Reading Reviews From Member: apondinabluebox
124 Reviews Found

Review #1, by apondinablueboxWhat It Takes: What It Takes

2nd June 2015:
Hi Cassie! I'm here for our review swap!

When I saw the summary, I was really intrigued because it's very rare that I read about platonic friendships between two members of the opposite sex; most of them usually end up with the friendship developing into a romance, but not here, and I enjoyed that.

It was adorable that Simon was wearing dress robes for Hannah's wedding, because as a Muggle they would have been very strange to him. I love how their friendship has continued through the years, how magic and Hogwarts and the war haven't torn them apart.

Hannah having pre-wedding nerves, as many brides do, was very sweet because it showed more of the bond between her and Simon. I loved how it was so easy for him to reassure her and not let her nerves overwhelm her wedding.

I was surprised when the POV switched to Simon's, but it was great to see the flip side of their friendship. It was quite sweet having Simon be completely taken aback by Hannah's pregnancy. Even though she's been married to Neville for three years and has been with him for even longer, there's still a part of him that thinks of her as the child he grew up with. Aww. :)

Making Simon baby Frank's godfather just felt so appropriate after everything they've been through, and I'd love to see more expansion about them in the future.

Thanks for the swap, Cassie; it was fun reading this enjoyable one-shot!

Author's Response: Hello!
I'm so glad you enjoyed this! I agree that platonic friendships between people who are the opposite sex doesn't get written about enough, since plenty of people (myself included) have friends of the opposite sex that they'd never date. I like showing that sometimes, and being able to just focus on a friendship rather than a romantic relationship.
Simon totally supports Hannah, and Neville, as well, so things like wearing dress robes would definitely be odd for him, but he'd do it to make his friends happy.
Simon is one of Hannah's oldest friends, so if anyone would be able to calm her down, it's him.
I'm glad you liked seeing Simon's side of things! I think when you've been friends with someone since you were kids, thinking about them getting married and having babies is always a little weird. And I couldn't not make Simon Frank's godfather.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this! If you want to read more about Hannah and Simon, my House Cup entry from last year, which is called Until the Very End, is also about them.
Thank you for the swap!
Cassie :)

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Review #2, by apondinablueboxIsabella: Thirteen Candles

2nd June 2015:
Hi Kaitlin! Here for our review swap!

So I saw this and immediately, I wanted to read this. I absolutely love the idea of expanding upon JK's world, and Mexico was such an unusual place to write about that I just couldn't not read this.

Your descriptions of Isabella riding out with the cattle are immensely absorbing. You write about her surroundings beautifully, so that I as a reader can easily picture the scene in my mind's eye but at the same time, it's clearly a child's narrative with all the distractions that appear, like thinking about the story behind the skirt when the wind blows it up instead of rushing to push it back down.

It's intriguing how the unlucky thirteen holds so much significance here, with the crazy old woman placing so much emphasis on it. I can't help, with her smashing the door down, drawing parallels between her and Hagrid, but at the same time the fact she was already in Isabella's life before then is reminiscent of Mrs Figg, so she's like a combination of those two characters. As there's no magic mentioned here yet, I'm presuming that Isabella is a Muggle-born and the witch is bringing news of the magical world and her initiation into it.

I noticed a missing comma in this sentence: "Lo siento, mama*" I return. It's not a major thing, but your writing is of such good quality that in my opinion, it would be a shame to let small typos detract from it. While I'm on the topic, the asterisks tended to trip me up while I was reading. I would recommend removing them, as the translations at the bottom of the chapter are perfectly fine, but if you want to highlight the Spanish words you could put them in italics. A lot of writers do that, and it helps to convey that the words are deliberately foreign without interrupting the flow of the chapter.

Overall, you've created a beautiful setting with an intriguing plot beginning and an interesting protagonist; all combining to make a fantastic beginning to your story. I would be happy to swap again, if you'd like to! Honestly, this is fabulous!

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Review #3, by apondinablueboxStuck On You: Slipping Faith

2nd June 2015:
*pokes* Time to update, Tammi.

(And now I'll just hide under my duvet, ignoring my own hypocrisy.)

There's so much I want to say about this chapter. I love how you've made Audrey a Healer in this story, I don't think I've ever seen that before, so straight away it's unique. And I loved the bit where she said she needed to turn Fred's skin back to a normal colour because the green was hurting her eyes! XD

I'm really interested to know the story behind Lydia's family. Her never being at home (which is probably why she was also behind the scenes at the Weasleys' shop in the first place), her parents never at home, the fact they won't mind her staying over at a boy's... That's really strange, that they wouldn't ask questions, and then there George giving her sad looks. There's definitely something going on there, and I'm intrigued.

Aw. I just wanted to hug her so much when I read the part about her having a crush on Fred, but him laughing when he found out. That can explain why she has problems keeping her temper under control with him, because she hates him for that, but being attracted to him at the same time is going to be difficult for her. And now she has to be with him 24/7 for the foreseeable future. *squishes Lydia*

Breaking Fred's nose was not a good idea, though, despite all the hospital trips Lydia sees in their future. She does need to learn to behave... Then again, there are times when he is a prat. :P

I loved the character development in this chapter, Tammi, and I can't wait for more! You're doing a fabulous job with this fic!

Author's Response: Hahaha!

Awww yay! Yep, she's very different from my other Audrey (I must say that I prefer my other Audrey :P She's a lot more fun)

To be fair, it was a bright green :P It would have hurt anyones eyes.

I shall elaborate on her family, don't you worry! :D

*Squishes Lydia too*

Oh no, she's going to regret breaking his nose :P But it's going to happen a lot in their future haha.

Thank you so much Isobel!!!

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Review #4, by apondinablueboxStuck On You: It's Like I'm Stuck

2nd June 2015:
Hahahaha! I remember reading this when you first posted it (and I could've sworn I'd left a review, but clearly not; sorry about that) but this is funnier than I remember. Fred and Lydia's argument is definitely realistic, and I love your hints at their history throughout school. I hope you'll expand on that in future chapters, because it would be interesting seeing how they got to this point.

Oh dear. George really shouldn't be leaving those potions bottles around, it's a recipe for disaster. Quite literally. I love how they've caused so many effects, like Fred being green, and it's really lucky neither of them were seriously injured. I'm wondering now if there were other effects that haven't yet had the chance to manifest. Hmm.

It's really funny having George make puns instead of actually helping, but I suppose he could see that if they were arguing then there wasn't really anything to worry about :P

This is a great first chapter and I can't wait to read the next one!

Author's Response: ISOBEL!!

Aw yay! I need to get back to this story and finish writing it, I may need you to poke me! Just continually text me until it's done!

I shall expand on their history, don't you worry!

Nope, he really shouldn't have left them around, but I reckon he planned it somehow haha. There are going to be more side effects, don't you worry!

Can George do anything other than make puns? Hahaha

Thank you so much Isobel!! I love you so much!!!

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Review #5, by apondinablueboxthe earth and the sky: the earth and the sky

1st June 2015:

I think you broke me.

This is the ooh, seventh time I'm typing this review. The first four times, I was still reeling from the sheer awesomeness of this one-shot that I simply couldn't articulate how mind-blowingly fabulous it is. I just wrote random words and it didn't make sense. The fifth time, I was finally getting somewhere when the evil internet decided to crash my browser and delete all the words I'd written. The sixth time, I was so absorbed in detailing how much I loved reading this story, how you've cemented Draco/Astoria as my OTP, how I was so captivated while I was reading, that I didn't realise my iPad was running low on battery until I was death-screened. :(

So. Seventh time lucky, I hope. The iPad is on charge, I've touched wood and now I'm finally able to explain just how captivating your writing is. I especially admired how you chose to refer to Draco and Astoria as primarily "he" and "she". By whittling down the number of times you used their names and terms such as "his wife" or "her husband", you created a story that was based predominately on them being people. Draco didn't fall in love with Astoria because of her name, or her career, or her social standing, or anything else; he fell in love with her, and vice versa. You did a brilliant job of conveying that to the reader.

I loved how their relationship blossomed out of friendship. How they fell in love with each other's quirks and flaws; how it was those little things that they remember of each other, not the standard criteria of good looks and acceptable acquaintances. It felt so truthful, so innocent, so beautifully organic that I'm simply struggling to imagine their relationship occurring in any other form right now, which doesn't bode well for my own Draco/Astoria. But I digress.

The way you had Draco fall into alcoholism after the war made so much sense. It can be an overused plot device sometimes, but you wrote him in such a way that it felt inevitable. His addiction wasn't just a case of, "I need some angst to fuel the plot. Ooh, let's make Draco an alcoholic!", it was something that made sense in the context of the demons plaguing his nightmares, of relieving Crabbe's death over and over again in his mind.

And their first kiss was anything but perfect, yet that in itself made it perfect. It felt natural, like the next stepping stone in their relationship, just like everything that followed.

Had there ever been any other answer?

That sentence, repeated throughout this story, made perfection just that more perfect (which I'm aware is an impossible thing, but then this story is just that: making hearts crumble to ashes with every sentence, every paragraph, feeding the hungry beast that is the masochist in us all by the choice to continue reading. And I'm sorry if that didn't make sense, but I'm afraid that my brain is no longer functioning after reading this breathtaking one-shot, so nonsense is to be expected. And I need to stop getting off topic here.)

The fact that Draco chose to visit a Muggle jeweller to purchase Astoria's engagement ring was a brilliant thing to include, and added a chink of light-heartedness into the story with his confusion about ring sizes and stones. I like how Blaise was the one to persuade him to that, particularly as later on in the story he's who Astoria turns to in a moment of weakness, and I admire how you had Blaise be upstanding and not take advantage of her. (It's so strange how many things are so similar between our headcanons, and yet how vastly different they are.) I love how you expanded on this with Draco commuting on the London Underground and being involved in 7/7; involving Muggle mentions into their lifestyle, but balancing that with their employment of an house-elf, showing that while their lives have changed to reflect the new modern times of society, they still hold on to certain traditions of their old lifestyles. They've changed, they've grown, but they're still the same people they once were.

The miscarriage was heartbreaking, and yet so beautiful in its tragedy, in the way that Draco and Astoria coped after losing their child. It was interesting that you used a different style of formatting to reflect it, and other certain events, demonstrating how so very different and out of place they are in contrast to the rest of their lives.

I'm running out of characters here, unfortunately, but I wanted to add, too, how poignant I found Draco's thoughts on how he never really "met" Astoria. How she was always in the background when they were growing up, how they wasted those years -- but I don't think they were, really, because they weren't compatible during those early years.

Hints of Scorpius and Rose, blossoming into mentions of Rose as a daughter-in-law and their baby, added a lovely element of the next generation into this story. It was a poignant reminder that even after Astoria's passing, and later Draco's, their love continues in their son, their grandbaby and the possibility of more children to come.

I wish that I had more space to express how much I love this one-shot, because I honestly could wax lyrical all night and not tire of it, but for now I'll just discuss the beauty of your ending; how Astoria got on board the Hogwarts Express but never got off, waiting for Draco to join her before she did. Ahh, such a kick in the feels and yet after everything that they went through, it seemed so right.

Like I told you at the beginning of this review, Adi: you broke me.

But oh, it was so worth it.

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Review #6, by apondinablueboxHallowed be Our Names: Showdown

1st June 2015:
Hello, Karen!

Firstly, I'd like to apologise for the delay in leaving this review. Real Life was a meanie to me, and then the internet froze and crashed while I was writing the first version of this review... *grumbles* Anyway! Onto the review!

I'm really intrigued at how you've started off this story. The typical structure of an Albus/Gellert story starts with them meeting, and ends with the three-way duel that killed Ariana, but you've made this an unique story straight away by having this scene at the beginning. I love the way you've characterised Albus and Gellert, how Albus is naïve and innocent enough to assume that he and Gellert will take Aberforth and Ariana with them without giving thought to the impracticalities of such a thing, while Gellert is cruelly dismissive of their familial bonds -- and yet, it doesn't feel like he's deliberately ignoring them. He's just so wrapped up in his goals and dreams that he's come to see them as obstacles, not people.

And Ariana! I loved your description of the way she perceives Gellert, like a flower with thorns. Attractive, tempting, charming -- until you get too close. Quite accurate, although I think Gellert would find such a comparison quite offensive :P

I noticed that the first five paragraphs all started with the words "It" and "The". It's not terribly detracting from the story, but it does come across as a little repetitive -- I'd advise restructuring the sentences so that they start with different words. Another thing I noted is that you use full stops to end dialogue tags when you should use a comma. For example, this sentence:

"This has nothing to do with you or your sister." Gellert said

should actually be,

"This has nothing to go with you or your sister," Gellert said

It's not a major thing, but fixing that would really improve the quality of your writing and allow the prose to flow more smoothly. (Personally, I'm a grammar nerd, so I kept tripping over that while I was reading.) I did the same thing when I first started writing on HPFF, but there was this fabulous thread on the forums that really helped me. I'm not sure if it's still around after the recent cleanup, but I'll try to find it and link you to it because it's a great resource to have.

Overall, you've come up with a fabulous beginning to a new story, and I could really feel the tension in the room and visualise the three boys there, and Ariana hiding outside in the shrubbery. It's a really good chapter that just needs a little minor tweaking, but overall, I love your characterisation and emotional description!

I enjoyed reading this, thank you for the swap!

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Review #7, by apondinablueboxThe Unspeakable: Prologue

25th January 2015:

So knowing a lot about Richard from our conversations, I know that he is dangerous and insane, etc, but reading this now, at the point where James is about to die, it just gives me all the feels. I'm on tenterhooks, because I don't want it to happen. :( And of course, I'm wondering how everything's gotten to this point: how James managed to outsmart Richard and how Richard got so deep into his spiral in the first place. ALL OF THE QUESTIONS, TAMMI. Seriously, I'm literally on the edge of my sofa with the way you've written this, this mysterious way that has my heart racing with terror as if Richard were in my flat right now... *checks all rooms* No, the coast is clear... for now...

The last bit, about Abigail, hinted at horrible things. Does this mean Abigail is dead or will die soon? *sobs*

Exciting prologue, immediate updates are demanded!!

Author's Response: There have been so many conversations about him, hasn't there? :P Oh yes, he is so dangerous and totally insane. I don't want it to happen either, I do love James so it hurts that this is happening.

That will all be explained in future chapters... once I write them haha :P SO MANY QUESTIONS I NEED TO ANSWER!!!

Thank you so much... oh no! I hope he's not in your flat, if he is you should move!!

Awww am I hinting at terrible things? Who knows!

Thanks Isobel!!! You're so awesome!!!

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Review #8, by apondinablueboxA League of her Own: One

17th October 2014:
*has lost all ability to function*


I just... I just want to keep saying those words over and over because it doesn't really feel like they've sunk in, you know, and that sounds stupid because I can read the words and it says "For Isobel" but it doesn't quite feel real.

♥ ♥ ♥

Charlie was totally perf in this!! You've characterised him exactly how I think of him in the HWC flashbacks and I just love love love ♥ (My cat does not love you, sadly; she was sleeping on my lap and I kicked her off to write this review.) Seriously, this is amazing and perfect and incredible and you are the bestest friend ever!!! I swear this is going to be my headcanon now, Charlie sneaking off with Rita post-DH and never actually revealing any Weasley secrets!! And I love that Charlie was the one who spent most time tinkering with Arthur and how he tries to fix Sirius' bike for Harry, that is completely adorable!! ♥ This entire one-shot is like a dream. I just have all the shippy feels now and AHHH have I told you that this the best thing ever?

"If she was sugar his teeth would be rotting by now." -- this is like one of my favourite quotes ever. AND I totally agree, Rita is definitely in her own league :P

AND I AM STORY #69 WHAT *snickers*

You are fabulous and I am insanely excited now and thank you so much for this incredible one-shot!! *a million hugs*

(As for how I made you ship Charita, don't you know? Corruption's a two way thing ;))

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Review #9, by apondinablueboxLife As We Know It: chapter one

15th September 2014:
Erica!! I'd like to profusely apologise for the delay in getting to this review -- things just keep cropping up, sadly. Nevertheless, I'm here now! ^.^

I was pleasantly surprised that this was set in their sixth year, since personally, I'm not a fan of Ron-cheats-on-Hermione-with-Lavender fics, but this is a good way to establish your Dramione when they're still at school. Bonus points for this! :) This is also the first story I've ever read that's written from Hermione's POV in first person and I have to say, I think you have her down. You show how she analyses everything, like Lavender when she's kissing Ron, herself when she enters the Room and that mysterious sound (which we later discover is Draco).

The pacing of your prose too is good. There's plenty of explanation for the reader to understand what's going on and how Hermione's feeling, but not so much that it overwhelms the plot. I loved that moment when Ron hesitated to leave Hermione when she was crying; it says quite a lot about him. Emotional range of a teaspoon or not, he clearly cares about his best friend.

I noticed a couple of typos you may want to fix: early in the chapter, you misspell Professor Trelawney's name as Trelawny. And in the last line, "Hello, Granger." Malfoy smirked, there should be a comma after Granger, since you go on to describe how he says the words.

Overall, I'm really pleased with this chapter. Your ending has impact and the plot so far is definitely good. The chapter flows well, too; I didn't read this pre-edits, so I can't say how much it's improved, but the result is definitely great!

If you'd like to continue swapping for the rest of the chapters, I would be more than happy to! ^.^ Once again, sorry for the lateness!

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Review #10, by apondinablueboxA Vision In White: From The Beginning

20th August 2014:
Sarah ♥

So, as soon as I saw that this was written for the Ladies Loving Ladies challenge, I couldn't not click on it! I remember wanting to read the other entries when I entered it but not having the time, so I was really excited about this one-shot and you certainly did not disappoint!

I loved how Roxanne was so excited about getting married to Aoife and her recollections of how they met and the important moments in their relationship were so sweet! It was lovely that both sets of parents were accepting of their love and sexuality, although to be honest, I loved how you had their relationship be portrayed as utterly normal. I live in a heteronormative society (to the extent that Apple doesn't recognise that as a word...) and if I had a pound for every time someone asked if I have a boyfriend, as opposed to whether I'm dating someone, I'd be very, very rich. (Or have a ridiculously large clothing collection.) So, it was really refreshing and fabulous to have the relationship just about Aoife and Roxanne without the angst of having to question their sexuality, because they both know they're in love with each other and ah, just adorable!

Love the mention of Gwen, by the way! ^.^

I really love the casual language you used here. I know sometimes authors use really flowery, poetic language and that's fabulous, but sometimes it isn't necessary and you showed that here. By narrating this one-shot as if it were a long speech, you've made it less a piece of fiction and more a declaration of love, focusing on Roxanne's emotions as a priority. (I really hope that made sense... It's nearly midnight here!) In fact, once I had read the whole one-shot, I thought this was something absolutely perfect for Roxanne to say at her speech at the wedding reception to Aoife, because it really fits -- the mixture of first and second person you've used here, and her casual, dialoguey language, it all meshes together to create a beautiful wedding speech. ♥ (I have this thing about how amazing weddings are, despite an aversion to actual marriage. I'm weird.)

Despite how short this one-shot was, you captured their relationship awesomely and told an adorably romantic, fluffy story. This is fabulous, and I want a sequel! ;)

Author's Response: Isobel ♥

You're too sweet. I'm so glad that you liked this story and everything that came with it.

I really wanted to show that not only are the Weasley's accepting, but that this relationship had it's pro's and cons, but in the end was just like everyone else's. I'm glad you liked the language I used, I was really careful to keep it simple. It's someones thoughts afterall. If it had been more description i probably would've gone flowery, but here simple felt better. I never even thought of it as a reception thing, but that's so wonderfully brilliant! I wish I had thought of it when I was writing it! (I love weddings too, I'm hesitant about marriage).

Thanks so much for this lovely review!

xoxo Sarah ♥

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Review #11, by apondinablueboxThe Adventures of Abigail Higgs and Potter Boy: The One Where James Knocks Me Down

17th August 2014:

Ahhh, I feel so bad about not revisiting this story earlier, I completely loved it the first time around and I still do now!

Abigail is wonderfully unique -- to date, she's the only character I've ever read about in either fanfic or actual fiction who likes comic books, so that's fabulous! I love James too -- what an actual, polite gentleman he is. Can I have him if Abigail changes her mind and doesn't want him? :P

Honestly though, you've got me shipping them already (well, I already shipped them from the way you talked about them but the level of shipping has now upgraded) and I love Snowball! He reminds me of my all-white cat Snowbell (minus the oil marks from walking under cars, haha) and Abigail's reaction to him is super!

There isn't much plot in this chapter, but I don't think that's a bad thing. It's good to help us get acquainted with Abigail and James (Michelle doesn't exist, yeah?) and start shipping them before all the action and drama starts to happen. ...Because that's a really effective way of getting your readers invested in the ship before you start breaking their hearts!! :O


I love how your entire cast is normal, from the annoying big brother to the vapid fair weather best friend, because that makes them really relatable characters who we can recognise in the people we know in real life, so that's great. And of course, there's the adorable James, who is so cute and awkward that I'd be surprised if he wasn't shipped with your readers every time they read this story :P (but of course, Tammi, he is mine. MINE)

Keep up the epic work, and congratulations on reaching one hundred reviews ;)

PS: I solemnly swear that I will catch up on this novel before it ends and you post The Unspeakable. *nods* ♥

Author's Response: YAY! THANK YOU!

Awww you're here now though! That's all that matters!

I'm so glad that you like Abigail and her love for comic books. :D And James is such a gentleman, Harry and Ginny wouldn't be happy if he wasn't. You can have him if Abigail changes her mind :P

Awww yay! The shipping has begun! I do talk about them a lot though when we speak haha :P Hahaha Snowball is awesome!

Michelle can totally not exist haha I wish! But sadly she's vital to the plot.

Oh hearts will more likely be broken :P

Hahaha why thank you! :D

I can't help but make James adorable, in my eyes it's Albus who is the mean, guarded and egotistical one and James is the loveable geeky one, who's awkward around people.

Thank you so so much! And you have time to catch up before The Unspeakable! I have yet to write it haha :D

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Review #12, by apondinablueboxRomeo In Ivory: Icarus in Mourning

16th August 2014:
OOOH. Oooh. Oooh.

Accidental ghost impersonation aside, I loved how you kept revealing new information in each section, lulling the reader into thinking that they know the story, they understand it, and that was pretty much what I was saying throughout the whole one-shot -- "ooh, ooh, ooh".

...It might be a good idea if I started from the beginning. ;)

You set the scene in the graveyard beautifully. Your descriptions were so vivid and wonderful that I could picture it clearly, to the tiniest detail. At first, I was wondering who Teddy was visiting -- I thought Dominique or Victoire, because you had the third character as "Other Canon" when there's a listing for Rose which threw me off: sneaky Laura! >:D Regardless, it was beautiful and agonising seeing him grieve.

I didn't know who the three sisters were (I googled them at the end) but that was okay because it didn't throw me off at all (for some reason, I thought they were fairies at first) and wow, I've never actually read a story from the Fates' POV! It's a very unique perspective you've written this in!

Rose's death... Wow. I loved how her family left her roses, but Teddy left her a multitude of different flowers each week. Awww. It really hints that he cared about her, and saw a different side to her than her family did. I love how it's never explicitly stated whether Rose and Teddy were lovers, or it was unrequited love, or they were simply good friends -- it's all about the feeling, the compassion, the missing her without all the labels of what used to be. (I'm writing a graveyard scene in Starfall soon; this will be good inspiration!) And then Teddy left her roses. Stupid Teddy. By the way, the fact that you didn't say what Rose died of is great; obviously there's that question of what happened, but it helps to focus the story on the grief and the tragedy.

Speaking of which, I don't like that Teddy didn't believe Victoire when she said she was pregnant. Mean Teddy. :(

The ending was bittersweet. In a way, they have the chance of reuniting in the afterlife, but Teddy's child will grow up with a father, just like Teddy himself grew up without his parents. HOW IS THAT NON-12+ WORD FAIR, LAURA? *wails* I wonder whether Victoire will visit Teddy in the same way he visited Rose, every week on a Thursday? Their child, when he or she is old enough to do so? Whether the curse of falling out of love with everything will be passed on to those who loved Teddy, just like he loved Rose?


You see that over there? That big puddle of feels in the corner that's emitting mournful wailing sounds? That's me. I'm no longer a person, just a puddle of feels, thanks to your crazily talented writing. Before this, I didn't even ship Teddy/Rose. I hadn't even read a Teddy/Rose until I stumbled on this.

Amazingly beautiful one-shot, Laura!

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Review #13, by apondinablueboxThe Lost Wolf: A Wolf at the Door

16th August 2014:
Hi Mary! :) I'm here for our review swap!

You've started off quite unusually for a story in that the first thing we see is a flashback of a very dark event, right in the middle of the action with zero buildup at all. I like it :) I did notice a few spacing issues, and I recommend using the simple editor. You'll have to type the HTML code for italics and bolds etc but it does make the chapter more pleasing to the eye.

Cassandra is an unique character! A child prodigy, university at twelve, soldier at fourteen, doctor at seventeen... One thing I would advise you to watch out for is making her too Mary Sue-ish. At the moment, I think you've given her a decent chunk of character development that helps to establish that her life has left her with emotional scars, that she's vulnerable and very confused with people and their reactions (which hints at her possibly not having enough friendly socialisation? She seems to be capable at communicating at work given her responsibilities, but in terms of forming friendships, not quite as much, since I don't see mention of a single friend in this chapter). As long as you keep up her character development and continue to expand upon it, I think there's potential for you to pull off Cassandra as a vivid, engaging character. :)

Another thing I spotted was your punctuation, particularly in dialogue. I understand that English isn't your first language, so you may want to consider having a beta-reader look this over. In particular, when you use punctuation at the end of a sentence -- this for example:

"Daughter. You have finally decided to honour me with your presence"

"I am happy to see you too, Colonel. How was the weather in London these days? I suppose it was quite sunny, considering you are as tanned as ever". Cassandra smirked when the Colonel's face assumed a dark shade of red and his eyes narrowed in an attempt to appear dangerous. Pathetic.

In the first sentence, there should be a full stop after presence and before the speech/quotation mark. In the second sentence, you have a full stop but it's after the speech mark, while it needs to be before. There are some really good topics in Writer's Resources on the forums about punctuation; they helped me and I'm sure they'll be helpful if you want to check them out.

I really enjoyed reading about the Colonel. He's certainly a very mean character, and Cassandra's rebellious thoughts and comments towards him remind us that she's still a teenager (although I wasn't a child prodigy, I presume that even a child prodigy would still have some days when they felt like being childish). I'm a little curious about the reasons behind his behaviour. Was he always such a nasty man? Why? Or was it an event that emotionally changed him for the worse? I'd love to see that expanded in the future chapters!

You've set up an alluring mystery about Cassandra and her father, and her still-unmentioned mother. Why does Cassandra not remember her father? Were her memories censored by magic or did her childhood self repress what clearly was major emotional trauma? Why does Cassandra latch onto her father and think of him, but not of her mother? You've made me ask a lot of questions, which definitely tempt readers to continue this story! ^.^

I hope that my concrit wasn't too harsh -- my intention was only to help you improve the story -- and if you have any questions, feel free to PM me on the forums! :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for the swap, I promise I'll write my review to your story as soon as I can.

The spacing is a bit off, I know... When I first started publishing on this chapter I didn't know there would be a difference in using a "paste" option or another, so I sort of... Followed my instinct, of course getting it all wrong. The last chapters are all fixed, though, and I will make a massive editing of the first ones as soon as possible!

I'm aware that Cassandra may seem Mary Sue in this first chapter, but I assure you she isn't. She is intelligent, that's true, but that doesn't prevent her from having doubts, moments of "childish behaviour", as you said, and not-so-brilliant ideas. I am trying to let her character be uncovered slowly, not pinpointing each flaws in the first chapters, otherwise it would be quite blunt and, in my opinion, a bit boring. In fact, if you have noticed, I did not mention anything about her physical appearance apart from tiny details. The next chapter will clear something regarding this aspect of her character. Regarding her exterior appearance: in the future, if you'll be interested in reading further, different characters will express different opinions regarding how Cassandra looks. One of them is NOT to be trusted, and I think you'll understand immediately who I am talking about.

Darn. I'm glad you pinpointed my mistakes regarding punctuation. I try to be as careful as possible when I write, and usually I don't have a problem with it because rules in Italian and English are not so different, but I write on my mobile phone most of the time. Although I re-read each chapter at least a dozen of times, it is easy to let something slip when writing on a mobile device. At night. With at least two hours of sleep before an entire day at Uni :). I'll correct what you pointed out when I'll do the famous massive editing!

Thank you for your comments and observations, and I hope I'll be able to read about your opinions regarding the next chapters too!

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Review #14, by apondinablueboxSunshine: Hero

16th August 2014:
I will be honest: I don't normally read fluff, Neville/Hannah (I ship them, but not to the extent that I actually seek out stories featuring the ship) or post-Hogwarts (which are usually focused on the Golden Trio).

And yet I love this. I ADORE THIS, ADI!

I have this fear of writing established canon characters, because it's so difficult to stay true to JKR's characterisations and yet you've done that beautifully in this chapter. Neville might be a hero, but there's still a part of that little boy in Philosopher's Stone in him, and you showed that really well. You showed how much he's grown with the times, how he's more willing to believe in himself and in the reactions of others around him, how he's willing to accept the confidence of Harry, Augusta et al. The relief and happiness of the other people at Hogwarts was lovely to see, too, even though there were casualties too.

The ending, where he saw Hannah, was adorable. It wasn't overly fluffy, because the final battle of a years-long war is anything but happy despite the good side winning, but it's a really nice moment that lays the foundation for happiness down the line. :)

Author's Response: Isobel ♥ I will be honest with you as well. Fluff really isn't my jam anymore, and while I ship Neville/Hannah, I don't seek out stories featuring them or this era. So we're pretty much the same there. I wrote this for the HC collab, and after that, I had some sweet moments of theirs that I wanted to write about, so a short story collection seemed in order!

I'm glad you enjoyed it! :) It was such a positive thing for me to write as well!

AHHH! I am so, so scared of writing well establish characters because I'm always worried I'll get them wrong, so you have no idea how happy it makes me to see what you have to say on the matter! How you've put it is exactly how I see Neville and I'm so please that you think I captured that!

Yes, that's what I was going for. Oh gosh, this review makes me really happy! You completely GOT it! thank you so much, Isobel *hugs*

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Review #15, by apondinablueboxForget Me Not: bloom and wither

16th August 2014:
Adi I think you just broke my feels.

Despite being a fan of Scorpius/Rose, I haven't read the ship as much as I'd like to -- particularly because it's so difficult to find unique stories, so I completely take my metaphorical hat off to you because this was so wonderfully unique and fantastic ♥

As a person, I don't like Rose. She's vapid, selfish, reckless and cruel -- and that's a wonderful testament to your talent, because you've created a character who's realistically flawed. Scorpius, too, is loyal and usually that's a great thing, but you've cleverly twisted that to make it a flaw for Scorpius. It's beautiful.

Infidelity is something I strongly dislike in real life, but in stories, it's always interesting to see what the characters' motivations behind the act is. I think it helps that Henry is just a mean character because then her betrayal isn't as bad as if she was betraying a husband who loved her, who'd do anything for her, who was utterly devoted to her -- much like Scorpius. (Side question: was Scorpius a Hufflepuff? Because the loyalty you've shown here certainly strongly hints at that, so I'm just curious.) Speaking of Henry -- that's his name, right? -- I don't think I've ever read a story where a character does not feature at all, is only mentioned by name once or twice, and yet has such a presence in the story. You've written that aspect marvellously.

OH THE BABY. The poor baby didn't deserve it! How was that fair?! I really hope Henry got arrested for everything he did!

The Obliviation scene was awful in the sense that it ripped out my feels (but in the sense of good prose, it was wonderfully executed) and even though I wrote an Obliviation in a different context, it still hurt to think about how Scorpius would never remember Rose. (in my headcanon, if an Obliviator dies, their victims memories are reinstated -- like when Dumbledore's spells stopped working after his death, so the option of Scorpius ever remembering after the Obliviator's death will never happen. *sobs*)

This one-shot completely blew me away and I'd just like to say once again that you are fantastically talented because this is just too beautiful for words.

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Review #16, by apondinablueboxEmpty Chairs at Empty Tables: Where My Friends Will Sing No More

12th August 2014:

So, I'm here for the swap -- I will be reviewing L'optimisme in due course, and I was going to finish House of Cards so that I could review Roll of the Dice because it looked lonely without any reviews but then I saw this and I felt incredibly guilty, because I read this way back when it was TGS' featured one-shot and was so overcome by feels that I planned to come back later... and never did. SORRY ♥

Your Narcissa is written beautifully and is quite similar to my headcanon, which I really enjoyed because I could really see her in that dirty and dusty ballroom, allowing tears to mourn down her cheeks and grieving for the people she loved and grew up with. I've never watched/read Les Mis or heard the soundtrack, so I can't comment on how it connected to the story, but nevertheless I was overcome by sad feels. I don't normally highlight my favourite lines, but yours were so poignant that I just have to bring attention to them:

Doesn’t everyone, in the end, deserve to be mourned?

The playing field is levelled and all the scores set to zero.

Better to be a puppy than to be dead.

Was that what glory was? Making shadows out of men? Reducing boys to ashen-faced skeletons long before their time? Curbing the laughter of the innocent and happy to make way for words of death and hatred and superiority? Was it only to destroy people, destroy lives and hopes and dreams?

Your words really brought all the Death Eaters to life. I've always felt that their families would have mourned them, despite what they did, and I'm so happy you brought that to life with Narcissa and her recollections and her feelings. I really got the sense that her grief was just too big to put into words, there was just an overwhelming sense of it emotionally drowning her -- hence her description of herself as empty -- and I take my hat off to you for that, for your incredible talent in evoking such emotions in just three thousand words.

I also loved how you spent some time describing each person in detail, even the ones Narcissa wasn't close to, and that she still mourned for Andromeda and Sirius even though they chose the "light" side.

This one-shot was beautiful. I cried reading it -- and I hardly cry reading fiction -- there was so much to feel. Narcissa's one of those people who seems to hide in the background and see everything, and I think she understood most of all the cost of war, so it was wonderful to see that here. (I really hope I'm not repeating myself!)

This was an amazing, thought-provoking one-shot. ♥

Author's Response: Hey Isobel! :) Aww, don't worry about it - I do that all the time, read things, plan to review them later when I have more time and never get back to them too, so it's something I really can't get annoyed at people about ;)

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked Narcissa - and it's kinda weird but also pretty cool that our headcanons of her are similar :D I always wanted to portray her as more sympathetic than the others, and able to mourn and grieve, because we don't see any of that in the books for the people on the 'other side' so I wanted to show their story for once, so to speak.

The thing I really loved about writing this one-shot was thinking about war in the viewpoint of someone who hasn't fought in it herself, but has suffered because of it - someone who feels the effects but doesn't experience it, and how they would feel about it and think about it and the sacrifice which was made by people they knew. It's part of war which I don't think is often picked up on; usually things are about the victims rather than the 'perpetrators', but I wanted to take a more humane spin on it.

I'm so glad you lked all the Death Eaters, too! It was important to me to emphasise that they were still people's friends, brothers, sons, fathers, and so on, despite their actions, and Narcissa, to me, seemed the obvious choice to see that through. I love writing emotions and that kind of thing, so I'm so glad you liked it! :)

I kinda wanted to show a glimpse of a time when, for Narcissa, everything was right and perfect. Sort of when things almost were the perfect world the Death Eaters wanted to create, you know? And I had to include Andromeda and Sirius, because even if they weren't dead, and they'd been disowned, I don't think when you're feeling emotional already that kind of thing ends up mattering.

Gah, thank you so so much for the wonderful review, and thank you so much for stopping by - I'm just so glad you liked it, and completely blown away by all your lovely compliments! :)

Aph xx

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Review #17, by apondinablueboxJourney to the Centre of (Molly’s) World in (Less than) 80 Days: King of Anything

12th August 2014:
Hiya! Stopping by at last for my side of the review swap (so sorry for the delay!) and I have to say, I really enjoy your portrayal of Molly!

You start off really well with her snooty boyfriend (Hi there, Percy Junior!) and his terribly boring break-up speech. I like how you used the speech as the kickstart motivation for Molly to change her life, and as a way to introduce her internal monologue and as a way to introduce the characters and the setting. I really enjoyed how you sneaked in little facts about characters who aren't yet present, like Lily's adoration of books (or at least, the bestseller list) and Lucy's manipulative nature. Your descriptions of the café and the horrendous coffee were really fun and helped to make the setting feel more real!

AGATHA PAINSLEY-BUMBERSHUFFLE!!! Excuse me while I roll around on the floor in laughter... Ahem. Back now. She's a very fun character, and despite the tongue-in-cheek name you chose for her, I think a lot of people have their own Agatha in their lives, so incorporating her was a good idea. I get the feeling that the break-up, Agatha, Lily's quote, any of those things on their own wouldn't have sparked her desire for something better. But to have all those things pile up and happen at the same time, I think that's really put things into perspective for her.

THE DINNER!!! I'm resisting the urge to write this entire review in shouty capslock because your portrayal of her parents was so fun! Percy and Audrey remind me a lot of Arthur and Molly in a way -- Percy's like a refined Arthur, very restrained but still adoring of his kids and happy to let them have their way, while Audrey is this super dramatic person, kind of how I'd imagine Molly the first to be if she'd had too much coffee ;)

This seems like a really fun opening chapter, and I'd be happy to swap with you again if you'd like to! (Or I might possibly find my way back here...) You've developed your characters well, particularly Molly -- you've had her try, and then quickly lose heart and seek metaphors in food. She's got an uphill struggle, it seems, and it's going to be interesting to see what the next step she takes will be!

Author's Response: Not a problem about the delay - I went to sleep so this was a lovely way to wake up :)

Haha! Percy junior for sure! It must suck to realise that you're dating someone who is very much like your father was at that age - it probably was a factor for Molly. I love writing Molly so much. She's just so fed up with her life at this point, and I feel as if that's something that people can relate to from time to time. I'm really pleased that you liked the descriptions! I suck at them, but I try to improve, so this means a lot!

AGATHA'S NAME IS MY FAVOURITE. Everyone has an Agatha in their lives, don't they? They're this "perfect" person that you simultaneously hate, want to be, and then don't want to be. You're right in saying that not one of those events would've caused Molly to decide to take action, but I guess that's how life works sometimes: everything happens all at once and you have no choice but to make a change.

The dinner scene is one of my favourite scenes that I've ever written. Percy and Audrey were great. They are inspired a bit by Molly and Arthur - definitely Percy's cluelessness is! And haha! That's such a great description of Audrey! Love it ;)

I would love to continue to swap for the rest of the chapters! There's heaps of things I haven't read on your page so I'll just go crazy! And Molly definitely has a long way to go!

Thanks for the lovely swap :)

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Review #18, by apondinablueboxStuck in the Middle: Explanations and Fan-Girl Moments

31st July 2014:
First of all, be right back while I squish Oliver. I can't tell if he's having a bad day or if he genuinely has insecurities, given that the last two chapters (NO, AUTOCORRECT, YOU DO NOT CHANGE THAT TO CHEATERS. DON'T YOU DARE DOOM THIS SHIP) have been from James' POV, but either way, he deserves a hug.

The pacing in this was fabulous! I'm not sure how long the chapters are, given that I love this story so much I'm scrolling so fast I keep losing my place, but you've really paced this well. The plot isn't moving too fast or too slow. Oliver's narration here was fabulous too! It's great to see a more vulnerable side of him than James sees, because it really expands upon his character and develops him fabulously.

WHAT would Sarah have done?! Please tell me! ♥

Although Oliver seems to be suspicious of James' odd behaviour, including him into the conversation more than normal and so on, I have a theory: it's because James is nervous and even though he doesn't want to let it show, it's more obvious than he would like it to be.

Melanie sounds scary. *looks around* The coast looks clear. I can ship all of the Jolly ♥ ^.^

Question: How do you end chapters so fabulously? They aren't cliffhangers (yet) but they're still nice endings with fun comebacks and hilarious behaviour. SHARE YOUR SECRETS PLEASE, SAM.

Author's Response: *Squishes Oliver too* It's a mix of both, poor Oliver. He doesn't quite know how to handle things. :O *Hopes it didn't doom the ship*

I'm glad you like the pace of the story. I'm not one for rushing romance in my stories. You should see Enchanted. ;) I'm especially glad you like Oliver, he's definitely more vulnerable that James first sees.

Sarah threatens to tell James about Oliver's crush. But she never actually would.

That is a brilliantly accurate theory. Congrats! :D

*Checks* *relieved* *ships Jollie with you*

I... I didn't know I did that. :P

Thank you so much for leaving a review!


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Review #19, by apondinablueboxStuck in the Middle: Need That Picture of You

31st July 2014:
I think the people in the café are questioning my sanity right now because I'm sitting here grinning like a madwoman. I LOVE THIS SHIP MORE WITH EVERY CHAPTER. James' behaviour at the platform was hilarious, I love how he was so adamant that there was nothing going on with him and Oliver yet his behaviour was very over the top for something that isn't happening... Very revealing indeed :P

Ack, bad James for telling everyone that Oliver was half and half! (You missed out a "was" in that sentence, btw.) Good on Oliver for punching him though, he deserved it, and I like how James is mature enough to admit to his mistakes. You really have him down as an awesome teenager: there are some moments where he can be childish, but there are other moments where he's mature and gentlemanly, like when he notices Oliver's new camera and makes conversation -- that's a lovely balance!

I love the Great Hall banter and the comment about Oliver not taking James' picture in a Quidditch game because he wants to be a professional photographer. Genius. I really love Oliver, particularly his comebacks. Can I keep him? :P

Author's Response: So very revealing. He doesn't understand why people are suddenly interested in his love life (or lack of one) and is getting a little too defensive.

He was very naughty, that day, was James (thanks, I'll go fix it after you're challenge is done). James is not as... bad as I've seen him written. He's very much a typical teen (I hope).

If you beat James for him, you can keep him. .)

Thank you so much for leaving a review!


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Review #20, by apondinablueboxStuck in the Middle: Who are You and What are You Doing in my Brother's Bedroom?

31st July 2014:
MUAHAHAHAHA I don't know where to begin with this review, because I was grinning all the way through this chapter. You write humour really well, from James' surreptitious entrance into his own home and the subsequent interactions with his family, particularly Lily. (BTW, I loved that line about the Floo-calling being the wrong kind of fire to push her into!)

It's been a while since I first started reading this (and I am so sorry for how long it's taken me to leave these reviews, but hopefully I can make up for it tonight) and yet this story is just as fun and captivating as it when I first read it -- perhaps more so, since I know little snippets of what happens in the future. I've read actual published books and been really blah at the second re-read, but that isn't the case here. Opening chapters are really difficult, but you've pulled this off well: your characters are immediately distinct personalities even though they only speak a few sentences, and the plot immediately begins rolling!

I did notice a couple of typos -- on the fourth paragraph/line, you refer to the front door as a "fron door", and near the end, was no longer saying thing about anyone, I think that's supposed to have a S on the thing to make it plural. Thought you might want to know ^.^

OH! And I love the ending where Oliver points out that James only denied that he was topless, not that he was just a friend ;)

I'm really, really glad you picked this for my challenge. YOU CAN DO THIS, SAM ♥

Author's Response: I write humor well. Wow, I think my attempts at humor are terrible. Especially back in 2011, when I first wrote this chapter. So thank you! :)

All your compliments are so lovely, it's hard to write a response that is longer than AH!!! :P

Thank you so much for leaving a review. I'll fix the typos when you've done the challenge. :)


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Review #21, by apondinablueboxBlessing in Disguise: Unplanned

23rd July 2014:
Muahahahaha this was awesome!! Audrey seems like a crazy character (of course, I say crazy as in the good kind) and I feel a little bit sorry for her with the hangover, but really, there's no-one to blame except herself :P

The banter between Audrey and Bill was fabulous, and the fact that she's a mean Hufflepuff and he can't hear her through his braveness was awesome! It was really fun to read, and I hope there's more of it to come!

Duncan doesn't seem to have a very good recollection... Although I kind of understand his falling asleep -- a few years ago, I accidentally fell asleep while waiting for my mum to arrive home and locked her out of the house *looks around nervously* It was raining, and she couldn't shelter because she'd locked herself in the garden (our gate back then had a padlock, and three guesses where the key to the padlock was). I hope Audrey forgives him -- that line where she thought about saying thank you to Duncan instead of being mad at him was hilarious!

Oh, Audrey. Oh, Percy. I can't wait for the morning after now, it's going to be seriously awkward especially when they reunite. *cackles* I'm not sure what she sees in him yet, but it's going to be fun to find out ;)

I can't wait for the next chapter ♥

Author's Response: Hehehehe thank you! :D She is so crazy, of course the good kind, but she only has herself to blame for how she's feeling.

I'm so glad that you loved that, I can see a wonderful bromance between her and Bill in the future. Haha I'm glad you liked that line, I love that line. :P

No he doesn't, oh Duncan. Awww your poor mum! I hope she wasn't in the rain for too long. *hugs her* Of course she'll forgive him, but for how long, who knows?

Haha I hope you like the morning after, it was a lot of fun to write. I'm not sure what she sees in him either, but it is going to be fun to find out. :P

Thank you so much Isobel!! :D

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Review #22, by The MisfitThe Start of Something: Prompt 1 - Lily's Fairy

12th July 2014:
AWWW. TOO CUTE. Clary's analysis of the Potter family is adorable! The way she refers to Harry and Ginny as giants is funny (although if she's small enough to hide in a tree, they probably do seem like giants :P) and the way she compares Lily Flower to the flower she sleeps in at night is so sweet!

The conversation between Lily and Clary didn't feel one-sided, despite the fact only Lily could verbalise dialogue. You wrote Clary's actions so well, it felt like a two-way conversation ^.^ I love that you chose to write this chapter from a fairy's perspective, it's incredibly unique. :D Harry pretending to believe in fairies was sweet, and Clary's reaction to his "silliness" made me laugh. This is my favourite chapter of the three, definitely!

And her opinion that Lily would make a good fairy is heartwarming -- another fairy and I'd have been worried, but you' em characterised Clary so beautifully in such a short piece that I really love her. ^.^

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Author's Response: I loved writing Clary so much. She was just so cute and lovely and sweet. For a fairy. :P

I'm glad you feel that way about their conversation. It was a little odd to write it one sided without it feeling one sided. So I'm happy it felt natural. :)

Thank you so much for leaving a review!


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Review #23, by The MisfitThe Start of Something: Prompt 2 - When Darkness Fades

12th July 2014:
Sam ♥ I am here at last!

I love this. I love the way you begin this chapter, with Harry broken and tired and just needing to be alone with someone who understands. It's super narration, and it instantly gets the reader into Harry's mindset at that particular moment.

His interactions with Theo are great; the moment with the cigarette was amazing. You really managed to convey so many emotions with just a small action. And the handshake moment was fabulous -- particularly the funny ending with his joke :P

I spotted a typo: in the fourth paragraph, you say "slither of joy" -- I think you meant "sliver", although the typo does tie in well with the chapter ;)

This was amazing, and I am off to the next one now!

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Author's Response: Hey!

The beginning was so hard for me to write. Because it made me so sad. I had to keep stopping and hug Harry. The poor boy. *hugs him again*

You know, I didn't even plan that bit with the cigarette. It just showed up. :P

Thank you so much for leaving a review!


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Review #24, by The MisfitThe Year You Stole My Heart: Chapter 10

12th July 2014:
Tammi!! ♥

I really love this story so far, it's really funny and melodramatic and fun to read. (also, OMG, Adventures is listed as a "Similar Story" to this, I've taken a screenshot in case you want it) The interactions between James and Amelia are so cute and I can see why they're attracted to each other, although not quite so much with Albus and Mariah. They seem to be taking their pranking to extremes, and it's not as easy to see how they're going to be happy together despite all the characters saying they're in love.

Nevertheless, your characterisation is fabulous! The little snippets into everyone's heads are great, because the reader gets the ability to see a little of the character without the chapter getting overwhelmed with filler. I'm particularly enjoying the sibling relationship between Amelia and Adam, and the bromances between Albus/Scorpius, Albus/James and James/Adam!

There are a few formatting errors that I'd suggest fixing -- nothing huge, there's just a few commas in the wrong places and a couple of run-on sentences. I'd suggest taking another read-through of the story to weed them out (and I completely sympathise with you; I reread my chapters 478294784291 times and yet pesky typos still get overlooked).

Overall, this is superbly fabulous ♥ I will be back for more after the HC :D

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Author's Response: THANK YOU ISOBEL!!! *hugs* I really wish I knew how to do that heart icon!

I'm so glad that you love this story so far, I really need to get back to finishing it. :P Haha how strange is that?! I always smile when I see it as a similar story to this one.

Oh Albus and Mariah, those two are such a weird couple, they love to hate each other. And it is to extremes.

Thank you so much! I wanted to show more than two characters, I wanted to focus on what all the other people were up to and not just James and Amelia. There are so many bromances! Haha

Oooops, I shall have a look at that at a later date, thanks for pointing them out. Sometimes I just write and think, "meh, I shall reread another day." Yet, I post the chapter. It's my own fault entirely.

Thank you so so much!!! I love you!

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Review #25, by The MisfitWilted Flower: The First

12th July 2014:
Hi Roots!

This is one of my absolute favourite stories, and one of the best on the archives. I simply adore everything about this story. Your talent really shines through and your narration blends in beautifully with what I imagine Pansy's behaviour to be. Her dislike for imperfectness, her internal conflict with her upbringing, her gradual change in personality are all executed beautifully. The Pansy at the beginning of this novel is very, very different from the Pansy now, and you clearly have an immense amount of patience because writing this personality change to happen so genuinely requires making it happen slowly, and you've absolutely achieved that.

I love the little tidbits about her life, like Astor (autocorrect tried to change that to Astoria there :P) and Adri. I'm actually really suspicious about Adri's heritage. Pansy was quite quick to jump to the half-blood conclusion, but I wonder whether he's actually a pure-blood who never had a house-elf upbringing (like the Weasleys, etc) and this puts Pansy in a quandary when she discovers this fact later down the line, after she's fallen for him. Then again, he could easily be a Muggle-born -- imagine what would happen if Pansy met his Muggle parents?!

The only critique I can suggest is that you might want to double-check your formatting. There are some new paragraphs / sentences that start below the last paragraph.
Like this, without a space in between. It doesn't happen a huge amount, but I'd suggest that if you have time, fixing those would help the chapters to flow better.

Overall, this is a beautifully-written story by an exceptionally talented author and I can't wait for the next chapter! Good luck with completing this by the end of the month, ♥

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