Molly's answer will be no! I can feel it! He is such a self absorbed guy! I mean, I can totally relate to Molly. She seems like my kind of girl. When I have a job to do, there is no room for error.
I knew she was Percy's daughter from the beginning. When she said "talking to the Minister himself" I just knew this was a spawn of Percy Weasley!
The plot you have here seems very interesting so far. These two are complete opposites and he seems like the kind of guy who is used to having girls throw themselves at him.
I loved the humor in this story. A romantic comedy is always the best to read. I liked your use of vocabulary and I couldn't spot any grammar or spelling mistakes! Good job dear!
Ral :)Author's Response: Hello Ral!
I'm so pleased you could tell that it was Molly and that she was Percy's daughter. She's definitely got some of his personality mixed in with her own, although she isn't a complete copy of him! Work is extremely important to her, and she definitely doesn't let other things get in the way when she has a job to do.
Although this was my first story, it was really fun to write Molly's no-nonsense attitude. Campbell definitely hasn't made a great first impression here; he's very used to getting his own way. It's certainly different for him when he meets Molly!
Thanks for another lovely review!
Sian :) Report Review
I have never read a more stomach turning story on this archive, ever! The way in which you described his feelings when the axe failed to kill him, counting down the blows, it made my skin tingle and I have a knot in my stomach.
I often wondered about what it would be like to be decapitated when I watched old movies but this description is too much and I mean that in the best possible way. And the countdown really added to the pain and misery of it all.
I liked how you explored the idea of what makes a ghost and why they can't go on. This was a hot topic before HBP came out since people were in a fit about Sirius returning as a ghost, which made JK tell us why ghosts are made. But you took it one step further in an absolutely chilling and perfect horror story! Great job!Author's Response: I'm not entirely sure if the fact this made your stomach turn is a good thing or not! This was the first time I'd ever written a story like this, and I was wincing myself as I wrote some of the more gory parts. But since it's an execution, it seemed necessary to include some of the descriptions - after all, there's nothing pretty about an execution.
The fact that Nick became a ghost has always interested me, since he seems so proud of his courage and the fact that he's a Gryffindor. It must have taken an immense fear of death for his soul to be tethered to the earth even through the horror of this execution.
Thank you for a lovely review!
Sian :) Report Review
I love stories set in Hogwarts during 7th year. In a way I'm glad that JK chose not to take us there in the 7th book, so that for us it would remain a sanctuary, a place where nothing like what you described here could happen.
This was a chilling story. The idea of students being tortured in school is appalling on its own, but making older students build torturing devices is sick. I'll say that I don't have any idea what an Iron Maiden is and I have no intention of googling it! I'm happier not knowing.
The descriptions in this story were amazing! It gave me such a chilling and dark feeling, you captured the mood of the Forest and of Hogwarts perfectly! I liked two things especially, the idea that the students hidden away inside the school used Polyjuice to get around and it was a nice touch that you had her try and fail to disarm Draco!
All in all, a very lovely story! Good job my dear!
RalAuthor's Response: Hi Ral!
I really wanted to stretch myself with the Gryffie writing challenge, but was struggling with the 'thing' that I had to include. I had to look up what an Iron Maiden was to write this, and I think you're right in not wanting to know!
I'm so happy you liked the descriptions here! I put a lot of effort into creating a realistic setting that reflected the events at Hogwarts in the seventh year. I really like the idea of the DA still trying to cause trouble for the Carrows when they're hiding away in the school.
Thanks for the great review!
Sian :) Report Review
Hello dear! I know I took my time with the review but I had to work up the courage to read about Simon. You have no idea how sad this whole part of history makes me. This part here "they aren't monsters" broke my heart and shattered it to pieces. Because they were. I understand they were working on orders but still... It's the same as when your mom asks "if your friends would jump off a bridge, would you do the same"?
Moving Astrid far from Caen is an interesting twist, I didn't expect that. I'm curious to see where you take it.
Once again, a brilliant chapter with heartbreaking descriptions and happenings. I'm anxiously waiting an update! Good job! Report Review
I love the girls when they get together to be girly without boys.
The first section, with the mock duel is reminding us of the oncoming storm they will be confronted with soon enough. Getting these two to duel shows us the perilous nature of the conflict which will slowly seize the world they live in. It is sorrowful to think of the truth of things, which is: they will fight with friends, some will fight with their kin, nobody will be left uninjured, whether it is injury of the mind or of the body.
The issues the future Longbottoms begin to experience must be brewing for some time between them, but with the end of their schooling coming closer, it is something I suspect will begin to frequent the minds of those involved in this conflict between good and evil.
Lily is so innocent but I love how she turns to her friends for tips, giving them the opening to frighten her with some sides to the story which might not be quite true.
This is one very lovely story, I enjoy going on this trip down this period in the series with you very much. I will expect with curiosity next week's ventures.Author's Response: Ral. I don't even know how to respond to this without laughing. All that work and there was still an a! BOO!
Moody showing everyone that, no matter what, things can change was sort of a bitter sweet moment for me. Especially with the fact that Sirius is suspected as the traitor a few years down the road. But it also felt like the sort of lesson the man would bring up... never a break for this group, I swear :P.
'The issues with the future Longbottoms,' was a very impressive way to avoid the A's in their names, haha! But yes, I think it's been building up for some time between them and the death of the Aurors just sort of pushed Frank over the edge.
Writing that last section was so much fun for me. We all know how much our girl friends mean to us during a time like that ;).
Thank you Ral for a perfect and highly entertaining review ;)!
♥ Report Review
I am a sucker for mythology and the centaurs are some of my favorite creatures!
The descriptions of the night sky and everything that came to pass between the constellations was very well written. The whole tone of this piece with Firenze and his brothers was very fitting and you captured their proud and independent nature perfectly. I also liked how you called the night sky a "she". It brings forth the point that the sky is a living, breathing entity and we are just small pieces in the whole puzzle.
I was not expecting the centaurs to rebel and kill the wizard and Firenze. It was unexpected but somehow I feel that any other ending wouldn't have done these creatures justice.
Another beautiful piece and I complement you on your writing skills!Author's Response: Hello again! I love mythology and centaurs too, and exploring their nature in the HP verse a little deeper was a lot of fun for me to write!
It's so good to hear that you liked the descriptions. The main thing I knew about centaurs from HP was their knowledge of divination and constellations, so I felt like it was a good way to begin getting into Firenze's head. The tone was also very important so it's wonderful to know that you liked it. I love your description of being small entities under the living sky: that's beautiful, and certainly what I was hoping to convey. I think Firenze would understand it, but proud and angry Bane wouldn't be able to see it.
I guess I wanted to convey that not all was fine and dandy after Voldy's defeat, and that other groups would take the chance to rise up against wizards. I'm glad you liked the ending: giving the death order was painful, but I definitely felt like the story needed to end that way, like you said.
Thank you so much for another really kind and thoughtful review, I really appreciate it!!! :) Report Review
Hello dear, I'm here with your requested review!
I loved this first chapter for so many reasons! First, it was written impeccably. Everything flowed so well, the narrative just tied in together, the grammar and spelling were perfect.
Secondly, I loved the name you chose for the elder Nott. Thanatos is the Greek name for the demon that personified death and this name for a Death Eater is very fitting. He not only brought about the death of so many innocent people, he killed something within his son as well. The childhood innocence, the peace and serenity that he recalls so well from when he was little. There must have been a reason for his son to change sides and deep down inside he knows it.
I also loved that you didn't completely strip him of his humanity. The Death Eaters were people as well. They were parents, children, siblings, aunts and uncles. We saw this before in Narcissa and again here with this OC. In the end, a child is more important than the cause.
Andromeda's reaction was so raw and beautifully written, it made me feel her pain, in the few words she spoke. You brought to life this torn woman, widowed and left without her only child, left to care for a grandson too young to remember his parents.
All in all, I loved this first chapter and I can't wait to see what else you've got! Great job!Author's Response: Hello! :)
I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed the chapter. The compliments on the writing style made me very happy, so thank you!
Ah, it's great to hear you picked up on the name. I was researching a first name for Mr. Nott and once I stumbled upon Thanatos it just felt right and I couldn't imagine him called anything else. I love your observation about killing something within his son, that's just a perfect way of putting what I was trying to convey with this chapter.
I definitely agree with Death Eaters needing to be dimensional and have softer sides as well! That was probably the most interesting part of getting into Nott's head for me. It's just too bad he couldn't have realized it sooner.
I'm really happy you enjoyed and were moved by Andromeda! She's such a tragic character, and had to deal with so much loss, so it's good to hear that she came across alright.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful review, it was really lovely!! :) Report Review
Albus is better, of course! He's related to The Boy Who Lived!
Mikaela is really moody and upset and I can see why that is, but I still found her reaction to Alex's dating news a bit over the top. I can understand the feeling of seeing your friends throw their life away, but it's a choice and whether you are or aren't okay with it, it's of no importance for the friend. People just want to be happy and I hope to see the day when Mikaela gets to that point.
Your writing is improving with every chapter and I'm very happy to see that. Good job dear! :)Author's Response: thankyouuu
Mikaela is kind of over protective. thats why.
she cares too much sometimes.
Em Report Review
I'd stun anybody who takes my romance books too!
Ah, Remus and Tonks finally get a little time together. Maybe Remus is realizing he might like her? I'm not holding my breath for Tonks, she is so chaotic that she'd probably mistake her crush on Remus for dragon pox or something!
I loved the general atmosphere of this chapter. We got to see a little of Tonks' life with the Aurors and the trouble she gets up to there and also her life as a member Order. The tiny details, like her co-worker who was a gossip and a flirt make this story more real to me and I love that!
Amazing chapter, as usual my dear! Keep up the good work!Author's Response: I'm with you on that too! Tonks was suprisingly possesive over them!
I liked writing that scene, as I wanted them to have some time together too. Yeah Remus is slowly beginning to like her, but like you said, with Tonks it would take a lot more for her to realise her feelings for Remus!
I'm glad that you liked the atmosphere of the chapter. I thought I had to include an Auror scene to make it authentic and it was fun to make up the co-worker!
Thank you for another great review, it really brightened my day :D
-Kiana Report Review
Hello dear! Oh I just love Tonks. With every chapter I just grow more and more attached to her character.
The first part of the chapter with her visiting her parents was really heart-warming. I liked the part about the two of them not expecting to have a child like Tonks. I can feel their pain. If I had a child so accident-prone I'd probably baby proof the baby proofing devices. I also liked the fact that Andromeda didn't just jump on board with the whole "Sirius is innocent" idea. It gave a very realistic approach to the situation he is in at this time.
I was determined not to make a fool of myself in front of Remus. That's when I knew something was about to happen! But really, Molly should know better. You can't just keep the twins huddled up in a big and old and scary house and not expect them to amuse themselves.
Mad-Eye was really kept in character, which is something that I love. He has this air about him, of constant gloom and doom, and you captured it beautifully.
And Remus and Tonks on their first mission together! I'm curious what trouble she'll get into this time around! Great chapter!Author's Response: Hey there! I'm so glad that you're growing attached to Tonks as I've had so much fun writing her :D
I thought it would be fun to explore her home life a bit more, so I'm glad that you liked it. I think they would need to baby proof everything with someone like Tonks, she's such a danger hazard. I'm glad that you liked Andromeda's reaction as, I agree, it wouldn't have made much sense otherwise.
Haha, yes she really tempted fate by thinking that line. I had to include a prank from the twins, but Molly being Molly was probably too stressed by other things to think of them!
I'm glad that you found Mad-Eye was in character, as he's so hard to write. As for the mission, I would have to quote more than 3 three lines for that scene so I decided it was best to skip it. I hope it worked out ok!
Thanks for this great review!
-Kiana Report Review
No chapter you write could ever be too long dear!
In the beginning I actually had hopes of a fluffy, makes me want to run off into the sunset with fictional characters chapter. Then the Dark Mark appeared. You did a wonderful job of capturing the emotions and the fear that went through all of them. It's so sad to see that these are all good people, normal people, apart from the magic and this world is making them do things like choosing to go to war and actually make the conscious decision that they might kill people.
I somehow suspected this wouldn't be the second defy, since they planned so hard to get them the first time and it would've been too soon.
I loved the image of Dumbledore swooping in surrounded by light and restoring the safety of Hogsmeade. He is so powerful and just calming all around.
Oh Alrek. Why don't you just drop dead? For me? Part of me was actually happy he got to suffer, not that he suffered for what he did but because he failed. And I'm happy he suffered because I suffered when I read what Bellatrix did to them. We need more suffering for the Death Eaters, yes?
This was a lovely chapter m'dear! We're so close to graduation and I know that the next book will bring us some more action and it will be a whole new dynamic, with them out of school and on the front lines! I can't wait! Good job!Author's Response: Awww haha you're so sweet Ral!
You expected a fluffy chapter?! With me?! HA. Are you new around here, Miss Ral? :P Just kidding, but the next one does have some fluff in it :D.
Yep, as you suspected, not the second defy ;). I think you'll know when that's coming. *rubs hands together.*
The second book will definitely take on a whole new dynamic. I'm so excited to explore their new adult life with all the craziness of the Order twisted in. And to get to explore what those last few years really brought them.
I'm so happy you liked this chapter and that it wasn't too long ♥ I try so hard to keep them at a reasonable length, but it just never happens. haha.
Thank you so much Ral for your awesome feedback ♥ Report Review
Hello! I'm here with your review for the exchange.
I liked the beginning of this story. It gave me the same feeling I had when I read the first chapters of DH all those years ago and for a moment I was at the start of the journey yet again, no Horcrux in hand and eager to see what's going on.
I liked how you captured Harry in this story. Being the main character he is very difficult to write, because we have 7 books that are basically guidelines: this is Harry and this is how he is. But you did that great!
I bet the Dursleys were thrilled to have Ron and Hermione over for the summer! Maybe we could see a showdown between Ron and Vernon? That would be fun!
I liked the mysterious note on which you ended this chapter and the grammar and spelling were very good! Good job!
RalAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! :)
I hadn't thought about a confrontation between Ron and Vernon, but I will see if it will work in this story or the sequel (which right now is in rough draft timeline form).
I try very hard to keep the characters acting canonically even if the circumstances are different.
Oh Val! I speak a tiny bit of French but when I saw the chapter title I knew immediately what you were referring to! It used to be forbidden in my country as well and all sorts of bad things happened when you wanted to do it anyway. And you managed to paint such a frightening and heartbreaking scene without even mentioning it by name. Brilliant!
I was relieved that the mission turned out well for our characters because I was really tense about it and I don't think I could've taken it if anything happened!
There's a lot of tension right now between the characters and not all of it is related to the war. I love how you are slowly building up to the point where all this romantic chemistry has got to give!
I loved the line: ""You can send me on missions, order me to commit murders or thefts, make me brew whichever potion you like because you cannot do so yourself, but you are incapable of stopping me from thinking as I wish."". It just goes to show once again the power of our thoughts and that whatever we may be forced to do that doesn't change how we feel if we don't want it to!
I do want you to update sooner but I am going to cry when reading the next chapter, I just know it. So I'm a little conflicted!
Good job dear! Amazing chapter!
RalAuthor's Response: Ral &hearts
I was wondering if someone would know immediately what I was referring to, and here you are.
I had doubts about the income of the mission but this just came naturally: I don't think I can write chapters with unfortunate endings quite so soon into the story. (They will most definitely appear though).
Ah, you always pick up on some of my favourite lines! Thoughts are very powerful indeed, it's what led to the context of this story taking place originally, isn't it?
I'm tweaking chapter four, so it should be here soon -- and I hope I don't make you cry too much...
I was excited to see you had a new story! I liked the beginning a lot. It created this whole prospect of a relationship where the people clearly loved each other but something just didn't click.
I like the fact that one of them is Muggle. It just goes to show this fundamental difference between two people. Personally I see it as a symbol for all relationships that have something so basic pulling the people apart.
Something that made an impression was the way in which you described Catherine's relationship with her parents. This is something that's been on my mind for quite some time, the fact that people value things such as the amount of money a person has. Personally, I think her parents are being selfish. I understand their desire for their daughter to be successful but restraining other aspects of her life in the process seems like a selfish thing to do. Because through their trials her parents had each other to rely on. And a well paid job won't kiss you goodnight or have coffee with you in the morning. I wonder, if people woke up each day with only the things they were thankful for the day before, maybe then they would start to get an idea about what's really important.
I have to say your writing has improved a lot. I can still remember the first chapter of your other story I read and I am really blown away by how much you've grown in your style in such a short period of time!
And since it was in your request, favorite line: "She blamed herself for delaying, for wanting more than he could offer back then; he hated himself for doing what he did, which was walk away." And in one phrase you managed to explain why communication is the key to any healthy and happy relationship!
RalAuthor's Response: Hello there,
I have immensely missed your reviews! This story is somewhat related to my first crush story and how badly it turned out for me so I can totally relate to it. I get what you are saying, trust me when I say that I really do get it.
Her parents are like those annoying ones in the movies that want it all from a kid. It's wrong yes, but from where they are coming can you blame them?
Honestly, I don't think I have improved at all. I think I have gotten worse if possible but thankyou for this ego boosting review. It surely made me smile out loud.
Em Report Review
So, chapter two. In which Allie doesn't like anybody. Again.
I'm starting to get a feel of what kind of story you want to develop here. But there are a few things that I want to point out. First, interjections such as "yey" or "ughh" have no place in the narrative. It's fine for the character to speak them, but they just disrupt the flow of the story when placed in there. Also, things like *cue grimace* would look better in the general context of the story if they were expressed as a sentence: "I couldn't help but grimace". You have a lot of potential in writing humor, but remember you are still telling me a story and the only way I can understand and get in touch with your character is if by your words, the character reaches out to me, especially since this is a story told in a first person POV.
Also, when writing, make sure all of your dialogue ends in either a question or exclamation mark, a coma or a full stop.
Please re-request when you update!
RalAuthor's Response: Thank you very much this is really helpful ! :) Report Review
Wow, I sense a lot of deep rooted issues in this character. Hello, I'm here with your requested review.
Let's jump straight into it, shall we? The thoughts of this character made my head spin. Really, I'm amazed you don't pass out from exhaustion after you finish writing a chapter. She is a typical 16-17 years old girl who doesn't like anybody. Neither did I at that age if I remember correctly.
There's a lot of humor in here. I liked the whole argument as to why she declared herself an honorary tree (not a real one though, nobody likes being hugged by strangers). My friends and I call this type of person a chair. Because it's irrelevant whether they are sitting with us or it's just an empty chair, the conversation level is the same.
I'm really looking forward to seeing what you come up with in future chapters!
A little note I would like to make. When the character is making a point, try not to write it in caps lock. Use italics or bold instead. The caps lock gave me the impression she was yelling at me for some reason.
Off to read the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you very much, I'll try to remember not to use caps lock unless she is really yelling :) Report Review
This was such a great chapter I don't really know where to start! I once read a book by an author named Cecelia Ahern that told a love story which stretched over several decades just through the letters the main characters exchanged. They met once at the beginning and once at the end. I'd tell you the title but my bookcase is too far away to check. I'll get back to you on that. My point is, you are building this amazing love story between these two people (if I didn't know the outcome I'd have fainted by now) and they haven't actually seen each other in two chapters. I think that is incredible. It's easy to build romance when your characters go for picnics and shop for rings together but here, it's this struggle of theirs to get together that is so emotional. It gives me that old romance vibe, when the two just saw each other and fell in love and after that point nothing else mattered.
Draco is really playing a dangerous game and the fact that he is willing to do something so stupid as to get in touch with the old crowd just to get Zabini to do him a favor makes me think that either he's really that determined to get Astoria (and the romantic in me clings to that) or the Firewhiskey's fried his brains for good.
I'm currently reviewing all the usual suspects in my head in search of this inner circle member that's planning the revolution but so far I'm coming up with nothing. That's number two on my list of things I should get back to you on. The weapon story is indeed a very good cover up and he was very good at coming up with a lie so quickly. It'll be interesting to see how he's getting out of it, though. This whole dynamic with Draco and Gamp is amazing, because they are two strong male characters that clash on the most fundamental things, like principles and chosen paths in life. Draco is used to being the alpha in his little pack at Hogwarts and Gamp ... well, he's just evil and a wee bit delusional. It's clear none of them want to give in to the other and it's going to be interesting to see how that plays out. From my experience, in a group when two alphas collide, it's not pretty (lucky for me I'm a short girl with a big mouth and I can stand my ground just fine).
And I guess that maybe, somewhere deep down in the black pit where a heart should've been (not that he wouldn't have turned that into a Horcrux, given the chance), Voldemort did care for Harry. Or just his education seeing as he always waited until the end of the year to try and kill him.
The sad thing is, these people don't learn from their mistakes, which is lucky for us since the last thing we need are humble villains who learn from their mistakes. Calling Lily Potter a housewife. Ignorant little punks.
I loved this line " barristers, fines, charitable contributions and outright bribes". It's what all the good families spend money on. There is hope for them still!
As for Astoria, there is that little princess thing still there, with the tiara (which she wants just because her sister wants it) and the shopping for undergarments. I loved that your brought her face to face with Narcissa. In my mind they are so similar and Narcissa's actions in the forest at the final battle are so overlooked in my opinion. Draco lied to Bellatrix, which is an accomplishment on its own, but Narcissa looked the most powerful Occlumence in the eye and told him his arch enemy was dead and nobody bothered to check twice? She was that good. Can you imagine a duel between her and Molly Weasley? I'd be torn!
I liked how her arrogance was toned down. It's clear that having a raging lunatic for a husband and a former Death Eater for a son took its toll on her and she might have realized that not all that glitters is gold. She lost family and friends and all she has left is her dignity and you present that beautifully. I'm looking forward to seeing more of Narcissa in future chapters.
I think I've used up all my words but I will say once again that I loved this chapter and as always, you make me think about so many things regarding Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in particular (and you make me rant in case you haven't noticed). Brilliant job!
RalAuthor's Response: Hi, Ral!
You know, it's bothered me a little from time to time, this idea of the two of them essentially falling in love by mail. I hadn't really thought of it the way that you do, but I do think that it's going to work well in the end. The fact that the two of them actually don't know one another as well as they like to think that they do will present some difficulties before the story is over.
Draco has become very focused on having his opportunity to be Astoria's date for the wedding. It's partly defensive -- he doesn't *really* think that she might fall for Emery Montague, but he doesn't want her to fall for anyone else -- and partly because this is one of the very few chances he'll get to see her. Pure blood daughters, after all, don't get to just go wandering around the world unescorted, especially those who have already been caught once associating with an "undesirable" young man.
By the end of his section, Draco is convinced that old Lucius is the one that Gamp has been communicating with. The details fit, obviously. There is a lot of friction between Draco and Gamp, but Draco manages it fairly well. During his year as Voldemort's whipping boy, he definitely learned that there are times when it's not worth it to try to be the top dog. That said, he's not going to let Gamp push him around when it matters. You already know how their "relationship" ends. ;)
The bit about barristers and fines is something that I've always suspected about the Malfoys' life immediately after the war. Just because they didn't wind up in Azkaban doesn't mean that it was easy -- or cheap -- to avoid.
There's a *lot* of "daddy's little princess" in Astoria. One thing that I've tried hard to do over the last few chapters is remind everyone that she's still a teenage girl. I was worried after the first few chapters that she came off way too mature. The tiara seemed like a really good device to show that she remains immature in a lot of ways, but it also gives her something to think about once Narcissa reveals just how much she misses her own sisters.
Ah, Narcissa... I'm having a bit of deja vu right now, because something similar happened when I was writing Marked. That was meant to be a "Draco story", but I felt like Narcissa stole the show in some places. It's hard, because her story is so tightly intertwined with Draco's. I also thought she turned out to be one of the more interesting characters by the end of DH. She became this very different version of what a mother is supposed to be: nothing like Lily Potter or Molly Weasley, but her love for Draco was no less important to the final outcome. At any rate, I'm glad that you find her interesting.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed it! For a chapter where I knew going in how I wanted it to turn out, this one ended up being really hard to write. Thanks for all of your awesome reviews! Report Review
Oh my God you can write Quidditch! I am blown away by that. Doing the math on the points and describing the game! Is there anything you can't write?
I loved so many things about this chapter! James is so sweet! I really like how you portrayed his efforts to balance out his duties as Head and captain with his relationship. It gives the story a dose of realism since we all balance out these things and even though you can do magic you shouldn't have to be excused from that!
And the ball drops! Thank you! Finally figuring out who the culprit is! I liked how James didn't remember the girl's name. I know it's something small but I've had that happen in University. I've had entire conversations with people who knew me by name and I had no idea who they were!
Lily's so cute when she's jealous! I sometimes have the urge to peel women off my boyfriend. I need a Belle in my life to scare them off. Where can I get one? :)
The pieces are slowly coming together and the Order is getting into the formation we know in canon. I loved the last part being from Minerva's POV. It's sad that she nurtured so many children that went on to become soldiers and gave their lives for the cause. I absolutely loved how Albus sees the issue of giving them a chance, or else they'd be no better than the other side.
And I finally caught up with this story and I'm anxiously waiting for you to update! Brilliant chapter (as usual)!
Ral ♥Author's Response: Hi my lovely Ral!!
Oh my god that single paragraph about the points took probably as long as the entire chapter. Sports are SO hard for me to wrap my head around. I'm so excited you liked it!!! ♥
Don't you hate when someone comes up to you and totally remembers you and is so friendly like you've seen them a million times, and you just can't remember their name?! It drives me nuts. Poor us. We need better memories. Haha
Yes! They're finally suspecting Alrek!
Everyone needs a Belle in their life, right? ;). She says all the things we want to, haha.
I think I'm actually really excited to write book two with all the Order scenes that will take place. I've enjoyed writing the few in this book quite a bit, and having the Marauders all in on the meetings is going to be so fun!
Aww I'm so happy you liked this chapter and haven't gotten burnt during the last 27 chapters!!! ♥
Thank you so much darling for all your awesome reviews! Report Review
What is this? I'm reading? And to top it all off, I'm reviewing? It's been a while I know. I wish I could tell you what exactly I did and be proud of all the RL stuff I got accomplished except I have no idea where the last week went.
But I'm here now! And no cheating! I didn't even peek at chapter 27!
I loved how this chapter began with Belle's internal struggle. She is so conflicted I just love her. It's like she wants to be happy but then again... what if that rips apart the fabric of space and time? Lucky she has Sirius to keep her grounded on that one. I loved her little spark of jealousy when she saw the Hufflepuff Quidditch player looking at Sirius. I'd have reacted in the same way!
This is my favorite line:
“You think I give up that easily, princess? After watching James trail around Lily like a lovesick puppy for years, then that finally paying off, I’ve learned a thing or two about persistence.”
I just want to take Sirius and run away with him! Squee! Oh and by the way, I was right! Alice did fix it! She made Belle think twice about her stubborn ways!
And the gang all gathers around to find out who could be passing along the information! And once again James, who could tell us how many times Lily turns her page per hour when she's reading, did not remember that there's a creepy foreign student dancing in circles around his lady friend! I just wanna shake him!
I loved the note on which you ended this chapter, with the big reveal of the Map. It makes them feel so gangster like. I love that! Now I'm off to see what happens next! :)Author's Response: Yay!!! Ral's here!!! Hahahah that happens to me, too. And usually I was just being a slug and not actually doing anything productive, haha. I'm the queen of just laying around sometimes.
I'm so happy you loved Belle's internal struggle in this! You knew I wasn't going to keep them angry at one another for long, but of course I thought they deserved a proper fight ;). Haha!
And Alice did fix it! I was actually going to have Sirius approach her first without the girls, but then... we can't break tradition by not having Alice talk some sense into her stubborn friends! Hehe!
Thank you so much for your amazing review, m'dear! I'm so excited to read the next chapter of Twin Wands! I finished all my cleaning for the day so I should be over there soon!
♥ Report Review
Hello! Review tag!
I loved this! It was so funny (and I know by now you write funny like nobody's business) and still true at the same time. It was so typical Hermione to over react at something her daughter would say about a boy. It's not like they can run away into the night at nine.. okay.. almost ten.
Hermione was very in character. Always the over analyzer and the perfectionist, I can see her worrying about her daughter's use of the word "hot".
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was hoping the "hot" boy would be somebody from a family they didn't like and I was right! That just put the biggest smile on my face!
This was very sweet and nicely written! Good job!Author's Response: Hello!
So sorry this has taken so long to respond to. Oh, the excuses!
Anyway, thank you so much for your incredibly kind compliments on my humor writing. I never thought of myself as a humor writer, I still don't, actually. I try for the truth though, so I guess it's good that you thought it was both funny and true. :)
Hermione was the perfect character for a setup like this. Someone who's so over-analytical would definitely get their head spun up about a situation like this, and wouldn't know where to start to cope with it. Thank goodness for family!
It was too good of a setup to not take advantage of fanon and write in the "hot" boy as someone that Rose's parents wouldn't approve of. Even a rule-abiding hot head like Rose needs something to rebel against.
Thanks so much for your wonderful review!It makes me so happy when people enjoy my stories and let me know about it!
Happy happy birthday Dan!
Seeing as I've read and reviewed everything you've posted here, I wanted to leave this birthday review on this story. This was the first story of yours I've ever read and it made a very big impression on me. I literally could not stop reading. I have no idea if I've left any reviews along the way, so sorry about that! :)
This story actually inspired me to try and make sense of the ideas I had for "Twin Wands" and start writing it down. As far as adventure stories are concerned, this has everything! Fight scenes, stunning revelations, an amazing plot and brilliant character development. You leave no stone unturned and nothing is left unanswered by the end!
That is why you are our most Versatile Author! So have a very happy birthday, filled with joy and everything you wish for!
RalAuthor's Response: Aww, thanks!
Wow. I'm kind of blown away that you've read it all. I'm sort of blushing right now. ;) Conspiracy of Blood was my first love with HPFF, so to speak, and I think no matter what else I write, no other story will ever be quite as special. It means a lot to me that it inspired you to try your hand at Twin Wands. I really love your story and it feels good to think that I played some very small part in making it happen. I tried really hard to not leave very many loose ends, so I'm pleased that you noticed.
Thanks so much for such an amazing review. It really made my birthday! Report Review
Jami, Jami, Jami. After such a lovely chapter, how could I have you committed? :D
I actually read this yesterday on my phone in the subway but I reached my stop before I could review so I read this one twice! :D
Again, you are amazing with the descriptions and setting the mood. I knew from the start it was going to be one of those memorable chapters, like when Sirius and Lily told everybody else about her parents.
The bit about James riling Lily up was so cute. Boys do that and it's annoying until you get that they're joking. They are the poster children for sweet couples and I love seeing them together. I know that in everybody's past there is that one incident they never talk about, but in James and Lily's there are all those times when she called him names and he was mean. I can still remember the first chapters so long ago when Lily was so broken and so reluctant to let anybody in, and here they are now. They grow up so fast! *sigh*
Finally James! You figured out somebody's watching you! Hint... Creepy exchange student drooling all over your girl! Think! I love when the group all get together and plot stuff and exchange this kind of information. There is a dynamic between them that is amazing.
And Sirius, little hotheaded Sirius, always jumping to conclusions. To be fair, I'd be all over it as well. I do that all the time, make this scenario in my mind and then look for things around me to confirm it. Sometimes I'm right, but mostly I'm not. The confrontation between the Black brothers was really intense. They are both suck strong characters and when they go head to head, sparks are bound to fly. And nobody makes sparks fly like you, my dear!
I'm sad to see that no sooner had he gotten things right with Belle that he screwed it up. She is so proud and has been hiding under this strong mask for so long that this may have just made her snap back into that. Maybe Alice will fix it?
This chapter has made room to so many questions. What is the rest of James' story? Has he figured how who the spy is and what they want? Is this the thing that makes Sirius go out on a limb and make that one dramatic and romantic gesture that will make me fangirl over him for all the rest of time? Is there a limit to how amazing one person can be? Because you get better and better!
I loved this, 25 chapters in and you still leave me breathless with excitement when I read your story! Good job!Author's Response: Hi Ral ♥ YAY you won't have me committed? I can stay free?! Woohoo! Hehe! I'm happy you liked the bit with James trying to get Lily riled up. Honestly, I think it's annoying even after you know they're just joking, almost MORE annoying then because you know they're doing JUST to annoy you! Haha!
They do grow up so fast, don't they?! I just want to pull them out and huggle them all. Stinking fictional characters not being able to come into RL.
Hahaha I love your not so subtle hint to James :P! I had fun getting them together to work out this kind of thing, as well. Even if it just ends up in Sirius being angry... it was fun while it lasted :P.
I'm so happy you liked the little Black Brother's show down!!! I don't want to ignore Sirius's more dramatic sides to his personality, like the way that he hunts Peter down after figuring out it was him that betrayed Lily and James, so slipping in these times where we do get to see his legendary anger at work is always fun for me
"Maybe Alice will fix it?" Oh my gosh that may be the best thing I've ever read. Hahaha. Alice has gotten quite the role of 'fix all' in this, hasn't she?
I can't even respond to the rest of your review. I'll turn into a mushy puddle. Thank you so much for all your amazing compliments and for making it through these first 25 chapters with me!!! There isn't a whole lot left to go in this book. I wish I could say I was sad about that, but I'm SO excited to start book two!
Thank you so much m'dear ♥ Your reviews always bring a huge smile to my face! Report Review
Talk about a sad story. This absolutely broke my heart! It's hard losing a parent, but being a parent yourself and explaining it to your child...
I remember I was young when one of my Grandfathers passed and I had a similar reaction, not understanding why he wouldn't wake up.
You conveyed a really raw emotion here, in the eulogy, in Neville losing his temper but eventually coming to terms that he must accept it and let it pass. It was written so naturally, so beautifully that it almost made me cry.
There were no pauses in the story flow, the dialogue and the explanations were very well thought out (I might use them for my own kids one day) and even Hannah's outburst was very realistic.
All in all, another lovely story! Good job dear! Report Review
I love NextGen and Rose/Scorpius stories so I just had to check this out!
I liked the prologue. Even though it was short, you set up the atmosphere of the story from the start, with the conflict between Scorpius and Draco. That is such an interesting relationship to explore, because it can go either way. Draco can be just like Lucius was, arrogant and drunk with power, or he could learn from his mistakes and be a better person. I'm curious as to what the conflict is between them and Astoria's view of it.
I also liked Lily's greeting. It shows that Scorpius has a good relationship with the Potters, which is funny given Harry's past with Draco.
I like your writing style. You give us just enough detail to get an image of what's going on, but you don't drown the reader in the details. The story flows smoothly and I couldn't see any spelling or grammar mistakes! Good job!
RalAuthor's Response: Hey Ral,
I'm really glad that you liked this- thanks for checking it out!
I really aimed to start to explore the relationship between Draco and Scorpius in this chapter, to get a foundation for the rest of the story, which I had planned on happening. (Though they might not be appearing now :( )
I'm really glad that you liked this, even though I'm not sure if it'll be continued. Hopefully, after a long break, I will be uploading something new to my page soon though!
Hello little Flobberworm!
As I said, this story caught my attention at the summary and here I am!
I liked the first chapter. Like I always say, it's difficult writing NextGen because most of the characters are basically OCs and you have to be very careful! But you did this very well.
I liked that we didn't get a diagnosis in the first chapter, because that would just be jumping into it. It builds up the tension and gives the reader time to get attached to the character so that they can really feel for her!
I also liked how you hinted at a possible crush Alice may have on Albus. I just love the idea of Harry and Neville being in-laws (not as funny as Ron and Draco but cute!).
I like your writing style, you balance out the details and the dialogue nicely and everything flows naturally together. There aren't any gaps in the narrative and it's a very good first chapter!
Keep up the good work! Whomping Flobberworms FTW! *hearts*Author's Response: Hello! ;D
I'm glad it caught your eye! I was hoping you would read this :)
Yeah, it's so difficult writing Next Gen but I think that's why I love it! It's so easy to put everyone where your headcannon wants them ;P I'm glad you liked it!
Oh thanks, that's definitely where I was going with it! I don't think the diagnosis will be for a few chapters so you guys will have a bit to get to know her :) (I'm so evil, muahahah)
Hahaha, omg I know! That would be hilarious :P
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! *hearts*
-Amanda Report Review
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