Ah, there we go, that last chapter cleared things up a lot. First off, you spelled "Dumbledore" wrong somewhere in there (really big stickler for these things, sorry). Second, I like how you slowly revealed the plot and didn't just bluntly state it- much better build up. Third, I don't believe Harry would ever go so far as to laugh at Luna's creatures. Fourth, I really like how everything ties in with the original story. I can see this working out really well in terms of canon. Finally, I would really really like to see more plots being layered in here, because even though you have a really nice main plot, longer stories generally need sub plots to keep it going.
9/10 Very nice job so far, but you spelled something wrong and I'm still waiting to see subplots. However, it was never boring, and was very well written in some parts, like how Draco describes Potter and his friends.Author's Response: First off...thank you SO MUCH for the reviews!! (YOU'RE THE FIRST ONE!!)
Hehhh... I know what you mean it bugs me too when names aren't spelt right.
But the awkward part is...I can't find the part that you're referring to... I'm pretty sure I only wrote his name once, and it was written correctly. HOWEVER I'm not the greatest at re-reading so there's a big chance that it's there somewhere... Any possibilities that you could tell me where you spotted my mistake?
For Harry laughing at Luna... while I understand where you're coming from, my take on his perspective of things is that Luna's little... quirky side has always been something slightly (I won't go so far as to say funny) amusing to him. ARGH I'm not phrasing this right, but what I'm trying to say is that no, he's not laughing at Luna in a mean way, nor is Spencer mocking her spitefully... But as for your comment, I see how you could misunderstand what I was trying to get at, so I'm editing it so that instead of "her jab at Luna," it'll be, "as she echoed Luna's previous words." Spencer isn't a mean person, but it's in her personality to tease people, not intending to offend them.
And as for sub-plots, never fear, hopefully you'll find something interesting in the next chapter (*cough*). I'd like to throw something at you for your opinion though... Would your preference be to find out more about Spencer's past or what she really is doing in the "present"?
MULTIPLE THANKS AGAIN FOR THE REVIEW
compliments are very much appreciated (WHOO SELF ESTEEM BOOSTER :P they make me feel warm and fuzzy inside)
On a calmer note, thanks again :)
This is a pretty good prologue, it gives me a good sense of what's going on. Major props on getting some sense of a plot out there though, and more props on having decent grammar.
8.5/10 because it isn't outstanding (I'm really picky with 9's and 10's) For me to give you a 9 or 10, it would have to: draw me in immediately, be well elaborated, have sufficient detail (more about who exactly it is she's eating with), and all the stuff you already did. Report Review
Hm, well it most certainly is interesting to read about Rodolphus and Bellatrix's relationship and how it changes. I was planning on writing scenes very similar to these eventually, so you've definitely given me some very good ideas.
I actually found the flexing timeline not too confusing, because you did a good job with letting the reader know where we are chronologically with out us having to refer back to the dates. Your note at the beginning helped a bit with the understanding too.
What I don't understand is why you're putting the scenes in this particular order, although you could argue that they're showing the progression of Bellatrix and Voldemort's relationship.
Finally, there were a couple typos (missing spaces), but as you said, no one's perfect.Author's Response: Hi! First of all, thank you for our first review in this! :) We're very glad you liked it!
Well, we were a bit apprehensive about the flexing timeline. We weren't entirely sure whether it would confuse people or not, but we decided against it, and this way it was considerably easier to write and explain their relationship without a monotonous succession.
That's exactly the reson. We wanted to point out the hints of Bella's relationship with Voldemort and how it constantly gets in the way of their marriage, but also how the certain "relationship" was present even before the marriage -and how the marriage itself was, in a way, determined by it.
About the typos -we're currently revising the chapter and correcting some mistakes. Hopefully, the revised chapter will go for validation this week...
Once again, thank you! :) Report Review
Once again, you amazed us all (or me at least). The kiss scene was wonderfully done. I liked how you showed how manipulative Tom is getting through him attacking Anne as well as the Vow scene. I'm so glad you're using your skills to write this fanfiction.Author's Response: Youre so sweet! You dont know how much your time and appreciation mean to me...I sure wouldn't be still writing if it weren't for your guys' reviews! I'm glad you liked it, more son (hopefully haha) stay tuned:) Report Review
So to toss things up, I'll start off with the negative because it's short: The beginning is really confusing and I had no idea what was going on, nor their age range. I'm not really sure as to your ultimate goal, but then again, it is too early to judge.
Now for the positive: It (what was happening in the beginning) became clearer towards the end, which was good. I like how you described their family; I think it's very realistic and nicely done. Something else I like is how the beginning really caught my attention, and how there's stuff happening as soon as some one starts reading (I have so much trouble with that)
One final thought: I first read your story because I'm writing one just like it (although I'm starting earlier in their lives). Also, can you please review my story, The Sisters Three, because I would love some feedback.
I'm looking forward to chapter two and a twist.Author's Response: I'm sorry to hear my start was confusing, i'll be sure to check on that and edit it. I'm glad it became more clear in the end and that it is enjoyable and when I have the time, I will be sure to give a review on your story. I'll add it to my favorites now and get to it when I can. thanks for the review. Report Review
So far, it's pretty neat. I would like to see something that makes it above average though, something that makes it stand out (I know, way easier said than done).
I like how you're telling the James/Lily interactions from a third person point of view and how they're not the main focus of the story.
I also like how you're using language to get your point across, you're not blunt and obvious. Congratulations on a good beginning, and may there be more to come. Report Review
Wow. This chapter was absolutely amazing. I take back anything negative I have said about your story.Author's Response: lmao well thanks! i appreciate that you liked it so much, reviews like these are what keep me writing:) More sooon Report Review
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