Reading Reviews From Member: HallowsAndHorcruxes
  
39 Reviews Found

Review #1, by HallowsAndHorcruxesLily Luna Potter And My Teenage Confessions: Confession 3 - Of Spilling Secrets, Annoying The Enemy And Telling My Best Mates

6th April 2013:
The plot is going along nicely at the moment keeping a good place so that it doesn't rush past anything and is helping get the importance of what has just been discovered by Lily across. You haven't rushed or hurried the details out which helps to make the storyline more interesting.

The flow overall is good though in a few places I must admit that it feels like a word has been missed out when typing. It's something that happens to me too so just make sure to read things again but slowly and you should pick them up. I also noted that in the bathroom scene when Lily says she and Rose didn't ask to get pregnant it says Rise instead of Rose.

As for characterization while they aren't how I personally would characterize Lily and Rose due to the situation they are in/ have been through I think it is fitting to your story. Though I do love the little sisterhood chemistry shown between Lily, Livi and Kayl in there little room as it helps to lighten the story a little and bring a bit of hope.

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Hey,

Thank you once again!

Whoops, I'll be more careful to check when I edit.

They pretty much are like sisters, Lily's know Kayl since she was little and Livi since first year.


-Potterfan310
Soph :)


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Review #2, by HallowsAndHorcruxesHeart to Stone: A Promise.

6th April 2013:
I must say that I really admire how you have written this story. I flow is a slower pace but as it does so it builds up the tension so we get some relief when we find out it is a tie. I also love the fact that it is a tie and not freedom or imprisonment as it gives more suspense to the story and leads the reader on to find out what will happen to him.

While this is a story I probably wouldn't have chosen to read myself I actually found that I rather liked the storyline. It is something different yet the story is still compelling to read because the atmosphere that has been created within the words. At first when I thought about Draco looking after Teddy I wasn't so sure, but after the flash back I feel more at peace with the idea and so am interested to see how you would play that, if that does come around.

But I must say how you have played Draco in this situation is marvelous and really how I would imagine his character to be after the battle of Hogwarts. I really couldn't fault it as it is what makes the situation so believable and is probably why I rather like the story even though I prefer humor. So a very good job well done!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: AH, okay! Thank you so much for this review! It really was helpful.

You pointed out a lot of things that I was worried about, and so thank you so much for your input.

And yes, I'm hoping to pick up the pace soon. So thanks for pointing that out.

Thank you so much!


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Review #3, by HallowsAndHorcruxesShe Wore Green: One Shot.

3rd April 2013:
This is a story that I couldn't fault. It was absolutely prefect! I am a big fan of your writing style as it is so beautifully detailed without losing the storyline in the process which some people might do. But you my friend have got it spot on as it is a pleasure to read your work.

Your characterization of the Marauder's is absolutely sublime and paints a prefect picture of each of there personalities in this one story. I'm especially fond of how you portray Sirius as it's a stroke of pure genius how you play him out here teasing James about liking Lily.

I also love how James is so defensive when Sirius accused him of starring at her as it just seems to fit so right and really brings the story to life. It's a shame this is just a one shot as I would have loved to read more as your such a talented writer.

Feel free to re-request me for any other of your works!

~Hallows!

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Review #4, by HallowsAndHorcruxesAgainst All Odds: Muggles and Magic

3rd April 2013:
First of all yay for the wotcha! It's just makes everything more Tonks so good on you for getting one in there!

I think her hate for Dawlish is very much deserved as Dawlish seems to be one of those guys that everybody really hates at least a little bit anyway. So with Tonks being Tonks I can defiantly see why she wouldn't like him.

The hints bewtween Tonk and Remus where lovely. Nice and light little hints to what may happen in the future to keep the reader interested. I especially liked the smiling one with Remus as you described it beautifully.

The pub scene flowed very nicely and seemed to fit in very well with the story so far as it's a good communal place to have different characters meet. So it made the second part of the chapter very enjoyable to read.

Bill. well I loved how you portrayed him as even though there isn't too much said about in in the book I still feel like it fit with his character. I also loved how he was offended that Remus claim to Harry bested his own as it just seems to make him a Weasley in that way as Ron is like that too.

Keep up the good work and feel free to re-request!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked the wotcha I agree that it does make everything more Tonksish, and I can't believe I forgot to include it in the last chapter!

I'm glad that you liked her hate for Dawlish, they just seem to be the type of people who would just clash straight away!

I'm glad that you liked the hints about Remus/Tonks, I wasn't sure if the smile was too obvious so I'm glad that you found it fit :D I try to include them every chapter, as I know the reader loves them!

I'm glad the pub scene worked, as I didn't know how to bring Remus into the story, and I thought it would be a bit weird if it was just the two of them, hence Bill was brought in.

I wasn't too sure about Bill, as like you said he doesn't feature much so I was just guessing really, but I'm glad that you liked him, and the way he got offended :P

Thanks for the great review, and I will re-request when the next chapter's up:D

-Kiana :D


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Review #5, by HallowsAndHorcruxesPost Scriptum: The Best and Brightest

3rd April 2013:
Again another beautifully written chapter that was just a pleasure for me to read. I must say that I really am enjoying your story.

First of all I love how you described Vernon with his pea lining up and taking off of shoes as I can defiantly see him being a person like that. Really suits his character. Well Done!

I thought you might wont to know that you write lamp chop which I am presuming meant lamb chop since you where describing what Lily was eating. Though that's the only grammar error I picked up!

I loved that fact that Slughorn chose to have the gathering in the trophy room as it certainly does fit with his pride as I wouldn't put something like that past him. So setting it there was a very clever idea indeed. Though having Peeve's trash it was a wonderful idea as everybody loves a good old bit of Peeve's in a story! Overall I think the atmosphere of the party was set out just right for the occasion.

As for the Lily/Regulus interaction I though how you did it was prefect. I can defiantly see them being rather polite to each other as they where because of who they are. Even though they didn't really know each other I though you played them out together well despite the two different status's.

All in all another good chapter, feel free to re-request anytime!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for stopping by!

Haha, glad you like Vernon. He and Petunia don't come up a lot, but I do like imagining what Lily would have thought of her sister's choice of a husband. I can imagine her finding his continual search for normalcy and perfection quite annoying.

Well, I didn't go back and check, but I'm pretty sure I did not mean to say 'lamp chop,' LOL. Thanks for pointing that out; I'll have to go back and edit the chapter at some point.

I'm happy to hear that you found the party interesting and enjoyed the contrast between Slughorn's efforts at propriety and Peeve's attitude of destruction. It's also good that you felt the interaction between Lily and Regulus was realistic and reflected each of their personalities. That's very reassuring for me.

Thanks for another lovely review :)

-Amanda


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Review #6, by HallowsAndHorcruxesLily Luna Potter And My Teenage Confessions: Confession 2 - Of Friends, Tests And Finding Out

30th March 2013:
A nice continuation on from the last chapter as it flowed rather nice over into it. The pace and flow of the story is is good as it doesn't rush the reader too much but allows them to go along at a nice pace so they can understand and take in everything that is going on in the plot. It's written rather well explaining what is going on and how people react to certain events which is a key thing to convey when story telling.

I love your use of a cliffhanger as it they are very good for trying to hook the audience in just so they can find out what is happening next. And they aren't always the easiest of things to fit in to a story so well done on that! Again there was a few grammar error but other than that it's looking good so far.

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Hello again :)

Thank you, I'm glad it flows okay and that you think it was written well.

I think cliffhangers are hard to put it so I was glad when I realised I could do it to the end of this chapter. Especially since cliffhangers are great and sometimes a bit evil but they want you to keep reading :D

I'll make sure to check over and edit!

Thanks again!! :)

-Potterfan310
Soph x


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Review #7, by HallowsAndHorcruxesPost Scriptum: His Other Home

30th March 2013:
Once again a very nice chapter that I really enjoyed reading. I must admit I've always been slightly found of Regulus's character and so it's nice to see him played out so beautifully in your story. Once again the characterization of him is wonderful as I can really believe that is what Regulus could have been like since there isn't overly much stated about him in the books.

Also how you portrayed the relationship between Severus and Regulus was rather clever as. It suits the kind of people that they are and so fits in well with the story. The way you have played out Severus is brilliant too as I could imagine him studying of sorts while absent minded watching Lily Evans from afar. It makes me feel a little sorry for the poor guy.

Anyway feel free to re-request any time!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Hello, and thanks for another great review!

I'm glad you are enjoying getting to know Regulus. We don't know much about him, and that's half the fun for me in using him as a main character here. Don't be afraid to point out anything you feel doesn't fit in future chapters :)

The friendship between Severus and Regulus is an important part of my head canon, so I'm happy to hear that you think it's clever. Their brotherhood, of sorts, will continue to grow. It's great that you like the way I've portrayed Severus, too, and that you feel some pity for him. I've tried to jump back and forth between that sense of sympathy and a real creepiness in the story so far, and I hope you'll get some of the other flavor in coming chapters.

Thanks again for your lovely review :)

-Amanda


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Review #8, by HallowsAndHorcruxesAgainst All Odds: The First Meeting

30th March 2013:
I must say that this is quite a interesting idea for a story as I do love the pairing of Remus and Tonks. I'm glad that you have decided to give a go at showing how they came together as the book didn't really give much information about how or when it happened. So it will be very interesting to see what you have come up with here. I can see you have some real fun with this storyline.

Your characterization of Tonks is wonderful as you can defiantly tell that it is her character. Only thing I might suggest is to through a 'Wotcha' or two in as it's kinda like her catchphrase in away. Though other than that I think your wrote her really well. The flow is rather nice with maybe a few grammar slip ups here and there but nothing too distracting. Keep up the good work!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Yes I do love that pairing too. I think that's why I decided to write it as it was just sprung on us in the books! Yes this story is proving to be rather fun!

I'm so glad that you found her in character, as that was my biggest worry, I'll try and add in some 'Wotcha', but it was rather hard to find the right place!

I'll try and find those grammar slip ups they always seem to get the better of me!

Thanks for the great review,

-Kiana :D


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Review #9, by HallowsAndHorcruxesLily Luna Potter And My Teenage Confessions: Confession 1 - Of Sickness, Boys And Shocks

29th March 2013:
I must say while pregnancy stories aren't really my thing I found that the way you handled this was rather tasteful with just enough information about what is going on without getting too deep into things. You've taken what is a sensitive topic and played out in a way that doesn't make people uncomfortable when reading which is indeed a good skill to have.

I like who you have played out the relationship between Rose and Lily as I too think they would be rather close and so I think it fits in nicely with your plot. The flow was nice and while there was a few grammar error's it was an overall good opening chapter that I didn't mind reading even though it wasn't the type of fanfiction that I usually read.

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Hello :)

I'm glad you think that the Lily/Rose closeness is just right, I did have doubts at first but decided to go with it anyway.

I'm glad you thought it was written well, thank you!!

Thank you for reading and reviewing, I'll be sure to request again :)

-Potterfan310
Soph x


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Review #10, by HallowsAndHorcruxesDragon Heart: One Shot.

28th March 2013:
This is an absolute beautiful story that I am so glad that you requested me to read it. The flow was just wonderful carrying the story at a steady pace but was enough to keep the reader from getting bored. I also like the storyline that you have used here as it is something that I personally haven't seen played out before so it was a nice refreshing little story for me to read.

Also you writing style is so magnificent and elegant that I was able to picture the two of them laid together at the base of the tree. Your description of the scene was faultless! The only thing I don't like is that there isn't any more of the story to read as I would have gladly read on had this been more than just a one shot!

Please feel free to re-request for any other stories that you write!

~Hallows!

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Review #11, by HallowsAndHorcruxesPost Scriptum: Autumn Reds

28th March 2013:
I must say this is quite the interesting chapter as it is played out beautifully. I am quite intrigued to find out just what happened between James and Lily with the polyjuice potion, so from that perspective you have me wanting to read on more. It's clever how you have just given the reader a few little things like the fact something happened and there was polyjuice potion involved as it add a nice sense of mystery to the story.

You characterization of Lily is wonderful and really does capture what we know of Lily and then has been built upon it to make her your own Lily which I think is brilliant! I also love how you have played her closer to Remus as I've always seen the two of them getting along as friends. Also the how you have played the rest of the marauders is just how I imagine they might be so a big thumbs up there.

Feel free to re-request anytime!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for another lovely review :)

I'm glad you were interested! I'm afraid the Polyjuice comment might have led you astray a bit. I wasn't alluding to an actual incident. It was just an off-hand comment about how James and Lily were interacting civilly, which surprised Celestine and Ellery after their conflict last year with Snape's Worst Memory. Sorry if that's a bit of a disappointment!

It's great to hear that you like my Lily. She's definitely near and dear to my heart and I probably put a lot of myself into her at times. I always felt like her being close to Remus was part of my head canon, so it's good that you enjoyed watching them interact. I'm pleased also that you like the Marauders, though it would have been nice to hear a little more about what specifically you enjoyed :)

Thanks again!

-Amanda


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Review #12, by HallowsAndHorcruxesThe Girl from Slytherin : Prologue

27th March 2013:
This is a exciting little prologue that you have got and it defiantly has me wanting to find out more. I am really intrigued to find out who the boy is on the floor and why they could both die. There is a fair bit of tension to this two which kept me reading and has me wanting to read more which is always a good thing for a story to do. If you don't want to read more then it's not really any good is it.

Though I like how we don't really know anything about the main character yet who view point we see the seen from as it makes me want to find out and also adds a sense of mystery to this story. But it's nice to see that you've taken it from a more spectator's angle of something we know that has happened from the books as it gives and interesting spin on what is happening at the time.

Can't wait for more!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad that you are so far intrigued by the story and its characters. The story parallels the HP books so far (at least I've been trying to do so), which has been really fun to write. It's good to hear the tension comes across, this is a very short scene but I hoped it conveyed the complicated dynamics which will unroll later in the story.

Thank you for this great review, and I'm so happy you liked the prologue!!! Its a very encouraging response to get!! :)


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Review #13, by HallowsAndHorcruxesIt's Not Love: Best Friends And All That Jazz

27th March 2013:
I think this was a nice little chapter as we finally get to see how Mikaela reacts to others her own age especially her friends. It nice to see that they aren't too openly sorry for her and such as they can do in some soppy movie as it makes them more realistic and gives there characters more solidity. They act more like I would expect teenage girls to act rather than what T.V thinks they would.

I think maybe a few times I found you might have repeated yourself a little as you'd tell us in Mikaela's head something and then you'd have her say it but that's nothing major it's just something I tend to pick up on. Though overall it was a nice little chapter and I can't wait for the next one which I am assuming will be Scrop's party or at least I hope it is!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: YES.
Thankyouuu :D
Em


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Review #14, by HallowsAndHorcruxesSeriously Black: Rain is a dark and terrible thing

25th March 2013:
This I must say was a wonderful chapter so you hard work has really paid off as it was interesting with the whole Sirius appearing upon the stepped but wasn't to much as to make to story too overly dramatic at the beginning. The storyline itself so far is very well written and I would defiantly like to read more of this story and find out what happens next.

I also love your characterization of James, Sirius and Mrs. Potter! The bond between the two lads if prefect and is exactly how it should be as I've been in too many marauder rp's so I have a good concept of their relationship and yours is wonderful. I also love Mrs. Potter and can really see he as James mother so she gets a big thumbs up from me.

I am defiantly interested in what will happen next so keep on writing!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Thank-you so much for the review :D
I'm glad you enjoyed reading, it means a lot you took your time to r&r.
I must say i'm suprised you didn't go "no! too dramatic!" but i'm glad you didn't, I was so worried that it was too much to just suddenly happen at the very start.
At first Mrs Potter really annoyed me and I wanted to kill her of really early (like really early) but then I started to write the James/mother relationship and now I've completely changed my mind. They're are a lot of characters that I've done that with so far actually :P
Thanks for reviewing, i'll definitely come to you next time i need a review :D

- kjp


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Review #15, by HallowsAndHorcruxesPost Scriptum: Eggs and Bacon

25th March 2013:
I must say this is an absolute brilliant chapter and story, I don't see why people wouldn't want to read it. Though maybe I love it so much as I love the marauder's era. I think this is a nice introductory chapter as while nothing too big happens it set out the timeline and the start of the story setting you up for what is to happen.

I really like who you've displayed the relationships between the different family members of the house of Black as you can really tell where the dysfunction in the family is and what caused it. I also must say that you descriptive style especially at the beginning is an absolute pleasure to read and flows ever so nicely that the chapter was over before I knew it. I would have happily read on for hours.

Keep up the good work!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Thanks, Hallows, and thanks for coming by!

That's good to hear :) I wanted to try to build the plot up slowly in this story, in response to critique I've gotten on earlier work that my pacing is a little too fast at times. So I made a point to really introduce Regulus and his characterization, and then Lily's will come up in the next chapter. Hopefully, by the time they meet and the plot really gets going, the reader feels that he or she really knows them.

It's great that the dysfunction works here, too. I stayed away from the typical portrayal of the Blacks screaming at and outright abusing one another and tried to go for more of a subtle tension between Sirius and the others, with poor Regulus caught in the middle. I'm happy the flow works well, too.

I hope you don't mind if I come back and re-request when you have an empty slot. Your feedback was really kind and helpful for this chapter, so again, thank you for the wonderful review!

-Amanda


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Review #16, by HallowsAndHorcruxesIt's Not Love: The First Official Encounter Along With Presents

25th March 2013:
Firstly I'm sorry for the delay of this review, just some complications cropped up last week that prevented me from doing so.

Anyway, this is another brilliant chapter. Though while I can't identify with Mikaela too much (nothing to worry about, just me personally) I do feel sorry for her because of the situation that she is in. And because of how you write as Mikaela I can pick up just how she is feeling about it and can understand quite clearly what she is going through which is really good for this story.

I also liked the way that you introduced the Kings into the story, though am I still anxious to find out finally see Nicolas introduce properly into the story and not just being mentioned by others. Hopefully that will come soon. Though I do like who you wrote the second half of the chapter after the meeting with the Kings as it was a nice change of pace to the first half which help balanced the chapter out nicely in my opinion.

All in all it's still going strong to keep it up!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Heyy thankyouu :D

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Review #17, by HallowsAndHorcruxesIt's Not Love: Long Walks And Oversharing Of Tales

18th March 2013:
Another great chapter with some lovely insights into both Mikaela and her mother. I love the bond that you have between them as it's more like a true mother/daughter relationship and not some all happy relationship or completely broke one they like to show on the t.v. I really enjoyed reading them talk to each other as the character interaction between the two of them was beautiful and truly showed what kind of bond they had between them.

I also adore how you had the house elf, Dora refer to herself by her name instead of I as it was who Dobby would talk and I think it helps add to her house elfiness! Yes that is now a word! The description upon entering the grounds of the manor was wonderful too as I was able to picture the flower and the surroundings that the story was in. Very well done! Can't wait till we finally met the Nicholas chap!

~ Hallows!

Author's Response: Yay!You like ittt :D
You are in for a surprise :P
Dora is amazing.
Thankyou soo muchh :D
Em


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Review #18, by HallowsAndHorcruxesDerwent Demented: Derwent Demented

18th March 2013:
This is such a unique story and I loved it. All those little corny jokes at the beginning I loved as that's just my sense of humor. This is also written really well as it isn't a hard or heavy chapter but you still learn so much about Derwent and his past! I found it to be a very clear and insightful first chapter, which is good as it always people to decided whether it would be a story that they would be interested in reading!

All points for having all you character (not including the cannons mentioned) names beginning with D! While some people may not like it, I certainly did as it gives the story a nice little quirk to it and will give people something to remember it by. Also I must say I am liking Derwent's character very much and I am hoping that he does at least find one of his family members! Can wait to read more of this story!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Hello, I'm glad you enjoyed the story and the corny jokes! Thank you so much for your kind comments, it's very encouraging :) I had a lot of fun writing this story and am happy that showed through in the writing!! Thanks so much for reviewing!!! :D

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Review #19, by HallowsAndHorcruxesIt's Not Love: A Father Who Cares And A Long Drive Into The Rain

18th March 2013:
I must say that I loved Draco's pov. I could really feel his emotions though the way that you wrote it, it was so beautiful and I want to read more from him! I hope there will be more from his point of view soon as I really enjoyed reading that part of the chapter. It really helped me understand the current situation between the two families and I'm glad that you wrote that bit in his eyes.

As for the second part first of all love the song choice, it's a brilliant song! Though I like who we get to see more of what Mikaela is like in this chapter as it helps to round her character more. While I find her likable she not a character you completely like because of the way she was brought up. While she likes muggle things she still has some pureblood/slytherin tendency's like the 'gag' when she think she sounds like a hufflepuff. It's things like that that I think makes her interesting and so applaud you for doing so.

~ Hallows!

Author's Response: Hii,
I love the fact that you enjoyed his POV. yayy! :D
Yes we all love that song. lol ;)
She is very messed up. Like really. She will run away from confrontations throughout.
Thankyouuu soo much. I can't wait to re request lol
Em


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Review #20, by HallowsAndHorcruxesNot Normal: {Chapter the Second}

14th March 2013:
I must say I loved the whole conversation with Regulus. While some people might have thought the TTYL bit night have been out of character I personally loved it as ghost should be able to pick up the modern culture too! I look forward to seeing more modern reference's from him! Also your description of Regulus did help me picture him fairly well which is good for a character not as well known in the potter universe.

I can't think of much that is wrong with this chapter, so well done there as I am really starting to like this story. I like what you've done with the plot line and am defiantly interested in finding out what Regulus thinks she will need his help with! I also love your characterization of Ginny as it really does fit with her character so big thumbs up on Ginny from me. I eagerly await your next chapter!

~Hallows

Author's Response: The conversation with Regulus was a lot of fun to write - and the TTYL thing was a whim. I thought about taking it out, but somehow it survived the first draft (that's what you get for editing at 2am)! I'm glad you liked it!

And Regulus comes back! He'll be full of surprises! And I'm pleased you like Ginny, too! I was really nervous writing her!

Thanks for the review!


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Review #21, by HallowsAndHorcruxesIt's Not Love: When It All Began

14th March 2013:
I must say this is quite an interesting chapter to read. The suspense that you where able to build up before we where told about the marriage was brilliant! I really had to force myself not to let my eyes skip ahead to find out what was going on. The flow of the story is really well paced and that's what helped to build up the tension. And being able to do that in the first chapter is really good as it make the readers want to find out more and read more chapters.

There is one technical thing I did pick up on though. Unless you've had them change this in your story the legal age limit for people to even learn to drive is 17 and so that would conflict with the fact that it seems your character intends to drive away. While she could have learnt on private land to drive she wouldn't be able to have a full license yet. Though if she is driving illegally or something ignore this, just something I picked up being a Brit who had not long ago got my own driving license.

Aside from that your all set. Your description is wonderful as I could really imagine the scene in my head. Also the characterization you have done is lovely and your main oc character is quite interesting so can't wait to find out more about her!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Haha HIII
Thankyouu!
Malfoy's don't follow muggle rules. AT ALL. That's why she got a car when she was 16. They enjoy muggle things though. Just the kids.
I'm so glad you like this!
Thankyouu
:D
Em


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Review #22, by HallowsAndHorcruxesNot Normal: {Chapter the First}

13th March 2013:
This is a story that I really enjoyed reading especially the back and forth between Ellie and Albus. I is really quite entertaining to read and defiantly up my street for humor. I am also a fan of the fact that you have it started the story off outside of Hogwarts in there homes as it gives the story a bit of a difference from other stories, something that I must say I really enjoy. It's nice to see magical people in the muggle world.

There is one tip I would give you to improve this a little which is to add about of description about what your two OC's look like as for now I'm not quite sure. I only picked up on this as I have a tendency to do it myself so maybe it's something you could slip into a later chapter? Though your description of Albus was wonderful as I was able to picture him in the scene from your character's point of view. Keep up the good work!

~Hallows!

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you enjoyed the banter between Ellie and Albus. I enjoy writing Albus, so I'm happy to hear that you liked it! And yeah, starting a story at Hogwarts didn't feel like it would work for the plot - so another yay that you thought it was a bit original!

The physical descriptions of the OCs is planned for chapter 3, I think. I couldn't find a way to fit it in here, but it should definitely happen in chapter 3! There is a bit of description about what Chris looks like in the next chapter, but I'll probably expand on that. Thanks for the tip!

And thank you for the wonderful review! I'll be heading over now to re-request!


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Review #23, by HallowsAndHorcruxesInstinctual: Prologue

13th March 2013:
In answer to your question no I didn't figure out the animagus thing, that was very well played!

Anyway I really like the plot line you have set in so far. I can tell that Guinevere was very close to her brother and I must say I was coming close to tears myself when I was reading about the funeral. You've really shown the emotions well as it is a very touching story so far. Had there been much more about her brother's funeral I'm sure I would have been sobbing onto my keyboard. Which is a good thing, trust me!

I also love how you use metaphors in your story to describe feelings and situations, like her 'breaking down' and being a black hole of grief who will suck everyone else in was a personal favourite of mine. If I'm honest I couldn't really see much wrong with it at all so I can't think of anything to improve upon at all. Others might pick things up but for me it's was prefect!

Keep on writing,

~Hallows

Author's Response: Wow, this is so sweet!

That flashback was just, almost difficult to write. It was such raw emotion. But in the end, I do like how it turned out. :)

I love metaphors. I feel like I use them a lot in real life too...

Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose


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Review #24, by HallowsAndHorcruxesMasquerade: Commencement

13th March 2013:
Well I must say I haven't read a story quite like this one before and I must say that I rather liked it. I love the back and forth dialogue you have going on as it really brings the story to life. I felt like I was there as the story was unfolding. Also the way you set up the scene's is wonderful as I was able to pictures the events happening in my mind, something that is essential to have when writing stories I think.

I must admit I got a little confused at one point since the names Rosenelle and Roseanna or very similar, though it's probably my own fault for not quite catching that in the first place. Though other than a few spelling mistakes which or only very minor I couldn't see anything really wrong with the chapter. The flow is good and the detail you have is just right. And the way you have threaded tension into the story being told is fabulous and brings the story to life.

~Hallows

Author's Response: Hey thanks for the review! Im glad you liked the story!!

Sorry that was on purpose but they have nicknames which they will be refereed to as from now on. Its going to be Ellie, Anna, and the last one who I'll not mention yet :P


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Review #25, by HallowsAndHorcruxesSo This Is How It Ends...: The Stuff of Dreams

27th June 2012:
This is a faboulous ending and I just love the metaphors that you used with the house in the dream as it just seemed right. I nice to see that after all they have been through they eventually worked it out even if it was a happy romanatic ending it still worked well to provide a refief that the end of a story can offer.

While I'm not usually one for romantic stories I found this one rather interesting so well done on that as I can at time be hard to keep my attention which you certainly did!

While it might not be a heart warming tale I found it throughly enjoyable and a good read!

Author's Response: Thank you ever so much for reviewing every chapter!! It really means a lot to me. (Though I know I did request it, you went above and beyond the call of duty!!)

Since the story was for a break-up challenge, I really didn't want to go the whole route of "let's-break-up-then-get-back-together-and-spend-the-rest-of-our-lives-together." I wanted to showcase what break-ups are often like, at least, the ones I've experienced. I do realize that not everyone is quite as distant after they break up, but it was fun to write characters who were. :)

Thank you for loving the house metaphor!! This chapter was actually based on a dream I had a while back, but of course I embellished it in the name of fanfiction!! :D

Much love for reviewing so much!! I hope your fingers aren't tired from typing!


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