Reading Reviews From Member: blackballet
159 Reviews Found

Review #26, by blackballetBreakoff Altitude: Prologue

21st August 2013:
Hello, I am here with your requested review.

I am excited to say that I have never not once read something with Amelia as a main character. This is a very great start. I think your high point as a writer is definitely your wonderful description. Some people do not spend enough time at it, and I think it's great how you spend so much time on the littler things.

You were a bit too vague, I believe, on the relationship status for some people. I did notice the finer points, like the bruises on his neck and her references to public affections. It fit her character very well, and I can already see who she is even in the first paragraph which is a very spectacular talent. The fact that she speaks almost completely in an inner monologue also lends itself to her character.

Overall, it was a very nice introduction to both characters, and I am definitely excited to read more. I look forward to your re-request!


Author's Response: Thank you so very much. I really appreciate your time!

You've completely made my day. We didn't want to give away too much of the plot because it may become an important part but good to know and I'll keep that in mind.


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Review #27, by blackballetOnce upon a time: Fairytails and all that crap

21st August 2013:
Hello I am here with your requested review!

I think you have a great start here, and a mildly interesting character. I think I like Cinderella's interaction with Dom the most out of this chapter. I think you've got a good basis with their friendship. You can see they've been friends for a while and are very comfortable with them.

The thing that you most have to work with is the punctuation and description. Sometimes I lost a bit of the plot and became MINORLY (not really bored, but I can't find another word for it) bored with the dialogue. Just make sure you add a couple of things like what people are doing, or how they say something. I also noticed that your biggest problem is with your punctuation placement. I'll give an example:

"You already know the sodding reason,Dom“Internships like these are expensive and I can’t swing the funds”, I confessed finally .

This is one of your sentences from the chapter. It should read:

"You already know the sodding reason, Dom. Internships like these are expensive and I can't swing the funds," I confessed finally.

You should only put quotation marks at the beginning and end of a characters uninterrupted speech, not at the end of every sentence. Your commas should also have a space before them, not after. Ask your beta about it! And for English not being your first language, you have made a very good effort.

I like your story so far, and hope you continue to request when more chapters are up.


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Review #28, by blackballetFirst Name Terms: Appetite

21st August 2013:
This was an interesting first chapter. I think it was a bit too fast paced for all that went on. The beginning flowed nicely, but Draco and Hermione's interaction was too rushed. I think if you add a bit more description you'll be on your way!

I like Hermione's inner monologue the best. I think her characterization was very good in that section. Your dialogue needs a bit of work mostly, but you definitely have great potential! Keep writing

Author's Response: Hi there!

I totally understand! This was my first fanfic, and therefore my first ever chapter on this site, and I just really wanted to dive into the plot :D That would explain the fast pace-ness. I do intend to go back and edit roughly though, I'm glad you pointed it out!

Ah. Description. My worst nightmare. I'm really working on it though, especially for your challenge!

Yay, I'm glad you liked some of it :P Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #29, by blackballetRon Weasley: The Turning Point: Apparating

20th August 2013:
I am here with my review from my challenge!

I think this is off to a very nice start, and I will continue reading to see what happens with Ron's character. I like reading from Ron's point of view. You have definitely captured him and his mindset during the Deathly Hallows very well. I think that this was also very realistic to the situation.

Fleur and Bill were also nice additives. I think Bill fit his character description FROM THE BOOK very well. I always thought they messed him up a bit in the movies. I like his personality here, very understanding and more laid back. I think Fleur matched JK's version of her as well. All together, a very nice job on your first chapter!

Author's Response: uh-oh... Im not a fan of the word nice.. to a certain extent it feels like I am being 'damned with faint praise' !
On the other hand, I prefer to look at things from the glass half-full perspective, and as such think that it is lovely that you do think it is nice! I am glad you feel I have captured Ron's mindset appropriately. the trick will be now to try and turn it evil! argh! (this is hearbreaking)
Also, I am glad you like Bill. Harry used the word "cool" to describe him, and I think you are right, the movies kinda missed that aspect of him.

Thankyou for the review and for such a fascinating challenge, I am really loving it!

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Review #30, by blackballetBlood Ties: Curiosity happens for a reason

19th August 2013:
I'm, here for your review from my challenge!

I think this is a very interesting start, and I love reading fics where adults are the main characters, even though I do write from teenage perspectives a lot. I'm not so sure where Tonks is going to turn bad, but I will definitely read and review every chapter up until the deadline of my challenge. It's hard for me to judge, as Tonks isn't evil yet so I hope you get more chapters in by the deadline so you can have a chance to win! I think you definitely have a contender here with your writing ability and plot.

I noticed a few mistakes, like annd and sge, but they're very minuscule and didn't take away from the story. I like your characterization of Andromeda the most, I think. I'm a big advocate for interesting characters, because I completely and full-heartedly think that they make a story. I love how she is still very strict. Some people forget who she grew up with, and make her very sweet and easy-going. I like that you thought about her a lot. Even if you didn't, it looks like you did, and I thoroughly enjoyed her part in this.

Thank you for writing such a beautiful piece, and if you would PM me to let me know when the second chapter is up, then I would be very grateful. If you forget, don't worry, I'll check your entry the day the challenge has ended.

Good luck to you and your story!

Author's Response: Heya! Glad to have you by :)

Writing from a teenager's POV is somewhat difficult for me because as far as I remember, I never had mood swings, whims, I never fell in love very often, arguing with my parents because I wasn't happy about something they made me do, so I can't directly relate to that. I'd have to research it a bit haha. I know that sounds weird but I remember myself as being responsible, being friendly to everyone, never talking out of turn, etc.

I am very excited about this idea and I don't want to rush it. I want to take it slow, gradually, so that Tonks's change makes sense and comes naturally. I don't mind if you exclude me from your finalists, because I'm almost sure I won't have Tonks switch sides until the deadline of your challenge :( I hope however, that that won't stop you from coming back and reading this story because it was mostly thanks to you that I had the idea ;)

I haven't read many Andromeda stories so I can assure you that I have no idea how she is portrayed by other authors. However, I imagined that even if Andromeda fell in love with a Muggle-born and ran away from home with him, and generally seems a more genuine, likeable person, it's impossible to wipe out her childhood and the way she was raised. Something HAD to remain ingrained in her personality. This is how I imagine her: strict bur fair, loveable but not overly sweet and a perfectionist, which will lead to interesting character interactions between herself and Tonks later on. You'll see ;)

Thank you so very much for reading and reviewing. I'm pleased to know that you enjoyed my first chapter :D

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Review #31, by blackballetA Minor Setback: Chapter Six

16th August 2013:
I think this is one of your better chapters! I really got invested in it, and I liked the part at the end with Albus. I think Seraphina was more in character at the beginning of the chapter than the end. It was mostly because of Albus obviously, so it worked. I also liked when she told that girl to be careful and that she would definitely regret what she was about to do. That was very clever!

I can't wait for you to keep writing more of this

Author's Response: Heyo! Sorry for replying so late but I'm doing it now!

Thank you so much, I'm glad that you think that and I agree, this is definitely one of my better chapters. I also agree with the fact that Seraphina was more in character at the beginning but the way that I thought about it was that she's trying to get the hang of being friendly and it seemed like something a friend would do.

When I wrote that part, I figured, if I was in Seraphina's situation, I'd probably warn someone as well just to keep whatever had happened to me from happening to someone else.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it!

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Review #32, by blackballetJigsaw Falling Into Place: One of the Boys

16th August 2013:
When I began reading this, I was not sure what to expect at all, and I'm glad to say I was happily surprised. I like how Pansy used to be more carefree, and that definitely carried your theme of the idea that bad changes when you grow older. Pansy is one of those characters I think we don't see enough of, and I think this was a great view into what her life would've been like. You are also a very nice writer, which helps me enjoy the story.

Thanks for writing so well!

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Review #33, by blackballetVegas: 1

14th August 2013:
This was very sweet. I did notice that it's a short story, but it says it's completed in the description! If this is the whole story, you might want to change it to one-shot. I kind of hope you do a prequel to this, about novel length! I think it would be really interesting to see where and how they both grew up. I like how you made Lucas American, therefore having no (or little) knowledge of the Weasley's. I think you fit their time travelling together very nicely by the use of pensieve, so that made it seem longer than it really was. I fell in love with Lucas and Molly!

Great job, and I hope to see more from you in the future.

Author's Response: Ah thank you. I've got a prequel/sequel in the works. It's a bit hard to explain but one chapter will be from Molly's past and then the next will be the future from her pov and then Lucas' past and future from his pov. It's a bit complicated and that's why it's taking longer to write. Thank you for the sweet review I'm glad you enjoyed this :)

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Review #34, by blackballetPost Scriptum: His Other Home

13th August 2013:
Whoo hoo! This was another great chapter. The beginning made me very, very hungry considering I haven't eaten yet. I love how you've written Regulus. When I first began writing, I swore I would always hater Regulus, but lately I've been loving him more and more.

He's very observant of Sirius and his friends, which is interesting. It's like Regulus is jealous but annoyed with how they act.

I think the cake topper was when Slughorn asked him to be in the Slug Club not two seconds before mentioning Sirius again. Poor Regulus.

Like I said before, he's also observant with the members of his own house. He handled situation very well, and I can see that he is an exceptional liar, which coincides with his small canon part.

You've kept his character up through the first couple chapters, and it's very impressive. It showed when he was speaking with Severus about Lily as well.

Good job, as always!


Author's Response: Hah, yeah, writing feasts always makes me hungry :)

Regulus does seem to be kind of popular among readers of this story. I think it's because I deliberately tried to portray him as a troubled adolescent faced with choices that he feels are too big for him - I'm sure most of us could relate to that at one point or another.

Regulus is in the unusual situation of being a shadow to his older brother and yet commonly being perceived as better than Sirius in terms of his House and family loyalty. Neither position allows him a lot of room to develop his own personality and his own talents. As you mentioned, there is clearly more to him than meets the eye.

Thanks for your very kind review :)


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Review #35, by blackballetProblems: Problems

13th August 2013:
Oh that was so adorable! I loved the parallel between the beginning and the end. I really just love parallels of any kind. At first, I was afraid Victoire was going to be mean and cold towards Teddy, and I was going to start bawling because poor Teddy and his problems. But you are not like me apparently and like when your characters have happy lives. I wish I could be like that.

Then, somewhere in the middle, I started feeling bad for Victoire because Teddy was being so unbelievably oblivious and she was putting herself out there and oh it got me right where it hurts. Then everything works out. I definitely need to borrow some of your happiness, if you don't mind.

Until next time,

Author's Response: I love parallels too! That's part of the reason why I included it, but I was a little worried about it being repetitive and rather crude, but I'm glad you didn't think so.

Aww! Victoire being mean and cold would have been horrible! It would have made for some interesting story, but I wrote this for a fluff challenge, and I do love writing fluff, so I couldn't have that happen!

And of course Teddy was so blindingly oblivious! I mean, have you seen what Ron and Harry were like at that age?

And there's plenty of happiness to go around! Thanks for dropping in!

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Review #36, by blackballetBelief: Christmas Dinner

12th August 2013:
Oh, this is so sweet and sad. Very bittersweet. I love how he said he doesn't believe in the war, almost in denial. He only believes in Lily, and I think you described his love for very well.

I'm so glad you wrote and I read this!

Author's Response: I think "bittersweet" is a great way of characterizing this story. It's great to hear that James's love for Lily came out as a major theme and you liked getting to see his perspective.

Thanks for another kind review :)


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Review #37, by blackballetHeart's Desire: Beauty

12th August 2013:
This is the strangest, saddest story I've ever read. You managed to fit so much in so little, and I really appreciate that. I love it. It's really beautiful and I can feel how estranged she feels.

This is a great story, and an interesting take on a werewolf. Amazing job!

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you felt like this was effective. Lavender wasn't exactly a werewolf here--I tried to point out in a subtle way that she feels some symptoms of lycanthropy but never really transforms--but it's great that you still felt like her emotions were tangible and liked the overall mood of the piece.

Thanks for your kind review!


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Review #38, by blackballetMeddling Aphrodite: She Sits On Her Throne

12th August 2013:
I love this idea so much! It's very interesting and unique. The only thing I couldn't believe was Aphrodite not knowing about the Wizarding World. I think you handled the topic very well, and made them well adjusted to modern times.

Great job again!

Author's Response: Hey there again!

I'm so happy to hear that you love it because I love writing it!

I imagine that if the gods existed they wouldn't really pay attention to mortals so I figured they never would've seen the wizarding world before.

Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #39, by blackballetYou. (Me).: You. (Me).

12th August 2013:
I love this so much! It almost made me get all choked, and it probably would've if there wasn't a word limit! It's truly beautiful, and the best one-shot I have ever read by far. All I can think is, why do Lupin men never find love easily?

Author's Response: Wow! The best? I'm so flattered right now - you've just made my day! I'm really pleased you enjoyed it! Thank you so much!

Sian ♥

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Review #40, by blackballetTwo Letters: Rite of Passage

12th August 2013:
Oh this was so adorable! I've never read them as just friends, and I think it was very sweet, and nicely done. I like how Scorpius was a bit insecure, and how Rose knew him so well.

Great one-shot, again

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I don't see a lot of Rose/Scorpius friendship stories either, which is why I was inspired to write this one. I'm glad you felt like the characterization worked well.

Thanks for your kind review!


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Review #41, by blackballetPink Eyes: Pink Eyes

12th August 2013:
This story is so great! I loved the pink eyes part of the story. I also liked how you portrayed Teddy and Victoire's relationship. Teddy reminds me very much of Remus, and Victoire of Fleur. Great job with this!


Author's Response: Hi! What a nice review! Thank you so much for the kind words :)

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Review #42, by blackballetThe Marauder Years: Diagon Alley

12th August 2013:
Oh, I loved this one as well. I like you focusing on Remus and Lily equally, and I'm excited for everyone else to come in! It's going to be a wild ride, but I guess we signed on for that when you named it the Marauder Years!

Author's Response: Hello again, blackballet :) thanks for another lovely review! I'm so glad you loved this chapter! Haha, yes it will be a wild ride, but I am so looking forward to writing and developing the characters and story as it goes through the years - I hope the readers will enjoy it too :) Ha, yes it is not a very original title (I really am no good with story titles :( ), but as you say it let's the reader know what they're getting into when they read it ;)

Thanks again for the review

Haronione ♥

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Review #43, by blackballetThe Chosen Boy: Desperation & Violation

12th August 2013:
This was so intriguing! I've never read a story featuring Neville in my long time here, so I'm excited to, My heart strings tore in half when he said, not even if you use the cruica-

I mean, that was truly heartbreaking.

Loved it so far!

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Review #44, by blackballetI Never Wanted This: A Chapter of Misery

11th August 2013:
Hello there! This is blackballet with your review from my challenge.

I really love this story! I think it's a great idea, and I love what you did with it. I think it could be a bit more embellished. It's a bit short, and I wasn't too aware of what Ginny was thinking. I could definitely see it turning into a short story or novella if you wanted to. I think it's got great promise, and I feel like if any character would do this, it would be Ginny.

Very nice job, and keep an eye out for the results!

Author's Response: Hi there!
Thank you! When I got Ginny in the comp, I automatically thought, 'what's the one thing Ginny would do anything for?' The answer was obvious - Harry. So I wrote it like that.
Yes, it is a bit lacking with details. It probably won't turn into a short story/novella (seeing as the main character is dead already).
Cheers, Phoenix Quill :D

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Review #45, by blackballetPost Scriptum: Autumn Reds

11th August 2013:
This is very nice. I usually don't read Lily because I've always found her way too optimistic for my liking, but I like her in this! I like her description of autumn in the beginning, and I think it was very true to her character.

And oh, that little conversation with James was adorable. Reminded me vaguely of Harry with Cho. Keep up the great work, really.

Author's Response: Thanks! I really like Lily and I hope I've characterized her well in this story. I would imagine her to be observant, not only about her surroundings but about people as well.

Glad you liked Lily and James getting along.

Thanks for your kind review :)


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Review #46, by blackballetThe Marauder Years: An Expected Letter

11th August 2013:
This is really great start. I've never written someone getting a letter because I could never write the parents! You did very well with this, although they could be a bit more surprised.

I think you handled Petunia very well, and how Lily said she'd been brewing since they meet Severus. And at the very end all I could think was poor Petunia!

Great work

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review :) I'm glad you thought this was a good start. I have had a few comments about how readily they accept Lily being a witch, and you are all totally right! So,I am going to edit this chapter a bit to make Mr. and Mrs. Evans more surprised when Lily gets her letter.

Yay, I'm glad you thought I handled Perunia well :) and I'm so happy you thought 'poor Petunia' at the end - that's what I was aiming for ;)

Thanks again for the review :)

Haronione ♥

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Review #47, by blackballetAnachronous: In a Man's World

10th August 2013:
I loved this so much! It gave me goosebumps at the end, and I love how Andromeda wishes for something with more grandeur, and I love her thoughts at the very end. She takes such little pride in her accomplishments, which I find very humbling, but also very sad. This was simply beautiful.

Author's Response: Thanks!

Well, Andromeda sort of wishes for grandeur, but this was more about her being happy with what she had and being humble about her life. It is sort of sad to consider, isn't it?

Thanks for your kind review!


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Review #48, by blackballetWeasley's in Egypt: Welcome to Egypt

8th August 2013:
This was so cute! I think, if anything, the end was a bit disjointed, but still fun! I liked your interpretation of Percy, and the description of Egypt. I felt bad for Ginny, but I think she would have been a bit more adamant to go in!

It was fun to read, and definitely something new.

Author's Response: Hey there again! I see you're slowly working your way through my stories! I agree with you there, I do feel like the end is a bit disjointed but I've stared at it for so long that every time I think about re-writing it I move on to think about what else I would have to change and pretty soon I'm planning an entirely new one-shot.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it and thanks so much for reviewing!

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Review #49, by blackballetWeasley Anger: This Girl Is On Fire

7th August 2013:
I think this a great little sequel. I love your continuation of her character, and Donna and Poppy as well. She's very vicious, isn't she? Well, I love it! Thanks for writing this, and I almost hope you do more sequels now.

Author's Response: Why thank you! It's actually quite easy to write mean Victoire but I think that's mostly because I like writing her so mean.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it and you'll be seeing a lot more sequels coming from me (and I do mean A LOT, it's almost scary how many stories have sequels to them).

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Review #50, by blackballetPost Scriptum: Eggs and Bacon

7th August 2013:
I really like this! I haven't ever really read anything involving Walburga and Orion that wasn't scary. I think it's interesting that they still cater to Sirius, and I think that it's a good representation of popular pureblood families. I also like how Regulus was still, even if subliminally, trying to be in Sirius' good graces. I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for coming by! I'm pleased that you liked my characterization of Sirius's parents and the way they treat their children. Poor Regulus is really caught between a rock and a hard place at home, and it'll only get worse at school, as you can imagine. I hope you read on later :)

Thanks again for your kind review!


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