Reading Reviews From Member: heartjily4ever
  
106 Reviews Found

Review #1, by heartjily4everThe Story of Lily-Rose Perks, a Witch: The Story of Lily-Rose Perks, a Witch

22nd July 2015:
Hi there, this is the review for the Terry
Pratchett Quote Challenge - thought I'd let you
know as I have a different username than on the
forums - very sorry for it being so
horrifically late.

First off I thought this whole idea was both
very sweet and really quite sad for the
majority of it. It's a new angle to see the
wizarding world from, and refreshing to read
from the point of view of someone in a muggle
family who see's their sibling go off to
Hogwarts, rather than the actual wizard/witch
themselves. I was, of course, rooting for Lily
Rose Perks to be a witch as well the entire
time.

One line that really stood out for me, and I
think really captures the idea of the struggle
to be a Muggleborn or a part of one's family,
is "I think she likes the magical world better
than the normal one." The way that that the
character sees her life as normal, and so then
must obviously see the magical one as being
abnormal or weird is an interesting point to
think over, the way it can appear to an
outsider. Because, I guess, to the sister the
magical world will become 'normal' to her. It's
intriguing to think over.

The way it was written is also quite nice - the
repeating them of "my big sister is a
witch." is a good way of showing the
changing thoughts/emotions of Lily Rose over a
large period of time, you don't get detached
from her thoughts and feelings this way. Due to
the way it's written quite a lot of your
sentences start the same way, especially at the
start, so it might be good to put more variety
in to engage a reader more. But the style also
matched what you would imagine the thought
process of a child to be like, so in that way
it worked really well.

I think you introduced the quote very well, and
it fitted into the piece perfectly. By
introducing how Lily Rose starts to believe in
these superstitions it sets you up really
nicely to just flow into the quote. I think its
a really nice quote actually to fit into the
Harry Potter world because the two idea's of
magic and superstitions are opposing forces, in
the same way that muggles and magical folk are
portrayed to be. You've created a piece in
which you show the tall barrier between the
Muggle and Magical worlds and I think this is q
great way to use the quote. You captured a the
idea of it as well as used it very nicely.

Thank you for entering the challenge, sorry for
being completely rubbish in replying to entries
and overall well done.

Frances

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Review #2, by heartjily4everFive Exclamation Marks: Five Exclamation Marks

15th July 2015:
Just so you know this is the review for the Terry Pratchett Quote Challenge - my username is different here than on the forums.

First of all, I have to admit this one shot was nothing like what I was expecting, seriously. Not only, as you said, because it's not like the way Pratchett writes, but also because of the quote, which you used in a way I completely didn't anticipate. Very unexpected.

That being said I really liked the way you used it. While I was (i'll be honest) expecting it to be used in a comical way, the sad tone that it added early on is such a neat spin. The quote completely works with the chapter so well - you've captured the sadder essence that the quote could inspire perfectly, and the chapter doesn't go on, or isn't too short. It's the perfect length to help you understand the situation and is ( i'm probably repeating here but oh well) a very well done match for the idea of the quote.

As is said in the first line, you caught my attention straight away. You've used classic characters, ones who are featured in the books, but your own spin on their futures, which is nice ( especially as I don't tend to read stories in this timeline category that much). Possibly because I'm a bit slow, it took me a while to realise how serious this was, but after going back and looking over I do notice how well you introduce Hermione's mental deterioration. It's subtle but brings you into it by building up, which is nice to read instead of shouting out this news all at once.

This idea for Hermione is something I've never seen before, and while sad you've done it so well it seems very possible.Especially with the news at the end of how she did free the House Elves - which was a lovely ending line, and brought the piece to a close nicely. As you mentioned it seems quite appropriate with Terry Pratchett in some ways, his illness.

This works so well with the quote and the idea of the challenge so very well done. I'm of course honoured that it's the first time you've responded to a challenge ( although i know it's very much because of Terry Pratchett not me ). I hope you enter other challenges as this is such a nice piece of writing and you are clearly a brilliant writer.

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Review #3, by heartjily4everThrough the Veil: Beyond the Veil

11th July 2015:
This is the review for the Terry Pratchett Quote Challenge, as my username is different from on the forums so I thought I should let you know.

First of all this is a lovely idea and you've used the idea of the quote really well, it fits beautifully to the idea. I've never actually read an afterlife story on here before so it was a nice change from my usual reads, and Sirius is one of my favourite characters so it was nice to see this from his perspective.

I was gripped by this idea of this plain room, obviously very different from the whole Kings Cross that Harry experiences, but its an interesting take. I love the line "polite coldness of a stranger" in describing a bed sheet, its really interesting way of describing something as mundane as that. The icy burn of the door is unusual, and I'm a bit unsure of why it wouldn't open for him, or what they were waiting for, for James to enter. Was it simply to let him have time to think?

The section of him looking less worn, slightly younger, like he hadn't been to Azkaban is a lovely part. Especially with his eyes showing everything he's been through - it's beautifully written as well, and I personally think it's good for Sirius to see himself in what he would have looked like without the disaster of Voldemort, in some sort of reflection of his goodness. It seems like some sort of gift after all he went through especially, so is nice.

James is the perfect person to meet him of course, and it's great how you've captured the close, still almost joking around with each other nature of their friendship and interactions, as it would have been when they were younger. I like how Sirius does think about going back as a ghost, doesn't just immediately decide to go on with James, as he does care about Harry and Remus etc and I do think leaving them would be a hard decision for him so it's good that he thought about it.

The section on remembering the little things is a nice way to bring the piece to a close. It's pretty to read as well, good to think over the details of moments which are very important to living. It was good quote placement as well, fitted seamlessly into the paragraph. You are a really amazing writer, clever and so engaging as well. I think you've written this so so well, and the quote was a perfect choice ( I can't really remember if you chose it or got it by random but either way it was a perfect match ). It was so nice to read and I thank you for entering the challenge.

Frances

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Review #4, by heartjily4everWhat Can't Be Done: Chapter 1

10th July 2015:
This review is for the Terry Pratchett Quote Challenge, just so you know as my username is different on this from the forums.

Even before I start reading I want you to know that Equal Rites is my favourite Terry Pratchett book (although this doesn't affect my challenge of course :) )

The first paragraph hooked me with its description - it seems very realistic and much like me and my desk during my recent exam stress. I love the way you've used the quote as well, linking it to house elf rights fits perfectly and matches the whole girls rights in the book as well so that was very smart.

Also kudos for using a word I had to look up. I had no clue what clout meant in the situation in your story ( I only knew it as like a hit or blow ) and had to search it, but nice use of the word. Major aw for the picture of Dobby on her desk, that's such a cute little image and an idea I can very much get behind.

You captured the character of Hermione really well, with the determination she shows to fight for rights for others, not giving up despite opposition. Werewolf rights seems like a logical next step for her, and the Remus Lupin name is a nice touch. I'm slightly unsure as to why Rita Skeeter is working at the ministry ( and why she's still working, like how old would she be by this time) but "acidic smile" is a great phrase which I love.

This is such a nice, short and sweet piece, that fits the essence of the challenge well in capturing the personality of a character which matches the quote. It's simple, which is nice and refreshing in a challenge and was interesting to read as well. Thank you so much for entering the challenge, hopefully results will be up soon.

Frances

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Review #5, by heartjily4everetc. etc. (and life goes on): A Kingdom For My Name

28th May 2015:
I cannot believe this is nearly done with - i love this story and your characters so much seriously I'm almost addicted to your writing (so much better than it sounds.) Despite the clear hatred ;) you must have for your characters for putting them through so much stress and angst, I don't want the angst to end if it means this story won't.

I'm so happy she actually said love - pretty sure thats an admission which is great for them and while I would usually describe them as now a cute couple ( disgustingly my new go to word seems to be cute, which I kinda hate) I really don't think cute will ever be the word to describe all of them, their complicated thing they have which is amazing to read about, must be a nightmare to write about and I love - but it's not cute. It's just something (don't know what) but its brilliant.

I kind of completely forgot about her relationship with Rita Skeeter - pretty sure it's been mentioned before and was a big plot thing at one point but it was ages ago that I read the first chapters so noway i'll still have that in my noggin. Seems like a rubbish aunt - not that I ever had high expectations of her as a family member, what with her track record.

Ill Behooved is the best start of a headline relating the centaurs ever seriously how do you think of this stuff.

It seems like Hogwarts is on some sort of detox from all the craziness of the teams, or on a come down which doesn't seem like it's going to bode well. Just have to hope that things don't get worse for Albus and Clemence.

I'll probably start drooling like a Quaker if I compliment you're writing anymore but oh well - it's genius amazing, hilarious and deep at the same time which is just double amazing. So excited to read more

Author's Response: Ahhh thank you so much c: Bahaha, I never knew until I started writing why anyone would put their characters through such toil. Now every other sentence--oops, they're miserable. Oops, they tripped. Oops, their dream's dead.

It's been interesting to see how people have interpreted this chapter! I like to read Clemence's voice rather sarcastically, but I also had a debate with the bf over Paramore's 'Ain't if Fun' which he doesn't think is sarcastic. Maybe I'm just a skeptic.

Rita's mentioned briefly every so often. I wish I brought up more of Clemence's family, and partly, how little family she has. But I get to expand on it next chapter!

I'M GLAD SOMEONE POINTED OUT ILL BEHOOVED. It's one my favorite headlines from all my stories. Stables on sacred centaur grounds, I didn't think I could get more offensive.

♥ thank you so much! sorry for the long wait for the next chapter, but I'm writing!


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Review #6, by heartjily4everIn the Distance of Bravery : 7

28th May 2015:
You know I favourited this story ages ago and then completely forgot to keep reading it and I've finally done it and so glad I did. I love this chapter and your writing so much. Literally your descriptions of things are so beautiful and inspiring it's amazing.

i feel like Lucy's job is going to pose a massive problem soon, which will never be good.

Oh by the way the flashback stuff is a great way to learn about their past, which I enjoy every time. It's sad she's not painting anymore especially after all the stuff with her mum it seems a bit of a shame ( and a bit strange if I'm honest) that she's just stopped. Hopefully an explanation will ensue in the flashbacks, but just after the way she seemed so into it, her life, and now she's a reporter. So yeah :)

It's good that her and Dom are friends again, I hope more will be explained about Dom and Darren because so much drama and its all so intriguing.

Once again your writing is genius the line -
"Itís funny how snapshots of sensations keep on playing off and on, like a broken record" is amazing and really stood out for me. Can't wait for more on Lucy :)

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Review #7, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: Just Edie

20th May 2015:
this chapter is full of so many omigoshes for me. Dean and Edie dated? She's blonde? -or was blonde- and rose and connor fleming? Too much to throw at a girl in such a short space of time.

Ginger is back hurrah. I'm far too excited by this dog if I'm honest.

But most importantly communication between the two. Oliver and Edie spoke (even if by letter form) - oh and by the way you are once again very much amusing with your fantastic descriptions of the sweaty grumpy queuing man. Also hedgehog patronus is amazing (and adorable) and there is nothing wrong with them, if a little on the short and feeble side.

Cliffhanger kills me, i need to know what happens when she turns. i don't think i can wait till the nect chapter.I'm really hoping it means something good for them - god knows they need it.

I don't want there to only be one chapter, - your too amazing and so is this story for this. It's actually pretty sad but as much as I don't want the last chapter as I don't want it to end, I can't wait for an idea of the two of them actually meeting once more.

great chapter as usual

Author's Response: Agghh I know I tried so hard not to information-dump here. I know I totally did anyway. Some rigorous editing a few months down the road should fix that up. I wanted it to be kinda similar to the first chapter, serving to "introduce" characters in a crowded room. But I wanted it to be clear the difference that almost a year makes (I think a year??? the chronology of this fic is so messed up.)

I once chopped off all my hair into a pixie cut post breakup, and it ended up looking kinda awesome and I kept it for like 4+ years, but Edie's breakup hair didn't go so well. And she went blonde, ahaha.

Ginger = Dog-Dragon! Is Edie now totally a Mary-Sue because she has a magical companion creature? Hehehe.

I feel like a hedgehog is a pretty good Patronus for Edie because she's all defensive and prickly on the outside and actually pretty sensitive and weak on the inside. (Please do not think that I'm saying she has a "tough badass exterior but on the inside she's really a sweet caring girl.") She just thinks she's tougher than she is, and can only dish it out but not take it back... A hedgehog seemed like a decent animal metaphor. Plus they're pretty awkward little creatures.

I know exactly what you mean! I really really want to end this with one more chapter, but I have so many tiny little scenes fleshed out, with no idea of how to transition them, that I don't??? know??? if I can fit it all?? In just one chapter???

THIS STORY NEEDS TO END but I also need to clarify why What Happens is going to happen. Ugh.

Anyway, hopefully I'll update soon, haha. Thank you so much for your reviews! They were fun to read ♥


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Review #8, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: Girl Seeks General Sense of Purpose

20th May 2015:
First things first (and this is before I've actually read the chapter ) the chapter image is gorgeous and if you made it you are a genius .

Your hilarious, if slightly accurate of the way gossip works in small villages/towns is fabulous. I sympathize with Edie having to struggle with the lil village and her news, although the fact that Jae got out as well makes it even better. You just write this story so well i have so much admiration for you seriously.

I'm so glad she has the interview, at least something good is happening in her life. The idea of the office is pretty neat - i love the idea of a hidden space underneath a book shop, would be the greatest. Actually reminds me of the recent film "Kingsmen: Secret Service" with it being underground under the suits shop. But you know books, newspapers, nice hinting :).

massive plot twist though, refusing the position. at first I was shocked but I kind of understand, moral compass and all.

oh please they are so completely still in love and should be hugging and kissing and all, i don't care what the story says I can't handle the stress of this relationship. I understand why he's so mad and boy you write angsty complicated couples well and I admire everything you write for them in terms of plot but in terms of my emotions, I'm not happy. I really hope things work out for them. I also hope that Edie maybe starts to forgive herself ( as well as Oliver forgiving her) because some of her lines make me feel so sad.

Positively fabulous chapter again, the contrast of humour and darkness is amazing, and it was so much longer which was great because it just meant more of the fab story. Plus Dean was back, which i was rooting for. Only question is, what's happened to her dog? I feel like we haven't seen it in ages, and maybe I've just had a blank and forgotten something important but I feel the dog should most definitely re-appear.

Author's Response: Hi again!

I did not make the chapter image--Mintleaf at The Dark Arts did. You should go check out their gallery, it's really something! I think I'm going to pester them to do the remaining chapter images as well... ;)

Small-town gossip is one of my favorite things to write, as I grew up (mostly) in a town of 900 people. Even more, the mean age was something like 60 because it was a bunch of old northern retirees who relocated down South... Anyway, they had nothing better to do than gossip and try to get each other in trouble for noise violations, building code violations, etc. So that's probably why it was so easy for me to write about Heathfield!

I have not seen Kingsmen yet! We're waiting for it to come to the $2 theatre down the street because I am a cheapskate. Huehuehue. That's funny that it's similar to the Oracle Underground!

I think this plot twist is a little *too* massive. I meant for the buildup to be a bit more smooth; instead it's like "Oh she's going to say ye--WHAT?" which I actually didn't want that time. I dunno, we'll see. I also like making you guys yell in frustration so maybe I'll keep it! ;D

"I can't handle the stress of this relationship." Hahahaha, one of the better review quotes... I just really wanted to get across that Oliver can only be so forgiving. In a lot of ways he's really let Edie off the hook. I mean he intended to never speak to her again after reading the first two articles, and then when they were around one another it was just so painfully obvious that they get on amazingly, so he kinda got swept back up or what have you. But hurting Ada--and revealing that he almost lost custody of her before *Oliver* could even tell her--was just too far. He has a lot of guilt about the way he first behaved as her legal guardian, so it's a very tender subject indeed, and Edie stole his chance to try and make things right.

It is indeed complicated. I definitely didn't want this to be a "Oh my God I HATE Oliver Sodding Wood" story--she never hated him. He never (truly) hated her. The circumstances they met under were really unfortunate, and had they met as two strangers on the street, things would have probably worked out swimmingly for them. Their struggle isn't in their personalities, or their character makeup: it's in the universe's poor timing. But now things are kind of broken beyond repair.

Ginger! I know she's kinda taken a backseat. There is such a huge ensemble cast in this fic and it's hard to make sure everyone--especially a little pup--gets their time. Me adding extra characters all willy-nilly is another reason this fic could've stood to be another ten chapters longer, just so that everyone became as fleshed out as I would've liked! Haha.

I hope this response wasn't too daunting to read. Congrats if you made it this far! ♥



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Review #9, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: Happy New Year?

20th May 2015:
Seamus is back!! I always love it when he appears. And he's an Auror now! yay. shame about Dean and all - i really want him and Edie to at least talk, especially if they were such good friends. i also just need more Edie/Seamus/Dean to find super cute as a friendship.

Na but seriously I started writing this when I started reading and now I'm just annoyed. The article is back, again. I knew it wouldn't all be okay after she burnt it but so soon? seriously? And Mr ward is so horrible, especially when it's completely clear how torn up she is. So much pain between Edie and Oliver, I can't imagine how much hatred he must be feeling to be honest. Yet another case of Edie doing something that comes back to bit her in the bum - only this time I just feel immense pity because she'd really not wanted this. and I'm crying because their relationship is over and i can't handle that because they were the cutest.

I also can't believe he would kiss someone else so soon, seems a bit odd considering how strong their relationship was but at least she kind of has Rose. I love that they sort of made up, even if it was because of completely annoying circumstances. Can't wait to read this next chapter, I love this story so much.

Author's Response: Look at all of these lovely reviews! What a nice thing to wake up to. Thank you very much.

So I was struggling with how to start this chapter, and then I remembered "When in doubt, write about Seamus" and it just took off from there. He's a huge outlet for humor in this fic and so any time I need to make things a tad less dramatic, I just toss him in the scene ;)

It would be ideal if Dean and Edie could just talk. In my experience it was way more passive aggressive; I started dating somebody and then my "best friend" and I didn't speak for months. We've still never talked about it, but the road has smoothed over. I think if we'd talked about it, it would have ruined everything (just with our personality types.) Edie is very much the type to sweep things under the rug. Unfortunately Dean is no exception!

Hahaha, sorry you're so annoyed! It did happen rather quickly, but this story needs to end at least a *little* succinctly, and if I'd had the eighteen million chapters of Ediver fluff that I could very easily write, the whole story would have suffered in quality.

Ohhh I'm glad you said something--Oliver didn't actually kiss anybody (or did he?) At least, Edie didn't see him kiss anybody. The midnight kiss between him and the dark-haired witch was a mental image that she kind of, erm, daydreamed? She's at her wit's end at this point. Thanks for mentioning that, I'll poke around and see if I can make that clearer!

Thank you! ♥


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Review #10, by heartjily4everI Specialise in Murders: Weddings and Grandmothers

20th May 2015:
I'm completely in love with this story and these characters. Scorpius is adorable and fabulous and I'm totally in love with him. Lucy is also all I aspire to be.

If this makes any sense, you write a wedding well. It's not cliche or anything but that could be to do with the humongous plot twist at the end - which I actually wasn't expecting but think is completely great so well done with that.

Oh my the kiss is super cute! I wasn't expecting a kiss now, and not really the most normal situation for a first? kiss but to be fair nothing about their relationship is entirely normal so i guess it fits as well. Lucy talking to Narcissa is great - they seem really similar personalities so have this interesting dynamic between the two that is great with her and Scorpius and their whole relationship-not-relationship thing they have going.

The hands was a great way to identify Clue, especially as it seems like a minor detail but clearly so important. I'm super excited to see where this new information will lead the case and for another great chapter to the story :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your lovely review, it really inspired me to get my gears together and work on finishing up this story. The last couple of months in my life have been really hectic, so I needed a bit of a reminder that this was important to me too. :)

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Review #11, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: A King on Her Throne

14th March 2015:
I love this chapter so much lovely, I feel very proud of Edie and her character development. The resignation was done very well - I approve wholeheartedly of the reasons for it - especially in light of adorable Oliver's new reveals. Blakeslee is a huge prat who clearly does not care enough about other people - but you do wickedly selfish career driven women very well.

I am with Edie and her family on the hillwalking hating. My family love doing Chrimbo walks for fresh air which is total rubbish because I could very easily just open a window. And you have to put on so many layers and then just take them off again later - I could complain forever but I won't because your fabulous writing is very distracting.

The Oliver scenes were done so well!! His admition is perfect and he is opening up on purpose which is so great.I love his character more and more as each chapter arrives, with the little bits of him all coming together into this knotted little lump of cutely vulnerable but ruggedly protective and perfect for Edie in every way-ness.

I really like the idea of writing the article and burning it - I hope it doesn't come back to bite her one the bum, although I don't know how it could. I think it will cleanse her writing palate and really just help her as a journalist - speaking of which I hope she finds another job soon. As always I would cherish some more Ginger in any chapter, and I can't wait for the next

Author's Response: Hey dere!

I'm glad that Edie is finally getting on everyone's (maybe?) good sides. Or at least she's showing her potential for being an actual adult. Blakeslee is selfish, yes, but to me it's just in her nature. The things that we would see as selfish (namely not caring who she screws over in the name of getting a good story) she doesn't see as so. You and I would see human decency and compassion for coworkers/interview subjects as most important; she most values being a thorough reporter, upholding Witch Weekly's standards, and providing readers with interesting material.

Haha, so glad that a few of you seem to be on Edie's side with the Christmas walk. I'm more on Hypatia's wavelength, honestly, though perhaps in a less creepy way than standing over one's bed while they sleep.

"Knotted little clump of cutely vulnerable but ruggedly protective." Ummm I need to remember this to put it on my tumblr or something. That is one of the greatest descriptions of Oliver that I've read yet! Thank you! :D

Yes, writing and burning the last article was indeed a cathartic moment. She just had to get it out of her system. She also know that it would never be read, so that she could write the way she wanted to without any repercussions. Therapy, in a way!

Ginger so good. Best. Best pup. It's really hard writing from Edie's perspective, because she's bad with animals and is just like "Eh, okay, I guess you're cute... Come along, then." Whereas I would never leave Ginger alone and poke her squished-in face. I have a little headcanon about Ginger that may come as a fun surprise, but I'm not sure if I can fit in in the story! If not here, it'll be in the blog, trust.

Thank you so much! The next chapter has been validated ♥


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Review #12, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: The Unfortunate Truth

30th January 2015:
Oh I never suspected Theo, woah. It's a really great plot twist though, I love it. I still absolutely love clueless Justin - his character is adorable. I hope things don't go too horribly wrong for Edie

Author's Response: Justin's the best. I wanted to write about what happens to best friendships after one of them starts a romantic relationship with someone else. Edie's disliked him (or tried to) for selfish reasons along the lines of you-stole-my-best-mate-and-even-though-you-two-are-clearly-soul-mates-I'm-still-grumpy-about-it.

Glad Theo was a plot twist! He represents Edie's naivety in a way. She just assumed they were friends, just the way that she assumed she was the "good one" out of she and Oliver (and out of basically everyone.) It was going to take her feeling completely betrayed to knock some sense into that thick skull of hers. Therefore Theo's the one to say "Hey you're actually a huge jerk too btw."

Thanks for the review!


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Review #13, by heartjily4everIn the Distance of Bravery : 6

13th February 2014:
I love this story. You are such a beautiful writer, and the way you write is amazing. I'm so curious as to how this turns out. The little kiss with Scorpius wasn't expected, but I think it needed to happen. I'm so curious as to who the other girl is, I'm thinking Lucy, but I'm not sure. And the image of Scorpius chopping off a chickens head is hilarious. This was a great chapter and I'm curious about future ones.

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Review #14, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: Twenty-Two

12th February 2014:
Oh my god I feel so sorry for that dog, that wasn't exactly the most pleasant of descriptions. I'm sure its cute in it's own way.

Why can't their relationship just happen you know. I know nothings perfect but I feel like their relationship (Edie and Oliver by the way) should just work out so well.

I feel that Edie should forgive him, but I may be biased as I want them to get together. Although she might be hurt, they will never happen if she's secretly hating his guts.

This was a great chapter, and I wanna see more of this dog :D

Author's Response: I know! Poor doggie. That's another of the many differences between Edie and I--I absolutely love animals. So it's fun to write from a different perspective. Don't worry, she'll warm up to "it."

Your "nothing's perfect" with relationships comment will definitely come into play. ;) I'm glad to hear you'd think they'd work out well--we just need to see if that's true!

You will indeed see more of this dog! Next chapter, in fact.

Thank you! ♥


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Review #15, by heartjily4everetc. etc. (and life goes on): Love Overrated, Overruled

23rd January 2014:
Oh my actual freaking god I can't believe you. You may have broken my heart. This was the cruelest Valentines day chapter ever. But amazing writing as always with the best continuation of you witty characters. I liked the bit at the start from Leon's point of view, it was quite nice to see it from someone elses eyes. I love that she got a boyfriend from actually being normal, and not some weird drooling girl that Appy taught her to be.
Clemence and Albus's fake relationship was very good as well, but you started to break my heart with Dom and Pickett. And the ending! I just wasn't expecting it. I can't wait for another chapter.
PS.Did you intend to have Hugo Weaving sneaking in there? I read that and I know it's meant to be something different but all I could think of was Elrond walking down the corridor at Hogwarts heehee

Author's Response: Valentine's Day isn't over yet! Next chapter will be ALL V-Day.

It's really Leon's point of view through Clemence's point of view, like one of those fantasy dream sequences with the fuzzy camera. Normal is relative, but she's probably on that end of the spectrum considering this school :'D

And I did sneak in a punny reference to a certain Elrond ;D I've been waiting an inordinate amount of time to make that joke, and I can't believe I found the opportunity. It was so bad that I had to leave it in.

♥ thank!


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Review #16, by heartjily4everClose Your Eyes: Fading

12th January 2014:
Hey, sorry this took so long to get around to, I've been too busy for words.
First of all I think this is a very beautiful fic. Your word choice throughout the entire thing portrays such sadness, that it moved me.
I constantly think about what it would be like if certain people had lived but I'd never really thought about just one of tonks and remus dying. But this is perfect. You've put across their love perfectly, and the way Tonks just revers him above everything else. The way she describes the wolf bite and everything that comes after is interesting as well. Well done. There are a couple of spelling mistakes you might want to check out, but apart from that it was perfect.

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm so glad you liked my choice of words! :) I love expressing sadness through the words I use I guess.

Yeah, there are SO MANY people I wished had survived! Tonks is certainly one of them, as I just LOVE her and Remus, so I decided to write this fic. :)

Even I hadn't imagined just one of them surviving! Maybe that's because of the perfect bond they shared? But I got the idea of a woman with a kid and her husband dying and when I sat down to decide the characters, I was like- "Why not Tonks!" and I immediately scribbled this down. :)

I know about the spelling mistakes! I always end up making them. But I'll surely get back to correct them.

Thanks for the wonderful review! :D

Ashwini


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Review #17, by heartjily4everA Moment of Fear: Voldemort

6th January 2014:
Hey this is heartjily4evers reviews, sorry this took so long to get round to. I'm a terrible person and school is just being ugh. Exams and stuff. Anyway sorry.

First of all i love the idea of Voldemorts point of view. I've never really seen a story like this which would ever think of going from his point of view so well done.

I think you've captured his personality really well in the first couple of paragraphs. The words you use, gruesome and beautiful together work so well to portray the twisted innards of his mind. He seems exactly like I would expect, relishing in the murders of innocents. Whole families, like you've put, and he is glad that they are described so badly. It's perfect for him. The bit about Pettigrew works as well - I would never expect him to trust the slimy traitor that he is.

The torturing scene really grasps the full extent of Voldemort complete disregard for human feelings i think, and how bad his followers became as well. He just loved the thrill of causing pain, and this is perfect voldyness.

I think the fear suits him well as well. Fear of this unknown boy, who could be more powerful, does seem like one of the only things he would fear- apart from dumbledore. Not many things could defeat him so this idea of a young boy is more terrifying to him i think, than anything else. The idea that something so young and helpless could defeat him. It's the perfect idea of fear. You bring it into his thoughts brilliantly as well. It's definitely not too muddled. And the bit at the end with his fear hitting him, being his death, thats an amazing piece of writing.

I loved this chapter, and you've made Voldemort even creepier for me :D

Author's Response: Hello!! Sorry it's taken me a bit to respond to your wonderful reivew!

I don't know if there are a lot of Voldemort-POV stories out there. I'm not sure if most people just want to avoid writing him.

It was a bit creepy to get intide Voldemort's head. It was a bit like opposite land trying to nail down his values and reactions. I had the idea about him not really trusting Pettigrew from stuff I've read in other books about a traitor. That stigma seems to stick with people even years after they defect.

Writing about the toture made my stomach churn (and really, kind of creeps me out that it came from my mind :P).

His fear was slightly ambiguous. I mean, part of it was the fear of the unknown boy and part of it was a bit harder to define - the idea of a threat or a challenge to his power seemed to scare him. Having a boy he could go after was just bonus for him.

Thank you so much for such an insightful and helpful review!

-Rose


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Review #18, by heartjily4everNot Normal: {Chapter the Second}

4th January 2014:
heartjily4ever's reviews. I'm sorry this has taken me super duper long to get too. It's been almost 4 months and im so sorry. I've just had tests, and then christmas and i was on holiday and it was one long blur of non stop stuff. But I've finally gotten around to it.

I liked this second chapter a lot more actually. I think it flowed much better, and the plot to this chapter is very good. It's got me curious about the next.

I think you portrayed Regulus really well. He seemed sort of normal enough to be a teenage boy, and pompous enough to have come from the mighty house of Black. But he also didn't seem evil. So i think you did a good job with his character. I always imagined him as really hot as well ;D

I'm also incredibly looking forward to seeing what Regulus is talking about. You did get Doctor who in as well, so i obviously love this chapter

Well Done!!

Author's Response: Hello! I'm always abandoning my review thread, so I'm the last person to complain about time! I'm so glad you could make it!

I like the second chapter more as well, although as an author, I don't think I'm allowed to have favourites :P I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm so happy that you think I struck that balance with Regulus' character. I wanted to write him a bit more like how Sirius is usually written at that age. It's fun to write a character in a way you usually write another character! And of course, to me, everyone in the Black family is hot ;)

One must include Doctor Who wherever one can! Thanks so much for this fantabulous review!


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Review #19, by heartjily4everFairytaled: One

27th November 2013:
Ah this looks so cool. I cant wait to find out what happens, and to learn more about the characters. Fred seems so cute. I love it.
Thats Rapunzel right at the start? I love fairytales, and I think this idea can pan out really well. The idea is really cool, and I am looking forward to seeing how they act, stuck in the tales. Cant wait for your update.

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Review #20, by heartjily4everSoaring.: Dear Mary.

24th November 2013:
Oh, this is just so beautiful. I fell in love with the two of them as well. It's just such a painful, sad and yet completely beautiful story. The way you wrote them is amazing. I felt I could feel Regulus's pain, the way her death was slowly destroying him. I thought your portrayal of Mary was really nice as well. The bit where he goes on about watching his memories of her, you can see they are eating at him, making it worse but her can't stop. It's a really accurate portrayal of utter grief. This was such an amazing story. Well done.

Author's Response: Aw, I'm glad you likes it! It's definitely a painful thing to write about but I tried to make it meaningful rather than just plain depressing, so I am really glad you thought it was beautiful. Regulus' grief is definitely eating at him and changing him.

Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you liked it :)

~Maia


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Review #21, by heartjily4everKeep Calm and Carry On: The Match

14th November 2013:
Okay, wow. What a brilliant chapter. Sometimes I think that when people try and do Quidditch matches they go a bit to over board with exactly who did what, or get halfway through and sort of give up, but you did it so well. I loved the start, with the little letter from Seamus and Dean. Kestral underwear is an excellent tribute. I'm sad she didn't talk with her mum though, I was looking forward to seeing how that conversation would turn out. Edie's quite cute when she has her Press badge on, all shiny and innocent. And I always love a bit of just Edie and Oliver time. But flying to the pitch on a players broom is definitely a new way of getting places. The bit with Rose was really funny. I'm still kind of confused about why Rose isn't still slightly angry. But maybe she's being the better person for once. Or maybe not. I'm looking forward to finding out. I really liked the way you portrayed Katie as well. It seems a bit like the way she is in the books, and I think that previously having her with Oliver was a good match. Is it just me, or does is sound like Katie still has feelings for Oliver during her conversation with Edie.

But the end of that. I was just silently cringing as I read, worried for what would happen. It was like an embarrassing movie waiting to happen, and while I felt so bad for Edie, I loved it. I would hate to be in that situation - it kind of looks like she meant to do it, to make him distracted. But I can't wait to see what happens next. I wonder what it means for her "relationship" with Oliver though. By the way will Jae be coming back? I liked him.

But you are an amazing writer, and I am looking forward to the next chapter of this.

~Frances

Author's Response: Hey there! So sorry for taking so long to respond. You know, hectic life and all that, blah blah blah. I really appreciate the review though and am sorry for my lateness!

I'm so pleased that the Quidditch scene read well. It's actually my nature to do what you mentioned (write down every player's name, and a physical attribute, haha), especially because Edie's such a fan and would recognize them. But I wanted it to read smoothly, and the chapter was already getting so lengthy that I just wanted it to be more concise.

Yes, finally a bit of Edie and Oliver time. There's not been too terribly much of that, has there? Considering...

Rose's attitude towards Edie is a bit unnsettling, huh? Maybe she's playing nice in order to keep her job, but Edie's certainly sleeping with one eye open, if you catch my drift.

Hahaha, oh my, I hope Edie didn't do that on purpose! That would be her ultimate immature act, wouldn't it? Writing the articles the way she has been is a pretty mean thing to do in the first place... I think she genuinely got so wrapped up in Quidditch--and forgot that she "has some pipes on her," a la Seamus--and just ruined everything.

Thank you again, so so very much. I am sitting down with some vanilla-cinnamon coffee and giving the next chapter the attention that it deserves. Right now!



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Review #22, by heartjily4everThe Wallflower: Hogwarts

13th November 2013:
Hey there. I think this looks like a really cute, comedic story. I love Carey Mulligan, can I just say, and think she suits Lizzie ( can I call her that) well.

Lizzie is a great character. I love her drastic hair cut. A lot of main characters have lovely flowing long hair. Short cuts all the way. I've actually been thinking about cutting my hair. But back to your story. Lizzie is so cute, so motherly. Her love for her brother is just so realistic. Surely she would have at least another friend though?

James seems a bit horrible though. Not as bad as Rachel, but with your girlfriends best friend. Ouch. Is Ronnie Veronica by the way? Got a bit confused. Thought it was a guy for a few seconds.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter though. It seems good. Can't wait to hear more of the pixie cuts exploits through Hogwarts :D

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Review #23, by heartjily4everEverything's Okay: The Lake

13th November 2013:
Hey, so I got round to doing the reviews finally, so sorry it took this long. School being mean and all that. But I've finally gotten around to doing it!

Overall I think this is a really cute fluffy romance piece. I always love Jily romances and this one is just so cute, and all coupley.

I think the characterization is pretty good. James seems really good - doing a little mischief just to get her attention. I think Lily could maybe have been a bit colder, at least at first. She did hate him for most of their life. But they seems good together, good jokey conversation.And the little bit at the end - just aww.

Your grammar seems pretty good - I didn't notice anything outstanding that was bad or wrong. It flowed really well too, from the start to finish. Especially the bit where James comes into it - joking and with that cocky little smile of his. I'd be interested in more development into this relationship side, but maybe not in this one shot. It seems good as it is. I did like it though, well done :D

~Frances

Author's Response: No problem!

Aww, thank you :) I tried to make it cutesy/fluffy so I'm glad it worked. Thanks for the review! I might add a couple short stories to continue it a bit:0


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Review #24, by heartjily4everA Moment of Fear: James

13th November 2013:
Hi this is me back for the next review you requested. Sorry it's been about 12 days, school has just been a nightmare. But I'm back, and ready to review.

I think this is a really good follow up chapter, after Lily's fears about the wedding. I like that you didn't do James's fears about the wedding, although I'm sure he would have had some. But this seems so like the James I envisage, and I love it.

I do think he would panic about being a parent. It seems so him, so Marauder. Being a dad is like being the opposite of being a trouble maker - all responsibility and full time care I guess. His fears seem completely legit and believable.

I think the relationship with the Marauders is good. Sirius seemed jokey enough about parenthood, but still completely loyal, and serious enough to see when his friend was properly panicking. Remus seemed so calm even when his friend was panicking. And Peter seems to not care as much as the others - maybe a subtle sign that he's going to the dark side, caring less?

It was an excellent point in time to see James's fear and I loved it. Well done :D

~Frances

Author's Response: Hello!!

No worries about the time - school can be hectic and life is always crazy. :)

I'm quite glad this seemed to follow well after Lily's fear. I'm trying to mix thematic changes with chronological events from this period.

I thought he'd he excited and extremely scared - it's good to know you could see him having the same fear I wrote about. :D

Nothing's better than hearing the Marauders sounded right. I really like writing them. :D Peter was difficult here - I can't decide if he crossed over yet or was thinking about it. he definitely wasn't all the way good.

Thank you so much for such a great review! It's really awesome that you liked it!

-Rose


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Review #25, by heartjily4everWaiting for the Train: Waiting for the Train

13th November 2013:
Hi this is me finally getting round to the heartjily's reviews. Sorry it took so long.
Overall I think this is a really cute fluff piece. It's a really nice idea and think it works really well overall. The opening paragraph is really good. It really sets the mood and makes you want to read more.

Victoire is a really sweet character. She seems so shy and insecure. And it only seems right she would think Davies good looking like her mother did. I'm curious as to who the girl who talked to her is. I mean, I know she is called Jessica, but who is she really? Maybe you could have expanded on her a little more.

I'm also curious as to how Fleur saved Davies life in the battle. maybe you could write a one shot about that? Would make an interesting read.

I actually think it's really short and would love to read more into this. It would really good if it was longer. I really like it :D

~Frances

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