Another great chapter :). I loved that Ginny went in during the night and curled up at Harry’s feet at the beginning, and then the way she acted so tired; pouring the milk into the vase was a wonderful added touch, it made me laugh. The whole chapter was entertaining, really, and I specifically loved that they went to Hogsmeade for some fun after the test.
I do have a question, though. What happened to Penelope? I’m not suggesting you include her or anything like that, I’m just wondering… Percy seems to have changed a very lot.
Thanks again for the chapter! It was a lovely read, as the four before it were :P. Can’t wait for the next one! :)
Author's Response: Yeah - I've thought about Penelope and how to bring her in, and it's hard as you might expect. I'll continue to think though. Glad you liked the humorous touches - I enjoy writing them. Report Review
Awww, what a sweet chapter! I loved how everything went, and just added little comments from various characters seemed to make things flow extremely well; I especially loved Fred and George’s comment on cold feet and wearing no shoes :P. I loved the quidditch match too, and was quite pleased that the older team won—Though I might have expected at least one of the “younger” ones to complain about it, it still fitted very well.
I do have a suggestion, though I’m unsure to how important or relevant it is… Ron and Hermione seem to be getting along great at the minute, and that’s good, but it might be fun if they have snap at each other now and then, as it seems to fit them a little more. Whenever I think of Ron and Hermione, I always imagine that they’d argue a small, trivial things a lot, and then make up afterwards. That could just be me, though.
Thanks for another great chapter, it was an enjoyable read and I can’t wait to get the next read and reviewed! :)
~JessAuthor's Response: Thanks for the thoughts Jess - if a story can't have humor in it, it shouldn't be there... And with Ron and Hermione, I'm not sure - but I'll definitely think about it. Thanks again! Report Review
I hope you realise that I am grinning my head off here! Harry and Ginny are back together, and yes the romance/kissing scenes were wonderful :). I barely have a few minutes to write this, because I’m being nagged to take the dog out, but I want to say that I absolutely loved everything in this chapter. Everything. I especially loved how everyone offered Harry help, and he agreed to it.
Secretly (well, it’s not so secret anymore) I can’t wait until we get fully into the fic- and Harry’s search for the horcruxes. I imagine things my turn a bit darker (though they very well might not, either) and the sense of the adventures, trails and such is killing me. He really does need all the help he can get, and I think it was pretty sweet of everyone to offer his or her help. Once again, a brilliant chapter, and I look forward to reading the rest! :) [Slightly off-topic, but happy belated 21st birthday.]
~JessAuthor's Response: haha - Wow! Thanks Jess, that's appreciated - and for the birthday wishes. The story will get darker as we move out of the Burrow, but that's a few chapters away as we have to get Harry ready to leave. Thanks for reviewing and I hope to see your name some more. Report Review
Once again, a wonderful chapter; it was excellent. I was a little disappointed that Harry had little emotion to share about the death of his aunt, uncle and cousin, but it probably is understandable after everything they have done. I liked that Ron wanted Ginny to go with them, and that he put up a bit of an argument about it… I can’t wait to find out what happens there (maybe a bit of Harry/Ginny shipping? :D).
I love the way you’ve portrayed the whole of the Weasley family, and the roles they are all in (the way Percy is back and helping a lot, that Mr And Mrs Weasley are affectively acting like Harry’s parents, and that the Twins are involved at the Ministry), and think that idea (the twins) was just genius.
I also loved Dumbledore’s letter, and perhaps sensed a bit of foreboding there? Or maybe not, but it seemed like there could be a making for a brilliant end there. The sword shocked me a little, as I was expecting something completely different (what, I have no idea), but it was definitely a brilliant touch. I bow down to your wisdom ;).
Annnnddd, finally, I would like to add that once again the whole thing flowed well and was wonderfully written on a whole. There was one thing that confused me that I feel needs mentioning, but other than that your spelling and grammar didn’t seem too bad either (though I very much doubt I’m an expert).
When the box was opened, Harry and Ginny both exclaimed “Oh Harry!” (quote below :P), and I’m just wondering if that was intentional?
‘Oh Harry!’ exclaimed Harry and Ginny together as they leant towards the now open box.
I thought you might have intended to have Hermione and Ginny cry out, not Harry, or perhaps it was “Oh Dumbledore!” they were exclaiming. Probably just a small slip-up; unless it did make sense and I’m just out of my mind :).
Hope I was of some help! And I really did enjoy it, so I’m going to try and hurry to get the next chapter read before I get called off the computer. Thanks again for the wonderful chapter!
~JessAuthor's Response: Hmmm... seems that I've made a small boo-boo! Thanks for pointing that out, small things like that sometimes escape me when I check it over.
Thanks again for the wonderful comments, and constructive comments. It's great to have your feedback. Thanks again!
Josh Report Review
Oh my god, such a chapter! It begins brilliantly; with an account of Harry’s time on the way back from the train and his thoughts as he thinks of finally leaving the Dursley’s, as well as constant reminders of how strong Harry, Ron and Hermione’s friendship is, and then it ends in the completely opposite way; the Dursley’s most likely (or most certain to be) dead, the shocking news that they might possibly have just escaped, and Harry – as well as the others – are suddenly thrown back into the world where the war is going on (obviously, they never left, but at the beginning it seemed like all thoughts of it were frosted over with a small sense of happiness).
I loved… and I mean it, LOVED… the fact that you had Petunia say such nice, conflicting things, to Harry before he left. It says a bit about her, her personality, and perhaps even gives us an insight to how she feels about Harry and why he was treated as he was, I think. I thought that alone worked wonders, and am very pleased you included it :). I also liked how you involved Percy, and how he acted; it seemed quite Percy-like, and I’m happy by the fact that he’s probably redeemed himself.
Finally, I want to say that I love your writing! There aren’t too many grammar or spelling errors, and the whole thing just flowed wonderfully and seems to just fit Excellent work, Prongzy!
~JessAuthor's Response: Thanks Jess (I'm reading this one second... eep!). Glad there aren't too many grammar mistakes, it's a curse! Thanks for such nice things, but more importantly - such LONG nice things. It's great feedback! Hope you'll keep reading! Report Review
Awww! I just love the way that ended, haha. “Dear mum and dad, you’d never guess what happened on the way to school today…” Hehehe. I’ll say this once again before I shut up and get off to do my homework; you are an amazing writer and I am very, very glad I followed this fic through; it was most definitely worth it. I’m also very pleased that you’re considering writing a sequel, as I think it’d be interesting and something I imagine you’d do well… You seem to be good at writing Tonks and mystery/detective fics. I’ve also noticed you seem to have had a few more updates since the last time I checked, so hopefully I shall be able to check those out too. Once again, thank you for taking the time to write something so wonderful; I really enjoyed it! :)
~JessAuthor's Response: That ending hit me one night and I knew it was perfect - just a touch of humor and lightness. Your review has made my ears red, it's filled with such wonderful compliments. ^_^ I'm so glad to hear that you've enjoyed reading this story, Jess. Thanks very very much for all the reviews. =) Report Review
Oh!! Unexpected twist! I can’t believe how wrong I was! Honestly, I can’t believe I didn’t read this when it was first posted. You’re an amazing writing, and I hope you know it. This chapter was amazing as the rest; a perfect mixture of suspense, excitement and wonder, although I’m not going to go into my reactions to it too much… I want to get on to the final chapter (finally!).
Before I do go on to the next chapter I’d like to apologize for taking so long to read and review these final two chapters; I saw that they were posted quite a while ago, but wanted to make sure that I’d have time to read and review them once I’d gotten started. As it is, I’m glad I did wait, because I ended up having time to re-read the full thing ;). Thanks!!Author's Response: Don't apologize, Jess, there's no need to. Life is a busy thing most of the time. =P It is really nice to hear from you again. ^_^ This chapter was tremendous fun to write, hence its length being nearly twice the size of earlier chapters. Thanks for reviewing! =) Report Review
Amazing work, as always! I can’t wait to find out who it is and I’m completely baffled, though at least we’ve learnt that the person is female and that it is likely more than one person were involved.
This could be nothing, but I realised something else… The Ravenclaw Prefect, Nancy, and the Head Girl apparently told Terrence Brown to leave when they found out about the death. This could be for two reasons: the Ravenclaw felt the need to comfort the Head Girl in private, or she perhaps wanted to go over their story – make sure they had everything set. Having said that, it’s a bit obvious I was saying it as though they’re both possible suspects. Now, is it possible that the Hufflepuff from the beginning, Nancy, the Head Girl and Harriet Alder all joined together to do the deed…?
It’s a far-fetched theory, I know, and probably incorrect but I feel the need to go over the idea fully now that I’ve come up with it… The Head Girl obviously has a decent motive: she’s pregnant with his child and he obviously split up with her or something along those lines; Harriet Alder also has a motive: obsessed about him yet always turned down, told Tonks she disliked him: that leaves the Ravenclaw and the Hufflepuff. The Ravenclaw, I think, could possibly be the Head Girl’s friend and either has been dragged into, has a small motive of her own, or simply I’m thinking this over too much and she really was just comforting the head girl; the Hufflepuff I’m completely suspicious of, as she most definitely gave Tonks incorrect information.
Is it possible that the Hufflepuff – or perhaps the Ravenclaw, not to be stereotypical but they’re supposed to be smarter and I doubt a Hufflepuff would kill someone – killed him, yet it was planned out with both Harriet and Catherine, too? Any one of them could have been the one to drive the porter away, though obviously not those who were in an interview with Tonks at the time. It seems to me that this was way too well planned for one person, and Harriet and Catherine have the best motives – yet they’re so obvious it would have been stupid for them to do it themselves which is where the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff come in. Right, well, I’m not positive on that… Just a bit more speculating from me… You don’t have to reply to any of what I’ve just said if you don’t want to :P.
Since I’ve just wasted a lot of review space on my theories and things I’ve noticed… I’ll take a bit of time to just tell you that this truly is a wonderful fic and I’m a bit upset that there aren’t many chapters left, though obviously rather excited too. If you do ever decide to write another mystery or crime fic I’d love to read it – You got me so hooked on this one that I’ve actually began scouring local stores for detective and crime books… Haha. Thank you for the wonderful chapter and I am internally sorry for such a review as this… Once again. Haha. Thank again! :)Author's Response: I can tell you one thing, Jess, and that's that you will be very surprised about who the murderer is. not that I will give it away now. ;-) You've done quite the speculation about this story, which is quite flattering, but it's entirely feasible. Too bad I didn't think of that. :-P It's so wonderful to hear how much you like this story. Perhaps I will write more in the future, this one was quite a fun challenge and I'm glad I wrote it. Thanks for all the reviews you've left. =) Report Review
Amazing, simply amazing. This has to be one of the best – or the best – one-shots I have ever read. You wrote James’ thoughts and feelings perfectly and I felt as though everything flowed brilliantly. I particularly liked how Remus was the one who pushed him forwards, and how Sirius cat-called, causing Remus to argue with him. It was really sweet. Aww… I’m in the mood to read more romantic fluffy stuff now ^_^.Author's Response: Thank you very much, Jess. Your reviews always mean a lot to me. *blushes* The Sirius cat-call just had to fit in there, as did Remus' prodding of James. I had to include all the Marauders in some way. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Another excellent chapter and I really liked the beginning… I think a lot of authors try to do a scene just like that; sun shining brightly through the windows as someone rises from sleep, yet I’m not sure they pull it off quite the way you did then. As before, your descriptions are wonderful.
Onto the subject of characterisation, I’d like to mention when Ginny and Luna find Ron talking to Dobby and Ginny accuses him of being insane: Ron doesn’t reply where I would imagine him to reply back with a cocky comment, or a sarcastic comment – I’m not sure, it just doesn’t seem to me like he wouldn’t reply. I could be wrong, though, so it’s not important – just thought I would mention it anyways. I was also a bit unsure of Dobby in that scene – he’s usually happy and eager to help; it would have probably seemed more Dobby-like if you had him greet them with an exclamation mark “Morning Misses! Dobby was just talking to Mr. Weezy, Mr. Weezy not mad! Mr Weezy is nice he give Dobby socks.”) and likely an offer of assistance with anything – a question of if they want something. Again, not important, but I thought I would mention it.
One more scene I’d like to mention is where Luna states that “I’m just not used to being with people who I actually like to see in the morning” and Harry replies by saying “Aw, Luna. That’s actually quite sweet.” Although I do think Harry would feel sorry Luna at her comment, I don’t think it likely that he would say that – just like at the end of book five, when he found out Luna’s belongings were stolen, he’d offer help or perhaps reassurance: “Well from now on you’ll be with us.” I’m not certain of this as my characterisation of Harry is usually particularly bad, but it seemed to make sense to me that he kept the thoughts of it being sweet to himself and that he would instead try and help some way.
The new Defence Against the Dark Art’s professor seems interesting… I can’t wait to find out more about her. I wonder what it is that is being kept from Ginny and Luna? And did Hermione mention extra defence lessons – will they all be getting those, or was that why the new professor wanted to speak to them?
I have to say that this chapter was quite exciting – especially with the announcements of more members to the Student Council and a brief description of what it is. I loved reading it and can’t wait to read more. I also wanted to mention how long your chapters are – it’s amazing, they’re probably even longer with JKR’s chapters!
~JessAuthor's Response: Another breathtaking review, that I am again, extremely greatful for-- I honestly don't know how to thank you enough! I spent a very long time pondering over that opening-- trying to make it as interesting as the first; I just hope my next chapter will be as interesting!
I do try to keep my characters, well, in character ||Even if Jk doesnt-- moans about book six, sorry! Lol|| I've never been good at humor and I agree that whenever I try to think of something funny to add for him, it usually ends up dry or has something to do with sausages! I love how you inturpretted Dobby-- I think that was fantastic and I could actually see it in my mind-- I really wish that I had thought of that!
Yeah, I've always been weary of that line-- I changed it several times, in fact, Neville said it at first and then I changed it to Hermione and finally, I had Harry say it because I needed to add a bit about him in description. I agree, it doesnt really work b ut I wondered if it was too late to change it.
Oh, yes-- Danielle Adder. The DA teacher and I swaer, her enitials were not purposely that way ... No they will all be getting extra DA lessons with her and Dumbledore-- however, the older four will be getting special lessons but one of them may not be able to do it, I havnt decided yet. However, what DA teaches them, they will pass onto Luna and Ginny, as expected.
Oh, your reviews make me giddy with pleasure-- I know that sounds weird but I've really been smiling! They are very long, which worried me slightly-- I hope I can keep up with them! Longer than JK's? Yikes-- no walk in the park then! Thankies again, Jess! Luna Report Review
This was very good and interesting, not to mention original. I really like that you have included Luna and Neville in their little group, and think the way you have written this is excellent – you have explained enough, yet left enough unsaid to keep us wondering. I particularly like the idea of the student council, though it is perhaps strange that most of them are Gryffindors, with the exception of one Ravenclaw, and that all of them are sixth and seventh years… I’m sure you could get around this easily, though. Will we be finding out more about the Student Council in the next chapter?
I’m a bit confused as to why you started the first two paragraphs off talking about blood, and can’t help but wonder if that has a point later on in the story – it didn’t seem to quite fit… What did blood and the sun have to do with the chapter? It was an interesting start, though, and did manage to capture my interest quite well. You seem to have a very good writing style -- not once through reading did I consider stopping; you kept me captivated and wanting more.
Your characterisation seems very good, too, and I didn’t notice anything out-of-the-ordinary. I particularly liked the way Ron seemed to act around Luna (example: “…Ron began, looking at the girl as if she should be in a straight jacket and be being carted of to St. Mungos.””) though I do have one or two suggestions: to make Ron seem more Ron-like you could perhaps have him joke a bit more often, or to seem quite funny at times. Perhaps he did joke and I just missed it, it just seems like Ron is usually the one with funny lines. I’m also not sure on Neville’s character – he usually seems quite rushed and unsure, where here he doesn’t seem quite like that… Example:
“Hey, guys. Sorry I’m late—couldn’t find Trevor,” he added.
“Don’t you use that excuse every year?” Hermione asked him cautiously.
“Well,” Neville paused briefly, “it usually is.”
While this does seem typical of Neville, his answer doesn’t quite satisfy me… Something like “Yes,” he blushed. “Gran said she’ll have to start owling him to me if I keep losing him…” Not the best of examples, but you probably see my point. It’s not important, though, I’m just obsessed with Neville at the minute…
All in all this was a great chapter and I loved reading it, I’ll be moving onto the next shortly… I know you’re a bit concerned by the lack of readers and reviews, but I really wouldn’t worry too much. The problem might be that you have so many stories that it’s had to choose one: I know when I looked through your list a while ago I chose a different one because of it’s length – the other was longer, with more reviews. Perhaps doing something to try to attract readers attention to this story might help; getting a really eye-catching banner or perhaps adding something to the summary stating that you appreciate any constructive criticism… I’m not sure, but I’m almost positive it is not because this is a bad fic. It’s not – it’s extremely good.
Author's Response: I had to take a very big breath after I clicked the respond button, you have me all elated and I greatly admire you for taking so much time and consideration into my story.
Yes, indeed-- you''ll see what I did about this in the second chapter-- about the lack of certain houses. I have decided to keep all the students in their last two years of hogwarts but there is a bit of a twist that I am not altogether proud of but like you said, it did seem strange and I never intended to change the plot the way I did.
The failing of the sun, was a point to make to suggest that Muggles were going to become more aware of the Wizarding World, it's also a bit of forshadowing because a mojor event is going to take place in the dark. The blood-- well, when i hopefully get to the end of the story, well, you'll see-- i don't want to spoil anything in case you or others would like to read any more in the future! Im so pleased that your attention was never lapsed-- that was something that worried me!
I loved your example of, Neville and because I don't think I'll ever get this in the story-- I think I'll post it here. The reason Nevilles answer was strange, was because he was lying-- he was actually visiting his parents in hospital. And although Harry, Hermione and Ron no about his parents, he preferred not to tell Luna or talk about it to the others. I have a feeling that you are not going to be to pleased with him in the next chapter ...
*Blushes.* Oh, that's so sweet of you. I really would love it to get noticed-- I did try making an animated banner for it but I don't have the right documents. That's an idea-- maybe I could request one. I do have an awful amount of stories-- it's a weakness, I think of all these beginnings and then I don't know which story to update next. Luckily, about ten of them are just one-shots but you are very right! Thankies for all of your help and kind words, I can't wait to see what you think of the next chapter!
Luna Report Review
Oh, oh, oh! She’s the head girl! I can’t believe it--I’d never have guessed. Hah, now I’m really confused. I’m still suspicious of that prefect, though. This truly was an excellent chapter, and one I enjoyed reading a lot. So, so far we know that the prefect lied at the beginning, that he supposedly was too devoted to his studies to love yet he had a girlfriend and impregnated her, and that he had an admirer of sorts who wouldn’t leave him alone yet claims to dislike him (going from her interview, anyways).
Things are really starting to get serious and I honestly have no idea who it could be… though I’m determined that the Hufflepuff Prefect had something to do with it. Harriet also seems suspicious… if she liked him so much, why did she say otherwise? Reading back through the second chapter… is it possible he killed himself? No, I guess not… otherwise it wouldn’t be Murder on the Hogwarts Express and there’s way too many possible suspects. Hmm, okay, I’ll leave that well alone and read to find out… no more speculating until the next chapter is out…
The head girl is interesting, and not what I expected even after getting over the shock of his ex-girlfriend being the Head Girl. For some reason I was expecting her to be… vicious and vengeful, not upset and… lovesick. Harriet also seems like a bit of a contradiction; we’ve been told, twice – by both the Head Girl/ex girlfriend and the prefect, Irene, that she was slightly obsessed with him and made a number of passes at him, yet she claimed he was snob who had nothing going for him other than that “he was smarter than average and better looking than most of the guys”, she also claims that no one liked him and he didn’t let anyone close to him… Ugh, okay, I really am going to stop speculating and just wait until Tonks finds out because I’m probably driving you crazy here. The point is that I love your OCs, and that they seem well-developed, as well as interesting… and suspicious.
Okay, I have to go so I really will be quiet… my internet cuts off in less than two minutes (I have a 3 AM GMT time cut-off…). I loved this chapter, as you can probably tell, and can’t wait for more! :)Author's Response: Hehe! I thought I'd get readers with that trick about the Head Girl's name, which is why it was never revealed until this chapter. Tonks seems to be getting two pictures of Moriarty, depending on who is talking about him and if he/she liked him or not. But whose story is correct? That's the fun part about writing this. ;-) Thanks for leaving the excellent reviews throughout, Jess. It's great to see how in-depth you get in the analysis. ^_^ Report Review
Hello again. Sorry, this isn't a proper review... but I thought you ought to know that you've put an italic tag in just before "The man must read minds, he thought. I was just thinking about that very subject." and haven't closed it... the rest of the chapter is italic! Again, sorry because this isn't a proper review...Author's Response: Dangnabbit! Thanks, Jess. I'll fix that one. Report Review
As always, I’d like to congratulate you on an excellent chapter. I’m firstly going to comment on the four girls personalities; they work so well together! Emma seems like the modest, unnoticed yet smart and somewhat mischievous (yet somehow serious too), and impatient; Lily seems smart, stubborn, also mischievous and perhaps cheeky; Marlene seems quiet, a hard-worker, and serious; Dorcas seems loud, hyper, very mischievous perhaps, and one of those who adores James and Sirius… feel free to correct me there, that’s just what sounds about right at the minute. Anyways, they all work together well because they all seem to have at least one or two distinctive faults and personalities, though Lily and Emma seem quite alike, which is not a bad thing, I don’t think. One question I have is if you will be changing any of their personalities in the light of information given in HBP? I’m not saying you should, just wondering if you will be editing anything you’ve already written, or what you had planned for the four – personality-wise, I mean, not plot-wise :).
I really enjoyed the scene with Emma and Snape and, strangely perhaps, am really glad you made them friends. I’m a little confused and curious by what happened to Emma in the Hospital Wing… when she suddenly seemed to forget everything and was overcome with the feeling that she had to look outside. I’m wondering if perhaps it has something to do with her hand, but I don’t expect you to tell me… I’ll be patient and wait until the next chapter :P. I found a typo in the scene where they enter the Hospital Wing which I thought you might like to know of…
“When she stopped at the double doors that led to the Hospital Wing, he walked into her and she squeaked with surprise and a bit of pain. He had stepped on her toe and she bit her lip to deep from making another sound.” - I think it should be keep not deep.
I’m also glad Emma’s parents have finally been brought in and for some reason I feel as though some plot has just started: now that Emma has made her friends, and is settled into Hogwarts, she’s found out a bit about her parents and has become curious about them… it seems as though everything’s just fit into place, and everything before this has been working up to this point – where Emma would become curious about her mother and father, her past – and now everything’s in place something is going to happen, whether gradually and overtime or suddenly. I can’t help but wonder why the trunk has a secret compartment but I suppose a lot of trunk probably do. I’m also curious about who owned it previously, or did I just miss who owned it before? I’m pretty sure I didn’t…
Thanks very, very much for the chapter, as always, and I’m looking forward to the next instalment! Thanks for telling me about Harriet’s name in my review of Murder of the Hogwarts Express – it saved me time from looking it up. And also (sorry for commenting here on all the other review replies you’ve made and such… I can’t reply to review replies, so… lol) thanks for the compliments of my reviews; I’ve enjoyed writing them and am glad they’re good/helpful. Thanks for telling me that they’d be more to the ‘Following the Footsteps: Tales of the Marauders’ fic, too, I thought it was completed and can’t wait for more of that… reading about the incident from Snape’s P.O.V should be most interesting! And I’ll be quiet now I’m done with my responses to your review responses… thanks again!Author's Response: Goodness gracious, what a review! You've actually touched on all the things that I was pointing to in my story, such as the plot build-up and the group of girls. As to HBP, I've already made some changes to the first few chapters, but this and the last one will need more work to get them correct to canon, but it will not change the characters, only Grimm's role in the school. I'm so incredibly happy to receive this review, Jess, it's so perfectly wonderful that I'm at a loss for words. Thank you! :-) The next chapter will be a surprise - one that I've had up my sleeve for a while. Report Review
Oh, oh! You mean thing! Another bad cliff-hanger! The head girl is now going to be a possible suspect. Oh dear, there really are too many of those, aren’t there? The ex-girlfriend seemed interesting, and a possible suspect… but wouldn’t she be too obvious to do the deed? I would think most people would think of her straight away, but maybe that’s just me - unless she knew about the baby? Although that’s unlikely, I suppose, seeing how the head-girl herself seems to have only just found out.
There also seems to be a mismatch of information there… The Hufflepuff girl said that he was too devoted to his studies to love (although, he may not have loved the Head Girl…) yet he’s obviously dated or been with the head girl at some point or other. Hmm… well, obviously something’s up there – and we’ve found our first case of mismatched information. And we must not forget how he was supposedly awake and talking to the Prefect at the beginning yet the evidence says he was sleeping…
I also loved the interrogations, and the OC’s you’ve drawn up – they seem excellent, and each one so stereotypical of people and groups we have probably met before, it’s extraordinary. I was a bit surprised at how brief Terrance Brown’s interrogation was, and I can’t wait to see if he’ll have more to say later…
Congratulations on the amazing chapter, and I can’t wait for more! Thank you ever so much for posting/writing it… :).Author's Response: Terrence will have more to say later, unless of course he can't remember - he has a strange way of forgetting things. The Head Girl is an interesting character, sort of an enigma right now, but we actually have heard of her before this, not that I'm giving anything away. ;-) Your reviews amaze me, Jess, because they're so long and wonderful. Thank you for them! Report Review
Excellent, excellent! The interrogations have started; wonderful. I’m grinning like mad right now, just so you know… I’m dieing to get onto the next chapter in a hurry. I wonder if any of them will go against what she said about being at the end of the train at the time? It has to be useful information to them, at least.
I still think there might be two suspects, for some reason, though I know I’m likely to be wrong as that’s just a suspicion and not placed by anything I’ve read. Hmm… I really like Harriet, she seems quite interesting and I can’t wait to find out what the deal is there. Actually, does her name mean anything? I might look that up… just to get any hints I can, lol. Okay, I’m going to go to the next chapter now--my want for more has overtaken me, so I’m sorry for the quite short review :).Author's Response: Harriet's name doesn't necessarily have a meaning, but it was used by another mystery author, which is why I chose it. ;-) I'm so happy to hear that you like this a lot, it's a wonderfully fun story to right, so your comments make it worth while. Thank you! Report Review
Another interesting and exciting chapter! I really enjoy how the story’s progressing, and how Tonks is slowly unravelling the clues to solve the mystery. You also seem to have added the perfect batch of suspension, humour, and made it serious and real-like at the same time.
Your characterisation is also really good, because Charlie and Tonks both have distinct characteristics you have given them (or JK has given them) which fit really well into both this and canon. I particularly loved the Percy comment because I could imagine what Mrs Weasley would say as I read it, and it was humorous.
One thing I did notice was that the girl who was on the train with him said she liked having deep conversations with him, and we know that she said she was talking to him when they talked to her in the second chapter, yet Tonks just proved that he must have been asleep… I’m getting very suspicious of the Prefect right now. Is it possible more than one person helped with the planning of the killing? Okay, you don’t have to answer that… I’ll wait and find out.Author's Response: Wow, Jess, thank you so much for these hugely wonderful reviews. Tonks had good reason to tell Charlie not to believe all that the witnesses said. ;-) Though, I think you're the first to notice the discrepancies... Report Review
I absolutely love this story, and every time I read a chapter I find myself wanting more. I like the new DADA Professor; he seems so intriguing. I can’t wait to find out what the deal with him is, and how he’ll progress as the story continues. I’m sure it’s no accident of yours that Emma has met him already, or that we’ve learnt so much about him.
I’m also curious about Severus is up to and how things will continue there; I can’t help but wonder what happens to Emma and him because he ends up as Potions Professor, not her. It’s a little strange he knows legilimens already, but I’m assuming that may be a reason why he’s so good by the time he’s teaching. He also seems to have taken an interest in her hand, even if he seems a little wary/secretive of his noticing it, I’m also wondering if this is important – especially as he seems to get on with Lucius rather well.
I think you’ve wrote this chapter brilliantly, and you’ve managed to keep all the characters in-character perfectly; they react and interact exactly how I would expect. I’m also, though I don’t think I mentioned it before, surprised and impressed you placed Marlene in Ravenclaw (is there a reason for that other than Emma needed a friend?) because most people place both her and Dorcas in Gryffindor – it’s nice to have a bit of variety and difference. Besides that, I really like how you’ve described both Marlene and Dorcas so far; they seem like well-developed characters, even though they’ve not been featured too much yet.
[Oh, and as a side-note I’d like to apologize… I’ve been reviewing this fic from both the QA account and this one, switching over every now and then; I didn’t realise until I went back to re-read the fic and reviews I’d left earlier. Sorry!]Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you very very much for this review, Jess. It's simply phenomenal! Everything you mentioned the first two paragraphs will be explained later in the story, so I won't go there, but the thing about Marlene warrants some justification. I put her in Ravenclaw because I needed another female Ravenclaw (so you were right) and becuase I had too many Gryffindors. It was easier to use a character already created than to make up another one myself. Fortunately for me, Marlene seems to be fitting into Ravenclaw quite well. ;-) Once again, thank you, and I'm really happy that you're enjoying this story. Report Review
Firstly, I’d like to mention how much I love that you wrote about Peter Pettigrew for your first fic; I really enjoy delving into his mind. I also want to tell you that I love how you start; telling us, through Peter, that the fic is set after Lily and James are dead (presumably) when Peter is looking back upon what he has done, and how you managed to show us a taster of his relationship with the three other marauders.
I really love the emotion that runs throughout, and how you show us exactly what Peter was thinking, what he did, how he became Percy’s rat, and why he did the things he did. I also love that you, at the beginning, let us know that Peter did not feel guilt once he had made his decision. I never imagined that he didn’t felt guilty (but that might be me hoping he felt guilty), but it definitely seems to fit.
Towards the end you mention him thinking of how Harry was the one that saved him, and I’m really glad you had him narrating it like that… ever since then I’ve been hoping Peter would redeem himself. The feeling at the end; the realisation that the choice was wrong and the realisation that his next choice will be the right choice just blew me away. Not literally, of course, but you are very good with emotions and feelings.
Overall, I’m very glad I read this, and I hope you will continue to write more, it’s a one-shot. I really can’t wait to see more from you…Author's Response: Thank you very much for reviewing! It's very motivating for me to know that you've taken the time to write all of what you enjoyed about the story. I guess Peter does strike me as an interesting character though I've never really thought about it; so I'm glad to know you think so highly of this fic considering I wrote most of it on a whim. Well I do certainly hope that I write more, I do have many ideas but no words to put down, which is a rather annoying state. Again, Thank you for reviewing. ~Sherz Report Review
Oh you cruel person, that was such a mean cliff hanger! *Sigh* Anyways… another brilliant chapter, I loved it (as usual :D). I really like how you started off with Tonks inspecting the body, and then skip to Charlie outside. For a few minutes I completely forgot about Tonks, and was just hoping Charlie would find something. The Ravenclaw boy seemed a little suspicious, didn’t he? I’m glad you added that in, too, the more suspicious people, the more interesting it gets.I really like how the Slytherin’s are unwilling to speak at first, then they tell us lots of nasty things about him (I like how you’ve made his character, by the way, could probably have lots of possible motives from people here) and then finally go silent as they realise he’s really dead, and will never be coming back. I think that reaction was well written, and real-like.Lastly, I loved the cliff-hanger. Well, no, I hate it because I’m going to be wondering about that for ages now, but it was well done, anyways. Now I can’t wait to read the next chapter… lol. Thanks! ^_^Author's Response: Now, what would a suspenceful story be without a good cliffhanger every so often? It's more fun to leave the readers hanging and wanting more. Thank you very much for your in-depth review, it really lets me think about everything I've written and how it fits into the story. Report Review
Another great chapter! Now that she's at Hogwarts, I'm even gladder you started the fic with her as a younger child. I think it worked really well, as we now know a bit about her and have met her before her classmates. I’m also happy you had her meet Lily Evans and start a friendship there. I’ll admit I didn’t expect it but it worked very well, hopefully this’ll progress as the story continues.
I also like how you had her (and Lily) meeting Severus so quickly, too, and the way you portrayed him—he seemed to stay in canon perfectly. It was good how you had her jump in after Lily, too, and to be honest I thought she’d be in Gryffindor for that; but I’m glad you had Grimm explain that at the end. I guess that shows that Emma’s also a loyal person. I can’t help but wonder why Severus is so interested in Emma, though. Perhaps it’s to do with her hand--and her father? I guess we’ll find out in later chapters, huh? :P
Another thing I wanted to comment on was the way you did the sorting, having Grimm’s thoughts on the main people (I’m assuming they were thoughts) as they were sorted. I was pretty impressed by that; it gives us a sense of having actually met each person and had our first impressions. Now we’ve had our ‘first impressions’ of them, we might or might not get to know them more later as the story continues. Something like that, anyways.
I’m sorry for such a long review (hopefully you don’t mind) I guess I had a lot to say! :)Author's Response: Wow, thanks for the review, Jess; it's perfect because you go over everything! I didn't really want to introduce all the canon characters at once in case it made the story rather cliched, so this is what came out instead. Having Grimm's thoughts of each of the students was tremendous fun to write because it gives a different insight into the story - Emma may or may not feel the same way about the characters, which could affect the story later on. There was so much I wanted to put into this chapter, which is rather why it might seem choppy at times as I wrote only a few paragraphs each day. Thanks again for the review, it really gave wonderful insight into the chapter. Report Review
I loved this chapter. The fact that Bill left so suddenly was quite strange; they seemed to react rather normally for witnessing someone dieing, but everything else was brilliant. I particularly like how Tonks immediately took control without letting anyone argue, and how you still managed to have her as somewhat normal; how she was surprised at managing the Transfiguration, and the small joke at the end. I really can't wait to see what happens in future chapters, this is definitely being added to my favourites :).Author's Response: *looks side to side guilitly* That scene when Bill left so suddenly was just me being too excited to get Tonks "on the case". Thanks for the wonderful reviews, they positively make me glow. Report Review
Oh, wow! This was an excellent beginning; brilliant, really. It tells us so little that we have to read on to find out the rest and that cliff hanger was in such a good place! :P I really can’t wait to watch this unravel—I’ve never read ‘Murder on the Orient Express’ so I have no idea of what’ll happen, and I like detective/mystery stories quite a lot. I’ve never seen a Harry potter one before, though, so maybe I don’t look hard enough. Anyways, this looks like it’ll prove to be extremely exciting! *Skips off to the next chapter*Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much, Jess. I have a strange feeling that this is one of the few HP mystery stories out there that sticks to the exact rules of a murder mystery. I'm so glad you're enjoying it! Report Review
I've read this before but didn't review so I'm doing it now. Haha. I really liked this chapter. I usually don't like fics where hermione suddenly changes and becomes a pureblood, but your's is well written :)Author's Response: Thanks Jess! It means a lot to me that you liked the chapter! Thanks for your review! Report Review
Wow. Amazing Prologue. The feeling in this is great *jumps to next chapter*. Good job timeturner! Author's Response: Thanks for the kind comments and support and help making this site the wonderful place that it is. :)
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