Reading Reviews From Member: blackballet
  
160 Reviews Found

Review #1, by blackballetFlawless: Flawless

19th June 2014:
Oh my gosh! I never even considered Bill/Fleur because I don't really like Fleur, but now it makes me so happy! My absolute favorite part is the last couple of lines. They really wrap together Fleur's thoughts really well.

I think that in some spots you were a bit rambly, like when she spoke about her family. I didn't find it relevant to the task, and it distracted a bit from the point of the story. Other than that, I really enjoyed this.

My favorite part is that Bill doesn't seem to expect that she will tell him why she loves him. I think that's a great part of his personality that you pulled in slyly. He believes her on her word, and doesn't need reasons. She feels obligated to give him reasons because she just realized why she loves him, and is desperate to voice them.

Thanks so much for pointing me towards this one shot on the forums!

Author's Response: Oh, really? :O Bill/Fleur is one of my most favorite ships from the series. But I'm glad you gave the pairing a shot and my story made you like it! That's kind of the best compliment for me. :)

Well, thoughts never take one direction in my opinion. They tend to ramble. In this story, I had to write her whole thought process. I hope you get what I was thinking about!

Yeah, that's the difference between both of them. Also, Bill had told her why he loves her for so many times that she was too eager to return the favor. :)

I'm so happy you enjoyed my story! Thanks for the lovely review!

Ashwini


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Review #2, by blackballetFounding Hogwarts: Normandie

19th June 2014:
Hi there! I'm here from the review battle on the forums.

This was a great characterization of Godric Gryffindor. I love it when authors describe a character without saying directly I have red hair, I have green eyes, I'm 5"2, etc. (I still have trouble with it, but your imagery is SO spot on.

I also loved the third person narrative you have going on here. It gave me the sense that Gryffindor was watching over an opening feast one night. The jab at Salazar was great too, as it gave you a sense of rebellion coming from Gryffindor, which is so like the house.

This is so great, and I'm thinking I will be reading and reviewing your next couple of chapters soon!

blackballet

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review!

Yeah, I read fanfiction for several months before I started writing it, and one thing that I saw a lot was the "telling" of physical characteristics. I promised myself that I would try not to do that if possible. :) Don't worry--it takes a bit of practice to get characterization exactly where you want it. I'm still working on it! Thanks so much for pointing my characterization of Godric out. :)

Thank you! I wanted to try something different for this story, so I wrote it in second person PoV--hence the use of "you" so very often. Godric definitely watches over everyone like the protector he is, and even though he and Salazar are buddies, he never misses an opportunity for a jest at his friend's expense. :)

Thank you so, so much! I hope that my incredible tardiness with this response has not deterred you from wishing to read on. :)

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #3, by blackballetAshen Petals: Chosen

23rd March 2014:
This was so beautiful! Your imagery was super on point, and I was drawn in. I was actually really surprised and upset when it ended. I guessed Draco Malfoy when I first started reading, but then changed my mind to Tom Riddle when you wrote about him controlling the fire.

I also don't think it seemed rushed at all. Each of your sentences had meaning, and it worked really well. Love this one-shot so much. You're a great writer!

Author's Response: bb,

N'aww, thank you; this review brought a smile to my face like thaaat :) It's always reassuring to hear that the imagery was able to serve its purpose by being capable of drawing the readers in with its images.

This is another proof of how upset feelings of the reader means positive feedback for the writer. It might have the feel of lack, but I guess it's short length, like the spark of a fire, is what gave the fic more power.

Despite it being super short, I'm glad you don't think it to be rushed. Thank you muchlies for taking the time to review, you flatter me too much.

You're a great person!
~ Sevvy
*offers flowers*


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Review #4, by blackballetJust Walk Away: Chapter One

16th February 2014:
Hey there! Sorry it's taken me a bit to respond to our review swap!

I really like this chapter. I also like Scorose just because it's kind of like Dramione which will always be my first love. I think that you might have rushed it a bit, however. Smaller details like the fact that she wore the promise ring didn't need to be there. I felt like a lot went on and in a very short amount of time. It almost felt like a one-shot! You should definitely be careful about that when writing.

I think one of my favorite parts was when Hermione said "..his bark is worse than his bite.." It was true to how I always imagined her as a mother, so well done on the characterization.

I think that this could turn out to be very interesting as your talent as an author progresses.

Keep writing!

blackballet xx

Author's Response: Hi blackballet!
Thanks so much for a lovely review. You're right, it may have been rushed a bit but also I was thinking about how some HS aged kids would react in a six month relationship. Maybe I am wrong but the story won't be all lovey dovey from here, promise:) I hope you enjoyed it.
-Lindsey


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Review #5, by blackballetSweet Madness: Cauldrons and Cheese

14th February 2014:
Oh this was so good! I especially loved the beginning because I don't think we get enough of a Severus first POV. I loved that he was working on a potion. I feel like as a student potions and Lily were his motivators.

I think this is really interesting and the teasing was very true to the marauders I think. I do, however, think that Remus would have been a little more skeptical of Peter's behavior. That's just how I characterize Remus.

Overall, I think it's a great first chapter and it's something different than the usual marauder fic.

Thanks for the great read!

Author's Response: Hi there! :D

You pin-pointed Snape's motivations perfectly!! I recognize a fellow Severus lover, there! :D
I'm glad you liked the teasing between the Marauders - I agree Remus is a bit OOC but I had to make it work without having the boys go on and on about Peter for too long and spoiling my lazy plan ;)

Thank you so much for the nice review!
I'm glad you liked the first chapter already - the second is being validated as we speak ^^
I hope I'll catch you again for the next swap :)


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Review #6, by blackballetWaiting Room: Green Eyes Against Blinding White

14th February 2014:
ugh this is so amazing! I can't believe how long this was because I felt like it went by in a flash. I love James' characterization in the beginning and the fact that he still couldn't believe that Peter would do such a thing.

I also loved how Lily was portrayed as the one who would have it all figured out, because I sometimes forget how smart she is supposed to be.

I really love this and all your details are extremely well developed and well placed.

Can't wait to see more from you!

Author's Response: Hi, there!

The length of this one really got away from me as I was writing, so I'm glad that it didn't drag. I just enjoyed all of the little thoughts and details so much, I couldn't stop myself.

The sort of complimentary personalities you see here are how I've always imagined James and Lily. The brash, impulsive, somewhat irresponsible pureblood rich kid and the cautious, thoughtful, pragmatic muggle-born. The go so well together!

I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #7, by blackballetTruth Will Out: Breathe.

6th September 2013:
I'm here for the review battle!

This is so great! I've been seeing people raving about it on the forums, and I'm so happy I got a chance to review. I was trying to think of all the Next-Gen characters it could be, and I'm glad you made a new one (Frank the II).

It was actually really unexpected and I was very satisfied. There was one word I noticed, Veala instead of Veela, but I'm sure someone has already pointed that out and you just haven't gotten around to it.

I liked your characterization of everyone, and I almost wish this was a story! I want to know your characters more from this. Her progression was awesome throughout this, and I think it would be even better in a longer story. From her doubt that anyone would believe, to the belief in the muggle saying.

You're also just a great writer! So, great job I would say. Have fun in the battle!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this lovely review, it made me day reading it :)

Ugh, yeah I noticed it. My beta just got done editing this so I'll post an updated version with Veela instead of Veala soon. Thanks for pointing it out though!

I am prolonging this to a short story series...I think that's what it's called. The next chapter will be in Frank's POV and then there will be one final chapter.

That's the nicest compliment ever so thank you :)


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Review #8, by blackballetIn Sickness And In Health: Perseverance

5th September 2013:
I am here with your requested review!

I don't think this chapter was too fillery at all! I think that it was obviously important Harry and Ron found out. It was action-less, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I really like this chapter and story, but something still bothering me is the name switching between mudblood and Granger. I think Malfoy should use either mudblood and Granger or Granger and Hermione. If he was calling her mudblood left and right, I really don't think Hermione would stand for it. Sorry, just me being picky about characterization again. I also think Harry was a bit too mellow and Ron was a bit too furious. I think Ron is more of someone who bottles anger up and then explodes like in DH2. Of course, he would be mad, but I don't think he would have screamed. Remember, he's matured from sixth year.

Speaking of Ron being mad, I still am finding it distracting that you use things like capitalization for screaming and ?!? for punctuation. It's just a personal preference, but that's really all I could think about for the rest of the chapter.

I think the best part for me was the scene where Harry, Ron and Hermione were just hanging out how they usually would. It wasn't a forced conversation or anything. They were really just being friends. It was very nice.

I liked this chapter, and I can't wait to read about Blaise and Pansy!

Author's Response: Hello! Yay! Thank you for reviewing :)

Oh good! I was very seriously thinking about trashing this chapter, because even though It really had important information for later on in the story, it seemed really blah and irrelevant to me. So i'm glad its not!

I understand where you are coming from in regards to the names. I will definitely look into that :) Same with Harry and Ron. I have always seen Harry as the more logical of the two, taking into account all factors, and he trusts Hermione's judgement above a lot else. Ron has always been the explosive tempered redhead to me. But maybe i should tone it down a bit.

Fair enough, i do know that it can break up the flow, so i will look into making it flow better and describe anger minus caps :)

Its was such a cool scene to write that one, because their friendship is so important to this story, and i don't want that to be forgotten, so scenes like this are great :)

I am just finishing the next chapter at the moment! Blaise and Pansy are going to be interesting characters to add to the mix, that's for sure :P

I'm so glad you liked the chapter! Thank you for reviewing :D

Grace :)



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Review #9, by blackballetChanged: Changed

5th September 2013:
I'm here for the review battle!

I think this is so beautiful! I mean, all of these every word count challenge entries are. I think it's great that you've challenged yourself to work within boundaries because I think it really helps develop description skills.

I love her quiet sadness. I would actually love to read a short story or something about this character! I think it's very interesting that she left the life of an Order member to become just a muggle teacher.

It would be great to see the scene with her Frank and Alice, although it would be horrible to imagine. I've never even heard of the concept that someone else might have been in the room while it was happening.

The only thing I didn't like about this was the paragraph about how she changed from school. I feel like you used much better and descriptive words throughout your story. That paragraph seemed a bit juvenile for some reason. It didn't feel like the same narrator was speaking.

Overall, I really liked it! I think your writing is definitely promising and I really would enjoy watching you grow.

Author's Response: Hey there! :)
Thank you so much! The challenge of writing a one shot of such a short length was really challenging but fun. Illeana is inspired from the interview I watched on the TV. It was a survivor's interview and it touched my heart.
As I was sure about what Illeana would be like, it was easy to describe her through her life. Though I went through the chapter again and really found the paragraph you mentioned a bit off. I'll edit it later.
Thanks for the lovely review! You really helped a lot. :D


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Review #10, by blackballetHiding In Front of You: Hiding In Front of You

4th September 2013:
Hello! I'm here with your requested review, and I apologize for it taking such a long time!

Regarding the problems you mentioned on the forums: I think this was very interesting, and I always always want to read and write more about Alice and Frank at this time. It's not really widely recognized that they must have been just as scared as Lily and James. The dialogue was good and realistic. It was a nice tilt to Peter's character when Frank mentioned something about him acting strangely during the meeting.

I think your inner monologue with Alice was definitely a strong point, because that's mostly what this consists of. One sentence that struck me as odd was: Neville made his unsteady way over to.
It should be Neville made his way unsteadily.

It even scared me a bit when Alice saw the man and then Voldemort, but I'm a bit confused as to whether or not they're both Voldemort. That doesn't really matter, but I just had to mention that part because I could really feel her fear if you know what I mean.

Overall, I really liked this and I love what you've done with the characters and story!

blackballet

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I thought that Peter had to have been showing differences in his character about that time given that everyone seemed to remember that he was weak-willed.

I've made the correction to the sentence you pointed out. Thank you!

No, the first person at the window was a Death Eater scouting out the house. Voldemort only stopped by on Halloween.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #11, by blackballetMoney Can't Buy You Love: Instability

2nd September 2013:
I'm here from the review battle!

I think this is a really lovely one-shot. I didn't know where you were going with it at first, but I like how it ended up. I think, at times, it almost felt too much like a first chapter to me. That was mostly in the beginning when you were introducing some of the healers. The first sentence is also a bit jumbled and full of words.

Now to the fun stuff! Blaise is so well thought out in this, it's crazy. Going through the marriages helped explain why he's been this way and it's a great addition to the Family Challenge. I felt a bit of a Sirius and Blaise parallel with the ending, but that's just because I am obsessed with Sirius Black.

The best part for me was definitely when he noticed the picture of his mother and biological father. I loved how that changes his mind. It was bittersweet. Like, even though his mother is dead, she's still teaching him things.

Awesome one-shot, and I'll look forward to seeing you in the review battle!

Author's Response: Hello again blackballet :) Thank you for the lovely review!

Originally this fic was going to be a chaptered fic rather than a one-shot. I will be going to edit, so will see if I can make it seem less like a first chapter and more of a one-shot (or maybe I'll end up adding more chapters :-0 but I doubt that!) I'll also have a look at that first line, I see what you mean about it.

I'm so glad you thought Blaise had been well thought out :) I was worried about writing Blaise for the family challenge but then I thought about how many times his mother had been married. It struck me that this instability in his childhood would have had an affect on him and his decisions in life. And haha, I too am obsessed with Sirius Black, he is my favourite character ;)

I am so happy you liked that part with the picture :) It was one of the first things I thought of when planning the story and the rest of the plot came from that, so it is really great you liked it :)

Thank you again for the great review!

Haronione ♥


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Review #12, by blackballetFree Fall: Free Fall

30th August 2013:
I am here with your requested review!

I love the second person POV! I think it would be hard to do an entire novel like this, but it worked really, really well in this. It somehow multiplied the emotions and made it even sadder, more depressing. Which is unfortunately a good thing.

I think the flow of it works very well, and I love how you broke it up. However, people tell me that my stories don't flow very well so I would get a second opinion. I really enjoy the abrupt sentences and scene changes, so that's why I think it flows nicely.

I'm definitely moved by this, and I love the repetition in this. It gives it an overall sadness that one thing can fit so well into so many aspects of her life. Very well done.

The only CC I have is that it was a bit too vague in some places for me. I love your use of vagueness, and I'm not saying AT ALL to get rid of that. It's very poetic. I just think you could use a couple more literal words instead of imagery and symbolism. You also have a couple of words misspelled/misused, so scan this over for those when you have time!

I really loved this, I did. I only mentioned what I did to help you make the one-shot it's absolute best!

blackballet

Author's Response: Hi there!!

Thank you so much for the review! I will get a look at those misspelled words asap ;)

I'm really pleased you liked the POV, it's only the third time I'm trying it out, so it's still a bit rough around the edges.

Yeah, vaguenes. I get what you mean, but I really want that poetic feel to it. The metaphors and symbolisms are how I love my one shots. But I totally get where you're coming from, so thanks for the input - it's really useful!

Thank you so much for reviewing. It really means a lot.


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Review #13, by blackballetWaiting for the Train: Waiting for the Train

30th August 2013:
Hello, I am here with your requested review!

I think this is a really good start to the story, and I like how you introduced a professor so early. The envy from the older girls to Victoire was evident and very realistic. Your dialogue is very easy-going and your description is very nice. In the very beginning you definitely had the best description. I also like your characterization of Victoire. Most people depict her as very snarky and a bit vicious, but I like her all sweet and innocent like this.

Other than that, I don't really have much to say. This was a pretty interesting start, and I am excited to read more. I'm looking forward to your re-request!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I never read any depictions of Victoire so it is sort of a surprise too learn that.

I have a number of paths this story can go so it might be a while before I continue with it, either it being a short story or even a series of short stories.

On a role-play site I play both Fleur and Roger (Professor Davies in case that fact was missed) which is why I have a bizarre affinity for writing them. I have a practice rp between the two that I thought could make a good short story or two (I can link the rp to you if you want).

Again thanks for the help :)

JP


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Review #14, by blackballetI Saw Him Once : I Saw Him Once

29th August 2013:
I'm here with you requested review!

I definitely think this is very original. I've never read something about Luna out in the woods trying to find a creature. It's something very in character, and I love that her advanced knowledge is shown when she corrects Ned on having his wand out.

I think the song worked relatively well throughout the story. The only part that was a bit strange was the ending. it said something about her running away but then she came back and they were married. I understand that they married some time later, but when it says she ran away, it shouldn't be so literal. It's really tiny though, and I only pointed it out because you asked me to.

I generally really liked it and I thought all the regular checkpoints like flow and grammar were there and executed well. I think you could have a bit more description about how her voice was flowing and had a thin, quiet, but wise tone. Something like that to make it more Luna-esque.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this! I look forward to more being requested of me.

blackballet

Author's Response: Hello! I'm super sorry its taken a little while to respond to this, I can respond to shorter reviews on my phone but I prefer to answer longer ones on my laptop which has been broken!

Anyway, I'm really glad you thought the premise of the story was suited to Luna's character. I'm pleased you picked up on her advanced knowledge, I think Luna is portrayed in fanfiction far too often as a ditzy type but she's a ravenclaw for a reason ;)

I appreciate all of the CC, the ending definitely needs some tweaking. Description is something I'm trying to work on and your advice about her voice is great.

Thanks so much for the advice and the lovely review :)


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Review #15, by blackballetTurned to the Dark Side: Gone For Good

28th August 2013:
Hello there! I am here with the promised review from my challenge.

I think this is a good start, but I have a few things to say about it. I don't mind your POV switches, and I even use them in my own stories; it's just, I don't think it's necessary to underline everything. It seems to take away from the story and is a bit distracting. Also, in the part with the flashback, instead of using 'start of flashback' and 'end of flashback' you might consider using linebreaks which are found in the editing box on here. They are much cleaner. Some of your paragraphs, especially the one about her family, are too long. Try cutting them up a bit to make it more readable.

Other than all that, I'm really happily surprised with this. I knew Hannah would be a hard one, but you've done so well so far with the plot. I really do like it a lot, and I think you've used everyone's paranoia towards the Slytherins very well. It even seems like a Hufflepuff thing for her to be so accepting of Blaise.

Considering everything I've said, I think this is really great so far. I hope to read more of it in the future.

blackballet
P.S. I would watch out with the overuse of capitals for screaming. Try using more description instead. It will make you a more professional writer and your story will read much better. :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I'll take everything you've said into writing this story and other stories I'll write in the future. I'm glad you liked the story overall, and thanks for all the tips! :)

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Review #16, by blackballetIn Sickness And In Health: Healing in Hell?

27th August 2013:
I'm back again with your requested review!'

This chapter developed quite nicely, and I preferred it over the first chapter. Their interaction was very in character, so that was done nicely. I think that if anything Draco went from mudblood to Hermione too quickly. If he used another word besides mudblood at the beginning, or continued using Granger instead of Hermione it would make more sense to me.

When you said coma-lie, I'm sure you meant coma-like, but that was the only spelling mistake I noticed. Other than all that, I think you gave off the information very smoothly, and it all makes sense. It doesn't really seem too random if you know what I mean.

Thanks for requesting, and I hope you get your next chapter up soon.

Author's Response: Hi !

Oh good, I'm so glad to hear you say that!! It has been my worry about this chapter ever since i first wrote it, so its good to know it does flow okay! Okay cool, that is something that I will look at and change, thank you :)

Opps yes that's supposed to be come-like! I'll go back and change that when I put my third chapter up! Good to know that all my information makes sense! Yay!

I will try my best to get it up soon!

Blondie


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Review #17, by blackballetGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Chapter 2

26th August 2013:
I'm back for your requested review!

This one was definitely the most informative, and I'm glad we got to know more about Sadie. I think you introduced her character to us (the readers) very nicely. Sometimes when I'm writing I'm bad at giving information and it comes off like I'm listing things. You've done a great job, though. Awesome Mrs. Weasley!

You have definitely got your hands full with all of the little nooks and crannies that Sadie has. What with her being unable to speak, Harry's cousin, a fourth year, etc. I would just recommend getting it all planned out if you haven't already because I know complicated OC's can get a little hairy when you reach the middle of the story. (Personal experience)

I think you've definitely got the characterization of the entire Weasley family down. Nice job! I think Harry might have been a bit more pushy, because that's around the time he got all angsty, but he's still really good. I really think you've got solid characters, especially when Hermione told them not to pry. It was very in character.

Great job once again, and keep writing this! I'm really looking forward for another request of yours.

blackballet

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to offer these reviews! They are very nice!

I have the "listing things" issue as well. I had to think for a long time to find a way to introduce Sadie without falling into that trap. Makes me very happy that you think it worked.

Oh, you liked Mrs. Weasley? Cool! I worry about writing her sometimes. I like to do it, and I feel like I understand her pretty well, but I don't want her to be too overly motherly, if you know what I mean. That's a huge part of who she is, but there's more as well.

I know. Sometimes I yell at myself and say, "what were you thinking with this plot," but I just really feel like it's how the story should go, so I'm going to try and maintain the balancing act. I have a lot of it planned out, and I actually have scenes written out for Sadie through many years, so hopefully that will help me maintain her character and keep things straight.

I do love my Weasleys, so thank you very much! And thanks so much for all the compliments! Your reviews have been so much fun to read. I will make sure to re-request when I put up the next chapter.

Thanks so much!


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Review #18, by blackballetIn Sickness And In Health: The Battle

26th August 2013:
I am here with your requested review from the forums!

You really jumped right in! I liked that a lot, because many authors, including myself, are afraid to do that. Your description is overall very good, if not a bit spotty in some places. The part where Harry comforted Hermione was very nice, as well as when they were walking up to the castle. It's lacking in some other parts, but it's not noticeable unless you are looking for it.

I don't know if the small scene with Hermione and Draco was placed quite at the right time. It broke up the flow a bit for me, and seemed forced. I think it might go better if Hermion sees him at the end of this chapter, and it spills over into the next. But that's just my opinion! I think if you reworked it a bit it will work nicely inside this chapter.

Something else I noticed was that you refer to Hermione and Harry with their last names, which I don't think is necessary, as we are already going to assume that you are talking about them. It would've worked with an OC, but everyone knows Harry and Hermione!

Finally, your characterization was really good for the mindset that your characters are in at this point. I liked Draco's little period of reflection, and I can't wait to read more about his relationship with his father.

Very nice overall, and I'll be waiting for another request!

blackballet

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for such a great review!!
I'm glad you think that jumping right in was a good idea. I ooohed and aahhed about it for ages when i first wrote it, wondering whether or not people would feel uncomfortable starting so abruptly, but i figured because the main attention isn't on the war in this story that starting there shouldn't be too much of a problem.

I was worried about the scene with Hermione and Draco also. It is one that i'm hoping if i get a Beta i can go over with. I'm not good with plot flow, it's one of my weaknesses and i need to try and strengthen on it. Hopefully i will!

I didn't even think of that! I'm going to go back now and re-edit it! Thank you for pointing that out haha!

Oh that's awesome, i do get worried about my characterization so to hear that it seems right for the time is a good relief!

Thank you very much, i have just gone and re-requested!! Thanks for reviewing!

Blondie


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Review #19, by blackballetWaging war: Waging War of Tonks Lupin

26th August 2013:
I am here with your requested review!

I really like this story even though I have never read from Tonks' point of view. I think, if anything, the switching between time periods is a bit too confusing. Everything else was great!

The ending was really perfect, and you managed to build up an emotional connection between the reader and Tonks very quickly.

I was almost squealing when Remus and Tonks met like that it was so adorable. I think your description in that section was the best you had through the whole story. Just keep that part up throughout the whole piece. You're missing descriptions in some places that really need it; I got lost a bit at some parts.

Her thirst for revenge grew very realistically in this, and that was definitely the most believable part.

Thanks for writing and requesting a review from me. Keep on working!

blackballet

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :)
I have participated in family challenge so this switching in periods was to show the different time she spent with her family members.
I would keep your suggestions in mind if I try this again.
Thanks for suggestions and compliments :D


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Review #20, by blackballetThe Curse. : The Curse

25th August 2013:
Hello there I'm here with my review for my challenge.

I think this is really interesting, and I think you had a really good idea for it. I would just have to say that the whole thing seems a bit rushed. The scene between her and her father was probably the most rushed and just a bit confusing because it wasn't spaced out properly.

I liked the part with the articles the best, I think. I don't know why, but maybe it's because I've never seen information relayed that way or something. It was a good use of the Daily Prophet. I liked how she killed herself at the end as well. I think it almost shows how she couldn't live with what she did to Harry, but still couldn't stop killing people (the aurors).

Great job! Good luck in the challenge

blackballet

Author's Response: Thanks so much. I'm sorry if it seems rushed..I would go back and edit it but I don't know if it would be validated by the deadline so for now I'll leave it as is.

I'm glad you love the articles I've never seen that done before in a story so I tried to do something different.

Thanks again!


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Review #21, by blackballetWhere The Dust Blows: The Knock On The Door

23rd August 2013:
Oh gosh...this is going to be one heck of a ride, you're right. I'm here with the review from my challenge!

Whoa, I love Neville. And you know how to sting a girl in all the right places when you mention faded Gryffindor colors. You have got a thing for imagery and wild, wild descriptions.

I can't possibly imagine how you made Neville like this (I don't want to say the exact trait because then I might ruin it for some people, I don't know). It does make me terribly sad, though. I can't believe I've done this to you!

I think it's interesting how people not only shun Neville, but are scared of him. That will be very important to the story. As well as the old Neville new Neville bit. Inspired.

I will definitely read more of this. I feel obligated as I've set this burden on you, and I am really enjoying it!

Good luck to your wonderful story!
blackballet

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for issuing this challenge, I plan to go all out with this one!

I'm so glad someone picked up on that! I thought I was being clever but you picked it up immediately. I never stated "Gryffindor" colours, but just added in there subtlety, so yeah.

I think saying that I have a "thing" for description is the biggest compliment I could have ever received. As an author I have major problems with description; I always want to skip ahead to the dialogue. I think the lack of dialogue is why I could pull this off, plus lots of help and motivation from friends over at the forums.

I sat down with one of my friends and we went all crazy and started devising theories on how Neville could rule the world... And this kind of happened :P I'm so glad you did assign me this character though!! I get to work on something really tough: description and making everyone hate a lovable character!

Yes, that will be very important to the story... But you won't find that out until the very end.

Oh, don't feel obligated to come back and read at all! I'm glad you still like it!

Good luck judging, I'm sure it'll be tough.
Nadia



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Review #22, by blackballetGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Chapter 1

23rd August 2013:
I definitely like this chapter just as much as the first. It was very informative, but not in an overwhelming way like I do. I'm still a bit lost on Sadie, but I'm sure she'll speak up once she gets to Hogwarts.

I think McGonagall's a good characterization of JK's version. I especially liked the very beginning where she got interrupted with her book. It's happened to me too many times to count!

I think the peek inside Sadie's head was also a very good device. She didn't break character by all of a sudden talking, but we still got to see what she was thinking. And the fact that she's still afraid of leaving even though she hates the city is just brilliant. It may be quite frightening at times, but it's still beautiful. I loved that part. I want to give it a kiss.

Your description has kept up in this chapter, as well, and I hope you stay with that because that's a valuable gift in writing.

And oh, Mrs. Ophelia Oddsocks is quite the OC. She was a very nice addition to the chapter and helped it along rather than just being Sadie and McGonagall. I hope we see more of her.

Another great chapter, and I can't wait for your next update!

Author's Response: *sighs* Sometimes I hate computers. Had this review all typed up, hit preview, but forgot to actually post it. I'm an idiot. LOL.

Thanks so much for reading! I'm very glad you enjoyed it. And I'm also a little glad that Sadie is still a bit of a mystery to you. That's kind of what I was hoping for, so it's nice to know it's working.

McGonagall is fun to write, but hard. Really makes me feel good you think I did her justice. And don't you just hate it when someone interrupts you in the middle of a good book?

Also happy you liked the peek inside Sadie's mind. Blushing from your compliments, actually. Although, you might want to hold off on actually kissing it...can't be good for your computer. hehehehe

I'm so happy and surprised at how much people have liked Mrs. Oddsocks! If I'd known she was going to be this popular, I might have included her in the story more. But, still makes me happy to know she was liked.

Thanks again for reading! So nice to have people how like what you write. And, I think I'm going to change from updating every two weeks to once a week, so I'll probably post tomorrow, if you're interested.

Thanks again!
-Farmgirl


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Review #23, by blackballetWhen They Fell: Prologue

23rd August 2013:
Wow. I am here for your requested review, and stories like this is why I have it!

I think I've really stumbled upon something great. I like how Harry and Ginny aren't in love anymore, argue about things, and I feel bad saying it, but I'm glad they're splitting up in this. I think it will give Lily more depth as a character.

I like how you've spaced things out by time, although you might want to make the time changes a bit more clear with line breaks. Just a suggestion!

It's also very nice that you left off the end of that chapter with Lily thinking because that will lead into her being the main character. It was perfect! I hope we get to see equally Ginny as much as we do Harry if they are prominent in this story. I already have ideas about how this will go, and I'll be going to bed thinking about it!

The only thing I wasn't so sure about was having so many characters introduced in the first chapter. It can get a bit confusing, but that's coming from someone who doesn't know next generation as well as she should!

I didn't notice any grammar or spelling mistakes, so kudos for that.

Thank you for writing so well,
blackballet

Author's Response: I'm so sorry for taking so long to respond to this review. I was so busy, I did not have time. I'm really glad you you think my story has the potential to be really great.Thank you for the lovely review, even though my response was quite rushed and I hope you don't think too badly of me. :)

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Review #24, by blackballetGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Prologue

23rd August 2013:
Whoa! Let me just say, I'm so happy that you're a Charmed fan. Maybe I should get my review thread edited to allow for Charmed crossovers. Although I'm glad you did say it won't really be a crossover and that you're just borrowing some ideas.

Anyway, it's a very interesting and intriguing start. I thought that this was your OC, so I was confused when she was on the streets because I thought she would be able to do magic. As I continued reading, I threw the idea that this was your OC away. Then at the end you surprised me even more by saying that she recognized the wand.

You're a great writer, and I don't really think you need any grammar help. If you did have any errors, I didn't notice them.

Going back to your requested question...I think this is so far a very interesting character. She has clearly had a very troubling and disturbing past, so people will definitely be interested in that! I will elaborate more on this if you get a to request again.

This was a great start overall, and I am very excited to read more.
blackballet

Author's Response: Yeah, I forgot about that little part about Charmed in the author's note when I re-quested, so I'm glad you believed me when I said it wasn't a crossover and still wanted to read. :D And also glad you like Charmed! Makes it easier for you to understand my explanation.

Just to clear up your confusion, it WAS my OC in the prologue - the girl on the streets in the rain. But it's actually okay to me that you were a little confused, because I was trying to be kind of mysterious and create a lot of questions. So, yes, she is on the streets, but yes, she does know what a wand is. As to whether she can do magic - I'll let you wait and see on that one.

Aw...thank you so much! Your praise is amazing!

I re-requested cause I'm really curious to see what you think after reading the first chapter and hopefully have a few questions answered (and probably creating more at the same time.) Thanks so much for a wonderful review! Just finished a long day of teaching lessons and this was so fun to find afterwards.

-Farmgirl


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Review #25, by blackballetThe Last Keepers Of The Light: Chapter One

22nd August 2013:
I think this is a very great stat!

On the forums, you mentioned some pointers on the flow of the chapter. I think you did a very nice job here. It flowed very easily between the few scene changes, so it wasn't anything distracting.

One thing I did find distracting was the use of 'i' instead of 'I'. Make sure you get those! You also spelled Blanc wring the first time you used to it.

But anyway, back to the good stuff. I think it's very interesting that your OC was in Slytherin. We always see those from the other three houses being tortured of imprisoned for information. I think her being a muggleborn plays a big part into her character, as well.

I think you started off the topic of the Holy Grail very nicely. I'm assuming this will be the main plot. I'm almost as excited as the Death Eaters to know what it's about!

Please request again when you can. I'd love to read more.

Author's Response: Oh wow this was quick! Haha thank you!

I'm so glad you think that the flow of this story is good and the scene changes aren't distracting. It was one of my main concerns.

I'll try my very hardest to keep on top of the grammer mistakes, maybe I'll need a BETA reader for that after a few more chapters.
I'm glad you like the way I've placed Imogen in slytherin, I thought it would be interesting for death eaters to torture 'one of their own'.

Thank you so much for this review and the fact you like this story! I will most deffinitly ask for a review again haha :)


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