ooh I liked this chapter! :D
...but I hate Scorpius. You have a thing for odd things; like inside out jumpers and toothpaste in hair as well. I love the originality of something so simple.
Anyways, WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NOW?! I knew she'd find out sooner or later but gah update soon! D:Author's Response: thank you! oh my god, yes, me and my...er...odd things. jumpers and toothpaste and tea and toast and such. (my life is so boring that these are the only things I can draw inspiration from).
in a nutshell, 'things escalate quickly'. seriously. I do not kid. sometimes I look at the outline for this fic at the notebook and I'm like wat which bit of my mind did this come from?!?!
thank you for reveiwing :D ♥ Report Review
This was actually quite funny! And not stereotypical at all, trust me. It happens all the time. I felt so..well, cool understanding all the Hindi words properly :3 (I know Urdu)
Anyways, it was nicely written! It reminded me of those novels about Indian girls, hehe. The humour was spot on as well :DAuthor's Response: Was it really? Thank you haha. And to be honest, India is just teeming with stereotypes, so it's hard not include a few. Well I'm glad you did! I must say, I did a bit too. I haven't enjoyed reading too many stories of the Patil twins, so decided to give this one a go.
Thank you so much! It means a lot! Report Review
Is it weird that I fangirl-squeal everytime there's a new chapter? I hope not, or I'll be like one of the Q.G.A.
Anyways, magic in the form of the chapter image, seriously. And the dialogue. And everything really. It was perfect. And there's a super intense plot starting! D: I can feel it, Clemence will crack.Author's Response: If the QGA has trademarked the fangirl-squeal, then we're all doomed D: or at least I am. /biggest fangirl of everything. I can fangirl a blade of grass if I felt like it.
SOOPERINTENSE. /will she or won't she?/ :0 I won't say (maybe I don't even know. /authorplottwist)
hee, thanks! :3 Report Review
Hey there! It's your fellow Gryffie from the common rooms.
I think this story has potential. It's definitely interesting to end the chapter like that, because the fact that she's Sirius' neighbour is an original twist.
However, I feel that you could really benefit from re-reading this chapter. It's the first chapter of your story, which means it needs to be something very eye-catching. It's quite a small chapter, so I think it'll be easy to correct any mistakes in it. Send me a PM if you're looking for anyone to beta this particular chapter :)
Okay, don't take this the wrong way, but I think this chapter, excluding the end, was droning on. You're also telling the reader all this stuff that doesn't transition well. For example, in one paragraph, you're talking about the girl's father, then suddenly you switch to her pets. The connection here is that she feels lonely without her father because she doesn't have many friends i.e her only friends are her pets. You've forgotten to mention the middle. You've said that she hardly sees her father and that her only friends are her pets, but you've forgotten to mention the rest which would tie the whole paragraph together.
I hope this review wasn't harsh, I really think this story has potential!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your thoughts and input. This chapter was my first serious attempt at writing a fic so yeah it has many faults and I've tried to rectify that without loosing too much of the first edit (simply for sentimental reasons)
I'll try and add a few more details to help with the flow. Thanks again. Report Review
Wow. Just wow. I loved this story and the way you wrote it really captured my attention. It's written beautifully. I really like the actress you used for Dominique as well; she fits the look of the story somehow. This piece was superb.Author's Response: Hello! Congrats for winning AC's challenge ;D I'm so pleased that you enjoyed the story, and stopped by to leave a review!! Haha, I just picked up that CI from the up for grabs to be honest, so I was just looking for anyone who might fit :)
Thank you! -LWG Report Review
I think this one-shot is filled with potential! You have a flair for writing. I thought the description was beautifully orchestrated. It was a lovely piece :)
I only had two little hiccups. Firstly, there were too many line spaces between paragraphs, and in some there were none. Also when Lily says, "You might wear that Quidditch badge and those damn smirks around like your the world's gift to mankind and have funny little comments that keep you at the centre of attention but take those away and what are you? Answer me that" , you can afford to rephrase it to something like "You might wear that Quidditch badge and those damn smirks - like you're the world's gift to mankind - and have witty comments up your sleeve that keep you in the centre of attention, but take those away, and what are you? Answer that."
Sorry for being so nitpicky, other than that, it was very nice to read! Report Review
I think this chapter may be one of my favourites in the entire story. It flowed really well.
Poor Grace, she always thinks that she's a hopeless case but now it's worse. At least she and James can finally...do something about each other. I loved the ending the most though! All in all, great chapter :)Author's Response: Hey there! I'm glad to know you liked this story because I really enjoyed writing it even though not that much happened.
Pah, well, I guess we'll see how the James and Grace thing works out in the next chapter. Anyway, thanks for the review :)
-AC Report Review
I thought this was super cute :3 It flowed really well too, you have a way with dialogue.
You should make this a short story, I'm itching for more!Author's Response: Oh dear, thank you so much! I fumble and bumble with conversation a great deal and am never quite sure of the flow, so this is very reassuring! And I definitely would like to -- it's just that I have so many one-shot ideas at the moment and a whole load of WIPs to update, so I need to prioritize my writing a bit XD Thank you so much though! Report Review
That was quite touching :') Nicely written, although there are a few teeny mistakes here and there, but I'm sure you can just go over it and find them, for instance, it's "where the brave dwell at heart".
Anyways, sorry for being so nitpicky, it's a very nice piece! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing love *hugs* yeah this need a bit of editing :) I'll get it done as soon as I'm free :) Thanks again. Report Review
Hey there! I think this story was very well thought, and written cleverly as well. You manages to integrate the prompts smoothly. Great job!
Go Gryffindor!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so pleased you liked it. :) I was nervous that the prompts would stick out, so that's reassuring to hear.
:) Report Review
I really like where you're going with this! it's written beautifully, and the romance isn't horrid ;) I can't wait for the next chapter.Author's Response: hey, thanks! the next chapter is certainly either the last or the next-to-last, so i'm not sure it will really go a whole lot more places. also, thank you! hahaha that actually means a lot because i have been worried that people are just like NOPE when they read this. i've never had a relationship of the romantic sort so this is a whole lot of guesswork and a lot of imagination as well ;)
thanks for your review!!! i hope to update soon. Report Review
Poor Summer. Her dad isn't the best dad you could wish for. I can't wait till she and James just get together.
This chapter was great btw :DAuthor's Response: poor summer indeed :( her dad really is a nasty one. they will eventually, i'm sure. or hope. whatever.
thank you! ellie :) xx Report Review
I never had an OTP, but ever since I wrote a Draco/Astoria one-shot a while back for a challenge, it's become my OTP as well.
Anyways, I adore this piece. It's so well written and so adorable and so original. Beautiful, really. Keep writing more!Author's Response: it's a pretty awesome OTP to have ;D glad you enjoyed it, thank you for reviewing! ♥ Report Review
I liked the whole 'messing around with the chronology' in this chapter. And the idea of Sirius dating other people is just...too much. He did deserve a slap though. Poor guy needs someone, but then, I don't know -Mary! I just wish that Lily and James could sort it out as well. And I love what you did with the last sentence, it finishes the chapter so well.
Brilliant chapter, really. Sorry if my review is all over the place.Author's Response: Hey there! I'm really glad that you enjoyed the chronology here. It's not going to become a regular thing, for sure, but it was nice to write and I really enjoyed it. I reckon they'll sort it out at some point soon ;) Report Review
Hi there! :) I just finished reading all the chapters of this story, and I'm not disappointed! It's really well though out and written. Congratulations on the awards this story got as well! I'm so glad to see Gwen finally has someone else she properly likes in her life. She deserves it. Poor James though. The baby thing was really unexpected. I can't wait for the next chapter :DAuthor's Response: Aww, I'm glad that you liked my story!
Thank you for reviewing and all the kind words! the next chapter is almost done so youdon't have to wait for long! Report Review
OMG THEY KISSED.
I've been waiting for that for Merlin knows how long and FINALLY. F i n a l l y.
ps you are a saint for updating so fast. But the queue is closing anyway, so don't worry about writing the chapter at top speed.Author's Response: OMG YES THEY DID :D
it has been a very long time... about six chapters, i think, since they last snogged ~ so i think you've all waited long enough :P
ahaha ~ i have a lot of free time at the moment, so it's not too bad :D and the next chapter is finished! in the queue... tomorrow :D
ellie :) xx Report Review
Hello :) It's your fellow Gryffie from the common rooms here. I really loved the way you portrayed everything in this story. The way you started off was brilliant as well. This was a wonderful piece to read!
10/10.Author's Response: Hi :)
That is fantastically ego-boosting, and I'm so happy you liked this so much! Thanks. Report Review
I absolutely adore this story, and the chapter was brilliant! Author's Response: thank you so much! ♥ Report Review
OMG BRILLIANT CHAPTER! E I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE, I'M RIPPING MY HAIR OUT IN ANTICIPATION SJKDGHGSADHGSKSAJAHSAI KEEP IT THIS AWESOME!Author's Response: awh, thank you :D i'm glad you liked it so much ~ and seriously, please don't rip your hair out :P the next chapter will be soon :D
ellie :) xx Report Review
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