Reading Reviews From Member: apondinabluebox
  
119 Reviews Found

Review #1, by apondinablueboxA League of her Own: One

17th October 2014:
*has lost all ability to function*

YOU WROTE ME A CHARITA ONE-SHOT!!!

I just... I just want to keep saying those words over and over because it doesn't really feel like they've sunk in, you know, and that sounds stupid because I can read the words and it says "For Isobel" but it doesn't quite feel real.

♥ ♥ ♥

Charlie was totally perf in this!! You've characterised him exactly how I think of him in the HWC flashbacks and I just love love love ♥ (My cat does not love you, sadly; she was sleeping on my lap and I kicked her off to write this review.) Seriously, this is amazing and perfect and incredible and you are the bestest friend ever!!! I swear this is going to be my headcanon now, Charlie sneaking off with Rita post-DH and never actually revealing any Weasley secrets!! And I love that Charlie was the one who spent most time tinkering with Arthur and how he tries to fix Sirius' bike for Harry, that is completely adorable!! ♥ This entire one-shot is like a dream. I just have all the shippy feels now and AHHH have I told you that this the best thing ever?

"If she was sugar his teeth would be rotting by now." -- this is like one of my favourite quotes ever. AND I totally agree, Rita is definitely in her own league :P

AND I AM STORY #69 WHAT *snickers*

You are fabulous and I am insanely excited now and thank you so much for this incredible one-shot!! *a million hugs*

(As for how I made you ship Charita, don't you know? Corruption's a two way thing ;))



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Review #2, by apondinablueboxLife As We Know It: chapter one

15th September 2014:
Erica!! I'd like to profusely apologise for the delay in getting to this review -- things just keep cropping up, sadly. Nevertheless, I'm here now! ^.^

I was pleasantly surprised that this was set in their sixth year, since personally, I'm not a fan of Ron-cheats-on-Hermione-with-Lavender fics, but this is a good way to establish your Dramione when they're still at school. Bonus points for this! :) This is also the first story I've ever read that's written from Hermione's POV in first person and I have to say, I think you have her down. You show how she analyses everything, like Lavender when she's kissing Ron, herself when she enters the Room and that mysterious sound (which we later discover is Draco).

The pacing of your prose too is good. There's plenty of explanation for the reader to understand what's going on and how Hermione's feeling, but not so much that it overwhelms the plot. I loved that moment when Ron hesitated to leave Hermione when she was crying; it says quite a lot about him. Emotional range of a teaspoon or not, he clearly cares about his best friend.

I noticed a couple of typos you may want to fix: early in the chapter, you misspell Professor Trelawney's name as Trelawny. And in the last line, "Hello, Granger." Malfoy smirked, there should be a comma after Granger, since you go on to describe how he says the words.

Overall, I'm really pleased with this chapter. Your ending has impact and the plot so far is definitely good. The chapter flows well, too; I didn't read this pre-edits, so I can't say how much it's improved, but the result is definitely great!

If you'd like to continue swapping for the rest of the chapters, I would be more than happy to! ^.^ Once again, sorry for the lateness!



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Review #3, by apondinablueboxA Vision In White: From The Beginning

20th August 2014:
Sarah ♥

So, as soon as I saw that this was written for the Ladies Loving Ladies challenge, I couldn't not click on it! I remember wanting to read the other entries when I entered it but not having the time, so I was really excited about this one-shot and you certainly did not disappoint!

I loved how Roxanne was so excited about getting married to Aoife and her recollections of how they met and the important moments in their relationship were so sweet! It was lovely that both sets of parents were accepting of their love and sexuality, although to be honest, I loved how you had their relationship be portrayed as utterly normal. I live in a heteronormative society (to the extent that Apple doesn't recognise that as a word...) and if I had a pound for every time someone asked if I have a boyfriend, as opposed to whether I'm dating someone, I'd be very, very rich. (Or have a ridiculously large clothing collection.) So, it was really refreshing and fabulous to have the relationship just about Aoife and Roxanne without the angst of having to question their sexuality, because they both know they're in love with each other and ah, just adorable!

Love the mention of Gwen, by the way! ^.^

I really love the casual language you used here. I know sometimes authors use really flowery, poetic language and that's fabulous, but sometimes it isn't necessary and you showed that here. By narrating this one-shot as if it were a long speech, you've made it less a piece of fiction and more a declaration of love, focusing on Roxanne's emotions as a priority. (I really hope that made sense... It's nearly midnight here!) In fact, once I had read the whole one-shot, I thought this was something absolutely perfect for Roxanne to say at her speech at the wedding reception to Aoife, because it really fits -- the mixture of first and second person you've used here, and her casual, dialoguey language, it all meshes together to create a beautiful wedding speech. ♥ (I have this thing about how amazing weddings are, despite an aversion to actual marriage. I'm weird.)

Despite how short this one-shot was, you captured their relationship awesomely and told an adorably romantic, fluffy story. This is fabulous, and I want a sequel! ;)



Author's Response: Isobel ♥

You're too sweet. I'm so glad that you liked this story and everything that came with it.

I really wanted to show that not only are the Weasley's accepting, but that this relationship had it's pro's and cons, but in the end was just like everyone else's. I'm glad you liked the language I used, I was really careful to keep it simple. It's someones thoughts afterall. If it had been more description i probably would've gone flowery, but here simple felt better. I never even thought of it as a reception thing, but that's so wonderfully brilliant! I wish I had thought of it when I was writing it! (I love weddings too, I'm hesitant about marriage).

Thanks so much for this lovely review!

xoxo Sarah ♥


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Review #4, by apondinablueboxThe Adventures of Abigail Higgs and Potter Boy: The One Where James Knocks Me Down

17th August 2014:
ONE HUNDREDTH REVIEW!!! ♥

Ahhh, I feel so bad about not revisiting this story earlier, I completely loved it the first time around and I still do now!

Abigail is wonderfully unique -- to date, she's the only character I've ever read about in either fanfic or actual fiction who likes comic books, so that's fabulous! I love James too -- what an actual, polite gentleman he is. Can I have him if Abigail changes her mind and doesn't want him? :P

Honestly though, you've got me shipping them already (well, I already shipped them from the way you talked about them but the level of shipping has now upgraded) and I love Snowball! He reminds me of my all-white cat Snowbell (minus the oil marks from walking under cars, haha) and Abigail's reaction to him is super!

There isn't much plot in this chapter, but I don't think that's a bad thing. It's good to help us get acquainted with Abigail and James (Michelle doesn't exist, yeah?) and start shipping them before all the action and drama starts to happen. ...Because that's a really effective way of getting your readers invested in the ship before you start breaking their hearts!! :O

YOU SNEAKY SLYTHERIN GENIUS!!! ♥

I love how your entire cast is normal, from the annoying big brother to the vapid fair weather best friend, because that makes them really relatable characters who we can recognise in the people we know in real life, so that's great. And of course, there's the adorable James, who is so cute and awkward that I'd be surprised if he wasn't shipped with your readers every time they read this story :P (but of course, Tammi, he is mine. MINE)

Keep up the epic work, and congratulations on reaching one hundred reviews ;)



PS: I solemnly swear that I will catch up on this novel before it ends and you post The Unspeakable. *nods* ♥

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Review #5, by apondinablueboxRomeo In Ivory: Icarus in Mourning

16th August 2014:
OOOH. Oooh. Oooh.

Accidental ghost impersonation aside, I loved how you kept revealing new information in each section, lulling the reader into thinking that they know the story, they understand it, and that was pretty much what I was saying throughout the whole one-shot -- "ooh, ooh, ooh".

...It might be a good idea if I started from the beginning. ;)

You set the scene in the graveyard beautifully. Your descriptions were so vivid and wonderful that I could picture it clearly, to the tiniest detail. At first, I was wondering who Teddy was visiting -- I thought Dominique or Victoire, because you had the third character as "Other Canon" when there's a listing for Rose which threw me off: sneaky Laura! >:D Regardless, it was beautiful and agonising seeing him grieve.

I didn't know who the three sisters were (I googled them at the end) but that was okay because it didn't throw me off at all (for some reason, I thought they were fairies at first) and wow, I've never actually read a story from the Fates' POV! It's a very unique perspective you've written this in!

Rose's death... Wow. I loved how her family left her roses, but Teddy left her a multitude of different flowers each week. Awww. It really hints that he cared about her, and saw a different side to her than her family did. I love how it's never explicitly stated whether Rose and Teddy were lovers, or it was unrequited love, or they were simply good friends -- it's all about the feeling, the compassion, the missing her without all the labels of what used to be. (I'm writing a graveyard scene in Starfall soon; this will be good inspiration!) And then Teddy left her roses. Stupid Teddy. By the way, the fact that you didn't say what Rose died of is great; obviously there's that question of what happened, but it helps to focus the story on the grief and the tragedy.

Speaking of which, I don't like that Teddy didn't believe Victoire when she said she was pregnant. Mean Teddy. :(

The ending was bittersweet. In a way, they have the chance of reuniting in the afterlife, but Teddy's child will grow up with a father, just like Teddy himself grew up without his parents. HOW IS THAT NON-12+ WORD FAIR, LAURA? *wails* I wonder whether Victoire will visit Teddy in the same way he visited Rose, every week on a Thursday? Their child, when he or she is old enough to do so? Whether the curse of falling out of love with everything will be passed on to those who loved Teddy, just like he loved Rose?

*whimpers*

You see that over there? That big puddle of feels in the corner that's emitting mournful wailing sounds? That's me. I'm no longer a person, just a puddle of feels, thanks to your crazily talented writing. Before this, I didn't even ship Teddy/Rose. I hadn't even read a Teddy/Rose until I stumbled on this.

Amazingly beautiful one-shot, Laura!



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Review #6, by apondinablueboxThe Lost Wolf: A Wolf at the Door

16th August 2014:
Hi Mary! :) I'm here for our review swap!

You've started off quite unusually for a story in that the first thing we see is a flashback of a very dark event, right in the middle of the action with zero buildup at all. I like it :) I did notice a few spacing issues, and I recommend using the simple editor. You'll have to type the HTML code for italics and bolds etc but it does make the chapter more pleasing to the eye.

Cassandra is an unique character! A child prodigy, university at twelve, soldier at fourteen, doctor at seventeen... One thing I would advise you to watch out for is making her too Mary Sue-ish. At the moment, I think you've given her a decent chunk of character development that helps to establish that her life has left her with emotional scars, that she's vulnerable and very confused with people and their reactions (which hints at her possibly not having enough friendly socialisation? She seems to be capable at communicating at work given her responsibilities, but in terms of forming friendships, not quite as much, since I don't see mention of a single friend in this chapter). As long as you keep up her character development and continue to expand upon it, I think there's potential for you to pull off Cassandra as a vivid, engaging character. :)

Another thing I spotted was your punctuation, particularly in dialogue. I understand that English isn't your first language, so you may want to consider having a beta-reader look this over. In particular, when you use punctuation at the end of a sentence -- this for example:

"Daughter. You have finally decided to honour me with your presence"

"I am happy to see you too, Colonel. How was the weather in London these days? I suppose it was quite sunny, considering you are as tanned as ever". Cassandra smirked when the Colonel's face assumed a dark shade of red and his eyes narrowed in an attempt to appear dangerous. Pathetic.

In the first sentence, there should be a full stop after presence and before the speech/quotation mark. In the second sentence, you have a full stop but it's after the speech mark, while it needs to be before. There are some really good topics in Writer's Resources on the forums about punctuation; they helped me and I'm sure they'll be helpful if you want to check them out.

I really enjoyed reading about the Colonel. He's certainly a very mean character, and Cassandra's rebellious thoughts and comments towards him remind us that she's still a teenager (although I wasn't a child prodigy, I presume that even a child prodigy would still have some days when they felt like being childish). I'm a little curious about the reasons behind his behaviour. Was he always such a nasty man? Why? Or was it an event that emotionally changed him for the worse? I'd love to see that expanded in the future chapters!

You've set up an alluring mystery about Cassandra and her father, and her still-unmentioned mother. Why does Cassandra not remember her father? Were her memories censored by magic or did her childhood self repress what clearly was major emotional trauma? Why does Cassandra latch onto her father and think of him, but not of her mother? You've made me ask a lot of questions, which definitely tempt readers to continue this story! ^.^

I hope that my concrit wasn't too harsh -- my intention was only to help you improve the story -- and if you have any questions, feel free to PM me on the forums! :)



Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for the swap, I promise I'll write my review to your story as soon as I can.

The spacing is a bit off, I know... When I first started publishing on this chapter I didn't know there would be a difference in using a "paste" option or another, so I sort of... Followed my instinct, of course getting it all wrong. The last chapters are all fixed, though, and I will make a massive editing of the first ones as soon as possible!

I'm aware that Cassandra may seem Mary Sue in this first chapter, but I assure you she isn't. She is intelligent, that's true, but that doesn't prevent her from having doubts, moments of "childish behaviour", as you said, and not-so-brilliant ideas. I am trying to let her character be uncovered slowly, not pinpointing each flaws in the first chapters, otherwise it would be quite blunt and, in my opinion, a bit boring. In fact, if you have noticed, I did not mention anything about her physical appearance apart from tiny details. The next chapter will clear something regarding this aspect of her character. Regarding her exterior appearance: in the future, if you'll be interested in reading further, different characters will express different opinions regarding how Cassandra looks. One of them is NOT to be trusted, and I think you'll understand immediately who I am talking about.

Darn. I'm glad you pinpointed my mistakes regarding punctuation. I try to be as careful as possible when I write, and usually I don't have a problem with it because rules in Italian and English are not so different, but I write on my mobile phone most of the time. Although I re-read each chapter at least a dozen of times, it is easy to let something slip when writing on a mobile device. At night. With at least two hours of sleep before an entire day at Uni :). I'll correct what you pointed out when I'll do the famous massive editing!

Thank you for your comments and observations, and I hope I'll be able to read about your opinions regarding the next chapters too!


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Review #7, by apondinablueboxSunshine: Hero

16th August 2014:
I will be honest: I don't normally read fluff, Neville/Hannah (I ship them, but not to the extent that I actually seek out stories featuring the ship) or post-Hogwarts (which are usually focused on the Golden Trio).

And yet I love this. I ADORE THIS, ADI!

I have this fear of writing established canon characters, because it's so difficult to stay true to JKR's characterisations and yet you've done that beautifully in this chapter. Neville might be a hero, but there's still a part of that little boy in Philosopher's Stone in him, and you showed that really well. You showed how much he's grown with the times, how he's more willing to believe in himself and in the reactions of others around him, how he's willing to accept the confidence of Harry, Augusta et al. The relief and happiness of the other people at Hogwarts was lovely to see, too, even though there were casualties too.

The ending, where he saw Hannah, was adorable. It wasn't overly fluffy, because the final battle of a years-long war is anything but happy despite the good side winning, but it's a really nice moment that lays the foundation for happiness down the line. :)



Author's Response: Isobel ♥ I will be honest with you as well. Fluff really isn't my jam anymore, and while I ship Neville/Hannah, I don't seek out stories featuring them or this era. So we're pretty much the same there. I wrote this for the HC collab, and after that, I had some sweet moments of theirs that I wanted to write about, so a short story collection seemed in order!

I'm glad you enjoyed it! :) It was such a positive thing for me to write as well!

AHHH! I am so, so scared of writing well establish characters because I'm always worried I'll get them wrong, so you have no idea how happy it makes me to see what you have to say on the matter! How you've put it is exactly how I see Neville and I'm so please that you think I captured that!

Yes, that's what I was going for. Oh gosh, this review makes me really happy! You completely GOT it! thank you so much, Isobel *hugs*


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Review #8, by apondinablueboxForget Me Not: bloom and wither

16th August 2014:
Adi I think you just broke my feels.

Despite being a fan of Scorpius/Rose, I haven't read the ship as much as I'd like to -- particularly because it's so difficult to find unique stories, so I completely take my metaphorical hat off to you because this was so wonderfully unique and fantastic ♥

As a person, I don't like Rose. She's vapid, selfish, reckless and cruel -- and that's a wonderful testament to your talent, because you've created a character who's realistically flawed. Scorpius, too, is loyal and usually that's a great thing, but you've cleverly twisted that to make it a flaw for Scorpius. It's beautiful.

Infidelity is something I strongly dislike in real life, but in stories, it's always interesting to see what the characters' motivations behind the act is. I think it helps that Henry is just a mean character because then her betrayal isn't as bad as if she was betraying a husband who loved her, who'd do anything for her, who was utterly devoted to her -- much like Scorpius. (Side question: was Scorpius a Hufflepuff? Because the loyalty you've shown here certainly strongly hints at that, so I'm just curious.) Speaking of Henry -- that's his name, right? -- I don't think I've ever read a story where a character does not feature at all, is only mentioned by name once or twice, and yet has such a presence in the story. You've written that aspect marvellously.

OH THE BABY. The poor baby didn't deserve it! How was that fair?! I really hope Henry got arrested for everything he did!

The Obliviation scene was awful in the sense that it ripped out my feels (but in the sense of good prose, it was wonderfully executed) and even though I wrote an Obliviation in a different context, it still hurt to think about how Scorpius would never remember Rose. (in my headcanon, if an Obliviator dies, their victims memories are reinstated -- like when Dumbledore's spells stopped working after his death, so the option of Scorpius ever remembering after the Obliviator's death will never happen. *sobs*)

This one-shot completely blew me away and I'd just like to say once again that you are fantastically talented because this is just too beautiful for words.



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Review #9, by apondinablueboxEmpty Chairs at Empty Tables: Where My Friends Will Sing No More

12th August 2014:
*sniffles*

So, I'm here for the swap -- I will be reviewing L'optimisme in due course, and I was going to finish House of Cards so that I could review Roll of the Dice because it looked lonely without any reviews but then I saw this and I felt incredibly guilty, because I read this way back when it was TGS' featured one-shot and was so overcome by feels that I planned to come back later... and never did. SORRY ♥

Your Narcissa is written beautifully and is quite similar to my headcanon, which I really enjoyed because I could really see her in that dirty and dusty ballroom, allowing tears to mourn down her cheeks and grieving for the people she loved and grew up with. I've never watched/read Les Mis or heard the soundtrack, so I can't comment on how it connected to the story, but nevertheless I was overcome by sad feels. I don't normally highlight my favourite lines, but yours were so poignant that I just have to bring attention to them:

Doesn’t everyone, in the end, deserve to be mourned?

The playing field is levelled and all the scores set to zero.

Better to be a puppy than to be dead.

Was that what glory was? Making shadows out of men? Reducing boys to ashen-faced skeletons long before their time? Curbing the laughter of the innocent and happy to make way for words of death and hatred and superiority? Was it only to destroy people, destroy lives and hopes and dreams?

Your words really brought all the Death Eaters to life. I've always felt that their families would have mourned them, despite what they did, and I'm so happy you brought that to life with Narcissa and her recollections and her feelings. I really got the sense that her grief was just too big to put into words, there was just an overwhelming sense of it emotionally drowning her -- hence her description of herself as empty -- and I take my hat off to you for that, for your incredible talent in evoking such emotions in just three thousand words.

I also loved how you spent some time describing each person in detail, even the ones Narcissa wasn't close to, and that she still mourned for Andromeda and Sirius even though they chose the "light" side.

This one-shot was beautiful. I cried reading it -- and I hardly cry reading fiction -- there was so much to feel. Narcissa's one of those people who seems to hide in the background and see everything, and I think she understood most of all the cost of war, so it was wonderful to see that here. (I really hope I'm not repeating myself!)

This was an amazing, thought-provoking one-shot. ♥

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Review #10, by apondinablueboxJourney to the Centre of (Molly’s) World in (Less than) 80 Days: King of Anything

12th August 2014:
Hiya! Stopping by at last for my side of the review swap (so sorry for the delay!) and I have to say, I really enjoy your portrayal of Molly!

You start off really well with her snooty boyfriend (Hi there, Percy Junior!) and his terribly boring break-up speech. I like how you used the speech as the kickstart motivation for Molly to change her life, and as a way to introduce her internal monologue and as a way to introduce the characters and the setting. I really enjoyed how you sneaked in little facts about characters who aren't yet present, like Lily's adoration of books (or at least, the bestseller list) and Lucy's manipulative nature. Your descriptions of the café and the horrendous coffee were really fun and helped to make the setting feel more real!

AGATHA PAINSLEY-BUMBERSHUFFLE!!! Excuse me while I roll around on the floor in laughter... Ahem. Back now. She's a very fun character, and despite the tongue-in-cheek name you chose for her, I think a lot of people have their own Agatha in their lives, so incorporating her was a good idea. I get the feeling that the break-up, Agatha, Lily's quote, any of those things on their own wouldn't have sparked her desire for something better. But to have all those things pile up and happen at the same time, I think that's really put things into perspective for her.

THE DINNER!!! I'm resisting the urge to write this entire review in shouty capslock because your portrayal of her parents was so fun! Percy and Audrey remind me a lot of Arthur and Molly in a way -- Percy's like a refined Arthur, very restrained but still adoring of his kids and happy to let them have their way, while Audrey is this super dramatic person, kind of how I'd imagine Molly the first to be if she'd had too much coffee ;)

This seems like a really fun opening chapter, and I'd be happy to swap with you again if you'd like to! (Or I might possibly find my way back here...) You've developed your characters well, particularly Molly -- you've had her try, and then quickly lose heart and seek metaphors in food. She's got an uphill struggle, it seems, and it's going to be interesting to see what the next step she takes will be!



Author's Response: Not a problem about the delay - I went to sleep so this was a lovely way to wake up :)

Haha! Percy junior for sure! It must suck to realise that you're dating someone who is very much like your father was at that age - it probably was a factor for Molly. I love writing Molly so much. She's just so fed up with her life at this point, and I feel as if that's something that people can relate to from time to time. I'm really pleased that you liked the descriptions! I suck at them, but I try to improve, so this means a lot!

AGATHA'S NAME IS MY FAVOURITE. Everyone has an Agatha in their lives, don't they? They're this "perfect" person that you simultaneously hate, want to be, and then don't want to be. You're right in saying that not one of those events would've caused Molly to decide to take action, but I guess that's how life works sometimes: everything happens all at once and you have no choice but to make a change.

The dinner scene is one of my favourite scenes that I've ever written. Percy and Audrey were great. They are inspired a bit by Molly and Arthur - definitely Percy's cluelessness is! And haha! That's such a great description of Audrey! Love it ;)

I would love to continue to swap for the rest of the chapters! There's heaps of things I haven't read on your page so I'll just go crazy! And Molly definitely has a long way to go!

Thanks for the lovely swap :)


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Review #11, by apondinablueboxStuck in the Middle: Explanations and Fan-Girl Moments

31st July 2014:
First of all, be right back while I squish Oliver. I can't tell if he's having a bad day or if he genuinely has insecurities, given that the last two chapters (NO, AUTOCORRECT, YOU DO NOT CHANGE THAT TO CHEATERS. DON'T YOU DARE DOOM THIS SHIP) have been from James' POV, but either way, he deserves a hug.

The pacing in this was fabulous! I'm not sure how long the chapters are, given that I love this story so much I'm scrolling so fast I keep losing my place, but you've really paced this well. The plot isn't moving too fast or too slow. Oliver's narration here was fabulous too! It's great to see a more vulnerable side of him than James sees, because it really expands upon his character and develops him fabulously.

WHAT would Sarah have done?! Please tell me! ♥

Although Oliver seems to be suspicious of James' odd behaviour, including him into the conversation more than normal and so on, I have a theory: it's because James is nervous and even though he doesn't want to let it show, it's more obvious than he would like it to be.

Melanie sounds scary. *looks around* The coast looks clear. I can ship all of the Jolly ♥ ^.^

Question: How do you end chapters so fabulously? They aren't cliffhangers (yet) but they're still nice endings with fun comebacks and hilarious behaviour. SHARE YOUR SECRETS PLEASE, SAM.

Author's Response: *Squishes Oliver too* It's a mix of both, poor Oliver. He doesn't quite know how to handle things. :O *Hopes it didn't doom the ship*

I'm glad you like the pace of the story. I'm not one for rushing romance in my stories. You should see Enchanted. ;) I'm especially glad you like Oliver, he's definitely more vulnerable that James first sees.

Sarah threatens to tell James about Oliver's crush. But she never actually would.

That is a brilliantly accurate theory. Congrats! :D

*Checks* *relieved* *ships Jollie with you*

I... I didn't know I did that. :P

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #12, by apondinablueboxStuck in the Middle: Need That Picture of You

31st July 2014:
I think the people in the café are questioning my sanity right now because I'm sitting here grinning like a madwoman. I LOVE THIS SHIP MORE WITH EVERY CHAPTER. James' behaviour at the platform was hilarious, I love how he was so adamant that there was nothing going on with him and Oliver yet his behaviour was very over the top for something that isn't happening... Very revealing indeed :P

Ack, bad James for telling everyone that Oliver was half and half! (You missed out a "was" in that sentence, btw.) Good on Oliver for punching him though, he deserved it, and I like how James is mature enough to admit to his mistakes. You really have him down as an awesome teenager: there are some moments where he can be childish, but there are other moments where he's mature and gentlemanly, like when he notices Oliver's new camera and makes conversation -- that's a lovely balance!

I love the Great Hall banter and the comment about Oliver not taking James' picture in a Quidditch game because he wants to be a professional photographer. Genius. I really love Oliver, particularly his comebacks. Can I keep him? :P

Author's Response: So very revealing. He doesn't understand why people are suddenly interested in his love life (or lack of one) and is getting a little too defensive.

He was very naughty, that day, was James (thanks, I'll go fix it after you're challenge is done). James is not as... bad as I've seen him written. He's very much a typical teen (I hope).

If you beat James for him, you can keep him. .)

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #13, by apondinablueboxStuck in the Middle: Who are You and What are You Doing in my Brother's Bedroom?

31st July 2014:
MUAHAHAHAHA I don't know where to begin with this review, because I was grinning all the way through this chapter. You write humour really well, from James' surreptitious entrance into his own home and the subsequent interactions with his family, particularly Lily. (BTW, I loved that line about the Floo-calling being the wrong kind of fire to push her into!)

It's been a while since I first started reading this (and I am so sorry for how long it's taken me to leave these reviews, but hopefully I can make up for it tonight) and yet this story is just as fun and captivating as it when I first read it -- perhaps more so, since I know little snippets of what happens in the future. I've read actual published books and been really blah at the second re-read, but that isn't the case here. Opening chapters are really difficult, but you've pulled this off well: your characters are immediately distinct personalities even though they only speak a few sentences, and the plot immediately begins rolling!

I did notice a couple of typos -- on the fourth paragraph/line, you refer to the front door as a "fron door", and near the end, was no longer saying thing about anyone, I think that's supposed to have a S on the thing to make it plural. Thought you might want to know ^.^

OH! And I love the ending where Oliver points out that James only denied that he was topless, not that he was just a friend ;)

I'm really, really glad you picked this for my challenge. YOU CAN DO THIS, SAM ♥

Author's Response: I write humor well. Wow, I think my attempts at humor are terrible. Especially back in 2011, when I first wrote this chapter. So thank you! :)

All your compliments are so lovely, it's hard to write a response that is longer than AH!!! :P

Thank you so much for leaving a review. I'll fix the typos when you've done the challenge. :)

Sam.


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Review #14, by apondinablueboxBlessing in Disguise: Unplanned

23rd July 2014:
Muahahahaha this was awesome!! Audrey seems like a crazy character (of course, I say crazy as in the good kind) and I feel a little bit sorry for her with the hangover, but really, there's no-one to blame except herself :P

The banter between Audrey and Bill was fabulous, and the fact that she's a mean Hufflepuff and he can't hear her through his braveness was awesome! It was really fun to read, and I hope there's more of it to come!

Duncan doesn't seem to have a very good recollection... Although I kind of understand his falling asleep -- a few years ago, I accidentally fell asleep while waiting for my mum to arrive home and locked her out of the house *looks around nervously* It was raining, and she couldn't shelter because she'd locked herself in the garden (our gate back then had a padlock, and three guesses where the key to the padlock was). I hope Audrey forgives him -- that line where she thought about saying thank you to Duncan instead of being mad at him was hilarious!

Oh, Audrey. Oh, Percy. I can't wait for the morning after now, it's going to be seriously awkward especially when they reunite. *cackles* I'm not sure what she sees in him yet, but it's going to be fun to find out ;)

I can't wait for the next chapter ♥

Author's Response: Hehehehe thank you! :D She is so crazy, of course the good kind, but she only has herself to blame for how she's feeling.

I'm so glad that you loved that, I can see a wonderful bromance between her and Bill in the future. Haha I'm glad you liked that line, I love that line. :P

No he doesn't, oh Duncan. Awww your poor mum! I hope she wasn't in the rain for too long. *hugs her* Of course she'll forgive him, but for how long, who knows?

Haha I hope you like the morning after, it was a lot of fun to write. I'm not sure what she sees in him either, but it is going to be fun to find out. :P

Thank you so much Isobel!! :D


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Review #15, by The MisfitThe Start of Something: Prompt 1 - Lily's Fairy

12th July 2014:
AWWW. TOO CUTE. Clary's analysis of the Potter family is adorable! The way she refers to Harry and Ginny as giants is funny (although if she's small enough to hide in a tree, they probably do seem like giants :P) and the way she compares Lily Flower to the flower she sleeps in at night is so sweet!

The conversation between Lily and Clary didn't feel one-sided, despite the fact only Lily could verbalise dialogue. You wrote Clary's actions so well, it felt like a two-way conversation ^.^ I love that you chose to write this chapter from a fairy's perspective, it's incredibly unique. :D Harry pretending to believe in fairies was sweet, and Clary's reaction to his "silliness" made me laugh. This is my favourite chapter of the three, definitely!

And her opinion that Lily would make a good fairy is heartwarming -- another fairy and I'd have been worried, but you' em characterised Clary so beautifully in such a short piece that I really love her. ^.^

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Author's Response: I loved writing Clary so much. She was just so cute and lovely and sweet. For a fairy. :P

I'm glad you feel that way about their conversation. It was a little odd to write it one sided without it feeling one sided. So I'm happy it felt natural. :)

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #16, by The MisfitThe Start of Something: Prompt 2 - When Darkness Fades

12th July 2014:
Sam ♥ I am here at last!

I love this. I love the way you begin this chapter, with Harry broken and tired and just needing to be alone with someone who understands. It's super narration, and it instantly gets the reader into Harry's mindset at that particular moment.

His interactions with Theo are great; the moment with the cigarette was amazing. You really managed to convey so many emotions with just a small action. And the handshake moment was fabulous -- particularly the funny ending with his joke :P

I spotted a typo: in the fourth paragraph, you say "slither of joy" -- I think you meant "sliver", although the typo does tie in well with the chapter ;)

This was amazing, and I am off to the next one now!

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hey!

The beginning was so hard for me to write. Because it made me so sad. I had to keep stopping and hug Harry. The poor boy. *hugs him again*

You know, I didn't even plan that bit with the cigarette. It just showed up. :P

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #17, by The MisfitThe Year You Stole My Heart: Chapter 10

12th July 2014:
Tammi!! ♥

I really love this story so far, it's really funny and melodramatic and fun to read. (also, OMG, Adventures is listed as a "Similar Story" to this, I've taken a screenshot in case you want it) The interactions between James and Amelia are so cute and I can see why they're attracted to each other, although not quite so much with Albus and Mariah. They seem to be taking their pranking to extremes, and it's not as easy to see how they're going to be happy together despite all the characters saying they're in love.

Nevertheless, your characterisation is fabulous! The little snippets into everyone's heads are great, because the reader gets the ability to see a little of the character without the chapter getting overwhelmed with filler. I'm particularly enjoying the sibling relationship between Amelia and Adam, and the bromances between Albus/Scorpius, Albus/James and James/Adam!

There are a few formatting errors that I'd suggest fixing -- nothing huge, there's just a few commas in the wrong places and a couple of run-on sentences. I'd suggest taking another read-through of the story to weed them out (and I completely sympathise with you; I reread my chapters 478294784291 times and yet pesky typos still get overlooked).

Overall, this is superbly fabulous ♥ I will be back for more after the HC :D

House Cup 2914 Review

Author's Response: THANK YOU ISOBEL!!! *hugs* I really wish I knew how to do that heart icon!

I'm so glad that you love this story so far, I really need to get back to finishing it. :P Haha how strange is that?! I always smile when I see it as a similar story to this one.

Oh Albus and Mariah, those two are such a weird couple, they love to hate each other. And it is to extremes.

Thank you so much! I wanted to show more than two characters, I wanted to focus on what all the other people were up to and not just James and Amelia. There are so many bromances! Haha

Oooops, I shall have a look at that at a later date, thanks for pointing them out. Sometimes I just write and think, "meh, I shall reread another day." Yet, I post the chapter. It's my own fault entirely.

Thank you so so much!!! I love you!


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Review #18, by The MisfitWilted Flower: The First

12th July 2014:
Hi Roots!

This is one of my absolute favourite stories, and one of the best on the archives. I simply adore everything about this story. Your talent really shines through and your narration blends in beautifully with what I imagine Pansy's behaviour to be. Her dislike for imperfectness, her internal conflict with her upbringing, her gradual change in personality are all executed beautifully. The Pansy at the beginning of this novel is very, very different from the Pansy now, and you clearly have an immense amount of patience because writing this personality change to happen so genuinely requires making it happen slowly, and you've absolutely achieved that.

I love the little tidbits about her life, like Astor (autocorrect tried to change that to Astoria there :P) and Adri. I'm actually really suspicious about Adri's heritage. Pansy was quite quick to jump to the half-blood conclusion, but I wonder whether he's actually a pure-blood who never had a house-elf upbringing (like the Weasleys, etc) and this puts Pansy in a quandary when she discovers this fact later down the line, after she's fallen for him. Then again, he could easily be a Muggle-born -- imagine what would happen if Pansy met his Muggle parents?!

The only critique I can suggest is that you might want to double-check your formatting. There are some new paragraphs / sentences that start below the last paragraph.
Like this, without a space in between. It doesn't happen a huge amount, but I'd suggest that if you have time, fixing those would help the chapters to flow better.

Overall, this is a beautifully-written story by an exceptionally talented author and I can't wait for the next chapter! Good luck with completing this by the end of the month, ♥

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Review #19, by The MisfitMy Little Secrets: Surprise, Surprise

12th July 2014:
Sarah, hello ♥

Wo, next-gen slash! FEM-SLASH. This is rarely seen in the stories I frequent (at least as a main pairing) so I am insanely excited about the Lucy/Gwen relationship! You did really well with showing Lucy's insecurities and the fears she has about her parents and Gwen not accepting her for who she is even though they're unfounded. The poor girl has a lot of self-doubt :(

Linda is such an interesting Voice (I hesitate to call her a character, since I'm not sure if Lucy's genuinely insane or her mind is being messed with right now) albeit one that I don't particularly like as a character. The things she says to Lucy are very clever, picking at the things she fears the most, and yet the more she talks, the easier Lucy finds it to ignore her. It's a very clever way you've written Lucy's reaction to Linda!

I did notice a few grammar errors, particularly places where the full stop at the end of the sentence isn't there. I'd point them out specifically, but HC deadline etc etc ;) They aren't happening enough to be a major concern, but nevertheless, I'd recommend giving the chapters a reread to spot them ;)

Good luck with completing this by the end of the month! :D

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hey hon!
Thanks so much for the review!
xoxo Sarah


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Review #20, by The MisfitThe Deathly Children: Symbols and Stories

11th July 2014:
AH ALBUS KILLED ARIANA *sobs* Unless Gellert is just messing with him...? Aargh. Aargh. *falls apart*

I loved this. I loved everything, particularly the letter from Gellert (the mention of Albus not answering made me think of Fortress: An Anatomy and wonder whether the Nurmengard in the letters and in Fortress is one and the same? Either way, I adore how he tries to make Albus concede and confess to his faults, despite the fact he's equally to blame. Gellert seems to be one of those people who insist on dragging you down with them, and poor Albus for being victim to that.

Death and Ariana! Our interpretations of Death are different, and yet I prefer yours -- the three women remind me of the three monkeys (see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil) and the way they (he? It?) subtly manipulate Ariana to draw the Hallows and behave like they desire is clever. The fable of the girl and the three witches was great, and the way it connects to Ariana is quite interesting; I'm intrigued -- with you, I doubt it's coincidence ;)

Actually, while writing this review I couldn't help comparing the three boys to the Hallows -- Albus is the Elder Wand, with power over Ariana (and Aberforth, to some degree) and he manipulates that power by dosing his sister with potions; Gellert is the Resurrection Stone, because after his imprisonment, he's latching on to Albus and their time together. And the way he talks about conquering the world -- it's like he was trying to show off, like a seventeen-year-old would. Aberforth is the Cloak, because though he's semi-important in the story (being Albus and Ariana's brother), he has the unfortunate habit of making himself constantly absent :P Of course, I could just be overanalysing the characters post-midnight...

You don't have to worry about the chapter being too long -- in fact, i feel like the chapter should have been longer. You cover so much in your chapters, and yet you do it exceptionally fluidly that it's like drifting down a river reading the chapter: no many how many milestones you pass, you always feel like you've never gone very far when in reality you've gone miles... Excuse the weird water-related analogy (is that the right word?) -- it's all I can think of that connects right now :P

This chapter was amazing, as always ♥ Good luck with completing it by the end of the month!

House Cup Review 2014

Author's Response: Heeyy lovely! ♥

You know why it's so fun to write Gellert? Because nobody knows whether he's lying or telling the truth. Sometimes I sit back and think about this when I'm writing, "Wait, is this guy lying, or is he telling some obscure truth, or what?!" *sews you back together*

I've come to the decision that 'Fortress' and TDC are AU to each other! 'Fortress' is just too strange and out there (well, TDC's just got a bit strange as well in this chapter), and the two don't fit too well together. But they're the same characters, definitely! The same Gellert taunting Albus, and yes, he's vindictive in trying to drag Albus down with him. He's this vindictive ex-lover and muahaha I can't wait to write more about him. *evil purple devil*

I would love to read about your interpretation of Death! And that's a great way to see Death, the three monkeys! And clearly you've picked up that three-ness is kinda a recurring thing in this fic. Well, it's recurring outside of this fic as well, y'know, the pagan Triple Goddess, the Holy Trinity etc. I just plucked my inspiration from those concepts and wove them into the story.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS OVERANALYSIS MUAHAHA

*is in love with your flowing river analogy*

Gah, THANK YOU SO MUCH. ♥

It really means a lot to me that you like this chapter and took the time to review! After all, this story is yours and is still being written for you (sorry for taking ages eep).



-teh


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Review #21, by The MisfitLost Lullaby: 7-Girlfriend?

11th July 2014:
Hey, Lily!

I really like this story so far! I'm a little sad that you killed Victoire off, but I'm enjoying the way you're developing Teddy's life post-Victoire. Natalie seems like a great OC and complements Teddy well, and then there's Victoire's shadow everywhere even at Shell Cottage :(

I loved your humorous moments about how Teddy didn't have a phone number or email address, and Christian interrupting at the table just as the important announcement of magic was going to begin :P You're building their romance slowly too which is good, since some stories have ships that feel too rushed but this is a nice pacing, particularly when Teddy has a child to think of.

I would suggest maybe expanding your description a little more by referring to the surroundings, to increase your word count and help the reader picture them better. Also, something that jumped out at me were the sharp transitions between scenes, particularly early on when Christian turned from a two-month-old baby to a three-year-old toddler in the space of a paragraph -- I think a time gap like that could have been moved to the beginning of the next chapter. I'd suggest working on making the transitions smoother.

However, this is still a fantastic story, in fact it's the first Teddy/OC I've read and I'm glad this was my first because it's fabulous and I think with a little revision, it can be even better :D

Good luck with finishing this by the end of the month!

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Review #22, by The MisfitThe Chaos Within: Choices and secrets

11th July 2014:
Hi Erin! :)

First of all, I love it! I don't usually read post-Hogwarts but this comes off as really close to canon so far which is great! I love your characterisations of the trio and Ginny, they're really close to canon and that's really difficult to achieve (for me anyway) so absolute kudos to you!

Are you secretly psychic? You seem to have gotten my headcanon here with regards to Hermione's parents -- I always felt like Wendell and Monica Wilkins would divorce because they never had the memories of meeting and being a couple and raising their daughter, and while I'm sure Hermione tried her best to give them fake memories, fake memories don't have feelings attached and I like that you made her actions have consequences instead of having a happy family reunion.

I'm a little concerned that Harry's reliance on alcohol is too much. I know he's struggling after the warm but I don't think he would turn to alcohol to blot out his fears, although your nightmares seem quite authentic (as far as I can tell anyway, having never been through a war) but personally, I'd ease up on the amount of alcohol he consumes. :)

Also, and this is insanely nitpicky so feel free to ignore me, but I feel like there could be a better name for "sober up potion". I mean, if I was a witch and I saw that in an apothecary, I wouldn't be compelled to buy it, particularly when other potions in the Potterverse have sort of impressive names. Maybe something like Sobriety Draught would fit better?

Overall though, this story is really good. You've gotten a nice balance of post-war angst and little comedic moments like whipped cream on Ron's nose and him interrupting Harry and Ginny's kiss.

Good luck with completing it by the end of the month! ♥

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Review #23, by The MisfitLumos: To The Core

11th July 2014:
Hi Lumos!

I really like this story so far; I'm not a huge fan of post-Hogwarts stories in general but this one seems to be realistic in the way that Harry has issues to deal with, and that his relationship with the Weasleys takes a knock initially -- they're grieving, and although they know Harry isn't to blame for Voldemort's actions, Voldemort's gone now so they can't blame him. And of course, Harry's never been willing to accept help or discuss his feelings, so it makes sense.

I will confess that the first few chapters felt a little OOC to me, but it's very possible that that's because I'm not used to reading post-war Harry; I usually see him in next-gen and he's more positive then. I'm really enjoying the mystery surrounding the wand, and look forward to seeing the plot unfold.

The little tidbits with the Marauders, Albus and Severus in the afterlife were adorable! ♥ However, I'm a little unsure on the relevance at the moment -- is this something that connects to the story later on? :)

Good luck with completing this by the end of the month!

House Cup Review 2014

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for stopping by.

Yes, it does seem OOC, but there are heaps of things coming up that'll explain everything that seems a bit wrong. I just had to add the Marauders, to be honest they don't have too much connection but I'll work on that...

I'll have to see how I go on completing this, I'm not too sure, I was planning on having many more chapters and I'm a giant procrastinator... Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #24, by The MisfitAcanthus: Of Final Thoughts

11th July 2014:
Woah. This is amazing. Confession: Acanthus has been on my to-read list for some time, but I didn't have the chance to read until you signed up for my challenge :D Actually, I'm torn between wishing I'd read it earlier and being grateful that I wasn't victim to all your evil cliffhangers...

Your characterisation of Rose is amazing; she really feels like a real person here and your plot is wonderful. I didn't realise this was a time travel story at first which normally isn't my cup of tea but I'm enjoying this novel and I'm really sad that there will only be 2/3 chapters left :( I really like the reason behind Charlotte's motivations for helping George and marrying him but it's a shame she felt the need to go to such extremes and you did well in showing how difficult it was to understand why she would do that.

The way you've included little pieces of the present is fabulous, I really like Hermione's sections although I do feel sorry for the Weasleys! And poor Edward dying, and now Anthony's going to sacrifice himself for Scorpius... I wonder if this might help prevent Scorpius' death if George thinks he's dead, or perhaps he doesn't have to die really and it was all a plot by Frederic to kill him?

The only criticism I can offer (and it took me forever to find something to crit, not kidding) is in a couple of places it's a little dialogue-heavy, but nothing that massively detracts from the story.

I can't wait to find out what happens next and I'll definitely be checking out the next chapter! This is really great writing, Kiana! ♥ And good luck with completing it by the end of July! ;)

House Cup Review 2014

Author's Response: Hey Isobel! Ahahaha, yes I can see why it's good you waited in a way because sometimes I did love my cliff-hangers a little too much and was a little too liberal when it came to using them.

I'm so glad that you liked Rose as she was definitely one of the most interesting characters I've ever written. Hmm, don't worry too much about Charlotte and George and all that jazz for now as more will be revealed later on and hopefully further explanations will help sort out your feelings.

Yay for Hermione, she continues to appear throughout so yay for that! I know, I know, there was a lot of drama with Edward/Anthony/George but hopefully future chapters will make things a little clearer as the plot is never fully revealed until right at the end.

Ooh thank you, I'll definitely review that when I edit this again.

Thanks for an amazing review and yay it's finished now so I did it :D

-Kiana


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Review #25, by The MisfitTrue Lion: Exploding Cauldrons

6th July 2014:
Hi Leonore!

I must admit that AU isn't my favourite thing to read, but I kind of like this so it's a good start :D

Your characterisations are wonderful! Even though this story is very AU, I'm enjoying the characters as they seem to be really well thought-out and I like that you've kept some elements of canon in this story. Severus and Remus' friendship is really interesting to read about, too, particularly their relationships with the other boys and Lily.

One thing I would like to see more of in this novel though is a little more conflict. In my personal opinion, everything seems to be falling in place for Severus and it feels a little unrealistic to me, particularly with his Animagus abilities (in canon, the. Marauders didn't manage it until fifth year and that was with three of them). I feel like including some sort of problem in Severus' life that he has trouble with would help improve the authenticity of the plot :)

Nevertheless, it was an enjoyable read and has a lot of potential to do well :) Good luck with completing the story by the end of the month!

-Isobel

HOUSE CUP 2014 REVIEW
GO HUFFLEPUFF!!

Author's Response: Hi Isobel!

I'm not at all confident in it's ability to be finished by the end of the month. As you say, it lacks conflict and is rather unrealistic; I rushed Sev getting animagus because I was bored, something that I've worried about at intervals since. The story wasn't planned beyond "Snape is a Gryffindor" and it shows.

I'm so glad you like characterisation, because I'm constantly convinced it's lacking. I might not delete the story as I was thinking of, then, but do some major editing. I had a short attempt at writing more but got bored again. And now I'm doing Camp NaNo with a new novel which is going great especially as it comes complete with conflict. I'll certainly add conflict if/when I edit/continue because, as you say, it is all falling into place for Sev.

That's comforting to hear! I'll try to do something with it rather than straight-off deleting.

Thanks!

~ Leo xx


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