Ahhh, the phone... I kinda get the feeling that the next chapter will have a huge anti climax... because of the whole phone ringing... you know? Maybe that's just me.
I loved this chapter, love Lily and her friends, I think their little story is so creative and well put it. But the mention of Al... we haven't really seen much of him in a while, or Freddie really? Just wondering if either of them will turn up soon?
Okay well there's not really much else to say, I'm pretty sure you know by now that I'm in love with this story, James is just the cutest person in the world. And everything is so believable, i'm so jealous of how well you write.
Well done and I can't wait to read the next chapter :)
~Char Report Review
Hello, it's me again :) I've returned to tell you you're amazing. I loved this chapter (I mean I love pretty much every chapter you write but still). The school dance thing was nice, Cato as eye candy, I can totally imagine that. It was so cute.
And oh my days the dragon pox??? What is this??? are you trying to kill everyone or something? I was looking forward to that happy ending but you are slowly making that seem less and less likely!
It was also good to see the reappearance of Leggy Allegra, I was actually wondering the other day if she'd turn up again. You write her really well!
Ok well that's all from me, except that you write amazingly and I can't wait to read the next chapter!
Happy Writing :)
~CharAuthor's Response: Glad you liked the school dance inclusion. It didn't necessarily serve a particular purpose, but I wanted to write it in anyway. Besides, it gives James and Lily some time together :)
Dragon pox is most definitely not my way of killing off all hopes of a happy ending! Au contraire ;) Allegra is actually one of my favourite characters, I have a sequel planned for this and she has a larger role in that. I'm really glad you like her. :) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
YAAAY! They won! I'm so hapy I can't even think straight. It's all good and happy-ever-after-ish... there is going to be a happy ever after right? Because if there isn't I'm going to cry and that won't be very good for anyone right...
Ok well as usual, I don't even know why I bother saying this time after time, but your writing is amazing and inspiring and I honestly wish I was as good as you. You make it sound believable, like it's really real. It's just so good. And you seem to think it out so well, like the whole match - it was very sweet that Della got captain, very believable too, - it flowed and it made sense and it was really good.
And your characters are just so loveable and amazing, and Carla, I am sososo happy that she and James are together, it makes me smile.
Anyway that's all from me, well done for your incredible writing and update soon.
~CharAuthor's Response: I couldn't possibly whether there will be a happy ever after or not ... but I can say there's another eighteen or so chapters to go before any sort of ending, so we've got a bit more to go yet! I'm also planning a sequel, so if there is a happy ending it may be short-lived ;)
Della getting the captaincy was snuck in for the opportunity it provided Ryan to be a total babe. But it also let me expand on her character a bit (as well as making things more dramatic, of course) so on the whole I'm glad you liked that bit. The match was a nightmare to write, but I'm pleased with how it turned out in the end. I'm really glad you're enjoying this fic, thanks so much for your lovely review! Next chapter is in the queue :) Report Review
So as usual, this chapter was brilliant. I love this story so much! I'm so happy Carlotta's back, better be for good this time otherwise I'm going to break down in tears and explode.
Whatt I really loved about this chapter was all the Quidditch talk about tactics, it obviously takes some serious skill to understand a game like that. I think it's amazing how believable you make it, and I've tried to write about it that way but I'm just useless with sport and even Quidditch is beyond me, so yeah, I'm clearly very impressed.
I can't wait to read more of this story, everytime I am on this website this is honestly the first fic I look for for an update. I love your characters (still waiting to see Lily again, and come to think of it, Brigid and Freddie)) and I love the plot, it's just amazing. Well done again! Happy Writing,
~CharAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked the Quidditchy stuff, it's really nice to know that people like that aspect of things! This wasn't planned; I knew they were going to have a bit of a chat about what to do, but I didn't actually know what match tactics they were going to go for until I wrote this chapter, and it all came out of nowhere! I think I give this sport too MUCH thought sometimes, haha.
I'm doing NaNo at the moment so there should be a few updates to come, but I've also got exams coming up so I can't promise too much! Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
Hiya, so I love this story (I've read it before but forgotten some of it some I'm re-reading... I was just wondering why there are random words like Banana and Bunny Rabbit and Eyebrow in sentances that they dont fit in? Is it just me that's noticed these things?Author's Response: Aha, this was a result of the April Fool's day prank! I love the staff on this site. Check the forums to see more of the word replacements ;) Report Review
Wow. As usual just complete wow. I love this story so much. I love how believable and fun it is but at the same time it's sad and I just really want Carlotta to get back with James. They both seemes so happy together and so cute!
Bringing Ingrid back into the story was good and I really liked the perspective of Mark even though he told James not to be with Carlotta it was still good to be introduced to him.
But you know who I miss. Lily. I miss Lily. I think we need another Lily moment. I just think she's so cool and even though she's a squib she's so amazing. So yeah, please can we see more of Lily (I said please!)
Also I like the fact that James and Harry are on speaking terms, that's good. It's nice to see things improving for James. Next step; GET CARLOTTA :)
Okay well, you wrote amazingly, as usual. Please please please update soon :)
~CharAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked Ingrid's reappearance; she's a personal favourite of mine so it's nice to see that other people like her! I wanted James' resolve to be tested by someone telling him what he doesn't want to hear, and additionally it will help his understanding of what Carlotta's going through.
Lily will come back soon. At the moment the main focus is on Carlotta, but once that's dealt with (and Lily's back from her roadtrip!) then we'll have more Lily, which will hopefully please you! Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
Aw poor Carla :( I feel so bad for her, I mean, I also am beginning to want to slap her very hard and tell her to just let herself love James because obviously thats the RIGHT thing to do but somehow I think slapping a character from a story isn't going to happen any time soon...
And I love James, he's so sweet, he better find a way to get Carla or I'm going to cry :'(
Anyways you write amazingly, as usual, so well done and keep up. Can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Poor Carlotta indeed! It's easy to see where she's coming from; she just doesn't want to put James in a less-than-perfect situation. But James just wants to be with her! Glad you're enjoying, thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hey, This is a review to basically summerise all the 40 chapters I've read so far: A***, 100%, 10/10!!
I would like to congratulate you, because I'm not gonna lie, this is one of the best stories I've read on HPFF, and it is most definitely my favourite; if I put all my favoutrite stories in order, yours would DEFINITELY be on top, I'm not even exaggerating. This is the best thing I've read in a long time.
You made me laugh, get angry, fall in love with all the character, you even made me cry, and thats saying something because I never cry, but reading this I was literally sobbing! That is seriously something to be proud of.
I love your characters, James especially because you write him so amazingly. I love your story line because writing well is one thing but having amazing ideas also takes a lot of skill.
I love the romances, and the friendly (and not so friendly) relationships. I love how relatable it is yet its still new and surprising (I seriously was in shock when I read Lily was a squib) and not at all cliche (but I love Carla and if James doesn't marry her I might explode...).
You have the right balance between making the story line satisfying (I mean, if James hadn't got back with the Falcons I would have been devestated) yet still realistic, and in between all the sad moments and happy moments its just a good story. I cannot wait to read more, I'm literally jumping up and down in my seat because I want to know what happens next!
So well done, I think you are amazing, you should be so proud of your work it is incredible and keep it up! Wow this is a long review but I hope you're happy reading this :)
~CharAuthor's Response: First off, don't apologise for the review length! Reading it made me very happy indeed. :) I'm really glad you're enjoying so far! I get a lot of satisfaction from people who tell me that they like James even when he's pulling his life to pieces, because it would be easy for people to start disliking him for that, and it means I'm doing something right if people still feel empathy for him. I'm also very happy that you like Carlotta because she's fairly important! As for marriage ... well. You may have to wait for that. But we'll see what happens. ;)
I was a bit hesitant about James getting back into the Falcons squad - because I DO want the story to seem as realistic as possible! In the end I tried to make it a real possibility that he might not get his spot back, and also tried as best I could to rationalise why he DOES get his spot back; I think it's fairly convincing without being fairy-tale-happy, and as you agree it clearly worked!
The next chapter should be up in the next day or so, and I hope that what's to come meets up to your expectations! Thank you very much for reviewing :) Report Review
Heya, I'm Char. So your story caught my eye and looked amazing, which the first chapter was. You write beautifully, and I'm not exaggerating, it all flowed so well, I think thats really important in a story, there was nothing disjointed about this, it was great.
Just a tip would be, be careful of clumsy typos like forgetting words or writing words twice (you wrote a part "knocking on the door on the door" just be careful of things like that.
Otherwise well done, your characters are already developing brilliantly and its really well written.
Well done and Happy Writing.
~CharAuthor's Response: Hi Char,
Thank you, that really means a lot. I get worried that i write like i think in my head, which is completely disjointed but i'm glad it's not coming across like that!
Ah, i'm awful when it comes to spotting typos, i read over it so much that i just tend to scan over it in the end and miss them all but i will definitely try and catch them all before i publish!
Again, thank you so much. I really appreciate the review and the tips. I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far.
-Vicki. Report Review
So firstly I'd like to say thank you for reviewing the chapters of my story. It really means a lot (and I'm sorry the next few won't be as regular as the first, i've got exams at the moment and i'm sososo busy.)
Anyways I'm glad the names helped, I know they were random but I really liked them and thought you might.
Just some (hopefully) helpful critisism; I think you need to explain who each character is, for example "Astrid, my older sister," or however it goes.
Also if a child got kidnapped by Voldy I think the mum would be a little more stressed out, maybe you could have Fawn woken up in the middle of the night being called home by Dumbledore, rather than just an Owl Message? I don't know.
Otherwise it's great, well done, you should be proud. Keep up the good work and Happy Writing.
~CharAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing!! I will keep that in mind.
Lyss xxoo Report Review
So I would like to start off by saying this was a good start to a story; the opening chapter is always important and you wrote it really well so well done.
I haven't read many of the pregnant-at-Hogwarts storys but your beginning is great so I'm sure it will make a great story; your characters are great and you have room to make them even better, and your descriptions too! So well done for that.
Just one tip would be to keep an eye on grammer (I notice because I know my grammer often goes weird) so if you want to improve on that you could reread chapters you've written or use spelling/grammer check.
Other than that well done and continue doing this good.
~Char Report Review
Hey, It's me reviewing again; I'm sure you don't mind. I really liked this chapter, it was pretty good and easy to follow.
Just a few tips is watch out for capital letters at the beginning of a name and if it was just a silly mistake (there was one or to in this passage) then don't worry but reading through your work after you'd probably notice silly things like that (I write so many stupid mistakes so I'm used to it but if you wanted to improve that would be a great way!) Also at one point it says "her pen fell out of her pen" ?? I think you mean to say "her pen fell out of her hand" it's probably just a silly typo but thought I'd point it out in case you didn't notice :)
Anyways well done, this is really great so that's fantastic.
~CharAuthor's Response: Hey Char,
Of course I don't mind, I'm really thankful! And I didn't notice those typos, but I'm glad you did lol. I'm going to go back and fix those asap. You are such a great reviewer and I'm glad you like the story so far. Report Review
heya, so your story caught my eye and I thought I should read it, which was a good idea because it's a really good start to a story, honestly I really enjoyed it; the beginning chapter is a good introduction and I'm sure it will get even better over time.
Just a few tips; firstly maybe you need to explain Al and Charlottes relationship a little more obviously because I was a little confused to begin with... at first I thought they were cousins because Albus also called the granny, granny... I get that they're friends now but you need to make it a little clearer I think. Also I think the girl would be a little more severely hurt if a car hit her, so if you want to make it a little more realistic maybe you could say she swerved and hit a tree? I don't know it's up to you; you could leave it if you want.
Anyways other than that I think this is a great story so keep it up and Happy Writing.
~CharAuthor's Response: Hey there!
Thank you so much for this really helpful review. I think I will go back and explain that Granny is just that type of person where everybody thinks of her as their own grandma. Even Ginny calls her Granny. Also, when she hits the car it was parked so that's why she didn't have any serious injuries. Maybe i'll go back and make that more clear. I'm really glad you decided to click on my story and I'd love to hear what you think about the other chapters!
Avis12 Report Review
Hey Lyss, it's me again, so firstly I would like to say you're doing really well on this story; there are still some grammar issues but it's got better, just remember to use a capital for names (especially chapter 3) and keep an eye on spellings (maybe use spell check?) Also it might be a good idea to use more discription; you could tell the story of how Allen was saved in a whole chapter. Sorry if I sound really critical I just want to help because I think this story is good!
As for names here are a few;
Girls: Astrid, Aleta, Danica, Fawn, Celeste, Echo
Boys: Alfie, Lazarus, Pedro, Jayden, Kai, Andre
I know they are really random but there you go, just some ideas, you don't have to use them.
Lastly I hope you manage to get a banner sorted out, you do need a login at TDA but it's not difficult to get one and it's really quick!
~CharAuthor's Response: Heyy Char,
thanks for the critizisum fori probably needed it..badly.
I thank you so much for the names and will try to use as many as i can. Good to see that you are reading this story!
Lyss xxoo Report Review
So first off I'd like to say I really like the beginning of your story, it's quirky and funny and the main character is just hilerious, so you're doing amazingly already. Secondly I'd like to mention that this story has Albus Potter as a main character so is automatically favourited :) Ok but seriously your story is really good, I love the first c hapter, and it makes me laugh which is always a good thing. I also don't notice any errors and I like your style of writing, so well done. Keep writing this well.
~Char Report Review
So as i said I would I've read your first chapter (will continue reading just now). It's pretty good, you have a few spelling problems (McGonagall not Mcgonagl and slightly not sleitly) so you might want to fix those. Other than that its good and will make a good story!
Also if you want a banner like you said in your story review, you should go to TDA (the dark arts) and request! Trust me, it's really simple and there are tutorials and everything!
~CharAuthor's Response: Char,
thankyou for the amazing review and i wil check out TDA but do you need a login?
hope to hear from you soon!
Lyss xxoo Report Review
OMFG SCORPIUS CAN RIDE A MOTORBIKE, how damn sexy is that??? OK before I go on a Scorpius-is-amazing rant (though he's married...) I must praise your writing; it's amazing and you deserve those Dobbies!! I'm not even kidding your ideas are so original and your writing style just makes it even better.
Also your characters are just so cool, though I am seriously begging you for another ScorRose moment, that was just to cute with the fireworks.
As for who the traitor is, I seriously can't imagine it's Roxy... I think it's either Hugo or someone completely random like Vic or... it could be Scorpius, as much as it pains me to say... it would explain why they keep getting caught by Fraternity...
Ok well anyways I'm finished now on the note that you are fantastic and seriously well done!!!
~Char x Report Review
Wow, very original idea. It gave a good balance over disliking the seven for what they did and thinking Rhys deserved it cos he's a twat... but shame... I also like that you didn't mention if he did wake up... kinda scary though. Anyways well done.
~Char Report Review
Aw nooo! Shame poor Dominique. I never really pictured her like this, y'know because I'd always thought she'd be beautiful and confident like Bill but I still think it's a really good interpretation and it makes sense because Vic I think would be pretty perfect so yeah. Well done it was really well written, the first paragraph was a tad confusing but other than that it was really good, you should be proud!
~CharAuthor's Response: Aww. You made me smile.
Aww. Yeah, I'm working on that first paragraph. But thank you for reading on.
I am proud. OMG, I'm just bursting right now. I can't believe people like my story. It's like... AHSBHGSDSGDSHFJKSBFH.
But thank you :3 Report Review
Hey, wow that was a really good beginning. I know exactly how Lena feels and it's bad. Shame, well I'm definitely continuing reading so well done for the first chapter, twas really good!
~Char x Report Review
Love Love Love... again. I really do love this story, it's so cute and fluffy!!
~CharAuthor's Response: Eek! Thanks! Sometimes that's exactly what you need after a long day. Report Review
Didn't notice any mistakes and I really like the story, it's really well written. I feel very sorry for Annie and how everyone doesn't seem to like her. I hope things get better for her soon!
~CharAuthor's Response: Thank you. xxx
Emma xx Report Review
This story was a great idea, you wrote it very well and the first chapter was very entertaining leaving lots of space to expand the plot. It was really well written with no spelling errors that I noticed. However to be completely in canon, Luna's husbands name was actually Rolf, I think you called him Rufus? If that was the way you planned it was fine though! Update soon though, I really enjoyed!
~Char Report Review
Wow... ok didn't see that one coming! I'm seriously hoping your not serious about Fred being expelled, because that would honestly turn this story into a tradgedy!!!
You can't expel Freddie, he's just too cool!
Ok anyways, I'm seriously enjoying your story, and I can't wait to read more of it. I like how its got a nice balance of cliche and not cliche, and I like how you put 'wiz' in muggle stuff to make it wizardy, I mean, Selena Gomwiz? That seriously made me laugh!!! Also I miss the James Potter we saw when Aggy spend the night in the Gryffie dorm (when Aiden was unconscious.) I loved that James! I'm quite happy that the James in this chapter was quite like that James. I'd like to see more nice James!! And more nice Agatha too!!
Anyways, great work.
~Char Report Review
I honestly love this story (and think you should update more), it makes me laugh and all that and it's really teenagery (even though thats not a word). Anyways continue writing just as well for the next however many chapters.
~CharAuthor's Response: I will totally update more! If you would just pay me to write. I dont even need that much. Just enough to pay my bills. Let's agree to what... $15k a year? Does that sound good to you? I'll be awaiting your response :) Haha, thank you so much for the review! I hope you enjoy the rest! Report Review
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