Reading Reviews From Member: heartjily4ever
100 Reviews Found

Review #1, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: Just Edie

20th May 2015:
this chapter is full of so many omigoshes for me. Dean and Edie dated? She's blonde? -or was blonde- and rose and connor fleming? Too much to throw at a girl in such a short space of time.

Ginger is back hurrah. I'm far too excited by this dog if I'm honest.

But most importantly communication between the two. Oliver and Edie spoke (even if by letter form) - oh and by the way you are once again very much amusing with your fantastic descriptions of the sweaty grumpy queuing man. Also hedgehog patronus is amazing (and adorable) and there is nothing wrong with them, if a little on the short and feeble side.

Cliffhanger kills me, i need to know what happens when she turns. i don't think i can wait till the nect chapter.I'm really hoping it means something good for them - god knows they need it.

I don't want there to only be one chapter, - your too amazing and so is this story for this. It's actually pretty sad but as much as I don't want the last chapter as I don't want it to end, I can't wait for an idea of the two of them actually meeting once more.

great chapter as usual

Author's Response: Agghh I know I tried so hard not to information-dump here. I know I totally did anyway. Some rigorous editing a few months down the road should fix that up. I wanted it to be kinda similar to the first chapter, serving to "introduce" characters in a crowded room. But I wanted it to be clear the difference that almost a year makes (I think a year??? the chronology of this fic is so messed up.)

I once chopped off all my hair into a pixie cut post breakup, and it ended up looking kinda awesome and I kept it for like 4+ years, but Edie's breakup hair didn't go so well. And she went blonde, ahaha.

Ginger = Dog-Dragon! Is Edie now totally a Mary-Sue because she has a magical companion creature? Hehehe.

I feel like a hedgehog is a pretty good Patronus for Edie because she's all defensive and prickly on the outside and actually pretty sensitive and weak on the inside. (Please do not think that I'm saying she has a "tough badass exterior but on the inside she's really a sweet caring girl.") She just thinks she's tougher than she is, and can only dish it out but not take it back... A hedgehog seemed like a decent animal metaphor. Plus they're pretty awkward little creatures.

I know exactly what you mean! I really really want to end this with one more chapter, but I have so many tiny little scenes fleshed out, with no idea of how to transition them, that I don't??? know??? if I can fit it all?? In just one chapter???

THIS STORY NEEDS TO END but I also need to clarify why What Happens is going to happen. Ugh.

Anyway, hopefully I'll update soon, haha. Thank you so much for your reviews! They were fun to read ♥

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Review #2, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: Girl Seeks General Sense of Purpose

20th May 2015:
First things first (and this is before I've actually read the chapter ) the chapter image is gorgeous and if you made it you are a genius .

Your hilarious, if slightly accurate of the way gossip works in small villages/towns is fabulous. I sympathize with Edie having to struggle with the lil village and her news, although the fact that Jae got out as well makes it even better. You just write this story so well i have so much admiration for you seriously.

I'm so glad she has the interview, at least something good is happening in her life. The idea of the office is pretty neat - i love the idea of a hidden space underneath a book shop, would be the greatest. Actually reminds me of the recent film "Kingsmen: Secret Service" with it being underground under the suits shop. But you know books, newspapers, nice hinting :).

massive plot twist though, refusing the position. at first I was shocked but I kind of understand, moral compass and all.

oh please they are so completely still in love and should be hugging and kissing and all, i don't care what the story says I can't handle the stress of this relationship. I understand why he's so mad and boy you write angsty complicated couples well and I admire everything you write for them in terms of plot but in terms of my emotions, I'm not happy. I really hope things work out for them. I also hope that Edie maybe starts to forgive herself ( as well as Oliver forgiving her) because some of her lines make me feel so sad.

Positively fabulous chapter again, the contrast of humour and darkness is amazing, and it was so much longer which was great because it just meant more of the fab story. Plus Dean was back, which i was rooting for. Only question is, what's happened to her dog? I feel like we haven't seen it in ages, and maybe I've just had a blank and forgotten something important but I feel the dog should most definitely re-appear.

Author's Response: Hi again!

I did not make the chapter image--Mintleaf at The Dark Arts did. You should go check out their gallery, it's really something! I think I'm going to pester them to do the remaining chapter images as well... ;)

Small-town gossip is one of my favorite things to write, as I grew up (mostly) in a town of 900 people. Even more, the mean age was something like 60 because it was a bunch of old northern retirees who relocated down South... Anyway, they had nothing better to do than gossip and try to get each other in trouble for noise violations, building code violations, etc. So that's probably why it was so easy for me to write about Heathfield!

I have not seen Kingsmen yet! We're waiting for it to come to the $2 theatre down the street because I am a cheapskate. Huehuehue. That's funny that it's similar to the Oracle Underground!

I think this plot twist is a little *too* massive. I meant for the buildup to be a bit more smooth; instead it's like "Oh she's going to say ye--WHAT?" which I actually didn't want that time. I dunno, we'll see. I also like making you guys yell in frustration so maybe I'll keep it! ;D

"I can't handle the stress of this relationship." Hahahaha, one of the better review quotes... I just really wanted to get across that Oliver can only be so forgiving. In a lot of ways he's really let Edie off the hook. I mean he intended to never speak to her again after reading the first two articles, and then when they were around one another it was just so painfully obvious that they get on amazingly, so he kinda got swept back up or what have you. But hurting Ada--and revealing that he almost lost custody of her before *Oliver* could even tell her--was just too far. He has a lot of guilt about the way he first behaved as her legal guardian, so it's a very tender subject indeed, and Edie stole his chance to try and make things right.

It is indeed complicated. I definitely didn't want this to be a "Oh my God I HATE Oliver Sodding Wood" story--she never hated him. He never (truly) hated her. The circumstances they met under were really unfortunate, and had they met as two strangers on the street, things would have probably worked out swimmingly for them. Their struggle isn't in their personalities, or their character makeup: it's in the universe's poor timing. But now things are kind of broken beyond repair.

Ginger! I know she's kinda taken a backseat. There is such a huge ensemble cast in this fic and it's hard to make sure everyone--especially a little pup--gets their time. Me adding extra characters all willy-nilly is another reason this fic could've stood to be another ten chapters longer, just so that everyone became as fleshed out as I would've liked! Haha.

I hope this response wasn't too daunting to read. Congrats if you made it this far! ♥

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Review #3, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: Happy New Year?

20th May 2015:
Seamus is back!! I always love it when he appears. And he's an Auror now! yay. shame about Dean and all - i really want him and Edie to at least talk, especially if they were such good friends. i also just need more Edie/Seamus/Dean to find super cute as a friendship.

Na but seriously I started writing this when I started reading and now I'm just annoyed. The article is back, again. I knew it wouldn't all be okay after she burnt it but so soon? seriously? And Mr ward is so horrible, especially when it's completely clear how torn up she is. So much pain between Edie and Oliver, I can't imagine how much hatred he must be feeling to be honest. Yet another case of Edie doing something that comes back to bit her in the bum - only this time I just feel immense pity because she'd really not wanted this. and I'm crying because their relationship is over and i can't handle that because they were the cutest.

I also can't believe he would kiss someone else so soon, seems a bit odd considering how strong their relationship was but at least she kind of has Rose. I love that they sort of made up, even if it was because of completely annoying circumstances. Can't wait to read this next chapter, I love this story so much.

Author's Response: Look at all of these lovely reviews! What a nice thing to wake up to. Thank you very much.

So I was struggling with how to start this chapter, and then I remembered "When in doubt, write about Seamus" and it just took off from there. He's a huge outlet for humor in this fic and so any time I need to make things a tad less dramatic, I just toss him in the scene ;)

It would be ideal if Dean and Edie could just talk. In my experience it was way more passive aggressive; I started dating somebody and then my "best friend" and I didn't speak for months. We've still never talked about it, but the road has smoothed over. I think if we'd talked about it, it would have ruined everything (just with our personality types.) Edie is very much the type to sweep things under the rug. Unfortunately Dean is no exception!

Hahaha, sorry you're so annoyed! It did happen rather quickly, but this story needs to end at least a *little* succinctly, and if I'd had the eighteen million chapters of Ediver fluff that I could very easily write, the whole story would have suffered in quality.

Ohhh I'm glad you said something--Oliver didn't actually kiss anybody (or did he?) At least, Edie didn't see him kiss anybody. The midnight kiss between him and the dark-haired witch was a mental image that she kind of, erm, daydreamed? She's at her wit's end at this point. Thanks for mentioning that, I'll poke around and see if I can make that clearer!

Thank you! ♥

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Review #4, by heartjily4everI Specialise in Murders: Weddings and Grandmothers

20th May 2015:
I'm completely in love with this story and these characters. Scorpius is adorable and fabulous and I'm totally in love with him. Lucy is also all I aspire to be.

If this makes any sense, you write a wedding well. It's not cliche or anything but that could be to do with the humongous plot twist at the end - which I actually wasn't expecting but think is completely great so well done with that.

Oh my the kiss is super cute! I wasn't expecting a kiss now, and not really the most normal situation for a first? kiss but to be fair nothing about their relationship is entirely normal so i guess it fits as well. Lucy talking to Narcissa is great - they seem really similar personalities so have this interesting dynamic between the two that is great with her and Scorpius and their whole relationship-not-relationship thing they have going.

The hands was a great way to identify Clue, especially as it seems like a minor detail but clearly so important. I'm super excited to see where this new information will lead the case and for another great chapter to the story :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your lovely review, it really inspired me to get my gears together and work on finishing up this story. The last couple of months in my life have been really hectic, so I needed a bit of a reminder that this was important to me too. :)

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Review #5, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: A King on Her Throne

14th March 2015:
I love this chapter so much lovely, I feel very proud of Edie and her character development. The resignation was done very well - I approve wholeheartedly of the reasons for it - especially in light of adorable Oliver's new reveals. Blakeslee is a huge prat who clearly does not care enough about other people - but you do wickedly selfish career driven women very well.

I am with Edie and her family on the hillwalking hating. My family love doing Chrimbo walks for fresh air which is total rubbish because I could very easily just open a window. And you have to put on so many layers and then just take them off again later - I could complain forever but I won't because your fabulous writing is very distracting.

The Oliver scenes were done so well!! His admition is perfect and he is opening up on purpose which is so great.I love his character more and more as each chapter arrives, with the little bits of him all coming together into this knotted little lump of cutely vulnerable but ruggedly protective and perfect for Edie in every way-ness.

I really like the idea of writing the article and burning it - I hope it doesn't come back to bite her one the bum, although I don't know how it could. I think it will cleanse her writing palate and really just help her as a journalist - speaking of which I hope she finds another job soon. As always I would cherish some more Ginger in any chapter, and I can't wait for the next

Author's Response: Hey dere!

I'm glad that Edie is finally getting on everyone's (maybe?) good sides. Or at least she's showing her potential for being an actual adult. Blakeslee is selfish, yes, but to me it's just in her nature. The things that we would see as selfish (namely not caring who she screws over in the name of getting a good story) she doesn't see as so. You and I would see human decency and compassion for coworkers/interview subjects as most important; she most values being a thorough reporter, upholding Witch Weekly's standards, and providing readers with interesting material.

Haha, so glad that a few of you seem to be on Edie's side with the Christmas walk. I'm more on Hypatia's wavelength, honestly, though perhaps in a less creepy way than standing over one's bed while they sleep.

"Knotted little clump of cutely vulnerable but ruggedly protective." Ummm I need to remember this to put it on my tumblr or something. That is one of the greatest descriptions of Oliver that I've read yet! Thank you! :D

Yes, writing and burning the last article was indeed a cathartic moment. She just had to get it out of her system. She also know that it would never be read, so that she could write the way she wanted to without any repercussions. Therapy, in a way!

Ginger so good. Best. Best pup. It's really hard writing from Edie's perspective, because she's bad with animals and is just like "Eh, okay, I guess you're cute... Come along, then." Whereas I would never leave Ginger alone and poke her squished-in face. I have a little headcanon about Ginger that may come as a fun surprise, but I'm not sure if I can fit in in the story! If not here, it'll be in the blog, trust.

Thank you so much! The next chapter has been validated ♥

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Review #6, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: The Unfortunate Truth

30th January 2015:
Oh I never suspected Theo, woah. It's a really great plot twist though, I love it. I still absolutely love clueless Justin - his character is adorable. I hope things don't go too horribly wrong for Edie

Author's Response: Justin's the best. I wanted to write about what happens to best friendships after one of them starts a romantic relationship with someone else. Edie's disliked him (or tried to) for selfish reasons along the lines of you-stole-my-best-mate-and-even-though-you-two-are-clearly-soul-mates-I'm-still-grumpy-about-it.

Glad Theo was a plot twist! He represents Edie's naivety in a way. She just assumed they were friends, just the way that she assumed she was the "good one" out of she and Oliver (and out of basically everyone.) It was going to take her feeling completely betrayed to knock some sense into that thick skull of hers. Therefore Theo's the one to say "Hey you're actually a huge jerk too btw."

Thanks for the review!

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Review #7, by heartjily4everIn the Distance of Bravery : 6

13th February 2014:
I love this story. You are such a beautiful writer, and the way you write is amazing. I'm so curious as to how this turns out. The little kiss with Scorpius wasn't expected, but I think it needed to happen. I'm so curious as to who the other girl is, I'm thinking Lucy, but I'm not sure. And the image of Scorpius chopping off a chickens head is hilarious. This was a great chapter and I'm curious about future ones.

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Review #8, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: Twenty-Two

12th February 2014:
Oh my god I feel so sorry for that dog, that wasn't exactly the most pleasant of descriptions. I'm sure its cute in it's own way.

Why can't their relationship just happen you know. I know nothings perfect but I feel like their relationship (Edie and Oliver by the way) should just work out so well.

I feel that Edie should forgive him, but I may be biased as I want them to get together. Although she might be hurt, they will never happen if she's secretly hating his guts.

This was a great chapter, and I wanna see more of this dog :D

Author's Response: I know! Poor doggie. That's another of the many differences between Edie and I--I absolutely love animals. So it's fun to write from a different perspective. Don't worry, she'll warm up to "it."

Your "nothing's perfect" with relationships comment will definitely come into play. ;) I'm glad to hear you'd think they'd work out well--we just need to see if that's true!

You will indeed see more of this dog! Next chapter, in fact.

Thank you! ♥

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Review #9, by heartjily4everetc. etc. (and life goes on): Love Overrated, Overruled

23rd January 2014:
Oh my actual freaking god I can't believe you. You may have broken my heart. This was the cruelest Valentines day chapter ever. But amazing writing as always with the best continuation of you witty characters. I liked the bit at the start from Leon's point of view, it was quite nice to see it from someone elses eyes. I love that she got a boyfriend from actually being normal, and not some weird drooling girl that Appy taught her to be.
Clemence and Albus's fake relationship was very good as well, but you started to break my heart with Dom and Pickett. And the ending! I just wasn't expecting it. I can't wait for another chapter.
PS.Did you intend to have Hugo Weaving sneaking in there? I read that and I know it's meant to be something different but all I could think of was Elrond walking down the corridor at Hogwarts heehee

Author's Response: Valentine's Day isn't over yet! Next chapter will be ALL V-Day.

It's really Leon's point of view through Clemence's point of view, like one of those fantasy dream sequences with the fuzzy camera. Normal is relative, but she's probably on that end of the spectrum considering this school :'D

And I did sneak in a punny reference to a certain Elrond ;D I've been waiting an inordinate amount of time to make that joke, and I can't believe I found the opportunity. It was so bad that I had to leave it in.

♥ thank!

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Review #10, by heartjily4everClose Your Eyes: Fading

12th January 2014:
Hey, sorry this took so long to get around to, I've been too busy for words.
First of all I think this is a very beautiful fic. Your word choice throughout the entire thing portrays such sadness, that it moved me.
I constantly think about what it would be like if certain people had lived but I'd never really thought about just one of tonks and remus dying. But this is perfect. You've put across their love perfectly, and the way Tonks just revers him above everything else. The way she describes the wolf bite and everything that comes after is interesting as well. Well done. There are a couple of spelling mistakes you might want to check out, but apart from that it was perfect.

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm so glad you liked my choice of words! :) I love expressing sadness through the words I use I guess.

Yeah, there are SO MANY people I wished had survived! Tonks is certainly one of them, as I just LOVE her and Remus, so I decided to write this fic. :)

Even I hadn't imagined just one of them surviving! Maybe that's because of the perfect bond they shared? But I got the idea of a woman with a kid and her husband dying and when I sat down to decide the characters, I was like- "Why not Tonks!" and I immediately scribbled this down. :)

I know about the spelling mistakes! I always end up making them. But I'll surely get back to correct them.

Thanks for the wonderful review! :D


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Review #11, by heartjily4everA Moment of Fear: Voldemort

6th January 2014:
Hey this is heartjily4evers reviews, sorry this took so long to get round to. I'm a terrible person and school is just being ugh. Exams and stuff. Anyway sorry.

First of all i love the idea of Voldemorts point of view. I've never really seen a story like this which would ever think of going from his point of view so well done.

I think you've captured his personality really well in the first couple of paragraphs. The words you use, gruesome and beautiful together work so well to portray the twisted innards of his mind. He seems exactly like I would expect, relishing in the murders of innocents. Whole families, like you've put, and he is glad that they are described so badly. It's perfect for him. The bit about Pettigrew works as well - I would never expect him to trust the slimy traitor that he is.

The torturing scene really grasps the full extent of Voldemort complete disregard for human feelings i think, and how bad his followers became as well. He just loved the thrill of causing pain, and this is perfect voldyness.

I think the fear suits him well as well. Fear of this unknown boy, who could be more powerful, does seem like one of the only things he would fear- apart from dumbledore. Not many things could defeat him so this idea of a young boy is more terrifying to him i think, than anything else. The idea that something so young and helpless could defeat him. It's the perfect idea of fear. You bring it into his thoughts brilliantly as well. It's definitely not too muddled. And the bit at the end with his fear hitting him, being his death, thats an amazing piece of writing.

I loved this chapter, and you've made Voldemort even creepier for me :D

Author's Response: Hello!! Sorry it's taken me a bit to respond to your wonderful reivew!

I don't know if there are a lot of Voldemort-POV stories out there. I'm not sure if most people just want to avoid writing him.

It was a bit creepy to get intide Voldemort's head. It was a bit like opposite land trying to nail down his values and reactions. I had the idea about him not really trusting Pettigrew from stuff I've read in other books about a traitor. That stigma seems to stick with people even years after they defect.

Writing about the toture made my stomach churn (and really, kind of creeps me out that it came from my mind :P).

His fear was slightly ambiguous. I mean, part of it was the fear of the unknown boy and part of it was a bit harder to define - the idea of a threat or a challenge to his power seemed to scare him. Having a boy he could go after was just bonus for him.

Thank you so much for such an insightful and helpful review!


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Review #12, by heartjily4everNot Normal: {Chapter the Second}

4th January 2014:
heartjily4ever's reviews. I'm sorry this has taken me super duper long to get too. It's been almost 4 months and im so sorry. I've just had tests, and then christmas and i was on holiday and it was one long blur of non stop stuff. But I've finally gotten around to it.

I liked this second chapter a lot more actually. I think it flowed much better, and the plot to this chapter is very good. It's got me curious about the next.

I think you portrayed Regulus really well. He seemed sort of normal enough to be a teenage boy, and pompous enough to have come from the mighty house of Black. But he also didn't seem evil. So i think you did a good job with his character. I always imagined him as really hot as well ;D

I'm also incredibly looking forward to seeing what Regulus is talking about. You did get Doctor who in as well, so i obviously love this chapter

Well Done!!

Author's Response: Hello! I'm always abandoning my review thread, so I'm the last person to complain about time! I'm so glad you could make it!

I like the second chapter more as well, although as an author, I don't think I'm allowed to have favourites :P I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm so happy that you think I struck that balance with Regulus' character. I wanted to write him a bit more like how Sirius is usually written at that age. It's fun to write a character in a way you usually write another character! And of course, to me, everyone in the Black family is hot ;)

One must include Doctor Who wherever one can! Thanks so much for this fantabulous review!

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Review #13, by heartjily4everFairytaled: One

27th November 2013:
Ah this looks so cool. I cant wait to find out what happens, and to learn more about the characters. Fred seems so cute. I love it.
Thats Rapunzel right at the start? I love fairytales, and I think this idea can pan out really well. The idea is really cool, and I am looking forward to seeing how they act, stuck in the tales. Cant wait for your update.

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Review #14, by heartjily4everSoaring.: Dear Mary.

24th November 2013:
Oh, this is just so beautiful. I fell in love with the two of them as well. It's just such a painful, sad and yet completely beautiful story. The way you wrote them is amazing. I felt I could feel Regulus's pain, the way her death was slowly destroying him. I thought your portrayal of Mary was really nice as well. The bit where he goes on about watching his memories of her, you can see they are eating at him, making it worse but her can't stop. It's a really accurate portrayal of utter grief. This was such an amazing story. Well done.

Author's Response: Aw, I'm glad you likes it! It's definitely a painful thing to write about but I tried to make it meaningful rather than just plain depressing, so I am really glad you thought it was beautiful. Regulus' grief is definitely eating at him and changing him.

Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you liked it :)


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Review #15, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: The Match

14th November 2013:
Okay, wow. What a brilliant chapter. Sometimes I think that when people try and do Quidditch matches they go a bit to over board with exactly who did what, or get halfway through and sort of give up, but you did it so well. I loved the start, with the little letter from Seamus and Dean. Kestral underwear is an excellent tribute. I'm sad she didn't talk with her mum though, I was looking forward to seeing how that conversation would turn out. Edie's quite cute when she has her Press badge on, all shiny and innocent. And I always love a bit of just Edie and Oliver time. But flying to the pitch on a players broom is definitely a new way of getting places. The bit with Rose was really funny. I'm still kind of confused about why Rose isn't still slightly angry. But maybe she's being the better person for once. Or maybe not. I'm looking forward to finding out. I really liked the way you portrayed Katie as well. It seems a bit like the way she is in the books, and I think that previously having her with Oliver was a good match. Is it just me, or does is sound like Katie still has feelings for Oliver during her conversation with Edie.

But the end of that. I was just silently cringing as I read, worried for what would happen. It was like an embarrassing movie waiting to happen, and while I felt so bad for Edie, I loved it. I would hate to be in that situation - it kind of looks like she meant to do it, to make him distracted. But I can't wait to see what happens next. I wonder what it means for her "relationship" with Oliver though. By the way will Jae be coming back? I liked him.

But you are an amazing writer, and I am looking forward to the next chapter of this.


Author's Response: Hey there! So sorry for taking so long to respond. You know, hectic life and all that, blah blah blah. I really appreciate the review though and am sorry for my lateness!

I'm so pleased that the Quidditch scene read well. It's actually my nature to do what you mentioned (write down every player's name, and a physical attribute, haha), especially because Edie's such a fan and would recognize them. But I wanted it to read smoothly, and the chapter was already getting so lengthy that I just wanted it to be more concise.

Yes, finally a bit of Edie and Oliver time. There's not been too terribly much of that, has there? Considering...

Rose's attitude towards Edie is a bit unnsettling, huh? Maybe she's playing nice in order to keep her job, but Edie's certainly sleeping with one eye open, if you catch my drift.

Hahaha, oh my, I hope Edie didn't do that on purpose! That would be her ultimate immature act, wouldn't it? Writing the articles the way she has been is a pretty mean thing to do in the first place... I think she genuinely got so wrapped up in Quidditch--and forgot that she "has some pipes on her," a la Seamus--and just ruined everything.

Thank you again, so so very much. I am sitting down with some vanilla-cinnamon coffee and giving the next chapter the attention that it deserves. Right now!

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Review #16, by heartjily4everThe Wallflower: Hogwarts

13th November 2013:
Hey there. I think this looks like a really cute, comedic story. I love Carey Mulligan, can I just say, and think she suits Lizzie ( can I call her that) well.

Lizzie is a great character. I love her drastic hair cut. A lot of main characters have lovely flowing long hair. Short cuts all the way. I've actually been thinking about cutting my hair. But back to your story. Lizzie is so cute, so motherly. Her love for her brother is just so realistic. Surely she would have at least another friend though?

James seems a bit horrible though. Not as bad as Rachel, but with your girlfriends best friend. Ouch. Is Ronnie Veronica by the way? Got a bit confused. Thought it was a guy for a few seconds.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter though. It seems good. Can't wait to hear more of the pixie cuts exploits through Hogwarts :D

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Review #17, by heartjily4everEverything's Okay: The Lake

13th November 2013:
Hey, so I got round to doing the reviews finally, so sorry it took this long. School being mean and all that. But I've finally gotten around to doing it!

Overall I think this is a really cute fluffy romance piece. I always love Jily romances and this one is just so cute, and all coupley.

I think the characterization is pretty good. James seems really good - doing a little mischief just to get her attention. I think Lily could maybe have been a bit colder, at least at first. She did hate him for most of their life. But they seems good together, good jokey conversation.And the little bit at the end - just aww.

Your grammar seems pretty good - I didn't notice anything outstanding that was bad or wrong. It flowed really well too, from the start to finish. Especially the bit where James comes into it - joking and with that cocky little smile of his. I'd be interested in more development into this relationship side, but maybe not in this one shot. It seems good as it is. I did like it though, well done :D


Author's Response: No problem!

Aww, thank you :) I tried to make it cutesy/fluffy so I'm glad it worked. Thanks for the review! I might add a couple short stories to continue it a bit:0

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Review #18, by heartjily4everA Moment of Fear: James

13th November 2013:
Hi this is me back for the next review you requested. Sorry it's been about 12 days, school has just been a nightmare. But I'm back, and ready to review.

I think this is a really good follow up chapter, after Lily's fears about the wedding. I like that you didn't do James's fears about the wedding, although I'm sure he would have had some. But this seems so like the James I envisage, and I love it.

I do think he would panic about being a parent. It seems so him, so Marauder. Being a dad is like being the opposite of being a trouble maker - all responsibility and full time care I guess. His fears seem completely legit and believable.

I think the relationship with the Marauders is good. Sirius seemed jokey enough about parenthood, but still completely loyal, and serious enough to see when his friend was properly panicking. Remus seemed so calm even when his friend was panicking. And Peter seems to not care as much as the others - maybe a subtle sign that he's going to the dark side, caring less?

It was an excellent point in time to see James's fear and I loved it. Well done :D


Author's Response: Hello!!

No worries about the time - school can be hectic and life is always crazy. :)

I'm quite glad this seemed to follow well after Lily's fear. I'm trying to mix thematic changes with chronological events from this period.

I thought he'd he excited and extremely scared - it's good to know you could see him having the same fear I wrote about. :D

Nothing's better than hearing the Marauders sounded right. I really like writing them. :D Peter was difficult here - I can't decide if he crossed over yet or was thinking about it. he definitely wasn't all the way good.

Thank you so much for such a great review! It's really awesome that you liked it!


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Review #19, by heartjily4everWaiting for the Train: Waiting for the Train

13th November 2013:
Hi this is me finally getting round to the heartjily's reviews. Sorry it took so long.
Overall I think this is a really cute fluff piece. It's a really nice idea and think it works really well overall. The opening paragraph is really good. It really sets the mood and makes you want to read more.

Victoire is a really sweet character. She seems so shy and insecure. And it only seems right she would think Davies good looking like her mother did. I'm curious as to who the girl who talked to her is. I mean, I know she is called Jessica, but who is she really? Maybe you could have expanded on her a little more.

I'm also curious as to how Fleur saved Davies life in the battle. maybe you could write a one shot about that? Would make an interesting read.

I actually think it's really short and would love to read more into this. It would really good if it was longer. I really like it :D


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Review #20, by heartjily4everNot Normal: {Chapter the First}

12th November 2013:
Hi this is me finally getting round to my review from my reviews requests on the forums. Sorry it took so long, high school is a pain.

First of all, overall I really like the idea for your story. Having her see ghosts - in any story that would be unique in itself - but the way you've got the ghosts you can't move on, who are invisible, and how she can see them, well I think it's a really super great idea. Very unique, and different from most other story plots. The summary for your story really intrigued me, and I know I will have to read on to find out more.

First I might ramble about your charcters, some who I really love. Ellie is awesome. She is such a sarcastic, jokey, totally Divination unbeliever and I love her. She's just the type of character I like to read about really. And obviously, her seeing ghosts is just an added bonus difference to her. I like that you have her being a twin, and that she is much different. That can sometimes be overused, or completely focused on - how the sibling are just the complete opposites - but I think you balanced it out well.

Rose is another awesome character. She loves books like her mum, but is a lot more outgoing I'm sensing. You see a lot of that in stories with Rose in them, but I always think it works. The bit with her liking Divination, whilst her mum was the one who thought it completely atrocious, is a nice, little subtle titbit. I loved it. I think it balances out the whole Rose thing. Sometimes people make her too much like her mum, but I actually think she is more like her dad (in my head at least) and you worked that side of her in well.

Ellie hates vampire novels! I love that they've even sneaked there way into the wizarding world, although that might be slightly cliche. But someone else who doesn't see the obsession. The bit about Rose's bosom made me laugh though. I think you do humour very well in this.

I will say that maybe having her being next door neighbours with the Potters is quite cliche. And her love/hate relationship a little to. You asked if it was too predictable? I can maybe see where their relationship is going (unless you do a major plot twist at the end) but the plot definitely isn't. I'm gonna be really excited to see where this will be going actually.

There might be a lot going on, but you seem to handle it well. I hope you get your muse back, it seems like a great story, and I'm not sure why you can't seem to continue it. Either way, I think it will be very spectacular when you get back to it, as you are a very good writer.


Author's Response: Hello! And I've been there, I know the feeling!

I was apprehensive about the ghosts. You know how Mary Sue characters always have this amazing extra ability? I didn't want a Mary Sue, and yet, here she is, having an extra ability! And yes I am so excited about the Founders! Yay at you being excited as well!

I'm so lucky that Ellie's sarcasm comes as easily as it does. There are places where I feel it can get a little contrived, so I have to be really careful about the way I write how she sees things. I don't want Chris and her to be complete opposites, but siblings are different people. I just want to show a natural sibling dynamic between the two.

Rose... was a risk. I didn't want her to deviate too much from what we usually see her as just for the sake of deviation, but I couldn't help the Divination thing! It's her way of rebelling! I'm glad that you enjoy her character!

They're at a muggle book shop, so that's why all the vampire novels are there. And bosom is such a great word - it should be used more often. :P

Yes - Albus Potter is a walking cliche. I haven't decided yet if I want their relationship to go that way yet, but we'll see. Thanks for pointing it out!

I'm so happy that you think this story has direction! I've never written a story with direction before, so this is new and exciting for me! Thanks so much for this fantabulous review!

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Review #21, by heartjily4everA Minor Setback: Chapter of the First

8th November 2013:
Hi, this is from heartjily4evers reviews. Sorry this took so long to get done. You asked me about characterization. I do like the main character, although I think she is a bit to goody goody for me. But I like the way you've done her. and think she works well as the main character. I like Albus as well, but I think he seems a bit sensitive.
I think overall the way she got pregnant was a little cliche - goody girl gets drunk, gets pregnant first time. But I still think the whole idea seems pretty good, and think the rest of the story will be more interesting.

Author's Response: Hey there! It wasn't a long wait at all

I take the fact that she's too goody goody as a compliment because you are correct, she is very goody goody. And Albus is supposed to be sensitive, I just never pictured him any other way for this story.

I'm glad that the cliche hasn't put you off the story too much though and hooefully, you do think that the story gets more interesting!

Thank you for your feedback!

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Review #22, by heartjily4everA Moment of Fear: Lily

1st November 2013:
Hiya, this is from you asking for a review on the forums. First of all I think the whole idea is really good. It's a unique way of looking at how they felt during the way, and I think all of the chapters will map out well. I think you expressed Lily's character well, and her thoughts about James.

As for her fear, which you asked about, I think it was pretty well done. I think Lily would be worried about her wedding, after the way James treated her. I know he changed for her, but I still think there would be some of those feeling hanging around in the back of her mind and the prospect of spending forever with him must have brought them up. So I think it was really good to have her fears about that.

I think Lily would be quite brave in the face of the war, so the way she wasn't completely terrified was good. I do think she maybe could have been a little more scared - she was a muggle born after all and would be hunted. So maybe a little more worry,but not absolute terror.

Overall I really liked the chapter, and her mother as well. She seemed to tie it all in, relating them to Lily and James. I liked that. You are free to re-request another review if you would like. :D


Author's Response: Hi Frances!!

One, I love your name! I named my first cat Frances. Two, thank you so much for getting to this review so fast!!

I'm really glad the fear is really well done. I thought about putting in more fear of the war but I didn't want to muddle the two arenas. I haven't thought about the idea of her trepidation of getting married as being tied with James' previous behavior.

It's really nice to hear that you liked Mrs. Evans. She was a delight to write about. ^_^

I'll definitely re-request. I'd love to see how you think the chapters tie together. I'm glad it looked like they'd tie well from a first reading of this chapter.

Thank you so much! Your review was incredible.


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Review #23, by heartjily4everTime Marches On: ...tick...tock...

1st November 2013:
HeartJily4evers reviews.
Wow, this is a really beautiful piece. It's really shot as well. I think you could have maybe even made it a bit longer, possibly.
I think the way you portrayed George was really sad. I felt such a pull in my stomach, sadness. The ticking was such a good insert as well. It really added to the story, the sadness of it. The way Fred's time had run out but George's was still ticking. He still had a lot of time left.
I think his thoughts are incredibly realistic as well. The way he thinks about his brother. And I think his family would bring him out if it. They are such a close knit family.
Well done. I really like this one shot.

Author's Response: Hey!

thanks for taking the time to review this.

I'm happy you enjoyed it, so many compliments!

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Review #24, by heartjily4everwinter, cry.: winter, cry.

29th October 2013:
Wow. Seriously. I've got to admit, this story is much better than I thought it would be, because I never really thought her life story would be very interesting. But this is amazing. It's so beautifully written, and the way it's done in winters is so clever. I love it. It's a really unique way to write a story. The story by the way is so sad. I felt incredibly truly sorry for Irma, especially when the other children laughed at her. But it made me completely think twice about her. Well done :D ~Frances

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! I was really reluctant to write about Irma when I first got her in this challenge but I'm glad I stuck with her in the end :D

I'm glad you liked the winter theme, originally it didn't have that but I decided it was a nice way to tie all the random scenes together, and it seemed to fit, so I'm glad you think it worked!

Thanks for the review :D


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Review #25, by heartjily4everTwelve: More of February

14th September 2013:
Ugh, Sasha annoys me. Making things up, pushing Scorpius's hair back. It does amuse me how Scorpius changes his personality slightly for each girl though. I wonder how it will go with Sasha.
I also know this is a Rose/Scorpius story, but I really like her with Marcus. I wasn't expecting him to change at all, and it has surprised me. I actually want their relationship to progress. Keep going with the story though, I can't wait for what happens next.

Author's Response: Well he has to change his personality slightly in order to get these girls to notice him, and Rose will notice. Yeah Sasha is kind of fun to right, she is that person who is always annoying. So for him to make her speechless is going to be a slight challenge. Yeah I am surprised that so many people are going for the Marcus/Rose relationship. I thought that I would have had a ton of reviews nagging me that this was supposed to be a Rose/Scor story. As for their relationship, you will just have to see how that goes. Marcus will always be Marcus. The next chapter is mostly written, but I have to update my other story first, I try to alternate between the two. So I will probably have an update for this in a couple of weeks. Thank you so much for the review and for reading.

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