Reading Reviews From Member: SiriusAura92
  
37 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SiriusAura92Oh dear, Regulus: The Hogwarts Express

12th September 2014:
Hey,
Considering it's you first story, you've done a good job.
Your characters and the way they interact are all pretty well done. So you're good there!

You might want to edit this spacing wise though. Close the gaps in-between paragraphs (as they're like ten spaces long) and start a new paragraph every time someone different starts talking.

eg. Regulus passed one of their house elves. "Take my trunk and owl from my room, and load it in the carriage."

"Of course, Master Regulus, sir," it replied before hurrying off.

It'll just help you tidy it up a bit.

You could also look into working on some finer details, such as the environment we're in, but the more you write the easier that'll come to you.

Hope this helps and I look forward to what comes next!

SiriusAura92
:D

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Review #2, by SiriusAura92Crimson Linings: PROLOGUE: Run, Little Girl.

12th September 2014:
Hey!
This was a really good read! I loved how dark you've already made the story and you've given us just enough to go on to give us an idea on what's happening (which I enjoy a lot!).

Your details in both environment and emotions are done incredibly well too.
Maybe we could have done with a bit of a physical description on the men chasing her to give us some recognition for them later... But that's me being really picky!

Really well done for this and I can't wait to read what happens next,

SiriusAura92
:)

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Review #3, by SiriusAura92Lily and Alice: Chapter 2: A Celebration and A Contest

15th August 2014:
Hey!
My advise for the last two chapters is pretty much the same for the prologue.
Only these chapters REALLY need a good coloring in with some details especially since you're introducing new characters to us.

There's also a feeling of being rushed. Not that you rushed in writing this but that we go from one scenario to the next within a flash. One second Frank's asking Alice out, the next we're half way through a joke that's interrupted by a Death Eater. Try to just take your time with things and let us know where we are first (unless you building tension) before you start getting into the meat of the scene. (Can you see what I'm saying?)

HOWEVER, like I've said before your writing has real potential (I wouldn't be posting if I thought it didn't).
There's little to no grammar mistakes that I can see, your idea is one I haven't seen before and is very interesting and you build relationships incredibly well. Everything between Frank and Alice and Lestrange and Alice (when the man turned out to be a Lestrange, I genuinely did gasp) I loved.

Trust me, once you start picking up details they start becoming second nature and it gets easier.

I'd recommend going over and updating these chapters again and just having a play around with them before going on much further. Again trust me, you'll be thankful of it later.

I really hope this helps (Sorry if I went on a bit. I think this is my longest review ever haha!) and definitely keep it up!
Best of luck!
SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: I appreciate your feedback. I think you're right. I do need to re-work my chapters to add detail. I'm not sure when I'll get around to it, but I will do it at some point.
I tend to want to rush things and get to the meat of the story. I will work on that.

Thank you for your thoughtful review. So many people read stories without giving any feedback. You took the time to not only review, but to give meaningful feedback. Thank you!


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Review #4, by SiriusAura92Lily and Alice: Prologue: November 2, 1981

7th August 2014:
Hey!
This is a really nice intro!
I really like how you've already built a strong relationship between Alice and Lily already and, while I'm not usually a fan of showing the ending before telling the story, you've actually made quite an effective use of it (So well done for that!).

You would do well to add in a few more finer details/descriptions (Such as characters and environments). Once you get those down, it will triple the enjoyment of your already nicely done writing style.

Hope this helps!
SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! It is so nice to get feedback. I'll work on being more descriptive. Thanks for the tip. I appreciate that you told me what you liked and what you didn't. This may sound weird, bit you're a very good reviewer.

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Review #5, by SiriusAura92The New Future: Making the Arrangements

28th July 2014:
Hi,

Considering this is your first Fic, you've not done a bad job!
The chapter started out quite strongly and the introduction of Arianna was really quite nice.

I think what you might want to look into is that you may have tried to put in a bit too much a bit too soon into a single chapter.

I'm not saying that having multiple plots is a bad thing (My main fic at the mo is full of them!) but you would definitely benefit from learning to focus a bit more on what your chapter's going to be about. (It did feel a bit unnatural when they just randomly stopped talking about their time-travelling mission to gossip about what happened at a party.)

I think you've got something good here though and your story has a lot of potential!
Keep it up!

Just remember to slow down a bit, take your time and let us enjoy meeting these new characters and the journey they're going on.

Hope this helps

Best of Luck,
SiriusAura92 :)

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Review #6, by SiriusAura92The Chosen One: The Unbreakable Vow

29th June 2014:
Hey,
Considering it's your first story, you've done a good job. I would strongly recommend adding in some more finer details such as Characteristics and the environment we're in.

I'd also suggest just sticking with the star border * when changing scene as opposed to just writing down where the scene is taking place.

Definitely keep it up and take the story to wherever you want, whether you put in one, two or ten stories! You're the author and the one in control.

Hope this helps,
SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I've had trouble trying to keep the star border on one line, and I've always had a hard time with descriptions/characteristics so I will definitely work on that. I really appreciate your review :)

Melissa


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Review #7, by SiriusAura92War by Moonlight: THE MISSING MUGGLE

12th May 2014:
I think you've got a really interesting start to your story. You write incredibly well (Though watch out for odd typo Eg Pork Chops) and add some really nice details to your environments as well.

I think you could've made more of the Prologue and maybe kept it going until Voldy did kill Scrimgeour but it was still a really nice piece of writing and a great way to open.

I'll definitely be back to find out what happens next.

Keep it up!
SiriusAura92

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Review #8, by SiriusAura92Foreign Affairs : Two Masters

16th April 2014:
Ah, the plot thickens.
I really found the first part of the chapter in particular really interesting. Though I can't decide whether he's talking to an Acromantular or if he's the spider equivalent to a Parsalmouth. Either way I really like how you built up Casimir in such a short span of time so well done!

Can't wait for your next installment!

SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Thanks for another insightful review, you always ask me the question that I find I most need to answer for myself. I think Casimir is my favorite character to write in this story, because he's dark and twisted. In answer to your question about his conversation, I think it's kind of both, but I left it a bit ambiguous because I haven't completely decided yet if he shares this affinity with all spiders or just the acromantula. I'm excited for my next installment too, because I honestly only have a hazy idea of what is going to happen in the next couple chapters. I'm just going to let it come to me.

Love always,

FawkesFelicis


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Review #9, by SiriusAura92Foreign Affairs : Mind Games

8th April 2014:
Another really good chapter.
In fact I think I prefer this cave scene to the last one as it feels a lot more personal to Draco than the last one did Hermione. (I'll have to go back and have a re-read of it though to make sure but that's what I get from first impressions.)

I really cannot wait to find out more about this cave and it's enchantments.
Well done again and looking forward to your next update!

SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Well spotted! Yes, Draco's experience in the cave is much more dramatic and personal, care to guess why? My new chapter should be validated sometime today, and our heroes will have a moment to discuss this, but the mystery won't be solved just yet. Other things are stirring in this story right now. Thanks for sticking with me, your insight is always so valuable.

-FawkesFelicis


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Review #10, by SiriusAura92American Wizardry: An M.D.I. Wizardís Journey: Gathering the Team

9th March 2014:
I really enjoyed this!
I've always wandered what the Ministries of other countries did during the war against Voldemort.
It's written really well and beautifully detailed.

I maybe would've liked a bit more detail on his selected thirty but I'm guessing it's all in due course (It is only the first chapter).

I'll definitely be back when the next chapter's up!
Keep up the great work!

SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Details on some of the thirty will be available in the next chapter. :)

Thank you very much!
LEP:)


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Review #11, by SiriusAura92Liar: Prologue

7th March 2014:
This is a really nice little intro.
It sets the mood for what I suspect the rest of the story might be like, it fits the time nicely and you've already got me hoping this man makes it home.

Looking forward to reading on and can't wait to see how you mix the Wizarding world into things.

SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Thank you!
I'm so glad! I was really worrying that I hadn't framed the time era correctly, or that my characters wouldn't be realistic enough, but I'm feeling very reassured now :)

I can assure you that I have a plan ;)

Thank you again for such a nice review :)
~JHWRJL


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Review #12, by SiriusAura92The Last Battle: Minerva McGonagall

6th March 2014:
Hey,
It's not a bad chapter but I feel as though you could've gone a lot further with it such as actually following her through the battle rather than ending it before.

Also, the spacing of the paragraphs kind of makes it look a bit messy.

But, like I said, it's not bad. It follows the book nicely and you've got a nice focus on Minerva's thoughts/feelings it just could've done with a bit more fleshing out.

Hope this helps
SiriusAura92

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Review #13, by SiriusAura92Fallen Redemption: Seduction

25th February 2014:
Another great chapter!
I'm really interested in these artifacts Voldemort brought from Egypt (I love stuff like that!!).
I have my suspicions with Seamus though.

I'm really enjoying where this is going and you're absolutely right, it's your FanFic to do with as you please. And a great one at that!

Can't wait for your next installment!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm not sure what you mean when you say you have your suspicions with Seamus, though. Thanks for the review!

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Review #14, by SiriusAura92Foreign Affairs : Into the Dark (Part 2)

23rd February 2014:
HEY!
Sorry for being so quiet lately!

I am loving how dark you're making this! It contrasts really well with the earlier romantic chapters and I'm hoping there's more like it.
I also like that you're giving Hermione more action scenes but I would like to see Draco share a bit more glory (All due course I'm sure but just something to keep in mind).

Characters- Amazing
Detail- Amazing
Creepiness- Perfect!

Cannot wait to find out more about this cave.
Hope you had a great Christmas!

SiriusAura92

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I plan more creepiness from here until the end, it's so much more fun to write than the fluffy romantic stuff.
I struggle a lot with writing Draco, I feel like he is really a weak person, but I know that he only works for Hermione if he finds his inner strength. I think I need to write about his inner discovery of his strengths in order for it to be believable. I don't really buy it when people write him as this big hero that saves Hermione, I think she's actually tougher than him. Thanks for sticking with me even though I've been slow lately!


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Review #15, by SiriusAura92Fallen Redemption: Closeted

1st February 2014:
Hey!
Another really nice chapter!
I really like that you don't over do it with the fluff but instead add in a bit of comedy to the mix.
Loving it so far and I really hope there's more Ron/Malfoy back-chat :P

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Working on getting the next chapter up!

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Review #16, by SiriusAura92Fallen Redemption: Billy

19th January 2014:
Yay! Glad to have you back! :)

Author's Response: Thank you :)

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Review #17, by SiriusAura92Foreign Affairs : Fight and Flight

4th December 2013:
Hey! Sorry I haven't been reviewing as much lately.
Firstly, the past two chapters are really well written. I think writing (as you put it) artsie has its own place and works better for some chapters then it does for others.

I also like the way your slowly allowing bits of the old Draco to seep through though, if I were Hermione, I'd probably punch him again for what he said!

One thing I have noticed though (and this is me being really picky!) is that there seems to be a fair amount of 'Oh I shouldn't/should've done this/that' moments cropping up. I just don't want that to come up TOO many times and become a fly in the ointment.

In all two very nicely paced chapters with some great action.

Btw, it's nice to see I'm not the only one who uses the Nimbus 2020 in their story! ;) haha!

Can't wait for the next installment! (And don't worry if it takes a while, if you've got other stuff going on, of course it takes priority)

SiriusAura92
:)

Author's Response: Thank you for your helpful and honest review. I've seen the Nimbus 2020 in several stories...but I did kind of borrow it from you, glad that's ok! It seems to be the logical next model.

As for Hermione's indecision, you are right, and I will pick that apart in future edits (I like picky authors). If I'm honest with myself, those moments are manifestations of my own self-doubt, which is one of my character flaws. I need to remember that Hermione is a little stronger than me in that area. I think you'll see in chapter 8 that she gains some confidence, and that's all I'm going to say! ;)


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Review #18, by SiriusAura92The Nightingale's Lament: The Nightingale's Lament

26th November 2013:
Wow! ...That's it really haha!
This is a stunning piece of writing and the whole going back and forth really illustrates the PTSD that Vicky is going through perfectly.

Now, if you excuse me, I'm off to go find the biggest box of tissues I can find and mourn Colin all over again.

10/10!!

Author's Response: This review... wow, thank you so much! I'm really pleased that you thought I showed her pain effectively and while I'm sorry that I made you sad, it also means that I'm doing my job, so I'm kind of not as well, haha!

Thank you for this review!!

Sian :)


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Review #19, by SiriusAura92Foreign Affairs : The first step

10th November 2013:
I'm struggling on what to say. It's a truly brilliant chapter! I seriously can't praise it enough. It's beautifully written and expertly paced.

I really like the new-styled characters you're creating and I really hope we get an insight into what made Malfoy so different (All in due time I'm sure!).

Can't wait for the next chapter! Though make sure you're well ahead of what you're posting. You never know when you might want to go back a change something... Ah, who am I kidding, you don't need to change anything. Next chapter please! :p

Well done again and keep it up!
SiriusAura92 :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much, really. It makes me so excited to get reviews, and this one is completely heartwarming.

I am trying really hard to keep ahead, but I'm actually stuck at the moment. It's not exactly a block, it's just a lack of time to really work out my ideas. I promise I will keep posting excellent chapters though, I have a couple that are just waiting to go.

Thanks for your support, it means so much :)

-FawkesFelicis


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Review #20, by SiriusAura92Foreign Affairs : Reflection

4th November 2013:
Wow! There's the detail I was looking for! (Took me ages to learn to write in little details... Jealous!)
Anyway, this is a great chapter and I can see why you like it so much.

Lovely piece of writing and I can't wait for your next installment!

(Btw, if you have time, my first HP fan-fic is coming to an end and I'd love for some feedback before I start releasing it's sequel. It's not the shortest so I'd quite understand if you can't fit it in.)

Looking forward to your next chapter!

Author's Response: SiriusAura92,

Thank you SO MUCH! Your feedback means a lot to me. I am so glad that you gave me that hint, it's helping me a lot. I would be really glad to read your fic, I'll do my best to fit it in.
Again, thank you!


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Review #21, by SiriusAura92Foreign Affairs : Up too late, and out of luck

29th October 2013:
This is a pretty impressive story.
You could probably do with just a bit more detail in the description of environment and characters but apart from that, there's not much wrong.
I think you did the action in this chapter quite nicely and your detail into Hermione's emotions is just right and isn't too overbearing (which I've seen happen too many times).

In all, I really enjoyed this and I'll definitely be back!

Well done!
SiriusAura92 :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your kind review, this is my first one ever.

I really can't stand overly fluffy writing, either. I agree that I could use some more fleshing out of my characters and places, thank you for that tip!

Please keep reading and reviewing, I have some big things planned for this story!


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Review #22, by SiriusAura92For The Greater Good: The Wand of Destiny

8th September 2013:
Hey,
This is a really impressive intro!
I must say, even compared to your intro of 'The Dark Mark', the detail in this just makes it so much more interesting to read.

I like how you're building up Gellert's character and I'm interested to see your take on his feelings about Dumbledore.

Great Job!
SiriusAura92

Author's Response: Thanks! This story's nearly done - one chapter awaiting validation (should be up some time tomorrow), then one more after that, and it'll be complete. Then I can get back to TDM. I hope you enjoy the rest! I prefer looking at the people, exploring their thoughts and opinions, to going into lots of detail about physical stuff and really exciting plots. Feelings about Dumbledore - well, there's a bit, if not as much as there could be.
Glad you like it!
Leonore


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Review #23, by SiriusAura92Free: I'm sorry, Mother

7th September 2013:
I really enjoyed this.
I think you captured Barty Jr's character very well with the way he thinks of both his Master AND his mother.

I know it's mentioned that McGonagall tried to stop the Dementor or at least object loudly to it but I guess it makes sense that Barty wasn't in the position to notice much else.

Great job and defo keep it up!
SiriusAura92

Author's Response: Thank you very much!! :D

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Review #24, by SiriusAura92Pandemonium: November Fools'

6th September 2013:
This is so completely mad... I LOVE IT! haha!
I thought the idea of Fudge loving romance novels was a funny idea at the start but then the Heads started dancing and Flitwick slapping students with fish. It's just... there are NO WORDS!

I really hope you do more chapters because they are great fun.

Well done!
SiriusAura92

Author's Response: Haha thank you very much! The prompts for this challenge were crazy so I thought I might as well make the story as bizarre as possible :P There should be two more chapters on the way :)

Sian :)


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Review #25, by SiriusAura92Fallen Redemption: Vacation

3rd September 2013:
Another great chapter!

I did have a worry that you would tease us with the prospect of seeing Harry again and drag it along (a trick I've seen other authors use and am not a fan of) but I really like the pace your story is progressing.

Poor Draco. I love how you've changed his character and the way you've done it too. Now I see him as a 'heart in the right place but brain... not so much' kind of guy. Though I am surprised at how (for lack of a better term) kill happy he is and the fact that the nurse's death involved leaving blood behind really makes me shiver.

Can't wait for the next chapter and feel better soon :)
SiriusAuar92

Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, I try not to drag people along unless it's necessary to the storyline. I'm glad you're liking his character, sans the killing of course. The next chapter should be up soon!!

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