incident with the manticore was absolutely chilling! I don't know how you managed to conjure up such a scary image in my mind but the animal sounding terrifying and horrible and I can't believe that it's allowed to be in the halls of Hogwarts, patrolling for rule breakers to turn them over to the teachers. And if the appearance of the animal, and its smell, weren't enough, it started speaking and everything that it said was just so creepy and horrible that I felt goosebumps!

I'm not surprised that Tor experienced one of those explosions of innate magic that are meant to protect witches and wizards, but I'm so scared for her! I love the way you explained the way that magic works though, and that it can protect young witches and wizards from incidents and accidents that would easily hurt a Muggle child - that ties in really well with canon. But Tor's got a broken leg or something and she's unconscious in the corridor with Terry's letter - you know how to make me scared!

I really enjoyed reading the scene in the hospital wing too, even if I was worried for Tor all the way through it and horrified at what the staff were doing to her. The fact that she wanted to see Daphne there, even though they've not been on the best of terms recently, made perfect sense, because siblings really are some of the only people that you never need to care about appearances with and there's a comfort in their presence which is hard to explain. It's clear that even though they don't always get on well, Tor really does love her family.

I'm glad that it was Snape who came to the hospital wing to see her rather than the Carrows, because not only would they have been crowing in a victory over her, but I feel like they'd have tried to inflict more injuries too. Even so, Snape was so harsh with her, although I suspect that it may be because of orders that he's received from others outside of Hogwarts and he has to go along with them to appear like someone who's true and loyal to the Death Eater cause. Her mother was horrible in the way she didn't seem to care for protecting her daughter, though! The only good thing that seemed to happen there was that Tor hadn't directly written to Terry, since she was able to pass it off as a letter to Taurus, who at least is a Slytherin and pureblood. But her mum did mention that there have been all sorts of rumours about her daughter and that's making me really worried for what's going to happen when Terry comes back into the story!

I didn't expect Draco to be the one to escort Tor home to Malfoy Manor but at least it wasn't one of the bigger Death Eaters who probably wouldn't have cared that much about Tor's feelings or not scaring her or anything. I liked the fact that she had a sort of send-off committee, too, and that Ginny cared enough to try and tell her to keep fighting. And the Nott boys ♥

I thought the scene between Yaxley and Tor in the Malfoy garden was great. You made Yaxley seem so human in that scene, because he's so worried about his family. He's disappointed in the way that Tor's been defying the Carrows and isn't going along with everything he's taught her, especially since she always seemed to be his favourite daughter, but even so, he really cares about her and loves her and doesn't want her to get hurt. He's in a bit of a precarious position, since favour with Voldemort is always difficult to maintain - if Tor starts misbehaving so obviously as well as her grandmother having gone into hiding, then things could become really difficult for their family.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse after Tor having the encounter with the manticore and being sent home from Hogwarts for lessons with a private tutor (and I'm dreading to see who that tutor's going to be, especially if it's someone appointed by the Ministry), she manages to walk into a room full of Snatchers who don't seem to care much about the fact that her father's Orpheus Yaxley. Tor's got a real talent for walking into situations like this one (which is definitely not a good thing) and I was so worried about what they were going to do to her. When Yaxley came in and defended his daughter so violently, I could understand why he'd done it, and it proves how much he loves Tor, but at the same time it shows how cruel he can be, as those are his automatic reactions. And then that last line about Nagini coming to the room is just chilling and horrible to think of!

Actually, I'm scared to press the next chapter button right now because I know the next chapter contains the scene that we glimpsed in the prologue. So the Snatchers that are here at Malfoy Manor have probably brought Terry here and that's why Tor's been taken there, because they suspect something about the two of them... Oh no. I can't believe that we're here already, and it really doesn't seem like over a year since I first started reading this story!

Ah, okay, plucking up some Gryffindor courage and carrying on...

Sian :)

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Review #8, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Consequences

16th August 2014:
Hi again!

Oh no, that last line of this chapter has me apprehensive about pressing the 'next chapter' button, even while I'm writing this review. I don't want to see things get even worse!

Ugh, I hate the way that Carrow is now deliberately but slyly persecuting Astoria as well as the other students just because she stood up to her and dared to challenge her authority. It definitely wasn't a great idea to make an enemy of her in the very first week of term, although the progression of the lessons seems very believable and realistic and it just makes me even angrier that someone like that could have been allowed to teach in a school and have authority over students! She's so terrible and sadistic, and seems to take so much pleasure from hurting the students and making their life hell. At the beginning of this story I'd have thought that Tor would have some measure of protection because she's in Slytherin, but after defying the Carrows there's not much chance of that.

I really liked the way that you included what's happening in the Defence Against the Dark Arts lessons, as well. It's really terrible and I can imagine the rumours racing around the school so quickly, and I think that Theo's attitude is understandable, and one that a lot of people would share. It's all about surviving for them now, and while they should be concentrating on their exams they've got to face a regime like this one.

I felt so sorry for Tor, having to deal with the aftermath of what Carrow made her do to Michael and worrying that Michael would think she didn't care about it. I'm really glad that Anthony came and reassured her about it, because I didn't think Michael was the sort of person to hold a grudge when she obviously didn't want to hurt him. At least he's keeping under the radar now but I really like the way that all the little acts of defiance and resistance are growing and mounting up to the extent that the Carrows are having to intensify their already dreadful punishments. It just shows that there's a spirit there which they're not able to break.

The scene with Anthony and Tor was great, too, and I like the fact that their friendship with Terry is enough to make them trust Tor as well. It's great that he's decided to become more open about who he is and his decisions, but I get the feeling there are certain people who might make use of that if they get the chance. But from that scene I'm even more worried than I was before about Terry, because if nobody's heard of him then I have no idea what could have happened to him before he gets to the scene in the prologue...

It was kind of uncomfortable to read about the way all the other students in Slytherin are turning on Draco now that he's back at school, as well as pupils from other houses. I felt sorry for Draco there, actually, but I can understand it. All of them are suffering so much, even if they're the sorts of people enjoying it, there's a lot of tension and pressure, and the easiest way to release that is to take it out on a target like Draco.

It was really sweet of Tor to go after Draco, though, and I can see little moments like that possibly helping to found their later relationship. Even if he did turn round and attack Peakes with as much gusto as Peakes attacked him, which wasn't great, and the ominous warning about what he's doing when he goes home for the weekends. I'm wondering about what that is and how it could affect Tor...


It's quite worrying for Tor, especially, who's always believed in how powerful her parents are, that they're not able to do anything to stop the Carrows carrying out their torture in the school. I feel like that might prompt her even more to turn towards the students who are resisting and take matters into her own hands, trying to protect herself and others if her parents aren't able to.

Ooh, I didn't realise that Tor would be so involved in canon events like this one! I really enjoyed reading about Ginny again in this chapter and the way that she trusts Tor, making it enough for the others to trust her as well, even though Neville's still suspicious of her being a Slytherin. It was brave of Tor to make the decision to lead Carrow and Demetria away from the office though, especially as it put her so much at risk! But I'm just grateful she did because if she hadn't then Ginny and the others would probably have been found by Carrow rather than Snape and I suspect the punishment wouldn't be anywhere near as mild as the one they received from Snape.

And now I'm really nervous about what's going to happen next...

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Review #9, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Carrows

16th August 2014:
Hello lovely!

Oh my goodness, this was such an awful chapter! (Not awful because of the writing but just because the content was quite horrifying, I'd never say that your writing was awful :P).

Okay, so with a chapter entitled 'The Carrows', I knew that it wasn't going to be very happy, and with Demetria being back as well I knew that things would start to get worse for Tor. But things in this chapter seemed to be so truly dreadful for her that I'm kind of so shocked it's hard trying to work out what to say about this. Nevertheless, I love the way that you've written it, because while all of these things are absolutely horrible, they seem so true to character for both of the Carrow siblings and for the sort of regime we know from canon that they established at Hogwarts during this year.

I'm in two minds about Tor deciding to stand up to Alecto Carrow in the Muggle Studies class, to be honest. One part of me is proud of her for making a stand like that and for doing something so brave and different from anything that she'd have done when this novel first started, but then at the same time it makes me worried, because to mark herself out like that in the first week of the year is not a great idea. Her father's protection as a Death Eater can only go so far!

All the same, I thought that the idea of researching their own family trees in the Muggle Studies class fit really well with the sort of order the Carrows wanted to establish in the school, and the way they wanted to promote the pureblood supremacy ideals. It was great to see that Demelza was standing up to her as well, and that there are people prepared to do that sort of thing right from the beginning, although there hasn't been much mention of a real organised resistance yet. Even though the approach that Tor took when she challenged Carrow was quite mean and made it seem like she was asserting the pureblood ideals, it was great to see the character development there. She's grown so much and doesn't care that much what other people think of her now, particularly her housemates, although I think that might not be the wisest decision because they could make her life very difficult in the next year!

Ah, so Draco is back. Even though there's no hint of a romance between them at this point in time, I do really enjoy reading the scenes between Draco and Astoria, seeing that they know each other and knowing that one day they'll end up married.

Sometimes I just remember that Tor is only fifteen (well, sixteen soon, I suppose) and realise just how much she has to deal with. All of the students in this castle at this point are just children, really, and they shouldn't have to face such awful decisions which aren't really a decision at all. I feel so sorry for her!

Oh my goodness, the last scene really shocked me! I know that Carrow's evil but I didn't imagine she'd do something like this to Astoria, especially not in the first week of term! I thought when Michael was joining her for the detention that it wouldn't be so bad, but it was way worse than I could have thought. Ugh, trust Carrow to come up with a way to punish Tor for defying her, even though she knows she's not able to do much because Yaxley's her father. But I just felt so sorry for Tor, because she thinks she's strong but can't resist that sort of curse, which is no wonder, since she's so young and rather naive. But Demetria (or someone) has told Carrow about her relationship with Terry and I'm just so worried for her!

I feel like the next chapter is going to be difficult for Tor, coming to terms with whatever she's been forced to do to Michael but at the same time knowing that her father would probably have been proud of her for doing it. She's stuck in such an awful situation! I get the feeling that an incident like this one might lead to her taking a side more openly, which I'm not sure is going to be any less dangerous for her, but I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next!

Sian :)

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Review #10, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Beginning (Again)

16th August 2014:
Hello, lovely!

I loved the way that you described the Dursleys' house at the beginning of this chapter - it's just deteriorated so much already from the state it was left in and I bet if Petunia saw it now she'd hate it (although I'm sure she'd also object to dark wizards in her home, ready to kill her, so I'm sure it's the lesser of two evils in the grand scheme of things).

I could imagine the scenes in Diagon Alley so vividly in this chapter. Of course the Yaxley-Greengrasses and the Notts would be completely at ease when there are people worried for their lives rushing about them. It's so typical of the Death Eaters and even though I've said that Tor seems to understand the implications of what's going on more than Pyxis does, I thinks she's still been very sheltered from what the Death Eaters are doing. They're so young and really they have no idea about what's going on at this point in the world around them, and Tor's hope that Terry's going to be okay seems quite naive, in a way.

Oh dear, I'm really worried that Tor's starting to make her father suspect things about her loyalties, although he hasn't said anything all summer and I'd have thought he would do if he knew something about her. I'm not sure, but I think it's just the tension of reading this story and knowing that two of the people that Tor loves will die in the next year and that nobody is likely to get through this war without being damaged by it.

When I started reading the scene on the station, I suddenly realised that Demetria Avery might have been the one to come back and be made Slytherin prefect, and when she did come back and Tor saw her at the end of the chapter, I knew it couldn't be good. Demetria knows things about Tor, and I think with all the pressure that's piling on them it could just be a matter of time before she cracks.

The Ravenclaws were so nice to her! Well, except for Padma but I can understand that in a way because it must be nice to have some form of retaliation against the people who represent the Death Eaters, although it's not going to help the cause of house unity in the future. When they explained what had been happening to the Muggle-borns I felt so sorry for Tor because she's so sheltered at home and clearly had no idea of the sort of danger that Terry was in, but I think the worry about him, especially if he doesn't reply to her messages in the notebook, is going to contribute even more to her stress.

I'm so proud of Michael for standing up to Daphne straight away! I really liked that scene, because it showed that it's not just Ginny and Neville who plant the seeds of resistance and bring all the others in to join them, but that they're also determined to rebel and not stand for that sort of treatment. I can understand Daphne's point of view as well though and why she was trying to be so strong in front of Christian Haynes. I suspect that with that start, Slytherin will be the only house with positive house points this year...

Also this is a bit of a tangent but seeing Christian Haynes here and being reminded of who he is has made me extremely suspicious of him in Magpie and I'm worried now about the person that he's put Verity in touch with too...

Tor's right though, I've always wondered if the driver of the Hogwarts Express does something other than drive for the students!

It was great of Pyxis to cover for Tor when they were talking about Taurus, although I thought I'd definitely see him back since I thought this year it was compulsory for all students to attend Hogwarts. Phin was there, though, and a lot of the Slytherins did seem far too happy about the presence of Snape and the Carrows on the teaching staff.

I honestly feel like there's so much pressure on Tor at this point that she isn't far from breaking, especially with the reappearance of Demetria in her dormitory. Pyxis was there to cover for her at dinner, but he's under a lot of stress too and I'm getting really worried about what might happen!

Sian :)

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Review #11, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Fall of the Ministry

16th August 2014:
Hello, darling!

Aw, the opening of this chapter with the letter to Tor from Terry was so sweet! He seems to be living such a normal and happy life at home and I'm glad that he's been able to get away from the darkness that's surrounding the wizarding world at the moment, even if he's kept informed of it to some extent. I'm glad that he's able to have some nice times but the line about returning to Hogwarts in September and explaining things to Tor then was so sad, because he won't be able to do that and he doesn't know it yet!

The contrast between Terry's letter and the atmosphere in Tor's house is really strong, and I thought it was really effective. They're still trying to enjoy their summer but a lot of their thoughts are focused on what the Death Eaters are doing. I feel so sorry for Tor, that she feels she might have been the one to give away Charity Burbage to the Death Eaters and might have caused her death! She couldn't have known that she'd be the one to do that, and I feel so sorry for her and Pyxis too, who clearly hasn't realised the full extent of things at this point, since he was shocked about what happened. I'm getting more worried about Yaxley finding out, though, about Tor, because while her feelings of distance for him are growing and that's understandable, he's sure to notice that something is wrong. There are a few different moments in this chapter when he notices her behaviour might be a bit suspicious and I'm worried about what could happen because of that.

I thought you wrote Yaxley's glee and happiness at the thought of the recognition he'd get for putting the Imperius Curse on Thicknesse was really great, and so in character. At the meeting in the books we clearly see that he's wanting to impress Voldemort and get rewarded for that, but it doesn't happen and that made me a bit happier :P

The scene when Tor and Pyxis were listening in to their fathers' conversation was really interesting. I love the way that you work in the canon events, but the way that they were talking about them, particularly Moody's death, was just awful. It was even worse when they realised that they were being listened to, because now I think Yaxley might start getting suspicious of Tor. She's lucky that she's able to control her own mind, but I worry that with the way she's beginning to feel about her parents, she might give herself away even so. Pyxis is a worry too, because I can understand how he feels. It's awful to know that your mind is so easy to access for other people, even though you don't intend it to be, and especially when you've got secrets to keep. I think Tor might be a bit out of order asking to perform a memory charm on him, though, because she needs to remember what the effects of her attempt to do that on Terry were. I can understand it, but she needs to stop telling him things! What if Terry's exposed because Yaxley tries Tor's mind and then settles on Pyxis as an easier target?

The magic of that book that they'd found from Hogwarts is wonderful! I love the idea of something like that existing because it's just so magical and fits so well with that world, but I hate the idea of it being used to have a record of every witch and wizard in the country when they're planning on using it for finding Muggle-borns. I just hope that Tor manages to warn Terry and stop him from being found before it's too late.

The ending section was really interesting too. I hadn't even thought about who'd be the Head Boy and Girl during the Carrows' regime, but it makes sense that they'd choose the son and daughter of a Death Eater. I do wonder why Tor wasn't chosen to be prefect along with Pyxis, though, when her father's so important; does someone else suspect something about her?

Sian :)

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Review #12, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Guests

16th August 2014:
Hello again!

I could tell from the chapter summary that this chapter was going to be an important one as far as canon events are concerned, and this is clearly the real beginning of the Ministry takeover. You wrote everything here so well (not that your writing is ever anything but brilliant) and I loved the way that you mingled all the canon events with the characters that we've grown to know really well.

I'd actually never really thought before about Voldemort and the Death Eaters making use of other houses but the Malfoys', but it makes sense that they would because everything couldn't have been based there. It was quite chilling to know that something was approaching and I really felt sorry for Tor, Daphne, Theo and Pyxis, who really are still children. It's so scary for them to know that something - or someone - is coming to the house that they're in but not be allowed to know who it is or what they're doing. Even with the advantages they feel it gives them, with the protection of their parents, it's difficult for them to face something like that.

It's only tiny, but I liked the way that Astoria's mother could repel her attempts at Leglimency really easily. So much of the concentration in the earlier chapters was on Yaxley, and how powerful Tor's father was, but it's clear that her mother's powerful too.

I really enjoyed reading the scene in the bedroom with the four of them on some sort of sleepover. It was nice to see that they could have moments of happiness and enjoyment for a while, even with everything that's going on around them.

I hadn't expected the house to be used for the freed prisoners, but I thought that was a great way of incorporating the event into the story! I've never really thought about how it must have been done before but someone must have gone to release all of the Death Eaters. Pyxis's reunion with his father was really sweet, though, and I can see how much they love each other. But it's difficult, like Tor now realises, to reconcile the two different people that each of these men seem to be - the loving father and the Death Eater. I wonder, when it comes to it, which they'll choose to be.

Ugh, Fenrir Greyback is so creepy and horrible and you wrote him really well! Even though I don't like what Yaxley is doing, at least he's got the power to protect his daughter from someone like Greyback at the moment.

With the Death Eaters having escaped from Azkaban, I could tell that things were going to move a lot more quickly now towards the takeover of the Ministry. But the raid on Avery's home is horrible, particularly as poor little Alexandrina Avery was killed! Events like that can help to explain some of the attitude towards the Order too, because the Death Eaters consider their cause to be right and their friends are being killed for it. It just shows that there are never truly winners in a war like this.

I loved seeing Yaxley go and take matters into his own hands, so to speak. I can imagine that all the events leading up to this point have made him more determined than ever to act and you wrote the scene with Thicknesse really well! It's all going to get much darker from here, though...

Sian :)

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Review #13, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Goodbye

16th August 2014:
Hi Jenna!

Ah, the queue is opening soon and I'm trying to get through as much of this story as I can before that happens so that I can catch up before you update it!

This was quite a sad and melancholic chapter, but I thought the tone of it fit the events that took place really well. The world is changing for them now, and all of them have realised that with Dumbledore having died. But they can't know that they won't all be coming back in September, and that the Death Eaters will have taken over the Ministry during summer and everything is going to be so much worse.

I loved the way that you wrote Tor and Terry's goodbye in the first section of this chapter. It was understated but I thought it fit the two of them really well. It's sad that they couldn't have a proper goodbye at the end of the year because it was so dangerous for them, but in a way maybe it's better for them to have the hope that they'll be together again in September at school, even if they won't be since Terry's Muggle born. And they have the notebooks, which I hope will help them through!

I love the fact that you're showing the war having an effect on the Slytherins as well. They might have parents on the side of the Death Eaters and feel more confident about their chances because of that, but I honestly can't believe that they wouldn't be scared about what was going to happen to their family and friends in the next few months, because it's so clear that things are changing.

I never would have guessed that Pyxis was the one to put the snake in Tor's bed! I'm wondering how he managed to get it there but I can understand why he did it, when he explained. It's sweet of him to care so much about her and I'm really hoping that he's going to be able to keep her secret from others. And it was nice to see a bit more hope and happiness for the Slytherins, even if it was just passing, when Taurus agreed to go and play games with them in the compartment and it was almost the way they'd been at the beginning of the year, although of course everything has changed now.

I really liked the last scene too, and 'The Goodbye' was such a fitting title for the chapter. I feel so sad for Tor and Terry, not knowing when they'll see each other again, and I'm dreading that it's going to be in December when the prologue scene takes place! But that last line of the chapter has me really worried because it made it sound like her father has spotted that she's got feelings for Terry and that doesn't seem likely to end well...

Sian :)

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Review #14, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Dark

15th August 2014:
Hi again, love!

Oh my goodness! I know that I probably should have expected something like this when I saw the chapter title but I didn't think that things would deteriorate so quickly and turn so dark! I feel so sad now!

I really like the way that you manage to move the narrative along in this story by using the canon events and placing Tor within them, because it really helps the pacing since we already know the sort of time of year that this happened. It makes sense that the spin on the Harry and Draco duel would appear differently in the Slytherin common room, especially with Pansy Parkinson milking it for all she's worth. It was great to see the talk between Pyxis and Theo as well, because I've kind of missed the Nott boys. I think that Pyxis is probably even more reluctant than Theo to get involved in everything, especially now that he knows that Tor could be caught between sides. That's what I'd like to think, anyway - at least, he didn't seem happy with Theo and Theo's clearly nervous and scared about what's coming. I can only hope that since Draco will be back at school the following year, Theo will be too, but I can't help remembering the line that two of them would be dead, and now I'm more worried than ever!

It was lovely to see some more light and happiness in this chapter, though! I have the feeling that it's going to be the last of it we see for quite a while. It was great to see the way that Tor was happy for Ginny and she's changed her mind so much that she's more appreciative of the love that she can see than anything else. I really like the friendship that there is between Tor and Ginny and even though it's going to be really difficult, I'm hoping that they manage to stay friends through the next year at Hogwarts, as I imagine that it would really help Tor. Maybe she'll even be part of the resistance that the DA are leading...

Aw, when Tor told Terry that she was going to work for Dumbledore and do her best to protect them all, the scene was absolutely adorable! You write their relationship so well and I just kind of wanted to stop reading there because I knew that something was going to happen soon that would stop them from getting their happy ending. It's so heartbreaking to see them because they really deserve to be happy, especially when Tor's prepared to risk so much to protect them and their relationship, but it's just not possible and that's so sad.

I loved the way that Tor addressed the reader directly (a little like Jane Eyre, actually) because that just changed the tone of the whole chapter, it was so ominous. When she said that I realised that you'd included all of the clues already but I hadn't been picking up on them till that moment.

I thought the way that you kind of predicted the ending of the chapter but then went into a scene which was relatively happy in comparison was really effective. The contrast shows just how much there is to be lost from what they've got already. And it's really interesting to see it from another perspective. I can't help but be a bit relieved that the Ravenclaw boys didn't answer the call on the DA coins, because it would have been so dangerous for them. I can understand that they wouldn't have realised that it was actually necessary too, from the way they were laughing and joking about it.

Aw, all the cuteness between Tor and Terry was so adorable and just made me smile so much! I really wish it could have continued for a little longer, but I can't help but think it's actually really good that Terry didn't walk Tor back to the Slytherin common room, as they'd doubtless have been caught then if he had!

Ugh, the scene with Greyback was so chilling! You wrote the confusion and chaos of that scene so brilliantly and it was really scary to watch as Tor encountered the Death Eaters without them actually realising who she was. I'm really glad that Draco spoke up for her, because it takes a lot to do and I can't imagine him not standing up to stop something happening there - especially when we know that Tor and Draco will marry eventually. But it was so terrifying to read as Tor thought she might get hurt by them, until they realised who her father was. In a way, it's good that she still had that sort of protection because if not, I'm sure Greyback wouldn't have had any qualms about hurting her.

I thought the final part of the chapter, when Tor rushed into the common room and confirmed what was happening, was great. It makes sense that the other students started realising that something was happening in the castle, but that they were so scared they chose to avoid it and not to get involved. Pyxis was really quick thinking to disarm Tor before she could leave as well, and I'm glad that he managed to do it without giving away her secret! I'm hoping that he'll continue to protect her secret about Terry for as long as possible, but I'm getting so apprehensive now that I know the prologue scene is coming up so fast.

Oh dear, that last line in this chapter! It was so poignant and upsetting because there'd been so much hope earlier on and it was really nice to think that Tor and Terry might have a chance to live happily, but then Dumbledore is killed and there's no chance for her to escape from her family the way that she wanted to. I'll be back for some more soon, but I've not got many characters left so I'm going to finish this now :P

Sian :)

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Review #15, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Decision

15th August 2014:
Hi Jenna!

Ah, so now I know where I'd heard the name Margaret Macauley before, and I'm kind of glad that I have seen it in this story because I was starting to worry that I'd been imagining things. So now this has given me a better idea of what Penelope might have been involved with, but that's a different story so I'm going to focus on this chapter instead :P

It was really nice to see that Tor had been writing to Andromeda again, now that she and Terry are back together. It's going to make things a little bit easier to have someone like that for her to talk to, and I like the idea that Andromeda and Ted had their own difficulties too, because that makes them seem more realistic and then it will be reassuring for Tor because those sorts of relationships can continue and survive (except I feel like Tor and Terry's won't last forever because she's going to marry Draco at some point...)

I'm really not sure about Pyxis and his knowledge of Tor's secret now. I didn't think that she'd be able to lie her way out of it when he confronted her directly because he does know her really well. But at the same time I'm kind of worried about whether or not he might spill her secret at some point, even if he doesn't intend to. It's really quite scary to think that he knows that he'll be recruited into the Death Eaters in the future, and that both Tor and Daphne will be asked to join as well. I can understand the anger that they feel towards their parents for putting them in that situation, particularly now that Tor has started to realise that she doesn't want to be a part of the mentality of pureblood supremacy. Pyxis hasn't reached that, because he hasn't had the chance to become more open-minded, I think, but he might have the potential too - he also (hopefully) won't be recruited because the war's going to be over in a little more than a year and I'm hoping he'll still be considered too young then. I just hope that he will be able to protect Tor's secret and that he won't put her friends and family at risk, as well as Terry. The fact that Tor says he's become more distant since he found out makes me worry, though.

I love the details from canon that you manage to incorporate in this and all your stories! It was great to see Tor as the girl who had to give Harry a note and the way that she used Leglimency to find out what was wrong with those girls. I'm assuming that they're the ones whose brother was attacked by Greyback which we hear about in the book? It's so sad but I love the way that we're getting to see lots of glimpses of different aspects of the war.

Aw, I liked the way that you introduced Cadmus Scamander with the other Ravenclaw boys, just because it was cute to see someone who might be related to Rolf! And I really liked seeing Michael and Anthony with Terry too, they're fun to read!

The conversation with Dumbledore was brilliantly written! Dumbledore's such a difficult character to write and you did such a good job of him, especially with his speech because he seemed really in character. The only minor detail there is that I think Tor would be more likely to call him 'Professor' or 'Sir' than Dumbledore, to his face at least. You really captured how desperate she was about her situation and I think it's actually really brave of her to volunteer to spy on the Death Eaters and work for Dumbledore as long as she can make sure her family are protected as well. For someone who's just fifteen it's amazing to do something so selfless and I can only hope that it does actually help in the future - although as Dumbledore's going to die in a few months, and he won't be able to protect them for that long. I'm just getting so nervous now that it's getting closer to the end of the novel, especially since we're approaching the scene from the prologue!

Sian :)

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Review #16, by nott theodorePure Intentions: Red Rose

14th August 2014:
Hi again, Rose!

Oh dear, you really like torturing your characters and your readers, don't you? I can't complain because I do it too but still, you made me feel so sorry for Albus when I was reading this chapter!

I was really impressed with the way that you managed to transition a few months of time in this chapter without it seeming like it was going too fast or skipping a lot of the story. We learnt a lot about the way that their relationships and friendships were developing and you managed to pace it so well!

Watching Scorpius decide to go and ask Rose out and the way that he gradually removed himself from Albus's company and the strange sort of relationship that the two of them had was absolutely heartbreaking! I felt so sorry for Albus as he had to watch it all unravel before him and he couldn't really do anything about it to stop Scorpius from turning from him. It's not fair on anyone with the way this situation is turning out - Scorpius is using Rose and that could well make her really unhappy and poor Albus! ♥

Harry's romantic advice was brilliant, I thought you portrayed him really well again in this chapter. I loved how nervous he was about approaching the subject of Albus being gay in case he'd got it wrong, but also that Albus had always known that his parents would accept his choices. The contrast between the Potters and the Malfoys as parents is so upsetting.

Oh no, poor Albus! It's horrible for him to have to walk in on Rose and Scorpius like that and Scorpius is being so mean in the way that he's jealous of Albus but really it's his own fault. This is a really original portrayal of Scorpius and Rose together too, and I'm intrigued to see what happens next!

Sian :)

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Review #17, by nott theodorePure Intentions: Red Flags

14th August 2014:
Hi Rose!

So I've been wanting to get a chance to read True Romance because so many people have been enjoying it recently, so I have a few minutes and I thought I'd use them to come and check this story out!

I really loved the way that you opened this chapter, setting up the romance between Albus and Scorpius from the very first sentences. I could see the differences in the two of them from the very beginning, since Albus seems much more caring than Scorpius - but I think that's perhaps just because he's been brought up in a more caring family and is more comfortable expressing his feelings. I liked the way that you showed the way that their relationship had developed in just a few sentences, and were able to illustrate the subtle differences between the two of them really well.

I felt so sorry for Scorpius when I was reading the section about his parents and when he just wanted to be with someone he loved. It's so unfair for someone to have that sort of pressure on them, to feel like they should have to marry just to do their duty and carry on the family name, and I felt so sorry for Scorpius. I liked the conversation with Astoria though, and I think that background helped to show why Scorpius acts the way he does to Albus.

The final section, with the party, was great. I thought it was so sweet of Albus to try and make sure that he'd get to see Scorpius over the holidays, although I get the feeling that perhaps he doesn't understand the full extent of the situation that Scorpius is in with his family, as he was quite happy to take risks and kiss him in their home. I really liked Harry's portrayal, too, especially when he wanted them to leave the cellar straight away. I'm excited to see what happens next!

Sian :)

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Review #18, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Future

14th August 2014:
Hi Jenna!

Aw, it was so lovely to see Tor and Terry together in this chapter, especially at the beginning when they were relatively carefree and hidden, so they could just enjoy being together rather than worrying about everyone else noticing them. It's really nice to see that Tor's becoming more accepting of the person that she's now become, as well, and knows that she doesn't want to take part in either side of the war. It's actually quite refreshing to see that; there's been so much character development for her since this story began but at the same time it's quite unusual to find characters in fanfiction who didn't support one side or the other during the war, and just did what they could to survive, as I think that would have made up a large portion of the magical population. (Okay, now I'm rambling. Oops.)

It's also really good to see that Terry and Tor are starting to talk more about important things; to some extent, at the beginning of their relationship, I feel a little like Terry, being the older one, spent a lot of time telling her and showing her new things and Tor didn't get as much of a chance for her own views to come through as now. Of course, that probably had a lot to do with the fact she was hiding all the family secrets from him :P So it's good to see that they are discussing things like this now, and I think it'll mean that Tor becomes more aware of just what the Death Eaters are doing. It's good to see her become more confident as well, although I'm a bit worried that the way she seems not to care at times if people see them together is a bit risky, because it could lead to people finding out about them and maybe put Terry in danger (I'm aware of how we're approaching the prologue in these later chapters now and I'm scared about what's going to put him there).

I really enjoyed the scene in the library. It's good that Tor and Terry might be able to spend some time together in public under the cover of the tuition, although I don't think it'll hold for long. Michael and Anthony are really fun and I like the friendship between the three boys. It's great the way that you wrote their discussion about Taurus, and the comparison between Muggle and magical attitudes and laws towards homosexuality. I did spot a typo in that part though - Terry says that his cousin (she) wants him to go with him... Also, as a tiny (picky) detail; they talk about having Muggle officiants for gay marriages but since this is set during the 90s, civil partnership and gay marriage laws still hadn't come into being in the UK. Only a tiny inaccuracy, though!

Oh dear. Pyxis has seen Tor with the three Ravenclaws and I have a feeling that this won't be good... he knows her well enough to realise that there's something going on, I think. Either he'll keep it quiet for her, or let it slip and then something really bad might happen.

It was great to get a glimpse of what the Death Eaters are planning at this point too, because it's been a while since we left Tor's head and found out about her father's actions. It was kind of creepy to see the way that they must have been planning this takeover for months, since in the books it feels kind of sudden. It was really well written, though, and now I'm just a bit anxious about what's to come!

Sian :)

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Review #19, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Greenhouse

14th August 2014:
Hi Jenna!

The opening of this chapter was great! I really love the way that you weave all the canon details that we have from this time and then place Tor right in the heart of them all, since she's able to view things in a different way and it's really interesting to see events like these from a different perspective. Obviously she knows that Draco Malfoy is a Death Eater but she doesn't know what his mission is, so it makes sense that Snape doesn't want her listening in on his conversation with Draco. I thought you captured both Snape and Draco well in that section, particularly with the dialogue; it worked well to show the strained relationship between the two of them at this point.

I thought the scene in the library was great! It made me laugh that Terry has now convinced everyone there that he's being paid to tutor Tor because in a way she probably deserves something like that after what she's done to him (or what she tried to do, anyway), but it might also work as a cover excuse for them being seen together in the future. I'm glad that he's willing to meet up with her though and try and sort things out!

Like the very opening scene in the chapter, I loved the way that you included Ginny coming to find Hermione in the library here! It's another of those things that could so easily have happened, and inserting Tor into all of this makes the story seem even more believable!

Amaris is starting to act quite horribly to Tor at the moment, and I feel sorry for her. Although saying that Amaris is becoming one of those girls who spends all her time with her boyfriend rather than her friends might be a bit unfair when I think about how much time Tor spent with Terry when they were first together, and she has abandoned her own friends to some extent. Even with her and Terry back together now, I think she's going to have to make the effort to spend more time with the Nott boys and Taurus if she wants things to seem normal!

The scene in the greenhouse was so cute, though, and I loved reading it! I think that it just seemed to flow really well and the dialogue was natural and believable; Terry is absolutely lovely! I think it made sense the way that he forgave her and even apologised for his own behaviour - I'm interested to see what the outcome of Dumbledore knowing about Tor is, though!

And yay, they're back together! There were so many cute lines in that scene that I kind of want to quote them back to you but I'm not going to because it would use the rest of my characters. I loved seeing Tonks there though, even though it meant that Terry got hurt! I'm sure he's going to be okay because he's still got to survive to the scene we see in the prologue, so I'm hoping that he'll be mended soon and he and Tor will get to spend some more time together. They're a lovely couple!

I've also just seen that the most recent chapter you posted of this story is the penultimate one in the novel, so I'm now going to be reading and reviewing whenever I have the time to try and catch up before you post the last chapter of this! (Hint: update something else before this and I might have more chance :P)

Sian :)

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Review #20, by nott theodoreMagpie: Trouble

14th August 2014:
Hi Jenna! Yay, finally caught up on another one of your amazing stories (which means just about twenty more chapters of others to go, right? :P)

I thought you wrote the opening scene of this chapter really well! It was interesting to read because I think that the reader almost had more knowledge about what was happening than Verity did, since she doesn't really know anything about the Order or what she was doing there with George, only that they're about to get into trouble. She'd have been fine if she'd taken Veritaserum, but George would have ended up spilling all sorts of secrets, which wouldn't have been great! I'm glad that Hestia was there as well to help them out and go and fetch Kingsley and Arthur when she realised who it was that the intruders were, because otherwise Dawlish could have caused an awful lot of trouble for them! It makes the incident fit really well with canon, too; if it had gone further, Harry and the others would have been sure to hear about it, but as it is, I can imagine that the Order would have kept it hidden from them.

You do a great job of portraying some of the more major characters from the series, even if it's only when it comes to small appearances. I thought Arthur in particular fit really well with what we know from the books, and the way that he kind of left the disciplining up to Molly :P Also the slip, when he almost mentioned Percy and then stopped himself from doing, worked really well to remind us of the rift in the family - obviously at this point we know more about it than Verity does, but she's able to pick up on a few things.

I absolutely love the way that you weave so many interesting stories and myths and legends into this story through Verity's interest in them! It's so fascinating to read about all of the different things and wonder how they might apply to her life and what effect they have on her, but also interesting to learn about and imagine!

Okay, I wasn't quite expecting Sebastian and Verity to go on a break so quickly after what had happened, especially when she said that she'd kept the fact that she almost kissed George under wraps, but I did think that something of the sort was on the way. I suppose that something like what happened in the Ministry would be hard to hide in the wizarding world, since a lot of people seem to have all sorts of connections to each other and news must travel fast, so it makes sense that Sebastian overheard it being talked about. Even if Verity says that she didn't consider it a date (I think she did though, a bit!), I felt kind of sorry when I heard that George was disappointed he hadn't been able to impress her like he'd been hoping to! I can understand why they'd go on a break though, and all of the grievances that were aired between them seem reasonable - I don't think it can be blamed on Sebastian solely, or Penelope's death. Both of them are partly to blame and just growing apart as they get older and do different things in their lives, but I think the fact you're showing that makes it much more realistic.

I'm glad that Christian has decided to try and help Verity find out more about what Penelope was doing and what caused her to be killed, but I'm really intrigued about what she could have been involved in! It sounds like it might be an organisation similar to the Order but it's obviously not that, and it's interesting that he physically can't speak about it.

Ugh, Scabior was so creepy when he came into the shop! You captured his character really well from that small glimpse we see of him in the Deathly Hallows. It's quite nice to see that there is a seedier side to the shop, and while Verity normally seems quite comfortable and quite at home with everything there, it's not that easy sometimes.

Hmm, I'm so intrigued about what Penny was doing! I love the way that you've brought the title in, with Magpie - I wonder if Verity will get involved in whatever it is they do? I'm trying to remember if I've heard the name Margaret Macauley before in this story, but I'm looking forward to finding out who she is!

This was another brilliant chapter, Jenna, and I'm looking forward to the next one now! (And hopefully chance to catch up on a few more chapters of your others, too!)

Sian :)

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Review #21, by nott theodoreMagpie: Secrets and Mysteries

13th August 2014:
Hi again, dear! (Unfortunately another phone review so plenty of typos in store!)

Ah, I can't believe that Verity didn't even realise the connection between Christian Haynes and Penny at first when the death of her best friend has been playing on her mind so much! It's frustrating but very believable - at least Haynes hadn't realised the connection either so he didn't really have time to prepare himself for the meeting!

Sebastian is kind of annoying at the moment, and I can understand why Verity is getting so frustrated with him. When he was talking about Midas it was so mean, although I love the mythical reference with his name because I think his fortunes will change soon, with,the Weasley twins investments and stuff. I can't blame him entirely, though - I get the feeling that neither Sebastian nor Verity is really that interested in the other person's problems anymore, and I can imagine the relationship will just run its course.

Hmm, the conversation with Christian was really interesting! I can't work out what Penny might,have been involvws in that brought about her murder, so I'm looking forward to finding out. Maybe the people Christian gets in touch with will be trouble for her though?

I loved the frustration with Judah that's coming through in this chapter too because I,can imagine that prompting the move to the joke shop. Drey is really fun and I'd like to see more of her in the future. It made me laugh that Percy had left her his information!

I love the way you write the twins in this, they're so in character! But George has taken a massive risk taking Verity there and I can imagine both of them being in trouble with the Order as well as the Ministry now. The moment between them was so cute though, and this was another great chapter!

Sian :)

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Review #22, by nott theodoreMagpie: Two for Joy

13th August 2014:
Hi Jenna! Okay, this is a phone review so will probably be shorter than normal and have typos in, but I wanted to leave one!

I was really happy to see the title of this chapter as it meant that there was more chance for things to start looking up for Verity here, which they did a bit and I was pleased about that! I think I was happiest about the way her magic is actually slowly returning to her so she might be able to do more in the future.

Hmm, I'm not sure what Rumple's thinking, letting a couple of Muggles move into a magical building in a magical area. It certainly doesn't seem like a great idea but I'm intrigued to see what happens with them, and if there are some potential disturbances now,that they live in the same building!

It was quite nice to see a bit more of Verity with Sebastian in circumstances that are slowly returning to normal. Their relationship seems realistic and believable and yet I can see them growing apart, and understand why Verity would start having feelings for George as well.

I love the way that you described the Irish night at the pub, especially with all the music which is so beautiful. I was expecting George to be there with Fred, but not for Percy to turn up with friends too, so it was interesting to see the way that you portrayed their fight.

George was so cute here! All the flirting was quite a nice lift from the misery Verity has been feeling so far and it was cute to see the way he was disappointed to find out,she had a boyfriend. I'm excited to see how their,friendship/relationship develops, but glad she doesn't easily believe George about Voldemort. I think a lot of people probably didn't because it was easier not to.

Seeing all of the tension between Verity and Judah makes me wonder if she'll leave the shop voluntarily to work with George, or be pushed out and lose her inheritance and half of,the business.

The ending was great! I expected Verity would have to do a lot more to,find Christian Haynes but now I'm wondering what she'll find out from him and why he's friends with Judah, which isn't what I expected when I learnt about his connection with Penelope. Great chapter, and I look forwsrd to reading the next one!

Sian :)

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Review #23, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Knowledge

12th August 2014:
Hi Jenna! So I'm massively behind on so many of your stories right now and I really want to try and catch up, so for now I'm going to try and read as much of them as I can! I've missed reading about Tor and Terry and I don't think that I even realised how much I did until I came back to this story. (Also, how on earth have you made it to over forty chapters already? That's insane but amazing - well done!)

I really felt sorry for Tor in this chapter! After the way that the last one ended I really didn't know what would happen next or what to expect from it, but it was sad to see her suffering so much. She's changed such a lot since the beginning of this story when she was so confident and proud of being a Slytherin, because now she's the outcast and suffering from the sort of problems that brings. It's a big change for her and it makes me wonder if the Tor that we see in the prologue of this story is one who is still an outcast of sorts, or if she's one who has somehow persuaded the others that she's seen the error of her ways and has returned to her former Slytherin pride. I suspect that with the Carrows joining the school next year, she's going to have to do a good job to convince them of where her loyalties really lie.

It was really interesting to see all the different ways that what she's done is affecting Tor here, not only in the way that she's treated by her housemates and her friends, and what's happening with them (I'm quite worried about Taurus at this point, actually!), but it's affecting every part of her life, including her grades and schoolwork. I think it's going to make her realise more how much Terry really means to her, and if the same sort of situation arises again, then I wonder if she'll act differently because of it.

I was glad to see that Pyxis and Theo are sticking by her to some extent, though! The Nott boys are good to her in this story, even if Theo is being groomed to become a Death Eater like Draco.

Even though she was suffering a lot from what had happened between her and Terry, it was good to see Tor deciding to do something under her own steam and not just letting the others win as they try and isolate her. The scene between Tor and Draco was really interesting to read as well, because I could sense a sort of companionship beginning to grow between them, and obviously they'll marry eventually, so it made me wonder if the two of them will gradually become better friends while they're at school and then go on to get together. At the moment I don't really want to think of that though because I love Tor and Terry together too much!

One of my favourite bits in this chapter was the way that you wrote Michael and Anthony so the reader knew their connection to Terry existed but Tor hadn't worked it out. I love the way you portray the two of them, and they're good friends for Terry too!

Aw yay that ending! I felt so sorry for Tor all the way through this chapter that it was great to get some sort of light at the end of it, and the hint that there might be a chance for her and Terry again in the future. He's just so sweet and lovely and she is really lucky to have someone like him! Especially when he says that he remembers everything, which means that her spell didn't work but also that he knows what she tried to do to him. If he can forgive her then after knowing that then he really is special!

Great chapter, Jenna! I'll be back soon!

Sian :)

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Review #24, by nott theodorePainting Over: Painting Over

11th August 2014:
Hi Meena!

Wow, this was such a great one-shot! I really enjoyed reading about Rita Skeeter the way that you portrayed her; I'm a massive fan of stories that focus on minor characters and I have to say, I don't think I've ever read a story that considers Rita Skeeter in so much depth before and makes her so painfully human. It's amazing that you've managed to do that, and in less than 700 words as well!

The way that you opened this piece was great; the use of the green seems to connect so well to her character, especially when it brings to might the ink that she uses taking notes in the books. I thought that was a really original idea to open up the opportunity to delve further into the background and history behind Rita Skeeter.

I thought you did a really great job of capturing her character, especially with keeping it in line with the person we see in the books. She's so focused on the future, trying to distract herself from whatever this darkness in her past is, and she's trying to escape. It's interesting to think that for Rita, all of the things that she does are to try and move on from something that's haunting her. I don't think I've ever thought about Rita as someone who's got demons of her own, and it was brilliant to see that there was something that she was hiding from, something that was still having an effect on her, because it made her seem incredibly human, especially with the sort of character that she is. Rita always seems like she's out to get someone, and dig up dirt, so it was nice to see that there was a different side to her personality in this story!

There were just a few little phrases that I think had typos in, because they didn't quite flow right:
'one of the spells of which she held with the utmost respect' - I think 'one of the spells which she viewed with the utmost respect' might work better here?
'Her platinum blond hair looked nor grayish-white than these days' - I think maybe 'her platinum blond hair looked more grayish-white these days'?

I thought your descriptions in this piece were really lovely! They conjured such vivid images in my mind of Rita as she sat at her desk and experienced this moment - the idea of the green running through the story was really effective. I also love the idea that some people think Rita's a hydra, too!

The reveal at the end of this piece about what's hidden in Rita's past is done really well. You build up for just long enough to the moment when we find out the dark pain in Rita's past. I was quite surprised at what it was, because it hadn't been something I'd expected to be associated with Rita Skeeter, but I thought it was really plausible and fit well. The pain she was feeling, especially with the anaphora of 'It' and the 'if only' repetition too, seemed to radiate off the screen. I felt my heart go out to Rita Skeeter in a way I'd never have thought possible before I read this story. I could see easily how something so awful has affected her deeply and everything she does is a consequence of it, especially the way she lashes out at others because she's jealous of the life they have when her daughter Posy didn't have that chance.

This was really brilliant, and I enjoyed reading it a lot. You shouldn't put yourself down when it comes to your writing - this piece proves you've got bundles of talent!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Oh my Merlin, is this even a review, or, like, pure brilliance? You, Sian, are permanently stuck in GODMODE.

I'm really glad you liked the story. Yes, there were a few typos, but oh well, that's what I get for not editing properly. Thanks for the help with phrase-flow, one of the things I struggle with in writing. Yeah, I always thought I'd hate Rita Skeeter until I got her for a challenge and I was like, "What if?". Oh, and it didn't exactly help that I was reading The Snow Child (by Eowyn Ivey) at the time.

Thank you so much for this amazing review, and for thinking i've got talent. If only I could siphon some GODMODE off of you... :)

-Meena


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Review #25, by nott theodoreThe Death of Severus Snape: Dying

11th August 2014:
Hi! I'm here for review tag from the forums - just as a side note, it would be really helpful if you included a link to your stories in your signature, because it took me a while to find your AP! :)

I think this was a really good start to your story. I don't think I've actually seen many stories about Snape in this moment, especially not ones that are longer than a one-shot, so I'm really intrigued about how you're going to continue with it.

Your characterisation of Snape was really interesting. You chose to focus on some aspects of his personality that were different to those that are normally emphasised, and I thought the effect of that was really good and I enjoyed it. I thought the way that he didn't really care about dying, and wasn't afraid of it, were both very in character with the man that we see in the books; the lingering annoyance that Harry isn't there and he hasn't been able to fulfill his role properly make a lot of sense too. I can't imagine that he'd just let go of all of that scorn and hatred he feels towards Harry - as James's son - would just disappear because he's dying.

There are just a few suggestions that I'd make for improvement, though there aren't any major problems with this. I noticed a few different occasions when you'd missed out the capitals in something like 'Shrieking Shack', and if you just go through and correct those, the presentation of your chapter will look a lot better.

Aside from that, I thought that the description in this chapter was quite strong - I really enjoyed your personification of death as it comes to take Snape. And the ending, when Snape thought of Lily, was really effective. Good job!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you liked the story. I'm sorry about the mistakes and hope they weren't too distracting. Snape has always been such an interesting character to me and I have read a lot of stories that I feel do not do justice to the complexity of the character. I don't know what it says about me that writing death scenes is my favorite, but they are. I feel like it is when a character's true nature is shown. I hope you liked the story enough to read more.
Gadis Gudgeon
P.S. Thanks for writing such a long review. I'm embarrassed to say that some of mine for the review tag were slightly crappy.


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