Reading Reviews From Member: nott theodore
  
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Review #1, by nott theodoreSevenfold: something in the way she moves

16th September 2014:
Hi Jenna! Ah, sorry it took me a little longer than I expected to get back to this story, I've missed reading it!

I really love the way that you've split this narrative throughout the chapters so far in the story so that we're getting to learn more about the Sevenfold killings and then the present day copycat killings. It builds up the intrigue and tension really well and makes me wonder what's going on, and try to work out what the real links between the two sets of killings actually are!

Madame la Douloureuse is a really intriguing character! She sounds very chilling, actually, and very dangerous, but I can imagine she was quite powerful in the circles that she moved and at the time, the fact that she's a woman who wasn't afraid to use her sexuality would probably make people even more wary of her and scared of her too. I really like the way that you're tying the second world war into the wizarding world though, and showing the influence that it had on people in Germany. I feel sorry for Ada's mother and in a way I can understand why she felt so vengeful towards the people who were so important and influential in the regime, because they did tear her whole family apart. But at the same time it's terrifying that at this point she's still a girl and is prepared to commit murder as if it doesn't really matter.

I liked the appearance of the red ribbon again though, and seeing the way that links in to the modern killings, and I'm wondering whether Ada's mother is actually still alive or whether she ended up dying and perhaps that spurred another killing.

I love Louis as a narrator. It's so interesting to read this story from his perspective, and obviously at this point he's at the forefront of everything so it's great to find out everything that's going on. He dealt really well with discovering Umbridge's body, even if he was all awkward and uncomfortable when he went into the mortuary and saw Emily about to perform the post mortem. But I'm really enjoying seeing the mystery from his perspective and finding out all the information that the investigators find out as it happens.

It was great to see another of the Weasley cousins as well! I really like the way that you're slowly introducing them into this story but also when they're actually important to the plot. Molly was really great, and I loved the way that you managed to tell us so much about her and her past in just a couple of paragraphs! I've never seen Audrey dead before, and I also like the conflict between Molly and Victoire.

I did notice just one typo though!
'she needs to sneak with you lot' - I think this should be 'speak'?

Molly seemed like a really good character to introduce the Aurors to the historical mystery as well! It was so exciting to see them establish that link finally, and the fact that they now know what might be happening next, if only they can get to know who the third and fourth victims are though.

It might just have been me, and maybe it was because of the way that Molly was kind of flirting with her, but Eugenie seemed a bit... distant? She didn't seem as interested in the information as I thought she would be. But now I'm intrigued even more about who could possibly be committing the crimes, as it seems like it would take quite specialised knowledge to find out about them, even if the archives are open for everyone. And I'm curious about whether or not the former killers are actually the target or if the copycat killer is warming up to kill someone else...

I really liked the scene between James and Louis, too, and getting the chance to see a bit of vulnerability in James who doesn't often get portrayed as anything but completely confident. It was great to see them there, although when they used 'brew' and drank beer it seemed a bit at odds...

I don't like Lucretia any more than I did before but it was fun to read about their night out. I feel like Louis's not even sure himself what he wants right now as far as romance is concerned - he's happy to just go along with Lucretia while he works it out, though. I'm really intrigued what Hannah told him that was important, though - I hope he manages to remember or find it out soon!

Sian :)

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Review #2, by nott theodoreHate: Andromeda Tonks

16th September 2014:
Hi Emily!

Gah, it's been far too long since I stopped by your page and read and reviewed anything of yours! So this looked really intriguing from the summary because I've never imagined much of a link between Lily Evans and Andromeda Tonks, so I was interested to see what you came up with!

I think this was a really original idea, and a great connection to make - it's not one that I've seen appearing before in fanfiction! Poor Andromeda, this made me feel even more sorry for her because she lost so much and there were plenty of people around for her to hate, especially after the second war when she'd lost both her husband and her daughter, and was left caring for her grandson. I think Lily Evans would have been the last person that I'd have thought of in connection to Andromeda, especially since I imagine Andromeda and Harry getting on quite well in the future because of their links with Teddy, but having read this I can imagine that Andromeda would see Harry and that would trigger these sorts of emotions in her.

It was great to see that connection, though, and the way that their situations were similar but inverted at the same time. I'm sure that, if she'd been given the chance, Andromeda would have happily given her life for her daughter, but she never got the chance and instead her daughter's given her life so that Andromeda can live. Of course, Tonks fought and died so many more people, including Teddy, could live in a happier and more peaceful world, but in her grief I can see Andromeda kind of obscuring that from her mind.

I think you did a really good job of portraying Andromeda's character, especially in such a short amount of words. From the beginning, with the title, it's clear that you're not afraid to show the darker side of Andromeda's feelings, and I think that makes it much more realistic and believable. In grief, lots of people feel anger and maybe misdirected hatred towards other people, so it's extremely authentic that Andromeda would feel this way towards Lily Evans, even if she barely knew her.

I think that my favourite part of the whole story was the way that you used the brackets to show Anromeda's thoughts, because it worked really well to add a little bit extra to the story, which isn't always easy to do in a piece that's this length.

This part:

'(Was it awful, that Andromeda could say so emotionlessly that her husband and her daughter had died? Death, dying, died, dead. Her husband and her daughter were dead. The words brought a dull pain into her heart.)'

This was my absolute favourite part of the story. The plosive alliteration here, with the 'Death, dying, died, dead' line, was just so effective. It showed really harshly how much pain Andromeda is feeling in her grief over the deaths of her daughter and her husband, and it just had a very powerful impact.

This was a really great story, Emily, and I enjoyed reading it!

Sian :)

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Review #3, by nott theodoreGone: The Disappearance

16th September 2014:
Hi there! I'm here for our review swap!

Ah, I couldn't resist picking this story when I saw it, as the title and summary were so intriguing and I also love this poem, so I couldn't wait to see how you interpreted it and used it to influence this one-shot!

This was really different to anything that I've read on the archives before. It was really original to read something like this - quite dark and a bit chilling, really, but nevertheless I really enjoyed it! I think the fact that this was a one-shot worked brilliantly too. It had much more of an impact than a longer story probably would have done, because there was no attempt at explanation of what had happened. It just happened. It was stated as fact and because of that we just accepted that suddenly everyone had disappeared and Albus was left there on his own. But I think that meant there was more of an impact - no way of changing what had happened, it just suddenly occurred. I thought it was a great idea and executed very well.

I liked your choice of Albus as the protagonist in this story, too. It worked really well because it's far enough removed from the books to make it completely believable and yet he's closely connected enough with the main characters in the series that we really feel the fact that he's left on his own. The fact that he was so young when it happened was powerful, too, because he could barely survive on his own. Just the brief mention of the fact that he only knew how to make eggs and muffins for his breakfast emphasised that really well, because there are so many life skills that he hasn't had the chance to learn and yet he's suddenly faced with this situation where he's all alone and there's no way out of it.

I thought you wrote Albus's behaviour and reactions to the situation very well too. He didn't know what had happened but at first, although it was quite creepy, he didn't panic too much about it because he hoped that they were going to come back. After all, it could have just been a dream at the beginning. I like the fact that he decides he's going to live his life as well, because it shows this survival instinct - there's not much else he can really do if he wants to carry on and hope that one day he's going to find someone else who's made it through whatever happened to cause everyone else to disappear. But he does flourish for a while - I think in a way it might be easier to, as he's got nobody else to compare himself to now.

The scene with the photograph album was very poignant and powerful. Albus has managed to get by just by pretending that everything's normal and going about his life day by day as if there's nothing really changed, but the reminder that this photo album brings, of all the things and the people that he's lost, would be horrible for anyone. I can understand why he'd break down in tears!

The disappearance is really intriguing - I can't help but wonder why they disappeared and why Albus was the only one left. But I think it's better that you didn't tell us, as it leaves more room for our imagination to come up with explanations and keeps Albus in the dark.

Albus, even at the end, shows some of that survival instinct that's kept him going through all of this so far. Even though he's writing a letter to no one and thinking that he might succumb to madness soon, I think he's fighting it a little by recording his story and showing that he wants to carry on. But the last words were really fantastic, and tied in so well with the story.

This was a really great one-shot, and I thought it was an original and well-written idea!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian!

I'm glad I managed to write something original, as well as chilling! You definitely understand why I made this a one shot. I didn't want to give any reason behind what happened at all. I wanted there to be no hope and no answers at the end of it all.

Yes, Albus was chosen because we know his family so well and hopefully could feel his loss along with him a bit better, as well as the fact that I could make him really young reasonably within canon. He truly is quite unprepared for the world at large, as he's only ever lived at home or at Hogwarts. Fortunately for him, he has all the time in the world to learn now, I suppose.

I think Albus holds up in this situation a lot better than most people would. Like you said, he even begins to flourish as a person. Learning and improving himself with all of his newfound free time. But, I couldn't end it on a good note, of course. The photo album was the first device that came to mind that would stress everything that he left behind so suddenly.

I love leaving endings really ambiguous because I think when you leave your readers with something extra to ponder, the story has that much more of an effect on them. And, it's really fun to hear all of the ideas that people come up with.

The letter to no one was kind of Albus' final stand. He refused to let this little incident come and go as if it never happened.
I'm thrilled that I used the quote well! I was nervous that it didn't tie in as well as I would have liked! So happy that was effective.

I certainly understand the abundance of Best Reviewer nominations you received now. Thank you so much for your kind words, this review was so amazing!


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Review #4, by nott theodoreKeep Calm and Carry On: Chapter Twenty-Five

16th September 2014:
Hello again!

AH SO MUCH FLUFF THIS IS AMAZING! I really love getting the chance to read about Oliver and Edie and all their cute moments now that they've finally talked to each other about their feelings and stopped being all obstinate and stupid about things not being able to happen between them. It's so great to read about them together in this chapter because we've been reading and hoping for them for so long and now they're finally getting there. Which is amazing.

Your description of the wedding is just amazing. Every little detail is painted so vividly that I can picture it in my mind - the music, the dancing, the order of it - I couldn't help laughing out loud when I read about Claire getting up to announce every single stage in the wedding and the party afterwards, because it's like it's been organised with military precision and even if the other guests don't want to do any of the things she's insisting on, they don't really get much of a choice since she's announcing the instructions to the whole party.

The detail and thought that you've put into the wedding really is great, though. And it really does fit well with what I imagine Justin wanting - some fancy location and everything done so properly, so that everyone is guaranteed to know that he's done well for himself and that he and Lisa are going to be successful. I'd love to see his family's reaction if they found out that Lisa was already pregnant :P

Talking of Lisa, I love the way that she's breezing around the wedding and doing so well with all the bride's duties, talking to all the guests and enjoying herself, but managing to stop herself from drinking anything by passing every glass she gets to Edie. I'm not sure Edie's the best choice given the way she sometimes behaves when she's drunk, but she's the maid of honour - it's one of her bridesmaid's responsibilities, right? She doesn't have a choice about whether she gets drunk or not, she just has to help Lisa :P

Ah, Dean. So there was something more than the fact that Edie hadn't been spending much time with him and Seamus recently, and I guess he kind of has got a point because they risked a lot for her by breaking into the building. But at the same time I'm really glad you wrote about the 'friendzone' and you did a great job of capturing the confusion and awkwardness that Edie felt when she realised that Dean was in love with her. I do feel sorry for him, but at the same time, Edie shouldn't feel guilty for not feeling the same way. I'm just hoping that in the future her and Dean can maybe get back to being just friends, although I doubt it, unfortunately, as it's normally really awkward.

Haha, Seamus wandering in and just having no idea what's going on :P He's so great, and I loved the way he was acting like Oliver's best friend and then didn't even realise the bartender was a man. Seamus is brilliant for comic value, as well as being a good friend.

Aw, Oliver and Edie are once again really cute (I'm feeling like I need to improve my vocabulary right now, I apologise!) and I love them getting to know a bit more about each other through normal, little conversations like this. Although Edie made me laugh so much after all her resolutions not to do anything, even kiss Oliver, and then by the end of the chapter she's just demanding that Oliver goes and takes her back to his place. Edie's just such a realistic character and that's fantastic - she makes mistakes, plenty of them, and has to live with them, but she's so likeable as well.

Ah, I'm a bit worried about the truth coming out about her articles, though! This was a great chapter!

Sian :)

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Review #5, by nott theodoreKeep Calm and Carry On: Makeshift

16th September 2014:
Ah! Okay, so I finally got a few minutes to review the two latest chapters of this story (I don't have time to go back and review every chapter, but I can start from now, right?)

Edie's nervousness before the wedding was really cute. And she just can't concentrate on what she's meant to be doing, which is Seamus's hair (isn't Seamus old enough to do his own hair? It's not like he's the one getting married :P) and eventually her mum has to do it for her. At least she can now admit (to herself) why she's so nervous about going, and it's not really the fact that she's got a long journey via Portkey. That's a good sign!

And arriving right in the middle of a fight, that sounds so like something that would happen to Edie. The explanation of the fight made me laugh a lot, too - it's always those ridiculous sort of tensions that come along and cause a fight or something years later!

Dean! It's been a while since we saw him properly in this story and I have missed him, even though I've been preoccupied (like Edie) with all the other things that are going on in her life. He seemed to be acting a bit strange with her, so I'm intrigued about what's causing that... maybe just the fact that she's not been making time for him and he's annoyed about it? Or maybe there's something more to it...

Lisa ♥ I loved seeing the conversation between Edie and Lisa just before the wedding, and the way that even though she's meant to be helping her best friend with one of the biggest days in her life, Edie is still getting distracted by mentions of Oliver! It was nice to see the two of them though, before this massive moment in Lisa's life! Although I'm equally intrigued about why Oliver needed Justin to work as his lawyer...

The wedding seemed to fit Justin very well, although it wasn't quite as bad as I thought it was going to be, without some of the awful things (her Portkey was bad enough, honestly!). And Peter, breaking down and sobbing about how alone he was, made me laugh so much :P I can just imagine Justin's brother in tears about being single at the wedding!

Yayayay Edie and Oliver! I was so excited for this moment, because it was great, after 24 chapters, to see them having the conversation they've probably needed to have since the very beginning (although to be honest, if they'd had this conversation way back then, there wouldn't have been a story for us to read so I won't blame you for that :P). The explanation about Oliver and Rose makes sense, and I don't think worse of him for it, especially when Edie's thinking back to the relationship she had with Cormac (!) which basically paralleled what was happening with Oliver and Rose. And of course, the explanation brought Oliver's feelings about Edie into the open more, and I couldn't complain about that!

OLIVER AND EDIE FINALLY KISSED!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ That was such a cute moment and a really great end to this chapter - I can't wait to see what happens next! (I'm really hoping that Edie doesn't go and do something stupid and make things awkward again...)

Sian :)

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Review #6, by nott theodoreSnakes & Ladders: Nine - Eleven Weeks

16th September 2014:
Hi again, Jess!

Ah, Christmas! The beginning of this chapter made me all excited for it even though it's still like three months away, but we'll move on from my love of Christmas to this great chapter :P

I really liked the opening! Ruby was sweet to send Emilia something for Christmas like those chocolates (which are wonderful, and now I'm hungry...) and it's definitely a good present to wake up to on Christmas morning! And oh my goodness, those little baby shoes are absolutely adorable! They're really cute anyway but the fact that Albus has gone and got her a present for the baby is just really sweet and perfect!

Contrasting that against her parents' present for her is horrible, really. Obviously the fact that Albus and Emilia are going to have a baby together makes a pretty strong connection between them, but these people are her parents and they've got tons of money - they could actually put some thought into the present for her rather than giving her an envelope full of money which has no feeling in it whatsoever! It was sweet of Emilia to give some to a charity though, last year - maybe she'll need it for herself instead though, this time...

Aw, the build-up to the family Christmas dinner was really well-written. I liked the arrival of some of the extended family, and the almost-chaos that Kendra brought into the house, because it felt a lot more like Christmas should be with the Clearwaters there rather than the cold, perfect Christmas that Emilia's parents had probably planned. I am a little bit confused about how the Clearwaters are related exactly, though - is Elizabeth Emilia's father's sister? (Not that it makes much difference, I'm just curious :P)

It was really cute to read about Kendra and how excited she was about everything to do with Christmas - I thought you captured her as a young child really well, especially with the run on sentences and little details like that. And then during the dinner, when she had absolutely no idea what was going on with the rest of them and was just happy with her Christmas dinner. Elizabeth seems really nice though, and I was glad that Ellis was there for the day because I suspected that her news was going to come out...

Oh my goodness though, that was such a painful revelation! I really want to just be there right now to give Emilia a hug, because she's got such a difficult time to go through. Having to tell her parents that she's pregnant is going to be difficult enough without them being the sort of people who offer to pay for an abortion and then tell her she can have the child as long as she basically goes into hiding and gives the baby up for adoption. Where is the love? Where is the support? These people need some serious parenting lessons! Just because they throw money at their children does not make them good parents, and this is a time when Emilia really needs their help and support and they just throw everything back in her face.

And Emilia is adopted! I definitely wasn't expecting that bombshell, when they suggested it themselves for her baby... her mother is completely awful. Honestly. How can she say something like that to her daughter, just because she got pregnant as a teenager? It's so upsetting to read about and I really hope that Emilia's going to be okay. I'm just glad that there are people that she knows will support her in the long-run, and she's told Albus as well by now. I'm hoping that Oliver will pull through for her too, even if I'm not sure if they're both blood-related now...

Sian :)

Author's Response: Your lengthy reviews give me life. They're like their own little novels aw.

I must agree with your love of Christmas eek! So far, but yet so close...

The idea for Albus' gift to her came to me when I saw some adorable little shoes in a shop. Instantly my mind drifted to this fic and I was like "EMILIA NEEDS!" hahaha. Her parents could definitely get her a better gift with all the money they have - ugh! But you may be right. I think Emilia may need the money more for herself and the baby this year :

I feel your love for needing to know everything about character's backgrounds - I share this! I'm thinking about touching on it in the actual story since I've had a few people ask. Basically, Emilia's mother (who is called Ann-Marie fyi) and Liz are sisters. Liz and Penelope are sisters-in-law since Ellis/Kendra's dad is Penelope's brother. Unfortunately though, Ellis' dad died when Kendra was only a year or two old :( Elizabeth still keeps his surname: Clearwater.

Ah I could rant all day about the Wilson parents! I HATE THEM SO MUCHH THIS IS NOT EVEN PARENTING AT ALL. I really wish I could say this story had a happy ending with them... I really do.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing! Much lovee

xo

p.s. this is going to be talked about in the next chapter but Oliver is the biological son of his parents :) so he is not blood-related to Emilia but still adores her to pieces ;)


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Review #7, by nott theodoreSnakes & Ladders: Three - Nine Weeks

16th September 2014:
Hi again, Jess! I know I reviewed this a while ago but I saw that this chapter accidentally got deleted so I thought I'd come back and leave you a quick review before I move onto the most recent chapter!

I feel so sorry for Emilia at this point, although in a way I think that once she comes to terms with it, knowing is going to be better for her than the uncertainty that she had otherwise, and at least this way she can start to make plans for what she's going to do about everything! And I think you wrote her reaction to finding out the news really well, as it seemed realistic. More than anything, she wanted not to believe it because she didn't want it to be true. I felt sorry for her when she had to switch into normality and pretending that everything was alright so soon after finding out such drastic news!

I think Emilia's handling things quite well, so far. She's quite sensible and at least she's being fair in not instantly thinking that Albus is to blame.

I really liked Rose's appearance here! It was nice to see her introduced as someone that Emilia's friends with already and I liked the way that you portrayed her, too. Their girly sleepovers sound fun and I like the fact Emilia's already got that link with the family and I'm sure that Rose is going to come through for her when it matters. I feel like Emilia's going to need all the friends she can get now!

Yay, I'm glad to see that at least Albus is trying to talk to her and isn't just happy to forget about things or pretend like everything's normal or nothing happened between them. That's a good sign! She does need to tell him soon though and I hope that she manages to get the courage to do that!

Oliver seems really sweet! If he's a Healer as well then it seems like Emilia's going to have a good person in the family to help her out with things in the future, and hopefully he'll look after her and stick up for her if her parents make things difficult (which I suspect they will...)

Ugh, Marin. I really, really don't like her, but you probably know that already :P She's so selfish and self-centred and mean and I really think that Emilia could have a better friend than her, because of course people can have more important issues than what their supposed best friend is being moody about to deal with. But I'm worried that Marin is going to cause a lot of problems for Emilia in the future as well...

Sian :)

Author's Response: Aw hi! Thank you so much for the thoughtfulness. I would reply properly but I'm not sure what the etiquette is in occurrences like this? Just know that I appreciate you taking the time to r&r again! It means a lot thank you thank you thank you!!

xo


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Review #8, by nott theodoreDecoding the Tutshill Tornados: The One with the Breaking News

16th September 2014:
Hi again!

This story is seriously stressful to read at the moment, do you know that? I guess it means that you're doing a great job writing characters that we care so much about, but it's not always easy to read when I'm worrying that the characters are going to end up at death's door! :P

I'm so glad that James finally decided to tell his family everything. I can understand why he hasn't told them the truth in the past - for someone like him, people will always expect that he's going to get ahead because of his family and James wants to do things because of his own merits. Even so, now that the situation sounds like it could be so serious, he really is going to need his family around him and get all of their help with things that are going on - I feel like it's going to take all the Potters and Weasleys and friends to combat whatever this plan is that Mason and David Flynn have got cooked up!

I love the way that you write Harry in this story - he's still the character that we know from the books but obviously he's changed quite a lot, growing up and maturing to become a father and Head Auror. I liked the mention that the calmness had come over the years through his work and was something that he'd had to learn.

I feel strangely proud of James, reading this chapter. There are so many tiny moments that don't seem at all significant but do really show how much he's grown up and how much his character has developed over the course of this story of BTQC. Things like wanting to try and get Bink to talk about his feelings for Rose, but realising that he should wait until a time when Bink's ready to talk about it, even though he wants to know now. James wouldn't have done that at the start of BTQC - maybe not even at the start of this story. It's just something small and seemingly insignificant but I really love the way that you're showing how James grows in this story - he's so much more real and likeable because of it.

Okay, I really can't deal with all of this tension in the scenes at St. Mungo's! You wrote all of those scenes so well and built up an extremely tense atmosphere, so that I couldn't stop reading until the end of the chapter to find out what was happening to all of the characters, particularly Amy.

I think you captured the scenes in the waiting room really well. That feeling of hopelessness and frustration - people all want to be able to help and do something to help their loved ones, but all they can really do is be there for them and hope that everything's going to be okay. It came through really well.

Ah, I'm so intrigued to hear how Bink really does feel about Rose! Obviously he's trying to pretend that he doesn't care but clearly he feels something for her, given his reaction when she told them about how well her interview had gone. Hopefully we'll get to read about that sometime soon!

Oh no. This plan sounds really serious! I feel so sorry for James and Avery, with the news breaking like that over the Quidditch Network while they're with Fred and he's not sure if Amy's going to survive whatever is wrong with her. That's such an awful time to have to find out and I also think her dad's awful for being able to do something like this to his only daughter, who's never done anything wrong except for thwarting his ambition. It's not going to go well for James and Avery now, particularly James with the code and not being able to play - but I'm worried about what's going to come next as well!

It was really sweet of Bink to go after James though, even though he hasn't been in such a good place this summer. It's great to see that the loyalty and friendship between all of these characters is still going strong!

THAT SCENE WAS CRUEL! I honestly thought that you were going to kill off Amy for a minute, and I was reading and just hoping that she was going to be okay, because that would have been so awful for poor Freddie. I'm so happy that she's going to be alright though, and reading that scene with Freddie telling her how he feels about her was so sweet.

I'm looking forward to reading about what happens next now that people know the truth about their sham marriage!

Sian :)

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Review #9, by nott theodoreThe Art of Small Talk: A Multitude of Stilted Sentences.

13th September 2014:
Hey Kiana!

Ah, so I missed your status about this being updated so it's a good thing I was going through the recently added pages and got to see this! I've missed reading from Audrey's point of view and it was great to get back into reading this story!

Oh dear, Audrey's language when she's stressed gets rather bad :P I can just imagine her Granny telling her off if she ever heard what Audrey's internal monologue is like! Although I can understand why she was so nervous as the situation with Oliver has been rather awkward recently, even if they parted the last chapter on good terms. Still, 'we need to talk' is never really a good thing to hear, although I was kind of glad to read it because I'm excited for the prospect of Audrey and Percy getting together and that can't happen while Oliver and Audrey are together (although I guess it kind of could but it shouldn't and yes I'm rambling...)

I thought you did a great job of writing their initial meeting (also the comments about the Londoners and the sun in April made me laugh so much, because it's so true for everywhere in Britain :P) and how awkward they were and Audrey makes me laugh a lot. And then ooh, plot twist! I thought James and Oliver did get on unexpectedly well but hadn't made the connection that Oliver was bisexual and falling for James, which is kind of cute in a way! (Like Audrey said, haha.) Now I see why you said that Oliver and James would both have mroe of a role in the story and I can actually picture them both together even though it'll be a bit weird for Audrey to see them together as Oliver's her ex and she used to fancy James quite a bit. I am glad that Oliver told Audrey though instead of leading her on and stuff, and that he trusts her enough to be able to do that.

Oliver being bisexual is also something I've never seen in any fanfiction story before so that was really original! And the fact that he was in love with Percy! That's just brilliant, you have no idea how much that idea made me smile because so many people don't even seem to pick up on the fact they're in the same year at school. But that was a really stupid plan to get Percy to like and notice him, by cheating on him with his girlfriend! Silly Oliver!

I really loved reading about Audrey telling Draco about the potion that she'd made for him, because it was such a touching scene. It was cute to see how much he paid attention to her and her ridiculously elaborate cover story, but then to find out what she'd actually made it for as well as it's a really sweet thing to do. I like the idea of Audrey being someone who's into social change and equality a lot, and I'm glad that Draco accepted it! Although you've also got me a little bit worried that the potion's not going to work and it's going to harm Draco really badly, especially as Audrey's not even sure if it's actually legal... I feel like if something goes wrong, there could be some extremely serious consequences! (And then maybe Percy will ride to the rescue and help her out? :P)

The final section with Astoria was brilliant, as I've never seen Astoria written like this before and it's so different to how I normally imagine her. I loved all of her talk about Audrey's aura being clouded and the idea for hypnosis and the Green Boot cafe, as they were all so fun to read about and made Astoria seem very real in this story. Plus it was hilarious to read about Audrey being threatened with hypnosis - I think my reactions would have been similar to hers!

Even though Astoria's methods did seem a little strange, they did work and it was good for Audrey to have someone outside of her family and everything else that's going on in her life to talk to about what's happening with her mum. I think it was great that she was able to think about what she felt towards her and why she felt those things as well, because a lot of people wouldn't do that and it's got to help, so well done to Astoria for making her think more! And then I'm optimistic for Audrey too as far as her mum's concerned as now she realises how she feels and why, she might be able to forgive her and get some sort of relationship with her, which I think would really help.

This was another great chapter, Kiana - I'm really loving this story! ♥

Sian :)

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Review #10, by nott theodoreDoing the Right Thing: Doing the Right Thing

3rd September 2014:
Hi Roxi! I'm here for our review swap!

I really enjoyed this story! You captured Draco's character really well in this piece - I know that you're writing a novel with him, but I thought you did a great job of portraying him as someone that's developed from the boy that we see in the sixth book but is still completely recognisable.

The opening of this story was great - those three short, to-the-point sentences had a real impact. It made me instantly interested and intrigued about what Draco was doing, and I thought the way that you then repeated those instructions later on was very effective too, because it showed the way that he was nervous about what he had to do and then determined to try and get it right as well. It's only a small detail but it contributed a lot to your story.

I also thought it was really original to have Draco taking part in the attack on Scrimgeour. I've actually never read a story about that moment or the plan behind the attack, so you've done a great job to find that missing moment and then expand it in this story.

The only tiny piece of CC that I have is I wondered whether Draco would refer to Voldemort as Voldemort rather than the Dark Lord. Not many people seemed to call him by his name and I can't remember any of the Death Eaters doing so. That's probably just me being picky though.

I think my favourite thing about this character was the way that you managed to explore Draco Malfoy's character so well in just 1000 words. It's very impressive! I liked the way that he hesitated here - he's grown up from the boy who confronted Dumbledore at the top of that tower, and seems more ready to face the consequences of his own actions - because it showed how unsure he still is about everything that's going on around him. It made me feel quite sorry for him. there's so much danger for him and his family if he does something wrong but at the same time he wants to do the right thing, which isn't to help Voldemort.

I found it sad that he thought he'd been born to be a Death Eater, but it worked well with the rest of the story and your overall portrayal of him. Draco feels like he's been forced into this, that he has no choice, and he can't see a way out of what he's meant to do. It's a difficult position for anyone, particularly someone so young, and I could see that conflict very clearly here.

I was really pleased to see Draco's decision at the end! I think that he would have made his mother proud with that decision, as long as he was safe afterwards, which he was. And it's great to see him doing something - even though it might seem small in the grand scheme of things - to rebel against the hand that he's been dealt in life.

This was a great story and thank you for the swap!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hey Sian!! It is such an honor to have you here, reading one of my pieces!! Thank you so much for the swap offer. This was so great!! =)

I am so glad that you enjoyed the story, and that you liked my characterization of Draco so well. I am so glad I decided to leave the repetition of his orders in there – it almost got cut to get the word count down, lol. So thank for commenting on that. It's always nice to be reassured that you are making the right decisions with your writing. :)

And you're right about the 'Voldemort' thing, of course. I think I had it as 'the Dark Lord' at one point, but then I changed it to cut down the word count. Hey, trying to squeeze Draco Malfoy into just 1,000 words is hard work, haha!! =P

My goal was to get people to feel sympathetic towards Draco, so I'm glad to see that you picked up on that also. He did make the right decision in the end, but his betrayal ends up costing him a great deal once Voldemort finds out about it... If you are ever interested in swapping again, I have a Novel that continues from this one-shot. Would love to possibly hear your thoughts on "Love, Not War" some time as well. Feel free to hit me up for a swap again at any time! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story, and I loved this review!! :D

~Deana~


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Review #11, by nott theodoreAvalanche: 1

3rd September 2014:
Um. Wow.

Okay.

(I'm here for the review swap, by the way.)

This is, without a doubt, the best characterisation of Peter Pettigrew that I have ever read. Ever. And I've read a lot of Marauders era stories and even stories focusing on Peter, but this one was just incredible. Seriously, it blew me away.

It's going to be really hard for me to pick out my favourite parts of this story because literally everything was perfect. I can't see a single thing that could be improved in any way so... I should warn you that I'm likely to ramble. Sorry!

What I loved about this was the fact that you explored and explained Peter and his actions in this story but you didn't try and make us like him. You present him so realistically, and the portrayal is so believable; he does what he does but there's no effort there to make us like him or make what he did seem acceptable, and that makes this story even more believable for me. It's just become my head canon for the way that Peter Pettigrew gradually got drawn into spying and turning traitor for the Death Eaters.

The opening of this piece had such an impact. That first sentence grabbed my attention straight away and launched us into the action. I got a real sense of what the Order had to deal with during the first wizarding war, and I loved seeing Peter's role within that. I think so many stories cast him aside or make him the coward of the piece - which he was, in a way - but he wouldn't have been involved in the Order if he wasn't prepared to fight. And people must have known that he was in the Order because otherwise he wouldn't have been approached to become a spy for Voldemort. So I really liked the way that you showed him fighting, and managing, but at the same time he's not quite as brilliant, or ruthless, as Sirius is.

I really liked the fact that Peter's hesitation in fighting didn't necessarily come from his lack of ability, but from the internal conflict about what was happening during the war. I can see and sympathise with him for his views on the bigger picture - people are still dying, no matter what, and the example of the Hogwarts student who was working as a Death Eater was a great way to show how high the cost is. Just because they're fighting for a better cause doesn't mean that it's right to kill others, and I can understand why Peter would feel that. The celebration afterwards was so well written - especially Moody, who's such a distinctive character - and I could see both sides of the coin. The Order feel that they deserve a celebration as some sort of reward, but Peter's right that it does feel strange to be celebrating.

James! ♥ You captured his character incredibly well throughout the story and I loved the way that he tried to help Peter, but at the same time there was a touch of condescension there, with Sirius and James both calling him 'Petey'. It's not a massive thing but I can imagine that playing in the back of Peter's mind as time goes on.

The repetition of 'I didn't want anyone else to die' ties in so well. It sets up a reason for him to be open to becoming a traitor, because he thinks that it's going to be the best way to prevent more death. He sees the human cost of the war more than the others in the story, it seems, and I find it really believable that someone would try to stop the war by doing something like that - of course, he was too naive to realise, before it was too late, that he wouldn't succeed.

Yaxley was so well written as well! I really liked the fact that you included his character because he's familiar from the series and I can picture his normality and politeness in an everyday situation - from the scenes he appeared in during the books, he seems like the sort of man who's very good at keeping up a pretence. And we know that he was the one who helped infiltrate the Ministry, so being the one to get Peter to properly agree to become a traitor for them made a lot of sense.

My mouth dropped open when I saw Peter hand over the names and addresses of the Order members. I'd known, obviously, that as a traitor he would be responsible for more death, but the extent of this is so shocking. If anything, that made me dislike Peter more than before, and I want to shout at him because he just doesn't realise what he's doing!

And then Peter finally works out what's going on, and that his information won't save lives but it'll just end more of them even quicker. But by that point it's too late, and he's in too deep, and there's no way out. I loved the way that you wrote that realistation, and the moment when him not wanting people to die changed into not wanting to die himself. Preservaton of society become self-preservation and that ties in so well with the weak, terrified man that we see in the books, who goes back to Voldemort because he's scared of dying.

The end section, when James told Peter that they wanted him to be Secret keeper... it was so heart breaking! James was so sweet and trusting and loyal and had absolutely no idea that Peter was the traitor all along. It's just so sad that he placed his trust in the wrong person and that this had to happen! And the fact that the very reasons Jamse chose Peter to be the Secret Keeper are the reasons that he turned traitor... I was glad to see that Peter tried to get out of it and convince James that he wasn't the best person to do the job. I don't think he would have accepted it easily - he still cared about his friends, no matter what. He just cared more about surviving himself, and knew that he would have no chance of concealing the information from Voldemort. Gah, it's just so horrible.

Really, this is just a stunning piece. The characterisation of Peter was brilliant and your writing was flawless. Thank you so much for the swap!

Sian :)

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Review #12, by nott theodoreTransylvanian Measles.: Transylvanian Measles.

3rd September 2014:
Hi Margaret! I'm here for our review swap.

This was a really enjoyable story! I've noticed it before in your writing and I think the thing that I like the most about your stories is the way that you manage to capture the realities of people's lives. This piece isn't about something dramatic or life-changing, but it illustrates a day that's probably happened to a lot of people at some point or other, whether as parents or children or, like poor Victoire, as a babysitter!

I think your characterisation is another great strength. I'm always apprehensive about tackling major characters from the series but you did a brilliant job of Hermione's portrayal in particular. The way that she was meant to be in a rush off to work and getting Victoire to babysit, but then she didn't stop talking and telling her all about the different aspects of the illness. I can imagine her researching every little detail and then trying to offload that information onto her niece to make sure that she's prepared. It's so like Hermione to find everything out like that and then try and relay it - information being the best way to combat anything, of course.

You also did a really good job of writing both Rose and Hugo when they're sick - I liked the fact that they're so different in reacting to their illness. I can imagine Hugo being a really active kid and not dealing with being sick at all well, wanting to do something to relieve his boredom, while Rose is cranky but can occupy herself if she's got a book. Both of the children are captured really well and how I imagine them to be as well.

The 'Transylvanian Measles' was a lovely touch too - is that an illness in canon, or something that you've made up? I really liked it though, because it sounded so real and magical at the same time.

I found myself feeling quite sorry for Victoire! Looking after sick children is never exactly fun, but I could imagine her ending up having to do that sort of thing quite a bit because she's the oldest cousin. I don't think I've read Victoire in a story like this beofre either - she normally seems to just appear in romances, so it was interesting to see her in a much more down-to-earth situation!

I really enjoyed reading this and thank you for the swap!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review and for offering the swap. I was a little wary when I saw the story you had reviewed as it's not exactly my best. It's just one of these things that was going to annoy me until I wrote it and doesn't really have a plot or much of a point. I was actually debating whether or not to even post it.

The Transylvanian Measles are a complete invention. I was just thinking how in canon, illnesses and injuries appear to fit into two categories: either they are cured within minutes, or at most hours, with a potion or something or else they are life-threatening or long-term. I kind of figured they must have some illnesses that fall between those two extremes and just leave people unwell for a few days and apart from a couple of references to flu, there is little evidence of it.

Characterisation is probably the part of writing I find easiest. Stuff like description, I'm not so good at.

I actually kind of got fond of Victoire from writing both this and a scene from my current novel length. I think I have portrayed her differently from a lot of people. She's very much the caring older cousin in my work. I think a lot of people portray her as the successful, popular Head Girl typed character whereas she's rather more ordinary in my stories.


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Review #13, by nott theodoreNym: Into Focus

3rd September 2014:
Hi! I'm here for our review swap and got excited when I saw that you'd written this, because it actually caught my eye earlier in the recently added pages. I really enjoyed reading this!

Charlie is one of those characters that I haven't read a lot about, but I have always wondered if there's another reason that he remained single and went off with his dragons for the rest of his life when all of his brothers and his sister had settled down and married and had kids. I really like the idea of Tonks and Charlie being friends at school and the way this one-shot developed that idea into something much more was brilliant! I could easily take this as head canon and see this as an explanation for why he stayed single.

As a slight aside, I really like your title! I'd never have guessed that it would be referring to Tonks when I first clicked on it, and that ties in really well with the whole 'Reveal Your Secrets' idea.

The opening of this was great as well; I liked the fact that you didn't reveal straight away who it was that Charlie had realised he loved. I could guess at it from some of the hints that you dropped but it was a great way to begin, drawing the reader in straight away. It was really nice to contrast Bill's happiness and his expression as he sees Fleur coming down the aisle. Charlie is experiencing his own sort of epiphany at the same time but unknown to him at that point, he wouldn't be able to tell Tonks because she's already married.

I loved the characterisations in this piece. For a reasonably short story, you did a great job of capturing both Charlie and Tonks. I can imagine the realisation that he loves Tonks being such a surprise to Charlie, especially since he's been away and is looking forward to seeing her again. When it came to their meeting, I really liked the interactions between the two of them; it was very easy to believe that they'd been best friends for so long. There was a sort of easiness between them that only exists in friendship that go back a long way, and the fact that Tonks could tell that Charlie was hiding something straight away made that even more believable.

I felt so sorry for Charlie in this story though! It was horrible to think of him having this epiphany but far, far too late; Tonks is already married and there's nothing he can do about it. You wrote his reaction to seeing the ring really well and it just made me want to reach out and give him a hug!

The transition to the final part of the piece, when Charlie's at Hogwarts and can't understand why she's not there, is heartbreaking. The reader knows what he's going to find and I feel so sorry for him, because not only can he not have a life with Tonks because she's already married, and then he has to find out that she's died in the battle. The small mention of his family over another body, one he hasn't seen yet, shows how much he really cares about Tonks, because he's not gone to his family yet, and makes me feel even worse about what happens to him since he's got someone else that he's going to lose.

This piece flowed really well, too - you got a great balance between dialogue and description here. The short paragraphs worked really well to explore Charlie's feelings, and I think it's wonderful that you've managed to truly flesh out Charlie's character and make me feel a lot more for him than I've ever done before. This was great, and thank you for the swap!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian! I just left you your review :)

Thanks so much for all the lovely things you've said. I'm so so glad you enjoyed reading this. I wanted to give more of an explanation of Charlie's character, and kept coming back to the fact he was at school with Tonks, and then it just sort of wrote itself.

So thank you for such a kind review and for the swap!

Emma x


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Review #14, by nott theodoreThe Ides of March: A star riding through clouds.

30th August 2014:
WAIT WHAT KIANA YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE POSTING THIS! It's a good job that I regularly visit your author's page because otherwise I'd have missed it! I knew you were writing about Helena Ravenclaw but not that the story was going to be slash or anything so I'm really intrigued already!

Eep, okay, this was amazing! I love your version of Helena, and the way that you introduce us to her. There are so many elements of this story that I absolutely love that I'm afraid this review is going to be a bit rambly and incoherent so I apologise in advance for that :P

You capture the time period for this story so well, even in just the first chapter. I know that you love history and I think you've done a great job of capturing this period, changing the language that Helena uses slightly from the modern speech but not making it incomprehensible for a modern reader or exaggerating it too much. And then all of the other little details in this as well which I can't comment on properly, but I think you've done a great job of capturing the era.

I love the inclusion of religion! It's so great to see the theme really emphasised here in this story as I know it doesn't appear much in the series but I think that witches and wizards at this time, especially since the magical society still mixed with Muggle society, would have been heaviy influenced by religion and religous beliefs. I can imagine them growing slightly apart from the church as far as things like witchcraft are concerned but when it comes to homosexuality I can definitely imagine Helena struggling so much with herself and her feelings for Eleanor because she's been taught that it's wrong all of her life. I think it's going to be really interesting to see the way that religion and religious beliefs impact on her life and her development through this story!

Your characterisation of Helena is brilliant! It's so original and not something that I've ever seen before, especially with the fact that she's a lesbian but trying to hide her feelings and who she is from those around her. I also really liked the fact that she doesn't get on with her mother really, and that she's so insecure and vulnerable. Most people characterise her as a woman who's extremely confident and pushes against all the boundaries of the time, so I really enjoyed this portrayal. It's so different but you wrote it so convincingly and I can already imagine how the feelings and thoughts that we've seen in this first chapter will lead to her running away with her mother's diadem to escape marrying the Bloody Baron!

Another aspect which was brilliant was the background that you've created for Helena and the world at Hogwarts. It's obvious that at this point that Salazar has already broken away from the other Founders but I liked the way that Helena thought about them all. I've always wondered what happened to Rowena's husband so it was great to read your explanation and the fact that he was a priest or preacher of some sort is really interesting, and I can already see the impact that's had on Helena's beliefs.

Eleanor Gryffindor was great, as well. I really liked the way that you described her through Helena's eyes, and captured the way that Helena felt about her by doing so - there's definitely a lot of young love there, and the innocence tied in with the idea that she's doing something very wrong. I loved the portrayal of Eleanor Gryffindor as well, because she was a lot braver than Helena and sort of took the lead in their meeting and things. It ties in with the sort of qualities that her house and family clearly value.

I'm so interested to see how this stories going to develop in the future and this was a great first chapter!

Sian :)

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Review #15, by nott theodoreHere, There & Everywhere: Here, There and Everywhere

30th August 2014:
Hey Jenna! So I noticed this on your page when I was prowling and thought I'd stop by and review since it doesn't have any yet!

Ah, it's been so long since I read a story about Ron and Hermione but this was really lovely. I love them together and I thought you captured their relationship really well. The title and the summary lyrics too ♥

I thought it was a really clever way to tell Ron and Hermione's relationship, through a series of summers in their life - I can picture July as their month together now and I can see that becoming my head canon! It helped to show the development of their relationship in a lovely way; it was quite understated and subtle, but I think it was even better for that. That tied in well with their relationship, since it was something that grew between them gradually from their friendship rather than something that happened really suddenly.

I loved the fact that this story showed a glimpse of Ron and Hermione far away from what Harry witnesses in the books. There are so many moments that he didn't see and times when they were together and it was great that this story reminded us of that. The occasions that they were together at the Burrow, with the Weasleys - particularly the brothers - around them and noticing their feelings for each other starting to emerge - were so adorable to read about.

The description, as usual with your lovely writing, was brilliant; all the small details that you included, like the fingers brushing each other casually as if it hadn't happened, were so brilliant. And I thought you did a great job of capturing Ron and Hermione's characters from the books as well, without exagerrating anything. The proofs of why they care about each other that you use to evdience their feelings in this story feel very natural and believable.

I'm so impressed with the way that you managed to illustrate their changing characters as well in the course of this one-shot, because over this time they grew up so much. There's a massive difference between the excited little girl who went to go and stay at her friend's house for the summer and the brave young woman at the end of this piece, who helps Ron find the strength he needs to bury his brother. And the same goes for Ron, as well, and the way that he changes from the boy who lashes out and tries to curse people who insult her (although I suspect he'd still do that, even when they were ancient), and the man who holds her when they go to find her parents again. And you chart that development so well. This story just shows how much sense it makes for the two of them to end up together, because while Harry was always there having to fight off Voldemort, Ron and Hermione were his support and could understand each other better because of that, I think. It's like they're thrown together, in a way, and grown to love each other because of it.

This was really just an adorable one-shot and I loved reading it - it put a massive smile on my face and captured Ron and Hermione so well!

Sian :)

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Review #16, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The End

25th August 2014:
JENNA! ♥ ♥ ♥

Ah, I can't believe that you've actually finished this story and even though I was really apprehensive of what was going to happen in this last chapter, I'm so happy for you! Congratulations - this really is a massive achievement! Such a long novel and such a brilliant one too. I think we should be saying thank you for sharing it with us! ♥

Okay, so when I saw that this chapter was up and you'd marked the story complete I was really, really nervous. After the way you ended the last chapter I've been having nightmares that you were going to break my heart by killing Terry off at the last minute or something and I couldn't keep my eyes off the page (screen) as I read this to find out what was happening. I care so much about these characters now and hopefully that helps you feel that you've done a fantastic job on this story!

I felt so sorry for Tor at the beginning of this chapter! I could really feel her desperation and how much she wanted to be able to save Terry but she's in such a dangerous position already here and she had to try and do that without arousing any suspicion about why she was trying to save this boy from Hogwarts that she supposedly doesn't recognise or know at all. It's so difficult for her, especially when I remember that she's only just turned sixteen and she has to face all of this!

Draco was so horrible and blunt with her at the beginning of the chapter, just completely refusing to help her at all. To be honest, I can understand why he wouldn't help and just tried to forget about what was happening. I do feel sorry for him in a way because he's in a difficult position as well, especially since he's marked out as a Death Eater and is so scared of what people could do to him if he does something wrong. I kind of wanted to shout at him because if he'd voluntarily helped Tor to help Terry escape then that would have been something that really helped to redeem him, but I can understand why he didn't.

Gah, Tor's parents are so horrible! I feel so angry with them when I think of how unfair they've been to put her in the situation she's in now, where she can't confide anything in them and feels like she's not able to love the boy she wants to because of what they expect. And they don't seem to care about her that much either, just being happy to get Tor out of their hair - surely their daughter should be more important than this awful war? Oops, going to try to stop ranting at fictional characters... :P

Tor is so brave, though! I was really proud of her and seeing the way that she's grown and developed in this story. A year or so ago, she'd never have dreamed of disobeying her parents in such a serious way or of putting her life on the line for someone else in something that's so serious and deadly. Her character development through this story is really brilliant and she's already grown up so much - I'm excited to see how she continues to grow and change in the next two novels! I really love the way that you write Tor in this story and she's completely become my head canon!

I really liked Tor's plan to get Terry out of Malfoy Manor! I think that's another aspect that helps to show how much she's matured, as a year ago I don't think she'd have been able to come up with a plan like that so quickly. It's great of her to prepare and try and get all of those things that Terry needs to go on the run with, and nobody actually seems to notice anything, so she does well there. But all the way through this chapter I was just on tenterhooks and really worried that somebody was going to find her and realise what she was doing!

I know that I shouldn't condone the use of the Imperius Curse but to be honest I'm really glad that it did work this time and she's been able to do what she has to do to get Terry out of Malfoy Manor. It shows how desperate she is though that she's prepared to curse Draco and risk him finding out what her relationship with Terry is. I really liked the way you wrote the effects of the Imperius Curse and the connection between Tor's mind and Draco's, and the way that she was able to control him. She's definitely got a lot of power for that sort of magic but at least she's using it for good here.

Argh, when Christian Haynes appeared in the gardens I got so worried! It was so clever of Tor to get Terry to disguise himself as Draco, just so they could get out of the house without people suspecting anything, but I'm really worried about what's going to happen. At least they were able to get out without being stopped, but I have a feeling that Draco could get into a lot of trouble if they realise that he kind of allowed them to escape.

But yay, they got away! I'm so happy that Terry's not dead that I'd be grinning no matter what happened, I think, but it's brilliant to see Tor taking that stand. I loved the moments between them when he was trying to protect her at first from Draco realising anything about them, and then all the kisses. Plus the fact that Terry only got captured by the Snatchers because he was trying to make sure that Tor was okay is just so sweet and adorable and he's lovely and amazing! ♥

So Tor and Terry are going on the run together! She's so brave to do something like that but I can see that they kind of have to - now that they know she's a blood traitor and on the run with Terry, it's going to be so dangerous for the two of them and I'm worried about how they'll survive but still kind of excited to read more about the two of them together and what's going to happen (although it won't be easy for their relationship either, because we saw how much of a strain being on the run put on the trio's friendship).

This was an amazing last chapter to a brilliant novel, Jenna! You've not only finished it really well but set up for the next novel - I'm already intrigued about The Devil's Road! Thank you! ♥

Sian :)

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Review #17, by nott theodoreKnight Takes Queen: King

25th August 2014:
Hi Laura! Here for review tag (since I should be doing other things right now and I need an excuse :P)

I've really enjoyed reading this short story collection so much - I haven't read a lot of Founders era stories and certainly not ones that focus on Rowena without delving into some sort of romance that she experienced in her life, so this was really original and interesting to read!

I liked the way that you skipped to Rowena's death here, and called the chapter King. Although she's dying and fading away, at this point in her life she's already got her crowning achievements in Hogwarts and the unity of the four houses, so she it is like she's taken the king. But at the same time it could maybe be interpreted as her having been checkmated, as she's losing her life and the game and things. It's really intriguing to think about the different ways the theme can be interpreted and the symbolism behind it; the ambiguity there is great, because it lets the reader put their own spin on what's happening.

It was actually really sad to read about the way that Rowena was dying, though, even though I know she had a really successful and influential life. I thought it was really effective to skip from the last chapter, when Rowena is escaping from all the difficulties she faces in a Muggle family, to her death, when she's surrounded by magic and the people that she's worked with to create her legacy. But you wrote her death really well, especially the way that she was ill and sort of fading away, then ending it with that last line. It sounded so final and I think it was a great way to end the story.

I loved the portrayal of Helga Hufflepuff in this chapter as well! Even though this chapter's less than 1000 words long, you still managed to weave in enough details about her to make her character seem real and believable. I really liked the idea of her being some sort of servant to Rowena at first, because it fits so well with the sort of humble image I have of Helga in my mind, and the fact that she values hard work and loyalty. For her to then rise to become this strong woman is great to think of, and I really like the idea that Rowena helped her to become that woman so that they could all create Hogwarts together.

Again, the second person was so brilliant in this chapter. It flowed so well and it really draws me into the story, so that I feel a connection with Rowena even though she's dying in this chapter.

I think my favourite thing about this chapter was the way that Rowena thought of Helga and Godric as her siblings, a family that she'd earned. I'm glad that she could feel that sense of family again after she's left her real family behind in the Muggle world and made this new life for herself, and I thought that was a great way of capturing the relationship between them.

This was a really lovely ending to the story and I've really enjoyed reading this collection, Laura! It's made me think of Rowena in much more depth than before and it's great!

Sian :)

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Review #18, by nott theodoreSevenfold: in the midnight hour

24th August 2014:
Hi Jenna! Back again for another chapter of this wonderful story!

The opening scene at Nurmengard was really interesting! The way that you opened this chapter was so beautiful, the descriptions were almost poetic and it was so lyrical which was kind of at odds with the horrific idea and reality of Nurmengard but at the same time it worked really well and was really effective. The image of the prison was so vivid in my mind and I felt really sorry for Ada in her suffering there!

It's been two years now since the last section with Ada and I'm really intrigued about her transformation during that time and what events led to her actually being captured by Grindelwald (or his supporters) and ending up in his prison. You wrote Ada's thoughts and feelings in that scene really well and I was so intrigued to read about the different crimes that she's committed, even if I'm not entirely sure how she came to commit them! The detail about Madame la Douloureuse (brilliant name, by the way - so evocative!) was particularly interesting considering later events!

The introduction of Ruth made me very curious as well! I'm so intrigued about her character too and how she's got wrapped up with all of it and ended up in Nurmengard. I wasn't expecting to see one of Ada's old schoolmates in prison with her but I really want to know what the Erik incident was all about and what happened! Was Ada violent even when she was at school, or is it something more innocent?

I absolutely love Louis's character! He's just so real and believable and it's great to get to learn more about him as the story goes on, getting to know more about his background and the events that have shaped him in the past. The relationship between James and Louis makes me laugh a bit although I don't really like the sound of Lucretia or Taryn!

Oh my goodness, when Louis rushed out of bed screaming, I didn't think it was just going to be a spider in his bed (although I can understand how that would be a shock :P), I thought it was going to be somehow related to the murderer or something like that. I was really worried that something was going to end up getting Louis involved and suspected or whatever so I was kind of relieved that it wasn't that!

Aw, it's so sad to think of Molly and Arthur being in an old people's home :( I don't like the idea of them getting old but you've never been afraid of tackling those sorts of subjects so of course it's great that you did it here.

Hmm, this Mrs Coffman - should I be suspicious of her? It sounds a bit like Kaufmann and maybe she's related to Ruth, since we know how long wizards and witches can live? I don't know if she's just an old lady that James is friendly with or something more involved...

And wow, I wasn't expecting that ending to the chapter! I thought that there'd be another murder sometime soon but I didn't expect for it to be at the old people's home where Louis was visiting! James's reaction was really realistic too, because I think it would be difficult for someone to take that sort of thing in their stride if they've not had any experience, like Louis has. And an old woman, dressed in pink - Umbridge? Pushed out of the window like Madame la Douloureuse? Hmm, so suspicious and intriguing! (Although I actually hate the idea that Umbridge might have been at the same home as Molly and Arthur, poor them!) I'm guessing that this has some connection to all the people who worked for Voldemort at some point during the wars? Some sort of revenge? I'm so intrigued to know what's happening!

Sian :)

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Review #19, by nott theodoreGuilt.: Recovering.

24th August 2014:
Hi Margaret! I saw this in the recently added pages a couple of days ago and have been meaning to get round to reading and reviewing it. I really enjoyed this chapter!

I think that your characterisation of all the canon characters is really great in this story. Demelza's more of a minor character in the series but I like the way that she takes the main stage in this story and with that you remind us that it's not just the people who fought in the battle and went through all of that who suffered afterwards. You've fleshed her out really well and made her a very real and believable character too in this story, especially with the way that you mention certain memories she has and link her into all the canon events.

I really like the way that you portray Ginny in this story too! I think a lot of people just characterise her as someone who's blunt and down-to-earth, but it's great to see this more caring side of her as well. It's good for Demelza to have someone her own age that she can relate to over these events and I really like the way that Ginny's decided to stick by her and help her as much as she can - and it's not just for the Quidditch team, either :P The way that she visits her in the hospital wing and the simple touches like spending her afternoon in the dormitory with her doing homework so that Demelza's got some company are just so sweet and in character, I think. Ginny's the sort of person that does look out for others and tries to help them when she can. I'm so pleased that Demelza's got someone like her fighting in her corner!

Hermione was really nicely written too. I think it's in character for her to try and help someone like Demelza even though she doesn't know her that well, just because Ginny's told her about the problems that she's having. I can imagine her being forgiving of what Demelza's done and understanding why she's done it, and I think that's really good for Demelza to know, that somebody is prepared to move past what she's done and help her instead. Plus, I love the idea of Hermione reading up on all the trauma responses and psychological suffering that people might experience after something like the war. It's just so like her!

You did a brilliant job of portraying Demelza's struggle with the PTSD as well. I love the fact that you didn't write it as though everything was suddenly okay as soon as she'd admitted her problem, because I've seen that in some stories and it frustrates me so much. Obviously admitting that she's got a problem is a massive step because now she can go about trying to get better, but I'm really pleased that you wrote about the fact she's still struggling to face up to what she's done and the consequences of that. I thought the way that you tied her house in during this chapter was brilliant, because she doesn't feel like she belongs because of what she's done but Ginny reminds her that she can get past this because of who she is. I really liked that!

The final section with the Quidditch training was really enjoyable to read because it's one of the only things we actually know about Demelza from the books, and seeing the way that it can be used for her to get better, and to distract from all the problems that she's been having, is great. I liked the fact that Ginny's imposed the new rule about helping people who have problems rather than judging them as well! This chapter ended on a really hopeful note and I'm glad to see that Demelza's got a sort of goal now and can look forward to something happier in the future!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the amazingly detailed review. I'd say it's one of the longest I've ever got.

Oh, I hate it when a character recovers from trauma immediately once they've admitted it or fall in love or take a potion or whatever. It just seems to take from what has gone before and ruins the credibility for me. My fault is more likely to lie in the opposite direction - drawing things out indefinitely.

Glad you liked how I portrayed the more major canon characters.

Was it Ron who said at some point that going to the library is how Hermione responds to any crisis? So I would imagine that if she found herself experiencing trauma symptoms or realised any of her friends were, her first reaction would be to find out all she could about it.

I kind of felt Ginny's comment in Order of the Phoenix hinting at how she felt about being enchanted by Voldemort would give her an insight into how it felt to be forced into doing something you consider morally wrong, even if the method by which she was made to do so was very different.

Thank you so much again for the review. I didn't expect anything like that.


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Review #20, by nott theodoreLily, I'm a Werewolf. : Lily, I'm a werewolf.

18th August 2014:
Hi Meg! I'm here for the Gryffie review exchange!

It's been quite a while since I properly read anything set in the Marauders era, but I used to read a lot of it and I'm really surprised to be able to say that I don't think I've ever read about this moment before! And if it does happen in most stories then Remus tells Lily when they're at Hogwarts together and she and James have just started going out; it's a lot more realistic to read something like this, when Remus only tells Lily when his best friend is about to marry her. I've always thought that he would be extremely protective of his secret and only those who need to know get to find out, so to me this story makes a lot of sense there.

The only possible CC I had were a few tiny suggestions I have about phrasing. In this sentence 'and took his one hand in both of my own', it sounds a little bit like Remus just has one hand instead of two. And here 'he said with his voice growing thick', the 'with' feels a little out of place - I think you could take it out and still have it flow well and make sense. Those are only minor adjustments though, and nothing that really affect the flow of this story.

I also love the fact that you chose to write about the friendship between Remus and Lily for the friendship prompt in the house cup, rather than the Marauders, who many people focused on. We know from canon that Remus considered Lily a really good friend and it was great to see the way that you captured that friendship. It felt so believable and realistic and made me really smile to see the interactions between the two of them.

I think you characterised Lily really well! From the start, I could understand her anxiety about James and Sirius when they're away from her on a mission for the Order, because I think she probably would have been constantly living with the fear of hearing bad news about them. It felt so in character with the woman we see in canon; once she's realised that she loves James, the thought of losing him would become unbearable. And all of the little quips about the fact that she's managed to cope with James and Sirius, so she'll be able to deal with whatever Remus tells her - they were so funny but fit really well with the scene too!

Remus was portrayed brilliantly. I loved his anxiety about telling Lily the secret that he's a werewolf, and how apologetic he seemed beforehand, trying to tell her he'd understand if she didn't want to be friends any more. It's so true to Remus's character, because we see that he's constantly worried people will abandon him when they find out about his condition. I felt so sorry for him and how nervous he was about telling her, because he couldn't have known how well she'd react to the news. The hints of anger when he thought that James might have given away his secret were very realistic too, because I can imagine how he'd have felt at the thought of his friend betraying him.

Lily's reaction is fantastic, too. I love her genuine concern for seeing Remus when he's in pain, and wanting to help him. Her reaction to the news was so in character, not being surprised at all because she's figured it all out herself in the past when they were at school, and just never felt the need to bring it up. She does remind me a bit of Hermione, and it makes sense she wouldn't have the same prejudice towards werewolves as others might, being a Muggle-born.

The ending to this story was lovely as well. It was really nice to see them after this moment, not just staying friends but probably having a stronger friendship because Remus doesn't need to worry about being accepted for who he is any more. The dialogue in this was great and you did a great job of capturing their characters and keeping them in line with the people we see in canon. This is a great one-shot!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hiya Sian!!

My head-canon, she doesn't find out until later. I agree completely. I do think he would try to keep it from her as long as he possibly could justify hiding it. But if James were to continue running around with him during the full moon, which I'm sure he did, then he would have to tell her. Otherwise, she would be wondering where her husband was running off to once a month, and that could cause some serious marital issues. ;)

Now that you have pointed that out, I can see how that does sound rather awkward. I wrote this very quickly to try to get it in on time for the HC. I'll definitely go back and edit that. Thank you for pointing it out!

I feel, most likely, Remus was the only Marauder Lily genuinely would have liked during their time at school. Remus was very smart, sweet and not at all arrogant. I really wanted to write about their friendship, because you don't see it that often. I'm glad you enjoyed that and it seemed realistic!

Lily is such a highly loved character in the series, and I was truly hoping to get her right. I'm thrilled her compassion seemed to come through, because we're told how kind she was. I can see her being a mess if James was away, doing something dangerous. Especially with Sirius, since they're well known for being reckless. I'm happy you liked that, about her marrying James and tolerating Sirius. I wanted to throw a little bit of lightheartedness in there to ease the tension.

I really enjoy writing Remus, and may try to write more of him, so that's awesome that you feel I did a good job with him. I think he is just such a wonderfully flawed character. I'm sure he would have expected her to throw him out of the house, and never speak to him again. And I am sure that he would have never expected her to figure it out, let alone laugh. I'm sure the first thing that would have went through his head would be, "James told her." You're right, I'm sure he would have been very angry and betrayed at the thought of James telling Lily.

I can imagine that would have been the last thing Lily expected Remus to be telling her, honestly. Seeing someone who she loves in pain, would tear her up. Her laughing, that made me giggle while writing it. I could just picture the horrified look on Remus' face while Lily began laughing at his big secret. I've always felt Lily and Hermione were rather similar, more than them both being Muggle-born. I think Lily, just like Hermione, would have figured that out. And would not have judged, or thought any less of him for it. I completely agree with you; growing up in the Muggle world, they would not have the same prejudices about other magical beings.

This was a bonding moment for Lily and Remus, and I'm sure their friendship would have never been the same after this. In a good way. I think they would be a lot closer, because now Remus could completely be himself around Lily. It must have been extremely liberating for him.

Thank you so much for such an incredibly lovely review! Your kind words have made me smile and I appreciate it so much! Thank you again!!

xoxo Meg


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Review #21, by nott theodoreSevenfold: all dead hearts to you

17th August 2014:
Hi Jenna!

Can you explain something to me? How on earth do you manage to write such long chapters which don't seem long at all because the writing is so brilliant? Not fair, I want skills like yours! (Although I'm also perfectly happy to enjoy your lovely writing :P)

The opening of this chapter was so chilling to read. I think it's amazing that you can manage two different timelines at once in the same story, especially when I consider how closely the storyline from the 1940s is merged with the events from the second world war. The attention to detail there is really impressive and it's great to read about it. Finding out what had happened after the scene we saw in the last chapter was really interesting; it's so sad that her mother's unable to do anything because of her grief. But I think that makes it more believable that Ada would feel prompted into action, just to do something, because the adults in her family are dead or unable to act.

Even so, Ada's quite a strange character. I'm not sure that I actually like her, to be honest, because she's so cold and detached from what she's doing in this chapter. It's quite terrifying to think of someone so young killing in cold blood (although this is kind of a crime of passion too, I suppose, and revenge - at least the first murder is!), and planning it and executing it so calmly. Already here I can see that she has potential to be the Sevenfold killer in the future, although I am really intrigued about what might lead her to the next murder!

The description of the way that Ada decided to arrange the body once she'd killed Gottschalke was really intriguing, too. I'd wondered how that sort of arrangement came about, and it was interesting to read about why she chose to put the body in the shape of a cross to mirror a crucifix. The red ribbon is there as well already - it's quite chilling, and I'm wondering how on earth this is going to tie in with whatever is happening with the murders in the present day and whether it is just a copycat or something more sinister.

Once again, I loved Louis's section! He seems so real and believable, but he's also incredibly likeable as well. I found the background to Louis's family and to James's childhood really interesting as well, because it's the sort of thing that's never really focused on. I think it's great to see such original characterisations of the Weasley/Potter children, because I don't think I've ever read about them having learning difficulties or problems like that before. The details about the sort of education they got at a primary school level was great, too, since I've always wondered what magical children do to learn to read and write before they actually start at Hogwarts!

I loved the way that you wrote Ginny's character in the section when she came to see James early in the morning. The relationship between James and Louis is lovely because the dynamics that you've described seem really believable. I can just imagine Ginny arriving early in the morning (although really not that early) and being disgusted at finding James there with a girl she's never met, who he goes on to say isn't his girlfriend :P To be honest, I don't blame Harry for trying to get Louis to warn James that she was going to be coming to visit!

The development on the case was really interesting, too, especially the fact that Runcorn is still working at the Ministry and because of that he obviously knows about the fact he's being considered a suspect in the investigation. And Theodore Nott was there too, and that's making me wonder if perhaps he had something to do with it, even though he's not been mentioned yet - I'm not believing that anyone but Louis is innocent at the moment! (Although thinking about it, it could be him and he's an unreliable narrator... or maybe it could even be Eugenie Bones! No, I hope it isn't her!)

The pictures you're painting of all the different next generation characters are brilliant. They all just seem so vivid and real that they stand out to me as really original characters, especially compared to a lot of other next generation stories. I think that's really hard to do since so many stories are written about them!

The idea of Victoire being an angry sort of feminist is brilliant, especially since she's the oldest of the cousins because I can imagine her telling all of them off for making any sexist remarks and trying to get all the girls to join in her beliefs as well. The line about having raised Louis to something better made me laugh so much!

Dominique sounds great as well, and it's so funny to think of her being a hippy who's gone of with her friends and has a series of oddly named boyfriends with whom she goes around the country trying to protect the environment. I loved the way that they were talking about all the different things that she might encounter too, and the Muggles were listening in and they switched to French to avoid them eavesdropping. I like the relationship between them a lot as well, as they seem to get on well in spite of little differences. It's so interesting to see that!

This was another great chapter and I'll be reading on soon! Although I'm suspecting all sorts of people right now and I'm not going to trust any of these characters at the moment :P I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next in the mystery!

Sian :)

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Review #22, by nott theodoreDecoding the Tutshill Tornados: The One with St. Mungos

17th August 2014:
Hello!

Oh, this was a really sad chapter to come back to. I've been worried about Amy since the cliffhanger that you left the last chapter on but this was so much worse than what I thought it would be - I hadn't expected that Amy's condition would be so serious! I know that this story is fluffy and funny but at the same time you never fail to show how versatile you manage to be as a writer, with chapters like this one which are really moving and tense!

I thought you wrote the tension and the nerves of the scene really well. I don't think being the last one to arrive makes James a bad friend, though. But I can understand why he'd feel that way and feel guilty about what's happened, because that's the sort of person James is. And in a situation like this one, I think it's only too easy to try and take the guilt on yourself because there's nothing else that you can really do.

It was great to see everyone else there at the hospital though, even though they don't all know Amy that well. That's the sort of family I imagine the Weasleys to be, rallying around each other when they need it. And Fred needs it right now.

It was so, so upsetting to see Fred devastated the way that he was! I can understand it completely because he acted differently with Amy than he did with any of the other girls he'd been out with and it was so obvious how much he cared about her. I can't believe that her condition's been like that for over a day and James has only just found out, but I want to give Fred a hug because of the way that he's blaming himself. He couldn't have known that a fall down the stairs was going to lead to something so serious!

The things that the Healers are saying about Amy's chances of survival are so worrying and I think you wrote Fred really well. Amy can't die! Please don't let that happen!

I don't want James to get benched, either, but I feel like the code is really unfair! It's typical that James would join a team with a code now but things could be much more serious than that if David Flynn is getting involved again. I think he really deserved that Dobby for Best Villain last year when we see how evil and plotting he can be when he's locked up in prison!

Rose and Bink are kind of hopeless at the moment. Part of me hopes that they'll get their act together and work things out between them but at the same time I think it might be a bit unlikely. I guess we'll see if either of them ends up ready to make a move!

I'm so pleased that James went and got his parents at the end of this chapter, even if they weren't happy about being woken up! The threats that are being thrown around at the moment aren't fair for James to deal with when he's only just eighteen and still hasn't played a proper game of professional Quidditch yet. Hopefully Harry and Ginny will be able to come up with a plan to help sort things out, and I'm really hoping that Amy's going to be okay as well because I'm not sure I can deal with reading about a really heartbroken Fred!

Sian :)

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Review #23, by nott theodoreYou Can Write The Book: it's all in the details

17th August 2014:
Hi teh! I've been meaning to come and read this story for absolutely ages as well and I'm so glad that I got the chance to read it!

I know that Dennis Creevey is one of your favourite characters and I absolutely loved the way that you portrayed him in this story. You've captured the little boy that we see in the books and made him into a real and believable character. He could easily walk off the page (or screen, in this case) and into real life.

I loved the way that, from the start, you brought the whole Creevey family to life and made them seem very real, just with little aspects and touches that don't seem that important when you first read them. It's great to see that you've taken the tiny details we know about them from canon - that their father was a milkman, that they were both Muggle-born brothers - and expanded them into something much bigger. Having Dennis refer to his mum as mam gives him more of a regional accent in my mind and places him somewhere in the country straight away; follow that with the fact their holidays were a weekend trip to the seaside and we realise they're from a family that isn't very well off. I know they're only tiny details but it's things like that I love in stories like this one, as they really help to make the narrative believable and authentic.

I think my favourite thing about this (which is hard to say, because I loved the whole story) was the way you captured Dennis's voice. I feel like it would have been so easy to show him as a child, but here he sounds like a man, who's grown and suffered and seen a lot of things. He misses his brother, and that strong relationship really comes through well, but at the same time there's a hint of anger sometimes. Anger that he's been left behind, and that his parents are grieving so much for their eldest son that they can't seem to pay proper attention to Dennis. There are so many conflicting emotions that I can see in this piece and that makes Dennis seem so realistic and believable, because I think those sorts of things are exactly what anyone would be feeling in a similar situation to his.

Another thing I loved was the concept of telling this story through the photographs that Colin had taken. It's really interesting to see what each of them triggered for Dennis in terms of the memories that accompanied them when he viewed them, because they mean a lot more to him than they would to the average viewer. Colin's love of photography is something that we know so well from the books but I loved your interpretation of it, which made it seem original. I liked the idea of Colin having all these different projects, and that was why he wanted to take so many photos of Harry Potter - not that he was so in awe of him as a person, but that he was interested in the way that the camera would capture him.

It was brilliant that you included the fact that Colin was petrified, too, but rather than just mentioning the fact, you explore it. I've never seen a story that includes any sort of explanation of what being petrified must have been like and it was actually worse than I imagined in this, since he wasn't actually unconscious and could only concentrate and see one thing. For someone like Colin who's so intent on exploring the world, it would be even more frustrating.

The ending was just brilliant. I loved the way that all of these pictures built up an image of different people and were, in a way, memories of Colin for Dennis because of what they made him think of, but at the same time, there weren't any physical reminders because Colin was always the one behind the camera lens. For Dennis to have used the camera once and taken an inexperienced photograph which actually has his brother in must be something really special for him to see and remember him by. Not, clearly, that Dennis is in any danger of forgetting Colin, but the fact that he's there, captured in a photograph, shows that he was real and living and not just a memory. Something like that is really important and I thought ending the story the way you did was incredibly poignant.

I could ramble on for a lot longer but it would mostly include quoting a ton of lines back to you, so I'll just say that I absolutely loved this story and it was amazing!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Waaahh! SIAN! ♥

I don't know what I've done to deserve all these wonderful reviews from you but THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! This was a huuuge surprise and an absolute joy to read! Yay!!

And thank you for reviewing this little fic of mine! This holds a very special place in my heart; you're right - I do adore Dennis Creevey, though it's been some time since I wrote a fic really focusing on him. *updates to-write list*

When I first wrote this fic nearly two years ago, I wanted to create a life for both COlin and Dennis, a very normal life, quite different from how magical children would have been brought up, and definitely not a life most people would think of as extraordinary, heroic. Telling it through snapshots seemed like a natural choice, given that Colin's so into photography. Dennis is definitely putting together Colin's life again, in whatever pieces he has. It's never complete because Colin isn't really in those pics, and Dennis is filling in the gaps himself. Until of course that last picture.

I'm so glad you like his voice! I don't believe he sounds like the typical fourteen or fifteen year old, but he has gone through some serious life-changing stuff (a war, for instance), and I do feel that he's lost more than a brother by the end of everything. I'm glad you noticed how alienated he feels from his parents. It's somehow my headcanon that Colin with his lively personality was the apple of his parents' eye, and losing him was a dreadful blow to everyone.

I included petrification because I thought it would create an interesting contrast to the idea of precious moments being 'frozen' in (Muggle) photographs. Except with Colin's petrification, it was himself being actually frozen and paralysed and unable to perceive the world around him. It must have been awful for poor Colin. :( Dennis won't quite understand that.

The ending is my favourite favourite ending ever to write bahaha! I think you analysed it amazingly well; it's an ending that means a lot to me, and to hear your detailed, thoughtful comments about this is just so wonderful!!

Thank you so, so much for this brilliant review, lovely! ♥ And for all the amazing reviews you've left me in the past.

-teh


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Review #24, by nott theodoreSunshine: Hero

16th August 2014:
Hi Adi! Sorry it's taken me a few days to get here!

Aw, this was so cute! It's really nice to read some fluff because lately I've been reading some more angsty stories and it's very refreshing. But anyway, yay for fluff and happiness and you writing again!

I absolutely loved the way that you capture the scenes just after the battle has finished! I think you wrote them really well, and I could see the confusion and the sort of chaos that there is for people as the fact that it's finally over is sinking in, and they want to go and find their family and reunite with them. With all of that, there's an intense relief that comes through when people are celebrating and enjoying the fact that they're finally free from the darkness and shadow that they've been living under. I found all of that part of the story very realistic and believable - you wrote it so well!

Neville, as well; you captured his personality perfectly in this moment, and I thought your portrayal of him was great. This is exactly how I picture Neville to be in the moments after the battle is over. During the last year at Hogwarts when he's had a purpose and people have looked up to him, trusting him to lead them in the fight and the resistance against the Carrows. He was a lot more unsure of himself when he was younger and it makes sense to me that even though he's come through the war and been such a great leader for people, he now begins doubting himself again. It works so well to capture his personality and I particularly loved all the questions that he's asking himself.

I really liked the way that even though he's starting to doubt himself a bit, we can still see the way that he's grown over time. The fact that he remembers the way Harry's turned to him and how proud his grandmother was, and Luna too, show that he's got more belief in himself and I think you did a great job of portraying that.

Aw, and the ending of the chapter was really cute as well! I liked the way that it ended with a Hannah and Neville moment but didn't launch into a full romance or anything. It's just a small, shared moment at the end of the battle and maybe it doesn't seem so significant yet, but I think there's a lot of potential for it to grow and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next!

Sian :)

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Review #25, by nott theodoreThe Girl from Slytherin : The Prisoner

16th August 2014:
JENNA NO I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS.

Wah, I can't believe that I've caught up only to be left on a cliffhanger like this and now I'm absolutely terrified and struggling to form a coherent review because what are you doing to me with this story! Although I will try my best because this was an amazing chapter and it deserves a semi-coherent review!

I felt so sorry for Tor in this chapter! I thought you did a brilliant job of capturing the sort of boredom and neglect she's feeling at home when her parents are basically treating her as a nuisance. It must be so horrible to be cut off from all of her friends at home and not even know whether or not she's going to hear back from them. And she doesn't even know whether or not she's going to get a tutor soon, so there's a lot of uncertainty about minor things in her life, without even coming to the issue of Terry. And they seem to blame her for what they had to do about the Snatchers who were at Malfoy Manor too, which feels unfair.

Selena really didn't seem to care much about the fact that Tor was feeling upset and lonely - it isn't fair the way that she favours Daphne so much. And now that Yaxley's so stressed and worried about what's going on with the Death Eaters, it's only natural she feels abandoned a bit. But at least they seem to have bought the story that she was writing to Taurus rather than Terry or a Ravenclaw that they've heard about. So their secret seems a bit safer for now, until the ending!

The fact that someone was trying to break into the wards... I wonder if it was actually Terry, trying to get to Tor? If so, it makes me even more worried that he's got a reason to come and try and find her other than maybe just wanting to see her, and that might be the reason that he turns up at Malfoy Manor too...

I wanted to shout at her parents for getting rid of her to Malfoy Manor, and on her birthday too! And Draco started off being horrible but it was nice to see the scene with the two of them and the way that he tried to warn her to some extent of what she should expect. It's a real worry and possibility that they might try and induct Tor to the Death Eaters now and I hope they don't, because she's so young and it would be absolutely awful to see her forced into doing something like that. But the chance to see the scene between them, and the way that Draco was kind of looking out for her, was sweet. It was really interesting to see his opinions on the way that Draco thinks they attract new members to the Death Eater ranks too, and the fact that he'd share it with Tor shows that he does trust her - at least, I think it does.

Oh my goodness, I can't believe that final scene! Even though I've read it before right back at the beginning of this story, a whole forty chapters ago, it was still terrifying. Even more so, I think, because we know now how sweet Terry is but also how much he means to Tor. It was petrifying to read the interrogation and see it again through Tor's eyes now that we know all that's happened between them - my heart was actually racing. I'm so, so worried for them now and I can understand why Tor would deny knowing him, because in a way I think they would be more dangerous if they knew about the relationship there was between them - they'd blame him for polluting her thoughts, or something like that. It's so scary to think that they might be found out and I'm just hoping that Terry and Tor will manage to get through this unharmed.

I'm so nervous for the next chapter but looking forward to it as well. I just really hope that Terry doesn't die or something awful like that because I want to see more of the two of them together and I'm not ready for something so terrible to happen! I know that there's going to be at least two deaths in the next six months or so, and I'm just so nervous. But this was a brilliant chapter and I'm looking forward to the next one now that I've finally caught up on this too, although it is with a bit of trepidation!

(Also it's a bit late but I just wanted to say congratulations for getting so far with this story and having written something so brilliant!)

Sian :)

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