Reading Reviews From Member: DraMione Love
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DraMione LoveThe Hidden Path: The Truth Behind The Lies

10th July 2012:
So... this is a good story but you kinda just jumped right in huh? lol Don't worry we have all done it.

Ok :) Just a few ideas for you and I hope they help you out. Trying breaking the time line up some. You have the rape situation first, then all of a sudden the owl, then she is with Narcissia (which she should know who she is) and then no emotion of anger at Draco? Your story line is strong, but details are amiss. Start with the relationship between Hermione and Ron, moving on to what made him think she wanted and so forth. Details are important to a really good story :) Introduce your owl and the surprise it is bringing with more detail as well. Keeping your character in character helps too... I couldn't see Hermione raging at her parents for any reason. She is bright, level headed and independent. Keeping her and the others in character will help draw your story out more. Draco isn't just going to be that nice for no reason. Did something happen? Did he have a change of heart? Fill us in here lol Describe her new look better, she wouldn't just take that with ease nor would anyone really. What type of emotion is she feeling about all that is happening? How did Ginny even know that the new person standing at the front of the school was Hermione? What about Harry? What does he feel when he finds out what Ron has done? There are so many amazing ways that you can make this one of the most awesome stories out there :) I really do hope this helps you out some, I am loving the feel of the story you are portraying.

Author's Response: I understand where you're coming from...I've already started to fill in the blanks the the chapter I just finished...The chapter I'm writing now starts with a prophetic dream about why Ron did what he did with Hermione...I also explain about why Draco acted the way he did...don't worry...Hopefully I will have it towhere everything falls into place...Thanks for the advice though

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login