Reading Reviews From Member: Ericfmc
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by EricfmcBeing French.: Welcome to Hogwarts

31st May 2014:
Intriguing start, I certainly want to read on. You create an interesting situation and gives us a good feel for Aurelie's character.

I would like to have been told Aurelie's age early; It is difficult to know how to respond to the scene without this. Are they 17 or 14? There are many ways you could easily slip it in: Tell us what year she was in at Beaubaxtons, say that her mother taught her the 'capilluminate' spell on her sixteenth birthday.

A few quibbles:

- Hogwarts is in Scotland, not England

- You don't need to tell us she is French. Opening with "Being French" weakens the important first sentence. Simply add " in Provence" to the end of "...on the porch of their countryside farmhouse".

- As Aurelie has apparently just arrived at Hogwarts, she doesn't have a room and, unless things have changed dramatically at Hogwarts, the boys cannot get into the girl's dorm.

I don't know where you are heading with this story but the last line feels all wrong. It would seem more in keeping with rest of the piece if she whispered (loudly enough so James' friends could overhear ) a clever putdown/taunt and then walked away leaving James flushing.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! This is my first ever story so hopefully as more characters are introduced, the story will work its way out!

For my first review, it has given me lots to reconsider and think about!

I am very grateful.


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Review #2, by EricfmcLion Hearted Girl: Lion Hearted Girl

18th March 2014:
Interesting story, and I enjoyed reading it though I must admit Ginny never struck me as lacking belief in herself or doubting her own courage.

In some ways, this story would be better suited coming from Hermione or Ron.

Thanks for writing

Author's Response: I think everyone doubts themselves at some point, in some way, and there were certainly incidents in Ginny's life which left her powerless and unable to defend herself - I think she places a lot of value on courage and independence, and when that's taken away from her I think it would have a powerful affect on the way she views herself. Thanks for reading :)

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Review #3, by EricfmcA Silver Thread on Darkened Dune: Sleep

18th March 2014:
Good story, but a little sad. Especially sad, if Ron is still carrying guilt after all these years and all the positive things he done

Thanks fro writing.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! It is pretty sad... there's a lot of sadness in their lives.. (but also a lot of love).

Thanks again so much for reviewing!


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Review #4, by EricfmcBedtime Stories: Bedtime Stories

15th March 2014:
Sweet. Nice read, thanks.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and leaving such a lovely comment :)

Lauren :)


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Review #5, by EricfmcPicking Up the Pieces: Loss

5th March 2014:
What a marvellous beginning. Beautiful, evocative and taut writing that sucks you right in, leaving you with questions that just have to be answered - off to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed, and thank you for reviewing!

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