Reading Reviews From Member: SiriusAura92
  
44 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SiriusAura92The Story of Two Sisters: Unite

23rd March 2015:
Wow.
Reading your three new chapts at once is kind of exhausting haha!

Firstly, I really enjoy your action scenes. Considering you said you've not done anything like that before, you do them incredibly well and the result was BRU-TAL!

The plot twist with the parents running the safe-houses was also really nicely done though I was surprised when Daphne admitted that she was the attacker.

Very well done
SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Hi again!
Glad you liked it! I do accredit some of my action writing to the plentiful and gratuitous action movies I watch.
I'm also glad you liked the safe house thing, I'm working out some details with that now and the newest chapter will hopefully be up soon!
Stefi


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Review #2, by SiriusAura92The Story of Two Sisters: Enlist

21st March 2015:
Hey!

I think you did Bella very well personally. I think she would have been able to put up a better fight against Daphne though (unless she wasn't trying too hard which does make sense).

Your descriptions already are getting better so definitely keep it up! :D

I think you could've done a lot more with Daphne being gone. Show us what she's going through (Maybe for a couple of chapters even!) and show us what Astoria would/could do at Hogwarts without her and then really hit us with a reunion.

Anywho I still really enjoyed this chapter and am still excited to see what happens next!

Keep up the great work!
SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Hello!
Thank you for the review! I'm glad you like Bellatrix! Yes, I'm 100% sure that Bellatrix could beat Daphne in a fight, but went easy to see what she could do.
I'm not spending too many chapters on this part because something is happening very soon that changes the focus entirely, so I don't want to spend too many words here.
Without giving anything away, I think it'll be something really unexpected...
Anyway, thanks for reviewing!
Stefi


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Review #3, by SiriusAura92The Story of Two Sisters: Change

17th March 2015:
Hi there!

I think you have a really strong story here.
The torture/action scenes are really effective, your take on the Greengrass' story is something I find very interesting and your writing style in general is nicely done.
I've really enjoyed what I've read so far and I definitely want to see where this goes.

What I would say is you would gain a lot from adding in some finer details (such as environments/surroundings) just to add a bit of colour to it and maybe slow it down just a bit. While you've done very well, this is just the third chapt and we've already had a pretty harsh torture scene and our main character has just attempted murder!
Slow down a tad (Just a tad!) to work on building your characters and their relationships up a bit more before chugging away again and I guarantee you, not only will your readers get more out of it, but I bet you'd probably enjoy more too! (I always love writing for the characters I've built up.)

Well done for this and I cannot wait to see how this all pans out for the Greengrass'!

Hope this helps
SiriusAura92 :)

Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you so much for your review! This is my first time doing something like this, so I really appreciate your suggestions! I think you're completely right on all fronts and will definitely work on that, maybe even editing the existing chapters. I think you're especially right on the whole setting the scene thing. I did want it to move quite quickly because I didn't want it to be too long, but I completely see where you're coming from and will definitely be taking that into account when I write more chapters.
I'm so glad you've enjoyed this little world I've created for these way too often ignored characters.
Thanks again!
Stefi


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Review #4, by SiriusAura92Assassin: Prologue

11th February 2015:
Hi there!

I'm really interested in what you'd do with this.
I also really like your writing style. It's nicely descriptive, no obvious errors, it's paced well and I find the premise really exciting.

You might want to look over some of the repetitive descriptions though. You have some really nice details (such as when you're describing Voldemort) but the number of times you say "Young boy" gets more noticeable every time and repeating yourself like that can get in the way for your readers.
And maybe we could've done with a little bit more detail into the Young woman (Such as what she looks like), but all in due time I'm sure.

Anyway, I really liked this intro and I would certainly continue reading if you continue writing (Which I hope you do!).

Well Done!
SiriusAura92 :)

Author's Response: Hey SiriusAura92!

Thank you for the comments! It's really refreshing to get another person's point of view, and I appreciate it a lot.

I'm hoping to continue this story, and am working on the first chapter but it's taking a while since I want it to be good. I'll bear in mind that repetitiveness, and try to add a little more detail but, since it was the prologue, I didn't want it to be too specific.

Thank you again for your review, I really enjoy hearing others opinions on my writing!

Thanks

charlotte elin :)


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Review #5, by SiriusAura92Fallen Redemption: Torture

2nd February 2015:
Wow again!
I don't think I've ever seen a whole chapter dedicated to torture before but, although there was a nice amount of detail throughout, I think you would've benefited a little from just a bit more detail at the beginning. Really show us what He's done to her in-between chapts.

I'm also not quite sure how I feel about Voldemort using Muggle inventions (Such as the TV) considering how much he hates them. Maybe magical creations based off of Muggle tech.

Anyway, these are just small points as I really enjoyed this chapter and am, once again, impressed by how you can grab that much attention with the final paragraph.

Well done and I look forward to the next one!

SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback! Glad you enjoyed it. I know exactly what you mean about Voldemort using muggle inventions, but I can also see him being attracted to the added power and influence they can give him. I've also been thinking about how he tends to try to lull people into a false sense of security and might be able to do that by pretending to embrace parts of the muggle world before completely taking over. Do I necessarily think he would do this? I don't know, probably not. But I decided to play with it anyway :)

Again, thank you for your constructive, thoughtful, and positive review. I'm glad I'm able to hold your attention! I'll be posting the next chapter soon!

~hermionegarner


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Review #6, by SiriusAura92Fallen Redemption: Harry

28th January 2015:
Well worth the wait!
I was a little surprised at Harry's slight memory loss, forgetting he was a Horcrux and his meeting with Dumbledore (If that event even happened in your AU) but I guess he was in a coma for seven (I see what you did there!!!) years and anything could've happened to him.

And that ending... Oh I'm looking forward to what happens next!

Well done,
SiriusAura92 :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I figured he would have at least some memory loss. And don't worry, the next chapter is already being validated!

~hermionegarner


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Review #7, by SiriusAura92Lost Dragons: Prologue

22nd January 2015:
Hi there,

Although I'm not usually a fan of first-person perspective's, your story does sound really interesting and your main character's personality has clearly been thought about and is both likable and interesting.

However, you really do need a bit of a clean up presentation-wise. Make sure to split up your paragraphs, otherwise it becomes one massive block and does become more difficult to read for some.

You also might want to include some more details into your environments as it helps add a little more colour and makes it easier for your readers to imagine the scene.
And while it is a good thing to keep the pace fast throughout, there are points where you can take your time with the story. Teddy and Sarah have just met and he's already explaining the last war? That's gotta be a lot to take in for a newbie Muggle-born.

I think you could've easily turn this into two (or maybe even three) chapts to help set your new characters up and you would've been fine.

I know I must sound like I'm just laying it all on but, for your first fic, you've not done a bad job at all and I think you can really do something with this.

Hope this helps and look forward to what comes next,
SiriusAura92 :)

P.S WELCOME TO HPFF!! :D

Author's Response: Hi, thank you for the feedback:)

I have to admit that I did get a bit carried away and rushed what I was writing. I got too excited that I just wanted to write it all down without really thinking about presentation and description. I think I'll go back and re-edit it at some point.

I did consider splitting it up into more than one chapter because of how long it was getting, but as it was just the prologue, I felt that it didn't have that much significance to the actual plot. Thank you for the suggestion though and I may reconsider when I go through editting.

Thank you for reviewing. I appreciate it:)


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Review #8, by SiriusAura92Oh dear, Regulus: The Hogwarts Express

12th September 2014:
Hey,
Considering it's you first story, you've done a good job.
Your characters and the way they interact are all pretty well done. So you're good there!

You might want to edit this spacing wise though. Close the gaps in-between paragraphs (as they're like ten spaces long) and start a new paragraph every time someone different starts talking.

eg. Regulus passed one of their house elves. "Take my trunk and owl from my room, and load it in the carriage."

"Of course, Master Regulus, sir," it replied before hurrying off.

It'll just help you tidy it up a bit.

You could also look into working on some finer details, such as the environment we're in, but the more you write the easier that'll come to you.

Hope this helps and I look forward to what comes next!

SiriusAura92
:D

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Review #9, by SiriusAura92Crimson Linings: PROLOGUE: Run, Little Girl.

12th September 2014:
Hey!
This was a really good read! I loved how dark you've already made the story and you've given us just enough to go on to give us an idea on what's happening (which I enjoy a lot!).

Your details in both environment and emotions are done incredibly well too.
Maybe we could have done with a bit of a physical description on the men chasing her to give us some recognition for them later... But that's me being really picky!

Really well done for this and I can't wait to read what happens next,

SiriusAura92
:)

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Review #10, by SiriusAura92Lily and Alice: Chapter 2: A Celebration and A Contest

15th August 2014:
Hey!
My advise for the last two chapters is pretty much the same for the prologue.
Only these chapters REALLY need a good coloring in with some details especially since you're introducing new characters to us.

There's also a feeling of being rushed. Not that you rushed in writing this but that we go from one scenario to the next within a flash. One second Frank's asking Alice out, the next we're half way through a joke that's interrupted by a Death Eater. Try to just take your time with things and let us know where we are first (unless you building tension) before you start getting into the meat of the scene. (Can you see what I'm saying?)

HOWEVER, like I've said before your writing has real potential (I wouldn't be posting if I thought it didn't).
There's little to no grammar mistakes that I can see, your idea is one I haven't seen before and is very interesting and you build relationships incredibly well. Everything between Frank and Alice and Lestrange and Alice (when the man turned out to be a Lestrange, I genuinely did gasp) I loved.

Trust me, once you start picking up details they start becoming second nature and it gets easier.

I'd recommend going over and updating these chapters again and just having a play around with them before going on much further. Again trust me, you'll be thankful of it later.

I really hope this helps (Sorry if I went on a bit. I think this is my longest review ever haha!) and definitely keep it up!
Best of luck!
SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: I appreciate your feedback. I think you're right. I do need to re-work my chapters to add detail. I'm not sure when I'll get around to it, but I will do it at some point.
I tend to want to rush things and get to the meat of the story. I will work on that.

Thank you for your thoughtful review. So many people read stories without giving any feedback. You took the time to not only review, but to give meaningful feedback. Thank you!


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Review #11, by SiriusAura92Lily and Alice: Prologue: November 2, 1981

7th August 2014:
Hey!
This is a really nice intro!
I really like how you've already built a strong relationship between Alice and Lily already and, while I'm not usually a fan of showing the ending before telling the story, you've actually made quite an effective use of it (So well done for that!).

You would do well to add in a few more finer details/descriptions (Such as characters and environments). Once you get those down, it will triple the enjoyment of your already nicely done writing style.

Hope this helps!
SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! It is so nice to get feedback. I'll work on being more descriptive. Thanks for the tip. I appreciate that you told me what you liked and what you didn't. This may sound weird, bit you're a very good reviewer.

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Review #12, by SiriusAura92The New Future: Making the Arrangements

28th July 2014:
Hi,

Considering this is your first Fic, you've not done a bad job!
The chapter started out quite strongly and the introduction of Arianna was really quite nice.

I think what you might want to look into is that you may have tried to put in a bit too much a bit too soon into a single chapter.

I'm not saying that having multiple plots is a bad thing (My main fic at the mo is full of them!) but you would definitely benefit from learning to focus a bit more on what your chapter's going to be about. (It did feel a bit unnatural when they just randomly stopped talking about their time-travelling mission to gossip about what happened at a party.)

I think you've got something good here though and your story has a lot of potential!
Keep it up!

Just remember to slow down a bit, take your time and let us enjoy meeting these new characters and the journey they're going on.

Hope this helps

Best of Luck,
SiriusAura92 :)

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Review #13, by SiriusAura92The Chosen One: The Unbreakable Vow

29th June 2014:
Hey,
Considering it's your first story, you've done a good job. I would strongly recommend adding in some more finer details such as Characteristics and the environment we're in.

I'd also suggest just sticking with the star border * when changing scene as opposed to just writing down where the scene is taking place.

Definitely keep it up and take the story to wherever you want, whether you put in one, two or ten stories! You're the author and the one in control.

Hope this helps,
SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I've had trouble trying to keep the star border on one line, and I've always had a hard time with descriptions/characteristics so I will definitely work on that. I really appreciate your review :)

Melissa


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Review #14, by SiriusAura92War by Moonlight: THE MISSING MUGGLE

12th May 2014:
I think you've got a really interesting start to your story. You write incredibly well (Though watch out for odd typo Eg Pork Chops) and add some really nice details to your environments as well.

I think you could've made more of the Prologue and maybe kept it going until Voldy did kill Scrimgeour but it was still a really nice piece of writing and a great way to open.

I'll definitely be back to find out what happens next.

Keep it up!
SiriusAura92

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Review #15, by SiriusAura92Foreign Affairs : Two Masters

16th April 2014:
Ah, the plot thickens.
I really found the first part of the chapter in particular really interesting. Though I can't decide whether he's talking to an Acromantular or if he's the spider equivalent to a Parsalmouth. Either way I really like how you built up Casimir in such a short span of time so well done!

Can't wait for your next installment!

SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Thanks for another insightful review, you always ask me the question that I find I most need to answer for myself. I think Casimir is my favorite character to write in this story, because he's dark and twisted. In answer to your question about his conversation, I think it's kind of both, but I left it a bit ambiguous because I haven't completely decided yet if he shares this affinity with all spiders or just the acromantula. I'm excited for my next installment too, because I honestly only have a hazy idea of what is going to happen in the next couple chapters. I'm just going to let it come to me.

Love always,

FawkesFelicis


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Review #16, by SiriusAura92Foreign Affairs : Mind Games

8th April 2014:
Another really good chapter.
In fact I think I prefer this cave scene to the last one as it feels a lot more personal to Draco than the last one did Hermione. (I'll have to go back and have a re-read of it though to make sure but that's what I get from first impressions.)

I really cannot wait to find out more about this cave and it's enchantments.
Well done again and looking forward to your next update!

SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Well spotted! Yes, Draco's experience in the cave is much more dramatic and personal, care to guess why? My new chapter should be validated sometime today, and our heroes will have a moment to discuss this, but the mystery won't be solved just yet. Other things are stirring in this story right now. Thanks for sticking with me, your insight is always so valuable.

-FawkesFelicis


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Review #17, by SiriusAura92American Wizardry: An M.D.I. Wizardís Journey: Gathering the Team

9th March 2014:
I really enjoyed this!
I've always wandered what the Ministries of other countries did during the war against Voldemort.
It's written really well and beautifully detailed.

I maybe would've liked a bit more detail on his selected thirty but I'm guessing it's all in due course (It is only the first chapter).

I'll definitely be back when the next chapter's up!
Keep up the great work!

SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Details on some of the thirty will be available in the next chapter. :)

Thank you very much!
LEP:)


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Review #18, by SiriusAura92Liar: Prologue

7th March 2014:
This is a really nice little intro.
It sets the mood for what I suspect the rest of the story might be like, it fits the time nicely and you've already got me hoping this man makes it home.

Looking forward to reading on and can't wait to see how you mix the Wizarding world into things.

SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Thank you!
I'm so glad! I was really worrying that I hadn't framed the time era correctly, or that my characters wouldn't be realistic enough, but I'm feeling very reassured now :)

I can assure you that I have a plan ;)

Thank you again for such a nice review :)
~JHWRJL


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Review #19, by SiriusAura92The Last Battle: Minerva McGonagall

6th March 2014:
Hey,
It's not a bad chapter but I feel as though you could've gone a lot further with it such as actually following her through the battle rather than ending it before.

Also, the spacing of the paragraphs kind of makes it look a bit messy.

But, like I said, it's not bad. It follows the book nicely and you've got a nice focus on Minerva's thoughts/feelings it just could've done with a bit more fleshing out.

Hope this helps
SiriusAura92

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Review #20, by SiriusAura92Fallen Redemption: Seduction

25th February 2014:
Another great chapter!
I'm really interested in these artifacts Voldemort brought from Egypt (I love stuff like that!!).
I have my suspicions with Seamus though.

I'm really enjoying where this is going and you're absolutely right, it's your FanFic to do with as you please. And a great one at that!

Can't wait for your next installment!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm not sure what you mean when you say you have your suspicions with Seamus, though. Thanks for the review!

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Review #21, by SiriusAura92Foreign Affairs : Into the Dark (Part 2)

23rd February 2014:
HEY!
Sorry for being so quiet lately!

I am loving how dark you're making this! It contrasts really well with the earlier romantic chapters and I'm hoping there's more like it.
I also like that you're giving Hermione more action scenes but I would like to see Draco share a bit more glory (All due course I'm sure but just something to keep in mind).

Characters- Amazing
Detail- Amazing
Creepiness- Perfect!

Cannot wait to find out more about this cave.
Hope you had a great Christmas!

SiriusAura92

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I plan more creepiness from here until the end, it's so much more fun to write than the fluffy romantic stuff.
I struggle a lot with writing Draco, I feel like he is really a weak person, but I know that he only works for Hermione if he finds his inner strength. I think I need to write about his inner discovery of his strengths in order for it to be believable. I don't really buy it when people write him as this big hero that saves Hermione, I think she's actually tougher than him. Thanks for sticking with me even though I've been slow lately!


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Review #22, by SiriusAura92Fallen Redemption: Closeted

1st February 2014:
Hey!
Another really nice chapter!
I really like that you don't over do it with the fluff but instead add in a bit of comedy to the mix.
Loving it so far and I really hope there's more Ron/Malfoy back-chat :P

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Working on getting the next chapter up!

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Review #23, by SiriusAura92Fallen Redemption: Billy

19th January 2014:
Yay! Glad to have you back! :)

Author's Response: Thank you :)

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Review #24, by SiriusAura92Foreign Affairs : Fight and Flight

4th December 2013:
Hey! Sorry I haven't been reviewing as much lately.
Firstly, the past two chapters are really well written. I think writing (as you put it) artsie has its own place and works better for some chapters then it does for others.

I also like the way your slowly allowing bits of the old Draco to seep through though, if I were Hermione, I'd probably punch him again for what he said!

One thing I have noticed though (and this is me being really picky!) is that there seems to be a fair amount of 'Oh I shouldn't/should've done this/that' moments cropping up. I just don't want that to come up TOO many times and become a fly in the ointment.

In all two very nicely paced chapters with some great action.

Btw, it's nice to see I'm not the only one who uses the Nimbus 2020 in their story! ;) haha!

Can't wait for the next installment! (And don't worry if it takes a while, if you've got other stuff going on, of course it takes priority)

SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Thank you for your helpful and honest review. I've seen the Nimbus 2020 in several stories...but I did kind of borrow it from you, glad that's ok! It seems to be the logical next model.

As for Hermione's indecision, you are right, and I will pick that apart in future edits (I like picky authors). If I'm honest with myself, those moments are manifestations of my own self-doubt, which is one of my character flaws. I need to remember that Hermione is a little stronger than me in that area. I think you'll see in chapter 8 that she gains some confidence, and that's all I'm going to say! ;)


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Review #25, by SiriusAura92The Nightingale's Lament: The Nightingale's Lament

26th November 2013:
Wow! ...That's it really haha!
This is a stunning piece of writing and the whole going back and forth really illustrates the PTSD that Vicky is going through perfectly.

Now, if you excuse me, I'm off to go find the biggest box of tissues I can find and mourn Colin all over again.

10/10!!

Author's Response: This review... wow, thank you so much! I'm really pleased that you thought I showed her pain effectively and while I'm sorry that I made you sad, it also means that I'm doing my job, so I'm kind of not as well, haha!

Thank you for this review!!

Sian :)


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