Not much action in this chapter, but it is an introduction, so it's understandable. It has a lot of potential. I agree that the tea party is a little on the lengthy side, but the language is okay, as they are supposed to talk that way. I didn't really understand why Lucius was here. He didn't seem to do much in the chapter, though he will probably be a big part of the story later... The nickname "Meda" is a little awkward, but I don't know what you could do about that. I like the opening though with the hide and seek. It showed what roles the sisters play with each other. Good luck with the storyAuthor's Response: An appendage to chapter 1 will be made soon (it's up for validation) and I'll put chapter 2 up for validation either today or tomorrow. There'll be more action in the revised chapter 1.
As for Lucius, I figured I might as well introduce Lucius and Malfoy Manor sooner rather than later. Sorry about the lengthy tea party, I really couldn't figure out what I could take out with out taking away from the story.
As for Andromeda's nickname, I played with Andy for a while, but decided against it as then too many of my characters' names would end with an "ie" sound (see the next chapter which will hopefully be available for public viewing in a couple days).
Thanks for the review. :) Report Review
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