Reading Reviews From Member: Lady Asphodel
  
162 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lady Asphodeljust like all those times before: just like all those times before

7th September 2014:
Hi Missy!

First, I want to sincerely apologize for the long over-due review! I'll remember not to throw a challenge near big events like the HC - and then with RL in the way too - it made it impossible for me to get things done properly.


Secondly, I want to thank you - so much - for entering for my challenge!



And now I am here to review...



This was a very intriguing path you took with this story. After all this time I thought it was George speaking... and you flipped it on me that it was Fred. A really great way to switch it up!

Additionally, it makes it sad to hear Fred's sadness and anger at his brother. Of course the two planned to die together, but they didn't... and I didn't ever think that Fred would begrudge his brother of that. You really made me mull over this.


All in all, nice job in writing this! You will hear from me soon!



- Asphodel

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Review #2, by Lady AsphodelYour Voice Like Warm Thunder : Childhood

1st September 2014:
Hi Jenna!

Please forgive me for the long-awaited review! I never anticipated such a long chapter. Actually, I wasn't well-prepared for coming up with my first challenge. I am truly sorry again! I'll do better next time!

So, here I am. Finally on break from school. I am seizing the chance to give you your review!

So, you really captured my attention with your smooth and poetic description. I can actually picture this baby Hagrid you painted! It's a very adorable imagery of him! The way you wrote the transitioning of Hagrid growing up was absolutely marvelous!

There's so much to love about this story! I mean - yes, I'll keep mentioning the description because it's the sole subject of my challenge. *chuckles & winks* I mean, for me, I am afraid of description... and most of the time, I am afraid of overdoing it... and I've read stories (legitimate novels and fanfiction) where authors do overdo the details. On the other hand, you did it so fantastically. Everything flows. Nothing seems out of place. Additionally, the way you took the time to go through Hagrid's life could have been a novel all on its own. It'd be really awesome if you do!

From being lookedd-down by kids from the churchyard, people of London, and being bullied by students at Hogwarts - particularly the boys from the Gryffindor Domitory - again from the Churchyard [it's already bad enough to try to fit in as a normal person] ... to his mother leaving [ever so depressing; Hagrid's assumptions as to why she left was heartbreaking]... To his estranged grandmother's terrible thoughts of Hagrid... [Shame on her: She's missing out on getting to know an amazing soul]...


Reading Hagrid getting his Hogwarts letter was so awesome! However, it's sad that he had to leave his dad. By the way, I really got to like him. He's a subtle version of Hagrid himself. I loved how he stood up to his own mother for his son. I love how fatherly he is of Hagrid. I just wish his mother would have stayed. It's even more disheartening that he died.


I have to say, I really love how you described Hagrid and his arrival at Hogwarts. The scenery you wrote of the castle made the imagery all the more beautiful!


And the way how you wrote Hagrid meeting Riddle was absolutely on point! I can feel the eeriness and the hidden evil of Tom. Too bad Hagrid couldn't sense it right away because of his loneliness.


Futhermore, I'm gleeful for Hagrid meeting Anne! Why did she have to die?! Another arrow to my heart Jenna! She's an adorable OC! Or is she a real character I didn't know of? Either way! She's really cool! It was very kind of her to bless him and being there for him whenever she could. I love what you did there too *laughs* --- {quote:
"Why, you have a very lovely voice," Anne says solemnly. "I think your voice... your voice is lovely. It sounds like warmth, and something strong - I believe your voice is like warm thunder."/quote} Awesome!


She's definitely right in that area. His voice is like warm thunder. Loud and brave when need be and always know when to strike... yet not evil enough to harm another. (If I said this right.)




In the end, I love how you wrapped it up wit Hagrid having Aragog - even though Tom (sneaky head-self) helped him... Nonetheless, Aragog did make Hagrid happy. All that you wrote here is now my head canon for Hagrid.


In conclusion, I'll say it once more (even though I can say it a million times) - flawless details, phenomenal narration! This could have been a whole novel on its own. Amazing work Jenna!

You will hear from me soon!


- Asphodel

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Review #3, by Lady AsphodelOff-Limits: Two: Leaving

1st September 2014:
Hi again! From the August Gryffindor Review Exchange. :)


So they really did it. They ran away...

I can imagine Ron going ballistic... and Hermione half-way panicking while also trying to be the voice of reason.

It's interesting to read of Dom saying that Victoire and Teddy don't get along. It makes me wonder, why they waited so long before breaking it off.

In all honesty... I never thought of Teddy and Rose to be together. I am not that well-versed with the new generation... Thus, I am only use to the normal pairings. It's intriguing path you took for Rose and Teddy.


During my read for both chapters, I noticed a couple of misspelled words... which are a quick fix if you reread them. Don't worry, I find myself making that mistake at times.


In terms of your description... I think you're good, but I still think you could do with some more depth of detailing...


Like... when you Rose and Teddy went to the Lake house...


It was brief... and unfulfilling.

I am sorry! I really don't mean to sound harsh.


On the other hand, you want your readers to live through the eyes of your main character... of Rose...


Maybe something like this...




[Entering the Lake house that once belong to my Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny, we pass through the small corridor that lead to the living room. A fireplace on the left side erupted of fire at the sense of our presence, painting the room red and gold. Warmth spread through my entire being, and a smile adorned my face.

A pair of arms wrapped around my waist from behind, and lips caressing down my neck. I arched my head in response. I reached over my shoulder and knitted my fingers through Teddy's hair, marveling the soft textures.

The scent of his cologne filled my nose. My lips curled in pleasure. When his hands found themselves under my cotton shirt, his fingers drew across my skin like paint brush against a canvas. I couldn't help but bite my bottom lip...
]


You see what I did... I kind wrote a lot and yet (I hope it wasn't boring.) It was more sensational.

I covered touch, sight, and smell. The five sense is something to consider when writing.

I haven't gotten it down myself, but I am practice. I am sure if you do this - you can get it down too, surely. And it doesn't have to be just romance scenes... anything you feel remotely want more... emphasizes (Crime scenes, action sequences etc.)... is best to get more in depth with.


Sorry for the abrupt... lesson of description. I hope though what I said was helpful! And that you continue to write!



- Asphodel

Author's Response: Hi again!

Sorry for the late replies. Yep they went through with it, as planned.

I think Ron would too, you've summed up their reactions perfectly I think!

Dom's an interesting one in this, she's torn because obviously Vic is her sister and Rose is her best friend and cousin. But as she said Teddy is desirable, lol so if he wasn't with Vic, Dom would have considered dating him. As they've been together so long Dom has been the one who her sister confided in when things went wrong with the relationship, rather than their mother. Dom knew things were falling apart for them, long before Rose came into the picture. The main reason they stayed together so long is that Vic thought things would work out, they were childhood sweethearts so it had to work, in her mind.

It wasn't long ago that I found the pairing, along with Teddy/Lily too. I love the Next Gen kids a lot, and with the lyrics I got for the first chapter I just knew the sort of story it would be.

Having read over, I've noticed a lot of things so I think an edit is going to be a must, that's for sure!

It's fine honestly. It probably is since I was in a rush to finish the chapter and put it in the queue before the deadline. Haha, nope I love it :D Definitely, I can see where you're coming from. This needs editing a lot, so I shall remember when it comes to re-writing/writing the chapter and those to come.

Noo, it's perfectly fine. Tips/constructive criticism is always welcome!

This swap was definitely fun!

-Potterfan310


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Review #4, by Lady AsphodelOff-Limits: One: Decisions

31st August 2014:
Hi! I'm Alishya, from the August Gryffindor Review Exchange. :)

This is my first time I read a Rose/Teddy fic by the way. It's really cool how you... sort of summarize how their adventure with each other will begin with a cliffhanger at the end.


I believe if you had wrote more interaction between Rose and Teddy in the beginning; that way, as readers, we can get more of a feel for them. (At least some more than others.)

It's understandable that Ron would go off the wall because it's her cousin... and it only tops with Rose being with Scorpius. :P

I also feel bad for Victoire (the most) because Teddy led her on... and Rose being behind it all too... they both could have had the decency to was not go far with each other.. I mean... that Teddy and Victoire were going to get married.

Other than that, your writing is pretty good. I, you, and I am sure other writers can relate to Rose as she faces writer's block too *giggles.*
Also, the title you have for the story fits this story perfectly. :D


Good luck with the challenge too! Not sure if it's over now or not... But yeah.


Forgive me for my suckish review.



- Asphodel

Author's Response: Hi, Alishya!

Oooh yay, haha. I think from previous reviews it's a lot of people's first Teddy/Rose since they are an unlikely pairing what with ScoRose and Tedoire being a lot more prominent.

The main reason for they're interactions being delayed is for Rose to voice things and her thoughts on the situation all before Teddy is introduced.

Ahh Ron, ha! I mean Rose dating a Malfoy is one thing, but now she's dating her cousin's ex fiance, there's bound to be drama with Ron involved :p

I totally understand what you're saying! Teddy did, mainly because a small part of him thought it would work out between them but then a bigger part were his ever growing feelings for Rose. So he was torn between the two girls.

:D I always picture Rose as a writer of sorts when it comes to certain fics, and I think everyone here can relate to writers block in one way or another.

Thank you! It is now, I came second!

Thanks for reading/the Gryffie swap!

-Potterfan310


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Review #5, by Lady AsphodelForever Young: One

2nd August 2014:
Oh my goodness! That last line really brought things home. It is haunting that James got to do have fun, fall in love and have a child, but never will get the chance to be the man and father James Potter could have been.


It's really cool how you have Harry skimming through his photo album, and how you brought a little depth into each photo... I can picture myself or Harry being physically there, watching these things happen within the photos.


I bow down to you for managing 500 words. It isn't an easy feat - I should know. ;P


Keep up the great work! :D



- Asphodel

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Review #6, by Lady AsphodelRemember Me: i. I'm putting on a brave face, even though I'm falling apart

19th July 2014:
Another entry for the "Every Word Counts!" Awesome!


The way you wrote this was absolutely and delicately beautiful!





Your use of metaphors really brought a new level of heartbreak and sadness!


Kasha was definitely strong in letting go of Teddy, instead of being selfish. This leaves a little mystery of how Kasha will move on.


Nice job in writing this overall! For me - when I entered for the challenge, it was not easy for me to keep it at 500, so I am supposing it wasn't for you. If not, then you're quite lucky. ;)


(review exchange)



- Asphodel

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for the review.

It certainly wasn't easy sticking to 500 words! I wrote over by a fair bit and then had to edit and cut out some of my fave lines. Oh, the woes of word limits. In a way though I like it because it relieves the stressors of writing for longer fics. Typically my novel/novella's have 3000-3500 word chapters -- which is basically the whole length of this entire story, in one chapter. With this I can write quickly and easily. The hard part here isn't writing enough, it's writing TOO MUCH :p which is a real pain, but I think (hope) it's worth it.

It's been a pleasure to exchange with you, I loved your fic!!

xo


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Review #7, by Lady AsphodelTwins and Marauders: ~One~

11th July 2014:
The mischievousers unite! *Laughs*

I love takes on the twins meeting or discovering the Marauders! And yes, Sirius would encourage Fred and George's behavior while Remus is trying to do the opposite *laughing*.

I forgot all about the twins apparating around the Black's house. This surely does bring memories!

I can see (if Sirius lived) [that he at least] would have worked with the Weasley twins to create a lot more mischief! *grins widely*


This was a really cool read!




~ House Cup 2014: Event 5

- Asphodel

Author's Response: I really hope the twins did find out that Sirius and Remus made the Marauder's Map. I feel like JKR should have written something about that!

I bet Sirius would have loved to help the twins out. Imagine what he could've done as a consultant for Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. *sigh*

Thanks so much for reviewing!


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Review #8, by Lady AsphodelOutsmarting Umbridge: Outsmarting Umbridge

11th July 2014:
*Rolling on the floor laughing my head off!* Oh my goodness! Seriously, stop it! This was so funny!

I'm getting so much feels here! I love Professor McGonagall! I always will! It's even more funnier
when students get in trouble with her - particularly the twins, Malfoy, and the trio!


Anyways, I really love how you kept Professor McGonagall in character! I wrote about her before (in my older - and now - deleted works) but not so much - and I always fear of writing her because I feel I can't capture her personality like Rowling. However, you did wonderfully! She's always loyal, takes crap from NO ONE, and she knows how to show people who they're reckoning with!


I truly love the loyalty and friendship of Professor Sprout and Flitwick! I always enjoy teacher/staff scenes - and these were great! This really takes me back to the fifth book... you opened some room here for me to bask! Thank you for that!


And of course, I enjoyed the part with the twins and the bit with Hermione and Ron cutting in.


You definitely kept Professor, or Headmistress, Umbridge in character too! Professor McGonagall giving her "the sweets" was the icing on the cake!


Overall, I seriously enjoyed reading this! Amazing! Absolutely amazing!




~House Cup 2014: Event 5

- Asphodel

Author's Response: Thanks! I enjoyed this one. It was a great random dialogue bit I got, and I adore McGonagall. I haven't written her nearly enough. The pressure she was under and the grace with which she handled herself was incredible. Wish I was half the witch she is. :-)


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Review #9, by Lady AsphodelA New Moon: A New Moon

11th July 2014:
*Laugh out loud*, wow! I really loved reading this! I really laughed at the ending where the boys (James, Sirius, and Peter) came out in the nude! (I imagine quite good looking too *giggles*)

Anyways, this was a really nice intake on Remus' first experience with the Wolfsbane potion. It's like one of those missing moments in books/movies challenge I did while ago! These types always are interesting and even believable - especially when these are well written.


I can see Remus was nervous at first about taking it because he could potentially have killed himself, but as we know it turns out for the best; his transformation result is good! It's quite funny imagining the big bad lycan version of Professor Lupin behaving the way you're describing him, when I'll always see him... well beastly basically!


Also, I believe you did really good taking me through Remus' eyes as a lycan... because I never actually read that much in depth about him... Normally when it's the full moon (in fan fiction) he disappears and doesn't appear until later in a chapter or two.


So yeah, all in all, you did really great!


~ House Cup 2014: Event 5

- Asphodel

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for all of the sweet compliments! I'm so glad you liked the story :)



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Review #10, by Lady AsphodelYou. (Me).: You. (Me).

9th July 2014:
Hey Sian! It's me Alishya! Reviewing for the HC!


This was absolutely stunning! Inspiring! The meaning was of beauty that you showed through Victoire was deep too!


You really captured me with your words! I love these two line, The person beneath the exquisite exterior is unknown to those around it, because the skin remains unblemished, and nobody could believe that such loveliness can belie a damaged core. People wish only to know the magnificent mask, to bask in the light which such a form emits.


Even despite her beauty - it is a curse for her! No one can really see for who she is... (I think except for Teddy - if I assumed correctly). She's longing to be normal and accepted for her of herself!


Stories or... Excerpts about masks always intrigues me, and you really touched something within me and I believe for other readers who feel that they cannot be or feel accepting of them selves.


Amazing job in writing this! Keep it up dear!



~ House Cup Review 2014


- Asphodel

Author's Response: Hey Alishya! It's great to see you here! :D

Oh wow, thank you so much! I put a lot of effort into the description and imagery in this piece because of the theme of beauty in it. But yes, I wanted to put a different twist on the idea of beauty, because for Victoire she feels like it's a curse and nobody will be able to see her for the person she truly is. Thank you so much for all your lovely comments, and hearing that it's touched you makes this even better! ♥


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Review #11, by Lady AsphodelYou Can Find Me Under the Mistletoe: You Can Find Me Under the Mistletoe

9th July 2014:
Hello, hello, hello!

First and foremost, you've blown me away with this one-shot! I ship James & Lily, but I haven't actually gotten read-read about these two! Reading this... has really opened my eyes for them! I even want to write about James & Lily of my own!


But before I get too way over my head, let me just say your writing was excellent! So descriptive - but not overwhelmingly - which is a great thing and shows how much of an amazing writer you are! It's so hard to find a balance between "showing" and "telling" yet you managed it! Keep it up my dear! I feel I can learn from you!


I can actually feel the Christmas-y feel you established and the blooming, very-well paced romance between Evans and Potter (now James and Lily), and the warmth you brought by having them secluded on the seventh floor! This to me... feels like canon! I'd definitely believe this is how Harry parents got together!


Again, you did an incredible job writing this! I enjoyed reading this so much! And I love it! Adding this to my faves! ♥ ♥ ♥



~ House Cup 2014 Review: Event 5


- Asphodel

Author's Response: Hi!

Jily (merlin, I hate to say this ship like that) was one of my first favorite ships! Although the ending between the two is always predictable (duh, they had a kid together), it is always sweet to read & write. =D So, I am glad you enjoy this pair.

THANK YOU A TON! I took days and days editing and adding to get the descriptions right. I am glad to see it paid off. I really did try my best!

Thanks so much for R&R! ^__^


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Review #12, by Lady AsphodelTainted Hearts: Tainted Hearts

9th July 2014:
Hello,

I've came across Dramione fan fics... but I haven't gotten where they gotten up so close... Anyways, I think this was really nice. I don't ship these two... but I guess it was a nice change for me reading this.


I can actually say you kept these two in character, which is impossible for certain people, so I give you kudos for that. Honestly... I can feel a bit of shift of my opinion about this pairing shift a little...


I can imagine this happening. Even though you had to keep it 500 words (great job with that by the way) I wish you could have gone in depth of what the tower looked like... because I think of the Hogwarts tower when you say it.

But anyways, thanks for sharing this with us. Like I said, this was a nice change for me. I did enjoy reading this!




~ House Cup 2014: Event 5

- Asphodel

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Review #13, by Lady AsphodelRomantic Flight: Romantic Flight

8th July 2014:
Hi! It's me Alishya, for the HC Review 2014: Event 5!


This was so sweet! Madeleine waiting for her first kiss from a boy she actually wants it from!

It's also humorous how after tailing him for a few weeks to get his attention after the potion incident, and when she didn't want it, she ended up with his attention the same way he caught her eyes. :P

You did great with how she had the flutters being around Freddie. And it's so special - I think - how he's the only one to call her by her full name. I think he's doing it on purpose. ;)

The way how you described the flying scene was beautiful! I loved how detailed you were with where they going and how high they were... and the colors to go with it! :D

And the part with her trying to reach out for the sun was also marvelous touch! I can see and even imagine myself doing that. Plus, her being in a moment like that, it'd be easy for her to not think of her fear of heights.


Great job hun! I mean truly great job! I enjoyed reading this! Keep up the great work!




~ House Cup 2014 Review: Event 5

- Asphodel

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Review #14, by Lady AsphodelRemembering Dumbledore's Army: Remembering Dumbledore's Army

8th July 2014:
Hello!


First before I continue to read the story fully, it'd be better if you spaced out the paragraphs. For example, particularly when it comes to dialogue, you must have another line under it... not next to it. It'll help the reader to read this better.


Secondly, reading your summary, I really love the idea that you have Ginny possessing a photo of the Dumbledore's Army! I wish I had thought of it before, but like I said - it's really cool idea of yours.


Onto reading your story -- I see this story was posted way before the last book - The Deathly Hallows - so you named the daughter, Samantha... man shows how time flies!


The way how you have Ginny reminiscing her DA days was really warming and touching! I can actually feel the nostalgia reading from that!

You really did great, taking the time to have Ginny talk and describe practically everyone in the rebellious group!


It was also great how you wrapped it up with the trio coming in at the end.


I think if you took the time to space out the sentences and paragraphs in your story, it'll definitely be much better! Thanks so much for writing this! I really miss the good ole days. ♥



~ House Cup 2014 Review: Event 5


- Asphodel

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Review #15, by Lady AsphodelThe First Kiss Series: Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley: Better Than Firewhisky

8th July 2014:
Hello!

This was a pretty cool insight of Ginny's side to the kiss on the Half Blood Prince.

I liked how you had Ginny refuse the butterbeer and how you went in detail about the excitement.


Bringing in Ron and Hermione's oblivious crushes on each other was a nice touch as well!


Then, of course, I really loved how you brought the memory of Ginny's Valentine to Harry from Chamber of the Secrets! It really showed that she have been waiting for the Boy-Who-Lived!

You did pretty good writing this! I saw no mistakes, so that's great too!


~ House Cup 2014 - Event 5 Review


- Asphodel

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Review #16, by Lady AsphodelEvent Three: Diagnosed: Diagnosed

24th June 2014:
Hi! Alishya here, reviewing your entry for the House Cup!


Hm. very different! I always love the second pov stories. It really brings a different type of atmosphere! So you did a wonderful job bringing this out!


The whole dark aura essence of your story was quite captivating! I have no idea what the DragonPox is... but I can definitely see that it is deadly.


It's really great that you joined our house and you sharing your writing with us!


Continue on writing my dear, and welcome to the archives, the forums, and Gryffindor!




- Asphodel

Author's Response: Hello Alishya! That's wonderful! I've just recieved my first review.

Yes, I love Second person pov stories too. I tend to write them a lot, especially when I'm writing angst. Oooh,thank you! It's nice to hear a positive response.

Dragon Pox? I'm sure it was mentioned in the HP series somewhere but if not ... I can assure you that, yes, it is deady.

Thank you Alishya for the review once again, it really made my day.

- Emma


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Review #17, by Lady AsphodelEvent Three: Fragile Hope: Hermioneís Return Home

24th June 2014:
Hey! Alishya here, reading your entry for the HC!


First I like to say, it's cool that you took the route of Hermione reuniting with her parents! I always find this scenario to be interesting because there are many ways this can go! But it's really great that you had her mother recognize Hermione right away!


The only thing I can offer in terms of CC is you needing to dig into more details.


Try to dig deeper when mentioning emotions... or sights.


Okay... for example... you have Hermione afraid to knock on her parents door because she hasn't seen them in a couple of years.

Break it down from there... What does a person experience when they're anxious, nervous, etc.


- Heart Racing
- Sweaty Palms
- Mind racing
- Shaking
- Dried lips



Now that I've broken it down... this is how you can add more description in your story


Hermione stared at her childhood home with wide eyes. Her mouth going dry from her mouth hanging slightly open. As she tried to lift her hand up to knock on the door, her heart pounded faster. Her breathing labored as the distance between the door and her hand shortened.

Her mind is encouraging her to do it, yet her legs are prepared to run away. Without realizing it, her knuckles hit against the wood anyway, her breathing ceased, her hand hanging up in the air as her mind berated her.

Sudden thoughts of whether or not her parents will accept her overwhelmed her thoughts. The option of staying or running away bounced back in forth like a tennis ball, until the door opened. Before Hermione, stood a woman with also curly brown hair. Her features somewhat similar to her own. The woman gasped, covering her mouth as she whispered, "Hermione,"



You see where I was going with this? You're building up the tension - the suspense if you write like I showed you above.


Additionally, this can apply to describing the setting.

You chose Hermione's childhood home... 2 Questions you should think to yourself when writing a location/setting is "what does it look like... and when does it take place" You don't have to go into a great... deep long detail... but just something that'll paint a picture for your reader.


I'm going to say what I think Hermione's childhood home look like in a list.


- Small two story house
- Small front garden and back garden
- Bushes; flowers
- Chimes hanging on the roof


~ I'd take it'd be fall for this occasion

And now... I'm going to apply to your writing:


Hermione stood in front of her childhood home. Taking a deep breath, she slowly moved towards the door, taking in the dull bushes that lined up in front of the house on both sides. The orange leaves crunched under her feet as she closed the distance. The sound of the chimes dangling against each other, hanging on the from the roof caught her attention. Before entering her sixth year at Hogwarts, she made bought that special chimes from Diagon Alley to protect her parents for the time being. On the left side of the small yard was her favorite tree standing tall with a tire swing tied to the strongest branch.

Hermione turned back to the door in front of her, staring at the golden glint shining off from the small window.



Okay... so you see how I included at least few of what was in my list into your story.


As authors, only we can see what we imagine... it's up to us writers to help the readers see what we see as well as much as possible.


I hoped I helped you a bit because even I at times have a hard time with description, so don't ever get disheartened.



I mean, you've done great by entering period for the HC and just writing!


So keep it up!



- Asphodel

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Review #18, by Lady AsphodelMisconceptions: Micsconceptions

22nd May 2014:
Another entry for the Second POV challenge! Awesome! I wanted to participate, but I did not know (at first) how to approach a story like that (until too late.)

Anyways, I love your take on Draco Malfoy. The characterization was spot on! Great grammar, just the right amount of description! You really got into his head! :D


One of the coolest things about these Second POV stories is that - when you read "You" the readers automatically think of their self - not the character. At least with me it does. :P I see myself with a smug smile... boosted up with confidence and all that. It's like a teaser to the mind you know?


I enjoyed reading the monologue though. I can feel the emotions wrecking about and I can see how it'll drive him crazy just like how Draco was in the books (especially the movie -- Tom did an amazing portrayal of what you written) - him not having a choice and it's either he sacrifice himself or someone else ... I know it's not an easy no... that is an ultimatum... I don't know how exactly take it if I was in his shoes.


You made this one-shot incredibly intriguing - the follower, the murderer and you delved in deeper to bring those points home. That was a pretty cool move you made there! :D



There was one small mistake you made - which was where you writing about Draco breaking his hand... and a memory coming to him. You said "scent" not "scene unfold.." A quick fix - but just thought I'd let you know. ;)


The part with the little girl is so sad. She was unaware of what was about to happen to her and even Draco - I think (if not then excuse my line of thought.)


Lastly, the reflection on Lucius Malfoy was deep and us as readers can understand all the weight he laid on his son's shoulder without consideration - thus, leading Draco to be furious with him.



In the end, you wrapped up everything in a cliff-hanger like way - it's a pretty cool way too; Draco is bracing himself to walk the path we know he'll take. :)


Great job with this piece, and I wish you luck on the challenge! ^_^





- Asphodel

Author's Response: Hey!

thanks so much for the review and the awesome banner! I love it ;)

haha neither do I, I just write whatever and usually it turns out alright in this POV for some reason. I find it much easier then any other tbh, which isn't helpful for longer stories!

Thanks a lot, it means so much that you thought I got inside his head. I found him such a tricky character to write because I was struggling to see which side he was leaning towards the most. Good or Evil? In the end though I realised it didn't matter since he was probably asking himself the same question so it worked out ok in the end I thought.

Yeah I know what you mean, the emotions sort of hit deeper with you. Well that's what it is like for me. It's easier to relate with them.

It's just hit me that in a way, Draco and Harry are quite similar, both born in to something they don't have much control over. In the end though I guess Draco had more choice.

Thanks for pointing that out!

Thanks for the review and sorry it's taken me a while to reply to this.



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Review #19, by Lady AsphodelThe Adventures of Arthur Weasley: Detective Games: Ring a Ring of Roses

21st May 2014:
It's so adorable how Teddy is acting like a child. And Arthur being a loving father to an animate toy is just so enjoyable to read. I found the part where the two were arguing for a name to call Teddy. :P

Of course, your writing of Molly is spot on and I am finding myself chuckling at her suspicion with Arthur.

The dinner with the family was great to read as well! I love your idea of the "Potter" move - catching the snitch with their mouth -- that's brilliant! I really love the idea a lot! :D


Glad to see George tagging in too -- and I'm happy that the memorial service has made George feel a bit better. :) (I don't like him being depressed...) It's funny to see Arthur telling George not to tell Molly about the talking bear - it's like the roles of father-son reverse *lol*


Lol - and the muggle woman behind the register desk is something isn't she. :P


Reading this gives me Toy Story feels. ♥


I look forward to the meeting with Buddy and just the next chapter period!


Hope you update soon! ^_^


- Asphodel

Author's Response: Haha. Yay for being in canon! That's always something I strive for.

You comparing this to Toy Story absolutely makes my day. +]

I'm glad you liked it and plan to come back! hopefully the next chapter will be a bit bigger. I never know these days. I was worried people would forget about it, so thank you for reviewing!!

Until next time



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Review #20, by Lady AsphodelDear Thelo: ii

19th May 2014:
Hey - Alishya here again from the May Gryffindor Review exchange!


I liked how you're describe Kiera's first broom ride. It's interesting to see how a muggle perceives wizarding experiences. :)


So upon Kiera waking up... and overhearing what the (Death Eaters?) are saying... about "he wanting her" but not exactly because it was out of "revenge." I feel that having Kiera figure out so quickly that the DE's want Marlene ruins the potential suspense and tension of the story - the mystery. You should have left her clueless a little bit longer.


I don't know much again about Marlene and Kiera. As I said in my previous review, it seems from reading other people's comments that Marlene is an actual HP character... so is Kiera is an OC then? Forgive me. I'm trying to really figure out the level of how much Kiera knows Marlene... like I thought it's strange that she knows some bits of the wizarding from hearing Marlene's and James' talking about it... but in the case of her being a muggle - shouldn't she not know about them? Shouldn't Marlene and James try to do a better job of keeping their secret - a secret? Unless Kiera secretly overheard them? (This is just my thought process - just so you know.)


I believe the description in this chapter was alright. I think you could have put a bit more depth as to what the room looked like - the one where Voldemort and Kiera was in... and perhaps gave a bit more on the "grand marble building." Did they go through - what seems to be endless or twisting corridors...? What was the surrounding area like... you know... just liked how you went in depth of Kiera's home - you could have done for describing Kiera's new environment. n_n



Do know that I understand how hard it can be to maintain just the right amount of description - and especially for particular places. I struggle with it myself, but a method you can try - that I am doing myself - is to look up images of these certain places that looks similar to what you have in mind. It can help you to paint a better picture for your readers. ;)


Furthermore, I hope I don't sound mean... or condescending... or like I am trying put your story down, because I'm not really... I'm just trying to get a better understanding of this story and to help you see what I see so that you know what other readers see as well.


I mean - we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Although we all are creative and come up with good ideas. :D It's up to use to use our strengths to our advantages and try to strengthen our weaknesses. ^_^



Your story is promising - just needs a bit of work. :)


Anyways, keep writing and don't ever stop!




- Asphodel

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Review #21, by Lady AsphodelDear Thelo: I

16th May 2014:
Hey Missy, it's me - Alishya -- here for the May Gryffindor Exchange review! :)


I liked how you throw the reader already into the action and suspense. You know - the reader, like me, is raising an eyebrow (or two) and immediately wonders what did Marlene do (or what is it about her) that got herself into this trouble.


However, I believe a better approach you could have gone with in introducing this premise - was to actually show and not tell. I know that you can't completely "show" everything, but I think easing the reader into the action by making them feel the suspense first would have a greater impact.


For instance, instead of saying, "Marlene McKinnon had done her upmost best to disregard the signs.

You should have written these signs Marlene saw... such as death threat letters... or you could have written these attempts that have been done on her life... You know what I mean... Sort of like this... (My example...)


Owls swooped in dropping packages and letters to the students of Hogwarts.

[You see it starts off normal - a normal day for Marlene]


Marlene looked up from her Transfiguration homework to see a wrinkly, pale envelope on top of her plate of eggs and ham. With a raised eyebrow, she pushed aside her work and picked up the envelope with caution.

[There you see where things are starting to get strange and serious for Marlene. She's either not used to getting letters, or did not expect one at the time.(Forgive me, from reading the reviews of others, it seems that Marlene is an actual character of HP... and I know nothing at all about her or the Marauders era. I'm just going on a whim here, so stick with me.)]


She tore through the envelope and pulled out the three-fold letter and unfolded it. Her eyes widen as she read the words. Once she reached the bottom, she spared a glance at her friends. James seemed too lost in talking with Lily, and Sirius was busy talking to Remus. Without a second thought, Marlene balded the letter and hid it in her sleeves, planning to get rid of it completely once she's alone.


[You don't give too much away yet. You peaked the reader's interest, and make them want to read more to see if the writer {you} will soon/eventually reveal what it said or give clues as to what the letter said. Or you could add what it said in the letter, and still have Marlene try to get rid of the letter. Plus, it'll also follow what you basically said in the story - she ignored the warnings. At least that was one of them. You can include more death letters... or write that Marlene felt that she was being watched. So forth.]



Afterwards, you can write the shock or fear of seeing her father beaten up. Like this below.



Marlene sat on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, not feeling sleepy at all. If anything she was more alert at being sent to bed early with her sister, Alexandra. Curiosity started taking over as she made her way out her room to the top of the spiral staircase.


[I still keep you said in the story, but just broke it down into details - give it more depth I mean.]


However, before Marlene could take a step down the staircase, what she saw below stopped her in tracks; her smile vanished. Her eyes grew big at the sight of her father. He was bloodied up, his left eye swollen shut as it shone deep purple along with his thick, dark hair matted with red clots.

At that moment, Marlene thought back to the letter, those strange incidents that almost cost her life... She realized at that moment, they were coming for her...



[Again, following your idea, but breaking it down. The detailed-version of her ignoring the signs results of her wounded father. :)]




I hope I explained it well - and know that I am not trying to say... that your story isn't good or isn't good as it is -- I just believe the route I showed you one that will make a difference. ^_^




Now everything else beyond the point of introduction - was awesome! The day was normal and natural for Kiera. I really enjoyed reading your description of the garden, and the characterization of her brothers and mother. I really liked how you described her room... and you really added something when you mentioned the photos --- and one specifically with Marlene, Sirius, and James.

Then everything just spun out of control before Kiera knew it. So sad to see Chris get killed. :( I can't imagine losing any of my siblings... for a minute there, I put myself in her shoes... and I don't know. I can't fathom if something like that were to happen to me.





Oh - I can't forget the whole thing with the dementors. I was so drawn in to this sudden climax of the chapter - good job! I can learn from you, because I feel I can't handle action sequences well. :D


Overall, this chapter was great! Even though, as I said in the beginning, that you should have approached the beginning of the chapter differently, you still managed to keep me toes. ^_^

So great job and keep it up!




- Asphodel

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Review #22, by Lady AsphodelDeath Eater's Kitchen: once more, with quiche.

28th March 2014:
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! *Applauds*

Honey, you've introduced me to a side of Barty Crouch Jr. that I thought was considerably impossible! However, with your mixture of the "Goblet of Fire" theme and aura with a mixture of comedy/parody was absolutely, brilliantly genius of you. I tip a million hats off to you!

I mean, wow! Him saving the world, yet you maintained the evil and arrogant characteristics... Great job dear... like seriously great job!

It was very funny, too, how you had the American "Dramatic" female student, and the other students make Barty's meals. :P

You also made me super hungry, 'cause I haven't ate in several hours. So as soon as I am done with this review - I shall go eat. :P


Again kudos! Your writing style is brilliant and very enjoyable to read!





- Asphodel

Author's Response: Thank you! Thank you! *bows* :p

But actually, thanks so much! I am so glad you enjoyed reading this, and the absurd characterisation of Barty Crouch. Yep, this is what was going on behind the scenes during Goblet of Fire. haha

There totes had to be an American student. No parody is complete without an incredibly cliched Mary Sue!

Bahaha, sorry about making you hungry. You should see if you can get someone to make you some quiche. :p

Thank you so much for your review!! I'm so happy that you liked the story! :D


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Review #23, by Lady AsphodelVictoire Weasley's Cooking Capers: Victoire Weasley's Cooking Capers

28th March 2014:
Hey Adi! It's me, Alishya from the Gryffindor Review thread!


Well, first of all, I enjoyed reading this humorous one-shot! :P I gotta say you did pretty well for your first parody! And I applaud you for attempting it - because I am not a fan of parodies... as you can see it's not part of my genre of stories.


Anyways, I really loved how you had Victoire a girly-girl while at the same time a rough-around-the-edges type. It really pulled the corners of my lips into a smile.


Additionally, I liked how you wrote like a parallel version of Teddy, considering his parents - one who is mellow and humble, while as the other is clumsy. Thus, it was cool to see Ted confident and a bit arrogant. :^)


The proposal in front of the family scene was great too! You nailed Fleur's voice - because I find it so hard to misspell in order to fit her accent - or basically any character with an accent. :P

I mean everything in that scenario was funny! From Teddy misleading Victoire with the cooking; Molly's and Andromeda's skeptic looks and voices of expression. :D Arthur's breaking the awkwardness because of his hunger... and oh - I also took note of how Fleur's dad being chubby in your world when I imagined him to be fit, so it was great that you threw that in there. :D


The ending was great as well! Greatly wrapped up without going into too much detail, but I can imagine how this all played out... Your narrative sounds actually like how those narrators are in those comedy movies, so awesome job!


I didn't see anything wrong in terms for criticism, so you have a awesomely-written fic in your hands!


And I apologize for never reading any of your work. :( You say you should read my work more often, at least you do read my stories - ya know.


I'll be back to read more of your writing! Promise. ;)




- Asphodel

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Review #24, by Lady AsphodelA Flash of Green Light: James and Lily

27th March 2014:
Depressing but a very nice insight as to how Lily and James came to their end. I can imagine the movie playing and actually hear Lily's scream in my head as if I was watching the Sorcerer of Stone movie. :)


I loved how you had Lily embrace death and nothing is more touching than a parents/mother's love for their child. She couldn't live in a world where James and/or Harry would not be in her life.


Hope you did well with the challenges! :D

The challenge with the 500 words is the "Every Word Counts" and I entered as well. It's great to see another entry!



- Asphodel

Author's Response: I really admired Lily in her last moments of life because of the way that she stood up to Voldemort when she didn't have to die. Not to mention, her husband had literally JUST died.

Thanks for reading and reviewing :)


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Review #25, by Lady AsphodelHarry Potter and the Plot of Power: 02 Cassandra's Gift

26th March 2014:
Oh gosh! I am sorry for Luna's boy, but I am so glad that it is not Hugo!

Oh my gosh - oh my gosh - oh my gosh!


I am so scared for him - and that is saying something because fanfiction I've been reading lately has not evoked emotions out of me like how you are now!


Once more, another amazing read! Everything is coming together! A war between Muggles and Wizards... wow... Just wow...


I loved the part where Harry had his revengeful way of waking up Ron!

And I love this other characters too! They're very intriguing... and I am not much of a fan for OC's so great job dear!


Please, please, please update soon!


- Asphodel

Author's Response: Yeah, poor Luna. Definitely. And poor Lysander who just lost his own twin. However, what makes you think that Hugo is safe? Hahaha! He's about to be given as a gift, a lab rat, to a woman with strong ambitions.

I'm happy that this story has given you strong emotions! That's what I was going for, really! Anything that causes emotions to my readers, whether they be happy, sad or worried about the characters...then I've done my job.

A war? Maybe! You'll get to see what happens coming soon! I'm excited to show you guys!

I had to make some parts light, funny! So that part of Ron and Harry had to be it. Besides, I couldn't help myself.

I'm with you when it comes to OCs. I have to keep them interesting or otherwise I would get tired of them too. Cassandra here is, so far, my favorite OC. I want to make people confused about her. Do we like her? Hate her? Are we rooting for her? *Evil laugh*

Thank you for your kind words! I'll have an update soon.

--Rosie


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