Reading Reviews From Member: patronus_charm
  
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Review #26, by patronus_charmEvil Will Prevail: Into the clutches of the dark

3rd March 2014:
I know I still have one more chapter to go before the end, but I just wanted to say congratulations for completing your first story! I finished my first about this time last year, and that amazing of actually finishing never really fades :P

Haha, I absolutely love the idea of Pansy and Hermione ganging up on Draco. It just makes me laugh so much because if it was only light banter about him never casting a killing curse (though, saying that perhaps itís darker banter :P), because in the books he was the superior one so seeing it in the reverse here made me a little too happy.

One small thing, when reading the chapter you used he and she quite a lot when referring to people, and while thatís good for establishing clarity, it got a little repetitive after a while, so if you changed that around by the use of their name or omitting it it will add more variety. Writing this now, I think I might have mentioned that in my last review on the story, so if I have, sorry for giving you the same advice again, but Iím an iPad so itís hard to check :P

Ok, Draco really was terrifying/disturbing/awfbiwef in how quickly he turned evil. I really liked how you made Hermione play with him to get him to do it because it showed how easily he was manipulated which was an interesting side to his personality. Though after killing that first man and his realisation that he did like it was horrible, I could see how he suddenly cold and less human and it made me want to hug him to change it all again. Then what he did to Narcissa, gah, Iím still in shock. I have no words.

It was really interesting to see both the Death Eater and Order meeting because they just felt so different to how they usually did and I really enjoyed that change. I think thatís the reason why I like AU stories because it just makes you look at stories in a different light because here Bellatrix wasnít so dominant as there was another powerful female with Hermione being there, and just those subtle shifts were really written.

A really interesting chapter and I canít help but fear for Ginny because I have a feeling this rescue might not work outÖ

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello! I'm still on cloud nine for completing this! Given my record, I never thought that that would actually happen. So this is really a huge accomplishment for me, no matter how small the story might be. :)

I don't want to go through the whole process of putting the chapter through the queue again for something small. I'll go over the chapter again and see what you mean though.

I always thought that if Draco had had enough incentive to do something and gave into its lure, then he would succumb easily. The one weakness he had was fear and empathy. Once he realized the power he could hold, that fear vanished and along with it, so did his morals. Unlike Snape, love wasn't a motivating factor for Draco because he never experienced such a strong emotion. I think he could change back if you hug him though. :D

As much as I love adhering to canon, I had a lot of fun writing this AU. There's the freedom to go completely crazy with as many twists and turns as possible, without fearing that it might go against canon.

Well you're going to have to read on to find out. ;) Thanks for another marvelous review, Kiana!


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Review #27, by patronus_charmPlay the Devil: Richard

28th February 2014:
*slides in pretending it hasnít taken her an age to get here*

Ah, I adored this chapter Ė it was so cute and so many feels. I think it was the fact that this was from Richardís POV which made me enjoy it so much because though we have seen him in bits, we really got to know him and his character here and how he could end up with Rose. I loved learning more about his family, because it was fun seeing these characters in somewhere other than PGís books. I think my favourite bit was how Richard thought about Edward talking about Elizabeth because I guess Rose is his version of her as they have this ethereal quality and theyíre rather different. I really want the two of them to meet so badly!

We got to know more about his childhood too with the softer mentions with his sister Margaret and how his whole family affected him and it was nice to see some positive points about them for once :P The thoughts about the stories from Agnes were especially lovely as we can see how much she affected him and I canít wait to see the two of them interact some more.

Hehe I loved all the talk about Roseís station and Richard wanting to know more about her background as it can only lead to good things, namely more developments on the romance side of things for the pair of them. I think the fact that he was glad that Rose had run away from her betrothed was the most squee worthy piece out of the entire chapter because it was so cute and yeah I canít wait for them to be together even if they sort have been in the future of the past :P

Ooh one another small thing, I loved how you hinted at possible tension between Rose and Scorpius and how they had history and I canít wait to find out more about the cause and reason for that. Well even if you hinted at a possible cheating going there I just want to know more. Also, Richardís comments about infidelity made me laugh a lot because itís nice to know that the respect for women has grown over the years!

Such a great chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :D

Not at all! I'm sorry it's taken so long to reply, I've been so busy with the battle. :P

Thank you! :) I'm really glad you liked it as I was a little uncertain about it. I started writing this chapter from Rose's perspective, but really wanted to get into Richard's head a little, and I'm glad you like him. I hope you like my interpretations of them! I'm trying to steer clear of PG's portrayals and base them off historical information, but of course that's what she did as well so it is a little difficult. And maybe they will meet in the future! :) Hehe.

Haha yes! I imagined that at this stage in his life and being home, he would have all these memories. I love writing about Agnes and Richard's childhood, and of course it's quite important to the story, so I'm really glad you liked that.

Richard definitely has a little crush... or whatever he might call it in those days. :P He's very intrigued by Rose and I'm glad you liked the betrothal story, hehe. This gives Rose a chance to think on her feet and Richard to be blinded from logic a little in believing her, to be honest. :)

I promise to tell you guys all about Rose and Scorpius... well, some day! :P There's a big reveal and explanation in a later chapter which I've written already and am quite pleased about. And yes, this period was really not the best time to be a woman, as Rose might discover!

Thanks so much for the brilliant review, Kiana! ♥ I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on the story! :D


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Review #28, by patronus_charmetc. etc. (and life goes on): V-Day D-Day

28th February 2014:
Ok Iím half asleep so this review wonít make much sense (if they ever do that isÖ:p) but yay *new chapter dance*!

Things I loved:
1. My face looks like a pretzel knot.
2. Slight mean, but Clemence got a taste of her own medicine
3. Love potion? You say what? Clem loves Appy? Whaaat?
4. Scorpius being so cute and helpful Ė I want to squish him.
5. Appy naming her and Albusí future children
6. He seizes Pickett and kisses him. Ė askadhkqe Ė did not see that one coming
7. Which goes on. And on. Ė yeah Iím confused about who Iím shipping who with who, but Iíll just embrace the craziness :P
8. Omg Scorpius is an official babe with his whole no team speech Ė Martin Luther King 2.0 right here
9. "I... love... Clemence," he pants. Wahahahahaha
10. Asjkasxwd they kissed

Wah that was a very confusing/exciting/possibly new OTP finding story. Hehe, I like the idea of a love triangle it will definitely add even more madness to this story which is always a good thing, the only question is what is Dom going to do? First she was ditched by Scorpius now sort of possibly ditched by Pickett who may be gay/bi/just acting and now sheís probably feeling a little silly. Gah, WHAT IF SHE SIDES WITH APPY?

Lol, that will probably never happen but then again anything can in this story :P All I can say is that Iím glad Clemence and Albus are sort of normal with one another again so they can be all superhero like and take down Appy and her posse and this team lark with it. It just feels like Twilight all over again!

A fab chapter, Gina, and well worth the wait!

-Kiana

Author's Response: 1. I took care of my habitual food metaphor early.
2. Hurr I love Clemence best when I'm mean to her 8D It isn't even about character development; I just want her to taste her own medicine too.
3. oops my crack Clappy ship is showing
4. c:
5. One will be Ampersand (after the fictional rat), and she is also rather fond of Asterisk Hashtag Potter-Colon
6. :DDD
7. The best part is that I'm open to having almost any ship as endgame, as long as I feel like it's coherent with the rest of the story. People should have hope for their crack ships and not get too comfy in established ones ;)
8. Sadly, speeches < tackling
9. ccc:
10. The promised fluff!

Dom is totally fine! She's not the point in THIS love triangle. She's totally cool with her occasional-fling lifestyle and, from her convo with Clemence, tries to stress that she is totally not interested in Pickett, even though no one seems to believe her. Clemence on the other hand, welp can you imagine her as the heroine of Twilight.

♥ ahaha, your sleepy review was great!


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Review #29, by patronus_charmSpies: Trading Places

28th February 2014:
I thought it would be fun to read one of your older pieces (though this only 6 months old :P), and the fact Iíve been wanting to read Spies for a while now so here was my chance to do so :)

Wow. This was such a fascinating one-shot, Iíve never seen Snape or Peter in this light before and now itís just making me view them all the differently. You really showed their reasons for changing sides perfectly and the way you made them scared at first and then at ease on their new side was really fantastic, it was almost as if they were mirroring one another.

Iíll start with Peter first because I think I almost enjoyed his character a teeny bit more than I did Snapeís. I think it was the way you showed his reasoning for why he changed sides which is what did it. The way I could sense this bitterness build up and up against James, and the others which caused him to want to shine in his own way which was joining the Death Eaters. You made his feelings so complex though because you made him want to care for Lily still, and he was annoyed that he still liked her and that twist was really fantastic.

One thing that I thought was really interesting was how the further we got into the one-shot the less Peter thought or cared about his friends and the more focused he was on his goal of securing safety and respect from Voldemort. You didnít let it slip entirely though because there was that lovely little line about how he never slept properly until Sirius was in Azkaban and that showed how the image of them was always haunting him in a way. You just showed him in this new and more selfish light than what I tend to see of him and I really enjoyed it.

Snape was fantastic too! The difference here than with Peter was how he never really thought too much about his past with the Death Eaters but only of the present with his family, the Order and protecting Lily. That subtle shift just showed how Snape was never really meant to be with the Death Eaters as they occupied so little of his thoughts and how sure he was of his actions compared with Peter who never really knew what he was doing.

The ending with Snape was really fantastic, and I could really see the Snily shipper side of you come through here. I really liked the idea that he would be there on receiving the news because it was almost as if he was making amends for everything that he may have done to Lily or James. There was small let up when looking at Harry, but when he resolved to help and protect him there was a feelings overload as it was so true and so real, and really showed the pure form of love he had for Lily rather than the twisted one.

This was such a fantastic one-shot Amanda, and Iím so glad that I read it!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey Kiana, thanks so much for coming by!

This is actually my favorite one-shot that I've written, so I'm thrilled that you picked it. I guess my style does change pretty fast, so maybe six months is technically "old." Haha.

I did kind of mean for Peter and Severus to mirror one another in this piece. That's where the "trading places" chapter title comes in, because I thought they each filled the gap left by the other in their respective groups, in an imperfect way.

Yeah, I don't think Peter was ever really able to shed the guilt that came from betraying his friends. He couldn't get past the fact that they were good and his actions were so villainous, however necessary he felt they were at the time. He tries so hard to throw himself into his new lifestyle, but he can only do so much to put his past behind him, and he still lives with some fear. I did try to build a good case for him changing sides, which is something that I think we're missing a lot from canon and other Marauder era stories, so I'm glad you liked looking deeper into that aspect.

It's great that you felt like Severus's sense of purpose was really tangible here. I do think I tried to paint him as really putting the past behind him and focusing on what he could do to make himself over. It's like when you make a mistake and you're so embarrassed and ashamed that you want to pretend like it never even happened. Sadly, he had lots of time after Lily's death to reflect on that particular bad choice.

I'm always happy when I can give readers a friendly little kick in the feels. It was nice to be able to do that with Severus in the end and give him a shot at redemption.

Thanks so much for this wonderful review! It was really fun to swap with you :)

-Amanda


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Review #30, by patronus_charmChoreographed Affair: Choreographed Affair

28th February 2014:
Iím so glad that we swapped Rose, because I read Sianís part of it adored it so this was an excuse to read yours :D

These pieces fitted together so well! I really loved reading this so much because while I was reading Sianís I really wanted to know what on earth could Helena be thinking and now I know itís really great. You both chose your events so carefully and pinpointed different significant ones for each person showing how though they loved one another they both had their own mind which was really great.

The whole structure of the story was really fantastic, initially I thought we were going to go straight into the pursuit by Lord Gaunt which set the story off on a very dramatic note, but Iím glad that we went and looked into Helena and Godricís relationship first before returning to that. Speaking of the structure, the last section had to be my favourite. The anger of Gaunt and then the determination and love Helena felt for Godric was really powerful and though you didnít show it, we all knew what was going to happen and that feeling was really well written.

Your description and historical additions really moved the story onto another lovely. They were so subtle and not overdone which is something very hard to come by in Founders stories and I just enjoyed them so much! I really want to see you write more Founders stories, because you did this one so well, Rose, and I almost want to see what happens to Helena next because thereís still the silent hope from me that youíll go anti-canon and make her live :P

This story detailed their relationship in such a beautiful way and I loved how you didnít emphasise how their age wasnít a difference for them. That they were just on the same level if that makes sense and thatís why they fell for one another. It certainly did make me ship them! Thanks for writing such a fab story, Rose!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana!!

I'm so glad you picked this one!! Sian's piece was just magnificent and I was so lucky to have her as a partner. :D

I'm really glad they fit together! It was a lot of fun to write the other side to her story and give Helena's perspective more life. I'm really glad our parallel stories played well off each other and that our different takes on them gave their love a good story.

The dramatic start was my way of bookending her story consistently. It was kind of like having a hard candy with a gooey filling. I'm so happy you liked the ending section!! I liked giving Helena more than just selfish motivation for stealing the diadem and fleeing the Bloody Baron. I'm really glad that leaving her murder hanging worked out for the ending. I didn't think I could bring myself to write out her gruesome death.

I can't tell you how much I struggled giving this the right language and feel. It makes me so happy to hear that it worked out and flowed well. I kind of want to write a follow-on where Helena is a ghost haunting Hogwarts and Gryffindor has to live with her ghost hanging about. It sits well with my vindictive side.

Your praise on this story really means the world to me! I'm really happy you've converted to a Godric/Helena shipper after reading this! I really enjoy getting people to come around to new ships.

Thank you so much for such a wonderful review!! Your feedback is always a delight!!

-Rose


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Review #31, by patronus_charmNine Lives : An Annotation

25th February 2014:
Hi Emma, here for the review exchange! Iím so glad I was paired with you because Nadia (MissesWeasley123) has been telling me about how great your writing is for a while now, and this is a story about a ship Iíve always liked but there are never any stories for it!

I adored the Scottish accent! Iím only partly Scottish too so I canít say whether it was spot on, but to me I thought it was very realistic and just added to Dougalís character so much. It just really gave me a sense of him and them really which was rather odd given how it was only an accent, but it was such a great addition and I hope to see it carried through.

Another thing I liked is the whole structure of the story with the idea of flicking back and forth and the different sections as weíll really get a sense of their whole relationship and I canít wait to see more of them. Then on a smaller level the whole sentence structure and style was really great and really capture the sorrowful air of Minerva and how she was still clinging on desperately to Dougal and just raised the angst to a really beautiful level if that makes some sort of sense :P

Minervaís thoughts before seeing Dougal again were really fantastic and they were the thing which made me want to keep on reading. I think it was the simple thing such as her wearing her hair down and realising the importance of that which gave the whole love which can never really succeed but I desperately want it to, because even after two years sheís still desperately clinging to him.

Dougalís character was really fantastic and it created a really interesting dynamic between him and Minerva. He had an almost indignant air about him with the way he teased Minerva about him being in London, and it sort of added to his gruff physical appearance. I canít wait to see more of them because thereís Minerva who seems so refined and almost regal and then thereís Dougal who has this rustic (terrible adjective choice but canít think of a better one) air about him, and I just want to find out more and more!

Ah the ending! ♥ It was so poignant and heartfelt and left me wanting moar! I really hope thereís more to this soon because it was such a fantastic read and makes me want to check out more of your writing :D Nadia definitely was right!

-Kiana

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Review #32, by patronus_charmTalking to Dragons: Apples and Pears

20th February 2014:
Hi Bea!

Aw I really loved the start to the story as the description was so fab and vivid which was perfect given how the setting was a magical circus with people from all over Europe as it just made everything so much more alive and fun!

Haha, I can't wait to see how this turns into a Charlie/OC but I can already see with a dragon tamer being needed how he might appear on the scene. I can really imagine him there as he was such a rebel guy so this is great for him.

I really liked the intro to Kezia and the other characters too as they seem like an interesting bunch of people and they'll make such a fun group of people it's bound to be an exciting story!

One minor thing I would suggest is that instead of writing numbers in numerical form is that you write them in word rom as it makes it easier to read and looks better but that's a really minor thing for such a great story!

I can't wait to see where this goes!

-Kiana

Author's Response: hey! thank you so much for this review!
i'm so glad you liked the beginning and the concept of it, it's been a plot bunny for almost a year now so yeaa it's just really exciting writing it all out.
i've just gone over it all- thanks for pointing out the numerical format of how i write numbers, you're right it does make the sentence choppier. speak later, bea xx


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Review #33, by patronus_charmRed Silk: The Wedding

16th February 2014:
Ah this piece was a perfect end to the story and I loved it!!

Haha when dharma, artha and karma were mentioned I was just like hell yeah I know this stuff as we learnt in my religion class and it was a cool feeling!

I really loved the focus on their parents in this halter as they provided a really fun and different perspective. I think my favourite parts were the dad timing how long they kissers for and how soppy the mum was getting -- it just cracked me up!

Seamus was great too and he was so nervous and sincere and just really cute! I loved all of the details of his and Parvati's wedding though as it was just so interesting to see how it differs from western weddings and made me really want to attend one because you included so many little details!

Having this from Padma's perspective was great because it just showed how much she needed her Seamus in the form of Gautam with his little cheeky remarks about her forgetting the ceremony. Gah he was so cute I wanted to squish him!

Then the ending when they were both like I love you and kissed I think that the noises I made were so high that even dogs couldn't hear them. You two just made me ship them so much in just two chapters it's so amazing and I really needs a follow up at Padma's wedding so she can have a happy ending!

Amazing work you two and best of luck!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hii! Sorry it took me a little longer to get bavck to this :)

I honestly couldn't have made it through without my lovely partner, Nadia. She made sure I had all my translations right and it honestly saved me!

I think a lot of things focus on the bride and groom at the altar, for obvious reasons, but I wanted to show something just a little bit different.

Again, I relied on Nadia for all the little details but I adored learning about them too, and writing them of course. I imagine that Seamus would be anxious about the wedding because it's so different to what he'd know.

Gautam is gorgeous. Nadia and I love him to pieces so we're both incredibly glad that you love him too and that you ship Padma/Gautam. That was really our whole goal! I think I can mention now that we're working on a little something that'll include the lovely pair.

x Ely


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Review #34, by patronus_charmRed Silk: A Failed Chai Exchange

16th February 2014:
IT'S BEEN VALDATED AND I FOUND IT. IF I CAN'T NINJA THIS I WILL BE VERY SAD. BUT THIS MEANS YOU CAN GET YOUR PARTNERS IN SO YAY. ALSO CAPS. YAY.

WAH THIS IS SO GOOD. I WANT TO WRITE THE WHOLE THIN IN CAPS BUT IT MIGHT GIVE YOU A HEADACHE SO YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO KNOW I WANT TO.

Ok this will sound stupid but it just felt so Indian with the language and the way the aunts were overbearing and the whole you must marry and have a ton of babies thing. Even though my family is Iranian I totally got what Padma was going through because at times I think they just view me a baby making machine.

Ooh I loved the backstory you provide with Parvati being with Seamus. I almost felt a little sorry for him with the way the family were so close. Then poor old Padma not havin anyone and she was fine with it until everyone was like you're single what the hell is wrong with you.

Ooh the henna was cool and I loved the detail of it and the whole getting ready for the wedding thing.

Padma and Gautam were so cute. The way she was unhappy and then old single friend comes along and tries to woo her. I liked how she was a little reluctant at first as that fitted really well with her character but there was the lovely bit of hope at the end that they would get together. Gah it was all so cute and made me want to squish them.

Hehe this was so cute I can't wait to find out what happens next!

Author's Response: YEAH YOU WERE FIRST REVIEW DUDE. MUCH AWESOME SO COOL FIEV STARS HAHA.

IT'S OKAY I WILL NEVER GET A HEAD ACHE CAPS IS AWESOME YEAH THANKS FOR REVIEW OKAY.

Lol, I understand the, "It felt so Indian" because I know, it did, with the screaming aunties and stuff. That is all my aunts did when I went, and my cousins -- they're all like really little and I think a part of the Indian language **is** speaking VERY loud. You won't get heard otherwise :P

LET'S BOTH SQUISH PADTAM TOGETHER, YEAH?

Sorry for rubbish repsonse BUT THANKS ILY FOR THE REVIEW AND BEING AWESOME AND HUGGLESS. ♥

- Nadia


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Review #35, by patronus_charmBow, Begin.: Bow, Begin.

16th February 2014:
If I don't get the first review I may be a little unhappy! Hehe I'm so glad that kept silent about this though because I adore the idea about this!

I thought the dialogue and description were perfect and so time appropriate. I wod quote my favourite parts but being on my phone makes it a little difficult but it added so much to the story and that was what made it a successful founders story because so many times its forgotten but here showed how necessary it was.

I really liked how you developed their relationship too with developing it slowly first before turning it into romance. Writing relationships with age gaps is rather fun isn't it? I thought you handled that really well especially towards the end when Godric knows he has his duty to his wife and the school whereas as Helena doesn't really think about those sorts of implications.

Another thing I liked was Helena's characterisation because it meant I could see her with Godric as a result. There was te inquisitive side to her with searching for the chimera and then the bravery for looking it for and just being so warm and open and it just paired her perfectly with Godric.

Then the ending was lovely! So solemn but I knew it was going to happen because of poor Helena's death. I can't help but wonder that it was that which meant she didn't show up and lot her no longer loving Godric. Ooh I also loved how it was a Gaunt she was meant to marry because it gave her an even greater reason to dislike Voldemort.

Fab one-shot Sian and good luck too!

Author's Response: Kiana! You did get the first review, and I'm only sorry for replying to this a month later!

I had so much fun writing this story and working with Rose for it. Writing Founders was a new experience for both of us, so I'm really pleased that you thought the description and dialogue helped to make this seem right for the time it's set in! I love historical fiction so it was important for me to try, especially with the dialogue!

Haha yes, I may have discovered something else I enjoy, writing relationships with age gaps :P It felt more appropriate for this story because age differences were common at this time in relationships, but I really enjoyed the way that it made their reactions different in the end.

I'm so happy you thought Helena suited Godric well! When the idea came into my head of these two paired together it wouldn't leave me alone, and I'd kind of already decided I'd write it even if it wasn't for the Speed Dating!

If you've read Rose's story by now (which you probably have) then you'll know the real reason why Helena didn't turn up! Yes, I couldn't resist taking a dig at the Gaunts ;) I'm happy you liked the ending and that it worked the way I hoped it would though!

Thank you for this lovely review! ♥


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Review #36, by patronus_charmDouble Trouble: A Twin Affair

16th February 2014:
Hey Sarah! I'd been meaning to ask you whether you were taking part in the Speed Dating but I guess you are! Hopefully I can snag the first review, and as you know this is a phone review so apologies for typos!

OMG I LOVE THIS STORY. IT WAS SO PERFECT. hehe I really can't decide what my favourite parts are because it's all so great. I mean, Fred and George got a happy ending by marrying twins, it was just brilliant. I think the fact they were Egyptian twins is what made it all the more better because I can just picture them having a great time with all the Egyptian things going on and it being great. Then the fact they owned a joke shop too -- it was just brillaint!

I really loved how you showed how each twin was suite to their respective fiancť because it meant I could really imagine them together and I got to learn about the Egyptian twins too which was a lot of fun.

I loved how you did the flashbacks too because learning about how they met wa really cute and so them too. Seriously, these guys were made for one another. Then the fact the Egyptian twins knew Bill was so cool and made me want to squee.

You wrote the canon characters really well too, especially Percy as it was just so him and he made me laugh so much. Then the fact the whole wedding was a prank too was brillaint.

This was such a fun read, Sarah, great work!

Author's Response: YAY!!

One I had no idea this was already up! So I'm super excited!! Two, this review was awesome!! So thanks for writing it!! I'm so glad that you liked it and thought I wrote it well. I've never written anything not next-gen before, but this was so fun! The twins were definitely a great starting place.

I'm so glad it was fun, and you liked it!!

Thanks Kiana!!

xoxo Sarah


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Review #37, by patronus_charmEvil Will Prevail: Phase One Complete

16th February 2014:
Here for the review battle!

This was a really interesting chapter with things becoming a lot clearer now which was great. The beginning part was really interesting with how we caught up with Ginny and saw how she was faring. You wrote her pain and torture really well and didn't tone down the detail which made a nice change how it usually is.

One small thing was that in the first section and a couple of others the paragraphs were rather large which made it harder to concentrate. Perhaps if you broke them up into smaller ones it will make it better.

I liked catching up with Hermione and Voldemort. It was always interesting to see their interactions because they're just so unexpected but so great and enjoyable too.

Ginny at the burrow really being Pansy was a bi surprise but I really liked that twist. Especially their reaction when they saw it. I can't help but wonder who sent that note to Harry though I'm betting Hermione at the moment.

I can't wait to see what happens next with Hermione and Pansy being together now and seeing what this plan really is and what's going on!

Author's Response: Hi! I hope you read on! There's going to be a lot more to the plot and quite a bit of action. Hopefully the ending will come as a surprise as well!

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Review #38, by patronus_charmEvil Will Prevail: Camouflaged Red

13th February 2014:
Hi Erin, here for the Review Battle!

I have to say I really am enjoying this darker side to Hermione. I found the backstory to her parents really interesting and I canít wait for you to explore why she actually ended up doing that and working with Voldemort as it does sound rather strange but Iím sure the explanation will be a good one. It makes me laugh how Draco almost appears to be nice in this story when compared to her.

I found the torture scene really great actually and it was very different to what I tend to come across which is good because seeing a bit of individuality is always fun. Hermione seemed to take so much pleasure in that and itís just left me asking why oh why did she want to do that again and again and I really want to know now.

One thing I would suggest is that the scenes all felt a bit confusing and dislocated to me if that makes sense. While they all made sense on their own when coupled together it felt strange that Ginny went from being at the Burrow and then being with Draco and Hermione and then being happy with Harry again. One thing I would perhaps suggest is to create two additional scenes to show how she got there and then how she was back with Harry to ease the confusion because I almost thought the middle section was a dream sequence for a while.

Having said that, I really enjoyed the lighter scenes at the beginning and end as they were really good at levelling out the darker things which happened in the middle. You actually made me aw over Harry and Ginny which is first as I usually I donít really like the pairing, so keep up the good work on that front.

That was a good chapter, Erin, if you just worked on the transition of things it will be a really great one!

-Kiana

Author's Response: There's a simple explanation to all that Kiana. Hermione is just plain evil. A little explanation on that is mentioned in the next chapter.

The scenes were meant to be confusing and dislocated. ;) You'll know why if you read the next chapter.

Yay, you awwed! I don't really like that pairing either so you saying you liked the scenes is really a huge compliment!

Thanks for the lovely, helpful review! I hope you read on and review the coming chapters as well! I really love it when you do. :)


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Review #39, by patronus_charmA Chronicle of Wasted Time: Vindication

12th February 2014:
Yay, back again :D

Seriously, you are literally writing my historical canon for the Harry Potter world. I mean, I will now forever think that St. Mungoís also cared for Muggles during the war as well as wizards. Itís just such a perfect and simple idea which I really loved because yeah they were all cute and bonding. The way you managed to include subtle things such as the tensions between helping muggles were really great too and just provided a really wide and great perspective for the story!

Ah, Dumbledore was so perfect the way he cared about how a portrait would feel too, itís just so him. Iím not even joking, I genuinely feel upset with the death of Jeremiah, it was just so cute and unexpected to fall for portrait love but I did. Gah, I think the way you wrote the Fat Ladyís response is what did it for me because she just seemed so lost and forlorn without him as he helped her so much, and yeah, feels!

When she found out she was going to guard the common room it was so cute to see how excited she was, I just wanted to aw like crazy! I think it was the fact she wanted to do Jeremiah proud and the way it sort of helped her live on after his death is what did it for me, and yeah stop making portraits be so cute it feels weird saying it :P

I really loved how you tied Riddle in with the story and I feel so silly not making the link with Hephzibah beforehand! Itís strange how if he didnít have such a clever mind and turned to the ghosts and portraits of Hogwarts he never would have made the horcruxes. The ending was so lovely too with the way her love for Jeremiah was so true as she was still pining away for him now years later.

This was such a fun and different story to read, and Iím so glad I came back to it :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

Ahh yay! :D I'm glad you like the history here, and I felt that the wizarding hospitals would open their doors to Muggles in times of need. I felt there would be some difficulties and a few things which were hard to explain, and I'm glad you appreciated those as well.

I'm happy to hear you thought this was in character for Dumbledore. Well good, I mean I'm not glad you were upset but I'm glad you connected with Jeremiah's death. :( I almost spared him because I liked him so much but it had to happen for the story. :(

Aw yay, I'm glad you liked her excitement! :) I felt that having something to do and a purpose would be a really important moment for her. Haha I know what you mean about portraits and how weird it is to ship them. :P

Ah I'm glad you liked Riddle and Hepzibah! :) The mentions of her were a little sneaky, hehe, but I'm glad you liked the link. It's very true, in a way he was good at looking to the low figures in the castle for information while some other wizards wouldn't have thought of that, but then he also underestimates people - he's weird. :P I'm glad you liked the ending too! ♥

Thanks so much for the brilliant reviews, Kiana! :) They really made my day! :D


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Review #40, by patronus_charmA Chronicle of Wasted Time: Sensation

12th February 2014:
Iíve been meaning to come back to this ever since I originally swapped with you, itís only now that Iíve had time to so hi again :D

Ah this line Ďa killer who stalked the fallen women of the London slums sensationalized headlines, leaving a trail of slashed corpses.í If this is a nod towards the Jack the Ripper, I love you because the story about him has always fascinated me :D I loved all the other references to what was going on in that period too because they were so much fun!

I really enjoyed the perspective this story brought with the fake world within the painting contrasting nicely with the real world as it made me look at the story in a different light and that was a ton of fun to do! I think I felt that the most when the Fat Lady went to Violetís house and was without her husband, I actually really felt for her then because as painting she evidently still had feelings but the restricted mobility and the effect on those feelings was something I had never really thought about before, so thanks for including that as it was just so interesting to read!

I think my favourite part of this chapter was when she moved to Hogwarts because it was just so much fun seeing the humorous element with Dippet and Merrythought because usually when theyíre featured it takes on a darker element with Riddle obviously being the focus of those stories, but this was such a nice change. Ok, I know I keep on saying that, but it really was, Iíve just never read anything like this before and itís so much fun to read!

Sorry that this review is rather short and garbled but I really want to get to the next chapter before going to bed!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :) Thanks so much for coming back, it's really lovely to hear your thoughts on this story. :D

It is Jack the Ripper, I'm so happy you noticed it! :) I'm simultaneously interested and terrified by his story so couldn't resist putting it in here. I was thinking of writing a story focusing on that and him being magical, and I imagine it would have been a large issue at the time.

I'm glad you liked the contrasts between the portraits and the real world as well. it was a lot of fun to write and imagine how things would be different. She did have feelings here, it was so sad to write, and I'm glad you liked it. I found the idea of having no control over her situation just really tragic.

I'm glad you liked the professors as well - they were quite fun to write in how rather corrupt they were. :P I'm really glad you liked it and found it unique, I had such a good time writing this and I really appreciate getting positive feedback on it.

Thanks so much for the lovely review, dear! ♥


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Review #41, by patronus_charmMagpie: Secrets and Mysteries

12th February 2014:
Ah, I have so many things of yours to catch up on and one night to do it in so letís get ready for a review bombing session!

Yay trouble in paradise for Sebastian and Verity. Ok, a little mean as obviously it makes Verity very M rated word off with him, but yeah, that can be forgotten about once she finds George and they realise theyíre made for one another :P He was just so ew and aggravating in the beginning of this chapter with the smoking and being mean to Midas, and just have that general Iím so cool look at me attitude. And yeah, he made me really angry. :P

I really liked how Penelope made that link for Verity to find him and it just makes me wish I could have seen her alive because she sounds so cool with the underground work and secret clues, like the perfect best friend for Verity really. Hmm, what to make of Christian though? At first I was just like I want to see more of him as the whole Penelope leading her to him was really cool, but now I have a feeling there might be something more to him with the nonchalant air when talking about the society (or it could be a test, I havenít finished reading the chapter yet!). Either the way the mystery surrounding him is great!

Drey was great! The perfect sort of character really as she was just so real and lovely and I wanted to see more of her. At first I thought she might be Tonks with the whole wotcher thing, but in a way her really cool characterisation made up for it as she was similar to Tonks with her liveliness. I think it was just the mix of things in her personality with the compassion by leaving school to look after her mother, and then the madness with the way she left the bank for the pub. Sheís just exuberant, and a fantastic character to study as there are so many layers to her!

Ahahahahah, Fred and George were perfect and then he took her on guard duty and was just going to die because their banter was perfect and they were just getting along so well. Then the way they nearly kissed. I was just like awefdowejf, seriously, I did not know how to cope. Then the ending Ė so dramatic! I really canít think her favourite Auror could be but I have a feeling you might have hinted to us beforehand, so I will have to wrack my brains!

Such a fantastic chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :D First of all, you are so awesome for review bombing me. I remember signing in on that day and being so excited to see all the reviews, and really meant to reply before then but essays got in the way. They always do. :(

Anyway, thank you! :) I'm so excited to be writing this story again and getting this feedback is really lovely and helpful.

Hehe, Verity and Sebastian aren't very good at not having trouble, even if it's just minor passive aggressive trouble. Verity is sensitive and Sebastian is tired of tiptoeing around her, and so these types of scenes ensue. :P I'm glad you're leaning towards team George however! Ugh, it made me angry writing about it as well, I'm glad that irritation came across!

Aw, Penelope is so sneaky! I really love writing her mystery and I'm excited to really get into it soon in upcoming chapters. There will definitely be more flashbacks to Penny at Hogwarts as well. :) Hmm, good idea to be suspicious about Christian. There's definitely more to him than meets the eye, and he's a lot of fun to write in all his sneakiness and vague answers.

Yay, I'm so glad you like Drey! :) She and Gemma are just so funny to write. She is rather Tonks-ish now that I think of it! I'm excited for the readers to see more of her as well as she does have a specific role to play in the story. :)

Hehe, I'm really happy you like the twins. :P They're so nerve-wracking to write but I do love them so. Ahh, I know! Verity's favourite Auror is a bit of a sarcastic statement on her part, if that gives you any clues. Although the Auror is a favourite of mine because he's quite clueless.

Thanks for the brilliant review, Kiana! :D I really loved it, and getting your feedback is so encouraging in getting the next chapter finished and posted! ♥


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Review #42, by patronus_charmEvil Will Prevail: The hooded figure

9th February 2014:
Hey again Erin!

I really loved the creepy and scary atmosphere throughout this chapter, it was so thrilling to read and definitely kept the suspense up throughout. You remembered to include it not only in your description but in the dialogue too with the way you drew things out and that inclusion was a really nice to think to do.

Another thing I really liked was the subject matter because Iíve never actually see a story where we get to see the moment in which Draco becomes a Death Eater which is rather odd when you think about what a popular character he is, so I really enjoyed reading it here. I think my favourite things were his interactions with Voldemort, because you wrote his mannerisms so well, and his speech was really excellent! I liked the idea of Draco being subject to the cruciatus curse too, because it almost seemed as if it were an initiation which fits in well with the cult idea of the Death Eaters.

Wow that ending certainly left me guessing! I saw from the other reviews that it is Hermione, though I wouldnít have guessed it. I really liked the twist with canon with her kissing him and then crucioing him straight after and I canít wait to see her purpose in all of this if it isnít a Dramione. It certainly is exciting!

One small thing, I did see Draco crop up a lot of times in this chapter whether referenced in speech or just describing his actions, and just for the sake of variety I would perhaps try and omit a few of them. With speech, itís rather easier because unless you directly need to reference him you donít really need a pronoun, than with description just try change it to he or omit it all together with an Ėing verb if that makes sense :P

This is off to a great start!

-Kiana

Author's Response: I'm so happy you liked it!

I never thought of it that way. I just figured that Hermione's first appearance should make an impact. And I wanted it from another character's POV. So that's how it all happened. Now that you mention it, I haven't ever read a story about Draco's initiation either. Or any events that lead up to it. That's given me an idea... thanks Kiana!

Knowing that you're excited is the encouragement I need to get to work on the next chapters! :D

I'll check that out. I tend to do that a lot. Thanks for pointing it out, and for the wonderful review!



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Review #43, by patronus_charmHouse of Cards: Nine of Diamonds

8th February 2014:
Hi Laura!

Hmm, Narcissa seems to be a little too fine after her fall down the stairs. I have a feeling that there might be something more to it, perhaps related to Bellatrix given how she seemed to know a lot about it with the size of the cut and the potion she took. I mean, they are sisters so I guess that could be why but I have a feeling it could be more. It was rather sweet how Lucius was now caring for her, as Iíve always liked those two and really like how youíve portrayed them in this story.

I really enjoyed Siriusí next section. My suspicions about Bellatrix possibly being to blame are thickened with the way she and the others were all talking rather secretively and it just seemed all suspicious. I really love how Sirius really wants to solve this crime and make everything alright because that passion in him is really lovely to observe. Then his conversation with Uncle Alphard was really great because I so rarely see them all talking with one another, but this was great. I know I sound soppy but it was just lovely to see someone talk to him and actually enjoy his presence because I do feel sorry for him a lot of the time!

Haha, I had been suspecting for a while now that there might have been something more to Barty and Regulus and seeing all the innuendos Uncle Alphard said strengthens my suspicions. Iíve never actually thought of them as a pairing because I never seem to think of them connected for some reason, but I really like what youíve done with them here and now Iím sort of wishing there is something more to them.

I canít wait to read on because it seems as if Uncle Alphard really is rocking the house with his arrival so I canít wait to see what more he reveals!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey Kiana, thanks so much for stopping by! :)

Yeah, she's not too badly hurt... though whether that's a plus point or a minus point is up to you ;) Bella did seem to know a lot, it is perhaps a bit suspicious. Lucius does love her a lot, and is definitely caring to Narcissa, at least. I'm really glad you like them, since there will be more of them coming up! :)

They are all talking secretively, leaving others out and all that! Sirius I think is a pretty passionate person in total - I think he's so emotive and that's both his strength and his weakness, you know? I'm glad you like him, since I know it's not perhaps a normal representation of him! :) Alphard... I wouldn't necessarily count on Alphard to have Sirius' back ;) But he is a fun character!

Mahaha, you're not the first person to say that, and yeah, Uncle Alphard is not really doing anything to suggest otherwise ;) Keep wishing - it may just come true! :P And yeah, they are quite a weird pairing, but I really like them... can't explain it, tbh, I just like how they work together.

Ah, Uncle Alphard is most definitely rocking the boat, so to speak! :)

Thank you so much for the lovely review! :)

Laura xx


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Review #44, by patronus_charmDon't Say The "P" Word: If You Can't Be My Knight In Shining Armour, Who Will?

7th February 2014:
Hi Sarah!

I thought this was a really good follow on chapter from the previous with the way Rose was distracted in the lessons. I liked the side of Hermione being shown with her having good grades and it will be interesting to see if more Hermione traits crop up throughout or whether sheís more of her own person.

Haha, it made me laugh how Scorpius still wanted to kiss her and stuff and sheís just nuh-uh you arenít having any of that! You wrote their interaction really well, and their chemistry really played off of one another well. It will be interesting to see whether her pregnancy affects her views on Scorpius or not and I canít wait to see how their relationship progresses.

I really liked the appearance of all of the cousins and I canít wait to see more of them throughout. Of course Lily and James had to turn up at that exact moment but it was really funny to see them all confused like that. I canít wait to see more of them and what they think of her and Scorpius, especially Albus as theyíre friends, all of these things are so exciting!

The only CC I would give for you to work is that you used I quite a lot throughout the chapter, so perhaps try and lessen the use of it through perhaps omitting the subject pronoun by using an ing verb as I find that the easiest way to get round it, but itís up to you on how you do it really.

The ending was really great too with all of Roseís problems piling on top of her and I canít wait to see how she deals with them and whether this visit to the hospital wing will reveal certain things or not.

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm getting the most lovely reviews out of this battle! :)

I'm glad you liked it, and that the story made you laugh!! I loved loved loved writing in the appearance of the cousins and just the general interaction of that family. It was so much fun.

I'm glad you liked this chapter!!

xoxo Sarah


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Review #45, by patronus_charmThe Chaos Within: Choices and secrets

6th February 2014:
Hey Erin, here for RRB!

This chapter was a great follow up from the previous with the way you balanced the arrival of Ginny and Ron and it was so interesting to see the impact of their arrival. In a way, it wasnít how I anticipated it to be but I really enjoyed it nonetheless. I think the way Hermione spoke to Ginny about how Harry was coping was really interesting because for once Hermione was the closest to him, and knew all his hopes and fears and that acted as a great prelude to them ending up together which was a nice addition.

I really liked how even though you are setting this up to be a Harry/Hermione story you still managed to include all of those Harry/Ginny moments which were really great. I really enjoyed reading them as they were so sweet and adorable and seeing them all have some happiness for once was naturally a great thing. I wonder why Ron was so angry about them kissing though, I mean, Iím sure part of it was just pretend but it seemed as if something more was lurking down there and it will be interesting to see if that materialises into anything more.

The ending was really fantastic with all the drama and the use of the unforgivable! Iím intrigued to see whether this was just a dream sequence of Harryís as he was talking about repressing the memories or actually something real. I sort of want it to be the latter because even if it means they have a new villain to fight it will be so exciting and drama is always fun!

Great chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello! I'm so glad you enjoyed this!

Hermione getting closer to him is just the beginning of their relationship. I've read too many stories with the Harry/Hermione ship, in which their relationship progresses so fast. I want to make it more gradual and realistic. Harry/Ginny moments are absolutely necessary for that.

Ron always has been over-protective of his little sister. And since Harry broke up with her and it's been quite a while since the two were together, I figured Ron would probably have such a reaction to them snogging. He's such a hot-headed character.

Your wish for drama shall be granted Kiana. :D

I hope you keep reading!

~Erin


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Review #46, by patronus_charmwaterfall.: truth be told.

5th February 2014:
Why was I not told about this? If I hadnít been putting my not so good stalking skills into practice this would have been hidden from forever! Anyhow, Iím here now so itís all sort of good!

Yaya for science things! It made me feel so smart understand those things, and it made me view the story in a different way. Well, what I mean is that people tend to use the same old description throughout, but using these scientific terms to describe things really put it into another light and I really enjoyed reading it like that.

Also, congrats for winning the Every Word Counts Challenge! Itís a really cool feeling it, isnít it? Though a pain when editing in case you accidentally go over or under 500 words :P

MIND BLOW. I was doing OCDs today at school as part of learning about Freud so perhaps it was a good thing you didnít tell me about it otherwise there would have been no coincidence and no fun. Anyhow, I really liked how you built it up with gradual signs at first because I thought it was just a small thing and then gradually progressing it into a bigger and bigger thing and that was really good given the small word count, and it was done so effectively!

The style choices in here were really fantastic! They added to that sort of detached air you had between Molly and her own family and it worked really well with the feel of the story. Another reason why I liked it because the things in brackets meant we got to see the narrative from another perspective which made it a lot more interesting read because it revealed the real Molly in those parts.

I found the ending so interesting to read because I was sort of hoping that she would finally realise that she did have this compulsion and that it was just something obsessive in her head and not washing her hands wouldnít bring about anything bed, but in a way your ending felt the most fitting rather than my wishful one. It really highlighted how much time it can take to recover from problems such as these and how it changes your perception of reality with these new Ďenemiesí.

I really liked the small sign of hope at the end with Molly perhaps realising what was wrong with her and that could be a signal for change. Iím glad you didnít expand on it further because the ambiguity of it was a lot more fun. This was such a great one-shot, Nadia, and a really interesting read! Plus, it conveyed so much in 500 words and that really should be commended!

-Kiana

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Review #47, by patronus_charmThis Devilry: Chapter Seven

2nd February 2014:
Hi Amanda!

I really enjoyed Harryís perspective in this chapter itís always interesting when we see his thoughts and I found it just as interesting here. He really is so lovely and I really like how you showed how he could keep that sort of pure aspect of his character because I have seen some characterisations of him when he goes off the rails after the war. There were so many little bits of his personality which were so him and that really made me smile. I think it was the way he just went out of his way to avoid the press and the small thought about his parents which really did it for me.

This meeting with Bree had a sign of hope and calm which hasnít really been present in most of the other sessions so it was really nice to read it here. I think it was just the way Ginny was thinking about her happier moments such as Jamesí birth and their honeymoon which made it so sweet because it shows that happy moments can be possible in her life. I really enjoyed hers and Harryís interactions in that section, and I have to credit you for really making me warm to this pairing. It was simply the little nudges they had and the way Harry cheered her on which really made me want to aw.

Hmm Ginny and Fleurís relationship is intriguing me. Obviously there had been some tension between the two before, but it seemed to be really highlighted here even though Fleur didnít feature in the chapter. First there was Harryís mention of her and the honeymoon and then Ginnyís reluctance with the baby shower. I made be reading too much into this and for it to turn out to be innocuous but I canít help but wonder if something has happened between the two.

I really loved the appearance of Molly in this chapter it was so much fun to read as her worrying self always does make me laugh. Though having her coupled with Hermione whoís also prone to worrying, I did find myself feeling sorry for Ginny with the barrage of questions about her life. You are certainly right about things not really going well for her so far, but I canít wait to read in the hope everything works out! Great chapter, Amanda!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana, thanks for coming by! I always look forward to your commentary on my chapters :)

I think the characterization of Harry where he goes off the rails could definitely be realistic, but I chose to make him a bit more stable here because I wanted to keep the focus on Ginny and I know she would really benefit from having his support.

I tried to really focus on Bree and her therapeutic style in this case, because I don't want people to judge her too harshly based on her slip in the first session and Ginny's general distrust of everyone. It was nice to be able to talk about some happier times with Ginny and Harry and to show that they really do have a strong foundation of love despite their recent troubles. I think it shows the contrast between the tabloid stories and what's really happening between them.

Yeah, Ginny and Fleur's personalities are really different and I think Fleur's happy lifestyle digs at Ginny a bit given her current circumstances. She's got the package Ginny always wanted--a nice home, healthy kids, and a quiet life punctuated by a bit of fun now and then. I don't think it's really personal about Fleur, but Ginny's jealousy is getting the best of her.

We'll have to see how the first Legilimency session goes for Ginny in the next chapter :) Thanks for your really lovely review!

-Amanda


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Review #48, by patronus_charmsnake: an Apple was the cause of a lost friendship

2nd February 2014:
Whoo, first review, well hopefully, awkward if it isnít :P

Ooh, I really enjoyed this one-shot, it was such a fun and different read to what I tend to come across. I think the key thing was the fact that Salazar was still a child and not yet this evil tyrant heíll grow into and seeing him from this perspective was so interesting because it meant we could see how he would turn into this evil person in the future and seeing that was great.

I really liked the accent that they used, because it just showed how much Salazar wanted to fit in with the other children and how he just wanted to be accepted by them and it made my heart want to break a little. One of the best things about it was the fact that they wanted to call him Sal which just made me smile. I think it was just seeing Muggles tease him and place him in an inferior position which was so great because the irony of it was just fabulous.

The part when Salazar begins to talk to Apple was really terrifying. Mainly from the other childrenís perspective because it must have been horrifying to see that happen. Given their adverse reaction to that and how it only strengthened their belief that Salazar should have been drowned like a kitten it only showed why he grew up so Muggle hating. I really liked that you added a bit of backstory to that, because in all the successful characterisations of him there always has been, and it was fun to see a different interpretation of it.

The closing scene when Salazar was with his mother was really chilling with the way she just warned him off of Muggles like that. It just showed what a huge amount of influence and power parents had upon their children and how they really could make them different. One thing which stood out to me was how she said Salazar was special because that reminded me a little of Voldemort and his belief in himself so it was fun to see it that way round.

This was such an interesting read, Emily!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hehe whoo! Yes this was first review, haha. :D

I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this! Yeah, I've read some stories which develop Salazar by giving us insight into his childhood, and I thought it was fascinating. Plus, my prompt for this challenge was Salazar Slytherin and I was too scared to write him as an adult. :P I'm so glad you found the premise of the story interesting though!

Hahaha yeah, I really had no clue what I was doing, I just knew I wanted them to speak in really slang-y street cant and Salazar would join in to fit in with his friends. Oh dear, I'm sorry I broke your heart but it was necessary hehe. Yeah, I think that street kids would think that Salazar was a horrible name haha and wow, I didn't even notice that irony but we'll prentend I meant it yeah? :P

Ah yay, I'm glad that I managed to make it at least a little scary and believable, I wasn't sure whether the reaction of the kids was too strong, so I'm glad it wasn't! Yeah, that kitten thing started out as gentle teasing and evolved into an insult.

Haha yeah, I thought that maybe without something else he might try to go back and befriend some more Muggles, so I had his mother warn him off like that. Yeah, I'm glad it showed the inflence parents have on their kinds! I know that my parents have influenced me a lot and especially at the young-ish age Salazar is in the story, he would still be very willing to take the advice of his parents. Yeah, I think Salazar and Voldemort are very similar - and they are distant relatives after all - so I thought it would be fun to see some similarities, because at that age Tom Riddle was sure he was special.

Ah, I'm so glad you think so, Kiana!

Thank you so much for this incredible review, it really did make my day. :D


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Review #49, by patronus_charmA Chronicle of Wasted Time: Creation

1st February 2014:
Hi, here for the review swap!

Wow, this was such a fun and unique story Iím so glad that I decided to read it! I think my favourite part of it was the way you carefully showed how each layer was painted on to perfection and had so much care put into it. It was almost like a big reveal scene going on throughout the chapter because I didnít know what to expect from each addition to the painting so it was a lot of fun to read.

Another thing I really loved was the artistís love for art and painting, it just made the story even more enjoyable to see his creation unfold in front of him. Even though his personality wasnít as strong as the portraits one I still got such a clear sense of him and he really warmed himself to me through that and that was so nice to see.

The real Fat Lady was so much fun to read too! I really loved the fact she was friends with Violet in real life because it just made this story even funnier how they couldnít be departed in death and gossiped away in each otherís portraits. She really was vile, though in a good way! It reminded me of that scene in the films when she insists on singing until she breaks the glass and just that image was reflected in here so well and it was just really wonderful.

I adored Jeremiah, he was such a dear! I think the way he handled the delicacy of having a mistake in the portrait was really excellent and showed just how lovely he was. Then the way he just wants to help her settle into her new home was another really lovely scene and just made me want to aw away. This was such a great to the story!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :)

Aw, I'm so glad you liked it! I loved writing this story and it's amazing to get such nice feedback from you here. I quite liked writing the opening scene and how she was created so I'm glad you liked it.

It's interesting to hear you liked the artist, but I'm happy to hear it. I imagined him quite engrossed in his craft and far more interested in that than in anything else. We only really see him through the Fat Lady's eyes, but she does see him pretty much as he is, and she's a lot more three-dimensional than he is here, so to speak. :P

Haha yes! I loved writing the real Fat Lady and how obnoxious she was and how she inspired the portrait's behaviour. Violet was fun to imagine as well. Ah yes, I love that scene - I'm so glad you thought she came across well.

Aw, Jeremiah is so wonderful! I'm glad you liked him as well. He's a very classical gentleman and has only the best intentions, and he was quite fun to write.

Thanks so much for the lovely review! :D



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Review #50, by patronus_charmThis Longing: Divergence

1st February 2014:
I almost donít want to accept that this is the end of This Longing, as itís just been a fantastic read, but I guess Iíll have to :(

The beginning of the chapter was really fantastic with the with all these final moments and how even though Minerva didnít want Grimm to go in this journey she was going to have let him, and by helping him along the way it sort of enabled her to cope with it. It just had this wonderful melancholy air to it really and it made me want to never let this moment go because like with the changing landscape in Europe, they were changing so much too and could never really go back to before.

The second sort of beginning section (if that makes sense) was just so tender and wonderful and yeah I loved it! I think you caught the goodbye tension between them perfectly because they were always incapable of not talking, so to see them so silent and solemn really showed us they were probably feeling more pain over this than I was. I rather liked the idea of the memento too, because they can be a rather old fashioned pair at times so it suited them so well.

Grimmís morning was just eurgh I donít it was just perfect really. The mingled in bits of flashback were really effective, almost more so than the real thing as they private too so it was a way of just leaving that final moment for them. Itís so hard to figure out whether Grimm really wants this moment right now or not. He has all these fond memories but then thereís need to go to war too, I guess heís just confused like me :P

Minervaís section had this wonderful detached air to it, almost as if she couldnít believe that the events of the previous night occurred and then it was only strengthened when she saw he wasnít at the Ravenclaw table. I think thatís why I found her conversation with Dumbledore even more interesting because it was one of the few times that we saw real emotion in her, even anger, and it gave me some hope she could live on without Grimm.

The epilogue was fantastic as an ending and in contrast with Minervaís final section. You did a really great job of tying all of the ends together in such a subtle I really felt as if I knew which path each person would take (admittedly having read the follow on one-shot may have helped with that!). There was the air of hope for Minerva too with her conversation with Moody as it gave her some hope she could go on and fight her own battles if Grimm got his, and it was nice to have a sign of hope there.

The closing lines were really fantastic and showed Minerva as the independent woman that she is, and it was great to see that strong trait of hers still shine through here. Thank you for writing such a fantastic story which has been a real pleasure to read, and with this ending it gives me an excuse to come and read more of your stories!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing right to the end, Kiana. It has meant a lot to have you along for the last leg of the journey through this novel - I don't know if I could have finished it, after having abandoned it once, maybe twice, and just feeling that it'd never be good enough to satisfy the vision I had of how the story should be. But it's done! And in a way that, I think, actually works. So thank you for your inspiration and support! :D

I really like how you've discussed the different parts of this chapter, how each captures a different mood, representing a separate stage of endingness. Much of it follows Minerva's coping process as she comes to terms with the present and finds a way of looking forward - even if it seems bleak, there is a ray of hope: her own strength to persevere.

Grimm's ending is more conflicted because he's an unwilling subject in it - in much of this story's conclusion, really, from Myrtle's death onward, his fate spiralling downward. He knows that this isn't the ending he'd choose for himself, but at the same time, he doesn't know what end he'd choose. He does have one choice, though: whether to escape from war or escape from Minerva and the complex relationship that's sprung up between them (far more complex than he ever anticipated - he wanted her love without understanding what it would mean to love in return). His side of the plot resolves in an entirely unsatisfactory way, yet it's the best way for him - he still has a lot of experience to gain, a lot of self-searching to do.

In the end, the story wasn't his story at all, but rather Minerva's. It's interesting because in my original plan for the novel, it was supposed to have been his story, mostly told from his perspective, but it didn't take long to realize that the real "hero" is Minerva, that she's the one who grows the most from this experience and is able to actually move forward from it on her own accord. By that final scene, she is the witch who will lead Hogwarts, and it's fantastic to hear that you liked how both her strength and the air of hope comes through there.

*huggles* Thank you again!


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