Reading Reviews From Member: Ernie_the_Dino
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ernie_the_DinoBlood is thicker than water: New beginings

17th September 2014:
Punctuation is seriously needed, and you keep swapping from past to present tense with the speech. I really don't mean to go overboard here, but it sounds too much like a performance, like this is being projected to somebody. Try implying the characters emotions and thoughts more subtly, otherwise it feels like all this information is being thrown at the reader, rather than them picking it up themselves. And now; I feel like I'm being really rude here, I don't mean to be; the change in point of view was too choppy, try a chapter in each cousin's narrative voice. Also, (Oh, my God, I'm going off on one again) the characters seem a little unrealistic, they seem to lunge from one extreme to another, (Lily-sassy to shy/ James-playboy-prankster to one true love/ Rose- polite to prickly) unless you meant for them to be bipolar, in that case: FANTASTIC!

I do think this story has potential to be quite good though, you seem to have a solid (if slightly predictable- I'm a big fan of predictable romances, me) plot line, so don't give up.

Hope I haven't been too harsh, eek if I have...

x

Author's Response: Hi, I would like to start by saying thank you for the review. I will try and correct any punctuation that is wrong and check my tenses. As for the character's personalities, I thought that I would make them more realistic. Most people have more than one quality.

I'll start with Lily I based her character on the fact that there are some shy and awkward people out there but once you get to know them, they're full on characters and can be sassy. They just struggle with confidence with the rest of the world who don't know them. With James I always pictured him exactly the his granddad was, but with a more protective streak. James Potter (the first) was a big-headed prankster and at the same time he had one true love- Lily. So I did the same thing with his grandson, maybe not as well, but I'm hoping to develop his character throughout the story. With Rose I wanted her the be have the Granger and Weasley streak. Even Hermione was hot-headed sometimes but polite at the same time. I just made Rose more polite to Scorpius because I couldn't believe that Rose would just hate someone because of their background. In my opinion Hermione wouldn't have let her daughter be brought up that way. But I love the hate turns into love, so I tried to give a reason for the hate.

Sorry that it is a long reply, but I will try to do chapters in one character's perspective like you suggested.


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Review #2, by Ernie_the_DinoDerailed: uno

20th July 2014:
Being the complete dork that I am, I've been re-reading Rails for fun (and because it's AMAZING! RIP Cordelia...) And then I saw the note at the end - Edit: Derailed is now posted! - I DIED! I was so, so, so excited. In the few minutes it took for me to get Derailed up and loaded (slow internet...grrr) I was coming up with all kinds of scenarios in my head as to what had happened in the space between stories, what this sequel (Whoo!) would even be about (because you wrapped Rails up very well, but still left enough open to be continued - did I mention I'm a big fan?) and merlin knows what else.

But when I saw the chapters were in Spanish, I knew immediately it would be in Carlotta's POV. However, that still didn't prepare me for the whole James/Third person thing (or Hogsmeade-HOGSMEADE!). It took me a few tries to understand what was going on - I blame sleep depravation.

I've been reading through your reviews and can see a lot of others mentioned this, but it was so. bizarre!

I love the plot start off. Seeing James and Ginny fight seems right somehow, like they needed to have a row at some point and in Rails that didn't happen. James is so like his mother and we all know about Ginny's temper... And so a fight of the two passionate personalities was brilliant, but expected (at least it was for me). The way that Carlotta behaves with them is very believable, it isn't her fight. And no matter how much the Weasley family welcomes her, she's still not quite one of them. Even if Kreacher thinks so... Love Kreacher, by the way, brilliant.

The whole Hogsmeade/Owning the Three Broomsticks thing was a shock. I was expecting something, something flipping enormous actually, but it wasn't this. I do love it though, it gives both Carlotta and James their chance to live their dreams together (Awww- Sorry, getting a bit soppy there...) but the complications with her family not having a clue where she lives (I doubt that Hogsmeade shows up on most maps... Speaking of maps, will Messers Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs be making an appearance? James is back at Hogwarts... Or did he give it to Hugo? I can't remember if you wrote that in somewhere in Rails - sleep depravation again...) and them not being able to contact her will prove tricky...

Looking forward to more from you, I loved Rails, hope to love Derailed just as much.

x

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Review #3, by Ernie_the_DinoIn Hearts: Blue Roses

7th January 2014:
Awww. That was so sweet.

Author's Response: Thank you, I am glad you liked it!

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Review #4, by Ernie_the_DinoTrying not to love you: Chapter twenty - A Warm Welcome

17th April 2013:
I thought it was really clever how you portrayed Melissa, how she went from being the teasing younger sister to the flirting ex :)

Author's Response: Thank you ^^

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Review #5, by Ernie_the_DinoThe Elementals: The Shae

18th February 2013:
I like the whole secret hiding clan - I like Divina's character. And how she is adapting to have conversation with another person - like she's only ever talked to Griselda.

x

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