Hi, you asked me to review and I am! I live the beginning of this, and agree with you it is a filler chapter, however it is an interesting filler chapter, full of description.
*Ollivader voice* we can expect great things from you, I am sure
~ MacyAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad you found this interesting. Haha thanks! Report Review
Hello! You asked me to give you a review and I am! I think your characterization is incredible: Abigail puts on a show for everyone else, but inside she is insecure.
I am interested to where you are going to take this story, and are very intrigued, so I will be waiting for the next chapter. I think you are a good author and will be investigating more of your work
~ Macy xAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing so quickly!
I'm glad you like Abigail's character, and I'll definitely be playing on those different sides of her as the story progresses. :)
I love that you liked this! Thanks again for the review!
-ShadowRose (Taylor) Report Review
Hello, you asked me to review so here I am! Personally, I'd italic the nightmare so you know where it ends, and also you say said a lot. Its a bit...boring
Sorry for the negative review,
~ Macy xAuthor's Response: Aw, I'm sad you think it's boring! Thanks anyway!
Courtney:) Report Review
Hello! You asked for a review, so here it is! This is an un-usual plot line, however I think is a great one. Personally, I'd go back and explain it better, maybe Ana looks in the mirror, sees her Mum in her face and turns away in disgust. That would be a good opener, and could include about her arm then. Also, how old is Ana? Was she conceived before or after the war? Is LeStrange her father? Or is it Lord Voldemort?
But overall, really good chapter cant wait to see what you are going to do with this story
~ MacyAuthor's Response: Thank you SOO much for the compliments, they made my day. I LOVE your opener idea, and I'm going to experiment a bit with it. It's also a PERFECT way to put Ana's hand problem in.
I was originally going to have Ana in second year, but now I think I want her to be about 10 1/2 so she can be sorted later in the story.
I'm not quite sure who her dad is going to be and I'm still thinking through that detail. But for Right now, I'm going to go with Lestrange, because I don't think Voldemort would have a child while he is hunting down Harry. One, he has other things on his mind, Two, he might be paranoid that his child would over through him, or something like that.
Thanks for everything!
-Krissy Report Review
Hello! You asked me to read and review and I am! I like the start of this story, but feel it is a bit short on detail and description. Also, it doesn't seem as if Adaila has a personality, maybe you could extend on that?
Other than that, I enjoyed reading it and cant wait until the next chapter
~ Macy xAuthor's Response: It's the first chapter so I wanted to get gerneal things out, just get part of the idea out. Thank for reviewing! Report Review
I like this chapter and think this could be a good start to a fantastic story. I think you could work on the length of your paragraphs, and add a bit more detail but apart from that I like the story and once you add another chapter I will definatley read it
~ MacyAuthor's Response: I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed it and thank you! I hope to write this as best as I can and make people laugh on the way!
Description has always and will always be my worst enemy. Anyway, thank you so much for reviewing and I'll let you know when the next chapter is up! Report Review
I have to say this is my favourite of the five stories - I love that Petunia kept Lily in her pocket, although I thought she would have seen Lily's eyes in Al. Anyway, I reviewed all five chapter and I hope you take my advice into account
~ MacyAuthor's Response: Hi! I'm glad you liked this one: structurally it was a little different from the other chapters. I'm glad you liked Petunia, it was a bit of a redeeming moment for her. Hmm, I thought she was so moved by Lily because she saw some of herself and her sister in her, whereas I feel like with Al she would probably just see a mini-Harry who also had Lily's eyes. I think Petunia also secretly wanted a daughter! :P
Thank you for all the reviews, they are very helpful and lovely! :) Report Review
I feel this was very in character and different from everything I have ever read. It is a bit mysterious - did Stan do it willingly or was he cursed? Why was he with the Death Eaters anyway?
Nevertheless, enjoyed it and going to read the next one now
~ MacyAuthor's Response: It's great to hear that you thought this was different, and that it was a little mysterious and confusing. I kind of wanted to leave Stan's guilt up in the air: he's easily impressionable and confused about the experience himself. In the HP books Harry assumes Stan's under the Imperius curse, but it's never really proven.
Thank you for another great review! :) Report Review
This was beautifully written and exactly the right length. However, I think you do over use complex sentences and if you mixed them in with some short, simple ones It would improve.
~ MacyAuthor's Response: Hello again! I will certainly be looking into that: I have a tendency to be very wordy when writing, and it's good for me to get feedback on it. Thank you again! :) Report Review
I had a great sense of characterization in this chapter because it is so different to the first. Again, I would work on variety of sentences and paragraphs, but it is not enough to effect the flow of the story.
Cannot wait to see where you take this
~ MacyAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked the characterization in this chapter as well! It was very fun to write, especially with the different voices to play around with. :) Thank you! Report Review
You are a very skilled writer. The description of this chapter is un-believable, I can picture the scene in my head, hear the voices as I read them. I do not think you know how good you are.
I think you might benefit from adding some variety to your paragraphs and sentence structure. The characterization is beautiful, I pictured a dark hair man with haunting features and light stubble who looks down upon the mudbloods and blood traitors of the wizarding world. I had a sense of loyalty towards the Dark Lord, as if he loved him.
I also got from the character that he is ashamed of his son yet, inside he is ashamed of himself for setting this image to his youngest child and is secretly proud that his son has gone the other way.
I am going to continue reading the next chapter as I am intrigued where you are going to take this
~ MacyAuthor's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for your kind words, it really means a lot to me! I will keep your helpful advice in mind, and I think you're certainly right.
I'm glad that you liked the characterization, it is spot on! :) Especially with his conflicting shame and love for his son.
Thank you for all these lovely reviews! :) Report Review
This chapter is slightly better, however it is brief and short in detail. I wonder what happened to Harry's body, but, for me personally, I would have left it on a cliff hanger,
That aside, I like the progression of the story and feel you are pacing it out well.
~ MacyAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review!
I've added a note in my chapter to include more details. Rereading the chapter, descriptions of Gawain and his office as well as the Under-aged magic office could all be added. I also will add Gawain calling in everyone, perhaps in a way that could be a cliff hanger.
Thank you again! Report Review
I like the ending - sort of a cliff hanger but not. I think your paragraphs are too short, combining them will make an easier read. Also, you could reword some paragraphs such as:
"While she wept, sparkles appeared around her. They flittered here and there as she cried. Only when she began trying to catch her wobbly breath, did she relax. The small sparkles faded away as if they had never existed."
You could change that too: "Ginny wept, her heart aching to see those emerald green eyes that so many times she thought looked into her soul. Small, red sparkles surrounded her as her cries became irregular. Catching her breath, the sparkles faded and died as if they never existed - just like Harry." for example (sorry that was really quick and I made it up on the spot)
Again, if you take the time and flesh over things making them longer, more flowy and readable, it will be better and more people will be attracted to the story. I hope you take my criticism aboard as it will help you greatly
~ MacyAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review!
I've made notes to fix the paragraph lengths and include more details.
I appreciate the time you have taken to read through and critique my chapters. I do want to improve my writing and I really enjoy writing.
Thank you very much!
I like this chapter, because although it is Third Person its as if Petunia is telling it. The story flows well, however the length of sentences are really snappy and harsh when if you adapted them and made them merge it would be easier to read.
~ MacyAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review!
I have started working on the sentence structure and lengths to make it easier to read. I saw what you were talking about with using many shorter sentences making reading a bit choppy.
Hi again! This chapter is smaller and I think is sort of a filler chapter into the real action (sorry if you don't agree)
I am not being purposely mean, however I feel this chapter lacks detail. If you go back over it and flesh out this chapter, it'll be better.
Sorry for such a negative review, but this story has potential.
~ Macy xAuthor's Response: Thank you for this review.
I agree that this chapter ended up being a filler chapter.
When I first started posting the story, I was posting smaller chapters. Looking at the chapter lengths now, I really should have combined both this chapter and the next one. There is also another couple chapters that really ought to have been combined also.
However, I have taken another look at this chapter and feel as if I can add more interaction with Petunia and Dudley so that Harry's reactions will make more sense in the next chapter.
I've added notes into the chapter so I won't forget to create the additional portion of the chapter.
Thank you very much!
Hi! You asked for me to review this chapter, so I am. First of all, I think that you are amazing at writing Third Person - it was almost like JK Rowling wrote it herself. Personally, I do not think that Harry would "feel pity" for Draco. I think he'd be furious with Draco; he lured Dumbledore to his death and almost killed Ron and Katie Bell! Just my personal thoughts but on to the chapter...
I think you could change the length and flow of your sentences and paragraphs. For example...
"He sneered. He was finally free of his once-Potions Master. He finally convinced that rat to let him go."
You could do, "He sneered; he was finally free of his once-Potion Master - he finally convinced that rat to let him go."
Nevertheless, its a good start!
~ Macy xAuthor's Response: Thank you very much for the compliment!
I took another look at the HBP and reconsidered Harry's reaction. To only have a 2 or 3 weeks pass, pity might be a little much for Harry to have for Draco. Perhaps concern would be a better word.
I will go back through the chapters (and the story) and work on varying the sentence lengths.
Thank you very much!
Hi again! I said I would review another chapter and here I am!
I like the usage of third person, I could still hear Victoire coming through the chapter, if that makes sense. I like the ending, but think you could have used more speech.
Nevertheless, I still enjoyed this one shot and think that it is not too short or long. This paints a different picture of Victoire than I have ever read, and recommend you writing another Next Gen story
~ Macy xAuthor's Response: Thank you! This has actually ended up being a short story rather than a one shot, I'm in the middle of writing the next chapter :) I wanted to paint a picture of Victoire's life first which is why there's not a great deal of speaking but there's more dialogue in the beef chapter.
Thank you for the reviews :) Report Review
This story is amazing: its so different to anything I've ever read! I love the style of your writing: it was short yet, descriptive. I also loved how I didn't know who the person telling the story was until the end. I am going to read some more of your work, this short one-short has me intrigued into your style of work
~ Macy xAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for such a lovely review! I hope you're not disappointed with the rest of my writing as this one is quite different to my other stories x Report Review
This is an a m a z I n g story, cant wait to see where you take this
Please update soon,
~ Macy x Report Review
OMM (oh my merlin) you are an AMAZING writer the way you told that story wow, just wow. I was looking at your work on the forums (btw my birthday is January 11th too, weird) and I can across this and it blew my breath away. if I was you (which im not because I cant write amazing things like that) i'd write a sequel, about his guilt when he see's Harry, his grief and his love for lily. maybe a bit about Tonks?
Once again you are an AMAZING writer, so discriptive and deep thinking
~ Macy xAuthor's Response: Hi! It's always nice getting reviews on old stories. Most likely, I won't be writing a sequel to this, just because (and I'll be shunned forever for this) I really am not that interested in Lily. The whole reason this story appealed to me was because it painted her in a different light; she's not this saintly woman. Most likely (at least in my mind) she never told James what went on between she and Remus.
Anyway! Bit off track, there. I do love writing as Remus, and he's a main character in my kind-of-WIP, Lungs. So there's some more Remus for you there xD
Thanks so much! This review was so sweet. ♥ Report Review
okay, where is Scorpius? does he exist?
~ Macy xAuthor's Response: Sorry again. No, he doesn't. Hermione and Draco had 3 children, Nate, Maddi and Cassie :) I understand that might be confusing, I guess I didn't explain clear enough. I'll try to explain things thoroughly in future chapters :) Thanks for reading :) xo Report Review
Really good, but a bit confused about what Cassie looks like :/
9/10Author's Response: Sorry about that. First chapter; my mind was in a bit of a spin with ideas. Sorry. Xo Report Review
Love this chapter but some negative things...
1. in the summary her name is Ally WIlson, in this chapter its Ally Woods
2. Have you considered a banner (check out my stories for examples)
but all the same.. the story is unique and will get more reviews once you add a banner and update again sooner
~ Macy xAuthor's Response: Thanks for pointing that out! I never realised, I decided once reading my first chapter that it would work better if she was part of the wood family! I'll be changing that soon!
As for the banner, I've really wanted one but I'm absolutely terrible at making them, literally awful. So unless someone can make one for me with some of my ideas then I don't think I can have one:( hopefully an update will be soon, just waiting for it to be authorised x Report Review
ahhhaha u must be the funniest author I have ever read, I could totally imagine kat screaming"I WAS BEING SARCASIC"
~ mbAuthor's Response: Wow! That's such an amazing compliment, thanks :)
So glad you're enjoying it! Thanks for the lovely review, keep reading! Report Review
Duhh duhh duhh! Really good start, please update soon.
~Macy xAuthor's Response: Words can't describe how happy I am for my first EVER review to be a good one! I'll have a new chapter up by next week hopefully, thank you so much x Report Review
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