Reading Reviews From Member: The Misfit
  
90 Reviews Found

Review #1, by The MisfitDown the Burning Ropes: she's overboard

12th March 2014:
Hi Lia! I'm here with your review -- so sorry for the delay!

You've started this one-shot off splendidly with your description of Minerva in her office, and Urquart's proposal. In just a few short paragraphs, you've emphasised the detachment between them -- how Minerva likes the man, but is rationalizing marrying him to get over Dougal, instead for love -- and explored some of her characterization. Immediately, you've presented a Minerva with traits that we know from canon while emphasising her youth and freer nature. I loved the contrast here between the Minerva in this one-shot and the Minerva in the books, because while they share many similarities, the youth and innocence of your Minerva really shines through your writing.

Your descriptions of the men in Minerva's life were breathtaking. You showed the differences in them beautifully -- Elphinstone Urquart with his unexpected proposal, Alastor Moody with his ambitious nature, like Minerva herself, and Dougal McGregor, the man she still misses and doesn't want to think of.

And of course, Tom.

Your description of Tom was the perfect balance of creepy and terrifying. You truly emphasised how he was the unobtainable man, in a way, for Minerva. He's changed to some extent -- certainly he's no angel now, and clearly he enjoys manipulating Minerva's mind -- but there's still a way to go before he becomes Lord Voldemort, and yet he's still not someone rational who fits in with her sensible world. You've described wonderfully the appealing, ravishing Tom that Slughorn and Dumbledore remember from his schooldays, and yet there's this dark element to him that's beautifully canon for this point in his timeline.

I really loved the flow that you've established here, it felt very smooth. Your characterization was excellent, particularly of Minerva, and your description is wonderful. The only criticisms I can offer is that I spotted a small typo here: He's had this affect on her before, but not as pronounced. (Affect should be effect) and that occasionally, you switch to present tense instead of past, so you may want to have a re-read of this, but those barely detract from the overall beauty of this one-shot.

Although the last line was heartbreakingly sad, it was quite fitting for Minerva, and connected very well to the woman she becomes in later years.

This was a super one-shot, and definitely a fabulous piece of writing! You're a very talented writer, and I'll definitely have to check out your other stories some day! :)

-Isobel

Author's Response: Hey Isobel,

It's always fun to read what others interpret from my writing…or anyone's writing, for that matter. They are often different from what was intended.

I think Minerva was trying to be sensible. Fresh out of Hogwarts and she hadn't spent a full year in the Auror Department yet. But her boss wants to marry her. That can be a lot to take in. She admires him for sure, but I think she needed more time to really know him before she gave an answer. Besides, her feelings for Dougal still lingered.

Everyone sees the men as a comparison of one another. It's funny, because I never thought of it that way. But now that most reviewers brought it up, I can see it. I think I liked writing Moody the best. I agree, they are alike in terms of their ambition. I actually wanted to build a friendship of sorts between them. Dougal - while not present - was the most important in Minerva's life at that point. He was the one who showed his serious, no-nonsense young woman what love was. For a character like Minerva, when she loved, she gave everything.

Ah yes, Tom.

He's such a deliciously disturbing character. At this point, you are right. He is beginning his transformation into Lord Voldemort. He has travelled and learned certain arts. The war is over, but that doesn't mean the world is less dangerous. I think he appeals to a darker side of Minerva, if that can exists. And part of him sees her as close to an equal as he can find. So, the attraction is mutual.

Gah, yes. I have a huge problem with that and I never can tell. I will re-read this when I have more time to focus on it.

You know, I think that last time summed up her biography on Pottermore. She has loved, but she lost much more because of it. After years and years of turning down Urquart, she marries him only to have him die a short time later. She gave in with Dougal, but called it off. So, I felt that I should allude to all that here.

Thank you so much for your kind words! And thank you for taking your time out to read it :)


Lia


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Review #2, by The MisfitAtlas Air: Prologue

5th March 2014:
Hello, Marina ♥ I'm so sorry for the lateness of this review; real life has decided that it doesn't like me these days, apparently!

From the very beginning, your description is beautiful. The imagery that you've used is striking -- you've mastered show, not tell perfectly, and I just loved the mystery that you've draped this one-shot in. With every fact that you've revealed, you give us a question -- like that Teddy and Victoire are more than friends, which immediately makes me ask whether they're a couple, but at the time I'm sensing friendship between them at present. And I'm really curious as to who Robin is -- it's clear he's somewhat important to Victoire, since she addresses him as "darling" in her letter and cares about his forgiveness of her, but we don't quite know in what capacity yet.

Your action-writing ability is absolutely superb. You've captured the fear that Teddy and Victoire are feeling, and described that they're moving and hiding so eloquently that I can almost picture them in my mind's eye -- and yet, we still don't know who their jailers are, or who the mysterious man is at the ending. I'm intrigued at his shamelessness, because Victoire mentions trusting him only for him to betray them, and I want to know who he is and why he feels powerful enough to face them again. I get the feeling that he's working with the people who have been keeping them imprisoned, and if that's true then trouble just went through the roof :P

I did spot a small typo: My joints are stiff from being stuck in this room for days. -- it's in present tense, while the rest of Victoire's narration is in past, so you may want to correct it :)

Overall, this is a beautiful prologue, Marina. Your cliffhanger has me on tenterhooks, and I'm definitely coming back to see what happens in chapter one! The fact that you've been to Africa just amplifies the beauty of your writing, because you can embed your real-life experiences into it (although I hope the prison cell is fictional!) This is actually the first story of yours that I've read, and given the breathtaking quality of this prologue, I've clearly been missing out.

I look forward to reading more of this novel! ♥

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Review #3, by The MisfitA Savage Failure: Love in a Hopeless Place

21st February 2014:
Hello again! :D

I absolutely adored this chapter! Strangely, I'd never thought of Charlie being gay before now, but now that I've read this one-shot the possibility makes a lot of sense.

The beginning was an excellent combination of light-hearted and informative. With just a few short paragraphs, you've given the reader an approximate time and unfolded an unique situation.

I really liked your section on when Charlie met Brad! You depicted a lovely, modern couple here who are both comfortable in their sexuality, and that was really great to read. I liked how Tonks introduced the both of them; it makes sense, considering Brad's career. I loved how he introduced himself in a Bond-esque way, because that's how Charlie introduced himself earlier, and it's nice to see a habit that he picked up from Brad ^.^ I'm a little confused about how he asked Tonks if the man who walked past was Brad, though, since there isn't a previous mention of his name before then in that section. You might want to edit that :3

Oh dear! Brad being assigned the investigation into the Weasleys seems to bode badly for them, although it's great that he doesn't intend to report them and have them sent to Azkaban. The shower scene was fun! It really showed a different side to their relationship - that despite the war and the difficulties of their lives, they have moments where their relationship is light-hearted and I think that's a lovely way of hinting at how they're each other's way of staying sane through the harsh reality of war. :D

Poor Charlie and his trust issues in lying to Brad. I would imagine that it's difficult enough to have complete faith in someone working for the enemy (despite their apparent good intentions) but a long distance relationship makes it so much more difficult. I did love the nod to canon though; it makes sense that there would be a system in place already with the coins, and Hermione discovered it in her research and used it for the DA coins with possibly a few adaptions. And that line at the end of the section made me laugh out loud - that certainly is true!

Awww! The Battle of Hogwarts! When I first read that Bread had died, I wondered whether it was at the Battle, and discovering that it wasn't has me curious as to when and how he died! You've done really well at capturing my interest, and while you were at it, slaughtering my feels. Poor Remus and Tonks :( And the Weasley family, too! Not to mention the cliffhanger! (Although I can't really complain, since that would make me hypocritical :P)

I did spot a few typos/grammar errors, but nothing a proofread or two wouldn't fix. The only crit I have is that it feels a little clunky in between the sections - I'd suggest maybe adding a couple of sentences at the beginning of each new section to quickly refer to whatever's happened in the few months since the last section to help make the transitions smoother :)

Nevertheless, you've written an excellent chapter here! Your beginning was intriguing and set the scene beautifully, while your chronological flashbacks are interesting and depict a relationship excellently and the ending makes me want to read the next chapter straight away (but sadly, it's quarter to two in the morning *cries*) so well done on an excellent story! You've written this superbly! :D

Author's Response: I've read quite a few stories where Charlie is gay or in the closet. Though, JKR said he wasn't single because he's gay (or something along those lines) but I thought there was room to squeeze in single because his heart was broken (in a gay relationship).

YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON TO CONNECT THAT CHARLIE DOES HIS INTRO LIKE THAT BECAUSE OF BRAD! Seriously! That makes you a genius! :D (Or I should be more obvious about it.) Oh, yeah, I probably skated over a bit there (because that picks up from a scene in another story of mine where she introduced them so it happned but not in this story). :-x

I like to think of them as a challenged couple from the beginning. Brad with his loyalty to the Ministry but knowledge that things are a bit iffy with them and Charlie in the Order... it's a little Romeo and Juliet for them during that time period. They were each other's anchor during the war. I like to think they had more ineractions that I didn't explicitly talk about which were likely infrequent but quite cathartic.

Charlie and his trust issues are a bit of theme between them. I feel like distance only compounds that like you said. I'm so glad you liked my use of a magical coin. I didn't think of Hermione having researched this specific coin, rather the general spell. :D but I'll go on thinking she read about these coins. hehe, I like to think the other dragon guys were aware of Charlie's life a bit. ;)

I do like to damange feels when I write. :D *cough* I'm really glad that this captured your interest and made for an interesting read. I had originally planned on making this a one-shot but split it into two parts after I had close to 9k words. There wouldn't have been a cliffy in my first rendition, but this was a good place to pause the story as things change for them after the war.

I desperately need to give this story a good bath, I mean edit, and catch those typos. I wrote this in a 6 hour jaunt to meet a deadline. :-/ Now that there are two chapters, I could definitely add more to the transitions. I was trying to minimize length at first but it's less of an issue now. :)

Thank you so much for such a glowing review! I'm beyond happy that you've enjoyed this and were pulled in!!

-Rose


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Review #4, by The MisfitNomenclature: Signing the Map

21st February 2014:
Rose, hello! I've seen you around on the forums, but I don't think I've ever had the opportunity to read your work until now -- and clearly, I've been missing out, because your writing is absolutely super!

The quote from the story was what drew me in to this one-shot, although I was a little sceptical at first because I've seen quite a few cliched stories of Marauders. However, this story is wonderful and portrays the Marauders' brotherly relationship excellently. I really enjoyed the first section, where you include lovely little details that really define the Marauders' characterization - James pondering with his quill as he thinks, Remus being responsible now he's a Prefect, Peter being slightly quieter, and suggesting that Sirius would want to name the map after himself. I felt like I could connect to those boys if they existed IRL; James and Sirius in particular reminded me of classmates I knew at school, which shows how realistically you've written them. You've captured their youth incredibly well!

The flashback was adorable! You captured the essence of young eleven-year-old boys perfectly, and even at that age you've dropped hints on what kind of people they'll be when they get older. I loved how you included Sirius' food not doing his temper any favours :P Also, the way Filch caught them was hilarious! I quite enjoyed those lines about how the name was originally one of mockery, but the Marauders turned that name into something to be proud of. It's a really interesting viewpoint of how they were named, and certainly not one I've seen before.

James' comment on prancing around made me laugh! Although the foreshadowing comment that Sirius made gave me the feels - it was such a off-handed thing to say, and now I'm wondering if he, Remus and Peter remembered that moment after his arrest.

While my headcanon is that their nicknames were developed naturally, I enjoyed the way you wrote them choosing their names. Sirius' comment on Peter's tail being like a worm was really fun (and true!) although I'd have liked to see more about the reason behind James and Sirius' nicknames. :)

I caught a typo here - Are you sure theres a secret passage there, James, Remus asked looking over his friends shoulder - there should be a question mark after James' name and not a comma, since Remus is asking a question.

Overall though, you've written an absolutely fabulous one-shot that depicts the Marauders beautifully. Your characterization is excellent and your take on quite important occasions in canon is fabulously unique ♥

I loved this!

-Isobel

Author's Response: Hello!!!

I'm so glad we got to swap with each other because I loved reading your stories. I'm so flattered you like my writing!

I know what you mean about a lot of Marauder Era stories being super cliche and hoaky. I was purposefully avoiding most of the cliches I'm aware of and bothered by. I've always felt that their friendship had to be a cornerstone to any story about them. WHen I consider the sacrifices they made for each other (and the depth of betrayal even), it's impossible not to make them brotherly. It means a lot to me that they felt like real people with their mannerisms - even that they reminded you of two friends.

Writing them as 11 year olds was a lot of fun. I quite liked thinking of how they'd get in and out of trouble at that age. I also don't think they were super bffs then but this might have been a catalyst event for them. :D I'm really happy you liked how Filch caught them and contributed towards their name. I thought their name had a stronger story if it came from a low point and eventually got elevated and revered.

Their dialogue was so hard to write! I'm really glad that it came through as funny and that the foreshadowing wasn't too clunky. I like to think they'd remember how he joked about it at one point even if they don't recall the exact conversation.

I was struggling with a chicken and the egg problem. I know they had their nicknames when the map was created but it really didn't make sense for the names to happen before they took animagi form (it would be too convenient). It also didn't feel like enough time for the names to just happen (though I could have done it a bit different now that I think of it - ah, plunny!). I didn't feel as strong about Sirius and James' names. I might have to poke at that sometime.

Ooh, thanks for pointing out that typo!!

Thank you so much for such an awesome and kind review. I'm thrilled that you liked this. :D

-Rose


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Review #5, by The MisfitAurora and Boreas: the world suddenly turns colour

9th February 2014:
Woah.

Your writing is always beautiful and wonderfully executed, but this completely and utterly blew me away. As someone who ships both James/Lily and Severus/Lily, I really loved the subtle comparisions that you've made between James and Severus. While you've shown accurately that Severus was interested in using Lily for his own salvation, it's refreshing to see someone write James as wanting to simply appreciate Lily, instead of 'winning' her.

Your description was mind-blowing. I could imagine Lily and James climbing up that mountain, and I truly adored all of the little things you included that truly cemented their characterization: Lily ensuring they had the professor's permission, James being unused to running on uneven territory. Most James/Lily one-shots I've read depict them as a couple, or occasionally as friends, but you've chosen a particularly rare point in their timeline to set this one-shot in, when they're more than friends but not a couple and you convey their feelings about each other perfectly. The way you contrast them, from adventurous Lily dragging James along and James being overly cautious (once again, a really lovely break from the norm of James/Lily fanfiction) to the little things like her mittens and his gloves. I'm probably over-analyzing, here, but the beginning of the story shows Lily as quite resilient and confident in what she feels, but the mittens that she wears - which were more popular among young children decades ago - adds a touch of innocence to her, and it really makes me believe that this Lily in your one-shot is the same Lily that goes out fighting for the Order, but comes home to be a wife and mother. This one-shot may actually contain one of my favourite portrayals of Lily, and it's a testament to your skill as an author.

I'm going to confess that it never occurred to me before how a pure-blood might find a Muggle-born's discovery of magic, but you've added it into this story with such ease that I can't imagine not considering it. The way you have James using wizarding references - saying "Merlin's beard" and comparing Lily to a hinkypunk seems so natural. Although it's entirely possible that Astronomy is one of James' weaker subjects, I'd like to think that the aurora borealis is an integral part of Muggle Astronomy and not as well-known in the wizarding world, simply because it demonstrates how a Muggle-born's perspective can expand those of a pure-blood's, like we see here when Lily shows James the lights. Then again, that just may be wishful thinking ^.^

Your comparisions of the green and blue aurora borealis to the Killing Curse was so beautiful and yet so tragic, because of all the foreshadowing that it contained. I've never seen the lights, being too far south, but your writing really allowed me to see James and Lily standing on that mountainside, seeing flashes of green and blue and being completely breathtaken with each other.

As for that almost-kiss, the fangirl in me is a touch disappointed but I do think you made the right choice not having them kiss, because that made the one-shot more about their feelings for each other and the intimate connection they share than about simple romance. Although that last line was particularly heartbreaking, because they don't have very long left to live and they have no idea and it's just so bittersweet.

I'd like to apologize for the horrendous length of time that it's taken me to leave this review - real life's been quite busy recently and I wanted to leave a review that was worthy of this impeccable story instead of a typo-written, decaffeinated jumble of thoughts. :P

Once again, this is honestly fabulous writing. You've taken a common pairing and given it an uncommon twist, and your characters truly come across as human instead of fictional people. If you aren't already a published author, you should definitely become one!

-Isobel

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Review #6, by The MisfitThe Deathly Children: A Funeral

5th January 2014:
NICOLE I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE THIS UP ♥

From the very beginning, this was utterly gripping - Gellert's letter to Albus spoke volumes and yet didn't really say too much which has left me going what, what, I want to know more!!

AND ABERFORTH DID NOT KILL ARIANA. WHAT. Now I'm going to keep my eyes peeled in future chapters to decide who it was who killed her - Albus or Gellert - and which of them deserves to not feel that guilt. OH! What if Albus knew that it was either Aberforth or himself/Gellert and with Gellert's announcent, he then knows for certain that it's him/Gellert instead of the pool of suspects dwindling to two - omg. I WANT TO KNOW D:

*takes deep breath* Whew.

The funeral was wonderful. You really articulated Albus' thoughts perfectly - I really got the sense that it was Albus narrating, because the prose and the details and the descriptions were just him. And the things you picked out were great - Bathilda doesn't appear for very long in this chapter, but you've really made her a character already (am I making sense? :3) Your descriptions of Kendra were also fabulous - I don't think I could ever write a corpse and make her sound as authentically human as you have.

I'm getting a little of Albus wondering if Ariana is at fault for Kendra's death. (We know she lost control of her magic, of course, but from Albus' questions it seems as if Albus is wondering - did a sudden outburst come out of nowhere cause Kendra's death - which would leave Ariana blameless - or was it her magic getting stronger and the both of them were hiding it? BTW, I love the references to canon you included - Aberforth and the goats, for example :P

The section with Ariana was exquisite. I loved all the details about the differences between Kendra and the boys, and how she doesn't really understand her mother's death. As for the ending - omg. That was super. I get the feeling that Ariana's rebellion is going to cause ripples in the family >:D

I'm really sorry for the short review, but I'm typing as fast as is humanly possible because I want first review :$ But I just want to say, I love this story to bits, your characterization is perfect, and you are amazing for writing me this. ♥

Author's Response: ISOBEL! ♥

Muaha. Ahaha. :P I AM SO GLAD YOU ENJOY THIS FIC. BECAUSE IT IS YOURS, YOURS, ALL YOURS. ♥

I had a bit of fun with Gellert's letter, because well, he's a dark lord :P And a lot more interesting dark lord than dreary old mouldy Voldie. Aberforth did not kill Ariana ahahahah. Maybe Gellert is lying. Who knows. :P WHO KILLED ARIANA DUMBLEDORE. I would like to tell you what I know, but I have to write the story first.

Aww, your comments on the funeral section and how the narrative is so close to Albus' frame of thoughts really made my day! I was indeed trying to bring out as much 'Albus-ness' in the prose as possible. Lol Kendra's corpse. In my original NaNo novel, Kendra was one of the main characters, and I really did enjoy writing her, but now for the sake of this story, she's a corpse. I sort of feel sad at this!!

ARIANA DUMBLEDORE ♥ I have nothing else to say about her. Nearly done with writing the final bit of this next chapter, and there's a LOT of her in it; I hope I haven't gone too far...

THIS IS NOT A SHORT REVIEW AT ALL! ♥ ♥ THANK YOU, M'DEAR. Your love is much loved!

teehh

PS: Also in the next chapter: GELLERT GRINDELWALD. (the young one, not the bitter, angry one in prison)



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Review #7, by The MisfitWhere There's Smoke: Percy

1st January 2014:
Hello, Maggie! I'm here for the TGS review swap, sorry for the delay! ♥

I really loved the way you portrayed Percy! It was so heartbreaking to read about how his family rift began, but I think you depicted it well. Instead of twisting all the blame onto the Weasleys for making him an outcast, or portraying him as a pompous fool, you showed Percy as a beautiful character - a human with flaws, who made mistakes but who genuinely believed in what he thought was right. Your characterization is absolutely splendid!

I loved the way you depicted Percy overall, and I really like the friendship between Percy and Aberforth. It was lovely to read, and really explains how Percy managed to get to Hogwarts during the Battle in a canon way, which is a plus! Also, I find the thought of him communicating with Aberforth to get information on his family adorable - it shows how much love he has for his family, despite their differences. All the feels ♥

I did notice a couple of slight inconsistencies though - firstly, why Percy would have gone all the way to the Hog's Head after work for a drink? We know he could Apparate, but that's still difficult to do for long distances, especially if he was drinking alcohol which could impair his ability to get home. I think a little backstory would be nice - perhaps he was afraid of seeing people he knew in the Leaky Cauldron / Three Broomsticks who might judge him for "abandoning" his family and wanted to go somewhere where no-one knew him? Also, I seem to remember him telling the Ministry where to "stick the job" which isn't shown here, although that's not a major issue, it's just something I thought would be really nice to include to help tie this chapter into the books as a missing moment :)

Overall, I loved this chapter. It was super-lovely, with a wonderful, realistic portrayal of Percy and the way you explained everything was fantastic, as it ensured that this could fit really well into Potterverse. You have a really good first person narration, and it came across beautifully, and I'm really pleased to have had the opportunity to review this! ♥

-Isobel

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Review #8, by The MisfitMeissa: Prologue

11th December 2013:
Hi Janelle! Firstly, I'd just like to apologize for the delay in reviewing; I've been really tired the past few days and I wanted to give you a review worthy of your story, which is fabulous so far!

I really like the mysterious tone you've used in describing what's going on around the girl. The little details that you include - the knocks on the door for example - add a lot to this chapter. It's a breath of fresh air to have a Death Eater wannabe meet Voldemort in a situation that doesn't involve the whole group, but I'm wondering why this is and what makes this girl special, which is excellent because I want to read on!

I enjoyed the way Voldemort spoke to the girl; it's very authentic and gives off the impression that although he likes her, she remains disposable. Your interpretation of the Dark Mark is refreshingly unique - I've never read a story where it's split into two stages, and I like the way you've depicted this!

I also noticed a small typo: "But you bare only part of the mark." - bare should be bear ;)

Overall, this was a really interesting prologue and it definitely makes me want to read on! Excellent work, Janelle ♥

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the amazing review! I'll change that bare. Don't ask why I wrote wrote that! Lol. But seriously, thanks so much!

-Janelle


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Review #9, by The MisfitForever Young: Forever Young

24th October 2013:
SAM!

I really shouldn't be adding to your pile of unanswered reviews, but I just had to leave a review on this! ♥ Although it's shorter than I would have liked, you really portray the Weasley family well in this.

Fred Weasley and the fear of growing old, how ironic :P I really like this one-shot, although I would suggest making it longer and fleshing out the time expanse between when he's eight and 20. I do love the way you describe Muriel though, it sounds really authentic from an eight-year-old boy's perspective!

Absolutely lovely one-shot! ♥

Author's Response: ISOBEL!

A longer one-shot would have meant ripping out my heart (I sold my soul for what I did to Nicky).

Yes, the heart wrenching irony. What a combination, eh? :P

Thank you so much, I'm so happy you like the descriptions of Muriel and the Weasleys. I get nervous about canon characters. :)

Thank you for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #10, by The MisfitThe Break Up: The Break Up

8th October 2013:
OH, Tammi! I GET FIRST REVIEW XD

I really like this novella so far; it's an interesting premise! Rumours are definitely a part of life at Hogwarts and it's fun to see how Stacey's rumours backfired on her :P

I'd suggest breaking up that big paragraph near the top to make it easier to read (although I might just need glasses) ;)

Overall, I really like this story and I can't wait for the next chapter! :D

Author's Response: YAY! I'm so glad!! :D

I'm so glad that you like it! Oh her rumours are going to backfire on her so badly. :D It's going to be fun writing this!

Oppps, thank you hun! I've changed it now :D

Thank you so much!! I shall write the next chapter once I've planned it :D


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Review #11, by The MisfitWhat's the matter, Hugo?: What's the matter, Hugo?

30th September 2013:
TAMMI! :D I get the first review on this new one-shot, woo!

I love Hugo as a child! He seems very spoilt (in a nice way, if that makes sense?) and it's fun seeing his thought processes as he decides it's no good trying to persuade his dad, he'll have to persuade his mum :P

I haven't read many stories depicting Ron and Hermione as parents, but I have to say I like Hermione's characterization in this one! She's very firm, but sweet - she reminds me a little of Molly :3

Hugo's reaction to salad and extra-light mayo is hilarious XD I love them now, but I remember hating them as a kid :P Tut tut, they shouldn't have been fighting... AND OMG! HE SPOILED THE BOOK! That's readership sinning! :O

I loved the ending though! ♥ It was definitely fun to read and their plan was really amusing and definitely the kind of thing that kids their age with come up with :P Good luck with the challenge, Tammi!

Author's Response: ISOBEL! YAY! I'm so glad!!

I'm so glad that you love Hugo as a child, he is incredibly spoilt and he also knows how to manipulate his parents. :P

Aww I'm so glad that you think that! :D Molly has obviously taught her well! :D

Haha oh Hugo! He really hates salad and light mayo. :P Hugo was so fun to write in this!

Who would have thought that Hugo and Rose would have paired up? :P Thank you so much! *hugs* You're the best!!


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Review #12, by The MisfitHell Hath No Fury: Hell Hath No Fury

30th September 2013:
Wow.

I mean, just... wow. It's an incredibly good thing that I read this at nine o'clock in the morning, I assure you, because this one-shot was absolutely terrifying in the best way possible.

I love your use of the second-person POV here, and was astonished to see at the end that it was an experiment - this one-shot feels as if you've used this POV several times before and have perfected it. The way your sentences flow to be consistent with Astoria's thought process but also cohesively tell a story is wonderful. I especially liked how I was able to empathize with Astoria, and to some degree feel like I was her, but also possessed enough detachment to enjoy the story so much more. This is now one of my favourite stories, and I'm not usually a fan of second person POV so well done to you! :D

This story sent a chill down my spine from the very beginning, and I was scrolling down frantically to see what going to happen to Astoria. I was a little spooked when I realized that the nursery was decorated in pink, and I was actually thinking that she was going to lose the baby from the stress of being home alone in such a spooky house... I was half-right, I guess?

Your descriptions of Astoria attempting to escape were spot on - I could almost feel a doorknob underneath my grip while internally screaming "COME ON, GET OUT OF THERE" :3 And then you revealed Pansy, and despite the fact she's an obvious character to dislike Astoria, I was not expecting her and therefore had this big OMG moment.

Your descriptions of what Pansy did were written amazingly well - you managed to convey Astoria's anguish at what was happening to her and to her daughter, while depicting it sensitively. ♥ And I love how you hinted that Pansy was dying, but never explicitly stated her death (although I do think she died).

WHAT.

That final section just blew me away completely. Whatever I was expecting, it was not that - and it actually makes the story creepier, even though there's technically no horror in the final section. I love, love, love how the Malfoys rally around Astoria - you can tell they're very much a family unit - and that they're all working together to help her. But at the same time, it breaks my heart to imagine her constantly looking out of the corner of her eye, thinking she should have something other than a flat stomach.

The ending was utterly perfect though - the relief was so touching in those three sentences.

There were a couple of "your" and "you're"s mixed up in this one-shot, but aside from that, I couldn't spot any errors at all. This is honestly a wonderful piece of writing, and I enjoyed reading it very much!

-Isobel

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Review #13, by The MisfitIn The Black: The Order Assignments

18th July 2013:
Eee eeeh. *cries at the lack of Sneth in this chapter* You do know that my feels are currently staging a protest? :P

And yet, this was as super as ever! All of the characters here were perfect (and yes, I laughed at Sirius' reaction to being told he'd be training as an Auror). I guess being a part of the Order means that strings are being pulled for them, considering that they haven't officially applied to the Ministry as far as I can recall. :P

I know that McGonagall is concerned that the Marauders and the girls are too young to be a part of the Order, but I can't help wondering why she's so against it. If they weren't Order members, they'd actually be in more danger because of their beliefs and the fact that they'd be mainly unprotected. I just can't help feeling that there's something more than youth in her doubt. (I hope that made sense :3)

WAIT. I was just about to type something about Beth's uncertainty about becoming an Auror but it got replaced by a lightbulb question - is she subconsciously concerned that in her mission, she might end up having to arrest Severus?! :3

And James' announcement came right out of the blue! I know this story is mostly from Beth's POV so that would be why, and James probably thought about it before now, but awww. James is growing up ♥ I just hope that the proposal goes more successfully than Sneth's non-existent relationship is...

And the ending just made me completely empathize with what you said in your AN - they're growing up. Our Marauders are growing up and it's both so sad and wonderful and the fact that you're invoking so many conflicting emotions in one moment just blows me away ♥

Author's Response: *cries at the lack of Sneth in basically this whole book* I hope I didn't bore anyone too terribly by making their relationship so stop-and-start... One might argue realism has no place in fan fiction. Oh well!

I think McGonagall is largely against having such young people in the Order because they were, for seven years, her students -- her children, really. (I'm under the impression she'd see most of her students as children, and would care about them in a personal way.) So yes, it's more than youth -- it's sort of the feeling of a mother sending her children off to war. If that makes any sense!

*whistles at your assumption about Beth and Severus and mission work*

To Beth and Sirius, and basically anyone but James, that announcement would definitely have seemed totally out of the blue indeed. :D You'll have to see how it goes, though!

Oh, I have such intense feels right now. Sneth feels. My babies. :( They're so old now... Oh, don't mind me, I'm getting sentimental. ♥ Thank you for reviewing!!


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Review #14, by The MisfitIn The Black: Forgiving

18th July 2013:
(I totally forgot to say hi in the last chapter. HELLO, RACHEL ♥)

Somehow, even though you're describing a monologue / several days' events in a few paragraphs, you manage to keep things moving and I love that. There are no blunt transitions between event summarization and the chapter's events - it's so smooth and seamless and I take my hypothetical hat off to you. XD

I really like Beth deciding to write to her parents. Even though she's seventeen, she's actually more mature than them in some respects and, compared to her slight immaturity in ignoring Severus' beliefs on blood purity, you balance her character really well. The letter was very aloof on first read, but I liked the touch about Beth trying to make more space - personally, I think that shows she does have some love for her parents to try and give them a decent letter instead of a brief note. :3

Teehee, that chess/poker gag was so funny! And now, it becomes official that Sirius and Severus are allergic to each other :P I love how Beth is starting to stand up to Sirius more now, reprimanding him for his insults - although there does seem to be a lot of bumping into each other in this chapter. Oh, and you did fabulously writing this tension-filled bump with Sneth and then making me burst out into laughter when Sarah bumped into Flitwick (partly because I was visualizing the very large purple moon that is TP's icon floating in mid-air and hitting Flitwick on the nose :3)

And that ending with Sneth! I love the realisticness of this pairing, but ugh. That was one of the moments where there was so much feely tension in the air that I was internally screaming "COME ON, JUST KISS, YOU IDIOTS".

You make me love this pairing so much ♥

Author's Response: (HELLO, KATIE. ♥) Keeping things moving in chaptered stories -- especially my HPFF novels, which always seem to have small time jumps -- is very important, and I'm grinning like mad to hear you think I've done it well. One less thing to worry about! Although, let's be honest -- I'll worry about it anyway. It's what I do.

Beth's parents are so distracted by their personal problems that their daughter is, to them, little more than a tool. So, yes, I do think she's more mature in some respects, definitely (and in others, definitely not). She does love her parents, as anyone with parents would love them, but she's getting to the point where she realizes that she controls her life, and they don't.

Ah, that chess/poker gag. ♥ Sarah's a doll. I am so proud of Beth and her friendship with Sirius, which was really almost as fun to write, throughout the entire trilogy, as her relationship/non-relationship with Sev. It makes it that much more fun, too, that Sirius and Sev can't stand each other... drama!

JUST KISS, YOU IDIOTS. I'm screaming that right alongside you! :D Thank you so much for reviewing ITB again!!


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Review #15, by The MisfitIn The Black: The Row

18th July 2013:
Eee eee eee eee. When the HC task said "review your OTP", Sneth instantly came to mind - so here I am and typing as frantically as I can!

Your beginning is wonderful - you offer so much detail that it's easy for me to remember what happened last chapter without being repetitive. I was worried that as it's been a few months away from ITB, I'd have to re-read a few chapters to catch up but no, you're superb on gentle reminds.

Sirius is spot on - I know I must sound terribly repetitive when I say your Marauders characterization is the best I've read on HPFF, but it's true. ♥ And Dumbledore - he's so perfect I don't have the vocabulary to describe him. That scene where he stands up unexpectedly, and his little speech, would absolutely not look out of place in the Potter books!

Ugh, one chapter in and my Sneth feels hurt. You have this uncanny ability to make me want to reach into the computer screen and hug Severus, because even though I totally agree with Beth on the purity issue, you've written Severus so humanly that I feel bad at his floundering at saying the wrong thing even though his beliefs just grate against mine. It's just so heartwarming and realistic to read ♥

And the way that you ended this chapter just felt right. Beth's feelings for Severus have been Beth's for seven years, and just because the Marauders now know doesn't mean she's going to tell them everything about Sneth, and I love that you're remaining so consistent. ♥

*hands over Nutella-covered chocolate brownies*

Author's Response: I am delighted FOREVER that you chose Sneth as your OTP to review for the Cup challenge! ♥ Honestly, honestly, honestly made my entire month. And I'm very glad that it was easy for you to pick right back up where you left off, because as a fan fiction writer, I think that's really important in a story like this.

I love my Marauders so much, and it thrills me to no end when other people think I can write them, too. :) That's definitely my favorite era to write! (With the possible exception of Hogwarts, because I'm crazy for canon.) Fitting everything into the facts we know, and keeping characters as close to the way J.K. Rowling wrote them as possible, is like a little puzzle for me, and one I always love working out.

Severus will always accept your hugs! Lord knows I've tried to hug him myself enough times over the years. (I'll let you figure out whether or not I'm telling the truth on that one.) He's got really good traits, and really bad ones, and I'm so fascinated with him for those reasons. I was about to say my love for him could fill a book... but then it's already filled three, hasn't it?

CONSISTENT. One of the best words I could see in a review for this story ever! I'm squealing so much right now -- that's huge for me, writing a trilogy. Thank you so much for this amazing review!! You're too kind, my dear, but I'll accept it anyway, just because.


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Review #16, by The MisfitMundungus Fletcher: Mundungus Fletcher

17th July 2013:
Oooh, this is really interesting! I've never read something that features Mundungus Fletcher, so this instantly caught my eye! I like how you started his compulsion to steal; a lot of kids always want what their friends have and you can tell he's just a normal kid then - but then the adrenaline rush. It's fabulous that you portrayed him as not wanting to sell things on (at least not at such a young age) as I've never thought he started stealing out of malice. The Magpie nickname was so cute, too ♥

EEEK HE STOLE HIS BEST FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND. (Side note: I love your headcanon of Mundungus' history - it's very similar to mine! :D) I don't think the poor boy had many friends after that :( I'd really love to see what happens when Michaela realizes what Mundungus did - if you ever write that, let me know! ;)

I did spot a couple of typos: making sure he was around to over her comforting advice - over should be offer. ;) Also, in your summary and the last line of your story, you use the word "has" which is present tense, but the story is written in past tense, so it should be "had".

Apart from that, this was a fabulous read! You did brilliantly capturing Mundungus' character in so few words ♥

Author's Response: I'm really glad that you enjoyed this story, I have never read anything about him either and it was definitely a challenge to write about him. I'm glad that you liked that, I wanted to show that he was a thief from a young age and that he developed his skills since then. I'm glad that you liked that nickname, it was the only one I could think of that would fit in with the stealing.

Yep, Mundungus would steal anything that he could get his hands on. Oh wow! Look at us with similar headcanons! *highfive* I don't think he did either. I might have to write that, I'll see if any ideas come to me and then I'll let you know. :D

Whoops! Thanks for pointing those out, I shall go back and edit those. Thank you :D

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to it.


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Review #17, by The MisfitBad Blood: Five

16th July 2013:
EEE EEE EEE EEE EEEK.

So it /was/ Snape! I /knew/ there was something fishy about what he said to Remus, but I think my brain was too canon to compute that Snape would be the one to kill Lily! *cries* I thought he was involved with Wilkes and whoever that other Slytherin was (Rosier?) but I didn't think he would be /the one/.

Ugh. You hurt my poor feels. :(

Tbh, I didn't even think that was possible after you killed off Lily, but you've managed to. Congratulations :P And you know, despite the fact that Severus was actually one of my theories, you were just so clever in your writing and so skilled that even though I was right, you made me second-guess myself.

The fact that you're planning on writing another mystery both excites and terrifies me. I'm excited because your writing is always superb, but even more so in mystery for the reasons stated above, and terrified because you are /too/ good. Do you eat feels for breakfast or something? :P

Don't ever stop writing, because your work is too fabulous. Thank you so much for writing such an amazing story, and convincing me that AU isn't /that/ bad. :P ♥

*goes off to cry in the corner because poor, poor Severus* (I know he's not quite all there mentally, but I still want to reach into the archives and give him a hug :3)

Love, cookies and cupcakes for wonderful Rachel ♥

Author's Response: It was Snape! Even through the Sneth series and all I've written about him... I couldn't resist making him the bad guy here. When I wrote the "worthless witch" line, I was so sure I was being beyond obvious, so it was fun getting to dangle the culprit's identity over everyone's heads for just a bit longer than that!

I did try and trip people up, of course, with the Wilkes/Rosier red herring (and the fact that I was basically being nonsensical in my review responses just for the sole reason that I could). I would definitely love to try and write another mystery! I have vague ideas for a Harry/OC murder mystery that would extend into something longer -- possibly even a novel -- but I haven't decided if I'll write it yet. Come to think of it, I have virtually NO plans for any long-term HPFF at the moment. How sad is that?

Of course I eat feels for breakfast! And sometimes for lunch. And as snacks throughout the day. :) I will seriously go out of my way to watch or listen to anything that makes me sad or scared, so there you have it. True story.

I promise to never stop writing. ♥ I don't know what I'd do without writing, anyway -- how did I ever survive before I started writing essentially full-time? I'll convert you to love AU fic, Katie, I swear I will! Thank you for reviewing and keeping up with this story, and being such an awesome friend in general. I hope to hear more from you very soon!


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Review #18, by The MisfitAgainst the World: A Pointless Death...

16th July 2013:
Wow.

That was really unexpected. I mean, I kind of guessed as soon as I saw the chapter title, but I was hoping that it wasn't. Allie's death was a very sudden development - I'd thought she might make her parents take her out of Hogwarts or something, but not this. I'd recommend dropping small hints in previous chapters, because this is /Allie's/ POV you're writing in. If this was one of the others' POVs, I'd understand the shock but if Allie felt depressed enough to commit suicide, I think she'd have contemplated it before actually doing it.

There's so much regret in this chapter that it really kicked me in the feels. I mean, I've been bullied and I empathized with Allie throughout this story, but Molly's description of how she, Willow and Albus feel... awww. And I'm glad that Allie's death really brought Albus to his senses - it's sad that something so traumatic was what it took, but it would have been worse if he hadn't been bothered by it.

The school attending her funeral was so typical of teenagers - pretending that they care. I'd like to think that Molly, Willow and Albus did more to take care of bullied kids after Allie's death, and that it taught them something. Reality's so sad.

I'd advise just adding more information to this story to really get into the characters' POVs, but you've done brilliantly conveying emotions, especially through dialogue.

Good luck with the challenge! ♥

Author's Response: Yeah - it did occur to me that I could just take her out of the situation, but this was for a 'real life' challenge, and teen suicide is a major, real-life problem. You're right, and when I do go back over this and edit I'll add in some more details.

I'm glad you felt something when reading it - I actually cried while writing this chapter. Those three aren't really antagonists. Albus was insensitive, and stupid, but in this chapter you do see that he cares.

I do think that Allie's death shaped Molly, Willow and Albus into more understanding people. This was a real-life challenge - I wasn't trying to write a fairy-tale where Allie turns into a confident, self-assured person.

Thank you so much for your reviews!

Cheers, SW.


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Review #19, by The MisfitAgainst the World: A Confrontation...

16th July 2013:
I'm not trying to be harsh or anything, but the first sentence of this chapter really confused me, and I wanted to point it out because it's the very beginning of your chapter, so it is important. You've got a good story here, and I wouldn't want a confusing beginning to spoil that ;) You said that Allie's going to the Great Hall for breakfast, but you've already mentioned in previous chapters that she eats separately, in the hospital wing. I strongly recommend fixing that - perhaps you could make her go to the first class of the day and that's where she runs into Albus, Molly and Willow (I know Molly's a year older, but perhaps she's got a free lesson so is off to the library?) - I'd find that more realistic and in keeping with the rest of what you've written before. :)

I like Allie's confidence here - you've portrayed very well the effects of looking up to someone and trying to mimic them. Molly and Willow were good at standing up for her, but Allie /is/ right, they've never done that before so why are they doing that now?

Allie's ideas of there being a conspiracy between Molly, Albus and Willow is believable, when you take into consideration their past actions. It's certainly not surprising that she rejects Albus' apologies. Although I'd like to see some more characterization on Albus' part, particularly regarding the peer pressure he claims he's under. :)

And you've ended on a very intriguing cliffhanger! :D It definitely makes me want to continue!

Author's Response: Not harsh at all - I missed that, thanks. I think I added something in to explain it. :)

Thanks, Allie is intrigued by Molly and Willow's abilities to be more confident, so she's really, really trying. And yes, they haven't stood up for her before, so now she's kinda angry and upset.

Yes, I think when I go back over this and edit, I might add in a paragraph in Albus' POV, just to show people that there are two sides to every story.

Cheers, SW.


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Review #20, by The MisfitAgainst the World: A Bit of Wisdom...

16th July 2013:
Oooh, Allie's getting confident! Although it's very realistic to see that it's not perfect confidence and can fade as quickly as it came. First in the Three Broomsticks with causing attention and storming out, then instantly regretting it, and later in History of Magic when she stands up to Albus but loses it before she can follow through with her retorts. I like Willow's characterization too, and Allie's surprise at discovering that Willow does feel nervous sometimes is understandable - when you're bullied, you tend to believe other people's facades because you're made to think you're the only victim, and you've shown that really well.

I'd suggest adding some more description and substance to this chapter though. While you convey Allie's thoughts and emotions well enough through the dialogue, having some more description to flesh the chapter out would really improve it :)

Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah, I like that she's gradually realising that she /can/ stand up to people, but she just isn't suddenly amazingly confident. Allie thinks that nobody else has issues with socialising and being made fun of. She's just beginning to understand that they do.

Yes, it all does need more description. It's my annoying tendency to write a lot of dialogue, but not much describing the situations.

Cheers, SW.


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Review #21, by The MisfitAgainst the World: A New Friend...

16th July 2013:
(Oh, and I forgot to mention in the last review, Gryffindor and Hufflepuff take Herbology together. I'd advise you to change the class that Allie is skipping to keep the story canon, or at least explain why the class schedule was changed. Just my opinion here!)

I really liked your first and second sections! Molly definitely shows her Hufflepuff qualities here by offering to be friends with Allie. She strikes me as a really nice girl, trying to do what she can to help, considering she's just fifteen. And the conversation topics she chose are actually realistic for a fifteen-year-old girl trying to make friends with someone she doesn't know at all. Just be careful about stereotyping Hufflepuffs - we aren't all stupid. Tonks and Cedric certainly weren't. ;)

The last section, I think, needs most expansion. Why would Molly, who you've previously depicted a nice girl, take Allie to a lunch meeting that includes the boy who bullies her? I know Molly and Albus are cousins, but personally if I was Allie, my brain would jump to the conclusion of "conspiracy!". Also, why would she voluntarily sit at the same table as him? If she felt pressure to impress Molly and Willow, it didn't come through as much as it could have done. I would pay the most attention to that section when you do your edits :)

That said, you've done fantastically in showing that even though Allie has made friends with Molly, she still suffers from her lack of confidence and that's not going to just disappear. Well done on that!

Also, I loved the line where Willow congratulates her for still being alive! It's a very uplifting line that helps to stop the chapter from being /too/ down :)

Author's Response: Oh, yep, missed that. I'll fix it when I have some free time.

Thanks! I love Molly, she's so wonderfully nice! I hope I'm not over-stereotyping - I certainly don't think Hufflepuffs are stupid.

Yes, that section does need improving. As I've said before, this is just a rough story that I had to write very quickly for a challenge. Thanks for the pointers :) .

Allie is too unsure of things and herself to simply suddenly become super-confident. I didn't want to write her like that; it isn't realistic.

Thanks, I like Willow - she can be really good at diverting a situation.

Cheers, SW.


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Review #22, by The MisfitAgainst the World: An Introduction...

16th July 2013:
Ooh, interesting start! I really like how you've portrayed Allie's vulnerability here, although I'm intrigued as to why you chose Albus to be the one who bullies her, considering that he came across very unsure of himself in the DH epilogue - although I suppose a lot could change in three/four years!

I think the second half needs a bit more depth, though. Allie mentions that Molly doesn't like to be associated with her - but what would make her think that? Especially as Molly comforts her a couple of sentences later. I think you could expand that section with a little more explanation as to the characters' motives, but overall, this is a good beginning to your story! :D

Author's Response: Thanks! Albus has been peer-pressured and made some wrong decisions. It just seemed to me that he would be a character maybe who would be more easily influenced.

I personally think the whole story needs more depth - it was only a quick short story written for a challenge and it needed to be posted quickly. In the future (near or far) I'll go through it and add more to it. Allie is like the school pariah - nobody really wants to be associated with her. Molly didn't really have anything to do with her beforehand, as she's a year older.

Cheers, SW.


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Review #23, by The MisfitBad Blood: Three

2nd July 2013:
WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! YOU ARE EVIL!! XD

I just... I have no words to say. Except that this is /most/ definitely AU because /of course/ that's why Snape knows what the letter says! (yes, I'm no longer using dialogue tasg because they take too long. Sue me. :P) Or, it could just be coincidence and Remus is reading too much into what Snape's saying because they're all on tenterhooks after George Ashers death and ah. YOU ARE EVIL. fFor every possible, semi-plausible guess to what's on the horizon for Bad Blood that I can glean from your ritign, it also provid s me with enough information to shried my suspicions into tatters.

*wails*

James is perfect. And Sirius is perfect. all of the Marauders are perfect, basically, because you just write them wonderfully. James' thought process, Sirius' whistling, Remus' bookishness, Peteer's distance, Lily's forcefulness... I know I've said this a million times but I LOVE THEM. ♥

And I am currently flailing and I am so so so sorry for what I suspect must be some tyops in this review but I just had to tell you that the feels are amazing and wonderful and evil and devastating and heartrbreaking and I want next Wednesdya to come already :3

YOU ARE AMAZING RACHEL ♥ ♥

Author's Response: This is most definitely AU! It was largely AU straight from the beginning -- which I sort of like, really. There's great freedom that comes when you get around to purposefully straying from canon, if that makes sense. An important thing to note is Snape's word choice toward the end of his dialogue, too...

Thank you so much for appreciating my Marauders. ♥ It really does mean so much to me! This era is definitely my favorite to write, and there's a lot of emotion that comes with them, which I suspect is a large part of why I do it.

The next chapter's up a little early, so happy Christmas in July! :D Seriously, thanks for this review, and for all your support. I'm so happy you're enjoying the story so much!!


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Review #24, by The MisfitLogarithmic: (2)

18th June 2013:
Hello again, Val ♥ Ooh, I might be the first person to review this chapter?! Eeek! I'll apologize in advance for any typos you may see in this review, then :P

I really love your introduction of Eloise in this chapter! It was great to see her interactions with Hannah and Susan, and learn how they became friends - you managed to get that across without info-dumping too, which is great! I also like how you described the war's toll on each of them - from Helen Midgeon's concern, to Hannah's cynical attitude, to Susan and her family's grieving and the rather amusing anecdote of that journalist's fate :P Your descriptions of how they handle the situation were so diverse, and I really like that!

I did get a little confused at your mention of Oscar, though, considering I have no idea who or what he is. After going back to re-read the first chapter, I'm guessing that he might be the Kneazle Eloise's parents bought her as a child? You might want to expand upon that a bit ;)

I love how you described the Hufflepuff common room, and how comfortable Eloise felt there. It was really lovely indeed XD

Cormac's introduction was fabulous too! I love how already, he's overexaggerating about the Bowtruckles, disobeys medical orders, and getting into detention - he's very much the arrogant seventeen-old he's portrayed as in the books! I love how he thinks Eloise is just going to swoon over him and track him down, and is surprised when she doesn't - ALREADY I'M SHIPPING THEM ♥

I did notice a tiny typo though. - Again, though, she disappeared, and Cormac was left with nothing but the handkerchief embroidered E.M. that he Accio'd out of her pocket. - I think it should be he had Accio'd or he'd Accio'd, since it's past tense :3 It's not a big deal, though, I just thought you would want to know so you can fix it :)

This is an absolutely super chapter and I can't wait for the next one! (Come on, you've already written the final chapter... you can surely write the third one?! :P) Thank you for the shout-out too!

Amazing as always, Val ♥

PS: When I previewed this review, I realized that I said "I love" a lot... That's because this chapter is so brilliant that it's stolen all my vocabulary ;)

Author's Response: OH NO NOT YOU AGAIN.

(Just joking, I love you for coming back despite my ridiculous updating skills.).

I am so, so glad you think that I'm not info-dumping and that this is interesting. For now, these feel really fillery, which is why I'm having so much trouble writing them... Also, I have no idea how to write grief, so I'm happy you thought it was good (which makes me sound a bit weird, doesn't it).

Yes, Oscar is the Kneazle. I will clear that up asap.

The Hufflepuff common room is my favourite thing in the world, and I apologise to my house pride that is currently sulkkng in the corner. BUT COME ON. It is obejctively awesome.

I had way too much fun writing from Cormac's POV. He is so arrogant I really want to hit him sometimes, but at the same time the poor guy has nonidea what just him -- he's in luuurve, or definitely on the right path to get there!

YOU MAY SHIP THEM BECAUSE I DO TOO.

Ugh, typos. Will edit, thank you for noticing it!

Chapter three will be up as soon as I access a computer, send it to Jami, and get it back. But I can also PM you sneak previews, I suppose!

THANK YOU ♥


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Review #25, by The MisfitBad Blood: One

15th June 2013:
How do you do this, Rachel? Seriously, you just blow me away with your awesomeness ♥ I've heard about this story for the last couple of months now so when I saw it posted yesterday, I just couldn't help myself from clicking and reading :3 I'm trying to avoid Marauders at the moment, but this is AU which helps keep my headcanon intact - which brings me to why you're wonderful. I'm hooked on an AU fic. (I'm not sure if you remember, but I think I mentioned to you that AU fics and I didn't mesh well together.)

Anyway. I'll get to the review now :P I loved your description of the anonymous letter-sender; I could perfectly visualize the surroundings right down to the flickering candle, and your inclusion of his/her thought process was fabulous. ♥ (S)he obviously doesn't work well under pressure, or has a bad memory, because if I was planning to commit a series of murders I'd obsess over the smallest details and make sure everything was perfect, and your letter-writer's afterthought indicated otherwise. *lightbulb moment* Although, you could be trying to trick us and have the letter-writer deliberately use messier handwriting than normal for the envelope, so that it wouldn't be recognized instantly by passing Gryffindors in the common room because (s)he is a Gryffindor :3 Meep. I'm also making note of the fact that the letter-writer is right-handed here, so that I don't forget - it might be important in future chapters; it might not. I'm not taking the risk of forgetting! :P

Onwards to breakfast, and I know I've said this before, but your characterizations and descriptions of the Marauders are literally to die for. James is just so perfect - so indignant at the thought of someone sending nasty letters to Lily, and assuring her he would trace down the letter without knowing anything about it is just so James ♥ Sirius and his sandwich had me in stitches, too - his personality is absolutely spot on. I'm slightly disappointed Remus and Peter didn't have much of a role in this chapter, but this is a James/Lily fanfic, after all. I have to be honest with you, though - when I was reading the section where the Marauders are described, I was actually hoping for Beth to get mentioned - I know she was created for the Sneth trilogy but I miss her in this story, and I've read hundreds of Marauders fanfics over the years and never once felt that an OC was missing until now. (See what I mean about your talent being illegally good?) Random mention: I really like how you used "speared" to describe Remus putting a fork in a kipper, because spears are generally associated with hunters and Remus' werewolf form is a hunter... and here I am reading too much into things again. *ninja eyes*

I did notice one little minor typo: He might get burn his nose - I think you meant he might get to burn his nose? It's not a big deal, I just thought I'd mention it because otherwise, the grammar and spelling are perfect. ♥

Right. Theories. My first instinct is that there would be four murders - one for each mention of Mudblood in the second line, and that's what I'm sticking to until I have more information. I've also, during writing this review, considered that it might be Severus sending that letter to Lily, not as a threat but to warn her; however, he fears if he told her outright she might not believe him so he wrote it anonymously and make it look like a threat so Lily would take it seriously and look out for herself. Then again, this is AU, so for all we know Severus might hate Lily. *whimpers* I NEED MORE INFORMATION, RACHEL!

And I think I've written an entire essay (the character countdown isn't working for me at the moment) in this review, so I'm just going to sign off with a "this is fabulous, and I absolutely cannot wait for the next chapter" - because really, I can't. This story is just too good. ♥

Author's Response: -cackles- I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE, KATIE. And no worries, because this is definitely an AU short story! I can't tell you specifically why, of course, but nothing is sacred. I do remember you telling me that you're a strict lover of canon, and it means even more to me now that you've left such a wonderful review on this first chapter!

The first section of the chapter, with the letter-sender, was very much supposed to be set apart from James's second half in language and detail, and it's so neat that everyone's seemed to make note of that difference. ♥ I'm so pleased you liked it! And it is a touch significant that the writer's handwriting went messy on the envelope, by the way.

I LOVE MY MARAUDERS SO MUCH. James is, I think, my favorite to write (followed really, really closely by Sirius), and it means a lot to me that you thought his characterization was on-point here. Your comment about including more Remus/Peter is duly noted, and they actually do make a larger appearance in chapter three! I became really used to leaving them out of the plot for "Breaking Even" plot purposes (there's a reason why they sort of stay in the background there), and sometimes I need to jerk away from the mindset. ;) And oh my gosh, it felt so darn weird not to include Beth in this scene. I missed her very much, way more than I anticipated. To know that you missed her too leaves me speechless. ♥ I have no words for how much that means to me.

-cackling again at all your theories- I WILL TELL YOU NOTHING. The next chapter should be up before too long, though! I'm almost writing chapter 3 at the moment, in fact. All will be revealed in time!

Thank you for a lovely review, Katie. I'm so pleased to have you reading something of mine again! You are too kind. ♥


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