Reading Reviews From Member: patronus_charm
  
1,526 Reviews Found

Review #1, by patronus_charmclipped wings: the goodbye.

1st August 2015:
Hey Sian, sorry for taking ages to leave reviews and respond to PMs, the build up to China is crazy!!!

Anyhow, this was a sweet, warm, sad and heartbreaking chapter and I didn't expect to feel so many emotions in such a short piece of writing which goes to show how talented you are!

I really felt for Hepzibah in this chapter because at the beginning the mood was so hopeful and full of joy, I really thought for a moment that she would be able to keep her daughter. I really liked the bit where she said she couldn't give her much but she could give her a name too, as that was so sweet and so special and just showed how much her daughter meant to her.

In a way, having his baby in secret was a good thing as it meant Hepzibah could keep the baby more to herself if that makes sense. They couldn't have any wet nurses or nannies otherwise it wouldn't be kept a secret so Hepzibah became her primary carer which is something which wouldn't have happened otherwise so in a way she could be thankful for that.

I also liked the analogy of her being ruined by the dark prince and how she used to be this great jewel as that was quite powerful. It was sweet to see that she was strong enough to overcome what Edmund had done to her and see the positives in that she wouldn't have her daughter if she hadn't met him.

I thought for a moment her parents were being really nice to her by letting her care for the baby and name it and I was getting really hopeful they would let her keep it but when you got to how they looked at her with disgust, I realised that wasn't going to be the case and that they were going to take the baby away. I hope she goes to someone nice at least and that Hepzibah can maybe see her again, but given that in the books we saw her as a lonely woman with just a house elf for company I doubt that will be the case.

Fab chapter!

Kiana

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Review #2, by patronus_charmHaunted: X

31st July 2015:
Hey Anja, here for the review fest and I'm glad that this has motivated me to read some of your work as I don't think I've ever read it before! ♥

Ah, this was truly heartbreaking and I'm so glad I read it as it really showed Hagrid in a different light and reminded everyone that he really did have a very sad and lonely childhood. What I really liked about this was how you really seemed to capture his desolate self if that makes sense, because right from the beginning th reader knew that Hagrid was alone in this world which helped us understand why he was drawn into Aragog.

Another thing I really loved about this was the two different sections as it created a new dynamic in the story and it meant we got a better sense of Hagrid's character and showed how he transitioned from this sort of hopeful young boy to this sad one who had to live with the strange gatekeeper.

There were several heartwarming moments in this story which helped balance out the darker, sadder parts and I'm tied for s favourite between Hagrid overhearing that conversation in the Hogs Head as it was sweet to see his interest in dangerous creatures develop from such an early age and the last one with Dumbledore as you managed to fit in that quote really well so kudos for that.

Finally, I liked how the whole drama with the chamber of secrets wasn't the central focus, that it sort of lurked I the background and gave the story a darker tinge, but the main plot was Hagrid and what he was going through as it meant we got to see a lot of character development and exploration which I enjoyed a lot.

Fab story!

-Kiana

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Review #3, by patronus_charmWinding Road: Finding Home

30th July 2015:
I was so sad when True Romance ended, but if there are more of these sorts of one shots to come, I think I'm fine with it!

The beginning of this was really chilling and is thought you captured the post-Corbin Scorpius really well. Even though the nightmare was only a few lines long it really haunted both Scorpius and me and the impact of it seemed to stay with him throughout the story, not only with the way it immediately affected him but also how he imagined he saw Corbin too.

I'm glad that one good thing could happen out of this incident in that Scorpius could feel like his home was a refuge and it was sweet to see his parents as they really did seem to care about him and want the best for him as that is exactly what he needs after being with someone like Corbin. Another minor thing I liked was how you still managed to make their pure blood elements apparent, if that makes sense? Like Astoria and Draco were modern versions of it who still kept some traditions.

Aw, Albus, he really is so sweet and it's so great to see that Albus, Brandon and Scorpius can all get along as they do make a rather cute trio as they all have different personalities which help balance them all out. In a way, I think it helps that Brandon and Scorpius have some distance between them because that somehow enables them to be closer, like Brandon telling him about sometimes seeing Cora's mother.

Ew, ew, ew, I was hoping that I had seen the last of that vile man, but he had to show up again. That was really powerful and well written, and I'm so glad that Brandon was there to take him down and I greatly hope that we've seen the last of him.

A fab one shot and I'm glad the Review Fest brought me here!

-Kiana

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Review #4, by patronus_charmLa BÍte Noire: quand líťtťrnitť finit.

17th July 2015:
Hey there Laura! ♥

I really liked the concept behind this story as the friendship between Albus and Nicholas is usually forgotten, but it must have been a very interesting one so Iím glad that youíre exploring it now. Those two seemed to go so well together as Nicholas is wise in the sense that he has experienced so much of the world, and Albus in that heís just Albus so naturally wise, so I can imagine them having these very deep, philosophical conversations.

I really liked Nicholas as he made me laugh in a way in that he had lived for hundreds of years and must have seen the whole world, but he still retained his French accent which I guess just shows how some people never changed. I really did like the French though as I thought it fitted in with the overall story really well and just gave it that little special touch.

Another thing I really loved was your writing in here as it really was excellent. What made it great was the use of parentheses as that created a different dynamic to the story and gave it another layer almost. Your description was really pretty in this too as it really caught the sense of history between them, the wisdom they both had and the way death had this foreboding air.

I thought Fawkes was a great addition to the story as he symbolised a different form of immortality, a more natural, more pure form in a way than what Nicholas had been doing or Albus with the Deathly Hallows or even Voldemort and the horcruxes and it made you realise that you canít fight against death as your immortality will end up being this strange, unnatural form of living.

Hmm, Iím guessing they were talking about Gellert at the end, I hope he does feature in this story as heís an interesting and wonderfully complex character too and would make a wonderful addition to the story.

A great start and I canít wait to read more! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey Kiana! :) Thank you so much for dropping by! :)

Thank you! :) I've always been fascinated by it too - it's one of those bits of the first book which I forgot about for a long time and them remembered and was almost instantly hooked by. They are both very wise and intelligent, definitely - I think there's almost a sense of solemnity in writing them which comes pretty naturally, if that makes sense?

Thanks so much - I really, really wanted to keep his accent. Mostly because I don't think he ever really moved out of France, haha, and also because I like the idea of him being pretty proud of his nationality and not inclined to change it at all. Plus it's just kinda fun to write :P

Gah, thank you so much! :D I wrote this really quickly and late at night, haha, so it's probably riddled with mistakes so I'm so glad you like it. I've recently discovered I quite like using parentheses - I do it a bit with Gellert in L'optimisme - so it's sort of started coming naturally, which is a bit of a surprise :P

Fawkes! Okay, Fawkes has been slowly becoming a bit of a secret star of my fic, haha. He's just appearing in things now and I don't entirely now why... but he is so fun to write - he has his own character and everything... :P And yeah, I didn't really think about the immortality connection tbh, but yeah, I think it is very different to the others and how they wanted immortality - almost a kind of reminder that they never really got it or could get it.

Gellert will show up! :D And another special guest, too... but yes, he will be there! I'm so glad you think he'd fit in - and that you like him at all, haha. Though whether or not they were talking about him... I couldn't say ;)

Thank you so so much for the wonderful review - it was so lovely to get! :)

Aph xx


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Review #5, by patronus_charmYou Don't Own Me: Don't

16th July 2015:
I canít keep away! ♥ (though if I had known this was a follow on from True Romance, I would have been here a lot sooner!)

:( I know I didnít like Corbin and I wished that Scorpius had found someone else, but I never, ever thought it was going to end up as painful and as horrible this. Poor, poor Scorpius. Everything about him just felt so defeatist and so sad, he really had lost his spark and you showed that so, so, so well. I think one of the saddest things was how he had isolated himself from everyone and how he was locked up in this terrible world with Corbin as that must have made the ordeal a whole lot worse.

The use of italics and the idea of a cycle was really poignant as it really enforced how this never, ever ended for Scorpius and how he had to deal with Corbinís anger day in, day out. It just makes you realise how vulnerable he is and how many other people could be in a situation such as his as the victims really do stay silent in cases such as these.

One horrible moment was when Corbin burnt the pictures of Scorpiusí friends as that was probably one small thing which managed to bring him happiness and to see that taken away from him made his life even more desolate. What was worse was that he even started abusing himself, really showing how he had given up on all of his fighting spirit and I just wanted to give him a hug. :(

Corbin, ew, ew, ew, was so creepy and controlling with the cycle. He would lash out at Scorpius, both in a physical and psychological way almost. Then he would take away his one chance at hope, then he would almost blame Scorpius for all of this happening and force Scorpius into forgiveness. It was just so horrible and so cruel.

I think I genuinely started crying when Albus, Rose and Harry turned up as finally there was an escape for him and I was so proud of Scorpius for having the courage to fight back against Corbin and his horrible, evil abuse as that must have been so difficult for him! Aw, that final chat with Albus was so touching and warming and wonderful and gave him the courage he needed to start a new life, I just hope that Corbin does eventually go down and for a long time too as thatís what he deserves.

A very poignant and heart-breaking story! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana!!

I didn't plan on them ending up like this when I ended TR - they were supposed to split sooner and it just didn't happen. :( I had contemplated making this story back where Corbin started to take control of Scorpius' life after they moved to Paris but it felt more important to show him leaving a horrible situation. Scorpius is very different in this than he was in TR - I even used a different face claim for him.

Having lived with other people's tempers in the past, the idea of it being an ever-present fear felt realistic. Scorpius is living with a legit fear of someone else though and I'm glad that came through in the chapter.

Burning the pictures was a bit of a catalyst for Scorpius to leave. I mean, in a way, Corbin hurt scorpius' connection with friends and that more than the physical abuse was a point of contention for Scorpius.

I don't have any words to justify who or what Corbin is here.

I felt a huge amount of relief just wriing that they were there to help take him away. It was so stressful to have him in that situation.

ahh! thank you so much for the wonderful reivew. I did write a follow up to this because I needed to have a better resolution.

-Rose


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Review #6, by patronus_charmMorningstar: Watching You Fall

16th July 2015:
Wah, you have so many new stories Rose it was so hard to decide which one to read, but of course I had to go for Ronks, albeit with a bit of Wolfstar! ♥

Wah, wah, wah, Rose, I honestly think this is your best bit of writing ever because everything just made me feel so much and the description was wonderful and the dialogue was fabulous and it just made me question so much as it was wonderfully complex but so meant to be and just perfect! ♥

Sirius, Sirius, Sirius, you do love to break my heart donít you? I think this is possibly the best characterisation of him Iíve ever seen, as it just get his complexity, how heís misunderstood, why heís open and a recluse. It just incorporates all those facets into him wonderfully which is amazing given how short this. I think in terms of his characterisation what stood out to me the most was how he helped Tonks be with Remus, gave her advice and never, ever wished her ill which just shows how genuinely lovely he was.

What made it worse was how lovely Tonks was and how unsuspecting she was about there being more to Remus and Sirius which is what made it so real for me. Iíve always been a fan of Wolfstar, but because of Ronks I could never commit to it fully, but the scenario you created here allows me to encompass both of them.

Wah, there were so many heart-breaking moments when Sirius sees Remus and Tonks together which is saying something because usually when those two together all I do is gush. These lines Ė ĎWatching each flirtatious smile and loving touch pushes me further into oblivion.í & ĎSpring blossoms and I am all but dead inside.í & ĎI am behind you, unnoticed and unaccounted for by your love.í Seriously, I just wanted to bawl into tears at this point as Sirius is so alone and so helpless but still too lovely to wish them ill, as all he wants is Remus to love him and wah, itís so complicated and sad.

I couldnít even blame for Remus for the situation here (to be fair, I love him too much to ever blame him for anything!), as he doesnít even realise that Sirius loves him so much and wants to be with him. He must just think that his friendís proud of him finally moving on in his life which is what makes this all so worse. What genuinely broke my heart was how in the last few paragraphs, it felt like Sirius thought he was a burden to Remus, like he was preventing Remus from loving Tonks fully, which isnít true and so wrong and now heís going to have a wrong lasting thought of Remus.

Ah, this was amazing and so beautifully sad too, I absolutely loved it! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana!!

I wasn't ignoring your wonderful review - it just got under other ones and and and *hugs* sorry

It means so much that you think is the best thing i've written! You might have said that about blood-kisses-valentine too - but I"ll take it :D :D :D :D This is definitely meant to make people question what Sirius was going through in OotP and while Remus/Tonks was happening.

Both Sirius and I like to break hearts - it's a hobby. ah! Idon't know if I can resmond to this being the best characterization of him you've read. *dies* I do strongly feel like he'd want Remus to be happy even if that meant not being iwth him.

Oh yeah, Tonks is completely in the dark when it comes to Sirius and Remus' past. I'm not sure how'd she react if she knew Remus and Sirius were a couple in the past - I think it'd make her and Remus even slower getting together.

:D You picked out some of my favorite lines! :D I think I was regurgiating every bit of poetic nonesense I've read and managed to make a story out of it. Sirius really did blow his chances with Remus during the first war and part of him is hurt and jealous but more of him sees that he lost the opportunity.

remus is certainly oblivious (perhaps willfully so) that Sirius is still so in love with him. I don't think Remus felt Sirius was a burden and he was completely devastated by his death - neither of them were on the same page at that point.

Thank you for such an amazing review!!

-Rose


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Review #7, by patronus_charmThe Netted Sunbeam: The Netted Sunbeam

15th July 2015:
Hey there Branwen!

Yay for exploring Jamesí parents as Iíve always been so intrigued by them, but there are so few stories about them which is quite strange when you think about it. Firstly, I love their names and itís making me wonder whether Tristan and Isolde was an inspiration for this or not. Haha, Isoldaís mother made me laugh a lot in how she tried to push Tristan onto her, but Isolda already had this longing love for him already which was very sweet.

I liked Tristanís character as that was that arrogance there and that entitlement too, but that caring nature which was seen in Isolda too so you could see why James ended up the way he was. Hmm, their relationship was very intriguing I must say in how Isolda didnít say a word about it to her mother and how Tristan didnít seem completely sincere at times as he had this brooding nature to him, but it made it all wonderfully complex and mysterious, so I loved it!

Ah, poor Isolda and her reputation as you really do forget how difficult it was to have a relationship a hundred years ago or so. I really loved it though, as there was so much drama and passion in a way, it sort of reminded of how James is and itís kind of amazing how you can see how much his parents influenced him. Tristan was very sweet though when Isoldaís mother found out, because you need someone like him to push the relationship out into the public, and show Isolda that it isnít something to be ashamed of, but proud of rather.

Bahahaha, her mother really does make me laugh with the way she assumed Isolda was pregnant! I guess that is a natural assumption because why else would they have been so secretive, but it must have made it very awkward for Isolda. It was also pretty funny to see how much her mother berated her about keeping it a secret, as she needs these people to make her more confident and proud of herself.

Aw, I really loved this! It was so funny and so sweet and so perfect! ♥

-Kiana

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Review #8, by patronus_charmDo Not Argue With An Idiot: Chapter One

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey there! ♥

I really liked this one-shot, as I, and I think other people do this too, often forget that Lily and Sirius actually have a lot more common than you realise so it was good that you explored it here and reminded people that it wasnít the case. In a way, it was nice that they could bond over their awkward family lives as it probably made it a bit more bearable for them to see they werenít on their own with the awkward family and they could make a friend out of it.

I loved how you included the elements of humour into this story as they blended so well with the more serious aspects of it neither took away from the other if that makes sense. Some of my favourite parts were seeing Lilyís more rebellious side as she does need to lighten up now and then, and them imagining Petunia and Regulus getting together. Again, those two have quite a few similarities too, so I almost want this ship to happen just so I can see the craziness of it all.

Omg, McGonagall and Dumbledore have to have a prank war and you have to write about it, as that sounds too good to be true, especially if the pranks feature Queen. :P

A fab story! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: What a lovely review, Thank You xx

I do think people forget that Sirius and Lily have this in common, and it seemed like a fun idea to try and explore it. I think they would understand each other and even support each other.

One of the things I love about the Marauders is the idea that there is the potential to mix drama and humour; and I also don't think Lily was the straight laced good girl she is often portrayed to be. after all she did marry James Potter so she'd have to have a sense of humour!!

It is almost worth shipping Regulus/Petunia wouldn't it, just to see.


I totally believe they would have a prank war- (McGonagall would totally transform into a cat just to annoy her colleagues) hahaha I may have to try and write that.


Thank you so much again


Soph xxx


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Review #9, by patronus_charmArtemis: 1978

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey there! ♥

Oooh, you wrote the Marauders so well and made sure their banter was on point with fab lines like this Ė ĎNot to mention heís so whipped heís not even allowed to look in Snivellyís directioní. Iím not quite sure why the idea that James is whipped by Lily is so funny as it seems natural that he would, but it really cracked me up. Maybe it was just the way James said it? I donít know, but you really should win some award for writing them as you really got all their mannerisms perfectly.

OMG ARTEMIS IS SO COOL. I WANT TO MEET HER AND HANG WITH HER AND BE HER FRIEND. Seriously, I didnít think it would be possibly for a fictional character to be so cool but she most definitely is. The way she can put down Peter just like that, her name is super awesome and sheís BFFs with Remus. Yep, sheís officially fabulous.

Omg, it gets even better! James reasons for Sirius not dating Artemis were hilarious, I mean, I know he tranforms into a deer but I didnít realise he would have such a strong emotional connection with them, and Remus as the grammar Nazi. That is just too fab for this words. This story is seriously making me laugh way too much. :P

I need moar! I need to find out what happens between the two of them! Please update soon as this was wonderful! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana!

Thank you for this absolutely wonderful review!

Lo ♥


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Review #10, by patronus_charmTwisting In The Wind: Free

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey again Kaitlin! ♥

I really, really loved the ambiguity of this because at first I had no clue who was narrating this. It almost felt a little too normal to be Luna, so I was quite close to thinking it was actually Neville but it was only later on when the desire to travel and be free became apparent that I knew it had to be Luna. I just thought the ambiguity was great because it made them more equal in the break-up, like it could have been either of them who had decided to end it which matched both their personalities too.

It was such a Luna style break-up, wanting to be free, to see the world and to final see Crumple Horned Snorkackís that it almost couldnít be painful too, as she was just so obscure she needed some other out there person to be with too. What I liked a lot was how it almost felt like they had needed each other deeply in that period of time, but now they had moved onto it, they would find the partner they truly needed if that made sense, so Luna wasnít only cutting herself free but Neville too.

The description and writing in this was really lovely too, as it really did feel like it was Luna was narrating this by the end as it matched her personality so well. (if that even makes sense?)

Another great story!

-Kiana

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Review #11, by patronus_charmBurning Bridges: Boom

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey Kaitlin! ♥

Iím so glad that you wrote about Seamus for this challenge as he really does fit the idea of an unsung hero so well as he is brave, he is courageous, but you forget that a lot because of the way he treated Harry in the fifth book, so Iím glad that you recognised him here. I thought you wrote the drama of the battle really well, and it kept me on the edge throughout as you could really sense that if Seamus did wrong move, he would be dead and that could help the Death Eaters get to Harry. Iím not quite sure how you made that message so clear in so few words, but you did so well done for that. What I really liked about this was Seamus was almost unassuming in his attacks too, they werenít major ones, they werenít going to have a direct impact right away but they would help and that was his little contribution to the war and you really demonstrated that well.

Great challenge entry and Iíll be excited to see where you come in it! :D

-Kiana

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Review #12, by patronus_charmEnduring: Enduring

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey there Lauren! ♥

Oooh I loved the beginning bit, even if it must have been horrible for James with it all being a blur, as you caught the dream-like, post-deep sleep feel really well. So well, I thought James was already dead and this was the afterlife and you had me panicking for a moment but thank God we hadnít already skipped to that. :P It was cute how memories of Lily and their date was the thing which pulled him through and gave him an anchor though, as it does show how deep their love for one another was.

Aw, he saved Lily and took the curse for himself! Now that is the sort of relationship goal I want to aim for. :P I liked how you explored the guilt complex idea with both of them and how Lily felt so bad she couldnít do anything and made James end up in that state, because James is probably still feeling guilty about not doing enough for her even though he wound up in hospital.

I really liked the ending! ♥ It was just so sweet and light-hearted and needed after the darkness and sort of shows how love and hope can always power through which is a nice idea.

Great one-shot!

-Kiana

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Review #13, by patronus_charmJigsaw: Piece #12

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey Sian! ♥ This is a HC review so will be rambling and confusing, so I hope thatís okay!

Ah, so much drama and tension in the first section, I canít stand it! I need to know who these people are and more detail about them just generally, because youíve kept the suspense going for so long now, I think itís almost painful that I donít know more. :P

Oh, Jane *hugs her tightly* That really is a sorry state to be in, and your description was just spot on as I could picture it so well that it made it even worse to read. Being evicted, losing her job and then thinking Roxy would be too busy to care. Roxyís just one of those lovey people whose heart will always be open to love and care no matter what. I think my heart broke even more when we heard about her family because having to live with them would have just made it a whole lot worse. It was so sweet how easily they started living together though, as they just seemed to get along so well.

Whooo, go Roxy you are fab and I knew you would solve it! (also quickly, go me as I thought they were linked). It is getting ex citing and I guess Iíll deal with the suspense a bit longer as there really are a lot of twists and turns and I have no clue how this will end up which is kind of exciting. It is a very good crime though, having none of them linked as it naturally does make it so much harder to track.

Hmm, the phone call from Richard was very interesting as it does seem to add weight that they are linked. Poor Richard though, he seemed so lost and so scared, I donít think itís him. Though given all the twists in the story, it will probably end up being him. :P

A fab chapter, and I canít wait for more! ♥

-Kiana

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Review #14, by patronus_charmGame On: Volume II: 52-Card Exploding Snap Pick-Up - UnluckyStar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey Mallory!

I loved Peeves so much and you managed to write him so well as he was just so in character with the way he teased Hermione and his speech, it was just really glad and Iím not quite sure how you managed to pull him off so well. Hermione was really well written too with the way she wasnít scared to use the Bloody Baron against him and how she felt hurt about Ron and Lavender as that must have been painful.

The questions Hermione asked about the game were so Hermione like it really did make me life as sheís just so sensible itís almost funny. Iím actually quite surprised she agreed to play as it seemed like she was about to call the Baron but it was nice to see her loosen up a bit as she really does need to. But bahahaha having the smarter move and using Accio to get them all together as that ruined Peeves mean move against her, so go Hermione!

Another fab story! ♥

-Kiana

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Review #15, by patronus_charmGame On: Volume II: The Game of Persuasion - UnluckyStar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey again Mallory!

Hahaha, this was another fabulous story from you Mallory and you really are an amazing writer! Madam Hooch was simply fantastic and this story just fitted in with her character so well as I can really imagine her not being pleased with the Wotter games because the only serious game in her mind was Quidditch as that had properly structured rules and teams. I loved how she had so much indignation that she had to write to Teddy and complain, and bless him again as he was just trying to do his best.

Yay for making the Wotter games something serious because by doing that they really could become so serious, global thing and make the Wotters even more famous. The Quidditch match was hilarious though as I can imagine all the players committing a crazy amount of fouls and doing all sorts of stupid things just to win. I loved the name Peasley too as Iíve never seen that before but I think might prefer it to Wotter as it has more of a ring to it. As I said before, you need to extend this because seeing the full blown match of this would be fab.

Another great story! ♥

-Kiana

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Review #16, by patronus_charmGame On: Volume II: The Beginning of the Godric Godesses - InkStainedFingers - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey there!

I actually loved this story so much as it was so fab and about battling gender inequality in sport and supporting feminism so whoo! First of all, the idea of childrenís Quidditch teams was adorable and I can just imagine how cute all the matches were and the name for it was really funny too. I agree with Ginny though that if there are just guys on it, the girls need something to do because down with sexism in sport!

It was sweet to see how supportive Harry was though and how he told her to go about doing it because we did need some rationality in amongst Ginnyís enthusiasm to change the face of gender in Quidditch. It was cool how they were all going to get involved with it, with Ginny leading it, Alicia hopefully designing the robes and Lily being part of it as it really made me think it would be a success. The name for it was wonderful too and I loved how they bit the Godric Giants as it showed how with a little girl power, girls can be just as good as guys, if not better!

This was fab! ♥

-Kiana

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Review #17, by patronus_charmGame On: Volume II: Truth or Dare - Frankie05 - Gryffindor

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey there!

Hahaha, this is such a Marauders game! I mean, it just feels like it was made for them as they really are the ultimate pranksters, though James has definitely upped the stakes of it from the Muggle version of the game with introducing Veritaserum Potion which I guess is a good thing as it means everyone really does tell the truth but it could make it slightly more awkward.

I loved how you included lots of Marauder era characters as it made it a lot more fun to read as we could see all the little backstories to them. The moment with Frank and Alice was seriously adorable though with the way they admitted they loved each other as it made me realise why these two are just the cutest. Sirius was great to with the way people had to do dares on him and how he did them himself as heís such a funny guy it made the story even more hilarious.

Aw, the bit with James and Lily was so cute! Obviously Sirius with his massive ego would think she would kiss him which was kind of funny but it was sweet to see that they were pulled together through this game as I had never seen them get together like this before.

A great story! ♥

-Kiana

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Review #18, by patronus_charmGame On: Volume II: Gobstones (Reprise) - Unluckystar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey Mallory!

I really loved how you developed the Wotter Olympics into this really complex and big thing as it makes it so much fun to read about with all the different characters getting involved in all the different sports. I mean, if people are selling unlicensed merchandise it really is a big thing and Iím thinking they should sell the television rights to Muggle TV as it could be a really big thing.

Hugo was fab with his angry reactions! ♥ Iím not sure why but they really made me laugh, but I can understand why Lorcan had retired (also, yes for story merging as I remember the whole thing with Cassiopeia!). But whoo for coming out with retirement as someone with that level of skill really needs to show it off and support the Wotter Olympics. What, no, Lorcan, how could you forget the rules? Whatís happened to you? You used to be amazing and now he was being beaten by someone called Lilac (sorry the name is too silly for her to be taken seriously). I seriously hope he manages to make a comeback otherwise that would be a great waste of talent.

Another fab story! ♥

-Kiana

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Review #19, by patronus_charmGame On: Volume II: An Enchanted Tea - Unluckystar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey Mallory!

Yayayay more Wotter Olympics! Aw, Teddy is so sweet with the way he considers everyone when planning the Wotter Olympics, he seriously sounds like the nicest person with the way he considered Lucy however annoying she was as that was really sweet. Whoo for George as I love how seriously he takes the Wotter Olympics and questions whether this sort of game should be allowed or not as it just fits in so well with his character.

Wah, I loved the idea of the game and as Iím such a girly girl I would probably take part too. Hahah, Lucy did make me crack up during the game with the way she got so into the dressing up and how she demanded the correct title was used for her as she really is a primadonna in the making but I guess Percy was kind of one too so it does make sense. Whaaat? Rita Skeeter? Okay, though when I think about it, it does sound like the kind of thing she would get into. Poor Teddy though, having his reputation ruined by the game when he was just trying to make everyone happy.

A fab story! ♥

-Kiana

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Review #20, by patronus_charmGame On: Volume II: Wizardís Chess - Unluckystar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey Mallory!

Hahaha, I absolutely loved this story as it was just so hilarious and original and I want an extended version of it now as I need more Rose! I think the characterisation of her here is possibly my favourite as scary, uber competitive Rose was just hilarious. I really loved the opening paragraph when you described all the devious things she had gotten up to as it made you realise how this girl really had no conscience and the sole thing she wanted to do was win. (though I really need to know if she ended up ruling the castle)

I also loved the idea of Wotter Olympics as it sounds like so much fun and that needs further expansion too. Poor old Teddy, bless him, trying to organise something fun for the Wotter clan and it was just supposed to be a bit of light-hearted fun but of course with Rose it could never be like that. I think it was made even worse by how at the end of the game, Rose would hate him and hex him either way as thatís not a fun place to be in. Iím almost glad it ended before we could see her reaction as I dread to think what it was.

This was a great story! ♥

-Kiana

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Review #21, by patronus_charmGame On: Volume II: Matchday 3 - TidalDragon - Gryffindor

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey Kevin!

Hahaha, I could definitely tell you were a sports fan from reading this as you really did go into detail with all the manoeuvres people did and you really captured the tension of the game. I never really think about Quidditch managers when I think of Quidditch teams, but Iím really glad you explored it here as it was cool viewpoint to read as Prasad was probably as invested in the game as the players but you could sense his frustration about his inability to do things too which added a new element to the game.

Bahaha, I loved how angry he got about the foul and how it went unrecognised as it reminded me of many football matches Iíve watched and how obvious fouls are just ignored by the ref. The poor Canons though! I felt rather sorry for them with the way Prasad obviously viewed them as lowly competition but I guess thatís natural as the opposing team.

I really enjoyed this story as it was a lot of fun to read! :D

-Kiana

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Review #22, by patronus_charmPain Makes You Beautiful: Rated Mature for themes and content.

29th June 2015:
Hey there Pix! Iím sorry itís taken so long to get here, there were a lot more entries than I anticipated but thanks for entering my challenge as I know youíre not the greatest fan of angst! ♥

Wow, I really loved this! It was one of the most unique stories Iíve ever come across in terms of style and it really paid off. Iím not even sure what to describe the style as it felt like a continuous stream of thought but Sirius managed to articulate the action well it felt quite different to that. I felt like this was really him speaking from the thoughts, the feeling and the observations he made so it did feel really authentic which I loved.

Personally, I viewed this story as a web of relationships. There was James and Sirius which I found interesting because they seemed a lot more distant in this story and it felt as if Sirius was almost disdainful of James at times and the way in which he threw money around. Thatís not to say it didnít feel like they werenít best friends, as it certainly did, but this more neutral balance of Sirius seeing James as someone with positives and negatives felt a lot more natural.

Marlene was interesting too as I was never completely sure what their endgame was. There were obvious differences in character which inevitably resulted in friction, but it felt like there was something else there too despite Sirius loving Remus. Perhaps it was the bond over that? Perhaps a sign that they wanted to be together as they did make great friends even if not a great couple? Iím not sure, but I found them really intriguing too.

Peter, again, was interesting too. I didnít find myself hating him strangely enough because I think Sirius was sometimes too wrapped up in himself to even notice Peter but I did enjoy it when they interacted. There were the lingering bits of suspicion throughout with Peter running off and disappearing, but not enough to spark concern. Then towards the end, poor Sirius, falling for Peterís trap, he just seemed to confused and lost to even get angry with him.

Finally, Sirius and Remus which is the one I enjoyed the most as it wasnít a typical Wolfstar story to say the least. I really liked the idea of Sirius holding this unrequited love for Remus as it felt very him and you could just sense how pure and strong this love for Remus was because every time Sirius saw him, there were all these feels. In a weird way, Iím glad that Remus turned Sirius down because even though it was incredibly sad as they both seemed to kind of want it, it felt much more fitting of Remusí character and reminded me of him and Tonks a little. The ending was so sad as that must have truly crushed him, possibly even more than Lily and James dying and Peter running away because all of that could have been bearable if Remus had stayed but sadly he couldnít.

This was a truly fantastic story and Iím so glad this challenge encouraged you to try out angst as you really are good at it! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response:

Hello!

Sorry it has taken so long to respond to this lovely review, and thanks for hosting the challenge, because I don't think I ever would have written this if I hadn't entered.

I'm still not a fan of writing angst. It's difficult to separate the wordy, flowery prose of melodrama from the raw, emotional pain of hurt. I just didn't see Sirius as someone who would over-romanticize his position in life, and I knew that if I put him in a difficult enough situation, he'd implode with all kinds of angst. I was extremely uncomfortable with the swearing all over the place, but I wanted it to feel real, and it just didn't if I started censoring him, so I just let Sirius be the Sirius inside my head, and he went for it. I'm glad the authenticity came through. I wanted this to really sound like him.

Thanks for noticing the different relationships that I put in here. I wanted to show Sirius well-rounded with everyone that meant something in his life. He really did love his friends, but sometimes you know, when someone helps you out, you're grateful, but there's still this small part of you that doesn't want to admit that you needed them. That seemed to come through for you about James.

Marlene's character gave Sirius a taste of intimacy that he ultimately wanted with Remus, but couldn't have. But just as Marlene didn't want half of Sirius because it was unfair to her, Remus wouldn't settle for giving half of himself to Sirius because it was unfair to Sirius. Both reasons are valid, and hurt Sirius in the same way. The rejection at the end was something that Sirius knew was coming, he blamed himself, and then questioned everything. That's sort of how I define angst: the situation where you just wallow in the bad and can't find your way out.

So there it is. I'm so glad you appreciated what I did with this. Thanks again for giving me the chance to challenge myself as a writer. This was by far not an easy thing to write.

Pix


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Review #23, by patronus_charmGrey.: Grey

29th June 2015:
Hey there! Apologies for taking so long to get here, there were a lot more entries than I anticipated! ♥

You really painted Draco in a sorry way at the beginning of this and I felt so sorry for him. He was always such a proud and vain person it somehow even made it worse that he ended up turning to alcohol and despair and that he couldnít find another way out because he was so unrecognisable from his former self. I thought your description regarding him was really great though as I really felt his pain and despair in a vivid way.

I also liked how you explored the different impact the war had on each person. I have to say, I still couldnít bring myself to feel sorry for Lucius being in St. Mungoís and not quite there as he was always too slimy for my liking but itís sad that Draco thought he could never live up to his expectations. I also liked how you showed how he was affected by other peopleís deaths and highlighted that not all Slytherins are evil and some fought bravely in the battle too as that was a nice touch.

Astoria and Dracoís love story wasnít what I expected at all but I really loved it as they really were a couple in despair, especially from that letter with her being with Blaise. Poor Draco though, being confused about the true meaning of love by Pansy. I never really thought much about their relationship but I guess it naturally did warp his view of love as they were kind of strange.

Aw, the ending :( That was sad to see because that one line from Astoria really stuck with Draco so much but I guess just have a feeling that heís never ever going to recover as he seems down-trodden and lost in the world. This was a really great story and thanks for entering into the challenge!

-Kiana

Author's Response: HEllO!!!

I'm glad that your challenge was such a success! :3

I like the idea of making Draco Malfoy face the horror of being himself. This miserable version of him was fun to write and it's such a nice contrast from the polished, snide monster that we all knew from the HP books. Also, he's a lot different than he was in my story, "A Force of Wills", which made writing him this way all the more delicious. >:)

I feel like the War affected a lot of different people in various ways. I know that some writers like to focus on main characters but I always wondered about the minor ones they came in contact with. Draco had never even liked Fred but he remembers being saved by him, so that was something that I wanted to stress. War isn't pretty and life is precious. I also didn't want to show that all Slytherins were horrible, I just could never get over that in the book and the movie portrayal of them made me cringe.

Okay, Astoria and Draco never had a romantic relationship. Hahaha. These are the same characters from A Force of Wills and they LOATHED one another but there is a certain type of affection in Astoria's letter that could make you think that they were close.

Pansy loves Draco but I can't say the same for him. It makes me sad but I wasn't going to try and brush over the fact that he felt incapable of loving someone.

Thank you so much for the review and I hope you do another challenge soon!

I had fun!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #24, by patronus_charmLove. Lies. Monopoly.: The Party Upstairs

28th June 2015:
Hey there!

Hahaha, omg Scorpius was so brilliant in the first section with being all seductive (or trying to be might be the better term) with taking this party upstairs. It was kind of cute how in love Scorpius was as I so rarely see him as this soppy in love guy, but I really liked it here (even if it did make me crack up a lot).

Seriously, why are they fighting over the thimble? That was like the worst piece in Monopoly, they should be fighting over the dog as that was where itís at. Seriously though, I loved it as it was such a funny thing to fall out over and if thatís the only thing they argue about then they have a successful relationship I would say.

Aw, young love, comparing your boyfriend to an old man was so touching and romantic I couldnít believe how kind Scorpius was! I really want their monopoly set there as it sounds like a lot more fun than the London and Europe ones I have as it would be so cool to play with. I just hope that their relationship can withstand the intense rivalry of the game!

Fab chapter! ♥

-Kiana

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Review #25, by patronus_charmNoble: Noble

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Back yet again! ♥

Okay this was truly terrifying with how you managed to capture Morfinís character perfectly. I mean, I could just feel how horrible he was and even fellow Slytherins who could have admired him felt that too. It felt like he was wrapped up in this self-delusional bubble where the only thing that mattered was his birthrite and he did everything he could to show he was Slytherinís true heir no matter how disturbing it was. That was really shown in the Hogwarts section and how even the Sorting Hat was scared of him.

To me, it felt like the cottage was living off of Morfin and Marvoloís evilness and that its run-down state was because of them and not due to lack of up-keep. I felt so sorry for Merope because Morfin really viewed her as a sub-par creature which isnít too surprising as I always got the feeling him and his father were a bunch of misogynists. Anyhow, I really liked how you used Merope to show contrasting forms of love because even though Meropeís love was very similar to lust which isnít too healthy either at least it was romantic love rather than violent love.

Your writing overall in this was truly beautiful and scary as you really caught the horror of Mofinís fantasies, the evilness of the snakes and just how horrible their lives were. I felt like I should have been sad when Morfin and Marvolo died but you just showed how twisted and evil they were so I really couldnít muster any sympathy at all.

Again, apologies for the rambling review but I really loved this! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey Kiana! :D

Thank you for all the awesome reviews - how sweet are you?! ♥

I'm so glad you thought this was terrifying as funny as that sounds. :P Morfin was so fun to write because of how creepy and odd he is. You're right, all he cares about is himself and his place in the world and it really detaches him from the real world in a perverse but also sad way.

I love your reading of the cottage, that's for sure how I see it! The Gaunts are so fascinating and it's almost too bad we didn't learn even more about them in the HP books although I guess there isn't that much to know since they were so static in their lives.

Thank you so much for all your kind words! I really appreciate your comments on the story and especially the writing style. You're awesome! :D


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